November 21, 2023 • 19 mins
There's something sneaky that creeps into our minds around the holiday season - expectations. We've all experienced the disappointment that can come when expectations are not met. This episode is all about unpacking these mental projections, figuring out how societal norms and personal experiences shape them, and, most importantly, how to manage them effectively. We'll take a closer look at the thin line separating realistic from unrealistic expectations and equip you with strategies to avoid disappointment.
Beyond the disappointment, we delve deeper into how unmet expectations can impact relationships and stir personal growth. We'll share insights on how crushed hopes can create a chasm between people and instigate resentment, yet also present invaluable opportunities for candid communication and better understanding of one another. You'll hear us talk about disappointment's surprising role in self-reflection and personal development, pushing us to foster resilience, adaptability, and emotional intelligence. Expectations are everywhere, from our careers to our personal relationships and body image. Join us as we explore ways to manage them effectively through self-awareness, understanding our values, identifying patterns, practicing mindfulness, and seeking feedback.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
You're listening to the what Women Want Today
podcast.
If you love the idea of beingpart of a community of women who
are looking to thrive, not justsurvive, you're in the right
place.
Join hosts Terry Cullums andAmanda Keeper each week, as they
bring you topics and guests tohelp you improve your
relationships, your health andyour emotional and spiritual
(00:23):
well-being.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Women Want Today podcast episode.
I am your host, Terry Cullums.
Welcome back.
If you are a regular listenerand if you stumbled across our
podcast today for the very firsttime, you and my regular
listeners may be expecting aco-host for today's episode.
And that, my friends, is whatwe are going to be talking about
on today's episode Expectations, what they are, how they can
(00:54):
lead to disappointment and sometips on managing them.
The first part of my storytoday is the very reason for
today's episode, but as I beganto think more about it, I
realized this is the perfecttime to talk about expectations.
Thanksgiving is tomorrow andChristmas is around the corner.
We tend to have a lot ofexpectations around the holidays
(01:18):
.
Here's the story Yesterday, Ihad an interview scheduled with
a guest whose public relationsperson was very tenacious and
also very gracious when shefirst approached me to have her
client on the podcast.
The timing just didn't feelright with the episodes that we
were recording at the time, so Iasked her to contact me in the
future.
Well, recently she contacted meagain and as we were trying to
(01:41):
coordinate three schedules, Ifelt the only way to make it
work was to reschedule mypre-app appointment for the
surgery I'm scheduled to have onDecember 6th.
In preparation for theinterview, I read the guest's
book, I imagined the questions Imight ask and I finally did all
the preparation I do to getready for an episode.
As I'm interviewing this guest,about ten minutes in I get an
(02:04):
error message on my recordingplatform that says I need to
reload the studio.
Oh, I was so frustrated.
I felt so unprofessional inwhat an inconvenience it was to
my guest.
But after finally getting thaterror fix and we resumed
recording, we began ourconversation again, only to have
the entire screen freeze andthen I got an indication that I
(02:28):
had lost my internet connection.
Have you ever been having avery thought provoking
conversation with someone whereyou are interrupted several
times?
As you can probably imagine,it's frustrating and it takes
the energy and the steam out ofyour storytelling.
We were not able to continueour interview and that was going
to be the episode that wouldair today.
(02:50):
But let me point out some thingsthat are probably obvious, but
they help give some deepercontext to today's topic.
She expected professionalismand I expected to give it to her
.
We were both frustrated and Iwas definitely disappointed.
I expected my internet providerto keep up their end of the
bargain.
When I signed up for theirservices and agreed to pay my
(03:11):
monthly service charge, I wasdisappointed.
I rescheduled a very importantdoctor appointment, expecting to
have an episode to give to myaudience.
You may have been disappointed.
My husband came home from worklater that day and he asked me
how my day went and how theinterview went, and as I
recounted the details of my day,his words were so things didn't
(03:35):
go as expected today, Jackpot.
As the evening wore on and Ithought more and more about not
releasing an episode, Icontinued to feel disappointed
and when I woke up I realized Idid have a topic I could bring
to you, and a very timely one atthat.
So I love starting out thisconversation with a definition
(03:57):
and here's my definition forexpectations.
These are the sneaky littlethoughts that we have about how
things should go or how peopleshould behave.
They're like little predictionswe make in our minds about how
we want something or someone tobe.
You know the scenarios wecreate in our heads where
everything is perfect, smoothand exactly as we imagined.
(04:18):
But here's the catchExpectations don't always line
up with reality.
Sometimes things turn outdifferently than what we had
hoped for or anticipated, andthat's when disappointment
sneaks in.
So expectations are like thesetricky mental projections that
we create, and they can eithermake us feel elated when they're
(04:40):
met or leave us feelingdeflated when they're not.
Now let's talk about a fewplaces where we have
expectations.
In some instances we areintentional about these
expectations, and other timesthey exist on more of a
subconscious level.
Have you ever stopped toconsider where your expectations
come from?
(05:01):
Why do we sometimes have suchhigh expectations for ourselves
or for others?
Well, it turns out that ourexpectations are strongly
influenced by societal norms andour personal experiences.
You see, we internalize theexpectations of society and
culture we grow up in.
(05:21):
From a young age we learn whatis expected of us in terms of
behavior, appearance andachievement.
These expectations often leadus to compare ourselves to
others and we strive to meetthese expectations, to be
accepted and valued by ourcommunities and family.
(05:42):
But societal norms are not theonly factor shaping our
expectations.
Our personal experience alsoplays a significant role.
As we go through life, we haveexperience that shapes our
mindset and perceptions aboutwhat is possible or desirable.
These experiences also createexpectations that we carry with
(06:02):
us in our personal andprofessional lives.
Let me give you an example.
If you grew up in a family thatplaced a high value on academic
achievement, you mightinternalize the belief that
academic success is essentialfor happiness and fulfillment.
You might feel pressure toexcel in your studies.
Even this isn't something youparticularly are interested in,
(06:25):
talented in or value.
Alternatively, if you had anegative experience with failure
early on in life, you maydevelop a fear of failure that
leads you to shy away fromtaking risks in the future.
So, as you see, societal normsand personal experiences can
shape expectations in powerfulways.
Being aware of where ourexpectations come from and
(06:48):
examining them can help usdetermine whether they are
realistic or harmful.
Adjusting or reframing ourexpectations can also help us
navigate disappointment moreeffectively.
Let's talk about the fine linebetween realistic and
unrealistic expectations.
We all have them, but sometimesit can be challenging to
(07:12):
distinguish between the two.
Realistic expectations aregrounded in reality.
They take into account ourabilities, limitations and the
circumstances we are in.
They are based on honestassessment of what is attainable
and achievable.
Realistic expectations allow usto set goals that are within
(07:32):
our reach and have a higherprobability of being met.
On the other hand, unrealisticexpectations are often fueled by
wishful thinking, idealizedvisions or comparisons to others
.
They are not in line with ouractual capabilities or the
reality of our situation.
These expectations set us upfor disappointment because they
(07:57):
are often impossible to achieve.
Differentiating between the twocan be challenging, but here are
a few questions we can askourselves to determine if our
expectations are realistic orunrealistic.
Okay, number one is thisexpectation based on facts or
just my desires?
It's essential to consider ifour expectations are grounded in
(08:21):
reality or solely driven by ourown wants and wishes.
The second question have Iachieved similar goals or
expectations in the past?
Reflecting on our pastexperiences can provide insight
into whether our expectationsare attainable, based on our
track record.
Number three are myexpectations flexible?
(08:44):
Realistic expectations oftenallow room for adjustments and
adaptability.
If our expectations are rigidand inflexible, it might be a
sign that they are unrealistic.
Number four am I setting thesame expectation for others as I
do myself?
Comparing our expectations forourselves with those we have for
(09:06):
others can help us identify ifour standards are realistic or
unreasonably high.
Remember, it's okay to haveambitious goals and aspirations,
but being mindful of whetherour expectations are grounded in
reality can save us fromunnecessary disappointment.
By differentiating betweenrealistic and unrealistic
(09:28):
expectations, we can setourselves up for more realistic
outcomes and minimize thechances of feeling let down.
It's about finding that balanceand setting expectations that
motivate us without settingourselves up for failure.
We really can't avoidexperiencing disappointment at
some point in our lives, buthave you ever considered its
(09:51):
impact on our connections withothers and on our own personal
development?
Let's take a closer look.
When we experiencedisappointment, it can have a
significant impact on ourrelationship with others.
Unmet expectations play a role.
We may feel hurt, let down oreven resentful towards the other
(10:12):
person.
These emotions can damagecommunication, trust and create
distance between people.
It's essential to addressdisappointment openly and
honestly and give voice to ourfeelings and concerns.
This allows for healthycommunication and rebuilding of
trust by understanding eachother's perspectives.
(10:34):
When we communicate ourdisappointment effectively, it
opens the door for growth in ourrelationships.
It offers both parties anopportunity to understand each
other's expectations, explorecompromises and work together
towards stronger, more realisticfoundations.
On a personal level,disappointment can be a vital
(10:55):
catalyst for growth.
When our expectations aren'tmet, it can be a chance for
self-reflection.
It gives us a chance to examineour own mindset, beliefs and
patterns of thinking that havecontributed to those
expectations.
In the first place, it offersan opportunity to learn about
ourselves and make adjustmentsfor personal growth.
(11:16):
Disappointment also challengesus to develop resilience,
adaptability and emotionalintelligence.
It's essential to learn fromdisappointments and use them to
shape better choices and actionsin the future.
By reflecting on ourdisappointments, we gain
insights into our desires,strengths and areas for
(11:39):
improvement, leading toself-discovery and personal
growth.
As we reflect on that, let'sconsider some other situations
where expectations play a partCareer expectations, achieving
success and finding fulfillment.
Relationship expectations,expecting that fairytale love
(12:00):
and finding the perfect partner.
Body image expectations,chasing that unattainable body
shape ideals and body shaming.
And the reason we're here todayis the holiday gatherings
Unrealistic expectations for joy, harmony and perfection as we
wrap up our time together today,let me leave you with some tips
(12:23):
and strategies for navigatingdisappointment that comes with
unmet expectations.
Number one cultivatingself-awareness to manage
expectations.
You can do this by reflectingon past experiences.
Take the time to reflect onthose experiences where your
expectations may not have beenmet and analyze what led to
(12:46):
those expectations.
What were the unexpected orunrealistic expectations and how
did they affect your experience.
Let me tell you how Sarah didthis so you might apply
something similar in your ownlife.
During last year's holidayseason, Sarah had high
expectations for a perfectfamily gathering.
(13:06):
She imagined everyone gettingalong, laughter filling the room
and everyone enjoying adelicious meal together.
However, things didn't goaccording to plan.
Family members arrived late,tensions arose and arguments
erupted over trivial matters.
After the holiday season hadpassed, Sarah reflected on this
(13:30):
experience to cultivateself-awareness for the upcoming
one.
She recognized that her highexpectations of perfection and
harmony were unrealistic and setthe stage for disappointment.
She realized she had placedresponsibility on other people
to make the holiday perfect,instead of focusing on her own
(13:52):
role in creating a positiveatmosphere.
Sarah decided to approach theupcoming holiday season with a
shift in her mindset.
She recognized the importanceof managing her own expectations
(14:15):
and understanding thatimperfections and disagreements
are a natural part of familygatherings.
She made a conscious effort topractice compassion and empathy
towards her family members,Understanding that everyone has
their personal struggles anddynamics.
Through her reflections, Sarahalso realized her need for open
communication and settingrealistic expectations for their
(14:39):
family.
Beforehand, she reached out tothem, initiating conversations
about what each person desiredfor the holiday and how they
could collectively create ameaningful and joyful experience
.
With this newfoundself-awareness and self-adjusted
mindset.
Sarah approached the holidayseason with more flexible and
(15:01):
accepting mindset.
Her focus shifted fromperfection to cherishing the
moments of connection andappreciating the time she spent
with loved ones, regardless ofany minor imperfections or
disagreements that may arise.
Okay, here's your second tipUnderstanding your values.
Understanding the role thatyour values play is an important
(15:23):
step in developingself-awareness.
Asking yourself what isimportant to you in different
areas of your life, such as yourwork, your relationships and
your own personal growth.
This will help you identify theexpectations that align with
those values.
Number three identify patterns.
Look for patterns in yourexpectations, such as perfection
(15:45):
and an all or nothing thinking.
Identifying those patterns canhelp you understand how they may
be contributing to unrealisticor unmet expectations.
Number four practicemindfulness.
Mindfulness practices likemeditation can help you increase
self-awareness and identifypatterns in your thinking and
(16:06):
behavior.
This can help you recognizeyour expectations more easily
and manage them more effectively.
Number five practice realisticoptimism.
While it's important to setgoals and have high aspirations,
it's equally important topractice realistic optimism.
This involves setting realisticexpectations based on available
(16:29):
resources and past experiences.
By doing so, you can avoidsetting yourself up for
disappointment.
Number six seek feedback.
Getting feedback from otherscan help you identify areas
where you may have unrealisticexpectations.
This can come from friends orfamily members, or even
(16:50):
professionals like a coach ortherapist.
And number seven practiceself-compassion.
This might just be my favoritetip, because it's important to
be kind to yourself when dealingwith unmet expectations,
Instead of beating yourself up.
Practice self-compassion byacknowledging that everyone
makes mistakes and experiencesdisappointment.
(17:12):
This can help reduce negativefeelings and increase confidence
in your abilities.
I want to challenge you today toreflect on your own
expectations and find ways tomanage them effectively.
If you find yourself beingoverwhelmed this holiday season,
take a step away and practicegratitude, looking for ways to
(17:33):
find joy in the present moment.
Remind yourself to focus on thejourney and not the outcome.
And finally, I'm going to leaveyou with a quote, because I
haven't done that in quite awhile.
Expectations are like seeds weplant.
With nurturing they grow, butlet us remember they are not the
only flowers in the garden ofpossibility.
(17:55):
Author unknown.
Until next time, my friends,please remember to take good
care of you.
Amanda, I don't know if thisever happens to you, but I
sometimes will learn somethingreally cool on a podcast, on a
YouTube video, audiobook,whatever, I think.
(18:16):
I'm going to remember it andthen I forget.
Does that ever happen to you?
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Yeah, I call it brain after 40 all the time.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
That's what we'll officially call it, but we've
come up with something.
Do you want to introduce it?
Speaker 3 (18:29):
Sure, it's from an app called Quick Jim Quick and
it's an acronym called FAST.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Yeah, and the F stands for Facebook.
So we're inviting youofficially right now to come
over and join us on Facebook.
Get involved with the community, share your favorite episodes
with your friends on Facebook.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
Yeah, the A is go ahead and take an action, so you
can't remember anything if youdon't act.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
And S is for subscribe.
Make sure you're subscribed toour YouTube channel.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
And then T is teach.
Teach what you've learned tosomebody else.
Share the love.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
All right, we hope that works for you.
Thank you for joining us.
We'll see you next week.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Bye, bye.
You're listening to the what Women Want Today
podcast.
If you love the idea of beingpart of a community of women who
are looking to thrive, not justsurvive, you're in the right
place.
Join hosts Terry Cullums andAmanda Keeper each week, as they
bring you topics and guests tohelp you improve your
relationships, your health andyour emotional and spiritual
(00:23):
well-being.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Women Want Today podcast episode.
I am your host, Terry Cullums.
Welcome back.
If you are a regular listenerand if you stumbled across our
podcast today for the very firsttime, you and my regular
listeners may be expecting aco-host for today's episode.
And that, my friends, is whatwe are going to be talking about
on today's episode Expectations, what they are, how they can
(00:54):
lead to disappointment and sometips on managing them.
The first part of my storytoday is the very reason for
today's episode, but as I beganto think more about it, I
realized this is the perfecttime to talk about expectations.
Thanksgiving is tomorrow andChristmas is around the corner.
We tend to have a lot ofexpectations around the holidays
(01:18):
.
Here's the story Yesterday, Ihad an interview scheduled with
a guest whose public relationsperson was very tenacious and
also very gracious when shefirst approached me to have her
client on the podcast.
The timing just didn't feelright with the episodes that we
were recording at the time, so Iasked her to contact me in the
future.
Well, recently she contacted meagain and as we were trying to
(01:41):
coordinate three schedules, Ifelt the only way to make it
work was to reschedule mypre-app appointment for the
surgery I'm scheduled to have onDecember 6th.
In preparation for theinterview, I read the guest's
book, I imagined the questions Imight ask and I finally did all
the preparation I do to getready for an episode.
As I'm interviewing this guest,about ten minutes in I get an
(02:04):
error message on my recordingplatform that says I need to
reload the studio.
Oh, I was so frustrated.
I felt so unprofessional inwhat an inconvenience it was to
my guest.
But after finally getting thaterror fix and we resumed
recording, we began ourconversation again, only to have
the entire screen freeze andthen I got an indication that I
(02:28):
had lost my internet connection.
Have you ever been having avery thought provoking
conversation with someone whereyou are interrupted several
times?
As you can probably imagine,it's frustrating and it takes
the energy and the steam out ofyour storytelling.
We were not able to continueour interview and that was going
to be the episode that wouldair today.
(02:50):
But let me point out some thingsthat are probably obvious, but
they help give some deepercontext to today's topic.
She expected professionalismand I expected to give it to her
.
We were both frustrated and Iwas definitely disappointed.
I expected my internet providerto keep up their end of the
bargain.
When I signed up for theirservices and agreed to pay my
(03:11):
monthly service charge, I wasdisappointed.
I rescheduled a very importantdoctor appointment, expecting to
have an episode to give to myaudience.
You may have been disappointed.
My husband came home from worklater that day and he asked me
how my day went and how theinterview went, and as I
recounted the details of my day,his words were so things didn't
(03:35):
go as expected today, Jackpot.
As the evening wore on and Ithought more and more about not
releasing an episode, Icontinued to feel disappointed
and when I woke up I realized Idid have a topic I could bring
to you, and a very timely one atthat.
So I love starting out thisconversation with a definition
(03:57):
and here's my definition forexpectations.
These are the sneaky littlethoughts that we have about how
things should go or how peopleshould behave.
They're like little predictionswe make in our minds about how
we want something or someone tobe.
You know the scenarios wecreate in our heads where
everything is perfect, smoothand exactly as we imagined.
(04:18):
But here's the catchExpectations don't always line
up with reality.
Sometimes things turn outdifferently than what we had
hoped for or anticipated, andthat's when disappointment
sneaks in.
So expectations are like thesetricky mental projections that
we create, and they can eithermake us feel elated when they're
(04:40):
met or leave us feelingdeflated when they're not.
Now let's talk about a fewplaces where we have
expectations.
In some instances we areintentional about these
expectations, and other timesthey exist on more of a
subconscious level.
Have you ever stopped toconsider where your expectations
come from?
(05:01):
Why do we sometimes have suchhigh expectations for ourselves
or for others?
Well, it turns out that ourexpectations are strongly
influenced by societal norms andour personal experiences.
You see, we internalize theexpectations of society and
culture we grow up in.
(05:21):
From a young age we learn whatis expected of us in terms of
behavior, appearance andachievement.
These expectations often leadus to compare ourselves to
others and we strive to meetthese expectations, to be
accepted and valued by ourcommunities and family.
(05:42):
But societal norms are not theonly factor shaping our
expectations.
Our personal experience alsoplays a significant role.
As we go through life, we haveexperience that shapes our
mindset and perceptions aboutwhat is possible or desirable.
These experiences also createexpectations that we carry with
(06:02):
us in our personal andprofessional lives.
Let me give you an example.
If you grew up in a family thatplaced a high value on academic
achievement, you mightinternalize the belief that
academic success is essentialfor happiness and fulfillment.
You might feel pressure toexcel in your studies.
Even this isn't something youparticularly are interested in,
(06:25):
talented in or value.
Alternatively, if you had anegative experience with failure
early on in life, you maydevelop a fear of failure that
leads you to shy away fromtaking risks in the future.
So, as you see, societal normsand personal experiences can
shape expectations in powerfulways.
Being aware of where ourexpectations come from and
(06:48):
examining them can help usdetermine whether they are
realistic or harmful.
Adjusting or reframing ourexpectations can also help us
navigate disappointment moreeffectively.
Let's talk about the fine linebetween realistic and
unrealistic expectations.
We all have them, but sometimesit can be challenging to
(07:12):
distinguish between the two.
Realistic expectations aregrounded in reality.
They take into account ourabilities, limitations and the
circumstances we are in.
They are based on honestassessment of what is attainable
and achievable.
Realistic expectations allow usto set goals that are within
(07:32):
our reach and have a higherprobability of being met.
On the other hand, unrealisticexpectations are often fueled by
wishful thinking, idealizedvisions or comparisons to others
.
They are not in line with ouractual capabilities or the
reality of our situation.
These expectations set us upfor disappointment because they
(07:57):
are often impossible to achieve.
Differentiating between the twocan be challenging, but here are
a few questions we can askourselves to determine if our
expectations are realistic orunrealistic.
Okay, number one is thisexpectation based on facts or
just my desires?
It's essential to consider ifour expectations are grounded in
(08:21):
reality or solely driven by ourown wants and wishes.
The second question have Iachieved similar goals or
expectations in the past?
Reflecting on our pastexperiences can provide insight
into whether our expectationsare attainable, based on our
track record.
Number three are myexpectations flexible?
(08:44):
Realistic expectations oftenallow room for adjustments and
adaptability.
If our expectations are rigidand inflexible, it might be a
sign that they are unrealistic.
Number four am I setting thesame expectation for others as I
do myself?
Comparing our expectations forourselves with those we have for
(09:06):
others can help us identify ifour standards are realistic or
unreasonably high.
Remember, it's okay to haveambitious goals and aspirations,
but being mindful of whetherour expectations are grounded in
reality can save us fromunnecessary disappointment.
By differentiating betweenrealistic and unrealistic
(09:28):
expectations, we can setourselves up for more realistic
outcomes and minimize thechances of feeling let down.
It's about finding that balanceand setting expectations that
motivate us without settingourselves up for failure.
We really can't avoidexperiencing disappointment at
some point in our lives, buthave you ever considered its
(09:51):
impact on our connections withothers and on our own personal
development?
Let's take a closer look.
When we experiencedisappointment, it can have a
significant impact on ourrelationship with others.
Unmet expectations play a role.
We may feel hurt, let down oreven resentful towards the other
(10:12):
person.
These emotions can damagecommunication, trust and create
distance between people.
It's essential to addressdisappointment openly and
honestly and give voice to ourfeelings and concerns.
This allows for healthycommunication and rebuilding of
trust by understanding eachother's perspectives.
(10:34):
When we communicate ourdisappointment effectively, it
opens the door for growth in ourrelationships.
It offers both parties anopportunity to understand each
other's expectations, explorecompromises and work together
towards stronger, more realisticfoundations.
On a personal level,disappointment can be a vital
(10:55):
catalyst for growth.
When our expectations aren'tmet, it can be a chance for
self-reflection.
It gives us a chance to examineour own mindset, beliefs and
patterns of thinking that havecontributed to those
expectations.
In the first place, it offersan opportunity to learn about
ourselves and make adjustmentsfor personal growth.
(11:16):
Disappointment also challengesus to develop resilience,
adaptability and emotionalintelligence.
It's essential to learn fromdisappointments and use them to
shape better choices and actionsin the future.
By reflecting on ourdisappointments, we gain
insights into our desires,strengths and areas for
(11:39):
improvement, leading toself-discovery and personal
growth.
As we reflect on that, let'sconsider some other situations
where expectations play a partCareer expectations, achieving
success and finding fulfillment.
Relationship expectations,expecting that fairytale love
(12:00):
and finding the perfect partner.
Body image expectations,chasing that unattainable body
shape ideals and body shaming.
And the reason we're here todayis the holiday gatherings
Unrealistic expectations for joy, harmony and perfection as we
wrap up our time together today,let me leave you with some tips
(12:23):
and strategies for navigatingdisappointment that comes with
unmet expectations.
Number one cultivatingself-awareness to manage
expectations.
You can do this by reflectingon past experiences.
Take the time to reflect onthose experiences where your
expectations may not have beenmet and analyze what led to
(12:46):
those expectations.
What were the unexpected orunrealistic expectations and how
did they affect your experience.
Let me tell you how Sarah didthis so you might apply
something similar in your ownlife.
During last year's holidayseason, Sarah had high
expectations for a perfectfamily gathering.
(13:06):
She imagined everyone gettingalong, laughter filling the room
and everyone enjoying adelicious meal together.
However, things didn't goaccording to plan.
Family members arrived late,tensions arose and arguments
erupted over trivial matters.
After the holiday season hadpassed, Sarah reflected on this
(13:30):
experience to cultivateself-awareness for the upcoming
one.
She recognized that her highexpectations of perfection and
harmony were unrealistic and setthe stage for disappointment.
She realized she had placedresponsibility on other people
to make the holiday perfect,instead of focusing on her own
(13:52):
role in creating a positiveatmosphere.
Sarah decided to approach theupcoming holiday season with a
shift in her mindset.
She recognized the importanceof managing her own expectations
(14:15):
and understanding thatimperfections and disagreements
are a natural part of familygatherings.
She made a conscious effort topractice compassion and empathy
towards her family members,Understanding that everyone has
their personal struggles anddynamics.
Through her reflections, Sarahalso realized her need for open
communication and settingrealistic expectations for their
(14:39):
family.
Beforehand, she reached out tothem, initiating conversations
about what each person desiredfor the holiday and how they
could collectively create ameaningful and joyful experience
.
With this newfoundself-awareness and self-adjusted
mindset.
Sarah approached the holidayseason with more flexible and
(15:01):
accepting mindset.
Her focus shifted fromperfection to cherishing the
moments of connection andappreciating the time she spent
with loved ones, regardless ofany minor imperfections or
disagreements that may arise.
Okay, here's your second tipUnderstanding your values.
Understanding the role thatyour values play is an important
(15:23):
step in developingself-awareness.
Asking yourself what isimportant to you in different
areas of your life, such as yourwork, your relationships and
your own personal growth.
This will help you identify theexpectations that align with
those values.
Number three identify patterns.
Look for patterns in yourexpectations, such as perfection
(15:45):
and an all or nothing thinking.
Identifying those patterns canhelp you understand how they may
be contributing to unrealisticor unmet expectations.
Number four practicemindfulness.
Mindfulness practices likemeditation can help you increase
self-awareness and identifypatterns in your thinking and
(16:06):
behavior.
This can help you recognizeyour expectations more easily
and manage them more effectively.
Number five practice realisticoptimism.
While it's important to setgoals and have high aspirations,
it's equally important topractice realistic optimism.
This involves setting realisticexpectations based on available
(16:29):
resources and past experiences.
By doing so, you can avoidsetting yourself up for
disappointment.
Number six seek feedback.
Getting feedback from otherscan help you identify areas
where you may have unrealisticexpectations.
This can come from friends orfamily members, or even
(16:50):
professionals like a coach ortherapist.
And number seven practiceself-compassion.
This might just be my favoritetip, because it's important to
be kind to yourself when dealingwith unmet expectations,
Instead of beating yourself up.
Practice self-compassion byacknowledging that everyone
makes mistakes and experiencesdisappointment.
(17:12):
This can help reduce negativefeelings and increase confidence
in your abilities.
I want to challenge you today toreflect on your own
expectations and find ways tomanage them effectively.
If you find yourself beingoverwhelmed this holiday season,
take a step away and practicegratitude, looking for ways to
(17:33):
find joy in the present moment.
Remind yourself to focus on thejourney and not the outcome.
And finally, I'm going to leaveyou with a quote, because I
haven't done that in quite awhile.
Expectations are like seeds weplant.
With nurturing they grow, butlet us remember they are not the
only flowers in the garden ofpossibility.
(17:55):
Author unknown.
Until next time, my friends,please remember to take good
care of you.
Amanda, I don't know if thisever happens to you, but I
sometimes will learn somethingreally cool on a podcast, on a
YouTube video, audiobook,whatever, I think.
(18:16):
I'm going to remember it andthen I forget.
Does that ever happen to you?
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Yeah, I call it brain after 40 all the time.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
That's what we'll officially call it, but we've
come up with something.
Do you want to introduce it?
Speaker 3 (18:29):
Sure, it's from an app called Quick Jim Quick and
it's an acronym called FAST.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Yeah, and the F stands for Facebook.
So we're inviting youofficially right now to come
over and join us on Facebook.
Get involved with the community, share your favorite episodes
with your friends on Facebook.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
Yeah, the A is go ahead and take an action, so you
can't remember anything if youdon't act.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
And S is for subscribe.
Make sure you're subscribed toour YouTube channel.
Speaker 3 (18:56):
And then T is teach.
Teach what you've learned tosomebody else.
Share the love.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
All right, we hope that works for you.
Thank you for joining us.
We'll see you next week.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Bye, bye.
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