November 6, 2023 • 36 mins
Struggling through the turbulent times of menopause, I found myself retreating from the world, even my husband. It was a challenging period, filled with isolation, depression, and countless sleepless nights. My mom had a similar experience during her menopause phase, and an unexpected ally in her obsession with owls. Join us in this intimate episode where we open up about these personal experiences and explore the hard realities of menopause and depression.
Have you ever experienced the desperation of wanting to seek help but not knowing how? The feeling can be paralyzing. Amanda, my podcast partner, and I share our struggles and our paths to seeking help before hitting rock bottom. Our journey hasn't been an easy one, it's filled with battles against insomnia, anxiety, and the societal pressures intensified by social media. We also pay tribute to Matthew Perry, whose recent passing has served as a stark reminder that mental health struggles are not confined to any gender or status.
The episode culminates with a heartening note on women empowerment and solidarity during trying times. The power of community support cannot be overstated. We explore various avenues of help like telehealth, which allow you to seek support from the comfort of your home. This episode is a testament to the strength and resilience women can harness during difficult periods in life. So sit back, listen in, and join our journey towards understanding and navigating the challenges of menopause and depression.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
You're listening to the what Women Want Today
podcast.
If you love the idea of beingpart of a community of women who
are looking to thrive, not justsurvive, you're in the right
place.
Join hosts Terry Cullums andAmanda Keeper each week, as they
bring you topics and guests tohelp you improve your
relationships, your health andyour emotional and spiritual
(00:23):
well-being.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Hello, my friends, welcome to this week's episode.
Everyone to the what Women WantToday podcast.
Right by my name is TerryCullums.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
I am Amanda Keeper, back at it today.
Good morning Terry.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Good morning.
This is officially the earliestwe have ever recorded a podcast
.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
I was just wondering if you were going to mention
that it's 7.30 where you are.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Holy cow, I have this wonderful mug.
If you're watching this onYouTube, it's this coffee snob
which I own.
I own the coffee snob title andmy girlfriend bought for me
from Goodwill and I have shotsthree and four of espresso in
here today.
So I am ready, although I willsay that I'm not sharing much of
(01:10):
a filter this early in themorning.
So we're going to see how thisconversation goes today.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
I have the owl mug here, so hoping to share some
wisdom with the ladies today.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Yeah, so you know my mom had an obsession with owls?
No, I didn't know that.
Yeah, every time I see owls likedo you remember when you're
growing up?
I don't know if you everthought like this because it's
probably not your thing, butlike I remember growing up, my
mom was obsessed with the colororange.
Of course it was the 70s, soeverybody can just picture the
(01:43):
rust everywhere.
You know the rust color orange.
And she had those doilies youknow those crochet doilies on
every single table.
So my job was to dust and I hadto remove those stupid doilies
from and I swore to myself I wasnever going to have the color
orange, a doily or a freakingowl in my house.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
And here I am on the podcast with an owl cup in an
orange, burnt orange sweater.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Well, the truth of it is I actually have some owls in
my house because I thinkthey're like a nod to her.
I love like the little littlenod that nobody else knows, but
they're there and I actually dolike orange a lot, so mostly.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Teri, we were just talking last night on the phone
about why you started thispodcast in the first place, and
already we're talking about yourmom this morning.
Remind me and the listeners whyyou started this podcast.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Yeah, you know, we always see everything better in
hindsight, right?
So I remember our mom was here,a point in which I had some
level of consciousness that mymom had changed, like she wasn't
the mom that I remember fromlike my earlier younger years.
And you know, you're in yourlike early 20s and you're so
(03:00):
focused on everything going onin your own life.
I don't think I gave it muchthought, but later on, as I
started going through some of myown menopause journey, I
reflected back on that time andI thought, oh my gosh, she must
have suffered so much, and partof her suffering, the way she
coped with it, was to withdrawand she was very depressed, for
(03:23):
the majority of it used alcoholas a way to, I think, numb what
she was going through, what shewas feeling, and, yeah, she
didn't sleep, she didn'tinsomnia, and so when I start
going to do it, I thought, youknow, this is crap, and this was
after you and I had alreadygotten certified from John
(03:44):
Maxwell for the leadership andcoaching and speaking and
training, and I didn't quiteknow what I was going to do with
it yet.
And then the pandemic hit andthen I was like, okay, I want to
help women.
What am I going to help themwith?
I want to help them findpurpose for their lives and feel
more fulfilled in this time oflife.
But I also want to build acommunity where these women
(04:04):
don't feel like they have to gothrough it alone.
You know, it's the goingthrough it alone.
I think that makes it all somuch more magnified.
And you and I've talked aboutit a little bit like it's so
tough when you're in the middleof one of the, you know, like
the valleys, you know you feellike the Tilden valleys, and
when you're in one of thevalleys, super tough to reach
(04:25):
out.
Because wouldn't you ratherhear from me when I say, oh my
gosh, amanda, I just went onthis amazing hike and I saw, you
know, these amazing wildlife,or it was just beautiful,
incredible the sunsets, whatever.
I feel like you would rathershare from me?
This is my story I tell myselfI'd rather pick up the phone and
talk to Amanda when I havesomething exciting going on,
some joy to share, than to callyou up and say you know, I'm
(04:48):
having a shit day today.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Amanda, feel it crap today, right, nothing feels good
about menopause today yeah,well, I really resonate with
that because I I am like yourmom.
I withdraw when I'm having areally really hard time.
I mean, I withdraw fromeverybody, including my own
husband, and he will, he willnotice it and he will say that.
(05:11):
You know, like when I come outof it he'll, he'll say things
like I'm so glad you're back,like I'm so glad you're back to
yourself.
But, like you know, it's almostdebilitating to me.
I don't want to answer thephone, I don't want to answer
text messages, I don't want toget out of bed a lot of times
when I'm in one of those valleys.
And so you talking about yourmom, like that, I really
(05:33):
resonate with that.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
And now that you say that I remember my mom and she
was probably around the same ageperiod, menopausal I started to
notice her changes as well andshe, I just noticed depression,
like I have very vivid images ofmy mom having depression and
didn't know it, and I didn'tdidn't know how to identify when
it was yeah, I, when I wasgoing through one of these
(05:56):
valleys, um, a couple years back, when we were living in the
little town outside of Miss KateNevada, I developed this thing
that I call rur, a minimumrequired effort, and it was my
way of just it's like a littlelife hack, like my way of saying
like you don't have to do itall, but you do have to do this
very minimum amount.
Today, like whether that wasshower, yeah, because, let's
(06:20):
face it, you know, when we'regoing through it, like we don't
care, yeah, um, I would have to.
You know like it would beshowering, it would be.
You know like doing somelaundry would be going for a
walk outside.
Like I had these little things,these little mind hacks, where
I would say to myself you don'thave to do everything, but you
do have to do the minimumrequired effort.
And then, oftentimes, like onceI got into it, you know like I
(06:43):
could kind of pull myself up forthe day and and be okay.
And you know there are othermind hacks like, um, trying to
focus on gratefulness.
You know like I will walkthrough my house and if I am
feeling kind of blah, I will,you know, try to use my senses
to try to pull out things I'mgrateful for, like, oh, I can
smell fresh air.
Today I've got them.
I'm grateful I can have thewindows open.
(07:04):
You know what I mean, likethose kind of things.
But before we dive into thistoo much today, um, I want to
share something with you and ourlisteners that um really kind
of struck me yesterday and itwas um the catalyst for our
conversation a little bit lastnight.
Um, it's okay to not be okay,right?
(07:25):
So this, this really touched me.
I want to read this toeverybody.
It's a little long but it'sworth it.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
So she before you start, I just want the listeners
to know that our original planwas to talk about savoring, yeah
, and as a as an um practice ofgratitude, and Terry and I said
to each other like if we do that, it's not going to feel
authentic, because we've bothbeen in a really rough spot, and
so we decided, like let's notgo on the podcast with some
(07:52):
rainbows and unicorns andsparkles uh podcast, but let's
just talk about what we've beenfeeling, yeah thank you.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
So there's a woman I follow on Instagram and I can
link her in the show notes fortoday and one of the reasons I
follow her and was attracted anddrawn to her was because she
takes all the menopause stuffand she just adds a little bit
of sarcasm.
And you were to it and I lovethat.
And she needs from UK, Ibelieve.
So she some of her wording,you're gonna notice, is you know
(08:20):
a little bit more there lingothan ours.
But she posted this yesterday.
It's a picture of JillianAnderson and it says I was used
to being able to balance a lotof things and all of a sudden I
felt like I could handle nothing.
I felt completely overwhelmed.
When I talked to the menopausespecialist, she said she often
(08:41):
gets phone calls from female CEOscreaming down the phone.
I need help.
Now I'm losing my mind andthat's completely right.
I feel like someone else hastaken over my brain.
So then down in the caption,this very sarcastic, funny lady
who's always making fun ofherself.
She gets real and this is whatshe says.
(09:04):
She says I try and always seethe lighter side of my menopause
and make you lot smile, but thereality is there are millions
of women out there who areliterally at their breaking
point.
All I want to say to you thismorning is you are not alone.
I too suffer with debilitatinganxiety, not wanting to face the
world, and Somnia that makes mewant to sit in a corner and cry
(09:26):
on many a day, when all you seeare smiles and laughter.
It's often a massive mask, amask I wear often to hide the
imposter syndrome that I sufferfrom daily.
You see, I'm just a normal girlliving a normal life.
Well, okay, not quite normal.
Nothing is normal where I'mconcerned, but I just happen to
start writing about myexperiences and feelings about
(09:48):
this weird and wonderful face ofour lives and for some unknown
reason, it caught on.
But behind the smiles, thecrazy exterior, there's a
frightened, sad and often lonelygirl that's lost her way and
sits in our corner crying orcan't get out of bed Because
everything hurts and I can'tface the world.
That is what our movie is goingto be about the sense of loss
(10:09):
that we feel at this stage ofour lives, whether it be the
loss of ourselves or ourchildren moving on, or that
feeling of everything beingpossible.
The men in class takes so muchfrom us.
But if we stick together, if wetalk about it and help each
other with solutions and love,we will make it through this and
we will find ourselves again,possibly even a better version.
(10:31):
So I say this to all of you whoare struggling today I'm here.
I'm having that bad day too.
I haven't slept, I'm anxiousand I don't know what to do with
myself.
I, too, am lost Social.
My hand, let's walk throughtoday and let's be lost together
, because that is what us womendo best.
This, too, shall pass, as mydarling mom would say.
(10:53):
This, too, shall pass.
And if you're interested infollowing her on Instagram, her
handle is menopausal mayhemmothers, but I will put that in
the show notes for everyone toTo check out for themselves.
But I read that and I thought,wow, how brave.
Like.
It's easy for us to show up onsocial media and make everybody
(11:15):
laugh and hide behind you knowthat mask that she talked about.
It's not as easy to come onhere on the podcast or to go on
social media or call up ourfriend and say, yeah, it stays a
shit day.
But when we don't do that,we're doing exactly what my mom
did, which is suffer in silence,and it's it's.
(11:37):
I feel like it's my purpose toHelp women, not like to give
them courage and and be brave,and I feel like the only way we
can really do that, amanda, isthat we're willing to come on
here and do it ourselves.
You know, it's like asking ourchildren to do something that
we're not willing to do.
Right, isn't that what they say?
(11:57):
When you're raising children is, you know, lead by example?
And so today we're just layingit out.
You know, like I showed up herewith Amazon and no makeup and
feeling, feeling low, feelingnot good, and it's okay to not
feel good, and I think that'sprobably where we need to like
(12:21):
change our self-talk a littlebit.
It's not every day is gonna berainbows and sunshine and we've
got to just say you know what?
Today's just shit.
Maybe I can turn it around andmaybe I'm just gonna feel like
shit the entire day.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Terry, you know you had read that that before we
started the podcast.
Just a quarter sort of give mean idea of the content and I
absolutely loved it and you readit again.
In both times when you read ityou got choked up at the part
that said hold my hand.
Can you talk about why thatpart chokes you up so much?
Speaker 2 (13:00):
oh man, my mom was so lonely she she cut off all of
her friends.
I was probably like two orthree months ago.
I reached out to one of herfriends on Facebook that I
follow and I had some questionsfor her, some some things that
she might have the answers tothat.
(13:20):
You know that as a child Ididn't see.
You know they were questionsabout my childhood and a lot of
that Abuse that my mom suffered.
I wondered if she had seen anyof the abuse and when mom had
talked about any of it.
And she's like Terry, I Ireached out to your mom so many
times and she just, she justshut us off like she shut all of
(13:42):
her friends off.
And oh yeah, if only, if onlyshe hadn't done that, I wonder
how her story would have endeddifferently, because her path of
depression and Drinking to tonumb and she had this mistaken
belief that it would help hersleep, and we all know that
(14:04):
alcohol does not help you sleep.
You know she tried to commitsuicide and when she didn't,
when she wasn't successful, sheum the the next part of her life
was full of pain because she,when she fell in her, she had
taken a bottle of tiny little PMwith I don't know how much
vodka, but I think quite a bit,and she was stumbling and fell
(14:29):
in corrective order to bring inher spine, and so she spent the
rest of her years in a lot ofpain and I think, what if she
would have had someone hold herhand, like, maybe, maybe that
wouldn't have been the outcomefor her.
So it's super hard for me tohave days like yesterday and I
don't know how today is going tobe at it.
I mean, it's, it's still early,but you know like I don't want
(14:56):
To not pursue what burned with acaperni feeling inside of me,
like you know.
Come on, ladies.
I know I was sitting on thecouch this morning having coffee
with my husband and he was like, why do you toss and turn so
much at night?
And I said, um, well, when Ilay on my left side, my
collarbone hurts still from themotorcycle accident.
When I lay on my back, myshoulder blade hurts, and when I
(15:19):
lay on my right side, my hiphurts.
And he goes why, why do youhave all this pain?
And I said, well, when women'sestrogen estrogen levels drop,
we end up with a lot of pain, weend up with a lot of aches and
pains and you know this issomething that doesn't happen to
men, so it might be a littlehard for them to be empathetic.
(15:41):
I'm not.
I'm not gonna speak for all men,but I I saw the look on my own
husband's face, a man who knowsme, loves me, and I think to him
, like some of these symptomsjust Maybe seem like drama or
not being tough, it's nothing todo with either one of those
(16:01):
things.
Like all three of those thingsI just said are very real.
There's the things that keep alot of women tossing and turning
in awake and then, when we areawake, the anxiousness kicks in,
and then all the things that wewould think about in the light
of day seem 20 times worse whenyou're laying there in the
middle of the night and youcan't sleep right.
So that's where I took them out, because I have somebody.
(16:24):
I've more than one somebody,thankfully, but she didn't have
anybody and that makes me supersad.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
And the important thing that to to understand is
that she isolated herself andyour friends away, even when,
even when they reached out, shekept pushing them away, and I
relate to that so much, and so Ithink for me, like the message
would be, even when they don'tanswer your text message or
(16:54):
don't call you back, like don'tgive up on them, keep know, keep
reaching out, keep reaching out, keep reaching out.
There's a story of someone Iknow that reached out, like for
a year, every Sunday and left avoicemail to someone that she
loved that wasn't returning hercall.
And finally, after a year, theperson returned her phone call
(17:16):
and it was the same voicemailevery Sunday, like the same
message I miss you.
I know you're having a hardtime.
When you're ready, I'm hereevery Sunday.
It was a voicemail.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
So what was it like when they finally started
talking again?
What was the?
You know?
What did the conversation startsound like, do you know?
Speaker 3 (17:35):
Yeah, the conversation was I'm ready to
get help.
The person was an alcoholic andthey had been using alcohol to
them and they decided to getclean.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Yeah, you know the thing to a podcast.
History was a doctor and I wishI could tell you all the stuff
we're here with the name of thepodcast is.
But it's super interesting andhe talks about you know
depression.
And he talks about how, mostoften times, that people cannot
point to a single event to saythis is why I feel depressed.
(18:06):
And he did say that, you know,there, the research has changed.
When they when in theconversation about depression
and they now know that a lot ofit, the serotonin that we need
is, is made in the gut, and soif our guts are, you know, not
where they should be, then wehave time, hard time, purchasing
the serotonin that we need.
But I don't know.
(18:28):
I'm curious to know yourthoughts on this because I feel
like, right now, my funk I know,I know what my funk is about
and so I feel like that's atotally different kind of
depressive episode, I would say,than a woman who just has no
clue.
She just doesn't feel great,she just so.
(18:48):
So mine is, you know, my, mydaughter's, getting divorced.
I went to visit him in KansasCity last week and it's super
tough, no matter how old yourkids are, to see them hurting
and know you can't do anything.
You know you can be there forthem, you can try to talk to
them, offer them advice if theywant it, offer resources if you
have them.
(19:09):
But really some things in lifeyou just have to go through and
get through, right I mean,there's.
There's no going around it then.
So, you know, just going thereand seeing my, my grandson kind
of, you know, struggling throughit, my daughter struggling
through it and my other daughterstruggling with infertility
problems and my other otherdaughters struggling with, you
know, kind of trying to figureout what this part of her like
(19:31):
means for her, and so they allhaving their own struggles and
you know I'm having somestruggles with this whole house
building thing and just, youknow, it just feels heavy, and
so I know what mine are.
I can sit here and lift all ofmy my things I feel like are
robbing me of my joy right now.
But can you talk a little bitabout, like, your latest funk
(19:55):
and like, do you, do you havethings that you can label and
say this is why, this is why oh,absolutely minds, peri
menopause and insomnia.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
I mean when a person can't sleep.
When a person can't sleep,their ability to tolerate, their
their like baseline ability totolerate normal things in life
goes way down.
And when you are describingtossing attorney, I mean that's
my, that's my life every night,for I mean and it's been going
on for a long time I mean itfeels very debilitated.
You know, it happened againlast night.
(20:26):
And then you take the gummiesand then you know the, the THC
gummies have been helping me alittle bit, but they give me
anxiety.
And then I toss and turn, andtoss and turn and then the same
thing, like there's this likeinflamed part of my back.
That's been all week, and justyou know.
And then you wake up and you'rejust not ready for your day,
(20:46):
like you used to be, and youknow they'll getting older and
and one time we talked aboutlike God, it's so hard.
I don't know how people onsocial media do this, this
podcasting in the social mediaplatform, and like trying to get
your face ready and your hairready.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
And then, as women, you're always comparing yourself
to other women and otherinfluencers and as you age, you
know it's all very overwhelmingyeah, I, I've barely been on
social media for a while now andwhen I do put something on
there I try not to have it be ofme, because I think for a while
(21:25):
now and you know I haven'tquite decided like there's part
of me, that's like you know.
I really don't want to have toput makeup on my face every day
if I'm not going anywhere.
That just me.
That makes no sense to mewhatsoever.
But then when you think aboutsharing up on social media
without your hair done andwithout you know, like if you're
watching on YouTube, I mean Idon't have great skin, so like
to show up and and feel likeeverybody would be thinking, oh,
(21:47):
doesn't she know look, andmakeup would make that face look
so much better you know whenwe're reality.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
It's very.
You have been very immersed inthe makeup industry to to to the
point where you have followedpeople and even help them
promote their products.
But the thing is is it's that Idon't want to have to and talk
to you about it and that waspart of the thing that we
decided on this season is thatwe're gonna be more natural.
(22:13):
Like I don't have any makeup ontoday, you don't have any
makeup on today, and it's hardto notice that they're looking
the camera at your face whenyou're changing.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Yeah, yeah, but that's real, that's who we are,
right.
Or when someone takes a pictureof you and you weren't aware so
you didn't have time to likeput your chin in that certain
spot or, you know, swivel yourhips a little bit, or whatever,
and you see yourself and you'relike, oh my God, I have my mom's
neck already.
I went to that, yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
I can't tell you how many times I'll reposition of
photos so that my neck doesn'thave that like indent when that
we have as we age.
And then women, and then that'swhy the beauty industry is so
rich, because then we startputting fillers in our face and
we start doing all this stuffbecause we're fighting aging,
we're fighting looking in themirror and we are in such a vain
(23:03):
culture.
It's very, very hard on women,especially the age in America.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Super hard on women.
I think about like my husbandcould give two shits about what
he looks like, you know, butit's not the same for women,
right?
I think it's a certain level ofoh, that's an aging man, you
know.
Like then we don't get that.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
It's a double standard for sure in so many
ways.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
But I do want to interrupt you.
I do want to point out that aswe were sitting here talking I
don't think that it's, I thinkwe would be remiss, not to
mention that Matthew Perrypassed away from health
addiction.
So as we're talking like, yes,women struggle, men struggle too
(23:51):
.
I wish men had their ownpodcast for aging and hormones
and what they go through.
But it also reminded me whenyou were talking about what you
do to soothe yourself when youare in these valleys and you had
said you know gratitude andtaking walks and things like
that.
For me it's always been likebinging a show and I know a lot
of people have said that withMatthew Perry dying, and it's
(24:14):
reminded them that, like friendsgot them through really, that
the show friends got themthrough really tough times in
their life.
You know, and that's one of theways that they escaped was just
watching friends and thosecharacters brought joy and love
and escapism in the hardesttimes of their life and that's
why it's so hard when acelebrity that you've watched so
long passes away.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Yeah, and that's such a great point and I love that.
I love that you brought that up, because isn't that what you
and I like when we were talkingand we have our talks like we're
like soul sisters.
You know every woman needs atleast one of them yeah, not
multiple ones of them and youknow we've talked about
expanding our girls trip toinclude more women and I think
(25:01):
that is at the heart of both ofus to want people to feel
included and to want them toexperience, you know, the best,
the best that life has to offer.
And it's so hard to be in thisspot and feel like you always
want to come on here and bring apositive message and to know
(25:23):
that today's message isn'texactly positive.
Speaker 3 (25:27):
It's a little hard for me, but I think today's
message this is what we bothwanted people to know for today
is that you're not alone.
And when you don't want to putmakeup on and be upbeat and
positive and there's a place forthat too.
On social media, there's aplace for that too.
(25:48):
For influencers, there's aplace for that too, and those
are the people whose voices Iwant to hear more of.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
Because you know what , when I so you know, I've said
this to you so many times youknow I don't cry easy, like I
don't have access to my emotionsas easy as some people do.
And I have this friend.
She has such easy access to heremotions, like literally one
minute she can be telling mesome funny story and then two
(26:16):
sentences later she's sheddingtears because of something else.
And I always tell her I wish Ihad such easy access to my
emotions like you do.
That is so, it's just sowonderful.
But I tell you what, when I goon social media and I see my
friend, whose husband cheated onher and left her after 25 years
(26:37):
of marriage, and she's on thereand she's sharing it and she's
being really real, I don't shyaway from that and think, oh my
gosh, she's sharing too much onsocial media.
Like my heart goes out to her.
I'm sending her privatemessages on the side, you know,
asking her if there's anything Ican do.
Does she want to talk?
I'm trying to encourage her,you know.
So I think I'm sending herprivate messages on the side,
you know.
I'm sending her privatemessages on the side, you know.
(26:58):
I think, yes, like there isdefinitely a place for it.
And you know we have thatprivate community that's just
for women.
It's called Conversations forMidlife Women.
That would be a great place toshare.
Like, if you're listening totoday's episode and you're like,
yeah, I would love to be ableto just go somewhere and say I'm
having a shit day today, thatwould be the place to do it.
(27:18):
There's no men in that group.
We can be real with each other.
We can talk about it.
I think I posted a video inthere one day of, like you know
I was talking about the productsthat women need to like shape,
tone in their private areas.
Like that's the place we goshare that stuff, right.
But you know, lately, when I amforcing myself to stay on the
(27:41):
treadmill, like it's that rur,it's that minimum required
effort, I tell myself 15 minutes, minimum.
Like if you want to go more,that's great, but you got to be
on here for 15 minutes.
And the way I've been kind ofgetting through it is by
watching YouTube shorts.
Okay, and there are so manyinspiring people out there in
the world who are doing reallyamazing things.
(28:02):
And you know, like I've justseen those videos where it might
be a guy and he's like, hey, doyou have any food?
And then he ends up giving theperson like money or whatever
homeless person.
It's always those people thathave nothing left to give that
seem to want to give the most.
Yeah, you know, and that makesme want to cry, that makes me in
the middle of a plan of fitness, on the treadmill doing this
(28:25):
with my eyes.
I'm like those people, thepeople who have nothing left to
give and they're still willingto give more.
All of those people inspire meso much.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
And I think, like, as you were mentioning that, what
came up for me is, you know,sometimes we listen to pop talks
, all the time we listen to poppodcasts, self-development
people, and sometimes when I'min my funk in my valley, I'm
like blah, blah, blah, I don'twant to read another self-help
thing, I don't want to listen toanother positive podcast, and
(28:57):
that's okay too, right?
So, like, I think it's reallyimportant for people to know
that it's okay to like be inthat valley and feel those
feelings, but don't stay there.
And I did, yeah, and I did wantto address what you said about
people that don't know whythey're depressed.
Especially for those people,it's so important that you reach
(29:19):
out and get a counselor,because a great counselor will
ask the right questions and youwill uncover why you are
depressed.
There's always, alwayssomething to be said about your
mood and your feelings, and TonyRobin says that you know, great
leaders ask great questions,great counselors ask great
(29:42):
questions and when you finallyget the question that uncovers
the pain, their eyes will shiftand they will release and there
will begin unstuffing, and thatis so healthy for their body.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
And that's kind of bad.
I remember you said somethingto me I don't know if it was on
a podcast, I bestow it, or if itwas just a private conversation
but you said something aboutmarried couples shouldn't wait
until they have problems to seekhelp.
And it's kind of like carmaintenance yeah, you don't wait
until your car's out of oil orout of gas before you put those
(30:16):
things in there.
Yeah, I love that, even if youare feeling like super depressed
.
But, excuse me, it's morning.
If you are feeling superdepressed but you feel like you
don't know how to talk tosomebody, I feel like that's
another really good indicationthat you probably need to seek
(30:36):
some professional help.
It's like don't wait untilyou're totally out of gas.
Yeah, don't wait until you'reat rock bottom.
You know, find someone to talkto a mental health professional.
Yeah, I'm just gonna leave itat that, because I don't feel
qualified to tell someone whenthey should see a professional
or when they should see a coachor when they should just talk to
(30:56):
a friend.
Speaker 3 (30:58):
Yeah, yeah, and I would also say that you don't
even have to leave your houseanymore.
Telehealth is becoming very,very popular, so I have many
clients that we just connect onthe computer, and sometimes
that's what you said you're Merright, minimum required effort.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
You know I have clients where we've had sessions
where they're in their bed.
You know, and so just know thatthere's several of them out
there.
But you can find onlinetelehealth too.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
You know.
So yesterday I came home fromthe gym and this almost never
happens, so it's like almostlike newsworthy.
I came home from the gym andusually that's what makes me
feel good, like I will feelreally good after coming home
from the gym.
Came home yesterday and it wasreally cold at the gym yesterday
.
It was cold in the morning hereand I walked into my house and
(31:48):
my house still felt cold and Ithought, you know what?
I'm gonna go soak in a bathwith some excellent salt and
essential oils.
So I'm in the bath and it washeaven, like it was pure heaven
and I started feeling reallysleepy and I thought, oh my gosh
, girl, it's 10 o'clock in themorning, like when is that time
for a nap?
But then I thought, what thehell, why not?
Right, just go lay down.
(32:10):
I went in the guest bedroom,which is right next to the
bathroom, where the bathtub is.
I lay down in the bed.
I did wake up for an hour and Iwas like I never do that.
But you know what I'm today?
I'm gonna listen to my body andI'm gonna treat myself to
something self-wai if it's 10o'clock in the morning.
It made me feel good and ithelped me relax it up to take a
nap in the middle of the morning.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
I think what I love about that story is how the
stories that people tellthemselves because for you that
was a big deal and for me I'mlike, yeah, of course, take a
nap, like Well I'm like, oh, youtook a nap, like I take naps
all the time, but like that'sthe story, that's your routine,
that's your habit, like that'syour discipline, that you have
(32:53):
in your life, and I'm glad yougave yourself that permission,
yeah, but like you said earlier,you yes, I think you know there
is a point where we need tolike, give in and listen and not
be so staunch like, well, Inever do this at this time of
day.
I still like it to a time, andit happening day after day after
(33:13):
day after day Is that we allguitar and bass in background
when my husband will come home,and I don't know if you guys
remember that, like when youwere kids, but when my parents
would come home, we're supposedto be cleaning, so we would be
sleeping.
We would like jump up and likefix our hair real quick and like
actually, it's so funny.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
I bet the whole time he knew what you were doing.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
Okay, you know you've got like pillow mark on your
face.
Yes but go.
You're exactly right.
Like you know, I think I givemyself too much permission
sometimes where it's like, okay,come on, and then you don't
give yourself enough permissionto do that, like.
I think that that's a beautifulcontrast of what we're trying
to say.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
Yeah, it's gotta be some middle.
There's gotta be some middleground there, you know yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
So, as we end this podcast today, we just want our
listeners to know that you'renot alone and there's a space
that we've created for you.
And if you have I love, terry,that you've said it three times
today If you're just having ashit day, reach out and we'll
listen to your shit day.
Yeah, and maybe we should juststart posting more there, not
(34:16):
just about how great everythingis, but when we're having those
tough days.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Yeah, absolutely.
I love that.
I love that you're ending itwith that I.
Community is so important andwe've said it a couple of times
throughout this episode of notbeing alone and not feeling like
you have to Go do it alone.
So, even if you feel like, oh,there's just a bunch of
strangers, I'm not gonna go intothis random Facebook group and
tell my you know, my life'sclose to this random stranger.
(34:41):
No, we're women.
We have to stick together.
We're not high schoolmiddle-aged girls.
We're women going through thesame stuff.
So let's go through it together.
Let's lift each other up whenwe need it.
Let's just hug virtual hug whenwe need it.
Let's not, let's notself-isolate.
Let's have someone's hand tohold as we Journey through this
(35:03):
part of life.
That is not all shit.
It's not all shit days.
There's a lot of good momentsas well and, yeah, thanks for
taking time out of your.
I know you have a busy day andI know you're.
You're also past and you'regoing to his funeral and please
give aunt Jeanette a big hugfrom me and tell her I'm sorry
for her loss and I'm I'mdetermined to not have a shit
(35:25):
day today, so I hope you well, Imean should say I can tell
already that your mood hasshifted through this
conversation.
Speaker 3 (35:31):
You look lighter.
I can see it in your bodies, inyour eyes, and it was just a
testament on camera of howcommunity and conversation Can
bring you out of the funk andand so don't self-isolate.
Yeah, have a great dayeverybody.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
Yes, I mean, I don't know if this ever happens to you
, but I sometimes will learnsomething really cool on a
podcast, on a YouTube video,audio book, whatever.
I think I'm gonna remember itand then I forget.
Does that ever happen to you?
Speaker 3 (36:04):
Yeah, I call it brain .
After 40 all the time, what?
Speaker 2 (36:08):
that's what we'll officially call it.
Well, we come up with something.
Do you want to introduce it?
Speaker 3 (36:12):
Sure, it's by.
It's from an app called quickJim quick, and it's an acronym
called fast.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
Yeah, in the F it stands for Facebook.
So we're inviting youofficially right now to come
over and join us on Facebook.
Get involved with the community, share your favorite episodes
with your friends on Facebook.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
Yeah, the a is go ahead and take an action, so you
can't remember anything if youdon't act.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
and S is for subscribe.
Make sure you're subscribed toour YouTube channel.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
And then T is teach.
Teach what you've learned tosomebody else, share the love
All right, we hope that worksfor you.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
Thank you for joining us.
We'll see you next week.
Bye, bye.
You're listening to the what Women Want Today
podcast.
If you love the idea of beingpart of a community of women who
are looking to thrive, not justsurvive, you're in the right
place.
Join hosts Terry Cullums andAmanda Keeper each week, as they
bring you topics and guests tohelp you improve your
relationships, your health andyour emotional and spiritual
(00:23):
well-being.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Hello, my friends, welcome to this week's episode.
Everyone to the what Women WantToday podcast.
Right by my name is TerryCullums.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
I am Amanda Keeper, back at it today.
Good morning Terry.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Good morning.
This is officially the earliestwe have ever recorded a podcast
.
Speaker 3 (00:44):
I was just wondering if you were going to mention
that it's 7.30 where you are.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Holy cow, I have this wonderful mug.
If you're watching this onYouTube, it's this coffee snob
which I own.
I own the coffee snob title andmy girlfriend bought for me
from Goodwill and I have shotsthree and four of espresso in
here today.
So I am ready, although I willsay that I'm not sharing much of
(01:10):
a filter this early in themorning.
So we're going to see how thisconversation goes today.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
I have the owl mug here, so hoping to share some
wisdom with the ladies today.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Yeah, so you know my mom had an obsession with owls?
No, I didn't know that.
Yeah, every time I see owls likedo you remember when you're
growing up?
I don't know if you everthought like this because it's
probably not your thing, butlike I remember growing up, my
mom was obsessed with the colororange.
Of course it was the 70s, soeverybody can just picture the
(01:43):
rust everywhere.
You know the rust color orange.
And she had those doilies youknow those crochet doilies on
every single table.
So my job was to dust and I hadto remove those stupid doilies
from and I swore to myself I wasnever going to have the color
orange, a doily or a freakingowl in my house.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
And here I am on the podcast with an owl cup in an
orange, burnt orange sweater.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
Well, the truth of it is I actually have some owls in
my house because I thinkthey're like a nod to her.
I love like the little littlenod that nobody else knows, but
they're there and I actually dolike orange a lot, so mostly.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Teri, we were just talking last night on the phone
about why you started thispodcast in the first place, and
already we're talking about yourmom this morning.
Remind me and the listeners whyyou started this podcast.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Yeah, you know, we always see everything better in
hindsight, right?
So I remember our mom was here,a point in which I had some
level of consciousness that mymom had changed, like she wasn't
the mom that I remember fromlike my earlier younger years.
And you know, you're in yourlike early 20s and you're so
(03:00):
focused on everything going onin your own life.
I don't think I gave it muchthought, but later on, as I
started going through some of myown menopause journey, I
reflected back on that time andI thought, oh my gosh, she must
have suffered so much, and partof her suffering, the way she
coped with it, was to withdrawand she was very depressed, for
(03:23):
the majority of it used alcoholas a way to, I think, numb what
she was going through, what shewas feeling, and, yeah, she
didn't sleep, she didn'tinsomnia, and so when I start
going to do it, I thought, youknow, this is crap, and this was
after you and I had alreadygotten certified from John
(03:44):
Maxwell for the leadership andcoaching and speaking and
training, and I didn't quiteknow what I was going to do with
it yet.
And then the pandemic hit andthen I was like, okay, I want to
help women.
What am I going to help themwith?
I want to help them findpurpose for their lives and feel
more fulfilled in this time oflife.
But I also want to build acommunity where these women
(04:04):
don't feel like they have to gothrough it alone.
You know, it's the goingthrough it alone.
I think that makes it all somuch more magnified.
And you and I've talked aboutit a little bit like it's so
tough when you're in the middleof one of the, you know, like
the valleys, you know you feellike the Tilden valleys, and
when you're in one of thevalleys, super tough to reach
(04:25):
out.
Because wouldn't you ratherhear from me when I say, oh my
gosh, amanda, I just went onthis amazing hike and I saw, you
know, these amazing wildlife,or it was just beautiful,
incredible the sunsets, whatever.
I feel like you would rathershare from me?
This is my story I tell myselfI'd rather pick up the phone and
talk to Amanda when I havesomething exciting going on,
some joy to share, than to callyou up and say you know, I'm
(04:48):
having a shit day today.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Amanda, feel it crap today, right, nothing feels good
about menopause today yeah,well, I really resonate with
that because I I am like yourmom.
I withdraw when I'm having areally really hard time.
I mean, I withdraw fromeverybody, including my own
husband, and he will, he willnotice it and he will say that.
(05:11):
You know, like when I come outof it he'll, he'll say things
like I'm so glad you're back,like I'm so glad you're back to
yourself.
But, like you know, it's almostdebilitating to me.
I don't want to answer thephone, I don't want to answer
text messages, I don't want toget out of bed a lot of times
when I'm in one of those valleys.
And so you talking about yourmom, like that, I really
(05:33):
resonate with that.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
And now that you say that I remember my mom and she
was probably around the same ageperiod, menopausal I started to
notice her changes as well andshe, I just noticed depression,
like I have very vivid images ofmy mom having depression and
didn't know it, and I didn'tdidn't know how to identify when
it was yeah, I, when I wasgoing through one of these
(05:56):
valleys, um, a couple years back, when we were living in the
little town outside of Miss KateNevada, I developed this thing
that I call rur, a minimumrequired effort, and it was my
way of just it's like a littlelife hack, like my way of saying
like you don't have to do itall, but you do have to do this
very minimum amount.
Today, like whether that wasshower, yeah, because, let's
(06:20):
face it, you know, when we'regoing through it, like we don't
care, yeah, um, I would have to.
You know like it would beshowering, it would be.
You know like doing somelaundry would be going for a
walk outside.
Like I had these little things,these little mind hacks, where
I would say to myself you don'thave to do everything, but you
do have to do the minimumrequired effort.
And then, oftentimes, like onceI got into it, you know like I
(06:43):
could kind of pull myself up forthe day and and be okay.
And you know there are othermind hacks like, um, trying to
focus on gratefulness.
You know like I will walkthrough my house and if I am
feeling kind of blah, I will,you know, try to use my senses
to try to pull out things I'mgrateful for, like, oh, I can
smell fresh air.
Today I've got them.
I'm grateful I can have thewindows open.
(07:04):
You know what I mean, likethose kind of things.
But before we dive into thistoo much today, um, I want to
share something with you and ourlisteners that um really kind
of struck me yesterday and itwas um the catalyst for our
conversation a little bit lastnight.
Um, it's okay to not be okay,right?
(07:25):
So this, this really touched me.
I want to read this toeverybody.
It's a little long but it'sworth it.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
So she before you start, I just want the listeners
to know that our original planwas to talk about savoring, yeah
, and as a as an um practice ofgratitude, and Terry and I said
to each other like if we do that, it's not going to feel
authentic, because we've bothbeen in a really rough spot, and
so we decided, like let's notgo on the podcast with some
(07:52):
rainbows and unicorns andsparkles uh podcast, but let's
just talk about what we've beenfeeling, yeah thank you.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
So there's a woman I follow on Instagram and I can
link her in the show notes fortoday and one of the reasons I
follow her and was attracted anddrawn to her was because she
takes all the menopause stuffand she just adds a little bit
of sarcasm.
And you were to it and I lovethat.
And she needs from UK, Ibelieve.
So she some of her wording,you're gonna notice, is you know
(08:20):
a little bit more there lingothan ours.
But she posted this yesterday.
It's a picture of JillianAnderson and it says I was used
to being able to balance a lotof things and all of a sudden I
felt like I could handle nothing.
I felt completely overwhelmed.
When I talked to the menopausespecialist, she said she often
(08:41):
gets phone calls from female CEOscreaming down the phone.
I need help.
Now I'm losing my mind andthat's completely right.
I feel like someone else hastaken over my brain.
So then down in the caption,this very sarcastic, funny lady
who's always making fun ofherself.
She gets real and this is whatshe says.
(09:04):
She says I try and always seethe lighter side of my menopause
and make you lot smile, but thereality is there are millions
of women out there who areliterally at their breaking
point.
All I want to say to you thismorning is you are not alone.
I too suffer with debilitatinganxiety, not wanting to face the
world, and Somnia that makes mewant to sit in a corner and cry
(09:26):
on many a day, when all you seeare smiles and laughter.
It's often a massive mask, amask I wear often to hide the
imposter syndrome that I sufferfrom daily.
You see, I'm just a normal girlliving a normal life.
Well, okay, not quite normal.
Nothing is normal where I'mconcerned, but I just happen to
start writing about myexperiences and feelings about
(09:48):
this weird and wonderful face ofour lives and for some unknown
reason, it caught on.
But behind the smiles, thecrazy exterior, there's a
frightened, sad and often lonelygirl that's lost her way and
sits in our corner crying orcan't get out of bed Because
everything hurts and I can'tface the world.
That is what our movie is goingto be about the sense of loss
(10:09):
that we feel at this stage ofour lives, whether it be the
loss of ourselves or ourchildren moving on, or that
feeling of everything beingpossible.
The men in class takes so muchfrom us.
But if we stick together, if wetalk about it and help each
other with solutions and love,we will make it through this and
we will find ourselves again,possibly even a better version.
(10:31):
So I say this to all of you whoare struggling today I'm here.
I'm having that bad day too.
I haven't slept, I'm anxiousand I don't know what to do with
myself.
I, too, am lost Social.
My hand, let's walk throughtoday and let's be lost together
, because that is what us womendo best.
This, too, shall pass, as mydarling mom would say.
(10:53):
This, too, shall pass.
And if you're interested infollowing her on Instagram, her
handle is menopausal mayhemmothers, but I will put that in
the show notes for everyone toTo check out for themselves.
But I read that and I thought,wow, how brave.
Like.
It's easy for us to show up onsocial media and make everybody
(11:15):
laugh and hide behind you knowthat mask that she talked about.
It's not as easy to come onhere on the podcast or to go on
social media or call up ourfriend and say, yeah, it stays a
shit day.
But when we don't do that,we're doing exactly what my mom
did, which is suffer in silence,and it's it's.
(11:37):
I feel like it's my purpose toHelp women, not like to give
them courage and and be brave,and I feel like the only way we
can really do that, amanda, isthat we're willing to come on
here and do it ourselves.
You know, it's like asking ourchildren to do something that
we're not willing to do.
Right, isn't that what they say?
(11:57):
When you're raising children is, you know, lead by example?
And so today we're just layingit out.
You know, like I showed up herewith Amazon and no makeup and
feeling, feeling low, feelingnot good, and it's okay to not
feel good, and I think that'sprobably where we need to like
(12:21):
change our self-talk a littlebit.
It's not every day is gonna berainbows and sunshine and we've
got to just say you know what?
Today's just shit.
Maybe I can turn it around andmaybe I'm just gonna feel like
shit the entire day.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Terry, you know you had read that that before we
started the podcast.
Just a quarter sort of give mean idea of the content and I
absolutely loved it and you readit again.
In both times when you read ityou got choked up at the part
that said hold my hand.
Can you talk about why thatpart chokes you up so much?
Speaker 2 (13:00):
oh man, my mom was so lonely she she cut off all of
her friends.
I was probably like two orthree months ago.
I reached out to one of herfriends on Facebook that I
follow and I had some questionsfor her, some some things that
she might have the answers tothat.
(13:20):
You know that as a child Ididn't see.
You know they were questionsabout my childhood and a lot of
that Abuse that my mom suffered.
I wondered if she had seen anyof the abuse and when mom had
talked about any of it.
And she's like Terry, I Ireached out to your mom so many
times and she just, she justshut us off like she shut all of
(13:42):
her friends off.
And oh yeah, if only, if onlyshe hadn't done that, I wonder
how her story would have endeddifferently, because her path of
depression and Drinking to tonumb and she had this mistaken
belief that it would help hersleep, and we all know that
(14:04):
alcohol does not help you sleep.
You know she tried to commitsuicide and when she didn't,
when she wasn't successful, sheum the the next part of her life
was full of pain because she,when she fell in her, she had
taken a bottle of tiny little PMwith I don't know how much
vodka, but I think quite a bit,and she was stumbling and fell
(14:29):
in corrective order to bring inher spine, and so she spent the
rest of her years in a lot ofpain and I think, what if she
would have had someone hold herhand, like, maybe, maybe that
wouldn't have been the outcomefor her.
So it's super hard for me tohave days like yesterday and I
don't know how today is going tobe at it.
I mean, it's, it's still early,but you know like I don't want
(14:56):
To not pursue what burned with acaperni feeling inside of me,
like you know.
Come on, ladies.
I know I was sitting on thecouch this morning having coffee
with my husband and he was like, why do you toss and turn so
much at night?
And I said, um, well, when Ilay on my left side, my
collarbone hurts still from themotorcycle accident.
When I lay on my back, myshoulder blade hurts, and when I
(15:19):
lay on my right side, my hiphurts.
And he goes why, why do youhave all this pain?
And I said, well, when women'sestrogen estrogen levels drop,
we end up with a lot of pain, weend up with a lot of aches and
pains and you know this issomething that doesn't happen to
men, so it might be a littlehard for them to be empathetic.
(15:41):
I'm not.
I'm not gonna speak for all men,but I I saw the look on my own
husband's face, a man who knowsme, loves me, and I think to him
, like some of these symptomsjust Maybe seem like drama or
not being tough, it's nothing todo with either one of those
(16:01):
things.
Like all three of those thingsI just said are very real.
There's the things that keep alot of women tossing and turning
in awake and then, when we areawake, the anxiousness kicks in,
and then all the things that wewould think about in the light
of day seem 20 times worse whenyou're laying there in the
middle of the night and youcan't sleep right.
So that's where I took them out, because I have somebody.
(16:24):
I've more than one somebody,thankfully, but she didn't have
anybody and that makes me supersad.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
And the important thing that to to understand is
that she isolated herself andyour friends away, even when,
even when they reached out, shekept pushing them away, and I
relate to that so much, and so Ithink for me, like the message
would be, even when they don'tanswer your text message or
(16:54):
don't call you back, like don'tgive up on them, keep know, keep
reaching out, keep reaching out, keep reaching out.
There's a story of someone Iknow that reached out, like for
a year, every Sunday and left avoicemail to someone that she
loved that wasn't returning hercall.
And finally, after a year, theperson returned her phone call
(17:16):
and it was the same voicemailevery Sunday, like the same
message I miss you.
I know you're having a hardtime.
When you're ready, I'm hereevery Sunday.
It was a voicemail.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
So what was it like when they finally started
talking again?
What was the?
You know?
What did the conversation startsound like, do you know?
Speaker 3 (17:35):
Yeah, the conversation was I'm ready to
get help.
The person was an alcoholic andthey had been using alcohol to
them and they decided to getclean.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Yeah, you know the thing to a podcast.
History was a doctor and I wishI could tell you all the stuff
we're here with the name of thepodcast is.
But it's super interesting andhe talks about you know
depression.
And he talks about how, mostoften times, that people cannot
point to a single event to saythis is why I feel depressed.
(18:06):
And he did say that, you know,there, the research has changed.
When they when in theconversation about depression
and they now know that a lot ofit, the serotonin that we need
is, is made in the gut, and soif our guts are, you know, not
where they should be, then wehave time, hard time, purchasing
the serotonin that we need.
But I don't know.
(18:28):
I'm curious to know yourthoughts on this because I feel
like, right now, my funk I know,I know what my funk is about
and so I feel like that's atotally different kind of
depressive episode, I would say,than a woman who just has no
clue.
She just doesn't feel great,she just so.
(18:48):
So mine is, you know, my, mydaughter's, getting divorced.
I went to visit him in KansasCity last week and it's super
tough, no matter how old yourkids are, to see them hurting
and know you can't do anything.
You know you can be there forthem, you can try to talk to
them, offer them advice if theywant it, offer resources if you
have them.
(19:09):
But really some things in lifeyou just have to go through and
get through, right I mean,there's.
There's no going around it then.
So, you know, just going thereand seeing my, my grandson kind
of, you know, struggling throughit, my daughter struggling
through it and my other daughterstruggling with infertility
problems and my other otherdaughters struggling with, you
know, kind of trying to figureout what this part of her like
(19:31):
means for her, and so they allhaving their own struggles and
you know I'm having somestruggles with this whole house
building thing and just, youknow, it just feels heavy, and
so I know what mine are.
I can sit here and lift all ofmy my things I feel like are
robbing me of my joy right now.
But can you talk a little bitabout, like, your latest funk
(19:55):
and like, do you, do you havethings that you can label and
say this is why, this is why oh,absolutely minds, peri
menopause and insomnia.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
I mean when a person can't sleep.
When a person can't sleep,their ability to tolerate, their
their like baseline ability totolerate normal things in life
goes way down.
And when you are describingtossing attorney, I mean that's
my, that's my life every night,for I mean and it's been going
on for a long time I mean itfeels very debilitated.
You know, it happened againlast night.
(20:26):
And then you take the gummiesand then you know the, the THC
gummies have been helping me alittle bit, but they give me
anxiety.
And then I toss and turn, andtoss and turn and then the same
thing, like there's this likeinflamed part of my back.
That's been all week, and justyou know.
And then you wake up and you'rejust not ready for your day,
(20:46):
like you used to be, and youknow they'll getting older and
and one time we talked aboutlike God, it's so hard.
I don't know how people onsocial media do this, this
podcasting in the social mediaplatform, and like trying to get
your face ready and your hairready.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
And then, as women, you're always comparing yourself
to other women and otherinfluencers and as you age, you
know it's all very overwhelmingyeah, I, I've barely been on
social media for a while now andwhen I do put something on
there I try not to have it be ofme, because I think for a while
(21:25):
now and you know I haven'tquite decided like there's part
of me, that's like you know.
I really don't want to have toput makeup on my face every day
if I'm not going anywhere.
That just me.
That makes no sense to mewhatsoever.
But then when you think aboutsharing up on social media
without your hair done andwithout you know, like if you're
watching on YouTube, I mean Idon't have great skin, so like
to show up and and feel likeeverybody would be thinking, oh,
(21:47):
doesn't she know look, andmakeup would make that face look
so much better you know whenwe're reality.
Speaker 3 (21:52):
It's very.
You have been very immersed inthe makeup industry to to to the
point where you have followedpeople and even help them
promote their products.
But the thing is is it's that Idon't want to have to and talk
to you about it and that waspart of the thing that we
decided on this season is thatwe're gonna be more natural.
(22:13):
Like I don't have any makeup ontoday, you don't have any
makeup on today, and it's hardto notice that they're looking
the camera at your face whenyou're changing.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Yeah, yeah, but that's real, that's who we are,
right.
Or when someone takes a pictureof you and you weren't aware so
you didn't have time to likeput your chin in that certain
spot or, you know, swivel yourhips a little bit, or whatever,
and you see yourself and you'relike, oh my God, I have my mom's
neck already.
I went to that, yeah.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
I can't tell you how many times I'll reposition of
photos so that my neck doesn'thave that like indent when that
we have as we age.
And then women, and then that'swhy the beauty industry is so
rich, because then we startputting fillers in our face and
we start doing all this stuffbecause we're fighting aging,
we're fighting looking in themirror and we are in such a vain
(23:03):
culture.
It's very, very hard on women,especially the age in America.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Super hard on women.
I think about like my husbandcould give two shits about what
he looks like, you know, butit's not the same for women,
right?
I think it's a certain level ofoh, that's an aging man, you
know.
Like then we don't get that.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
It's a double standard for sure in so many
ways.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
But I do want to interrupt you.
I do want to point out that aswe were sitting here talking I
don't think that it's, I thinkwe would be remiss, not to
mention that Matthew Perrypassed away from health
addiction.
So as we're talking like, yes,women struggle, men struggle too
(23:51):
.
I wish men had their ownpodcast for aging and hormones
and what they go through.
But it also reminded me whenyou were talking about what you
do to soothe yourself when youare in these valleys and you had
said you know gratitude andtaking walks and things like
that.
For me it's always been likebinging a show and I know a lot
of people have said that withMatthew Perry dying, and it's
(24:14):
reminded them that, like friendsgot them through really, that
the show friends got themthrough really tough times in
their life.
You know, and that's one of theways that they escaped was just
watching friends and thosecharacters brought joy and love
and escapism in the hardesttimes of their life and that's
why it's so hard when acelebrity that you've watched so
long passes away.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Yeah, and that's such a great point and I love that.
I love that you brought that up, because isn't that what you
and I like when we were talkingand we have our talks like we're
like soul sisters.
You know every woman needs atleast one of them yeah, not
multiple ones of them and youknow we've talked about
expanding our girls trip toinclude more women and I think
(25:01):
that is at the heart of both ofus to want people to feel
included and to want them toexperience, you know, the best,
the best that life has to offer.
And it's so hard to be in thisspot and feel like you always
want to come on here and bring apositive message and to know
(25:23):
that today's message isn'texactly positive.
Speaker 3 (25:27):
It's a little hard for me, but I think today's
message this is what we bothwanted people to know for today
is that you're not alone.
And when you don't want to putmakeup on and be upbeat and
positive and there's a place forthat too.
On social media, there's aplace for that too.
(25:48):
For influencers, there's aplace for that too, and those
are the people whose voices Iwant to hear more of.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
Because you know what , when I so you know, I've said
this to you so many times youknow I don't cry easy, like I
don't have access to my emotionsas easy as some people do.
And I have this friend.
She has such easy access to heremotions, like literally one
minute she can be telling mesome funny story and then two
(26:16):
sentences later she's sheddingtears because of something else.
And I always tell her I wish Ihad such easy access to my
emotions like you do.
That is so, it's just sowonderful.
But I tell you what, when I goon social media and I see my
friend, whose husband cheated onher and left her after 25 years
(26:37):
of marriage, and she's on thereand she's sharing it and she's
being really real, I don't shyaway from that and think, oh my
gosh, she's sharing too much onsocial media.
Like my heart goes out to her.
I'm sending her privatemessages on the side, you know,
asking her if there's anything Ican do.
Does she want to talk?
I'm trying to encourage her,you know.
So I think I'm sending herprivate messages on the side,
you know.
I'm sending her privatemessages on the side, you know.
(26:58):
I think, yes, like there isdefinitely a place for it.
And you know we have thatprivate community that's just
for women.
It's called Conversations forMidlife Women.
That would be a great place toshare.
Like, if you're listening totoday's episode and you're like,
yeah, I would love to be ableto just go somewhere and say I'm
having a shit day today, thatwould be the place to do it.
(27:18):
There's no men in that group.
We can be real with each other.
We can talk about it.
I think I posted a video inthere one day of, like you know
I was talking about the productsthat women need to like shape,
tone in their private areas.
Like that's the place we goshare that stuff, right.
But you know, lately, when I amforcing myself to stay on the
(27:41):
treadmill, like it's that rur,it's that minimum required
effort, I tell myself 15 minutes, minimum.
Like if you want to go more,that's great, but you got to be
on here for 15 minutes.
And the way I've been kind ofgetting through it is by
watching YouTube shorts.
Okay, and there are so manyinspiring people out there in
the world who are doing reallyamazing things.
(28:02):
And you know, like I've justseen those videos where it might
be a guy and he's like, hey, doyou have any food?
And then he ends up giving theperson like money or whatever
homeless person.
It's always those people thathave nothing left to give that
seem to want to give the most.
Yeah, you know, and that makesme want to cry, that makes me in
the middle of a plan of fitness, on the treadmill doing this
(28:25):
with my eyes.
I'm like those people, thepeople who have nothing left to
give and they're still willingto give more.
All of those people inspire meso much.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
And I think, like, as you were mentioning that, what
came up for me is, you know,sometimes we listen to pop talks
, all the time we listen to poppodcasts, self-development
people, and sometimes when I'min my funk in my valley, I'm
like blah, blah, blah, I don'twant to read another self-help
thing, I don't want to listen toanother positive podcast, and
(28:57):
that's okay too, right?
So, like, I think it's reallyimportant for people to know
that it's okay to like be inthat valley and feel those
feelings, but don't stay there.
And I did, yeah, and I did wantto address what you said about
people that don't know whythey're depressed.
Especially for those people,it's so important that you reach
(29:19):
out and get a counselor,because a great counselor will
ask the right questions and youwill uncover why you are
depressed.
There's always, alwayssomething to be said about your
mood and your feelings, and TonyRobin says that you know, great
leaders ask great questions,great counselors ask great
(29:42):
questions and when you finallyget the question that uncovers
the pain, their eyes will shiftand they will release and there
will begin unstuffing, and thatis so healthy for their body.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
And that's kind of bad.
I remember you said somethingto me I don't know if it was on
a podcast, I bestow it, or if itwas just a private conversation
but you said something aboutmarried couples shouldn't wait
until they have problems to seekhelp.
And it's kind of like carmaintenance yeah, you don't wait
until your car's out of oil orout of gas before you put those
(30:16):
things in there.
Yeah, I love that, even if youare feeling like super depressed
.
But, excuse me, it's morning.
If you are feeling superdepressed but you feel like you
don't know how to talk tosomebody, I feel like that's
another really good indicationthat you probably need to seek
(30:36):
some professional help.
It's like don't wait untilyou're totally out of gas.
Yeah, don't wait until you'reat rock bottom.
You know, find someone to talkto a mental health professional.
Yeah, I'm just gonna leave itat that, because I don't feel
qualified to tell someone whenthey should see a professional
or when they should see a coachor when they should just talk to
(30:56):
a friend.
Speaker 3 (30:58):
Yeah, yeah, and I would also say that you don't
even have to leave your houseanymore.
Telehealth is becoming very,very popular, so I have many
clients that we just connect onthe computer, and sometimes
that's what you said you're Merright, minimum required effort.
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
You know I have clients where we've had sessions
where they're in their bed.
You know, and so just know thatthere's several of them out
there.
But you can find onlinetelehealth too.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
You know.
So yesterday I came home fromthe gym and this almost never
happens, so it's like almostlike newsworthy.
I came home from the gym andusually that's what makes me
feel good, like I will feelreally good after coming home
from the gym.
Came home yesterday and it wasreally cold at the gym yesterday
.
It was cold in the morning hereand I walked into my house and
(31:48):
my house still felt cold and Ithought, you know what?
I'm gonna go soak in a bathwith some excellent salt and
essential oils.
So I'm in the bath and it washeaven, like it was pure heaven
and I started feeling reallysleepy and I thought, oh my gosh
, girl, it's 10 o'clock in themorning, like when is that time
for a nap?
But then I thought, what thehell, why not?
Right, just go lay down.
(32:10):
I went in the guest bedroom,which is right next to the
bathroom, where the bathtub is.
I lay down in the bed.
I did wake up for an hour and Iwas like I never do that.
But you know what I'm today?
I'm gonna listen to my body andI'm gonna treat myself to
something self-wai if it's 10o'clock in the morning.
It made me feel good and ithelped me relax it up to take a
nap in the middle of the morning.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
I think what I love about that story is how the
stories that people tellthemselves because for you that
was a big deal and for me I'mlike, yeah, of course, take a
nap, like Well I'm like, oh, youtook a nap, like I take naps
all the time, but like that'sthe story, that's your routine,
that's your habit, like that'syour discipline, that you have
(32:53):
in your life, and I'm glad yougave yourself that permission,
yeah, but like you said earlier,you yes, I think you know there
is a point where we need tolike, give in and listen and not
be so staunch like, well, Inever do this at this time of
day.
I still like it to a time, andit happening day after day after
(33:13):
day after day Is that we allguitar and bass in background
when my husband will come home,and I don't know if you guys
remember that, like when youwere kids, but when my parents
would come home, we're supposedto be cleaning, so we would be
sleeping.
We would like jump up and likefix our hair real quick and like
actually, it's so funny.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
I bet the whole time he knew what you were doing.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
Okay, you know you've got like pillow mark on your
face.
Yes but go.
You're exactly right.
Like you know, I think I givemyself too much permission
sometimes where it's like, okay,come on, and then you don't
give yourself enough permissionto do that, like.
I think that that's a beautifulcontrast of what we're trying
to say.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
Yeah, it's gotta be some middle.
There's gotta be some middleground there, you know yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:55):
So, as we end this podcast today, we just want our
listeners to know that you'renot alone and there's a space
that we've created for you.
And if you have I love, terry,that you've said it three times
today If you're just having ashit day, reach out and we'll
listen to your shit day.
Yeah, and maybe we should juststart posting more there, not
(34:16):
just about how great everythingis, but when we're having those
tough days.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Yeah, absolutely.
I love that.
I love that you're ending itwith that I.
Community is so important andwe've said it a couple of times
throughout this episode of notbeing alone and not feeling like
you have to Go do it alone.
So, even if you feel like, oh,there's just a bunch of
strangers, I'm not gonna go intothis random Facebook group and
tell my you know, my life'sclose to this random stranger.
(34:41):
No, we're women.
We have to stick together.
We're not high schoolmiddle-aged girls.
We're women going through thesame stuff.
So let's go through it together.
Let's lift each other up whenwe need it.
Let's just hug virtual hug whenwe need it.
Let's not, let's notself-isolate.
Let's have someone's hand tohold as we Journey through this
(35:03):
part of life.
That is not all shit.
It's not all shit days.
There's a lot of good momentsas well and, yeah, thanks for
taking time out of your.
I know you have a busy day andI know you're.
You're also past and you'regoing to his funeral and please
give aunt Jeanette a big hugfrom me and tell her I'm sorry
for her loss and I'm I'mdetermined to not have a shit
(35:25):
day today, so I hope you well, Imean should say I can tell
already that your mood hasshifted through this
conversation.
Speaker 3 (35:31):
You look lighter.
I can see it in your bodies, inyour eyes, and it was just a
testament on camera of howcommunity and conversation Can
bring you out of the funk andand so don't self-isolate.
Yeah, have a great dayeverybody.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
Yes, I mean, I don't know if this ever happens to you
, but I sometimes will learnsomething really cool on a
podcast, on a YouTube video,audio book, whatever.
I think I'm gonna remember itand then I forget.
Does that ever happen to you?
Speaker 3 (36:04):
Yeah, I call it brain .
After 40 all the time, what?
Speaker 2 (36:08):
that's what we'll officially call it.
Well, we come up with something.
Do you want to introduce it?
Speaker 3 (36:12):
Sure, it's by.
It's from an app called quickJim quick, and it's an acronym
called fast.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
Yeah, in the F it stands for Facebook.
So we're inviting youofficially right now to come
over and join us on Facebook.
Get involved with the community, share your favorite episodes
with your friends on Facebook.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
Yeah, the a is go ahead and take an action, so you
can't remember anything if youdon't act.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
and S is for subscribe.
Make sure you're subscribed toour YouTube channel.
Speaker 3 (36:40):
And then T is teach.
Teach what you've learned tosomebody else, share the love
All right, we hope that worksfor you.
Speaker 2 (36:46):
Thank you for joining us.
We'll see you next week.
Bye, bye.
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