44: Iron Sharpens Iron - Build Meaningful Friendships Today

Remember in fourth-grade where cliques first form and best friendships begin to blossom? That pivotal age when children transition from befriending everyone to selecting their inner circle marks a critical developmental stage in social awareness.

The Bible offers profound wisdom about friendship's true nature. Genesis tells us clearly that solitude was never God's design – "It is not good for man to be alone." Jesus himself modeled perfect friendship through his relationships with the disciples, demonstrating loyalty, honesty, and selflessness. His words in John 15 reveal the ultimate standard: "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." Throughout Scripture, we see friendship's transformative power in relationships like David and Jonathan or Ruth and Naomi. The Proverbs remind us that "iron sharpens iron" – true friends challenge us to grow.

For military families constantly uprooting and rebuilding community, friendship requires unique courage. There's a temptation to keep relationships surface-level to avoid inevitable goodbyes, but Jesus showed us a better way. With only three years of earthly ministry, he didn't hold back from deep connection despite knowing separation was coming. Military friendships often develop remarkable depth precisely because time feels precious – there's no space for small talk when deployment looms. If you're hesitant to befriend someone who'll eventually move away, you might miss one of life's most enriching connections.

As parents, we must thoughtfully guide our children in choosing friends wisely while allowing them independence to form their own relationships. The people we surround ourselves with profoundly shape our character, values, and decisions. Consider the wisdom of Proverbs 13:20 – "Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm." Teach children to observe potential friends carefully: Do they show kindness? Demonstrate integrity? Tell the truth? As my daughter entered fourth grade, our discussions about friendship qualities became increasingly important, and I found myself sharing a simple mantra with my sons: "Good is cool."

What kind of friend do you want to be in this season? Who might God be inviting you to pursue in friendship, even if it feels uncomfortable or unfamiliar? Take one small step this week – send that text, extend that invitation, initiate that conversation. Remember Ecclesiastes' wisdom: "Two are better than one... if either falls down, one can help the other up."

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Episode Transcript

Leanne (00:51):
One of the things I loved most about teaching fourth
grade was watching the socialdynamics take shape.
It's around nine and 10 yearsold that children move from
being friends with anyone andeveryone to choosing a small
group of people with whom tospend the majority of their time
.
For better or for worse, Iwould observe cliques forming

(01:14):
based on common interests.
I would comfort students whofelt excluded from a particular
group while encouragingqualities of being a good friend
.
It was while I taught fourthgrade that I noticed best
friendships forming, and lastyear I had the privilege of
watching this whole dynamicagain, but this time as a parent

(01:37):
.
It is for this reason that Iwanted to talk about friendship
in this episode, especially asthe start of a new school year
creeps closer.
In fact, for my children, todayis their first day of school,
is their first day of school.

(01:58):
Since navigating friendshipshas its ups and downs.
I wanted the focus of thisepisode to be on understanding
friendship from a biblicalperspective learning how to
manage friendships when you movefrequently, and teaching your
children how to choose theirfriends wisely.
This is especially importantfor your children if they are in
those middle years, around 8 to12 years old and, honestly, I

(02:22):
think a reminder of whatfriendship is will be a good
thing for all of us.
Friendship is a special giftthat unites us together as well
as challenges us to become thebest version of ourselves.
God created us for relationships, genesis 2.18 says.

(02:42):
Then the Lord God said it isnot good that man should be
alone.
I will make him a helper fitfor him.
Our God, in His infinite wisdom, knew we needed the
companionship of others in orderto live the lives that he
intended for us, and, ultimately, his desire to be in

(03:02):
relationship with us is why wehave a Savior whose name is
Jesus.
It makes sense, then, thatJesus gives us the perfect
example of true and perfectfriendship, that Jesus gives us
the perfect example of true andperfect friendship.
He modeled what deep friendshiplooks like with unending
loyalty, honesty andselflessness, but it was his

(03:26):
steadfast, unconditional lovethat conveys the true depth of
his friendship with hisdisciples and now with each of
us.
John 15, 13 through 15 saysgreater love has no one than
this that someone lay down hislife for his friends.
You are my friends If you dowhat I command.

(03:47):
You no longer do I call youservants, for the servant does
not know what his master isdoing, but I have called you
friends For all that I haveheard from my father.
I have made known to you All.
Throughout scripture we seebeautiful examples of friendship
.
One that always stands out tome is the brotherly friendship

(04:09):
of David and Jonathan.
The loyalty and love betweenRuth and Naomi are another good
example.
And yet it is verses like thisone in Proverbs that addresses
what true friendship isaccording to God's design.
Proverbs 27, 17 says Ironsharpens iron and one man

(04:32):
sharpens another.
A friend who loves you enoughto gently tell you the truth is
a friendship to treasure.
In our world today we are themost connected that we have ever
been, while simultaneously themost disconnected.
Young adults today arestruggling to find deep

(04:52):
friendships and this is leadingto a rise of mental health
issues and other complications.
Again, we were created forrelationships and I think it is
safe to say that in-personrelationships far outweigh
virtual ones.
Philippians 2, 3, and 4 says donothing from selfish ambition

(05:15):
or conceit, but in humility,count others more significant
than yourselves.
Let each of you look not onlyto his own interests but also to
the interests of others.
It's hard to consider theinterests of others and practice
humility If you're not aroundpeople.
If you spend your day staringat a phone or commenting on

(05:35):
posts online, you don't have theopportunity to see how your
words and actions affect people.
The more you interact withothers, the more opportunities
you will have to become the typeof friend that you would like
to find.
It is always wise to reflect onwhether or not you have the
kind, or that you are the kindof friend that you are looking

(05:56):
for, and to remind your childrenof this as well.
One of the unique challenges ofbeing a military family is that
we move frequently, usuallyevery two to three years, and
this can make it difficult toform deep and solid friendships.
If you move frequently or youare also a military family, then

(06:18):
you know how hard it is tobuild and rebuild community over
and over again.
It was actually a conversationthat I overheard that inspired
this episode.
Unintentionally, I heard amother telling her daughter to
be careful about developing aclose friendship with people in
the military because they willjust move away.

(06:40):
It broke my heart to hear thisadvice, even though I understood
what she meant and what herheart was behind it.
I know that this mother wastrying to protect her own child
from the sadness of losing afriend, but I also cannot help
but think that they were missingout on something really special

(07:01):
.
In the meantime, there is adefinite temptation to
self-protect or to stay surfacelevel in an effort to guard your
heart.
And yet, once again, I amreminded of the example of Jesus
.
Jesus only had three years withhis friends here on earth.
Three years to develop deep andlasting friendships.

(07:25):
He didn't remain distant, eventhough he knew that he would
leave, and even in the 40 daysthat he had between his
resurrection and his ascension,he spent time with his friends.
He made the most of the timethat he had.
Even though you know theconnection is temporary, god can

(07:45):
still use it.
If you are a military family,then you know, the sooner you
build community, the longer youget to enjoy it, and you likely
possess greater skills informing friendships quickly than
the average person.
For these reasons, bravelyinitiate friendships.
Your courage to step out ofyour comfort zone and put

(08:08):
yourself out there will createthe opportunities to build those
deeper friendships for the timethat you have.
And if you are not a militaryfamily, do not fear the
temporary nature of a friendshipwith someone who is in the
military.
Their friendships are fast andfurious and often full of depth

(08:32):
that is unmatched in otherrelationships, simply because
there is no time to waste.
Personally, I'm not interestedin surface-level friendships
because I don't have time forthat.
This type of friendship comeswith a lot of trust Trust that
the friendship will be worth itand trust that God will meet

(08:54):
your relational needs.
In each season, before everymove to a new place, I have a
habit of praying for the Lord togo before us and to prepare the
way.
I pray for Him to prepare theway for us to find a new home, a

(09:38):
new church, a new community,and then I have to trust that he
will provide.
The best part is that, aftercountless moves, I have so much
evidence of God's faithfulness.
He always provides a path tofriendships and community that
are even better than what wecould have imagined or hoped for

(09:59):
, that are even better than whatwe could have imagined or hoped
for.
Over and over again, we havebeen blessed by wonderful
friends in every place that wehave lived, and I would be
remiss to not mention that,thanks to modern technology, we
are able to keep in touch withsome of the dearest friends even
after we have moved to a newplace.
Now we have the added benefitof friends all over the world,

(10:29):
and my children have numerouspen pals Around.
This time last year, just beforemy daughter started her fourth
grade year, and knowing whatsocial dynamics were sure to
come, I wanted to talk to herabout the value of friendship
and choosing our friends wisely.
I firmly believe that thesooner we begin these
conversations about character,kindness and influence with our

(10:50):
children, the better and moreequipped they will be to choose
their friends carefully.
Motivational speaker Jim Rohnis credited with saying you are
the average of the five peopleyou spend the most time with.
Perhaps you've heard this quotebefore, or perhaps you were
thinking that it reminds you ofother wise words.

(11:12):
The book of Proverbs in theBible is full of wisdom passed
on from a father to his sons,and Proverbs 13, 20 says walk
with the wise and become wise,for a companion of fools suffers
harm.
The biblical truth here alignswith what Jim Rohn is saying in

(11:33):
his quote.
Our friendships shape who webecome.
For these reasons I encouragedmy daughter then and remind
myself and my children now toobserve their friends and choose
wisely who they want to spendthe most time with.
Consider how those friendstreat others.

(11:54):
Look for evidence of integrityand honesty.
My hope is that my childrenwill pursue friendships with
others who are kind andconsiderate and truthful.
Something I tell my boys who arestarting second grade today is
that good is cool.
It is a simple phrase that Ihope they hear in their heads

(12:17):
for years to come.
When faced with the choice ofgoing with what is good or what
is cool, I pray that they chooseto do what is right, because
that is the cool thing, even ifit doesn't seem like it in the
moment.
1 Corinthians 15.33 says Do notbe misled.

(12:37):
Bad company corrupts goodcharacter.
I think it is wise for us asparents to remind our children
of this truth, while alsoempowering them to form these
friendships on their own.
We can equip them with thetruth and then pray like crazy
that they choose to surroundthemselves with others who

(13:01):
encourage them to do what isgood and right, and I am certain
that they won't always get thisright.
I know I have not always pickedthe wisest friendships.
I learned a lot through thoseencounters with people who did
not share my same values.
Those lessons learned havegiven me greater wisdom and
discernment regardingfriendships today.

(13:22):
So even when I see my childrenbefriending others who do not
display the most positivebehaviors, I can pray that the
truth becomes evident to themquickly.
And speaking of prayer, let usnot forget that praying for
these godly friendships islikely our best option.
My sweet girl has been prayingfor a godly best friend and I

(13:45):
cannot wait to see how Godblesses her through this pursuit
.
I know that as she prays forthis friend, god is molding and
shaping her into the kind offriend that she hopes to find
Friends.
Even if I don't know youpersonally, I do consider you my
friends.
Friendship is worth the effort.

(14:06):
It is worth it to get out frombehind the computer screen or to
set down the phone.
Even in the midst of hardseasons, busy seasons or even
ever-changing seasons, a friendis always worth the investment.
To close this episode, I wantto encourage you to take one

(14:27):
small step this week in pursuitof friendship.
Text someone an uplifting note,invite someone over, initiate a
conversation.
It is my prayer that you feelinspired to courageously be the
friend that you hope to meet.
I also want to leave you with averse to meditate on.
Ecclesiastes 4, 9, and 10 saystwo are better than one because

(14:52):
they have a good return fortheir labor.
If either of them falls down,one can help the other up.
And a question to ponder thisweek what kind of friend do you
want to be in this season?
Who may God be inviting you topursue in friendship, even if
it's inconvenient or unfamiliar?