47: Trusting God Beyond the Expectations of Others

Ever found yourself caught between what you feel God is calling you to do and what others expect of you? You're not alone in that struggle.

After years of agonizing over my children's education, I finally made a decision that felt right for our family—only to lose cherished friendships because of it. The painful reality hit me: sometimes following God's unique calling for your family means walking a path others don't understand or approve of.

The heart-wrenching question kept surfacing: "Am I not a good Christian mom because I don't homeschool?" Those insecurities and fears of inadequacy became a heavy burden as I compared myself to other Christian women whose choices looked different from mine. But through this journey, God revealed something transformative: His purpose for me wasn't to conform to others' expectations but to love Him wholeheartedly and teach my children to do the same.

Whether you're homeschooling or sending your children to public school, your primary responsibility remains unchanged—to disciple your children and teach them about God. The methods may differ, but the mission doesn't. Just as God called Hosea to marry a prostitute, Daniel to work for pagan kings, and Esther to marry an unbeliever, He may call you to walk a path that others question or criticize.

This episode is for every parent who's felt the weight of judgment or struggled to discern God's voice amid the noise of opinions. Remember, "God's plans for you and your family are not going to look like what He is calling another family to do." Your obedience to His unique calling matters more than meeting the expectations of others. As Psalm 16 reminds us, when we set the Lord before us, we will not be shaken—even when navigating difficult decisions that others don't understand.

What decision are you wrestling with today? Trust that God's wisdom is available to you, and He's holding your future secure in His hands.

Connect with me!
You can find me on Instagram @mrs.leannetuggle or you can email me at [e-mail]. I love hearing from you!

Would you like more weekly encouragement? Subscribe to my newsletter Whatever is Lovely and be inspired to open your inbox again.
https://leannetuggle.myflodesk.com/v3r2zwdaik

If this is your first time here and this episode resonated, hit “subscribe” and submit a 5-star rating if you feel genuinely inspired to. Your positive feedback means the world to me!

Episode Sponsors:
Rodan + Fields - Take this brief quiz to find your customized skincare routine!

Red Aspen - Skip the salon appointment and shop here for hands that are hardworking AND elegant.

Whatever is Lovely - Subscribe here to the weekly newsletter designed to encourage you with words of wisdom and relatable content. Be inspired to open your inbox again.

Episode Transcript

Leanne (00:50):
So I debated this episode for a while.
I'm a generally open person andI really have no problems
sharing things that I'mwrestling with, especially if I
know it will help another person.
But for some reason this was aconversation I just didn't

(01:11):
really know how to articulate.
I just didn't really know howto articulate.
It's something I still wrestlewith upon occasion.
And yet I know that when weshare our vulnerabilities and
when we bring our struggle intothe light, it's then that the

(01:31):
Holy Spirit can begin the realwork.
I also know that I'm not theonly woman or wife or mom who
has experienced this internaldebate, so today's episode is a
bit more of a personal touch toit.
It's, honestly, a little bitmore jumbled as I continue to
sort through the difference andthe implications of a calling

(01:55):
versus expectations.
So bear with me as we examinethis together.
I feel that most people havesomething that they struggle
with repeatedly.
Even believers who know thatthey are forgiven and have
received the grace given to themthrough Jesus know that they

(02:18):
are forgiven and have receivedthe grace given to them through
Jesus.
Because of this sinful, brokenworld that we live in.
The temptation to relapse isstrong and requires constant
vigilance.
1 Peter 5.8 says Be alert andof sober mind your enemy, the
devil, prowls around like aroaring lion looking for someone
to devour.
For me, the sin ofself-reliance and the feeling

(02:43):
that I am not enough or notdoing enough resurfaces often,
and it keeps me returning to myknees, especially in seasons of
transition or when I amsearching for clarity regarding
God's calling for me.
It's in these moments that Ifind the struggle to be enough

(03:07):
or do enough in my own strengthparticularly challenging, and
the one area that this comes upover and over again is with how
my children should be educated.
From the moment my oldest wasready to begin kindergarten, all

(03:29):
my insecurities andexpectations and uncertainties
came crashing down on me.
I wrestled with whether or notto homeschool my child or send
her to public school.
Personally, I experienced both.
Growing up, I went to publicschool and then was homeschooled
for about six years and thenreturned to public school later

(03:49):
on in high school.
So I knew firsthand the prosand cons of both homeschool and
public school.
Now a better Christian whowould know to surrender this to
the Lord and pray for His wisdomand I did.
And yet every time I prayedabout this particular topic like

(04:10):
what should I do regardingeducation for my children?
I couldn't hear anything.
Silence.
So many times I cried out Lord,just tell me what to do, and I
know that others have felt thatway too.
Sometimes, I think, when thereis a particular situation that's

(04:30):
really really emotionallycharged for us, it can be harder
to hear that still small voice.
So, with my child enrolled inschool, a week before that first
day, the last second, I pulledher and decided to homeschool.
So clearly, I was veryindecisive here Now, at this

(04:54):
particular time, this decisionwas made because the year was
2020.
And the school that she wasenrolled in decided at the last
second to start the yearvirtually, and I really didn't
want anything to do with that.
And so, in a way, the decisionto homeschool was almost made
for me and I was excited aboutit.

(05:15):
I felt that I had a way to moveforward and I was no longer
stuck trying to figure out whatto do and my insecurities
regarding what to do aboutschool.
The decision was more or lessjust made for me.
I reached out to a few dearfriends who had been
homeschooling for years and Isought their advice on what
curriculum to use.
I felt confident and I wasready to foray into this world

(05:40):
of homeschool and it waswonderful.
I made new friends who werealso choosing to homeschool and
together my daughter and I founda rhythm that worked.
All my teaching backgroundhelped me to organize the
curriculum and I honestly lovedit.
I could see how the Lord wasgoing to use me to educate my
children and I felt like I wasdoing kingdom work.

(06:04):
That is until the tears startedHers and then mine.
At first it was just duringmath lessons.
They were more challenging andfrustrating.
At first it was just duringmath lessons.
They were more challenging andfrustrating, but then the tears
came more and more often and inevery lesson, and I started to
wonder what am I doing wrong?

(06:25):
Why is this so hard?
No-transcript years and all theups and downs that came with
homeschool.
And I know that if I hadcontinued to homeschool we would

(06:46):
have sorted it all out andfound the way forward.
I have no doubt that it wouldhave all worked out, because God
is good and faithful andmerciful and if he wanted me to
homeschool, he would help mefind the way.
But I didn't continuehomeschooling.
The struggle that my daughterand I experienced led me back to

(07:10):
prayer and seeking God's bestfor our family regarding the
education of my children.
Perhaps I didn't make thedecision wisely, maybe I just
let the decision be made for me.
So the following year, aftermuch prayer and consideration,
my husband and I decided to sendour daughter to school.

(07:32):
And here's the hard part I lostfriends with that decision.
Dear friends whom I adored nolonger wanted to be my friend
because of my decision to sendmy child to public school, and I
was devastated.
These were incredible Christianwomen, and all my old

(07:54):
insecurities came back with avengeance.
It seemed that everywhere Iturned, the women who I admired,
the Christian women I looked upto, they all homeschooled their
children.
So I fought with thoughts andquestions like am I not a good
Christian mom because I don'thomeschool?
What's wrong with me?

(08:16):
Why can't I seem to enjoyhomeschooling?
I'm a teacher, for crying outloud, I should be able to figure
this out.
Am I a bad mom to send my kidsto school?
Why don't my kids want to stayhome with me?
Am I just being selfish?
Am I not trying hard enough?
Am I just giving up?
On and on, the thoughts plaguedmy mind and at the end of the

(08:40):
day, I was certain that nothingI did would be good enough or
right or best.
I was failing my kids because Iwasn't a good enough Christian
mom.
It's hard to say all of that outloud because, even though the
Lord has brought so much healingand clarity into my life in

(09:02):
this particular area, the hurtand betrayal and pain from that
season still feels so raw.
But here's the part I wasmissing God's purpose for me.
You see, the most importantthing that I can do on this
earth, that you can do on thisearth, is what Jesus says in

(09:25):
Matthew 22, 37.
Love the Lord, your God, withall your heart, with all your
soul and with all your mind.
That is God's will and purposefor you, for me to love Him so
completely and wholeheartedlythat it doesn't matter what
everyone else expects me.
To love Him so completely andwholeheartedly that it doesn't
matter what everyone elseexpects me to do.

(09:45):
The opinions of others don'tmatter when compared to the
opinion of my Heavenly Father.
And because he is, according toExodus 34, 6, a God merciful and

(10:26):
gracious, slow to anger andabounding in steadfast love and
faithfulness, I can move forwardand make decisions that not
everyone will agree with and Ican prayerfully choose what is
best for my children, knowingthat where I fall short, god
stands in the gap, and that,ultimately, my main objective as

(10:49):
a mom is to teach my childrento love God too.
In fact, deuteronomy 6, 7 saysyou shall teach them diligently
to your children and talk ofthem when you sit in your house
and when you walk by the way,and when you lie down and when
you rise, and I can teach themabout God, whether they are

(11:10):
taught at home or they go topublic school.
Now let me be clear aboutsomething this isn't an episode
advocating for sending your kidsto public school, and I'm not
going to spend the next severalminutes telling you why private
school is a good option.
I'm also not going to tell youthat you should homeschool
because that is the most nobleoption out there.

(11:32):
What I am trying to communicateis that God's plans for you and
your family are not going tolook like what he is calling
another family to do.
The same God who is gentlycalling my best friend to
homeschool her children isasking me to send my kids to our
local neighborhood school, andI don't pretend to understand

(11:55):
why this is the case.
What I do know is that God issovereign and always has our
best interests in mind.
I also believe that at anypoint, god could decide
something different for ourfamily, and it will be out of
obedience that I do what hetells me to do, and so I have

(12:16):
learned to hold my children'seducation with an open hand.
Every year, I pray fordirection and seek the Lord's
best for us when it comes todecisions like these.
When you don't know what to door you are battling insecurities

(12:37):
, the best thing that you can dois turn to the Word.
God will never call you to dosomething that is in opposition
to His Word, and James 1.5 saysif any of you lacks wisdom, let
him ask God, who givesgenerously to all, without

(12:57):
reproach, and it will be givento him.
So, when it comes to educatingmy children, I see that it is my
responsibility as their mother,alongside of their father, to
teach my children about God.
Like we read in Proverbs 22, 6,we are to train up our children
in the way they should go.
This means the parents aregiven this job, not Sunday

(13:20):
school, not youth group, not theprivate school teachers.
Mom and dad, you have beenentrusted with these precious
children and God is equippingyou to teach them the word and
about who he is.
So, regardless of whether yousend your kids to school or
choose to homeschool, this isyour responsibility.

(13:41):
Jesus says this to his disciplesin Matthew 28, 19, and 20,.
Just before ascending to heaven, he says Go, therefore, and
make disciples of all nations,baptizing them in the name of
the Father and of the Son and ofthe Holy Spirit, teaching them
to observe all that I havecommanded you, and behold, I am
with you always, to the end ofthe age.

(14:01):
While I know that this greatcommission is an inspiration for
many missionaries, I believe itis also specific directions to
parents.
Go and make disciples.
Start with the precious ones inyour own home.
So for our family, since mychildren do attend public school

(14:24):
, this means that we wake upearlier so that we can have
Bible time before going toschool.
This means that I am involvedin each of their classrooms so
that I can see and hear whatthey are learning about and then
incorporate a biblicalworldview as needed.
It means that my husband and Iare very intentional about the

(14:46):
time we spend together as afamily.
We say no to opportunities andwe prioritize family time every
evening so that we can ensurethat our children are filling
their hearts and minds with whatis good and right and true.
For a family that chooses tohomeschool, the day-to-day
rhythms and routines may lookdifferent, but the foundation of

(15:08):
the home is focused onspiritual training and
discipleship, the same as afamily that would go to public
school.
So, when it comes to educatingyour children, or discerning
what God is calling you for,remember His expectations are
the only ones that matter.
He is the only one in aposition to judge or correct the

(15:31):
decisions that you make, andwhat God is choosing for you may
not make sense to anyone else.
God asked Hosea to marry aprostitute.
Daniel worked for kings fromsecular nations.
Jeremiah was told to buy landjust before going into exile.
Esther married a pagan king.
Peter was told to take and eatunclean meat.

(15:54):
You may never fully understandGod's purpose or will for your
life, or why he calls you to dospecific things and not others.
That's just the thing, though.
He is God and you are not.
Neither is your well-meaningfriend, who doesn't understand
why you are doing somethingdifferent than what everyone
else expects of you, if you arewalking in obedience to God and

(16:18):
in accordance with scripture andlistening to his voice first
and foremost, then none of theother voices or opinions matter,
even if that means you lose afriend, even if that means you
don't fully understand what Godis doing.
In and through you, trust thatGod knows what he is doing.

(16:39):
He has a plan.
He graciously lets us be a partof his plans.
Jeremiah 29, 11 says for I knowthe plans I have for you.
Declares the Lord plans forwelfare and not for evil, to
give you a hope and a future,and he entrusts us with specific
purposes to further his kingdom.
So, like Jesus says in Luke 22,42, not my will but yours be

(17:06):
done.
To close this episode, I wantto share a section of Psalm 16
with you.
These verses speak to theconfidence and security that you
can have in God's plan orpurpose for your life,
regardless of what season you'rein.
Psalm 16, 5-8 the Lord is mychosen portion and my cup.

(17:31):
You hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me inpleasant places.
Indeed, I have a beautifulinheritance.
I bless the Lord, who gives mecounsel in the night.
Also, my heart instructs me.
I have set the Lord alwaysbefore me.
Because he is at my right hand.
I shall not be shaken.