54: Excellence in the Midst of Darkness

Have you ever felt like you were drowning under the weight of impossible circumstances? That moment when life piles on more than any human could possibly handle? 

A military wife shares her raw, unfiltered journey through the perfect storm of overwhelm: solo parenting three children under five during a pandemic while preparing for an overseas move, only to face an unexpected second deployment just after reunion. Her breaking point reveals a profound truth many of us miss when we're struggling to keep our heads above water.

The most powerful revelation comes not in finding extraordinary strength within herself, but in surrendering to the reality that excellence in difficult seasons flows from connection, not striving. "Apart from me, you can do nothing," Jesus' words from John 15 illuminate the path forward when we've reached the end of ourselves. 

Through vivid storytelling and vulnerable reflection, we discover how abiding in Christ transforms our understanding of excellence during life's heaviest moments. This isn't about pushing through on willpower or maintaining a perfect façade when everything is falling apart. It's about the counterintuitive truth that our darkest moments of overwhelm can become the very places where God's strength is most perfectly displayed.

Whether you're currently walking through a season of overwhelming circumstances or supporting someone who is, these insights offer both practical wisdom and spiritual encouragement. The fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control—don't come through our striving but through our abiding. When life feels too heavy to bear, perhaps excellence looks different than we imagined.

Take heart from Psalm 61 and remember that even when your heart is faint, there is a rock higher than yourself. Your circumstances may be overwhelming, but you are never alone in them. Share this episode with someone who needs to hear they don't have to face their overwhelm alone.

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Episode Transcript

Leanne (00:50):
I remember it felt like drowning.
It felt like an impossibleweight had been placed on my
already weary shoulders, andthen I had just been told to
march uphill into battle.
I remember feeling completelyhopeless, followed by feeling
shame.
I knew I wasn't alone, and yetwhy did it feel like I was?

(01:15):
I knew I wasn't alone, and yetwhy did it feel like I was?
In November of 2019, my husbandreceived the call that informed
us of our next duty station forthe Navy.
We would be moving fromVirginia to Japan, and he was to
report for training in Januaryand then immediately deploy in
February.
At the time, my twin boys were18 months old and my daughter

(01:36):
was four years old.
We scrambled to prepare for themove and get all of the
necessary paperwork submittedbefore my husband had to leave.
The plan was for me to join himin Japan in May when he was
back from that deployment.
Since we had such a greatcommunity and church family in
Virginia, it made sense for meto stay during that deployment,

(01:58):
part of his tour, and so we saidour goodbyes and we started the
countdown for the days until wewould be reunited again Five
months, we can do this.
I remember thinking, and then,in March of 2020, just after we
celebrated the twins' secondbirthday, the world shut down,

(02:21):
church services were canceled,school was closed and suddenly I
found myself at home alone withthree children, five and under,
with little to no supportsystem.
But that was okay, because Iknew God was with me and that he
would give me the strength Ineeded.
I got creative.
I figured out how to dopreschool at home, I came up

(02:42):
with a rhythm and a routine thatkept my little family going.
I had groceries delivered and Ilooked forward to our afternoon
walk around the neighborhoodevery afternoon.
And then I got an email from ahusband that said that his
deployment had been extended.
He wouldn't be back in Japanuntil the end of June.
Okay, no problem.

(03:04):
These things happen all thetime in the military.
In fact, it's to be expected.
I will just wait until themilitary clears us for travel,
and then we will be reunited.
It's just a couple more months,right?
Finally, the date was set forme to fly to Japan.
It was early July and all ofour things were packed up, the

(03:24):
suitcases were loaded into thecar and I just needed to get
three kids on an airplane fromSeattle to Japan, and then we
would be all set.
My husband would be waiting forme, I could see the light at
the end of the tunnel.
Before takeoff, I learned that,due to new regulations, I would
need to quarantine for twoweeks with my children once we

(03:46):
landed.
Okay, I remember thinkingthat's not ideal, but it's just
two more weeks, we can make itand then we will be all together
again.
We are almost there.
Well, I barely survived that13-hour flight with two-year-old
toddlers who alternated cryingfor the entire duration of the
trip, but with tears silentlystreaming down my face, I knew

(04:09):
it would be all over soon.
God is good and faithful and Ibelieved in my heart of hearts
that he was carrying us.
This was simply part of thesanctification process.
I would hold strong and lean onHim while my babies leaned on
me.
And then that glorious dayarrived.

(04:29):
Our quarantine was complete andthe moment my husband walked in
the door I felt the weight ofthe world fall off my shoulders.
We made it.
We were together again.
What a relief.
Until one week later, my husbandcame home from work, looked me

(04:49):
in the eyes and said they'resending me back out to sea in
four weeks, after nearly sevenmonths of solo parenting, moving
overseas with three childrenunder five in the middle of a
pandemic, my husband leavingagain in a month.
It was more than I could handle.
Again in a month.

(05:11):
It was more than I could handleand something broke in my soul
at that moment.
I look back on those two monthsthat he was gone for the second
time and I remember thedarkness that surrounded me in
that season.
I was completely and utterlyoverwhelmed.
The word overwhelm means to buryor drown beneath a huge mess,
to defeat completely, inundate,overpower.

(05:33):
When someone is overwhelmed, itmeans that they are
experiencing more than they canhandle, leading to feelings of
being stressed, anxious orunable to cope.
Perhaps you have experiencedthis kind of overwhelm before,
or maybe you are in a season offeeling overwhelmed right now.
The question that I want us toconsider today is what does it

(05:57):
mean to embrace excellence whenlife feels too heavy?
I began this episode with myown personal story of feeling
overwhelmed and hopeless,because it is important to know
that we all have seasons ofstruggle and darkness In this
broken, fallen world.
No one is immune from sadness,and depression can affect anyone

(06:20):
, even the woman who seems likeshe has it all together.
It is also important to notethat feeling overwhelmed is not
a sign of failure.
Even King David, who is a manafter God's own heart, struggled
with feelings of overwhelm.
In Psalm 61.2, he says From theend of the earth I call to you.

(07:11):
When my heart is faint, lead meto the rock that is higher than
I.
And Jesus acknowledged thatfeeling overwhelmed exists when
he said come to me all who laborand are heavy laden, and I will
give you rest.
He says that in Matthew 11, 28.
At the time it felt that Icouldn't rest.

(07:32):
I was beyond weary, and yetsomewhere in my heart I did know
that God was still with me,even though I felt so very alone
, even though this situationfelt unfair and even though it
was more than I could handle.
I knew that God often gives usmore than we can handle so that
we lean on Him for strength.

(07:52):
If I could handle it, Iwouldn't have need of a Savior,
would I?
Have you ever heard the quote?
God doesn't call the equipped,he equips the called.
Hebrews 13, 20-21 says it thisway Now, may the God of peace,
who brought up from the dead ourLord Jesus, may he equip you

(08:13):
with all that you need for doingHis will.
Basically, the same power thatbrought Jesus back from the dead
is available to us as believers, and God will give you what you
need to keep going through Him.
For me, it was the daily habitof reading my Bible that kept me
going.
Even though I was broken andlost, I knew that the God of the

(08:35):
Bible was real and powerful,and so I kept opening my Bible
every morning, even though itfelt like I was just going
through the motions.
I chose to believe that therewas truth to be found even in
the midst of this heavy darkness, like a tiny candle flickering,
reading my Bible offered justenough light to see the one

(08:58):
truth that God wanted me to find.
The other day, our pastor saidif you are red lining, sometimes
that means you need to read thered lines.
In many Bibles, the words thatJesus spoke are often printed in
red, and John 15, one throughfive is one of those passages,

(09:20):
and this is what it says I amthe true vine and my Father is
the vinedresser.
Every branch in me that doesnot bear fruit, he takes away,
and every branch that does bearfruit, he prunes that it may
bear more fruit.
Already you are clean becauseof the word that I have spoken
to you.
Abide in me and I in you, asthe branch cannot bear fruit by

(09:41):
itself unless it abides in thevine, neither can you unless you
abide in me.
I am the vine and you are thebranches.
Whoever abides in me and I inhim, he it is that bears much
fruit.
For apart from me, you can donothing.
I have to read that last partagain Apart from me, you can do

(10:02):
nothing.
It was this truth that the HolySpirit pointed me towards during
that season of overwhelm.
As those words turned over andover in my mind, I was reminded
how little I can do in my ownstrength.
Somehow, in those seven monthsof solo parenting, I had allowed
pride to take over and give mea false sense of confidence in

(10:26):
my abilities to show up withexcellence every day on my own.
This season of overwhelm wasmeant to gently humble me and
bring me back to Jesus.
I needed to abide in Him onceagain.
Jesus, I needed to abide in Himonce again.
To abide means to stayconnected to Jesus.
Like a leaf will wither and dieif plucked off the vine, so

(10:50):
will we if we strive in our ownstrength.
This self-reliance leads toexhaustion and overwhelm, but
the fruit of the Spirit that webear when we abide in Him is
love, joy, peace, patience,kindness, goodness, faithfulness

(11:10):
, gentleness and self-control,as it says in Galatians 5, 22
and 23.
So when the world feels heavy,when you feel overwhelmed by the
circumstances of life, the bestway to embrace excellence is to
abide in Jesus.
For me, that tiny flicker oflight grew with every word of

(11:33):
Jesus that I read, with everyreminder to abide in Him, until
I looked around and I realizedthat the darkness was gone.
Joy had replaced the tears ofoverwhelm.
Peace flowed from my renewedtrust and belief that God is
faithful and that he still lovesme, even in the midst of my

(11:54):
struggle.
Jesus says in John 15, 9-11, asthe Father has loved me, so I
have loved you.
Abide in my love.
If you keep my commandments,you will abide in my love, just
as I have kept my Father'scommandments and abide in His
love.
These things.
I have spoken to you that myjoy may be in you and that your

(12:15):
joy may be full.
If you are feeling overwhelmedright now, I hope that this
story encourages you to knowthat this too shall pass, and I
pray that you are inspired toturn to God.
Pause and acknowledge yourfeelings of overwhelm and
sadness.

(12:35):
Replace your thoughts of Ican't handle this to through him
, I can bear fruit.
Or, as Elizabeth Elliot said,simply do the next thing Rest in
Christ's strength, knowing thatspiritual fruit comes from him
and not through our own efforts.

(12:56):
Pray, sing, read the word and,above all, abide.
Abide in Him.
This is how you embraceexcellence in the hard seasons.
To close this episode, I wantto leave you with this
encouragement from Psalm 61, sothat the next time you feel
overwhelmed, you cancourageously seek God's

(13:18):
sustaining presence.
Psalm 61, 1-3.
Hear my cry, o God, and listento my prayer.
From the end of the earth.
I call to you when my heart isfaint.
Lead me to the rock that ishigher than I, for you have been
my refuge, a strong toweragainst the enemy.