December 9, 2025 • 27 mins
What if your home became the place where people exhale the moment they walk in? That picture guides our conversation with Deanne, a longtime friend who has spent decades turning ordinary rooms into a refuge—welcoming neighbors, college kids, missionaries, and foster children with a calm, open-handed approach that prioritizes people over performance.
We unpack the real difference between entertaining and hospitality and why it matters most during the holidays. Deanne shares how she moved from a packed December calendar and Pinterest-perfect checklists to a slower, simpler season built around what her family actually loves—favorite foods, nights at home, and unhurried conversations. You’ll hear practical ways to host without stress: paper plates, takeout pizza, game nights, and small, repeatable rhythms that make guests feel seen and safe. We also talk about involving kids so hospitality isn’t a one-woman job—letting them choose traditions, help set the table, play music for neighbors, and own small acts of service that grow into a shared family culture.
Rooted in biblical hospitality, we explore how to create a life-giving space where expectations soften and presence grows. From the Jesse Tree to shared Advent readings, these simple practices keep Jesus at the center and turn the month into a time of spiritual formation rather than frantic activity. Anchored by Psalm 85’s promise of peace and harvest, this episode invites you to reclaim your home as a haven: less noise, more grace, and an open door that people want to walk through again.
If this conversation helps you breathe a little easier, share it with a friend, subscribe for more, and leave a review with one simple tradition that centers your season.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Leanne Tuggle (00:50):
Friends, I am so excited for you to meet my dear
friend Deanne today.
So Deanne and I have known eachother.
We were just chatting beforethis recording.
I think since I was like eightor nine years old.
So it has been a very longtime.
I won't say how long.
Um, that we've known eachother.
And Deanne was someone that Ijust always looked up to and
(01:12):
admired and looked for advicefrom.
She was like my first mentor, Ithink.
So it was just, it's so sweetto be able to talk with her
today.
And one of the things that Ihave always been so impressed
with is how Deanne stewards herhome with excellence.
And so thank you so much,Deanne, for joining me here
today.
(01:32):
Um, I'm so looking forward tothis conversation with you.
Um, but before we jump in, canyou share just a little bit
about who you are, where youare, and then maybe just a
little bit about what stewardingyour home with excellence means
to you.
DeAnne Bruinsma (01:47):
Yes, thanks, Leanne.
It's fun to have this chat withyou.
Yes, I my name is Deanne.
I have been married to myhusband Todd for 27 years.
We have three kids, 22, 20, and17.
So kind of launching them nowas as we're going along.
(02:08):
One is graduated college andhas a job.
And uh my son, I have a girl,boy, girl.
My son is in college, and thenmy baby is getting ready to
graduate high school.
So we currently reside inFranklin, Tennessee, and we love
it.
We've been here for 13 years,but I obviously I met Leanne
when we lived in WashingtonState, and yeah, her her parents
(02:32):
did our marriage counseling.
So that was that's a funmemory.
And so yeah, we have along-standing friendship, which
is sweet.
But as far as stewarding myhome with excellence, so that's
obviously it's been somethingthat as a mom and a wife I've
strived to do.
And it's something that I feelpassionate about as well.
(02:54):
For me, it has looked like justcreating a place of peace in my
home, like a respite from theworld.
When my kids or my husband cancome home, they can feel like
it's a place of rest for them.
And especially for my kids, wewe chose to do public school.
And so, you know, you're goingout there and you're in the
(03:14):
world, and sometimes there's alot of things bombarding your
you all day long.
And so when you can come home,it can just be that place of
peace.
So that was a big, a big thingthat we've strived to do.
Really having an open doorpolicy.
We love having guests in ourhome.
We love having missionaries.
We're also just in the last fewyears, we did become foster
parents, actually.
(03:35):
So we've done a little bit offoster care on the side and
respite, which is kind of myfavorite part of foster care,
which is helping other familiesjust if they need a break or
going on vacation.
So short-term, short-termstuff.
So that's something that welike to do is have an open home
and just having my house, justpractically, I guess, just this
(03:55):
with the excellence piece ofstewarding my home, having it
picked up, not like being soanal about every corner being
perfect, but just having itpicked up, having it clean,
having it inviting.
So if someone does stop by, youknow, you're like, yeah, come
on in.
It's not perfect, but we'reliving here and it's a place of
peace.
And so that's actually beensomething that people have said
when they've come into my home,like, wow, this just feels
(04:18):
really peaceful here.
So that's because of some ofthose things, and obviously
because of Jesus.
So I love that.
Leanne Tuggle (04:24):
And I can attest to that too, just being able to
spend a couple days with youwhile driving across the US from
Washington, DC, all the wayover to to see my parents in
Idaho and just being able tospend a few days, and it was so
peaceful.
And my kids still rememberthat, even though they were so
little.
So I love it.
I can definitely attest to yourpeaceful home.
(04:45):
So, in a culture that oftenundervalues homemaking, how do
you reclaim the beauty andimportance of it as a follower
of Christ?
DeAnne Bruinsma (04:57):
I think for I think some of the things of the
the ver I think we talked abouta little bit about the
entertaining versus hospitality.
And sometimes the world islike, well, you need to
entertain and your house needsto look a certain way.
But as a follower of Jesus, youknow, obviously in scripture it
talks a lot about hospitalityand what does it mean to be
(05:18):
hospitable.
And that's just really havingan open door to the stranger or
to even your friends and to notfeel like things have to be a
certain way in order to say yesto opening up your home.
And your home is such a it's asacred space, but it people,
when they're invited into yourhome, I think they feel it's
(05:39):
something special that they getto know you on a deeper level
when they come into your home.
We love to meet at restaurantswith friends, but it's sometimes
really sweet just to havepeople come into your home and
share a meal in your space.
And so I think the value ofthat is that the world says, oh,
it needs to be the show, butbut having having a place where
people can just come and bethemselves is what makes that
(06:02):
piece, I think for us reallysweet.
Leanne Tuggle (06:06):
And I love how you said you've kind of
mentioned it a few times too,just like that your home is
excellent in the sense that itis tidy, but that it's not, it's
not about the perfect.
It's not about everything justbeing like you just cleaned it,
but it's lived in, it's loved,and that makes people feel like
they can let their guard downand just be themselves.
(06:28):
And I think you guys do that agreat job too, with just your
own demeanor and how you handleyourselves too, is that you guys
are comfortable in your homeand are able to help people feel
that peace too.
Yeah.
So kind of along those lines,what are some of the ways that
you've seen the atmosphere ofyour home impact maybe your own
(06:48):
family's spiritual and emotionalhealth?
Like maybe you have an examplefor with your kids or something
like that.
DeAnne Bruinsma (06:55):
Yeah.
Well, I know for one, like mykids have liked inviting people
over to the house.
So that for me was a big deal.
I was like, I want them to say,hey, come over to, you know,
come into our house for dinner.
And that's been especiallysweet as they've gone off to
college.
They want to bring theircollege roommates and friends
back to the home.
And I and I always joke withTodd and he's like, we're trying
(07:15):
to launch these kids.
And I'm like, oh no, I wantthem to keep coming back.
And if it's for my cooking,then I'm good with that.
So, but yeah, that that isthat's a sweet part of, but also
I think I've had personalexperience with people being
hospitable too, with us in timesof crisis, in times that were
(07:37):
challenging, when there's beensickness in our family, and
having having those encounterswith hospitality, whether
someone's bringing a meal oryou're taking a meal to somebody
else, that piece of hospitalityis is really sweet.
So, yeah.
Leanne Tuggle (07:54):
So being able to extend it even beyond your home
too.
And I love that.
I am going to need all the tipson uh how to have your kids
want to keep coming back.
That's like my dream too.
DeAnne Bruinsma (08:05):
I'm like, please bring all of your having
family tonight.
Everybody loves it coming backfor it.
Leanne Tuggle (08:12):
Yes, I love it.
I'll make all the pizza.
Yeah, that's so fun.
So, like you've mentioned,scripture does call us to be
hospitable.
And maybe you could just touchon a little bit more like what
does biblical hospitality looklike in practice?
And particularly like here weare heading into the holiday
season.
So, what does that look likeduring a busy season?
DeAnne Bruinsma (08:35):
Yeah, that's good.
Well, I that's been somethingI've honestly wrestled with over
the years of the hospitalityversus the entertainment, and
especially through the holidays.
And that I've grown in that forsure.
I know early on I wantedeverything to look a certain way
and be a certain way.
And like I had like thischecklist, like, okay, if we do
all these things, then it'sgonna be a really great holiday.
(08:57):
And early on, if you would haveasked me, I love my calendar
full in December.
I was like, yes, it's packetfull of all the things.
And I've realized through theyears that that's really doesn't
create a peaceful holidayexperience for anyone.
And so now one of the sweetthings as your kids get older is
even asking them, like, whatare some of the things you love
(09:19):
about Christmas?
Like what makes it special foryou?
And so taking those things thatthey share, and it's normally
just very simple things, nothingcomplicated, and going, wow, if
we just have these things aspart of our Christmas
celebration, whether it be afavorite meal, there's a bread,
there's a maple ring I make atChristmas time, and one of the
(09:40):
kids really likes that.
And, you know, they like tostay home and not really go
anywhere.
So those that have been fun tosimplify down what sometimes we
think we need to be doing in ourown minds, but it's not, it's
not that complicated.
And we we make it morecomplicated because maybe we're
comparing or we're seeing thingson a Pinterest board that, oh,
(10:01):
I really want this to look acertain way.
And that doesn't create thatpeaceful, hospitable atmosphere
for even margin to say tosomeone else, hey, you want to
come over or you want to joinour family?
Because it feels like you'retrying to have an expectation.
So that's been something I'vedefinitely learned and matured
over the years.
And I still ask my kids, like,hey, what's one thing, you know,
(10:23):
that would make this yearreally great?
And they'll say something fromthe past or something that they
thought of.
And so it's it's helpful tobring it down to even, you know,
let's just be as a family andenjoy and not succumb to all the
pressures of doing all thethings and all the events
because inevitably it's just,yeah, it just feels like you're
(10:45):
running around in circles.
Leanne Tuggle (10:47):
Totally.
I couldn't have said thatbetter myself.
I feel like that is a lessonthat I keep learning every year.
(11:22):
Yes, yes.
And it is really helpful to askthem like what do you really
want?
And it every year, I'm alwayssurprised that it's the free,
the things at home.
It's super simple.
And what I love about that toois that you are really at the
heart of hospitality here, isthat it's not about the
perfection, but it is aboutfocusing on the people.
(11:44):
Like, what do they really want?
What would be really specialfor them?
And so it's that shift fromentertaining to focusing on
people.
And I think that's just sogreat.
So you mentioned that you'vegrown in this over the years.
So, what would be a piece ofadvice that you would give to
someone who is feelingintimidated by hosting this year
(12:05):
and they feel like their homeisn't good enough?
Like, what would just be someadvice that you could give to
someone?
DeAnne Bruinsma (12:11):
I think one of the big things, and I heard this
quote one time, and my mom, Ithink, repeated it sometimes as
well, is that people are moreimportant than things.
And so if people feel invitedand they can be just themselves
in your home, honestly, I thinkpeople feel more comfortable
when your house isn't perfect.
They're like, oh, you got, youknow, sticky floors or whatever.
(12:34):
They can feel, they can justfeel and be themselves.
And so that for me, I alwayshad to remind myself because I
was like, oh, I wish I had allthese matching dishes, or I wish
it looked a certain way.
And honestly, people arethrilled to have paper plates
and order out pizza.
I mean, if it's as simple aslike saying, hey, we're gonna
get together for a game nightand order out pizza, those are
(12:56):
probably some of the greatestmemories that my kids have had
with friends that we've invitedover during the holidays.
I remember one year during thatCOVID awful time, um, we we did
this Zoom and we zoomed gamesand we had pizza and it was so
fun.
And you know, that's somethingwe look back on.
Obviously, that wasn't havingsomeone in my home, but it was
(13:17):
still the it was not about ithas to look a certain way and be
perfect.
I think that's one of thebiggest things.
And to let go of that foryourself, that expectation.
And I think you'll bepleasantly surprised how really
people feel warm and welcome.
And it's really about theconnection with another human
(13:38):
being, not about the stuff.
As lovely as it is, but notabout that.
Leanne Tuggle (13:42):
Yeah.
Right.
So delete our Pinterest sports.
We don't need to delete them.
DeAnne Bruinsma (13:49):
You might find some good recipes, however.
That's true.
Leanne Tuggle (13:52):
That's true.
I love that.
Um, but it's such a goodreminder, though, too.
And you've said it a few times,and I think it just bears
repeating that we often havethese certain expectations of
what we think is the best.
And our expectations often donot match what other people
expect from us.
We often have this super highstandard of like, oh, everything
(14:13):
has to be just so, and that'snot that's not what what we need
to do, and no one else isexpecting that from us.
So we don't need to do that toourselves.
I think that's a good reminderfor me, for all of us.
I think.
So what what do you think itmeans to create like a
life-giving space?
And what would be some smallways that we could start doing
(14:35):
that?
That you think?
DeAnne Bruinsma (14:38):
I think creating a life-giving space is
just really giving grace toanybody who needs a place to be,
whether it be, you know, uslike the some of the foster kids
that we have coming in,honestly, that looks like
serving the least.
Maybe it's a neighbor.
I I'm always surprised howneighbors live in such closeness
(14:59):
with each other, but yet theysometimes never go in each
other's homes.
Um, so that was a big thing forme early on, just to invite
neighbors into my home.
And that's something I stillreally enjoy doing.
I think that just trying tokeep the noise and the pressure
of the world turned down whenthey're when people are in your
home.
Okay.
And I guess for practically,that looks like, I mean, for me,
(15:21):
it's every day just saying,okay, you know, God, I just want
this place to be a place whereyour spirit is and where people
can come and be themselves andnot feel pressure or really just
be able to relax.
And whether that be for my kidsor friends or whoever is coming
in, and people, I think whenthey come and then they go, they
(15:44):
leave with that life with them,whether or not they're a
believer or not, there'ssomething, there's a transaction
that happened for them justspending that time in your home.
And you know, sometimes you getto pray for people.
I've had that with neighbors,and like years later, they're
like, I remember that one time Iwas having a bad day, and I
came to your house and you justoffered to pray for me.
And, you know, that was sohuge.
(16:07):
So I think that's part ofcreating a life-giving space is
really an open door policy.
And thankfully, my husband alsoloves that.
He sometimes will be more thanI am.
I'm like, I need a break, buthe's like, let's do it.
So it is great to team in thatway.
Yes.
Um, that can be hard if youknow you're not both on the same
(16:27):
page.
But yeah, that's kind of forme, I think, giving that life
giving to people that come in.
And sometimes it's my family.
Leanne Tuggle (16:36):
Yes, I know our family needs that too.
And so I think that's reallythat's really great.
And I I love that just thatopenness to plant those seeds,
even if these are people whodon't know Jesus, and just being
able to give them that feeling.
I think another one of thosethings that people remember more
how you feel than like what youdid or anything like that.
(16:56):
Sound true.
Like, yeah, yeah.
So I think that's I think whatyou're speaking to, that that
life-giving space is less aboutthe actual space and more how
they felt well in your space,yeah.
And like how they walk awayafter, which I think is such a
good reminder of that.
Uh yes.
So, do you have a favoriteholiday tradition that you have
(17:19):
done with your family that maybehas helped you stay focused on
Jesus or just a favorite holidaytradition?
DeAnne Bruinsma (17:25):
Well, yes, when the kids were young, we love we
started doing the Jesse Tree.
I think your parents did that.
I remember I might I might haveeven first heard about it with
your parents, but we did the theJesse Tree with the kids, and
we did it and Voss Camp has agreat book we used.
As they've gotten older, wehave continued with the Advent
(17:45):
study, but I've done it with SheReads Truth and the girls all
do it.
My mom, and it's somethingreally special because it really
helps slow the holiday down.
It starts, you know, rightafter Thanksgiving and it's a
daily reading.
And then we have my momnormally comes for the holidays,
and so then we're able to likeconnect on what we've read over
(18:08):
the time and finish off theseason together.
So that's probably my favorite.
I think if you ask the girls,that would probably be their
favorite.
My son, he doesn't do it, buthe does remember the Jesse tree
that we did together, and theyget would get to hang a
different ornament.
And if you don't know what theJesse tree is, it's basically
the story of Christ.
I know you probably know whatthat is, Leanne, but from
(18:29):
creation to the cross.
And yeah, it's a sweet, it's itjust helps keep perspective on
the holidays.
And that's been somethingthat's been really important to
our family.
I mean, we have lots of otherlittle things that we like to
do, but that's probably been theoverarching, the number one
that's still continued in itsdifferent form of doing like an
advent study.
Leanne Tuggle (18:50):
I love that.
I love the She Reads Truthstudy also.
I love to do that one everyyear.
So good.
DeAnne Bruinsma (18:56):
I mean, of course, we don't ever have a
holiday without the tiffs, gritzcrackers, damp chocolate with
peanut butter.
Leanne Tuggle (19:05):
Yes, those are the best, and they make great
gifts too.
They are able to give toothers.
So that's okay.
I know I still make that recipetoo.
It's I love it.
So, what kind whatencouragement could you give to
a woman who maybe feels veryweary and overwhelmed by the
expectations here of theholidays?
(19:25):
So maybe even thinking back towhen you had littler kids, just
a woman who's looking at theholiday season and just already
feels tired.
What encouragement could yougive to her?
DeAnne Bruinsma (19:36):
I think the biggest thing would be to
exercise saying the word no toall the extra asks around the
holidays.
Really decide what you want tovalue and make important because
you will be asked a millionthings from school to church to
friends.
And as wonderful it would be tosay, yeah, I want to go to all
(19:59):
these parties and do all thesethings and be on the room parent
and do the thing at church.
You really need to look at yourcalendar, I think, and sit down
and say, what do I feel like Ireally want to pour my time
into?
What do I have, what do I havemargin for?
I mean, if your kids are superlittle, it might be not very
much.
Maybe one thing and maybe, youknow, maybe it's just you're
(20:20):
gonna get the tree up anddecorated and you're gonna, you
know, try to spend time doing anadvent study or whatnot.
But I think it's just reallynot being overwhelmed with all
the asks.
That's just was always a bigthing.
And sometimes for me, that wasalways hard to say no to things,
but to really just narrow itdown to what you feel is the
(20:41):
most important.
And honestly, the mostimportant is just you spending
time with Jesus during theholidays.
And if you can squeeze in thattime with a with a reading or
whatever, I remember I had justa small one I'd keep in the
bathroom sometimes when the kidswere really little, whenever
those moments I had.
But so you aren't get so youaren't getting to Christmas Eve
or Christmas morning, and you'rejust so spent and frazzled that
(21:03):
literally the only thing youwant to do is take a nap.
But that's because that's real.
But I think that the biggestadvice would be just to say
don't say yes to all the thingsthat you feel the pressure to
say yes to.
Leanne Tuggle (21:15):
Um yeah.
I think that's great advice.
I like to say no a lot too.
It's it's a hard lesson tolearn, but it is.
In fact, I feel like I am justnow starting to be able to say
yes, maybe a tiny bit, but yes,that's good.
A lot more no than yes.
DeAnne Bruinsma (21:30):
Yeah, that's good, girl.
Leanne Tuggle (21:32):
I know, I know it's a good reminder.
How the the one other thing I'mcurious about from you that I
was thinking of is so youmentioned your girls are, I
think Francesca's 22 andSophia's 17, I think you
mentioned.
So, and and also honestly,Simon as well.
Yeah, how do you involve yourfamily in this hospitality and
so that it's like a shared joyand not just your responsibility
(21:56):
as the one?
How have you involved everyonein it?
DeAnne Bruinsma (22:00):
Well, the one like I referenced earlier is
just asking them, like, okay,what is something that you
really love to do?
And then that kind of helpsthem have ownership.
Like, I really love it when wedo, we make this thing together.
Okay, so we're gonna wait andwe're gonna do that together
when you're home or whatever,however, that can look.
I think those that that that'sbeen a big piece.
(22:24):
As they've gotten older now, itcan be like, hey, why don't you
make that?
Or why don't you, you know,take ownership of that?
The you know, inviting peopleor delivering cookies to the
neighbors or something likethat.
My son plays the piano, so thisyear I'm like, okay, I would
like you to play the piano andwe're gonna have neighbors over
and serve cookies.
And so he's like, okay, youknow, so I think just getting
(22:46):
them to buy in on thehospitality piece of this is an
opportunity for you to serve,serve your family, serve, you
know, neighbors or whatever itlooks like.
I think it's helpful whenthey're really little, you know,
it can be more simpler things,obviously.
But I think that asking themwhat they value in the holidays,
then they that's probablysomething that they're gonna
(23:08):
carry on to their families andtheir traditions.
So yeah, just getting theirbuy-in, I think is great.
Cause sometimes I thinksomething's really great and
they don't.
So then it's like pulling teethto try to get everybody to do
it.
And I'm like, why am I fightingthis when they don't even
fight?
They're not taking joy in it.
So, and when we have peopleover, it's like, okay, hey, help
me set the table, help me dothis for whatever.
(23:30):
And yeah, so it's a it's afamily, it's a family effort.
Sometimes they're sharing theirroom if we're having people
stay the night.
So cleaning up and getting, youknow, tidying and those types
of things is all part of servingtogether, definitely.
Leanne Tuggle (23:45):
Oh, I love that.
So fun.
Makes me just want to come overand and hang out or bring some
cookies.
You're invited, Leah.
Thank you.
So this is uh just so so manyhelpful things here.
And I think that what I hearfrom you a lot is just to let
down your let go of your ownexpectations, open your doors,
(24:07):
let people in, and just be whoGod made you to be, which is
loving and giving and just notworry about how it looks or how
it sounds, that people will getsomething really special out of
it.
So, Deanna, I had asked you ifyou had a psalm that you could
read for us that kind of tiedinto this idea of hospitality or
(24:29):
opening your home.
And I was hoping that you couldshare that with us.
DeAnne Bruinsma (24:33):
I do.
I was actually, I was when Iyou told me that or you shared
it with me, I was like, youknow, thinking about specifics,
and I'm just gonna share the oneI actually have on my
chalkboard right now in mykitchen because it's a really
about more about the season ofharvest and receiving from the
Lord his promises to his people.
So that's the one I'm gonnashare.
(24:53):
It's in Psalm 85, and it'sverse 7 through 12.
It says, Show us your unfailinglove, Lord, and grant us your
salvation.
I will listen to what God theLord says.
He promises peace to hispeople, his faithful servants.
Surely his salvation is nearthose who fear him, that his
(25:13):
glory may dwell in our land.
Love and faithfulness meettogether, righteousness and
peace kiss each other.
Faithfulness springs forth fromthe earth, and righteousness
looks down from heaven.
The Lord will indeed give whatis good, and our land will yield
its harvest.
Leanne Tuggle (25:32):
I love that.
What a great psalm for thistime of year, and just for the
harvest.
That's good.
Yes.
Thank you so much, Dean.
This has been so fun just to beable to hear your heart behind
your how how your home is justvery life giving.
And I know that you bless andminister to a lot of people with
that.
So thank you so much forsharing all these great ideas
(25:54):
and all of your wisdom.
Thanks, girl.
It was a pleasure chatting withyou.
Friends, I am so excited for you to meet my dear
friend Deanne today.
So Deanne and I have known eachother.
We were just chatting beforethis recording.
I think since I was like eightor nine years old.
So it has been a very longtime.
I won't say how long.
Um, that we've known eachother.
And Deanne was someone that Ijust always looked up to and
(01:12):
admired and looked for advicefrom.
She was like my first mentor, Ithink.
So it was just, it's so sweetto be able to talk with her
today.
And one of the things that Ihave always been so impressed
with is how Deanne stewards herhome with excellence.
And so thank you so much,Deanne, for joining me here
today.
(01:32):
Um, I'm so looking forward tothis conversation with you.
Um, but before we jump in, canyou share just a little bit
about who you are, where youare, and then maybe just a
little bit about what stewardingyour home with excellence means
to you.
DeAnne Bruinsma (01:47):
Yes, thanks, Leanne.
It's fun to have this chat withyou.
Yes, I my name is Deanne.
I have been married to myhusband Todd for 27 years.
We have three kids, 22, 20, and17.
So kind of launching them nowas as we're going along.
(02:08):
One is graduated college andhas a job.
And uh my son, I have a girl,boy, girl.
My son is in college, and thenmy baby is getting ready to
graduate high school.
So we currently reside inFranklin, Tennessee, and we love
it.
We've been here for 13 years,but I obviously I met Leanne
when we lived in WashingtonState, and yeah, her her parents
(02:32):
did our marriage counseling.
So that was that's a funmemory.
And so yeah, we have along-standing friendship, which
is sweet.
But as far as stewarding myhome with excellence, so that's
obviously it's been somethingthat as a mom and a wife I've
strived to do.
And it's something that I feelpassionate about as well.
(02:54):
For me, it has looked like justcreating a place of peace in my
home, like a respite from theworld.
When my kids or my husband cancome home, they can feel like
it's a place of rest for them.
And especially for my kids, wewe chose to do public school.
And so, you know, you're goingout there and you're in the
(03:14):
world, and sometimes there's alot of things bombarding your
you all day long.
And so when you can come home,it can just be that place of
peace.
So that was a big, a big thingthat we've strived to do.
Really having an open doorpolicy.
We love having guests in ourhome.
We love having missionaries.
We're also just in the last fewyears, we did become foster
parents, actually.
(03:35):
So we've done a little bit offoster care on the side and
respite, which is kind of myfavorite part of foster care,
which is helping other familiesjust if they need a break or
going on vacation.
So short-term, short-termstuff.
So that's something that welike to do is have an open home
and just having my house, justpractically, I guess, just this
(03:55):
with the excellence piece ofstewarding my home, having it
picked up, not like being soanal about every corner being
perfect, but just having itpicked up, having it clean,
having it inviting.
So if someone does stop by, youknow, you're like, yeah, come
on in.
It's not perfect, but we'reliving here and it's a place of
peace.
And so that's actually beensomething that people have said
when they've come into my home,like, wow, this just feels
(04:18):
really peaceful here.
So that's because of some ofthose things, and obviously
because of Jesus.
So I love that.
Leanne Tuggle (04:24):
And I can attest to that too, just being able to
spend a couple days with youwhile driving across the US from
Washington, DC, all the wayover to to see my parents in
Idaho and just being able tospend a few days, and it was so
peaceful.
And my kids still rememberthat, even though they were so
little.
So I love it.
I can definitely attest to yourpeaceful home.
(04:45):
So, in a culture that oftenundervalues homemaking, how do
you reclaim the beauty andimportance of it as a follower
of Christ?
DeAnne Bruinsma (04:57):
I think for I think some of the things of the
the ver I think we talked abouta little bit about the
entertaining versus hospitality.
And sometimes the world islike, well, you need to
entertain and your house needsto look a certain way.
But as a follower of Jesus, youknow, obviously in scripture it
talks a lot about hospitalityand what does it mean to be
(05:18):
hospitable.
And that's just really havingan open door to the stranger or
to even your friends and to notfeel like things have to be a
certain way in order to say yesto opening up your home.
And your home is such a it's asacred space, but it people,
when they're invited into yourhome, I think they feel it's
(05:39):
something special that they getto know you on a deeper level
when they come into your home.
We love to meet at restaurantswith friends, but it's sometimes
really sweet just to havepeople come into your home and
share a meal in your space.
And so I think the value ofthat is that the world says, oh,
it needs to be the show, butbut having having a place where
people can just come and bethemselves is what makes that
(06:02):
piece, I think for us reallysweet.
Leanne Tuggle (06:06):
And I love how you said you've kind of
mentioned it a few times too,just like that your home is
excellent in the sense that itis tidy, but that it's not, it's
not about the perfect.
It's not about everything justbeing like you just cleaned it,
but it's lived in, it's loved,and that makes people feel like
they can let their guard downand just be themselves.
(06:28):
And I think you guys do that agreat job too, with just your
own demeanor and how you handleyourselves too, is that you guys
are comfortable in your homeand are able to help people feel
that peace too.
Yeah.
So kind of along those lines,what are some of the ways that
you've seen the atmosphere ofyour home impact maybe your own
(06:48):
family's spiritual and emotionalhealth?
Like maybe you have an examplefor with your kids or something
like that.
DeAnne Bruinsma (06:55):
Yeah.
Well, I know for one, like mykids have liked inviting people
over to the house.
So that for me was a big deal.
I was like, I want them to say,hey, come over to, you know,
come into our house for dinner.
And that's been especiallysweet as they've gone off to
college.
They want to bring theircollege roommates and friends
back to the home.
And I and I always joke withTodd and he's like, we're trying
(07:15):
to launch these kids.
And I'm like, oh no, I wantthem to keep coming back.
And if it's for my cooking,then I'm good with that.
So, but yeah, that that isthat's a sweet part of, but also
I think I've had personalexperience with people being
hospitable too, with us in timesof crisis, in times that were
(07:37):
challenging, when there's beensickness in our family, and
having having those encounterswith hospitality, whether
someone's bringing a meal oryou're taking a meal to somebody
else, that piece of hospitalityis is really sweet.
So, yeah.
Leanne Tuggle (07:54):
So being able to extend it even beyond your home
too.
And I love that.
I am going to need all the tipson uh how to have your kids
want to keep coming back.
That's like my dream too.
DeAnne Bruinsma (08:05):
I'm like, please bring all of your having
family tonight.
Everybody loves it coming backfor it.
Leanne Tuggle (08:12):
Yes, I love it.
I'll make all the pizza.
Yeah, that's so fun.
So, like you've mentioned,scripture does call us to be
hospitable.
And maybe you could just touchon a little bit more like what
does biblical hospitality looklike in practice?
And particularly like here weare heading into the holiday
season.
So, what does that look likeduring a busy season?
DeAnne Bruinsma (08:35):
Yeah, that's good.
Well, I that's been somethingI've honestly wrestled with over
the years of the hospitalityversus the entertainment, and
especially through the holidays.
And that I've grown in that forsure.
I know early on I wantedeverything to look a certain way
and be a certain way.
And like I had like thischecklist, like, okay, if we do
all these things, then it'sgonna be a really great holiday.
(08:57):
And early on, if you would haveasked me, I love my calendar
full in December.
I was like, yes, it's packetfull of all the things.
And I've realized through theyears that that's really doesn't
create a peaceful holidayexperience for anyone.
And so now one of the sweetthings as your kids get older is
even asking them, like, whatare some of the things you love
(09:19):
about Christmas?
Like what makes it special foryou?
And so taking those things thatthey share, and it's normally
just very simple things, nothingcomplicated, and going, wow, if
we just have these things aspart of our Christmas
celebration, whether it be afavorite meal, there's a bread,
there's a maple ring I make atChristmas time, and one of the
(09:40):
kids really likes that.
And, you know, they like tostay home and not really go
anywhere.
So those that have been fun tosimplify down what sometimes we
think we need to be doing in ourown minds, but it's not, it's
not that complicated.
And we we make it morecomplicated because maybe we're
comparing or we're seeing thingson a Pinterest board that, oh,
(10:01):
I really want this to look acertain way.
And that doesn't create thatpeaceful, hospitable atmosphere
for even margin to say tosomeone else, hey, you want to
come over or you want to joinour family?
Because it feels like you'retrying to have an expectation.
So that's been something I'vedefinitely learned and matured
over the years.
And I still ask my kids, like,hey, what's one thing, you know,
(10:23):
that would make this yearreally great?
And they'll say something fromthe past or something that they
thought of.
And so it's it's helpful tobring it down to even, you know,
let's just be as a family andenjoy and not succumb to all the
pressures of doing all thethings and all the events
because inevitably it's just,yeah, it just feels like you're
(10:45):
running around in circles.
Leanne Tuggle (10:47):
Totally.
I couldn't have said thatbetter myself.
I feel like that is a lessonthat I keep learning every year.
(11:22):
Yes, yes.
And it is really helpful to askthem like what do you really
want?
And it every year, I'm alwayssurprised that it's the free,
the things at home.
It's super simple.
And what I love about that toois that you are really at the
heart of hospitality here, isthat it's not about the
perfection, but it is aboutfocusing on the people.
(11:44):
Like, what do they really want?
What would be really specialfor them?
And so it's that shift fromentertaining to focusing on
people.
And I think that's just sogreat.
So you mentioned that you'vegrown in this over the years.
So, what would be a piece ofadvice that you would give to
someone who is feelingintimidated by hosting this year
(12:05):
and they feel like their homeisn't good enough?
Like, what would just be someadvice that you could give to
someone?
DeAnne Bruinsma (12:11):
I think one of the big things, and I heard this
quote one time, and my mom, Ithink, repeated it sometimes as
well, is that people are moreimportant than things.
And so if people feel invitedand they can be just themselves
in your home, honestly, I thinkpeople feel more comfortable
when your house isn't perfect.
They're like, oh, you got, youknow, sticky floors or whatever.
(12:34):
They can feel, they can justfeel and be themselves.
And so that for me, I alwayshad to remind myself because I
was like, oh, I wish I had allthese matching dishes, or I wish
it looked a certain way.
And honestly, people arethrilled to have paper plates
and order out pizza.
I mean, if it's as simple aslike saying, hey, we're gonna
get together for a game nightand order out pizza, those are
(12:56):
probably some of the greatestmemories that my kids have had
with friends that we've invitedover during the holidays.
I remember one year during thatCOVID awful time, um, we we did
this Zoom and we zoomed gamesand we had pizza and it was so
fun.
And you know, that's somethingwe look back on.
Obviously, that wasn't havingsomeone in my home, but it was
(13:17):
still the it was not about ithas to look a certain way and be
perfect.
I think that's one of thebiggest things.
And to let go of that foryourself, that expectation.
And I think you'll bepleasantly surprised how really
people feel warm and welcome.
And it's really about theconnection with another human
(13:38):
being, not about the stuff.
As lovely as it is, but notabout that.
Leanne Tuggle (13:42):
Yeah.
Right.
So delete our Pinterest sports.
We don't need to delete them.
DeAnne Bruinsma (13:49):
You might find some good recipes, however.
That's true.
Leanne Tuggle (13:52):
That's true.
I love that.
Um, but it's such a goodreminder, though, too.
And you've said it a few times,and I think it just bears
repeating that we often havethese certain expectations of
what we think is the best.
And our expectations often donot match what other people
expect from us.
We often have this super highstandard of like, oh, everything
(14:13):
has to be just so, and that'snot that's not what what we need
to do, and no one else isexpecting that from us.
So we don't need to do that toourselves.
I think that's a good reminderfor me, for all of us.
I think.
So what what do you think itmeans to create like a
life-giving space?
And what would be some smallways that we could start doing
(14:35):
that?
That you think?
DeAnne Bruinsma (14:38):
I think creating a life-giving space is
just really giving grace toanybody who needs a place to be,
whether it be, you know, uslike the some of the foster kids
that we have coming in,honestly, that looks like
serving the least.
Maybe it's a neighbor.
I I'm always surprised howneighbors live in such closeness
(14:59):
with each other, but yet theysometimes never go in each
other's homes.
Um, so that was a big thing forme early on, just to invite
neighbors into my home.
And that's something I stillreally enjoy doing.
I think that just trying tokeep the noise and the pressure
of the world turned down whenthey're when people are in your
home.
Okay.
And I guess for practically,that looks like, I mean, for me,
(15:21):
it's every day just saying,okay, you know, God, I just want
this place to be a place whereyour spirit is and where people
can come and be themselves andnot feel pressure or really just
be able to relax.
And whether that be for my kidsor friends or whoever is coming
in, and people, I think whenthey come and then they go, they
(15:44):
leave with that life with them,whether or not they're a
believer or not, there'ssomething, there's a transaction
that happened for them justspending that time in your home.
And you know, sometimes you getto pray for people.
I've had that with neighbors,and like years later, they're
like, I remember that one time Iwas having a bad day, and I
came to your house and you justoffered to pray for me.
And, you know, that was sohuge.
(16:07):
So I think that's part ofcreating a life-giving space is
really an open door policy.
And thankfully, my husband alsoloves that.
He sometimes will be more thanI am.
I'm like, I need a break, buthe's like, let's do it.
So it is great to team in thatway.
Yes.
Um, that can be hard if youknow you're not both on the same
(16:27):
page.
But yeah, that's kind of forme, I think, giving that life
giving to people that come in.
And sometimes it's my family.
Leanne Tuggle (16:36):
Yes, I know our family needs that too.
And so I think that's reallythat's really great.
And I I love that just thatopenness to plant those seeds,
even if these are people whodon't know Jesus, and just being
able to give them that feeling.
I think another one of thosethings that people remember more
how you feel than like what youdid or anything like that.
(16:56):
Sound true.
Like, yeah, yeah.
So I think that's I think whatyou're speaking to, that that
life-giving space is less aboutthe actual space and more how
they felt well in your space,yeah.
And like how they walk awayafter, which I think is such a
good reminder of that.
Uh yes.
So, do you have a favoriteholiday tradition that you have
(17:19):
done with your family that maybehas helped you stay focused on
Jesus or just a favorite holidaytradition?
DeAnne Bruinsma (17:25):
Well, yes, when the kids were young, we love we
started doing the Jesse Tree.
I think your parents did that.
I remember I might I might haveeven first heard about it with
your parents, but we did the theJesse Tree with the kids, and
we did it and Voss Camp has agreat book we used.
As they've gotten older, wehave continued with the Advent
(17:45):
study, but I've done it with SheReads Truth and the girls all
do it.
My mom, and it's somethingreally special because it really
helps slow the holiday down.
It starts, you know, rightafter Thanksgiving and it's a
daily reading.
And then we have my momnormally comes for the holidays,
and so then we're able to likeconnect on what we've read over
(18:08):
the time and finish off theseason together.
So that's probably my favorite.
I think if you ask the girls,that would probably be their
favorite.
My son, he doesn't do it, buthe does remember the Jesse tree
that we did together, and theyget would get to hang a
different ornament.
And if you don't know what theJesse tree is, it's basically
the story of Christ.
I know you probably know whatthat is, Leanne, but from
(18:29):
creation to the cross.
And yeah, it's a sweet, it's itjust helps keep perspective on
the holidays.
And that's been somethingthat's been really important to
our family.
I mean, we have lots of otherlittle things that we like to
do, but that's probably been theoverarching, the number one
that's still continued in itsdifferent form of doing like an
advent study.
Leanne Tuggle (18:50):
I love that.
I love the She Reads Truthstudy also.
I love to do that one everyyear.
So good.
DeAnne Bruinsma (18:56):
I mean, of course, we don't ever have a
holiday without the tiffs, gritzcrackers, damp chocolate with
peanut butter.
Leanne Tuggle (19:05):
Yes, those are the best, and they make great
gifts too.
They are able to give toothers.
So that's okay.
I know I still make that recipetoo.
It's I love it.
So, what kind whatencouragement could you give to
a woman who maybe feels veryweary and overwhelmed by the
expectations here of theholidays?
(19:25):
So maybe even thinking back towhen you had littler kids, just
a woman who's looking at theholiday season and just already
feels tired.
What encouragement could yougive to her?
DeAnne Bruinsma (19:36):
I think the biggest thing would be to
exercise saying the word no toall the extra asks around the
holidays.
Really decide what you want tovalue and make important because
you will be asked a millionthings from school to church to
friends.
And as wonderful it would be tosay, yeah, I want to go to all
(19:59):
these parties and do all thesethings and be on the room parent
and do the thing at church.
You really need to look at yourcalendar, I think, and sit down
and say, what do I feel like Ireally want to pour my time
into?
What do I have, what do I havemargin for?
I mean, if your kids are superlittle, it might be not very
much.
Maybe one thing and maybe, youknow, maybe it's just you're
(20:20):
gonna get the tree up anddecorated and you're gonna, you
know, try to spend time doing anadvent study or whatnot.
But I think it's just reallynot being overwhelmed with all
the asks.
That's just was always a bigthing.
And sometimes for me, that wasalways hard to say no to things,
but to really just narrow itdown to what you feel is the
(20:41):
most important.
And honestly, the mostimportant is just you spending
time with Jesus during theholidays.
And if you can squeeze in thattime with a with a reading or
whatever, I remember I had justa small one I'd keep in the
bathroom sometimes when the kidswere really little, whenever
those moments I had.
But so you aren't get so youaren't getting to Christmas Eve
or Christmas morning, and you'rejust so spent and frazzled that
(21:03):
literally the only thing youwant to do is take a nap.
But that's because that's real.
But I think that the biggestadvice would be just to say
don't say yes to all the thingsthat you feel the pressure to
say yes to.
Leanne Tuggle (21:15):
Um yeah.
I think that's great advice.
I like to say no a lot too.
It's it's a hard lesson tolearn, but it is.
In fact, I feel like I am justnow starting to be able to say
yes, maybe a tiny bit, but yes,that's good.
A lot more no than yes.
DeAnne Bruinsma (21:30):
Yeah, that's good, girl.
Leanne Tuggle (21:32):
I know, I know it's a good reminder.
How the the one other thing I'mcurious about from you that I
was thinking of is so youmentioned your girls are, I
think Francesca's 22 andSophia's 17, I think you
mentioned.
So, and and also honestly,Simon as well.
Yeah, how do you involve yourfamily in this hospitality and
so that it's like a shared joyand not just your responsibility
(21:56):
as the one?
How have you involved everyonein it?
DeAnne Bruinsma (22:00):
Well, the one like I referenced earlier is
just asking them, like, okay,what is something that you
really love to do?
And then that kind of helpsthem have ownership.
Like, I really love it when wedo, we make this thing together.
Okay, so we're gonna wait andwe're gonna do that together
when you're home or whatever,however, that can look.
I think those that that that'sbeen a big piece.
(22:24):
As they've gotten older now, itcan be like, hey, why don't you
make that?
Or why don't you, you know,take ownership of that?
The you know, inviting peopleor delivering cookies to the
neighbors or something likethat.
My son plays the piano, so thisyear I'm like, okay, I would
like you to play the piano andwe're gonna have neighbors over
and serve cookies.
And so he's like, okay, youknow, so I think just getting
(22:46):
them to buy in on thehospitality piece of this is an
opportunity for you to serve,serve your family, serve, you
know, neighbors or whatever itlooks like.
I think it's helpful whenthey're really little, you know,
it can be more simpler things,obviously.
But I think that asking themwhat they value in the holidays,
then they that's probablysomething that they're gonna
(23:08):
carry on to their families andtheir traditions.
So yeah, just getting theirbuy-in, I think is great.
Cause sometimes I thinksomething's really great and
they don't.
So then it's like pulling teethto try to get everybody to do
it.
And I'm like, why am I fightingthis when they don't even
fight?
They're not taking joy in it.
So, and when we have peopleover, it's like, okay, hey, help
me set the table, help me dothis for whatever.
(23:30):
And yeah, so it's a it's afamily, it's a family effort.
Sometimes they're sharing theirroom if we're having people
stay the night.
So cleaning up and getting, youknow, tidying and those types
of things is all part of servingtogether, definitely.
Leanne Tuggle (23:45):
Oh, I love that.
So fun.
Makes me just want to come overand and hang out or bring some
cookies.
You're invited, Leah.
Thank you.
So this is uh just so so manyhelpful things here.
And I think that what I hearfrom you a lot is just to let
down your let go of your ownexpectations, open your doors,
(24:07):
let people in, and just be whoGod made you to be, which is
loving and giving and just notworry about how it looks or how
it sounds, that people will getsomething really special out of
it.
So, Deanna, I had asked you ifyou had a psalm that you could
read for us that kind of tiedinto this idea of hospitality or
(24:29):
opening your home.
And I was hoping that you couldshare that with us.
DeAnne Bruinsma (24:33):
I do.
I was actually, I was when Iyou told me that or you shared
it with me, I was like, youknow, thinking about specifics,
and I'm just gonna share the oneI actually have on my
chalkboard right now in mykitchen because it's a really
about more about the season ofharvest and receiving from the
Lord his promises to his people.
So that's the one I'm gonnashare.
(24:53):
It's in Psalm 85, and it'sverse 7 through 12.
It says, Show us your unfailinglove, Lord, and grant us your
salvation.
I will listen to what God theLord says.
He promises peace to hispeople, his faithful servants.
Surely his salvation is nearthose who fear him, that his
(25:13):
glory may dwell in our land.
Love and faithfulness meettogether, righteousness and
peace kiss each other.
Faithfulness springs forth fromthe earth, and righteousness
looks down from heaven.
The Lord will indeed give whatis good, and our land will yield
its harvest.
Leanne Tuggle (25:32):
I love that.
What a great psalm for thistime of year, and just for the
harvest.
That's good.
Yes.
Thank you so much, Dean.
This has been so fun just to beable to hear your heart behind
your how how your home is justvery life giving.
And I know that you bless andminister to a lot of people with
that.
So thank you so much forsharing all these great ideas
(25:54):
and all of your wisdom.
Thanks, girl.
It was a pleasure chatting withyou.
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