May 28, 2025 • 30 mins
Are you doing everything right but seeing no results? We’ve been there too. In this discussion, we share insights, practical tips, and encouragement to help you stay on track with positivity and persistence.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Oh, man, I am fired up.
Yeah, yeah, I'm just excited.
You know, I love hanging out with youand love, you know, hanging out with you.
And welcome to another editionof What's Good with John and Joyce.
It's our 30 minutes.
Each and every weekwe can get away from all the bias
and all the negativityout there in the world and just kind of
(00:22):
okay, there's a place I can go tofor a little respite, a little escape.
Yeah.
Are you I like,
I know, mellow, I do, I am yeah.
I mean I probably, probably cuzI worked out got the endorphins going.
(00:43):
But you like to work out at night,don't you?
And I work outfirst thing in the morning and just.
I'm brain dead all the time.
Don't you agree with that? No.
My wife's going. Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah,
I wake up,you know, my hair is all sticking up.
All right, I don't know, we're,You're still adorable, Joyce.
(01:06):
Come on now.
Come on.
Nighttime. I'm all fired up.
You guys are going to bed, right?
I remember the days, you know,when I would rock and roll all night.
Like the song by kiss rock and partyevery day.
You'd be out till one, two in the morningand then wake up a few hours later,
go to work and actually still performyour duties and do well.
It doesn't work so much nowadays.
I think it's because we get smarter.
(01:28):
Yeah, we do something.
I never like going to clubs ever.
Because you haveto scream to hear, oh yes,
right.
I've learnedto speak with people who like.
So hey, Joyce,you know what's going on today?
Oh, sorry about that, Stephanie.
In the backin the directors room back there.
I never enjoyed that.
I guessI'm just always the chatter, right?
(01:49):
Yeah. I like to talk to people.
I've being in the radio bizand performing with the DJ biz.
I was always back in the early days.
I was in clubs all the time.
And you're right, I had to be in clubs.
But I didn't really enjoygoing to a club as much
because like you,I like to be able to have a conversation.
Costas, I like going to like a
(02:09):
like a hall, likesome of the theaters around here I like,
but the club ambiance isa little bit different. But
you're here with it.
Just so you say thatmy hearing is actually it.
I don't know how this happens,but it seems to have gotten better.
Okay.
I mean, I could be doing a DJ gig, Joyce,and people could be talking on the floor,
and I hear everything they're saying,
and I get on the microphone and said,I heard that.
(02:31):
How did you hear that?
Right.
It's for SB that's right, that's right.
I got my shoe, phone and everything.
Maxwell Smart, though
it does.
Juice.
Oh, man.
So what are wewhat are we talking about today, Joyce?
I think about starting your fears, Yeah.
(02:52):
We we?
Yes, we are going to talk about that todaybecause based on your book,
I mean, why don't you hold up that bookso people can see it?
You need to get this bookif you don't have it already.
I wrote this book for all of us.
You know, a few years ago,just before Covid.
But, the reason why I wanted to write that book
(03:13):
is because there's a lot of booksthat's been written about,
anxiety and stress,
and some of it gets very technical,
you know, like how the brain worksand all that which is which is fine.
But I thought,I was coming from a different place
because I lived this.
(03:33):
And first of all, I lived it with my mom,
and I didn't know that she had phobia.
And I don't even knowthat they use that word.
What does that mean?
The definition for those
who really comes from the Greek wordmeaning fear of the market place.
But it's not really
(03:53):
the fear of going outor the fear of socializing.
It could be that you're having panicattacks while you're sitting at home.
Yeah, it's really a misfiring of,
your, you know, like,what makes you anxious?
It's the, you know, cortisol, baby.
Adrenaline. Yeah.
(04:15):
And sometimes with some people,they're just.
Here's the good news about it.
The good news is highly creative.
People get this right, and your brainsometimes
is working on overload,and you're very fast to do things.
You know,I was always like, a fast walker or fast
talker or whatever, but,
(04:37):
you know, everyone's different.
It's sort of like the thumbprint.
Everyone can experience it differently.
As an example, my
so my mother always hadthis, did not know she had it.
She was a great mom because she was home.
Mom didn't drive becauseshe was afraid to drive and she baked.
(04:58):
So she taught me how to bake.
This womanis, like, the best baker on the planet.
No, no, I think I have,
I just love to do it.
So my mother was very nurturing that way.
But, there were times as a teenagerespecially,
is very upset with herthat she was doing certain things.
(05:19):
And I didn't knowthat it was because of that.
Then in my early 20s, I was walking into
what is now a big, wide Branchburg,
and suddenly it just looked likethe floor was tilting
and I felt like my heart began to race,like I was going to faint.
(05:40):
I didn't know what was happening to me.
And to make a long story short,I began having panic attacks
and I didn't know how to really dealwith this.
My mother sought help for herself,
but her doctor at the time said, quote,
what you need is a kick in the ass, okay?
(06:04):
And you need to go out and get a job.
Well, she could barely leave her house.
So many people would just poo pooit back in the day.
Like, you know, suck it up type thing.
But this is a real, realserious situation.
This is a very serious situation
when you don't know how to deal with it,when you realize what it is
(06:26):
and you accept, it becomes easier.
So I packed a bag
and I'min an appointment to see a psychiatrist,
and my sister drove me to the psychiatristin New Haven, Connecticut,
and I thought, he's going to put me in ain a mental ward
because I can't work.
(06:47):
I can barely go out and get my mail.
I feel like I'm going to die.
But my heart's okay.
I've been checked out.
And I told him my whole story and he said,
you are suffering
with a generalized anxiety disorder.
And he said,you have one of the best therapists
for this in your own backyardat the Brantford Counseling Center.
(07:12):
And even though it was a weight offof my shoulders
and this,I didn't have to be institutionalized,
I was still dealing with it.
Certain people, when they hear that,they think they're better.
Oh, I can deal with this now.
But it wasn't going away.
So I worked with this counselor forfor many years, and she would say to me,
(07:39):
acceptance, acceptance.
And it wasn't really seeping in that
this may never go away
until you stop feeding it.
Fear of it.
The moment you start to feelthat feeling again, if anyone out there
has an anxiety disorder,
(08:00):
you understand that
you would rather have a broken legor a broken arm
because people could see itand sympathize with it,
but when they can't see itand you look normal, right?
And you're always politeand you leave like a meeting
and say, excuse me, I have to leave.
They don't know what you're really going
through inside,and it's difficult to explain it.
(08:23):
I think it's a little easier nowto to talk about it,
but it's different from just sayingI'm stressful.
This is a panicky feelingthat makes you feel like you're dying.
And this is a lot more commonthan people think, isn't it?
Yeah, especially in this day and age. Yes.
Millions of people really,really silently suffering.
(08:44):
Absolutely.
So I went through all kinds
of therapy and it said in this book,starving your fears.
Like you said, don't feed the fear, starvethe fear.
That was a great piece of advice.
You starved the fear.
But first I went on my road of, I'm
going to and I'm not putting down crystalsand things like that.
(09:06):
Everything has their place.
But I was looking for a magic cure.
And a lot of people told methat magic cure
and whether it was a chiropractorthat was going to adjust my neck to,
to like either lying on crystal bends
or whatever, I was waiting for the miraclebecause I wasn't understanding
(09:28):
what my therapist had told me.
Except, yes,I just wanted it to go away and
so one day
I, I said to my husband,
I really want to drive.
I want to get out there and and drive, but
(09:51):
follow me because I'll feel comfortable
and I was, I wasI was going through a really bad time.
And so he did.
And I thought,oh, this is good. I'm comfortable.
This follow me.
And guess what?
And the biggest panic attack of all,oh wow.
My hands were somy hands were more on the way.
(10:14):
I could feel them.
You were like,now you were on a side road.
I hope not a highway. Highway.
Somewhere you could pull over. Yes. Okay.
Good, good.
You know that, was on the sidethat I could pull over.
But this is where the magic happened.
And this is where it wasthe beginning of the end.
And for me, fully understanding,
(10:37):
I heard her say, am.
I had.
You have to accept this.
So while I'm driving now, super slow,
I began to say to myself,
instead of saying,oh my God, this is happening again!
I can't believe this. He's behind me.
Let no, I shut that down and said this.
(10:58):
Interesting what my body can do
is interesting and I watch.
My hands were like shaking on the wheel.
So yeah.
And I began to watch my body calm down.
And I did the breathing techniquesthat I was taught
and I saw, oh, I can control this.
(11:22):
I don't have to feel this fear.
And it was in that momentthat everything changed for me.
But I also remember my mother saying
my mother had speared,
suddenly
dying and leaving her kidsand my father not being home.
She had a lot of feels like that.
(11:43):
So one day, the things she fearedthe most happened.
At 52 years old, she had a heart attack.
And I remembervisiting her in the hospital,
and she said to me,
if I lived through this,when I come out, I'm going to live.
I'm going to really live.
(12:03):
And then when she gotout of that hospital,
she was the shape of her life.
She never walked alone,
but she began walking for her heart.
She began eating differently.
She began thinking a whole new leaseon life.
Wow. Picturedmy mom and dad getting on a plane.
(12:25):
Yeah, and she never flew, right?
No, she couldn't even look at an air.
And she looked like.
I remember seeing that picture,that big smile on her face.
She was ecstatic.
So later on, when I would call home,
my, my mom always answered the phone.
I remember my dad answering the phoneand they said, Where's mom?
(12:47):
He said, oh, she's not,
And then I thought, wow,
this is a woman who couldn't driveunless she was with other people
and she couldn't do it. There'sso many things that she couldn't do.
You know, she was in this prisonbecause she really didn't have the help.
But she began reading a lot of books.
(13:08):
I remember one of herfirst books was a Norman Vincent Peale.
Oh, sure.
So she would pass down
these books to me, the power of positivethinking and all these great books.
That and she shared with me
that she couldn't go into a store,because if you're waiting in line
and you're paying or you're next up
(13:29):
for the at the bank teller,you have this claustrophobic
feeling like, oh my gosh,what if I can't stand here and pay?
What if I have to leave?
And then there's people in front of me,people behind me.
Where do I go going to be looking at me?
What am I going to do?
She had this racing thoughtsand that happened to her.
She was in a little store
(13:50):
and she, she left whatevershe was going to buy on the counter.
And she went out of the storeand she fell.
And then she said to herself,wait a minute,
this must be my mind,because I'm the same person
standing outside the storethat I was standing at that counter.
(14:10):
So nothing really changed.
So my thoughts have changed.
I learned everythingthat's really good deductive thinking.
Yeah. Yes.
And she was a very wise, wise woman.
So she passed a lot of that on to me.
And in this book I pass,
I feel like I've been your guinea pig.
(14:32):
So you don't have to. Yes.
I don't want anyone to write. You don't.
And someone in the family,
had called me not too long ago
and saidthat they were going through this,
and they apologizedbecause they never understood
what my mother went throughand what I went through
(14:55):
until they went through,I said, you know,
people really don't get it.
It's a story, you know,unless you walk a mile in your shoes,
you don't really know,but you don't want to be walking a mile in
everybody shoes and feel.
Yes. You just know that you're not alone.
You're not alone when you feel anxiety
(15:16):
and you feel stressand you have worrisome thoughts,
you get out of control.
Like you feel like you can't stop them.
So in this book
is to tell youthat you have way more control
than we do have dominion over our bodyand what we think.
But but sometimesyou just need a little push.
(15:37):
Sometimes you need to walkthrough the wave coming at you
and know it's going to pass right.
And everything's going to be calmon the other side when you lose the fear.
And that's whyI call this starving your fears.
If you don't feed a plant, it'sgoing to die, right?
And we're the same way.
(15:59):
Don't keep feeding what you fear.
So if the news bothers you,you don't watch the news, right?
You don't need change the channel.
People will tell you something badis happening in your neighborhood that,
people love to gossip.
They'll they'll tell you, let you know.
Did you hear that, so-and-so?People love that. Don't they?
Yeah. Yeah.
(16:21):
Well, we want to change the world.
So people talk about what's good,and that's right.
And when you start to talk about it,you start to think about
what are the good thingsthat happen in your life.
Don't focus on that.
A terrible childhood for this or that.
No, you are where you are right now, rightand right now.
(16:41):
You could start a fabulous lifejust like your mom did.
That was a mindset.
This woman, I'mtelling you, couldn't do anything.
She left that hospitaland that was in her first plane, right?
She went on many planesand with the anxiety
before thinking about,you know, passing away.
And then she had that heart attack at 52.
She got a new leaseand she started thinking differently.
(17:04):
And her life changed to fear in the face.
Right. She said, I'm not afraid.
Don't be to that wave.Like you said, walk into the wave.
And some people, because I've
dealt with hundredsand hundreds of people with this,
they will be so disappointed
when they get a panic attackafter they've tried things.
(17:28):
I said, no, that's a good thing.
This is your time to practice.
Because that feeling may never go away.
Your body may always be like you knowgeared to sending out more adrenaline.
Yeah.
You just have to look at it likeI'm just going to practice through this
and look at it.
See, you know I've been here before.
(17:50):
You go away. Right.
If it does go away.
But don't give it credibility.
And here's a good, good trick.
And I know we've talked about this before,but I think you can never hear
enough, I'm sure. Yep. Your breath.
It's all in your breaththe moment you start breathing like this.
(18:11):
I guess you just said.
And I just sent a message to my brainthat I'm in trouble.
So we automatically go into the fightor flight.
Yes, but back in the caveman days,
when you had that adrenaline rush,you had a for a reason.
Because you were supposed to runright for,
(18:34):
We're not doing that today.
You're theregoing to get food or be food back then.
So while you're sitting at your computeror you're in bed, even watch a movie,
whatever, and you get that panic feelingyour brain is thinking, do something.
It's telling you to do something.
And when you don't do anythingbut like say, oh my God, what's happening?
(18:54):
It pumps out more.
Why isn't Joyce running.
Why isn't Joyce right.
So it just exacerbateswhat's, what's happening within you.
But the mom that I'm talking nanosecond
you get breath down into your belly
and you do diaphragmatic breathing.
(19:15):
You send a message to your brainthat you're okay
and you can't have an anxiety attack.
It's impossiblebecause your brain has shut
all those valves off for you.
Now you can get right backinto the panic mode again
but learn to breathe diaphragmatic like.
(19:35):
And I always like to give peoplethe vision of,
thinking of a toddler standing there,
you know, a little diaper on,and they got that rounded. Yes.
And they're breathing.
The momentthey get stressed they're all here.
Right.
(19:56):
Yeah a dog, a cat is the same way
when they're, they're just stretched out,they're belly breathing.
But if there's stressthey're barking right here.
We're meant to be breathing
through the belly area.
And only when we're speaking,even when you're speaking of
(20:17):
you can train yourself tobecause I do that
as a singer, as a singer.
And when you're out there doing publicspeaking or whatever,
using that diaphragm,good posture, shoulders back
and and the biggest trick I learned,
it was through a wonderful bookabout breathwork.
I wish I could remember like that,
(20:39):
but they said that your nose is designed
to breathe, you know, because of the hairs
in our nose and everything,it captures the, you know, the follicles.
And, and so
when you close off one nostril,
taking a deep breath, even if you'rein your car, you could do this.
(21:00):
I do this in traffic.
It automatically makes youbreathe diagrammatically
and then exhale through the nostril.
Also some peoplelike to take the breath in and go
oh yeah, that's fine too.
But if you can do it just, you know,you just lean like this and
(21:21):
you take the breath in, breath out
like alternating three times,
you will calm your body.
And it's it's like a miraclebecause you are a miracle witness.
And I do the same thing every morningalong with my workout in the morning,
like a little corePilates, yoga exercises in the morning.
And I spend time breathing,
(21:42):
you know, just breathingin through my nose, like you were saying,
alternate this and that, and then thenmaybe after every 30 times, I'll.
I breathe in real deep and hold it
for as long as I can, and I go out slowly,and I.
Any kind of stress is gone.
You can't help but feel good,because the more oxygen
(22:02):
you have in your body,the less chance of disease.
Yes, because there's more ease.
Disease means lack of ease.
The more ease you have in the body.
Oxygen,you know, the more oxygen you have in
your body,the less apt you're going to have disease.
So breathing is extraordinarily important,and people forget to breathe.
They do, they do.
(22:23):
You don't realizeat times that you're holding your breath
or breathing very shallow.
Most people you're so rightthere as people that are over 30,
35 years old too.
They get lessand less oxygen in their body
because they're not sprinting.
They're not running as much anymore.
They're not exercising as much.
They're becoming more lethargic.
And, that's that's a dangerous situation.
(22:43):
You want to continually expandthose lungs to get air in your body.
And exercise.
It's a it's really, really important.
And breathing inand getting that air in the body,
if you could just walk a little slowly,
you know, there's a saying that let's see
if you're lying down,but you can stand up, stand up.
(23:05):
If you're sitting,
stand up
if you can walk, walkif you can, then put it in a faster walk.
Do that.
Because what happenswhen you exercise in any form?
You're actually telling your brain,your body that you're alive? Yes.
And your body responds to that.
(23:27):
Almost like saying,oh, John wants to live. Yes.
You know, let's let's help him live.
Right?
But when you just let goand you think I'm too old or I'm too sick,
whatever your body response is, oh,
they're too old and and you're prophesizein your future with that too.
(23:47):
And the thing is, we really are.
It sounds cliche,but we really are ageless.
Yes, because, I mean, I know peoplethat are 20 who are old, by the way.
They think, oh, I'm so old now.
I was a guy at the gymthe other day. Can't do what I used to do.
I'm 30 years old now and I'mthinking to myself, what do you do?
You know who you're talking to?
I mean, come on, come on, you know,but we do.
We do kind of, like, manifest what we sayand what we think.
(24:10):
I've watched people prophesizethat and like, from years of go
now I'm not going to be able to do thisright.
I can't do this.
And then I look at them todayand I think, yeah,
I may be aging,but I right now, you know what?
We are not aging.
We are using forwe are using we're not used.
(24:33):
No no no no no, I don't know.
That's a whole different show.
But we are youth not aging.
Yes, we are.
Think that's right.
Actually it has. Right. Yes. Right.
Mindset.
It, it rightthat saying you're as young as you feel
we're going to go outkicking and screaming no matter what.
(24:54):
We're kicking and screaming. So are you.
We believe in you.
So just know that you have more powerthan you know.
It's in your breath.
It's in the wayyou think. And life is good.
It is good.
Listening to us rightnow, you have ears to hear.
Maybe you have eyes to see.
Maybe you can walk. Or you could talk.
Focus on what's good in your body,what's going on in your life,
(25:18):
and know that nothing badis going to last forever.
And unless you make it, what do they say?
What 9,596% of what you worry aboutnever comes to fruition anyway,
we let fear take overand my my whole motto is faith over fear
has always beenmy motto of faith over fear.
So again, starving those fears and justfeeding our faith, feeding positive.
(25:41):
A lot of us have things in our lifethat we'd like to change, but
I want to focus on the things that I likethat are good in my life.
It's too easy to go down the road.
I wish I had this,I wish I had that, no, no, no.
You know, just, you know, it'sokay to want to want things.
But as I get older too,I think more and more about experiences
and friendships more than things,you know,
(26:01):
the more you appreciate what you haveright now, you may see those things.
You may.
And the more you're more gratefulyou're about things,
the more goods isgoing to come into your life.
So we wish that for you.
Breathe.
Breathe. Smile.
Smile, everybody.
Like a Raggedy Ann or Andy doll.
Just sitting there limp like this.
(26:24):
You can't have a panic attack
because you're diaphragmatic breathingwhen you do that, right?
So think of yourself as
and happy and.
Yeah, life will be better.
So if somebody calls you RaggedyAnn, it's a compliment.
Your ankle
starving your fears, you can get it on
(26:45):
and you can do whateverfor literally pennies. So,
where else can they get?
Can they get on Amazon?
I don't want to.
First came out it was number one on Amazonfor like 13 straight weeks.
Thank you.
I see how I'm manifesting that you have.
Oh I just want you to know I have storiesworth of people that I've worked with
(27:06):
and how they came out of their fears.
It's I think it's a great read.
It's a it's an easy read.
And every pagethere's going to be something on here.
I like all the pictures in there too.
You know, which which my husband tookthese pictures means a lot.
That meant a lot.
And plus, at the outset of the show,you were saying there have been,
(27:26):
you know, books written about this,but they've been so, you know, technical
the way that the way you.
Yeah.
And I like that because the averageeveryday person can understand this
and doesn't have to be a rocket scientistabout it.
I'm not talking about someone who.
Yeah.
I mean, let me just sayalso this that the,
(27:46):
the therapist that I saw saidshe could understand
what I was going throughbecause she once had a panic attack.
And then something happened.
She said, well, it'smy first time flying solo.
And I looked like I was running on a gasand it's like, get out of here.
I said anyone would have a panic, right.
You're crying solo I said no is it.
(28:08):
You don't understand.
These are panic attackswhile you're sitting home watching TV.
Yeah.
And that's what made me want to writethis book, from someone who's lived it.
Anyway. That's enough.
Yeah.
No no no no, I, I think that's great,I really do, but there
there is, there is hope for for you.
I mean, people like we talk aboutall the time don't want to feel like
(28:30):
they're alone and feel like,is this really just happening to me? No.
There's a lot of people that,that, that deal with this
don't know how to express it.
Like I said,you get sympathy with a broken arm
because people can see it,but if they can't see, right,
just the amount of angst
over the stress that you're living, right?
(28:50):
They don't understand it.
Like the doctor said to my mother,just go get a job.
I went out to coffee recentlywith a gentleman who was a dear
friend of mine, who's really sufferingfrom major anxiety and so many levels.
He just wanted to be.He wanted to be heard.
I just sat down with him,listen to and let him talk.
Didn't Pooh Pooh anything he was saying.
See? Listen, man, this is a free place.
(29:11):
This is a judgment free zone.
Kind of like Planet Fitness, right?
And you could talk to meand say anything to me, and,
you know, it'snot going to go anywhere, right?
Because I always tell people,
if you tell me something, you say,I want this to be in confidence.
I will always say,this is only between me and my wife,
because my wife and I are one,and they oh, we expect that, you know.
(29:31):
And so that's that'swhat that's where it goes.
But that's as far as it goes.
And they know thatthey're not being judged. Right.
Because we all have issues.
Every one of us has issues.
We all have that in common.We love you very much.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
The what's good with John enjoys.
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(29:51):
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Subscribe is for freeand share it with everybody.
Bye for now.
Oh, man, I am fired up.
Yeah, yeah, I'm just excited.
You know, I love hanging out with youand love, you know, hanging out with you.
And welcome to another editionof What's Good with John and Joyce.
It's our 30 minutes.
Each and every weekwe can get away from all the bias
and all the negativityout there in the world and just kind of
(00:22):
okay, there's a place I can go tofor a little respite, a little escape.
Yeah.
Are you I like,
I know, mellow, I do, I am yeah.
I mean I probably, probably cuzI worked out got the endorphins going.
(00:43):
But you like to work out at night,don't you?
And I work outfirst thing in the morning and just.
I'm brain dead all the time.
Don't you agree with that? No.
My wife's going. Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah,
I wake up,you know, my hair is all sticking up.
All right, I don't know, we're,You're still adorable, Joyce.
(01:06):
Come on now.
Come on.
Nighttime. I'm all fired up.
You guys are going to bed, right?
I remember the days, you know,when I would rock and roll all night.
Like the song by kiss rock and partyevery day.
You'd be out till one, two in the morningand then wake up a few hours later,
go to work and actually still performyour duties and do well.
It doesn't work so much nowadays.
I think it's because we get smarter.
(01:28):
Yeah, we do something.
I never like going to clubs ever.
Because you haveto scream to hear, oh yes,
right.
I've learnedto speak with people who like.
So hey, Joyce,you know what's going on today?
Oh, sorry about that, Stephanie.
In the backin the directors room back there.
I never enjoyed that.
I guessI'm just always the chatter, right?
(01:49):
Yeah. I like to talk to people.
I've being in the radio bizand performing with the DJ biz.
I was always back in the early days.
I was in clubs all the time.
And you're right, I had to be in clubs.
But I didn't really enjoygoing to a club as much
because like you,I like to be able to have a conversation.
Costas, I like going to like a
(02:09):
like a hall, likesome of the theaters around here I like,
but the club ambiance isa little bit different. But
you're here with it.
Just so you say thatmy hearing is actually it.
I don't know how this happens,but it seems to have gotten better.
Okay.
I mean, I could be doing a DJ gig, Joyce,and people could be talking on the floor,
and I hear everything they're saying,
and I get on the microphone and said,I heard that.
(02:31):
How did you hear that?
Right.
It's for SB that's right, that's right.
I got my shoe, phone and everything.
Maxwell Smart, though
it does.
Juice.
Oh, man.
So what are wewhat are we talking about today, Joyce?
I think about starting your fears, Yeah.
(02:52):
We we?
Yes, we are going to talk about that todaybecause based on your book,
I mean, why don't you hold up that bookso people can see it?
You need to get this bookif you don't have it already.
I wrote this book for all of us.
You know, a few years ago,just before Covid.
But, the reason why I wanted to write that book
(03:13):
is because there's a lot of booksthat's been written about,
anxiety and stress,
and some of it gets very technical,
you know, like how the brain worksand all that which is which is fine.
But I thought,I was coming from a different place
because I lived this.
(03:33):
And first of all, I lived it with my mom,
and I didn't know that she had phobia.
And I don't even knowthat they use that word.
What does that mean?
The definition for those
who really comes from the Greek wordmeaning fear of the market place.
But it's not really
(03:53):
the fear of going outor the fear of socializing.
It could be that you're having panicattacks while you're sitting at home.
Yeah, it's really a misfiring of,
your, you know, like,what makes you anxious?
It's the, you know, cortisol, baby.
Adrenaline. Yeah.
(04:15):
And sometimes with some people,they're just.
Here's the good news about it.
The good news is highly creative.
People get this right, and your brainsometimes
is working on overload,and you're very fast to do things.
You know,I was always like, a fast walker or fast
talker or whatever, but,
(04:37):
you know, everyone's different.
It's sort of like the thumbprint.
Everyone can experience it differently.
As an example, my
so my mother always hadthis, did not know she had it.
She was a great mom because she was home.
Mom didn't drive becauseshe was afraid to drive and she baked.
(04:58):
So she taught me how to bake.
This womanis, like, the best baker on the planet.
No, no, I think I have,
I just love to do it.
So my mother was very nurturing that way.
But, there were times as a teenagerespecially,
is very upset with herthat she was doing certain things.
(05:19):
And I didn't knowthat it was because of that.
Then in my early 20s, I was walking into
what is now a big, wide Branchburg,
and suddenly it just looked likethe floor was tilting
and I felt like my heart began to race,like I was going to faint.
(05:40):
I didn't know what was happening to me.
And to make a long story short,I began having panic attacks
and I didn't know how to really dealwith this.
My mother sought help for herself,
but her doctor at the time said, quote,
what you need is a kick in the ass, okay?
(06:04):
And you need to go out and get a job.
Well, she could barely leave her house.
So many people would just poo pooit back in the day.
Like, you know, suck it up type thing.
But this is a real, realserious situation.
This is a very serious situation
when you don't know how to deal with it,when you realize what it is
(06:26):
and you accept, it becomes easier.
So I packed a bag
and I'min an appointment to see a psychiatrist,
and my sister drove me to the psychiatristin New Haven, Connecticut,
and I thought, he's going to put me in ain a mental ward
because I can't work.
(06:47):
I can barely go out and get my mail.
I feel like I'm going to die.
But my heart's okay.
I've been checked out.
And I told him my whole story and he said,
you are suffering
with a generalized anxiety disorder.
And he said,you have one of the best therapists
for this in your own backyardat the Brantford Counseling Center.
(07:12):
And even though it was a weight offof my shoulders
and this,I didn't have to be institutionalized,
I was still dealing with it.
Certain people, when they hear that,they think they're better.
Oh, I can deal with this now.
But it wasn't going away.
So I worked with this counselor forfor many years, and she would say to me,
(07:39):
acceptance, acceptance.
And it wasn't really seeping in that
this may never go away
until you stop feeding it.
Fear of it.
The moment you start to feelthat feeling again, if anyone out there
has an anxiety disorder,
(08:00):
you understand that
you would rather have a broken legor a broken arm
because people could see itand sympathize with it,
but when they can't see itand you look normal, right?
And you're always politeand you leave like a meeting
and say, excuse me, I have to leave.
They don't know what you're really going
through inside,and it's difficult to explain it.
(08:23):
I think it's a little easier nowto to talk about it,
but it's different from just sayingI'm stressful.
This is a panicky feelingthat makes you feel like you're dying.
And this is a lot more commonthan people think, isn't it?
Yeah, especially in this day and age. Yes.
Millions of people really,really silently suffering.
(08:44):
Absolutely.
So I went through all kinds
of therapy and it said in this book,starving your fears.
Like you said, don't feed the fear, starvethe fear.
That was a great piece of advice.
You starved the fear.
But first I went on my road of, I'm
going to and I'm not putting down crystalsand things like that.
(09:06):
Everything has their place.
But I was looking for a magic cure.
And a lot of people told methat magic cure
and whether it was a chiropractorthat was going to adjust my neck to,
to like either lying on crystal bends
or whatever, I was waiting for the miraclebecause I wasn't understanding
(09:28):
what my therapist had told me.
Except, yes,I just wanted it to go away and
so one day
I, I said to my husband,
I really want to drive.
I want to get out there and and drive, but
(09:51):
follow me because I'll feel comfortable
and I was, I wasI was going through a really bad time.
And so he did.
And I thought,oh, this is good. I'm comfortable.
This follow me.
And guess what?
And the biggest panic attack of all,oh wow.
My hands were somy hands were more on the way.
(10:14):
I could feel them.
You were like,now you were on a side road.
I hope not a highway. Highway.
Somewhere you could pull over. Yes. Okay.
Good, good.
You know that, was on the sidethat I could pull over.
But this is where the magic happened.
And this is where it wasthe beginning of the end.
And for me, fully understanding,
(10:37):
I heard her say, am.
I had.
You have to accept this.
So while I'm driving now, super slow,
I began to say to myself,
instead of saying,oh my God, this is happening again!
I can't believe this. He's behind me.
Let no, I shut that down and said this.
(10:58):
Interesting what my body can do
is interesting and I watch.
My hands were like shaking on the wheel.
So yeah.
And I began to watch my body calm down.
And I did the breathing techniquesthat I was taught
and I saw, oh, I can control this.
(11:22):
I don't have to feel this fear.
And it was in that momentthat everything changed for me.
But I also remember my mother saying
my mother had speared,
suddenly
dying and leaving her kidsand my father not being home.
She had a lot of feels like that.
(11:43):
So one day, the things she fearedthe most happened.
At 52 years old, she had a heart attack.
And I remembervisiting her in the hospital,
and she said to me,
if I lived through this,when I come out, I'm going to live.
I'm going to really live.
(12:03):
And then when she gotout of that hospital,
she was the shape of her life.
She never walked alone,
but she began walking for her heart.
She began eating differently.
She began thinking a whole new leaseon life.
Wow. Picturedmy mom and dad getting on a plane.
(12:25):
Yeah, and she never flew, right?
No, she couldn't even look at an air.
And she looked like.
I remember seeing that picture,that big smile on her face.
She was ecstatic.
So later on, when I would call home,
my, my mom always answered the phone.
I remember my dad answering the phoneand they said, Where's mom?
(12:47):
He said, oh, she's not,
And then I thought, wow,
this is a woman who couldn't driveunless she was with other people
and she couldn't do it. There'sso many things that she couldn't do.
You know, she was in this prisonbecause she really didn't have the help.
But she began reading a lot of books.
(13:08):
I remember one of herfirst books was a Norman Vincent Peale.
Oh, sure.
So she would pass down
these books to me, the power of positivethinking and all these great books.
That and she shared with me
that she couldn't go into a store,because if you're waiting in line
and you're paying or you're next up
(13:29):
for the at the bank teller,you have this claustrophobic
feeling like, oh my gosh,what if I can't stand here and pay?
What if I have to leave?
And then there's people in front of me,people behind me.
Where do I go going to be looking at me?
What am I going to do?
She had this racing thoughtsand that happened to her.
She was in a little store
(13:50):
and she, she left whatevershe was going to buy on the counter.
And she went out of the storeand she fell.
And then she said to herself,wait a minute,
this must be my mind,because I'm the same person
standing outside the storethat I was standing at that counter.
(14:10):
So nothing really changed.
So my thoughts have changed.
I learned everythingthat's really good deductive thinking.
Yeah. Yes.
And she was a very wise, wise woman.
So she passed a lot of that on to me.
And in this book I pass,
I feel like I've been your guinea pig.
(14:32):
So you don't have to. Yes.
I don't want anyone to write. You don't.
And someone in the family,
had called me not too long ago
and saidthat they were going through this,
and they apologizedbecause they never understood
what my mother went throughand what I went through
(14:55):
until they went through,I said, you know,
people really don't get it.
It's a story, you know,unless you walk a mile in your shoes,
you don't really know,but you don't want to be walking a mile in
everybody shoes and feel.
Yes. You just know that you're not alone.
You're not alone when you feel anxiety
(15:16):
and you feel stressand you have worrisome thoughts,
you get out of control.
Like you feel like you can't stop them.
So in this book
is to tell youthat you have way more control
than we do have dominion over our bodyand what we think.
But but sometimesyou just need a little push.
(15:37):
Sometimes you need to walkthrough the wave coming at you
and know it's going to pass right.
And everything's going to be calmon the other side when you lose the fear.
And that's whyI call this starving your fears.
If you don't feed a plant, it'sgoing to die, right?
And we're the same way.
(15:59):
Don't keep feeding what you fear.
So if the news bothers you,you don't watch the news, right?
You don't need change the channel.
People will tell you something badis happening in your neighborhood that,
people love to gossip.
They'll they'll tell you, let you know.
Did you hear that, so-and-so?People love that. Don't they?
Yeah. Yeah.
(16:21):
Well, we want to change the world.
So people talk about what's good,and that's right.
And when you start to talk about it,you start to think about
what are the good thingsthat happen in your life.
Don't focus on that.
A terrible childhood for this or that.
No, you are where you are right now, rightand right now.
(16:41):
You could start a fabulous lifejust like your mom did.
That was a mindset.
This woman, I'mtelling you, couldn't do anything.
She left that hospitaland that was in her first plane, right?
She went on many planesand with the anxiety
before thinking about,you know, passing away.
And then she had that heart attack at 52.
She got a new leaseand she started thinking differently.
(17:04):
And her life changed to fear in the face.
Right. She said, I'm not afraid.
Don't be to that wave.Like you said, walk into the wave.
And some people, because I've
dealt with hundredsand hundreds of people with this,
they will be so disappointed
when they get a panic attackafter they've tried things.
(17:28):
I said, no, that's a good thing.
This is your time to practice.
Because that feeling may never go away.
Your body may always be like you knowgeared to sending out more adrenaline.
Yeah.
You just have to look at it likeI'm just going to practice through this
and look at it.
See, you know I've been here before.
(17:50):
You go away. Right.
If it does go away.
But don't give it credibility.
And here's a good, good trick.
And I know we've talked about this before,but I think you can never hear
enough, I'm sure. Yep. Your breath.
It's all in your breaththe moment you start breathing like this.
(18:11):
I guess you just said.
And I just sent a message to my brainthat I'm in trouble.
So we automatically go into the fightor flight.
Yes, but back in the caveman days,
when you had that adrenaline rush,you had a for a reason.
Because you were supposed to runright for,
(18:34):
We're not doing that today.
You're theregoing to get food or be food back then.
So while you're sitting at your computeror you're in bed, even watch a movie,
whatever, and you get that panic feelingyour brain is thinking, do something.
It's telling you to do something.
And when you don't do anythingbut like say, oh my God, what's happening?
(18:54):
It pumps out more.
Why isn't Joyce running.
Why isn't Joyce right.
So it just exacerbateswhat's, what's happening within you.
But the mom that I'm talking nanosecond
you get breath down into your belly
and you do diaphragmatic breathing.
(19:15):
You send a message to your brainthat you're okay
and you can't have an anxiety attack.
It's impossiblebecause your brain has shut
all those valves off for you.
Now you can get right backinto the panic mode again
but learn to breathe diaphragmatic like.
(19:35):
And I always like to give peoplethe vision of,
thinking of a toddler standing there,
you know, a little diaper on,and they got that rounded. Yes.
And they're breathing.
The momentthey get stressed they're all here.
Right.
(19:56):
Yeah a dog, a cat is the same way
when they're, they're just stretched out,they're belly breathing.
But if there's stressthey're barking right here.
We're meant to be breathing
through the belly area.
And only when we're speaking,even when you're speaking of
(20:17):
you can train yourself tobecause I do that
as a singer, as a singer.
And when you're out there doing publicspeaking or whatever,
using that diaphragm,good posture, shoulders back
and and the biggest trick I learned,
it was through a wonderful bookabout breathwork.
I wish I could remember like that,
(20:39):
but they said that your nose is designed
to breathe, you know, because of the hairs
in our nose and everything,it captures the, you know, the follicles.
And, and so
when you close off one nostril,
taking a deep breath, even if you'rein your car, you could do this.
(21:00):
I do this in traffic.
It automatically makes youbreathe diagrammatically
and then exhale through the nostril.
Also some peoplelike to take the breath in and go
oh yeah, that's fine too.
But if you can do it just, you know,you just lean like this and
(21:21):
you take the breath in, breath out
like alternating three times,
you will calm your body.
And it's it's like a miraclebecause you are a miracle witness.
And I do the same thing every morningalong with my workout in the morning,
like a little corePilates, yoga exercises in the morning.
And I spend time breathing,
(21:42):
you know, just breathingin through my nose, like you were saying,
alternate this and that, and then thenmaybe after every 30 times, I'll.
I breathe in real deep and hold it
for as long as I can, and I go out slowly,and I.
Any kind of stress is gone.
You can't help but feel good,because the more oxygen
(22:02):
you have in your body,the less chance of disease.
Yes, because there's more ease.
Disease means lack of ease.
The more ease you have in the body.
Oxygen,you know, the more oxygen you have in
your body,the less apt you're going to have disease.
So breathing is extraordinarily important,and people forget to breathe.
They do, they do.
(22:23):
You don't realizeat times that you're holding your breath
or breathing very shallow.
Most people you're so rightthere as people that are over 30,
35 years old too.
They get lessand less oxygen in their body
because they're not sprinting.
They're not running as much anymore.
They're not exercising as much.
They're becoming more lethargic.
And, that's that's a dangerous situation.
(22:43):
You want to continually expandthose lungs to get air in your body.
And exercise.
It's a it's really, really important.
And breathing inand getting that air in the body,
if you could just walk a little slowly,
you know, there's a saying that let's see
if you're lying down,but you can stand up, stand up.
(23:05):
If you're sitting,
stand up
if you can walk, walkif you can, then put it in a faster walk.
Do that.
Because what happenswhen you exercise in any form?
You're actually telling your brain,your body that you're alive? Yes.
And your body responds to that.
(23:27):
Almost like saying,oh, John wants to live. Yes.
You know, let's let's help him live.
Right?
But when you just let goand you think I'm too old or I'm too sick,
whatever your body response is, oh,
they're too old and and you're prophesizein your future with that too.
(23:47):
And the thing is, we really are.
It sounds cliche,but we really are ageless.
Yes, because, I mean, I know peoplethat are 20 who are old, by the way.
They think, oh, I'm so old now.
I was a guy at the gymthe other day. Can't do what I used to do.
I'm 30 years old now and I'mthinking to myself, what do you do?
You know who you're talking to?
I mean, come on, come on, you know,but we do.
We do kind of, like, manifest what we sayand what we think.
(24:10):
I've watched people prophesizethat and like, from years of go
now I'm not going to be able to do thisright.
I can't do this.
And then I look at them todayand I think, yeah,
I may be aging,but I right now, you know what?
We are not aging.
We are using forwe are using we're not used.
(24:33):
No no no no no, I don't know.
That's a whole different show.
But we are youth not aging.
Yes, we are.
Think that's right.
Actually it has. Right. Yes. Right.
Mindset.
It, it rightthat saying you're as young as you feel
we're going to go outkicking and screaming no matter what.
(24:54):
We're kicking and screaming. So are you.
We believe in you.
So just know that you have more powerthan you know.
It's in your breath.
It's in the wayyou think. And life is good.
It is good.
Listening to us rightnow, you have ears to hear.
Maybe you have eyes to see.
Maybe you can walk. Or you could talk.
Focus on what's good in your body,what's going on in your life,
(25:18):
and know that nothing badis going to last forever.
And unless you make it, what do they say?
What 9,596% of what you worry aboutnever comes to fruition anyway,
we let fear take overand my my whole motto is faith over fear
has always beenmy motto of faith over fear.
So again, starving those fears and justfeeding our faith, feeding positive.
(25:41):
A lot of us have things in our lifethat we'd like to change, but
I want to focus on the things that I likethat are good in my life.
It's too easy to go down the road.
I wish I had this,I wish I had that, no, no, no.
You know, just, you know, it'sokay to want to want things.
But as I get older too,I think more and more about experiences
and friendships more than things,you know,
(26:01):
the more you appreciate what you haveright now, you may see those things.
You may.
And the more you're more gratefulyou're about things,
the more goods isgoing to come into your life.
So we wish that for you.
Breathe.
Breathe. Smile.
Smile, everybody.
Like a Raggedy Ann or Andy doll.
Just sitting there limp like this.
(26:24):
You can't have a panic attack
because you're diaphragmatic breathingwhen you do that, right?
So think of yourself as
and happy and.
Yeah, life will be better.
So if somebody calls you RaggedyAnn, it's a compliment.
Your ankle
starving your fears, you can get it on
(26:45):
and you can do whateverfor literally pennies. So,
where else can they get?
Can they get on Amazon?
I don't want to.
First came out it was number one on Amazonfor like 13 straight weeks.
Thank you.
I see how I'm manifesting that you have.
Oh I just want you to know I have storiesworth of people that I've worked with
(27:06):
and how they came out of their fears.
It's I think it's a great read.
It's a it's an easy read.
And every pagethere's going to be something on here.
I like all the pictures in there too.
You know, which which my husband tookthese pictures means a lot.
That meant a lot.
And plus, at the outset of the show,you were saying there have been,
(27:26):
you know, books written about this,but they've been so, you know, technical
the way that the way you.
Yeah.
And I like that because the averageeveryday person can understand this
and doesn't have to be a rocket scientistabout it.
I'm not talking about someone who.
Yeah.
I mean, let me just sayalso this that the,
(27:46):
the therapist that I saw saidshe could understand
what I was going throughbecause she once had a panic attack.
And then something happened.
She said, well, it'smy first time flying solo.
And I looked like I was running on a gasand it's like, get out of here.
I said anyone would have a panic, right.
You're crying solo I said no is it.
(28:08):
You don't understand.
These are panic attackswhile you're sitting home watching TV.
Yeah.
And that's what made me want to writethis book, from someone who's lived it.
Anyway. That's enough.
Yeah.
No no no no, I, I think that's great,I really do, but there
there is, there is hope for for you.
I mean, people like we talk aboutall the time don't want to feel like
(28:30):
they're alone and feel like,is this really just happening to me? No.
There's a lot of people that,that, that deal with this
don't know how to express it.
Like I said,you get sympathy with a broken arm
because people can see it,but if they can't see, right,
just the amount of angst
over the stress that you're living, right?
(28:50):
They don't understand it.
Like the doctor said to my mother,just go get a job.
I went out to coffee recentlywith a gentleman who was a dear
friend of mine, who's really sufferingfrom major anxiety and so many levels.
He just wanted to be.He wanted to be heard.
I just sat down with him,listen to and let him talk.
Didn't Pooh Pooh anything he was saying.
See? Listen, man, this is a free place.
(29:11):
This is a judgment free zone.
Kind of like Planet Fitness, right?
And you could talk to meand say anything to me, and,
you know, it'snot going to go anywhere, right?
Because I always tell people,
if you tell me something, you say,I want this to be in confidence.
I will always say,this is only between me and my wife,
because my wife and I are one,and they oh, we expect that, you know.
(29:31):
And so that's that'swhat that's where it goes.
But that's as far as it goes.
And they know thatthey're not being judged. Right.
Because we all have issues.
Every one of us has issues.
We all have that in common.We love you very much.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
The what's good with John enjoys.
So we'll catch you again next time.We pray for you and your family.
And please subscribe,
(29:51):
and on all the major platforms,but especially go to YouTube if you can.
Subscribe is for freeand share it with everybody.
Bye for now.
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Ridiculous History
History is beautiful, brutal and, often, ridiculous. Join Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown as they dive into some of the weirdest stories from across the span of human civilization in Ridiculous History, a podcast by iHeartRadio.