November 24, 2025 • 31 mins
The primary focus of our discourse today centers upon the cinematic artifact known as "Bloodsport," a film released on April 29, 1988, which has garnered a reputation as a profoundly unintentionally humorous piece of entertainment. We delve into the absurdities inherent in the narrative, wherein Frank Dukes, portrayed by Jean Claude Van Damme, embarks on a perilous journey to engage in a martial arts tournament characterized by potentially lethal confrontations. Throughout our examination, we reflect upon the film's disjointed choreography and the peculiarities of its character portrayals, particularly the laughable antics of its antagonist, Chong Lee. The juxtaposition of the film's grave thematic aspirations with its ludicrous execution cultivates a viewing experience that elicits laughter rather than the intended gravitas. Ultimately, we achieve a consensus on the film's shortcomings, assigning it a dismal score of 0.5, indicative of its failings, yet acknowledging the inadvertent entertainment it provides.
Support us:
https://www.patreon.com/whatsourverdict
Email us:
hosts@whatsourverdict.com
Follow us:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/whatsourverdict
Twitter: @whatsourverdict
Instagram: @whatsourverdict
YouTube: https://youtube.com/channel/UC-K_E-ofs3b85BnoU4R6liA
Visit us:
www.whatsourverdict.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
It was like strapped inbetween the two trees.
Oh, my God.
Two displays.
Drawing and quartering the man.
I'm dying because it's likeI'm like I'm sitting there going,
hm, I wonder how this is goingto end.
Yeah.
Snapping the tree is not whatI expected, I'll be honest.
But it is.
It is.
John Claude Van Dan.
(00:27):
Welcome to the what'sEverybody podcast.
We fashion ourselves cinematicjudge and Jerry.
My name is Jay AJ Crowder.
I'm here with my co host, Alec Burgess.
Let's get it.
We appreciate you tuning in.
Go and hit that Followsubscribe like bell notification
buttons help us grow the podcast.
Keep up with episodes.
Tell a friend about us, tell afamily member about us, tell us some
crazy martial artists about us.
(00:48):
We're okay with that.
Entertaining just to watch that.
Nothing else.
But yeah, listen, we're inweek four, the final and glorious
week of November for moviesthat are funny, that were not intended
to be funny.
And I don't know, I think Igot a banger here on this one.
(01:10):
But yeah, so we're doing Bloodsport.
It was released April 29, 1988.
It was written by SheldonLettich and Christopher Cosby.
It was directed by Newt Arnold.
Stars Jean Claude Van Damme,Donald Gibb, Leah Ayers, Norman Burton,
Forest Whitaker, Ray Chow,Randy Gill, Philip Chan, Bolo Jung
(01:33):
and Shunyan Lung.
It is about.
Okay, so Bloodsport followsFrank, Frank Dukes, an American martial
artist serving in the militarywho decides to leave the army to
compete in a martial artstournament in Hong Kong where fights
to the death can occur.
Not bad.
Covers all the basic points.
(01:53):
It's pretty much you.
Can you read that and you'veseen Bloodsport?
Yes, I would say so.
Listen, if you don't know whyI picked this movie for this topic,
then you've never seen thismovie because God damn, I.
When I was a kid and watchedthis movie, we laughed our asses
off, like, and back then youdidn't understand how bad it was
(02:16):
because it was like fightingwhere, like, these guys are kicking
each other's ass.
The older I get, the morefunny this movie gets.
And it is not intended to be funny.
In fact, it's very, very,very, very loosely based on a real
person and, you know, a new,like, martial arts creativity and.
But God bless America, thismovie is horrid and it is hilarious
(02:42):
in ways that it should not be funny.
And man, I just can't tell youhow much I laugh, like, even to this
day at this movie, like, myfavorite part and this Will be my
kick, the end of my kickoff.
And then I'll.
I can't wait to hear what youhave to say.
But every time somebody saysBloodsport or says blood or sport
in the same.
(03:02):
Like, all I think about isthis movie.
And when Chong Lee is like that.
That last fight where you get.
He's getting beat up a littlebit, and he gets pissed, and he's,
like, banging his head around,and then he goes.
And he runs at him with his teeth.
Oh, my God, dude.
And, like, John Claude VanDukes jumps over him and does the
(03:22):
splits.
Belly laughs.
Dude, like, can't breathe.
His face makes me laugh so hard.
It's so bad.
And even when I was a littlekid, we left.
And all the.
The boob flexing, he does.
Oh, God.
Anyway, I'll let you talkabout Bloodsport, my friend.
(03:43):
Well, so when this.
When this episode drops, jj,it's actually the week of Thanksgiving.
And I'm thankful now that I'veseen Bloodsport in its entirety,
because I'd never seen it allthe way through.
Really seen bits and pieces,snatches of it, but it was one of
those that I never had anyreal desire to kind of, like, finish
through it.
(04:04):
Sure.
And like you said, it's notthat good of a movie outside of a
couple laughs.
And so if you.
If you turn on at the wrongtime and you're just like, turn back
off immediately.
And so when I was watching itthrough, I was.
I was cackling because I. I think.
Right.
I didn't do any research, butthis has got to be tied to Mortal
(04:25):
Kombat somehow.
Right?
I'm sure.
Like, based on or inspired byor one thing or other.
Because, yeah, it started.
I was like, oh, dude, this isMortal Kombat.
Like, where's Johnny Cagefirst off?
And then something that's madeits way into my, like, you know,
TikTok or Facebook algorithmis the bullshito videos.
(04:47):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where they do, like, theabsolute chest.
No way in hell does thisactually work.
But people are advertisingtheir martial arts expertise.
And so when he's firsttraining or going through his training
montage, and it's just, youknow, is Sensei or whatever.
It's just pushing him down androlling him over and all these things.
I'm like.
(05:15):
Because it just keeps on goingand going, and it just gets more
and more ridiculous.
Like his.
When he's, like, strapped inbetween the two trees.
Oh, my God.
Drawing and quartering the man.
Dying.
Because it's like, I'm like.
(05:35):
I'm sitting There going.
I wonder how this is gonna end.
Yeah.
Snapping the tree is not whatI expected, I'll be honest.
But it is, it is Jean ClaudeVan Damme, dude.
I will say though, like, JeanClaude Van Damme's so tricky because
he's, he's impossible to watch.
(05:56):
But he's so good at like thestunts and moving his body and things
like that.
So it's like mad respect for that.
Oh, for sure.
But then he's got, you know,soft, little high pitched, squeaky
voice.
Dude.
And it's, it's hard to watch.
Especially when you comparehim to like other action stars of
(06:16):
the 80s.
Right.
He's Schwarzenegger and youknow, Stallone and everybody.
Yeah.
Bruce Willis.
Like any of them.
Right, Any of them.
And it's like, dude.
Because he's.
I would say Van Damme isprobably athletically peak top.
Oh, yeah.
Handily.
(06:37):
And.
But it's, it's because he was,he was a ballerina.
Right.
And so everything involveslike a split kick or something like
that, which.
Amazing.
Yeah.
But it's hard to work thatinto like a Predator movie.
Or, or could you imagine himas Rambo and Rambo running around
(06:57):
the jungle?
Split kick.
It's terrible and I'm aterrible person for it.
But it's because his type of,you know, skill and his skill set
is so hard to wrap around the80s action style.
Yeah.
And so, I mean, I, I had tolook at it four or five different
(07:21):
times to make sure ForestWhitaker was actually Forest Whitaker
that I was seeing.
I was like, I know, right?
There's no way.
But then you go on this littlechase scene through Hong Kong.
Oh my God, dude.
And, and, and Duke's couldhave lost him in 10 seconds flat.
Oh, yeah.
But he just keeps it goingbecause he keeps spinning around
(07:41):
cars or jumping.
When he stops and waves at himlike, I'm like, why don't we all.
I was like.
And they got this musicplaying, but I'm just waiting for
like the.
That's all I can.
I'm like, this is the wrongmusic for what's going.
It was y sax to get.
(08:04):
Anything else because it'sjust so goofy and.
I'm just cracking up.
Because.
Especially because, like,right at the kickoff of this movie,
he handily loses the.
The military.
Yeah.
Right.
He loses his handler in 10seconds flat.
Yeah.
And he kind of disappears.
Goes off and he can't find him anywhere.
Like, could you imagine ifjust in the background he's like
(08:26):
pirouetting and waving at.
Just heading Off.
So stupid.
But that's what we got.
And it's.
Yeah, like.
And you could turn it.
You could still have him usehis ballet skills in a chasing.
That looks a little bit more believable.
Yeah.
But it's just like, like, boldchoice there to.
(08:49):
To have that going.
And that's just one of ahandful of choices in Bloodsport
where I shouldn't havelaughed, but I was.
Because I was like, there isno way somebody.
Dude, we need a littlechaplain stop stick in our blood
movie.
That's what it felt like.
It just is so out of place inthis movie.
(09:12):
But it happens.
It happens.
I'll tell you.
Okay.
The bold choice.
Boldest choice I've ever seenin a movie.
And this is.
I've seen some movies from alot of decades.
Yeah.
Whose idea was it to have theblack guy moving around, like, ease.
A gorilla in the jungle as hisfighting style?
(09:34):
Dude, seriously.
Hey, it's terrible.
The one that jumps up in thetree and karate chops the coconut.
Yeah.
Like, no, you did not.
But even that part, like,during the beginning, I was kind
of.
I was like, okay, cool.
Like, he's jumping through thetrees or whatever.
It's a training regimen.
But then when you get him inthe ring.
Yeah.
(09:56):
I.
It's horrid.
It was terrible.
And I was just sitting theregoing, oh, my gosh.
Yeah, dude.
So you can tell it's 1988, dude.
Yeah, it's so bad.
It was like, multiple timeswhere they kept going back to different
fights as he was advancingthrough this dude.
(10:17):
And everyone is just worse.
Like, they.
They even at one point had himspinning like you'll see a gorilla
do in the.
In.
In any movie.
Yeah.
And I was just.
I was sitting there going,there's no way, dude.
No way this movie cleared.
Nope.
(10:37):
Hell no.
Could not be made today.
And so they're going.
The boldest choice I've everseen in a movie.
And I've seen.
I've seen Blazing Saddles.
I've seen Flamingos.
I have seen the worst of theworst movies.
And then this one was the oneI was going, oh, boy.
(10:58):
Yeah.
You know it's bad when you'remore shocked than a freaking sausage
tied to a penis.
Like, that's.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like, because that's something else.
But, yeah, dude, it's bad.
It's bad.
But it was like, that's.
That's an egregious thing.
Right?
That I was.
By the time we got to thatpoint, it was just.
I was Sitting there going,what am I watching?
(11:19):
Yeah.
You can't help but laugh.
Like, it's just like.
That's what I'm saying.
Like, I. I can't take any ofthem serious.
And then the choreography isso terrible that I'm like, dude,
I would beat these guys's asses.
Like, what.
What is happening right now?
And, like, none of it's believable.
Like, even down to, like, thelast fight where he, like, he's blinded.
(11:43):
Like, why is he just screaming?
Like, what's that supposed to do?
Like, I just don't understand.
Like, use your words.
Tell someone that you're blind.
You know what I mean?
Like, don't just scream.
Like, what is that gonna dofor you anyway?
Like, it just.
But, yeah, the choreographyand the fights are so bad.
(12:05):
Terrible.
And you can tell, like, VanDamme's just like.
Like, he's doing thesespinning wheel kicks back to back
to it.
I'm like, just, like, duck andpunch him in the dick, and it's over.
Like, it's just so stupid.
At least play it at fullspeed, too.
Because the whole.
Every fight's in slow mo.
And I'm like, oh, Jesus.
(12:27):
And, like, especially VanDamme stuff, right?
Because, you know, he can do it.
Yeah.
At full speed.
And it's much more impressiverather than everything they're slowing
down.
You know, they're slowing itdown because it's very choreographed,
and they got to make sure theyhit it right.
But this dude is just going.
He's got the balance.
He's got the ability to, youknow, pull off these moves at full
(12:49):
speed.
Like, that's what I want to see.
Yeah.
That's why you mentioned theblind stuff.
Because he has that wholesequence where he's, like, protecting
the ref behind him.
Yeah.
Where it could have just beena very simple, like, hey, dude, he
cheated.
I can't see nothing.
It's just so weird.
My eye.
It's so bad.
(13:10):
It's so bad.
And Chong Lee's, like, the worst.
Like, he's just it.
Flexing his freaking pecsevery time, and I'm in the.
Like.
Like, oh, he's had fists upand down as they're chanting his
name.
I'm like, oh, my God, this isso terrible.
Like, he's.
They're physical specimens, right?
Like, these guys, massivehuman beings built, obviously, very
(13:33):
athletic.
It's no, like, no diss totheir ability, right?
And I'm sure most of thoseguys, probably even the black guy
that they completely screwedin this movie, is probably a very
Adept martial artist, but you can't.
This doesn't show you that.
(13:53):
Like, it makes them a joke.
100.
Like, and here's the worstpart is the fact that the kumite,
like, and I don't know if it'scalled the kumite in your life, but,
like, this thing actually exists.
Right?
Like, at least back then, andit was a thing.
And, like, you're making this.
And I'm sure that they reallyfind honor in, like, an actual sense
(14:14):
of achievement by participating.
I mean, you.
We.
We have UFC and the fighting now.
And I.
And listen, I know how UFCstarted back in, like, the pride
fights, and that was.
Started to show off theability of Brazilian jiu jitsu.
Like, the Gracies were like, I can.
I can beat anybody's ass frommy back.
(14:34):
And he proved it.
Right?
Like, so it's not like, theseguys don't take this seriously, but,
like, I would be massivelyoffended if I was part of this in
real life.
And this is the movie that wehave to represent what it is that
I trained my whole life for,and I put my life at risk and my
body in harm's way to do toshow off my ability, and this is
(14:56):
the movie that I get torepresent that.
Oh, I'd be livid, because thisis the worst.
Oh, it's terrible.
I will say, though, if I couldmake my titties dance, I'd do it
all the time, too.
A lot of.
A lot of.
A lot of swinging back andforth because they're hanging so
low.
But, yeah, I mean, it's justyes to everything you kind of said.
(15:20):
And it's just.
It just piles on, though.
Like, it starts bad when youget the line that cracks me up as
a little kid.
Calls him Brown Eye.
Oh, my God.
Cracking me up.
And.
And it ruins it a little bitlater where you find out that his
(15:42):
son passed away.
Yeah.
And it's that moment I'm still.
Because it.
It's too close together to the.
To the round comment.
I'm still laughing at that.
And I miss over what'ssupposed to be, like, this really
emotional kind of, you know,making sure that the.
He stays tied to this family.
(16:03):
Yeah.
Gives you that connection.
I gloss over that because I'mlike, that was funny.
And then we go into the.
The, you know, trainingmontage, and I tell you, by the time
you had the blindfold out, Iwas like, I wonder how this is going
to help him in the.
Yeah, no, this is very muchlike, like, the Karate Kid.
(16:25):
Right.
The crazy kid kind of Thing orthe this, you know, the.
Tells you what happens.
What's going to happen the endof the movie, in the beginning of
the movie.
And part of their training is key.
Right.
So in that couple, I was like.
And then, sure enough, JohnLee, I was like, oh, geez, he's blind.
That's unfortunate.
Yeah.
If only he only trained for this.
(16:45):
For this kind of thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So bad.
So bad.
Well, and I love that itstarts with a training montage, and
then there's like.
This is like, the epitome of montages.
I think there's, like, six ofthem in this.
I'm like, good.
And it starts with one.
The first thing we see ismontage of all these guys training.
(17:06):
And I'm just like, wow, thisis some bad writing.
When you have to rely thatmuch on montages.
Like, montages are great, you guys.
You know me, I love them.
On a good montage.
I need one to tell me whysomeone gets somewhere.
But this.
This is too much.
Yeah.
Six of them.
Or seven, whatever it is, the number.
It's.
I'm like, good God.
(17:26):
It's just.
You might as well just made aYouTube video of nothing but montages,
and we would have got.
Just probably would have beena better movie.
Undoubtedly.
If I don't need dialogue, Ijust watch montages of fighting.
Game on.
In fact, this is the perfect movie.
Oh, now we're gonna have to dothis for, like, some sort of Patreon
thing.
But, like, this is thatperfect movie.
(17:47):
Like, you and I should watchit with it muted and we're the voices.
That would be good.
Oh, dude, could you imagine?
No, I can't.
I wanted to do something rightthere, but I'm like, nope, can't
do that on YouTube.
That would not be okay.
We could have a lot of funwith it.
Oh, we could have a ton of funwith that.
We could also get seriouslycanceled for that.
(18:08):
But easily.
Yeah, it.
This movie.
Like, I watched this movie.
The first time I watched thismovie, I think I was, like, 8 or
9 years old, and it had beenout for a little bit, but, like,
everybody kept talking aboutbloodsport and bloodsport and it's
real.
And Frank Dukes was a real person.
And I'm like, dude, if I'mFrank Dukes, I'm pissed.
(18:29):
Like, because there's.
This cannot be a goodrepresentation of what this man did
and went through.
And, like, Jesus.
Because it's bad.
Like, so bad that I don't evenknow what else to talk about with
this movie.
This might be the shortestepisode we've ever had.
I do have one other thing.
Yeah, let's hear it.
I'm excited.
(18:49):
Yeah.
So we get to, you know, we getto Hong Kong, and he meets his biker
friend or, you know, heavy.
Heavy boxer guy.
Oh, yeah.
Best character in the whole.
Absolutely.
By far, hands down.
Yeah.
And I was cracking up at the,like, because they.
They have the invitation.
Right.
But then he still has to,like, go through this testing, prove
(19:12):
himself with the bricks.
And I was cracking up at thissupposed test.
It's like, you know, he's notjust gonna break a brick, but he
can break a specific brick.
Brick in the wall of bricks.
Yeah.
And leave the other onescompletely untouched.
(19:33):
Like, if.
If I was in this contest.
Right.
And I see that, I'll just goahead and let myself out.
Yeah.
Because.
Yeah.
No, if you're telling me this.
This man can go ahead and pickout a brick in any single wall and
just break it.
Not break anything.
It's just that brick.
Yeah.
(19:55):
Maybe I'm not the guy to try and.
Yeah.
Outshadow him or beat him inthe kuma day.
You know me.
Maybe I should just trysomething else.
Like take up a new sport likecricket, for instance, Because I.
I'm not the guy who's gonna goahead and just stick around.
Yeah.
But props to his buddy who'slike, dude, he's all about it.
(20:21):
I mean, first of all, bestfriend ever.
Sure.
You know, you just barely metthe dude, and then all of a sudden,
you're like.
You just pretty muchguaranteed that you're never gonna
win this.
Or you just saw that there'sno way, no shot.
You don't have a chance, andyou're stoked for him rather than
being like, well, this is awasted trip.
(20:43):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
That guy's winning it life.
Like, I break this brick.
Oh, yeah.
Exactly.
What if he decides he wants tobreak my balls?
Yeah.
In the rib.
Yeah.
And my break.
My dick falls off.
Like.
You know what I mean?
Like, I'm out.
I'm good.
That's.
That's weird.
(21:03):
Yeah.
You can't get a foul for thatbecause in a perfectly legal spot.
Wasn't an eye poke.
He didn't kick me in the dick.
It just fell the off after hepunched me in the titty.
How do you even combat that?
(21:23):
Everybody's all nonchalantabout it.
Like, instead of being like.
Even the door guys who arekind of like the, you know, registration
committee or whatever, eventhey were just like, okay.
Yeah, good, I guess.
Checks out.
Nice move.
Dude, yeah, I'm cool.
Not like anybody else wasbreaking bricks on their way.
(21:44):
Yeah.
Speaking of him, though, like,what a doofus.
Like, I love him.
He is the best part of themovie by far.
But he beats the.
Out of Chong Lee up front, andhe starts dancing around like a.
I'm like, this dude is, like,killed people on this stage.
And, like, he's an X time winner.
(22:05):
And, like, you're just gonna,like, dance around like you did some
after you.
I mean, yeah, you got somehits in, but you're a boxer.
Knock this dude on his ass andget on top of him and start wailing.
Like, what the.
Keep him down.
Yeah.
Like, don't let this dude puthis back together.
Like, oh, my God.
And then, like.
And then it gets worse because you're.
I'm supposed to feel some.
(22:26):
Because he got his ass beat.
He got his face stepped on.
But all I'm doing is laughingat Chong Lee holding up his bandana.
I'm like, yeah, this isn't funny.
But I'm laughing.
I'm laughing because he's just.
I'm like, oh, my God, this is terrible.
He's bouncing his arms in histitties at the same time.
(22:49):
Like, I can't.
Yeah.
He plays keep away with thebandana from.
And then the little referee,like, barely touches Dukes and keeps
it, holds him back from goingafter him.
I'm like, yeah.
Oh, this looks so stupid.
And I'm supposed to beemotionally damaged right now, but
I'm just like.
(23:09):
But I'm laughing.
This is funny.
This is goofy.
Like, put in one of the superbabies, they'll beat his ass.
It's so bad.
That is true.
It's just.
It just kind of.
It just stacks on itself.
Yeah.
Just when you think there's noway this is gonna get any worse,
(23:31):
it gets worse.
Yeah, it gets worse.
I. I think the epitome of thebad is the chase scene.
And then I.
Because it's.
It's, like, supposed to befunny, but I'm like, all I can do
in that moment is go, what ishappening right now?
And then when it's notsupposed to be funny, I'm laughing
my ass off.
And then there's, like, thisshitty love story between him and
(23:54):
the.
Like, when he gets mad at thereporter and he's like, what did
you want to be the greatest reporter?
I'm like, that doesn't translate.
No.
Like, yeah, it doesn't work.
Like, okay, maybe if she was,like, a military correspondent in
a wartime.
Okay, now we can have this argument.
But her writing a story aboutsomebody that's going to fight to
(24:16):
the death possibly is verydifferent than you going and actually
fighting to the death possibly.
Stop it.
Like, don't simp.
Don't over.
The oversimplification wasbrutal and I'm just like, whatever.
So anyway, should we rate this turd?
Yeah, let's do it.
I'm first.
(24:37):
This is hard, dude, becauselike, I want to give it a zero, but
I also watched she DiesTomorrow and.
I watched Five Years Ago jj.
I know, but I also watched Moon.
Whatever Moonfall that was.
(24:58):
And I think that was my firstactual zero.
I'm gonna give it a 0.5.
I can't.
It.
It's bad.
And it fits the theme to me.
Like it is peak wasn't meantto be funny, but is hilarious because
it's hilarious, but it was notmeant to be.
Like, this is supposed to be avery serious story.
(25:20):
But they it all up.
Like they just tell it wrong.
There anything you could dowrong, they did it in this movie.
Chaplain slapstick chase inthe middle of it.
Like some weird dude tacklinggovernment officials, military men,
like military police chasing that.
Like it's just bad.
Like there's nothing goodabout this movie.
(25:41):
It's just other than themartial arts could have been cool.
Yeah.
Because you do have to your point.
Jean Claude Van Damme is aphysical specimen that can do like
all the.
That he does with the kicksand the stretches and the splits.
That's.
He does that and they it up bydoing it all in slow motion or making
(26:03):
it goofy and.
But man, is it bad.
And I haven't watched this inprobably three decades.
But I was so glad I watched itagain and was like, this is terrible
because.
And I was so thankful forCharles to give me this topic because
I was like, I finally.
It's the first thing thatpopped in my head was Bloodsport.
I was like, it's.
(26:23):
I get to put Bloodsport on thelist because it's so bad.
And I didn't know whether toput it on funny, not funny, or to
put it on how did this get made?
But then I remembered the 80sand that's how this got made.
Because martial arts movies inthe 80s was like all the rage.
And so I was like, no, thisfits in funny, not funny.
Because they tried so hard tomake this very serious movie that
(26:48):
just is hilarious because it'sso bad.
So, yeah, 0.5 for me.
Your turn, buddy.
I'll be right there with you.
0.5.
Yeah, it is it's, it's, it'snot even one of those.
You can say it got something right.
It got nothing right.
No, like absolutely nothing.
And the problem is what itreally got wrong is what I find the
(27:09):
most funny.
It's, it's terrible.
I'm a terrible person.
I already know.
Sure.
But at the same time I'msitting there going like this.
This would have been perfectfor me.
And how on earth did this get made?
Because that's the question Iask myself.
Granted, I first time I'd seenall the way through.
So I'm looking through a lensof a different time.
Right?
(27:29):
Sure.
And not having the nostalgiatire, the past tied to it.
But I'm sitting here going,there's no way this movie should
have ever been made.
Oh man.
And it just, it doesn't havelike any real saving grace to it.
There's.
There's not a lot you can say.
I mean, I think the onlypositive thing we talked about was
the big dude.
(27:50):
Yeah.
As he was the best character.
That's like the only positivething in this movie.
And it is a.
What's close to an hour and ahalf hour 45 long.
Sweet.
You're looking at 90 plusminutes of content and the only good.
And it's the guy who's inthere for like 10 minutes and he's
just your, your big old beerdrinking boxer.
(28:12):
That's you know, having,having a blast type of a thing.
And it's just, it's just so bad.
But it, I cr.
I crack up because it's, it'ssupposed to be a serious movie.
Right.
Underground fight club.
Like that's, that's supposedto be the vibe.
And I'm just cackling becauseForest Whitaker falls over into the.
(28:35):
The falls off the boat duringa chase scene.
That takes 15 minutes and itshould only take 30 seconds.
Yeah.
It just cracks me up.
And so it's, it's, itdefinitely fits the bill.
But yeah, 0.5 for me.
I don't think I'll watch thisagain, but I will go find some clips
(28:55):
because it is funny.
Oh yeah.
I think the only way I wouldwatch it is if we did the whole like
creating our own dialogue for it.
Yeah.
Oh, that would be funny.
As I.
Again, we would have to limitwho can watch that.
But that would be ridiculousbecause I would not be able to hold
back.
But yeah.
So once everybody's donewatching us, where can they go to
(29:17):
find us in other ways?
Alec.
Oh, let's see.
Best place to find us is on YouTube.
You can see our faces whichthis entire episode has been in one
or more kind of laughing facesand such and such.
That's the best place to findus and our content behind YouTube
is what's our verdict?
Reviews on Patreon.
(29:38):
So on Patreon we have quite aslew of stuff.
So we have votes.
That's how we've been doingthe podcast contents involved into
letting viewers, listeners,people who just want to swing by
and vote, swing by and vote on Patreon.
Then we put some movies intodifferent topics, let you vote on
that again, do a double vote,get it out and that way you can be
(29:58):
more involved in the creationprocess for the what's ever broadcast.
We do have in addition tothat, 600 episodes of Extra content
on the back end of a small playwall.
But there you'll find bloopersbehind the scenes, us talking about
stupid and all the way up tofull length episodes of movies that
(30:19):
we watched that we could notput on the main channel in a thousand
years.
And it is, it is some doozies.
There's.
I'll give you guys a sneak peek.
What was it?
Zohar.
Oh, so fan or no thing?
Something like that, dude.
Yeah.
Sean connery in the 70s.
Google it.
You'll see it.
You will.
You will be intrigued in aMankini and a Mankini.
(30:42):
It's beautiful.
But couldn't put that on themain channel for obvious reasons.
But with that, I will kick itback to the Titan of Terror, the
Colossus Clout A JJ Yeah,yeah, we.
Get some fun ones coming up,but yeah, thanks Alec.
Appreciate it.
And we appreciate you guys alltuning in and listening.
And as always, we'll catch youon the next one.
(31:03):
Asta la vista, baby.
Cinematic.
It was like strapped inbetween the two trees.
Oh, my God.
Two displays.
Drawing and quartering the man.
I'm dying because it's likeI'm like I'm sitting there going,
hm, I wonder how this is goingto end.
Yeah.
Snapping the tree is not whatI expected, I'll be honest.
But it is.
It is.
John Claude Van Dan.
(00:27):
Welcome to the what'sEverybody podcast.
We fashion ourselves cinematicjudge and Jerry.
My name is Jay AJ Crowder.
I'm here with my co host, Alec Burgess.
Let's get it.
We appreciate you tuning in.
Go and hit that Followsubscribe like bell notification
buttons help us grow the podcast.
Keep up with episodes.
Tell a friend about us, tell afamily member about us, tell us some
crazy martial artists about us.
(00:48):
We're okay with that.
Entertaining just to watch that.
Nothing else.
But yeah, listen, we're inweek four, the final and glorious
week of November for moviesthat are funny, that were not intended
to be funny.
And I don't know, I think Igot a banger here on this one.
(01:10):
But yeah, so we're doing Bloodsport.
It was released April 29, 1988.
It was written by SheldonLettich and Christopher Cosby.
It was directed by Newt Arnold.
Stars Jean Claude Van Damme,Donald Gibb, Leah Ayers, Norman Burton,
Forest Whitaker, Ray Chow,Randy Gill, Philip Chan, Bolo Jung
(01:33):
and Shunyan Lung.
It is about.
Okay, so Bloodsport followsFrank, Frank Dukes, an American martial
artist serving in the militarywho decides to leave the army to
compete in a martial artstournament in Hong Kong where fights
to the death can occur.
Not bad.
Covers all the basic points.
(01:53):
It's pretty much you.
Can you read that and you'veseen Bloodsport?
Yes, I would say so.
Listen, if you don't know whyI picked this movie for this topic,
then you've never seen thismovie because God damn, I.
When I was a kid and watchedthis movie, we laughed our asses
off, like, and back then youdidn't understand how bad it was
(02:16):
because it was like fightingwhere, like, these guys are kicking
each other's ass.
The older I get, the morefunny this movie gets.
And it is not intended to be funny.
In fact, it's very, very,very, very loosely based on a real
person and, you know, a new,like, martial arts creativity and.
But God bless America, thismovie is horrid and it is hilarious
(02:42):
in ways that it should not be funny.
And man, I just can't tell youhow much I laugh, like, even to this
day at this movie, like, myfavorite part and this Will be my
kick, the end of my kickoff.
And then I'll.
I can't wait to hear what youhave to say.
But every time somebody saysBloodsport or says blood or sport
in the same.
(03:02):
Like, all I think about isthis movie.
And when Chong Lee is like that.
That last fight where you get.
He's getting beat up a littlebit, and he gets pissed, and he's,
like, banging his head around,and then he goes.
And he runs at him with his teeth.
Oh, my God, dude.
And, like, John Claude VanDukes jumps over him and does the
(03:22):
splits.
Belly laughs.
Dude, like, can't breathe.
His face makes me laugh so hard.
It's so bad.
And even when I was a littlekid, we left.
And all the.
The boob flexing, he does.
Oh, God.
Anyway, I'll let you talkabout Bloodsport, my friend.
(03:43):
Well, so when this.
When this episode drops, jj,it's actually the week of Thanksgiving.
And I'm thankful now that I'veseen Bloodsport in its entirety,
because I'd never seen it allthe way through.
Really seen bits and pieces,snatches of it, but it was one of
those that I never had anyreal desire to kind of, like, finish
through it.
(04:04):
Sure.
And like you said, it's notthat good of a movie outside of a
couple laughs.
And so if you.
If you turn on at the wrongtime and you're just like, turn back
off immediately.
And so when I was watching itthrough, I was.
I was cackling because I. I think.
Right.
I didn't do any research, butthis has got to be tied to Mortal
(04:25):
Kombat somehow.
Right?
I'm sure.
Like, based on or inspired byor one thing or other.
Because, yeah, it started.
I was like, oh, dude, this isMortal Kombat.
Like, where's Johnny Cagefirst off?
And then something that's madeits way into my, like, you know,
TikTok or Facebook algorithmis the bullshito videos.
(04:47):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where they do, like, theabsolute chest.
No way in hell does thisactually work.
But people are advertisingtheir martial arts expertise.
And so when he's firsttraining or going through his training
montage, and it's just, youknow, is Sensei or whatever.
It's just pushing him down androlling him over and all these things.
I'm like.
(05:15):
Because it just keeps on goingand going, and it just gets more
and more ridiculous.
Like his.
When he's, like, strapped inbetween the two trees.
Oh, my God.
Drawing and quartering the man.
Dying.
Because it's like, I'm like.
(05:35):
I'm sitting There going.
I wonder how this is gonna end.
Yeah.
Snapping the tree is not whatI expected, I'll be honest.
But it is, it is Jean ClaudeVan Damme, dude.
I will say though, like, JeanClaude Van Damme's so tricky because
he's, he's impossible to watch.
(05:56):
But he's so good at like thestunts and moving his body and things
like that.
So it's like mad respect for that.
Oh, for sure.
But then he's got, you know,soft, little high pitched, squeaky
voice.
Dude.
And it's, it's hard to watch.
Especially when you comparehim to like other action stars of
(06:16):
the 80s.
Right.
He's Schwarzenegger and youknow, Stallone and everybody.
Yeah.
Bruce Willis.
Like any of them.
Right, Any of them.
And it's like, dude.
Because he's.
I would say Van Damme isprobably athletically peak top.
Oh, yeah.
Handily.
(06:37):
And.
But it's, it's because he was,he was a ballerina.
Right.
And so everything involveslike a split kick or something like
that, which.
Amazing.
Yeah.
But it's hard to work thatinto like a Predator movie.
Or, or could you imagine himas Rambo and Rambo running around
(06:57):
the jungle?
Split kick.
It's terrible and I'm aterrible person for it.
But it's because his type of,you know, skill and his skill set
is so hard to wrap around the80s action style.
Yeah.
And so, I mean, I, I had tolook at it four or five different
(07:21):
times to make sure ForestWhitaker was actually Forest Whitaker
that I was seeing.
I was like, I know, right?
There's no way.
But then you go on this littlechase scene through Hong Kong.
Oh my God, dude.
And, and, and Duke's couldhave lost him in 10 seconds flat.
Oh, yeah.
But he just keeps it goingbecause he keeps spinning around
(07:41):
cars or jumping.
When he stops and waves at himlike, I'm like, why don't we all.
I was like.
And they got this musicplaying, but I'm just waiting for
like the.
That's all I can.
I'm like, this is the wrongmusic for what's going.
It was y sax to get.
(08:04):
Anything else because it'sjust so goofy and.
I'm just cracking up.
Because.
Especially because, like,right at the kickoff of this movie,
he handily loses the.
The military.
Yeah.
Right.
He loses his handler in 10seconds flat.
Yeah.
And he kind of disappears.
Goes off and he can't find him anywhere.
Like, could you imagine ifjust in the background he's like
(08:26):
pirouetting and waving at.
Just heading Off.
So stupid.
But that's what we got.
And it's.
Yeah, like.
And you could turn it.
You could still have him usehis ballet skills in a chasing.
That looks a little bit more believable.
Yeah.
But it's just like, like, boldchoice there to.
(08:49):
To have that going.
And that's just one of ahandful of choices in Bloodsport
where I shouldn't havelaughed, but I was.
Because I was like, there isno way somebody.
Dude, we need a littlechaplain stop stick in our blood
movie.
That's what it felt like.
It just is so out of place inthis movie.
(09:12):
But it happens.
It happens.
I'll tell you.
Okay.
The bold choice.
Boldest choice I've ever seenin a movie.
And this is.
I've seen some movies from alot of decades.
Yeah.
Whose idea was it to have theblack guy moving around, like, ease.
A gorilla in the jungle as hisfighting style?
(09:34):
Dude, seriously.
Hey, it's terrible.
The one that jumps up in thetree and karate chops the coconut.
Yeah.
Like, no, you did not.
But even that part, like,during the beginning, I was kind
of.
I was like, okay, cool.
Like, he's jumping through thetrees or whatever.
It's a training regimen.
But then when you get him inthe ring.
Yeah.
(09:56):
I.
It's horrid.
It was terrible.
And I was just sitting theregoing, oh, my gosh.
Yeah, dude.
So you can tell it's 1988, dude.
Yeah, it's so bad.
It was like, multiple timeswhere they kept going back to different
fights as he was advancingthrough this dude.
(10:17):
And everyone is just worse.
Like, they.
They even at one point had himspinning like you'll see a gorilla
do in the.
In.
In any movie.
Yeah.
And I was just.
I was sitting there going,there's no way, dude.
No way this movie cleared.
Nope.
(10:37):
Hell no.
Could not be made today.
And so they're going.
The boldest choice I've everseen in a movie.
And I've seen.
I've seen Blazing Saddles.
I've seen Flamingos.
I have seen the worst of theworst movies.
And then this one was the oneI was going, oh, boy.
(10:58):
Yeah.
You know it's bad when you'remore shocked than a freaking sausage
tied to a penis.
Like, that's.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like, because that's something else.
But, yeah, dude, it's bad.
It's bad.
But it was like, that's.
That's an egregious thing.
Right?
That I was.
By the time we got to thatpoint, it was just.
I was Sitting there going,what am I watching?
(11:19):
Yeah.
You can't help but laugh.
Like, it's just like.
That's what I'm saying.
Like, I. I can't take any ofthem serious.
And then the choreography isso terrible that I'm like, dude,
I would beat these guys's asses.
Like, what.
What is happening right now?
And, like, none of it's believable.
Like, even down to, like, thelast fight where he, like, he's blinded.
(11:43):
Like, why is he just screaming?
Like, what's that supposed to do?
Like, I just don't understand.
Like, use your words.
Tell someone that you're blind.
You know what I mean?
Like, don't just scream.
Like, what is that gonna dofor you anyway?
Like, it just.
But, yeah, the choreographyand the fights are so bad.
(12:05):
Terrible.
And you can tell, like, VanDamme's just like.
Like, he's doing thesespinning wheel kicks back to back
to it.
I'm like, just, like, duck andpunch him in the dick, and it's over.
Like, it's just so stupid.
At least play it at fullspeed, too.
Because the whole.
Every fight's in slow mo.
And I'm like, oh, Jesus.
(12:27):
And, like, especially VanDamme stuff, right?
Because, you know, he can do it.
Yeah.
At full speed.
And it's much more impressiverather than everything they're slowing
down.
You know, they're slowing itdown because it's very choreographed,
and they got to make sure theyhit it right.
But this dude is just going.
He's got the balance.
He's got the ability to, youknow, pull off these moves at full
(12:49):
speed.
Like, that's what I want to see.
Yeah.
That's why you mentioned theblind stuff.
Because he has that wholesequence where he's, like, protecting
the ref behind him.
Yeah.
Where it could have just beena very simple, like, hey, dude, he
cheated.
I can't see nothing.
It's just so weird.
My eye.
It's so bad.
(13:10):
It's so bad.
And Chong Lee's, like, the worst.
Like, he's just it.
Flexing his freaking pecsevery time, and I'm in the.
Like.
Like, oh, he's had fists upand down as they're chanting his
name.
I'm like, oh, my God, this isso terrible.
Like, he's.
They're physical specimens, right?
Like, these guys, massivehuman beings built, obviously, very
(13:33):
athletic.
It's no, like, no diss totheir ability, right?
And I'm sure most of thoseguys, probably even the black guy
that they completely screwedin this movie, is probably a very
Adept martial artist, but you can't.
This doesn't show you that.
(13:53):
Like, it makes them a joke.
100.
Like, and here's the worstpart is the fact that the kumite,
like, and I don't know if it'scalled the kumite in your life, but,
like, this thing actually exists.
Right?
Like, at least back then, andit was a thing.
And, like, you're making this.
And I'm sure that they reallyfind honor in, like, an actual sense
(14:14):
of achievement by participating.
I mean, you.
We.
We have UFC and the fighting now.
And I.
And listen, I know how UFCstarted back in, like, the pride
fights, and that was.
Started to show off theability of Brazilian jiu jitsu.
Like, the Gracies were like, I can.
I can beat anybody's ass frommy back.
(14:34):
And he proved it.
Right?
Like, so it's not like, theseguys don't take this seriously, but,
like, I would be massivelyoffended if I was part of this in
real life.
And this is the movie that wehave to represent what it is that
I trained my whole life for,and I put my life at risk and my
body in harm's way to do toshow off my ability, and this is
(14:56):
the movie that I get torepresent that.
Oh, I'd be livid, because thisis the worst.
Oh, it's terrible.
I will say, though, if I couldmake my titties dance, I'd do it
all the time, too.
A lot of.
A lot of.
A lot of swinging back andforth because they're hanging so
low.
But, yeah, I mean, it's justyes to everything you kind of said.
(15:20):
And it's just.
It just piles on, though.
Like, it starts bad when youget the line that cracks me up as
a little kid.
Calls him Brown Eye.
Oh, my God.
Cracking me up.
And.
And it ruins it a little bitlater where you find out that his
(15:42):
son passed away.
Yeah.
And it's that moment I'm still.
Because it.
It's too close together to the.
To the round comment.
I'm still laughing at that.
And I miss over what'ssupposed to be, like, this really
emotional kind of, you know,making sure that the.
He stays tied to this family.
(16:03):
Yeah.
Gives you that connection.
I gloss over that because I'mlike, that was funny.
And then we go into the.
The, you know, trainingmontage, and I tell you, by the time
you had the blindfold out, Iwas like, I wonder how this is going
to help him in the.
Yeah, no, this is very muchlike, like, the Karate Kid.
(16:25):
Right.
The crazy kid kind of Thing orthe this, you know, the.
Tells you what happens.
What's going to happen the endof the movie, in the beginning of
the movie.
And part of their training is key.
Right.
So in that couple, I was like.
And then, sure enough, JohnLee, I was like, oh, geez, he's blind.
That's unfortunate.
Yeah.
If only he only trained for this.
(16:45):
For this kind of thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So bad.
So bad.
Well, and I love that itstarts with a training montage, and
then there's like.
This is like, the epitome of montages.
I think there's, like, six ofthem in this.
I'm like, good.
And it starts with one.
The first thing we see ismontage of all these guys training.
(17:06):
And I'm just like, wow, thisis some bad writing.
When you have to rely thatmuch on montages.
Like, montages are great, you guys.
You know me, I love them.
On a good montage.
I need one to tell me whysomeone gets somewhere.
But this.
This is too much.
Yeah.
Six of them.
Or seven, whatever it is, the number.
It's.
I'm like, good God.
(17:26):
It's just.
You might as well just made aYouTube video of nothing but montages,
and we would have got.
Just probably would have beena better movie.
Undoubtedly.
If I don't need dialogue, Ijust watch montages of fighting.
Game on.
In fact, this is the perfect movie.
Oh, now we're gonna have to dothis for, like, some sort of Patreon
thing.
But, like, this is thatperfect movie.
(17:47):
Like, you and I should watchit with it muted and we're the voices.
That would be good.
Oh, dude, could you imagine?
No, I can't.
I wanted to do something rightthere, but I'm like, nope, can't
do that on YouTube.
That would not be okay.
We could have a lot of funwith it.
Oh, we could have a ton of funwith that.
We could also get seriouslycanceled for that.
(18:08):
But easily.
Yeah, it.
This movie.
Like, I watched this movie.
The first time I watched thismovie, I think I was, like, 8 or
9 years old, and it had beenout for a little bit, but, like,
everybody kept talking aboutbloodsport and bloodsport and it's
real.
And Frank Dukes was a real person.
And I'm like, dude, if I'mFrank Dukes, I'm pissed.
(18:29):
Like, because there's.
This cannot be a goodrepresentation of what this man did
and went through.
And, like, Jesus.
Because it's bad.
Like, so bad that I don't evenknow what else to talk about with
this movie.
This might be the shortestepisode we've ever had.
I do have one other thing.
Yeah, let's hear it.
I'm excited.
(18:49):
Yeah.
So we get to, you know, we getto Hong Kong, and he meets his biker
friend or, you know, heavy.
Heavy boxer guy.
Oh, yeah.
Best character in the whole.
Absolutely.
By far, hands down.
Yeah.
And I was cracking up at the,like, because they.
They have the invitation.
Right.
But then he still has to,like, go through this testing, prove
(19:12):
himself with the bricks.
And I was cracking up at thissupposed test.
It's like, you know, he's notjust gonna break a brick, but he
can break a specific brick.
Brick in the wall of bricks.
Yeah.
And leave the other onescompletely untouched.
(19:33):
Like, if.
If I was in this contest.
Right.
And I see that, I'll just goahead and let myself out.
Yeah.
Because.
Yeah.
No, if you're telling me this.
This man can go ahead and pickout a brick in any single wall and
just break it.
Not break anything.
It's just that brick.
Yeah.
(19:55):
Maybe I'm not the guy to try and.
Yeah.
Outshadow him or beat him inthe kuma day.
You know me.
Maybe I should just trysomething else.
Like take up a new sport likecricket, for instance, Because I.
I'm not the guy who's gonna goahead and just stick around.
Yeah.
But props to his buddy who'slike, dude, he's all about it.
(20:21):
I mean, first of all, bestfriend ever.
Sure.
You know, you just barely metthe dude, and then all of a sudden,
you're like.
You just pretty muchguaranteed that you're never gonna
win this.
Or you just saw that there'sno way, no shot.
You don't have a chance, andyou're stoked for him rather than
being like, well, this is awasted trip.
(20:43):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
That guy's winning it life.
Like, I break this brick.
Oh, yeah.
Exactly.
What if he decides he wants tobreak my balls?
Yeah.
In the rib.
Yeah.
And my break.
My dick falls off.
Like.
You know what I mean?
Like, I'm out.
I'm good.
That's.
That's weird.
(21:03):
Yeah.
You can't get a foul for thatbecause in a perfectly legal spot.
Wasn't an eye poke.
He didn't kick me in the dick.
It just fell the off after hepunched me in the titty.
How do you even combat that?
(21:23):
Everybody's all nonchalantabout it.
Like, instead of being like.
Even the door guys who arekind of like the, you know, registration
committee or whatever, eventhey were just like, okay.
Yeah, good, I guess.
Checks out.
Nice move.
Dude, yeah, I'm cool.
Not like anybody else wasbreaking bricks on their way.
(21:44):
Yeah.
Speaking of him, though, like,what a doofus.
Like, I love him.
He is the best part of themovie by far.
But he beats the.
Out of Chong Lee up front, andhe starts dancing around like a.
I'm like, this dude is, like,killed people on this stage.
And, like, he's an X time winner.
(22:05):
And, like, you're just gonna,like, dance around like you did some
after you.
I mean, yeah, you got somehits in, but you're a boxer.
Knock this dude on his ass andget on top of him and start wailing.
Like, what the.
Keep him down.
Yeah.
Like, don't let this dude puthis back together.
Like, oh, my God.
And then, like.
And then it gets worse because you're.
I'm supposed to feel some.
(22:26):
Because he got his ass beat.
He got his face stepped on.
But all I'm doing is laughingat Chong Lee holding up his bandana.
I'm like, yeah, this isn't funny.
But I'm laughing.
I'm laughing because he's just.
I'm like, oh, my God, this is terrible.
He's bouncing his arms in histitties at the same time.
(22:49):
Like, I can't.
Yeah.
He plays keep away with thebandana from.
And then the little referee,like, barely touches Dukes and keeps
it, holds him back from goingafter him.
I'm like, yeah.
Oh, this looks so stupid.
And I'm supposed to beemotionally damaged right now, but
I'm just like.
(23:09):
But I'm laughing.
This is funny.
This is goofy.
Like, put in one of the superbabies, they'll beat his ass.
It's so bad.
That is true.
It's just.
It just kind of.
It just stacks on itself.
Yeah.
Just when you think there's noway this is gonna get any worse,
(23:31):
it gets worse.
Yeah, it gets worse.
I. I think the epitome of thebad is the chase scene.
And then I.
Because it's.
It's, like, supposed to befunny, but I'm like, all I can do
in that moment is go, what ishappening right now?
And then when it's notsupposed to be funny, I'm laughing
my ass off.
And then there's, like, thisshitty love story between him and
(23:54):
the.
Like, when he gets mad at thereporter and he's like, what did
you want to be the greatest reporter?
I'm like, that doesn't translate.
No.
Like, yeah, it doesn't work.
Like, okay, maybe if she was,like, a military correspondent in
a wartime.
Okay, now we can have this argument.
But her writing a story aboutsomebody that's going to fight to
(24:16):
the death possibly is verydifferent than you going and actually
fighting to the death possibly.
Stop it.
Like, don't simp.
Don't over.
The oversimplification wasbrutal and I'm just like, whatever.
So anyway, should we rate this turd?
Yeah, let's do it.
I'm first.
(24:37):
This is hard, dude, becauselike, I want to give it a zero, but
I also watched she DiesTomorrow and.
I watched Five Years Ago jj.
I know, but I also watched Moon.
Whatever Moonfall that was.
(24:58):
And I think that was my firstactual zero.
I'm gonna give it a 0.5.
I can't.
It.
It's bad.
And it fits the theme to me.
Like it is peak wasn't meantto be funny, but is hilarious because
it's hilarious, but it was notmeant to be.
Like, this is supposed to be avery serious story.
(25:20):
But they it all up.
Like they just tell it wrong.
There anything you could dowrong, they did it in this movie.
Chaplain slapstick chase inthe middle of it.
Like some weird dude tacklinggovernment officials, military men,
like military police chasing that.
Like it's just bad.
Like there's nothing goodabout this movie.
(25:41):
It's just other than themartial arts could have been cool.
Yeah.
Because you do have to your point.
Jean Claude Van Damme is aphysical specimen that can do like
all the.
That he does with the kicksand the stretches and the splits.
That's.
He does that and they it up bydoing it all in slow motion or making
(26:03):
it goofy and.
But man, is it bad.
And I haven't watched this inprobably three decades.
But I was so glad I watched itagain and was like, this is terrible
because.
And I was so thankful forCharles to give me this topic because
I was like, I finally.
It's the first thing thatpopped in my head was Bloodsport.
I was like, it's.
(26:23):
I get to put Bloodsport on thelist because it's so bad.
And I didn't know whether toput it on funny, not funny, or to
put it on how did this get made?
But then I remembered the 80sand that's how this got made.
Because martial arts movies inthe 80s was like all the rage.
And so I was like, no, thisfits in funny, not funny.
Because they tried so hard tomake this very serious movie that
(26:48):
just is hilarious because it'sso bad.
So, yeah, 0.5 for me.
Your turn, buddy.
I'll be right there with you.
0.5.
Yeah, it is it's, it's, it'snot even one of those.
You can say it got something right.
It got nothing right.
No, like absolutely nothing.
And the problem is what itreally got wrong is what I find the
(27:09):
most funny.
It's, it's terrible.
I'm a terrible person.
I already know.
Sure.
But at the same time I'msitting there going like this.
This would have been perfectfor me.
And how on earth did this get made?
Because that's the question Iask myself.
Granted, I first time I'd seenall the way through.
So I'm looking through a lensof a different time.
Right?
(27:29):
Sure.
And not having the nostalgiatire, the past tied to it.
But I'm sitting here going,there's no way this movie should
have ever been made.
Oh man.
And it just, it doesn't havelike any real saving grace to it.
There's.
There's not a lot you can say.
I mean, I think the onlypositive thing we talked about was
the big dude.
(27:50):
Yeah.
As he was the best character.
That's like the only positivething in this movie.
And it is a.
What's close to an hour and ahalf hour 45 long.
Sweet.
You're looking at 90 plusminutes of content and the only good.
And it's the guy who's inthere for like 10 minutes and he's
just your, your big old beerdrinking boxer.
(28:12):
That's you know, having,having a blast type of a thing.
And it's just, it's just so bad.
But it, I cr.
I crack up because it's, it'ssupposed to be a serious movie.
Right.
Underground fight club.
Like that's, that's supposedto be the vibe.
And I'm just cackling becauseForest Whitaker falls over into the.
(28:35):
The falls off the boat duringa chase scene.
That takes 15 minutes and itshould only take 30 seconds.
Yeah.
It just cracks me up.
And so it's, it's, itdefinitely fits the bill.
But yeah, 0.5 for me.
I don't think I'll watch thisagain, but I will go find some clips
(28:55):
because it is funny.
Oh yeah.
I think the only way I wouldwatch it is if we did the whole like
creating our own dialogue for it.
Yeah.
Oh, that would be funny.
As I.
Again, we would have to limitwho can watch that.
But that would be ridiculousbecause I would not be able to hold
back.
But yeah.
So once everybody's donewatching us, where can they go to
(29:17):
find us in other ways?
Alec.
Oh, let's see.
Best place to find us is on YouTube.
You can see our faces whichthis entire episode has been in one
or more kind of laughing facesand such and such.
That's the best place to findus and our content behind YouTube
is what's our verdict?
Reviews on Patreon.
(29:38):
So on Patreon we have quite aslew of stuff.
So we have votes.
That's how we've been doingthe podcast contents involved into
letting viewers, listeners,people who just want to swing by
and vote, swing by and vote on Patreon.
Then we put some movies intodifferent topics, let you vote on
that again, do a double vote,get it out and that way you can be
(29:58):
more involved in the creationprocess for the what's ever broadcast.
We do have in addition tothat, 600 episodes of Extra content
on the back end of a small playwall.
But there you'll find bloopersbehind the scenes, us talking about
stupid and all the way up tofull length episodes of movies that
(30:19):
we watched that we could notput on the main channel in a thousand
years.
And it is, it is some doozies.
There's.
I'll give you guys a sneak peek.
What was it?
Zohar.
Oh, so fan or no thing?
Something like that, dude.
Yeah.
Sean connery in the 70s.
Google it.
You'll see it.
You will.
You will be intrigued in aMankini and a Mankini.
(30:42):
It's beautiful.
But couldn't put that on themain channel for obvious reasons.
But with that, I will kick itback to the Titan of Terror, the
Colossus Clout A JJ Yeah,yeah, we.
Get some fun ones coming up,but yeah, thanks Alec.
Appreciate it.
And we appreciate you guys alltuning in and listening.
And as always, we'll catch youon the next one.
(31:03):
Asta la vista, baby.
Cinematic.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.