November 3, 2025 • 35 mins
The primary focus of our discourse delves into the cinematic creation known as "Waterworld," a film that, despite its ambitious narrative premise of an aquatic apocalypse, ultimately falters under the weight of its own execution. Within this discussion, I express a profound incredulity regarding the persistent notion that this film possesses any inherent merit, given its status as one of the most notorious cinematic failures in history. Alec and JJ examine the film's myriad shortcomings, including its lack of coherent storytelling and the overly simplistic character development that renders the protagonist unengaging. Furthermore, we scrutinize the film's effort to convey a message about ecological catastrophe, which is undermined by its inconsistent portrayal of the world and its inhabitants. Ultimately, our analysis reveals a consensus that, while the film could benefit from a contemporary reimagining, it remains an exercise in absurdity that elicits laughter for all the wrong reasons.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I want to be that dude that'sout outside the raid, that's sitting
on the guns, that's just sointo shooting stuff, he doesn't even
realize that he's being turned around.
And like, yeah, you're like,what's his name?
Maybe try calling him Charles.
Who's that cousin over there?
Like, yeah.
(00:26):
Welcome to the what's Every podcast.
We fashion ourselves cinematicjudge and Jerry.
My name is JJ Crider.
I'm here with my car co hostAlec Burgess.
Let's get it.
We appreciate you tuning in.
Go hit that.
Follow.
Subscribe.
Like bell notification buttons.
Tell a friend about us.
Tell a family member about us.
Tell a dude with gills about us.
A little girl that's neverseen dry land.
(00:49):
I don't know.
Tell some people about us.
Help us grow the podcast.
Also swing over to.
What's that called?
Patreon.
Jesus.
Yeah, swing over to Patreon.
That'll help us grow the podcast.
Such a great recording.
It really fun.
Yeah, you know, we.
You can make us.
Help us pick movies like thisone we're talking about.
(01:12):
We've started a new month.
It is November, and in themonth of November, we're doing movies
that are funny that were notintended to be funny.
It's a great topic.
Appreciate it.
CB Charles.
Yep.
Good topic.
If you want to get involved insome of these topic choices, join
us on Patreon.
You can do it for free.
(01:32):
There are some paywall stuffto get you more content, but if you
want to torture us or give us good.
Stuff, and it's a lot more content.
We're talking like 600 extra videos.
It's a ton.
It's a ton.
And the ridiculousness.
But yeah.
So the month of November, itshould be interesting.
And we're kicking it off witha literal bang.
(01:52):
Water world.
Waterworld was released July 28th.
That's my.
That's Casey's birthday, 1995,a few years later.
It was written by Peter Raiderand David Tui.
Tui Tui.
Directed by Kevin Reynolds.
(02:14):
It stars Kevin Costner, GeneTriple Horn, Lanny Flater, Flair.
Wow.
Flaherty, Tina Majorono, Majorino.
And these names.
Robert A. Silverman.
It doesn't have.
What's his face on there?
Dennis Hooper.
Yeah, Dennis Hopper.
(02:35):
Like, how do you not.
Yeah, how do you not haveDennis Hopper?
Anyway, Chain Drophy, Arty.
Call Willie Petrovic andGerard Murphy will say I.
That's the weirdest cast listever because it doesn't have hardly
anybody that was actually inthis movie for more than five minutes.
But, yeah, it's a.
About.
It's a movie about.
In a future where the polarice caps have melted and Earth is
(02:58):
almost entirely submerged, amutated mariner fights starvation
and outlaw smokers andreluctantly helps a woman and young
girl try to find dry land.
If you're not watching me onYouTube, you didn't see the air quotes
under smokers, because we'renot talking about Marlboro man here.
But, yeah, listen.
(03:22):
All right, Alec, this is yourpick, dude.
I.
Let's.
Let's hear it.
I have been trying to get thismovie on the podcast for, like, seven
straight months.
Like, every single time wehave categories come up, I. I'm trying
to slip Waterworld in therewherever I can, because.
So this.
(03:42):
This movie's so crazy becauseI have a. I actually kind of like
it.
And it's because I firstwatched it when I was, like, 11 or
12, so it's that, like, spiritof adventure kind of thing.
And, you know, this.
My parents wouldn't let mewatch Mad Max, but I could watch
this.
And so it's, you know, Mad Max knockoff.
Just add water.
Yep.
And I'll stand by the fact, Ithink the first 10 minutes of this
(04:04):
movie, minus the fact that youstart out with him, like, recycling
his own piss into water, ispretty good.
Like, you get to meet the hero.
You get to see that Waterworldis worth this place.
You get to see the bad guysare ruthless and all this stuff from
there, it goes down and itjust nose dives.
And I think.
(04:25):
I think this is a movie that Iwould actually enjoy a reboot of,
revisiting this, kind ofupdating it, making it actually a
good story.
And I noticed this with my twopicks that I did this this month.
And even that, it's.
It's the funny comes from thefact that it's almost like one of
the actors went off script.
Right.
The villains went off script,and that's what made it funny.
(04:46):
And it's the only thing thatmakes it watchable.
But you take this very serious movie.
Right.
Or serious theme to a movie,and as soon as you meet Dennis Hopper
as a champion, it's justabsolute chaos.
And it's hilarious.
He does a fantastic job, butit almost overshoots the movie.
(05:10):
But at the same time, if youtake him out, the movie is trash
with him in it.
The movie isn't much betterthan trash, but he's the only saving
grace to the entire movie for,I don't know, the two hours that
it runs is give me more DennisHopper Give me more, Deacon.
Just every single interactionhe has with anybody is the.
(05:32):
Is the new best part of the movie.
And so, yes, as soon as I gotthe topic, I was like, oh, yes, this.
This is my month.
This is my month.
And so I got Water World on.
It's a movie that I enjoywatching because it has that kind
of almost nostalgia.
Right.
When I watched it, it was adecade old, but at the same time,
(05:54):
it's just like.
It's so funny.
It's so bad, but it's so funny.
And when Dennis Hooper.
Dennis Hopper's on screen thatI just.
I just can't help but crack up.
And I'll sit down and watchWaterworld pretty much whenever,
because I'm gonna laugh at it.
And it's an apocalyptic.
Supposed to be Mad Max on thewater film, not supposed to be funny
(06:18):
in the slightest.
And I'm just cackling because it's.
It's funny.
Yeah.
And it shouldn't be.
It's so great.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm not gonna lie.
We.
We may have peaked with thistopic on the very first film because
for.
Yeah, this movie is notintended to be funny, but God bless
(06:39):
America, do I not laugh my assoff because it's so bad?
And I remember, first, let meapologize to anyone listening or
watching.
I sound disgusting.
I've been really sick.
So I apologize for that.
But, like, I remember seeingthis movie in the theater when it
came out.
I was 14, and I. I watched itand was like, it was probably the
(07:03):
first movie that I went to.
And I left and went to my dad.
I was like, that was horrible.
And it.
You know, and it's aninteresting, like, like, lesson to
be learned about something.
Because, like, Kevin Costnerbasically was a.
Was given carte blanche afterDances With Wolves.
(07:25):
Right.
Right.
Amazing movie.
Won a ton of Oscars.
Like, really, really good.
And after that, they werelike, well, we'll just let him do
whatever the hell he wants.
And we get this.
And it's.
It's.
Wow.
I.
You know, and it's.
It's one of those things.
But to your point, DennisHopper is hilarious.
(07:47):
And I.
The more I watch it, the morelittle things I start to notice.
And, like, one thing I noticedthe one of the last times I watched
this was I couldn't even tellyou when the last time I watched
this was, but it was a longtime ago, was his eye patches.
Like, how they're differentthings from our world now.
Like, excuse me.
(08:07):
It starts off as, like, Ithink pool goggles.
Like, yeah.
And then by the end, it's likea chin strap from a football helmet.
It's hilarious.
And that's where I start.
And there was another one in there.
I think, too, that somethingelse that was on his face.
But, yeah, that, to me, waslike, the funniest.
(08:31):
I don't know that it'ssupposed to be funny moment is watching
what he uses for his eye patchthroughout the show.
Like, it.
Anyway, it's funny.
Like, that part gets me.
Oh, it's.
It's funny, too, because it's.
It's in the background, Right.
It's not brought any attentionto whatsoever.
And what you focus on is thefact that, you know, it's just the
(08:54):
little deliveries, right.
Where he gets this fake guyfor the first time and he asks everybody,
oh, it looks good.
It looks good.
He asked the kid, right?
He gives you that line about,like, out of the.
Out of the mouth of babes orwhatever it is.
Then he looks in the mirrorand go, it does look like it.
And then, like, the scene endslike that.
It cuts away at that point.
(09:15):
Yeah.
And so it's every little timethat he's on screen doing a delivery,
it's just.
He's in his element.
And I have to actually wonderif he decided to just go off script
because he was reading hislines and going, no, no, no.
Yeah.
Just decided to improve it onthe way.
(09:35):
Yeah.
Because it's.
It's.
It's just perfect is what he'sdelivering on the screen.
And so it's.
I mean, like.
Like, he's the bad guy.
He's the.
He's the leader of the smokers.
They just killing everybody.
They're going after everybody.
Just, you know, Pirates of the Seas.
Pretty much.
Yeah.
And you're sitting theregoing, damn, I really hope he wins.
(10:00):
Oh, man.
So funny.
And that's not the way thismovie is supposed to go.
No, not so.
It's just.
It.
It's just so funny.
And I just laugh because it's.
It's one of those things whereyou're supposed.
It's almost like.
This is also one of thosealmost movies with a message, right?
(10:20):
Like, you know, if we melt thepolar ice caps, shit's gonna get
real.
But it doesn't do that becauseI'm like, dude, I'm gonna join up
with smokers.
Yeah.
No, give me a jet ski, dude.
Give me a chance.
Like, they're having all the fun.
Yeah.
Or I want to be that dude thatsaid out that outside the raid that's
sitting on the guns that'sjust so into shooting stuff, he doesn't
(10:42):
even realize that he's beingturned around.
And like, yeah, you're like,what's his name?
Maybe try calling him Charles.
Who's that cousin over there?
Like, yeah.
And he's just like.
He's got this great phase.
He's just like, he's livinghis best.
Life and having a blast andjust one thing after another.
(11:06):
And so that's, that's the thing.
Like this movie, like I said,the first 10 minutes I'll put up
there is really good.
Gets you in the story and theneverything else is trash.
And it just, it's.
It's a free fall from thatpoint down.
And you have to almost sitthere and wonder, what am I watching
again?
Because it's almost like the,the story and the plot goes completely
(11:29):
out the window.
You have no idea what you'refollowing around with.
You have so many things thatare happening at one time.
There's no cohesive realstoryline that goes with it.
And the entire time I'm.
I'm sitting there going, bringme back to smokers.
Bring it back to the smokers.
I want to see more of them.
I want to see, you know, their function.
Everything, because it's.
Everything that happens whenthe smokers are on screen is hilarious.
(11:51):
You got him throwing thecigarettes out of a bag and just
meat.
I love some smeat, some canned smeat.
It's like got a car, just pushto start.
And it's wild in it.
It's so funny.
And I mean it.
If it's supposed to be somesort of like, you know, ecological,
(12:14):
like, hey, you know, thiscould get bad if we don't take care
of the earth.
It doesn't do a good job.
No.
Because I, I'm sitting theregoing, this, like, water will be
so awesome if we could justpaste the movie into real life and
just have smokers going everywhere.
Yeah.
And it's, it's funny becausethis is a movie that also, even though
being kind of terrible, won't die.
(12:35):
Yeah, for sure.
Oshi and I go to, we'll go toUniversal Studios every once in a
while and they still got thewater show.
And it is amazing.
You have this like 45 minuteshow that's far superior to the movie
possible way.
It's beautiful.
And this movie is at thispoint, it's 30 years old.
(12:58):
Oh, yeah.
Like, this is, this is an old movie.
It's not a good movie byreally anybody's standards.
But this show has been runningat Universal Studios for pretty much
30 years.
Yeah.
Unchanged.
And it is.
It is phenomenal.
And so that's why I'm like,this would be a great kind of revisit.
Don't bring anybody backexcept for maybe Dennis Hopper.
(13:19):
He's still around, but thatwould be awesome.
That would.
So put his picture up in placeof St. Joe in the.
In the ship.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That would be funny.
And little callback.
But this is something I thinkyou can revisit with, you know, 2025
technology, CGI actor list.
(13:39):
And I think you would see.
I think it would be really good.
And I mean, they're stillmaking Mad Max films, and I think
those have gone just downhill.
Pretty much.
Yeah.
In the recent ones.
But I feel like you couldrevisit this and have it be really
cool.
I agree.
I, you know, two things.
One, I wanted to make surethat I made the point and you did
(14:00):
it for me, that this is one ofthose movies where the Universal
show is better than the actualmovie, which is hilarious because
I've seen it a couple timesand I'm like, this show is amazing.
Why couldn't they just do thisfor the movie?
Yeah, give me two hours of that.
Yeah.
But.
And then the other point wasthat they could absolutely remake
(14:22):
this.
And what's ironic is theycould probably make it for less money.
This was like, at the time,the most expensive movie ever made.
Pretty sure the budget wasalmost $200 million.
And in 1995, that was unheard of.
Like, that was astronomical in 1995.
Like, people thought it wascrazy when they were spending 30,
(14:44):
40 million dollars on movies.
Now that's what the actors make.
You know, the lead actor mightmake in a movie.
Yeah, this movie, at $175million, was insane budget, and it
tanked.
Like, it bombed.
It may still be one of thegreatest box office bombs in history.
(15:08):
But.
Yeah, you could actually, youcould absolutely remake this movie.
I mean, they kind of did analien version with this new avatar,
from what I've heard.
I still haven't seen that andhave no desire.
But, like, I mean, thetechnology that they have that could
make.
Because that's one of theother things that I get.
It doesn't hold up either.
Like, like when you.
(15:28):
They go under the water andyou see the city, like, it's cool
that they were trying and it's.
But like, I always laugh whenyou see the disproportionate size
of the.
The submarine next to one ofthe skyscrapers.
I'm like, wait, why is that bigger?
(15:48):
Than what the skyscraper wouldhave even been in when it was intact.
Because you got to know.
It's a submarine.
Yeah.
No, I was like, what the hellkind of what your scaling's off there,
sir.
What gets me and this, this iswhat gets me is the, the landscape.
Right.
So we see a metropolis.
(16:10):
Right.
So it's like a, you know, city near.
That's near the beach becausethere's a sub here.
At least I'm assuming it's,you know, not in the interior of
Kansas.
Right.
You got to get a submarine there.
So it's relatively close tothe seaboard.
And then, you know, a littlebit of swimming and all of a sudden
we're at a chairlift for a ski resort.
Yeah.
(16:31):
And so where the.
Are they?
Yeah, like, you may besomewhere in Europe.
It would be the only thingwhere you guessed.
The Alps.
Maybe like French France or something.
Yeah, like France, Italy,somewhere along there.
But I was just cracking upbecause I'm like, where the are they?
(16:51):
But then they fly for a coupledays and then you're like, are we
in Asia?
Yeah, because it's, you know,then we get to the, you know, Himalayas
or whatever it is.
Yeah.
And so it's.
It's one of those things whereI, I feel a little bit bad as well,
because using water as yourmedium or your backdrop is boring
as.
(17:11):
Yeah.
Like, there's not a lot youcan do when you're trying to do passage
of time over water.
And so I feel like they gotthe story wrong.
You gotta make the story aboutthe smokers.
Yeah.
Like, I would flip it around.
Smokers are the good guys,mariners, the bad guy.
Because then you can do morebecause you have more people on screen.
(17:32):
But the.
When your protagonist isliterally three people.
Yeah, Right.
And one of them doesn't evenwant to talk.
Yeah.
And that's.
That's your main guy.
Kevin Costner doesn't want to talk.
Just wants to be moody and broody.
Yeah.
Like, it.
It doesn't work very well.
And so then you get theseweird passages of time where, you
know, how long has it been?
(17:54):
Even at the beginning wherethey're talking about, there's an
eight hole eight days back.
Like, we cover that eight daysand 30, 30 seconds.
And so it's the weird passageof time, plus with the fact that
you don't have a lot that youcan do with your protagonist crew
because you got Kevin Costnerbeing, you know, outcast, a self
(18:18):
imposed outcast, just hanging out.
And it's like, dude, switchthe story up again.
Yeah.
Freaking.
The other character I really like.
I don't know the actor's name,but it's the dude who's got, like,
the oxygen tanks on.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And it's just.
Is backing me up.
(18:42):
Just everywhere he goes, he'sgot a little harness with oxygen
tanks all sticking out of it.
Oh, yeah.
And just every.
Every line he's in becausehe's the very kind of.
It's almost like he's the.
He's the capable one out ofthe entire smoker crew.
Yeah.
And just.
It gives off such a funnyimage that this is the guy who's
the brains behind the entire operation.
(19:07):
Arrows sticking up.
And so I. I think you gottashift the story around a little bit
or just have a more compellingprotagonist crew, because it's.
It's boring every time thatthey're really on screen.
And then you got.
The most exciting part is thatstupid CGI fish.
Oh, yeah, I know.
There's, like, just a huge amount.
(19:30):
Yeah.
And it's like, that's the mostexciting part.
And that's something thatdoesn't hold up now, watching it
on a high resolution t. Icould do better.
Yeah.
But that's the.
The most exciting part.
Yeah.
Unless the smokers are involved.
Yeah.
And that's the thing, is that there.
There's too much, not enough,or the smokers are so much fun and
(19:55):
they don't get enough screentime that it's.
It just.
In a way, it acts against the movie.
Because I want more of thesmokers being involved.
Because they're driving.
They're driving.
Force the movie, you know,without them, Kevin Carson's just
gonna sail around in circles forever.
Forever.
Because he doesn't give a. Yeah.
And so it's.
(20:15):
It's unfortunate that they're.
The most likable part, themost enjoyable part, the best part,
the funniest part.
Yeah.
And then they don't get to winat the end.
Exactly.
Well, and I think that's.
For me, like, there was no central.
Other than saying, we're gonnatell this story about the Earth that's
now covered in water.
(20:35):
Like, they didn't think thestory through.
Like, you can tell, like,because it's in my head.
I'm like, you should have had someone.
Instead of this Mariner guybeing this loner out in the middle
of nowhere and him being thecentral piece of the story you needed
to have.
And even these two women,like, the.
You know, the.
(20:56):
The woman and the child, like,they force him into finding dry land
and running and doing all this stuff.
Right.
But, like, why not make.
We don't get introduced toKevin Costner's character right out
the gate, right?
Like, let's not have him be there.
In fact, let's start in thelittle city thing.
(21:16):
Haven.
Right where.
And instead of it just beingsome shopkeeper woman, it's a historian
in their time in their world,where she's.
They're trying to figure outwhat happened and why is the.
Was the world always like this?
Or was it something?
And we have all these relicsand we found stuff, and, you know,
(21:38):
and they're trying to figureout the pieces of this instead of,
you know.
And then all of a sudden, thismystery girl gets dropped off with
a map on her back or tattoos.
There's so many ways that youcould do this that they all come
together and play their partsversus this guy who is.
Has no charm, no charisma on camera.
(22:02):
I don't give a.
About him.
At the end of the day, he'sour main protagonist that I'm like,
I don't.
I don't care.
Yeah.
I don't want him to win.
Yeah.
Like, I want to know moreabout the world.
I don't want to know moreabout him and what's going on with
that.
Like, give me more of that.
Or set up a story.
Like, there's no story set up.
(22:23):
It's just this guy anyway.
And then there's these littleelements of, like, he's a mutant
and he's got gills.
And I'm like, there's so manyinteresting pieces of it that a good
storyteller now could, like,to your point, make a really probably
enjoyable movie.
And you get three movies outof it, because that's how everything's
done now.
So you got three movies.
Tell your story.
(22:44):
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
I think there.
I think there's some potentialhere that just was never realized.
They probably did it too early.
What.
You know, whatever it was.
But it just.
Yeah, it's not.
It's just.
It just.
There was nothing realized that.
But there's a lot that couldhave been.
And that's why you end up withyour villains being the most interesting
(23:05):
piece of this, because they'rethe only thing that's truly fleshed
out, as silly as that seems,because they're a weird group.
And I will say the one thing,that other thing that makes me laugh
about this is, like, in 1995,we see at the end that the ship that
they're on is the Exxon Valdez.
Valdez.
And I'm like, that's Ironic,because when this was made was like,
(23:28):
was it after.
When did the Valdez.
Wasn't it 90.
When did Valdez go down?
89.
So, like.
Yeah.
Anyway, so I.
They're trying to say that theworld went to.
Before 1995, I guess, or 89.
But, yeah, I mean, the ironyof that being it.
(23:49):
It's like.
But then when it goes down andyou're seeing that, you're like,
okay, whatever.
But anyway, that's another onethat I was just like, that.
That was unnecessary.
Well, there's.
So it's funny that you saythat, because now I got a.
The most egregious scene orsin in this movie, to me, is how
(24:09):
Kevin, you know, the Mariner,comes about to believing that there's
dry land.
Right.
Oh, is he sees Enola's drawingwhere she does green leaves, brown
tree.
And then he sees that in amagazine, and that's what convinces
him.
But she draws what she sees,so there's no reason why she wouldn't
take or see the magazine andjust copy that.
(24:30):
Yeah.
As being her inspiration.
And so the way he jumps tothat conclusion, I'm going to.
Okay, that's fair.
And then the other thing thatalways gets me is, you know, how.
How long has the wateractually been there?
Right?
Because it.
It's.
It's long enough that there'sno adults that remember a time before
(24:53):
water.
But it's not so long thatEnola's parents were alive on dry
land and were able to ship heroff as a baby.
And then at the same time,they're talking about the ancients.
So it makes you think thatit's like a hundred years.
But then you get to dry land,there's one little hut, which means
it was probably a family of Sherpas.
(25:14):
Yeah, those lines.
And so there's.
There's no kind of talk abouthow long we've been in this situation,
but it's long enough thateverybody's forgotten or at least
repressed the memory of a timebefore, but there's no kind of story
(25:37):
about that.
And so then I'm left feelinglike, hey, so all you got to really
say is, you know, give me alittle blip or something about, you
know, a newspaper heading, ifthat's all you can do.
And so you can see, like, youknow, when this happened or that
there was something going on.
And then from there you can.
(25:57):
You can move ahead.
And that fixes the timelinefor me.
But I'm sitting here going,okay, has it been 20 years?
Has it been 50.
Has it been a, you know, 200?
And where's the, you know, howis this fitting into the thing?
Because there's just so many convenient.
Like you were talking aboutnot thought out story line issues.
And so it's just all, youknow, kind of word salad up at the
(26:20):
end and hey, hurry up, wegotta wrap this thing.
They find the dry land.
Here we go.
Boom, boom, boom.
Done scene.
Yeah.
And it just doesn't fit.
Yeah, and this is verynitpicky of me, but the other one
that gets me is, so this girl's.
What, what do they do?
They say how old she is?
Like, she's like maybe 10.
(26:42):
Right?
Like, and when we find herparents, they're like bleached ass
bones.
I'm like, okay, so even ifthey sent her off when she was a
newborn, they're not bleachedass bones 10 years later.
Especially sitting out in theopen air like that.
Like, there's no bugs thathave gotten in there and eaten their
flat.
Like, I was like, hold on.
(27:04):
You act like they shipped thisgirl off like a hundred years ago.
Like it was bad.
Like there's just so manyterrible continuity.
Like, just doesn't make sense.
But yeah, I'm with you.
Like, there's no, there's noindication of when or how or.
And I think that's the otherthing that they could do in a remake
(27:27):
is, I mean, listen, whetheryou like woke or not, like, you could
really talk about the actualissues that we have from a climate
and, you know, world view ofthis in some way, shape or form could
happen.
Right.
Like, and.
But then I also think that theone thing that people don't think
(27:50):
about is there have beenscientists that have like predicted
what might happen if the polarass caps melt.
And the thing, you're alsogonna have some weird weather patterns.
And.
And all it is is just likepure, beautiful sunny day in this.
You know what I mean?
In this world.
Like, where's the storms?
Because the storms got to be brutal.
Because you want to talkabout, I mean, we currently have
(28:12):
unfortunately, this hugehurricane that's getting ready to
probably demolish Jamaica.
And it's had what we have onour planet right now, amount of water
to build up.
Imagine a planet that's almostfully covered, this storm system
floating over all this.
(28:34):
Oh my God, these people wouldbe out on these little rickety freaking
boats.
Toast.
If you're not on the Exxonvalleys, you're done for, dude.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
So I just think there's a lotof things that they didn't think
through at all.
They're like, well, let's justmake a movie on water.
Yeah, well, that's the thing,is, it's like, hey, Mad Max did really
(28:55):
well.
Let's go ahead and just copythat, make it worse and stick it
on water to change the sceneryand instant money.
Yeah.
Like, that's the limit of whatI feel like the thought process was
on this.
Pretty much.
Yeah.
It's interesting.
And it just.
It just doesn't land.
No.
Yeah.
(29:16):
Not at all.
Not at all.
Should we rate it?
Let's do it.
All right, my guy, you're up.
All right, my movie.
I get to go first.
Water World's a solid two.
So it's.
It's.
It's in that category ofguilty pleasure for me, in the sense
that I enjoy watching it eventhough it's trash.
It is not a good movie.
(29:36):
It suffers from pretty mucheverything we've talked about.
Like, it suffers from a lot,but I still feel like there is a
huge amount of potential hereto remake and redo and retell the
story and, you know, make.
Make it good.
And, you know, it's.
We.
(29:56):
We've talked about severalsequels, delayed sequels, late sequels,
on the podcast before where,you know, they remake it, and it's
trash.
Best part is you can.
You're never going to remake amovie like Waterworld and make it
worse than the original.
Like, the bar is set so low.
You're good.
You're guaranteed to improveupon the story.
(30:16):
And I would love to see itbecause I am fascinated by this world.
I love the movie, the setup.
It's all right there.
You just have to actually goin and tell a cohesive story and
leave Kevin Costner the fuckout of it.
And so it's a solid two.
I will watch it again, butit's by no means a cinematic masterpiece.
(30:40):
I'm gonna give it a one.
I don't have the samenostalgia factor that you do for
it.
Where I was 14 when I saw it,and I walked out going, dad, that
was trash.
Like, you know what I mean?
Like, the.
Did we just watch?
And so it was like one ofthose things where I was like, I
can't sit and go, okay,there's some intrinsic value to this.
(31:01):
Like, I see no value in thismovie whatsoever, but Other than
Dennis Hopper in some of those moments.
But, yeah, so it's like one ofthose things where I'm just like,
wolf.
It's bad.
And.
But to your point, there ispotential oozing out of this movie.
And I think someone with the right.
(31:24):
The problem is, and this isprobably not even here on my rating,
but I don't think anybody hasthe balls to do it because the negative
connotation that comes with ifyou say water world, people are either
like, it's amazing becauseit's something that they grew up
with, or they're like me.
And they're like, that's oneof the worst movies that ever got
(31:44):
made, especially for thebudget that had it on it.
And it's like, nobody's gonnatouch that with a ten foot pole.
Right.
Which is sad because I thinkyou could really make some cool with
this movie.
But anyway, there it is.
One, I will actively avoidwatching this movie.
If I want to watch DennisHopper in his greatest MO.
(32:06):
Some of his greatest hits,I'll go YouTube that.
Because there is some funny.
And the old man is funny too.
Yeah.
But like, yeah, there's.
It's just some, like one ofthe other.
The epitome of bad to me forthis movie too, is when he has the
fight in the underbelly of hisship with the guy that's trying to,
(32:27):
you know, get the girl orwhatever, and he comes out and you
can clearly tell there's not awound on his back, there's just.
They poured some fake blooddown his back.
I'm like, how's he dying?
Like, the hell happened tothis dude?
Like, I don't, I don't understand.
So anyway, yeah, one for me.
Thanks a lot for making mewatch this.
(32:49):
You're welcome again for,yeah, I mean, whatever.
Long ago, but God almighty.
So there it is.
What a kickoff to November.
Yeah.
Tell everybody to find us.
Alec.
Happy to.
Like JJ said this, this is thefirst week of movies that are funny
(33:09):
when they weren't intended,weren't supposed to, and probably
shouldn't be funny.
And the best part about thewhat's ever to podcast for nude listeners
or returning listeners, Ithink, is that we don't always pick
good movies.
We stick to the category.
And the movie choices are, inmany cases, if not overwhelmingly,
(33:30):
all of them are designed tofuck with each other first and foremost.
Then it goes into the category.
And from that point, if we cancheck off 1 and 2, then we'll pick
a good movie if it, if it all aligns.
But we're not after thegreatest of cinema, we are after
that category and kind ofhitting the road less traveled, as
(33:50):
it were.
YouTube is the best place tofind us, to see our smiling faces,
but Patreon is the best placeto get involved with the content
is absolutely free to go ontoour Patreon at what's our verdict?
Reviews and vote on topics,suggest topics and then vote on movies
that are selected to be a partof that topic.
So get involved in votingprocess absolutely free.
(34:11):
If you do want to access towe're up to about 600 extra bonus
episodes, bloopers, outtakes,whole nine yards, extra content behind
a little bit of paywall.
But from that point, you guysget access to everything that we've
done and we have done somedoozy films that are behind this,
this paywall.
(34:33):
Pink Flamingos, anybody?
We've done that.
So Patreon's best place to getinvolved with the content and special
shout out and thanks to ourpatrons, CB and Rich.
CB, of course, is the one whogave us this topic.
So don't at me in the comments.
Go after Charles.
I'll kick it back to The Wazirof WAP, the Titan of Terror.
(34:55):
A J.J. yes, sir.
Yeah, it's gonna be aninteresting month.
We'll, we'll, that'll be,it'll be fun.
There's some doozies coming,but yeah, as always, we appreciate
you tuning in.
We'll catch you on the next one.
Hasta la vista, baby.
Cinematic.
I want to be that dude that'sout outside the raid, that's sitting
on the guns, that's just sointo shooting stuff, he doesn't even
realize that he's being turned around.
And like, yeah, you're like,what's his name?
Maybe try calling him Charles.
Who's that cousin over there?
Like, yeah.
(00:26):
Welcome to the what's Every podcast.
We fashion ourselves cinematicjudge and Jerry.
My name is JJ Crider.
I'm here with my car co hostAlec Burgess.
Let's get it.
We appreciate you tuning in.
Go hit that.
Follow.
Subscribe.
Like bell notification buttons.
Tell a friend about us.
Tell a family member about us.
Tell a dude with gills about us.
A little girl that's neverseen dry land.
(00:49):
I don't know.
Tell some people about us.
Help us grow the podcast.
Also swing over to.
What's that called?
Patreon.
Jesus.
Yeah, swing over to Patreon.
That'll help us grow the podcast.
Such a great recording.
It really fun.
Yeah, you know, we.
You can make us.
Help us pick movies like thisone we're talking about.
(01:12):
We've started a new month.
It is November, and in themonth of November, we're doing movies
that are funny that were notintended to be funny.
It's a great topic.
Appreciate it.
CB Charles.
Yep.
Good topic.
If you want to get involved insome of these topic choices, join
us on Patreon.
You can do it for free.
(01:32):
There are some paywall stuffto get you more content, but if you
want to torture us or give us good.
Stuff, and it's a lot more content.
We're talking like 600 extra videos.
It's a ton.
It's a ton.
And the ridiculousness.
But yeah.
So the month of November, itshould be interesting.
And we're kicking it off witha literal bang.
(01:52):
Water world.
Waterworld was released July 28th.
That's my.
That's Casey's birthday, 1995,a few years later.
It was written by Peter Raiderand David Tui.
Tui Tui.
Directed by Kevin Reynolds.
(02:14):
It stars Kevin Costner, GeneTriple Horn, Lanny Flater, Flair.
Wow.
Flaherty, Tina Majorono, Majorino.
And these names.
Robert A. Silverman.
It doesn't have.
What's his face on there?
Dennis Hooper.
Yeah, Dennis Hopper.
(02:35):
Like, how do you not.
Yeah, how do you not haveDennis Hopper?
Anyway, Chain Drophy, Arty.
Call Willie Petrovic andGerard Murphy will say I.
That's the weirdest cast listever because it doesn't have hardly
anybody that was actually inthis movie for more than five minutes.
But, yeah, it's a.
About.
It's a movie about.
In a future where the polarice caps have melted and Earth is
(02:58):
almost entirely submerged, amutated mariner fights starvation
and outlaw smokers andreluctantly helps a woman and young
girl try to find dry land.
If you're not watching me onYouTube, you didn't see the air quotes
under smokers, because we'renot talking about Marlboro man here.
But, yeah, listen.
(03:22):
All right, Alec, this is yourpick, dude.
I.
Let's.
Let's hear it.
I have been trying to get thismovie on the podcast for, like, seven
straight months.
Like, every single time wehave categories come up, I. I'm trying
to slip Waterworld in therewherever I can, because.
So this.
(03:42):
This movie's so crazy becauseI have a. I actually kind of like
it.
And it's because I firstwatched it when I was, like, 11 or
12, so it's that, like, spiritof adventure kind of thing.
And, you know, this.
My parents wouldn't let mewatch Mad Max, but I could watch
this.
And so it's, you know, Mad Max knockoff.
Just add water.
Yep.
And I'll stand by the fact, Ithink the first 10 minutes of this
(04:04):
movie, minus the fact that youstart out with him, like, recycling
his own piss into water, ispretty good.
Like, you get to meet the hero.
You get to see that Waterworldis worth this place.
You get to see the bad guysare ruthless and all this stuff from
there, it goes down and itjust nose dives.
And I think.
(04:25):
I think this is a movie that Iwould actually enjoy a reboot of,
revisiting this, kind ofupdating it, making it actually a
good story.
And I noticed this with my twopicks that I did this this month.
And even that, it's.
It's the funny comes from thefact that it's almost like one of
the actors went off script.
Right.
The villains went off script,and that's what made it funny.
(04:46):
And it's the only thing thatmakes it watchable.
But you take this very serious movie.
Right.
Or serious theme to a movie,and as soon as you meet Dennis Hopper
as a champion, it's justabsolute chaos.
And it's hilarious.
He does a fantastic job, butit almost overshoots the movie.
(05:10):
But at the same time, if youtake him out, the movie is trash
with him in it.
The movie isn't much betterthan trash, but he's the only saving
grace to the entire movie for,I don't know, the two hours that
it runs is give me more DennisHopper Give me more, Deacon.
Just every single interactionhe has with anybody is the.
(05:32):
Is the new best part of the movie.
And so, yes, as soon as I gotthe topic, I was like, oh, yes, this.
This is my month.
This is my month.
And so I got Water World on.
It's a movie that I enjoywatching because it has that kind
of almost nostalgia.
Right.
When I watched it, it was adecade old, but at the same time,
(05:54):
it's just like.
It's so funny.
It's so bad, but it's so funny.
And when Dennis Hooper.
Dennis Hopper's on screen thatI just.
I just can't help but crack up.
And I'll sit down and watchWaterworld pretty much whenever,
because I'm gonna laugh at it.
And it's an apocalyptic.
Supposed to be Mad Max on thewater film, not supposed to be funny
(06:18):
in the slightest.
And I'm just cackling because it's.
It's funny.
Yeah.
And it shouldn't be.
It's so great.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm not gonna lie.
We.
We may have peaked with thistopic on the very first film because
for.
Yeah, this movie is notintended to be funny, but God bless
(06:39):
America, do I not laugh my assoff because it's so bad?
And I remember, first, let meapologize to anyone listening or
watching.
I sound disgusting.
I've been really sick.
So I apologize for that.
But, like, I remember seeingthis movie in the theater when it
came out.
I was 14, and I. I watched itand was like, it was probably the
(07:03):
first movie that I went to.
And I left and went to my dad.
I was like, that was horrible.
And it.
You know, and it's aninteresting, like, like, lesson to
be learned about something.
Because, like, Kevin Costnerbasically was a.
Was given carte blanche afterDances With Wolves.
(07:25):
Right.
Right.
Amazing movie.
Won a ton of Oscars.
Like, really, really good.
And after that, they werelike, well, we'll just let him do
whatever the hell he wants.
And we get this.
And it's.
It's.
Wow.
I.
You know, and it's.
It's one of those things.
But to your point, DennisHopper is hilarious.
(07:47):
And I.
The more I watch it, the morelittle things I start to notice.
And, like, one thing I noticedthe one of the last times I watched
this was I couldn't even tellyou when the last time I watched
this was, but it was a longtime ago, was his eye patches.
Like, how they're differentthings from our world now.
Like, excuse me.
(08:07):
It starts off as, like, Ithink pool goggles.
Like, yeah.
And then by the end, it's likea chin strap from a football helmet.
It's hilarious.
And that's where I start.
And there was another one in there.
I think, too, that somethingelse that was on his face.
But, yeah, that, to me, waslike, the funniest.
(08:31):
I don't know that it'ssupposed to be funny moment is watching
what he uses for his eye patchthroughout the show.
Like, it.
Anyway, it's funny.
Like, that part gets me.
Oh, it's.
It's funny, too, because it's.
It's in the background, Right.
It's not brought any attentionto whatsoever.
And what you focus on is thefact that, you know, it's just the
(08:54):
little deliveries, right.
Where he gets this fake guyfor the first time and he asks everybody,
oh, it looks good.
It looks good.
He asked the kid, right?
He gives you that line about,like, out of the.
Out of the mouth of babes orwhatever it is.
Then he looks in the mirrorand go, it does look like it.
And then, like, the scene endslike that.
It cuts away at that point.
(09:15):
Yeah.
And so it's every little timethat he's on screen doing a delivery,
it's just.
He's in his element.
And I have to actually wonderif he decided to just go off script
because he was reading hislines and going, no, no, no.
Yeah.
Just decided to improve it onthe way.
(09:35):
Yeah.
Because it's.
It's.
It's just perfect is what he'sdelivering on the screen.
And so it's.
I mean, like.
Like, he's the bad guy.
He's the.
He's the leader of the smokers.
They just killing everybody.
They're going after everybody.
Just, you know, Pirates of the Seas.
Pretty much.
Yeah.
And you're sitting theregoing, damn, I really hope he wins.
(10:00):
Oh, man.
So funny.
And that's not the way thismovie is supposed to go.
No, not so.
It's just.
It.
It's just so funny.
And I just laugh because it's.
It's one of those things whereyou're supposed.
It's almost like.
This is also one of thosealmost movies with a message, right?
(10:20):
Like, you know, if we melt thepolar ice caps, shit's gonna get
real.
But it doesn't do that becauseI'm like, dude, I'm gonna join up
with smokers.
Yeah.
No, give me a jet ski, dude.
Give me a chance.
Like, they're having all the fun.
Yeah.
Or I want to be that dude thatsaid out that outside the raid that's
sitting on the guns that'sjust so into shooting stuff, he doesn't
(10:42):
even realize that he's beingturned around.
And like, yeah, you're like,what's his name?
Maybe try calling him Charles.
Who's that cousin over there?
Like, yeah.
And he's just like.
He's got this great phase.
He's just like, he's livinghis best.
Life and having a blast andjust one thing after another.
(11:06):
And so that's, that's the thing.
Like this movie, like I said,the first 10 minutes I'll put up
there is really good.
Gets you in the story and theneverything else is trash.
And it just, it's.
It's a free fall from thatpoint down.
And you have to almost sitthere and wonder, what am I watching
again?
Because it's almost like the,the story and the plot goes completely
(11:29):
out the window.
You have no idea what you'refollowing around with.
You have so many things thatare happening at one time.
There's no cohesive realstoryline that goes with it.
And the entire time I'm.
I'm sitting there going, bringme back to smokers.
Bring it back to the smokers.
I want to see more of them.
I want to see, you know, their function.
Everything, because it's.
Everything that happens whenthe smokers are on screen is hilarious.
(11:51):
You got him throwing thecigarettes out of a bag and just
meat.
I love some smeat, some canned smeat.
It's like got a car, just pushto start.
And it's wild in it.
It's so funny.
And I mean it.
If it's supposed to be somesort of like, you know, ecological,
(12:14):
like, hey, you know, thiscould get bad if we don't take care
of the earth.
It doesn't do a good job.
No.
Because I, I'm sitting theregoing, this, like, water will be
so awesome if we could justpaste the movie into real life and
just have smokers going everywhere.
Yeah.
And it's, it's funny becausethis is a movie that also, even though
being kind of terrible, won't die.
(12:35):
Yeah, for sure.
Oshi and I go to, we'll go toUniversal Studios every once in a
while and they still got thewater show.
And it is amazing.
You have this like 45 minuteshow that's far superior to the movie
possible way.
It's beautiful.
And this movie is at thispoint, it's 30 years old.
(12:58):
Oh, yeah.
Like, this is, this is an old movie.
It's not a good movie byreally anybody's standards.
But this show has been runningat Universal Studios for pretty much
30 years.
Yeah.
Unchanged.
And it is.
It is phenomenal.
And so that's why I'm like,this would be a great kind of revisit.
Don't bring anybody backexcept for maybe Dennis Hopper.
(13:19):
He's still around, but thatwould be awesome.
That would.
So put his picture up in placeof St. Joe in the.
In the ship.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That would be funny.
And little callback.
But this is something I thinkyou can revisit with, you know, 2025
technology, CGI actor list.
(13:39):
And I think you would see.
I think it would be really good.
And I mean, they're stillmaking Mad Max films, and I think
those have gone just downhill.
Pretty much.
Yeah.
In the recent ones.
But I feel like you couldrevisit this and have it be really
cool.
I agree.
I, you know, two things.
One, I wanted to make surethat I made the point and you did
(14:00):
it for me, that this is one ofthose movies where the Universal
show is better than the actualmovie, which is hilarious because
I've seen it a couple timesand I'm like, this show is amazing.
Why couldn't they just do thisfor the movie?
Yeah, give me two hours of that.
Yeah.
But.
And then the other point wasthat they could absolutely remake
(14:22):
this.
And what's ironic is theycould probably make it for less money.
This was like, at the time,the most expensive movie ever made.
Pretty sure the budget wasalmost $200 million.
And in 1995, that was unheard of.
Like, that was astronomical in 1995.
Like, people thought it wascrazy when they were spending 30,
(14:44):
40 million dollars on movies.
Now that's what the actors make.
You know, the lead actor mightmake in a movie.
Yeah, this movie, at $175million, was insane budget, and it
tanked.
Like, it bombed.
It may still be one of thegreatest box office bombs in history.
(15:08):
But.
Yeah, you could actually, youcould absolutely remake this movie.
I mean, they kind of did analien version with this new avatar,
from what I've heard.
I still haven't seen that andhave no desire.
But, like, I mean, thetechnology that they have that could
make.
Because that's one of theother things that I get.
It doesn't hold up either.
Like, like when you.
(15:28):
They go under the water andyou see the city, like, it's cool
that they were trying and it's.
But like, I always laugh whenyou see the disproportionate size
of the.
The submarine next to one ofthe skyscrapers.
I'm like, wait, why is that bigger?
(15:48):
Than what the skyscraper wouldhave even been in when it was intact.
Because you got to know.
It's a submarine.
Yeah.
No, I was like, what the hellkind of what your scaling's off there,
sir.
What gets me and this, this iswhat gets me is the, the landscape.
Right.
So we see a metropolis.
(16:10):
Right.
So it's like a, you know, city near.
That's near the beach becausethere's a sub here.
At least I'm assuming it's,you know, not in the interior of
Kansas.
Right.
You got to get a submarine there.
So it's relatively close tothe seaboard.
And then, you know, a littlebit of swimming and all of a sudden
we're at a chairlift for a ski resort.
Yeah.
(16:31):
And so where the.
Are they?
Yeah, like, you may besomewhere in Europe.
It would be the only thingwhere you guessed.
The Alps.
Maybe like French France or something.
Yeah, like France, Italy,somewhere along there.
But I was just cracking upbecause I'm like, where the are they?
(16:51):
But then they fly for a coupledays and then you're like, are we
in Asia?
Yeah, because it's, you know,then we get to the, you know, Himalayas
or whatever it is.
Yeah.
And so it's.
It's one of those things whereI, I feel a little bit bad as well,
because using water as yourmedium or your backdrop is boring
as.
(17:11):
Yeah.
Like, there's not a lot youcan do when you're trying to do passage
of time over water.
And so I feel like they gotthe story wrong.
You gotta make the story aboutthe smokers.
Yeah.
Like, I would flip it around.
Smokers are the good guys,mariners, the bad guy.
Because then you can do morebecause you have more people on screen.
(17:32):
But the.
When your protagonist isliterally three people.
Yeah, Right.
And one of them doesn't evenwant to talk.
Yeah.
And that's.
That's your main guy.
Kevin Costner doesn't want to talk.
Just wants to be moody and broody.
Yeah.
Like, it.
It doesn't work very well.
And so then you get theseweird passages of time where, you
know, how long has it been?
(17:54):
Even at the beginning wherethey're talking about, there's an
eight hole eight days back.
Like, we cover that eight daysand 30, 30 seconds.
And so it's the weird passageof time, plus with the fact that
you don't have a lot that youcan do with your protagonist crew
because you got Kevin Costnerbeing, you know, outcast, a self
(18:18):
imposed outcast, just hanging out.
And it's like, dude, switchthe story up again.
Yeah.
Freaking.
The other character I really like.
I don't know the actor's name,but it's the dude who's got, like,
the oxygen tanks on.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And it's just.
Is backing me up.
(18:42):
Just everywhere he goes, he'sgot a little harness with oxygen
tanks all sticking out of it.
Oh, yeah.
And just every.
Every line he's in becausehe's the very kind of.
It's almost like he's the.
He's the capable one out ofthe entire smoker crew.
Yeah.
And just.
It gives off such a funnyimage that this is the guy who's
the brains behind the entire operation.
(19:07):
Arrows sticking up.
And so I. I think you gottashift the story around a little bit
or just have a more compellingprotagonist crew, because it's.
It's boring every time thatthey're really on screen.
And then you got.
The most exciting part is thatstupid CGI fish.
Oh, yeah, I know.
There's, like, just a huge amount.
(19:30):
Yeah.
And it's like, that's the mostexciting part.
And that's something thatdoesn't hold up now, watching it
on a high resolution t. Icould do better.
Yeah.
But that's the.
The most exciting part.
Yeah.
Unless the smokers are involved.
Yeah.
And that's the thing, is that there.
There's too much, not enough,or the smokers are so much fun and
(19:55):
they don't get enough screentime that it's.
It just.
In a way, it acts against the movie.
Because I want more of thesmokers being involved.
Because they're driving.
They're driving.
Force the movie, you know,without them, Kevin Carson's just
gonna sail around in circles forever.
Forever.
Because he doesn't give a. Yeah.
And so it's.
(20:15):
It's unfortunate that they're.
The most likable part, themost enjoyable part, the best part,
the funniest part.
Yeah.
And then they don't get to winat the end.
Exactly.
Well, and I think that's.
For me, like, there was no central.
Other than saying, we're gonnatell this story about the Earth that's
now covered in water.
(20:35):
Like, they didn't think thestory through.
Like, you can tell, like,because it's in my head.
I'm like, you should have had someone.
Instead of this Mariner guybeing this loner out in the middle
of nowhere and him being thecentral piece of the story you needed
to have.
And even these two women,like, the.
You know, the.
(20:56):
The woman and the child, like,they force him into finding dry land
and running and doing all this stuff.
Right.
But, like, why not make.
We don't get introduced toKevin Costner's character right out
the gate, right?
Like, let's not have him be there.
In fact, let's start in thelittle city thing.
(21:16):
Haven.
Right where.
And instead of it just beingsome shopkeeper woman, it's a historian
in their time in their world,where she's.
They're trying to figure outwhat happened and why is the.
Was the world always like this?
Or was it something?
And we have all these relicsand we found stuff, and, you know,
(21:38):
and they're trying to figureout the pieces of this instead of,
you know.
And then all of a sudden, thismystery girl gets dropped off with
a map on her back or tattoos.
There's so many ways that youcould do this that they all come
together and play their partsversus this guy who is.
Has no charm, no charisma on camera.
(22:02):
I don't give a.
About him.
At the end of the day, he'sour main protagonist that I'm like,
I don't.
I don't care.
Yeah.
I don't want him to win.
Yeah.
Like, I want to know moreabout the world.
I don't want to know moreabout him and what's going on with
that.
Like, give me more of that.
Or set up a story.
Like, there's no story set up.
(22:23):
It's just this guy anyway.
And then there's these littleelements of, like, he's a mutant
and he's got gills.
And I'm like, there's so manyinteresting pieces of it that a good
storyteller now could, like,to your point, make a really probably
enjoyable movie.
And you get three movies outof it, because that's how everything's
done now.
So you got three movies.
Tell your story.
(22:44):
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
I think there.
I think there's some potentialhere that just was never realized.
They probably did it too early.
What.
You know, whatever it was.
But it just.
Yeah, it's not.
It's just.
It just.
There was nothing realized that.
But there's a lot that couldhave been.
And that's why you end up withyour villains being the most interesting
(23:05):
piece of this, because they'rethe only thing that's truly fleshed
out, as silly as that seems,because they're a weird group.
And I will say the one thing,that other thing that makes me laugh
about this is, like, in 1995,we see at the end that the ship that
they're on is the Exxon Valdez.
Valdez.
And I'm like, that's Ironic,because when this was made was like,
(23:28):
was it after.
When did the Valdez.
Wasn't it 90.
When did Valdez go down?
89.
So, like.
Yeah.
Anyway, so I.
They're trying to say that theworld went to.
Before 1995, I guess, or 89.
But, yeah, I mean, the ironyof that being it.
(23:49):
It's like.
But then when it goes down andyou're seeing that, you're like,
okay, whatever.
But anyway, that's another onethat I was just like, that.
That was unnecessary.
Well, there's.
So it's funny that you saythat, because now I got a.
The most egregious scene orsin in this movie, to me, is how
(24:09):
Kevin, you know, the Mariner,comes about to believing that there's
dry land.
Right.
Oh, is he sees Enola's drawingwhere she does green leaves, brown
tree.
And then he sees that in amagazine, and that's what convinces
him.
But she draws what she sees,so there's no reason why she wouldn't
take or see the magazine andjust copy that.
(24:30):
Yeah.
As being her inspiration.
And so the way he jumps tothat conclusion, I'm going to.
Okay, that's fair.
And then the other thing thatalways gets me is, you know, how.
How long has the wateractually been there?
Right?
Because it.
It's.
It's long enough that there'sno adults that remember a time before
(24:53):
water.
But it's not so long thatEnola's parents were alive on dry
land and were able to ship heroff as a baby.
And then at the same time,they're talking about the ancients.
So it makes you think thatit's like a hundred years.
But then you get to dry land,there's one little hut, which means
it was probably a family of Sherpas.
(25:14):
Yeah, those lines.
And so there's.
There's no kind of talk abouthow long we've been in this situation,
but it's long enough thateverybody's forgotten or at least
repressed the memory of a timebefore, but there's no kind of story
(25:37):
about that.
And so then I'm left feelinglike, hey, so all you got to really
say is, you know, give me alittle blip or something about, you
know, a newspaper heading, ifthat's all you can do.
And so you can see, like, youknow, when this happened or that
there was something going on.
And then from there you can.
(25:57):
You can move ahead.
And that fixes the timelinefor me.
But I'm sitting here going,okay, has it been 20 years?
Has it been 50.
Has it been a, you know, 200?
And where's the, you know, howis this fitting into the thing?
Because there's just so many convenient.
Like you were talking aboutnot thought out story line issues.
And so it's just all, youknow, kind of word salad up at the
(26:20):
end and hey, hurry up, wegotta wrap this thing.
They find the dry land.
Here we go.
Boom, boom, boom.
Done scene.
Yeah.
And it just doesn't fit.
Yeah, and this is verynitpicky of me, but the other one
that gets me is, so this girl's.
What, what do they do?
They say how old she is?
Like, she's like maybe 10.
(26:42):
Right?
Like, and when we find herparents, they're like bleached ass
bones.
I'm like, okay, so even ifthey sent her off when she was a
newborn, they're not bleachedass bones 10 years later.
Especially sitting out in theopen air like that.
Like, there's no bugs thathave gotten in there and eaten their
flat.
Like, I was like, hold on.
(27:04):
You act like they shipped thisgirl off like a hundred years ago.
Like it was bad.
Like there's just so manyterrible continuity.
Like, just doesn't make sense.
But yeah, I'm with you.
Like, there's no, there's noindication of when or how or.
And I think that's the otherthing that they could do in a remake
(27:27):
is, I mean, listen, whetheryou like woke or not, like, you could
really talk about the actualissues that we have from a climate
and, you know, world view ofthis in some way, shape or form could
happen.
Right.
Like, and.
But then I also think that theone thing that people don't think
(27:50):
about is there have beenscientists that have like predicted
what might happen if the polarass caps melt.
And the thing, you're alsogonna have some weird weather patterns.
And.
And all it is is just likepure, beautiful sunny day in this.
You know what I mean?
In this world.
Like, where's the storms?
Because the storms got to be brutal.
Because you want to talkabout, I mean, we currently have
(28:12):
unfortunately, this hugehurricane that's getting ready to
probably demolish Jamaica.
And it's had what we have onour planet right now, amount of water
to build up.
Imagine a planet that's almostfully covered, this storm system
floating over all this.
(28:34):
Oh my God, these people wouldbe out on these little rickety freaking
boats.
Toast.
If you're not on the Exxonvalleys, you're done for, dude.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
So I just think there's a lotof things that they didn't think
through at all.
They're like, well, let's justmake a movie on water.
Yeah, well, that's the thing,is, it's like, hey, Mad Max did really
(28:55):
well.
Let's go ahead and just copythat, make it worse and stick it
on water to change the sceneryand instant money.
Yeah.
Like, that's the limit of whatI feel like the thought process was
on this.
Pretty much.
Yeah.
It's interesting.
And it just.
It just doesn't land.
No.
Yeah.
(29:16):
Not at all.
Not at all.
Should we rate it?
Let's do it.
All right, my guy, you're up.
All right, my movie.
I get to go first.
Water World's a solid two.
So it's.
It's.
It's in that category ofguilty pleasure for me, in the sense
that I enjoy watching it eventhough it's trash.
It is not a good movie.
(29:36):
It suffers from pretty mucheverything we've talked about.
Like, it suffers from a lot,but I still feel like there is a
huge amount of potential hereto remake and redo and retell the
story and, you know, make.
Make it good.
And, you know, it's.
We.
(29:56):
We've talked about severalsequels, delayed sequels, late sequels,
on the podcast before where,you know, they remake it, and it's
trash.
Best part is you can.
You're never going to remake amovie like Waterworld and make it
worse than the original.
Like, the bar is set so low.
You're good.
You're guaranteed to improveupon the story.
(30:16):
And I would love to see itbecause I am fascinated by this world.
I love the movie, the setup.
It's all right there.
You just have to actually goin and tell a cohesive story and
leave Kevin Costner the fuckout of it.
And so it's a solid two.
I will watch it again, butit's by no means a cinematic masterpiece.
(30:40):
I'm gonna give it a one.
I don't have the samenostalgia factor that you do for
it.
Where I was 14 when I saw it,and I walked out going, dad, that
was trash.
Like, you know what I mean?
Like, the.
Did we just watch?
And so it was like one ofthose things where I was like, I
can't sit and go, okay,there's some intrinsic value to this.
(31:01):
Like, I see no value in thismovie whatsoever, but Other than
Dennis Hopper in some of those moments.
But, yeah, so it's like one ofthose things where I'm just like,
wolf.
It's bad.
And.
But to your point, there ispotential oozing out of this movie.
And I think someone with the right.
(31:24):
The problem is, and this isprobably not even here on my rating,
but I don't think anybody hasthe balls to do it because the negative
connotation that comes with ifyou say water world, people are either
like, it's amazing becauseit's something that they grew up
with, or they're like me.
And they're like, that's oneof the worst movies that ever got
(31:44):
made, especially for thebudget that had it on it.
And it's like, nobody's gonnatouch that with a ten foot pole.
Right.
Which is sad because I thinkyou could really make some cool with
this movie.
But anyway, there it is.
One, I will actively avoidwatching this movie.
If I want to watch DennisHopper in his greatest MO.
(32:06):
Some of his greatest hits,I'll go YouTube that.
Because there is some funny.
And the old man is funny too.
Yeah.
But like, yeah, there's.
It's just some, like one ofthe other.
The epitome of bad to me forthis movie too, is when he has the
fight in the underbelly of hisship with the guy that's trying to,
(32:27):
you know, get the girl orwhatever, and he comes out and you
can clearly tell there's not awound on his back, there's just.
They poured some fake blooddown his back.
I'm like, how's he dying?
Like, the hell happened tothis dude?
Like, I don't, I don't understand.
So anyway, yeah, one for me.
Thanks a lot for making mewatch this.
(32:49):
You're welcome again for,yeah, I mean, whatever.
Long ago, but God almighty.
So there it is.
What a kickoff to November.
Yeah.
Tell everybody to find us.
Alec.
Happy to.
Like JJ said this, this is thefirst week of movies that are funny
(33:09):
when they weren't intended,weren't supposed to, and probably
shouldn't be funny.
And the best part about thewhat's ever to podcast for nude listeners
or returning listeners, Ithink, is that we don't always pick
good movies.
We stick to the category.
And the movie choices are, inmany cases, if not overwhelmingly,
(33:30):
all of them are designed tofuck with each other first and foremost.
Then it goes into the category.
And from that point, if we cancheck off 1 and 2, then we'll pick
a good movie if it, if it all aligns.
But we're not after thegreatest of cinema, we are after
that category and kind ofhitting the road less traveled, as
(33:50):
it were.
YouTube is the best place tofind us, to see our smiling faces,
but Patreon is the best placeto get involved with the content
is absolutely free to go ontoour Patreon at what's our verdict?
Reviews and vote on topics,suggest topics and then vote on movies
that are selected to be a partof that topic.
So get involved in votingprocess absolutely free.
(34:11):
If you do want to access towe're up to about 600 extra bonus
episodes, bloopers, outtakes,whole nine yards, extra content behind
a little bit of paywall.
But from that point, you guysget access to everything that we've
done and we have done somedoozy films that are behind this,
this paywall.
(34:33):
Pink Flamingos, anybody?
We've done that.
So Patreon's best place to getinvolved with the content and special
shout out and thanks to ourpatrons, CB and Rich.
CB, of course, is the one whogave us this topic.
So don't at me in the comments.
Go after Charles.
I'll kick it back to The Wazirof WAP, the Titan of Terror.
(34:55):
A J.J. yes, sir.
Yeah, it's gonna be aninteresting month.
We'll, we'll, that'll be,it'll be fun.
There's some doozies coming,but yeah, as always, we appreciate
you tuning in.
We'll catch you on the next one.
Hasta la vista, baby.
Cinematic.
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