When Depression is in your bed

Why do so many couples fight in cars? After a breathtaking but occasionally tense family road trip along the Pacific Coast Highway, I discovered something fascinating about car conflicts that completely changed my perspective.

Driving requires a unique blend of nervous system states - we need both calm groundedness (ventral vagal) and energized alertness (sympathetic) to navigate safely. But this delicate balance can easil...

Have you ever caught yourself thinking your relationship will never change? That moment of hopelessness is precisely what makes breakthrough moments of connection so powerful—when something shifts and you glimpse what's possible through conscious partnership.

In this vulnerable and insightful episode, I share a recent experience that validated years of relationship work with my husband. After two chaotic weeks dealing...

Grief has its own timeline. And sometimes, the most profound revelations about loss emerge from unexpected places—like a flooded basement.

When contractors tore out the flooring and walls of what had been my late father's living space, I experienced a surprising wave of emotion. Though he had passed nearly five years earlier, that basement remained "Dad's room" in our family's daily conversations. ...

What we believe about our relationships can become self-fulfilling prophecies. The notion that "past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior" might seem logical, but it ignores our capacity for growth and conscious choice.

Through a candid glimpse into my own marriage, I share how a flooded basement became an unexpected opportunity to break old patterns. When my husband discovered our underwater basemen...

Have you ever had a moment of startling clarity about how the people closest to you actually experience you? That's exactly what happened when my six-year-old daughter observed my husband and me dancing in our kitchen and declared we were "in rare form." Those three words stopped me in my tracks.

As someone who considers herself playful and lighthearted, I was struck by the realization that my children rarel...

Six months into the "When Depression Is In Your Bed" podcast, I realized I'd barely touched on one of the most significant aspects of depression in relationships—the impact on sexual intimacy and physical connection. The bed isn't just where we sleep; it's where we dream, where we struggle with insomnia or can't find the energy to rise, and where we reach for connection with our partners.

Phys...

Discover the relationship-transforming power of "staying out of your stories" - a skill that can fundamentally change how you navigate conflicts with your partner. This episode reveals how our nervous systems create automatic narratives during tense moments that feel absolutely true but often lead us astray.

When conflict emerges, our brains instantly attach meaning to what's happening, creating stories that...

Feeling constantly disappointed by your partner—or feeling like you're always the one disappointing them? This painful dynamic shows up in nearly every relationship, creating a loop of frustration that can feel impossible to escape.

As a therapist and someone who's lived this pattern in my own marriage, I can tell you there's a way out. The breakthrough comes from understanding what's actually happening...

Discover the relationship dynamic that may be silently sabotaging your connection with your partner. In this eye-opening exploration, I reveal how well-intentioned efforts to help our partners often create a painful pattern where one person feels chronically disappointed while the other internalizes being the disappointment.

Drawing from my personal journey through marital separation and reconciliation, I share how this re...

The path to a transformed relationship rarely follows a straight line. Most couples encounter significant challenges when trying to work together toward positive change, often finding themselves caught in familiar cycles of frustration despite their best intentions.

This episode explores two pivotal moments where partnership efforts commonly derail: at the very beginning when trying to establish teamwork, and when discover...

What if the secret to relationship transformation isn't trying harder alone, but working smartly together? That's the revolutionary concept at the heart of this episode, where I challenge the common myth that one person can (or should) do all the heavy lifting in a relationship.

Whether you've been carrying the relationship load by yourself or you've stepped back while your partner handles everything, t...

Feeling like you're carrying the entire weight of your relationship while your partner seems to be coasting? You're not alone—and the solution might surprise you.

Most of us have been fed a harmful myth that if we just work hard enough on ourselves and the relationship, everything will improve. This message is particularly strong for women in heterosexual relationships, who are often encouraged to keep putting in...

Depression can trap us in an exhausting cycle of waiting for better days that rarely last. We feel stuck, disconnected, and increasingly hopeless as we search for the magical formula that will finally break us free. But what if moving forward doesn't require having it all figured out first? What if the key lies not in grand plans but in learning to take one attuned step at a time?

Your nervous system holds profound wi...

Are you caught up just going through the motions each day? Stuck in a cycle that doesn't feel terrible but certainly doesn't feel good either? That familiar static place can become surprisingly comfortable, even as it drains our sense of aliveness and meaning.

Today we explore how to break free using what I call the "Take-a-Step Approach" – a gentle, biology-based method that works with your nervous sys...

Feeling stuck in a numbed-out state, just going through the motions day after day? Longing for something more but unsure how to find your way forward? This deeply compassionate exploration offers concrete, accessible steps that can help you to begin moving out of a mild, moderate or even severe depression.

Through understanding how our nervous systems become trapped in what experts call the "dorsal vagal state"—t...

Depression creates a profound disconnect in relationships that can feel impossible to bridge. The path from where you are to where you want to be might seem unclear or overwhelming—but what if crossing that distance requires just one step at a time?

In this illuminating episode, I share the invitation that concludes each of my podcasts—an invitation many listeners may miss but that contains the most transformative message ...

Have you ever noticed that your attempts to help your partner through depression, work stress, or life challenges often backfire? There's a reason your well-intentioned support sometimes lands as criticism or pressure—and it has everything to do with your nervous system.

Drawing from both professional expertise and twenty years in a relationship with a partner who experienced depression, Trish Sanders reveals the hidd...

Faced with the crucial question of whether to stay in or leave a relationship? Your body holds wisdom your mind can't access. This episode completes a seven-part journey through conscious relationship decision-making with arguably the most powerful question: What does your nervous system tell you when contemplating staying versus leaving?

Many of us live disconnected from our bodies, missing crucial guidance hidden wi...

What happens when your relationship requires so much of you that there's nothing left for yourself? For two decades of my marriage, I poured everything into caring for my depressed partner, losing myself in the process. But a profound shift occurred when I finally asked: "Can I deeply love and care for myself and continue in this relationship?"

This question emerged during a perfect storm in my life—turning ...