December 17, 2024 • 29 mins
Welcome to the When Grief Comes Home podcast. We're glad you're here. This podcast supports parents who are grieving a spouse, partner, or child while helping their children who are living through the loss of a parent or sibling. With personal grief stories and professional guidance, we offer parents practical tips for supporting their child who is grieving while caring for their own grief.
This episode explores how to take care of yourself while grieving during the holidays. We highlight communication within families and provide tips on how to help children express their mixed emotions of joy and sadness during the holidays. We offer practical suggestions such as asking for help with tasks while finding meaningful ways to remember loved ones.
As the year draws to a close, families in grief face emotional complexities. Some may feel a sense of relief at leaving a painful year behind, while others may struggle with moving forward. We explore various ways to remember loved ones from family ceremonies to new traditions. You will discover how ceremonies like candle lighting can provide a sense of connection and solace.
Please subscribe to the When Grief Comes Home podcast and leave us a review. The more stars, reviews, and downloads the show receives, the more parents and families in grief can find support.
Pre-order the book When Grief Comes Home https://a.co/d/ijaiP5L
Candle ceremony:
1. We light this candle in your memory. We will never forget the times we laughed or disagreed, the fun times, or the memories we made. We carry you with us, always.
2. We light this candle for the emptiness we feel without you. The pain of missing you reminds us of the depth of our love for you. We wish you were here with us, and we remember you.
3. We light this candle for hope. We remind ourselves that feelings are not forever. When living without you feels like too much, may we trust we will feel hopeful again.
4. We light this candle for love. We remember our love for you and yours for us. May the love you brought to this world shine in us for each other.
For more information on Jessica’s House or for additional resources, please go to jessicashouse.org
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to when Grief Comes Home, a podcast
dedicated to parents livingthrough loss while supporting
their child.
Let's meet the team.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
I'm Erin Nelson, founding executive director at
Jessica's House.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Hi, I'm Colleen Montague, program director for
Jessica's House and a licensedmarriage and family therapist.
Speaker 4 (00:21):
Hi, I'm Brad Quillen and I'm the host of when Grief
Comes Home.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Now, through this podcast, they'll share grief
resources and coping skills,heartfelt stories and insights
to support parents as they raisechildren who are grieving
Together.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
you'll find strength as we learn to live with loss
and find ways to heal.
Hello, it's Brad from Jessica'sHouse.
Today we'll be talking abouthonoring your person during the
holidays.
Although your loved one isphysically absent from the
holiday celebrations, you cancontinue to find meaning and
ways to honor their memory.
Today we'll share somepractical ideas and ways for you
and your children to honor yourperson's memory.
Well, let's jump right in.
(01:03):
Aaron, I know we've talked aboutthis before at Jessica's house,
when the Christmas season comes, we don't decorate all the way
right.
We try and hold back a bit,knowing that there are families
that that's really rough to seeall the decor and to see the
trees and all the normalChristmas stuff that we see
everywhere.
But we also know there'sfamilies that are kind of
(01:24):
looking forward to Christmas insome ways and like seeing that.
But I know it's different for alot of families and even in
your story after Tyler died,christmas the year before looked
one way but the next year itlooked very different in your
home.
You might share a little bitabout that.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Yeah, when I think about the way we celebrated
Christmas in our family and justa tradition that we had was
that Tyler, who was a farmer, hewould always go and go to our
little local.
We had a local tree farm thatwe would go to and we would get
our tree and he always we wouldpick it out together and it was
(02:01):
just such a sweet time with thekids and bringing it home and
setting it up, throw it in thekids and bringing it home and
setting it up throw it in thetruck and bring it home and
everything.
One part of Christmas in theyear before he died that I
remember is that when I waspacking away the ornaments when
Christmas was over, is thatthere was an ornament somebody
(02:22):
made for us that had ouranniversary date and like the
year that we got married, and Ialways hung it on the tree and
it broke that year and I justthought, I don't know it.
Just the next when he died, Ikind of remembered that I didn't
have that one as we enteredinto the holidays and you know,
he wasn't there to like go tothe tree farm and we didn't have
(02:44):
his truck anymore and all ofthat.
So the kids and I just kind oftalked about what does it look
like?
So we decided to get a reallyteeny tiny tree and we really
didn't bring out the big boxesor try to decorate it the way we
did before.
We made it different that yearbecause it was all we could do
and it was very simple and itfelt appropriate just to have
(03:07):
something but not have it be thesame.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
Not everything.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Right Something, but not everything.
Speaker 4 (03:13):
So can I ask you, bringing all that out, how much
emotion would have been attachedto opening the boxes, all the
ornaments?
Just too much.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Yeah, I think it's too much.
And after Carter died, wedidn't bring out the boxes until
year four, and so it was lastyear that we got the boxes out
and we took some ornaments out,but we had an ornamentless tree.
We still had a tree, but wedidn't put anything on it and I
just, it was just one of those.
(03:45):
Yeah, just being able to, justthat's all we could do.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
Right, and so it's looked different for three years
after, and then the fourth year.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
The fourth year we put a few ornaments on the tree,
yeah.
And then we had that traditionof doing an ornament exchange in
our family where we had a lotof ornaments that represented
Carter.
So we kind of called it ourCarter tree, so we made our tree
actually really centered aroundhim, and that felt very right
(04:17):
for us.
Speaker 4 (04:17):
Right In that fourth year when you did start putting
ornaments back.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
I gotcha, I gotcha and you did start putting
ornaments back.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
I gotcha, I gotcha and Colleen.
I was going to ask how Aaroninvolved the family with that
piece of the ornament.
Exchange is something thatfamilies need to think through a
little bit with.
How do we involve the kids thatChristmas is around the corner
or it's a few weeks away as thispodcast comes out, that what do
we expect and how do we meetsome of those expectations but
(04:47):
also manage those expectationsas parents?
Speaker 3 (04:50):
expectations is a good word to use.
I think if we don't talk aboutit, we may all have different
expectations or we may have thewrong expectations.
We may assume the kids want onething when actually that's not
the case.
They'd rather have somethingelse instead.
And so just talking about it,getting their input, asking them
(05:14):
what's important, what they'rethinking, what their questions
are, and if it is important forthem to have the decorations or
the tree, but you can't quitebring yourself to do it.
Is that something that you canask for help around?
If they really want thoselights on the house that you
(05:34):
know your spouse used to put up,can somebody else do that for
you now?
Yeah, can somebody else set thetree up?
I personally like a Christmastree, but it's a lot of work.
I can't imagine if I wasgrieving on top of it.
And so can you divvy out some ofthose, some of those traditions
that aren't as important to youright now but your kids would
(05:57):
be happy to have.
Speaker 4 (05:59):
And I something just kind of came to me sitting here
listening to you, think, talkthrough those conversations that
need to be had at home withsome of those expectations.
There's the reality of theschool component.
Like school Christmas, thingsare going to look so different,
whether there's a performance ormaking things for people, or
(06:20):
we're doing ornaments or youknow, whatever that expression
might be that it'll look verydifferent.
And having those conversationsto prepare your kiddos for the
school element.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Yes, and hopefully you've shared with your child's
teacher about the loss yourfamily has experienced, because
this is another reason why theyneed to know there can be a lot
of centering around gift makingfor parents with the class and
other things that the teacherwould need to be aware of if
that's going to look differentfor your family this year.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
Colleen, that's a great point, because there are
so many mixed emotions andkiddos in this season.
Erin, do you want to speak alittle bit about those mixed
emotions and that come with thistime that we're in right now?
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Yeah, when I think about the holidays, I think
about the mixed emotions thatkids might have, because they
may be really excited about theholidays, right.
There may be parts of theholidays that they look forward
to.
There may be a gift that theyreally want and they can't wait
to open and so, as you as acaregiver, may be really sad and
(07:26):
maybe even want to skip theholidays, which is so
understandable.
The kids might have a differentthought about that.
And I think about Jessica'shouse, and I think about one of
the very first activities thatwe do when a family comes to
Jessica's house is an artexpressive activity that we call
colors of my heart.
And it's the first time that weintroduced to children that
(07:49):
they have all different kinds ofemotions at the same time.
So they can be really excitedbecause they get to go play with
their very best friend orneighbor next door and at the
same time they're sad that theirdad's no longer there.
And I think sometimes with kidswith their concrete kind of
thinking, maybe their friendscan misunderstand like, well, I
(08:11):
thought your dad died, butyou're really happy.
And what kids teach us, evenwhen they're grieving, is they
can be really happy and still begrieving at the same time time.
Something that we like tointroduce to just help counter
any shame anyone would feel whenthey're grieving, is that we
can hold different emotions atthe very same time.
(08:32):
So with that colors of my heartactivity, maybe they're
depicting an emotion that'sreally bright and it feels very
happy for them, at the same timeas a darker kind of color that
is feeling really sad and maybescared and confused.
And so how you can hold all ofthat, and I think, more than
(08:54):
ever the holidays can intensifysome of that experience for
everyone, right, and so we'veeven heard from dads in group
where they are really sadbecause their child died and
then all of a sudden somethinghits them and they're laughing
and they said I remember one dadsaid it was like the grief
(09:15):
which was hitting me over thehead with her broom because and
I felt so guilty that all of asudden I was laughing.
But it's okay to laugh, it'sokay to have a light moment, and
that's where we've talked alittle bit about how we spiral
in and out of our, the intensityof our grief and how yeah, we
(09:35):
just never know how we'll feeland a mark like a marker for
mental health, and just thatpositive mental health is being
able to hold all kinds ofemotions at the very same time.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
The emotions are magnified.
It seems like the isolation ofyour spouse died and you're
alone.
I can't get the gift because Idon't have the income that we
were planning to get our childthat is expecting this big gift
right.
Then there's also.
The holiday brings a chance forme to be distracted from my
(10:10):
grief, Like there's just so manycurrents that are going in our
hearts and in our minds thatmake the holidays that much more
tricky.
Absolutely, and that could beyear one, could be year two,
could be year three.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
And you just don't know until you get there.
Speaker 4 (10:29):
Until you step foot into it.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
With everything we're saying.
It's a lot of information, alot of ideas.
It can feel overwhelming, andso we wanted to offer an idea to
our listeners after thisepisode or even pushing pause.
Now Give yourself some time, ifyou like, to journal and write
down, or even if it's just somequiet reflection on what would
(10:53):
work for your family this season, especially based on your
family's traditions and culture.
Sometimes we don't realize whatour priorities are until we
really process through it, andso consider taking a moment for
yourself to really write downthose ideas or those items that
are important to you.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
You know, like you said, reflect on.
You know what holidaystradition, what holiday
traditions do you want to keep,you know which ones do you want
to skip, and so just evenstarting there can really help
you find direction for what yournext step might be.
Speaker 4 (11:33):
Yes, and the acknowledgement that it's going
to be different becausesomeone's missing and give
yourself permission to say thisis going to be different.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
And you can do it differently this time.
Speaker 4 (11:46):
It doesn't have to be the same or what we've always
done.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Yeah, just give yourself, just take care of
yourself with so much gentleness.
Speaker 4 (11:55):
And listen to your body.
We try and do, do, do, but yetwe know we're struggling, or
emotionally, we're just tappedout or taxed, or we're exhausted
.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
And so vulnerable right During this time, and just
to really listen and lower theexpectation.
Don't demand of yourself whatyou don't have the capacity to
do.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
What you can't do.
Hey, we're going to take abreak, we're going to come back
from the break and we're goingto give you just some real
practical ideas of how to honorthe memory of the person who
died and what that can look likethis Christmas season.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Jessica's House is a children's bereavement center
located in California's CentralValley since 2012.
Jessica's House provides freepeer support for children, teens
, young adults and theirfamilies grieving a loss.
If you need grief-relatedsupport, please visit
jessicashouseorg to download ourfree resources and be sure to
(12:58):
follow Jessica's House on socialmedia.
And if you have any questionsor topics you'd like us to
explore in a future episode,just send us an email at info at
jessicashouseorg.
Speaker 4 (13:12):
Well, welcome back.
And a few minutes ago, aaron,you mentioned a number of the
ways that you guys haveremembered Carter and Tyler, and
some of those have been throughornaments, some of those have
been through some stocking ideas, the lighting the candles, a
toast you've mentioned.
But do you mind sharing alittle bit of how do you invite
other members of the family,maybe just kind of the outside
(13:34):
of the immediate family, intoremembering the person during
the holidays, into?
Speaker 2 (13:37):
remembering the person during the holidays.
Yeah, so as people want to joinyou, you could always extend an
invitation to maybe have themlight a candle, especially if
you have family members orfriends out of town, right?
Speaker 4 (13:49):
far away.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
They want to honor the person with you.
And I know some people wouldsend us a photo of a candle lit
for Carter and they would justsend a photo and text it to us
and just say, hey, I'm thinkingabout you today and it helps you
feel less alone and there, andsometimes they would put a.
(14:10):
I know we had a friend becauseCarter loved flannel shirts, and
this friend of ours, um, shecreated a tree skirt for her
Christmas tree that was flannel.
It was out of flannel and so shejust wrapped it around and sent
us a photo and it's like thisis our Carter tree and we'll
never forget him and thisflannel kind of tree skirt
(14:33):
really always helps us rememberhim during this time and we're
remembering you as well.
And so any way that um, youknow, as we're grieving,
anything that we can do to havea witness, you know, it really
helps us in our healing and soevery time that we're expressing
or someone else's noticing um,and really honoring that person
(14:57):
with us, it really helps in ourhealing process.
Speaker 4 (14:59):
It's a chance to come together.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
It is yeah.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
In those moments.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
It really does make a difference to know other people
are thinking about you and evenif they can't be with you, just
a little connection makes itreally helps you to heal.
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
And I know we've heard stories of dates of death
and those things of lighting acandle during that day or for an
hour of a window of time, andthose things too, that we can
invite people to join us inthose things.
Maybe it's a candle during theevening of Christmas Eve or
something to remember them andto all be symbolic in that to
(15:38):
give us a chance to do somethingpractically and something
together.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
It's so true.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
Hey, colleen Erin was just mentioning some of those
things that we can do withothers and for people to kind of
come alongside that might notbe in close proximity to us, but
those people that are rightnear us are our kiddos.
So what are some of those ideasthat we can do with them around
the holidays to remember theperson that's died?
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Ideas that we've done here at Jessica's house with
families are the paper chainsthat you can write memories of
your person on strips of paperor draw pictures that remind you
of them, put them together,staple them into one big paper
chain and maybe that's how youdecorate your christmas tree
this year and maybe they get torip off one of those chains
(16:25):
every day as they count down tochristmas, if they choose to do
that.
We've also created luminary bagsjust out of white paper lunch
sacks and they can decoratethose however they wish in
memory of their person, favoritememories, pictures that remind
them something that they wishthey could say to them something
(16:48):
that they miss, especiallyduring Christmas, and getting
one of those little batteryoperated candles, little votives
, and, you know, maybe that cango out on your porch or in the
child's room for them to have asa nightlight during this season
.
We've also created ornaments,and if that doesn't feel like
(17:09):
something you're capable ofdoing, there are always people
wanting to help and maybe that'ssomething that you could ask
them to help your kids with.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
I remember one ornament that we did once was
just different ribbon colorsthat represented the kids'
emotions and they wrote littlememories and put them in.
They were just like clearglobes and they could just kind
of put all of that inside andthat became an ornament that
they would pull out every yearin memory of the person who died
(17:40):
.
And so it's just little simplethings like that.
But sometimes people, like yousaid, might want to help and
that could be something youcould let them know that you'd
like to have that or you'd likeyour kids to have that
opportunity, if they'd like tofacilitate an activity like that
with them.
Speaker 4 (17:58):
Yes, it has a great chance to have conversation too
about what they're thinking,because sometimes they can't
express what they're saying attheir age, but they can put it
down in pictures and art, and soit gives you that natural
transition to ask more about.
What do they mean by this?
What does this color mean, whatdo you mean in this image?
And so it gives you that reallyeasy way into conversation.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Yeah, I was thinking, brad, too, just that when you
know, sometimes when it's reallycold out, kids can't go outside
and maybe they're a little moresedentary.
And there are a coupleactivities that we really like
at Jessica's house.
One is kind of balloonvolleyball, where you can just
blow up a balloon and somethingthat we know is that you can't
(18:43):
worry and catch a balloon at thesame time.
So sometimes if they areworried and kids a lot of times
after someone dies they havenatural worries that something
else bad may happen or they mayjust have some images in their
mind, like we've talked about inprevious podcasts, and when
they can just catch a balloon ortoss a balloon and they're
(19:04):
really concentrating on how tobop that balloon back and forth,
it just gives their brain abreak and something like that,
and so being able to just dolittle activities like that can
really help them to that nextmoment.
Speaker 4 (19:20):
Yeah, it's just little chances for them to have
that break.
But it's also a chance for ussometimes to check in and I was
curious after the differentoutings or holiday parties or
events, is it a good idea tocheck in and just see how the
outing was or the evening waswith kiddos post the next
(19:41):
morning?
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Absolutely, because we don't know until we try
something how it feels, and soalways circle back around as a
family after an event or after aseason and just ask each one
how'd that feel for you?
Anything that you would like todo differently next time?
Anything you want to keep doing?
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Yeah, I heard a mom just say that she would just do
little notes in her phone tojust remember for the next year,
and that she would say like oh,we decided that we didn't like
this and this is why and we wantto try this the next year, and
so that can really help.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
Man.
That is so good, because memoryis not always that great with
grief and that lethargy that wetalk about.
We use that word often in thepodcast.
But to prepare for next yearand some of those thoughts and
carry those forward, what agreat idea to be able to note
those and be able to go back towhat we learned.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
And as we're talking again next year, as we continue
our grief process, we can justtouch in.
It's going to be different evennext year.
But we could say, hey, we canjust touch in.
It might you know, it's goingto be different even next year.
But we could say, hey, this iswhat happened last year.
These are the things that wedid and this was when, kind of
like debrief the holidays.
This is what what our thoughtswere.
And everyone's a little older,right, the kids are a little
(21:00):
older and they may have newthoughts, but being able to do
that during those years of, youknow, after the losses, is just
helpful.
Speaker 4 (21:10):
And Erin, you mentioned the year turning the
year, and that's ahead as wellas we record this podcast, that
2025 is coming and some peopleare wanting to get past this
year and get to next year.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Yeah, we've heard so much.
I mean, you know, I remember adad just saying it was just like
the worst experience of my lifeand I just can't wait to get to
next year where things mightfeel a little bit better.
And then we've had others sayyou know, this is the year where
my child was or my spouse was,and now I don't want to leave
(21:48):
them behind.
I feel like going into a newyear without them just doesn't
even feel right.
How can I move into a new yearwhen they never got an
opportunity to?
And something that we did in ourfamily is that when, after the
year Carter died 2019, we allwent to the beach we live in
(22:09):
California and we all gatheredand at sunset the last sunset of
the year, we got together andwe kind of wrote the in the sand
.
We wrote 2019.
And then we just were like kindof just like we didn't like it.
(22:29):
You know right, we, you know wewant to say like a really
strong goodbye to 2019.
And we hated that year and itwas so hard on our family and we
wanted to say goodbye to it and, as the sun went down, just
hoped for better days.
So we all, kind of just like umwent into the ocean together
and and just said goodbye tothat that year and just as a
(22:50):
marked kind of ceremony that wenever want to relive something
like that again.
And so there are all kinds ofways, even as you say goodbye to
this year, that you cananticipate on how do you want to
say goodbye to this year,whatever that might be, and,
unfortunately, like even justNew Year's Eve, sometimes a New
(23:10):
Year's Day, those are otherholidays that are really tough
and so, as you look at that, beplanning what that might feel
like for you, with the NewYear's Eve holiday celebrations
and the New Year We've heardfamilies talk about like that
was the day where they sattogether and watch football and
(23:33):
um.
So you know, those are otherpieces that um are there and can
be really um take you off guardbecause you kind of get through
the holidays and then you'relike, oh my gosh, and then
there's this day and so asyou're um anticipating that,
anticipating that, being able totake good care of yourself
through it.
Speaker 4 (23:51):
And I've heard it's the new year is one of those
unanticipated days becauseyou're thinking Thanksgiving and
Christmas and some of the otherholidays of Hanukkah and some
of those that are in towards theend of the year.
But we don't realize thatthere's quite a bit of emotion
tied to the new year.
I've had families saying group.
(24:12):
Now I have to start saying myson or my husband or my wife
died last year and never evenrealized that was coming with
the new year.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Yes, and just that highly celebratory time Happy
New Year and all that peoplewill do to celebrate that and
when you're just maybe not just,you're not feeling like
celebrating.
Speaker 4 (24:35):
No, you don't want to blow the kazoo.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
No, you do not.
You don't want the confetti.
Speaker 4 (24:40):
As much as you want things to change, it's not a
happy celebration.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
No, it's not a happy celebration.
No, every event that you aregoing through and getting
through is providing youinformation, which is a gift.
It's teaching you what'sworking for you.
You're learning about what youneed and what you don't need,
and so, as you approach thesedifferent holidays or milestones
, you can also look at it asinformation gathering.
(25:09):
Like you know, it doesn'tactually feel that great to be
around a lot of people.
I need to keep that in mind formyself, or I felt my best when
I had others around me.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
That's so important.
Sometimes being alone does notfeel good and you feel like you
can hold your grief so muchbetter with others.
And, yeah, finding the rightpeople around you is important
too.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
Yeah, so if you want to shift your mind, set a bit
and look at these asopportunities to to get to know
the new you a little bit moreand what your needs are, moving
forward because there's holidaysthroughout the whole year, yeah
.
Speaker 4 (25:48):
And there are holidays that we don't
anticipate are going to bringsuch emotion or surprises
because the person's died.
Hey, and before we close thispodcast, Aaron, would you be
willing to walk us through thata family candle lighting
ceremony that we talk about hereat Jessica's house and give the
listeners a little insight intothat, but also they'll be able
(26:11):
to find the notes for how to dothis in our show notes here on
the podcast as well.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Yeah, so at the end of our group sessions, when we
are in December, we always endwith a ceremony, and one of them
that we do is a candle ceremony, where we come together and we
light different candles.
And the first one we light isfor the emptiness we feel
without them, and so being ableto see the pain of missing them
(26:39):
reminds us of the depth of ourlove for them and how we wish
they were here with us and howmuch we remember them.
The second candle is in theirmemory and how we'll never
forget the times we laughed ormaybe we disagreed, the fun
times or the memories that wemade and that we will carry them
(26:59):
with us always.
The third candle is for hope,reminding ourselves that
feelings aren't forever, andwhen living without them feels
like too much, we want to trustthat we will feel hopeful again.
And then the last one is forlove.
We remember our love for themand theirs for us, and just
(27:22):
asking that the love that theybrought to this world will shine
in us for each other.
And so we end with that.
Speaker 4 (27:34):
And, yeah, as you said, brad, the listeners today
can find that in our show notes.
Aaron Colleen, thank you forthis today, much appreciated,
and we know for those of youlistening facing the new year
can be difficult, and don'thesitate to reach out to
jessicashouseorg for moreresources and if you have ideas
for shows or questions, email usat info at jessicashouseorg.
And be sure to join us nexttime for another episode of when
(27:56):
Grief Comes Home, where we'llbe discussing your sorrow and
risk avoidance.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Until then, we wish you well.
Jessica's House is a children'sbereavement center located in
California's Central Valleysince 2012.
We provide free peer supportfor children, teens, young
adults and their familiesgrieving a loss.
If you need grief-relatedsupport, please visit
(28:27):
jessicashouseorg to download ourfree resources.
And be sure to follow Jessica'sHouse on social media, and if
you have any questions or topicsyou'd like for us to explore in
future episodes, just send usan email to jessicashouseorg.
Thank you for joining us andwe'll see you next time, for
when Grief Comes Home.
Hello and welcome to when Grief Comes Home, a podcast
dedicated to parents livingthrough loss while supporting
their child.
Let's meet the team.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
I'm Erin Nelson, founding executive director at
Jessica's House.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Hi, I'm Colleen Montague, program director for
Jessica's House and a licensedmarriage and family therapist.
Speaker 4 (00:21):
Hi, I'm Brad Quillen and I'm the host of when Grief
Comes Home.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Now, through this podcast, they'll share grief
resources and coping skills,heartfelt stories and insights
to support parents as they raisechildren who are grieving
Together.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
you'll find strength as we learn to live with loss
and find ways to heal.
Hello, it's Brad from Jessica'sHouse.
Today we'll be talking abouthonoring your person during the
holidays.
Although your loved one isphysically absent from the
holiday celebrations, you cancontinue to find meaning and
ways to honor their memory.
Today we'll share somepractical ideas and ways for you
and your children to honor yourperson's memory.
Well, let's jump right in.
(01:03):
Aaron, I know we've talked aboutthis before at Jessica's house,
when the Christmas season comes, we don't decorate all the way
right.
We try and hold back a bit,knowing that there are families
that that's really rough to seeall the decor and to see the
trees and all the normalChristmas stuff that we see
everywhere.
But we also know there'sfamilies that are kind of
(01:24):
looking forward to Christmas insome ways and like seeing that.
But I know it's different for alot of families and even in
your story after Tyler died,christmas the year before looked
one way but the next year itlooked very different in your
home.
You might share a little bitabout that.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Yeah, when I think about the way we celebrated
Christmas in our family and justa tradition that we had was
that Tyler, who was a farmer, hewould always go and go to our
little local.
We had a local tree farm thatwe would go to and we would get
our tree and he always we wouldpick it out together and it was
(02:01):
just such a sweet time with thekids and bringing it home and
setting it up, throw it in thekids and bringing it home and
setting it up throw it in thetruck and bring it home and
everything.
One part of Christmas in theyear before he died that I
remember is that when I waspacking away the ornaments when
Christmas was over, is thatthere was an ornament somebody
(02:22):
made for us that had ouranniversary date and like the
year that we got married, and Ialways hung it on the tree and
it broke that year and I justthought, I don't know it.
Just the next when he died, Ikind of remembered that I didn't
have that one as we enteredinto the holidays and you know,
he wasn't there to like go tothe tree farm and we didn't have
(02:44):
his truck anymore and all ofthat.
So the kids and I just kind oftalked about what does it look
like?
So we decided to get a reallyteeny tiny tree and we really
didn't bring out the big boxesor try to decorate it the way we
did before.
We made it different that yearbecause it was all we could do
and it was very simple and itfelt appropriate just to have
(03:07):
something but not have it be thesame.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
Not everything.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Right Something, but not everything.
Speaker 4 (03:13):
So can I ask you, bringing all that out, how much
emotion would have been attachedto opening the boxes, all the
ornaments?
Just too much.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Yeah, I think it's too much.
And after Carter died, wedidn't bring out the boxes until
year four, and so it was lastyear that we got the boxes out
and we took some ornaments out,but we had an ornamentless tree.
We still had a tree, but wedidn't put anything on it and I
just, it was just one of those.
(03:45):
Yeah, just being able to, justthat's all we could do.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
Right, and so it's looked different for three years
after, and then the fourth year.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
The fourth year we put a few ornaments on the tree,
yeah.
And then we had that traditionof doing an ornament exchange in
our family where we had a lotof ornaments that represented
Carter.
So we kind of called it ourCarter tree, so we made our tree
actually really centered aroundhim, and that felt very right
(04:17):
for us.
Speaker 4 (04:17):
Right In that fourth year when you did start putting
ornaments back.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
I gotcha, I gotcha and you did start putting
ornaments back.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
I gotcha, I gotcha and Colleen.
I was going to ask how Aaroninvolved the family with that
piece of the ornament.
Exchange is something thatfamilies need to think through a
little bit with.
How do we involve the kids thatChristmas is around the corner
or it's a few weeks away as thispodcast comes out, that what do
we expect and how do we meetsome of those expectations but
(04:47):
also manage those expectationsas parents?
Speaker 3 (04:50):
expectations is a good word to use.
I think if we don't talk aboutit, we may all have different
expectations or we may have thewrong expectations.
We may assume the kids want onething when actually that's not
the case.
They'd rather have somethingelse instead.
And so just talking about it,getting their input, asking them
(05:14):
what's important, what they'rethinking, what their questions
are, and if it is important forthem to have the decorations or
the tree, but you can't quitebring yourself to do it.
Is that something that you canask for help around?
If they really want thoselights on the house that you
(05:34):
know your spouse used to put up,can somebody else do that for
you now?
Yeah, can somebody else set thetree up?
I personally like a Christmastree, but it's a lot of work.
I can't imagine if I wasgrieving on top of it.
And so can you divvy out some ofthose, some of those traditions
that aren't as important to youright now but your kids would
(05:57):
be happy to have.
Speaker 4 (05:59):
And I something just kind of came to me sitting here
listening to you, think, talkthrough those conversations that
need to be had at home withsome of those expectations.
There's the reality of theschool component.
Like school Christmas, thingsare going to look so different,
whether there's a performance ormaking things for people, or
(06:20):
we're doing ornaments or youknow, whatever that expression
might be that it'll look verydifferent.
And having those conversationsto prepare your kiddos for the
school element.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Yes, and hopefully you've shared with your child's
teacher about the loss yourfamily has experienced, because
this is another reason why theyneed to know there can be a lot
of centering around gift makingfor parents with the class and
other things that the teacherwould need to be aware of if
that's going to look differentfor your family this year.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
Colleen, that's a great point, because there are
so many mixed emotions andkiddos in this season.
Erin, do you want to speak alittle bit about those mixed
emotions and that come with thistime that we're in right now?
Speaker 2 (07:03):
Yeah, when I think about the holidays, I think
about the mixed emotions thatkids might have, because they
may be really excited about theholidays, right.
There may be parts of theholidays that they look forward
to.
There may be a gift that theyreally want and they can't wait
to open and so, as you as acaregiver, may be really sad and
(07:26):
maybe even want to skip theholidays, which is so
understandable.
The kids might have a differentthought about that.
And I think about Jessica'shouse, and I think about one of
the very first activities thatwe do when a family comes to
Jessica's house is an artexpressive activity that we call
colors of my heart.
And it's the first time that weintroduced to children that
(07:49):
they have all different kinds ofemotions at the same time.
So they can be really excitedbecause they get to go play with
their very best friend orneighbor next door and at the
same time they're sad that theirdad's no longer there.
And I think sometimes with kidswith their concrete kind of
thinking, maybe their friendscan misunderstand like, well, I
(08:11):
thought your dad died, butyou're really happy.
And what kids teach us, evenwhen they're grieving, is they
can be really happy and still begrieving at the same time time.
Something that we like tointroduce to just help counter
any shame anyone would feel whenthey're grieving, is that we
can hold different emotions atthe very same time.
(08:32):
So with that colors of my heartactivity, maybe they're
depicting an emotion that'sreally bright and it feels very
happy for them, at the same timeas a darker kind of color that
is feeling really sad and maybescared and confused.
And so how you can hold all ofthat, and I think, more than
(08:54):
ever the holidays can intensifysome of that experience for
everyone, right, and so we'veeven heard from dads in group
where they are really sadbecause their child died and
then all of a sudden somethinghits them and they're laughing
and they said I remember one dadsaid it was like the grief
(09:15):
which was hitting me over thehead with her broom because and
I felt so guilty that all of asudden I was laughing.
But it's okay to laugh, it'sokay to have a light moment, and
that's where we've talked alittle bit about how we spiral
in and out of our, the intensityof our grief and how yeah, we
(09:35):
just never know how we'll feeland a mark like a marker for
mental health, and just thatpositive mental health is being
able to hold all kinds ofemotions at the very same time.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
The emotions are magnified.
It seems like the isolation ofyour spouse died and you're
alone.
I can't get the gift because Idon't have the income that we
were planning to get our childthat is expecting this big gift
right.
Then there's also.
The holiday brings a chance forme to be distracted from my
(10:10):
grief, Like there's just so manycurrents that are going in our
hearts and in our minds thatmake the holidays that much more
tricky.
Absolutely, and that could beyear one, could be year two,
could be year three.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
And you just don't know until you get there.
Speaker 4 (10:29):
Until you step foot into it.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
With everything we're saying.
It's a lot of information, alot of ideas.
It can feel overwhelming, andso we wanted to offer an idea to
our listeners after thisepisode or even pushing pause.
Now Give yourself some time, ifyou like, to journal and write
down, or even if it's just somequiet reflection on what would
(10:53):
work for your family this season, especially based on your
family's traditions and culture.
Sometimes we don't realize whatour priorities are until we
really process through it, andso consider taking a moment for
yourself to really write downthose ideas or those items that
are important to you.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
You know, like you said, reflect on.
You know what holidaystradition, what holiday
traditions do you want to keep,you know which ones do you want
to skip, and so just evenstarting there can really help
you find direction for what yournext step might be.
Speaker 4 (11:33):
Yes, and the acknowledgement that it's going
to be different becausesomeone's missing and give
yourself permission to say thisis going to be different.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
And you can do it differently this time.
Speaker 4 (11:46):
It doesn't have to be the same or what we've always
done.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Yeah, just give yourself, just take care of
yourself with so much gentleness.
Speaker 4 (11:55):
And listen to your body.
We try and do, do, do, but yetwe know we're struggling, or
emotionally, we're just tappedout or taxed, or we're exhausted
.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
And so vulnerable right During this time, and just
to really listen and lower theexpectation.
Don't demand of yourself whatyou don't have the capacity to
do.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
What you can't do.
Hey, we're going to take abreak, we're going to come back
from the break and we're goingto give you just some real
practical ideas of how to honorthe memory of the person who
died and what that can look likethis Christmas season.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Jessica's House is a children's bereavement center
located in California's CentralValley since 2012.
Jessica's House provides freepeer support for children, teens
, young adults and theirfamilies grieving a loss.
If you need grief-relatedsupport, please visit
jessicashouseorg to download ourfree resources and be sure to
(12:58):
follow Jessica's House on socialmedia.
And if you have any questionsor topics you'd like us to
explore in a future episode,just send us an email at info at
jessicashouseorg.
Speaker 4 (13:12):
Well, welcome back.
And a few minutes ago, aaron,you mentioned a number of the
ways that you guys haveremembered Carter and Tyler, and
some of those have been throughornaments, some of those have
been through some stocking ideas, the lighting the candles, a
toast you've mentioned.
But do you mind sharing alittle bit of how do you invite
other members of the family,maybe just kind of the outside
(13:34):
of the immediate family, intoremembering the person during
the holidays, into?
Speaker 2 (13:37):
remembering the person during the holidays.
Yeah, so as people want to joinyou, you could always extend an
invitation to maybe have themlight a candle, especially if
you have family members orfriends out of town, right?
Speaker 4 (13:49):
far away.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
They want to honor the person with you.
And I know some people wouldsend us a photo of a candle lit
for Carter and they would justsend a photo and text it to us
and just say, hey, I'm thinkingabout you today and it helps you
feel less alone and there, andsometimes they would put a.
(14:10):
I know we had a friend becauseCarter loved flannel shirts, and
this friend of ours, um, shecreated a tree skirt for her
Christmas tree that was flannel.
It was out of flannel and so shejust wrapped it around and sent
us a photo and it's like thisis our Carter tree and we'll
never forget him and thisflannel kind of tree skirt
(14:33):
really always helps us rememberhim during this time and we're
remembering you as well.
And so any way that um, youknow, as we're grieving,
anything that we can do to havea witness, you know, it really
helps us in our healing and soevery time that we're expressing
or someone else's noticing um,and really honoring that person
(14:57):
with us, it really helps in ourhealing process.
Speaker 4 (14:59):
It's a chance to come together.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
It is yeah.
Speaker 4 (15:03):
In those moments.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
It really does make a difference to know other people
are thinking about you and evenif they can't be with you, just
a little connection makes itreally helps you to heal.
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
And I know we've heard stories of dates of death
and those things of lighting acandle during that day or for an
hour of a window of time, andthose things too, that we can
invite people to join us inthose things.
Maybe it's a candle during theevening of Christmas Eve or
something to remember them andto all be symbolic in that to
(15:38):
give us a chance to do somethingpractically and something
together.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
It's so true.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
Hey, colleen Erin was just mentioning some of those
things that we can do withothers and for people to kind of
come alongside that might notbe in close proximity to us, but
those people that are rightnear us are our kiddos.
So what are some of those ideasthat we can do with them around
the holidays to remember theperson that's died?
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Ideas that we've done here at Jessica's house with
families are the paper chainsthat you can write memories of
your person on strips of paperor draw pictures that remind you
of them, put them together,staple them into one big paper
chain and maybe that's how youdecorate your christmas tree
this year and maybe they get torip off one of those chains
(16:25):
every day as they count down tochristmas, if they choose to do
that.
We've also created luminary bagsjust out of white paper lunch
sacks and they can decoratethose however they wish in
memory of their person, favoritememories, pictures that remind
them something that they wishthey could say to them something
(16:48):
that they miss, especiallyduring Christmas, and getting
one of those little batteryoperated candles, little votives
, and, you know, maybe that cango out on your porch or in the
child's room for them to have asa nightlight during this season
.
We've also created ornaments,and if that doesn't feel like
(17:09):
something you're capable ofdoing, there are always people
wanting to help and maybe that'ssomething that you could ask
them to help your kids with.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
I remember one ornament that we did once was
just different ribbon colorsthat represented the kids'
emotions and they wrote littlememories and put them in.
They were just like clearglobes and they could just kind
of put all of that inside andthat became an ornament that
they would pull out every yearin memory of the person who died
(17:40):
.
And so it's just little simplethings like that.
But sometimes people, like yousaid, might want to help and
that could be something youcould let them know that you'd
like to have that or you'd likeyour kids to have that
opportunity, if they'd like tofacilitate an activity like that
with them.
Speaker 4 (17:58):
Yes, it has a great chance to have conversation too
about what they're thinking,because sometimes they can't
express what they're saying attheir age, but they can put it
down in pictures and art, and soit gives you that natural
transition to ask more about.
What do they mean by this?
What does this color mean, whatdo you mean in this image?
And so it gives you that reallyeasy way into conversation.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Yeah, I was thinking, brad, too, just that when you
know, sometimes when it's reallycold out, kids can't go outside
and maybe they're a little moresedentary.
And there are a coupleactivities that we really like
at Jessica's house.
One is kind of balloonvolleyball, where you can just
blow up a balloon and somethingthat we know is that you can't
(18:43):
worry and catch a balloon at thesame time.
So sometimes if they areworried and kids a lot of times
after someone dies they havenatural worries that something
else bad may happen or they mayjust have some images in their
mind, like we've talked about inprevious podcasts, and when
they can just catch a balloon ortoss a balloon and they're
(19:04):
really concentrating on how tobop that balloon back and forth,
it just gives their brain abreak and something like that,
and so being able to just dolittle activities like that can
really help them to that nextmoment.
Speaker 4 (19:20):
Yeah, it's just little chances for them to have
that break.
But it's also a chance for ussometimes to check in and I was
curious after the differentoutings or holiday parties or
events, is it a good idea tocheck in and just see how the
outing was or the evening waswith kiddos post the next
(19:41):
morning?
Speaker 3 (19:42):
Absolutely, because we don't know until we try
something how it feels, and soalways circle back around as a
family after an event or after aseason and just ask each one
how'd that feel for you?
Anything that you would like todo differently next time?
Anything you want to keep doing?
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Yeah, I heard a mom just say that she would just do
little notes in her phone tojust remember for the next year,
and that she would say like oh,we decided that we didn't like
this and this is why and we wantto try this the next year, and
so that can really help.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
Man.
That is so good, because memoryis not always that great with
grief and that lethargy that wetalk about.
We use that word often in thepodcast.
But to prepare for next yearand some of those thoughts and
carry those forward, what agreat idea to be able to note
those and be able to go back towhat we learned.
Speaker 2 (20:38):
And as we're talking again next year, as we continue
our grief process, we can justtouch in.
It's going to be different evennext year.
But we could say, hey, we canjust touch in.
It might you know, it's goingto be different even next year.
But we could say, hey, this iswhat happened last year.
These are the things that wedid and this was when, kind of
like debrief the holidays.
This is what what our thoughtswere.
And everyone's a little older,right, the kids are a little
(21:00):
older and they may have newthoughts, but being able to do
that during those years of, youknow, after the losses, is just
helpful.
Speaker 4 (21:10):
And Erin, you mentioned the year turning the
year, and that's ahead as wellas we record this podcast, that
2025 is coming and some peopleare wanting to get past this
year and get to next year.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Yeah, we've heard so much.
I mean, you know, I remember adad just saying it was just like
the worst experience of my lifeand I just can't wait to get to
next year where things mightfeel a little bit better.
And then we've had others sayyou know, this is the year where
my child was or my spouse was,and now I don't want to leave
(21:48):
them behind.
I feel like going into a newyear without them just doesn't
even feel right.
How can I move into a new yearwhen they never got an
opportunity to?
And something that we did in ourfamily is that when, after the
year Carter died 2019, we allwent to the beach we live in
(22:09):
California and we all gatheredand at sunset the last sunset of
the year, we got together andwe kind of wrote the in the sand
.
We wrote 2019.
And then we just were like kindof just like we didn't like it.
(22:29):
You know right, we, you know wewant to say like a really
strong goodbye to 2019.
And we hated that year and itwas so hard on our family and we
wanted to say goodbye to it and, as the sun went down, just
hoped for better days.
So we all, kind of just like umwent into the ocean together
and and just said goodbye tothat that year and just as a
(22:50):
marked kind of ceremony that wenever want to relive something
like that again.
And so there are all kinds ofways, even as you say goodbye to
this year, that you cananticipate on how do you want to
say goodbye to this year,whatever that might be, and,
unfortunately, like even justNew Year's Eve, sometimes a New
(23:10):
Year's Day, those are otherholidays that are really tough
and so, as you look at that, beplanning what that might feel
like for you, with the NewYear's Eve holiday celebrations
and the New Year We've heardfamilies talk about like that
was the day where they sattogether and watch football and
(23:33):
um.
So you know, those are otherpieces that um are there and can
be really um take you off guardbecause you kind of get through
the holidays and then you'relike, oh my gosh, and then
there's this day and so asyou're um anticipating that,
anticipating that, being able totake good care of yourself
through it.
Speaker 4 (23:51):
And I've heard it's the new year is one of those
unanticipated days becauseyou're thinking Thanksgiving and
Christmas and some of the otherholidays of Hanukkah and some
of those that are in towards theend of the year.
But we don't realize thatthere's quite a bit of emotion
tied to the new year.
I've had families saying group.
(24:12):
Now I have to start saying myson or my husband or my wife
died last year and never evenrealized that was coming with
the new year.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Yes, and just that highly celebratory time Happy
New Year and all that peoplewill do to celebrate that and
when you're just maybe not just,you're not feeling like
celebrating.
Speaker 4 (24:35):
No, you don't want to blow the kazoo.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
No, you do not.
You don't want the confetti.
Speaker 4 (24:40):
As much as you want things to change, it's not a
happy celebration.
Speaker 3 (24:46):
No, it's not a happy celebration.
No, every event that you aregoing through and getting
through is providing youinformation, which is a gift.
It's teaching you what'sworking for you.
You're learning about what youneed and what you don't need,
and so, as you approach thesedifferent holidays or milestones
, you can also look at it asinformation gathering.
(25:09):
Like you know, it doesn'tactually feel that great to be
around a lot of people.
I need to keep that in mind formyself, or I felt my best when
I had others around me.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
That's so important.
Sometimes being alone does notfeel good and you feel like you
can hold your grief so muchbetter with others.
And, yeah, finding the rightpeople around you is important
too.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
Yeah, so if you want to shift your mind, set a bit
and look at these asopportunities to to get to know
the new you a little bit moreand what your needs are, moving
forward because there's holidaysthroughout the whole year, yeah
.
Speaker 4 (25:48):
And there are holidays that we don't
anticipate are going to bringsuch emotion or surprises
because the person's died.
Hey, and before we close thispodcast, Aaron, would you be
willing to walk us through thata family candle lighting
ceremony that we talk about hereat Jessica's house and give the
listeners a little insight intothat, but also they'll be able
(26:11):
to find the notes for how to dothis in our show notes here on
the podcast as well.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Yeah, so at the end of our group sessions, when we
are in December, we always endwith a ceremony, and one of them
that we do is a candle ceremony, where we come together and we
light different candles.
And the first one we light isfor the emptiness we feel
without them, and so being ableto see the pain of missing them
(26:39):
reminds us of the depth of ourlove for them and how we wish
they were here with us and howmuch we remember them.
The second candle is in theirmemory and how we'll never
forget the times we laughed ormaybe we disagreed, the fun
times or the memories that wemade and that we will carry them
(26:59):
with us always.
The third candle is for hope,reminding ourselves that
feelings aren't forever, andwhen living without them feels
like too much, we want to trustthat we will feel hopeful again.
And then the last one is forlove.
We remember our love for themand theirs for us, and just
(27:22):
asking that the love that theybrought to this world will shine
in us for each other.
And so we end with that.
Speaker 4 (27:34):
And, yeah, as you said, brad, the listeners today
can find that in our show notes.
Aaron Colleen, thank you forthis today, much appreciated,
and we know for those of youlistening facing the new year
can be difficult, and don'thesitate to reach out to
jessicashouseorg for moreresources and if you have ideas
for shows or questions, email usat info at jessicashouseorg.
And be sure to join us nexttime for another episode of when
(27:56):
Grief Comes Home, where we'llbe discussing your sorrow and
risk avoidance.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
Until then, we wish you well.
Jessica's House is a children'sbereavement center located in
California's Central Valleysince 2012.
We provide free peer supportfor children, teens, young
adults and their familiesgrieving a loss.
If you need grief-relatedsupport, please visit
(28:27):
jessicashouseorg to download ourfree resources.
And be sure to follow Jessica'sHouse on social media, and if
you have any questions or topicsyou'd like for us to explore in
future episodes, just send usan email to jessicashouseorg.
Thank you for joining us andwe'll see you next time, for
when Grief Comes Home.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!