Have you ever felt trapped in a cycle of self-doubt, guilt, or shame?
This episode is a testament to the power of self-love and the journey to overcoming trauma. I, Krystal Jae, share my personal transformation from being a people pleaser to someone who truly loves and values themselves.
Through heartwarming stories, including an unforgettable encounter at Dollar General that renewed my faith in human connection, you'll discover the profound impact of kindness and the importance of setting healthy boundaries.
We delve into the realm of mental health recovery by exploring neuroplasticity. Concealing a hidden mental health crisis took a significant toll on my life, but it also led me to a groundbreaking path of self-discovery. Hear about the fear of abandonment, psychological abuse and physical struggles I faced and how understanding the brain's ability to rewire itself became a beacon of hope. My passion for healthcare fueled my quest for solutions. I share insights and strategies that can help anyone facing similar challenges take control of their mental well-being while gaining a better life.
Lastly, we embark on a spiritual awakening journey, highlighting the transformative power of therapeutic practices and deepening our connection with God. From law of attraction to somatic breathwork to therapeutic art, I recount the practices that helped me break free from long-held chains of feeling worthless and self-doubt. By exploring these spiritual tools and embracing a holistic approach to healing, this episode offers practical advice and spiritual wisdom to help you uncover your inner strength and live a life filled with peace, clarity, and purpose. Join me on this empowering journey towards healing and personal growth.
Reserve Your Coaching Session Today.
www.krystaljae.com/book-online
“You are not alone, and you are enough. When times get tough, pray, listen and follow through. God loves you and trust me when I say he is not your trauma.” ~Krystal Jae
“Believe in all that you are and know that you have this inner power that is greater than any obstacle.” ~Krystal Jae
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Krystal Jae (00:01):
Season two started in a way I couldn't ever imagine
, so what I would like to say iswelcome to season two of the
Empowered TransformationalHealing Podcast with Kr.
, .
Now.
Are you ready for some realness, raw healing and a glimpse into
what it feels like to walk inpeace, clarity and purpose,
(00:25):
while truly knowing who you areNow?
If your answer is yes, thenyou've come to the right place.
You see, for the past twodecades, I've been blessed to
share my journey with countlesswomen and a few men, empowering
them to overcome the lingeringshadows of physical, emotional,
psychological, sexual and evenmedical abuse.
(00:47):
Together, we confront thelimitations that hold us back,
like self-doubt, guilt, fear,shame and that pervasive sense
of unworthiness.
We dig deep to uncover the rootof these feelings, break free
from suffering and silence andembrace the life that is meant
(01:09):
for us.
Now, through this podcast, I amhere to empower you to break
free from the limitations oftrauma and step into your true
self.
We'll explore real stories,practical advice, new ideas,
spiritual wisdom and it'sdefinitely journey to discover
(01:30):
the beauty and strength thatlies within you.
Remember you are not alone.
(01:53):
You are enough.
When times get tough, pray,listen and follow through,
because God loves you and trustme when I say he is not your
trauma.
Welcome to the EmpoweredTransformational Healing Podcast
.
Let's transform together Life,just be lifin'.
(02:19):
And it leaves us sometimesconfused and not sure what to do
.
And sometimes we've been livingin that stage of our life to
where we are reactingconsistently with what is
happening in our lives insteadof being proactive, and I know
(02:39):
because that's how I live mylife for the longest.
And so, within EmpoweredTransformational Healing, we are
going to really be talkingabout how we can walk in peace,
how you can walk in clarity, howyou can walk in purpose and
know who you are, despite thetimes that life hits us with
(03:01):
everything but the kitchen sink.
And we're going to really saythat you know that, that we're
going to move forward in ourlives, and this is going to be a
place to where you're going tohear a lot of my different
stories, a lot of my guests'different stories and the things
that are happening in theirlives, and how can we move those
(03:25):
forward and how can we reallybegin to live in our purpose?
How can we begin to have thatcareer we want to have, that
home we want to have maybe youknow, that vacation home that
you want, or the trips, or tojust have that close-knit
community that you wantsurrounding you.
(03:48):
How do we break free from thoselimitations of trauma that
holds us back?
Why is it that we areconstantly self-doubting
ourselves?
Why is it that we are runningaround here confused and lonely
and not sure what to do?
And what about our growth?
What does that look like?
(04:09):
What does it mean to havegrowth?
What does that mean for ourrelationships?
What does it mean for ourcareer?
What does it mean for ourspiritual life?
And those are the type ofthings that we are going to be
answering and that we are goingto be talking about.
And the reason that this isimportant for me is because I
(04:32):
spent time in my life to where Iwas just suffering in silence.
I was people pleasing, Idoubted myself and I would spend
times in the shower just reallycrying that soul-wrenching,
gut-wrenching cry, because I wasoverwhelmed and even though I
(04:58):
would be surrounded by people, Iwould still feel lost and
confused and lonely.
I would still feel lost andconfused and lonely.
I would feel that if I made onewrong step, that I would be
abandoned, and I didn't want tobe abandoned.
So that led to me always sayingyes and never saying no.
(05:24):
When all reality me sayingcontinue to say yes, even deep
down.
When I said wanting to say no,when all reality me seeing
continuing to say yes, even deepdown when I said wanted to say
no, I didn't say no to the otherpeople around me, I said no to
myself, and so I want to showyou as well how we can say yes
to those around us, say yes toourselves, say no to the others
(05:46):
around us as well, and we allstill live in a balance and in
peace and celebrating each otherand having good, healthy
relationships and breaking freefrom the toxic relationships or
the toxic circles that we areconstantly in.
(06:07):
This podcast is about growth.
It's about forward movement.
It's about embracing change,embracing yourself, establishing
those healthy boundaries, thosehealthy relationships, healthy
communication.
I think that you're getting thepoint and it's also about
learning where you are in yourlife and learning that trauma is
(06:31):
something that happened, but itdoesn't describe who you are,
and so, with Empower,transformational Healing, you
are going to discover who youare.
(06:52):
You're going to own that lifethat is meant for you, and so
today, what we're going to betalking about is a little bit
about how life just be life,because we're coming up with
this new segment and I'm goingto start having other guests
(07:13):
come on and they're going to betalking about how life be lifin'
and so if you're interested inbeing a guest, there will be in
the description there will be alink for you to sit there and
you to fill out the form towhere you can possibly be a
guest on Life Be Lifing andlet's talk about it, let's have
a chat about it, let's see whatwe can do to get you to start
(07:36):
moving forward or what we canchange about how Life Be Lifing.
Come share your stories because,as you know, I'm going to share
mine, and one of mine that youknow I share often is how I now
became the empowerment goddess,how I became your somatic trauma
(07:56):
informed coach and how I becameCrystal J.
Because if you've beenfollowing for a while, you know
Crystal J is my identity, that'swho when I embrace who I am.
Crystal J is the name thatstuck for me, that's who I
(08:18):
reintroduce myself to and that'swho I introduce myself to when
I meet other people, as hi, I'mCrystal Jane.
So, yes, this is a journey, butit's been worth it.
Was there some pain along?
Yeah, did I lose somerelationships?
(08:42):
Yeah, but I wouldn't also saythat I've lost relationships.
I'm going to say that I'veevolved and sometimes in that
you become in different placeswith people that you were once
(09:03):
connected with and maybe one dayyou'll both be back on similar
levels or in a way to wherethere can be healthy
communications and a healthyrelationship and a healthy
support system.
But everybody has to go throughtheir process in their time and
for me, doing this podcastthat's part of my mission is to
(09:25):
share how you can start becomingwho you are to where you can
quit being like dang I don'tknow who I am.
I kind of I feel lost, like Igot into this relationship and
took in a lot of theirtendencies and a lot of what
they like to do and how theyspeak and how, whatever,
(09:46):
whatever.
And now I don't feel like Iknow myself anymore.
Or you may be someone who'slike dang I've never known
myself.
I've always known myself to dowhat other people wanted me to
do, to where I never took timeto discover who I really am.
(10:07):
Or you can be someone who'slike I know who I am, but how
can I express that outwardly toeveryone else.
Because I feel like if I startshowing up as who I am, I'm
going to lose all of thesethings and I don't know how that
(10:31):
will affect me.
But I'm here to tell you you'renot alone and let's figure it
out to where you can step up andyou can be that person and you
can show up every day as theperson that you are and the
person that you're meant to be,so you can walk into your
(10:52):
purpose, to where you can liveyour vision for your life.
Because you see, like I said, Ionce was a people pleaser.
I once felt alone.
I felt if I did anything wrong,I would be abandoned and I was
(11:19):
a.
I was a major follower for alot of my life and I didn't like
that.
But did other people know?
No, they didn't, because Istill showed up as the person
that I thought everybody elsewanted to be and sometimes it
(11:45):
really sucked.
I remember, you know, driving towork and I would sometimes have
crying sessions in my car on myway to work because I didn't
(12:07):
feel good about myself and I cansay I loved myself but I wasn't
in love with myself.
But I'm happy and I'm proud andI'm excited and I'm blessed to
say that I've got to learn howto be in love with Crystal Jane,
to be in love with mycharacteristics, to be in love
(12:33):
with my personality and myquirks, to be in love with my
efforts, because then, when Imess up, I can learn from those
lessons to where I can makemyself better.
So those lessons could be maybe, maybe learn from that lesson
(12:53):
like oh, I like this.
What led to this?
What led to this happening?
And it may be that I need toplace some boundaries, or it may
be that I need to communicatesomething differently, or maybe
it's that I didn't speak up andsay something and it's like
(13:14):
maybe I should have said thisand it would have been
understood.
But it's about really solvingthese things to where it won't
put us.
To where we're now suffering,from always being anxious to
where we're not suffering, fromalways being sad to where we're
(13:37):
not suffering from always beingoverwhelmed and confused.
It's about having tools andskills in your box, to where you
can pull from.
And I'm blessed to have learnedthose skills, because now that
(14:00):
I have skills and I have toolsto pull from, I can share them
with my kids, I can share itwith my siblings, I can share it
with my husband, I can share itwith friends, associates, my
community, so that way we canall slowly start this journey to
(14:21):
where we can become one whole,to where we won't be going
through and hurting each otherconstantly, hurting each other
constantly, because you know,it's important to have those
good relationships.
And to clarify when I sayrelationships, it's not always
(14:44):
the relationship that you havewith your spouse or with your
partner, it's also therelationships that you have with
your other family members orwith friends and associates and
co-workers, or the person thatyou have with your other family
members or with friends andassociates and co-workers, or
the person that you behind inline at the grocery store,
because we don't know for surewhat someone else is going
(15:05):
through or how their day isreally going, and just a smile
or a nice word can turn somebodyelse's day around.
You know, I was in the grocery,I was in Dollar General last
(15:26):
week and week.
I was really struggling becauseI had gotten a migraine over
the weekend and when I got inthat migraine, oh my goodness,
that migraine kicked my butt andso when I finally started going
away, the pressure from themigraine stayed.
(15:47):
It was just like a whole bunchof pressure, but not enough
pressure to where it hurt oranything like that, but it was
enough pressure to where I know.
If I did too much, the pain ofthe migraine would come back.
And that lingered for almostall of last week.
And so I was in line at DollarGeneral and so I was know
(16:10):
dressed up or anything like that.
I just came out in whateverclothes, I was lounging around
in my home and I didn't reallyfeel like talking to nobody.
You know, like I didn't reallypost like any.
I didn't really do any lives orgo do anything last week,
except for the workshop that Ihad already committed to right.
(16:32):
That's the only thing I didlast week, except for the
workshop that I had alreadycommitted to.
Right, that's the only thing Idid last week.
And so I was like dang, like I'mgoing in here and I go in and
I'm standing in line and youknow the lady I'm getting behind
, like she has someone in frontof her and she's just chatting
it up, and you can tell by theway they were having the
conversation that they didn'treally know each other and like
(16:55):
when it would get quiet, when aconversation would start kind of
dwindling down and they getquiet, she'll find something
else to start talking about.
So in my head I'm like, okay,she's really chatty and she's
really friendly and everythingelse, but please don't turn
around and start talking liketalking so much to me, because
today I just can't, I just Ijust don't, I don't want to have
(17:16):
a full blown conversation.
That's not me, not today.
And so I was.
So we sat there and so we wasin line and it was a long line
because our dollar general,their systems, is down or
whatever.
So they only had one cashregister that was really working
(17:38):
.
The other one, it was onlytaking cash, and so a lot of
people are similar to me andthey don't really carry cash
right, because I hardly evercarry cash.
And so we sat there and shefinally that person went up and
was getting checked out and, ofcourse, what happens?
(17:59):
She turns around and was likehi, how was your day?
And I was like it's going allright, you know.
And she just gets.
So she starts chatting, and soI'm chatting back with her and
it was just good to see howuplifting and free spirit she
was.
And she was like you know what?
What do you do?
She was like there's somethingabout your energy.
(18:21):
And I was like in my head I'mlike, okay, like look, I know
people say, like you know, Ihave good energy or positive
energy or whatever else.
I'm like I know good energy orpositive energy or whatever else
.
I'm like I know good energy Areyou really showing off today,
even though I'm like pleasedon't talk to me because you're
failing me right now, which, ofcourse, it really wasn't failing
(18:41):
me.
Like you know, I'm supposed tohave this good energy and it's
good to have this natural goodenergy.
But at that time I was like, oh, this pressure, you know, and
so like she, just so, you know,I tell her.
You know, yeah, I'm like, yeah,I'm a life coach, you know I'm
actually a trauma life coach andyou know I specialize in blah,
(19:03):
blah, blah blah.
And yeah, she was like, oh,that's really cool, that's
really neat and we get to talkabout it.
So I asked what she does and so,you know, she was saying, like
you know that she is a customerservice manager and you know,
and I was like that really fitsyou.
I was like you know, I was likeyou know your personality and
everything else, I can see it,and so we're just chatting away
(19:25):
at that point, and so then, likeit's her turn to check out and
she goes, and so when she leaves, I'm like, have a blessed day.
And she turns around.
She was like, oh my gosh, thankyou, I needed that.
Oh, she was in line this wholetime, smiling and chatting to
(19:45):
everybody around her andeverything else, and we didn't
have this whole conversation,and have a blessed day was the
phrase that she needed.
Yet I'm over here like, pleasedon't talk to me, I don't want
(20:07):
to do this today.
And I don't want to do thistoday.
And there's still something.
And so I left out with having asmile on my face being more
lighter, because I'm like youknow what, I might have pressure
, but I'm still here, I'm stillable to go to the store, I'm
still, like you know as having,I'm able to conversate with
(20:29):
other people and like before,you know, we and and those are
things I'm thinking while we'retalking, and I'm getting lighter
just by talking and whateverelse.
And so it was like herconversation helped my day and
one phrase of what I said helpedher day.
(20:50):
And so that's just an exampleof and we don't know what people
are going through and I don'tknow why you know it was that
phrase have a blessed day.
That what she needed, I don'tknow, but I'm glad that she
received that and even though Iwas trying to if I could have
(21:11):
ran from a conversation, believeme I would have ran from a
conversation that day, but thatconversation that I had with her
it uplifted my spirit and itmade things kind of lighter for
a moment and it made me reallybe thankful for being there and
(21:32):
being in that position, becausethere was a time in my life to
where I had a mental breakdown,to where I was at zero and
really I was at like a negative234, because I had no energy, I
had nothing.
(21:54):
Because I had no energy, I hadnothing.
My kids were trying to make meeat and drink, my husband was
trying to make me eat and drink.
My oldest, he would call andask everybody, did mom eat or
drink?
Today I wasn't doing theshowers, I wasn't like I was
doing nothing because I hadnothing left.
All of my traumas had cameflowing back in, reminding me
(22:16):
that they all existed, eventhough I had already been
through therapy for years.
And when I say for years, I meanfor years, because I started
therapy when I was in highschool and so, like, after
different situations, I would goto therapy and I would go for
(22:40):
months at a time and I would docheck-ins and all that kind of
stuff, so you know, to processthings and to be healed or
whatever else.
And what I realized now was Iwas going to therapy when I was
in crisis.
My therapist would help me getto my baseline and then, after I
(23:01):
got to my baseline, I'm livinglife again and going through the
motions of life.
It was.
There was nothing there toteach me how to continue to move
forward.
I was never equipped withskills to pull out of my tool
bag to be like today.
(23:21):
I'm just really feeling veryanxious, or to know, to take
time to learn who I am and toreally step into that and
embrace it and to know that Ican be filled with this power,
with this love, with this grace,with this compassion, with this
(23:43):
oh my gosh with this worthinessof who I am, with this
worthiness of who I am.
And that is why I decided topublicly come on and start being
(24:03):
a life coach full time.
And then you know, and then thetraumas coming back in and all
those limitations showing backup in my life is what made me be
like, okay, I gotta specializein trauma and really help the
(24:24):
people who are people pleasing,who are suffering in silence and
they want to know who they are.
They want to gain success andfulfillment in their life, in
every aspect of their life, intheir career and their
(24:45):
relationships and their personallife and their personal life in
their spiritual life.
Because now I know the power ofdoing that and how
life-changing it can be and howfreeing it is.
Because you know, I share that.
(25:07):
Because I said, when I had hitzero, all those things came back
in.
And when I finally decided toreach out for help, my doctor
let me know it was going to bemonths before I was able to see
a psychiatrist to get the levelof help that I needed, but she
(25:28):
would be able to start me on themedications until I get there
and basically we would have amiddle person going between us
to where we know what thepsychiatrists want me to do
until I can get in to see thepsychiatrist.
And in that process I was like,okay, things are going a little
(25:49):
too slow, I'm ready to getbetter, because by that time.
I had spent weeks not reallyeating, not really drinking, not
really showering, not reallybrushing my teeth Like I would
like it would be.
Like every few days I'll go getup and go take a shower.
Every few days I'll get up andgo brush my teeth.
Like it was gross.
(26:10):
But I didn't care because I hadnothing left, nothing.
I wasn't talking on my phone.
The only person I talked to onthe phone at that time was my
oldest son, because he's in themilitary and he's not at home,
no more.
And it was bad because, like,even my one of my sisters were
(26:33):
like best friends and for thelongest she didn't know how bad
I was.
My grandmother didn't know howbad I was, my mom didn't know
how bad I was, my aunt didn'tknow how bad I was.
No one knew, just the peoplewho lived within our home and my
oldest.
And so now, like, especially mysister, when she found out how
(26:56):
bad I was, she was like whydidn't you call me?
I wasn't calling nobody, likethey knew what I started going
through.
But when things started gettingreally bad, I just kind of went
real.
So I was like you know, like Ireally got to figure some things
out and I'm like you know, Ijust kind of went real size.
I was like you know, you'd belike I really gotta figure some
things out and I'm like you know, I just need time.
And they respected that.
But they didn't know how fardown I had went.
(27:18):
I had went on, went to, I haddid FMLA for work.
Now I'm getting on short-termdisability and then I was down
for so long I ended uptransferring from short-term
disability and in that processmy employer ended up letting me
(27:38):
go because I was out for so long.
And, yeah, it was real and I wastired because I would want to
go to sleep.
But then when I was asleep, Iwould wake up from my nightmares
.
I would wake up screaming.
I would wake up with tearsflowing down my eyes.
(28:01):
I can't tell you how many timesI woke up with my pillow being
truly soaked because I wasliterally crying in my sleep.
The way that I was crying whenI was awake.
And then when I was awake, Iwas in so much pain that it just
hurt too bad to even be awake.
It was a terrible time to be inand I needed help and I finally
(28:24):
reached out for it and then itwas going to be months doing the
meetings with the middle personthat's going between the
psychiatrist and me and thedoctor to figure out what
medicines I'd be on and whatthings they should do for me and
everything else.
(28:45):
And she kept coming back to meand she was like he said that
you need to rewire your mind.
I'm like what the heck does hemean by this?
What he mean, you know.
And so she was like, oh no.
So she was like we'll find out.
And so one time she called, shewas like okay, he's going to
(29:06):
call you at this certain time.
It's going to be a short call,maybe five minutes.
He just want to try out adifferent medication, but he
wants to talk to you firstbecause this is a stronger
medication.
And I was like, okay, fine, sowhen he gets on the phone he
asks me questions and I'mtalking to him whenever else,
and so I asked him.
You know, it's like she keepstelling me that you say I need
to rewire my mind.
What does that mean?
He goes it means that you needto rewire your mind.
(29:27):
Okay, well, what does that mean?
Rewire your mind?
That's all I kept getting.
I'm like what in the head?
And so after weeks of hearingthat, I was like you know what
I'm tired.
I got to get better.
This isn't me.
I'm a very independent personand I'm usually the person
(29:50):
that's the strong one andeverybody else comes to and I
give guidance and everythingelse and I'm like, why is this
happening, why?
And so I sat there and I waslike, okay, we're going to
figure this out.
So I went to my old friend, drGoogle.
(30:11):
Okay, don't go to Google formedical things, y'all Okay, but
I did.
I went to Google and I was like, what does it mean to rewire
your mind?
And of course, they startedgiving me all types of articles,
all types of different things,and I just started reading.
And then that's when I learnedabout neuroplasticity and I
(30:33):
started learning a little bit ofneuroscience stuff.
And and for me, y'all, it wasfun because, um, my background,
a lot of my background, is spentin the, in the health industry,
and I'm a nursing schooldropout.
Um, I think if I was, if I wasto go back to school and really
(30:57):
pick up a career again to work,build as a career, if it wasn't
doing something like this, likelife coaching, it would
definitely be nursing.
I love the healthcare field.
I love mental health, I lovehealthcare, I love taking care
of others, I love findingsolutions.
(31:17):
That's me.
I love finding solutions and Ilove to know the why behind why
certain things happen.
Okay and so like, for me thisis fun, it's knowledge, it's
power and everything else.
I get to pulling out my nursingbooks to go through different
things and, like y'all when Isay I went full in, I went full
(31:41):
in, and so then I startedlearning about how and I started
learning about, liketherapeutic art, right, and so
then I went and I took acertification course for
therapeutic art for life coaches, to where we can teach the
people that we do life coachingwith therapeutic art.
(32:01):
So I learned about that,started implementing that in my
life, using that kind of skills.
At this time I was going to atherapist again a different
therapist and this time we weretrying EMDR and everything.
And then I started going intolike law of attraction and
(32:27):
meditation and, of course, youknow, through all of this, like
you know, I started.
You know I was praying and Iwas picking up my Bible more and
I was learning about God and Iwould buy different books about
you know about, about you knowabout God and and and putting
(32:49):
different aspects in it,learning the different stories
and what it means and what doesGod really want for us, and
learning the characteristics ofGod and learning about the armor
of God and learning about God'sgrace and his empathy and his
compassion and his mercy andwhat it means to have faith in
him.
And all of those differentthings together brought some
(33:12):
type of awareness and I was likewhoa awareness and I was like
whoa.
And so then I started reallysitting down and I put down okay
, what do I need to do with allof this knowledge?
(33:34):
Because I'm implementing allthese different things and I'm
noticing the changes that I'mmaking, the clarity that is
coming through, the freeing.
I'm noticing that the chainsare breaking, and when I say the
chains are breaking, I mean thechains are breaking.
I was being freed from me.
(34:00):
Years of self-doubt, years oftears, years of feeling not good
enough.
Years of not knowing that I wasworthy.
Years of feeling like I had toplease everybody else.
Years of feeling confused andlost and feeling like no one
(34:27):
understood me or no one wouldunderstand me.
Years of feeling like I'm in aworld alone by myself and that I
can't voice, that I'm hurtinginside, because in the past, I
had voice, that I was hurtinginside, and I would hear, oh,
(34:50):
you'll be okay, or oh, ithappens to everybody.
Oh, pray about it.
Oh, get over it.
No, I need something more thanthat.
So it's like, if that's allthat I'm gonna get, what's the
(35:10):
point in telling people you'renot going to get the help that
you need?
The one thing that it taught me, though, was sometimes those
phrases of it'll be okay, itwill get better, pray about it,
all that stuff, sometimes it'sbe.
(35:31):
Those people say that one ofthe reasons why people say that
is because that's all that theyknow to say they haven't
experienced what you'reexperiencing or anything similar
to what you're experiencingthat they've always been told
those phrases.
Season two started in a way I couldn't ever imagine
, so what I would like to say iswelcome to season two of the
Empowered TransformationalHealing Podcast with Kr.
, .
Now.
Are you ready for some realness, raw healing and a glimpse into
what it feels like to walk inpeace, clarity and purpose,
(00:25):
while truly knowing who you areNow?
If your answer is yes, thenyou've come to the right place.
You see, for the past twodecades, I've been blessed to
share my journey with countlesswomen and a few men, empowering
them to overcome the lingeringshadows of physical, emotional,
psychological, sexual and evenmedical abuse.
(00:47):
Together, we confront thelimitations that hold us back,
like self-doubt, guilt, fear,shame and that pervasive sense
of unworthiness.
We dig deep to uncover the rootof these feelings, break free
from suffering and silence andembrace the life that is meant
(01:09):
for us.
Now, through this podcast, I amhere to empower you to break
free from the limitations oftrauma and step into your true
self.
We'll explore real stories,practical advice, new ideas,
spiritual wisdom and it'sdefinitely journey to discover
(01:30):
the beauty and strength thatlies within you.
Remember you are not alone.
(01:53):
You are enough.
When times get tough, pray,listen and follow through,
because God loves you and trustme when I say he is not your
trauma.
Welcome to the EmpoweredTransformational Healing Podcast
.
Let's transform together Life,just be lifin'.
(02:19):
And it leaves us sometimesconfused and not sure what to do
.
And sometimes we've been livingin that stage of our life to
where we are reactingconsistently with what is
happening in our lives insteadof being proactive, and I know
(02:39):
because that's how I live mylife for the longest.
And so, within EmpoweredTransformational Healing, we are
going to really be talkingabout how we can walk in peace,
how you can walk in clarity, howyou can walk in purpose and
know who you are, despite thetimes that life hits us with
(03:01):
everything but the kitchen sink.
And we're going to really saythat you know that, that we're
going to move forward in ourlives, and this is going to be a
place to where you're going tohear a lot of my different
stories, a lot of my guests'different stories and the things
that are happening in theirlives, and how can we move those
(03:25):
forward and how can we reallybegin to live in our purpose?
How can we begin to have thatcareer we want to have, that
home we want to have maybe youknow, that vacation home that
you want, or the trips, or tojust have that close-knit
community that you wantsurrounding you.
(03:48):
How do we break free from thoselimitations of trauma that
holds us back?
Why is it that we areconstantly self-doubting
ourselves?
Why is it that we are runningaround here confused and lonely
and not sure what to do?
And what about our growth?
What does that look like?
(04:09):
What does it mean to havegrowth?
What does that mean for ourrelationships?
What does it mean for ourcareer?
What does it mean for ourspiritual life?
And those are the type ofthings that we are going to be
answering and that we are goingto be talking about.
And the reason that this isimportant for me is because I
(04:32):
spent time in my life to where Iwas just suffering in silence.
I was people pleasing, Idoubted myself and I would spend
times in the shower just reallycrying that soul-wrenching,
gut-wrenching cry, because I wasoverwhelmed and even though I
(04:58):
would be surrounded by people, Iwould still feel lost and
confused and lonely.
I would still feel lost andconfused and lonely.
I would feel that if I made onewrong step, that I would be
abandoned, and I didn't want tobe abandoned.
So that led to me always sayingyes and never saying no.
(05:24):
When all reality me sayingcontinue to say yes, even deep
down.
When I said wanting to say no,when all reality me seeing
continuing to say yes, even deepdown when I said wanted to say
no, I didn't say no to the otherpeople around me, I said no to
myself, and so I want to showyou as well how we can say yes
to those around us, say yes toourselves, say no to the others
(05:46):
around us as well, and we allstill live in a balance and in
peace and celebrating each otherand having good, healthy
relationships and breaking freefrom the toxic relationships or
the toxic circles that we areconstantly in.
(06:07):
This podcast is about growth.
It's about forward movement.
It's about embracing change,embracing yourself, establishing
those healthy boundaries, thosehealthy relationships, healthy
communication.
I think that you're getting thepoint and it's also about
learning where you are in yourlife and learning that trauma is
(06:31):
something that happened, but itdoesn't describe who you are,
and so, with Empower,transformational Healing, you
are going to discover who youare.
(06:52):
You're going to own that lifethat is meant for you, and so
today, what we're going to betalking about is a little bit
about how life just be life,because we're coming up with
this new segment and I'm goingto start having other guests
(07:13):
come on and they're going to betalking about how life be lifin'
and so if you're interested inbeing a guest, there will be in
the description there will be alink for you to sit there and
you to fill out the form towhere you can possibly be a
guest on Life Be Lifing andlet's talk about it, let's have
a chat about it, let's see whatwe can do to get you to start
(07:36):
moving forward or what we canchange about how Life Be Lifing.
Come share your stories because,as you know, I'm going to share
mine, and one of mine that youknow I share often is how I now
became the empowerment goddess,how I became your somatic trauma
(07:56):
informed coach and how I becameCrystal J.
Because if you've beenfollowing for a while, you know
Crystal J is my identity, that'swho when I embrace who I am.
Crystal J is the name thatstuck for me, that's who I
(08:18):
reintroduce myself to and that'swho I introduce myself to when
I meet other people, as hi, I'mCrystal Jane.
So, yes, this is a journey, butit's been worth it.
Was there some pain along?
Yeah, did I lose somerelationships?
(08:42):
Yeah, but I wouldn't also saythat I've lost relationships.
I'm going to say that I'veevolved and sometimes in that
you become in different placeswith people that you were once
(09:03):
connected with and maybe one dayyou'll both be back on similar
levels or in a way to wherethere can be healthy
communications and a healthyrelationship and a healthy
support system.
But everybody has to go throughtheir process in their time and
for me, doing this podcastthat's part of my mission is to
(09:25):
share how you can start becomingwho you are to where you can
quit being like dang I don'tknow who I am.
I kind of I feel lost, like Igot into this relationship and
took in a lot of theirtendencies and a lot of what
they like to do and how theyspeak and how, whatever,
(09:46):
whatever.
And now I don't feel like Iknow myself anymore.
Or you may be someone who'slike dang I've never known
myself.
I've always known myself to dowhat other people wanted me to
do, to where I never took timeto discover who I really am.
(10:07):
Or you can be someone who'slike I know who I am, but how
can I express that outwardly toeveryone else.
Because I feel like if I startshowing up as who I am, I'm
going to lose all of thesethings and I don't know how that
(10:31):
will affect me.
But I'm here to tell you you'renot alone and let's figure it
out to where you can step up andyou can be that person and you
can show up every day as theperson that you are and the
person that you're meant to be,so you can walk into your
(10:52):
purpose, to where you can liveyour vision for your life.
Because you see, like I said, Ionce was a people pleaser.
I once felt alone.
I felt if I did anything wrong,I would be abandoned and I was
(11:19):
a.
I was a major follower for alot of my life and I didn't like
that.
But did other people know?
No, they didn't, because Istill showed up as the person
that I thought everybody elsewanted to be and sometimes it
(11:45):
really sucked.
I remember, you know, driving towork and I would sometimes have
crying sessions in my car on myway to work because I didn't
(12:07):
feel good about myself and I cansay I loved myself but I wasn't
in love with myself.
But I'm happy and I'm proud andI'm excited and I'm blessed to
say that I've got to learn howto be in love with Crystal Jane,
to be in love with mycharacteristics, to be in love
(12:33):
with my personality and myquirks, to be in love with my
efforts, because then, when Imess up, I can learn from those
lessons to where I can makemyself better.
So those lessons could be maybe, maybe learn from that lesson
(12:53):
like oh, I like this.
What led to this?
What led to this happening?
And it may be that I need toplace some boundaries, or it may
be that I need to communicatesomething differently, or maybe
it's that I didn't speak up andsay something and it's like
(13:14):
maybe I should have said thisand it would have been
understood.
But it's about really solvingthese things to where it won't
put us.
To where we're now suffering,from always being anxious to
where we're not suffering, fromalways being sad to where we're
(13:37):
not suffering from always beingoverwhelmed and confused.
It's about having tools andskills in your box, to where you
can pull from.
And I'm blessed to have learnedthose skills, because now that
(14:00):
I have skills and I have toolsto pull from, I can share them
with my kids, I can share itwith my siblings, I can share it
with my husband, I can share itwith friends, associates, my
community, so that way we canall slowly start this journey to
(14:21):
where we can become one whole,to where we won't be going
through and hurting each otherconstantly, hurting each other
constantly, because you know,it's important to have those
good relationships.
And to clarify when I sayrelationships, it's not always
(14:44):
the relationship that you havewith your spouse or with your
partner, it's also therelationships that you have with
your other family members orwith friends and associates and
co-workers, or the person thatyou have with your other family
members or with friends andassociates and co-workers, or
the person that you behind inline at the grocery store,
because we don't know for surewhat someone else is going
(15:05):
through or how their day isreally going, and just a smile
or a nice word can turn somebodyelse's day around.
You know, I was in the grocery,I was in Dollar General last
(15:26):
week and week.
I was really struggling becauseI had gotten a migraine over
the weekend and when I got inthat migraine, oh my goodness,
that migraine kicked my butt andso when I finally started going
away, the pressure from themigraine stayed.
(15:47):
It was just like a whole bunchof pressure, but not enough
pressure to where it hurt oranything like that, but it was
enough pressure to where I know.
If I did too much, the pain ofthe migraine would come back.
And that lingered for almostall of last week.
And so I was in line at DollarGeneral and so I was know
(16:10):
dressed up or anything like that.
I just came out in whateverclothes, I was lounging around
in my home and I didn't reallyfeel like talking to nobody.
You know, like I didn't reallypost like any.
I didn't really do any lives orgo do anything last week,
except for the workshop that Ihad already committed to right.
(16:32):
That's the only thing I didlast week, except for the
workshop that I had alreadycommitted to.
Right, that's the only thing Idid last week.
And so I was like dang, like I'mgoing in here and I go in and
I'm standing in line and youknow the lady I'm getting behind
, like she has someone in frontof her and she's just chatting
it up, and you can tell by theway they were having the
conversation that they didn'treally know each other and like
(16:55):
when it would get quiet, when aconversation would start kind of
dwindling down and they getquiet, she'll find something
else to start talking about.
So in my head I'm like, okay,she's really chatty and she's
really friendly and everythingelse, but please don't turn
around and start talking liketalking so much to me, because
today I just can't, I just Ijust don't, I don't want to have
(17:16):
a full blown conversation.
That's not me, not today.
And so I was.
So we sat there and so we wasin line and it was a long line
because our dollar general,their systems, is down or
whatever.
So they only had one cashregister that was really working
(17:38):
.
The other one, it was onlytaking cash, and so a lot of
people are similar to me andthey don't really carry cash
right, because I hardly evercarry cash.
And so we sat there and shefinally that person went up and
was getting checked out and, ofcourse, what happens?
(17:59):
She turns around and was likehi, how was your day?
And I was like it's going allright, you know.
And she just gets.
So she starts chatting, and soI'm chatting back with her and
it was just good to see howuplifting and free spirit she
was.
And she was like you know what?
What do you do?
She was like there's somethingabout your energy.
(18:21):
And I was like in my head I'mlike, okay, like look, I know
people say, like you know, Ihave good energy or positive
energy or whatever else.
I'm like I know good energy orpositive energy or whatever else
.
I'm like I know good energy Areyou really showing off today,
even though I'm like pleasedon't talk to me because you're
failing me right now, which, ofcourse, it really wasn't failing
(18:41):
me.
Like you know, I'm supposed tohave this good energy and it's
good to have this natural goodenergy.
But at that time I was like, oh, this pressure, you know, and
so like she, just so, you know,I tell her.
You know, yeah, I'm like, yeah,I'm a life coach, you know I'm
actually a trauma life coach andyou know I specialize in blah,
(19:03):
blah, blah blah.
And yeah, she was like, oh,that's really cool, that's
really neat and we get to talkabout it.
So I asked what she does and so,you know, she was saying, like
you know that she is a customerservice manager and you know,
and I was like that really fitsyou.
I was like you know, I was likeyou know your personality and
everything else, I can see it,and so we're just chatting away
(19:25):
at that point, and so then, likeit's her turn to check out and
she goes, and so when she leaves, I'm like, have a blessed day.
And she turns around.
She was like, oh my gosh, thankyou, I needed that.
Oh, she was in line this wholetime, smiling and chatting to
(19:45):
everybody around her andeverything else, and we didn't
have this whole conversation,and have a blessed day was the
phrase that she needed.
Yet I'm over here like, pleasedon't talk to me, I don't want
(20:07):
to do this today.
And I don't want to do thistoday.
And there's still something.
And so I left out with having asmile on my face being more
lighter, because I'm like youknow what, I might have pressure
, but I'm still here, I'm stillable to go to the store, I'm
still, like you know as having,I'm able to conversate with
(20:29):
other people and like before,you know, we and and those are
things I'm thinking while we'retalking, and I'm getting lighter
just by talking and whateverelse.
And so it was like herconversation helped my day and
one phrase of what I said helpedher day.
(20:50):
And so that's just an exampleof and we don't know what people
are going through and I don'tknow why you know it was that
phrase have a blessed day.
That what she needed, I don'tknow, but I'm glad that she
received that and even though Iwas trying to if I could have
(21:11):
ran from a conversation, believeme I would have ran from a
conversation that day, but thatconversation that I had with her
it uplifted my spirit and itmade things kind of lighter for
a moment and it made me reallybe thankful for being there and
(21:32):
being in that position, becausethere was a time in my life to
where I had a mental breakdown,to where I was at zero and
really I was at like a negative234, because I had no energy, I
had nothing.
(21:54):
Because I had no energy, I hadnothing.
My kids were trying to make meeat and drink, my husband was
trying to make me eat and drink.
My oldest, he would call andask everybody, did mom eat or
drink?
Today I wasn't doing theshowers, I wasn't like I was
doing nothing because I hadnothing left.
All of my traumas had cameflowing back in, reminding me
(22:16):
that they all existed, eventhough I had already been
through therapy for years.
And when I say for years, I meanfor years, because I started
therapy when I was in highschool and so, like, after
different situations, I would goto therapy and I would go for
(22:40):
months at a time and I would docheck-ins and all that kind of
stuff, so you know, to processthings and to be healed or
whatever else.
And what I realized now was Iwas going to therapy when I was
in crisis.
My therapist would help me getto my baseline and then, after I
(23:01):
got to my baseline, I'm livinglife again and going through the
motions of life.
It was.
There was nothing there toteach me how to continue to move
forward.
I was never equipped withskills to pull out of my tool
bag to be like today.
(23:21):
I'm just really feeling veryanxious, or to know, to take
time to learn who I am and toreally step into that and
embrace it and to know that Ican be filled with this power,
with this love, with this grace,with this compassion, with this
(23:43):
oh my gosh with this worthinessof who I am, with this
worthiness of who I am.
And that is why I decided topublicly come on and start being
(24:03):
a life coach full time.
And then you know, and then thetraumas coming back in and all
those limitations showing backup in my life is what made me be
like, okay, I gotta specializein trauma and really help the
(24:24):
people who are people pleasing,who are suffering in silence and
they want to know who they are.
They want to gain success andfulfillment in their life, in
every aspect of their life, intheir career and their
(24:45):
relationships and their personallife and their personal life in
their spiritual life.
Because now I know the power ofdoing that and how
life-changing it can be and howfreeing it is.
Because you know, I share that.
(25:07):
Because I said, when I had hitzero, all those things came back
in.
And when I finally decided toreach out for help, my doctor
let me know it was going to bemonths before I was able to see
a psychiatrist to get the levelof help that I needed, but she
(25:28):
would be able to start me on themedications until I get there
and basically we would have amiddle person going between us
to where we know what thepsychiatrists want me to do
until I can get in to see thepsychiatrist.
And in that process I was like,okay, things are going a little
(25:49):
too slow, I'm ready to getbetter, because by that time.
I had spent weeks not reallyeating, not really drinking, not
really showering, not reallybrushing my teeth Like I would
like it would be.
Like every few days I'll go getup and go take a shower.
Every few days I'll get up andgo brush my teeth.
Like it was gross.
(26:10):
But I didn't care because I hadnothing left, nothing.
I wasn't talking on my phone.
The only person I talked to onthe phone at that time was my
oldest son, because he's in themilitary and he's not at home,
no more.
And it was bad because, like,even my one of my sisters were
(26:33):
like best friends and for thelongest she didn't know how bad
I was.
My grandmother didn't know howbad I was, my mom didn't know
how bad I was, my aunt didn'tknow how bad I was.
No one knew, just the peoplewho lived within our home and my
oldest.
And so now, like, especially mysister, when she found out how
(26:56):
bad I was, she was like whydidn't you call me?
I wasn't calling nobody, likethey knew what I started going
through.
But when things started gettingreally bad, I just kind of went
real.
So I was like you know, like Ireally got to figure some things
out and I'm like you know, Ijust kind of went real size.
I was like you know, you'd belike I really gotta figure some
things out and I'm like you know, I just need time.
And they respected that.
But they didn't know how fardown I had went.
(27:18):
I had went on, went to, I haddid FMLA for work.
Now I'm getting on short-termdisability and then I was down
for so long I ended uptransferring from short-term
disability and in that processmy employer ended up letting me
(27:38):
go because I was out for so long.
And, yeah, it was real and I wastired because I would want to
go to sleep.
But then when I was asleep, Iwould wake up from my nightmares
.
I would wake up screaming.
I would wake up with tearsflowing down my eyes.
(28:01):
I can't tell you how many timesI woke up with my pillow being
truly soaked because I wasliterally crying in my sleep.
The way that I was crying whenI was awake.
And then when I was awake, Iwas in so much pain that it just
hurt too bad to even be awake.
It was a terrible time to be inand I needed help and I finally
(28:24):
reached out for it and then itwas going to be months doing the
meetings with the middle personthat's going between the
psychiatrist and me and thedoctor to figure out what
medicines I'd be on and whatthings they should do for me and
everything else.
(28:45):
And she kept coming back to meand she was like he said that
you need to rewire your mind.
I'm like what the heck does hemean by this?
What he mean, you know.
And so she was like, oh no.
So she was like we'll find out.
And so one time she called, shewas like okay, he's going to
(29:06):
call you at this certain time.
It's going to be a short call,maybe five minutes.
He just want to try out adifferent medication, but he
wants to talk to you firstbecause this is a stronger
medication.
And I was like, okay, fine, sowhen he gets on the phone he
asks me questions and I'mtalking to him whenever else,
and so I asked him.
You know, it's like she keepstelling me that you say I need
to rewire my mind.
What does that mean?
He goes it means that you needto rewire your mind.
(29:27):
Okay, well, what does that mean?
Rewire your mind?
That's all I kept getting.
I'm like what in the head?
And so after weeks of hearingthat, I was like you know what
I'm tired.
I got to get better.
This isn't me.
I'm a very independent personand I'm usually the person
(29:50):
that's the strong one andeverybody else comes to and I
give guidance and everythingelse and I'm like, why is this
happening, why?
And so I sat there and I waslike, okay, we're going to
figure this out.
So I went to my old friend, drGoogle.
(30:11):
Okay, don't go to Google formedical things, y'all Okay, but
I did.
I went to Google and I was like, what does it mean to rewire
your mind?
And of course, they startedgiving me all types of articles,
all types of different things,and I just started reading.
And then that's when I learnedabout neuroplasticity and I
(30:33):
started learning a little bit ofneuroscience stuff.
And and for me, y'all, it wasfun because, um, my background,
a lot of my background, is spentin the, in the health industry,
and I'm a nursing schooldropout.
Um, I think if I was, if I wasto go back to school and really
(30:57):
pick up a career again to work,build as a career, if it wasn't
doing something like this, likelife coaching, it would
definitely be nursing.
I love the healthcare field.
I love mental health, I lovehealthcare, I love taking care
of others, I love findingsolutions.
(31:17):
That's me.
I love finding solutions and Ilove to know the why behind why
certain things happen.
Okay and so like, for me thisis fun, it's knowledge, it's
power and everything else.
I get to pulling out my nursingbooks to go through different
things and, like y'all when Isay I went full in, I went full
(31:41):
in, and so then I startedlearning about how and I started
learning about, liketherapeutic art, right, and so
then I went and I took acertification course for
therapeutic art for life coaches, to where we can teach the
people that we do life coachingwith therapeutic art.
(32:01):
So I learned about that,started implementing that in my
life, using that kind of skills.
At this time I was going to atherapist again a different
therapist and this time we weretrying EMDR and everything.
And then I started going intolike law of attraction and
(32:27):
meditation and, of course, youknow, through all of this, like
you know, I started.
You know I was praying and Iwas picking up my Bible more and
I was learning about God and Iwould buy different books about
you know about, about you knowabout God and and and putting
(32:49):
different aspects in it,learning the different stories
and what it means and what doesGod really want for us, and
learning the characteristics ofGod and learning about the armor
of God and learning about God'sgrace and his empathy and his
compassion and his mercy andwhat it means to have faith in
him.
And all of those differentthings together brought some
(33:12):
type of awareness and I was likewhoa awareness and I was like
whoa.
And so then I started reallysitting down and I put down okay
, what do I need to do with allof this knowledge?
(33:34):
Because I'm implementing allthese different things and I'm
noticing the changes that I'mmaking, the clarity that is
coming through, the freeing.
I'm noticing that the chainsare breaking, and when I say the
chains are breaking, I mean thechains are breaking.
I was being freed from me.
(34:00):
Years of self-doubt, years oftears, years of feeling not good
enough.
Years of not knowing that I wasworthy.
Years of feeling like I had toplease everybody else.
Years of feeling confused andlost and feeling like no one
(34:27):
understood me or no one wouldunderstand me.
Years of feeling like I'm in aworld alone by myself and that I
can't voice, that I'm hurtinginside, because in the past, I
had voice, that I was hurtinginside, and I would hear, oh,
(34:50):
you'll be okay, or oh, ithappens to everybody.
Oh, pray about it.
Oh, get over it.
No, I need something more thanthat.
So it's like, if that's allthat I'm gonna get, what's the
(35:10):
point in telling people you'renot going to get the help that
you need?
The one thing that it taught me, though, was sometimes those
phrases of it'll be okay, itwill get better, pray about it,
all that stuff, sometimes it'sbe.
(35:31):
Those people say that one ofthe reasons why people say that
is because that's all that theyknow to say they haven't
experienced what you'reexperiencing or anything similar
to what you're experiencingthat they've always been told
those phrases.
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