February 18, 2025 • 39 mins
Imagine a world where you're the pillar of strength, the go-to person for comfort and support, tirelessly giving to others. Yet, beneath the surface, you find yourself running on empty, weighed down by the emotional storms of those you care for. Welcome to the reality of compassion fatigue—a silent storm that affects caregivers, leaders, and heart-centered individuals alike.
In this episode of "Who Am I with Krystal Jae," we delve into the invisible scars of compassion fatigue, where the relentless drive to care for others can overshadow our own well-being. Through the lens of storytelling, we explore the profound impact this emotional storm has on heart-centered servant leaders and their teams.
Join me, Krystal Jae, The Who Am I Expert, The Empowerment Goddess and Somatic Trauma-Informed Coach, as we unravel the complexities of compassion fatigue. We'll journey through the signs and symptoms, from emotional numbness to exhaustion, and discuss practical strategies to regain emotional balance. Discover how setting boundaries, practicing mindfulness, and engaging in creative pursuits can foster resilience and prioritize self-care.
Through my proven Empowered Transformational Healing Framework and the ODE Method, you'll be empowered to release the pain and embrace joy, peace, and clarity. Together, we'll create a ripple effect of well-being and resilience, empowering you to overcome obstacles, discover your authenticity, and elevate your life with success and fulfillment.
Are you ready to embark on this transformative journey?
Download this episode now, share it with someone who needs to hear it, and join the conversation on social media or through our website.
Let's navigate the emotional storm together, creating a supportive environment where empathy, understanding, and resilience thrive.
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www.krystaljae.com/sneakpeek
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“You are not alone, and you are enough. When times get tough, pray, listen and follow through. God loves you and trust me when I say he is not your trauma.” ~Krystal Jae
“Believe in all that you are and know that you have this inner power that is greater than any obstacle.” ~Krystal Jae
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Have you ever felt like you're constantly giving to
others only to find yourselfrunning on empty?
Have you ever found yourselfgetting to a point to where a
job that you once loved you'renow dreading because you're
exhausted because you'reexhausted?
(00:28):
Or maybe you're showing up atwork and you're witnessing that
others just seem to really becomplaining and they're
exhausted from showing up.
So welcome to the reality thatso many of us face, where the
universal need to care forothers can sometimes overshadow
our own well-being.
It's a common experience, notlimited to any specific role,
(00:54):
title or place in your life,whether you're a caregiver, a
professional, a leader.
This drive to prioritizeothers' needs is something we
all share.
You see, invisible scars fromlife's challenges often linger
within us, affecting ourthoughts and emotions.
(01:17):
These aren't just scars frompersonal experiences, but from
the emotional weight we carryfrom also supporting others.
You see, this thing calledcompassion fatigue often is
really a secondary trauma formost of us, right, and it
manifests as emotional numbness,exhaustion and a reduced sense
(01:41):
of being able to show up and areduced sense of being able to
show up, whether we're at home,at work, at church, really in
our lives in general.
It's a natural consequence ofcaring deeply for those in can I
(02:04):
say distress.
You have a strong sense ofempathy.
(02:27):
A lot of times you experiencecompassion fatigue when you have
a job to where you are caringand you're heavily invested in
others' well-being.
I've been there.
Most of my jobs have been inthe heart-centered field okay,
let's say that and regularinteraction with individuals,
especially those experiencingtrauma or then left a traumatic
(02:51):
experience, or those who may bepatients that are in the
hospital or whatever it may be.
Another way that it shows up isbecause a lot of times we tend
to overly care for everybodyelse, that we lack the self-care
(03:19):
that we need ourselves.
We lack the setting ofboundaries or putting boundaries
in place to protect us, but notonly from other people, but
from also ourselves.
There's times that we havecompassion fatigue because we
have a lack of support, that's,a support at home, support in
(03:46):
our social life, support at work.
Have you ever had thatexhaustion, that fatigue of
overly caring for everybody elseand you lack the support where
that fatigue originated.
And then it can also show upwhen our own unresolved issues
(04:07):
can be triggered by the traumathat we witness in others.
So you're probably like whatare you talking about?
One thing I'm talking about is,for example, you can sit here
and you could be living life andyou're empathetic person and
you're compassionate and youlove doing for other people,
(04:28):
right?
But in the process of you doingfor other people, you're like
well, this person needs thissituation taken care of.
So let me go ahead and helpthem take care of this situation
.
And even though I needed to doX Y Z I will do X Y Z later, I
(04:53):
can figure it out, but right nowthis person needs this, so let
me help them instead.
So then what happens is X Y Z.
You're having to figure out howto provide your own needs
(05:14):
because you help someone else.
And when you do this over andover and over and over and over
again, and then you realize,dang, I don't have no one to
save me, then a lot of times,that's when you're like dang, I
don't have the support I need.
(05:34):
Dang, I don't have nobody tohave my back.
Dang, I feel like I'm justalways struggling.
I don't have the motivation,because what you had for you,
you then gave to someone else,which left you on empty.
(06:02):
Another example is you could beworking at a place, right, you
can be at your place ofemployment and you could be
working with people who haveexperienced traumatic
experiences or they're goingthrough hard times and you're
there to give support and toteach different things right.
(06:23):
But at the same time, whileyou're showing up, you're also
getting exhausted because thecommunication, the support
within the place of employmentis lacking, and so everybody
ends up tired.
(06:43):
There's really no realcommunication and the
communication that is happeningis all negative.
So then you're tired, you'reexhausted, you're having
negative conversations and thenyou don't have no support.
(07:07):
So where do that lead?
A lot of times in the workplacethat leads to people leaving.
That's listening to people notbeing seen or not being heard.
There comes a time to wherethere's a difference between
what the higher ups may bethinking is going on and what
(07:31):
the frontline employees areexperiencing, and then what the
middle employees are trying tonavigate.
But the communication chain isbroken, right, but the
communication chain is brokenRight, and so then there's never
really the positivity thatpeople need to be fed is no
(07:55):
longer going and communicatingup or down the chain, and so
that's when people really startleaving, or they're just showing
up because of the check andthat's it, and so they're not
showing up to come and do theirbest work, so the company isn't
hitting the goals.
That is needed and it causes somuch other issues.
(08:18):
So, understanding whatcompassion fatigue is, or
understanding the invisiblescars that show up, they are
essential.
It's crucial.
They don't just define yourworth and your strength, but
they're also a testament to thecompassion you've extended and
(08:40):
the battles that you faced aswell.
So it's time to embrace thestrength that is within you and
remember that self-care is notoptional and it's not something
that is like, ooh, it's a luxury, no, it's a necessity.
(09:03):
It's not a want, it's a luxury.
No, it's a necessity.
It's not a want, it's a need.
So when we nurture ourselves,what we do is we ensure that we
have the strength to continuecaring for ourselves, but also
for others.
So in this episode, I'm going toreally hone in on what it feels
(09:28):
like to have compassion fatigueor be exhausted or be running
on empty, when you're someonewho leads with your heart and
when I say leads with your heart, I'm talking about in your
personal life, or you may evenbe a heart-centered servant or a
(09:53):
heart-centered leader at work.
But that's what we're going totalk about today.
We're going to discuss thedifferent signs and the symptoms
, the different signs and thesymptoms, but also real
strategies for maintaining anemotional and spiritual and
mental and physical balance,from setting boundaries to
(10:19):
different techniques in place,different tools in place.
This is about implementation,as always.
So are you ready?
Because we're about to go onthis journey together.
We're going to talk aboutcreating a ripple effect of
(10:41):
well-being in your life andthose that you lead and that you
support.
So welcome to who Am I?
With Crystal J.
As you know, I am Crystal J,the who Am I expert, your
somatic trauma-informed coachand the empowerment goddess.
(11:02):
I work to empower you toovercome barriers, discover your
authenticity, unlock yourpotential and elevate your life
with success and fulfillment.
I do this through my provenproprietary framework Empower
Transformational Healing, theODE method and somatic
(11:24):
trauma-informed techniques.
You will be empowered tounleash the pain, anxiousness
and suffering and silence thatyou are experiencing, while
embracing joy, peace and clarityin the life that you envision
for yourself.
So let's dive in.
(11:45):
Have you taken a moment to goahead and download this episode
for later or share it with aperson that you're like?
Ooh, such and such needs tohear this.
This is the perfect time to doit, because we're about to get
started with all the meat andpotatoes.
Okay, so take out your notepadand pen for notes and let's get
(12:07):
ready.
So you ready.
I hope you are.
So what I want you to do is Iwant you to imagine this
scenario.
You are dedicated, you leadwith your heart, you juggling
multiple deadlines while alsobeing the go-to person for
everyone your family, your teamat work and maybe your team at
(12:32):
church, your colleagues, yourfamily, your friends.
They all rely on you forguidance and understanding and
you're always there to lend anear, offer advice, step in when
they need assistance, whetherthat means you showing up for
them at their home, giving themfinancial support, whether that
(12:59):
means that you are just ashoulder to lean on, you are
just a shoulder to lean on.
Over time, this constant givingand supporting others starts to
take a toll.
You find yourself feelingexhausted, emotionally numb and
less effective in all your rolesin life, but especially in your
(13:23):
life.
The joy you once had and thatyou once loved starts to fade.
Helping others is now becomingsomething that gets you
exhausted and it gives you asense of overwhelm, burnout,
unappreciated.
You see, this is compassionfatigue.
(13:48):
It's a natural response fromthe emotional demands of
constantly supporting others,affecting your ability to care
for yourself and those aroundyou.
I said earlier that you know itcomes when a lot of people feel
it.
Compassion fatigue shows up in alot of people who lead with
(14:10):
their heart, who are, who have astrong sense of empathy, who
has a deep desire to help others, no matter what it is.
Maybe that person is having adifficult time, or you've been
in a similar situation, oryou've seen someone else go
through their situation and youknow how bad it is, so you're
(14:30):
trying to help them, but thenyou're so heavily invested in
the well-being of them that youforget about your own well-being
.
That's not cool, because youknow why.
That's when you get exhausted,feeling emotionally detached.
You feel numb, you feel drained, even after you may had a great
(14:54):
, full night's sleep.
You're experiencing a lot ofanxiousness.
You're constantly scanning fora problem, something is going
wrong.
You are irritable.
You're having difficultyfocusing, making decisions.
You're starting to have like anegative vibe, even if it lasts
(15:15):
for a moment.
You're beginning to isolateyourself from your family, your
friends, your colleagues.
You're self-medicating and youfeel a lack of purpose or
connection to your own values.
This is the impact of people wholead with a heart and haven't
(15:40):
set the boundaries needed tocare for themselves boundaries
needed to care for themselves.
You're leading, but right nowyou're leading with unhealthy
coping mechanisms, causingdecreased morale in your life,
even at work.
There's a lot ofmiscommunications, a lot of
misunderstandings, whether it'swith you yourself or with the
(16:04):
people in your life or peopleunder you.
At work, you may be strugglingwith creativity, problem solving
, and when places of employmentexperiences these, they have
increased turnover rates.
You definitely don't have theenergy to keep moving forward
(16:26):
and you may be saying like, okay, I get it, it shows up all up
and through my life.
But it's not just surface level, it's not just emotional, but,
(16:53):
as with everything else, thisalso affects your nervous system
in the way that you reallyprocess things and so like.
When we're going through thiswhole body stress response in
the nervous system.
This stress response releaseshormones like cortisol and
adrenaline.
That prepares us to be on,basically a heightened alert,
and that's why we are sitting uphere constantly scanning,
(17:14):
looking for whatever threatsthat there may be, and a lot of
times there aren't any, but weare heightened.
And then our brain's limbicsystem.
It's unable to maintain balanceor avoid stress.
So when we have stress hormoneslike the cortisol and
adrenaline that takes over.
(17:36):
We need something to combatthat right.
That's where serotonin anddopamine comes in play.
Serotonin is known as ourfeel-good chemical that our body
produces.
Serotonin is associated withour pleasure.
We want to increase ourserotonin and our dopamine
(17:57):
levels.
Some ways to kind of do that isgo for a walk, do some yoga,
get some sun.
That's why sometimes peoplewhen they have breaks and
they're like, oh, I need a break, they go outside or they go for
a walk, run, do some yoga, getsome sun.
That's why sometimes peoplewhen they have breaks and
they're like, oh, I need a break, they go outside or they go for
a walk.
Those things kind of make youfeel good.
That's why usually when youcome in, you're like, okay, I'm
a little more relaxed.
You know, have you ever went on?
Have you ever been upset?
(18:18):
And then you go for a walk oryou go for a run and you come
back and you feel a little bitbetter.
You're releasing some of thatserotonin.
One of my favorite ways torelease dopamine is listening to
music or doing somethingcreative.
What are some strategies andsolutions?
(18:40):
And so one thing that I say iswe can.
It's really important to setboundaries and I mentioned that
earlier, and I'm not saying thatyou're necessarily setting
boundaries for others, but youalso need to set boundaries with
yourself, because when you'reoften leading with your heart,
(19:03):
you're constantly giving, giving, giving, giving.
But then, when it's time foryou to receive, you'll be like,
oh no, that's OK, you need to dothis.
Oh no, that's OK, I'll figureit out.
But then later, when you getinto the point of exhaustion,
(19:24):
you're like, dang, I don't havethe support that I need.
But people have tried and youpushed them away.
Even if they halfway did it, itwas still something where you'd
be like, yeah, I can, yeah,thank you.
Thank you for showing thatappreciation.
Thank you for giving it back.
(19:45):
Thank you for showing thatappreciation.
Thank you for giving it back.
Thank you for showing me thesame.
Thank you for looking out forme the same way I've been
looking out for you, becausewhen we give and we're looking
out for other people, it makesus feel good.
We get those release of thosehormones, and so we just give
(20:06):
and we just give and we justgive.
Well, it's time for you to setboundaries, real boundaries, on
when you can give and when youcan't give, when you can show up
and complete a project fully towhen you can tap out and be
(20:28):
like, hey, my place already full.
I would love to do this or Iwould like to do this, but if I
take on this project, whichproject would you like for me to
wait on?
That's a good way to word it.
Especially when it's somethingat work.
You can't continue to overfillyour plate because you're trying
(20:52):
to be that helpful person,because that's when you get
exhausted.
There may be times to where, asmuch as you want to support
someone, you just don't have thecapacity mentally or
emotionally, and you have to sitthere and say you know what, at
(21:13):
this moment, I don't have it inme.
I would love to support you,but right now I'm just going
through so much of my own stuffthat I can't at this moment.
You don't always have to be thesuperhero, because you too need
(21:37):
the support that you get.
Other things that you can do ispractice mindfulness, breathing,
guided meditations, and it'simportant to find real solutions
to the root issues.
You need help with that.
Get at me and then find thingsthat rejuvenate your spirit, and
(22:00):
if you need help with that, getat me, but it's about
prioritizing your self-care aswell, and that's important,
whether that's in your life, athome, but it's also important in
your career identifying anddetermining where your negative
(22:29):
thoughts are coming from.
What are the negative thoughtsthat you're having?
Where are they coming from?
Okay, and then how can we turnthose?
How can we rewire those?
What are some things that wecan do to where they're not
affecting you the way thatthey've been?
So we got to restructure somethings, but first, in order to
restructure them, we have toidentify them and then, once we
(22:57):
identify them, we can changethem.
Okay, it's also important torealize that sometimes it's not
about you being the doer, beingthe person to save someone or to
help fix their problem.
Sometimes it's about activelylistening.
(23:17):
You know, there's times towhere I will call someone in my
healthy support system and I'llbe like, hey, I just need a vent
.
Is that cool?
Like I'm not asking you to fixanything, save anything or
anything like that.
I just need someone to vent to,to just listen, and so truly
(23:42):
having that active listening,which means also that you are
listening to understand and,even though you may not always
(24:05):
understand, to fix every singleproblem that that person has,
because a lot of times, we think, oh, because someone has told
us this something, we have to bethe one to fix it.
Why?
Because we leave with ourhearts, we're empathetic, we
want to sit there and make surethat everybody else is doing
(24:27):
good, but in that process, we'reforgetting about ourselves.
Ok, and so it's about makingsure that we have supportive
relationships in our in ourpersonal lives and in our work
lives.
So, if you are a leader at work, there should be a support
(24:59):
network within the team, withinthe people that you manage, but
also there should be a teamabove you as well that you're
included in.
And then, for your personallife, you should have this
healthy support system that canrange from a variety of people,
(25:21):
from your partner, friends,other family members,
professionals, like a coach or atherapist.
So one thing that I would liketo do before I end this episode,
because, as you know, I alwaysleave y'all with some type of
tool.
Right, right, all right.
So I'm gonna tell y'all abouttwo different exercises.
(25:43):
Both of these are visualizationexercises.
One is really focused on youpersonally and one is focused on
you being a support to others.
So the one for you because,like I said, you have to have
your cup full.
(26:04):
People get your overflow,whether at work or at home, they
get your overflow.
They don't get what's in yourcup.
So one thing is one thing that Ilove doing and I've implemented
in my life.
I've had other clientsimplement in their life, I've
taught my coworkers this before,so it's a really good exercise
(26:26):
for yourself.
I want you to get in a place towhere you're comfortable and I
want you to take time out ofyour day, whether it's once a
week, once every other week,every couple of days, every
night.
Now I do my Fridays andSaturdays, and so what I do is
(26:49):
that I really take time tovisualize my week ahead, setting
the attention for the week andvisualizing success coming from
that intention that I'm setting.
So, whether it's differentgoals or different activities
(27:12):
that I'm doing, I'm settingintention for the week, for the
week to be successful overall,but also the different things
that I'm looking at that's in mycalendar or that I want to add
to my calendar, or I knowdifferent projects that I need
to complete.
I'm setting intention and I'mvisualizing success, and so
(27:35):
that's one thing that I want youto do for yourself is set
intention and visualize success.
And sometimes there's some weekswhere some weeks have been just
really, really hard, reallydifficult, because it's like so
much is on my plate and I haveto do a refresher.
And so I will say, okay, I needto kind of get myself together
(28:01):
and I will set intention andI'll visualize success,
especially when I noticed thatI've started getting to where
I'm like, man, this is hard, man, I got to do this and this and
this and this.
I'm tired, I don't feel likedoing it, I'm just exhausted.
This not working like oh, thisnot working like oh.
(28:26):
And most of the time I'll sithere and I'll turn on the music
and I will get to suddenintentions, visualizing, praying
, meditating, stretching allthose things that I know will
help me release some thingsright, something that will help
me imagine, basically, positiveoutcomes from the things that
(28:50):
I'm working on.
Okay, so then, if you aresupporting someone else, so
notice that you have someone inyour life, whether it's a friend
, a family member, a partner, acoworker, someone that's on your
team, whoever and you justnotice that their demeanor is
(29:15):
different, that they aren'tshowing up as who they usually
show up as You're like ooh,something seems to be off.
So, instead of ignoring thatperson or that situation, see if
you can find some privacy andmake sure you ensure
(29:36):
confidentiality.
Ask that person hey, I'venoticed you seemed a bit off
lately, or you seemed a bitoverwhelmed lately, or you've
been moving a little bitdifferent lately.
How can I support you?
And when you go to this person,show them eye contact, give them
(30:01):
a smile, remain open, becausesometimes, like I, have this
habit too of crossing my armswhen I'm talking to people and a
lot of times I'll tell myselfCrystal, quit crossing your arms
.
You know, you got to remainopen, okay, but it's just a
habit, like you know.
But a lot of times like, okay,but it's just a habit, like you
know.
But a lot of times, like whenyou someone crossed their arms,
(30:24):
especially when you're lookingat their full thing, someone can
cross their arms and be talkingand smiling and this is just
comfort to them.
Or somebody had their armscrossed and be like oh, you know
, they're not really into you.
They're looking this way andthat way.
They're not really smiling.
They're giving you a frown orthey're smirking, you know, or
(30:46):
you can tell like that is a fakesmile, you know, but we want to
remain, but we want to showthat we are open and that we're
accepting and that we'relistening to them and that we
are, that we are activelylistening to them.
Okay, if that person open up tolistening to them.
Okay, if that person open up toyou listen, okay, they'll tell
(31:07):
you how you can support them.
And then if they don't feellike opening up to you at that
time, just let them know.
If anything do come up, I'mhere for you, so just let me
know.
Another thing that you can dois, even after checking in with
(31:33):
them, schedule a time to kind ofcheck in with them, you know,
for ongoing support, or just tolet them know that they have
somebody that is willing tosupport them, lend an ear, help
find a solution, offer resources, and when we're doing that,
(31:53):
that's another way to where wecan show that support that us as
heart-led people do, but at thesame time, you're not pouring
out of your own cup.
It also helps smooth out theenvironment, because now you're
(32:14):
opening communication.
So now that person, whensomeone else is going through
something they may be like hey,you know what you should go talk
to such and such.
They are a great listener,they're willing to hear you, and
that's important, especially ifit's something within your
(32:37):
family or within your socialcircle.
It's also important to have, ifyou are at your place of
employment or in your career, tobe a leader where people feel
like they can come to you, thatthey can have communication,
that they can have communication.
(32:57):
Because I know one situationfor me.
I've been to jobs to where I'vehad higher ups who weren't open
.
I've had higher ups who weredefinitely open and communicated
all the time.
You knew that it was good to gotalk to that person.
(33:19):
You can go talk to that personabout whatever.
And then I've had bosses orhigher ups who I didn't approach
.
Or I knew that everybody on thefront line, or the majority of
the people on the front line,wouldn't go because it was
(33:41):
already going around as soon asyou start that employment that
you better not go to that person.
And you hear all thesehorrifying experiences of people
trying to advocate or peopletrying to communicate with the,
with the head leader.
So then guess what, what's thathave caused A lot of people.
Then that causedmiscommunication.
(34:02):
And that person can come to youand be like, hey, you're having
issues, just kind of talk, butthen you've already heard all
the stories, so I'm not,definitely not going to come to
you.
I've been in places like thatand it's unfortunate because we
should have that communication,because here you are at the top,
like what is going on?
Why are we having this highturnover?
(34:23):
Why are we not having peoplecoming in and why can't we keep
employees?
Why aren't our people engaged?
Why aren't we tackling thesegoals that we have?
Why are we not succeeding?
And a lot of times there's abreak in communication, there's
(34:45):
a break in support, and that'swhen we have to come in and
establish why no-transcript,don't pour out of your own cup,
(35:24):
allow people to get youroverflow, active listening,
healthy communication, a healthysupport system, finding the
solutions.
What we talked about.
(35:47):
We talked about mindfulness andbreath work and visualization.
Another good one is, you know,is allowing people to,
especially in workplaces this isa good one is having a link or
(36:09):
a box or something to whereemployees can submit their
stressors or their worries aboutthe workplace privately and
then have someone really checkin.
Or another thing is you canhave, whether in your personal
(36:32):
life or at a business, have athird party come in to help
mediate and help find solutionsIf it's at your place of an
employment, or if you are theleader at your job or the
director, have a consultant,come in and talk to your
(36:55):
different employees at alldifferent levels to where they
can help find where the issuesmay lay, determine the roots of
them and then put solutions inplace.
Because a third party coming in, people may feel more open to
(37:18):
share and less worried aboutwhat repercussions.
And when we take time toestablish a work-life balance,
these healthy systems providelasting changes, lasting
(37:39):
positive changes.
Lasting changes, lastingpositive changes, and with this
it can cause a ripple effect inyourself, in those around you,
at home, at church, at work.
And that's what we want.
We want a place of safety, aplace of good, positive
well-being mind, body andspiritually.
(38:02):
So I ask you to do me one favor,is that okay?
I want you to share thisepisode with one person, whether
it's someone in your personallife or someone in your career
life.
In your personal life orsomeone in your career life.
(38:23):
And then one last thing I wantto remind y'all that I have
opened up free access to theBreakthrough to Authenticity,
module 1 for you.
This way you can begin to startyour process in overcoming
barriers, what they are, howthey affect our bodies and, of
(38:44):
course, as always, giving yousome tips.
It has worksheet activities foryou to do and I give you
options to work with me as well.
So check out module one andreally begin your process in
overcoming barriers.
This has been who Am I withCrystal J, where we provide real
(39:12):
life solutions for real lifebarriers, while discovering your
authenticity so you can liveyour best life with fulfillment
and purpose.
Have a good day.
Have you ever felt like you're constantly giving to
others only to find yourselfrunning on empty?
Have you ever found yourselfgetting to a point to where a
job that you once loved you'renow dreading because you're
exhausted because you'reexhausted?
(00:28):
Or maybe you're showing up atwork and you're witnessing that
others just seem to really becomplaining and they're
exhausted from showing up.
So welcome to the reality thatso many of us face, where the
universal need to care forothers can sometimes overshadow
our own well-being.
It's a common experience, notlimited to any specific role,
(00:54):
title or place in your life,whether you're a caregiver, a
professional, a leader.
This drive to prioritizeothers' needs is something we
all share.
You see, invisible scars fromlife's challenges often linger
within us, affecting ourthoughts and emotions.
(01:17):
These aren't just scars frompersonal experiences, but from
the emotional weight we carryfrom also supporting others.
You see, this thing calledcompassion fatigue often is
really a secondary trauma formost of us, right, and it
manifests as emotional numbness,exhaustion and a reduced sense
(01:41):
of being able to show up and areduced sense of being able to
show up, whether we're at home,at work, at church, really in
our lives in general.
It's a natural consequence ofcaring deeply for those in can I
(02:04):
say distress.
You have a strong sense ofempathy.
(02:27):
A lot of times you experiencecompassion fatigue when you have
a job to where you are caringand you're heavily invested in
others' well-being.
I've been there.
Most of my jobs have been inthe heart-centered field okay,
let's say that and regularinteraction with individuals,
especially those experiencingtrauma or then left a traumatic
(02:51):
experience, or those who may bepatients that are in the
hospital or whatever it may be.
Another way that it shows up isbecause a lot of times we tend
to overly care for everybodyelse, that we lack the self-care
(03:19):
that we need ourselves.
We lack the setting ofboundaries or putting boundaries
in place to protect us, but notonly from other people, but
from also ourselves.
There's times that we havecompassion fatigue because we
have a lack of support, that's,a support at home, support in
(03:46):
our social life, support at work.
Have you ever had thatexhaustion, that fatigue of
overly caring for everybody elseand you lack the support where
that fatigue originated.
And then it can also show upwhen our own unresolved issues
(04:07):
can be triggered by the traumathat we witness in others.
So you're probably like whatare you talking about?
One thing I'm talking about is,for example, you can sit here
and you could be living life andyou're empathetic person and
you're compassionate and youlove doing for other people,
(04:28):
right?
But in the process of you doingfor other people, you're like
well, this person needs thissituation taken care of.
So let me go ahead and helpthem take care of this situation
.
And even though I needed to doX Y Z I will do X Y Z later, I
(04:53):
can figure it out, but right nowthis person needs this, so let
me help them instead.
So then what happens is X Y Z.
You're having to figure out howto provide your own needs
(05:14):
because you help someone else.
And when you do this over andover and over and over and over
again, and then you realize,dang, I don't have no one to
save me, then a lot of times,that's when you're like dang, I
don't have the support I need.
(05:34):
Dang, I don't have nobody tohave my back.
Dang, I feel like I'm justalways struggling.
I don't have the motivation,because what you had for you,
you then gave to someone else,which left you on empty.
(06:02):
Another example is you could beworking at a place, right, you
can be at your place ofemployment and you could be
working with people who haveexperienced traumatic
experiences or they're goingthrough hard times and you're
there to give support and toteach different things right.
(06:23):
But at the same time, whileyou're showing up, you're also
getting exhausted because thecommunication, the support
within the place of employmentis lacking, and so everybody
ends up tired.
(06:43):
There's really no realcommunication and the
communication that is happeningis all negative.
So then you're tired, you'reexhausted, you're having
negative conversations and thenyou don't have no support.
(07:07):
So where do that lead?
A lot of times in the workplacethat leads to people leaving.
That's listening to people notbeing seen or not being heard.
There comes a time to wherethere's a difference between
what the higher ups may bethinking is going on and what
(07:31):
the frontline employees areexperiencing, and then what the
middle employees are trying tonavigate.
But the communication chain isbroken, right, but the
communication chain is brokenRight, and so then there's never
really the positivity thatpeople need to be fed is no
(07:55):
longer going and communicatingup or down the chain, and so
that's when people really startleaving, or they're just showing
up because of the check andthat's it, and so they're not
showing up to come and do theirbest work, so the company isn't
hitting the goals.
That is needed and it causes somuch other issues.
(08:18):
So, understanding whatcompassion fatigue is, or
understanding the invisiblescars that show up, they are
essential.
It's crucial.
They don't just define yourworth and your strength, but
they're also a testament to thecompassion you've extended and
(08:40):
the battles that you faced aswell.
So it's time to embrace thestrength that is within you and
remember that self-care is notoptional and it's not something
that is like, ooh, it's a luxury, no, it's a necessity.
(09:03):
It's not a want, it's a luxury.
No, it's a necessity.
It's not a want, it's a need.
So when we nurture ourselves,what we do is we ensure that we
have the strength to continuecaring for ourselves, but also
for others.
So in this episode, I'm going toreally hone in on what it feels
(09:28):
like to have compassion fatigueor be exhausted or be running
on empty, when you're someonewho leads with your heart and
when I say leads with your heart, I'm talking about in your
personal life, or you may evenbe a heart-centered servant or a
(09:53):
heart-centered leader at work.
But that's what we're going totalk about today.
We're going to discuss thedifferent signs and the symptoms
, the different signs and thesymptoms, but also real
strategies for maintaining anemotional and spiritual and
mental and physical balance,from setting boundaries to
(10:19):
different techniques in place,different tools in place.
This is about implementation,as always.
So are you ready?
Because we're about to go onthis journey together.
We're going to talk aboutcreating a ripple effect of
(10:41):
well-being in your life andthose that you lead and that you
support.
So welcome to who Am I?
With Crystal J.
As you know, I am Crystal J,the who Am I expert, your
somatic trauma-informed coachand the empowerment goddess.
(11:02):
I work to empower you toovercome barriers, discover your
authenticity, unlock yourpotential and elevate your life
with success and fulfillment.
I do this through my provenproprietary framework Empower
Transformational Healing, theODE method and somatic
(11:24):
trauma-informed techniques.
You will be empowered tounleash the pain, anxiousness
and suffering and silence thatyou are experiencing, while
embracing joy, peace and clarityin the life that you envision
for yourself.
So let's dive in.
(11:45):
Have you taken a moment to goahead and download this episode
for later or share it with aperson that you're like?
Ooh, such and such needs tohear this.
This is the perfect time to doit, because we're about to get
started with all the meat andpotatoes.
Okay, so take out your notepadand pen for notes and let's get
(12:07):
ready.
So you ready.
I hope you are.
So what I want you to do is Iwant you to imagine this
scenario.
You are dedicated, you leadwith your heart, you juggling
multiple deadlines while alsobeing the go-to person for
everyone your family, your teamat work and maybe your team at
(12:32):
church, your colleagues, yourfamily, your friends.
They all rely on you forguidance and understanding and
you're always there to lend anear, offer advice, step in when
they need assistance, whetherthat means you showing up for
them at their home, giving themfinancial support, whether that
(12:59):
means that you are just ashoulder to lean on, you are
just a shoulder to lean on.
Over time, this constant givingand supporting others starts to
take a toll.
You find yourself feelingexhausted, emotionally numb and
less effective in all your rolesin life, but especially in your
(13:23):
life.
The joy you once had and thatyou once loved starts to fade.
Helping others is now becomingsomething that gets you
exhausted and it gives you asense of overwhelm, burnout,
unappreciated.
You see, this is compassionfatigue.
(13:48):
It's a natural response fromthe emotional demands of
constantly supporting others,affecting your ability to care
for yourself and those aroundyou.
I said earlier that you know itcomes when a lot of people feel
it.
Compassion fatigue shows up in alot of people who lead with
(14:10):
their heart, who are, who have astrong sense of empathy, who
has a deep desire to help others, no matter what it is.
Maybe that person is having adifficult time, or you've been
in a similar situation, oryou've seen someone else go
through their situation and youknow how bad it is, so you're
(14:30):
trying to help them, but thenyou're so heavily invested in
the well-being of them that youforget about your own well-being
.
That's not cool, because youknow why.
That's when you get exhausted,feeling emotionally detached.
You feel numb, you feel drained, even after you may had a great
(14:54):
, full night's sleep.
You're experiencing a lot ofanxiousness.
You're constantly scanning fora problem, something is going
wrong.
You are irritable.
You're having difficultyfocusing, making decisions.
You're starting to have like anegative vibe, even if it lasts
(15:15):
for a moment.
You're beginning to isolateyourself from your family, your
friends, your colleagues.
You're self-medicating and youfeel a lack of purpose or
connection to your own values.
This is the impact of people wholead with a heart and haven't
(15:40):
set the boundaries needed tocare for themselves boundaries
needed to care for themselves.
You're leading, but right nowyou're leading with unhealthy
coping mechanisms, causingdecreased morale in your life,
even at work.
There's a lot ofmiscommunications, a lot of
misunderstandings, whether it'swith you yourself or with the
(16:04):
people in your life or peopleunder you.
At work, you may be strugglingwith creativity, problem solving
, and when places of employmentexperiences these, they have
increased turnover rates.
You definitely don't have theenergy to keep moving forward
(16:26):
and you may be saying like, okay, I get it, it shows up all up
and through my life.
But it's not just surface level, it's not just emotional, but,
(16:53):
as with everything else, thisalso affects your nervous system
in the way that you reallyprocess things and so like.
When we're going through thiswhole body stress response in
the nervous system.
This stress response releaseshormones like cortisol and
adrenaline.
That prepares us to be on,basically a heightened alert,
and that's why we are sitting uphere constantly scanning,
(17:14):
looking for whatever threatsthat there may be, and a lot of
times there aren't any, but weare heightened.
And then our brain's limbicsystem.
It's unable to maintain balanceor avoid stress.
So when we have stress hormoneslike the cortisol and
adrenaline that takes over.
(17:36):
We need something to combatthat right.
That's where serotonin anddopamine comes in play.
Serotonin is known as ourfeel-good chemical that our body
produces.
Serotonin is associated withour pleasure.
We want to increase ourserotonin and our dopamine
(17:57):
levels.
Some ways to kind of do that isgo for a walk, do some yoga,
get some sun.
That's why sometimes peoplewhen they have breaks and
they're like, oh, I need a break, they go outside or they go for
a walk, run, do some yoga, getsome sun.
That's why sometimes peoplewhen they have breaks and
they're like, oh, I need a break, they go outside or they go for
a walk.
Those things kind of make youfeel good.
That's why usually when youcome in, you're like, okay, I'm
a little more relaxed.
You know, have you ever went on?
Have you ever been upset?
(18:18):
And then you go for a walk oryou go for a run and you come
back and you feel a little bitbetter.
You're releasing some of thatserotonin.
One of my favorite ways torelease dopamine is listening to
music or doing somethingcreative.
What are some strategies andsolutions?
(18:40):
And so one thing that I say iswe can.
It's really important to setboundaries and I mentioned that
earlier, and I'm not saying thatyou're necessarily setting
boundaries for others, but youalso need to set boundaries with
yourself, because when you'reoften leading with your heart,
(19:03):
you're constantly giving, giving, giving, giving.
But then, when it's time foryou to receive, you'll be like,
oh no, that's OK, you need to dothis.
Oh no, that's OK, I'll figureit out.
But then later, when you getinto the point of exhaustion,
(19:24):
you're like, dang, I don't havethe support that I need.
But people have tried and youpushed them away.
Even if they halfway did it, itwas still something where you'd
be like, yeah, I can, yeah,thank you.
Thank you for showing thatappreciation.
Thank you for giving it back.
(19:45):
Thank you for showing thatappreciation.
Thank you for giving it back.
Thank you for showing me thesame.
Thank you for looking out forme the same way I've been
looking out for you, becausewhen we give and we're looking
out for other people, it makesus feel good.
We get those release of thosehormones, and so we just give
(20:06):
and we just give and we justgive.
Well, it's time for you to setboundaries, real boundaries, on
when you can give and when youcan't give, when you can show up
and complete a project fully towhen you can tap out and be
(20:28):
like, hey, my place already full.
I would love to do this or Iwould like to do this, but if I
take on this project, whichproject would you like for me to
wait on?
That's a good way to word it.
Especially when it's somethingat work.
You can't continue to overfillyour plate because you're trying
(20:52):
to be that helpful person,because that's when you get
exhausted.
There may be times to where, asmuch as you want to support
someone, you just don't have thecapacity mentally or
emotionally, and you have to sitthere and say you know what, at
(21:13):
this moment, I don't have it inme.
I would love to support you,but right now I'm just going
through so much of my own stuffthat I can't at this moment.
You don't always have to be thesuperhero, because you too need
(21:37):
the support that you get.
Other things that you can do ispractice mindfulness, breathing,
guided meditations, and it'simportant to find real solutions
to the root issues.
You need help with that.
Get at me and then find thingsthat rejuvenate your spirit, and
(22:00):
if you need help with that, getat me, but it's about
prioritizing your self-care aswell, and that's important,
whether that's in your life, athome, but it's also important in
your career identifying anddetermining where your negative
(22:29):
thoughts are coming from.
What are the negative thoughtsthat you're having?
Where are they coming from?
Okay, and then how can we turnthose?
How can we rewire those?
What are some things that wecan do to where they're not
affecting you the way thatthey've been?
So we got to restructure somethings, but first, in order to
restructure them, we have toidentify them and then, once we
(22:57):
identify them, we can changethem.
Okay, it's also important torealize that sometimes it's not
about you being the doer, beingthe person to save someone or to
help fix their problem.
Sometimes it's about activelylistening.
(23:17):
You know, there's times towhere I will call someone in my
healthy support system and I'llbe like, hey, I just need a vent
.
Is that cool?
Like I'm not asking you to fixanything, save anything or
anything like that.
I just need someone to vent to,to just listen, and so truly
(23:42):
having that active listening,which means also that you are
listening to understand and,even though you may not always
(24:05):
understand, to fix every singleproblem that that person has,
because a lot of times, we think, oh, because someone has told
us this something, we have to bethe one to fix it.
Why?
Because we leave with ourhearts, we're empathetic, we
want to sit there and make surethat everybody else is doing
(24:27):
good, but in that process, we'reforgetting about ourselves.
Ok, and so it's about makingsure that we have supportive
relationships in our in ourpersonal lives and in our work
lives.
So, if you are a leader at work, there should be a support
(24:59):
network within the team, withinthe people that you manage, but
also there should be a teamabove you as well that you're
included in.
And then, for your personallife, you should have this
healthy support system that canrange from a variety of people,
(25:21):
from your partner, friends,other family members,
professionals, like a coach or atherapist.
So one thing that I would liketo do before I end this episode,
because, as you know, I alwaysleave y'all with some type of
tool.
Right, right, all right.
So I'm gonna tell y'all abouttwo different exercises.
(25:43):
Both of these are visualizationexercises.
One is really focused on youpersonally and one is focused on
you being a support to others.
So the one for you because,like I said, you have to have
your cup full.
(26:04):
People get your overflow,whether at work or at home, they
get your overflow.
They don't get what's in yourcup.
So one thing is one thing that Ilove doing and I've implemented
in my life.
I've had other clientsimplement in their life, I've
taught my coworkers this before,so it's a really good exercise
(26:26):
for yourself.
I want you to get in a place towhere you're comfortable and I
want you to take time out ofyour day, whether it's once a
week, once every other week,every couple of days, every
night.
Now I do my Fridays andSaturdays, and so what I do is
(26:49):
that I really take time tovisualize my week ahead, setting
the attention for the week andvisualizing success coming from
that intention that I'm setting.
So, whether it's differentgoals or different activities
(27:12):
that I'm doing, I'm settingintention for the week, for the
week to be successful overall,but also the different things
that I'm looking at that's in mycalendar or that I want to add
to my calendar, or I knowdifferent projects that I need
to complete.
I'm setting intention and I'mvisualizing success, and so
(27:35):
that's one thing that I want youto do for yourself is set
intention and visualize success.
And sometimes there's some weekswhere some weeks have been just
really, really hard, reallydifficult, because it's like so
much is on my plate and I haveto do a refresher.
And so I will say, okay, I needto kind of get myself together
(28:01):
and I will set intention andI'll visualize success,
especially when I noticed thatI've started getting to where
I'm like, man, this is hard, man, I got to do this and this and
this and this.
I'm tired, I don't feel likedoing it, I'm just exhausted.
This not working like oh, thisnot working like oh.
(28:26):
And most of the time I'll sithere and I'll turn on the music
and I will get to suddenintentions, visualizing, praying
, meditating, stretching allthose things that I know will
help me release some thingsright, something that will help
me imagine, basically, positiveoutcomes from the things that
(28:50):
I'm working on.
Okay, so then, if you aresupporting someone else, so
notice that you have someone inyour life, whether it's a friend
, a family member, a partner, acoworker, someone that's on your
team, whoever and you justnotice that their demeanor is
(29:15):
different, that they aren'tshowing up as who they usually
show up as You're like ooh,something seems to be off.
So, instead of ignoring thatperson or that situation, see if
you can find some privacy andmake sure you ensure
(29:36):
confidentiality.
Ask that person hey, I'venoticed you seemed a bit off
lately, or you seemed a bitoverwhelmed lately, or you've
been moving a little bitdifferent lately.
How can I support you?
And when you go to this person,show them eye contact, give them
(30:01):
a smile, remain open, becausesometimes, like I, have this
habit too of crossing my armswhen I'm talking to people and a
lot of times I'll tell myselfCrystal, quit crossing your arms
.
You know, you got to remainopen, okay, but it's just a
habit, like you know.
But a lot of times like, okay,but it's just a habit, like you
know.
But a lot of times, like whenyou someone crossed their arms,
(30:24):
especially when you're lookingat their full thing, someone can
cross their arms and be talkingand smiling and this is just
comfort to them.
Or somebody had their armscrossed and be like oh, you know
, they're not really into you.
They're looking this way andthat way.
They're not really smiling.
They're giving you a frown orthey're smirking, you know, or
(30:46):
you can tell like that is a fakesmile, you know, but we want to
remain, but we want to showthat we are open and that we're
accepting and that we'relistening to them and that we
are, that we are activelylistening to them.
Okay, if that person open up tolistening to them.
Okay, if that person open up toyou listen, okay, they'll tell
(31:07):
you how you can support them.
And then if they don't feellike opening up to you at that
time, just let them know.
If anything do come up, I'mhere for you, so just let me
know.
Another thing that you can dois, even after checking in with
(31:33):
them, schedule a time to kind ofcheck in with them, you know,
for ongoing support, or just tolet them know that they have
somebody that is willing tosupport them, lend an ear, help
find a solution, offer resources, and when we're doing that,
(31:53):
that's another way to where wecan show that support that us as
heart-led people do, but at thesame time, you're not pouring
out of your own cup.
It also helps smooth out theenvironment, because now you're
(32:14):
opening communication.
So now that person, whensomeone else is going through
something they may be like hey,you know what you should go talk
to such and such.
They are a great listener,they're willing to hear you, and
that's important, especially ifit's something within your
(32:37):
family or within your socialcircle.
It's also important to have, ifyou are at your place of
employment or in your career, tobe a leader where people feel
like they can come to you, thatthey can have communication,
that they can have communication.
(32:57):
Because I know one situationfor me.
I've been to jobs to where I'vehad higher ups who weren't open
.
I've had higher ups who weredefinitely open and communicated
all the time.
You knew that it was good to gotalk to that person.
(33:19):
You can go talk to that personabout whatever.
And then I've had bosses orhigher ups who I didn't approach
.
Or I knew that everybody on thefront line, or the majority of
the people on the front line,wouldn't go because it was
(33:41):
already going around as soon asyou start that employment that
you better not go to that person.
And you hear all thesehorrifying experiences of people
trying to advocate or peopletrying to communicate with the,
with the head leader.
So then guess what, what's thathave caused A lot of people.
Then that causedmiscommunication.
(34:02):
And that person can come to youand be like, hey, you're having
issues, just kind of talk, butthen you've already heard all
the stories, so I'm not,definitely not going to come to
you.
I've been in places like thatand it's unfortunate because we
should have that communication,because here you are at the top,
like what is going on?
Why are we having this highturnover?
(34:23):
Why are we not having peoplecoming in and why can't we keep
employees?
Why aren't our people engaged?
Why aren't we tackling thesegoals that we have?
Why are we not succeeding?
And a lot of times there's abreak in communication, there's
(34:45):
a break in support, and that'swhen we have to come in and
establish why no-transcript,don't pour out of your own cup,
(35:24):
allow people to get youroverflow, active listening,
healthy communication, a healthysupport system, finding the
solutions.
What we talked about.
(35:47):
We talked about mindfulness andbreath work and visualization.
Another good one is, you know,is allowing people to,
especially in workplaces this isa good one is having a link or
(36:09):
a box or something to whereemployees can submit their
stressors or their worries aboutthe workplace privately and
then have someone really checkin.
Or another thing is you canhave, whether in your personal
(36:32):
life or at a business, have athird party come in to help
mediate and help find solutionsIf it's at your place of an
employment, or if you are theleader at your job or the
director, have a consultant,come in and talk to your
(36:55):
different employees at alldifferent levels to where they
can help find where the issuesmay lay, determine the roots of
them and then put solutions inplace.
Because a third party coming in, people may feel more open to
(37:18):
share and less worried aboutwhat repercussions.
And when we take time toestablish a work-life balance,
these healthy systems providelasting changes, lasting
(37:39):
positive changes.
Lasting changes, lastingpositive changes, and with this
it can cause a ripple effect inyourself, in those around you,
at home, at church, at work.
And that's what we want.
We want a place of safety, aplace of good, positive
well-being mind, body andspiritually.
(38:02):
So I ask you to do me one favor,is that okay?
I want you to share thisepisode with one person, whether
it's someone in your personallife or someone in your career
life.
In your personal life orsomeone in your career life.
(38:23):
And then one last thing I wantto remind y'all that I have
opened up free access to theBreakthrough to Authenticity,
module 1 for you.
This way you can begin to startyour process in overcoming
barriers, what they are, howthey affect our bodies and, of
(38:44):
course, as always, giving yousome tips.
It has worksheet activities foryou to do and I give you
options to work with me as well.
So check out module one andreally begin your process in
overcoming barriers.
This has been who Am I withCrystal J, where we provide real
(39:12):
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