Ep. 47 Are You Living For You or For Them? Rediscovering Your Authentic Self

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Are you shape-shifting to please others while silently wondering who you really are beneath all those expectations? 

We've all been there – exhausted from the constant performance, resentful of giving too much while receiving too little, and deeply disconnected from our own desires and needs.

This episode dives into the transformative ODE method – Overcome, Discover, Elevate – a powerful framework designed to help you break free from living for validation and step confidently into living for fulfillment. As a trauma-informed resilience consultant, I've witnessed how the staggering 70% of adults who've experienced trauma often lose themselves in the process of trying to fit into everyone else's mold.

Through relatable stories and actionable guidance, we explore practical strategies to recognize harmful patterns, reconnect with your authentic self, and take meaningful steps toward a life that truly resonates with your values. You'll learn how to journal effectively about where you're suppressing your true self, practice saying "no" without guilt, and make choices that honor your authenticity rather than others' expectations.

The most beautiful revelation? When you show up as your genuine self, you create a ripple effect that positively impacts your relationships, career, and overall wellbeing. Your transformation becomes the catalyst for positive change in those around you.

Ready to stop living for everyone else and start living for you? Share this episode with three people who need to hear this message, and check out my Breakthrough to Authenticity program at krystaljae.com to continue your journey toward authentic living. Your true self is waiting – it's time to answer the call.

Free Sneak Peek:

www.krystaljae.com/sneakpeek

Join the Breakthrough to Authenticity Program:

www.krystaljae.com/breakthrough

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“You are not alone, and you are enough. When times get tough, pray, listen and follow through. God loves you and trust me when I say he is not your trauma.” ~Krystal Jae

“Believe in all that you are and know that you have this inner power that is greater than any obstacle.” ~Krystal Jae

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
hey, have you ever felt like you're constantly
changing who you are just to fitin, or like you have lost
yourself in the process of justliving life?
Or even you maybe even wonderedhave I ever known who I truly

(00:27):
am, or was I always just afollower?
You see, today in this episode,we're going to life and how to
break free using the ODE methodovercome, discover, elevate.

(00:53):
You see, I see this all thetime with my clients and I've
been in the place of wonderingwho I am in my own life.
I share that journey many atimes.
So I have a question for youAre you living for you or are

(01:19):
you living for them?
Welcome to Are you Living Foryou or For them?
On the who Am I podcast withCrystal J Me.
As you know, I am Crystal J,the empowerment goddess, your
who Am I expert and atrauma-informed resilience

(01:44):
consultant.
Did you know that 70% of adultshave experienced some type of
trauma in their life 70%?
Well, I empower the 70% throughmy proprietary framework and

(02:05):
the ODE method to reallyovercome barriers, discover your
authenticity, to unlock thatuntapped potential and elevate
success with fulfillment,purpose and clarity.
So if you know someone who youmay be thinking, dang, I really

(02:37):
think that this person is livingtheir life for everybody else
or for a certain person andthey're not living their own
life.
Do me a favor and do them afavor.
Do me a favor and do them afavor and really do yourself a
favor and support them.
Share this episode with them.
Right now I'm not going anywhere.

(02:57):
You can like this post.
You can download it for later.
Just pause me real quick.
Send it to your group chat Now.

(03:45):
Are you ready?
I know this woman, woman, so Iknow this.
I know this woman who wasalways adjusting her personality
, her interests and the choicesin friendships and relationships
, and even her career.
For today's purpose, I'm goingto call her Sue.

(04:05):
Okay, and Sue was overcommittedto pleasing others, while
ignoring her own needs.
Does that sound familiar?
Is that person you Are you Sue?
Is that person you Are you Sue?

(04:39):
When Sue and I was talking, shefinally admitted to me that one
of the reasons why she reachedout was because she realized
that she did not know who shewas anymore.
Do you know who you are?
She says she was dealing withexhaustion, resentment, feeling
disconnected and wondering whatdo I even want?
Who am I beyond what peopleexpect me to be?

(05:03):
Have you asked yourself thosesame questions?
So you see, we often findourselves going through life and
if you're anything like Sue,you are shape-shifting to meet
everyone else's expectations.
You are living with a fear ofrejection.

(05:25):
You are seeking love, approval.
You may have experiencedchildhood conditioning, and
society, family and our culturalpressures are just taking over
your life because you're tryingto fit in this little bitty mold

(05:48):
that they got you in instead ofbursting out to freedom.
Live in this place of who am I?

(06:15):
We often miss out on so manyopportunities in life, whether
that's traveling or going forthe career that you really
wanted, or going back to school,or having kids, not having kids
, going shopping, not goingshopping the way you eat.
Your whole life you deal with aloss of identity.
Who am I really?

(06:36):
You have emotional exhaustionand pretending that you're okay
is the main corporate, becauseit's draining.
You're constantly showing upfor what others want you to be,
but you're not taking time toembrace and rest in who you are

(06:58):
authentically.
There's some resentment that'sgoing through your body because
you're giving too much andyou're getting too little in
return.
So here's some signs that Iwant you to look out for.
I want you to let me know ifyou're living for validation or

(07:21):
if you're living for fulfillment, because right now, a lot of
that 70% is living in validation.
70% is living in validation.
Even if you have money galoreor you're struggling from bill

(07:43):
to bill, you're discovering whoyou are makes the difference,
and a lot of us are living inthat validation.
So let's figure out which oneare you Now.
Are you constantly questioningyour choices based on what
others think?
Are you feeling disconnectedfrom your own desires?

(08:10):
Are you struggling to set orenforce boundaries?
Are you feeling exhausted andwondering why?
Take a moment, ask yourselfthose questions.
Are you living in validation orare you living in validation or

(08:36):
are you living in fulfillment?
Because you see, I can't answerthat for you.
Only you can answer that foryou.
Your mom, your brother, yourneighbor, your co-worker, your
partner none of them can answerthat question for you, but you
so.
Of course.
I always leave y'all with anempowered action step.

(09:00):
So let's talk about it.
Overcome, which is overcomingbarriers, so you can begin
recognizing the patterns, so youcan stop breaking habits, so
you can alter your life and getback on the journey to healing,

(09:22):
the journey to living the lifethat you want to live.
So what I want you to do withovercoming barriers, recognizing
the patterns.
There's a couple of options forthis one.
Recognizing the patterns.
There's a couple options forthis one.
One use the journal prompt.
Where am I suppressing my trueself to fit in?

(09:44):
Where are you hiding?
And then I want you to step andtake an inventory of who or
what influences your choices themost right now, at this moment.
Who or what influences yourchoices the most?

(10:09):
And then the last option forovercoming barriers is for you
to go and hop into the freemodule, one sneak peek.
That sneak peek goes into guesswhat Overcoming barriers, and
it helps you really go throughand recognize the patterns that

(10:33):
you have in your life, that havebeen instilled in your life,
whether it was from society,family, your culture or a
traumatic experience.
It's about breaking throughthose barriers, recognizing the
patterns, so then you can takeempowered action to truly heal,

(11:00):
because we talk about theneuroscience aspect, the
spiritual, we talk aboutpsychological and we talk about
your body.
It's really built foreverlasting change.
So join in on the overcomebarriers to get started in

(11:21):
recognizing the patterns so youcan break the toxic cycle.
Okay, the next thing discover.
We want to discover yourauthenticity, which allows you
to reconnect with yourself.
So, in your journal, I want youto write or think about this

(11:44):
question.
And if you're anything like me,I love seeing myself the way
that I talk, the way that mybody moves, because I can read
my full body language, right.
So, even if it's not a writtenjournal that my body moves
because I can read my full bodylanguage, right.
So, even if it's not a writtenjournal that you're doing, doing
a video journal, just grabbingyour phone and talking into it?

(12:05):
Okay, that is good too.
Turn on that camera and get totalking.
That's another way to journal,okay.
And obviously, and it'sactually my favorite way Okay.
So, in that you're going to beanswering again what excites you

(12:30):
, what are your interests andwhat fulfills you.
And then I want you to gothrough and make a choice.
If no one else's opinionmattered, what would you choose
to do?
Or if no one else's opinionmattered, how would you live

(12:54):
your life?
Answer that it's not for me,it's for you.
If you want to share it, thendefinitely you can, but this is
for you.
Then finally, elevate.
We didn't overcame barriers andbegan recognizing patterns.
We didn't discover ourauthenticity and began
recognizing patterns, we thendiscover our authenticity,

(13:16):
reconnecting with ourselves andunlocking the untapped potential
that we didn't know was therebecause we were too busy hiding
behind what everyone else wantedus to be.
So now we're elevating, we'retaking small, authentic steps to

(13:37):
be authentic, towards thatsuccessful life with fulfillment
that you want, towards thepurpose that you want, towards
the understanding that you want,towards the clarity that you
want, towards the good newrelationships that you want,
towards the career that you want, towards the business that you
want to get started, that youwant, towards being a successful

(14:03):
parent, for being a successfulyou, a fulfilled you, a
purpose-filled you.
So I want you today to make onechoice that aligns with your

(14:24):
values and I want you topractice saying no without guilt
.
Go in the mirror Again, pull outyour phone, record yourself,
practice saying no without guilt.
No, oh, that felt good.

(14:47):
No, oh, that felt good.
No.
Unfortunately, I can't help youwith that at this time, but I
would love to support you.
But I would love to support you.
Boom, no.
Surround yourself with peoplewho accept you for you, because

(15:13):
you are amazing and you have tobelieve in who you are and you
have to know who you are.
I know you can do this.
I have faith in you.
So again, are you living for youor are you living for them?

(15:39):
And I know many of you are likeoh, I live for my spouse, I
live for my children.
But I'm going to tell you onething, and this is real when you
are your best self, you canshow up as your best self, as

(16:01):
your authentic, best self withyourself, with your partner,
with your children, and as youare living your best life with
purpose, with passion, withauthenticity, authenticity with

(16:27):
clarity, tools to clear yourmind, with being able to have
healthy boundaries and healthycommunication.
Then guess what?
There's this ripple effect, andthen you begin to start helping
your children, even whenthey're at school and Lord knows
they need to be protected whenyour husband goes to work and

(16:53):
then when all y'all come backtogether at home.
I've seen it personally in mylife and I've seen it in my
clients lives, where theirchange caused this ripple effect
of positivity, of growth, ofhealthy transformation within

(17:16):
themselves and the people aroundthem.
So I encourage you to stopshapeshifting and accept,
embrace your authentic self,because you are more than enough

(17:37):
Now.
If this episode resonated withyou, I want you to share this
with three people, put it in thegroup chat.
Whether it's a work group chator your homeboy homegirl group
chat or whatever family groupchat, it doesn't matter.

(17:59):
Put it in that group chat.
I bet you got more than threepeople in a group chat on your
phone, do it?
Let's be this ripple effect.
And if you want to go deeper,really want to go deeper, I want
you to check out mybreakthrough to authenticity

(18:19):
program, my Breakthrough toAuthenticity program.
It's available atwwwkrystaljaecom.
Or if you're like I want toknow more about overcoming
barriers.
I want to be able to recognizethe patterns in my life and

(18:44):
break the ones that are notserving me.
Then go over to the samewebsite, crystaljcom, but go to
forward slash sneak peek.
That's k-r-y-s-T-A-L-J-A-E dotcom.
Forward slash sneak peekS-N-E-A-K-P-E-E-K.

(19:10):
All of this will be in theepisode description.
Have an awesome, awesome day.