Why Am I Here, and He Is Not? A Father’s Journey to Make Sense of Loss, Love, and Hope
After the devastating and sudden death of his son, Larry began to write about his innermost thoughts and emotions that are part of his and his family’s lifelong journey of grief. During this podcast series, Larry reads selected excerpts from the journal he has been keeping since that terrible day in May of 2024. You will hear his emotions coming through as he chronicles his life without his son. He has dedicated this podcast to his son, with the hope that anyone listening who has experienced the death of a loved one will be partially comforted by knowing that they are not alone, that gr
Episodes
In the journal entries that Larry reads in this episode, his great loss and sadness is evident along with immense love and the hope that he and his family can keep moving forward with Alex forever in their hearts and soul. He reaches out to Alex to help them do just that. Larry reflects the challenge of celebrating his milestone birthday with a huge hole in life and then, just a few weeks later, Arleen’s “first since…” birthday....
Memories of good times and of specific events are now the way Larry connects with his son. Thoughts of Alex, his childhood in the neighborhood, and his many sports accomplishments are now viewed with a bittersweet perspective. Memories-the good ones and the bad ones-are triggered by many everyday sights and sounds. Larry explains, in another letter to his son, about how he reflects on his son’s life by looking at hundreds of pict...
In this episode, Larry reflects on the new stresses in his life since Alex died and on the intensity of his memory flashbacks. Through a letter addressed to his son and the journal entries he reads, his sorrow, anger, resolve, and love for his granddaughter are evident in his voice. He also recounts his memories of Canada Day in the past and now in the reality of today, That was a day that was so important to Alex.
As Larry’s journey continued, he faced doubt, guilt, and deep sadness. He writes about going through the “what if…..” exercise, knowing that it is not there that he will find any answers. He does strive to honour his son by giving some of his stuff, like some of his many hats, to friends and family so that they have something that was important to him.
As the new reality of his life starts to emerge everywhere in the early days and weeks of the journey, Larry reflects on some of those changes and how he is coping. His granddaughter’s first birthday came just weeks after her Daddy died and Larry writes about trying to come to terms with Joy and sadness happening at the same time at her birthday celebration.
In this, the first of several episodes, Larry shares the story of the death of his son, the heart-wrenching eulogy at his funeral, and the emotions of the early days and weeks after this devastating event. The heartbreak, confusion, and profound sense of loss can be felt as he reads from the journal he began writing to chronicle his family’s Journey of Grief.
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