April 29, 2025 • 32 mins
We explore imposter syndrome and why so many people feel like frauds despite evidence of their competence and capabilities.
• Defining imposter syndrome as feeling like you don't deserve your position or achievements
• How childhood experiences of conditional approval or criticism create adult insecurity
• Understanding "parts work" and how child parts of ourselves can feel triggered in adult settings
• The connection between imposter syndrome and perfectionism
• Time orientation exercises to reconnect with your adult competence
• Finding and embodying "mastery resources" from times you felt confident
• How clarifying personal values helps build authentic self-trust
• Recognizing that even experts don't have all the answers
• Using affirmations to gradually rebuild confidence and self-belief
• The power of projecting confidence even when you don't fully feel it
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Laura (00:03):
Hello and welcome to.
Why Am I Like this?
The podcast for those whodidn't get enough hugs as a
child?
I'm Laura Wood and I'm a traumatherapist.
Michaela (00:13):
And I'm Michaela Beaver.
I'm a psychiatric nursepractitioner.
Laura (00:17):
So, Michaela, why are we doing this podcast?
Michaela (00:21):
I'm so glad you asked.
We want to help you understandyourself a bit better, how the
things you learned aboutyourself and the world and
childhood are still affectingyou today.
We want to figure out why arewe like this, those random
things about ourselves that wemight wonder about, like why am
I so jumpy?
Why am I so anxious?
Why do I take everythingpersonally?
(00:41):
Why are my thoughts so negative?
Why do I feel like I have tofix everything all the time?
Laura (00:48):
Right, and we are talking about feeling like an
imposter today and we're goingto try to answer the following
questions what is impostersyndrome?
Why do I feel like a fraud andhow do I believe in myself?
So let's get into it.
What is imposter syndrome?
Michaela (01:08):
This is so such an interesting topic and I feel
like I am hearing people likemake mention to this more and
more and more.
So I think that people use thisterm when they feel like they
shouldn't be at the level thatthey're at right.
(01:28):
So I think about a job and, youknow, I just I'm you know,
someone who just graduated witha degree and they feel like an
imposter.
They feel like they shouldn'tbe there, that they didn't
deserve to be there, that they,that they, you know, don't have
the knowledge or skills to be inthat position, that they're in
right.
Laura (01:49):
Yeah, like I like what you said about like they don't
deserve it, like they feel likeeverybody else almost like
everybody else like has thissecret information that like you
don't have, that like themsomehow these like experts,
whereas like we're just, youknow, like completely pretending
(02:11):
that we know stuff about stuffand we have no idea really.
Michaela (02:15):
Yeah, I mean, fake it till you make it is a thing for
a reason, right.
Laura (02:19):
Right, that is.
And yeah, I think that when wefeel like imposters, it makes us
sort of, I don't know, questionour, like value, question our
worth, and like it leads us downthese negative thought spirals,
like I think it can just leadto all these other things too.
(02:40):
So, like imposter syndrome goesalong with perfectionism, goes
along with, you know, negativethoughts about ourself, like
self-doubt, self-doubt.
Michaela (02:59):
Yeah, that's so good, I think.
I think everybody who's like anew grad in a in a career can
identify with feeling this waywhere you don't have maybe all
the experience and knowledge ofsomeone who's been working and
doing that job for 20 years, andso then it feels really scary
to ask for help.
(03:21):
And I know, like in nursing,for example you know they say
nurses eat their own there's alack of support and nurturing.
That happens when we enter intothese careers.
The expectation is that youjust jump in and kind of know
what you're doing and know whatto like just know things right.
Like maybe you don't know howto use the system Okay, I'll
(03:43):
train you on how to do that, butlike you just need to know all
the answers to all the questions.
Laura (03:49):
Yeah, that's cutthroat, that's tough.
I mean, I remember, you know,being a new grad as a therapist
and starting off and thinkinglike, is this it?
Like, is this what people know?
In order to do this?
Like what, what am I missing?
I have to be missing something.
(04:11):
I can't possibly be prepared, Ican't possibly have all the
information that I need.
Just that self-doubt of likethere's no way that I'm really
ready for this.
I think that's kind of how Ifelt.
Yeah.
Michaela (04:23):
I think that that would be very normal to feel
that way, going into somethingnew.
I think that's kind of how Ifelt.
Yeah, I think that that wouldbe very normal to feel that way,
going into something new.
So I think that, you know, alot of people have imposter
syndrome when they get to thatplace.
But I think that even peoplewho have been in a career for a
long period of time can feellike an imposter.
And sometimes I look back in tomy own life and I'm like I
(04:45):
don't.
I don't feel like I deserve tobe here because, like all that
stuff that I did, like likedidn't matter Right and um, you
know I'm.
I think that some of that comesfrom the like where my family
came from.
Like my dad got an associate'sdegree.
(05:06):
Nobody really went to collegeand there was.
I have a cousin who did, but,like you know, my family, like
I'm the first real collegegraduation graduate for for
years, and so, like I think that, like coming from the way that
I grew up, um, it doesn't feelreal that I could achieve what I
achieved.
So I think there's some likelevel of that like how is that
(05:29):
even possible?
You know, I almost failedseventh grade.
How did I get here today?
Right, like, how does someonego from like feeling stupid as
like a core belief to you know,getting to achieve things?
And I think that, like, I thinkthat that's maybe something
that's going on there for people.
Laura (05:48):
Yeah, definitely.
That's such a good point If youhave these core beliefs about
yourself that you felt like youcouldn't do it, or if you had
the environment telling you likeyou're not good enough or you
can't do this, or if you had,you know, I think, an abusive
boss or an abusive partner orspouse that is telling you that
you're not good enough, orparents telling you that you're
(06:09):
not good enough that you'renever going to be anything.
You know, I think if we'veexperienced those negative self
like thoughts and andperspectives on ourselves, then
it it would be hard to believelike that we are able to
accomplish this thing and thatwhen we see other people in
those roles that we've looked upto all this time, it can be
(06:29):
surreal to be in that position.
Right, when you are looking upto this person who is, you know,
the best in your field andyou're so impressed by them and
you think everything they say issuper smart, and then all of a
sudden, you're in that field tooand you're like peer, it's like
, wait, what you know?
That's intimidating.
(06:50):
I can relate to that as I'mteaching now and I go in and I
have professors that I'mteaching with doctors in the
field and you know, I'm stillcalling them doctor, so-and-so,
and everybody else is usingtheir first names and I'm like,
and they're like you need tocall me by my first name, like
we are peers.
This is not necessary and Iit's hard for me because I feel
(07:13):
like, oh my gosh, but I juststarted teaching Like I have.
No, I don't have all thisexperience.
I mean, I've been doing it fora year, but but it just still
feels sometimes intimidating.
Michaela (07:24):
Yeah, I think that is probably true that people feel
the most like that imposter orthe most intimidated maybe
socially anxious if you willfrom people who we view as
smarter than us.
You know, like that's reallyintimidating.
I like I want to circle back.
(07:44):
I liked what you said aboutthat, about upbringing and how,
like our upbringing.
So we're trying to ask, likewhy do I feel like a fraud?
Right, that's one of our thingsthat we want to talk about and
touch on, and I think that youknow it goes back to, you know,
having maybe parents that werenot intentionally but but gave
(08:09):
us the message that, like youknow, we only get approval when
we do good things or when we weachieve academically, or when,
you know, or they're constantlycomparing us or criticizing us,
comparing us to our peers or toour friends, like why can't you
be?
Or our siblings, right, likewhy can't you be more like Laura
(08:31):
?
She's so smart, she's such agood, you know, hard worker, you
know, and that can give peoplethis like impression that
they're never good enough andthat carries with us into
adulthood.
Laura (08:44):
Yeah, and those childhood experiences develop
into these sort of strategiesthat we have in adulthood that
we can call like.
We can call that like a childpart of yourself, like sometimes
feeling like a fraud is a childpart of yourself, pretending to
be an adult.
In that situation, becauseyou've been triggered into
(09:06):
feeling like a kid again, likewhen we're in a lot of stress,
we might get triggered and feellike a little kid again.
In a lot of stress, we mightget triggered and feel like a
little kid again.
And then when we feel small andwe feel like incapable and we
feel like we're not doing goodenough and everybody else is
bigger and smarter and strongerthan us, then that child self is
like in this adult situation,trying to pretend to be an adult
(09:27):
, and can never be good enough.
Michaela (09:29):
Yeah, I love that.
So can you explain more about,like, different parts of self?
Like how would you explain thatto someone who doesn't know
anything about parts?
Laura (09:57):
different experiences from the understanding of
feeling like they personallyhave experienced something
specific.
So what I mean by that is if Isay, you know, I really don't
want to go out, but at the sametime I really want to go hang
out with my friends.
Like part of me doesn't want togo anywhere, but another part
of me wants to go hang out withmy friends.
Like part of me doesn't want togo anywhere, but another part
of me wants to go hang out withmy friends.
Like those are two conflictingthings that are happening in at
once.
Michaela (10:18):
Who hasn't felt like that, Right?
I mean, I think for me thebiggest thing is part of me
wants to work but at workout,but part of me wants to just
watch Netflix.
Laura (10:27):
Right, and both parts have valid perspectives on why
that would be helpful, right,like why it would be helpful to
sit and watch Netflix, like Ideserve it.
I might think to myself, well,I deserve it, I have, I've
worked really hard.
I, you know, I can work outtomorrow.
Like I need to relax, like Ineed to do self-care, whatever
(10:48):
Right.
And then the other part is like, well, I need to work out
because I feel bad about myselfand I will feel better if I work
out, or I need extra serotoninand that workout is going to
help me with that and I'm goingto feel really good afterwards.
I'm going to have this sense ofaccomplishment and it's healthy
for my lungs and for my body.
So, like, they both have theseperspectives that are necessary
(11:09):
and helpful, but they're verydifferent perspectives, right,
so they might not necessarilyagree.
And so we have these parts ofourselves that are stuck in
childhood, because those partswere created in childhood as a
survival strategy.
Michaela (11:26):
So when I go ahead oh, I was going- to ask how would
one, how would someone know thatthey're operating in a child
part?
Laura (11:37):
They would know because they would feel younger than
they are.
So, like I ask my clients allthe time, how old do you feel in
this moment?
And a lot of times they'll belike that's a weird question and
then they'll respond by saying,like well, I feel like a
teenager.
Oh, okay, how old are youactually right now, right.
And then it's like, oh, I'm inmy thirties, my forties, my
(12:02):
fifties, whatever.
And so when we feel like, whenwe feel little, we feel small,
we feel incapable, when we feelhelpless and hopeless, we're
often accessing information fromthat child part.
Michaela (12:18):
And so would it be fair to say that if you're
accessing information from likea child part, then you're
operating in a network that youdon't have access to all of the
you know knowledge of your adultself.
Laura (12:34):
Yeah, you wouldn't have access to all of your adult
experiences and all of, like,your adult self's confidence and
competence, right?
So you might not realize like,oh, I'm an adult and I have a
master's degree and I have, youknow, decades of experience and
I have this and I have that.
You might not have access tothat information in that moment.
(12:55):
So you're feeling like I don'tknow what I'm doing, I have no
like information that will becontributing to this environment
, like I'm totally useless inthis moment.
Michaela (13:05):
And I could see how that would further activate the
fight or flight system, makingyou feel more anxious and you
know in more distress, totallyRight Cause.
Laura (13:18):
Then what?
What do we do when we're kids?
We avoid, we run away or wefight, we throw a tantrum, and
so those are the things that wewant to do.
A lot of the time, we're goingto shut down and retreat and
we're just going to like stayquiet and like slink off into
the corner or try to avoid thesituation in the future.
Michaela (13:31):
Right, or that fawning type like what can I do to just
make this person happy?
Laura (13:36):
Like, yeah, what can I do to make this person like me
so that they don't think, theydon't recognize that I'm totally
a fraud?
Michaela (13:43):
Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
Well, that would be reallychallenging if I, if you're
stuck in a child's part thatdoesn't have the knowledge and
does maybe have experiencesmaybe they're, maybe your
parents were, you know, maybeyou didn't do well in school and
your parents were really hardon you for things you know that
(14:06):
could definitely play intofeeling like a fraud or an
imposter.
Laura (14:12):
Yeah, and when we feel that way, we have things that we
can do to what I call like getback online and believe in
ourselves again and recognizethat we can be safe and we can
be healthy and we can be okayand we can be competent.
Right, our competency is.
The most important aspect hereof imposter syndrome is we feel
(14:35):
incompetent, so we need to feelcompetent again and we can get
access to our adult self bydoing some grounding skills,
like one of the things is timeorientation.
Time orientation is likerecognizing like today's date,
like oh, it's 2025.
How?
old am I Right, like I'm not akid anymore?
How many years has it beensince I was a child, like a lot
(14:59):
you know years have I been doingthis work?
How much training do I have?
How like so time, like focusingon knowing like the time and
when, when it is now versus whenit was then, can kind of help
you get back online.
Michaela (15:15):
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
Now I wonder what, if you know,you ground, you ground yourself
back into the present moment.
You look around and you findthree things that are green, and
you're, you're trying to do allof those things but yet, like,
for some reason, like I can seethe logic, like I'm like okay, I
(15:36):
have done X number of trainings, I have a master's degree, I
have a doctorate degree, I have,you know, I have education, I
have experience, but yet, like,that doesn't feel like enough
because I just, you know, I justdon't feel good about myself, I
just can't access that.
You know, I just don't feelgood about myself, I just can't
access that.
You know.
Laura (15:57):
Yeah, I think one thing that can be helpful is trying to
find what we call a masteryresource, like when's a moment
that you felt your best, andembody that for a second.
So, for example, if you feltyour most confident at an event
one day, like what, when andwhere were you when you felt
(16:17):
you're most confident?
And then really, really focuson that and remember it.
And when you remember it,notice what it feels like in
your body.
Did you?
Were you standing up straighter?
Were you, you know, projectingyour voice?
Were you holding your head alittle bit higher?
Like what did you?
What do you notice aboutyourself and your body when you
(16:37):
were at your most confident?
And then reorienting your bodyto a moment like that, right, so
like stepping into yourself,like and we both just did it, we
both just like squared ourshoulders and kind of like sat
up a little straighter, and whenwe do that we feel better, that
there's actually, you know,we're accessing our vagus nerve
in that moment, and like tellingour vagus nerve to send signals
(17:01):
of safety and and um sendsignals of um, of health and
vitality to our nervous system.
Michaela (17:11):
Yeah, I know, every anytime people talk about
sitting up straighter, I waslike, oh gosh, don't slouch.
Laura (17:17):
No, I'm a sloucher in real life, but I need to sit up
straighter because it does giveme more confidence and it makes
me feel more capable.
It's just an automatic thing.
Yeah, that's true.
Michaela (17:27):
So I think about, like people who don't have a very
strong sense of self, like maybethey've gone through life by
imitating others to get by right, like they don't really know
who they are, what they believein, they don't have strong
values, they just like feel likea chameleon, right, and then do
(17:51):
you think that that could bepart of what makes people feel
like a fraud or an imposter?
Laura (17:57):
Yeah for sure.
If you don't know your values,if you've never really explored
who you are, if you've neverreally thought about like who
you present yourself to be, orif you have multiple
presentations that you use fordifferent scenarios and
different circumstances which alot of people do then you're not
as well connected to yourself.
(18:18):
And when we're not connected toourself, we struggle to show up
authentically in any situationin a lot of environments.
And so when we're not authentic, we're not connected with
ourself.
It might make us feel like wedon't belong.
And if I feel like I don'tbelong, maybe I feel like a
fraud in whatever situation I'min.
Michaela (18:39):
Sure.
So I mean, what would someonedo to start trying to develop a
better sense of self?
I mean, I think I, when I thinkabout that, I think I like,
like we talk about, like payingattention to our feelings,
because our feelings are whatdrive us towards knowing what
our values are.
Right, like if we feel sad orwe feel, you know, upset about
(19:03):
something that somebody did,that, like is a connecting point
for us to know.
So, like, getting connectedwith our feelings can help us,
you know, know which directionthat we're supposed to go, what
our values are.
But what can people do to helpconnect themselves with
themselves?
Laura (19:20):
I like the idea of talking about your values and
just thinking about themthinking, you know, there's a
values exploration exercise thatI do with my clients sometimes,
where we literally make a listof like things that we value.
And so, like, I value honesty,I value loyalty, I value
authenticity, I value, you know,free time, independence,
(19:44):
autonomy, right Like.
So what are the things that Ivalue?
And then we do a secondaryexercise, which is how
consistent am I living withthese values?
How often do I exemplify them?
And a lot of times that gap ispretty far, like I might say,
(20:04):
like I really value my familybut I work 80 hours a week.
Or I really value, you know,self-care, but I haven't worked
out in a month, right Like.
Those are inconsistencies thatcan disconnect us from ourself
and make us feel like we're notquite living up to who we should
be Sure that makes a lot ofsense.
Michaela (20:26):
So then, if you identify that there's a really
big gap, then you can create aplan or a daily check-in to say,
like, did I do one thing thatlived up to this value today?
Or whatever I'm going to?
Laura (20:40):
use that, yeah, and when you do, you find that the more
you live in consistency withyour values, the more satisfied
you feel with your life.
Michaela (20:52):
Yeah, yeah.
I think the hardest part of thewhole thing, you know, for some
(21:12):
people it's going to be comingup with what that means for them
will be really hard.
And then for the people whohave, maybe they don't have the
right values, like, maybe theythink that this is the value,
but then maybe part of thereason why they're not living up
to it is because they're not,they're you know, they need to
readjust their values orsomething.
Laura (21:33):
Yeah, and this is a helpful exercise to go through
is like as part of a group or intherapy or, you know, with a
friend or something like that,because you can get a better
perspective on what what valueseven are.
I mean, we could do a wholenother podcast episode on what
our values and what does thateven mean.
That's a good idea.
Yeah, I think we should, andthen what we should do maybe
(21:56):
we'll do this is create aworksheet and put it on our
website so that we can actuallymake a values exploration
exercise for people to do.
Michaela (22:05):
That's a good idea.
Laura (22:06):
I love that.
So these are things.
Michaela (22:08):
Stay tuned, we're like just you know, mind mapping
right here on the spot, yeah,we're making big plans, but I,
yeah, I think that thatdefinitely is going to lead to
people not feeling like they cantrust in them themselves, be
confident in themselves, becausewe know a lot, you know, and we
(22:31):
know a lot more than what wegive ourselves credit for.
And I think that that's thebiggest piece is like we feel
(22:53):
like a fraud, even thoughthere's so much evidence to the
contrary, like there's a ton ofevidence that we can kind of try
to keep those things morememorable and then maybe try to
let go of the things, themistakes that we made through
the day, because nobody'sperfect.
Laura (23:10):
Right, nobody's perfect, and perfection is really like
the opposite of fulfillment,like we cannot be fulfilled if
all we're doing is trying to beperfect.
So we need to think about whatit is that we are actually
trying to go for here, and goodenough is good enough.
(23:30):
And when it comes torecognizing things that you do
well, those things don't have tobe, you know, award winning
events.
Those are just simply, you know, did I come up with a good idea
today?
Right, like, did I have a goodsession today?
(23:51):
Session today Was my.
Did I check these boxes today?
Did I?
Was my schedule on track?
Did I show up on time?
Like, these are things that Idid, okay, good, that shows that
I'm a competent, you know,effective person and I'm going
through my life in a competentand effective way.
It doesn't have to be big, hugethings.
Michaela (24:12):
No, and I think the other thing that's really
important here that you can alsokey in on is I didn't have the
answer for that person, cause alot of times I don't.
I'm learning new stuff all thetime and I'm excited about the
things I'm learning, but I and Iwant to start implementing them
, but I don't have all theanswers.
So it might be, I don't know,but let me do some research and
(24:35):
follow up on that for you, andthen we can feel good that we
actually did the, we looked intothe thing and we, you know,
followed up with the person.
Laura (24:44):
Yeah, I think that's important too Knowing that we're
utilizing our resources.
We have resources.
We don't have to knoweverything.
We don't have to have all theanswers.
That's really important,especially when you're feeling
like, when not knowing theanswer makes you feel even more
like a fraud and you're feelinglike this imposter.
But the reality is, the bestteachers, the best mentors, the
(25:09):
best practitioners that I'veever known are those who know
how to utilize their resourcesand those who know how to find
the answer.
They don't always know what theanswer is.
Michaela (25:20):
Yeah, or at least they're willing to say that they
don't know stuff Right, andthat's that's like what leads us
to learning, that's what leadsus to growth.
And I think that oftentimespeople look at other people and
from the outside, this personseems like they have all the
(25:40):
answers or they seem likethey're doing so good at,
they're so good at all thethings, but we don't see what's
happening on the back half ofthings.
Maybe that person is, you know,stressed and having OCD
symptoms and obsessed like theyhave to be perfect and they're
studying for five hours everysingle day and feeling stressed
and trying to look perfect fromthe outside and they're
(26:01):
uncomfortable in their own skin,but from everybody else's side
they look like they have it alltogether and they look you know,
we're comparing ourselves tothis, to something, and we don't
have all the information.
Laura (26:12):
Yeah, yeah, I think I think that's right.
When we are looking at otherpeople, we're really making a
lot of assumptions about whatthey're capable of and we're not
making very many accurateanalysis of what we are actually
capable of.
Michaela (26:34):
Yeah, and I think that you know one of the things I
see in my own kids and I think Idid this on accident but
they're super competitive andyou know, in order to get kids
to do things they don't want todo, you're like let's make it a
(26:54):
race and it started out likerace mom, and now it's like now
they're, they're racing eachother and then like it's a whole
competitive thing and we haveto be careful.
You know, sometimes a little bitof competition is not a bad
thing, but you have to becareful because that can create.
You know, careful because thatcan create.
(27:18):
You know the need to be perfector the feeling like we're not
good enough in our kids and thatcan become problematic.
And I think it's not so muchwhat we did or the situation but
how that kid, each individualkid, interprets that situation
in their, in their developmentalprocess.
So, as an adult, it makes senseto us what we're saying it's
not a big deal, it shouldn't bea big deal, but in their kid
brains it is Right and thatsticks with them.
Laura (27:43):
That sticks with them and they think, oh, I have to
win all the time.
And when we have to win all thetime, it's hard to be wrong and
it's hard to lose, and it'shard to fail, and it's harder
for us to really believe inourselves and recognize that
we're still capable, even if wedidn't succeed at that.
One thing you know when?
When we recognize that we canbe successful even after a
(28:13):
failure, be successful evenafter a failure we have a lot
more belief in ourself.
Michaela (28:17):
Yeah.
Laura (28:19):
That failure is not permanent.
It's not causing us damage thatwe can't undo.
Michaela (28:24):
That's so good.
So, in order to instill that inkids, we have to be mindful of
the messages that we're givingthem in the first place.
Be mindful of the messages thatwe're giving them in the first
place and you know, noticingwhen that is, you know when
there's a pattern in theirthinking, so that we can start
trying to help them overcome it.
Right Cause we can't know, wedon't, we're not going to be
(28:47):
like we're going to mess upthings as parents, Like we don't
know how that kid is going tointerpret that thing and totally
different way.
But you know, maybe now thatwe're competitive and we're
getting our kids to race to gobrush our teeth, but we all have
a party in the bathroom tobrush our teeth, right, Like
it's all a celebration andeverybody gets to join in and
(29:08):
it's just fun, right?
And nobody, it's not aboutwinning, you know.
Laura (29:13):
Absolutely.
I like what you're saying.
When you notice a pattern intheir thoughts, you can kind of
give them alternatives.
Right, you can start.
You can start including newinformation that challenges
those patterns without directlychallenging them.
So you can say here's, there'smore options than just that.
And when we give ourselves moreoptions than just our belief
that we're, you know a fraud orfailure or you know an imposter,
(29:37):
we need to just give ourselvesmore options Like what if that's
not true?
Right, what if I am actuallyhere because I deserve to be
here?
Then what?
And then we can move forward.
Michaela (29:48):
Right, then that opens me up to be able to learn and
grow and not feel bad about notalready being there.
Laura (29:57):
Yeah, absolutely yeah.
Michaela (29:59):
And that's really big.
That's really helpful.
It's very helpful Because if Ithink that maybe I deserve to be
here, then I feel a lot betterabout myself.
Laura (30:13):
And confidence is an energy that projects too right.
So we have this energy that weare projecting, and when we
project confidence, it makesother people feel confident too,
and it can actually likeradiate in the room and make
other people believe in us if webelieve in ourselves.
Michaela (30:30):
Yeah, I love that.
Can you think of anything elsethat you want to add to things
that, like we could do to youknow, not feel like a fraud or
believe in ourselves?
Laura (30:45):
better affirmations.
They really work.
If you put an affirmation onyour mirror and you say it to
yourself and you look atyourself and you say the thing
and you embody that like itreally does make you feel better
.
Michaela (31:06):
Well, and I think that people get down on affirmations
because they didn't work, likethe first time that they tried
it, or like it's so unbelievablethat like they couldn't believe
that thing or something.
And I think that you know one.
Maybe you need to.
If that's you, maybe you needto rewrite it to like something
(31:27):
that's more believable to you,right, but I think that they do
work.
I mean, I really, I really likeum writing down, maybe, like I
am statements, right, you know,and, and you're, you're speaking
it into existence as if it istrue, you know, and maybe it's
not yet, maybe it doesn't feellike it's true yet, but someday
(31:50):
it might.
Laura (31:51):
It might be.
Yeah, I love that You'respeaking it into existence as if
it's true.
I think that is the perfectplace to end today.
Love it, yes.
So thank you so much for thisexcellent conversation, as
always, Michaela.
Thank you, and thank you forlistening to.
(32:11):
Why Am I Like this?
If you like our show, pleaseleave us a rating and review on
your favorite podcast platform,follow the show and share it
with your friends.
This episode was written andproduced by me, laura Wood and
Michaela Beaver.
Our theme song is Making EndsMeet by Thick as Thieves, and a
special thanks to BenavieriCounseling and Active Healing
(32:32):
Psychiatric Services forsponsoring our show.
Hello and welcome to.
Why Am I Like this?
The podcast for those whodidn't get enough hugs as a
child?
I'm Laura Wood and I'm a traumatherapist.
Michaela (00:13):
And I'm Michaela Beaver.
I'm a psychiatric nursepractitioner.
Laura (00:17):
So, Michaela, why are we doing this podcast?
Michaela (00:21):
I'm so glad you asked.
We want to help you understandyourself a bit better, how the
things you learned aboutyourself and the world and
childhood are still affectingyou today.
We want to figure out why arewe like this, those random
things about ourselves that wemight wonder about, like why am
I so jumpy?
Why am I so anxious?
Why do I take everythingpersonally?
(00:41):
Why are my thoughts so negative?
Why do I feel like I have tofix everything all the time?
Laura (00:48):
Right, and we are talking about feeling like an
imposter today and we're goingto try to answer the following
questions what is impostersyndrome?
Why do I feel like a fraud andhow do I believe in myself?
So let's get into it.
What is imposter syndrome?
Michaela (01:08):
This is so such an interesting topic and I feel
like I am hearing people likemake mention to this more and
more and more.
So I think that people use thisterm when they feel like they
shouldn't be at the level thatthey're at right.
(01:28):
So I think about a job and, youknow, I just I'm you know,
someone who just graduated witha degree and they feel like an
imposter.
They feel like they shouldn'tbe there, that they didn't
deserve to be there, that they,that they, you know, don't have
the knowledge or skills to be inthat position, that they're in
right.
Laura (01:49):
Yeah, like I like what you said about like they don't
deserve it, like they feel likeeverybody else almost like
everybody else like has thissecret information that like you
don't have, that like themsomehow these like experts,
whereas like we're just, youknow, like completely pretending
(02:11):
that we know stuff about stuffand we have no idea really.
Michaela (02:15):
Yeah, I mean, fake it till you make it is a thing for
a reason, right.
Laura (02:19):
Right, that is.
And yeah, I think that when wefeel like imposters, it makes us
sort of, I don't know, questionour, like value, question our
worth, and like it leads us downthese negative thought spirals,
like I think it can just leadto all these other things too.
(02:40):
So, like imposter syndrome goesalong with perfectionism, goes
along with, you know, negativethoughts about ourself, like
self-doubt, self-doubt.
Michaela (02:59):
Yeah, that's so good, I think.
I think everybody who's like anew grad in a in a career can
identify with feeling this waywhere you don't have maybe all
the experience and knowledge ofsomeone who's been working and
doing that job for 20 years, andso then it feels really scary
to ask for help.
(03:21):
And I know, like in nursing,for example you know they say
nurses eat their own there's alack of support and nurturing.
That happens when we enter intothese careers.
The expectation is that youjust jump in and kind of know
what you're doing and know whatto like just know things right.
Like maybe you don't know howto use the system Okay, I'll
(03:43):
train you on how to do that, butlike you just need to know all
the answers to all the questions.
Laura (03:49):
Yeah, that's cutthroat, that's tough.
I mean, I remember, you know,being a new grad as a therapist
and starting off and thinkinglike, is this it?
Like, is this what people know?
In order to do this?
Like what, what am I missing?
I have to be missing something.
(04:11):
I can't possibly be prepared, Ican't possibly have all the
information that I need.
Just that self-doubt of likethere's no way that I'm really
ready for this.
I think that's kind of how Ifelt.
Yeah.
Michaela (04:23):
I think that that would be very normal to feel
that way, going into somethingnew.
I think that's kind of how Ifelt.
Yeah, I think that that wouldbe very normal to feel that way,
going into something new.
So I think that, you know, alot of people have imposter
syndrome when they get to thatplace.
But I think that even peoplewho have been in a career for a
long period of time can feellike an imposter.
And sometimes I look back in tomy own life and I'm like I
(04:45):
don't.
I don't feel like I deserve tobe here because, like all that
stuff that I did, like likedidn't matter Right and um, you
know I'm.
I think that some of that comesfrom the like where my family
came from.
Like my dad got an associate'sdegree.
(05:06):
Nobody really went to collegeand there was.
I have a cousin who did, but,like you know, my family, like
I'm the first real collegegraduation graduate for for
years, and so, like I think that, like coming from the way that
I grew up, um, it doesn't feelreal that I could achieve what I
achieved.
So I think there's some likelevel of that like how is that
(05:29):
even possible?
You know, I almost failedseventh grade.
How did I get here today?
Right, like, how does someonego from like feeling stupid as
like a core belief to you know,getting to achieve things?
And I think that, like, I thinkthat that's maybe something
that's going on there for people.
Laura (05:48):
Yeah, definitely.
That's such a good point If youhave these core beliefs about
yourself that you felt like youcouldn't do it, or if you had
the environment telling you likeyou're not good enough or you
can't do this, or if you had,you know, I think, an abusive
boss or an abusive partner orspouse that is telling you that
you're not good enough, orparents telling you that you're
(06:09):
not good enough that you'renever going to be anything.
You know, I think if we'veexperienced those negative self
like thoughts and andperspectives on ourselves, then
it it would be hard to believelike that we are able to
accomplish this thing and thatwhen we see other people in
those roles that we've looked upto all this time, it can be
(06:29):
surreal to be in that position.
Right, when you are looking upto this person who is, you know,
the best in your field andyou're so impressed by them and
you think everything they say issuper smart, and then all of a
sudden, you're in that field tooand you're like peer, it's like
, wait, what you know?
That's intimidating.
(06:50):
I can relate to that as I'mteaching now and I go in and I
have professors that I'mteaching with doctors in the
field and you know, I'm stillcalling them doctor, so-and-so,
and everybody else is usingtheir first names and I'm like,
and they're like you need tocall me by my first name, like
we are peers.
This is not necessary and Iit's hard for me because I feel
(07:13):
like, oh my gosh, but I juststarted teaching Like I have.
No, I don't have all thisexperience.
I mean, I've been doing it fora year, but but it just still
feels sometimes intimidating.
Michaela (07:24):
Yeah, I think that is probably true that people feel
the most like that imposter orthe most intimidated maybe
socially anxious if you willfrom people who we view as
smarter than us.
You know, like that's reallyintimidating.
I like I want to circle back.
(07:44):
I liked what you said aboutthat, about upbringing and how,
like our upbringing.
So we're trying to ask, likewhy do I feel like a fraud?
Right, that's one of our thingsthat we want to talk about and
touch on, and I think that youknow it goes back to, you know,
having maybe parents that werenot intentionally but but gave
(08:09):
us the message that, like youknow, we only get approval when
we do good things or when we weachieve academically, or when,
you know, or they're constantlycomparing us or criticizing us,
comparing us to our peers or toour friends, like why can't you
be?
Or our siblings, right, likewhy can't you be more like Laura
(08:31):
?
She's so smart, she's such agood, you know, hard worker, you
know, and that can give peoplethis like impression that
they're never good enough andthat carries with us into
adulthood.
Laura (08:44):
Yeah, and those childhood experiences develop
into these sort of strategiesthat we have in adulthood that
we can call like.
We can call that like a childpart of yourself, like sometimes
feeling like a fraud is a childpart of yourself, pretending to
be an adult.
In that situation, becauseyou've been triggered into
(09:06):
feeling like a kid again, likewhen we're in a lot of stress,
we might get triggered and feellike a little kid again.
In a lot of stress, we mightget triggered and feel like a
little kid again.
And then when we feel small andwe feel like incapable and we
feel like we're not doing goodenough and everybody else is
bigger and smarter and strongerthan us, then that child self is
like in this adult situation,trying to pretend to be an adult
(09:27):
, and can never be good enough.
Michaela (09:29):
Yeah, I love that.
So can you explain more about,like, different parts of self?
Like how would you explain thatto someone who doesn't know
anything about parts?
Laura (09:57):
different experiences from the understanding of
feeling like they personallyhave experienced something
specific.
So what I mean by that is if Isay, you know, I really don't
want to go out, but at the sametime I really want to go hang
out with my friends.
Like part of me doesn't want togo anywhere, but another part
of me wants to go hang out withmy friends.
Like part of me doesn't want togo anywhere, but another part
of me wants to go hang out withmy friends.
Like those are two conflictingthings that are happening in at
once.
Michaela (10:18):
Who hasn't felt like that, Right?
I mean, I think for me thebiggest thing is part of me
wants to work but at workout,but part of me wants to just
watch Netflix.
Laura (10:27):
Right, and both parts have valid perspectives on why
that would be helpful, right,like why it would be helpful to
sit and watch Netflix, like Ideserve it.
I might think to myself, well,I deserve it, I have, I've
worked really hard.
I, you know, I can work outtomorrow.
Like I need to relax, like Ineed to do self-care, whatever
(10:48):
Right.
And then the other part is like, well, I need to work out
because I feel bad about myselfand I will feel better if I work
out, or I need extra serotoninand that workout is going to
help me with that and I'm goingto feel really good afterwards.
I'm going to have this sense ofaccomplishment and it's healthy
for my lungs and for my body.
So, like, they both have theseperspectives that are necessary
(11:09):
and helpful, but they're verydifferent perspectives, right,
so they might not necessarilyagree.
And so we have these parts ofourselves that are stuck in
childhood, because those partswere created in childhood as a
survival strategy.
Michaela (11:26):
So when I go ahead oh, I was going- to ask how would
one, how would someone know thatthey're operating in a child
part?
Laura (11:37):
They would know because they would feel younger than
they are.
So, like I ask my clients allthe time, how old do you feel in
this moment?
And a lot of times they'll belike that's a weird question and
then they'll respond by saying,like well, I feel like a
teenager.
Oh, okay, how old are youactually right now, right.
And then it's like, oh, I'm inmy thirties, my forties, my
(12:02):
fifties, whatever.
And so when we feel like, whenwe feel little, we feel small,
we feel incapable, when we feelhelpless and hopeless, we're
often accessing information fromthat child part.
Michaela (12:18):
And so would it be fair to say that if you're
accessing information from likea child part, then you're
operating in a network that youdon't have access to all of the
you know knowledge of your adultself.
Laura (12:34):
Yeah, you wouldn't have access to all of your adult
experiences and all of, like,your adult self's confidence and
competence, right?
So you might not realize like,oh, I'm an adult and I have a
master's degree and I have, youknow, decades of experience and
I have this and I have that.
You might not have access tothat information in that moment.
(12:55):
So you're feeling like I don'tknow what I'm doing, I have no
like information that will becontributing to this environment
, like I'm totally useless inthis moment.
Michaela (13:05):
And I could see how that would further activate the
fight or flight system, makingyou feel more anxious and you
know in more distress, totallyRight Cause.
Laura (13:18):
Then what?
What do we do when we're kids?
We avoid, we run away or wefight, we throw a tantrum, and
so those are the things that wewant to do.
A lot of the time, we're goingto shut down and retreat and
we're just going to like stayquiet and like slink off into
the corner or try to avoid thesituation in the future.
Michaela (13:31):
Right, or that fawning type like what can I do to just
make this person happy?
Laura (13:36):
Like, yeah, what can I do to make this person like me
so that they don't think, theydon't recognize that I'm totally
a fraud?
Michaela (13:43):
Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
Well, that would be reallychallenging if I, if you're
stuck in a child's part thatdoesn't have the knowledge and
does maybe have experiencesmaybe they're, maybe your
parents were, you know, maybeyou didn't do well in school and
your parents were really hardon you for things you know that
(14:06):
could definitely play intofeeling like a fraud or an
imposter.
Laura (14:12):
Yeah, and when we feel that way, we have things that we
can do to what I call like getback online and believe in
ourselves again and recognizethat we can be safe and we can
be healthy and we can be okayand we can be competent.
Right, our competency is.
The most important aspect hereof imposter syndrome is we feel
(14:35):
incompetent, so we need to feelcompetent again and we can get
access to our adult self bydoing some grounding skills,
like one of the things is timeorientation.
Time orientation is likerecognizing like today's date,
like oh, it's 2025.
How?
old am I Right, like I'm not akid anymore?
How many years has it beensince I was a child, like a lot
(14:59):
you know years have I been doingthis work?
How much training do I have?
How like so time, like focusingon knowing like the time and
when, when it is now versus whenit was then, can kind of help
you get back online.
Michaela (15:15):
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
Now I wonder what, if you know,you ground, you ground yourself
back into the present moment.
You look around and you findthree things that are green, and
you're, you're trying to do allof those things but yet, like,
for some reason, like I can seethe logic, like I'm like okay, I
(15:36):
have done X number of trainings, I have a master's degree, I
have a doctorate degree, I have,you know, I have education, I
have experience, but yet, like,that doesn't feel like enough
because I just, you know, I justdon't feel good about myself, I
just can't access that.
You know, I just don't feelgood about myself, I just can't
access that.
You know.
Laura (15:57):
Yeah, I think one thing that can be helpful is trying to
find what we call a masteryresource, like when's a moment
that you felt your best, andembody that for a second.
So, for example, if you feltyour most confident at an event
one day, like what, when andwhere were you when you felt
(16:17):
you're most confident?
And then really, really focuson that and remember it.
And when you remember it,notice what it feels like in
your body.
Did you?
Were you standing up straighter?
Were you, you know, projectingyour voice?
Were you holding your head alittle bit higher?
Like what did you?
What do you notice aboutyourself and your body when you
(16:37):
were at your most confident?
And then reorienting your bodyto a moment like that, right, so
like stepping into yourself,like and we both just did it, we
both just like squared ourshoulders and kind of like sat
up a little straighter, and whenwe do that we feel better, that
there's actually, you know,we're accessing our vagus nerve
in that moment, and like tellingour vagus nerve to send signals
(17:01):
of safety and and um sendsignals of um, of health and
vitality to our nervous system.
Michaela (17:11):
Yeah, I know, every anytime people talk about
sitting up straighter, I waslike, oh gosh, don't slouch.
Laura (17:17):
No, I'm a sloucher in real life, but I need to sit up
straighter because it does giveme more confidence and it makes
me feel more capable.
It's just an automatic thing.
Yeah, that's true.
Michaela (17:27):
So I think about, like people who don't have a very
strong sense of self, like maybethey've gone through life by
imitating others to get by right, like they don't really know
who they are, what they believein, they don't have strong
values, they just like feel likea chameleon, right, and then do
(17:51):
you think that that could bepart of what makes people feel
like a fraud or an imposter?
Laura (17:57):
Yeah for sure.
If you don't know your values,if you've never really explored
who you are, if you've neverreally thought about like who
you present yourself to be, orif you have multiple
presentations that you use fordifferent scenarios and
different circumstances which alot of people do then you're not
as well connected to yourself.
(18:18):
And when we're not connected toourself, we struggle to show up
authentically in any situationin a lot of environments.
And so when we're not authentic, we're not connected with
ourself.
It might make us feel like wedon't belong.
And if I feel like I don'tbelong, maybe I feel like a
fraud in whatever situation I'min.
Michaela (18:39):
Sure.
So I mean, what would someonedo to start trying to develop a
better sense of self?
I mean, I think I, when I thinkabout that, I think I like,
like we talk about, like payingattention to our feelings,
because our feelings are whatdrive us towards knowing what
our values are.
Right, like if we feel sad orwe feel, you know, upset about
(19:03):
something that somebody did,that, like is a connecting point
for us to know.
So, like, getting connectedwith our feelings can help us,
you know, know which directionthat we're supposed to go, what
our values are.
But what can people do to helpconnect themselves with
themselves?
Laura (19:20):
I like the idea of talking about your values and
just thinking about themthinking, you know, there's a
values exploration exercise thatI do with my clients sometimes,
where we literally make a listof like things that we value.
And so, like, I value honesty,I value loyalty, I value
authenticity, I value, you know,free time, independence,
(19:44):
autonomy, right Like.
So what are the things that Ivalue?
And then we do a secondaryexercise, which is how
consistent am I living withthese values?
How often do I exemplify them?
And a lot of times that gap ispretty far, like I might say,
(20:04):
like I really value my familybut I work 80 hours a week.
Or I really value, you know,self-care, but I haven't worked
out in a month, right Like.
Those are inconsistencies thatcan disconnect us from ourself
and make us feel like we're notquite living up to who we should
be Sure that makes a lot ofsense.
Michaela (20:26):
So then, if you identify that there's a really
big gap, then you can create aplan or a daily check-in to say,
like, did I do one thing thatlived up to this value today?
Or whatever I'm going to?
Laura (20:40):
use that, yeah, and when you do, you find that the more
you live in consistency withyour values, the more satisfied
you feel with your life.
Michaela (20:52):
Yeah, yeah.
I think the hardest part of thewhole thing, you know, for some
(21:12):
people it's going to be comingup with what that means for them
will be really hard.
And then for the people whohave, maybe they don't have the
right values, like, maybe theythink that this is the value,
but then maybe part of thereason why they're not living up
to it is because they're not,they're you know, they need to
readjust their values orsomething.
Laura (21:33):
Yeah, and this is a helpful exercise to go through
is like as part of a group or intherapy or, you know, with a
friend or something like that,because you can get a better
perspective on what what valueseven are.
I mean, we could do a wholenother podcast episode on what
our values and what does thateven mean.
That's a good idea.
Yeah, I think we should, andthen what we should do maybe
(21:56):
we'll do this is create aworksheet and put it on our
website so that we can actuallymake a values exploration
exercise for people to do.
Michaela (22:05):
That's a good idea.
Laura (22:06):
I love that.
So these are things.
Michaela (22:08):
Stay tuned, we're like just you know, mind mapping
right here on the spot, yeah,we're making big plans, but I,
yeah, I think that thatdefinitely is going to lead to
people not feeling like they cantrust in them themselves, be
confident in themselves, becausewe know a lot, you know, and we
(22:31):
know a lot more than what wegive ourselves credit for.
And I think that that's thebiggest piece is like we feel
(22:53):
like a fraud, even thoughthere's so much evidence to the
contrary, like there's a ton ofevidence that we can kind of try
to keep those things morememorable and then maybe try to
let go of the things, themistakes that we made through
the day, because nobody'sperfect.
Laura (23:10):
Right, nobody's perfect, and perfection is really like
the opposite of fulfillment,like we cannot be fulfilled if
all we're doing is trying to beperfect.
So we need to think about whatit is that we are actually
trying to go for here, and goodenough is good enough.
(23:30):
And when it comes torecognizing things that you do
well, those things don't have tobe, you know, award winning
events.
Those are just simply, you know, did I come up with a good idea
today?
Right, like, did I have a goodsession today?
(23:51):
Session today Was my.
Did I check these boxes today?
Did I?
Was my schedule on track?
Did I show up on time?
Like, these are things that Idid, okay, good, that shows that
I'm a competent, you know,effective person and I'm going
through my life in a competentand effective way.
It doesn't have to be big, hugethings.
Michaela (24:12):
No, and I think the other thing that's really
important here that you can alsokey in on is I didn't have the
answer for that person, cause alot of times I don't.
I'm learning new stuff all thetime and I'm excited about the
things I'm learning, but I and Iwant to start implementing them
, but I don't have all theanswers.
So it might be, I don't know,but let me do some research and
(24:35):
follow up on that for you, andthen we can feel good that we
actually did the, we looked intothe thing and we, you know,
followed up with the person.
Laura (24:44):
Yeah, I think that's important too Knowing that we're
utilizing our resources.
We have resources.
We don't have to knoweverything.
We don't have to have all theanswers.
That's really important,especially when you're feeling
like, when not knowing theanswer makes you feel even more
like a fraud and you're feelinglike this imposter.
But the reality is, the bestteachers, the best mentors, the
(25:09):
best practitioners that I'veever known are those who know
how to utilize their resourcesand those who know how to find
the answer.
They don't always know what theanswer is.
Michaela (25:20):
Yeah, or at least they're willing to say that they
don't know stuff Right, andthat's that's like what leads us
to learning, that's what leadsus to growth.
And I think that oftentimespeople look at other people and
from the outside, this personseems like they have all the
(25:40):
answers or they seem likethey're doing so good at,
they're so good at all thethings, but we don't see what's
happening on the back half ofthings.
Maybe that person is, you know,stressed and having OCD
symptoms and obsessed like theyhave to be perfect and they're
studying for five hours everysingle day and feeling stressed
and trying to look perfect fromthe outside and they're
(26:01):
uncomfortable in their own skin,but from everybody else's side
they look like they have it alltogether and they look you know,
we're comparing ourselves tothis, to something, and we don't
have all the information.
Laura (26:12):
Yeah, yeah, I think I think that's right.
When we are looking at otherpeople, we're really making a
lot of assumptions about whatthey're capable of and we're not
making very many accurateanalysis of what we are actually
capable of.
Michaela (26:34):
Yeah, and I think that you know one of the things I
see in my own kids and I think Idid this on accident but
they're super competitive andyou know, in order to get kids
to do things they don't want todo, you're like let's make it a
(26:54):
race and it started out likerace mom, and now it's like now
they're, they're racing eachother and then like it's a whole
competitive thing and we haveto be careful.
You know, sometimes a little bitof competition is not a bad
thing, but you have to becareful because that can create.
You know, careful because thatcan create.
(27:18):
You know the need to be perfector the feeling like we're not
good enough in our kids and thatcan become problematic.
And I think it's not so muchwhat we did or the situation but
how that kid, each individualkid, interprets that situation
in their, in their developmentalprocess.
So, as an adult, it makes senseto us what we're saying it's
not a big deal, it shouldn't bea big deal, but in their kid
brains it is Right and thatsticks with them.
Laura (27:43):
That sticks with them and they think, oh, I have to
win all the time.
And when we have to win all thetime, it's hard to be wrong and
it's hard to lose, and it'shard to fail, and it's harder
for us to really believe inourselves and recognize that
we're still capable, even if wedidn't succeed at that.
One thing you know when?
When we recognize that we canbe successful even after a
(28:13):
failure, be successful evenafter a failure we have a lot
more belief in ourself.
Michaela (28:17):
Yeah.
Laura (28:19):
That failure is not permanent.
It's not causing us damage thatwe can't undo.
Michaela (28:24):
That's so good.
So, in order to instill that inkids, we have to be mindful of
the messages that we're givingthem in the first place.
Be mindful of the messages thatwe're giving them in the first
place and you know, noticingwhen that is, you know when
there's a pattern in theirthinking, so that we can start
trying to help them overcome it.
Right Cause we can't know, wedon't, we're not going to be
(28:47):
like we're going to mess upthings as parents, Like we don't
know how that kid is going tointerpret that thing and totally
different way.
But you know, maybe now thatwe're competitive and we're
getting our kids to race to gobrush our teeth, but we all have
a party in the bathroom tobrush our teeth, right, Like
it's all a celebration andeverybody gets to join in and
(29:08):
it's just fun, right?
And nobody, it's not aboutwinning, you know.
Laura (29:13):
Absolutely.
I like what you're saying.
When you notice a pattern intheir thoughts, you can kind of
give them alternatives.
Right, you can start.
You can start including newinformation that challenges
those patterns without directlychallenging them.
So you can say here's, there'smore options than just that.
And when we give ourselves moreoptions than just our belief
that we're, you know a fraud orfailure or you know an imposter,
(29:37):
we need to just give ourselvesmore options Like what if that's
not true?
Right, what if I am actuallyhere because I deserve to be
here?
Then what?
And then we can move forward.
Michaela (29:48):
Right, then that opens me up to be able to learn and
grow and not feel bad about notalready being there.
Laura (29:57):
Yeah, absolutely yeah.
Michaela (29:59):
And that's really big.
That's really helpful.
It's very helpful Because if Ithink that maybe I deserve to be
here, then I feel a lot betterabout myself.
Laura (30:13):
And confidence is an energy that projects too right.
So we have this energy that weare projecting, and when we
project confidence, it makesother people feel confident too,
and it can actually likeradiate in the room and make
other people believe in us if webelieve in ourselves.
Michaela (30:30):
Yeah, I love that.
Can you think of anything elsethat you want to add to things
that, like we could do to youknow, not feel like a fraud or
believe in ourselves?
Laura (30:45):
better affirmations.
They really work.
If you put an affirmation onyour mirror and you say it to
yourself and you look atyourself and you say the thing
and you embody that like itreally does make you feel better
.
Michaela (31:06):
Well, and I think that people get down on affirmations
because they didn't work, likethe first time that they tried
it, or like it's so unbelievablethat like they couldn't believe
that thing or something.
And I think that you know one.
Maybe you need to.
If that's you, maybe you needto rewrite it to like something
(31:27):
that's more believable to you,right, but I think that they do
work.
I mean, I really, I really likeum writing down, maybe, like I
am statements, right, you know,and, and you're, you're speaking
it into existence as if it istrue, you know, and maybe it's
not yet, maybe it doesn't feellike it's true yet, but someday
(31:50):
it might.
Laura (31:51):
It might be.
Yeah, I love that You'respeaking it into existence as if
it's true.
I think that is the perfectplace to end today.
Love it, yes.
So thank you so much for thisexcellent conversation, as
always, Michaela.
Thank you, and thank you forlistening to.
(32:11):
Why Am I Like this?
If you like our show, pleaseleave us a rating and review on
your favorite podcast platform,follow the show and share it
with your friends.
This episode was written andproduced by me, laura Wood and
Michaela Beaver.
Our theme song is Making EndsMeet by Thick as Thieves, and a
special thanks to BenavieriCounseling and Active Healing
(32:32):
Psychiatric Services forsponsoring our show.
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