Unmasking Eating Disorders and Embracing Body Positivity: Kailyn España's Inspiring Story

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kailyn España (00:01):
I would restrict, restrict, restrict and then
like binge several times a weekand then exercise, and it was
just so disordered, and I thinkthat the thing about that,
though, is that no one moved,and everyone praised me for
being like so healthy.
Why are we seeking comfort infood when we know the Holy

(00:22):
Spirit who provide comfort?
I believe wholeheartedly thatGod just delivered me from it
and healed me.

Aaron O'Connell (00:29):
Welcome to the WHY to Fitness podcast.
I'm your host, Aaron O'Connell,and today I am joined with
Kaelin Espana.
How are you doing today?

Great.

Thanks so much for having me, oh thank you for
joining and just a littlebackground.
How this all started is I'veknown Kaelin from church.
I kind of seen her playing onthe piano, then I ran into you
into the the gym.
Yes.
And I was like, well, you'regetting into the gym.
Then you told me you're gettinginto health counseling, getting
your masters correct.

Yes, yes.

And we then were saying well, wait a minute,
we need to do a podcasttogether.

Yeah.

And I asked what was on your heart.
And so today we are going to betalking about a few subjects,
but the number one that we werereally going to dive in, that I
have a feeling that we're goingto dive in, is the topic that
touches many lives but is oftenhidden in the shadows.
Yeah, and that's eatingdisorders.
Yep.

Touchy subject sometimes.

Very touchy subject, but also we're going to
be talking about just thatoverall relationship with our
own body and also exercise aswell, and just the faulty
mindsets that just keep us goingaround in circles and really
imprison us.
Right.
So just to go off right rightaway, tell me just a little bit

(01:46):
about yourself, like how you gotinto things, tell the listeners
about it and how you even foundyourself in the mental health
counseling and fitness.

Yeah, absolutely so.
I grew up playing sports.
I always loved moving my bodyand things like that, but as I
got older and was no longer inhigh school, no longer playing
sports, my relationship withexercise had to change, because
I didn't have access to theability to go and play
basketball and have practice allthe time, and so then my body

(02:19):
started changing and we all callit the freshman 15 right, you
know like it was like in thefirst semester I had gained so
much weight because I wasn'tmoving my body anymore.
The cafeteria food and you knowthe late night college binge
eating when you're doinghomework stuff kind of started
happening, and so I found myselfjust absolutely in a place

(02:40):
where I my body had changed.
I hated my body and so aroundthis time I actually moved on to
South Florida and started goingto like group fitness classes,
which was fun, kind ofaccessible, since I was, you
know, playing sports before andI was able to exercise with
people kind of gave me that teamaspect and so I enjoyed it a

(03:00):
lot.
But then I am actually it wasthen positively I was able to.
Just the people that wereworking at the gym and kind of
leading these group classes werelike hey, you're really good at
this and you seem to have apassion for it.
Do you want to just work as anintern and get your
certification?
And so that's what I did and Iwas just kind of a fun thing to

(03:21):
do, I love learning and then Igot my certification.
But then things kind of startedshifting in my personal life
where I got an opportunity tokind of work in executive
administration and so that'skind of the direction that I
ended up going, still justloving health and fitness in
general.
And then as far as the mentalhealth side, I have always been

(03:42):
a huge like counseling person.
I love to.
I mean my parents.
When they got divorced westarted going to counseling.
I was 11 years old, and sothey've always.
My parents are so great thatthey always prioritized our
mental health and so I kind ofalways knew it was one of those
things.
When I was in high school I waslike always the counselor for
all my friends, everyone wouldalways come meet to me when they

(04:03):
had issues, and so I alwaysknew that I wanted to pursue
that.
I just didn't know in what way.
And so I I mean you know God'sso funny like I I tried to avoid
that calling for so long andwas like no, I'm gonna be like a
nurse and I'm gonna be likeexecutive admin and I'm gonna be
a CEO and I'm gonna likewhatever I did every single

(04:23):
thing.
And then God, ultimately I meanthat's a whole other long story
but God ultimately pulled meback into like clinical
psychology, which I justfinished my bachelors in, and
then now I'm working on mymaster's in mental health
counseling as well.

Oh, that's awesome.
That's awesome and I'm in thatsame boat, you know I?
One of the things that I wouldsay I, and why I even started
this podcast, is I just alwayshad an obsession with asking the
question why?

Yes, yes, that's so true.
My mom's like was she alwaystelling me.
Like I was like three and shewould say I'd always ask why,
always, always, always be askingwhy?
And then eventually she wouldjust say because God made it
that way.

I don't know, I don't know why, caitlin.
Yeah, well, that's.
That's also good that she wasable to say I don't know why
yeah you know, because so manytimes people say because I said
so yes, you know, she alwayspointed it back to God.
Yeah, pointed back to God, orif you have the explanation,
give the explanation but, that's.
That's what I always wassearching for and what you know
questions of why don't I do whatI know I ought to do?

(05:24):
Yeah, why do those people dothat?
Why are they okay with totallysitting or whatever it may be?
And, like I had, I've alwayshad the Holy Spirit.
I always had his life made likea touch on me, no matter what.
So, like I, I knew not to steal, not to lie, but it was also
like, well, that's because Idon't want to have to deal with

(05:45):
the repercussions yeah, like itwas about your reputation yeah,
exactly so.
But like some people justblatantly didn't care about it
and it's like I really gotfascinated in that now I'm in
getting my PhD and everythinglike that because I I can't stop
learning, yeah, you know, eventhough I seem like I'm learning
more outside of school becauseof the true passion that I have.

(06:07):
But it really boils down tothat question why which?
So I don't think many peopletake the time to ask that
question, right?

100% it's.
You're just kind of goingthrough the motions and and even
I love asking the as far aslike why am I doing this?
Like, why?
why, am I reacting in this kindof way?
I think that that question whyis really the first step in
increasing self-awareness andknowing, okay, like what, what's
going on in my heart here, andkind of even just asking God

(06:40):
that question why, where he can,he can always zoom into things
that we don't want to see in ourhearts and kind of just gives
insight into that so which Iwant to start diving into,
things of the idolization offood.

Give it like a little backstory of kind of
where it kind of started of theidolization of food for you,
things that you kind of wentthrough and and also maybe
getting to the point where howyou can't overcome those things
yeah, this is a whole wholething.

But so idolization of food, I think
first just defining that I Ibelieve any sort of obsession
that is not me being obsessedwith the presence of God is like
is not from him, that, thatkind of so when we talk about
idolization, it's not like we're, you know, worshiping food,

(07:35):
it's that we are so obsessedwith it that it is affecting our
day-to-day to a point that it'sjust not, it's not healthy,
it's we're adjusting our livesaround food.
Food is kind of just this thingthat like gives us control,
whatever.

So that's kind of what, to the point, you know
just a really brief, brieflytouch on that, though I'll
challenge you, sure, on theworship of the food, because
just recently, at Journey Church, john McQuitty just did a
sermon on worship.
And we are human beings, ashuman beings are designed to
worship.

(08:10):
Literally, we are made in hisimage, just us being alive is
worshiping yes everything we dois worship it's just what is the
focus of that worship and a lotof people don't understand that
, of how worshiping it was likein the Old Testament.
They're worshiping, literally,idols.

(08:31):
They had idols for everythingfertility, for crops, for, and
you name it.
They had an idol.
They had thousands of gods, andit was all based on those
actions until, obviously, jesuscame and you know he did it all.
So now we just can worship him?
Yes, but what we focus onbecomes our idol and our act of

(08:52):
worship.
Yeah, and within that, you haveto ask yourself what is
consuming your thoughts?
Yes, in a daily basis.
Yeah, it can be your image, butthen from there, well, okay,
you were worshiping the imagewhich is your self, pride,
selfishness, okay, but then whatare you thinking about?

(09:13):
and those that are in thefitness industry overwhelming
majority are focusing on foodthey make it an idol because you
know someone that's in theMidwest, where there's just
there isn't this South Floridaculture yeah you know fast-paced
California, new York's big cityculture.

(09:34):
They may not struggle with thatas much because every around
everyone around them is kind ofoverweight.
But those that are in the gymusually are have attempted it
are on their third attempt,whatever it may be, and there
really is an idolization of food100%.

I love what you said to you about that.
We are always worshiping and soit's just a matter of like,
where?
What is a thing that I'mworshiping in any given moment?
You know what?
I mean, and so especially, Iactually grew up in the Midwest,
so yeah where you from Ohio,okay, wisconsin, okay, yeah, I
can hear it now.

So yeah, I mean it I mean talk about a culture
shock.

You know where I grew up, gained the weight in
the Midwest, was like feelinginsecure about my body.
Moved to South Florida, likeare you kidding me?
It was just what was happeningin my brain and the things that
I was like.
I was like, oh, I'm supposed tolook a certain way, I'm
supposed to do it like this.
Oh, like you can't.
Just I can't think of aspecific chain.
I mean, in Ohio it's like we do.

(10:40):
In Cincinnati it's chili oneverything and so like everyone
loves, like the skyline noodles,like it's like spaghetti, but
then you put chili on it andthen, like as much spaghetti and
chili as there is, you putcheese that's how.

That's how I eat my chill well, I used to eat
my chili.
That's how my mom does.

Yeah, and that's exactly what it is and so I love
that you brought that upbecause I guess, if we're gonna
talk for to answer your questionabout my journey, like I grew
up, it was all comfort food, andso I think that's a whole other
side trailer.
We can go on.
I think that you know, like theemotional eating and like we're
eating for comfort where it'slike, why are we seeking comfort
in food when, like when, weknow the Holy Spirit who, like,

(11:21):
can provide comfort?
You know what I mean and but soanyway, grew up with like it
being comfort food.
Obviously those aren'tnecessarily foods that have the
most nutritional value.
And so as soon as I came downhere in this kind of South
Florida culture and learnedabout like what, what people are
considering healthy and what isnot and actually I'm sorry, let

(11:42):
me stop myself, because evenbefore that, so I, when living
in the Midwest through highschool, I actually had some
health issues kind of brought onby stress, anxiety, depression,
whatever, and so it wasmanifesting itself, you know and
I.
That's why now it's togetherfor me mental health and
physical health, because whatwas happening with my mental

(12:03):
health was manifesting itselfphysically and I was having
chronic pain and like all theseissues.
It ended up being adrenalfatigue, but it took I mean like
a year to figure out what wasgoing on.
And this doctor basically saidhey, you need to stop eating
gluten and dairy and soy andeggs and like you know literally
everything.

(12:24):
No more processed foods,whatever.
And so my, my mom and like andwe have autoimmune disease in
the family and so my mom likereally took this seriously and
basically was like, alright, youhave to stop eating all of that
.
And like you just like, this iswhat you're gonna eat now.
And so I think that's where itstarted for me, when it was like
good food, bad food yes and sothen it was like, okay, well, I

(12:48):
have to do everything I can haveto eat the good food, because
the bad food is what's gonnalike cause health issues, when
in reality, like my, I justneeded like mental, spiritual
healing you know what I mean?

oh, yeah, because, and just even back up,
just talking about theidolization of food and what I
hate about the culture, what Iin, everyone, from the furthest
person away from God to the onethat seems to be the closest I
still hear, and why I do thispodcast they are created, the

(13:21):
way they, we speak automatically, is in a way that is creating
an idol out of food.
Yeah, good food, bad food,healthy food, unhealthy food
there's really no such thing.
It's more nutritious, lessnutritious.
There is no such thing as ahealthy food.

(13:44):
There isn't, because it's notabout the single food.
You are now giving power tothat food and you are saying
this has power.
If I eat this, I become notonly worse, but my mentality
gets worse.
If I feel like I'm a failure.
If I eat a piece of cake when,if I drink a protein shake and

(14:08):
have some broccoli and chicken,I now am successful.
You literally have an idoldetermining whether you are good
or bad.
You are determining worth basedon food, and this is the same
thing as bowing down to any typeof idol saying it's you, I am
going to act a certain way tothen be able to get that

(14:31):
blessing.
I worship this food so I canget the blessing Total Old
Testament, which is why peoplekeep going around in circles and
circles, because they're notexperienced the freedom that
Jesus offers.

Yeah, absolutely.
I mean it's the yoyo dietingpattern.
It's because we seek ouridentity from this thing.
I love how you said that'sgetting me so amped up because
I'm like it's like if this thing, if that controls whether I'm
good or bad, and I find myidentity in that, like of course
there's going to be issuesaround it, like there's going to

(15:04):
be, it's going to control yourlife, you're going to do that
yoyo dieting, you're going to,and then you're going to seek
the way that food is impactingevery area.
It's like OK, how do I look, howdo I feel?
How like, what is this personthink?
What restaurants should I go to, like, what friends should I
have because of like what eatinghabits they have, like, it can
go into so many different things.
So I love that, yeah.

And and and it's.
It's crazy because they willpay.
People pay so much attention,whether it just be on the
exercise.
You know you'll hear peoplesaying like, oh, I work out six
days a week, but I just can't, Ican't not have that cookie.
You know, that's becausewithout my cookies, I'm a
monster.
Yeah, right you know, there's ameme about that, you know.

(15:46):
But like it's like, they focuson the workout which becomes
their idol that is going to makethem feel good, to try to
balance out this negative thatthey know that makes them feel
bad.
All alone behold, they'remissing the total picture of
what are you entirely doing.
How much?
how much food do you need to getto where you want to go?

(16:07):
How much protein do you need?
What is it that you need to beable to overcome the goals and
the tasks and the obstacles thatare standing in front of your
way to achieve the purpose I gotis put into you.
No one asks that big totalquestion.
They just want to look for thenext pattern of this world
instead of offering their bodiesas living sacrifice.
I did a whole podcast on that.

(16:27):
That's already out.
If you haven't seen that, gocheck that out.
But you need to look at thetotality of things.
But people don't do that.
They're not asking thesequestions.
Why, like we were saying, andthen they have their force to
focus on a single thing.
Because they're look, theydon't want to be like, well,
it's me not doing the work orit's what do I need to do.
They focus it's like James andsaid they're in the world, but

(16:51):
also of God, and they say it'slike you look into the mirror
and then when you walk away, youforget who you are.
You forget what you look likeand when that happens, it's like
I'm going to look at myselflike I don't like the way that I
look.
But the moment you look aroundit's okay, let's go drink, let's
go, let's go, let's go eat this.
And that it's like don't yourealize who you are and what

(17:13):
you're aiming for.
But they're just in and out andthey're like that unsettled
wave, like James one says.

I think it really has to do with and the reason
this happens and kind of we'rementioning is just like this
aesthetics side of it.
I know we're going to get tothat later.
Oh yeah.
But where it's like, if we'refocused on, okay, this food can
make me look like this, thisfood makes me look like this,
but then you kind of get caughtin this, like this pattern of
like okay, well, it's too hardto not eat the bad food, so

(17:44):
whatever, just will throw it allat the window, like that all
are nothing thinking.
It's like that's a cognitivebehavior therapy you talk about
like a cognitive distortionwhere it's like it has to be all
bad or all good, and so ifwe're assigning these, you know,
good and bad categories to food, then all of a sudden fitness
becomes all or nothing, and it'snot about what can we do to

(18:04):
sustain a healthy lifestyle thatsupports whatever our calling
is.
It becomes I want to lurk acertain way, and so I'll let
myself control it in one seasonand then I'll let go in another
season.
You'll go back and forth, and Imean, ultimately, that causes
so many health issues and you'rejust not going to feel, your
heart's going to be so likeunsettled, you know, like your

(18:25):
spirit does, like we're notdesigned to operate that way,
and so I just I think that itreally starts with that like
aesthetic side of it where it'slike that's not, even that's not
supposed to be the focus at allabout why we move our body, why
we fuel our body.
You know what I mean.
That is like the last reasonthat we should be concerned with
.

You know Well, the Bible says it pretty clearly
.
They compare themselves, usingthemselves as a standard.
How foolish that's what theBible says.
I forgot where it is in theBible.
I'm not, you know, I didn'thave that written down, but
that's what we're doing andwe're that we're because it's
also cultural based.
Yes, you know we can go to Japan, you know, and and they're not

(19:07):
even thinking about the image.
Why?
Because they're all aboutlongevity.
You know that it's, they'repretty much all fit over there.
Why?
Because it's not about thiscomparison, it's just hey, we're
experiencing life, we're havingfun, we know we need to work.
But then you can go to SouthFlorida, and it's crazy.
Comparison what you know,celebrity athletic, we're just

(19:29):
idolizing everything.
But then if we go into themiddle of nowhere, you know,
let's just say Kansas orwherever it is, you might get a
place that just they don't care.
And I like what you said is youhad this doctor that said, oh,
you need to eliminate this, this, this and this.
And let's be real, doctors arestill practicing.

(19:50):
And what they took?
One course on nutrition.

Yes, that's why I heard I was like I recently.
I was like, oh my gosh, it'sworse than I thought.

They really don't know and that's why they
say, oh, right now they'retrying to push don't eat meat,
eat all these other things youknow like.
Eat soy products, eat all thesegrains and it's like well, that
lines their pocket, it makesbig pharma go.
But that's a whole big storyinside of itself.
But I really liked what yousaid is it came down to the
stress.
It came down to it.

(20:18):
And if you could actually pullup that verse and Mark seven,
jesus said it so well and I'lljust start reading from it.
And it says in verse 15, it'snot what goes into your body
that defiles you.
You are defiled.
What comes from your own heart.
And then his disciples are likedon't know what you mean.

(20:39):
It's like you don't understand.
He goes can't you see that foodyou put into your body can't
defile you?
Food doesn't go into your heart, but it only passes through the
stomach and then goes into thesewer.
And he goes.
And he added it's what comesfrom inside that defiles you.
From within one person's heartcome evil thoughts.
Sexual immorality, theft,murder, adultery, greed,

(21:01):
wickedness, deceit, lustfuldesires, envy, slander, pride,
foolishness.
All these vile things come fromwithin and they're what defile
you.
And I always say you could bedoing all the right things and
if you're stressing to do those,you are going to have some
major problems.

Yup 100%.
It's not, I mean I that way Ialways say it is like there is
no scenario in which maintaininga lifestyle that has you in
your dream body, if you arestressed about it, that is like
way worse for your healthbecause of what's happening
mentally and spiritually, youknow what.
I mean Like it's that there'sand that the way we talk about

(21:43):
health too, I mean it's likemental, physical, spiritual
health.
It's like if your physicalhealth is like off the chain,
but like you are mentally andspiritually just like depleted,
like, what kind of health isthat there's?
What kind of lifestyle is that?

Exactly.
That's why we're seeing heartattacks at 35.

People are stressing.

We're seeing skinny people doing cross but
doing crazy things, but they'repre diabetic.
Yes, you know, not to mentionjust the over.
Just the over, like abundanceof depression, anxiety and all
these other things.
And our eight are our diseaserate is going up, our death rate
is going up, our average lifeexpectancy is going down, yet we

(22:23):
have all these new things, andthat's because it's the joy of
the Lord, of your, is yourstrength.
He is the only one that bringshealing to our bodies and our
bones.
Is what Psalm says.
And it's really what, boy, whenI say success is peace of mind
and heart.
It's the person that has themost peace of mind and heart

(22:45):
over any area of the body isgoing to be the most successful
100% because I like giving thisanalogy.
You'll see it all the time.
You got you know, let's justsay, backwood Billy smoking on a
cigarette, and he's 98 yearsold, he's been spoken since he's
13.
But his attitude about it islike oh man, I just love these

(23:08):
cigarettes.
Man, if I don't got mycigarette, you know, I don't
even need to think about nothaving that cigarette, because I
just got my cigarette makes mejust feel so good because I'm
out here working my land, doingall these things and you're just
like well, there's just thispiece about him.
He may not know the Lord, butthere's this piece about him
where, if there's another personsmoking cigarettes and, like

(23:28):
man, I'm just so stressed I needa cigarette.
I know I shouldn't be doingthese things, but I just need
them.
One would have to argue is itthe cigarette that's really
killing you, because I can showyou many old people that have
been smoking cigarettes for awhile or is it the actual
knowledge that you are stressedand that you know you're doing

(23:51):
wrong?
You know which one is it?
Because you know, because Godgave us this body that can
create anything, any type ofdrug.
If we think we're on a painmedication, we can do.
We can create a pain medicationjust from believing we're on it
a hundred times more powerfulthan morphine.
If I think you're on a can giveyou a fake cancer drug and you
think you're on the cancer drug,your gums are going to start

(24:12):
bleeding, your hair is going tostart falling out simply because
you thought it.
The placebo effect is real, butit's really that power of the
mind and what you think youbecome, and people don't
understand that.
So you can be doing all theseright things.
I'll stop talking here in justa second.

It's great, keep going.

But it's what, how you're doing.
what you're doing is so muchmore important than what you're
doing, mm hmm, Let me say thatagain how you're doing what
you're doing is so much moreimportant than what you're doing
, because it's that free ness.
Are you what you're doing?

(24:54):
If you're struggling, havinganxiety, depression, struggle,
whatever it may be doing theright thing or the wrong thing?
That is the issue, it doesn'tmatter.
But if you are sitting therewith peace peace you could be
doing the wrong thing and it'sgoing to be so less damaging
100%.

Even I really liked your example of that was
Billy.

Backwoods Billy .

I liked it and it made me think about food and
kind of.
You know, further along in myjourney, when it I was, when I
was struggling with food, it waslike oh, no, no, no, no, no, I
can't have one cookie.
Because if I have one cookie,you know my stomach hurts.
This like certainly not get aheadache, and you know I just
get bloated and whatever.
And it's like here's a thing Imean what like the Bible talks

(25:44):
about, I think in James, talkingabout our words having the
power of life and death.
And so if I say if I eat thatcookie, I'm going to have a
stomach ache, I'm going to get astomach ache because that's how
the brain works.
You know what I mean and whatyou're saying to you.
Like those that's actually likea thing of psychosomatic illness
where, like if you just withthe cancer drug, if you think
that you're going to havesomething that's going to kill

(26:06):
you, like it's going to kill youbecause you're you're, you've
spoken that out, and like whathappens spiritually when
something's spoken out, but alsowhat happens like in your brain
, where it's like okay, cool,like we make what our thoughts
and our words are into reality.
And so for me, when I wastrying to go through this
process of figuring out food, Iwhen I would have this mentality

(26:28):
of oh, if I have one cookie orone bite of one thing, my
stomach's going to hurt and I'mgoing to feel bad.
Versus now I can enjoy a cookieand it's it's not like, oh, I
have a really sensitive stomach,it's just that I'm not.
I'm not having this mentalityof it's really bad and it's
really going to hurt me.
I'm like, oh, it's actually,it's just one cookie and it's
going to be fine.
And now, is allowing me, I canenjoy that without freaking out

(26:50):
you know.

So let me just ask you the question further
that story what were some of thethese struggles, the eating
disorders that you started goingthrough?
You can say how they happenedor what, just what they were.

Yeah, so I'll kind of pick it up on my story a
little bit.
So after that doctor basicallysaid good food, bad food.
It was like I went through somany diets of just, and it was
so innocent because it was I was.
It wasn't about how I looked atfirst, it was about like how I
felt.
And so I said, okay, well, if Ineed to have this super, super

(27:26):
restrictive diet so that I canjust feel better in my body,
like like okay, like that's, I'mgoing to do that, and so that's
kind of where it started.
I was doing that for a littlebit here and then what ended up
happening was I was so obsessedI mean you become.
You know, if I, if someonegives you the perfect method of

(27:49):
healing, you know it's likeyou're going to become obsessed.
So I had so many actually Istill have a cookbook, so
they're like on the bottom ofthis book but like so many
cookbooks, so many ways to likemake healthy food, and so then I
mean it's like it startedcontrolling my life where, like
I wasn't going out with friendsbecause I couldn't find anything

(28:09):
gluten or dairy free there,like you know, and so I, in this
kind of scenario, went on thatfor a few years then gained the
weight.
I was eating gluten free, I waseating dairy free, I was doing
all the things, but then I endedup gaining weight in that
college split period and waslike what's going on?
I was feeling so just horriblein my body.

(28:32):
Moved down to Florida and thenmy stress kind of like
alleviated, I kind of got out ofjust an environment that was
causing a lot of stress and Ifelt better and so I was like,
hey, I can start maybe just liketrying to eat like some of the
bad food.
And anyway, it was a cycle overand over again where I

(28:52):
basically was eating, and thenjust a new diet.
I was vegan for a little bitand then I tried keto, and then
I tried all these other thingsjust trying to lose some weight,
and nothing was really workingand I was really stressed out
about it.
And so there was again talkingabout the mental and physical
manifestations of how that kindof works.

(29:14):
It was a weird thing where Iwas getting really stressed and
having a lot of anxiety, and sowhat started happening was I
just was looking for somethingto control.
I actually struggled with a lotof obsessive, compulsive, like
OCD tendencies and I was justkind of going through some
mental health things and then Irealized that something I could

(29:36):
control was the food.
And so I kind of for the firstphase there I was just like
restricting and restricting andrestricting and not eating
things.
I was eating just fruits andvegetables.
At a certain point I had donethe actually, this is get this.
I had done the Daniel fast forthe first time and it was.
I was so not focused on my body, I was so good time with the

(29:57):
Lord.
But then I realized, like thefew people that said like, oh,
it looks like you lost someweight.
And I was like, oh, if I justkeep eating fruit and vegetables
and nothing else, then maybeI'll lose more weight.
And so then I started Danielfasting, but not for the Lord,
so fast, like just eatingnothing, basically lost weight.
People complimented on it andit's like it was kind of just a

(30:17):
cycle.
And so then I that kind ofturned into like I was eating so
little, there were so manyfoods that were on my bad list
that like I didn't even knowwhat to like eat that I just
wouldn't.
And so that happened a lot.
And then I started exercisingmore and kind of got into this
really unhealthy phase.
I sustained that for a lotlonger than I am.

(30:38):
I'm surprised how long Isustained that.
I just like had no carbs.
I was like working out twice aday.
It was like so you know what?
I mean?
We've all, we've all been thereright.
Then, from there, it kind ofturned into.
I couldn't sustain anymore.
My body was just like, I mean,I was starved.
I was just like starving allthe time, and so I would
restrict, restrict, restrict andthen like binge several times a

(30:59):
week where I'm in an exercise,and it was just so disordered,
and I think that the thing aboutthat, though, is that no one
knew, and everyone, instead ofeveryone, praised me for being
like so healthy, because when Iwould eat, you know, I couldn't.
I would never.
If we go out to like a burgerplace, I would never order a

(31:20):
burger.
I'd order a salad, or you know,a burger without the bun and
cut it up into a salad or youknow, whatever the healthy
option.
And so I was known as, like thishealthy person and it just got,
I mean spiraling down, down,down.
And so I mean I, it was myidentity.
I said I have to like, I haveto upkeep this, this image among

(31:41):
my peers that I'm reallyhealthy.
And so if I in my head I waslike, but if I start eating
again, then I'm going to gainweight and everyone's going to
think that I'm not healthyanymore, and it just you know
what I mean.
It just, and it was, it's acycle, and you just keep going
down and down further, and so Imean I tried every diet,
everything and so, and then doyou want me to kind of tell
about how getting out of thattoo, or do you want to sit?

on that for a minute.
Well, yeah, we'll sit on thatjust for a little minute,
because you've said a lot ofthings and I've, I've, I've
struggled with it too, and I'lltalk about that in just a moment
, but it's that.
There's two things that Ireally see and hear from you
from it was me, but anyonethat's really going through
eating disorders is its feelingsof inadequacy and also the

(32:28):
relentless pursuit to keep upwith worldly standards.
And, unfortunately, why I'mdoing this podcast is most
people don't even know whathealth looks like.
They.
They, like you said, theypraise.
We as humans praise the hardwork, but we demonize the person
that doesn't hard work.
It's hard Like oh, you're doinga two-it, you're working out

(32:51):
twice a day, good job.
Like it's a good thing, youknow whatever you know.
Oh, you're on this diet, way togo.
It's always this like praise,because we as a society are
saying, hey, we need to lookthis way, this is what health is
.
When you show me some like anoverweight person that's working

(33:13):
out is getting more caloriesthan normal, but they're mostly
good, they're probably a lothealthier than the person that,
let's just say, when you wererelentlessly pursuing the Daniel
fast, because a lot of peopledon't understand how many
calories you really need tosustain yourself.
Like, put it this way, if wewere to go into an RMR

(33:34):
calculator and say what, whichis your resting metabolic rate?
For those that don't know howmany the minimal calories does a
70 year old grandma that issedentary need?
Sedentary, not even working out?
Grandma, 70 years old, and justso you know, metabolism slows

(33:54):
down when you get older and thenumber is right around 13 to
1400 calories.
This is to maintain your heart,your lungs, your vision, your
brain, your hormones, yourthyroid, just to keep those
going.
This is a seven year oldgrandma.
Now enter in a 30 year oldwoman or male, 18 year old woman

(34:15):
or male, 40, whatever it isthat is now working out three,
four, five times a week.
And to be active in these RMRcalculators, all you need to do
is walk at a pace that's likeslightly more faster than
walking three to five miles.
They don't know the studiesthat bashing your chest and
ripping those muscles, theshreds from just doing an hour

(34:38):
long chest workout or puttinglike loading up the squat rack
and then going to the leg pressand doing all these things, what
type of damage and what needsto be done for the rest of your
body not to have a negativeeffect.
They, they.
There isn't really any studiesthat do that.
They're starting to come out,but they're more still focused

(34:59):
on how to increase strength orsize, not so much longevity.
And me.
This is why I constantly askwhy and it's like wait a minute
For every action there's anequal and opposite reaction,
somebody that's doing that.
This explains why we're gettingseeing so much less healthy

(35:21):
people when they get older.
This explains why some womenstruggle with menopause so hard
but some don't.
What is the difference?
It's well, when you become intomotherhood, you know, I, I, I
have seen it, you know and I'mmost of my clients were always
women that I dealt with.
Well, what happens?
You know, barely have any timefor yourself.

(35:42):
Your routine that you had ofactivity kind of goes down the
drain.
You're kind of just sittingthere, You're kind of watching,
you're kind of always stressed,all these other things.
You're not getting the enoughcalories, you're constantly just
up all night.
All you're not getting thesleep that affects you so much.
And if this happens at 30, well,yeah, your body's going to take

(36:03):
about 18 years.
18 years and all of a suddencall boom, things shut down.
Well, was it?
Because it's just the age?
Oh, it's that age menopause,you know.
It's like, well, what aboutthat 50 year old that never went
through it?
Oh, that was it.
They're just lucky, see, youknow.
And it's like no, no, no, no.
Look at, you have to reallylook at and offer your body's

(36:26):
living sacrifice.
Look at where you've been andyou're like well, I haven't been
feeding myself, I haven't beensleeping, I haven't been doing
all these things.
And when you're constantlyworking, working, working just
to back off from the menopauseexample, but a male or whatever
it is, and you're working out sohard but you're not feeding
yourself, well, guess whathappens?
The testosterone levels plummet.

(36:47):
Estrogen will plummet for women, you know and things just start
getting.
Hey, thyroid hormones willplummet.
Why?
Because it's trying to beefficient.
It needs to do the work,because you're forcing it to do
the work with very littlecalories.
So what is going to be the mostefficient thing that a body can
do?
Well, I'm going to startshutting off my hormone

(37:08):
production because I'll save melike 900 calories a day, you
know.
And they just start dwindling,dwindling, and oh, let's see, we
need to be healthy.
Your testosterone levels aren'ta little high enough, I'm going
to give you a shot of steroidsand now you're going to be
feeling great.
You didn't fix the problem.
You didn't put more wood intothe fire.

(37:28):
Your fire is going down andyou're like, wait a minute, I
need to go.
So you're just taking thelighter fluid and just onto the
fire, which makes you feel great, but no one's done the one term
studies.
That's happening.
You're then relying on thisexternal energy source and
things are just going downhill,downhill and no, it's going to

(37:51):
be crazy how many 70-year-oldsare injecting themselves with
over a gram of testosterone justto try to stay alive, if they
make it that long.
But like it's crazy that peopledon't see that whole thing and
needing that and when you aren'tgetting what you need and
you're under eating, doing allthose things, it will show up in

(38:12):
every area of health.

I'm glad you said that because I'm not feeling
convicted to share.
So I guess it's almost been twoyears now.
My thyroid shut down, I wasdiagnosed with autoimmune
disease and it's funny becausemy family was like, oh, you
shouldn't have been eating thegluten, you should have been off

(38:34):
the gluten this whole time.
Yeah, I'm like you can't dowhat I did and restrict and then
binge and then diet this wayand then diet that way and then
whatever all of that, and thennot experience some sort of
issue.
And so you kept saying thyroidand I was like okay.

So I was like I'll share.

So, yeah, I mean, that is a part of my story too,
and so I am so thankful.
I believe wholeheartedly thatGod just delivered me from it
and healed me and he does, andso but I am so thankful that in
that process, though, he showedme how to have grace on myself,
because what we can't operate ifwe're operating out of food or

(39:18):
working out food I have like ashame, guilt thing, like shame
and guilt is not of the Lord,and as soon as I was able to be
released from that and I wasable to be just really
surrendered to him like my bodyand like what I put into it, I
was dealing with so much likechronic pain and issues, and
that is all gone now.

(39:38):
Like praise God all blessingsflow Like.
But I just, I just feel like Ihave to share, because On the
outside you'd like, oh, likeshe's like the you know she's so
fit and she works out and shetakes care of herself.
And it was like I was, I wasnot taking care of myself, and
so much to the point that Ireally threw myself into an
autoimmune disease.
That was completely unnecessary, had I just stopped focusing on

(40:01):
how I look and how.
How.
How I look in not only my body,but how I look to people being
so healthy, and I actually juststopped focusing on that and
just focused on like taking careof my body and like being a
temple of the Holy Spirit andjust like honoring it.
That wouldn't have happened,you know.

Yeah, and you know a lot of people Blame.
Let's just say they're genetics, sure they, you know.
Even like you said, you knowhow do we mean.
Disorders run in my family.
Well, I bet you're stressed.
Those too, the when yourparents were raising you at six,
seven, nine, whatever they havebeen may have been putting this

(40:37):
unhealthy Like standard on you,where you just felt like you
were never good enough.
So you felt like you need to beperfect and you were just
constantly Stressed, and youdidn't know this as a child.
Why?
Because your parents Felt ithad parents like that that put
them under the same amount ofstress.
They didn't feel like they wereenough.

(40:58):
So that what as parents do?
Well, I didn't do it right, soI'm gonna make sure my kids do
it right.
But kids don't do what you say,they do what you do.
Mm-hmm period, and while thefoods you were eating were the
foods you fed them.
You know, and People alwayswant to say well, genetics or
it's.
It runs in my family.
It's like well, so do all theother patterns that you're

(41:20):
taking care of?
Because, like autoimmune, well,your body doesn't just start
attacking your immune system forno reason, right?
Yes, I'm sure there's cases outthere that they felt like they
were the happiest person in theworld and the devil can attack.
Just go look at Job.
I completely understand that,but where how you respond is
really what's gonna be dictatinglike.

(41:41):
Are you that person that isconstantly struggling, not
feeling like you're enough,feeling like that the world or
there's a method out there thatis gonna change you, instead of
really going and saying wait aminute, how do I really
experience peace?
And and we first?
Peter 3, 34 is a Extremelyawesome reminder because it says

(42:02):
true beauty doesn't come fromoutward experience, mm-hmm, but
from a gentle and quiet spirit.
So good and that gentle andquiet Spirit.
People really overlook that.
That's what I do within mybusiness is I help people
achieve peace of mind and heartOver every area of their body.

(42:25):
How do I do that?
By helping them overcome thespiritual, mental and physical
Obstacles standing in front oftheir way of doing that.
But that is my product.
I don't.
I don't know what that lookslike.
You can stay fat the whole time,I don't care.
Do you have peace of mind andheart about it?
You probably don't and it'llnot.
But if you're searching forpeace of mind and heart, you

(42:45):
have to do the things thatautomatically need to be done.
But the moment you beatyourself up for not doing it,
you are not now not going afterthat goal.
You're go, you're back into thewrong goal, you're back into
the weight goal, which meansnothing.
But if the goal is peace ofmind and heart and you just
apply that in every arearelationships, peace of mind and

(43:06):
heart that means you should bedoing what you're doing.
I am loving, I am not cheating.
I am not lying.
I am not doing being in places.
That I'm not finances.
I am doing the saving, I amdoing the investing.
I am not buying frivolousthings.
Peace of mind and heart.
Is that true success, andthat's what true beauty,
according to Peter is saying, isthat gentle, quiet Spirit so

(43:28):
good.

Seriously, I and I think a quiet, gentle spirit
was not something that IInherited.
I love my parents.
I love my parents, but thatthat can be generational and we
can play, I mean it's I Agreewith you of like these things
are not, like these healthissues.

(43:50):
I think nine times out of ten,maybe even more, not than nine
times out of ten overwhelmingmajority of the time.
Yes it is.
It is you learned reallyunhealthy patterns from, from
your parents, on how to cope,and and now it's coming out in
your body.
And so I think that even likegenerational curses, if you will

(44:13):
maybe like another phrase forit where it's like okay, if
we're, if our spirits aretroubled, that's gonna, that's
gonna come out in our bodies,and so I just I love, I love the
way you emphasize that verse.

Yeah, and you know, because I I come from a
Overjudgmental type of family aswell.
You know that's one of thebiggest things that people have
a problem with.
You know my parents, you knowme, you know through those types
of things and that's how I gotinto bodybuilding and just I'll
even break it down just for alittle bit on my side is is I.

(44:43):
I was a baseball player.
I was very gifted.
I was thrown 91.
When I was 13 and I was livedin Wisconsin and I Two older
sisters, lived in Wisconsin on afarm you know like, or at least
next to the farm.
Not many male in people likeInfluences in my life.
Dad was kind of outside, alwayswork in type of thing, but I

(45:06):
was in baseball and then wescout, got scouted, came down
and Went and got into a teamthat was like three years older
than me.
They all were threatened.
They end up saying oh, he'sweird.
So he's gay.
I don't want to sleep with himon that in his room I'll trim up
into a room that only supposedto have two into three because I
don't want to be with him Typein like.

(45:27):
Those were the types offeelings that I was having.
So I started working out tofeel like I was enough To make
it for an out, that outwardvalidation to be manly because
clearly I have female tendencies, because I grew up with females
I think it's a fantastic thing.
Now I love that, everythingthat I, and wouldn't change a

(45:47):
darn thing in the world.
But I really got that um desireto be like that super hero and
Really start going into thatlevel.
And then, low and behold, I.
I was gifted and I was activeand I Constantly asking why and
how can I do less effort to getmore results and those types of

(46:08):
things.
I then got into bodybuilding andand during that time men's
physique came out and I was likewhoa, I can truly compete now I
don't have to be this huge dude.
And but like I started steroidsat 17 and I didn't do it right
either, I took the worst, one ofthe most powerful ones, trend
below and acetate trend, with notest, no post-psychotherapy,

(46:33):
nothing.
At 17 years old it was actuallyphenoplex caplets, which is
what it dried off, cooked in abasement, so like it wasn't even
from a name.
It was literally looked likesweet tea.
It was like a hundred andthirty four milligrams, when
it's like everything, nothing ismeasured in that amount.
But this is what the guy saidand like, sure enough, amazingly

(46:54):
hard and and just vascular,because that's what you do at
the end of like a competition.
You get the test out for like aweek or two and just have the
trend and you just get soincredibly grainy and just
vascular Because test holdswater a little bit.
But I did the first, like twocycles just of that, no test.
Then I was like, oh, man, Ihaven't been doing tests.

(47:15):
So then I started getting intothat.
Oh, then it was like, oh, Ineed to get into
post-psychotherapy, didn't knowany of these and it screwed up
my mind so much Incredibleamounts.
But within that, within thebodybuilding, I then Wasn't
doing it for the right reasons.
I wasn't obsessed with justbecoming better or challenging

(47:37):
myself.
It was to be enough to beaccepted.
It's the only way I got praise.
You know, it's the way that youcouldn't make fun of me.
Lo and behold, people then madefun of me still, you know Like,
oh, how do you turn?
He must have sucked some judgeoff if he turned pro that
quickly.
No one does that like.
Somebody literally said that tome and but that's why it was

(47:57):
never enough.
If I had the, if I looked thebest in the gym, I would have
the best day.
But then the moment somebodyelse came that looked better
than me, I would want to hidelike there's no tomorrow.
But not only that.
If I did anything not accordingto my plan, I felt like I was a
failure and it started reallycontrolling me and I was my own

(48:19):
coach all the way through turnpro, being my own coach.
But the problem with that wasis no one else was there to hold
me accountable.
And the moment I ate one littlecookie and it usually didn't
start that way, it was more of Igot done with the food and I
struggled with smoking marijuanaas well, and I'd be smoking and
I'd be good for three weeks,two weeks, whatever it be.
And then all of a sudden, I'mreally hungry.

(48:41):
You know what?
I'm gonna eat one of the mealsfor tomorrow, today.
So then I eat that meal and I'mlike All right, I'm gonna eat
the rest of the meals that dayand I'll just fast tomorrow and
I'd eat that whole meal and thenI'd be like, no, I've screwed
up, I'm not.
I might as well just capitalizeon this and I would go and
spend 40, 50 dollars at aconvenience store I'm just crap

(49:04):
like every single thing I'veever wanted.
You know, I would get the pieceof the pizza, the Oreos, that
everything like, because usuallyWalmart around me wasn't open,
like I wish it was, but I didn't, because then I'd have the
whole Package of package ofOreos instead of the individual
candy bars.
But I would eat so much to thepoint that if I bent over I'd

(49:24):
puke.
It'd be so stuffed and I'd feelso bad about myself that I
start sticking my finger down mythroat Because, like I wasn't
doing it so much for, oh, I feellike I'm so fat.
No, I was in a competition, butit was still the same premise
around it of comparison amongstother people.
It's just my, my boundarieswere moved and that's all.

(49:48):
And that's one thing I got tosay is no matter where you are,
the six pack, your biceps aregreat.
So you get this big, you'rethat skinny, whatever it is, all
it's gonna do is just move theboundaries.
That's why the fitness industryhas to say never be satisfied,
because they it can't satisfy.
But I would just sit there andjust throw up, throw up, throw

(50:08):
up to a point where I would haveso much Redness in my eyes and
then, once I got done with that,I've been like, well, it's all
out, let's do it again.
And I'd do it again and throwup and like I gave myself a
hermit, like two hernias doingthat, and it would just be this
Process and and then you wouldget to the point where I'm
working out and blood would juststart coming down my nose Cuz I
was just putting myself underso much pressure of eating a lot

(50:31):
, eating too little, which thenwent into the binge eating
disorder that I struggled for solong, where it'd be like I eat
so good these days and then it'slike and off the rails.
But for me, luckily, it was.
I always ate too much.
But most people that that I'vecome across that I train People
don't believe me when I say this.

(50:52):
If you're already in the gymand you're wanting a personal
trainer, the likelihood thatyou're eating too little is like
99 out of 100.
But unfortunately, all of theworkout and diet advice is
geared to people that don't workout and are super fat and don't
care.
But the only people that aretaking it are the ones that are

(51:14):
super trying and super trying tocare and they eat so little and
they're like I said before.
Their Metabolisms get so low,so low, and then all of a sudden
their body's like you need foodand then they go and eat the
crappiest of nutrition in thelargest amounts, which just gets
all stored, which then they goand fast one day or eat too
little, and it becomes thiscycle that Just ends up

(51:37):
destroying your body.

No, thank you so much for sharing all that,
because I think it we just don'ttalk about it enough and.
I we were talking about earlieris like, when we start bringing
these things into the light,it's like someone hearing this
or hearing like a story likethat can be like wait, I Do that
too and I think that sometimesa lot like and maybe for you,
even when you're in thatsituation, it's like it's hard
to even know because theboundaries kept getting moved.

(52:01):
It's hard to know, like, howfar you've gone.
Yeah until you're kind oflooking back and you're like
wait a second, like how did Ieven get here?
But yeah, I work with I meanmost mostly women, not, not on
purpose it just kind of happenedthat way and I so many of them

(52:21):
skip breakfast, have a hugelunch and then, like, skip
dinner and then snack.
That's like that's the typicaleating pattern.
Or skip breakfast, have aninsane amount of caffeine.
Mm-hmm.
And it just.
It's just interesting, though,and I feel I feel frustrated.
I'm happy that I'm in thisfield because I, you know,

(52:43):
growing up with like my story,it's like I knew a lot about
like nutrition.
I just didn't, you know, Iobviously went in a bad way
about it.
But there's so many people thatare just listening to these ads
, like you know, of thisbusiness, of the.
You have the fitness industryand then you have, like this
diet industry, and they're justlike using these ads of
something that's trying to tell,sell you something, to give you

(53:06):
like the, the right thing oflike what I'm supposed to be
eating or what I'm supposed Tobe doing.
And so it's crazy how manypeople I've worked with where
it's like, hey, actually, youknow, skipping breakfast isn't,
isn't good for you, like youshould, you should probably have
some calories, like yourmetabolism slowed down.
And then when you Drink, youknow, three Celsius is before
it's noon I literally like asthey're adrenal glands.

(53:26):
I'm like, yeah, your bodydoesn't like that.
And they're like I just have noenergy.
I'm like try eating breakfasthigh protein.
Just try this week.
We'll do that, Then let me knowhow you feeling and they come
back and they're like this iscrazy.
And I'm like I mean it is crazy, but it's crazy that like this
is something like they've madethis many years of their life

(53:47):
without knowing this.
And I'm the one to tell you,hey, if you eat food, you
actually have energy and they'relike what?

And just for a caveat, breakfast stands for
break fast, yes, and they saythat it's the most important
meal of the day, but no onereally said when you need to eat
it.
But when you get done with thatwindow of not eating, what you
first put into your body is themost important.
Most people put that croissant,that ice coffee, that double

(54:15):
swirl I don't know, I don't goto Starbucks.
It's so sugar-laden, whateverit is, energy drinks that have
the carbs, and all that and thatsets the tone of just like,
wait a minute, I have thesenasty, these nasty urges, but lo
and behold, they're not gettingthat protein, they're not
getting what really will sustainthem.

(54:36):
And then things start goingworse.
They start adding cellulite inlittle areas that they don't and
then they're like well, thatjust means I need to work it out
harder, like the amount ofpeople, especially women, when
they're like oh, I'm trying togrow my butt or get rid of all
this cellulite off my butt,whatever it is.
So I work out my legs two timesa week, three times a week, and

(54:58):
I'm like but your arms lookgreat and you barely hit them.
Your lower body looks badbecause all you are is breaking
it down, breaking it down,breaking it down two, three
times a week, and then you don'thave any utensils or any
materials to build it back up.
It's like let's go and demolish,take this house and let's just

(55:22):
start swinging hammers withoutthe proper materials.
You just start swinging thehammer, just keep on hitting it,
and all of a sudden it's likewell, now we just have a
destroyed thing, but we need totry to show progress.
So then we just kind of put theokay bosses around, let's put
up these materials yeah, we'reworking.
But then all of a sudden itjust goes.

(55:42):
Once they go away, they're likewell, if we keep swinging our
hammers, we need to, this is notgoing to be good.
So when the boss goes away,they stop swinging and they just
shut down because or else yourbody is going to die.
And so many people are goingthrough that perpetual state of
just stress.
Where then it affected?
Where they're running off acaffeine, they're running off

(56:02):
all whatever hormones from theoutside and their sleep is
horrible.
And what I always tell peopleis like, if you're not eating
enough and you try to go tosleep, your body's not going to
want to go into that restfulstate because it's scared it's
going to die.
Yes, it's like am I going toeat?

Like what's?
We're in survival mode rightnow.
What's going on?
We're in survival mode.

Why am I going to allow me to go into deep
sleep and REM, where all therepair happens?
I don't have anything to repairwith.
I'm not going to let you gointo that deep sleep or that REM
sleep, because if it will, I'mgoing to be drawing from nothing
and your heart may just stop.
That is what is happening.

(56:43):
So then, when we put any typeof external more stress onto it
pollution, covid shot, whateverit may be I'll put it in there.
I love it.
You know, if you put that inthere, because you can take the
COVID shot and you can be justlike, hey, be like.
Peter got bit with the snake.
Everyone expected him to die,but he didn't.
He had peace of mind and heart.
So what, get out of here.

(57:03):
I'm trusting God's power.
That was his mindset.
But if you're in constant stateof fear, constant state of
stress, you're not eating enough, which is more stress.
You're not getting the sleep.
Okay, your body's gotten usedto that.
All it's going to take is oneCOVID flu, one COVID shot that
could literally just kill you,and then everyone goes.
It's COVID, it was the shot.

(57:25):
No, it wasn't.
It was the totality ofeverything that you're doing.

Yeah, it's usually not one thing ever in
general that would like takesomeone out like that, and so
you have all this horriblerecovery.
I mean, it's even, it's likeit's almost worse for people
that are going to the gym.
I'm like, if you do not starteating, this is this becomes
more dangerous for your body.

I actually made an article a long time ago why
working out is bad for you.
Yeah, and like I don't thinkpeople get it is like most
people that are in the gymshould not be in the gym.
First off, no one said you needto lift weights, like that's an
activity that, yes, willusually push that stress onto
you, but if you're not feedingyourself, you're just going to

(58:09):
temporarily get better that'swhat everyone measures
themselves and then it's justgoing to get worse later.

Right, we're, we're not training, and this is
something you mentioned earlier.
This, the longevity.

Yes.

And this is a big part of of training, because
when we're looking at this shortterm kind of outcome, that's
when we get like really extreme,you know kind of approaches, I
mean.
But I think about, like justbreaking this down is something
I just thought of is look atexercise and what it's become.
This it's a whole industry diet, fitness, all this stuff.
But like, look, pre-industrialrevolution, which is like not

(58:44):
that I mean in the grand schemeof time, was not that long ago,
under something years ago,whatever.
We weren't going to the gym Likethat wasn't a thing, because
they were moving in theireveryday life.
Like God designed our bodies,you know, to be out in the
fields and doing these thingsand moving.
All of a sudden, now we'resitting in sedentary and, no,
it's less and less.

(59:05):
I mean post like post COVID nowtoo even less and less and less
and less.
We're just going on this likesharp decline where we're not
moving our bodies.
So we're like, okay, we need togo do a really intense hit
workout to like make up for that.
But I have so many clients thatwill think, okay, I'll do, you
know, an hour three times a weekand we'll go really hard, but
then I'm just going to sit, I'mnot going to move my body, I'm

(59:25):
not going to walk, I'm not goingto take, like eat, any foods.
I thought I was like, yeah,it's like it's one plus one
equals two.
Right, you know, but it's likewe were.
When we're operating in the waythat we were designed to
operate is when we're going toexperience really the true
benefits from exercise, wherewe're just feeling better in our
bodies for the long term.

So I'm going to go look at Mary and Joseph.
Oh, and they just had to get upwhile Mary was pregnant and
travel all the way down here.
Oh, and now, now you're inBethlehem, actually, hired is
about to get you, so go to Egyptnow.
Okay, you're done being inEgypt.
They weren't taking cars,they're taking mules, and
traveling traveling, walking,all these things, like there's
so much walking involved in it.

(01:00:03):
But also, just to even say itlike because one thing that, as
Christians, we know is ourbodies are temples.
But if we look in the OldTestament, how many rules were
there to actually talk about?
Maintain the proper order ofthe food first eat this, do this
, this is for the Levites, thisis for the.
This there is true structurethat will maintain our temples

(01:00:27):
too.
But we also have to make surethat, like Jesus said, I prefer
obedience over sacrifice.
That's so good.
But it didn't say that sacrificeis bad, the that way of keeping
the temple and how thingsshould be on that Old Testament.
But you prefer that obedience,that much more.
But there are true things thatare going to be beneficial to us

(01:00:51):
.
Eat more protein, eat an ampleamount.
If you go, look at an athlete,tell me one athlete that thinks
operating in a deficit is good.
Not one, not one.
Tell me anything in the worldthat you would want to operate
out of a deficit.
There isn't one.

Kailyn España (01:01:06):
It's a bodybuilding thing that we've
like.
I feel like that's the thing,like bodybuilding has taken.
It's a sport.
It's a.
Thing.
And now we've just translatedthis over because so many
fitness like professionals areinto bodybuilding.
We've just taken this way oflife and translate it to general
population and I'm like dude,don't even start it.

Aaron O'Connell (01:01:29):
You can't be working out of that deficit is
just not designed that way andlike you will go into a deficit
just by working out harder.
You know if you're eating thatamount and it'll just naturally
become what you want to.
You look at the footballplayers.
You look at all the athletes,the true runners, the Olympians,
women, men, whatever.

(01:01:49):
Their bodies are amazing andthey're so capable as well.
But that's because they'resitting there and feeling it not
operating out of a deficit, andthat I just wish people would
get is like stop purposelyputting yourself there.
All it will take for you to bein a deficit per se is go get up
and do a one mile walk withyour daughter.

And then you're living.
It's like you're there's thingsthat we can add to life rather
than take away.
You know what I?

mean, and just just to kind of close off and
then kind of dive just a littlebit more into the exercise
things on that eating disorder.
I do want to say, though, thatyou do need a community for help
, and Galatians six two remindsus to bear each other's burdens,
and I've heard it's being saidthat we go to God for

(01:02:42):
forgiveness, but we go to God'scommunity, others for healing.
Amen, because then you will beable to hear people like our
stories.
You'll get people to bring andlift you up when you were down,
because the devil is roamingaround looking for someone to
devour, not for people to devoursomeone, which means you're

(01:03:03):
isolated.
And that's where all the mentalissues happen.
That's where the devil will bewhispering in your ear, that's
when you will feel like you'renot enough.
But if you're surrounded with acommunity of believers, it will
be so much harder to not forgetyour identity.
Because that's what's happeningis people aren't basing their
identity in Christ, chosen,woefully, wonderfully made, and

(01:03:26):
that's what's happening isthey're taking advantage of our
God breathed bodies.
God breathe life into humans.
No one, no other living thing,has God's breath in us.
That is why we, every breath,says you know, we are meant to
worship.
That's what we were sayingbefore.

(01:03:46):
But we have this God breath inus.
We are made in God's image.
All we have to do is reach outfor the tree of life and Eden.
We would have lived forever.
Now we know that the tree oflife is Jesus and when we have
that relationship with him weget to live forever.
But within that, we need tolook at it as saying, hey, we

(01:04:10):
can't be putting too much effortand care about our bodies
instead of what our bodies aredesigned for and that is to work
the land, that is to enjoy ourlives, that is to subdue the
land and just to worship him andbe in community.
Because if you look, there's anew propaganda blue zones out

(01:04:33):
there on Netflix of how to eatthe proper way and everything
was like oh, it's the, yeah, I'minto this and you go look at it
.
It's like he just keeps onnaming off exercise and this and
this and this, and he demonizesall these like meats and stuff.
But oh, but there's a cattlefarm right there.
Oh, there's all these other youknow, but they're demonized as
propaganda.
But I've heard from a long timeago.

(01:04:53):
I was listening to the TimFerriss podcast and they were
talking about blue zones and hedid one, and there was only one
thing that actually mattered forpeople in blue zones, by the
way, are the highest 100 yearolds per capita.
There was only one thing, andthat was what the documentary
did show, and it's that they arein touch with the family unit

(01:05:15):
100% the grandma and the grandpaare at the most high esteemed
and usually their kids are, andthey're are living in the same
house.
They're not put off into a home,but they that grandma, grandpa
are still controlling the hardwork, they're still active in
everything, and it's thatcommunity that is really what's

(01:05:37):
helping, because that's wherethe burdens are then buried,
through those that are trulycaring about you, your family,
and that's why, if you don'thave that community, I highly
suggest finding a counselor,finding and getting into a
church, a small group, to beable to bury your feelings into
that, because that's wherefreedom is going to be found.

Amen, amen.
I love that it's.
It's what we were talking aboutearlier.
It's like if we are in theshadows, trying to struggle with
these eating disorders, tryingto struggle with whatever we're
struggling with, that's wherethe enemy can start speaking
lies, and and we don't havepeace if we don't have people in
our lives echoing the father'svoice about what he says about
our identity.

(01:06:18):
We'll reach for food to tell uswhat our identity is we'll reach
for for exercise to like helpus to achieve whatever identity
we want us to be, and so Iabsolutely love that.

It's so, so great, because we because, like
I said, we have that God breathremain image and people are just
hijacking that they're.
They're like oh well, you knowwhat I'm.
I'm 19 years old, I can eatwhat I want, I can do what I
want.
It doesn't affect me.
It's like not yet you know likeand they abuse it.
They, they're smoking, they'revaping, they're doing all these

(01:06:49):
net and you know they'redrinking constantly, getting not
much sleep, and it's becauseour bodies were made in his
image and we're literally takingadvantage of that and pushing
it to the brink.
And then, all of a sudden, whenit breaks, we don't want to
take responsibility of it.
So we have to focus on it'sCOVID's fault, it's, it's this
fault.
It's because you ate the meat,it's because you had that, it's

(01:07:11):
because you put deodorant withaluminum underneath there.
Do you have dementia?
You know it's like.
No, maybe that person justdidn't have any interaction with
people and it wasn't pushingtheir brains and asking the hard
questions, because they were sodistraught their whole entire
life, so everything seems someaningless.
They kept working so hard buttheir kids didn't even love them
and they went over here andthey're just sitting there

(01:07:32):
beating themselves up that theirmind actually went crazy.
You know, we don't ask thosequestions and unfortunately, and
one bone that I have to pickwith counseling is counseling is
really good for her comfort,for being able to reveal
problems, but very rarely doesit ever heal God.
You know, god is the one thatheals, he is the one that has

(01:07:53):
that power, because you'll seepeople in counseling constantly,
constantly.
But that's because thecounselors are just there kind
of labeling you, you havebipolarness, because you exhibit
this thing, so you must do XYZ.
Oh, you have that chronic youknow that that autoimmune
disorder.
So you got to avoid this, thisand this.
Because everyone's trying tofind worth and find significance

(01:08:15):
in this life and in the doctor,counselor, psychology world.
All they're doing is a cheapknockoff of what the Bible says,
but they're doing the they're,they're denying their bodies,
they're doing all these ritualsbut denying the very power that
could truly heal them.

Yeah, ultimately Jesus is the, the wonderful
counselor, right yeah.

Jehovah Rafa, our healer.
Amen, I love it.
Oh yeah, so just just to kindof just touch one little bit on
it, exercise what you youmentioned that it should be like
a focus not so much onaesthetics but on, like function
.
Just dive into that just alittle bit more.

Okay, I'll, I'll try to keep it a little so I
could talk about this for awhile.
So I I think that the world offitness is very much.
We look to bodybuilding, evenif we don't know it where.
It's like okay, you know,you've got the, the, even just
the machines that are filled onmost of, like, the gym floor,

(01:09:16):
are these isolation exercisesthat, like, that's what we're
focused on?
And so, like you know, generalpopulations walking to the gym
saying what should I do at thegym?
And they're like okay, well, Iguess I just sit down and I'll
just, you know, put my hands upon something and do a bicep curl
, isolate one specific muscle,and it's like okay, well, that
is great for bodybuilding.

(01:09:36):
Like great.
You know that sport you needsomething where you can isolate
those muscles because you'retrying to get that like really,
really, you know, built in toneto look.
But when in your daily life areyou going to sit down in a
chair and do like this movement,like ever you?
Know what I mean.
And so I am like a hugefunctional fitness trainer where

(01:09:57):
, when going in the gym, we'rejust basically practicing how to
function better in our dailylives.
So squats and is like afunctional fitness thing where
not necessarily like I mean, Ido love a good barbell squat,
but like really perfecting, I'mnot going to stack a bunch of
weight so that I can, you know,have that number of like this is

(01:10:17):
how much I can squat.
It's like it's like, okay, I'mgoing to slow down that movement
with lots of intention and likejust feel the way that my
muscles are moving together.

Like.

God created this beautiful body and like it
functions in so many incredibleways.
It's like I'm going to doexercises that allow me to
really kind of focus into mybody and and just like I guess,
without being like super new agelike, but connecting to it you
know what.
I mean, and like, likemeditation, being in the Bible,
of like we're slowing down,we're being present and just

(01:10:47):
appreciating God for what he hasgiven us.
And that way exercise almostbecomes like worship, because
we're not just like, oh, oh,like, oh my gosh.
I'm so, like I'm so ripped,whatever, it's like we're
slowing down and noticing, likewhat God created, and so I love
this.
I mean mobility is a huge thingtoo.
Just because we do sit a lot,you know, during the day, like

(01:11:07):
we've been sitting here for alittle bit, it's like our bodies
, like stretches and things likethat can kind of lengthen
muscles that are really tensebecause of the nature of just
our sedentary you know world.
I love incorporating that intoexercise too and just anything
that is really serving the body,rather than you like you go to
exercise so you can.

(01:11:28):
You can like help your bodyfeel better.
Yeah you're not going toexercise so that you can, you
know, exercise like.
It's kind of like the man'smade for Sabbath is made for man
, not man for the Sabbath.
I want to find a phrase forthat with exercise, where it's
like exercise is like therebecause of our sedentary world
and we just need to take care ofour bodies.

(01:11:49):
Like exercise isn't there forus to like a cheat, like it
wasn't something that we have todo.

It's.
You know what I mean I don'tknow how to phrase it Exactly
and like if you look at it, golook at the two and three and
four year olds.
They have the best squats ever.

Yes, no bad habits.
Yes.

They literally have their chest up.
They don't even, and their andtheir butt is like a half inch
from the ground.
They have full.
You go, go move a kid andanyway, grab the limbs and just
put it and they can go over thehead.
And that is what people arelooking for.
That's while they think theyare looking for something else,

(01:12:26):
but that's what they truly areneeding is those functional ways
.
And so often, like he says,we're, we're doing patterns of
this world, like Romans 12,because that's what body, like
you said, bodybuilding is reallythe standard and it's because,
since the bodybuilders couldchange their bodies that much,
there must be truth that we canadapt to change hours.

(01:12:49):
But in that it's a slipperyslope Because, like you said,
you're doing a bicep curl.
You don't do bicep curls unlessyou're holding on as many
groceries as you can for yourego and you're like, hey, look
at me, babe, and you just startcurling those very specific
scenario, but that was from then.
Again, bodybuilding, because itwas just that, showing off which

(01:13:10):
is what bodybuilding is, isjust showing off its pride, its
comparison, and there is a lotof.
You know, I'm not saying youcan't be in that and glorify God
, but it's very hard to, becauseyou know to not be selfish, not
be prideful and all that stuff.
Because, like, there's a guy onthe internet I won't say his
name, I don't like doing thatbut like he's, he's ripped, you

(01:13:31):
know, and he talks about God.
He sounds so amazing, he speaksso much, but then it's like
well, here's my regiment and I'malso balancing out my hormones
and all these other things.
And it's like hey, are youcausing your brother to stumble?
Because, you know, is your wayof eating causing your brother,
your sister, to stumble?
Because Jesus said go out andeat the food that's put before

(01:13:54):
you?
Yes, that was from, okay, pigsand these unclean things, but
there's still just as meaningfultoday.
Is the way that you're eating,is the way that your goals set
up, is the way that you'reexercising, is the way that your
body looks Actually inspiringpeople, or are you treating it
like, oh, I'm just not goodenough.
Oh, this is, I'm so fat, Idon't have this last little bit

(01:14:17):
and you're so focused on thatbody building that people
automatically be like Well, ifhe looks things that way about
himself, what does he thinkabout?

me.

He must think that I'm a fatty, like you know,
and it could be at any level.
It could be, you know, somesomebody that doesn't work out
much but is nice and skinny,like I need to work out because
I, you know, I just want to getthese shoulders, this last
little bit and, like someonethat doesn't know Lord, are you
winning them to Christ?
Are you putting them off?
Are you pointing it really toChrist and everything that

(01:14:48):
you're doing?
Or are you just utilizingChrist to benefit you, to make
yourself feel better, thatyou're still bringing Christ
into it, but your actions areactually showing elsewhere.

That's so good, I think even not to like rag on
CrossFit, but no to rag onCrossFit.
I'm just gonna, I just um Iwhatever CrossFit has, there's
so many different things butwhat I have noticed about it is
that it has made exercise soinaccessible, where, like people

(01:15:21):
actually someone commented onmy post recently saying like
thanks for making exercise lessscary, and I was like exercise
was never supposed to be scary.
But if we're operating in a waywhere we're like, all right,
I'm going to do this super hardthing and we're like pushing our
body to the absolute max, likewe're like we're throwing up,
like I mean, that was always.
I used to think that was like ohwow, I got a really good
workout in because I like threwup.

It's like are you jiggling legs going?
Yeah, like, oh, I can't walk, Ican't walk for a week after.

Wow, I got a really good workout in.
It's like that, I mean.
Why is the first question?
But, second thing is that peoplethen look at that and say, okay
, then I can't move my body.
If that's what it takes to takecare of yourself and be healthy
, then I can't do that.
And so it's it's.
And then, on the contrary toand like, then for me it's like

(01:16:09):
oh, look you know, look whatkind of workouts I do, look how
hard I can go.
Like you know, look how much Ipush myself, look how dedicated
I am, when in reality it'sactually.
You're really disordered if youthink that pushing yourself and
eating that way and doing allthis stuff is healthy, but
everyone else you're saying, heyguys, look at how dedicated I
am.
And in an to your point oftalking about causing your
brother to stumble, it's likelike then we're causing other

(01:16:32):
people to be, like askingthemselves questions about their
identity because they can'treach the level that we're at,
even though we probably weren'teven designed to go to that
level in the first place.

And CrossFit really is a sport.
It really is.
I did a whole podcast withWilson Bailey about it and it's
like you should.
It determines the fittestpeople in the world.
But, like you said, it's makingit scary.
It's like I don't even like itbecause it's too stressful.
Like, yeah, could I do it?
Could it make me feel like somebig old dopamine release after

(01:17:05):
I achieved something?
Yes, but that's only if myvalues are strictly built on my
performance, which it's not.
This is not performance based.
And even I struggle, even in the, in the religious world, and
like the Christianity world islike I have to watch myself to
not overpuff myself up, that Ihave this amazing relationship

(01:17:25):
with Christ, that I read theBible a lot, I pray.
I do all these things because Ihave to watch myself, because
in the context of this podcast,I'll say it all day long this is
my territory, you are cominginto it and you can.
If you're feeling offended I'mnot, I don't know who's
listening, but the moment I'maround a group of men in a small

(01:17:51):
group, an individual.
The last thing I should bethinking about is trying to
inspire them by telling them whoI am.
No love is actionable.
I need to ask the question ofwhat would they be able to get
the most out of?
How can I present myself in mywords?
So not that I feel that I lovedthem, no, but they feel loved

(01:18:15):
that.
Not that I sound so smart andso amazing, no.
How can I break it down in anedible way that they can consume
it and get something out of it?
And that is really the wholelike why I do fitness, because I
think fitness, the state ofyour health, is the state of
your life.
Like you have no health, youhave no life.
You it is a direct like mirrorof your Christian walk is your

(01:18:42):
health what you're eating, howyou're thinking, what you're
focused on, it's pride, it's allthese things.
And that's why I married thetwo in this whole podcast and
everything, because people canget so caught up in into the
tree of good and evil.
It's tree of good and evil andeverything seems to be this good
thing.
Working out harder is good.

(01:19:02):
Go work out hard.
No, we offer our bodies as aliving sacrifice.
Ask yourself the question can Isquat down and get down low
without struggling to get up?
If the answer is no, you shouldnever put a weight on your back
and do a squat you know like,and you probably shouldn't be
doing leg presses that are superheavy just to overload the

(01:19:24):
muscle because, like you can'teven lift your body.
It may temporarily make youfeel good, but what happens?
Up there goes your ACL, upthere goes your back.
Oh, I got that, I got a pinchednerve, I got this, and then
it's 10 times worse.
You need to ask yourself.
I'm a parent, I just want tostick up with my kids, but every
time they go up the stairs, Ihuff and puff.
Great, your workout today is goup the stairs 60 times.

Period.
Like, just like, let's let'sstop making it so complicated.
Like, if you can't go thestairs, let's practice going up
the stairs, going up the stairs.

You know, if you are worried about your
balance, great, let's startdoing a little bit more narrow
squat, let's maybe walk, workwith lunges but you still have
handles and start just trying toget low on that, just to get
your body to where you don't go.
If you are unflexible, go putyourself in the area that you
can't flex to and you will getthat much better.

(01:20:20):
I can't tell you, I quitpersonal training, the actual
hands on, because I realized I'mnot helping anybody.
I'm just kind of instillingthis thing that may make them
feel better, may make themtemporarily better, but I just
gave them another idol.
But I do train somebody rightnow and it's because he is
searching the Lord.
He is rather new to the faithand not only is it time for me

(01:20:42):
to connect with him in thespiritual realm, but I've
realized he's on a path todestruction because he just is
doing more and more and more andI had to in most clients.
I have to hold them back in thephysical realm and the more I
can just be stretching on them,like his biggest, hardest leg
workout was when I put a 20pound weight on his back just so

(01:21:05):
he could get back there withhis arms and I just have him sit
down in the lowest position hepossibly can and I just.
We did that for like 25, 30minutes and like all of a sudden
he's stretching further down,further down, further down, and
he came back.
He's like dude, I've never feltsoreness like this Yet we barely
pushed any weight, you know,but we just focus on the weight.

(01:21:26):
There's so many things that wecould be doing that aren't going
to be the worldly way ofsuccess, but is really going to
give us what we're needing.

Yes, I think that it's.
I think you said somethingabout pulling people back.
I think that sometimes peoplethink about like functional
fitness and they're like, oh,that easy stuff, that like
boring stuff.
But I'm like, if you do a squatbody weight squat correctly and
at a slow enough tempo, Iprompt like you're gonna be

(01:21:58):
feeling it Like you know, Idon't care who you are, I don't
care if you can squat somethingcrazy, like so I think you know
it's, we've it's again, it'sthat sport, rather than being
like, all right, what does mybody need?
So I just I love that you'redoing that with your client.

And it's.
You know it's.
Just where are you getting yoursense of worth from?
Is it from the world?
You know?
That's why that's a whole towerof babble, like God knew that
if we could just be talkingamongst each other, so connected
with just one language, thatwe're going to try to be build a
tower up to God and may comeour own gods.

(01:22:32):
And that is essentially whathas happened with social media
and all the comparison,everything because we are
looking further and further howto feel significant, how to
stand out.
Everyone's an influencer, rightnow.
You know everyone's trying tofeel like they're enough,
they're important, they achievedsomething, they're making an
impact, they're making a legacyand it's like all that is null

(01:22:55):
and void.
Really, you already have accessto literally the highest
kingdom of the world.
You can be an heir to thethrone and live forever.
You know, it's just.
Unfortunately, we are doingwhat's seven third of Matthew
731 says not to do.
Don't think about what youshould either drink or wear.
These are thoughts that consumeunbelievers.

(01:23:16):
Instead, know that God haseverything for you.
You know, seek first thekingdom of God, live righteously
, then everything will be addedto you.
And as Christians we know that.
But if we are not doing that,god is actually allowing those
negative things to be thewarning sign to you.
Anxiety, depression, pain,disease, all those things are

(01:23:38):
warning signs that things aren'tright In the Old Testament.
That's why, if you just had askin disease, you get out
because things aren't right,type of ordeal like get out of
here, type of you know, becauseit's all about protecting.
But we have those alarms and wehave to start looking at these.
These weaknesses boast aboutour weaknesses, because God's

(01:24:00):
power is made perfect inweakness, rejoicing your trials,
so they produce endurance andthat which improves, produces
character, which produces hopein our God.
But we're so quick to just runaway from our weaknesses and
where we should be focusing on,just so we can get a pat on the
back from a trainer or a groupfitness or the wrong community

(01:24:20):
that focuses only on the worldto make me temporarily feel like
I'm doing something.
But those people don't careabout what you do at home, how
you feel, what your mental spaceis, and unfortunately then what
happens is then chemicals areproduced in your brain.
When you're massively depressed,when you aren't in
communication, communicationwith others, when you are, when

(01:24:41):
you are constantly stressed froma workout, you will then be
changing the literal chemicalmakeup of your mind, which then
gets in, which is a wholeanother topic of discussion of
like hey, I'm really this way.
Look at my brain scans.
It's like, okay, you're right,it's going to be hard for you,
but that doesn't mean they can'tgo back this way.

(01:25:03):
It's just you need and you mayneed medication to get there,
you may need therapy to getthere.
You need to get your eyesopened, utilize the counselors
and wise counselors that God hasgiven you to be moving you
along that way.
You aren't stuck in that way.
That is yet another identityand that's why I love God's just
saying like nothing's out ofreach for him.

(01:25:24):
Nothing's impossible.
For a miracle still happen.
It just you need to have atleast a little faith.
But no one's doing the thing toeven produce the faith.
They just look at another humanbeing or another pattern of
this world.

Yes, I was gonna say I'm a, you know well, just
to give them their faith.

But they're not asking that question, saying,
Well, what would give me morefaith?
What do I need to see to feellike I'm progressing?

That's so good, preach it.

Well, you know that we're getting right on time
about where the normal podcastthat I like to end it.
Is there any last words, wordsof encouragement or advice that
you would like to give any ofthe listeners?

Yeah, I would just say I really love what you
were kind of hitting homeearlier with community my in my
journey of disordered eating andthen just body image things and
stuff.
I have a friend now who kind ofwalked through a similar
situation and so it's it's soimportant not to have only

(01:26:26):
someone to hold you accountable,but then also someone just to
be there to encourage you likeright, like in Hebrews 10,
talking about like let's notgive up meeting together
somewhere in the head or doingwhat.
Let us encourage one another.
And all the more as we see theday approaching.
It's like we need we needpeople that are there, that can
kind of just walk in again, likeechoing the father's voice and
encouraging us along the way.
And so she's a friend that I canlike message and be like, you

(01:26:50):
know, just talk about you know Imean any struggle or any
thoughts or things, and she'sable, you know, as I'm trying to
hold those thoughts captive,she can speak truth and truth
into those areas that you know,and I can do the same for her,
and so I think that would bejust the biggest takeaway and I
and I also say as far as apractical step with that, it's
like well, how do you know who'sstruggling?
I'm like like you, you know.

(01:27:12):
How do you know like who?
you can rely on for that kind ofthing, and I think that you
know, vulnerability is reallystepping into the light and
saying, hey, this is a thing I'mstruggling with and that that's
hard, you know, to like toadmit that and to like put it
out there.
But I wasn't able to find outabout that, about her story,
until I shared with her my storyand she goes oh, me too, and
you know.
Then now we've been able togrow together and so I'd say, if

(01:27:35):
there's any anything thatyou're struggling as far as
eating disorders or mentalhealth or physical health,
exercise, whatever body imageit's like, step into the light
and allow someone to to speakinto that, because the power,
first of all the, the power it'sholding over you, is diminished
, and then and then you have afriend to encourage you, you

(01:27:57):
have a community of believers inthat, and so.

But the first step is just being brave, you
know, and doing that and makingthat first move for sure, and
you're going and getting yourcounseling degree and all that
stuff and this, this podcast, isgoing to be on the internet
forever.
Well, for as long as I can keepon keeping it on, you know this
episode is going to be there.
So tell people where they couldfind you if they want to reach
out for you.
Maybe they don't have thatcommunity, maybe they don't feel

(01:28:22):
safe and you inspired them orwhatever.
Where could they reach out andget to get to your social media?
Your email share that.

Yeah, my social media is just my first and last
name, so it's at Kailinuspania.
No periods dots, anything likethat Spell that.
Okay, my name isKailinuspaniacom and then ESPANA
for Instagram.
I like to be engaged on thereand then I also kind of my brand
or whatever I have.

(01:28:51):
It's a mind and muscle, butit's mind ex musclecom I have.
Ultimately, I'm still in mystudying for counseling and
everything that's not going tohappen for a couple years.
But ultimately I am trying tohave a business, that where
physical health and mentalhealth are kind of just
integrated fully, and so in mypersonal training practice now I

(01:29:11):
do integrate it as much as I'mallowed to having not being not
being a fully licensed counselorat this point to do is call
yourself a coach.

Yeah, right.

And literally, I mean.
That is how it is,Unfortunately.
And so I mean if, even if it'snot mean and you know you're
not- that's what you have tolook, look for what the people
that you're going to be coachedby are actually qualified, that
they know what they're talkingabout.
Like you know, even I'm justlearning so much even just like
on people that just have likeone personal training
certification, what it takes tobe a personal trainer is like

(01:29:42):
you can just go online and justtake a little test, like you
don't have to train.

You don't have to do that.
You can go to certain.
If you have your own gym, justopen it up in there, you're good
.

Like it's, it's, you can yeah.

So anyway, all that said, all that said but
yeah, I'll just touch in, as youcan identify a tree by its
fruit.
We know that as Christians fromthe Bible.
Vet your vet, your coaches, vetyour counselors.
Look at their fruit.
Yes, it may take a session ortwo or three, but if they're not
talking about God, if they'renot talking about the healing

(01:30:15):
power of spiritual walking, yourspiritual walk with Christ,
you're going to be missing out.
You know that as a Christian.
So search those things out.
But then those that may havealready gone through it, that
you, that you can feel the loveyou can feel safe with, and
that's why I'm saying that is,you could be that person.
Yes, you are a coach.

(01:30:35):
You are already showing thatyou were an expert in these, or
an expert and have expertise inthese areas.
So, although you don't have thedegree, you're going to be well
more qualified and caring andloving, because love conquers
all and you got God on your side.
If you lack the wisdom, you canjust ask for the wisdom, amen.

(01:30:56):
And so really I would justchallenge the listeners is like
reach out to Kaywin, she may beable to help you in that.
And if, hey, if you want a male, I'm here as well.
I do the same thing.
You can reach out to me throughthe podcast.
I don't have to mention my typeof things.
But if you need that help, Ihighly suggest to find somebody
that you do feel safe, that youtrust, that will not lead you

(01:31:18):
astray, that won't give you yetanother.
Just replace one idol withanother idol.
Because that's what everypersonal overwhelming majority
of.
I'm telling you of trainers andcoaches and all those things.
All they're doing is giving youthe idol of I'm fat and I need
to be skinny, and they'll giveit to me.
Then it turns into now I needto be first place in my

(01:31:40):
bodybuilding contest and now Ineed to just make sure that I
can eat what I want and stillkind of maintain this while
doing this, but then, all whilecomparing myself to I was in
competition mode it just becomesyet another idol, another idol.
If you truly want to be free,find a coach that not only knows
what they're talking about butalso is walking firmly on the
rock that God has provided us,the church and just in general.

(01:32:04):
Jesus.

Amen, amen.
Couldn't have said it better.
I love it.

Awesome, well, thank you so much for joining me
, kaelin, it was an absolutepleasure.

Yes, thank you so much for having me.
It was great.

All right.
Thank you all for listening.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Crime Junkie

24/7 News: The Latest

Stuff You Should Know

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Unmasking Eating Disorders and Embracing Body Positivity: Kailyn España's Inspiring Story

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}Crime Junkie

24/7 News: The Latest

Stuff You Should Know

All Episodes

Unmasking Eating Disorders and Embracing Body Positivity: Kailyn España's Inspiring Story

Crime Junkie