Blind Spot #2 Quitting Is Making It Harder To Not Drink (5 Part Series)

The hardest part isn’t pouring the last drink — it’s learning how to live well without needing one. In this episode, I share why “just quit” often fails and how a commitment-first approach makes sobriety simpler, softer, and actually sustainable.

Instead of fighting cravings, I walk you through how to uncover what alcohol has really been doing for you — comfort, transition, connection — and how to meet those needs in ways that honor your values and your body. This is where the feminine path to freedom begins: rooted in embodiment, curiosity, and compassion rather than self-judgment.

We also talk about the difference between attachment and desire, how your stories around alcohol amplify craving, and how to build evidence of your strength with small daily actions. This isn’t about perfection; it’s about devotion — to the woman you’re becoming.

✨ Takeaways:

• Why “just quit” creates resistance instead of relief
• How to uncover the real need underneath each craving
• Simple rituals that help you transition, soothe, and reconnect
• What commitment looks like in a feminine, sustainable way
• How to shift from self-control to self-trust
• Learn how to say no to alcohol, deprivation free. 

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2026 is the year you stop making rules to break, and finally get to work. Join me in 90 Days To Alcohol-Free Freedom In 2026 - Get a once in a life time bonus when you sign up before 2026 Click HERE to Book Your Clarity Call Today! 

Download The Permission Protocol — my free 5-part mini-course — and start practicing the skills that make alcohol irrelevant on your terms.

DISCLAIMER: This podcast and its contents are not a substitute for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. It is for educational and inspirational purposes. I am not a therapist or doctor. The views here are expressed a personal opinion and based on first hand experience. Please consult a doctor if your mental or physical health is at risk.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (02:22):
In today's video, I am going to teach you why
quitting is secretly sabotagingyour sobriety.
This is part two of the fiveblind spots that are keeping you
stuck and making sobriety waymore complicated than it needs
to be.
My name is Mary Wagstaff.
If you are new to this channel,as well as I am, welcome.

(02:53):
I would love for you tosubscribe and follow along on
this journey with me.
I'm a holistic alcohol coach forwomen, and I'm really excited to
be here on YouTube.
And I have a lot of, I wouldsay, more hot topic buttons to
discuss, but we're just warmingup here and we're just getting
to know each other.
I'm going to bring you thebasics of my teachings, the

(03:16):
things that I've been helpingwomen with, women from all over
the world that have varyingrelationships to alcohol.
And one thing that I know to be100% true is that it doesn't
matter where you are on yourjourney.
Sobriety is possible for you.
The fact that I am here talkingto you is because I believe that

(03:41):
every single woman has access tosobriety, especially through the
lens of feminine empowerment andreally through the lens of
honoring our feminineexpression.
And that's something that I'mvery passionate about because
quitting drinking is really thenext level of your evolution as
a woman.

(04:01):
And I'm thrilled to be part ofthis journey.
I've helped countless womenthrough my podcasts.
And I thought it would be fun asI'm warming up to being on
camera.
I am a real human here and I'mgetting my camera voice and
understanding how I'm teachingthrough the lens of video now.
I thought it would be fun toshare a little ritual and to

(04:21):
share a little something aboutme.
So I have this amazing candle.
Something that I wanted toshare.
It's just a little fun tip aboutme is I love Reiki ASMR.
There is a woman named Anna, andshe has changed my life.
And I wish that I could be asamazing as she is, but I'm not.

(04:43):
These candles are so cool.
This is a local company.
I live in the Columbia Gorge inOregon on the other side.
I can see Washington from thewindow.
It's very cool.
It's very beautiful.
I hope to have you all outsomeday.
It's called Adventurous Aromas.
This company creates aromatics,and I use essential oils in my

(05:07):
practice, in my private practicefor the same reason.
They create aromatic candlesthat will bring you deeper into
your favorite story, yourfavorite gaming experience.
If there's a novel series thatyou love, and I made this
special candle, it's calledPriestess Moon, and it was a
manifestation candle that I madewith them for the story that I

(05:31):
want to tell of being together,gathering women under the light
of the full moon, fully wild andsober, fully awake, fully
authentic in our beautiful gloryas women.
And I'm gonna light this candlefor us today.
Quitting drinking doesn't work.
There is a statistic.

(05:52):
I've looked it up, and these areeven cooler because they have
the wooden wick and there's acrackle.
This is for us in this newjourney.
Online, it says that quittingdrinking, the average woman will
quit drinking five to seventimes.
Now, of course, some of that isrehabilitation attempts, serious
attempts at quitting drinking.

(06:13):
But never does it say the womanwho with a broken heart who
wakes up every single daytelling herself that today she
will not drink.
This is you, this was me.
I was a daily drinker for almost20 years.
And I know what it was like tohave a broken heart when I knew
the calling that I was ready foralcohol to be out of my life.

(06:35):
And of course I had conflictingthoughts, and that's what kept
it in my life for so long.
Quitting doesn't work becauseyou do not grow a muscle
overnight.
Quitting is something when youwake up Monday morning and you
say, I'm never drinking again.

(06:56):
And in the last episode, wetalked about avoiding alcohols.
Instead, I'm going to drink onlygreen smoothies.
I'm going to train for a 5K.
You set yourself up with all ofthese other expectations that
also aren't habitual.
And not drinking is habitual.
Not drinking is something youneed to learn.

(07:18):
You need to learn all of thethings that alcohol has been
doing for you in your life.
And the reason that quittingdoesn't work is because you have
to validate the reason that youwere drinking in the first
place.
We don't do things in our lifefor no reason.
Now, there is a physiologicalchemical reward that happens,

(07:42):
that there is a pleasureresponse and a reward from that
experience of drinking.
And there's also other needsthat you have.
Maybe there's a connection thatyou think that you make with
your partner.
It's your downtime, it's yourtransition time.
And you really need to know whatthat is and accept the fact

(08:05):
that, yeah, their alcohol isdoing something for me.
It is meeting a need for me.
You have to know what that isfirst.
And it's like, okay, I have beendoing this for a reason.
Then we have to understand can Imeet that need on my own?
Have I ever even tried?
So when you just quit, you neverreally understand what was

(08:27):
alcohol giving me.
What need did I have that wasn'tbeing met?
And then we have to understandwhat am I working towards on the
other side of alcohol?
What am I wanting to achieve?
What is beyond this habit that Iwould never be able to have if
alcohol continued to be in myway?

(08:49):
A lot of that you might not knowright now.
What I know is the possibilitiesof sobriety, especially in
midlife and after, become sovast and mind-blowing because of
the skill set that you learn ofwhat's possible, because of
growing your awareness andstepping into uncharted, wild

(09:12):
territory that you never wouldhave stepped into before.
You're not quitting alcohol, youare committing to the woman that
you want to be.
You are committing to alifestyle of living in alignment
with the truth of who you are.
And that means getting crystalclear on your values that you

(09:35):
have right now.
And you might not know whatthose values are because you've
never asked yourself as a grownwoman, what are my values?
And there might be a contrast,like we talked about in the
first blind spot of avoidingalcohol.
There may be a contrast that youknow what your values aren't.

(09:59):
You might not know what theyare, but you sure know what they
are not.
For me, as an example, I was ayoga practitioner and a teacher
of mindfulness and wellness forthe same amount of time that I
was drinking.
Alcoholic raised me as a woman,but I was fortunate that I was
on this path of spirituality andmindfulness.

(10:20):
It was, I lived a parallel life.
I was drinking and going down myspiritual journey.
There was so much wonderlustingand a bit of existential
despair.
And what we'll get into in alater episode, the biggest thing
missing from my spiritualjourney was the divine feminine,
was the energy of the femininethat didn't exist in my yoga

(10:45):
practice, that didn't exist in alot of the wellness modalities
that I was studying.
And maybe it did, and I justwasn't aware of it at the time.
So it wasn't until I startedcommitting to finding my
wholeness as a woman.
And I was fortunate enough tostudy with a mentor that taught
me about the feminine mysteriesand honoring my cyclical nature

(11:08):
versus shaming it.
So we have to understand whenwe're quitting, what we're
committing to, becausecommitment doesn't mean one and
done.
Commitment means I'm here tolearn.
So say you go to school, yousign up for a program, you go to
college.
Well, you don't just say, okay,I signed up, now I'm a doctor.
No, you have to go through thesteps.

(11:29):
You have to study, you have tolearn, you have to create new
habits, you have to learn a newskill set and a tool.
And for some reason, and it'sthere's no shaming, right?
There's just evolving.
We are evolving how weunderstand the lens of sobriety.
And there's many differentmethods that will meet many
different people.
But here, I don't believe thatyou need to take, you have to go

(11:54):
cold turkey to generate evidenceand to actually start the
process of quitting.
I don't believe that that's arequirement.
Now, the longer alcohol is inyour system, the more it will
impact those thoughts becauseyou're gonna have maybe some
physical desire for it.
You're gonna have a physicalcraving.
But a lot of that craving comesfrom attachment.

(12:18):
Our attachment to the storyaround alcohol, which we talked
about last time, actuallycreates more desire.
So there might be a physicaldesire for alcohol from the
chemical alcohol itself.
But once you unpack the story,you stop avoiding alcohol, your
attachment to alcohol lessons.

(12:40):
And I'll probably do an entirevideo on attachment versus
desire.
But what you need to know rightnow is that quitting is not
serving you.
Committing is the mindset thatyou need for this journey and to
make it your number onepriority.
And what I want to tell you isthat it's going to take as long

(13:01):
as it's gonna take.
But the more you put it, leadwith it as your main intention,
unpacking it, not shamingyourself, but bringing it to the
forefront of the conversationfor yourself, not avoiding it
and committing to unlearningalcohol, the quicker it's going

(13:22):
to go.
But when it comes to alcohol andaddiction, and I do believe you
can be addicted to alcohol andthen one day not addicted to
alcohol, it is not a lifesentence for you.
Everyone's relationship toalcohol is different based on
many different factors.
So you are committing to yourjourney, not anyone else's.

(13:42):
And that is such a crucial pointto know this is for me.
Just like your desires and yourdreams are for you.
They are not anyone else's.
And your unique gifts and yourunique expressions, some of many
of which are waiting for youunderneath alcohol, are yours
uniquely alone.
And your gifts are required andwelcomed here in this world to

(14:07):
meet the people that are readyto meet them.
And chances are, and I know you,that you are already doing so
many beautiful things with theunique expression of who you
are.
You have created a beautifullife, and it's the thread of the
life that you have alreadycreated for yourself, your
beautiful home, your beautifulfamily that is going to be, you

(14:30):
are going to follow.
You've already laid out thefootprints for yourself and it's
staring right back at you.
If you want to start to takeyour journey deeper, I have a
whole course of how to makesobriety simple.
And it is called the sobrietystarter kit.
I will leave the link right herein the comments.

(14:51):
It helps break down everythingthat you need to plan, to
implement, and then to evaluate,giving you all of the beautiful,
heartfelt, mindful tools thatare going to take you on your
journey as a woman beyondalcohol and have true feminine
freedom for yourself and withyour ideas and not living a life

(15:16):
and performing for someone else.
Make sure you subscribe and thenext episode where I reveal the
third blind spot that issecretly sabotaging your
sobriety.
Thanks so much for being here.