Blindspot #5: Quitting Drinking Means Something's Wrong (5-Part Series)🌹

We unpack the fifth blind spot that keeps women stuck with alcohol: the belief that seeking support means something is wrong, rather than a powerful up level. We show how to replace isolation and shame with evaluation, evidence, and celebration so alcohol becomes irrelevant.

• reframing sobriety 
• moving from isolation
• replacing alcohol-as-reward 
• strategy's that work to track your progress
• sharing from neutrality to dissolve stigma and build connection
• future-focused identity work to reclaim lost parts
• practical rituals for emotional regulation and calm
• community, support, and sustainable next steps

Learn how to say no to alcohol, deprivation free from your wild feminine. 

As a thank you for being such an important part of this podcast, I want to gift you my brand new free mini course, The Permission Protocol
Everything you need is right here in the description

Imagine having weekly breakthroughs — and celebrating them without alcohol.

The 90-Day Life Renewal Challenge is an invitation into your year of clarity, self-trust, and embodied change. This is about knowing you can handle life without numbing, avoiding, or hiding. You can be sacred and do it anyway.

👉 Schedule your Clarity Call for your first breakthrough — and trust that it’s only the beginning.

Join The 90 Day Life Renewal!

A Private Holistic Coaching Program to gracefully help you move through the resistance of change, stay accountable and honor the version of you that is done waiting. What if this year, you didn’t just set a goal…but created a living plan that actually fits your energy, your values, and your season of life? Apply & schedule your clarity call with Mary here.

Download The Permission Protocol — my free 5-part mini-course — and start practicing the skills that make alcohol irrelevant on your terms.

DISCLAIMER: This podcast and its contents are not a substitute for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. It is for educational and inspirational purposes. I am not a therapist or doctor. The views here are expressed a personal opinion and based on first hand experience. Please consult a doctor if your mental or physical health is at risk.

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (01:20):
Wild sobriety is for the woman who has outgrown
alcohol and was never meant tofollow the script.
I'm Mary Wagstaff, a holisticalcohol coach, and after 20
years of daily drinking, Ifinally made alcohol irrelevant
in my life.
And now I help women just likeyou do the same through my
proven five shifts process.

(01:41):
Welcome to Wild Sobriety,Feminine Freedom Beyond Alcohol.
Hi, my beautiful friend.
I'm so thrilled that you're heretoday in this video.
You are going to learn the finaland fifth blind spot that is
secretly sabotaging yoursobriety.

(02:02):
And yes, there are probably morethan five blind spots, and I
know that to be true, but todaywe are going to talk about why
your belief, this change, andyour needing support or seeking
change means that something hasgone wrong.

(02:26):
This is one of the biggest blindspots because, in actuality, the
truth is this is the greatestup-leveling glow up that you
will ever have in your entirelife.
Seeking support for change insobriety is truly the next phase

(02:46):
of your evolution.
And this belief that somethinghas gone wrong is keeping you
small, is keeping you stuck, andis keeping you isolated.
And when you do share, you'resharing from a place of shame
versus a place of celebration.
So we're taking you fromisolation to integration and
celebration, bringing this wholenew commitment to yourself, not

(03:12):
to alcohol, to yourself intoevery single area.
Now, this doesn't mean that youneed to go and post on your
Instagram.
I have 165 days sober.
I have a three day sober.
No, that is not what this meansat all.
This means that you show upknowing I'm getting myself
together, I am evolving, I amshifting my mindset, I am

(03:34):
learning tools to supportmyself, my emotional bandwidth,
my emotional intelligence,taking personal responsibility,
seeing this as a glow up.
It is such an important part ofthe process.
And the other part of theisolation that we experience
often as women is we movethrough our lives and all of the

(03:57):
deep work that we're alwaysdoing for ourselves and for
everyone else, kind of on ourown.
And we look to externalvalidation and external praise.
And when we don't get it, itfeels like no one appreciates
us.
But how much are you actuallygiving that to yourself?
How much are you actually what Ilike to call it as stopping at

(04:19):
the vista and taking it all in,looking around and thinking
about, oh my gosh, sometimes wereally sell ourselves short when
a year ago, where you are nowwas a dream in some area of your
life.
You have worked so hard tocreate a beautiful life for
yourself, to move throughobstacles, to make decisions

(04:41):
about the family you want, thejob you want, the creative
endeavors you want, trips you'vetaken, ways that you have shown
up for yourself.
And maybe some of that isn'thappening.
And in the contrast, this is whyyou are wanting to change things
with alcohol.
But there is so you would nothave gotten to this point right
now, watching this video.

(05:01):
I know you if you hadn't beenbusting your butt, trying to
live the absolute best life foryourself and for your family.
You are doing the best that youknow how.
And that's why you're here,because you are here to take
your life to the next level.
Because think about it.
Why would you need alcohol inyour life if you are crushing
it?

(05:21):
You don't need it, becausealcohol is a crutch,
essentially, to either increase,quote unquote, we think, to
increase enjoyment, really, andactually not natural joy, or to
eliminate the burdens of adiscomfort or stress, right?
We're either moving into alcoholbecause of some sort of fear or

(05:42):
lack, even when we think we'reusing it as a celebration, we're
actually feeling like there'snot enough there.
But this is your opportunity togive yourself permission and
praise and the feeling ofachievement alone.
So often we think about alcoholas a reward.

(06:03):
And this is one of the this isanother blind spot, is that so
many times you have taken abreak from alcohol to only
reward yourself with a drink.
And that only reinforces thatbelief that alcohol is the
reward.
You are the reward.
The sense of achievement andaccomplishment and integrity and

(06:23):
showing up for yourself is thereward.
And so I recently just got offof a call with a client, and
this happens so much.
You know, she's not drinking,she's doing great, moving along
with her life and feeling likenormal.
So things feel normal.
Life is still just happening aslife.
And for some people, there'sreally big dramatic shifts.

(06:44):
And of course, she's feelingbetter, but the feeling that
she's feeling so much joy, somuch more energy is kind of
overriding how crappy she wasfeeling and how in low drain
energy she's focused on thisreally positive impact, right?
But she's like nothing new toreport.
And this happens so much, andthis is why it's so powerful to
have a process of evaluationregularly and really understand

(07:09):
the work that it does take tocreate sustainability in this
process.
And it doesn't take thatforever, but then you'll move on
to new phases of your life andyou have to still step back and
reflect.
Like for me, I have to look backall the time and remember and
remind myself where I wasbecause of course, we're humans.
We always default to thenegative.

(07:30):
But as you grow your awareness,as you grow your mindset and you
grow your emotional capacity,that starts to that time of
defaulting to the negativebecomes less and less because
you're like, Mom, why am I goingthere?
Right.
Now, there's nothing wrong withfeeling discomfort, but you can
use discomfort as a portal tosolve problems.
So inevitably, we go throughsome coaching questions.

(07:51):
I always ask for some evaluationshits.
And sure enough, I end up withtwo pages of notes of all of
these things that have shiftedfor her.
All of these ways she's showingup more in alignment with who
she wants to be, all of theseways her life is better.
Times that she hadn't drank thatwere really big moments for her
that she had kind of likebrushed under the rug.
And I was like, girl, we've gotto celebrate this.

(08:13):
And sometimes it can seem alittle repetitive that we're
going through these samequestions, sometimes week after
week, but the impact of theevidence, of the embodied
evidence, and really holdingyourself accountable to your own
achievements is such a powerfulprocess.
And it is the process because ifyou don't call it out, no one

(08:36):
else is gonna call it out foryou.
Now, there might be people inyour life that you have some
supportive others that are like,I see you, but I get paid to do
this.
I get paid to celebrate with youand I believe in you so, so
much.
This is the work that I do, andthis is why I'm also here is to
see you and celebrate you andbelieve deeply in you, because I

(08:58):
would not be sharing thiscontent if I did not believe
that you were 100% capable ofintegrating this change of
identity into every single areaof your life and this mindset
shift that something has gonewrong to this is the next phase

(09:18):
of my evolution to the womanthat I am becoming and to the
woman that I was born to be isgoing to change everything.
And the other reason theisolation is really keeping you
stuck is because it reallybuilds on that shame again, in
the way that if I talk aboutthis or if people know, then

(09:41):
I've done something wrong.
They're gonna have all thesestories about me.
And again, every single timeI've done this or I've talked to
a client who shares from a placeof really neutrality and
celebration.
And oh my gosh, I'm doing this.
I feel amazing.
All every single time,inevitably, there is someone in

(10:01):
that conversation, it starts areal dialogue, a connection for
closeness, right?
Where we think alcohol is thecatalyst for closeness, where
it's really about being real,about being deep, about the fact
that mostly every single personthat I've ever met has
questioned their drinking.
Now, whether or not they arewilling to say it out loud is

(10:23):
another story.
But you saying it out loud froma place of celebration, from a
place of being neutral, from aplace of being casual.
I just started going to the gymand working with a personal
trainer.
It's literally no different,right?
So this, and if you lost 20pounds or if you heal the back
injury because you were doingphysical therapy, whatever it
is, you would celebrate that.

(10:44):
This is no different.
And this is where the mindsetshift and beliefs have to be
looked at because we have beenstuck with such a social stigma.
And fortunately, it's changingnow that there are normal
drinkers and then there'severyone else.
And we'll talk about this moreas time goes on, but it's just
not true.
Anyone can become addicted toalcohol, anyone can form a habit

(11:06):
with alcohol, and I believeanyone can come become up to
alcohol.
Now, there are varying levels ofwhat this looks like, what the
journey of sobriety looks likebased on so many facts that I
will get into in another video.
But what I really want you totake away from this is why for
you, this is such an up-level.

(11:27):
In what area of your life haveyou not been really willing, or
what areas of your life is thisgoing to impact that maybe you
haven't done the work in otherareas?
Maybe you haven't taken personalresponsibility in other areas.
Why is this an up-leveling foryou?
And I really want you to futurefocus yourselves.
And you necessarily haven't beenthere.

(11:48):
And there's a question I'veheard people, I want you to take
a minute to think about yourselfin the future, even in the year
from now.
What part of yourself will youhave reclaimed?
What's the part of you that youjust don't really seem to have
access anymore?
That you are so excited to comeback online.

(12:09):
And for so many of us, we don'tactually know what that is, but
it might have been a youngerpart of you that as time goes on
and as our habits get strongerand form stronger, it does take
away some of the more innocentparts of us or some of the parts
of us that when we were younger,that when we were more
spontaneous, or maybe we love todance or make art or something

(12:30):
like that that you feel like hasreally slipped away, that you
can see really being a part tore-emerge and be in that place
of celebrating with her.
And what would that feel like?
Does that feel like shame?
Another I really like to isthink about someone you love
that is close to you.
And if they came to you and theywere like, Oh my gosh, I've been

(12:52):
on this journey of alcoholfreedom.
I'm really tapping into mycycles, I'm really tapping into
honor my needs, that they're notthe same all the time and my
boundaries.
You're gonna look at that personand tell them that they're that
they're broken.
No.
Most of the time, what happensis people want that.
And that is often what we'rescared of.

(13:14):
That we're going to maybe makesomeone else reflect on their
own behavior.
We'll also do a video on thisabout other people's
perspectives.
This is a big setback forpeople.
I don't want to make someoneelse feel bad by bragging, by
celebrating.
But the real truth is that youare actually giving someone else

(13:35):
permission to do the same,regardless of what they say and
regardless of how they theyrespond.
So the same response that youwould give to a loved one, to
your children, to your sister,to your mother, to your lover,
whoever it is, I want you togive yourself that response.
Go back, finish watching theother blind spot videos if you
haven't seen them, and make sureto check out the 60 Seconds to

(13:59):
Calm.
It is my free guide to help youfind relief in the time that it
actually takes to pour a drink.
Subscribe to the channel andmake sure to follow along.
Leave a comment down below.
Tell me what it is that you'relooking for.
I would love to make a videojust for you, and I promise to
get back to you.

(14:21):
As a thank you for being such animportant part of this podcast,
I want to gift you my brand newfree mini course, The Permission
Protocol.
It is a five-part journey tohelp you rethink everything you
believe about the pleasure thatis possible in sobriety and the
radical freedom that is requiredto get to the other side.
And it's available for you rightnow inside of my free wild

(14:43):
sobriety community where we canhang out, support one another,
and grow by honoring ourauthentic expression as women.
Everything you need is righthere in the description.
I will see you inside of thecommunity.