November 18, 2025 • 20 mins
This bonus episode is a truth-telling moment — the conversation I wish someone had given me during the 20 years I wanted to quit drinking but didn’t know where to turn. If you’ve been stuck between two awful options — white-knuckle sobriety forever or resigning yourself to drinking because nothing else feels right — this is your sign that a third option exists.
I share the real mindset shifts I learned outside of AA, how I finally made alcohol irrelevant, and why most women stay stuck bargaining for years. We talk about the gap you avoid, the mental noise you've normalized, and why “just not drinking” never creates the freedom you want. This is the foundation of the Permission Protocol — the feminine, embodied path to shifting your relationship with alcohol on your own terms.
In this episode, I walk you through:
• the real reason quitting feels impossible (hint: you’re only trying to not drink)
• the third option between AA and white-knuckling
• how alcohol becomes the center of change — and how to shift the focus back to you
• why you keep bargaining, moderating, and negotiating with yourself
• the truth about the “gap” (and why being alone with yourself feels hard)
• how alcohol dulls your authentic expression + steals your presence
• the mindset I used to make alcohol irrelevant after 20 years
• why the Permission Protocol works when “trying harder” doesn’t
If this resonates, download The Permission Protocol — my free 5-part mini-course — and start practicing the skills that make alcohol irrelevant on your terms.
2026 is the year you stop making rules to break, and finally get to work. Join me in 90 Days To Alcohol-Free Freedom In 2026 - Get a once in a life time bonus when you sign up before 2026 Click HERE to Book Your Clarity Call Today!
Download The Permission Protocol — my free 5-part mini-course — and start practicing the skills that make alcohol irrelevant on your terms.
DISCLAIMER: This podcast and its contents are not a substitute for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. It is for educational and inspirational purposes. I am not a therapist or doctor. The views here are expressed a personal opinion and based on first hand experience. Please consult a doctor if your mental or physical health is at risk.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (02:27):
Wild sobriety is for the woman who has outgrown
alcohol and was never meant tofollow the script.
I'm Mary Wagstaff, a holisticalcohol coach, and after 20
years of daily drinking, Ifinally made alcohol irrelevant
in my life.
And now I help women just likeyou do the same through my
proven five chips process.
(02:48):
Welcome to Wild Sobriety,feminine freedom beyond alcohol.
Welcome back to Wild Sobriety,my beautiful warriors of love.
Welcome to this bonus episode.
This is a Facebook Live that Irecorded last week, and it's so
potent.
It's probably the most importantinformation that I can share
(03:10):
with you.
It is me reflecting on myjourney and your journey of all
of these years, all of thesetimes, all of these days where
you're wanting to quit drinkingand what your mindset is.
And what I know, because I wentthrough every single
consultation, um, intake formthat I had and I pulled out all
of these themes, and I'll betalking more about them because
(03:30):
I want to answer the questionsof the turmoil that you're in.
And if you're listening to this,you now know there aren't two
options.
There's not just quit drinkingand live in fear of missing out
in deprivation forever, orresign to a life of drinking and
sell yourself short because youare fully aware that it just
doesn't feel right anymore.
(03:51):
And you know, AA is not for you.
So that's not even the option.
We're not even going there.
But there is this third option: enter holistic alcohol coaching. (03:56):
undefined
It is here.
And the other reason I'm airingthis now is because the
permission protocol, which is mybrand new five-part mini course,
it is fire.
It's my favorite thing that I'veever made part journey of
powerful permissions to shiftyour drinking on your terms and
(04:17):
to turn sobriety into thisexploration of feminine freedom
and unimaginable pleasure.
Like the process itself, andthis is what is so mind-blowing
that you just don't know yet, isthat the process of these
permissions, the process ofmoving from doing what you think
alcohol does to you to be ableto do it on your own is the
(04:40):
freedom itself that you've beenlooking for in a drink.
And I'm here to show you theway, and that there is so much
pleasure on the other side ofit.
So, this is for you if you'rehere because you've tried,
you're tired of negotiating withyourself about drinking and your
potential.
You're you know you'renegotiating your potential or
(05:01):
you wouldn't be here right now.
And so, this is how to end thatmental tug of war and really
just get this wild shift inperspective through these
permissions, these femininepermissions that you need not
only to change your relationshipto alcohol, but to change your
relationship to yourself.
And also for every other area ofyour life as you grow and evolve
(05:25):
into this exquisite, highlyintuitive woman.
And alcohol is having you sellyourself short.
So it was available inside ofthe wild sobriety community and
it's still there.
I highly recommend joining us.
We are off to an amazing start.
Every single Wednesday, I amhosting a live call where I
(05:47):
teach a little bit of a skillfrom the permission protocol,
and then there is a share, anopen share after.
I will not be doing livecoaching.
That's something a groupcoaching that might happen in
the new year, which I'm reallyexcited about.
However, not everyone's readyfor the community.
So I wanted to make it availableon demand to you right now.
(06:08):
The permission protocol is righthere on demand to you.
The link is in the description.
All you need to go and do, putyour email in, and you will get
the course on demand as soon asyou put it in.
It is amazing.
But what I really suggest isthat you take your time and it's
really small bite-sized videoswith just one or two questions
(06:30):
after each one, because I wantit to be concise, but then apply
what you are learning.
Really apply it.
And that's what makes thebiggest difference.
If you've been trying to quitfor two, three, four years,
chances are you've just not beendrinking.
I mean, I was trying to quit for20 years.
I wasn't trying anything.
I was trying to just not drinkand then replacing alcohol with
(06:51):
something else instead ofactually applying new tools, new
skills, really unpacking whatwas going on underneath alcohol.
And that is everything that myprivate mentorship offers.
It is such a game changer forthe process of drinking less,
for the process of sobriety.
It is unlike anything thatyou've ever done in your life,
(07:14):
and it keeps on giving.
It is the gift of my life thatkeeps on giving.
As some of you know who havebeen here for a while, I shared
there was some wild stuff thatwent on at the house.
And, you know, it's still kindof going on.
Things are well, if anyone'swondering.
Um, there's been a kind ofsettling, and but it was, I was
(07:38):
really reaping the seeds that Ihad planted in my sobriety.
They just blossomed to meet me,not because of I wasn't
drinking, but because of the wayI was showing up for myself, the
way I moved through grief andreally to the other side of it.
And now I'm in this place whereI feel so solid about no matter
what the future holds, frankly,um, especially regarding my
(08:00):
personal relationship, myintimate relationship.
So please know that this is howyou show up for everything else
in your life.
It is such a game changer.
And I offer my clients, I treatyou like a queen.
It is the most high-touch, fullwraparound, holistic experience,
(08:24):
I believe that is out there whenit comes to alcohol coaching for
women or sobriety coaching forwomen from the most loving,
disarming, non-judgmental, funplace.
Because if you know me, you knowI don't do dumb stuff.
And if you've been listening fora while, you know I like to have
a good time.
And I've been through somephases over the last couple of
years.
You know, I've had my own lifethat I've been living as well.
(08:47):
But one thing that I know forsure is that sobriety from the
feminine perspective, the waythat I teach it, will change the
course of the rest of your lifefor the woman that you want to
become, the woman that you'vebeen dreaming of, and the woman
that you already are.
And she gets to be re-emerge andyou get to remember her and
(09:10):
reconnect to her and celebrateher right now, celebrate you
right now.
But alcohol is just covering upall the goodness of your life,
all the goodness of your future,all the goodness of all of the
work that you've already done.
And I know it's scary to thinkabout leaving something that is
so familiar behind.
But when you use the permissionprotocol, and this is, of
(09:33):
course, the process I take myclients through in depth, you
really find the confidence andthe strength and the trust in
yourself that it stops feelingscary.
Cause you don't just jump intothe river floating.
You mean that's the whole pointof coaching, is that it's
literally step by step that youcan slowly release the reins and
(09:55):
you generate evidence.
And it's this easeful, simple,sovereign ritual of coming home
to yourself.
So enjoy this short episode.
Download the permissionprotocol.
There's like three call toactions.
Come on over to the wildsobriety community.
But no, if anything, once youlisten to the permission
protocol, you're gonna want tocome to the wild sobriety
(10:17):
community.
Cause over there, it's we'rewe're just getting going.
It's a small group right now,but it is people from all walks
of life, uh, different varyingdegrees with sobriety, some
sober, some not sober.
And that's the that's the vibe.
That's the community that Icreate and everything I do in
real life and my community herein Oregon and in everything I
(10:37):
do, where everyone's welcome andthe people that show up there
are not judging you foranything.
And if they are, then they'regonna keep it to themselves.
Have a wonderful day, and I'lltalk to you soon.
I've been thinking a lot aboutmy journey with alcohol and what
I was doing for all of the manyyears that I wanted to quit
(10:59):
drinking, and this is such animportant PSA.
You do not need to be analcoholic to quit drinking.
And I have my own theories aboutthe term alcoholic anyway, but
when when I was wanting to quitdrinking, kind of on and off for
20 years, the only solution thatI thought there was was to not
drink.
I didn't even think about AA.
(11:19):
I didn't that just wasn't even,I just knew that that wasn't for
me because that's foralcoholics.
Alcohol, it's called AlcoholicsAnonymous.
You're not an alcoholic, so AAis just not for you.
So it's not even really aconsideration.
And maybe you've thought, am Ian alcoholic?
But the fact that that's notlanding with you just tells you
right there that that's not thesolution for you.
(11:40):
So for so many years, I just tryto not drink and I fail week
after week after week afterweek.
They, in research that I'vedone, it says the average person
or the average woman tries toquit drinking five to seven
times, which is not true at all.
Most people that drink with anysort of frequency and duration
want to quit drinking all thetime.
(12:02):
They say this week it's gonna bedifferent, or at least I'm not
gonna drink Monday throughFriday, and I'm only gonna drink
on the weekends, right?
So this is like a big sign ofdenial is the bargaining.
We try to make rules.
And what happens is 20, 30, 40years later, you have been
trying to control alcohol.
All of your energy has beengoing into trying to control
(12:23):
alcohol versus trying to controlthe only thing that you have
control over, which is yourself.
And this was the biggest blindspot that I didn't see.
It wasn't just the not drinking,it was what did I need to do?
What did I need to thinkdifferently?
How did I need to feeldifferently in order for the
(12:44):
behavior to change?
So I never even knew that therewas something different I could
do until I found a coach, awoman, Brooke Castillo, talk
about making alcohol irrelevantin her life.
And when I when I heard her saythat, I was like, that's what I
want.
Because the biggest problem forme was like, sure, maybe I could
not drink, but I was alwaysgonna want alcohol.
(13:07):
And the fact that it waspossible for it to just not
matter was inspiring enough forme to try to figure it out.
And so I started working withmentors, not just around
alcohol, but I had a spiritualmentor and a coach, and I
started actually questioningwhat was alcohol doing for me,
(13:27):
what was the impact of alcohol?
And a lot of times people don'tthink that it's impacting many
areas of their life.
So right now, because you'vebeen drinking for so long, you
just kind of get used to the waythat it is, right?
It's like if you're in aspecific relationship with
someone, you just kind of getused to the way things are and
you don't see on the other sideof it how, like, oh my gosh,
(13:48):
I've been giving so much of myenergy to this person.
Or if you um, you know, whenyour kids are in the house or
versus when they're gone.
Like there's so many areas ofyour life when we get used to
something, we are creatures ofhabit.
We just kind of compensate forthem in our lives.
And that's not really the point.
But my point is, is this is thePSA is that there is another
(14:09):
option that's not AA, andthere's another option that's
just not drinking, because justnot drinking doesn't work.
You could just not drink for 10years and still desire alcohol.
But what we want is to makealcohol irrelevant to you so
that you know how to do what youthink alcohol is doing for you
on your own, that you don't evenreally want it or care about it.
(14:30):
And it's just uncovering andunpacking so many of those
beliefs.
Because if there's a whisperthat the life that you really
want, alcohol's not fitting intothat, and resigning yourself to
just being a drinker for therest of your life doesn't settle
with you, then you know thatthere's something else that you
(14:54):
want.
And what I really like to offeris that there's no surprises
with alcohol.
It's kind of like been there,done that, and all you're doing
is just drinking in a new with anew backdrop.
And pretty typically you're justdrinking into the same thing
under the same backdrop all thetime.
So there's not anything excitingthat's gonna happen.
And all of that mental energy,all of that time and that noise
(15:18):
chatter that has increased overthe years, and I know this
firsthand.
It's like it's not really aproblem, and then it is when
you're, you know, not feelinggreat from it, or maybe there's
a situation that happens andthen you kind of forget about
it.
But at this stage, after 20, 30,or 40 years, that noise gets
louder and louder and louderwhere you're thinking about it.
Am I gonna drink tonight?
(15:39):
I'm not gonna drink tonight,this person doesn't drink, and
it's it's all this negotiation.
And what I want to ask you toask yourself is what else do you
want to fill that space with?
And for so many women, for somany high-achieving women that
are really involved with theirchildren's lives, that are
really involved in theirbusiness, that are really
involved in their community,they're like getting stuff done.
(16:01):
It's that they haven't practicedbeing in the gap for long
enough.
So you're either someone,something to someone, or you're
doing and you're achieving andyou're fulfilling that those
transitionary periods, thosetimes in between where there's
this actual time for catharsis,you're so used to doing and
feeling that it creates a bit ofa numbness that that that time
(16:26):
that you're with yourself, youdon't really know how to feel.
You don't really know how tofill it.
It's like, okay, now what?
And all that is is practice.
There is a recognition of it,and there's a practice of, okay,
well, I'm using alcohol to findthat relaxation time.
But what if it was justpermission and practice to know
(16:47):
I'm just not used to being inthis space.
I'm used to my time being filledwith being someone to something
or with doing.
And that's a big piece of what Ifind where most people get stuck
is oftentimes when they're bythemselves.
And the things that you say anddo when you're alone with
(17:08):
yourself, by yourself, have thebiggest impact on the rest of
your life.
You do not need to be analcoholic to want to have a new
relationship with alcohol.
All you need to have and know isthat there's a tiny whisper
that's been inside of you,knowing that this is not where
(17:29):
your life is going.
And as long as alcohol is in theway and taking up space, it's
always going to be takingsomething away from your life
because your kids are not goingto be the age they are forever.
The presence of your loved onesin front of you deserves 100% of
your presence, your work thatyou work so hard for.
(17:52):
You want to feel vital, youknow, vitality and energy
running through your body.
And then the celebration pieceof being able to sit at the
vista without any externalreward and allowing yourself to
have these moments of catharsisbecause you work so hard,
(18:12):
because you are the one puttingin all of this effort.
Enter holistic alcohol coaching.
This is what I do.
This is the third option betweenjust not drinking and AA, which
is that yes, there are a lot ofareas of your life that alcohol
is impacting that you've justgotten used to.
And we center the change aroundyou, and that's the best part.
(18:36):
And then every other area ofyour life becomes better.
It's amazing, and it is theempowered choice where there's
no day one, there's no rules,there's no labels, and it's
really about sustainability onyour terms.
Sobriety is simple, but changehappens when you actually do
(18:59):
something different.
Because if you just don't drink,you take your mind with you.
You stay in the same mindsetthat created the habit to begin
with.
I have opened my my calendar upfor some extra appointments this
week because the new year islooming upon us, and this is
such a big change that so manypeople will want to make.
(19:21):
And I want you to have theavailability to get in to talk
about what's possible for you,where you are, and where you
want to see yourself.
You know, the question is do youreally want to be in this same
space in a year from now?
Do you really want alcohol tocontinue to take up more space
in the conversation?
Because I know you have muchbetter conversations to be
(19:41):
having in your mind and with thepeople that you love.
So there's a link right here toschedule a strategy session with
me, and I'm really lookingforward to supporting you
through the holiday season.
And I will mention this that youdon't have to quit drinking to
start.
That is actually the result youget, but you do have to do
something different to createchange.
(20:02):
I hope you have a beautifulweekend.
As a thank you for being such animportant part of this podcast,
I want to gift you my brand newfree mini course, The Permission
Protocol.
It is a five-part journey tohelp you rethink everything you
believe about the pleasure thatis possible in sobriety and the
radical freedom that is requiredto get to the other side.
And it's available for you rightnow inside of my free wild
(20:26):
sobriety community where we canhang out, support one another,
and grow by honoring ourauthentic expression as women.
Everything you need is righthere in the description.
I will see you inside of thecommunity.
Wild sobriety is for the woman who has outgrown
alcohol and was never meant tofollow the script.
I'm Mary Wagstaff, a holisticalcohol coach, and after 20
years of daily drinking, Ifinally made alcohol irrelevant
in my life.
And now I help women just likeyou do the same through my
proven five chips process.
(02:48):
Welcome to Wild Sobriety,feminine freedom beyond alcohol.
Welcome back to Wild Sobriety,my beautiful warriors of love.
Welcome to this bonus episode.
This is a Facebook Live that Irecorded last week, and it's so
potent.
It's probably the most importantinformation that I can share
(03:10):
with you.
It is me reflecting on myjourney and your journey of all
of these years, all of thesetimes, all of these days where
you're wanting to quit drinkingand what your mindset is.
And what I know, because I wentthrough every single
consultation, um, intake formthat I had and I pulled out all
of these themes, and I'll betalking more about them because
(03:30):
I want to answer the questionsof the turmoil that you're in.
And if you're listening to this,you now know there aren't two
options.
There's not just quit drinkingand live in fear of missing out
in deprivation forever, orresign to a life of drinking and
sell yourself short because youare fully aware that it just
doesn't feel right anymore.
(03:51):
And you know, AA is not for you.
So that's not even the option.
We're not even going there.
But there is this third option: enter holistic alcohol coaching. (03:56):
undefined
It is here.
And the other reason I'm airingthis now is because the
permission protocol, which is mybrand new five-part mini course,
it is fire.
It's my favorite thing that I'veever made part journey of
powerful permissions to shiftyour drinking on your terms and
(04:17):
to turn sobriety into thisexploration of feminine freedom
and unimaginable pleasure.
Like the process itself, andthis is what is so mind-blowing
that you just don't know yet, isthat the process of these
permissions, the process ofmoving from doing what you think
alcohol does to you to be ableto do it on your own is the
(04:40):
freedom itself that you've beenlooking for in a drink.
And I'm here to show you theway, and that there is so much
pleasure on the other side ofit.
So, this is for you if you'rehere because you've tried,
you're tired of negotiating withyourself about drinking and your
potential.
You're you know you'renegotiating your potential or
(05:01):
you wouldn't be here right now.
And so, this is how to end thatmental tug of war and really
just get this wild shift inperspective through these
permissions, these femininepermissions that you need not
only to change your relationshipto alcohol, but to change your
relationship to yourself.
And also for every other area ofyour life as you grow and evolve
(05:25):
into this exquisite, highlyintuitive woman.
And alcohol is having you sellyourself short.
So it was available inside ofthe wild sobriety community and
it's still there.
I highly recommend joining us.
We are off to an amazing start.
Every single Wednesday, I amhosting a live call where I
(05:47):
teach a little bit of a skillfrom the permission protocol,
and then there is a share, anopen share after.
I will not be doing livecoaching.
That's something a groupcoaching that might happen in
the new year, which I'm reallyexcited about.
However, not everyone's readyfor the community.
So I wanted to make it availableon demand to you right now.
(06:08):
The permission protocol is righthere on demand to you.
The link is in the description.
All you need to go and do, putyour email in, and you will get
the course on demand as soon asyou put it in.
It is amazing.
But what I really suggest isthat you take your time and it's
really small bite-sized videoswith just one or two questions
(06:30):
after each one, because I wantit to be concise, but then apply
what you are learning.
Really apply it.
And that's what makes thebiggest difference.
If you've been trying to quitfor two, three, four years,
chances are you've just not beendrinking.
I mean, I was trying to quit for20 years.
I wasn't trying anything.
I was trying to just not drinkand then replacing alcohol with
(06:51):
something else instead ofactually applying new tools, new
skills, really unpacking whatwas going on underneath alcohol.
And that is everything that myprivate mentorship offers.
It is such a game changer forthe process of drinking less,
for the process of sobriety.
It is unlike anything thatyou've ever done in your life,
(07:14):
and it keeps on giving.
It is the gift of my life thatkeeps on giving.
As some of you know who havebeen here for a while, I shared
there was some wild stuff thatwent on at the house.
And, you know, it's still kindof going on.
Things are well, if anyone'swondering.
Um, there's been a kind ofsettling, and but it was, I was
(07:38):
really reaping the seeds that Ihad planted in my sobriety.
They just blossomed to meet me,not because of I wasn't
drinking, but because of the wayI was showing up for myself, the
way I moved through grief andreally to the other side of it.
And now I'm in this place whereI feel so solid about no matter
what the future holds, frankly,um, especially regarding my
(08:00):
personal relationship, myintimate relationship.
So please know that this is howyou show up for everything else
in your life.
It is such a game changer.
And I offer my clients, I treatyou like a queen.
It is the most high-touch, fullwraparound, holistic experience,
(08:24):
I believe that is out there whenit comes to alcohol coaching for
women or sobriety coaching forwomen from the most loving,
disarming, non-judgmental, funplace.
Because if you know me, you knowI don't do dumb stuff.
And if you've been listening fora while, you know I like to have
a good time.
And I've been through somephases over the last couple of
years.
You know, I've had my own lifethat I've been living as well.
(08:47):
But one thing that I know forsure is that sobriety from the
feminine perspective, the waythat I teach it, will change the
course of the rest of your lifefor the woman that you want to
become, the woman that you'vebeen dreaming of, and the woman
that you already are.
And she gets to be re-emerge andyou get to remember her and
(09:10):
reconnect to her and celebrateher right now, celebrate you
right now.
But alcohol is just covering upall the goodness of your life,
all the goodness of your future,all the goodness of all of the
work that you've already done.
And I know it's scary to thinkabout leaving something that is
so familiar behind.
But when you use the permissionprotocol, and this is, of
(09:33):
course, the process I take myclients through in depth, you
really find the confidence andthe strength and the trust in
yourself that it stops feelingscary.
Cause you don't just jump intothe river floating.
You mean that's the whole pointof coaching, is that it's
literally step by step that youcan slowly release the reins and
(09:55):
you generate evidence.
And it's this easeful, simple,sovereign ritual of coming home
to yourself.
So enjoy this short episode.
Download the permissionprotocol.
There's like three call toactions.
Come on over to the wildsobriety community.
But no, if anything, once youlisten to the permission
protocol, you're gonna want tocome to the wild sobriety
(10:17):
community.
Cause over there, it's we'rewe're just getting going.
It's a small group right now,but it is people from all walks
of life, uh, different varyingdegrees with sobriety, some
sober, some not sober.
And that's the that's the vibe.
That's the community that Icreate and everything I do in
real life and my community herein Oregon and in everything I
(10:37):
do, where everyone's welcome andthe people that show up there
are not judging you foranything.
And if they are, then they'regonna keep it to themselves.
Have a wonderful day, and I'lltalk to you soon.
I've been thinking a lot aboutmy journey with alcohol and what
I was doing for all of the manyyears that I wanted to quit
(10:59):
drinking, and this is such animportant PSA.
You do not need to be analcoholic to quit drinking.
And I have my own theories aboutthe term alcoholic anyway, but
when when I was wanting to quitdrinking, kind of on and off for
20 years, the only solution thatI thought there was was to not
drink.
I didn't even think about AA.
(11:19):
I didn't that just wasn't even,I just knew that that wasn't for
me because that's foralcoholics.
Alcohol, it's called AlcoholicsAnonymous.
You're not an alcoholic, so AAis just not for you.
So it's not even really aconsideration.
And maybe you've thought, am Ian alcoholic?
But the fact that that's notlanding with you just tells you
right there that that's not thesolution for you.
(11:40):
So for so many years, I just tryto not drink and I fail week
after week after week afterweek.
They, in research that I'vedone, it says the average person
or the average woman tries toquit drinking five to seven
times, which is not true at all.
Most people that drink with anysort of frequency and duration
want to quit drinking all thetime.
(12:02):
They say this week it's gonna bedifferent, or at least I'm not
gonna drink Monday throughFriday, and I'm only gonna drink
on the weekends, right?
So this is like a big sign ofdenial is the bargaining.
We try to make rules.
And what happens is 20, 30, 40years later, you have been
trying to control alcohol.
All of your energy has beengoing into trying to control
(12:23):
alcohol versus trying to controlthe only thing that you have
control over, which is yourself.
And this was the biggest blindspot that I didn't see.
It wasn't just the not drinking,it was what did I need to do?
What did I need to thinkdifferently?
How did I need to feeldifferently in order for the
(12:44):
behavior to change?
So I never even knew that therewas something different I could
do until I found a coach, awoman, Brooke Castillo, talk
about making alcohol irrelevantin her life.
And when I when I heard her saythat, I was like, that's what I
want.
Because the biggest problem forme was like, sure, maybe I could
not drink, but I was alwaysgonna want alcohol.
(13:07):
And the fact that it waspossible for it to just not
matter was inspiring enough forme to try to figure it out.
And so I started working withmentors, not just around
alcohol, but I had a spiritualmentor and a coach, and I
started actually questioningwhat was alcohol doing for me,
(13:27):
what was the impact of alcohol?
And a lot of times people don'tthink that it's impacting many
areas of their life.
So right now, because you'vebeen drinking for so long, you
just kind of get used to the waythat it is, right?
It's like if you're in aspecific relationship with
someone, you just kind of getused to the way things are and
you don't see on the other sideof it how, like, oh my gosh,
(13:48):
I've been giving so much of myenergy to this person.
Or if you um, you know, whenyour kids are in the house or
versus when they're gone.
Like there's so many areas ofyour life when we get used to
something, we are creatures ofhabit.
We just kind of compensate forthem in our lives.
And that's not really the point.
But my point is, is this is thePSA is that there is another
(14:09):
option that's not AA, andthere's another option that's
just not drinking, because justnot drinking doesn't work.
You could just not drink for 10years and still desire alcohol.
But what we want is to makealcohol irrelevant to you so
that you know how to do what youthink alcohol is doing for you
on your own, that you don't evenreally want it or care about it.
(14:30):
And it's just uncovering andunpacking so many of those
beliefs.
Because if there's a whisperthat the life that you really
want, alcohol's not fitting intothat, and resigning yourself to
just being a drinker for therest of your life doesn't settle
with you, then you know thatthere's something else that you
(14:54):
want.
And what I really like to offeris that there's no surprises
with alcohol.
It's kind of like been there,done that, and all you're doing
is just drinking in a new with anew backdrop.
And pretty typically you're justdrinking into the same thing
under the same backdrop all thetime.
So there's not anything excitingthat's gonna happen.
And all of that mental energy,all of that time and that noise
(15:18):
chatter that has increased overthe years, and I know this
firsthand.
It's like it's not really aproblem, and then it is when
you're, you know, not feelinggreat from it, or maybe there's
a situation that happens andthen you kind of forget about
it.
But at this stage, after 20, 30,or 40 years, that noise gets
louder and louder and louderwhere you're thinking about it.
Am I gonna drink tonight?
(15:39):
I'm not gonna drink tonight,this person doesn't drink, and
it's it's all this negotiation.
And what I want to ask you toask yourself is what else do you
want to fill that space with?
And for so many women, for somany high-achieving women that
are really involved with theirchildren's lives, that are
really involved in theirbusiness, that are really
involved in their community,they're like getting stuff done.
(16:01):
It's that they haven't practicedbeing in the gap for long
enough.
So you're either someone,something to someone, or you're
doing and you're achieving andyou're fulfilling that those
transitionary periods, thosetimes in between where there's
this actual time for catharsis,you're so used to doing and
feeling that it creates a bit ofa numbness that that that time
(16:26):
that you're with yourself, youdon't really know how to feel.
You don't really know how tofill it.
It's like, okay, now what?
And all that is is practice.
There is a recognition of it,and there's a practice of, okay,
well, I'm using alcohol to findthat relaxation time.
But what if it was justpermission and practice to know
(16:47):
I'm just not used to being inthis space.
I'm used to my time being filledwith being someone to something
or with doing.
And that's a big piece of what Ifind where most people get stuck
is oftentimes when they're bythemselves.
And the things that you say anddo when you're alone with
(17:08):
yourself, by yourself, have thebiggest impact on the rest of
your life.
You do not need to be analcoholic to want to have a new
relationship with alcohol.
All you need to have and know isthat there's a tiny whisper
that's been inside of you,knowing that this is not where
(17:29):
your life is going.
And as long as alcohol is in theway and taking up space, it's
always going to be takingsomething away from your life
because your kids are not goingto be the age they are forever.
The presence of your loved onesin front of you deserves 100% of
your presence, your work thatyou work so hard for.
(17:52):
You want to feel vital, youknow, vitality and energy
running through your body.
And then the celebration pieceof being able to sit at the
vista without any externalreward and allowing yourself to
have these moments of catharsisbecause you work so hard,
(18:12):
because you are the one puttingin all of this effort.
Enter holistic alcohol coaching.
This is what I do.
This is the third option betweenjust not drinking and AA, which
is that yes, there are a lot ofareas of your life that alcohol
is impacting that you've justgotten used to.
And we center the change aroundyou, and that's the best part.
(18:36):
And then every other area ofyour life becomes better.
It's amazing, and it is theempowered choice where there's
no day one, there's no rules,there's no labels, and it's
really about sustainability onyour terms.
Sobriety is simple, but changehappens when you actually do
(18:59):
something different.
Because if you just don't drink,you take your mind with you.
You stay in the same mindsetthat created the habit to begin
with.
I have opened my my calendar upfor some extra appointments this
week because the new year islooming upon us, and this is
such a big change that so manypeople will want to make.
(19:21):
And I want you to have theavailability to get in to talk
about what's possible for you,where you are, and where you
want to see yourself.
You know, the question is do youreally want to be in this same
space in a year from now?
Do you really want alcohol tocontinue to take up more space
in the conversation?
Because I know you have muchbetter conversations to be
(19:41):
having in your mind and with thepeople that you love.
So there's a link right here toschedule a strategy session with
me, and I'm really lookingforward to supporting you
through the holiday season.
And I will mention this that youdon't have to quit drinking to
start.
That is actually the result youget, but you do have to do
something different to createchange.
(20:02):
I hope you have a beautifulweekend.
As a thank you for being such animportant part of this podcast,
I want to gift you my brand newfree mini course, The Permission
Protocol.
It is a five-part journey tohelp you rethink everything you
believe about the pleasure thatis possible in sobriety and the
radical freedom that is requiredto get to the other side.
And it's available for you rightnow inside of my free wild
(20:26):
sobriety community where we canhang out, support one another,
and grow by honoring ourauthentic expression as women.
Everything you need is righthere in the description.
I will see you inside of thecommunity.
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