October 22, 2025 • 13 mins
If you're a woman over wondering "Am I an alcoholic?" - you're not alone. This is the question that keeps so many of us stuck in shame, confusion, and endless Google searches at 2am.
In this video, I'm sharing the truth about labels, the spectrum of alcohol use, and why the question itself might be keeping you from the freedom you're seeking.
🌹 IN TODAY'S VIDEO:
• Why the label "alcoholic" doesn't serve womenÂ
• The real question you should be asking instead Â
• How to know if alcohol is enhancing or diminishing your life
• The grey area drinking spectrum (and where you might be)
• Your next steps toward clarity without shame or rock bottom
This isn't about diagnosis or labels. It's about giving yourself permission to explore your relationship with alcohol - wherever you are on the journey.
You don't need to hit rock bottom to decide alcohol isn't working for you anymore. You can choose sobriety as personal evolution, not punishment.
Download The Permission Protocol — my free 5-part mini-course — and start practicing the skills that make alcohol irrelevant on your terms.
DISCLAIMER: This podcast and its contents are not a substitute for rehabilitation, medical treatment or advice. It is for educational and inspirational purposes. I am not a therapist or doctor. The views here are expressed a personal opinion and based on first hand experience. Please consult a doctor if your mental or physical health is at risk.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:05):
Wild sobriety is for the woman who has outgrown
alcohol and was never meant tofollow the script.
I'm Mary Wagstaff, a holisticalcohol coach, and after 20
years of daily drinking, Ifinally made alcohol irrelevant
in my life.
And now I help women just likeyou do the same through my
proven five chips process.
(00:25):
Welcome to Wild Sobriety,Feminine Freedom Beyond Alcohol.
If you ever Googled, Am I anAlcoholic?
I need you to stop right now andlisten to me.
Because that question, it's atrap and it's keeping you stuck
in shame, confusion, and cyclesthat will never end.
(00:48):
Over the next 12 minutes, I'mgoing to tell you why that label
is not going to serve you andwhat the one question is that
will finally set you free.
But first, let me guess how yougot here.
(01:10):
It's 2 a.m., you can't sleep,and you are Googling, am I an
alcoholic for the third timethis month?
You're looking at checklists,taking quizzes, scrolling
through Reddit threads, and themore you read at 2 a.m., the
more ashamed and confused youfeel about your current
situation.
(01:30):
And if you don't fit thestereotype, then you're a good
mom, right?
You're off the hook.
At least you're not Susiedrinking vodka for breakfast.
You show up for yourobligations, but all the while
you're still not happy with yourcurrent situation.
In today's video, I'm going totell you why that question, am I
an alcoholic, is keeping youstuck?
(01:51):
And the one question that willset you free.
If we haven't met, my name isMary Wagstaff.
I'm so thrilled to be here.
Welcome to my channel.
I'm a holistic alcohol coach forwomen.
And for over five years, I havebeen helping women find feminine
freedom beyond alcohol.
We don't use labels, we don'tcount days, we don't make
excuses for wanting the lifethat we want that is the next
(02:14):
phase of our own personalevolution.
I would love to have yousubscribe here, leave a comment
below of what you took away, andlet's get this party started
with a community and sharing andsupporting one another in the
comments.
I'm also here to make contentfor you too.
So let me know in the commentswhat you would like to see.
So let's talk about the truththat no one's telling you and
(02:35):
you can't find on any forum.
The term alcoholic is outdated.
It was a term created in thelate 1700s to describe someone
simply that was addicted toalcohol.
And then it was adopted by notonly the medical model, but
society in general.
And it really started developingthis kind of connotation around
(02:58):
it.
So when we think of what analcoholic is, there is a picture
that comes to mind.
And of course, the AA community,which has helped and supported
and saved so many lives, doesuse the term alcoholic as one of
their main foundations andcornerstones of their method for
sobriety and for recovery.
(03:20):
But what I want you to know isthat the medical model no longer
uses the term alcoholic.
What they use is the termalcoholic use disorder, which is
a spectrum.
And from all of my experiencefirsthand, as a once per a
person once addicted to alcohol,and from helping women from all
over the world and also lippingand no addicts, right?
(03:43):
We all are addicted tosomething.
We all have some sort ofaddictive addictive tendency.
We live in a dopamine-drivenworld.
So to not become addicted isactually the minority in today's
world.
The spectrum of alcohol use anddependency, or any addiction for
that matter, has such a varyingdegree of reasons why one would
(04:08):
become addicted, how addictedyou are, how long a recovery
process might take, and whatthat looks like for the rest of
your life.
So, just for example, some ofthe factors that can impact
one's sobriety is the durationof use and dependency.
(04:28):
So if you have been drinkingsince you were 13 years old very
regularly, it might pose a muchgreater challenge for you to
quit drinking than someone thatdidn't start drinking until
their 40s.
And I have worked with both ofthose people, and they both have
successfully come on to theother side of alcohol and have
been able to make alcoholirrelevant in their lives.
(04:50):
Some other factors areadversity, just the demographics
in which you grew up in, trauma,resiliency, and coping, the
varying factors of supportivepeople in your life, your
attachment style.
All of these things have a hugeimpact on when you start the
(05:10):
journey and your ability to tapmore into a place of emotional
intelligence and to reallyembody that.
So some people I work with areembodiment practitioners,
they're yoga practitioners, orthey've been doing holistic
wellness and mindset andmindfulness work for a very long
time.
Those people will have atendency to make shifts quicker
(05:34):
because they've beenunderstanding the concepts of
belief and behavior and mindsetand mindfulness for a lot
longer.
Now, if these are new conceptsthat you have to learn, it might
take you a little bit longer.
So if you've been following mefor any length of time, and if
you continue to follow me, youwill know that I work under the
model of what I had justexpressed: beliefs and behavior.
(05:55):
It is not enough to simply justnot drink alcohol.
If that were the case, so manymore people would be so much
more successful with alcohol.
Our beliefs shape our reality.
And if we never dig into thebeliefs that we have around the
self-concept of what alcoholmeans to us in our lives, in all
the areas in which we haveengaged with alcohol in all of
(06:18):
the ways we have formed pathwaysin our brain that have created
associations with alcohol, wewill never get to the bottom of
our addiction.
And I feel like it's reallyimportant to be able to use the
word addiction from a reallyneutral place, from a very
non-judgmental, neutral place,because I was very, very
(06:41):
addicted to alcohol and I nolonger am.
Many of my clients were addictedto alcohol and no longer.
I do believe the more time youhave in between and you are
using your brain from a newperspective, that that
strengthens new pathways.
If I was to have a drinktomorrow, I would not fall back
into old patterns that I that Ihave been in because I now
(07:03):
associate alcohol and myselfconcept with something
completely different.
For me, not drinking is likesomeone that's being a vegan
that just has no interest ineating meat.
There's no deprivation.
And so if I was to have a drinktomorrow, which I have no desire
to have a drink tomorrow, Iwouldn't be back at square one.
(07:23):
And that is true for most of myclients, absolutely.
And this is not the traditionalmodel.
This is not what most peoplewill tell you.
They will tell you you have towork your sobriety for the rest
of your life.
And I just don't believe thatthat is true for everyone.
So our beliefs are createdthrough a repetition of
(07:47):
thinking.
And thinking and thoughts arewords, they are sentences in
your brain that you say onrepeat again and again and
again.
So if you have a story or aconcept of what it means to be
addicted to alcohol, that youare now this stereotype of an
alcoholic that's a problem.
(08:08):
Well, we need to really unpackis that actually true?
And not only is it true, but isit useful?
It's just a word and a fact.
It's not, if you look it up inthe medical dictionary, it is
actually not used anymorebecause we know that there is a
spectrum of use independency andaddiction.
The degree of addiction isindividual to every single
(08:30):
person, and there is not a onesize fits all approach.
But I do believe that we allcreate desire and attachment
through our thinking and throughour beliefs.
So we have to choose the wordsthat will be the most useful to
us.
Now, maybe calling someonecalling themselves an alcoholic
(08:53):
really helps them anchor in,this is not for me.
I cannot drink.
I don't believe that for myself.
I believe you are a grown woman.
You can if you want to.
Alcohol is the thing that willnever change.
But you can change yourunderstanding of what it is that
you actually want.
(09:14):
So for me, coming to terms withthe fact that I was addicted to
alcohol is just like saying I'mdepressed, I'm anxious, I'm
happy, I'm sad.
These are facts of being human.
And if we don't allow ourselvesto be human, then you're really
doing yourself a disservicebecause honesty creates
(09:35):
awareness, and awareness is thefirst step for change and
growth.
So you have got to be willing todisarm some of the words.
Now you could do the same withthe term alcoholic if you felt
like it was useful.
I believe every single humanbecomes addicted to something.
They form a strong habit withsomething.
(09:56):
This is actually means yourbrain is working correctly
because this is actually how welearn through repetition and
reward, or we would have tolearn the same things over and
over again.
So choose your words wisely andlook at the stories that you're
telling yourself for why you'relooking up alcoholic at 2 a.m.,
(10:18):
but then you're relieved whenyou realize, oh, thank God, I
don't meet that specificcriteria.
Or you always find some reasonwhy it's not that bad.
And so this is where you takeyour power back.
Even if it's not that bad, doyou like the results that you're
(10:38):
getting?
And this question, my friend, isthe only thing that matters.
This is the question that isgoing to be so much more useful
to you in reclaiming your powerfrom alcohol and finding the
empowered choice to move beyondalcohol into the life and the
(10:59):
self-concept that's going toserve you and motivate you to
reaching your goals, to livingthe life that is extraordinary
and to actually enjoying thelife that you have already
created for yourself because Iknow that you are a get it done
woman, that you are the womanthat everyone comes to for all
of the things because you are abadass.
(11:21):
I already know that about you.
So the question that you want toreplace, am I an alcoholic with
is am I getting the results thatI want from alcohol?
Because here's the good news youcan't change alcohol, but you
can change yourself.
There is no amount ofmoderation, bargaining, trying
(11:43):
to figure it out, strategizingthat will ever change the impact
the alcohol has on you.
And the one and done, the oneand done moderation myth is just
that.
And we will talk about that inanother video because the reason
that no one has one and done isbecause Frank, after one drink,
(12:04):
you feel like shit.
You weren't feeling good, andthen you took a drink and you're
it completely zapped all of yourenergy.
And as you age into the bestyears of your life of wisdom, of
maturity, of emotionalintelligence, of awareness, of
power, of control, it stopsbecoming useful in any area
(12:25):
because you are sovereign,because you are making the
empowered choice to decide whatkind of woman do I want to be
from this point into the rest ofmy life.
If you haven't checked out the60 seconds to call, this is your
guide to find relief in lesstime than it takes to pour a
(12:45):
drink.
So for any urge, emotion,craving, freak out, I want you
to download that.
The link is in the descriptionand tell me what worked for you.
And if you come up with your owncheat code, I would love to know
in the comments below.
Thank you so much and have anawesome day.
(13:05):
Thank you, my beautiful wildwomen, for being here.
If you are loving the show, Iwant to invite you to come on
over to my YouTube channel, MaryWagstaff Holistic Wellness.
And don't forget to download thefree guide, 60 Seconds to Calm.
This is gonna help you find arelief from any emotion and less
time than it takes to pour adrink.
Have a beautiful day, and thankyou so much for being part of
(13:26):
this community.
It wouldn't be the same withoutyou.
Wild sobriety is for the woman who has outgrown
alcohol and was never meant tofollow the script.
I'm Mary Wagstaff, a holisticalcohol coach, and after 20
years of daily drinking, Ifinally made alcohol irrelevant
in my life.
And now I help women just likeyou do the same through my
proven five chips process.
(00:25):
Welcome to Wild Sobriety,Feminine Freedom Beyond Alcohol.
If you ever Googled, Am I anAlcoholic?
I need you to stop right now andlisten to me.
Because that question, it's atrap and it's keeping you stuck
in shame, confusion, and cyclesthat will never end.
(00:48):
Over the next 12 minutes, I'mgoing to tell you why that label
is not going to serve you andwhat the one question is that
will finally set you free.
But first, let me guess how yougot here.
(01:10):
It's 2 a.m., you can't sleep,and you are Googling, am I an
alcoholic for the third timethis month?
You're looking at checklists,taking quizzes, scrolling
through Reddit threads, and themore you read at 2 a.m., the
more ashamed and confused youfeel about your current
situation.
(01:30):
And if you don't fit thestereotype, then you're a good
mom, right?
You're off the hook.
At least you're not Susiedrinking vodka for breakfast.
You show up for yourobligations, but all the while
you're still not happy with yourcurrent situation.
In today's video, I'm going totell you why that question, am I
an alcoholic, is keeping youstuck?
(01:51):
And the one question that willset you free.
If we haven't met, my name isMary Wagstaff.
I'm so thrilled to be here.
Welcome to my channel.
I'm a holistic alcohol coach forwomen.
And for over five years, I havebeen helping women find feminine
freedom beyond alcohol.
We don't use labels, we don'tcount days, we don't make
excuses for wanting the lifethat we want that is the next
(02:14):
phase of our own personalevolution.
I would love to have yousubscribe here, leave a comment
below of what you took away, andlet's get this party started
with a community and sharing andsupporting one another in the
comments.
I'm also here to make contentfor you too.
So let me know in the commentswhat you would like to see.
So let's talk about the truththat no one's telling you and
(02:35):
you can't find on any forum.
The term alcoholic is outdated.
It was a term created in thelate 1700s to describe someone
simply that was addicted toalcohol.
And then it was adopted by notonly the medical model, but
society in general.
And it really started developingthis kind of connotation around
(02:58):
it.
So when we think of what analcoholic is, there is a picture
that comes to mind.
And of course, the AA community,which has helped and supported
and saved so many lives, doesuse the term alcoholic as one of
their main foundations andcornerstones of their method for
sobriety and for recovery.
(03:20):
But what I want you to know isthat the medical model no longer
uses the term alcoholic.
What they use is the termalcoholic use disorder, which is
a spectrum.
And from all of my experiencefirsthand, as a once per a
person once addicted to alcohol,and from helping women from all
over the world and also lippingand no addicts, right?
(03:43):
We all are addicted tosomething.
We all have some sort ofaddictive addictive tendency.
We live in a dopamine-drivenworld.
So to not become addicted isactually the minority in today's
world.
The spectrum of alcohol use anddependency, or any addiction for
that matter, has such a varyingdegree of reasons why one would
(04:08):
become addicted, how addictedyou are, how long a recovery
process might take, and whatthat looks like for the rest of
your life.
So, just for example, some ofthe factors that can impact
one's sobriety is the durationof use and dependency.
(04:28):
So if you have been drinkingsince you were 13 years old very
regularly, it might pose a muchgreater challenge for you to
quit drinking than someone thatdidn't start drinking until
their 40s.
And I have worked with both ofthose people, and they both have
successfully come on to theother side of alcohol and have
been able to make alcoholirrelevant in their lives.
(04:50):
Some other factors areadversity, just the demographics
in which you grew up in, trauma,resiliency, and coping, the
varying factors of supportivepeople in your life, your
attachment style.
All of these things have a hugeimpact on when you start the
(05:10):
journey and your ability to tapmore into a place of emotional
intelligence and to reallyembody that.
So some people I work with areembodiment practitioners,
they're yoga practitioners, orthey've been doing holistic
wellness and mindset andmindfulness work for a very long
time.
Those people will have atendency to make shifts quicker
(05:34):
because they've beenunderstanding the concepts of
belief and behavior and mindsetand mindfulness for a lot
longer.
Now, if these are new conceptsthat you have to learn, it might
take you a little bit longer.
So if you've been following mefor any length of time, and if
you continue to follow me, youwill know that I work under the
model of what I had justexpressed: beliefs and behavior.
(05:55):
It is not enough to simply justnot drink alcohol.
If that were the case, so manymore people would be so much
more successful with alcohol.
Our beliefs shape our reality.
And if we never dig into thebeliefs that we have around the
self-concept of what alcoholmeans to us in our lives, in all
the areas in which we haveengaged with alcohol in all of
(06:18):
the ways we have formed pathwaysin our brain that have created
associations with alcohol, wewill never get to the bottom of
our addiction.
And I feel like it's reallyimportant to be able to use the
word addiction from a reallyneutral place, from a very
non-judgmental, neutral place,because I was very, very
(06:41):
addicted to alcohol and I nolonger am.
Many of my clients were addictedto alcohol and no longer.
I do believe the more time youhave in between and you are
using your brain from a newperspective, that that
strengthens new pathways.
If I was to have a drinktomorrow, I would not fall back
into old patterns that I that Ihave been in because I now
(07:03):
associate alcohol and myselfconcept with something
completely different.
For me, not drinking is likesomeone that's being a vegan
that just has no interest ineating meat.
There's no deprivation.
And so if I was to have a drinktomorrow, which I have no desire
to have a drink tomorrow, Iwouldn't be back at square one.
(07:23):
And that is true for most of myclients, absolutely.
And this is not the traditionalmodel.
This is not what most peoplewill tell you.
They will tell you you have towork your sobriety for the rest
of your life.
And I just don't believe thatthat is true for everyone.
So our beliefs are createdthrough a repetition of
(07:47):
thinking.
And thinking and thoughts arewords, they are sentences in
your brain that you say onrepeat again and again and
again.
So if you have a story or aconcept of what it means to be
addicted to alcohol, that youare now this stereotype of an
alcoholic that's a problem.
(08:08):
Well, we need to really unpackis that actually true?
And not only is it true, but isit useful?
It's just a word and a fact.
It's not, if you look it up inthe medical dictionary, it is
actually not used anymorebecause we know that there is a
spectrum of use independency andaddiction.
The degree of addiction isindividual to every single
(08:30):
person, and there is not a onesize fits all approach.
But I do believe that we allcreate desire and attachment
through our thinking and throughour beliefs.
So we have to choose the wordsthat will be the most useful to
us.
Now, maybe calling someonecalling themselves an alcoholic
(08:53):
really helps them anchor in,this is not for me.
I cannot drink.
I don't believe that for myself.
I believe you are a grown woman.
You can if you want to.
Alcohol is the thing that willnever change.
But you can change yourunderstanding of what it is that
you actually want.
(09:14):
So for me, coming to terms withthe fact that I was addicted to
alcohol is just like saying I'mdepressed, I'm anxious, I'm
happy, I'm sad.
These are facts of being human.
And if we don't allow ourselvesto be human, then you're really
doing yourself a disservicebecause honesty creates
(09:35):
awareness, and awareness is thefirst step for change and
growth.
So you have got to be willing todisarm some of the words.
Now you could do the same withthe term alcoholic if you felt
like it was useful.
I believe every single humanbecomes addicted to something.
They form a strong habit withsomething.
(09:56):
This is actually means yourbrain is working correctly
because this is actually how welearn through repetition and
reward, or we would have tolearn the same things over and
over again.
So choose your words wisely andlook at the stories that you're
telling yourself for why you'relooking up alcoholic at 2 a.m.,
(10:18):
but then you're relieved whenyou realize, oh, thank God, I
don't meet that specificcriteria.
Or you always find some reasonwhy it's not that bad.
And so this is where you takeyour power back.
Even if it's not that bad, doyou like the results that you're
(10:38):
getting?
And this question, my friend, isthe only thing that matters.
This is the question that isgoing to be so much more useful
to you in reclaiming your powerfrom alcohol and finding the
empowered choice to move beyondalcohol into the life and the
(10:59):
self-concept that's going toserve you and motivate you to
reaching your goals, to livingthe life that is extraordinary
and to actually enjoying thelife that you have already
created for yourself because Iknow that you are a get it done
woman, that you are the womanthat everyone comes to for all
of the things because you are abadass.
(11:21):
I already know that about you.
So the question that you want toreplace, am I an alcoholic with
is am I getting the results thatI want from alcohol?
Because here's the good news youcan't change alcohol, but you
can change yourself.
There is no amount ofmoderation, bargaining, trying
(11:43):
to figure it out, strategizingthat will ever change the impact
the alcohol has on you.
And the one and done, the oneand done moderation myth is just
that.
And we will talk about that inanother video because the reason
that no one has one and done isbecause Frank, after one drink,
(12:04):
you feel like shit.
You weren't feeling good, andthen you took a drink and you're
it completely zapped all of yourenergy.
And as you age into the bestyears of your life of wisdom, of
maturity, of emotionalintelligence, of awareness, of
power, of control, it stopsbecoming useful in any area
(12:25):
because you are sovereign,because you are making the
empowered choice to decide whatkind of woman do I want to be
from this point into the rest ofmy life.
If you haven't checked out the60 seconds to call, this is your
guide to find relief in lesstime than it takes to pour a
(12:45):
drink.
So for any urge, emotion,craving, freak out, I want you
to download that.
The link is in the descriptionand tell me what worked for you.
And if you come up with your owncheat code, I would love to know
in the comments below.
Thank you so much and have anawesome day.
(13:05):
Thank you, my beautiful wildwomen, for being here.
If you are loving the show, Iwant to invite you to come on
over to my YouTube channel, MaryWagstaff Holistic Wellness.
And don't forget to download thefree guide, 60 Seconds to Calm.
This is gonna help you find arelief from any emotion and less
time than it takes to pour adrink.
Have a beautiful day, and thankyou so much for being part of
(13:26):
this community.
It wouldn't be the same withoutyou.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.