July 18, 2025 • 59 mins
Ever wondered what survival gear you'd choose if your life depended on it? In this uniquely structured episode, Alex and TJ face an auction house scenario where their survival coins must be spent strategically on unexpected items – from anxiety-ridden tracking dogs to family-sized Hot Cheetos.
The premise quickly unfolds into absurdist comedy as our contestants build their survival loadouts through competitive bidding wars. "I can't believe I just paid 12 survival dollars for beans," Alex laments, while TJ secures a rusty machete that grants "plus one unspookiness" – a quality that proves surprisingly valuable when the scenario is revealed: surviving a haunted carnival until dawn.
What makes this episode particularly entertaining is watching our hosts justify how their random assortment of items provides survival advantages. TJ's controversial decision to consume his emotional support raccoon to "absorb its powers" leads to heated debates about the mechanics of such abilities. Meanwhile, Alex cleverly uses his fish-smelling tarp to repel ghosts and his Hot Cheetos to create diversions.
The competition takes unexpected turns with dice rolls introducing plot twists – TJ gains the ability to double-jump like Mario, while Alex finds himself transported to the eerie Backrooms dimension. Their passionate arguments about whether someone who has absorbed raccoon powers would be attracted to Hot Cheetos showcase the show's signature blend of ridiculous logic and committed roleplaying.
Whether you're a survival enthusiast or just love watching friends argue about imaginary scenarios with increasing intensity, this episode delivers laughs while subtly making you consider what resources you'd prioritize in a crisis. Subscribe now and join the debate about whether Crocs are edible (spoiler: they're definitely not).
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Hello survivors and welcome to another episode of
Will you Survive?
The Podcast.
Today I'm going to bring my twocontestants, alex that's me and
TJ.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
What the fuck is up, Kyle?
Speaker 1 (00:48):
There is no, kyle, but we are going to an auction,
guys.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Okay, Jimmy.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Not again.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Okay we're going to move past that.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Warning I'm black.
Warning, it was just a joke.
Warning.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
That was ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
I do want to mention that we are recording this on
the 4th of July.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Yes, we are.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
To freedom With that irony and humor also just a
warning that there may befireworks in our mics.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
It's true.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
It might not come through.
Oh yeah, they will.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
It'll come through mine, guaranteed so yeah, we'll
see.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Are you guys ready?
Because so I've I.
I texted you guys about thisidea, but I gave you guys very
little details.
Are you guys ready toexperience this?
Speaker 3 (01:38):
yeah, but you didn't text me about an idea.
You said you had a concept ofan idea.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
No, I said I had concepts of a plan, concepts of
a plan.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I mean, that sounds super fleshed out.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yeah, wait till you guys see it.
I feel like you guys are goingto actually be impressed by this
, and then you're going to feelso silly.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Okay, are we ready?
I'm ready.
Okay, this is broken up intoacts.
I'm ready, Alex, Act one theauction house.
The Auction House.
The Auction House.
Welcome to the Auction House.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
All right, I thought it was going to be.
Jeopardy for a second.
I thought you stole my ideaThat'd be hilarious.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Each of you have been given by me, your lovely
government and central bank, 100survivor coins.
Okay, okay, I am going to list10 different survival items, one
at a time, yep, and you twowill bid on said items with your
coins to build your loadout.
(02:32):
Okay, are we ready?
I?
am ready, ready Okay 100 coins,you say Hang on, I need a way to
keep track of your guys' points.
Two seconds, I didn't thinkabout this, I thought of
everything else.
I thought of everything else.
Okay, first item Are we ready,ready?
First up, we have a lovelyrusty machete named Cuddles.
(02:53):
Let's start the bid at one coin.
We got one coin.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Three coins.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Three coins for TJ.
Three coins for TJ.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
Three coins for TJ going once 3.2 coins, no four
coins.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Four coins for Alex.
Four coins for Alex.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Five coins.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Five coins for TJ.
Five coins for TJ.
Can we get seven?
Can we get seven coins?
No Five, you don't want to goanymore.
No Going once, going twice.
Alright, our rusty machetenamed Cuddles goes to TJ for
five coins.
Congratulations, tj.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
I'm getting a shiny, bright, beautiful kukuri Just
had to get it.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
I do suggest that you guys keep track of your items.
I will also keep track of youritems, but it will help if you
keep track of yours as well.
The second item we have comingin oh, this one's a doozy, this
one's a good one.
We have a bag of hot Cheetosand it is a family size.
Can we start the bid at at onecoin?
(03:49):
One coin, one survivor coin,one survivor coin.
I'll do one coin okay, one coinfor alex.
Can we get two coins?
Can we get two coins?
Two coins, two coins, tj.
Two, two, two.
You are still muted.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Two coins I'm not even saying anything.
Two coins two coins.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Yep, two coins.
Oh okay, two coins for tj, twocoins for tj for the hot cheetos
.
These are in hot commodity.
This is a family size.
This is big, big bang for yourbuck can we get three coins?
Speaker 3 (04:12):
yeah?
Speaker 1 (04:13):
can we get three coins from alex, three coins?
Speaker 3 (04:15):
yeah, I'll do three coins, three coins for alex.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Can we get four coins from tj, four coins for tj,
four coins, four coins goingonce, three coins going twice,
three coins sold to Alex, whogets a bag of Hot Cheetos.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
I got you bitten high for them.
Hot Cheetos Guys.
Just so you know, this issponsored by this new coin we
found it's called Survivor Coin.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Has our logo on it and everything.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Not even affiliated, but we are sponsored by them.
Make sure to go over there andbuy some, because it's going to
be so worth it in the future.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Yeah, go to overtherecom, overtherecom.
All right, that was for threecoins, right.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Now give me the Cheetos or I'll use the machete.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Okay, you now have a bag of Hot Cheetos, family size,
in your possession.
Item number three Rolling outin the cart we have a beautiful
waterproof tarp that smells likefish.
Fish smelling tarp.
Going for two coins, two coins.
Anybody.
Two coins, two coins can we goone, two coins oh, two coins for
alex.
(05:14):
Can we get three coins from tj?
Speaker 2 (05:16):
three coins from tj I was wondering when alex put his
blanket up for auction, but twocoins going once two coins
going twice my towel two coinssold to alex
Speaker 1 (05:26):
wow, you guys are you guys are getting these for so
cheap.
You have a hundred.
If you expect the items to getbetter, you should.
You should maybe start biddingdifferently.
What did I?
Bid for my machete uh, five,okay, which is crazy, by the way
yeah very crazy.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
I didn't want him to have it.
Now he has fucking hot Cheetosand a smelly tarp.
It's crazy that I went for fiveAll right, I guess he can't use
that tarp for navigation,though that's a pretty good, I
knew it.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Tarp is square, square equals map.
I knew it was going to comearound to that one night.
You, you just wait.
Number four we have rolling outhere on the cart a
solar-powered charger.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Solar-powered charger .
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Can we start the bid off with five, maybe Five coins?
Speaker 2 (06:14):
I didn't know.
Dodge made an electric versionof their charger.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
For the solar-powered charger.
Can we get five coins?
Can we get three coins, Threecoins from anybody?
Speaker 3 (06:23):
I'll do two coins, two coins from Alex.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Okay, can we get three coins?
Three coins from anybody.
I'll do two coins.
Two coins from Alex.
Okay, can we get three coinsfrom TJ?
Three coins for TJ?
I'll do four.
Four coins for Alex, four coinsfor.
Alex Five coins for TJ.
Can we get six coins?
I'll get six coins Six coinsfrom Alex, can we get seven?
Can we get seven from TJ?
Going once Six coins, goingtwice Six coins sold Seven coins
.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I have a feeling at the end of this he's going to be
like you do not survive.
You are the weakest link.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Goodbye, I already decided Okay, this next item is
a big one, this is a big one.
I expect a lot of money or not,I guess it kind of just depends
on you guys.
But are we ready?
Speaker 3 (07:04):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Yep Yep 10 coins.
Fifth item let's bring out adog with anxiety but excellent
tracking skills.
A dog with anxiety, butexcellent tracking skills.
Tj started the bit off with 10coins.
Can we get 15?
15.
?
Can we get 15?
10 coins going?
Speaker 3 (07:21):
once I'll go 12 coins 12 coins for Alex.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Can we get more?
12 coins going.
13 coins from TJ.
Can we get any more than 13?
Can we get more than 13?
13 going once, 13 coins goingtwice.
13 coins sold to TJ.
Who gets a dog with anxiety?
Speaker 3 (07:41):
That is awesome.
That dog is going to give awayyour location every chance it
gets.
I'll name him me.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
His name is Scooby.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
It's me the dog.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
That's pretty funny, and you, the cat yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Oh damn, James just went hard in the comments and
said food.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
For auction the dog oh.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
There's a kitten on screen.
Next item, we have pulling upon the cart a single crock.
It is the left one.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
What size?
Speaker 1 (08:23):
It is a ten and a half and we start the bid off
with one coin.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
They're edible.
You know that the fuck crocsare edible?
Speaker 1 (08:32):
I don't.
I don't think that's true.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
They're non-toxic look look it up right now,
non-toxic does not mean edible.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
They're edible.
That just means it's not toxic.
It doesn't mean that it'sedible.
Can we have a let's?
This is completely irrelevantto this conversation, okay this
is absolutely ridiculous.
No, they're not edible I can'tbelieve I'm letting this get
derailed by this crocs are notedible and should not be
consumed.
They contain no nutrients thatare madefrom a foam material
(09:02):
called Cross Light which isintended solely for footwear.
Yeah, in what world would acroc be edible?
Speaker 2 (09:11):
I feel like I heard something about something that
was edible, you know.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
We're selling these crocs.
Can we get a bid going off onone coin?
One coin, one coin for anybody.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Oh wait, hang on, I forgot to subtract.
He said one croc.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
What was it?
12 coins, did he just 13.
It was 13?
For the dog.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Yeah 13.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Okay, what does that put you at 82.
All right, the single crock.
One coin, anybody.
We can also just pass on it ifwe want.
But 0.1 of a coin you can onlybet in whole numbers.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Okay, half a coin 0.5 you drive a hard bargain, but
75 of a coin no coins.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
This is not crypto.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
This is how that works zero down and zero a month
for a very long time.
Can I exchange?
Speaker 1 (10:03):
them the worst deal in this country's history.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Can I exchange them with a different currency?
Speaker 3 (10:09):
No, Can I exchange it for the?
Speaker 1 (10:13):
right crock.
No, well, if you can find it.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
I cannot find it.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
I will give you your underwear back if you give me
the crock.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
Do you want to roll to see if you can find it?
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Do I want to roll to see how much it's going to cost
me Roll?
I don't know if I want to buyit.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
I feel like you really want to sell this croc 18
.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
You find the right croc underneath your seat.
I have the right croc.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
I have the power.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Left croc for sale.
One coin, one coin.
One coin going to Alex.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Can I roll to stab him with a machete to get the
other croc?
No, it's rusty, you can't it'srusty from the blood of my
enemies.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
You just bought it, you haven't used it on your
enemies liar.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
I will say that there is a section where you will be
able to do something of thatsort, but that is not this.
Hey, bro, bro, spoilers thefuck okay, one, one coin going,
once, one coin.
I said one coin you can't betthe same amount, you gotta bet
more.
Why not we?
Can we write paper scissors?
(11:24):
That's not how an auction works.
Two coins, one coin going twice.
Two coins to tj.
I can't believe.
I let him have that, I'm sorry.
Two coins to tj, two coinsgoing once, somehow I'm size 14
for the right you're trying tosell it.
Speaker 3 (11:41):
yes, it's under my seat it doesn't even.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
I can't even wear it.
Do you want to buy the rightcroc?
I can't even wear them.
I'm size 14.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
You, son of a bitch, you're just buying them for no
reason.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Yeah, Two coins going twice again somehow.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
Go ahead, I don't want that shit.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Two coins the left croc is sold to TJ.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
You just spent two coins on a croc you can't wear.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
And Alex has a right croc, I guess you can you just
can't wear it in sport mode.
It is not edible.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
I can use it to filter water.
There are holes on it.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
The dog is edible.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Somebody please, james said so you put, like
rocks, and sand, in a croc andthen you pour it through, and
then they'll pour through theseventh item.
Rolling out is a grappling hookI can't pull myself up, I can't
do fucking pull-ups.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Take that shit it magically pulls you up for you
oh it is like batman's grapplinghook.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
One coin what?
Speaker 1 (12:43):
the One coin.
Okay, two, two coins.
You guys are the most stingiestfucking bettors.
Two coins.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Go ahead, Alex.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Three coins for TJ.
Four coins for Alex.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Five coins, can I hear?
Speaker 1 (12:59):
five, five coins for TJ Six.
Six coins for Alex.
Can I hear seven, eight, eightcoins for TJ?
Six, six coins for Alex?
Can I hear seven, eight, eightcoins for TJ?
Wow, big spender.
Nine, nine, oh God, these guys.
Twelve For Alex, twelve for TJ,we're getting there.
Twelve for TJ, thirteen,thirteen for Alex.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Fourteen Can we?
Speaker 1 (13:16):
hear fifteen.
Fourteen for TJ.
Can we hear more than 15?
19 for TJ in the legal range.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
That was crazy Wow.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
I loved it.
I loved it.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
You heard it here first, here first, guys, I'm
gonna fuck the grappling hook at19 can I hear 20 no, too old,
grandma, too old oh boy okay, so19 I toast.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Oh boy, Okay, so 19?
I toast who even bet?
Speaker 2 (14:30):
19?
I don't even remember.
I bet 19.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
In the legal range.
Okay, going once, going twice.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Okay, so the DJ got the 19-year-old grappling hook
Score.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
No wonder why it could pull you up on its own.
Has it ever been?
Speaker 2 (14:56):
shot before.
No, let's go Okay.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Okay, let's go Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Oh fuck, now for a commercial break, they're here
who the zombies?
Speaker 1 (15:20):
I thought the gate would stop them.
They knocked it down instantly.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
How much time do we have?
They're already here, we shouldhave bought that beautiful Los
Angeles dream house in that safeneighborhood that Corinne
showed us.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
I know it was so much more defensible and Corinne
would have had us moved inbefore the apocalypse.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Do you think it's too late to call her now?
I'll try, no, no.
We should have called Corinnesooner.
Don't wait until it's too late.
Call Corinne Salas today at714-510-6443, and buy your Los
Angeles dream house now.
That's 714-510-6443.
(15:57):
You can also find her onInstagram at nexthomebycorinne,
or visit her website atcorinnesalasnexthomegrandviewcom
.
That's C-O-R-I-N-N-E-S-A-L-A-S.
Dot.
Nexthomegrandviewcom.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Okay, the eighth item coming out onto the floor is an
emotional support raccoon.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
His name is Rocket.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
Does it?
Speaker 2 (16:30):
talk Does it speak English.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Can we get the bid?
No, he's just a raccoon.
Can we start the bid at 10coins, 10 coins.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
I'll go 10 coins.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
Alex for 10 coins Do I hear more than 10?
11 coins for TJ Do I hear 12,10 coins?
Alex for 10 coins Do I hearmore than 10?
11 coins for TJ Do I hear 12?
Speaker 3 (16:48):
12.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
12 coins for Alex Do I hear 13?
.
13.
13 for TJ Do I hear 14?
Speaker 2 (16:55):
You know, alex, if you do buy this, it's kind of
racist, because I'm going to go15.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
He really wants it 15 coins for.
Alex 16 coins for TJ.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
The question is is it black with gray or gray with
black 17.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
17.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Not a legal range, nope, just barely under.
But I can wait.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
That's.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
That.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
No, no, no, guys, we're getting into dangerous
territory I feel like, I led usastray.
It was one bad joke, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
I didn't mean to.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
It was a great joke Down this road.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Absolutely not 18 for TJ.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
I'll go 18.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
No, he did 18.
You did yeah, I'll go 18.
No, he did 18.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
You did.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
I just said 17.
I didn't know you overbid me.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Yeah, he said 18.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
Huh.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
He's at least not denying it, but I'm pretty sure
I heard him say 18.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Huh, 18 going once 19 .
Speaker 1 (17:57):
19 for Alex, 20.
20 for TJ.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Well.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
Going once.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
They can buy their own drink 21.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
21.
22.
22 for TJ.
Do I hear 23?
22 going once, 22 going twice20.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
22 sold.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Damn it Fuck.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
How much was the grappling hook?
19.
19, that's right, oh, that'snot math.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Wait, hang on, hang on, this is too much difficult
math for me.
Here we go.
And then this one was 22.
All right, so TJ gets.
One was 22.
Alright, so TJ gets theemotional support raccoon or the
emo sup raccoon.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
He rides on my anxiety dog with a grappling
hook.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
He's got a whole zoo going on.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
He also wears the left croc as a mask.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
The ninth item to roll out onto the floor Two
coins.
We have three cans of beans.
Can we start the bid off at onecoin?
Speaker 3 (19:13):
What kind of beans?
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Interesting question.
I do have that written down Onepinto, one black and one
garbanzo.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
Three coins Three coins, four coins.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Four coins for TJ for the ilk beans.
Five, four coins.
Four coins for tj for the beans, five coins, five coins for tj
for alex, six coins for tj.
Do I hear seven?
Seven seven coins for the beans, for alex eight.
Do I hear more than seven?
Eight for tj ten ten for alex,eleven, eleven, eleven for TJ.
Do I hear 12?
12.
(19:44):
12 for Alex.
Do I hear 13?
Speaker 2 (19:47):
I'm going once.
I just paid 12 fucking survivaldollars for beans 12 sold.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
It's in the apocalypse.
I got a dog for 13.
It's worth it.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
That is crazy.
Speaker 3 (19:59):
It's an anxiety-ridden dog that sounds
ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
I was going to say something else.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
I don't have to cook my anxiety ridden beans.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
The last item to roll out onto the floor is a
functional walkie talkie.
What the fuck am I going?
Speaker 2 (20:17):
to talk to.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Can we start the bid off at one coin One, one for TJ.
Do I hear two, two, two forAlex.
Do I hear two, two, two forAlex.
Do I hear three Hip, three forTJ.
Do I hear four they?
Speaker 2 (20:31):
always have a fucking random noise.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Yeah, it's kind of like similar to tennis players
Hip Five coins.
Five coins for TJ?
Do I hear six?
Do I hear seven for Alex Seven?
Do I hear eight for TJ?
Do I hear 7 for Alex 7.
?
Do I hear 8 for TJ Weep?
Do I hear 9 for Alex?
Speaker 3 (20:49):
15.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
15 for Alex.
Do I hear 20?
Speaker 2 (20:53):
16.
The fuck, why are we jumping16.
?
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Because it was already a big jump.
It's typically what they doShut up, you suck point 16.
Do I hear 17?
Speaker 3 (21:04):
You went to 16 20 20.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
See I like this guy, 20 going once, 21, 21 for tj, 21
going once, 21 going twice 2525 for alex 30, 30 for tj 30
going once 35.
35 for Alex 36.
(21:27):
36 for TJ going once 37.
37 for Alex, 38.
38 for TJ, 40.
, 40 for Alex, 41.
, 41 for TJ, 45.
And, unfortunately, tj, youonly have 41 coins left and Alex
(21:50):
had 77, so you were never goingto outbid him if you won this
one.
What do you mean?
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Alex, he can see that he's cheating.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
Inside information.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
Inside information Walkie talkie Idiot yeah, this
is like communist.
You spent that much for asingle walkie talkie idiot.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
You spent that much for a single walkie talkie.
Who you gonna talk to?
Who you gonna fucking talk toWilson?
Speaker 1 (22:17):
I'm gonna talk to Wilson now dummy we move on to
act two, the scenario you wakeup in a hospital.
Shut the fuck up.
You wake up inside a hauntedcarnival at night.
The gates are sealed shut andthe only way out is to survive
(22:38):
until dawn.
But each hour, one part of thecarnival hunts you and tries to
kill you.
Now, before we carry on withthat, I have some information to
give you guys about your items.
Are you ready?
Yep, so TJ, the rusty machetegrants you one unspookiness, so
(23:01):
you get plus one unspookiness.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
Now with these items.
Let me kind of backtrack forjust a second.
Let me clarify this is highlyreliant on you guys, using these
items with your creativity tojustify why these items would
help you survive.
Okay, this scenario.
So there are no specificsituations to go through?
(23:29):
Uh, but you have these items,you will receive these buffs or
debuffs on these items and youwill then use said items to
justify why you would survivethis night better than the other
person.
Okay, using your loadout.
So, tj, your rusty machetenamed cuddles gives you plus one
unspookiness Pretty important,alex, your bag of hot Cheetos
(23:54):
attracts raccoons and ghostchildren.
Yeah, I do suggest writingthese down.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
I'm writing I got my green book.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Alex, the waterproof tarp I have written down smells
like fish.
Gross.
Go stay away from me becauseyou stink.
Number four a solar or sorry,yeah, number four, a solar
powered charger.
It only works in the sunbecause the charger is powered
solar.
(24:23):
So what?
It was charged already.
It doesn't have a battery, it'sjust a charger.
But it's a solar poweredcharger, don.
It was charged already.
It doesn't have a battery, it'sjust a charger, but it's a
solar-powered charger.
No question of logic.
It only works in the sun.
The dog with anxiety, tj.
This dog can sniff out hiddenexits and ghost footprints.
Number six, by the way.
(24:44):
I have these in green and red,whether they're buffs and
debuffs, this is a buff.
Who had the left croc, tj.
Yep, it's just a croc, but it'sa Lightning McQueen croc and it
has a Tow, mater gibbet,because that's his best friend.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Duh.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
And then I guess, Alex, you have the right croc of
just Lightning McQueen, but nogibbets, so not as cool.
Number seven the 19-year-oldgrappling hook.
There's no rope, so it isliterally just a hook on a gun
Killer ham.
Number eight the emotionalsupport raccoon.
(25:22):
This one has a couple things,TJ One it can retrieve small
items from locked or cursedareas.
It is immune to mind controland capable of holding grudges
on your behalf.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Wait say that again.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
It's immune to mind control and capable of holding
grudges on your behalf.
Okay, the downsides it mayenter a blood feud with
animatronics.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Okay, good to know.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
The can of beans.
I just had written down whichkinds of beans they were, but
you already asked that question.
So just to clarify pinto, blackand garbanzo, the functional
walkie-talkie, it's only the onewalkie-talkie.
You don't have the set.
So with that that, you guyshave your notes, you guys have
your loadouts.
Now would you like me to repeatthe scenario, or do you guys?
(26:15):
You guys pretty solid on that.
Uh, repeat it please.
You wake up inside a hauntedcarnival at night.
The gates are sealed shut.
The only way out is to surviveuntil dawn, but each hour one
part of the carnival hunts youand tries to kill you.
How does your loadout help yousurvive this encounter?
(26:35):
And I am Call it.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
I don't have a lot of criteria.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Yeah, okay, anybody want to volunteer to go first?
Speaker 2 (26:48):
I mean, he seems more well equipped, totally so I see
more well equipped and beansand such.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
You do have a tarp and beans and such I realized,
though I don't have a can openerthat is actually one of the
downsides I had written down forthat.
I forgot to say there is no canopener yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
Yeah, but I could throw it at TJ's raccoon.
You could, because my hotCheetos attract raccoons and
ghost children.
But I can eat my hot Cheetos inmy fish smelling tarp and the
ghost children aren't going tocome near me, because that's
true Gross.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
He does smell like fish Ghosts can't smell.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
The smell goes right through them.
This fish smell is prettyputrid.
Okay, maybe ghosts like that.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
It literally seeps into the afterlife.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
It says they run away .
It repels ghosts.
Yeah, pay attention.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
I don't need to pay attention to his shit, you pay
attention to my shit.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Well, why are you paying attention to my shit?
Then it might benefit to payattention to his shit.
Speaker 3 (27:46):
Back off.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Because he remembered that the Hot Cheetos, what was
it Attracts?
Speaker 2 (27:52):
raccoons Attracts your raccoon.
Are we in the same?
Speaker 1 (27:56):
place.
Well, I mean, yeah, you guyscan mess with each other.
Like I said later on, you wouldbe able to mess with each other
.
Now is the time to mess witheach other.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Oh, but you the time to mess with each other, oh well
, but you're also trying tosurvive, okay, so?
Speaker 1 (28:07):
you explain how your items could affect the other
slash, make you survive better,okay all right, I think I, I
think I could go first okay, allright, I feel like I might go
first shut up, you.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
You waited too long present your case so I can't use
the solar charger at all.
Uh, it's just gonna weigh medown I mean, you could try I
paid six coins for absolutelynothing.
But I do have one functioningwalkie talkie now, because it's
only the one.
That means that when I turn iton, all I get is white noise.
(28:44):
Using the white noise, I'mgoing to wrap myself in this
fish-smelling tarp trying tofind the ghosts while dropping
hot Cheetos around to lure TJ'sraccoon to the hot Cheetos.
While I'm attracting ghostchildren toward the raccoon that
(29:05):
is true, and I'm going tolisten to them on the one walkie
talkie white noise trying tocommunicate with them at least
to find out where they arethroughout the night so that I
can listen in when they aretrying to hunt me.
And wherever TJ is, I'm goingto try to lead his raccoon to
the ghosts using my hot Cheetos.
(29:26):
Family size pack.
That is true, true it's a lot ofhot cheetos so that I can
maneuver away while the ghostsfuck with him and his dog, which
his dog has anxiety now I dowant to say, um, ghosts are not
the only thing at this cursedcarnival.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Uh, this is just an evil carnival in general.
So what are some other thingsthat could potentially that that
these, this loadout, couldpotentially help you, uh,
survive?
Well, what else are there?
I mean, let's use yourimagination.
What else, uh, what, what couldyou, could you use to prepare
yourself?
What kind of like?
I'm thinking like, you know,there's clowns and there's
strong men and there's, you know, there's the, the lion tamer,
(30:06):
and it's carnival.
It's a carnival.
A different part of thecarnival is going to come at you
every hour.
So I'm not asking for like afull, extensive list of
everything that's going to comeafter you, but just like one or
two ways that your items canprotect you.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
So my can of beans are.
I can't open them, so my bestbet is to use them as blunt
instruments, throwing beans thatI can either throw or smack
across somebody's head.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
You heard of throwing knives.
You ever heard of throwing cans?
That's what I'm working on, I'mwith it.
Speaker 3 (30:37):
My same kind of concept with the solar charger
that only works in the sun.
I don't see any other benefitto the solar charger other than
I mean it's going to absorblight, so it won't be any kind
of a reflector, but it's kind ofblunt so I can try to smack
something with it.
(30:58):
It has a cord on it, unlessit's like a fucking USB cord
that's just going to fall out.
I mean, let's assume it'ssteady.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
It's a sturdy cord.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
So I can do a little, uh, swing around and whack.
It's not very long, but youknow it gives me a foot, sure,
maybe?
and uh with your throwing cans,in the other hand with my
throwing cans in the other hand,okay, and I'm gonna try to
protect my walkie talkie in theevent that some of these other
things come at me.
Um, the other thing, of course,is if a uh, evil clown comes at
(31:28):
me, I'm going to try to uh, I'mgoing to try to maneuver around
it.
Stick some hot Cheetos in itspants so the ghost children come
and attack him.
Hmm, solid.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Okay, I'm here for that.
Uh, the ghost children will endup turning on their own because
they crave the hot Cheetos, andI do agree with that.
All right, cheetos, and I doagree with that.
All right, tj, explain how yourloadout would help you survive
various different encounters ata haunted carnival, I mean, like
it's haunted right, but mymachete gives plus one unspooky.
(32:00):
So you're pretty brave.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
It's pretty unspooky to you yeah, like I'm not even
stressed about it and I got myraccoon and my dog unless the
spooky is plus nine, I feel like
Speaker 1 (32:10):
he did, you did walk in with a whole pack an anxiety
dog gets rid of your anxiety,you know.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
So I feel like there it has a, like you know, a buff
to yourself when you're inproximity this is a dog with
anxiety exactly that's gonna addto your anxiety no, because
you're not even stressed aboutit, because you know you got the
plus one unspooky, so you'renot even fucking spooked out,
you're not even anxious right,so you just got, you know you're
just comforting the dog, you'renot even worried about it true,
(32:40):
okay, here for that, yeah Ithink that dog would cancel out
the unspooky, because that dogwould be whining and crying and
jittering at every single thingand you're going to have to calm
it down every single time.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
I don't know, the rusty machete named Cuddles does
make him look pretty tough.
What else?
What are some other?
Speaker 2 (32:57):
I have a gun.
What Grappling hook, right, youdo, you do.
Yeah, it's basically a fuckinggun, it's basically a fucking
gun, sure With one round Withone round, but I mean one hook,
but my raccoon can just retrieveit.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
It can retrieve small items.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
And if I miss, and it goes really far away into a
cursed place, he can still goget it.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
That is a very useful use of that.
What if it goes?
Speaker 3 (33:24):
out of, except for when it wanders off away from
you to go get the hook and itgets distracted by my hot
cheetos yeah, you know what thatI'm not tj, I kind of
unfortunately, I kind of almostjust assumed that, you know,
because like I, I will gethungry and you know I'm not
gonna eat the dog, but raccooncould taste pretty good.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
So I was.
I was kind of thinking likelike maybe an hour in I would uh
use the machete on the theraccoon and eat it you are only
here a night?
I would, and yet you decidedthat within the first hour I
would probably gain its abilityto go into cursed places and
have no mind control.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
Um, I think that's actually how it works, so I
would like to point out that youare only here a night and after
only the first hour, yourthought is to kill your raccoon
companion and eat it.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
Well, no, he wants it to happen, he's, he's on my
side, oh, he's chill like that,he is a very chill raccoon.
Okay, basically he is anemotional support and then I
kind of just like I was lookingat him and then I could have
swore he was like take my body.
You know, I was like I bet heis an emotional support raccoon.
And then I told me while he wascoming to get the cheetos places
(34:38):
that's not what he said, youknow I'll have no mind control
and I still have my grapplinghook and my left croc.
Don't even forget about my leftcroc.
I personally, because, like, ifthere's like weird kid ghosts
and shit, they'll be like dude,that's a sick fucking croc dog
and then we'll fucking hang outand I can go back to their place
because I absorbed the cursedplaces ability.
I can go in there, I can gohang out with the ghost children
(34:59):
we'll be fucking shit, they canpet my dog, bro, and I feel
like he'd like that.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
You do also have the Tow Mater Jibbit, and that's
pretty cool.
He has anxiety, that adds, yeah, but that kind of the dog's not
going to let ghost children petit.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
It's going to be like the dog in the Haunted Mansion
cowering and shivering andcrying.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
I feel like you're thinking of human anxiety, dog
anxiety.
Is they get?
Speaker 1 (35:22):
freaked out at fireworks so much worse, no, so
much worse.
Fireworks so much no, no.
You freaked out at everything.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
So much worse well, I feel like no, no, no, because,
like, hear me out, I've hadthat's just fear a dog scared of
fireworks is just fear, notanxiety I mean it might be a
little anxiety at the moment,scared fireworks might happen.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
Well, they're scared of the loud bangs.
Yeah, that's what scares me out.
Hear me out, hear me out.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
I'm with the dog the entire time, so there's no
reason it should have anyseparation anxiety.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
So who's around.
He doesn't have separationanxiety, he just has anxiety.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
Okay, so hang on.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Who is around this dog?
Who's petting this dog?
The ghost children.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
What kind is it?
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Just the ghost children.
Yeah, all right.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Yeah, we're back at their crib in the cursed places
that I absorbed from the raccoon.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
I will say he kind of counteracted your hot Cheetos,
since he decided to kill hisraccoon companion and eat him
and absorb his power, which ispretty sick, if I'm being honest
.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Yeah, except for and I still got my machete and my
crock.
None of it works that way, andleft crock dude.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
It does in this world .
It's not a cartoon, it doeswork in this world.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
You can't absorb your raccoon's powers.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
Okay, I've heard both of your arguments and I will
say I think, as of now for now,tj is winning mostly off of
eating the raccoon and absorbingits power.
That was pretty sick.
Now we move on to act three,which I call.
But wait, a twist.
I need both of you to roll a D6.
(36:49):
If you could just look up orask Google to roll a D6 for you.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
And let me know what you get.
Hey Gemini, roll a D6 for meplease.
Sure thing, shake's imaginarydice you rolled a four.
Anything else I can roll foryou.
All right, roll up a blunt,because I think I just got a duh
.
Speaker 3 (37:09):
Are you joking me?
What did you roll?
Four, he rolled a four.
I rolled a four, you rolled afour.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
Look, you see it right there.
Four.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
Alright, both roll again.
Apparently, I didn't win.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
I need to roll the dice again.
Roll a d6 for me.
Well, I can't have you guyshave the same one and you rolled
a 3.
Wanna go again.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
That'd be hilarious if you both rolled the same
again, but you didn't, okay, soyou rolled a 3, tj Alex, you
rolled a 6.
Hey, chat, this is where Icould really use your
participation For thoselistening on the podcast, on the
recorded, uh, end of this.
That was a weird way of wordingthat.
Um, we go live when we recordthese every friday evening,
(37:55):
usually around like 10, 30 or 11um, so you should come check us
out on the.
Will you survive the podcast?
Uh, tiktok, where we go live?
Um, but I'm to need a littleaudience participation.
Who rolled a three?
Tj, I did.
We'll start with you, tj.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
Number three is plot armor activated.
You have activated plot armorNow for the audience.
I need you guys to shoot mesome ideas that he gets a
temporary advantage, someexamples he could be immune to
ghosts for one hour.
He can re-roll a bad item.
He can force a trade for items.
(38:36):
He could survive one.
This doesn't really matter,it's something like that.
I would love to see ideas.
If you guys don't have anyideas, I will just pick one of
those three that I named.
One of those three?
Did I name three?
Yeah, yeah, you made me feellike I didn't name three.
Speaker 3 (38:52):
Let's see.
Let's see Chat.
You got anything.
Who's got the best idea?
What plot armor should TJ getfor one?
Speaker 1 (39:01):
hour.
Tj gets plot armor.
Speaker 3 (39:07):
It doesn't even have to be for one hour, but it is a
temporary advantage.
A temporary.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
A temporary advantage , a temporary advantage.
Okay, you can make one wish andhave it be anything anything.
Oh wow, tj loses all motionsickness.
What?
Yeah, I know what do you mean.
(39:31):
Loses all motion sickness, hecan't get motion sick.
Speaker 3 (39:34):
It's not much of a plot, armor, oh that that's
pretty funny actually all right,madison.
Madison radka says he can makeone wish and have it be anything
, quote anything.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
That's not very temporary, but that's the only
one we got.
So, tj, your plot, armor, isyou can have one wish and have
it be anything.
What is your one wish?
You are muted.
Oh, I wish that Alex loses thenext round.
That's okay.
Well, that's not very temporary, it has to be temporary.
Well, yeah, it's temporary tillthe round after that.
This is going to be a one-roundgame man.
(40:09):
We're already approaching anhour.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
I wish that I have.
I wish my machete was notrusted and it gives me a double
jump.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
Okay, so you have traded in your rusty machete for
a super dope, shiny machetewith the ability to give you
Mario powers and double jump.
I love Mario powers.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
Can I turn into a fucking elephant?
Speaker 1 (40:38):
No, just the double jump.
What are we crazy?
Let's be realistic.
Number six for Alex Glitch inthe simulation.
I need some audienceparticipation here.
Reality shifts, the scenariomutates and the audience.
You can either decide acompletely new scenario for Alex
(40:59):
or we can mutate it.
Some examples are one that Iwill pick from, if none are
chosen.
You could now suddenly beunderwater.
The animatronics are nowanimatronic dinosaurs.
That's scary.
All the lights go out, so it'stotal darkness, or your survival
(41:21):
gear turns into medievalequivalents.
What the fuck, yeah, you'resupposed to?
Alex gets teleported to theback rooms.
Oh no, oh no.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
Pleased that one.
Speaker 1 (41:38):
Madison says he is eternally paranoid, but only
like slightly.
That's me.
I like Lewis's suggestion.
Reality shifts, alex, and youare now in the back rooms.
Do you know what the back roomsis?
I do.
Okay, you are now in the backrooms.
Okay.
So with this new information,with these new twists, I will
(42:01):
now ask you to re.
Uh, what's the word I'm lookingfor here?
Retell me.
Why relitigate?
Yeah, sure, relitigate, let'sbe fancy.
Why your loadout would help youin these situations, given your
new twist, was tj first.
Um sure, we can do tj first,since we did you first last time
(42:24):
um, so is it gonna likecompletely reset?
Speaker 2 (42:28):
is my raccoon still alive?
Oh, or did I absorb its power?
I was going to kill it againanyways.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
Let's completely reset and you can do what you
want to do again.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Okay, I'm going to immediately kill my raccoon
again.
Give me its souls.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
It's like a roguelike game now.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
The anxiety dog.
We're still chilling.
Uh, okay, I will instantly beuh loved and acknowledged by all
of the uh spooky performersthat are at this.
You said it's a like carnival.
Yeah, yeah, you know all theall the spooky performers
motherfuckers walking on ballsand fucking tightropes and shit.
Speaker 3 (43:09):
They will instantly be impressed by my ability to
what kind of carnival do you goto?
Speaker 2 (43:12):
You know, there's like the carnival tent with the
motherfuckers in there.
Shut the fuck up.
This is a spooky shit thatimplies old-timey carnival.
Okay, this guy likes guyswalking on balls.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
Yeah why don't you step on?
Speaker 3 (43:24):
mine Weirdo, you're weird.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
That was interesting, Bitch.
That was interesting.
Also worth noting.
They do admire your super shinymachete now.
Speaker 2 (43:31):
Yes, and also they admire my ability to do
backflips and shit because Ihave a double jump.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
That is true.
That's a pretty carnival moveright there.
I think that would even impresssome ghost carnies.
If I'm being honest, I got myleft croc and they're like dude,
that's the sickest fucking crocI've.
You can't even wear it damnlife, it doesn't even matter,
dude, it's.
Have you ever seen the reason Imean?
Speaker 2 (43:57):
croc.
The reason it's so cool isbecause I don't wear it.
It is in perfect mint fuckingcondition, not a crease, crack,
speck of dirt on thatmotherfucker.
That is a premium lightning manqueen croc with a mater gibbet
that I that I got for two coins.
Dude, they're gonna, they'relike, dude, you fucking, that's
(44:18):
a steal right there not only isit cool, but they do admire
thrifting.
So like you know I'm just I'mfucking chilling anxiety dog.
You know he's chilling, he'sstill fucking stressed out, but
like I'm there to pet him and dobackflips and shit so name one
more part of the carnival thatcould come after you.
Speaker 1 (44:35):
That, uh, that this loadout would help you survive?
Speaker 2 (44:39):
I think it personally , the, the, the haunting, the
haunted roller coasters thatconstantly uh call out to me to
uh ride them uh, and in doing sothey would steal my soul.
Um, can't happen, baby, becauseI absorbed the, the, the coons
powers and I got no mind controldub.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
That is true, no mind control and you can go into
curse zones that's, and theanimatronics dude.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
I'm gonna jump on them.
Bitches like mario, like yousaid that's pretty strong, uh,
let me just make sure I'm notmissing anything.
Fucking head top bro.
Speaker 1 (45:13):
They're dead um, yeah , actually you also.
You absorbed the powers of youremotional support raccoon, um,
which means you actually enteredinto a blood feud with the
animatronics.
Um, which is like not thatgreat.
They're gonna hunt you down forthe rest of your life, even
once you get out.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
That's fine, I got my double jump.
Speaker 1 (45:31):
You do have your double jump, that is true.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
It's like the immortal snail dude.
How are animatronics going toget across the ocean?
Take a boat, they could, but dothey know how to sail a boat?
I don't think so you can get ona ferry that Alex re-litigate.
Well Reminder, you're now inthe back rooms.
Speaker 3 (45:55):
Because this game is absolute horseshit and I rolled
a fucking six and somehow Istill got the bullshit fucking
deal.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
What I'm going to do is since TJ ate his fucking
raccoon and he absorbed hispower.
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
It's okay for those who don'tknow what the backrooms are.
Speaker 1 (46:11):
Hang on, hang on, hang on, it's okay, it's okay.
If you don't know what thebackrooms is, go do some
research.
Speaker 3 (46:16):
Since you ate your raccoon and absorbed its power,
I'm going to put out the fuckingfamily-sized hot Cheetos that
attracts you.
You are able to enter cursedzones.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
Oh.
So you come into the fuckingback rooms motherfucker, the
back rooms isn't a cursed zoneoh, I don't know, that's pretty
cursed.
Speaker 1 (46:35):
No, I'm gonna give that to him, it's not a curse
bro the lord there's not a cursezone.
Speaker 3 (46:40):
You have been summoned into the back.
It is a parallel universe zoneyou.
Speaker 1 (46:45):
It's a cursed parallel universe.
It's not a into the curseparallel universe.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
And no, you're screwed.
I did not absorb you, myraccoon, raccooniness,
motherfucker I absorbed hispowers.
Speaker 1 (46:57):
Yeah, you absorbed the raccoon.
You, you.
The raccoon became a part ofyou literally not a fucking
thing.
Speaker 3 (47:08):
You don't get to, neither are raccoons that uh,
avoid curse okay, I eat a pieceof salmon.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
Also, I absorb b vitamins I'm not gonna be able
to swim upstream the what thefuck?
You would.
No, if you absorbed the salmonto get its powers, then, yes,
you would stream up, you wouldswim upstream.
But also, the bag of cheetosattracts raccoons and ghost
children.
So now your dog is sad andanxious because it has no ghost
children to pet.
Speaker 2 (47:35):
Well, you act like I'm not going to take my dog
with me, my anxiety rating dog.
You think I'm that horrible ofan owner?
The dog's coming with me firstof all and, yes, the ghost
children are coming with me, andhe's not immune to ghost
children.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
He is not immune to ghost children?
Yeah, but he is not immune tothose children, those little
white bitches from friday, the13th.
Speaker 2 (47:52):
They're gonna be one, two.
Freddy's coming for you in thefucking corner.
Bro's gonna be scared to shit,just saying I.
Speaker 3 (47:59):
I feel like you already have the the counter for
that, so go on, alex so nowthat I have uh tj coming into
the back rooms and I'mattracting ghost children into
the the zone the uh back roomswith him, uh, I am going to
cover up with my fishy tarp sothat ghosts will stay away from
me.
Uh, gonna use my functioningwalkie talkie in the same manner
(48:21):
and try to get a bead on anyghosts or hopefully any other uh
alternate dimension beings.
Speaker 1 (48:28):
What are you gonna do that might be in the back rooms
with me.
He's in the back rooms now.
I'm in the back rooms with me.
He's in the back rooms now.
Speaker 3 (48:32):
I'm in the back rooms .
I don't have animatronics thatI know of.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
That's not what he's got to worry about there's
demons and shit like that.
Speaker 2 (48:37):
I'm in a blood feud with animatronics.
They're following me, they'reon their way, but they're after
you.
You, not me.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
They're after you, so it's more of a problem for you.
Speaker 2 (48:45):
This will be an issue for him.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
No, they got a blood feud with you.
Until they kill you, they don'thave a problem with him.
Speaker 3 (48:51):
And my perception is so keen that I will find your
way that you get in and escapein the same manner you can't
even.
Speaker 1 (49:01):
Yeah, I will give him that.
Speaker 3 (49:06):
I would, normally, yes, and you.
If there's an entrance that hecomes in at, I sneak out in the
same portal it is forevershifting, like a maze.
Speaker 1 (49:13):
You don't he fell through the roof is kind of what
I'm picturing I'm fuckingjumping.
Speaker 3 (49:20):
I use my solar charger to try to throw it out
of there so I can climb out.
You thaw your way out.
Yeah, exactly, that's prettysick.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
I don't know.
That's pretty cool.
Um, okay, we've heard thelitigation I think.
Speaker 2 (49:36):
I think by that logic I can get out too.
So it's like well, you'refalling.
Speaker 1 (49:40):
While you're falling out, he's jumping up.
But I would say that the thedouble jump might give you some
help in the back rooms, becausethere's a lot of times where
double jump would be very verynice.
Speaker 2 (49:51):
I'm out of the place that I was meant to survive in,
so do I inherently just survive?
No, you're dead fool well, no,my goal was to survive.
Speaker 3 (49:59):
You should have never you should have never eaten
your raccoon, which cannot if Isurvive, cannot resist hot
cheetos.
I survived the carnival, hiscarnival by that, by that logic,
I survived well, no, yourcarnival became the back rooms.
Speaker 1 (50:14):
When you got put into that situation the only way out
is to survive until dawn.
So I guess the question nowbecomes are you more likely to
survive the back rooms or isalex more likely to survive the
carnival?
Because you went back to thecarnival, that would be the
question.
And I'm not gonna lie, excuseme, I'm not gonna lie.
(50:36):
I think the carnival, uh, givenyour tarp that keeps ghost
children away, um, all ghostsand all yeah, and august, uh,
and all the ghost children arewith tj and his dog, um, the
animatronics have left.
Uh, I think.
Uh, by calculating these scores, I think alex is the winner
(50:57):
here yeah, mother alex is morelikely to survive this situation
than tj bs due to his brilliantmove.
Speaker 2 (51:05):
Goddamn raccoon.
Speaker 1 (51:05):
Uh, because you absorb the powers of the raccoon
man.
I absorb the powers of theraccoon.
Yes, I absorb the powers of theraccoon, but I don't absorb
their fucking innate ability tosmell fucking Cheetos in a
multiversal sense.
These hot Cheetos had a power.
Speaker 3 (51:23):
That was its buff To attract raccoons, are you?
Speaker 2 (51:25):
calling me a coon.
Speaker 1 (51:27):
Right now I'm calling you a raccoon because you
specifically said that youabsorbed the powers of this
raccoon the powers.
That's not a power.
If you're going to get thepowers to go into curse zones
because you ate this raccoon,then you're going to be
attracted by the Hot Cheetos.
That's not how it works.
I'll amend it.
The Hot Cheetos attractraccoons, or those with the
(51:51):
powers of raccoons.
Speaker 2 (51:52):
that's literally okay , great love that this guy, just
because I'm black, the entireepisode, arguing that he absorbs
all of the raccoons powers yeah, but doesn't want the one down
more the episode, complainingthat I absorbed the raccoons
powers.
Speaker 3 (52:09):
It's not a power.
I tried saving you from yourown beast.
Speaker 2 (52:15):
And even when you had another chance, he had to amend
the whole rule for your goddamnCheetos, because he knew that
it didn't make sense that I gotattracted by it, because I'm not
a damn raccoon.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
Who the hell cares about sense.
First of all, we're in the backrooms.
Speaker 3 (52:36):
Where does it make sense that I rolled a fucking
six and I got no buff?
Speaker 2 (52:40):
at all.
No, where does it make sensethat you can climb out of the
back rooms?
Speaker 3 (52:44):
bro, because I'm a badass, what you can't?
Speaker 1 (52:47):
do a pull-up I can hey.
Thanks everybody for listeningto this episode no.
This was a great episode.
It doesn't even make anyfucking sense.
I'm really happy with this gameand I think I'm going to refine
it, and you forgot.
I have a grappling hook In theback rooms.
Speaker 2 (53:04):
No rope.
Speaker 1 (53:04):
You forgot you had a grappling hook.
You didn't mention it.
I did Multiple times you.
You didn't mention it.
I did Multiple times.
You just mentioned that youcould shoot it and then you said
nothing else about it.
Speaker 3 (53:13):
You said you could use the raccoon to track it down
which you ate.
Speaker 2 (53:17):
So now, you can track it down.
That's true, exactly so I havethe ability to recover my own
bullet.
Speaker 1 (53:22):
You shoot the grappling hook and then you have
to go get it.
Speaker 2 (53:28):
No, but it's like Thor's hammer bro, except the
grappling hook calls to me.
I shoot that bitch out of theback rooms.
I'm out, I fly after it at highspeed.
No see, alex timed it perfectlythat when you were falling
through the ceiling he jumpedout.
Speaker 1 (53:47):
Okay, but double jump inherently means I can jump
midair, not if you're falling,you can't jump.
Speaker 2 (53:51):
Yeah, there are plenty of games where you can
jump mid-air, not if you.
If you're falling, you can'tjump.
Yeah, you can't.
There are plenty of games youcan jump.
Speaker 1 (53:54):
No, you can jump and then you can double jump.
But if you're falling youcannot just mid-jump while
falling.
It doesn't work like that.
No game works that way.
Speaker 2 (54:03):
That's game mechanics I will literally find a game,
right, find a game where itworks.
Speaker 1 (54:08):
Find a game where you can just walk off a cliff and
then, specifically, though, hesaid, you have mario double jump
mario, if you walk off a cliff,you cannot jump you fall.
Speaker 2 (54:18):
This guy trying to change all the rules you
literally had to have a rulechanged for you.
What are you talking about?
Speaker 1 (54:25):
no, I was giving the ruling and you wouldn't accept
it, so that I changed the law tomake it work, because I'm the
judge.
Speaker 3 (54:31):
Okay, what are you, america?
This episode.
Speaker 1 (54:34):
Yes, the winner.
Speaker 3 (54:36):
I am the winner Of what.
Why don't you cry about it?
He only won one round.
Speaker 1 (54:43):
How many more rounds do you want?
Speaker 2 (54:45):
Okay, I won one, he won one.
It's a fucking tie.
Speaker 1 (54:48):
No, this was all one round, it was just split into
three acts.
Speaker 3 (54:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (54:53):
That doesn't even make any sense.
Only because you lost Alex yourwinner speech.
He was out of Cheetos the firsttime.
How do you Justified?
How do you?
Speaker 3 (55:02):
regain Cheetos.
No, it all.
Reset, it reset.
You got your raccoon back, okayso it.
Speaker 2 (55:06):
It's a reset, that means it's a new round.
Speaker 1 (55:08):
No, it resets because this is over.
No, I'm done negotiating withyou.
You lost, suck it up.
Winner speech.
Speaker 3 (55:16):
I am so grateful, thank you all for listening to
the podcast.
Justice has been served.
I have won an episode.
Speaker 2 (55:23):
This is a bunch of fucking bullshit, Rightfully so.
I mean, you really didn't.
Yeah, you had to't.
This was a great game host.
Speaker 3 (55:30):
I'd love to play it again, even though you tried
stacking it against me.
I won't hold that against you.
Speaker 1 (55:35):
It was clever.
The D6 had nothing to do withrolling high being good, it was
just six random options.
Speaker 2 (55:41):
It's the fucking rolls on your neck, you big
bitch Me.
Speaker 3 (55:46):
Yes, I weigh half of what you weigh yes, says this
guy Shut up.
Speaker 2 (55:51):
Eric, you weigh half a fucking cricket.
Speaker 1 (55:55):
You're just upset, you lost.
Speaker 2 (55:57):
He weighs half of me.
I'm upset that this shit wasmade to be against me.
This whole fucking time youknew who was going to win,
because it's rigged.
It's rigged against the system.
Speaker 3 (56:09):
Don't eat raccoons.
The systematic oppression inthis goddamn podcast Systematic
oppression.
I can't take it.
Speaker 1 (56:17):
I'm being systematically oppressed.
Aren't you the one who sayswarning, I'm black?
Speaker 2 (56:23):
Systematically oppressed.
Every now and again he sayscaution.
Speaker 3 (56:25):
This is all scripted.
Speaker 2 (56:27):
This is all scripted and they made me say that I'm
coming out with a fucking eightpart fucking series on tiktok,
exposing all of this shit it'sgonna get a netflix special yeah
, it's gonna be like half myface and then like
half your face it's good oh,that's good all right anyways,
fuck this, fuck this.
(56:47):
Do you want to read the socials?
Fuck this goddamn podcast.
Fuck your mama, not you.
Eric, you, you.
I'm talking to you Audiencemember who's driving in the car
to work right now at 7 in thegoddamn morning.
Call off and go hang out withyour goddamn kids.
You fucking bum.
Speaker 1 (57:06):
Damn.
I think that might be badadvice, but TJ the socials, you
can follow us on.
Whatever I meant, alex Forever,anything Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (57:18):
Will you start the podcast?
Check us out on Twitter.
Hang on the boys, WIS.
Speaker 3 (57:24):
This guy.
Speaker 1 (57:24):
You can check us out on.
Speaker 2 (57:25):
Instagram, Facebook, Google+.
We got a Snapchat where we poststuff.
We don't have a Snapchat.
You can follow our Ubisoftaccount where we play stuff send
us shit on Steam you can sendme stuff on Steam.
My name is Rogue Sandwich onSteam.
Speaker 3 (57:46):
If you want to send me a gift, hit me up until next
time we are going to start areverse only fans, where we send
you nudes and you have to payus to stop we'll just keep
sending you really bad survivaladvice and you have to pay us to
stop.
We're going to send you nudesof tj.
You have to pay him to stop.
(58:08):
We're going to send you zombienudes.
Or you could pay TJ a thousanddollars to get your name
tattooed on him.
Speaker 1 (58:14):
Hang on, Wait.
Our only fans will just keepsending you pictures of that
really long schlong 28 yearslater, until you pay us to stop.
Speaker 2 (58:24):
And you won't be able to get away from us because we
have all of your information.
Speaker 1 (58:27):
We got your email.
You can't escape.
We have your address.
Speaker 2 (58:30):
We have your wife's maiden name.
Speaker 3 (58:33):
Lewis, we do have a Discord.
Speaker 1 (58:35):
You cannot escape the 28-inch later 28-inch later.
Oh, go, follow our Discord.
I don't know how to give youthat link.
Maybe we'll put it in thedescription of this episode TJ,
oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (58:48):
Fuck you, I'm going to put the fucking whole script
of Bee Movie as our show notes.
Speaker 1 (58:53):
Next episode that would actually be really funny,
but I'm sure he'll put theDiscord in the description.
Speaker 2 (58:59):
I will not, and until next time I'm going to put the
nutrition facts for fuckingMountain Dew.
Baja Blast Shut up, so I canclose this episode.
Stay alive, you disrespectfullittle bitch.
Stay alive Until next time stayalive, except for you driving
to work right now at 7.15 in themorning.
Speaker 1 (59:15):
Don't say that.
Speaker 2 (59:16):
Fuck you.
Don't say that, fuck yourNissan.
Altima getting on at fucking 30miles per hour, not speeding up
, not speeding up and thenmerging onto the freeway.
Why are you merging onto thefreeway at 35 miles per hour?
Speaker 3 (59:29):
It doesn't even make any sense.
Speaker 2 (59:31):
Bro Fucking, get up to 60, you fucking loser.
Hello survivors and welcome to another episode of
Will you Survive?
The Podcast.
Today I'm going to bring my twocontestants, alex that's me and
TJ.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
What the fuck is up, Kyle?
Speaker 1 (00:48):
There is no, kyle, but we are going to an auction,
guys.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Okay, Jimmy.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Not again.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Okay we're going to move past that.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Warning I'm black.
Warning, it was just a joke.
Warning.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
That was ridiculous.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
I do want to mention that we are recording this on
the 4th of July.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Yes, we are.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
To freedom With that irony and humor also just a
warning that there may befireworks in our mics.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
It's true.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
It might not come through.
Oh yeah, they will.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
It'll come through mine, guaranteed so yeah, we'll
see.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Are you guys ready?
Because so I've I.
I texted you guys about thisidea, but I gave you guys very
little details.
Are you guys ready toexperience this?
Speaker 3 (01:38):
yeah, but you didn't text me about an idea.
You said you had a concept ofan idea.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
No, I said I had concepts of a plan, concepts of
a plan.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I mean, that sounds super fleshed out.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yeah, wait till you guys see it.
I feel like you guys are goingto actually be impressed by this
, and then you're going to feelso silly.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Okay, are we ready?
I'm ready.
Okay, this is broken up intoacts.
I'm ready, Alex, Act one theauction house.
The Auction House.
The Auction House.
Welcome to the Auction House.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
All right, I thought it was going to be.
Jeopardy for a second.
I thought you stole my ideaThat'd be hilarious.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Each of you have been given by me, your lovely
government and central bank, 100survivor coins.
Okay, okay, I am going to list10 different survival items, one
at a time, yep, and you twowill bid on said items with your
coins to build your loadout.
(02:32):
Okay, are we ready?
I?
am ready, ready Okay 100 coins,you say Hang on, I need a way to
keep track of your guys' points.
Two seconds, I didn't thinkabout this, I thought of
everything else.
I thought of everything else.
Okay, first item Are we ready,ready?
First up, we have a lovelyrusty machete named Cuddles.
(02:53):
Let's start the bid at one coin.
We got one coin.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Three coins.
Speaker 1 (02:57):
Three coins for TJ.
Three coins for TJ.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
Three coins for TJ going once 3.2 coins, no four
coins.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
Four coins for Alex.
Four coins for Alex.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Five coins.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Five coins for TJ.
Five coins for TJ.
Can we get seven?
Can we get seven coins?
No Five, you don't want to goanymore.
No Going once, going twice.
Alright, our rusty machetenamed Cuddles goes to TJ for
five coins.
Congratulations, tj.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
I'm getting a shiny, bright, beautiful kukuri Just
had to get it.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
I do suggest that you guys keep track of your items.
I will also keep track of youritems, but it will help if you
keep track of yours as well.
The second item we have comingin oh, this one's a doozy, this
one's a good one.
We have a bag of hot Cheetosand it is a family size.
Can we start the bid at at onecoin?
(03:49):
One coin, one survivor coin,one survivor coin.
I'll do one coin okay, one coinfor alex.
Can we get two coins?
Can we get two coins?
Two coins, two coins, tj.
Two, two, two.
You are still muted.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Two coins I'm not even saying anything.
Two coins two coins.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Yep, two coins.
Oh okay, two coins for tj, twocoins for tj for the hot cheetos
.
These are in hot commodity.
This is a family size.
This is big, big bang for yourbuck can we get three coins?
Speaker 3 (04:12):
yeah?
Speaker 1 (04:13):
can we get three coins from alex, three coins?
Speaker 3 (04:15):
yeah, I'll do three coins, three coins for alex.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Can we get four coins from tj, four coins for tj,
four coins, four coins goingonce, three coins going twice,
three coins sold to Alex, whogets a bag of Hot Cheetos.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
I got you bitten high for them.
Hot Cheetos Guys.
Just so you know, this issponsored by this new coin we
found it's called Survivor Coin.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Has our logo on it and everything.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Not even affiliated, but we are sponsored by them.
Make sure to go over there andbuy some, because it's going to
be so worth it in the future.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Yeah, go to overtherecom, overtherecom.
All right, that was for threecoins, right.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Now give me the Cheetos or I'll use the machete.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Okay, you now have a bag of Hot Cheetos, family size,
in your possession.
Item number three Rolling outin the cart we have a beautiful
waterproof tarp that smells likefish.
Fish smelling tarp.
Going for two coins, two coins.
Anybody.
Two coins, two coins can we goone, two coins oh, two coins for
alex.
(05:14):
Can we get three coins from tj?
Speaker 2 (05:16):
three coins from tj I was wondering when alex put his
blanket up for auction, but twocoins going once two coins
going twice my towel two coinssold to alex
Speaker 1 (05:26):
wow, you guys are you guys are getting these for so
cheap.
You have a hundred.
If you expect the items to getbetter, you should.
You should maybe start biddingdifferently.
What did I?
Bid for my machete uh, five,okay, which is crazy, by the way
yeah very crazy.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
I didn't want him to have it.
Now he has fucking hot Cheetosand a smelly tarp.
It's crazy that I went for fiveAll right, I guess he can't use
that tarp for navigation,though that's a pretty good, I
knew it.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Tarp is square, square equals map.
I knew it was going to comearound to that one night.
You, you just wait.
Number four we have rolling outhere on the cart a
solar-powered charger.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
Solar-powered charger .
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Can we start the bid off with five, maybe Five coins?
Speaker 2 (06:14):
I didn't know.
Dodge made an electric versionof their charger.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
For the solar-powered charger.
Can we get five coins?
Can we get three coins, Threecoins from anybody?
Speaker 3 (06:23):
I'll do two coins, two coins from Alex.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Okay, can we get three coins?
Three coins from anybody.
I'll do two coins.
Two coins from Alex.
Okay, can we get three coinsfrom TJ?
Three coins for TJ?
I'll do four.
Four coins for Alex, four coinsfor.
Alex Five coins for TJ.
Can we get six coins?
I'll get six coins Six coinsfrom Alex, can we get seven?
Can we get seven from TJ?
Going once Six coins, goingtwice Six coins sold Seven coins
.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I have a feeling at the end of this he's going to be
like you do not survive.
You are the weakest link.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Goodbye, I already decided Okay, this next item is
a big one, this is a big one.
I expect a lot of money or not,I guess it kind of just depends
on you guys.
But are we ready?
Speaker 3 (07:04):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Yep Yep 10 coins.
Fifth item let's bring out adog with anxiety but excellent
tracking skills.
A dog with anxiety, butexcellent tracking skills.
Tj started the bit off with 10coins.
Can we get 15?
15.
?
Can we get 15?
10 coins going?
Speaker 3 (07:21):
once I'll go 12 coins 12 coins for Alex.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Can we get more?
12 coins going.
13 coins from TJ.
Can we get any more than 13?
Can we get more than 13?
13 going once, 13 coins goingtwice.
13 coins sold to TJ.
Who gets a dog with anxiety?
Speaker 3 (07:41):
That is awesome.
That dog is going to give awayyour location every chance it
gets.
I'll name him me.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
His name is Scooby.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
It's me the dog.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
That's pretty funny, and you, the cat yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Oh damn, James just went hard in the comments and
said food.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
For auction the dog oh.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
There's a kitten on screen.
Next item, we have pulling upon the cart a single crock.
It is the left one.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
What size?
Speaker 1 (08:23):
It is a ten and a half and we start the bid off
with one coin.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
They're edible.
You know that the fuck crocsare edible?
Speaker 1 (08:32):
I don't.
I don't think that's true.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
They're non-toxic look look it up right now,
non-toxic does not mean edible.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
They're edible.
That just means it's not toxic.
It doesn't mean that it'sedible.
Can we have a let's?
This is completely irrelevantto this conversation, okay this
is absolutely ridiculous.
No, they're not edible I can'tbelieve I'm letting this get
derailed by this crocs are notedible and should not be
consumed.
They contain no nutrients thatare madefrom a foam material
(09:02):
called Cross Light which isintended solely for footwear.
Yeah, in what world would acroc be edible?
Speaker 2 (09:11):
I feel like I heard something about something that
was edible, you know.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
We're selling these crocs.
Can we get a bid going off onone coin?
One coin, one coin for anybody.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Oh wait, hang on, I forgot to subtract.
He said one croc.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
What was it?
12 coins, did he just 13.
It was 13?
For the dog.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Yeah 13.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Okay, what does that put you at 82.
All right, the single crock.
One coin, anybody.
We can also just pass on it ifwe want.
But 0.1 of a coin you can onlybet in whole numbers.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Okay, half a coin 0.5 you drive a hard bargain, but
75 of a coin no coins.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
This is not crypto.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
This is how that works zero down and zero a month
for a very long time.
Can I exchange?
Speaker 1 (10:03):
them the worst deal in this country's history.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Can I exchange them with a different currency?
Speaker 3 (10:09):
No, Can I exchange it for the?
Speaker 1 (10:13):
right crock.
No, well, if you can find it.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
I cannot find it.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
I will give you your underwear back if you give me
the crock.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
Do you want to roll to see if you can find it?
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Do I want to roll to see how much it's going to cost
me Roll?
I don't know if I want to buyit.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
I feel like you really want to sell this croc 18
.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
You find the right croc underneath your seat.
I have the right croc.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
I have the power.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Left croc for sale.
One coin, one coin.
One coin going to Alex.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Can I roll to stab him with a machete to get the
other croc?
No, it's rusty, you can't it'srusty from the blood of my
enemies.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
You just bought it, you haven't used it on your
enemies liar.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
I will say that there is a section where you will be
able to do something of thatsort, but that is not this.
Hey, bro, bro, spoilers thefuck okay, one, one coin going,
once, one coin.
I said one coin you can't betthe same amount, you gotta bet
more.
Why not we?
Can we write paper scissors?
(11:24):
That's not how an auction works.
Two coins, one coin going twice.
Two coins to tj.
I can't believe.
I let him have that, I'm sorry.
Two coins to tj, two coinsgoing once, somehow I'm size 14
for the right you're trying tosell it.
Speaker 3 (11:41):
yes, it's under my seat it doesn't even.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
I can't even wear it.
Do you want to buy the rightcroc?
I can't even wear them.
I'm size 14.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
You, son of a bitch, you're just buying them for no
reason.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Yeah, Two coins going twice again somehow.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
Go ahead, I don't want that shit.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Two coins the left croc is sold to TJ.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
You just spent two coins on a croc you can't wear.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
And Alex has a right croc, I guess you can you just
can't wear it in sport mode.
It is not edible.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
I can use it to filter water.
There are holes on it.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
The dog is edible.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Somebody please, james said so you put, like
rocks, and sand, in a croc andthen you pour it through, and
then they'll pour through theseventh item.
Rolling out is a grappling hookI can't pull myself up, I can't
do fucking pull-ups.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Take that shit it magically pulls you up for you
oh it is like batman's grapplinghook.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
One coin what?
Speaker 1 (12:43):
the One coin.
Okay, two, two coins.
You guys are the most stingiestfucking bettors.
Two coins.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Go ahead, Alex.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Three coins for TJ.
Four coins for Alex.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Five coins, can I hear?
Speaker 1 (12:59):
five, five coins for TJ Six.
Six coins for Alex.
Can I hear seven, eight, eightcoins for TJ?
Six, six coins for Alex?
Can I hear seven, eight, eightcoins for TJ?
Wow, big spender.
Nine, nine, oh God, these guys.
Twelve For Alex, twelve for TJ,we're getting there.
Twelve for TJ, thirteen,thirteen for Alex.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Fourteen Can we?
Speaker 1 (13:16):
hear fifteen.
Fourteen for TJ.
Can we hear more than 15?
19 for TJ in the legal range.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
That was crazy Wow.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
I loved it.
I loved it.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
You heard it here first, here first, guys, I'm
gonna fuck the grappling hook at19 can I hear 20 no, too old,
grandma, too old oh boy okay, so19 I toast.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Oh boy, Okay, so 19?
I toast who even bet?
Speaker 2 (14:30):
19?
I don't even remember.
I bet 19.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
In the legal range.
Okay, going once, going twice.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Okay, so the DJ got the 19-year-old grappling hook
Score.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
No wonder why it could pull you up on its own.
Has it ever been?
Speaker 2 (14:56):
shot before.
No, let's go Okay.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
Okay, let's go Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Oh fuck, now for a commercial break, they're here
who the zombies?
Speaker 1 (15:20):
I thought the gate would stop them.
They knocked it down instantly.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
How much time do we have?
They're already here, we shouldhave bought that beautiful Los
Angeles dream house in that safeneighborhood that Corinne
showed us.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
I know it was so much more defensible and Corinne
would have had us moved inbefore the apocalypse.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Do you think it's too late to call her now?
I'll try, no, no.
We should have called Corinnesooner.
Don't wait until it's too late.
Call Corinne Salas today at714-510-6443, and buy your Los
Angeles dream house now.
That's 714-510-6443.
(15:57):
You can also find her onInstagram at nexthomebycorinne,
or visit her website atcorinnesalasnexthomegrandviewcom
.
That's C-O-R-I-N-N-E-S-A-L-A-S.
Dot.
Nexthomegrandviewcom.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Okay, the eighth item coming out onto the floor is an
emotional support raccoon.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
His name is Rocket.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
Does it?
Speaker 2 (16:30):
talk Does it speak English.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Can we get the bid?
No, he's just a raccoon.
Can we start the bid at 10coins, 10 coins.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
I'll go 10 coins.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
Alex for 10 coins Do I hear more than 10?
11 coins for TJ Do I hear 12,10 coins?
Alex for 10 coins Do I hearmore than 10?
11 coins for TJ Do I hear 12?
Speaker 3 (16:48):
12.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
12 coins for Alex Do I hear 13?
.
13.
13 for TJ Do I hear 14?
Speaker 2 (16:55):
You know, alex, if you do buy this, it's kind of
racist, because I'm going to go15.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
He really wants it 15 coins for.
Alex 16 coins for TJ.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
The question is is it black with gray or gray with
black 17.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
17.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Not a legal range, nope, just barely under.
But I can wait.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
That's.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
That.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
No, no, no, guys, we're getting into dangerous
territory I feel like, I led usastray.
It was one bad joke, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
I didn't mean to.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
It was a great joke Down this road.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Absolutely not 18 for TJ.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
I'll go 18.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
No, he did 18.
You did yeah, I'll go 18.
No, he did 18.
Speaker 3 (17:45):
You did.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
I just said 17.
I didn't know you overbid me.
Speaker 1 (17:50):
Yeah, he said 18.
Speaker 3 (17:51):
Huh.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
He's at least not denying it, but I'm pretty sure
I heard him say 18.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Huh, 18 going once 19 .
Speaker 1 (17:57):
19 for Alex, 20.
20 for TJ.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Well.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
Going once.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
They can buy their own drink 21.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
21.
22.
22 for TJ.
Do I hear 23?
22 going once, 22 going twice20.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
22 sold.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Damn it Fuck.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
How much was the grappling hook?
19.
19, that's right, oh, that'snot math.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Wait, hang on, hang on, this is too much difficult
math for me.
Here we go.
And then this one was 22.
All right, so TJ gets.
One was 22.
Alright, so TJ gets theemotional support raccoon or the
emo sup raccoon.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
He rides on my anxiety dog with a grappling
hook.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
He's got a whole zoo going on.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
He also wears the left croc as a mask.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
The ninth item to roll out onto the floor Two
coins.
We have three cans of beans.
Can we start the bid off at onecoin?
Speaker 3 (19:13):
What kind of beans?
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Interesting question.
I do have that written down Onepinto, one black and one
garbanzo.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
Three coins Three coins, four coins.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Four coins for TJ for the ilk beans.
Five, four coins.
Four coins for tj for the beans, five coins, five coins for tj
for alex, six coins for tj.
Do I hear seven?
Seven seven coins for the beans, for alex eight.
Do I hear more than seven?
Eight for tj ten ten for alex,eleven, eleven, eleven for TJ.
Do I hear 12?
12.
(19:44):
12 for Alex.
Do I hear 13?
Speaker 2 (19:47):
I'm going once.
I just paid 12 fucking survivaldollars for beans 12 sold.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
It's in the apocalypse.
I got a dog for 13.
It's worth it.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
That is crazy.
Speaker 3 (19:59):
It's an anxiety-ridden dog that sounds
ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
I was going to say something else.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
I don't have to cook my anxiety ridden beans.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
The last item to roll out onto the floor is a
functional walkie talkie.
What the fuck am I going?
Speaker 2 (20:17):
to talk to.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Can we start the bid off at one coin One, one for TJ.
Do I hear two, two, two forAlex.
Do I hear two, two, two forAlex.
Do I hear three Hip, three forTJ.
Do I hear four they?
Speaker 2 (20:31):
always have a fucking random noise.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Yeah, it's kind of like similar to tennis players
Hip Five coins.
Five coins for TJ?
Do I hear six?
Do I hear seven for Alex Seven?
Do I hear eight for TJ?
Do I hear 7 for Alex 7.
?
Do I hear 8 for TJ Weep?
Do I hear 9 for Alex?
Speaker 3 (20:49):
15.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
15 for Alex.
Do I hear 20?
Speaker 2 (20:53):
16.
The fuck, why are we jumping16.
?
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Because it was already a big jump.
It's typically what they doShut up, you suck point 16.
Do I hear 17?
Speaker 3 (21:04):
You went to 16 20 20.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
See I like this guy, 20 going once, 21, 21 for tj, 21
going once, 21 going twice 2525 for alex 30, 30 for tj 30
going once 35.
35 for Alex 36.
(21:27):
36 for TJ going once 37.
37 for Alex, 38.
38 for TJ, 40.
, 40 for Alex, 41.
, 41 for TJ, 45.
And, unfortunately, tj, youonly have 41 coins left and Alex
(21:50):
had 77, so you were never goingto outbid him if you won this
one.
What do you mean?
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Alex, he can see that he's cheating.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
Inside information.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
Inside information Walkie talkie Idiot yeah, this
is like communist.
You spent that much for asingle walkie talkie idiot.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
You spent that much for a single walkie talkie.
Who you gonna talk to?
Who you gonna fucking talk toWilson?
Speaker 1 (22:17):
I'm gonna talk to Wilson now dummy we move on to
act two, the scenario you wakeup in a hospital.
Shut the fuck up.
You wake up inside a hauntedcarnival at night.
The gates are sealed shut andthe only way out is to survive
(22:38):
until dawn.
But each hour, one part of thecarnival hunts you and tries to
kill you.
Now, before we carry on withthat, I have some information to
give you guys about your items.
Are you ready?
Yep, so TJ, the rusty machetegrants you one unspookiness, so
(23:01):
you get plus one unspookiness.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:06):
Now with these items.
Let me kind of backtrack forjust a second.
Let me clarify this is highlyreliant on you guys, using these
items with your creativity tojustify why these items would
help you survive.
Okay, this scenario.
So there are no specificsituations to go through?
(23:29):
Uh, but you have these items,you will receive these buffs or
debuffs on these items and youwill then use said items to
justify why you would survivethis night better than the other
person.
Okay, using your loadout.
So, tj, your rusty machetenamed cuddles gives you plus one
unspookiness Pretty important,alex, your bag of hot Cheetos
(23:54):
attracts raccoons and ghostchildren.
Yeah, I do suggest writingthese down.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
I'm writing I got my green book.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Alex, the waterproof tarp I have written down smells
like fish.
Gross.
Go stay away from me becauseyou stink.
Number four a solar or sorry,yeah, number four, a solar
powered charger.
It only works in the sunbecause the charger is powered
solar.
(24:23):
So what?
It was charged already.
It doesn't have a battery, it'sjust a charger.
But it's a solar poweredcharger, don.
It was charged already.
It doesn't have a battery, it'sjust a charger, but it's a
solar-powered charger.
No question of logic.
It only works in the sun.
The dog with anxiety, tj.
This dog can sniff out hiddenexits and ghost footprints.
Number six, by the way.
(24:44):
I have these in green and red,whether they're buffs and
debuffs, this is a buff.
Who had the left croc, tj.
Yep, it's just a croc, but it'sa Lightning McQueen croc and it
has a Tow, mater gibbet,because that's his best friend.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
Duh.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
And then I guess, Alex, you have the right croc of
just Lightning McQueen, but nogibbets, so not as cool.
Number seven the 19-year-oldgrappling hook.
There's no rope, so it isliterally just a hook on a gun
Killer ham.
Number eight the emotionalsupport raccoon.
(25:22):
This one has a couple things,TJ One it can retrieve small
items from locked or cursedareas.
It is immune to mind controland capable of holding grudges
on your behalf.
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Wait say that again.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
It's immune to mind control and capable of holding
grudges on your behalf.
Okay, the downsides it mayenter a blood feud with
animatronics.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Okay, good to know.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
The can of beans.
I just had written down whichkinds of beans they were, but
you already asked that question.
So just to clarify pinto, blackand garbanzo, the functional
walkie-talkie, it's only the onewalkie-talkie.
You don't have the set.
So with that that, you guyshave your notes, you guys have
your loadouts.
Now would you like me to repeatthe scenario, or do you guys?
(26:15):
You guys pretty solid on that.
Uh, repeat it please.
You wake up inside a hauntedcarnival at night.
The gates are sealed shut.
The only way out is to surviveuntil dawn, but each hour one
part of the carnival hunts youand tries to kill you.
How does your loadout help yousurvive this encounter?
(26:35):
And I am Call it.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
I don't have a lot of criteria.
Speaker 1 (26:43):
Yeah, okay, anybody want to volunteer to go first?
Speaker 2 (26:48):
I mean, he seems more well equipped, totally so I see
more well equipped and beansand such.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
You do have a tarp and beans and such I realized,
though I don't have a can openerthat is actually one of the
downsides I had written down forthat.
I forgot to say there is no canopener yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:08):
Yeah, but I could throw it at TJ's raccoon.
You could, because my hotCheetos attract raccoons and
ghost children.
But I can eat my hot Cheetos inmy fish smelling tarp and the
ghost children aren't going tocome near me, because that's
true Gross.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
He does smell like fish Ghosts can't smell.
Speaker 2 (27:26):
The smell goes right through them.
This fish smell is prettyputrid.
Okay, maybe ghosts like that.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
It literally seeps into the afterlife.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
It says they run away .
It repels ghosts.
Yeah, pay attention.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
I don't need to pay attention to his shit, you pay
attention to my shit.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Well, why are you paying attention to my shit?
Then it might benefit to payattention to his shit.
Speaker 3 (27:46):
Back off.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Because he remembered that the Hot Cheetos, what was
it Attracts?
Speaker 2 (27:52):
raccoons Attracts your raccoon.
Are we in the same?
Speaker 1 (27:56):
place.
Well, I mean, yeah, you guyscan mess with each other.
Like I said later on, you wouldbe able to mess with each other
.
Now is the time to mess witheach other.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Oh, but you the time to mess with each other, oh well
, but you're also trying tosurvive, okay, so?
Speaker 1 (28:07):
you explain how your items could affect the other
slash, make you survive better,okay all right, I think I, I
think I could go first okay, allright, I feel like I might go
first shut up, you.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
You waited too long present your case so I can't use
the solar charger at all.
Uh, it's just gonna weigh medown I mean, you could try I
paid six coins for absolutelynothing.
But I do have one functioningwalkie talkie now, because it's
only the one.
That means that when I turn iton, all I get is white noise.
(28:44):
Using the white noise, I'mgoing to wrap myself in this
fish-smelling tarp trying tofind the ghosts while dropping
hot Cheetos around to lure TJ'sraccoon to the hot Cheetos.
While I'm attracting ghostchildren toward the raccoon that
(29:05):
is true, and I'm going tolisten to them on the one walkie
talkie white noise trying tocommunicate with them at least
to find out where they arethroughout the night so that I
can listen in when they aretrying to hunt me.
And wherever TJ is, I'm goingto try to lead his raccoon to
the ghosts using my hot Cheetos.
(29:26):
Family size pack.
That is true, true it's a lot ofhot cheetos so that I can
maneuver away while the ghostsfuck with him and his dog, which
his dog has anxiety now I dowant to say, um, ghosts are not
the only thing at this cursedcarnival.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Uh, this is just an evil carnival in general.
So what are some other thingsthat could potentially that that
these, this loadout, couldpotentially help you, uh,
survive?
Well, what else are there?
I mean, let's use yourimagination.
What else, uh, what, what couldyou, could you use to prepare
yourself?
What kind of like?
I'm thinking like, you know,there's clowns and there's
strong men and there's, you know, there's the, the lion tamer,
(30:06):
and it's carnival.
It's a carnival.
A different part of thecarnival is going to come at you
every hour.
So I'm not asking for like afull, extensive list of
everything that's going to comeafter you, but just like one or
two ways that your items canprotect you.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
So my can of beans are.
I can't open them, so my bestbet is to use them as blunt
instruments, throwing beans thatI can either throw or smack
across somebody's head.
Speaker 1 (30:33):
You heard of throwing knives.
You ever heard of throwing cans?
That's what I'm working on, I'mwith it.
Speaker 3 (30:37):
My same kind of concept with the solar charger
that only works in the sun.
I don't see any other benefitto the solar charger other than
I mean it's going to absorblight, so it won't be any kind
of a reflector, but it's kind ofblunt so I can try to smack
something with it.
(30:58):
It has a cord on it, unlessit's like a fucking USB cord
that's just going to fall out.
I mean, let's assume it'ssteady.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
It's a sturdy cord.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
So I can do a little, uh, swing around and whack.
It's not very long, but youknow it gives me a foot, sure,
maybe?
and uh with your throwing cans,in the other hand with my
throwing cans in the other hand,okay, and I'm gonna try to
protect my walkie talkie in theevent that some of these other
things come at me.
Um, the other thing, of course,is if a uh, evil clown comes at
(31:28):
me, I'm going to try to uh, I'mgoing to try to maneuver around
it.
Stick some hot Cheetos in itspants so the ghost children come
and attack him.
Hmm, solid.
Speaker 1 (31:37):
Okay, I'm here for that.
Uh, the ghost children will endup turning on their own because
they crave the hot Cheetos, andI do agree with that.
All right, cheetos, and I doagree with that.
All right, tj, explain how yourloadout would help you survive
various different encounters ata haunted carnival, I mean, like
it's haunted right, but mymachete gives plus one unspooky.
(32:00):
So you're pretty brave.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
It's pretty unspooky to you yeah, like I'm not even
stressed about it and I got myraccoon and my dog unless the
spooky is plus nine, I feel like
Speaker 1 (32:10):
he did, you did walk in with a whole pack an anxiety
dog gets rid of your anxiety,you know.
Speaker 2 (32:18):
So I feel like there it has a, like you know, a buff
to yourself when you're inproximity this is a dog with
anxiety exactly that's gonna addto your anxiety no, because
you're not even stressed aboutit, because you know you got the
plus one unspooky, so you'renot even fucking spooked out,
you're not even anxious right,so you just got, you know you're
just comforting the dog, you'renot even worried about it true,
(32:40):
okay, here for that, yeah Ithink that dog would cancel out
the unspooky, because that dogwould be whining and crying and
jittering at every single thingand you're going to have to calm
it down every single time.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
I don't know, the rusty machete named Cuddles does
make him look pretty tough.
What else?
What are some other?
Speaker 2 (32:57):
I have a gun.
What Grappling hook, right, youdo, you do.
Yeah, it's basically a fuckinggun, it's basically a fucking
gun, sure With one round Withone round, but I mean one hook,
but my raccoon can just retrieveit.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
It can retrieve small items.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
And if I miss, and it goes really far away into a
cursed place, he can still goget it.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
That is a very useful use of that.
What if it goes?
Speaker 3 (33:24):
out of, except for when it wanders off away from
you to go get the hook and itgets distracted by my hot
cheetos yeah, you know what thatI'm not tj, I kind of
unfortunately, I kind of almostjust assumed that, you know,
because like I, I will gethungry and you know I'm not
gonna eat the dog, but raccooncould taste pretty good.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
So I was.
I was kind of thinking likelike maybe an hour in I would uh
use the machete on the theraccoon and eat it you are only
here a night?
I would, and yet you decidedthat within the first hour I
would probably gain its abilityto go into cursed places and
have no mind control.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
Um, I think that's actually how it works, so I
would like to point out that youare only here a night and after
only the first hour, yourthought is to kill your raccoon
companion and eat it.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
Well, no, he wants it to happen, he's, he's on my
side, oh, he's chill like that,he is a very chill raccoon.
Okay, basically he is anemotional support and then I
kind of just like I was lookingat him and then I could have
swore he was like take my body.
You know, I was like I bet heis an emotional support raccoon.
And then I told me while he wascoming to get the cheetos places
(34:38):
that's not what he said, youknow I'll have no mind control
and I still have my grapplinghook and my left croc.
Don't even forget about my leftcroc.
I personally, because, like, ifthere's like weird kid ghosts
and shit, they'll be like dude,that's a sick fucking croc dog
and then we'll fucking hang outand I can go back to their place
because I absorbed the cursedplaces ability.
I can go in there, I can gohang out with the ghost children
(34:59):
we'll be fucking shit, they canpet my dog, bro, and I feel
like he'd like that.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
You do also have the Tow Mater Jibbit, and that's
pretty cool.
He has anxiety, that adds, yeah, but that kind of the dog's not
going to let ghost children petit.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
It's going to be like the dog in the Haunted Mansion
cowering and shivering andcrying.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
I feel like you're thinking of human anxiety, dog
anxiety.
Is they get?
Speaker 1 (35:22):
freaked out at fireworks so much worse, no, so
much worse.
Fireworks so much no, no.
You freaked out at everything.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
So much worse well, I feel like no, no, no, because,
like, hear me out, I've hadthat's just fear a dog scared of
fireworks is just fear, notanxiety I mean it might be a
little anxiety at the moment,scared fireworks might happen.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
Well, they're scared of the loud bangs.
Yeah, that's what scares me out.
Hear me out, hear me out.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
I'm with the dog the entire time, so there's no
reason it should have anyseparation anxiety.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
So who's around.
He doesn't have separationanxiety, he just has anxiety.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
Okay, so hang on.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Who is around this dog?
Who's petting this dog?
The ghost children.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
What kind is it?
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Just the ghost children.
Yeah, all right.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Yeah, we're back at their crib in the cursed places
that I absorbed from the raccoon.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
I will say he kind of counteracted your hot Cheetos,
since he decided to kill hisraccoon companion and eat him
and absorb his power, which ispretty sick, if I'm being honest
.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
Yeah, except for and I still got my machete and my
crock.
None of it works that way, andleft crock dude.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
It does in this world .
It's not a cartoon, it doeswork in this world.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
You can't absorb your raccoon's powers.
Speaker 1 (36:28):
Okay, I've heard both of your arguments and I will
say I think, as of now for now,tj is winning mostly off of
eating the raccoon and absorbingits power.
That was pretty sick.
Now we move on to act three,which I call.
But wait, a twist.
I need both of you to roll a D6.
(36:49):
If you could just look up orask Google to roll a D6 for you.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
And let me know what you get.
Hey Gemini, roll a D6 for meplease.
Sure thing, shake's imaginarydice you rolled a four.
Anything else I can roll foryou.
All right, roll up a blunt,because I think I just got a duh
.
Speaker 3 (37:09):
Are you joking me?
What did you roll?
Four, he rolled a four.
I rolled a four, you rolled afour.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
Look, you see it right there.
Four.
Speaker 1 (37:19):
Alright, both roll again.
Apparently, I didn't win.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
I need to roll the dice again.
Roll a d6 for me.
Well, I can't have you guyshave the same one and you rolled
a 3.
Wanna go again.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
That'd be hilarious if you both rolled the same
again, but you didn't, okay, soyou rolled a 3, tj Alex, you
rolled a 6.
Hey, chat, this is where Icould really use your
participation For thoselistening on the podcast, on the
recorded, uh, end of this.
That was a weird way of wordingthat.
Um, we go live when we recordthese every friday evening,
(37:55):
usually around like 10, 30 or 11um, so you should come check us
out on the.
Will you survive the podcast?
Uh, tiktok, where we go live?
Um, but I'm to need a littleaudience participation.
Who rolled a three?
Tj, I did.
We'll start with you, tj.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
Number three is plot armor activated.
You have activated plot armorNow for the audience.
I need you guys to shoot mesome ideas that he gets a
temporary advantage, someexamples he could be immune to
ghosts for one hour.
He can re-roll a bad item.
He can force a trade for items.
(38:36):
He could survive one.
This doesn't really matter,it's something like that.
I would love to see ideas.
If you guys don't have anyideas, I will just pick one of
those three that I named.
One of those three?
Did I name three?
Yeah, yeah, you made me feellike I didn't name three.
Speaker 3 (38:52):
Let's see.
Let's see Chat.
You got anything.
Who's got the best idea?
What plot armor should TJ getfor one?
Speaker 1 (39:01):
hour.
Tj gets plot armor.
Speaker 3 (39:07):
It doesn't even have to be for one hour, but it is a
temporary advantage.
A temporary.
Speaker 1 (39:10):
A temporary advantage , a temporary advantage.
Okay, you can make one wish andhave it be anything anything.
Oh wow, tj loses all motionsickness.
What?
Yeah, I know what do you mean.
(39:31):
Loses all motion sickness, hecan't get motion sick.
Speaker 3 (39:34):
It's not much of a plot, armor, oh that that's
pretty funny actually all right,madison.
Madison radka says he can makeone wish and have it be anything
, quote anything.
Speaker 1 (39:48):
That's not very temporary, but that's the only
one we got.
So, tj, your plot, armor, isyou can have one wish and have
it be anything.
What is your one wish?
You are muted.
Oh, I wish that Alex loses thenext round.
That's okay.
Well, that's not very temporary, it has to be temporary.
Well, yeah, it's temporary tillthe round after that.
This is going to be a one-roundgame man.
(40:09):
We're already approaching anhour.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
I wish that I have.
I wish my machete was notrusted and it gives me a double
jump.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
Okay, so you have traded in your rusty machete for
a super dope, shiny machetewith the ability to give you
Mario powers and double jump.
I love Mario powers.
Speaker 2 (40:36):
Can I turn into a fucking elephant?
Speaker 1 (40:38):
No, just the double jump.
What are we crazy?
Let's be realistic.
Number six for Alex Glitch inthe simulation.
I need some audienceparticipation here.
Reality shifts, the scenariomutates and the audience.
You can either decide acompletely new scenario for Alex
(40:59):
or we can mutate it.
Some examples are one that Iwill pick from, if none are
chosen.
You could now suddenly beunderwater.
The animatronics are nowanimatronic dinosaurs.
That's scary.
All the lights go out, so it'stotal darkness, or your survival
(41:21):
gear turns into medievalequivalents.
What the fuck, yeah, you'resupposed to?
Alex gets teleported to theback rooms.
Oh no, oh no.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
Pleased that one.
Speaker 1 (41:38):
Madison says he is eternally paranoid, but only
like slightly.
That's me.
I like Lewis's suggestion.
Reality shifts, alex, and youare now in the back rooms.
Do you know what the back roomsis?
I do.
Okay, you are now in the backrooms.
Okay.
So with this new information,with these new twists, I will
(42:01):
now ask you to re.
Uh, what's the word I'm lookingfor here?
Retell me.
Why relitigate?
Yeah, sure, relitigate, let'sbe fancy.
Why your loadout would help youin these situations, given your
new twist, was tj first.
Um sure, we can do tj first,since we did you first last time
(42:24):
um, so is it gonna likecompletely reset?
Speaker 2 (42:28):
is my raccoon still alive?
Oh, or did I absorb its power?
I was going to kill it againanyways.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
Let's completely reset and you can do what you
want to do again.
Speaker 2 (42:39):
Okay, I'm going to immediately kill my raccoon
again.
Give me its souls.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
It's like a roguelike game now.
Speaker 2 (42:48):
The anxiety dog.
We're still chilling.
Uh, okay, I will instantly beuh loved and acknowledged by all
of the uh spooky performersthat are at this.
You said it's a like carnival.
Yeah, yeah, you know all theall the spooky performers
motherfuckers walking on ballsand fucking tightropes and shit.
Speaker 3 (43:09):
They will instantly be impressed by my ability to
what kind of carnival do you goto?
Speaker 2 (43:12):
You know, there's like the carnival tent with the
motherfuckers in there.
Shut the fuck up.
This is a spooky shit thatimplies old-timey carnival.
Okay, this guy likes guyswalking on balls.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
Yeah why don't you step on?
Speaker 3 (43:24):
mine Weirdo, you're weird.
Speaker 1 (43:26):
That was interesting, Bitch.
That was interesting.
Also worth noting.
They do admire your super shinymachete now.
Speaker 2 (43:31):
Yes, and also they admire my ability to do
backflips and shit because Ihave a double jump.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
That is true.
That's a pretty carnival moveright there.
I think that would even impresssome ghost carnies.
If I'm being honest, I got myleft croc and they're like dude,
that's the sickest fucking crocI've.
You can't even wear it damnlife, it doesn't even matter,
dude, it's.
Have you ever seen the reason Imean?
Speaker 2 (43:57):
croc.
The reason it's so cool isbecause I don't wear it.
It is in perfect mint fuckingcondition, not a crease, crack,
speck of dirt on thatmotherfucker.
That is a premium lightning manqueen croc with a mater gibbet
that I that I got for two coins.
Dude, they're gonna, they'relike, dude, you fucking, that's
(44:18):
a steal right there not only isit cool, but they do admire
thrifting.
So like you know I'm just I'mfucking chilling anxiety dog.
You know he's chilling, he'sstill fucking stressed out, but
like I'm there to pet him and dobackflips and shit so name one
more part of the carnival thatcould come after you.
Speaker 1 (44:35):
That, uh, that this loadout would help you survive?
Speaker 2 (44:39):
I think it personally , the, the, the haunting, the
haunted roller coasters thatconstantly uh call out to me to
uh ride them uh, and in doing sothey would steal my soul.
Um, can't happen, baby, becauseI absorbed the, the, the coons
powers and I got no mind controldub.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
That is true, no mind control and you can go into
curse zones that's, and theanimatronics dude.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
I'm gonna jump on them.
Bitches like mario, like yousaid that's pretty strong, uh,
let me just make sure I'm notmissing anything.
Fucking head top bro.
Speaker 1 (45:13):
They're dead um, yeah , actually you also.
You absorbed the powers of youremotional support raccoon, um,
which means you actually enteredinto a blood feud with the
animatronics.
Um, which is like not thatgreat.
They're gonna hunt you down forthe rest of your life, even
once you get out.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
That's fine, I got my double jump.
Speaker 1 (45:31):
You do have your double jump, that is true.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
It's like the immortal snail dude.
How are animatronics going toget across the ocean?
Take a boat, they could, but dothey know how to sail a boat?
I don't think so you can get ona ferry that Alex re-litigate.
Well Reminder, you're now inthe back rooms.
Speaker 3 (45:55):
Because this game is absolute horseshit and I rolled
a fucking six and somehow Istill got the bullshit fucking
deal.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
What I'm going to do is since TJ ate his fucking
raccoon and he absorbed hispower.
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
It's okay for those who don'tknow what the backrooms are.
Speaker 1 (46:11):
Hang on, hang on, hang on, it's okay, it's okay.
If you don't know what thebackrooms is, go do some
research.
Speaker 3 (46:16):
Since you ate your raccoon and absorbed its power,
I'm going to put out the fuckingfamily-sized hot Cheetos that
attracts you.
You are able to enter cursedzones.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
Oh.
So you come into the fuckingback rooms motherfucker, the
back rooms isn't a cursed zoneoh, I don't know, that's pretty
cursed.
Speaker 1 (46:35):
No, I'm gonna give that to him, it's not a curse
bro the lord there's not a cursezone.
Speaker 3 (46:40):
You have been summoned into the back.
It is a parallel universe zoneyou.
Speaker 1 (46:45):
It's a cursed parallel universe.
It's not a into the curseparallel universe.
Speaker 2 (46:50):
And no, you're screwed.
I did not absorb you, myraccoon, raccooniness,
motherfucker I absorbed hispowers.
Speaker 1 (46:57):
Yeah, you absorbed the raccoon.
You, you.
The raccoon became a part ofyou literally not a fucking
thing.
Speaker 3 (47:08):
You don't get to, neither are raccoons that uh,
avoid curse okay, I eat a pieceof salmon.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
Also, I absorb b vitamins I'm not gonna be able
to swim upstream the what thefuck?
You would.
No, if you absorbed the salmonto get its powers, then, yes,
you would stream up, you wouldswim upstream.
But also, the bag of cheetosattracts raccoons and ghost
children.
So now your dog is sad andanxious because it has no ghost
children to pet.
Speaker 2 (47:35):
Well, you act like I'm not going to take my dog
with me, my anxiety rating dog.
You think I'm that horrible ofan owner?
The dog's coming with me firstof all and, yes, the ghost
children are coming with me, andhe's not immune to ghost
children.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
He is not immune to ghost children?
Yeah, but he is not immune tothose children, those little
white bitches from friday, the13th.
Speaker 2 (47:52):
They're gonna be one, two.
Freddy's coming for you in thefucking corner.
Bro's gonna be scared to shit,just saying I.
Speaker 3 (47:59):
I feel like you already have the the counter for
that, so go on, alex so nowthat I have uh tj coming into
the back rooms and I'mattracting ghost children into
the the zone the uh back roomswith him, uh, I am going to
cover up with my fishy tarp sothat ghosts will stay away from
me.
Uh, gonna use my functioningwalkie talkie in the same manner
(48:21):
and try to get a bead on anyghosts or hopefully any other uh
alternate dimension beings.
Speaker 1 (48:28):
What are you gonna do that might be in the back rooms
with me.
He's in the back rooms now.
I'm in the back rooms with me.
He's in the back rooms now.
Speaker 3 (48:32):
I'm in the back rooms .
I don't have animatronics thatI know of.
Speaker 1 (48:34):
That's not what he's got to worry about there's
demons and shit like that.
Speaker 2 (48:37):
I'm in a blood feud with animatronics.
They're following me, they'reon their way, but they're after
you.
You, not me.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
They're after you, so it's more of a problem for you.
Speaker 2 (48:45):
This will be an issue for him.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
No, they got a blood feud with you.
Until they kill you, they don'thave a problem with him.
Speaker 3 (48:51):
And my perception is so keen that I will find your
way that you get in and escapein the same manner you can't
even.
Speaker 1 (49:01):
Yeah, I will give him that.
Speaker 3 (49:06):
I would, normally, yes, and you.
If there's an entrance that hecomes in at, I sneak out in the
same portal it is forevershifting, like a maze.
Speaker 1 (49:13):
You don't he fell through the roof is kind of what
I'm picturing I'm fuckingjumping.
Speaker 3 (49:20):
I use my solar charger to try to throw it out
of there so I can climb out.
You thaw your way out.
Yeah, exactly, that's prettysick.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
I don't know.
That's pretty cool.
Um, okay, we've heard thelitigation I think.
Speaker 2 (49:36):
I think by that logic I can get out too.
So it's like well, you'refalling.
Speaker 1 (49:40):
While you're falling out, he's jumping up.
But I would say that the thedouble jump might give you some
help in the back rooms, becausethere's a lot of times where
double jump would be very verynice.
Speaker 2 (49:51):
I'm out of the place that I was meant to survive in,
so do I inherently just survive?
No, you're dead fool well, no,my goal was to survive.
Speaker 3 (49:59):
You should have never you should have never eaten
your raccoon, which cannot if Isurvive, cannot resist hot
cheetos.
I survived the carnival, hiscarnival by that, by that logic,
I survived well, no, yourcarnival became the back rooms.
Speaker 1 (50:14):
When you got put into that situation the only way out
is to survive until dawn.
So I guess the question nowbecomes are you more likely to
survive the back rooms or isalex more likely to survive the
carnival?
Because you went back to thecarnival, that would be the
question.
And I'm not gonna lie, excuseme, I'm not gonna lie.
(50:36):
I think the carnival, uh, givenyour tarp that keeps ghost
children away, um, all ghostsand all yeah, and august, uh,
and all the ghost children arewith tj and his dog, um, the
animatronics have left.
Uh, I think.
Uh, by calculating these scores, I think alex is the winner
(50:57):
here yeah, mother alex is morelikely to survive this situation
than tj bs due to his brilliantmove.
Speaker 2 (51:05):
Goddamn raccoon.
Speaker 1 (51:05):
Uh, because you absorb the powers of the raccoon
man.
I absorb the powers of theraccoon.
Yes, I absorb the powers of theraccoon, but I don't absorb
their fucking innate ability tosmell fucking Cheetos in a
multiversal sense.
These hot Cheetos had a power.
Speaker 3 (51:23):
That was its buff To attract raccoons, are you?
Speaker 2 (51:25):
calling me a coon.
Speaker 1 (51:27):
Right now I'm calling you a raccoon because you
specifically said that youabsorbed the powers of this
raccoon the powers.
That's not a power.
If you're going to get thepowers to go into curse zones
because you ate this raccoon,then you're going to be
attracted by the Hot Cheetos.
That's not how it works.
I'll amend it.
The Hot Cheetos attractraccoons, or those with the
(51:51):
powers of raccoons.
Speaker 2 (51:52):
that's literally okay , great love that this guy, just
because I'm black, the entireepisode, arguing that he absorbs
all of the raccoons powers yeah, but doesn't want the one down
more the episode, complainingthat I absorbed the raccoons
powers.
Speaker 3 (52:09):
It's not a power.
I tried saving you from yourown beast.
Speaker 2 (52:15):
And even when you had another chance, he had to amend
the whole rule for your goddamnCheetos, because he knew that
it didn't make sense that I gotattracted by it, because I'm not
a damn raccoon.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
Who the hell cares about sense.
First of all, we're in the backrooms.
Speaker 3 (52:36):
Where does it make sense that I rolled a fucking
six and I got no buff?
Speaker 2 (52:40):
at all.
No, where does it make sensethat you can climb out of the
back rooms?
Speaker 3 (52:44):
bro, because I'm a badass, what you can't?
Speaker 1 (52:47):
do a pull-up I can hey.
Thanks everybody for listeningto this episode no.
This was a great episode.
It doesn't even make anyfucking sense.
I'm really happy with this gameand I think I'm going to refine
it, and you forgot.
I have a grappling hook In theback rooms.
Speaker 2 (53:04):
No rope.
Speaker 1 (53:04):
You forgot you had a grappling hook.
You didn't mention it.
I did Multiple times you.
You didn't mention it.
I did Multiple times.
You just mentioned that youcould shoot it and then you said
nothing else about it.
Speaker 3 (53:13):
You said you could use the raccoon to track it down
which you ate.
Speaker 2 (53:17):
So now, you can track it down.
That's true, exactly so I havethe ability to recover my own
bullet.
Speaker 1 (53:22):
You shoot the grappling hook and then you have
to go get it.
Speaker 2 (53:28):
No, but it's like Thor's hammer bro, except the
grappling hook calls to me.
I shoot that bitch out of theback rooms.
I'm out, I fly after it at highspeed.
No see, alex timed it perfectlythat when you were falling
through the ceiling he jumpedout.
Speaker 1 (53:47):
Okay, but double jump inherently means I can jump
midair, not if you're falling,you can't jump.
Speaker 2 (53:51):
Yeah, there are plenty of games where you can
jump mid-air, not if you.
If you're falling, you can'tjump.
Yeah, you can't.
There are plenty of games youcan jump.
Speaker 1 (53:54):
No, you can jump and then you can double jump.
But if you're falling youcannot just mid-jump while
falling.
It doesn't work like that.
No game works that way.
Speaker 2 (54:03):
That's game mechanics I will literally find a game,
right, find a game where itworks.
Speaker 1 (54:08):
Find a game where you can just walk off a cliff and
then, specifically, though, hesaid, you have mario double jump
mario, if you walk off a cliff,you cannot jump you fall.
Speaker 2 (54:18):
This guy trying to change all the rules you
literally had to have a rulechanged for you.
What are you talking about?
Speaker 1 (54:25):
no, I was giving the ruling and you wouldn't accept
it, so that I changed the law tomake it work, because I'm the
judge.
Speaker 3 (54:31):
Okay, what are you, america?
This episode.
Speaker 1 (54:34):
Yes, the winner.
Speaker 3 (54:36):
I am the winner Of what.
Why don't you cry about it?
He only won one round.
Speaker 1 (54:43):
How many more rounds do you want?
Speaker 2 (54:45):
Okay, I won one, he won one.
It's a fucking tie.
Speaker 1 (54:48):
No, this was all one round, it was just split into
three acts.
Speaker 3 (54:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (54:53):
That doesn't even make any sense.
Only because you lost Alex yourwinner speech.
He was out of Cheetos the firsttime.
How do you Justified?
How do you?
Speaker 3 (55:02):
regain Cheetos.
No, it all.
Reset, it reset.
You got your raccoon back, okayso it.
Speaker 2 (55:06):
It's a reset, that means it's a new round.
Speaker 1 (55:08):
No, it resets because this is over.
No, I'm done negotiating withyou.
You lost, suck it up.
Winner speech.
Speaker 3 (55:16):
I am so grateful, thank you all for listening to
the podcast.
Justice has been served.
I have won an episode.
Speaker 2 (55:23):
This is a bunch of fucking bullshit, Rightfully so.
I mean, you really didn't.
Yeah, you had to't.
This was a great game host.
Speaker 3 (55:30):
I'd love to play it again, even though you tried
stacking it against me.
I won't hold that against you.
Speaker 1 (55:35):
It was clever.
The D6 had nothing to do withrolling high being good, it was
just six random options.
Speaker 2 (55:41):
It's the fucking rolls on your neck, you big
bitch Me.
Speaker 3 (55:46):
Yes, I weigh half of what you weigh yes, says this
guy Shut up.
Speaker 2 (55:51):
Eric, you weigh half a fucking cricket.
Speaker 1 (55:55):
You're just upset, you lost.
Speaker 2 (55:57):
He weighs half of me.
I'm upset that this shit wasmade to be against me.
This whole fucking time youknew who was going to win,
because it's rigged.
It's rigged against the system.
Speaker 3 (56:09):
Don't eat raccoons.
The systematic oppression inthis goddamn podcast Systematic
oppression.
I can't take it.
Speaker 1 (56:17):
I'm being systematically oppressed.
Aren't you the one who sayswarning, I'm black?
Speaker 2 (56:23):
Systematically oppressed.
Every now and again he sayscaution.
Speaker 3 (56:25):
This is all scripted.
Speaker 2 (56:27):
This is all scripted and they made me say that I'm
coming out with a fucking eightpart fucking series on tiktok,
exposing all of this shit it'sgonna get a netflix special yeah
, it's gonna be like half myface and then like
half your face it's good oh,that's good all right anyways,
fuck this, fuck this.
(56:47):
Do you want to read the socials?
Fuck this goddamn podcast.
Fuck your mama, not you.
Eric, you, you.
I'm talking to you Audiencemember who's driving in the car
to work right now at 7 in thegoddamn morning.
Call off and go hang out withyour goddamn kids.
You fucking bum.
Speaker 1 (57:06):
Damn.
I think that might be badadvice, but TJ the socials, you
can follow us on.
Whatever I meant, alex Forever,anything Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (57:18):
Will you start the podcast?
Check us out on Twitter.
Hang on the boys, WIS.
Speaker 3 (57:24):
This guy.
Speaker 1 (57:24):
You can check us out on.
Speaker 2 (57:25):
Instagram, Facebook, Google+.
We got a Snapchat where we poststuff.
We don't have a Snapchat.
You can follow our Ubisoftaccount where we play stuff send
us shit on Steam you can sendme stuff on Steam.
My name is Rogue Sandwich onSteam.
Speaker 3 (57:46):
If you want to send me a gift, hit me up until next
time we are going to start areverse only fans, where we send
you nudes and you have to payus to stop we'll just keep
sending you really bad survivaladvice and you have to pay us to
stop.
We're going to send you nudesof tj.
You have to pay him to stop.
(58:08):
We're going to send you zombienudes.
Or you could pay TJ a thousanddollars to get your name
tattooed on him.
Speaker 1 (58:14):
Hang on, Wait.
Our only fans will just keepsending you pictures of that
really long schlong 28 yearslater, until you pay us to stop.
Speaker 2 (58:24):
And you won't be able to get away from us because we
have all of your information.
Speaker 1 (58:27):
We got your email.
You can't escape.
We have your address.
Speaker 2 (58:30):
We have your wife's maiden name.
Speaker 3 (58:33):
Lewis, we do have a Discord.
Speaker 1 (58:35):
You cannot escape the 28-inch later 28-inch later.
Oh, go, follow our Discord.
I don't know how to give youthat link.
Maybe we'll put it in thedescription of this episode TJ,
oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (58:48):
Fuck you, I'm going to put the fucking whole script
of Bee Movie as our show notes.
Speaker 1 (58:53):
Next episode that would actually be really funny,
but I'm sure he'll put theDiscord in the description.
Speaker 2 (58:59):
I will not, and until next time I'm going to put the
nutrition facts for fuckingMountain Dew.
Baja Blast Shut up, so I canclose this episode.
Stay alive, you disrespectfullittle bitch.
Stay alive Until next time stayalive, except for you driving
to work right now at 7.15 in themorning.
Speaker 1 (59:15):
Don't say that.
Speaker 2 (59:16):
Fuck you.
Don't say that, fuck yourNissan.
Altima getting on at fucking 30miles per hour, not speeding up
, not speeding up and thenmerging onto the freeway.
Why are you merging onto thefreeway at 35 miles per hour?
Speaker 3 (59:29):
It doesn't even make any sense.
Speaker 2 (59:31):
Bro Fucking, get up to 60, you fucking loser.
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