Episode Transcript
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Rev. Cathie (00:09):
Welcome back.
This is episode three of Willyou Walk With Me.
I pray that you are in a safeand good place as we meet
together this day or this night,depending on when you're
listening.
So last summer my family joineda gym.
I really got into working out.
I got headphones with Bluetoothso I could work out to music on
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my phone.
I got a few pairs of pants witha long pocket on the side to
put my phone in.
I got a special water bottle,towels and a gym bag.
I was all in and still am.
For the most part, I mean, it'swinter here on the east coast
and sometimes, between theweather and my schedule, which
(00:57):
is always more active fromSeptember to June, it's pretty
packed, but whenever I get achance I go to the gym.
I love working out.
I also love leading worship formy church family.
I love sharing the word of Godand offering different ways to
embrace scripture.
I love to worship and, when Ican, with my seminary family.
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I still am connected with myseminary and most of the time
it's on YouTube, but it bringsme joy to share the word with
them.
I love education.
Those of you that know mepersonally know that I'm always
looking for a new course to takeor book to read.
I also love to learn somethingnew and talk about it with other
people.
(01:40):
So that's body, spirit andeducational mind.
But what about my emotions, mymental health?
What about my life force, mycreativity, my joy or not?
As I have shared in priorepisodes, I have a therapist and
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spiritual director, bothtrusted in support of
encouraging gifts in my life,gifts from God, and I'm grateful
because they walk the journeywith me.
But there's no special gear, nobook review, no alleluia
shouting in my therapist'soffice.
But it's through the many, manyhours, weeks, years that in
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that space I learned more aboutmyself and came to love myself
more than any other thing that Ifound joy in.
I remember the first time Iwalked into therapy 30 years ago
.
I did not want to go, but theemotional unrest I was
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experiencing around how much Godloved me and how unworthy I
felt brought me to my priest atthe time and he listened and he
was wonderful, but he said hewould not walk with me long term
.
He said that he would see mefor six sessions and I should go
to a therapist.
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I can't believe that was 30years ago, but it was one of the
three best decisions that Imade in my life to date.
I still didn't want to go asthe day was approaching for my
appointment.
I knew I just wanted to dealwith the particular problem I
was having.
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I didn't want to go into a deepdive into my entire life.
I was 20 minutes late to myfirst session.
I was surprised she waited whenI got to the office.
We exchanged pleasantries andthen I sat on her couch and
kicked my foot around for thenext 20 minutes, saying nothing.
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Very productive use of time,not.
But when the time was up, shesaid two things to me.
First, she said that I was oneof the less than 1% of the
people who knew they neededsomeone to talk to, who actually
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had the courage to do somethingabout it.
She was proud that I showed up.
She also said that this was myone pass.
Don't be late again.
If I wanted her to walk with me, I would have to show up on
time.
That's pretty fair.
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Well, I showed up on time, butI didn't say a whole lot in
those early sessions.
I had built a pretty hard shellaround myself.
I'm a survivor, you know but Iwas also in a whole lot of pain
as a new priest to have thatsupport and, just like the
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priest who encouraged me to gooriginally, my bishop was so
right.
The difference between thoseearly years and now is that for
me, her office is a spiritualplace Rather than a place where
I had to speak about all themistakes I made and how I
thought people were treating mebadly.
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Sure, I still talk about thingsthat upset me, but from a place
of participating in my healing,not just a place to be
complaining.
I feel God's presence as Ishare my journey with her,
instead of thinking of things totalk about so I could check it
off my list for the week.
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My time is a welcome placewhere I can be exactly who I am
in the moment, with no judgment,just support.
When I spoke about the threestories of anger and pain in
episode two, I wanted to makethe point that no matter what a
(06:02):
person is going through, godknows, and God knows what it
takes, and if what it takes isunleashing an emotional wrath to
help heal, god is ready andwilling to receive the best
weekend dish out.
Lieutenant Dan from the movieForest Gump and President
Bartlett from the show the WestWing were fictional characters,
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so I can't say exactly whattheir relationship with God was.
But in thinking on my own storyand my anger during my father's
illness, it came to me that Iunleashed my anger at God
because I was taught that Godloved me and when you pray, god
hears the prayers and Godanswers them.
I couldn't feel anything, Ididn't understand about how God
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answers prayers.
What I knew was I felt aloneand rejected and that God was
not hearing me, and so if Iscreamed loud enough I would
surely get his attention.
I am not.
We are not the only ones inhistory who have ever been in
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pain.
In fact, there's a section ofthe Psalms in the Bible called
the Psalms of Lament or Sadness,psalm 13, verses one and two
from the New Living translationoh Lord, how long will you
forget me Forever?
How long will you look theother way?
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How long must I struggle withanguish in my soul, with sorrow
in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have theupper hand?
There is definitely sufferinggoing on for the writer of this
Psalm.
(07:59):
At a clergy retreat I attendedlast year, the speaker that
joined us, the Reverend DrRobert Phillips, reflected on
the Psalms of Lament, weactually had an opportunity to
write one of our own.
It was an awesome experiencefor me.
I was in the dark times ofearly 2023 that I had spoken
about in episode one, and evenif I wanted to shout out to God,
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I was just too tired and had noenergy to scream.
Reverend Phillips wrote a bookcalled Space for Grace Pathways
from Brokenness to Beauty.
He includes in the book severalsamples of personal laments,
(08:43):
one of them I'd like to share.
The author is anonymous, butthe subject is real for every
one of us A season ofdisorientation, living the
COVID-19 pandemic.
How long, oh Lord?
(09:03):
How long?
How long will this virusdictate the ins and outs of my
life?
How long will I live inuncertainty and in the great
unknown?
How long, oh Lord, how long?
I feel frustrated, like avisitor to a foreign country,
not knowing the language, andeveryone I encounter has no
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patience with me.
I feel anxious and scared, likehearing a disturbing sound in a
dark room and not being able toexit to safety because every
door I try is locked.
I feel sad, like a young childwho has lost his parents to an
untimely death.
Please grant me hope so I mayhave the strength to endure
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whatever I must, to endure atlast experiencing whatever you
have in store for me.
Please grant me a lightness ofspirit that I may be open to
hearing your voice and feelingyour love wherever I may go.
Please energize joy within methat I might navigate these
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times in ways that are healthy.
For Lord, I am running on lowand I need a spark from you to
rejuvenate.
But when I remember the timesyou healed my body from
unexpected illnesses, mended myheart from dysfunctional and
broken relationships and kept mesane in the midst of what
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seemed to be impossiblesituations, I am able to step
out on my faith in myrelationship with you.
Whatever the texture andrelationship might be, I will
praise you for being God now andforevermore.
Three words, three sets ofwords, speak out to me from that
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psalm of lament.
How long, oh Lord, lord, I amrunning on low and I step out on
my faith when we're facingchallenges in life.
I don't know about you, but Iget scared.
I want to know with every fiberof my being that God is with me
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and things are going to getbetter fast.
That takes a lot of emotionalenergy and I find myself running
very low, which sets me up forexhaustion, panic and depression
.
The only reason that I can saywith intentionality that I can
step out on my faith strongertoday than years ago is because
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I am able to receive God's love,god's word and the blessing of
friends from many faithtraditions.
Also, I got to a point in mylife where I realized that there
is nothing about me that Goddoesn't already know.
So, when I can speak to Godjust as I am, yes, I need for
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God to hold me accountable, butyes, I know I can receive the
gift of God's love morning, noonand night.
Now, it's not that I don'texperience anxiety today, but
I'm more open to draw on thepower, yes, the power of God's
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word.
For example, philippians 4, 6,through 7 from the message
translation don't fret or worry.
Instead of worrying, pray.
Let petitions and praises shapeyour worries into prayers,
letting God know your concernsBefore you know it.
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A sense of God's wholeness,everything coming together for
good, will come and settle youdown.
It's wonderful what happenswhen Christ displaces worry at
the center of your life.
And also from the Old Testament, isaiah 43, 1,.
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Also from the message, but nowGod's message, the God who made
you in the first place, jacob,the one who got you started,
israel, don't be afraid, I haveredeemed you.
I have called you by name.
You are mine.
When you're in over your head,I'll be there with you.
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When you're in rough waters,you will not go down.
When you're between a rock anda hard place, it won't be a dead
end.
That's how much I love you.
I'd sell off the whole world toget you back.
I'd trade the creation just foryou, just as important today as
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back in those biblical days ofold.
So you may be thinking at thispoint good for you, reverend
Kathy, but I know God doesn'tlove me.
I'm not a good person.
People in my life have told methat I'm not comfortable in my
own skin.
I don't like the way I look, Idon't like the way I speak, I
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don't like the way I act.
I'm too angry, I'm too shy, I'mtoo whatever.
But I'm here to tell you thisGod does love you, god cares for
you and God wants to walk withyou.
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You may not feel that.
I get it.
You may not understand it.
I get that too.
What can really be scary is therealization that, besides not
having much faith in God, I'vegotten none in myself.
I don't have any faith in me.
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So now what?
Well, pack your gym bag, we'regoing to go for a workout.
Would it surprise you if I saidthat faith is a verb?
What's a verb?
Let's go back to grammar schoolEnglish.
It's an action word.
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Faith does not exist like alump of clay, but rather it
exists like a muscle that needsto be developed over time.
In the book Faith is a Verb theDynamics of Adult Faith
Development by Kenneth Stokes,the author talks about the flow
of developing faith.
He writes faith as a verb isintriguing.
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A verb is a word of action.
The verb is a sequence thatindicates movement, activity,
direction, purpose.
There is a dynamic qualityabout a verb.
A verb indicates that somethingis happening.
Faith is more than doctrine,belief, religious law or creeds.
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It is more than something wereceive from God or learn in a
confirmation class or profess ata Bar mitzvah ceremony.
Faith is always in process.
Faith is movement, and to say,as we usually do, I have faith
makes faith a totally passivething.
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I happen to have faith.
It lacks the full quality ofmovement, creativity and sense
of development that is the goalof human life.
Faith is a verb, and when yousay that it suggests new
dimensions with tremendouspotential for all of us.
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But ultimately, my faith mustbe owned by me.
It must be owned by me.
It is vital to care for myselfwith intentionality and
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authenticity.
Our activities are ones withthe aim of caring for and
replenishing our soul,nourishing body, mind and spirit
to help create fertile soil forfaith to grow.
Self-care focuses on our innerself, caring for ourselves on a
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deeper level rather than somesurface level.
This intentional journey beginswith getting to know yourself
and getting to know God.
Now, this may sound a littlekooky, but here's a suggestion.
I've actually done it.
Take yourself out on a date.
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Go to lunch with yourself, walkin the woods, go to the shore,
listen to the beautiful waves,whatever works for you, whatever
turns you on.
Welcome all parts of your beingto this date Small, child,
teenager, young, adult, adultyou are now.
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Welcome the happy times,welcome the challenging times,
welcome the times that you thinkto yourself how did I ever get
through that?
Welcome and celebrate yourgifts.
One has gifts.
Some are public ones, likepainters, photographers, singers
, etc.
Others gifts are not so public.
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Are you a good listener?
Are you a good support person?
Are you a person who prays forsomeone in need.
Embrace all of you.
Jeremiah 1.5 says before Iformed you in the womb, I knew
you.
God was not just talking toJeremiah.
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God was speaking to all of usand when you feel safe, ask God
to walk with you.
Matthew 11, 29 through 30 fromthe message says walk with me
and work with me.
Watch how I do it, learn theunforced rhythms of grace.
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I won't lay anything heavy orill-fitting on you.
Keep company with me and you'lllearn to live freely and
lightly.
Walk with yourself and then askGod to walk with you.
Get to know your inner self andyour higher self.
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Listen to your intuition, theHoly Spirit within you.
Once you start to develop yourintuition, you'll develop an
inner knowing about what yoursoul needs to be healthy and at
peace.
You'll know what you need inself-care and all of its forms
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then becomes honoring that need.
And the beauty is thatself-care activities themselves
will allow you to develop yourintuition.
The more you practice them,which means over time, listening
to the needs of your highestself, will strengthen your faith
.
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It's a process.
Sometimes it's meant to be donealone.
Sometimes, besides asking God,you ask someone on earth to help
and walk with you.
Self-care is nurturing theseeds of beauty that are in each
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one of us, planted at the verybeginning of our lives.
So now I'm going to go back tohow I started our time together.
The part of my journey, myself-care is grabbing my gym bag
, digging into the many books Ihave and finding others to share
, learning with shoutingalleluia and thanking God for
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the blessings I have and myjourney of faith development.
It's never too late to startthis journey in all of its forms
.
Self-care, all of theopportunities to grow and to
learn are available in thisjourney and in the next episodes
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I will be sharing differenttypes of experiences that can
help you get to know yourself,grow closer to God and help you
see yourself as God sees you Aprecious creation.
I'm inviting you to walk withme on this journey, a journey to
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know the healing, life-giving,life-restoring power of God
through His Son Jesus and thepower of the Holy Spirit.
I would be willing to walk withyou, just ask.
I hope that you will join me infuture episodes and I want you
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to be sure that you know that ifyou are in need of someone to
talk to, a professional like Itreasure in my own journey and
you don't know who to contact.
You can contact the NationalSuicide Prevention Lifeline,
accessible nationwide by dialing1-800-273-8255, and also the
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3-digit 988 Suicide Crisis Line,designed to be a memorable and
quick number that connectspeople who are in mental health
crisis to a trained mentalhealth professional.
And if you would like to reachout to us, please send us a note
at podcast atwillyouwalkwithmecom.
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And, as always, I want to thankmy producers, andrew and
Catherine, and to all of you forlistening.
I pray that each of you see thehand of Jesus extended,
reaching out to you, knowingthat you are a child of God and
you can grab on whenever you canand have a blessed partner for
the journey forward.
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See you next time.