Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Real stories and fresh wisdom on the
front porch.
Join us with today's guest.
We have Andre Paradis with us.
If I said your name wrong, please forgive me.
Okay.
I love the painting behind you.
I just did a little post of a couple dancing ona mountaintop.
But
Better view.
Look at that.
Look at that.
Oh, that's just beautiful.
(00:20):
I love that.
There's just so much motion and fluidity there.
I love it when paintings come alive.
My wife and I dancing.
That's what that is.
Aw.
That's nice.
So I actually did a podcast with you before,but either I forgot to press record, which I
remember today, or something.
So I wish wish this was our second one foreverybody to see.
(00:45):
But you have such great information.
I I love your heart for people, and, you have adifferent approach to it, which is great
because sometimes everybody comes at things thesame way, and it's like, it doesn't work for
one person or another.
So tell our audience just a little about aboutlittle bit about who you are and what you do.
(01:09):
Sorry.
I'm still got a little bit of some kind ofbrain damage, something happening.
It's still healing up from when the bull hitme.
Oh, no worries.
But go ahead, Andre.
So my name is Andre Parody.
Was I'm Canadian, born in Quebec City, Canada,but I'm a relationship coach and NLP
practitioner.
(01:30):
That's how I help people with their traumarelease.
An educative effective communication strategyis always a mouthful.
So my job is really to my favorite thing to dois to help men and women in relationships.
Men, men, women, women is all the same, by theway.
So how do you get in long term healthy, flowyrelationship for thirty years plus?
Right?
(01:51):
So people are con people are struggling withthis a lot, and there's really good reasons for
this.
Right?
But on paper, it we don't understand.
And considering also we communicate differentlyand with the the cultural pace out there, the
pulse of, you know, softening men andempowering women, which is great.
(02:11):
Again, on paper, sounds good, and it works formoney in business and career.
It doesn't work in relationships, and that'sthe part that everyone's confused and tripping
on because it should be better.
We it should work better.
We finally soften the men and empower thewomen.
Now we have equal playing fields.
You know what mean?
It sounds right.
It seems right.
It should.
It doesn't work.
No.
(02:31):
And it confuses everybody.
And everyone is more confused because it shouldwork.
You know what I mean?
So that's my work is to really help alleviatethe confusion, the frustration, the know, all
this stuff that comes in because we don'tunderstand each other, and we don't communicate
together in a way that actually we hear eachother.
And then from there, it just it goes left andright and up and down.
(02:54):
And yeah.
I like what you said that it's not just, youknow, between men and women.
It can be between men and men or women andwomen.
It's all the same.
It's all the
communication and learning how to do it.
I know with my husband and I, we say the exactsame things, but we have two different ways of
saying it.
(03:15):
So to us, it seems like we're not hearing eachother, and we've had to work on that.
And it's weird because because we will notewhat each each other is thinking.
We finish each other's sentences, and we'vedone this from the first time we met.
It's just been strange.
But we still are in that thing of he's sayingit this way.
(03:35):
I'm saying it this way.
It's the same thing, but we're saying itdifferently.
And so, you know, that causes conflict, and wedon't want conflict.
So we can't ignore it either.
Yeah.
Because you know?
And if we again, another part we don'tunderstand is that, you know, as I say
something, right, when I speak to my wife, whatshe hear is not what I said, and when she
(03:57):
speaks to me, what I hear is not what she said.
And it sounds stupid.
It sounds weird because, like, well, we look ateach other.
I speak English.
You understand the words come out of my mouth.
But what we don't get is we have a filter.
Both of us have a filter on how we receiveinformation and process it.
And so what she says is not what I'm hearing.
Even into her, it's so obvious.
And if, you know, like like, how come you know,what's the collision?
(04:21):
What's the miscommunication?
I just you know, and vice versa.
And, again, this is so highly calibrated thatwe again, we we look at each other.
We speak English.
You hear that right.
But we're not.
We're literally filtering, and that's a hugepart of it.
Right?
And
Yes.
Yes.
Part of it.
So And it's it's not just between couples.
It's also in business.
You know?
All of it.
All of
managers, employees, employees, you know, backand forth whoever we're talking to.
(04:47):
And, you know, everybody has these disc propprograms.
We have bank.
We have all these personality things, which isgreat, but you still have to learn the art of
communication.
And even though you're listening and you'retrying your best to listen, sometimes you still
don't hear because of the filter like you'resaying.
(05:07):
So what are some filter cleaning or filterclogging?
I don't know which.
Do you get
to that?
It's a big part of my work.
So you know?
And you know this because you know this becauseit'll make sense as soon as I say it is that
men speak tend to speak as again, when I saymen and women, it's not a 100%, by the way.
(05:30):
You have to allow me the generalization.
Right?
So, you know, people will go, I I don't think Ido this.
I don't think not everybody's like that.
I'm like, yes.
I'm not talking about the odds.
We're talking about the norm.
So if we talk about the norms, typically, menspeak directly.
They get to the point.
They get to the point quickly.
They you know, communication is like, I needyou to hear this.
I need you to know this and or here's the datayou needed.
(05:53):
Right?
It's typically data and passing on information.
And and or when we're together, we'll cracksome jokes and, you know, make fun of each
other that way, but it's pretty it's one or theother typically.
Right?
So men speak directly, tell them, they get tothe point, and they move on, and they expect
you to have heard them.
(06:14):
But women speak indirectly.
Mhmm.
Right?
And they use tone of voice and innuendos andhints.
And and so for a woman, it's not what I saythat she hear.
It's how I said it.
Right.
Right?
Women will say this.
It's not what you said.
It's the way you said it.
I'm like, what the hell what does that mean?
Like, listen to the words I'm saying.
What do mean?
Well, you know, because tone has a lot to dowith the communication.
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Like, the tone will change the meaning of aphrase.
I get that.
Right?
Right.
But understand women speak through tones and inhints and in in in the windows, and the words
are irrelevant often.
And they wonder why we don't get it because welisten to the words.
You listen to the tone.
So this is where the the wheels come off.
It's hysterical and terrible at the same timebecause we you know, like and men will say how
(07:03):
many times have you heard a guy say, just tellme what you want.
Just tell me what you want.
Just tell me what you want.
Tell me what you want.
Right?
Like and she's like, well, if you don't knowyou know, because she dropped hints for, like,
ten years.
Like, I'm not a mind reader, and the hintsdon't make sense.
Right?
The hints don't make sense.
It'll go over my head.
And then the tone thing is interesting too.
(07:24):
Like, you know, if you raise your tone with awoman, she tends to shut down because there's
something scary about that.
Right?
Instinctually
Or bullying.
I know.
I'm Right.
Well
so don't raise your voice to me.
Right.
But also the tone instinctually has a you know,after men raise their voices, sometimes they
raise their hands.
Right?
This is all in our bodies.
(07:44):
This is all, like, anthropological.
Right?
So there's an instant kinda, oh, go.
Where is this going?
And so when the tone comes in that's harsh orhard or right?
Women shut right down.
So now they're not hearing you.
But the fact that I have the tone is because Ifelt or I'm sensing that I'm not being heard
either, so I'm raising my voice.
(08:04):
And this become this is the whole collapse ofthe whole thing.
Right?
So I raise my voice because you're not hearingme.
But as as I raise my voice, you shut down yourpolitical day because you can't hear me because
now you're scared.
Yeah.
Do know what mean?
And women do the same thing.
You know?
We feel like you're not hearing us, so it's
like louder.
Start getting upset.
We elevate it.
And
You get louder thinking that you wanna be inthat section where it doesn't work.
(08:26):
That's exactly what doesn't work, but that'swhat we intend to kinda kinda do and collide
together and think the other one's a jerk nowbecause I tried to tell him.
I tried to tell her, and now, like, now nowwe're in a fight.
So it's so interestingly delicate andridiculously simple and ridiculously tedious at
the same time.
Right.
So it takes some learning and, you know, somefiltering, some seeing through the filters.
(08:49):
Right?
So it's fascinating.
Fascinating.
I love teaching that stuff.
And really to help people stop colliding, youknow, in love dynamics, in their work
relationships with their family, with theirchildren, all of that.
It applies to everything.
It's good stuff.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
I remember first time I recognized that myhusband and I were saying the same thing but
(09:13):
speaking differently.
My sister actually pointed it out.
She goes, you two are saying the same thing,and we were building the barn.
It all had something to do with that.
And she goes, you guys are saying the exactsame thing to each other.
You're just saying it in different wordsbecause you approach it from different points
of view.
Yep.
And so perspective comes into play with that.
(09:34):
So yeah.
And it's It's so common.
It's so common.
It's it's I and, again, it's it's fun todecode.
It's fun to decode because, really, it's it'slike I said, it's five in my world, it's five
things that many women do completelydifferently that we have to have no concept of
it.
Really, have no concept of
I gotta hear these five things if you can sharethem.
(09:56):
Was but this but this, like, to understand thatwe are motivated by completely different things
at our core.
Right.
What a man is attached to why what motivatesus, what drives us, and you'll hear men say,
you know, she says she loves me, but shedoesn't respect me.
That's that's that's the core of a man.
Like, men will go to state on this, a lot ofresearch on this, and the statistics says, you
(10:20):
know, men would rather feel unloved if they hadthe choice by their wives than feel
disrespected.
That's how huge it is.
Correct.
Yeah.
That's true.
You know what mean?
So that's an women don't know this.
Women do not understand this.
Right?
On the other side
we don't understand the difference between loveand respect.
If I'm loving you, I'm respecting you.
So how can I not be disres There you bedisrespecting you when I love you?
(10:45):
Right.
We can
Yeah.
So get this.
So a a a man cannot fall in love with a womanwho's not respecting him.
He can't do it.
Right.
Right?
At the same time, a a woman cannot fall in lovewith a with a a man who doesn't cherish her.
Right.
It's good.
So we both
I wanna add something to that too.
Go ahead.
(11:05):
Both, but they occur backwards that we don'tknow this.
So at the core of us on a on a on a instinctuallevel, if if you don't respect the man, if you
question him, if you try to mother him, youtell him what to do, you challenge his brain,
what do you think that was did you think thatwas gonna work?
Right?
Why did you do that, dumbass?
(11:27):
Right?
That's that's what comes behind it.
Right?
That's what the man is hearing, that's not whatyou're saying.
When you question a man, your mother, and youtry to correct him, make him act right.
You treat him like a child.
Right?
Any self respect male will have a huge reactionto this.
He will not stand for it for a second.
You cannot over power a man, especially fromthe feminine side.
If you can't, you know, overpower a man,period, like, no male will let you step on him
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and or another man step on him.
Right?
So from the feminine side, they're like, whatthe That's not your place.
So women don't understand that.
Like, constantly disrespect us, and you don'tknow you're doing it because you're trying to
help or you're just trying to make him think.
But it's an instant right?
And so because also what disrespects us is notdisrespect you.
So that's a huge part of it that no one gets.
(12:12):
On the other side, you ladies tend to takeeverything personally, not because you're
crazy.
Essential it's anthropological as well, likeyour connection to outside.
Your safety is in the connection.
So if there's no connection or
somebody connections.
So
you so we constantly hurt your feelings.
We don't mean to.
We don't understand why.
Like, how that's not what I said.
(12:32):
That's not what I meant.
That's not at all what I no.
Well, how'd you get there?
Right?
Like, we're constantly going, like, we'rebaffled by the way you take things personally
and make some meetings out of stuff that wedidn't do or say.
Right.
Right?
So we constantly hurt your feelings.
We don't know how.
And to you, it's like, it's so obvious.
Oh my god.
And every girl in the space knows exactly whatyou did, which is crass.
And he's like, I'm just talking here.
(12:54):
Right?
So we hurt your feelings all the time.
We don't mean it.
You disrespect us all the time.
You don't mean it.
And we have no idea how to you know, that'swhat's happening and often increase distance,
friction, anger, frustration, pain, andbreakups because we don't know how that works.
So that's it.
We did another fun layer of the things tolearn.
(13:15):
Yeah.
I think I have three points now, but one is youhave to understand that there is a problem.
And if you're not willing to fix that, then,you know, the breakups do come, but you can try
and fix.
The other thing is is I've noticed over theyears that a man cannot love a woman who does
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not respect herself.
And sometimes men push those boundaries just tosee how far away they can get with it.
I know women do the same thing too, but but Itend to see it more more with men from my point
of view, from what I've seen in my age.
And so, yeah, I think maybe and I'm just nowthinking this.
(13:57):
Maybe that's because if a man figures you can'trespect yourself, you're not gonna respect him
either.
I don't know.
I'm serious.
No.
No.
But, mean, that's the that's the direct link.
Absolutely.
Okay.
And and, again, the same thing, you know, whowho think of a man or a woman who, you know,
you don't respect.
Right?
What are you gonna do with that?
(14:19):
There's nothing to do with that.
Like, you don't listen to them.
You don't hear them.
You wanna don't wanna help them.
You know, present with them.
Like and now the reason you don't respect themcould be different things.
But if a person, you know, doesn't respectthemselves, you you I can't respect you either.
Like, there's something, like, you know, that'sthat's a disconnect as far as our humanity.
And if you don't respect yourself, you'reprobably gonna disrespect me.
(14:43):
I'm not interested in that.
Right.
Because I I'm already getting disrespectedwithout any means you know, not without anybody
meaning it.
So if you think I'm gonna be part of that atall.
Right?
Like, some men just walk away.
Not just sitting there.
That's it.
That's it.
The other thing too is people bring baggage forthem in relationships, not to work or or in
(15:04):
personal relationships anyway.
You know?
This is every time my mother said this to me,this is how I reacted because this is how she
meant.
So if you say those words to me, automatically,it's, oh, well, you're just like my mother.
She always
Boom.
Did that to make me do what she wanted, tomanipulate me.
And it's like, oh, where are you going withthat?
(15:25):
That wasn't the intentional or vice versa.
You know?
A girl can think that woman, sorry, can thinkthat too.
Oh, well, you know, my ex boyfriend used to dothat to me all the time, so that must be what
you're doing.
So, yeah, that baggages triggers.
Is a tough thing.
I call them the triggers.
We all have them, and they call they're they'realways established in youth.
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But then on the age of five for most of us iswhen Uh-huh.
If we want love right, right, our consciousnessand our feelings hang up together at five.
Before that, we can't think.
But at five years old, you can actually putsentences together and actually understand the
world, and you can think.
So when our feelings and it comes with ourthoughts.
At the age of five, and you were born in asystem where your parents were whatever.
(16:11):
Right?
If you were in love right, no daddy, bad daddy.
Right?
A narcissistic narcissistic narcissisticmother, blah blah blah, we as children take
that personally.
If I'm not love right, is something wrong withme?
Right.
Yeah.
Right?
So we take that personally, not that our sothat's just what we we love our parents, and we
(16:31):
take that on ourselves.
So come out of childhood, by the age of seven,you've proven it for two years that you're that
you're not lovable.
You're not good enough, you're not gonna mountanything, you can't trust men, you can't trust
women, the world is a terrible place, you'llnever mount anything.
It's like this crazy stuff.
Like, one sentence in your head at five getsimprinted on the hard drive.
True or not?
(16:52):
Well, it's not it's always it's not the truth.
It's a conclusion for the experience of theirlife.
Yeah.
Everyone has a different reality because oftheir filter.
That's another filter.
So whatever imprint is, the first imprint onthe nervous system, emotional nervous system,
like, I'm not good enough.
Right?
Or for that's that's for the guys.
Men have this I'm not good enough thing runningrampant.
(17:15):
For the ladies is I'm not lovable.
Right.
And then by the age of seven, you have youproven that from your awareness and your
environment that obviously you're not lovable,obviously you're not good enough, obviously the
world is dangerous, obviously you can't trustmen, whatever.
And what we do is we spend the rest of ourlives proving it.
So you'll attract people who will make you feelnot good enough and unworthy, and that's the
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trauma release that we have to do that.
I I do with my clients because I can't getanybody in a healthy relationship until we
release the baggage from the past.
And it's not it's the past.
Like, from from childhood, that first imprinthas to be identified and released, and then you
notice that every relationship after isconfirmed that first so as you did dismantle
(17:55):
this and we dismantle these, freedom.
And all of a sudden, you can you can you're notdriven by the triggers.
You're not driven by your past.
You're not driven by the injury of your dad oryour mom.
It's always that.
Right?
It's always dad to mom and son to the son tomom, daughter to dad.
Right.
The primary the first love affair.
So those impact the rest of your life for perthe dynamic you had with your your opposite
(18:21):
parent.
Mhmm.
We don't even this.
We don't we don't know how that works.
So what happens is people get into the samerelationship year after year for decades.
Right?
The same result keep attracting men who are notavailable, keep attracting men who don't wanna
commit, keep attracting women who are, youknow, narcissistic or what's the word?
(18:44):
Like, entitled somehow.
Like, daddy wasn't good enough, so now she'sgonna make everybody act right.
Right?
Like Right.
So she Yeah.
So she finds a man with her daddy.
Now you've built this wall around you thatyou're gonna make sure that never happens to
you again.
So now you do the opposite.
Right.
And you'll attract the same type person, andthen you'll try to fix them.
That's what we do.
We track we track our Yeah.
(19:06):
We track our mothers as males, and we track ourfathers as women.
Right?
They're same typical.
They look different.
Sometimes they're exactly the same, sometimesthe exact opposite, but the point is they're
over calibrated.
Right?
And then we try to make some make them actright.
We're trying to fix them, which is justridiculous.
Right?
That's not how it works.
That's not how it works.
But that's what we all do if you leave usalone.
(19:27):
Right?
We'll just and some of that continues the loop.
So all of my clients realize they're stuck in aloop.
Right?
They're stuck in a loop of always attractingthe same stuff and How come
I always attract the wrong guys?
Like, well It's it's and then but it's worsethan that.
It's Yeah.
It's for me, it's worse than that.
It's, like, the belief that, like, if you keepattracting men who are not available, you think
(19:50):
that's men.
And you'll say men are all Yeah.
They're always and never.
I'm like, no.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
That's what you're attracting.
That's not but that's your history.
That's your experience.
And the moment you attach to now, you make aconclusion, confirm after twenty five years
that men are not available, they don't care,they're not they're not loving or kind, they
you know, that that's they're done because thatyou know, your nervous system and your
(20:13):
conscious your subconscious will confirm andagree with you with whatever you decide.
Yeah.
Men men are all crap.
There you go.
They will just show you only that.
Right?
Like, you don't see the good guys.
You walk right by them.
They don't exist.
They're invisible to you and vice versa.
Right?
Like, so it's really psychologically so simple.
(20:34):
But if it's not decoded, it drives you into theground.
And Yeah.
You know, in midlife and I find it terriblebecause I I hear this all the time.
Like, midlife, people will say stuff like,well, I guess I wasn't meant to be married.
I guess I wasn't meant to be happy.
I guess I wasn't meant to be in relationships.
Like, no.
No.
It's your past that's driving you.
The worst one.
I guess I was never meant to be loved.
(20:56):
Yeah.
I know.
That's the saddest one I've ever heard.
Totally.
Right?
But women will believe that for not being lovedright as a child and and keep attracting the
wrong type of men, and they think that's bad.
I think that's a lot.
I I had one of my ladies to talk to me onetime.
She she would didn't become a client, but she's42 years old.
Absolutely lovely.
Absolutely lovely.
Right?
(21:16):
But, again, bad stuff with her dad fromchildhood.
She just thought she'd forgot all about it andmoved on.
But she was impossible for relationships.
She was masculine because of the lack of fatherenergy.
So she kind of grew into her masculine toprotect herself.
That's nature.
That's a mechanism.
So and it's always that.
Right?
It turns us inside out.
(21:37):
So women become more too masculine and it's notit's not working in relationships, you know,
later on in life.
And men who have been damaged or too feminineis the same thing.
It doesn't work at all.
So anyway, this poor young lady, woman, lovelywoman, and she said to me like, well, maybe
just some of us aren't supposed to be happy andhave relationships.
(21:57):
And I just died with her that day.
I just died.
Like, I'm like, honey, you don't know.
That's no.
That's that's your history talking.
Right?
There's no there's no there's no other meneverywhere.
There are good guys everywhere.
Oh, you know what I mean?
But you have to clean yourself up to be ablefor them to see you and show up in a different
(22:18):
energy and and actually attract the ones whowill provide protectors, give support, lead you
naturally, happily, and they help you just kindof, like, relax into your body and feel safe
because these little girls never felt safe aday in their lives.
Right?
So
Yeah.
So I I had somebody who said to me and it'slike I don't know.
(22:41):
It just kinda blew me away that they would saythis.
It's like and I'm sorry.
My brain just just stopped.
I'm really having difficulties with my brainsince I got hit by the bull.
So we'll go on to something else, and I'llthink later.
Yeah.
You talked about, you know, the age of fiveyear olds and and something that was said then.
My best friend, when she was around five yearsold, Her sister had drawn a picture of her
(23:07):
being really fat.
And from that moment on, she thought she wasfat.
And she always said this all growing up.
I'm so fat.
And it's like, you're not fat.
And I could never figure out why she keptthinking she was fat.
Well, as she got older in life, she finally didbecome overweight
Yep.
Because she finally fit into the role that shethought she was told all of her life.
(23:30):
I asked her one time, I says, why?
And and she still hadn't gained weight yet.
And I asked her, she says, why do you alwayssay you're fat?
You have never been fat, and you've always saidit.
And she says, well, I think it's because ofthat picture my sister drew of me and told me
how fat I was.
Yep.
And I believed her.
(23:51):
I was, like, so sad.
And, again, it's I mean, it's what we believethat comes to pass.
I had I had a male client who had huge issueswith with women, and he did not trust women.
He did not trust women.
He was always on guard.
And the moment something was a little weird,oh, it dumped him.
So we dug in.
Right?
We dug in.
It's so simple.
Like, this is so quickly too, by way.
(24:12):
CZ is is very, quick for me to decode and goright to the source of where the wheels came
off.
Good.
And so get this.
So this is experience.
It's just crazy.
It's always the same.
At five years old, waiting for his mother topick him up at school, it was a rainy day.
It was apparently a terrible rainy day.
(24:32):
And so he watched every little every kid ashe's sitting against the wall waiting for his
mother to pick him up, he watched every kid getpicked up by their parents and leave.
So he's left alone against the wall in thestorm, right, waiting for his mom, and she was
twenty minutes late picking him up.
Like, by the so by the time he she gets there,like, his no one's there anymore.
(24:54):
Right?
Like, the all the kids are gone.
He was so he he thought that she forgot abouthim.
He thought she abandoned him.
He thought that he went into the hole in twentyminutes.
Like, he just literally lost a sense of self.
And in that very moment, he made the decision,you can't trust women.
Oh, wow.
(25:15):
Crazy stuff.
Right?
Like, that was the moment that did it.
Like, a simple like like like, she was late.
There could have been any reason why she waslate, traffic, whatever, but it's what he
concluded from his abandonment in the rain withat five years old with everybody, and it just
the impact.
Right?
So can't trust her.
He was mad at her for weeks.
(25:36):
He said mad at her for weeks for abandoning himat school and could not trust her, and then
became not trusting of any woman, and that waswow.
So we did, you know, decoded all that, let thatrelease, and he could actually get this that
trigger, right, get disconnected, and all of asudden he could see women for who they are as
(25:56):
opposed to waiting for them to betray him orabandon him or not for
it to happen and looking for it to happen.
Well, that just says that's what our braindoes.
It wants to prove what it believes.
Right?
And just so we confirm what we believe.
You're not good enough?
There you go.
There's another one that's gonna teach you.
And so that's the tragedy.
Yeah.
And that that proves it right there thatwhatever our brain is thinking, we can change
(26:19):
and retrain our brain to think great things.
We don't have to be stuck with all thosethoughts we've always had all the time.
We can go forward with them.
Yeah.
That's worry mindset training.
So that's Yeah.
Yeah.
Because, you know, your thoughts your thoughtsbecomes your words become your destiny.
Right?
Like, it's just like whatever's in your head.
So I always say pay attention to how you speakto yourself.
(26:42):
What you believe, right, what you think isnormal.
Why do you react that way?
Why do you think that way?
Why do you jump to that conclusion?
Oh, like you have to decode all that gently,watch yourself operate and go, you know, like
what's what's what's working for me?
What's not working me?
Like, what's you know, what are the falsebeliefs that have to be kind of released and
(27:03):
really, you know, creating different beliefsthrough different habits and moving the
direction you want.
It's it's it's amazing work.
It's simple, but if you leave if you leave usalone, we don't do it because we need you need
you need somebody to help you with that.
You need a practitioner.
You need somebody to walk you through this.
We can't do it alone.
This is why only 5% of the people actually dothe work is because it takes courage.
(27:27):
It takes time.
It takes leaning in.
It takes it's uncomfortable.
It's really
Oh, yeah.
You know what mean?
And and and, also, it it takes finances.
You have to pay somebody to help you.
But without it, you know, you're doomed to thatlittle voice in your head that you forgot.
By the way, we typically forgot the phraseuntil we walk back to it.
(27:47):
Right.
Like, you don't remember the conclusion thatyou made about yourself at five years old.
We have to go back to it and then ding, likethe boy the guy with the abandonment from his
mother because she was late.
Like, he had he had forgot like that he didn'the forgot the phrase until we walked back and
he's like, that was it.
How can I trust her?
She abandoned me.
(28:08):
You know, I fucking Poor bastard.
Right?
Poor little kid.
Yeah.
So we're we're quite a bunch of monkeys.
We're quite monkeys that way.
We're just much more reactive.
I think we're better than monkeys.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I know what you're saying.
A little a little bit.
A little bit.
Just a little bit.
Yeah.
And it's you know, and you brought up somethingthat is so true.
(28:32):
We don't like being uncomfortable.
We don't like leaving that comfort zone.
We don't like leaving what's comfortable to us,what's our normal.
We wanna keep going back to that.
So that's why we need to go to somebody likeyourself who has training, who has already done
it so many times for other people.
You've got the experience.
(28:53):
You've got the knowledge.
You know how to help us get to where we need tobe to be the best part of who we are, to really
succeed, to have those healthy relationships.
And we have to get very uncomfortable to do it,and we may not even know that there's a reason
there.
You know?
Why am I having this problem?
(29:14):
Well, I don't know.
You know?
Doesn't everybody have problems?
Sure.
Everybody has problems.
But are you willing to do something about it,or you just keep going on saying, oh, it's just
the way I am?
It's like, no.
It's the way you choose to be because youhaven't chosen to do anything different about
it.
And if you're hearing this, Andre is the personto go to to do something about it.
(29:39):
It's it's we need to
get mean, it's it's essential, really.
You know, if the if, again, the quality of yourlife depends of you, really, your thoughts and
your belief about yourself.
So if you look around your life, if it's notworking, right, step in.
I mean, that's what
Yeah.
You know, the people who succeed in life inevery aspect typically have come from a very,
very adversity a lot of adversity.
(30:02):
Right?
And they use that as jet fuel to kind of gettheir lives together.
So I always say, you know, what happened to youas a child is not your fault.
Right?
You're not responsible for any of that.
However, as an adult, you're completely a 100%responsible to clean your stuff up Yeah.
And get your work done.
Because if you think you're we're born to bemiserable, that is not the design.
(30:23):
We're not born to be miserable for a hundredyears or eighty years or whatever and just drop
dead.
That's not it.
So it's the choice.
It's the voice in our heads.
It's it's the belief that we carry.
And, again, you're right.
So people will stay and keep creating, youknow, the situation if they're even if they're
miserable.
Like, you could have a miserable life, and it'sstill more comfortable than trying to fix it
(30:46):
and get outside of that habit.
And people will stay miserable and complainabout the entire lie the world as opposed to
stepping in and clean that stuff up.
And so it's it's it's kinda sad.
So I watch people stuck completely stuck andunwilling to get out of that habit because it's
a habit which is comfortable, and our brainsour human brains doesn't like change.
(31:11):
The fears change.
It's in it makes us insecure, so we, you know,we stick to what we know.
And you could be miserable, but, hey, it'scomfortable.
Like, oh god.
It's terrible.
So bad.
But the good thing is as soon as you start tochange it and you tell your brain, hey.
This is really fantastic.
Mhmm.
And your brain says, wow.
Really?
(31:32):
Let's do some more of it.
And and you keep going on, then you've gainedmomentum in that.
But it's just taking that first step.
And I know that some people say, well, there'snothing wrong with me.
Even though deep down, they know that there's
Right.
Problem.
And it's like, fine.
Talk to Andre.
Find out it's not you.
Find out it's everybody else.
(31:53):
But, you know, what's it gonna hurt to spend afew minutes and say, well, gosh, maybe there is
something there that I didn't even knowexisted.
And this could be the one thing.
I feel sorry for that boy.
I have to take responsibility with my ADHD.
A lot of times, I forgot my kids, but they knewit.
Yep.
(32:13):
You know?
I'm just wondering, boy, how bad did I damagethem?
Oh, yeah.
It's good.
But it's like, yeah.
You know, cooking dinner.
It's like, okay.
I gotta get the kids 20.
Okay.
I can make this part of dinner before I go getthem.
You know?
Forty five minutes later, it's like, okay.
This is done.
Where's the kids?
Oh, crap.
I forgot to go get them.
Yep.
Alright.
Go get them.
You know?
And they're like, it's okay.
(32:34):
We're all
hanging out together.
Yeah.
And and most kids don't have that reaction.
Right?
No.
Most kids don't have that reaction.
His was specific about a terrible rainy day.
And just one one specific thing.
That was one moment.
So there's no
I would almost expect my mom doesn't love mebecause she didn't come and get me and protect
me.
Totally.
(32:54):
Apparently, with all this rain.
You know?
But to say that
Can't trust women.
That's just yeah.
She said she loves me.
She didn't show up.
She left me behind with it, and she he didn'tknow.
The twenty minutes was an eternity at a fiveyear old.
He never he really thought she's never coming.
And and the mom probably didn't think muchabout it.
(33:14):
It's like, I'm sorry.
I got stuck.
It was just
Me, I felt guilty, like, crazy every time I didtwo.
So I was like, too,
by the way.
Mother am I?
I've done it too.
I've done it too.
Forget my kids at school.
Yeah.
And it's it's but but all the times I knew theywere safe.
You know?
It wasn't okay.
Or Again, you can't predict any
(33:34):
this somebody.
Yeah.
Can't predict any of this stuff.
You have no idea the decision they made out ofa circumstance.
There literally is a moment in life that thisbig.
A little like, a few minutes of something offand then, oh, make a conclusion out of it.
Right?
And then becomes your your your your track inlife.
It's just just you know, when I get to heavenwhere it comes if you're with God, like, this
(33:55):
is a terrible design.
Everything you know, like, this this is notright.
Like, animals don't do this.
Animals don't get triggered and and and sort ofspend their lives in triggered.
You know what mean?
Animals just shake it.
You know?
They get they get scared.
They shake it.
They're fine.
Right?
Like, so why don't we have a shaking mechanismso we can go back to normal, but we don't?
(34:16):
Yeah.
Bad design.
Bad design.
Bad design.
It's not cool.
Higher intelligence.
But yeah.
No.
And and, you know, sometimes oh, are you stillthere?
I'm here.
Okay.
I I don't know.
Everything on my screen just kinda disappeared.
There we are.
Sometimes, you know, there's something going onthat the parent has going on that cannot be
(34:44):
avoided, that the kid doesn't know about.
The kid just goes, I know you did this to me.
And their parent says, what are you talkingabout?
That's when your dad fell off the ladder, and Ihad to get him to the hospital.
And you're saying that I didn't make you dinnerat 05:00 because you know?
Care for you.
Right?
I don't love you.
Don't care
(35:04):
for you.
And it's and it's like, you know, and it'slike, oh, really?
That's why you weren't there.
Oh, okay.
That's why we ate dinner late.
Oh, well, that changes everything from the lasttwenty years.
You know?
And and you go on.
So sometimes you just need to talk to eachother.
But Yeah.
To a point.
To a point.
Yeah.
So an injury like this still has to be releasedbecause even if you understand it, if you even
(35:27):
if you understand it as an adult, the kid isstill hurt.
The inner child is still damaged.
Yeah.
I'm
glad she said that.
Yeah.
It's so and that still needs to be addressedbecause your your your logic and your your your
adulthood, your adult mind will be able to go Imean, I I know women and men, and I've had the
same experience where, you know, you know, thisyour daddy it's your daddy stuff that gets in
(35:54):
your way of relationship with men.
Oh, no.
I love my dad.
I go, yeah.
The adult in you have learned to love your dad.
The child in you has been damaged by the lackof or, right, the lack of safety, the lack of
attention, the lack of presence.
So it's not so the adult can actually seethings clearly.
It doesn't change the injury of the innerchild.
It softens it a little bit, but you have to goclean that up because it doesn't like, the
(36:19):
inner child drives a show from now from now on.
Isn't that something?
You wouldn't think that would be the case, butthat is so true.
That's what I mean.
Another thing I've noticed is that if someone'shad a a problem with a parent in childhood and
they realize they've married someone just likethe parent
It's always that.
(36:39):
Of a sudden, the problems they're having withthis marriage is not a problem.
Everything becomes that adult's you know, thatparent's fault.
Well, it's that parent's fault that I'm I'mwhatever it is.
And it's like and they don't ever make orassume what's the word I'm looking for?
(37:02):
They don't ever take accountability for theactions that their spouse is doing.
Right.
They're blaming everything on the parent, andit's like, well, that's not good either
because, one, you're making them pay for thingsthat they have nothing to do with.
Exactly.
Exactly.
I always say if you don't clean up your stuff,you know, you'll bleed on people who didn't
hurt you.
(37:23):
Yes.
That's that's true.
Right?
All of the people that did not hurt you.
And and Yeah.
That's that's, again, another tragedy.
Right?
Do your work.
Clean this stuff up.
It takes it takes a lot of courage, which mostpeople don't want to try.
Right?
They're scared.
They're comfortable in their misery, honestly.
(37:44):
And it takes time and work, and it's a littlediscombobular in the beginning.
Like, when you when you clean yourself up thatway, there's a part of, like, I've been like
this my whole life.
Right?
Now we're pulling that whole belief off, andthere's a period of, like, I don't know who I
am until you land.
(38:04):
Right?
And that's part of it.
This is a discomfort part of it that mostpeople try to avoid because if I'm not this any
longer, who am I?
I'm not sure.
I wanna find out.
This is familiar.
Right?
So, again, takes courage, takes time, takesfinances a little bit, but, you know, it
doesn't take five years.
It takes it takes a few months.
And then on the other side, to be liberated, tonow be able to live the life that you were born
(38:29):
to live, how beat how do you beat that?
You can't beat that.
Love what you said.
Born to live the life.
Live the life you were born to be.
Because most of us live a life we think we'resupposed to be living, or we live a life that
isn't what we like, but it's like, well, thisis the way.
I guess that's the way my life's supposed tobe.
(38:51):
Like that lady I told you.
Like no.
No.
No.
It's it's all your it's all your garbage andall the proof that you accumulate all the proof
that you accumulate over twenty five, thirtyfive, forty five years about, you know, what
you deserve and who you are and how the worldis.
And so we'll make conclusion about ourselves,the world, life, and people, and just go and
(39:13):
prove it prove it over and over again.
I mean, to just minute.
Right?
So if if it's again, this this is how I explainit, like, that we don't realize we're doing it.
If I said to you, let me just give you my emailaddress.
It's very easy.
It's my oh, wait wait wait.
No no.
I have to write it down, otherwise I'm notgonna remember.
Right?
Your brain goes, as you wish.
Like, you'll never remember anything becauseyou keep saying, you know what I mean?
(39:35):
I go, no, it's my name dot com.
No.
No.
I have to write it down.
Okay.
Like, you you won't if you don't write it down,you don't remember.
As you wish.
Right?
Men are all terrible.
As you wish.
You can't trust women.
As you wish.
Relationships are difficult.
As you wish.
Right?
So watch the words that come out of your mouth.
This becomes you.
Everything you create.
(39:55):
Power.
Yeah.
It's like destroying yourself.
Like, so use the words to empower yourself.
And and and if you can't, then, you know,again, do the work You have to dismantle all
this.
If you believe that all men are toxic anddangerous and you can't trust them, it's the
rest of your life.
All men that you're gonna meet, half thepopulation of the planet really?
That's how you wanna live?
(40:17):
No.
That's that's your story.
And that your story is not it's only that.
Your story.
There's no reality.
There's each of us have a reality we createdfor that beginning.
And Right.
Man, it's tragic.
It's tragic.
It is.
It is.
So how do people get ahold of you?
(40:38):
Thank you.
So if anybody you know?
And I have two gifts for you listeners as well.
Oh, awesome.
Yay.
Thank you.
All around.
Absolutely.
Win win win.
So if you go to my website, projectequinox.net,you could find everything you want there.
And I'm I'm I'm linked to all social medias, soit's on on there.
(40:59):
You Google my name, Andre Parody, or projectEquinox, you'll find everything all over the
place.
But I do a lot of podcasting, and we talkedabout this before.
I do podcasting because I want to spread theword.
There is hope.
Relationships are possible even in this crazymodern times.
There's we have to recalibrate what works.
(41:20):
We have to get into the dance of relationship.
Our parents and our grandparents and a greatall the generations before us knew how to dance
together because their roles were clearlydefined.
Yes.
You know
I mean?
Yes.
This is just the way it was, and peopleunderstood what the lane to to be in, and they
came together and built families and legacies.
We dismantle all that as a culture, give wehave more choices.
(41:42):
We have all the options.
We could do anything we want.
It should be better, and it's not.
No.
It's more confusing.
It's more frustrating.
There's more right?
So how do we learn to dance?
That's that's my job.
That's my work.
There is a way, ladies, to have a healthyrelationship with a man.
In those in these times, you have to watch thecultural belief, the things that you decided
(42:03):
are right.
Right?
Again, the thoughts in your head.
If you think you can't trust men, there's yourwhole life right there.
Right?
And same with men the other way around.
If men believe women are all crazy, becausethat happens a lot.
Right?
Because you're emotional, and then sometimes,like, how the hell?
What the right?
So if you decide to you know what I mean?
(42:24):
Again, so that's how that's all you're gonnasee.
Right?
Anyway, so my point is my job is to teach thisto the masses, you know, and I do this like
this on on podcasts as a disruptor that I am.
I'm disrupting the system that's not working.
You're helping to disrupt the system.
Thank you for being a disruptor along with me.
Anyway, so I do I do two, three podcasts aweek, sometimes more.
(42:45):
My point is I noticed on podcast, there's twotypes listeners.
So I'm gonna give I have two GIFs, and thenwe'll let the the audience qualify themselves
for either or both.
They can do both.
I don't I don't care.
You could have both GIFs.
And so I noticed that first I've listened totypically are people who are just kinda poking
around in this what's this masculine andfeminine thing that everybody talks about.
(43:06):
What's that like, just sort of getting on theradar of what's all this about?
Do know what I mean?
So I call them information seekers.
So if you qualify yourself as an informationseeker, right, this is for the ladies.
I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna send youdirectly to my email.
So if you go to andrecoaching,thenumber1@gmail,just like it's spelled a n d r e coaching,
(43:28):
coaching,thenumber1@Gmail.com.
And in the subject box, just write irresistiblebook.
And I'll send you a copy of my book called areyou ready?
The five feminine qualities high value men findabsolutely irresistible.
This is my work with men.
This is not me speaking again.
Nothing I talk about is my opinion.
(43:49):
It's the work, the data, the research, themasters on which shoulders I stand on.
Right?
Like so this man speaking, ladies, and ununbeknownst to most of you, has nothing to do
with your height, your hair color, or your buttsize.
Like, none of that is what men are reallyfinding is irresistible.
It's the energy that you bring.
So I sell this on my website,Andrecoaching1@Gmail.
(44:12):
It is irresistible book, and I'll send you acopy.
And it's basically, it's 30 pages.
It's a workbook, so you have to fill it out.
It's excellent.
It's a gift.
Information seekers come and get it.
So that's one.
The second type listeners I noticed are peoplewho and I think you've resonated with enough of
what I said.
Right?
You just kinda see the, oh, wow.
(44:33):
Okay.
They what where am I kind of disconnected thatI don't realize?
So, anyway, if if you're more of an actiontaker as opposed to an information seeker,
right, Andre coaching one, in the subject box,just write talk now.
I'll send you a link to my calendar.
You book yourself a call like you and I rightnow, just an hour plus call, a one on one.
(44:54):
It's on me.
It's my gift.
And we'll talk about where you're stuck becausepeople call when they're stuck, and they
realize, like, there's this is they can see thefuture.
Right?
This this doesn't change.
I know where this is going.
And like I said, we all have we all get achance to do our work.
Life will show up, smack you in the face, andgo, it's not working.
Right?
(45:14):
It's not working.
You know, I call it check engine light.
Check engine light's flashing.
Like, this is the that you need to payattention to this.
So if you're an action taker, because you'vewatched yourself kinda stuck in the loop, Andre
Coaching one, talk now, we have a conversation.
Right?
So and again, in fifteen minutes, in fifteenminutes, I go right to five year old, and we
(45:35):
find out where the wheels came off.
Because we we forgot those things, and mostpeople come in come at me with, like, what's
wrong with me?
And I go, hold on.
We'll go back.
Nothing wrong with you.
Life back then.
Yeah.
Circumstances.
So if you understand this whole circumstantial,which which do I which means you're not broken,
that means we could fix it, release the trauma.
(45:56):
What's the dream life?
That's what we'll talk about.
Like, what's the dream life?
You want kids, husbands if you're young enough?
Do you want you know, long term companionship?
You know I mean?
Like, what's the dream life that would and andI'll offer it.
Like, so there's different ways to get investedand involved.
Like I said, it takes courage and time and abit of money, but there's different ways to do
this, small, medium, large.
(46:17):
And that's without any pressure.
It'll be up to you to step in and make somechoices and get your life again, get get
yourself in line to to have the life you wereborn to to live as opposed to being stuck in
this why am I doing this, and how come I can'tget what I want?
Anyway so Right.
(46:37):
And by the way
question for.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
No.
I was gonna say that if you want both give, askme for both give.
You can you know, that's my direct email.
Ask me a question.
Tell tell me I'm full of crap.
I'm not.
Right?
Just come at me.
Right?
That's my job is to really help alleviate allthis misunderstanding and and false beliefs.
So question, please.
Yeah.
(46:57):
So what about PTSD?
Do you work with people who have haveencountered that in their life?
I don't know.
Part of it.
I think PTSD yeah.
No.
That and, actually, I have a book that I use tohelp my clients.
It's it's in my bible.
It's called CPTSD and how how to decode, youknow, the the the bad habits we created from
(47:20):
from the false beliefs.
So it's it's childhood trauma is PTSD.
Right.
Right.
So it just has to be released.
It has to be touched and released, you know, inorder for us to stop being triggered by those
events.
Right.
Those false beliefs.
That works for you know, maybe your life's beengreat until you had an incident that happened
(47:40):
as an adult.
Now you've got PTSD from this incident.
Yep.
But most most of the stuff that people can'twrangle or manage happen much younger.
Like, over the age of 13, went through puberty,past puberty, life circumstances don't affect
your brain the same way that it does whenyou're five, six, and seven years old.
(48:01):
Right.
So Totally understand that.
You know, if you if you're actually healthyminded and something terrible happens to you,
what typically happens, it's very interesting,is an adult brain will not go down the bunny
hole of of false belief to their core.
So whichever you get this is fascinating.
If if whatever level of happiness you had uptill then, some terrible event will happen,
(48:26):
it'll derail you, but the statistics areinteresting.
Within about six months, right, your happinesslevel will return even if you find yourself in
a wheelchair after a terrible event.
Like, it's just interesting.
You'll go back to the wire the wiring we had asan adult.
It's the childhood stuff that we are blind tothat drives us, that makes us crazy, and we
(48:47):
don't know why.
We take it personal.
It's it's fascinating.
Yeah.
Good question.
Thank you so
much for coming back on my show and making sureI recorded it this time.
It happens.
And be sure and get his books, one or the otheror both of them.
(49:07):
And but definitely book a call with Andre.
He's he's but you saw how easy it was to talktoday.
And and thank you so much for sitting on myfront porch today, Andre.
And Absolutely.
And our audience on the next Wait.
Don't go.
There's something special happening.
Thank you.
If you like this episode,
then join Andre and I live for personal q and aon Friday, August 1 at 11AM eastern time, ten
(49:36):
central, nine mountain, eight Pacific time.
And you can join us on Zoom, but you don't haveto be on camera.
You can black out your screen and ask thequestions.
And if you can't be here for the live event,then send your questions to
team@wisdomonthefrontporch.com, and we'llanswer it on
the live show.
And we'll send you
(49:57):
the replay to your email, so make sure youenter your email correctly.
Thank you, my front porch friends andneighbors, for pulling up a chair with me and
my guest today on Wisdom on the Front Porch.
Now if you've got value from this conversation,would
you do me a favor?
Leave a quick review, then share
it with someone you know who could use someinspiration.
It helps more friends find their seat on
(50:18):
the porch.
And, hey.
Make sure you subscribe so you never misswhat's next.
Until then, keep the porch light on for newwisdom every time you show up.
Your seat's always here
for you on the porch.
(58:20):
Wait.
Don't go.
There's something special happening.