When Discomfort Becomes Your Greatest Teacher

Life's most profound wisdom often emerges from our most uncomfortable moments. In this raw and honest reflection, I share a deeply personal story about a frustrating jam session with Grammy-nominated musician Kevin O'Neill that taught me lessons that took decades to fully absorb.

When Kevin invited me, a novice saxophone player, to jam with him in Compton, I showed up more focused on talking about my expensive horn than playing it. His direct approach – "Did you come here to play or did you come here to talk?" – and subsequent correction of my playing left me feeling humiliated. I packed up and left, never returning. Only years later did I understand what I'd missed.

This experience mirrors what happens to many of us when faced with challenges. We choke, quit, or give up rather than pushing through discomfort. But what if disruption isn't a sign to stop but rather an invitation to grow? Through this story, I explore how the work we do to overcome obstacles builds exactly the skills and resilience we need for life's toughest moments.

Your gifts weren't given to you just to talk about – they were meant to be exercised and shared. Each of us has what I call our "anointing," our unique contribution that makes the world better. We're all pieces of a giant puzzle, creating something beautiful when we each take our place. Sometimes the people who push us hardest believe in us most, and sometimes our gift may be for just one person on one particular day. Are you ready to embrace discomfort and discover what you're truly capable of?

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:24):
Thank you for listening to this episode of
Wise Black Pearls.
You know I've started thispodcast several times and it's
been very, very challenging.
It's been frustrating becauseI've tried every single way I
could to be delicate, gentle,politically correct, respectful
of others and shrink so thatothers aren't uncomfortable.

(00:49):
But you know what.
This is my book and it's what Iwant to talk about.
Moreover, I think the earthy,gritty truth is what's needed,
more than the coddling of yourmind.
So, if you dare move forwardand let's do this thing, you may

(01:11):
wonder why am I so angry orcoarse?
I'm neither.
It's just that the beginning ofthis book harkens back to an
experience I had with a buddy ofmine back in the day.
His name is Kevin O'Neill.
Yep, I'm naming names.
Kevin, a virtuoso bass playerin Compton, california, invited

(01:34):
me by one day to jam with him.
Now here's a guy who'sGrammy-nominated musician and a
doctor of music, who invited me,a novice, a beginner saxophone
player, to come by and jam withhim, made time, left space open
and welcomed me in, and so Igrabbed my very expensive horn

(01:59):
and went to his house and beganto talk to him about my horn and
how special it was and theserial number.
And he said, hey, man, justplay it, just take it out and
play it.
And I thought, wow, I thoughthe was an asshole.
But then I said well, kev, Ijust want to tell you about my
horn because it's real cool.

(02:21):
He says, yeah, yeah, that'scool, take it out and play it.
And so I started putting my horntogether and as I went through
the process of putting the reedon the mouthpiece and putting
the mouthpiece on the cork andputting the neck on the horn, I
was really getting frustrated,really annoyed that he would

(02:42):
even talk to me that way, like Ididn't matter.
But I put the horn around myneck and I I'm gonna use the
sheet music.
And he said you don't need thesheet music.
And I said, well, yeah, becauseI don't know the song.
He says, yeah, you do.
He said can you hum it?
I said, yeah, I can hum it.
He says, well, then you canplay it.
I said, well, I'm not that good.

(03:05):
You know, all too often, beforewe pick up our instrument,
before we put it all together,before we bring it to our lips
in speech or proclamation or awillingness to speak out our
truth, we start to tear it downand the Bible says a

(03:28):
double-minded man is unstable inall ways.
And so in that moment I feltcompletely unstable, vexed,
upset, irritated.
And Kevin said hey, did youcome here to play or did you
come here to talk?
And Kevin said hey, did youcome here to play or did you
come here to talk?
And so I put the mouthpiece onand I began to blow and I blew

(03:51):
the song Sugar by StanleyTurrentine, a blue note artist.
It was his cover song on a 1971album.
Anyway, when I got to a noteand I played it the way I knew
how to play it, he stopped.
I wasn't two bars in and hestopped and said no, that's an F

(04:14):
.
I said what he said, that'ssupposed to be an F.
I said well, I told you.
He said, hey, hey, just play it.
And I was by then completelyoff balance, completely off
center, and I didn't want toplay anymore.

(04:44):
Indication of what happens tomany of us when we are
challenged and are required tostep up and put up and show up
and do the things that arerequired to be effective for our
own good, we choke, quit orgive up.
I didn't know at the time, butthere was a lesson, and it's a
lesson that took me a couple ofdecades to figure out.

(05:05):
And before I tell you what Ifigured out, you might want to
know.
Well, what did I figure out?
Well, evidenced by the factthat to this day, I play
saxophone like a third chair,10th grader.
One of the things I figured outis that whenever you set
yourself to a righteousintention, there's going to be

(05:26):
disruption, and that disruptiondoesn't mean that you need to
quit or stop or do somethingdifferent, or that this isn't
your thing.
It may just mean that you needto work through it.
And the work that you do thatgets you through it is the very
work that will preserve you whenthe times get hard and the

(05:47):
thing gets difficult and you'rechallenged by someone or
something that you don't thinkyou were prepared for.
But because you've done thework, you've done the practice,
you'll have a repository ofskills, experience and the work

(06:09):
ethic to call upon that will getyou through.
So, yeah, this book is riddledwith stories.
Take from them what you willTake from them, what you will
Take from them what you are able.
Recognize that you may not getwhat I got, but my promise, my

(06:29):
commitment to you, is that youwill get the pearls of wisdom
that were born out of practice,work, experience and time that
may keep you from getting yourhead bumped, something that can

(06:49):
preserve you and help you toguide you to your anointing.
Every one of us has anopportunity, an icky guy, a
reason for being your anointing.
They weren't given to you totalk about.
They were given to you toexercise, to execute and to

(07:13):
present to the world as yourgift to make the world better.
We're all pieces of a giantpuzzle and once the pieces are
in place, it creates a beautifulexperience and a beautiful
picture.
And so, if you're ever giventhe opportunity to present your

(07:37):
gift to the world, don't shrinkfrom it, don't be afraid of it.
Give them what you got.
They may not experience joy orjubilation, they may not
celebrate you, they may notnominate you for a Grammy, they
might not even acknowledge youin the same way that you
acknowledge yourself, but knowthat your gift is not for you.

(07:59):
Acknowledge yourself, but knowthat your gift is not for you.
Your gift may be for one person, and one person alone.
On that day, when I felt upset,irritated and somewhat
humiliated, I didn't recognizethe love that Kevin O'Neal was
sharing with me that day he wasnot the enemy, he was my

(08:23):
greatest ally.
He was committed to ensuringthat he gave the best of what he
had to bring out the best ofwhat I had.
And unfortunately, this storydoes not have a happy ending.
I got pissed off, packed up mysaxophone and went home.
I never went back.

(08:45):
Think about it.
Kevin continued on to get hisdoctorate in music and he's
doing what he does.
And because he didn't validatemy errors so I wouldn't feel bad
or uncomfortable, I lost out.

(09:07):
I hope I've given you somefodder for thought that lifts
you up, invigorates you andcreates anticipation and
enthusiasm as you move throughyour day.
Please subscribe for premiumcontent, share, follow and turn
on notifications so you don'tmiss a single episode.
Also, I wish for you, as always, joy, health, wellness,

(09:32):
prosperity and salvation.
No-transcript.