June 23, 2025 • 23 mins
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--
That crushing moment when you see someone warming up with what you consider your max lift. We've all been there.
Your confidence evaporates, and suddenly you're questioning everything about your training, your genetics, and your worth as a lifter. But what if this entire mindset is exactly what's holding you back?
Learn why your current strength numbers don't define you and how the comparison trap is sabotaging your progress, motivation, and enjoyment in the gym.
Discover the psychology behind why we get caught up in strength comparisons and the simple mindset shift that will transform every workout into an opportunity for growth rather than a test of your worth.
Main Takeaways:
- The comparison trap shifts your focus from personal progress to arbitrary rankings that don't serve your goals
- Your current numbers are just a snapshot of where you are now, not your potential or worth as a lifter
- True strength is measured by consistency, effort, and continuous improvement within your own context
- Ego lifting, exercise avoidance, and lost joy in training are the hidden costs of number obsession
- Focus on the process of getting stronger rather than comparing absolute numbers to others
Timestamps:
0:01 - The gym confidence killer
3:29 - The comparison trap explained
5:35 - Why there's no universal "strong enough"
7:53 - Numbers matter as tools, not identity
10:28 - What actually defines you as a lifter
12:27 - The destructive costs of number obsession
14:15 - Redefining strength and progress
17:23 - 5 mentally healthier strategies to track progress
20:31 - The irony of strong but insecure lifters
22:55 - Applying this mindset beyond the gym
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Philip Pape (00:01):
You walk into the gym feeling pretty good about
yourself.
You've been consistent for sixmonths and your squat is finally
at body weight.
Then you see someone your agewarming up with what you
consider your max.
Your confidence evaporates.
You start second-guessingeverything.
Maybe you should just stick tothe machines in the corner where
nobody can see how weak you are.
Sound familiar, or somethinglike it.
(00:22):
That moment when someone else'sstrength makes you question
your own worth as a lifterhere's what nobody tells you.
That feeling is not only normal.
It is completely missing thepoint of why you're there in the
first place.
So today we're going to breakdown why your current numbers
are irrelevant to your success,how the comparison game is
(00:43):
holding you back and how tothink differently so that your
training is more effective andenjoyable.
Welcome to Wits and Weights, theshow that helps you build a
(01:03):
strong, healthy physique usingevidence, engineering and
efficiency.
I'm your host, certifiednutrition coach Philip Pape, and
today we're going to tacklesomething that affects all of
you.
It affects every single personwho picks up a barbell, and that
is myself included the toxicrelationship we have with our
lifting numbers, with ourstrength.
(01:24):
The title of this episode whoCares how Strong you Are has
nothing to do with the fact thatwe don't care about strength.
It's the fact that we don'tcare about your current strength
.
We care about where you've beenand where you're going and what
process you're following,whether the process of
improvement is in place for you.
And when we think about thepsychology here, you know
exactly what I'm talking about.
(01:45):
It's the voice in your headthat whispers.
You're weak when you seesomeone deadlifting twice your
max or when you compare yournumbers to a friend.
Or maybe your friend picks onyou a little bit for that in
good spirit perhaps, but itmight cut you at your core,
depending on who you are.
The embarrassment when someoneasks how much you bench and your
answer feels pathetic.
(02:05):
Or you don't want to answer.
The way that you avoid certainexercises because your numbers
are quote unquote too low.
But what if I told you thisentire mindset is not helpful at
all.
It is preventing you fromreaching your true potential.
What if the secret, the magicpill to getting stronger and
building more muscle andactually enjoying your training
has nothing to do with where youcurrently stack up with your
(02:28):
absolute numbers or againstother people?
So that's what we're going tolook at today and I guarantee
this episode is going to changehow you think about this,
because it's often the thingthat is holding people back, not
all the other information andthe training programs and all of
that.
Now, before we get into thetopic, if you like this kind of
mindset content, I'd love tohear from you and I'd love to
(02:50):
send you more like it.
To build not just physicalstrength but also the mental
resilience To do that.
Just join my email list.
Go to witsandweightscom slashemail.
I'll send you exclusive contentthere that you're not going to
find anywhere else.
A lot of it is strategies forovercoming the mental barriers
that are holding you back fromdoing your best, achieving your
(03:10):
best.
Physique health, confidence,all the things you want fat loss
, the specifics, thegeneralities, the principles,
the methods all of it.
Go to whatsaweightscom slashemail or click the link in the
show notes and then, when you'reon there that's another conduit
to reach me you can reply byemail.
I'll always get back to youpersonally with a response.
All right, let's get into theshow.
Let's start with the elephantin the room or the gym.
(03:33):
You're scrolling through socialmedia, right?
We all do it, and you seesomeone, your age, someone you
compare yourself to benchingmore than you.
Maybe they're benching 300,while you're working toward 200.
Honestly, the numbers don'tmatter.
In fact, that's part of thetrap.
Or you're in the gym and theperson next to you is squatting
what looks like your max for awarmup set, and so what happens
(03:56):
in your brain?
If you're like most people,there is a cocktail of shame, of
inadequacy, of self-doubt, andit just floods your system.
It's a very human thing.
You start questioning yourtraining, your genetics and your
worth as a lifter, yourself-worth.
So much of what holds us backis in what we think about
(04:20):
ourselves as people, and we tiesome of the things we do and
some of the performance that weachieve as equivalent to our
identity.
And it just isn't.
This is what I call thecomparison trap.
It's one of the mostdestructive forces out there,
especially in the world offitness, especially today with
social media, and here's whyit's so damaging.
(04:42):
It shifts your focus from yourown progress to your relative
position in an imaginaryhierarchy, a construct, the
matrix, the abstract.
It doesn't mean anything to youand yet you put yourself in
that leaderboard and again, it'sa very human thing to do.
(05:02):
We love competition, we lovecomparison, but the problem with
that hierarchy is that it'sarbitrary.
Strong compared to what?
Compared to who?
A power lifter, a sedentaryperson who works in an office,
Someone who's been training for10 years or 20 years versus your
one or two years?
Someone with different genetics, different training history,
(05:25):
different body proportions?
The list goes on.
And the truth is there is nouniversal standard for strong
enough.
I really don't like thestrength standards.
I might've done one episode onthem a long time ago and even
then talked about how a lot ofthis is relative to your body
weight and relative to yourhistory and your capability and
(05:45):
your process.
There is only stronger than youwere yesterday, than you were
last month, than you were lastyear, and that is the only
comparison that actually mattersfor your progress, for your
health and even yes, for yourwell-being and happiness.
Not how strong you are, but howstrong you are compared to
(06:10):
where you've been.
And I can think of at least adozen clients right now
including some that have hadcheck-ins this week who come to
me convinced that they're weakin some way because their
deadlift is only this number,you know, 185 or 225.
(06:32):
And very often we'll look backat their history, whether it's
with me, or even before theystarted being, we'll say well,
what was it six months, sixmonths ago?
Well, you've added 90 pounds.
Your deadlift, that's aphenomenal achievement, but it's
hard to see that because you'recomparing yourself to other
people.
I have another client who herstrength is going up very slowly
, but her performance in hersport has gone up massively, to
(06:52):
the point where she just won anelite competition, almost
surprising herself, and it'sbecause she had focused on her
health and performance andstrength.
And that is an outcome offollowing the process.
And even then she expressedconcern for tying her self-worth
to that achievement, which Iagree.
It's not something we want todo.
(07:13):
We want to separate the two andunderstand that the performance
is simply an indicator of theprocess we're following in the
moment and once we shift to thatprogress, things can change.
Your motivation will start togo up, because that's the thing
that feeds back to telling usthat the actions we're taking
make sense, the behaviors we aredoing, we are engaging in, are
(07:35):
serving us, and guess what thatdoes?
That psychology feeds back into our dedication to the craft,
to improving our form, toavoiding ego lifting which can
injure you, and then, ironically, this often leads to an
increase in the numbers, in thestrength, in the progress.
Now you might be thinking butPhilip, don't numbers matter at
(07:57):
all, right, isn't gettingstronger?
The whole point?
Isn't wits and weights and yourstrength-centered,
muscle-centered approach, allabout strength?
Well, that's a great question.
Numbers absolutely matter.
They matter as feedback, theymatter as motivation, they
matter as markers of progress,but they don't define your worth
(08:18):
or your potential or youridentity as a lifter.
All right.
So think about it this way yourcurrent squat number, your PR,
your 5RM, whatever you'remeasuring, is simply a snapshot
of where you are right now andit's given your training history
, your genetics, yourrecoverability, your life
circumstances.
It's not a permanent label,it's not a ceiling, it's just
(08:40):
data and, in fact, 20 years fromnow, your current squat number
might be lower because of allthose factors.
And yet it's still going to bea snapshot of all those things
and it's not good or bad.
That has gone up or down.
It's just an indicator of wherethings are.
And I've seen, for example, 50year old women who start with
their body weight training,maybe some light dumbbells,
(09:03):
eventually incorporate barbells,machines and get stronger.
I've seen 60-plus-year-old menwho couldn't deadlift 95 pounds
work up to pulling 300.
And so their age or startingstrength or what have you didn't
predict their potential.
Because there's plenty of olderfolks walking around this earth
(09:24):
who will continue to be weakand unhealthy and unfit and have
a poor lifespan and poorhealthspan, and so it's hard.
You can't predict yourpotential.
But what can predict yourpotential?
Guess what can predict it?
Your consistency and yourmindset.
Like those two things.
When I see someone who iscommitted to taking action and
(09:47):
building consistency through thesupport structure we have,
through habit formation, etcetera, and has a positive
approach, that everything theydo is a chance to learn and grow
, no matter what.
No failure is a bad thing.
Every failure is just data.
That is a form of grit andpersistence that will never fail
you for the rest of your life.
And I know this from personalexperience because my numbers do
(10:09):
not always go up.
I've had injuries, I've hadsurgeries, I've had situations
where I'm in a fat loss phase,I'm just not eating enough, and
I've had situations where it wasslightly unexplainable why my
numbers didn't go up.
There's usually a reason, andsometimes the number going up in
and of itself isn't the be-all,end-all as well.
There's research onneuroplasticity.
(10:30):
You've probably heard the termbefore.
It's about our brains.
It shows that our brains arevery adaptable.
They can improve for the restof our lives, well into our 80s
and 90s, and the same principleapplies to strength and muscle.
You know your current numbersare not your destiny.
Now I'm not saying that you canperpetually push your PR all
the way up forever.
We know we can't do that, butnor do you necessarily want to
(10:51):
do that or need to do that.
What actually defined you as alifter is your consistency, your
form, because that's a skill.
It's a skill that you'regetting better at your effort.
Effort includes both making theattempt and making the attempt
with intensity or with effort,right, that kind, so kind of
(11:11):
different types of effort.
And then, of course, yourwillingness to learn and adapt,
having that growth mindsetrather than a fixed mindset.
And these are the qualitiesthat are absolutely going to
predict long-term success, nomatter what, no matter where you
happen to be today, regardlessof the numbers.
So when you're constantlyworried about how your numbers
are stacking up, there are somedestructive, very destructive
(11:37):
things that are happening thatwill slow your progress when you
get caught up in this race.
The first one is ego lifting.
You're going to load the barwith weight that you could
barely handle, just to hit acertain number.
You're going to compromise yourform.
You're going to increase yourinjury risk that you can barely
handle.
Just to hit a certain number.
You're going to compromise yourform.
You're going to increase yourinjury risk.
Don't do it.
I see it all the time Someoneloading up the bench with weight
they can barely control.
They get a half rep and if theydon't have spotters or spotter
(11:58):
arms, it could be a dangeroussituation and they might even
call that a PR.
If they barely get it up andit's just, you know, a
half-assed lift.
There's no benefit in doingthat whatsoever.
The second thing is you'regoing to avoid exercises because
you feel like the numbers areembarrassing.
Right, you're going to skip theoverhead press just because you
can only press whatever weight95 pounds and it's not moving up
(12:18):
, so you just skip it.
Well, that kind of exacerbatesthe problem, doesn't it Right?
These might be what you needfor balanced development, for
injury prevention, for makingprogress.
The third destructive thing thathappens here is you get stuck
in, let's say, the wrong repranges or trying to do something
over and over again.
(12:39):
Right, you only want to testyour one rep max, because that's
the number everybody caresabout, and you haven't pushed it
up.
And there you go, um, and youstart to limit your variation.
And then you're you start tobackslide, cause you're not
serving your goals.
You don't even have a specificintentionality or purpose with
your current training block thathelps you focus on okay, I'm
(12:59):
focused on volume or intensity,or you know, these rep ranges or
this kind of cycling through mylifts or whatever.
And then the last part, whichmaybe is the most important part
, and the sad part is, you losethe joy in training.
Every workout then becomes atest, a thing you have to do,
instead of an opportunity to getbetter.
Instead of celebrating the factthat you can move heavy weight
(13:22):
through space, which is ablessing, something to be
grateful for you're lamentingthat it's not heavy enough.
So how do we fix all this?
How do we maintain themotivation that the numbers can
provide, but avoid the toxiccomparison, the comparison game?
And so I think it starts withredefining what strength even
means.
Right Now, we know the physical, the physics definition is
(13:44):
production of force, right, butit's not about hitting arbitrary
numbers.
It's about continuousimprovement within your own
context of strength.
That's why we tend to losesight of that.
We tend to focus too much onstrength in and of itself rather
than the improvement of, orbuilding of, strength.
So, instead of asking yourselfhow much can I lift, ask how
(14:06):
much stronger am I getting?
Instead of am I strong, askyourself am I stronger than I
was?
I'm a huge fan of reframe.
Anybody who's worked with me oris in a physique university or
you know, talk to me for anylength of time knows I love to
reframe, and a very powerfulreframe is that every single rep
you complete is a victory.
(14:27):
Every workout or trainingsession where you show up is an
achievement.
Every week that youconsistently train and you
didn't skip a session, you movethings around to make it work is
is really building somethingsignificant.
It's a legacy for your body andfor your strength.
So I want you to start thinkingabout strength in terms of
(14:47):
compound interest.
Albert Einstein allegedlycalled compound interest the
eighth wonder of the world.
Did you know that?
It's a cool little thing?
I don't know if it's true, butI heard it.
Small, consistent additions,right, just like compound
interest of your money, compoundinterest of your habits James
Clear talked about it in AtomicHabits.
They're going to compound overtime into massive, massive gains
(15:09):
.
Right, a five pound increase onthe bar might seem like nothing
in out of context, but if you dothat consistently over months
and over years, you are going tobe amazed where you end up to
the point where it's almost hardto put perspective on it and
actually look back and say, ohmy God, look what I did in just
a month or three months or ayear.
I still do that.
I still think wow.
I have a lot that I want toaccomplish.
(15:30):
And sometimes I have to take abreath.
Look at a before and afterphoto, look at my numbers from a
year ago or two years ago.
You know anything.
Whatever.
It makes sense to compareyourself with yourself of the
past, not with anyone else.
You could be amazed, you couldsurprise yourself, and this is
why I love working withbeginners.
Sometimes and I say sometimes alittle bit sarcastically,
(15:51):
because there's pros and consright Beginners are not yet
corrupted by this comparisonculture.
Usually, like when it comes tostrength cause, they're just not
in that world yet.
They're excited about the smallwins they celebrate.
You know, adding five pounds tothe squat, they see how much
change they can, they can uminduce in their body in a short
period of time, and thatexcitement, that focus on
(16:16):
personal progress.
We need to maintain that, and Iknow it gets a little bit more
challenging the more you grow.
But the more you grow and themore capable you are, the more
you realize the effort that ittakes and you tend to step it up
to the next level as you goforward.
So if I were to give you somepractical strategies for
maintaining this, because we alllove like specific tools, don't
we?
(16:36):
The first thing I'm going to sayis to track your progress.
Don't just track where you'reat, but track the improvement
over time.
You know your training log,your app, whatever, whether it's
food training, whatever,biofeedback, anything you want
to track, so that you can lookat where you were three months
ago or six months ago, a yearago, and that's your reference
point for where you've come.
Right, and maybe not everysingle metric has quote unquote
(16:58):
gone up, and that's okay.
But look at the totality of it.
Look at the totality and don'tdiscount factors like your
relationships, your success atwork, your mindset, like you
could make very little strengthgains, but have a much better
mindset about the whole thingand be enjoying what you're
doing.
Isn't that a huge amount ofprogress right there mentally?
(17:19):
So track your progress.
The second thing is celebrateall the non-numerical victories
as well, and I kind of justalluded to this, right, maybe
you felt more skilled with yoursquat today, maybe your form was
better, maybe you recoveredfaster between sets or feel a
little more, you know, hearthealthy, right, just just
healthier in general, and theseimprovements are just as
(17:40):
important as adding weight tothe bar.
They really are.
The third thing here is tounderstand progress is not
linear.
I have to keep hammering homethis message.
You're going to have bad days,you're going to have plateaus,
you're going to have periodswhere your numbers go down due
to a number of factors lifestress, recovery, injury,
intentionally because you're ina fat loss phase and you just
can't maintain all that strength.
(18:00):
It's okay.
It doesn't mean you're gettingweaker.
It means you're human and it'spart of the process.
In fact, those moments mightteach you more than any other.
Fourth, regarding the psychologyhere of progress is focusing on
the process, not the outcome.
I've said these things manytimes, but I can't say them
enough, because humans arereally bad at staying motivated
(18:24):
toward a goal that's far away.
If you currently bench 95 andyou want to bench 225, that's
very hard to maintain motivationto get there unless you have
micro goals that includeprocess-related goals.
Meaning I'm going to benchtwice a week in my program, like
that is a micro goal that isprocess-oriented, right, the
(18:47):
numbers are going to follow, butthe process is the thing you
control.
You're optimizing the processfor the outcome, but you're
still optimizing and focusing onthe process.
And then the last thing I havefor you is that, remember,
strength is specific, becausebeing quote unquote strong at
powerlifting doesn't necessarilymake you strong at, you know,
(19:07):
rock climbing or BJJ or, uh, youknow, even just other movements
in the gym.
Yes, strength is a productionof force.
Yes, strength can be measuredin many cases by numbers, but it
also depends on what yourstrength goal is, if you're
trying to develop strength ormuscle, some combination, if you
have a sport that you careabout.
(19:28):
In other words, there's lots ofthings that are valuable when
we talk about strength.
As much as I come from thestarting strength world, where
number on the bar is important,that's for novices, that's for
beginners, that's an easy metricthat you can control, that goes
up, but then at some point youhave to branch out.
So those are some techniques forthe psychology of this, and I
(19:48):
think something that's going tosurprise you here is that some
of the strongest people I know,some of the strongest people I
know I can think of people thatI don't know personally because
they're big influencers, or Ican think of people I do know
personally, you know in terms ofabsolute numbers.
They're also some of the mostinsecure about their lifting.
Why?
Well, guess what?
They're doing the same thing.
(20:09):
They've achieved impressivenumbers, but then they're still
comparing themselves to eliteathletes and they're still
feeling inadequate and they'restill chasing external
validation.
Now, a little bit of this isokay.
So I'm going to give everybodyhere, myself included, some
permission to drive yourself, todrive yourself to improve and
always want to be improving.
Right, that's not really whatI'm talking about.
(20:29):
There is a positive angle onthat, but there's also a very
negative one that we'veaddressed, related to self-worth
and external validation.
That, I think, is the dangerouspart.
On the flip side, I know peoplewho are never going to bench
225, but their lives lookcompletely different than they
did before they started training.
They've gone from being unableto carry groceries upstairs to
(20:50):
deadlifting their body weight.
They've built confidence.
They've improved health markerswe can't discount how huge that
is from A1C to lipids, to bloodpressure, to resting heart rate
, all of it and they discoveredwhat their bodies are capable of
.
Right Now, who is winning there?
Is it the person with thebigger numbers, or the person
(21:12):
who's transformed their life andthe positive psychology around
it?
And so the person with thebigger numbers, or the person
who's transformed their life andthe positive psychology around
it?
And so the most successfulpeople and lifters that I work
with or have had the pleasure toknow.
They've got one thing in commonThey've learned to find
satisfaction in their ownjourney.
They use numbers as tools.
(21:33):
That's all they are.
They're not measures ofself-worth, they're just tools.
They're data.
They're motivated by gettingbetter, not reaching a certain
bigger number than someone else.
Sure, they want their ownnumbers to go up, absolutely.
We all have that inside of usand that can drive us.
But stop comparing yourself toothers, and you know.
The cool thing Is that thisthinking applies to everything
(21:57):
your career, your relationships,your personal growth.
Stop comparing your chapter oneto someone else's chapter 20
and focus on your own progressand everything will change.
So the next time you're in thegym and that voice starts
telling you you're not strongenough, remember that you are
not competing with anyone butyourself.
You're not trying to impressanyone but you.
(22:18):
You're not trying to liftsomeone else's weight.
You're trying to lift more thanyou could yesterday.
That is it, and that's not justgood advice for the gym, that's
a philosophy for life that Ibelieve will serve anyone quite
well.
All right, if today's episoderesonated with you.
If you want more content thatbuilds both physical and mental
strength, join my email list atwitsandweightscom.
(22:38):
Slash email or click the linkin the show notes.
I love to write up and send outstrategies in the email list to
develop a mindset that willserve you not just in the gym
but in every area of your lifewhere you're working to improve,
because your strength journeyis again more than numbers on
the bar.
It's becoming the person whoshows up, who persists and who
(22:59):
finds joy in the process ofgetting better.
All right, until next time.
Keep using your wits liftingthose weights and remember the
only person you need to bestronger than is who you were
yesterday.
I'll talk to you next time hereon the Wits and Weights Podcast
(23:20):
.
You walk into the gym feeling pretty good about
yourself.
You've been consistent for sixmonths and your squat is finally
at body weight.
Then you see someone your agewarming up with what you
consider your max.
Your confidence evaporates.
You start second-guessingeverything.
Maybe you should just stick tothe machines in the corner where
nobody can see how weak you are.
Sound familiar, or somethinglike it.
(00:22):
That moment when someone else'sstrength makes you question
your own worth as a lifterhere's what nobody tells you.
That feeling is not only normal.
It is completely missing thepoint of why you're there in the
first place.
So today we're going to breakdown why your current numbers
are irrelevant to your success,how the comparison game is
(00:43):
holding you back and how tothink differently so that your
training is more effective andenjoyable.
Welcome to Wits and Weights, theshow that helps you build a
(01:03):
strong, healthy physique usingevidence, engineering and
efficiency.
I'm your host, certifiednutrition coach Philip Pape, and
today we're going to tacklesomething that affects all of
you.
It affects every single personwho picks up a barbell, and that
is myself included the toxicrelationship we have with our
lifting numbers, with ourstrength.
(01:24):
The title of this episode whoCares how Strong you Are has
nothing to do with the fact thatwe don't care about strength.
It's the fact that we don'tcare about your current strength
.
We care about where you've beenand where you're going and what
process you're following,whether the process of
improvement is in place for you.
And when we think about thepsychology here, you know
exactly what I'm talking about.
(01:45):
It's the voice in your headthat whispers.
You're weak when you seesomeone deadlifting twice your
max or when you compare yournumbers to a friend.
Or maybe your friend picks onyou a little bit for that in
good spirit perhaps, but itmight cut you at your core,
depending on who you are.
The embarrassment when someoneasks how much you bench and your
answer feels pathetic.
(02:05):
Or you don't want to answer.
The way that you avoid certainexercises because your numbers
are quote unquote too low.
But what if I told you thisentire mindset is not helpful at
all.
It is preventing you fromreaching your true potential.
What if the secret, the magicpill to getting stronger and
building more muscle andactually enjoying your training
has nothing to do with where youcurrently stack up with your
(02:28):
absolute numbers or againstother people?
So that's what we're going tolook at today and I guarantee
this episode is going to changehow you think about this,
because it's often the thingthat is holding people back, not
all the other information andthe training programs and all of
that.
Now, before we get into thetopic, if you like this kind of
mindset content, I'd love tohear from you and I'd love to
(02:50):
send you more like it.
To build not just physicalstrength but also the mental
resilience To do that.
Just join my email list.
Go to witsandweightscom slashemail.
I'll send you exclusive contentthere that you're not going to
find anywhere else.
A lot of it is strategies forovercoming the mental barriers
that are holding you back fromdoing your best, achieving your
(03:10):
best.
Physique health, confidence,all the things you want fat loss
, the specifics, thegeneralities, the principles,
the methods all of it.
Go to whatsaweightscom slashemail or click the link in the
show notes and then, when you'reon there that's another conduit
to reach me you can reply byemail.
I'll always get back to youpersonally with a response.
All right, let's get into theshow.
Let's start with the elephantin the room or the gym.
(03:33):
You're scrolling through socialmedia, right?
We all do it, and you seesomeone, your age, someone you
compare yourself to benchingmore than you.
Maybe they're benching 300,while you're working toward 200.
Honestly, the numbers don'tmatter.
In fact, that's part of thetrap.
Or you're in the gym and theperson next to you is squatting
what looks like your max for awarmup set, and so what happens
(03:56):
in your brain?
If you're like most people,there is a cocktail of shame, of
inadequacy, of self-doubt, andit just floods your system.
It's a very human thing.
You start questioning yourtraining, your genetics and your
worth as a lifter, yourself-worth.
So much of what holds us backis in what we think about
(04:20):
ourselves as people, and we tiesome of the things we do and
some of the performance that weachieve as equivalent to our
identity.
And it just isn't.
This is what I call thecomparison trap.
It's one of the mostdestructive forces out there,
especially in the world offitness, especially today with
social media, and here's whyit's so damaging.
(04:42):
It shifts your focus from yourown progress to your relative
position in an imaginaryhierarchy, a construct, the
matrix, the abstract.
It doesn't mean anything to youand yet you put yourself in
that leaderboard and again, it'sa very human thing to do.
(05:02):
We love competition, we lovecomparison, but the problem with
that hierarchy is that it'sarbitrary.
Strong compared to what?
Compared to who?
A power lifter, a sedentaryperson who works in an office,
Someone who's been training for10 years or 20 years versus your
one or two years?
Someone with different genetics, different training history,
(05:25):
different body proportions?
The list goes on.
And the truth is there is nouniversal standard for strong
enough.
I really don't like thestrength standards.
I might've done one episode onthem a long time ago and even
then talked about how a lot ofthis is relative to your body
weight and relative to yourhistory and your capability and
(05:45):
your process.
There is only stronger than youwere yesterday, than you were
last month, than you were lastyear, and that is the only
comparison that actually mattersfor your progress, for your
health and even yes, for yourwell-being and happiness.
Not how strong you are, but howstrong you are compared to
(06:10):
where you've been.
And I can think of at least adozen clients right now
including some that have hadcheck-ins this week who come to
me convinced that they're weakin some way because their
deadlift is only this number,you know, 185 or 225.
(06:32):
And very often we'll look backat their history, whether it's
with me, or even before theystarted being, we'll say well,
what was it six months, sixmonths ago?
Well, you've added 90 pounds.
Your deadlift, that's aphenomenal achievement, but it's
hard to see that because you'recomparing yourself to other
people.
I have another client who herstrength is going up very slowly
, but her performance in hersport has gone up massively, to
(06:52):
the point where she just won anelite competition, almost
surprising herself, and it'sbecause she had focused on her
health and performance andstrength.
And that is an outcome offollowing the process.
And even then she expressedconcern for tying her self-worth
to that achievement, which Iagree.
It's not something we want todo.
(07:13):
We want to separate the two andunderstand that the performance
is simply an indicator of theprocess we're following in the
moment and once we shift to thatprogress, things can change.
Your motivation will start togo up, because that's the thing
that feeds back to telling usthat the actions we're taking
make sense, the behaviors we aredoing, we are engaging in, are
(07:35):
serving us, and guess what thatdoes?
That psychology feeds back into our dedication to the craft,
to improving our form, toavoiding ego lifting which can
injure you, and then, ironically, this often leads to an
increase in the numbers, in thestrength, in the progress.
Now you might be thinking butPhilip, don't numbers matter at
(07:57):
all, right, isn't gettingstronger?
The whole point?
Isn't wits and weights and yourstrength-centered,
muscle-centered approach, allabout strength?
Well, that's a great question.
Numbers absolutely matter.
They matter as feedback, theymatter as motivation, they
matter as markers of progress,but they don't define your worth
(08:18):
or your potential or youridentity as a lifter.
All right.
So think about it this way yourcurrent squat number, your PR,
your 5RM, whatever you'remeasuring, is simply a snapshot
of where you are right now andit's given your training history
, your genetics, yourrecoverability, your life
circumstances.
It's not a permanent label,it's not a ceiling, it's just
(08:40):
data and, in fact, 20 years fromnow, your current squat number
might be lower because of allthose factors.
And yet it's still going to bea snapshot of all those things
and it's not good or bad.
That has gone up or down.
It's just an indicator of wherethings are.
And I've seen, for example, 50year old women who start with
their body weight training,maybe some light dumbbells,
(09:03):
eventually incorporate barbells,machines and get stronger.
I've seen 60-plus-year-old menwho couldn't deadlift 95 pounds
work up to pulling 300.
And so their age or startingstrength or what have you didn't
predict their potential.
Because there's plenty of olderfolks walking around this earth
(09:24):
who will continue to be weakand unhealthy and unfit and have
a poor lifespan and poorhealthspan, and so it's hard.
You can't predict yourpotential.
But what can predict yourpotential?
Guess what can predict it?
Your consistency and yourmindset.
Like those two things.
When I see someone who iscommitted to taking action and
(09:47):
building consistency through thesupport structure we have,
through habit formation, etcetera, and has a positive
approach, that everything theydo is a chance to learn and grow
, no matter what.
No failure is a bad thing.
Every failure is just data.
That is a form of grit andpersistence that will never fail
you for the rest of your life.
And I know this from personalexperience because my numbers do
(10:09):
not always go up.
I've had injuries, I've hadsurgeries, I've had situations
where I'm in a fat loss phase,I'm just not eating enough, and
I've had situations where it wasslightly unexplainable why my
numbers didn't go up.
There's usually a reason, andsometimes the number going up in
and of itself isn't the be-all,end-all as well.
There's research onneuroplasticity.
(10:30):
You've probably heard the termbefore.
It's about our brains.
It shows that our brains arevery adaptable.
They can improve for the restof our lives, well into our 80s
and 90s, and the same principleapplies to strength and muscle.
You know your current numbersare not your destiny.
Now I'm not saying that you canperpetually push your PR all
the way up forever.
We know we can't do that, butnor do you necessarily want to
(10:51):
do that or need to do that.
What actually defined you as alifter is your consistency, your
form, because that's a skill.
It's a skill that you'regetting better at your effort.
Effort includes both making theattempt and making the attempt
with intensity or with effort,right, that kind, so kind of
(11:11):
different types of effort.
And then, of course, yourwillingness to learn and adapt,
having that growth mindsetrather than a fixed mindset.
And these are the qualitiesthat are absolutely going to
predict long-term success, nomatter what, no matter where you
happen to be today, regardlessof the numbers.
So when you're constantlyworried about how your numbers
are stacking up, there are somedestructive, very destructive
(11:37):
things that are happening thatwill slow your progress when you
get caught up in this race.
The first one is ego lifting.
You're going to load the barwith weight that you could
barely handle, just to hit acertain number.
You're going to compromise yourform.
You're going to increase yourinjury risk that you can barely
handle.
Just to hit a certain number.
You're going to compromise yourform.
You're going to increase yourinjury risk.
Don't do it.
I see it all the time Someoneloading up the bench with weight
they can barely control.
They get a half rep and if theydon't have spotters or spotter
(11:58):
arms, it could be a dangeroussituation and they might even
call that a PR.
If they barely get it up andit's just, you know, a
half-assed lift.
There's no benefit in doingthat whatsoever.
The second thing is you'regoing to avoid exercises because
you feel like the numbers areembarrassing.
Right, you're going to skip theoverhead press just because you
can only press whatever weight95 pounds and it's not moving up
(12:18):
, so you just skip it.
Well, that kind of exacerbatesthe problem, doesn't it Right?
These might be what you needfor balanced development, for
injury prevention, for makingprogress.
The third destructive thing thathappens here is you get stuck
in, let's say, the wrong repranges or trying to do something
over and over again.
(12:39):
Right, you only want to testyour one rep max, because that's
the number everybody caresabout, and you haven't pushed it
up.
And there you go, um, and youstart to limit your variation.
And then you're you start tobackslide, cause you're not
serving your goals.
You don't even have a specificintentionality or purpose with
your current training block thathelps you focus on okay, I'm
(12:59):
focused on volume or intensity,or you know, these rep ranges or
this kind of cycling through mylifts or whatever.
And then the last part, whichmaybe is the most important part
, and the sad part is, you losethe joy in training.
Every workout then becomes atest, a thing you have to do,
instead of an opportunity to getbetter.
Instead of celebrating the factthat you can move heavy weight
(13:22):
through space, which is ablessing, something to be
grateful for you're lamentingthat it's not heavy enough.
So how do we fix all this?
How do we maintain themotivation that the numbers can
provide, but avoid the toxiccomparison, the comparison game?
And so I think it starts withredefining what strength even
means.
Right Now, we know the physical, the physics definition is
(13:44):
production of force, right, butit's not about hitting arbitrary
numbers.
It's about continuousimprovement within your own
context of strength.
That's why we tend to losesight of that.
We tend to focus too much onstrength in and of itself rather
than the improvement of, orbuilding of, strength.
So, instead of asking yourselfhow much can I lift, ask how
(14:06):
much stronger am I getting?
Instead of am I strong, askyourself am I stronger than I
was?
I'm a huge fan of reframe.
Anybody who's worked with me oris in a physique university or
you know, talk to me for anylength of time knows I love to
reframe, and a very powerfulreframe is that every single rep
you complete is a victory.
(14:27):
Every workout or trainingsession where you show up is an
achievement.
Every week that youconsistently train and you
didn't skip a session, you movethings around to make it work is
is really building somethingsignificant.
It's a legacy for your body andfor your strength.
So I want you to start thinkingabout strength in terms of
(14:47):
compound interest.
Albert Einstein allegedlycalled compound interest the
eighth wonder of the world.
Did you know that?
It's a cool little thing?
I don't know if it's true, butI heard it.
Small, consistent additions,right, just like compound
interest of your money, compoundinterest of your habits James
Clear talked about it in AtomicHabits.
They're going to compound overtime into massive, massive gains
(15:09):
.
Right, a five pound increase onthe bar might seem like nothing
in out of context, but if you dothat consistently over months
and over years, you are going tobe amazed where you end up to
the point where it's almost hardto put perspective on it and
actually look back and say, ohmy God, look what I did in just
a month or three months or ayear.
I still do that.
I still think wow.
I have a lot that I want toaccomplish.
(15:30):
And sometimes I have to take abreath.
Look at a before and afterphoto, look at my numbers from a
year ago or two years ago.
You know anything.
Whatever.
It makes sense to compareyourself with yourself of the
past, not with anyone else.
You could be amazed, you couldsurprise yourself, and this is
why I love working withbeginners.
Sometimes and I say sometimes alittle bit sarcastically,
(15:51):
because there's pros and consright Beginners are not yet
corrupted by this comparisonculture.
Usually, like when it comes tostrength cause, they're just not
in that world yet.
They're excited about the smallwins they celebrate.
You know, adding five pounds tothe squat, they see how much
change they can, they can uminduce in their body in a short
period of time, and thatexcitement, that focus on
(16:16):
personal progress.
We need to maintain that, and Iknow it gets a little bit more
challenging the more you grow.
But the more you grow and themore capable you are, the more
you realize the effort that ittakes and you tend to step it up
to the next level as you goforward.
So if I were to give you somepractical strategies for
maintaining this, because we alllove like specific tools, don't
we?
(16:36):
The first thing I'm going to sayis to track your progress.
Don't just track where you'reat, but track the improvement
over time.
You know your training log,your app, whatever, whether it's
food training, whatever,biofeedback, anything you want
to track, so that you can lookat where you were three months
ago or six months ago, a yearago, and that's your reference
point for where you've come.
Right, and maybe not everysingle metric has quote unquote
(16:58):
gone up, and that's okay.
But look at the totality of it.
Look at the totality and don'tdiscount factors like your
relationships, your success atwork, your mindset, like you
could make very little strengthgains, but have a much better
mindset about the whole thingand be enjoying what you're
doing.
Isn't that a huge amount ofprogress right there mentally?
(17:19):
So track your progress.
The second thing is celebrateall the non-numerical victories
as well, and I kind of justalluded to this, right, maybe
you felt more skilled with yoursquat today, maybe your form was
better, maybe you recoveredfaster between sets or feel a
little more, you know, hearthealthy, right, just just
healthier in general, and theseimprovements are just as
(17:40):
important as adding weight tothe bar.
They really are.
The third thing here is tounderstand progress is not
linear.
I have to keep hammering homethis message.
You're going to have bad days,you're going to have plateaus,
you're going to have periodswhere your numbers go down due
to a number of factors lifestress, recovery, injury,
intentionally because you're ina fat loss phase and you just
can't maintain all that strength.
(18:00):
It's okay.
It doesn't mean you're gettingweaker.
It means you're human and it'spart of the process.
In fact, those moments mightteach you more than any other.
Fourth, regarding the psychologyhere of progress is focusing on
the process, not the outcome.
I've said these things manytimes, but I can't say them
enough, because humans arereally bad at staying motivated
(18:24):
toward a goal that's far away.
If you currently bench 95 andyou want to bench 225, that's
very hard to maintain motivationto get there unless you have
micro goals that includeprocess-related goals.
Meaning I'm going to benchtwice a week in my program, like
that is a micro goal that isprocess-oriented, right, the
(18:47):
numbers are going to follow, butthe process is the thing you
control.
You're optimizing the processfor the outcome, but you're
still optimizing and focusing onthe process.
And then the last thing I havefor you is that, remember,
strength is specific, becausebeing quote unquote strong at
powerlifting doesn't necessarilymake you strong at, you know,
(19:07):
rock climbing or BJJ or, uh, youknow, even just other movements
in the gym.
Yes, strength is a productionof force.
Yes, strength can be measuredin many cases by numbers, but it
also depends on what yourstrength goal is, if you're
trying to develop strength ormuscle, some combination, if you
have a sport that you careabout.
(19:28):
In other words, there's lots ofthings that are valuable when
we talk about strength.
As much as I come from thestarting strength world, where
number on the bar is important,that's for novices, that's for
beginners, that's an easy metricthat you can control, that goes
up, but then at some point youhave to branch out.
So those are some techniques forthe psychology of this, and I
(19:48):
think something that's going tosurprise you here is that some
of the strongest people I know,some of the strongest people I
know I can think of people thatI don't know personally because
they're big influencers, or Ican think of people I do know
personally, you know in terms ofabsolute numbers.
They're also some of the mostinsecure about their lifting.
Why?
Well, guess what?
They're doing the same thing.
(20:09):
They've achieved impressivenumbers, but then they're still
comparing themselves to eliteathletes and they're still
feeling inadequate and they'restill chasing external
validation.
Now, a little bit of this isokay.
So I'm going to give everybodyhere, myself included, some
permission to drive yourself, todrive yourself to improve and
always want to be improving.
Right, that's not really whatI'm talking about.
(20:29):
There is a positive angle onthat, but there's also a very
negative one that we'veaddressed, related to self-worth
and external validation.
That, I think, is the dangerouspart.
On the flip side, I know peoplewho are never going to bench
225, but their lives lookcompletely different than they
did before they started training.
They've gone from being unableto carry groceries upstairs to
(20:50):
deadlifting their body weight.
They've built confidence.
They've improved health markerswe can't discount how huge that
is from A1C to lipids, to bloodpressure, to resting heart rate
, all of it and they discoveredwhat their bodies are capable of
.
Right Now, who is winning there?
Is it the person with thebigger numbers, or the person
(21:12):
who's transformed their life andthe positive psychology around
it?
And so the person with thebigger numbers, or the person
who's transformed their life andthe positive psychology around
it?
And so the most successfulpeople and lifters that I work
with or have had the pleasure toknow.
They've got one thing in commonThey've learned to find
satisfaction in their ownjourney.
They use numbers as tools.
(21:33):
That's all they are.
They're not measures ofself-worth, they're just tools.
They're data.
They're motivated by gettingbetter, not reaching a certain
bigger number than someone else.
Sure, they want their ownnumbers to go up, absolutely.
We all have that inside of usand that can drive us.
But stop comparing yourself toothers, and you know.
The cool thing Is that thisthinking applies to everything
(21:57):
your career, your relationships,your personal growth.
Stop comparing your chapter oneto someone else's chapter 20
and focus on your own progressand everything will change.
So the next time you're in thegym and that voice starts
telling you you're not strongenough, remember that you are
not competing with anyone butyourself.
You're not trying to impressanyone but you.
(22:18):
You're not trying to liftsomeone else's weight.
You're trying to lift more thanyou could yesterday.
That is it, and that's not justgood advice for the gym, that's
a philosophy for life that Ibelieve will serve anyone quite
well.
All right, if today's episoderesonated with you.
If you want more content thatbuilds both physical and mental
strength, join my email list atwitsandweightscom.
(22:38):
Slash email or click the linkin the show notes.
I love to write up and send outstrategies in the email list to
develop a mindset that willserve you not just in the gym
but in every area of your lifewhere you're working to improve,
because your strength journeyis again more than numbers on
the bar.
It's becoming the person whoshows up, who persists and who
(22:59):
finds joy in the process ofgetting better.
All right, until next time.
Keep using your wits liftingthose weights and remember the
only person you need to bestronger than is who you were
yesterday.
I'll talk to you next time hereon the Wits and Weights Podcast
(23:20):
.
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