November 28, 2025 • 9 mins
You don’t need an excuse to protect your peace.
You can love your people and still love your couch more.
You can be grateful and still struggle.
You can be thankful and still hate everything—it’s called balance, babe.
This week on Women Are Not Okay, we’re talking about social expectations, fake gratitude, and the art of saying “no” without a side of guilt.
Permission granted to skip the chaos, protect your energy, and find gratitude that doesn’t require performance.
💋 Women Are Not Okay Collective
Real talk. Midlife. Mental health. Relationships. Mindfulness.
Because we’re not fixing it all today — we’re just not pretending anymore.
✨ Follow & Connect:
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/womenarenotokay/
📬 Join the community: linktr.ee/womenarenotokay
📬 Questions or comments? Email Crystal at hello@womenarenotokay.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:04):
Welcome to Women Are Not Okay, the self-help podcast
where we talk all things mentalhealth, relationships, and
mindfulness.
Can you admit that you're notokay?
Let's be real.
Things are shifting.
Our bodies, our identities, ourmentality, and our
relationships.
(00:24):
Girl, it's time for us toreclaim our sense of peace,
sanity, and well-being.
I'm Crystal, and no, I'm notokay.
See, that was easy.
Let's get into it.
unknown (00:40):
Come on.
SPEAKER_00 (00:43):
Hi, this is Crystal.
Welcome to episode 8 of theWomen Are Not Okay podcast.
Today's episode is titledPermission Slips, Peace, and the
Pressure to Be Grateful, evenwhen you're not.
And it goes out to anyone who'sever smiled through an event
they didn't want to be at,whispered, I'm fine when they
(01:03):
weren't, or faked their waythrough the holidays because
that's what was expected ofthem.
Between social expectations,toxic positivity, and the forced
gratitude of the holiday season,it's a hell of a lot to deal
with.
So let's talk about givingyourself permission to stop
performing and start protectingyour peace.
(01:25):
Social expectations, also knownas the reason we show up smiling
when we'd rather be home insweatpants.
Let's start with the socialpressure monster.
You know the one.
Come on, it'll be fun.
You should go.
They'll notice if you're notthere.
Don't be antisocial.
(01:46):
Why are you being difficult?
How would you feel if theydidn't show up to something you
did?
Meanwhile, your inner voice iswhispering, oh hell no.
Here's the truth.
Most of us were raised on asteady diet of be polite, show
up, don't disappoint people,which is fine.
But somewhere along the way,that turned into performing
(02:09):
instead of participating.
So here's your permission sliplineup.
Write them down, put them onyour phone, stick them on your
fridge, put them in yourplanner.
Number one, I'm not avoidingpeople, I'm avoiding overwhelm.
Number two, I don't owe anyonean explanation for needing rest.
(02:32):
And I mean anyone.
Number three, it's notrejection, it's self-respect.
Boundaries aren't rude.
In fact, they're quite sexy.
Declining an invitation doesn'trequire a PowerPoint
presentation or a flowchart.
Sometimes self-care looks likesaying no without having any
(02:53):
guilt.
Gratitude while suffering.
Also known as gratitude doesn'tcancel depression and anxiety.
It just means you're sad andpolite.
Welcome to gratitude season,where count your blessings
becomes a guilt trip wrapped ina Hallmark card.
Here's the thing gratitude andpain can coexist.
(03:18):
That's not being broken, that'sbeing human.
Toxic positivity sounds likewe'll look on the bright side.
At least it's not worse.
Oh boy, it could be worse.
Just be thankful.
Why aren't you being grateful?
Real gratitude sounds like thisis hard and I still see the good
(03:42):
in small things.
I'm hurting and I'm grateful formy dogs and people who haven't
judged my third breakdown thisweek.
Do you see the difference?
Real gratitude makes room forpain.
Toxic positivity tries towallpaper all over it.
Gratitude isn't a demand, it's agentle reminder.
(04:05):
Even here, something good stilllives.
Toxic positivity, also known aswhen good vibes only, becomes
shut up and smile.
Let's talk about toxicpositivity.
That sugar-coated emotionalnonsense that insists
everything's fine when your soulis clearly waving a white flag.
(04:29):
Toxic positivity is thatrelentless push to stay positive
no matter what.
It's the emotional equivalent ofduct taping a smile to your face
while your house is on fire.
It's not optimism, it'savoidance and glittering
packaging.
How to spot it?
You'll recognize it by phraseslike, well, everything happens
(04:53):
for a reason.
Just think happy thoughts.
At least you still have insertanything they think fixes grief.
Toxic positivity doesn't makespace for pain.
It bulldozes it.
It tells you that sadness,anger, or fear are bad emotions
(05:14):
that need to be replaced and notfelt.
But here's the truth (05:17):
those emotions are your body's alarm
system.
If you silence the alarm, you'llmiss what it's trying to tell
you.
How to deal with it.
When someone throws a look onthe bright side your way, you
have two options.
Well, actually three.
(05:38):
You can redirect gently.
I appreciate the optimism, but Ireally just need to sit with
this right now.
You can name it, I'm trying tohonor what I'm feeling and not
rushing away.
Or you can tell them to step thehell off, change the subject,
and walk away.
(05:59):
And yes, sometimes you are theone being toxically positive to
yourself.
That little voice that says, Ishouldn't feel this way.
Others have it worse than me.
Yeah, that's you invalidatingyour own feelings in the name of
gratitude.
How to get over it.
(06:20):
Healing from toxic positivitystarts with giving yourself
permission to feel all of it.
Cry, rage, journal, scream intoa throw pillow, whatever helps
you move through, not aroundyour emotions.
The goal isn't to be positive,it's to be honest.
(06:42):
Real growth happens when you cansay, I'm struggling, and that
doesn't mean I'm ungrateful.
I'm sad and I still believe goodthings will come.
Both can live here, side byside, like chaos and calm
roommates.
Being thankful without fakingin.
(07:04):
Also known as you can bethankful and still hate
everything.
It's called balance, Karen.
Performative gratitude.
Hard pass, okay?
You can be thankful and stillwant to mute the group chat.
You can love your family andstill fantasize about a solo
(07:25):
vacation.
You can appreciate yourblessings and still crave
silence.
Balance looks like saying no tochaos and yes to quiet.
Microwaving dinner and callingit chef's choice.
Canceling plans because yourmental health called in sick.
(07:47):
Gratitude that costs your sanityisn't gratitude, it's
performance.
You don't owe the world a smile.
You owe yourself peace, rest,and joy that doesn't require
pretending.
So in closing, here's your finalpermission slip.
(08:09):
You can stay home and still be agood friend.
You can love people deeply andstill love your distance.
You can be grateful andstruggle.
You can be thankful and tired.
Repeat after me.
I don't owe anyone my energy,but I do owe myself honesty.
(08:33):
In this episode hit home, shareit with a friend who's already
RSVP maybe to everything rightnow.
You can tag me at women or notokay so we can keep the
conversation going.
Because you deserve a holidayseason that doesn't drain you.
You deserve a holiday seasonthat actually feeds your soul.
(08:53):
Until next time, remember,you're not a bad person for
wanting to be alone sometimes.
You're just a woman who'sfinally done performing.
And I'm proud of you.
Thanks for listening.
Just so we're clear, I'm not alicensed medical health
professional.
(09:13):
I just pay really good ones whohelp me unpack all this chaos so
I could come here and share itwith you.
Think of this as a pay itforward kind of thing.
So until next time, protect yourpeace, set your boundaries, and
remember, it's okay to not beokay.
Welcome to Women Are Not Okay, the self-help podcast
where we talk all things mentalhealth, relationships, and
mindfulness.
Can you admit that you're notokay?
Let's be real.
Things are shifting.
Our bodies, our identities, ourmentality, and our
relationships.
(00:24):
Girl, it's time for us toreclaim our sense of peace,
sanity, and well-being.
I'm Crystal, and no, I'm notokay.
See, that was easy.
Let's get into it.
unknown (00:40):
Come on.
SPEAKER_00 (00:43):
Hi, this is Crystal.
Welcome to episode 8 of theWomen Are Not Okay podcast.
Today's episode is titledPermission Slips, Peace, and the
Pressure to Be Grateful, evenwhen you're not.
And it goes out to anyone who'sever smiled through an event
they didn't want to be at,whispered, I'm fine when they
(01:03):
weren't, or faked their waythrough the holidays because
that's what was expected ofthem.
Between social expectations,toxic positivity, and the forced
gratitude of the holiday season,it's a hell of a lot to deal
with.
So let's talk about givingyourself permission to stop
performing and start protectingyour peace.
(01:25):
Social expectations, also knownas the reason we show up smiling
when we'd rather be home insweatpants.
Let's start with the socialpressure monster.
You know the one.
Come on, it'll be fun.
You should go.
They'll notice if you're notthere.
Don't be antisocial.
(01:46):
Why are you being difficult?
How would you feel if theydidn't show up to something you
did?
Meanwhile, your inner voice iswhispering, oh hell no.
Here's the truth.
Most of us were raised on asteady diet of be polite, show
up, don't disappoint people,which is fine.
But somewhere along the way,that turned into performing
(02:09):
instead of participating.
So here's your permission sliplineup.
Write them down, put them onyour phone, stick them on your
fridge, put them in yourplanner.
Number one, I'm not avoidingpeople, I'm avoiding overwhelm.
Number two, I don't owe anyonean explanation for needing rest.
(02:32):
And I mean anyone.
Number three, it's notrejection, it's self-respect.
Boundaries aren't rude.
In fact, they're quite sexy.
Declining an invitation doesn'trequire a PowerPoint
presentation or a flowchart.
Sometimes self-care looks likesaying no without having any
(02:53):
guilt.
Gratitude while suffering.
Also known as gratitude doesn'tcancel depression and anxiety.
It just means you're sad andpolite.
Welcome to gratitude season,where count your blessings
becomes a guilt trip wrapped ina Hallmark card.
Here's the thing gratitude andpain can coexist.
(03:18):
That's not being broken, that'sbeing human.
Toxic positivity sounds likewe'll look on the bright side.
At least it's not worse.
Oh boy, it could be worse.
Just be thankful.
Why aren't you being grateful?
Real gratitude sounds like thisis hard and I still see the good
(03:42):
in small things.
I'm hurting and I'm grateful formy dogs and people who haven't
judged my third breakdown thisweek.
Do you see the difference?
Real gratitude makes room forpain.
Toxic positivity tries towallpaper all over it.
Gratitude isn't a demand, it's agentle reminder.
(04:05):
Even here, something good stilllives.
Toxic positivity, also known aswhen good vibes only, becomes
shut up and smile.
Let's talk about toxicpositivity.
That sugar-coated emotionalnonsense that insists
everything's fine when your soulis clearly waving a white flag.
(04:29):
Toxic positivity is thatrelentless push to stay positive
no matter what.
It's the emotional equivalent ofduct taping a smile to your face
while your house is on fire.
It's not optimism, it'savoidance and glittering
packaging.
How to spot it?
You'll recognize it by phraseslike, well, everything happens
(04:53):
for a reason.
Just think happy thoughts.
At least you still have insertanything they think fixes grief.
Toxic positivity doesn't makespace for pain.
It bulldozes it.
It tells you that sadness,anger, or fear are bad emotions
(05:14):
that need to be replaced and notfelt.
But here's the truth (05:17):
those emotions are your body's alarm
system.
If you silence the alarm, you'llmiss what it's trying to tell
you.
How to deal with it.
When someone throws a look onthe bright side your way, you
have two options.
Well, actually three.
(05:38):
You can redirect gently.
I appreciate the optimism, but Ireally just need to sit with
this right now.
You can name it, I'm trying tohonor what I'm feeling and not
rushing away.
Or you can tell them to step thehell off, change the subject,
and walk away.
(05:59):
And yes, sometimes you are theone being toxically positive to
yourself.
That little voice that says, Ishouldn't feel this way.
Others have it worse than me.
Yeah, that's you invalidatingyour own feelings in the name of
gratitude.
How to get over it.
(06:20):
Healing from toxic positivitystarts with giving yourself
permission to feel all of it.
Cry, rage, journal, scream intoa throw pillow, whatever helps
you move through, not aroundyour emotions.
The goal isn't to be positive,it's to be honest.
(06:42):
Real growth happens when you cansay, I'm struggling, and that
doesn't mean I'm ungrateful.
I'm sad and I still believe goodthings will come.
Both can live here, side byside, like chaos and calm
roommates.
Being thankful without fakingin.
(07:04):
Also known as you can bethankful and still hate
everything.
It's called balance, Karen.
Performative gratitude.
Hard pass, okay?
You can be thankful and stillwant to mute the group chat.
You can love your family andstill fantasize about a solo
(07:25):
vacation.
You can appreciate yourblessings and still crave
silence.
Balance looks like saying no tochaos and yes to quiet.
Microwaving dinner and callingit chef's choice.
Canceling plans because yourmental health called in sick.
(07:47):
Gratitude that costs your sanityisn't gratitude, it's
performance.
You don't owe the world a smile.
You owe yourself peace, rest,and joy that doesn't require
pretending.
So in closing, here's your finalpermission slip.
(08:09):
You can stay home and still be agood friend.
You can love people deeply andstill love your distance.
You can be grateful andstruggle.
You can be thankful and tired.
Repeat after me.
I don't owe anyone my energy,but I do owe myself honesty.
(08:33):
In this episode hit home, shareit with a friend who's already
RSVP maybe to everything rightnow.
You can tag me at women or notokay so we can keep the
conversation going.
Because you deserve a holidayseason that doesn't drain you.
You deserve a holiday seasonthat actually feeds your soul.
(08:53):
Until next time, remember,you're not a bad person for
wanting to be alone sometimes.
You're just a woman who'sfinally done performing.
And I'm proud of you.
Thanks for listening.
Just so we're clear, I'm not alicensed medical health
professional.
(09:13):
I just pay really good ones whohelp me unpack all this chaos so
I could come here and share itwith you.
Think of this as a pay itforward kind of thing.
So until next time, protect yourpeace, set your boundaries, and
remember, it's okay to not beokay.
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