December 2, 2025 • 11 mins
In this episode of the Women Are Not Okay podcast, Crystal discusses the complexities of midlife motherhood, particularly the transition from parenting to consulting as children become adults. She shares personal anecdotes and offers practical strategies for maintaining peace and boundaries while supporting adult children. The conversation also touches on the emotional nuances of the empty nest phase and the ongoing cycle of motherhood across generations.
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Real talk. Midlife. Mental health. Relationships. Mindfulness.
Because we’re not fixing it all today — we’re just not pretending anymore.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:04):
Hi, this is Crystal.
Welcome to episode 9 of theWomen Are Not Okay podcast.
Today's episode is titled,They're Grown Now, but Still on
Your Wi-Fi plan.
Midlife Moms and Adult Kids.
If I had a dollar for every timemy daughter texts me, Mom, who's
our insurance?
(00:24):
I could probably afford the rentthat she can't.
So here's the question (00:27):
When do we stop parenting and start
consulting?
Today we're diving into thatweird limbo of midlife
motherhood, the space betweendon't forget your jacket and
don't forget to file your taxes.
Our kids are grown, or at leasttheir student loans say so.
But somehow we're stillparenting, just a little
(00:49):
differently.
So grab your coffee becausewe're unpacking what it really
means to parent adult kidswithout losing your peace, your
privacy, or your mind.
SPEAKER_00 (01:03):
The dynamic shift.
SPEAKER_01 (01:05):
When your kid becomes an adult, the whole
relationship changes.
You go from manager to mentor,from did you brush your teeth to
did you file your taxes?
For me, this transition hit whenour daughter graduated in May
with her master's degree.
She's almost 26 and still livingat home.
Not because she's lazy, butbecause it's expensive as hell
(01:28):
out there.
And honestly, we're lucky.
She works full-time, she'srespectful, and she's genuinely
fun to have around the house.
But there are still moments Iforget she's an adult.
Like when I tell her to text mewhen she gets there and she
goes, Mom, I'm 26.
And I'm like, okay, but yourlocation's still on, right?
(01:50):
And that could be from watchingtoo much dateline.
Here's the tricky part.
Love evolves.
Supervision becomes support.
Control becomes coaching.
We're no longer teaching themhow to live.
We're modeling how to handlelife when a sucker punches you.
And that means biting yourtongue when they make decisions
(02:11):
that make your left eye twitch.
Because autonomy means lettingthem mess up a little while you
whisper, I told you so, in yourcoffee.
The other side of the coin.
Now, that's the peacefulversion.
Let's talk about when your adultkid is a walking tornado.
You know, the ones who move backhome but forget it's not a
(02:34):
hotel.
The ones who bring drama, badchoices, and emotional clutter
that doesn't fit in the guestroom?
For those moms, this season canfeel less like an evolution and
more like an emotional hostagenegotiation.
But listen, you can love youradult child and protect your
peace at the same time.
(02:56):
Here are five real talkstrategies.
Number one, reframe therelationship.
You're not their manager, you'rea consultant.
They can take your advice ornot, but either way, the invoice
is emotional energy.
Number two, stop enabling.
(03:16):
Love doesn't mean paying theWi-Fi for someone who refuses to
grow up.
Unless of course you're billingthem for emotional roaming
charges.
Number three, detach withcompassion.
You can care without caretaking.
Detachment isn't cold, it'sclassy self-preservation.
(03:37):
Number four, enforce boundaries.
My house, my rules, my peace.
If they can't follow them, theycan Venmo you for the utilities.
Number five, focus on your ownlife.
You've spent decades pouringinto them.
It's your turn to refill yourown damn cup and maybe spike it
(04:00):
if needed.
Sometimes loving them meanssaying I believe in you from
over here in quiet.
And yes, sometimes that meanschanging the Wi-Fi password
until they love yourespectfully.
SPEAKER_00 (04:19):
Empty nest vibes.
SPEAKER_01 (04:21):
Even when your kids live at home, there's this weird
aching nostalgia.
You miss their little kidenergy, even though their big
kid opinions drive you insane.
You see their old lunchboxes ina photo and think, when did she
go from asking for happy mealsto asking for PTO?
It's grief mixed with relief.
(04:43):
I miss her little voice, but Ithank God I don't have to do any
more math homework.
Algebra was my villain originstory.
Empty nest isn't just silence,it's identity.
Who am I when I'm not neededevery second?
It's freeing, yet it'sterrifying.
(05:05):
It's midlife magic with a sideof mild panic.
SPEAKER_00 (05:12):
Healing and moving forward.
SPEAKER_01 (05:15):
Here's the thing.
The relationship doesn't end, itevolves.
You're not losing your child.
You're gaining a grown human youcan actually hang out with.
You get to talk like equals,share wine, slap advice, and
laugh about things you used tocry about.
This stage is your permissionslip to grow too.
(05:38):
To rediscover yourself, not justas their mom, but as your own
damn person.
Because when you prioritize yourpeace, you teach them how to
protect theirs.
Boundaries aren't rejection,again, they're evolution.
So if your texts now readdinner's ready less often and
(05:59):
out of town, peace out moreoften, that's called growth.
And I'm proud of you.
So if you're in this stage too,consider it your permission
slip.
Grow, laugh, and reclaim yourpeace.
The do's and don'ts of parentingadult kids.
Alright, let's get practical fora minute.
Because sometimes we need morethan philosophy, we need a
(06:21):
checklist.
So here are some do's and don'tsof parenting adult kids that can
save your sanity and theirs.
Du's.
Get to know them as adults, notjust as your children.
Provide guidance and support,not unsolicited advice.
(06:42):
If they live at home, set clearrules about responsibilities.
Have them pay their fair share,it teaches financial
responsibility.
Give them room to make mistakes,but also hold them accountable.
Don't come between them andtheir own families.
Offer advice if asked, but don'tinsert yourself and get all in
(07:05):
their business.
Set boundaries becauseboundaries are love and action.
Don'ts don't be overly criticalof their choices.
Don't ever let them disrespectyou.
Ever.
Don't clean up their messes.
Accountability is adulthood.
(07:27):
Don't compare them to siblings,cousins, or your friend's
perfect child.
Don't guilt chip them intodecisions that serve you more
than it serves them.
Don't ignore red flags.
Girl, denial does not helpanyone grow.
Don't sacrifice your peace tokeep the peace.
(07:51):
Think of it this way.
Parenting adult kids is lessabout managing their lives and
more about managing your energy.
SPEAKER_00 (08:03):
The mirror me and my mom.
SPEAKER_01 (08:07):
Here's the twist no one warns you about.
While you're learning to parentan adult, you're still
somebody's kid.
I'm 52, and my mom, she'd stilldrop everything for me in a
heartbeat.
And it's humbling because Ifinally get it.
The cycle doesn't stop, it justshifts.
(08:28):
The need gets softer, but itnever disappears.
When I talk to my mom now, it'snot just mother-daughter, it's
woman-to-woman.
We compare notes, share stories,and sometimes annoy the hell out
of each other.
But there's a mutualunderstanding and a whole lot of
love underneath it.
(08:49):
And when my daughter texts mefor help, I think, yep, I'm her,
she's me, and somewhere outthere, my mom is laughing.
We're all just women atdifferent checkpoints of the
same marathon.
Passing the emotional paton,praying nobody face plants.
(09:10):
So if you still need your mom,that's okay.
It's not immaturity, it'sconnection.
We're wired for it.
And if you are the mom who'sstill holding space for your
grown kid, that's okay too.
That's love evolved.
So let's wrap this one up with afew quick truths to tattoo onto
(09:33):
your brain, or at least ontoyour heart.
Number one, you're not the samemom and that's a good thing.
Number two, boundaries aren'tcold, they're classy.
Number three, you can love youradult kids and still love your
peace more.
(09:54):
Number four, nostalgia doesn'tmean regression, it means
reflection.
And number five, you can be thedaughter who still needs her mom
and the mom teachingindependence.
Both can coexist beautifully.
So yeah, maybe we never stopbeing somebody's baby, and our
(10:16):
babies will always be ourbabies.
And if you're lucky, they'llfinally start paying their own
Netflix.
Until next time.
Hi, this is Crystal.
Welcome to episode 9 of theWomen Are Not Okay podcast.
Today's episode is titled,They're Grown Now, but Still on
Your Wi-Fi plan.
Midlife Moms and Adult Kids.
If I had a dollar for every timemy daughter texts me, Mom, who's
our insurance?
(00:24):
I could probably afford the rentthat she can't.
So here's the question (00:27):
When do we stop parenting and start
consulting?
Today we're diving into thatweird limbo of midlife
motherhood, the space betweendon't forget your jacket and
don't forget to file your taxes.
Our kids are grown, or at leasttheir student loans say so.
But somehow we're stillparenting, just a little
(00:49):
differently.
So grab your coffee becausewe're unpacking what it really
means to parent adult kidswithout losing your peace, your
privacy, or your mind.
SPEAKER_00 (01:03):
The dynamic shift.
SPEAKER_01 (01:05):
When your kid becomes an adult, the whole
relationship changes.
You go from manager to mentor,from did you brush your teeth to
did you file your taxes?
For me, this transition hit whenour daughter graduated in May
with her master's degree.
She's almost 26 and still livingat home.
Not because she's lazy, butbecause it's expensive as hell
(01:28):
out there.
And honestly, we're lucky.
She works full-time, she'srespectful, and she's genuinely
fun to have around the house.
But there are still moments Iforget she's an adult.
Like when I tell her to text mewhen she gets there and she
goes, Mom, I'm 26.
And I'm like, okay, but yourlocation's still on, right?
(01:50):
And that could be from watchingtoo much dateline.
Here's the tricky part.
Love evolves.
Supervision becomes support.
Control becomes coaching.
We're no longer teaching themhow to live.
We're modeling how to handlelife when a sucker punches you.
And that means biting yourtongue when they make decisions
(02:11):
that make your left eye twitch.
Because autonomy means lettingthem mess up a little while you
whisper, I told you so, in yourcoffee.
The other side of the coin.
Now, that's the peacefulversion.
Let's talk about when your adultkid is a walking tornado.
You know, the ones who move backhome but forget it's not a
(02:34):
hotel.
The ones who bring drama, badchoices, and emotional clutter
that doesn't fit in the guestroom?
For those moms, this season canfeel less like an evolution and
more like an emotional hostagenegotiation.
But listen, you can love youradult child and protect your
peace at the same time.
(02:56):
Here are five real talkstrategies.
Number one, reframe therelationship.
You're not their manager, you'rea consultant.
They can take your advice ornot, but either way, the invoice
is emotional energy.
Number two, stop enabling.
(03:16):
Love doesn't mean paying theWi-Fi for someone who refuses to
grow up.
Unless of course you're billingthem for emotional roaming
charges.
Number three, detach withcompassion.
You can care without caretaking.
Detachment isn't cold, it'sclassy self-preservation.
(03:37):
Number four, enforce boundaries.
My house, my rules, my peace.
If they can't follow them, theycan Venmo you for the utilities.
Number five, focus on your ownlife.
You've spent decades pouringinto them.
It's your turn to refill yourown damn cup and maybe spike it
(04:00):
if needed.
Sometimes loving them meanssaying I believe in you from
over here in quiet.
And yes, sometimes that meanschanging the Wi-Fi password
until they love yourespectfully.
SPEAKER_00 (04:19):
Empty nest vibes.
SPEAKER_01 (04:21):
Even when your kids live at home, there's this weird
aching nostalgia.
You miss their little kidenergy, even though their big
kid opinions drive you insane.
You see their old lunchboxes ina photo and think, when did she
go from asking for happy mealsto asking for PTO?
It's grief mixed with relief.
(04:43):
I miss her little voice, but Ithank God I don't have to do any
more math homework.
Algebra was my villain originstory.
Empty nest isn't just silence,it's identity.
Who am I when I'm not neededevery second?
It's freeing, yet it'sterrifying.
(05:05):
It's midlife magic with a sideof mild panic.
SPEAKER_00 (05:12):
Healing and moving forward.
SPEAKER_01 (05:15):
Here's the thing.
The relationship doesn't end, itevolves.
You're not losing your child.
You're gaining a grown human youcan actually hang out with.
You get to talk like equals,share wine, slap advice, and
laugh about things you used tocry about.
This stage is your permissionslip to grow too.
(05:38):
To rediscover yourself, not justas their mom, but as your own
damn person.
Because when you prioritize yourpeace, you teach them how to
protect theirs.
Boundaries aren't rejection,again, they're evolution.
So if your texts now readdinner's ready less often and
(05:59):
out of town, peace out moreoften, that's called growth.
And I'm proud of you.
So if you're in this stage too,consider it your permission
slip.
Grow, laugh, and reclaim yourpeace.
The do's and don'ts of parentingadult kids.
Alright, let's get practical fora minute.
Because sometimes we need morethan philosophy, we need a
(06:21):
checklist.
So here are some do's and don'tsof parenting adult kids that can
save your sanity and theirs.
Du's.
Get to know them as adults, notjust as your children.
Provide guidance and support,not unsolicited advice.
(06:42):
If they live at home, set clearrules about responsibilities.
Have them pay their fair share,it teaches financial
responsibility.
Give them room to make mistakes,but also hold them accountable.
Don't come between them andtheir own families.
Offer advice if asked, but don'tinsert yourself and get all in
(07:05):
their business.
Set boundaries becauseboundaries are love and action.
Don'ts don't be overly criticalof their choices.
Don't ever let them disrespectyou.
Ever.
Don't clean up their messes.
Accountability is adulthood.
(07:27):
Don't compare them to siblings,cousins, or your friend's
perfect child.
Don't guilt chip them intodecisions that serve you more
than it serves them.
Don't ignore red flags.
Girl, denial does not helpanyone grow.
Don't sacrifice your peace tokeep the peace.
(07:51):
Think of it this way.
Parenting adult kids is lessabout managing their lives and
more about managing your energy.
SPEAKER_00 (08:03):
The mirror me and my mom.
SPEAKER_01 (08:07):
Here's the twist no one warns you about.
While you're learning to parentan adult, you're still
somebody's kid.
I'm 52, and my mom, she'd stilldrop everything for me in a
heartbeat.
And it's humbling because Ifinally get it.
The cycle doesn't stop, it justshifts.
(08:28):
The need gets softer, but itnever disappears.
When I talk to my mom now, it'snot just mother-daughter, it's
woman-to-woman.
We compare notes, share stories,and sometimes annoy the hell out
of each other.
But there's a mutualunderstanding and a whole lot of
love underneath it.
(08:49):
And when my daughter texts mefor help, I think, yep, I'm her,
she's me, and somewhere outthere, my mom is laughing.
We're all just women atdifferent checkpoints of the
same marathon.
Passing the emotional paton,praying nobody face plants.
(09:10):
So if you still need your mom,that's okay.
It's not immaturity, it'sconnection.
We're wired for it.
And if you are the mom who'sstill holding space for your
grown kid, that's okay too.
That's love evolved.
So let's wrap this one up with afew quick truths to tattoo onto
(09:33):
your brain, or at least ontoyour heart.
Number one, you're not the samemom and that's a good thing.
Number two, boundaries aren'tcold, they're classy.
Number three, you can love youradult kids and still love your
peace more.
(09:54):
Number four, nostalgia doesn'tmean regression, it means
reflection.
And number five, you can be thedaughter who still needs her mom
and the mom teachingindependence.
Both can coexist beautifully.
So yeah, maybe we never stopbeing somebody's baby, and our
(10:16):
babies will always be ourbabies.
And if you're lucky, they'llfinally start paying their own
Netflix.
Until next time.
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