November 14, 2025 • 8 mins
In this episode of the Women Are Not Okay podcast, Crystal discusses the challenges of maintaining friendships in midlife, emphasizing that feeling tired and overwhelmed does not make one a bad friend. She explores the emotional load women carry and the importance of redefining friendship to accommodate these realities. The conversation highlights the need for understanding, empathy, and low-pressure connections among friends, encouraging listeners to embrace their limitations and prioritize self-care.
Keywords: friendship, burnout, midlife, emotional load, mental health, women, connection, empathy, support, self-care
💋 Women Are Not Okay Collective
Real talk. Midlife. Mental health. Relationships. Mindfulness.
Because we’re not fixing it all today — we’re just not pretending anymore.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:03):
Welcome to Women Are Not Okay, the self-help podcast
where we talk about thingsmental health, relationships,
and mindfulness.
Can you admit that you're notokay?
Let's be real.
Things are shifting.
Our bodies, our identities, ourmentality, and our
relationships.
(00:23):
Girl, it's time for us toreclaim our sense of peace,
sanity, and well-being.
I'm Crystal, and no, I'm notokay.
See, that was easy.
Let's get into it.
Hi, this is Crystal.
Welcome to episode four of theWomen Are Not Okay podcast.
(00:46):
Today we're going to be talkingabout how you are not a bad
friend, you're just tired AF.
Guilt versus capacity andmidlife friendship.
So today's episode is for everywoman who's ever stared at a
group chat, heart racing,wondering how to say, I just
don't have it in me right now.
(01:07):
If you've ever felt guilty forcanceling plans, ghosting a text
or two, or needing space, girl,you're not alone.
Let's get one thing straight.
You're not flaky, you're notrude, you're not a bad friend,
you're just tired, burned out,emotionally maxed, mentally
(01:29):
booked, physically depleted, andmaybe hiding from a group chat
or three.
So let's talk about it.
So this is a little backstory, alittle personal story about how
I felt like I was a bad friend.
And it does have a happy ending.
(01:50):
So here's what happened.
I was affectionately called arunaway bride by my two dear
friends Deb and Dana.
Both were hostesses with themostesses and would throw the
best get-togethers.
If it was a barbecue, if it wassomeone's birthday, pool
parties, you name it, they werehosting, and it was always
(02:12):
guaranteed a good time.
But there were times, more thanI care to admit, that I would
either say I may go and then notgo, or go and then dip out
early, and lastly, stay theentire time feeling
uncomfortable.
Not because I didn't love them,but because I was drowning in
anxiety.
(02:32):
I didn't have the words yet.
I just knew I couldn't show up.
And the guilt, whew, girl, itwas loud.
I told myself I was a badfriend, and that they think that
I didn't care about them or allthe effort that they put into
their get-togethers.
But eventually I told the truthand I said, I'm struggling, I'm
(02:53):
anxious, I didn't want tocancel, but I had to.
And for anybody that suffersfrom anxiety, you know the key
to this is I may go.
Because that would always giveyou an out.
I would justify it by saying,Well, I said I may go, I never
said for sure.
(03:14):
Maybe I would or maybe I won't,because then you know that
people are going to assume thatthat may means a yes.
So I played the game, I knew thegame, I could have created that
game.
But after talking to Deb andDana, you know what?
They totally understood.
They didn't shame me, they heldspace for me.
(03:36):
And that moment changed how Isee friendship and how I see
myself.
Although I did tell them theyhad to take back all the crap
that they talked about me when Iwasn't there all those years.
But I digress.
Next, guilt versus capacity.
Let's break this down.
Guilt says, I should have donemore.
(03:58):
Capacity says, I'm doing all Ican.
We confuse emotional exhaustionwith failure.
We think needing rest means wedon't care.
But here's the truth (04:09):
you can love someone deeply and still
not have the energy to engagewith them.
You can be a good friend andstill need space.
You can be present in spiriteven when you're absent in
action.
That's not avoidance, it'sself-preservation.
And sometimes self-preservationis the most loving thing you can
(04:31):
do for everyone involved.
Next up, redefining friendship.
Midlife friendship hitsdifferent.
It's meme birthdays, it'scanceling plans without guilt,
it's loving someone whilehonoring your own limits.
But here's the twist (04:51):
we still need connection.
Even when our anxiety or ourexhaustion tries to convince us
otherwise, our brains mightwhisper, stay home, it's easier.
And sometimes that's valid, butother times, that's just burnout
talking.
So maybe we stop aiming forconstant connection and start
(05:16):
creating intentional connection.
What if we made a deal with ourfriends?
Just one day a month (05:21):
a coffee date, a target run, a bring your
own blanket and watch datelinekind of night.
Because one intentional day oflaughter, venting, and recharge
time can fill your cup in waysthat you never knew existed.
I have two girlfriends that wedo tend to text during the week,
(05:47):
but life gets busy, you know,with family and kids.
But we always make it a point togo to brunch at least once a
month.
And that way we can do ourketchup, have some mimosas.
But I'm telling you, after ourbrunch dates, we all just feel
so energized and so grateful foreach other.
(06:11):
And even sometimes, as soon aswe get home, we text each other
and say, you know, thank you.
I needed that.
We laugh, we cry.
It is it's cathartic.
It really, really is.
So even if you feel like youdon't have the energy or the
capacity to do this, just tryit.
(06:31):
Try once a month, just for acouple hours.
You owe that to yourself.
You can sacrifice a couple ofhours to laugh and to recharge
and to feel good.
Friendship isn't aboutfrequency, it's about sincerity.
It's not about perfection, it'sabout presence.
(06:52):
So let's rewrite the rules.
It's okay if we go weeks withouttalking.
It's okay if thinking of youshows up as a meme share and
nothing more personal than that.
It's okay to need rest beforereconnection, but it's also okay
to show up messy when you can,because connection, even in
(07:14):
small doses, reminds us we'renot doing this alone.
So if you've been feeling guiltyand you've been calling yourself
a bad friend, please hear this.
You are not a bad friend.
You are a human friend.
You're doing your very best.
And the people meant for you,they'll understand.
When was the last time you feltguilty for needing space?
(07:38):
And how does low pressureconnection look for you now?
It's all about the recharge,ladies.
So, in closing, let's normalizefriendships that honor capacity
and intention over consistency.
Let's stop romanticizing.
We show up no matter what.
(07:59):
Sometimes the bravest thing youcan say is, I don't have it in
me right now.
And sometimes the kindest thingyou can hear is, that's okay,
I'm still here.
If this episode spoke to you,share it with a friend who gets
it.
And if you're hiding from agroup chat today, I see you,
(08:19):
girl, you're not alone.
Until next time.
Thanks for listening.
Just so we're clear, I'm not alicensed medical health
professional.
I just pay really good ones whohelp me unpack all this chaos so
I can come here and share itwith you.
Think of this as a pay itforward kind of thing.
(08:41):
So until next time, protect yourpeace, set your boundaries, and
remember, it's okay to not beokay.
Welcome to Women Are Not Okay, the self-help podcast
where we talk about thingsmental health, relationships,
and mindfulness.
Can you admit that you're notokay?
Let's be real.
Things are shifting.
Our bodies, our identities, ourmentality, and our
relationships.
(00:23):
Girl, it's time for us toreclaim our sense of peace,
sanity, and well-being.
I'm Crystal, and no, I'm notokay.
See, that was easy.
Let's get into it.
Hi, this is Crystal.
Welcome to episode four of theWomen Are Not Okay podcast.
(00:46):
Today we're going to be talkingabout how you are not a bad
friend, you're just tired AF.
Guilt versus capacity andmidlife friendship.
So today's episode is for everywoman who's ever stared at a
group chat, heart racing,wondering how to say, I just
don't have it in me right now.
(01:07):
If you've ever felt guilty forcanceling plans, ghosting a text
or two, or needing space, girl,you're not alone.
Let's get one thing straight.
You're not flaky, you're notrude, you're not a bad friend,
you're just tired, burned out,emotionally maxed, mentally
(01:29):
booked, physically depleted, andmaybe hiding from a group chat
or three.
So let's talk about it.
So this is a little backstory, alittle personal story about how
I felt like I was a bad friend.
And it does have a happy ending.
(01:50):
So here's what happened.
I was affectionately called arunaway bride by my two dear
friends Deb and Dana.
Both were hostesses with themostesses and would throw the
best get-togethers.
If it was a barbecue, if it wassomeone's birthday, pool
parties, you name it, they werehosting, and it was always
(02:12):
guaranteed a good time.
But there were times, more thanI care to admit, that I would
either say I may go and then notgo, or go and then dip out
early, and lastly, stay theentire time feeling
uncomfortable.
Not because I didn't love them,but because I was drowning in
anxiety.
(02:32):
I didn't have the words yet.
I just knew I couldn't show up.
And the guilt, whew, girl, itwas loud.
I told myself I was a badfriend, and that they think that
I didn't care about them or allthe effort that they put into
their get-togethers.
But eventually I told the truthand I said, I'm struggling, I'm
(02:53):
anxious, I didn't want tocancel, but I had to.
And for anybody that suffersfrom anxiety, you know the key
to this is I may go.
Because that would always giveyou an out.
I would justify it by saying,Well, I said I may go, I never
said for sure.
(03:14):
Maybe I would or maybe I won't,because then you know that
people are going to assume thatthat may means a yes.
So I played the game, I knew thegame, I could have created that
game.
But after talking to Deb andDana, you know what?
They totally understood.
They didn't shame me, they heldspace for me.
(03:36):
And that moment changed how Isee friendship and how I see
myself.
Although I did tell them theyhad to take back all the crap
that they talked about me when Iwasn't there all those years.
But I digress.
Next, guilt versus capacity.
Let's break this down.
Guilt says, I should have donemore.
(03:58):
Capacity says, I'm doing all Ican.
We confuse emotional exhaustionwith failure.
We think needing rest means wedon't care.
But here's the truth (04:09):
you can love someone deeply and still
not have the energy to engagewith them.
You can be a good friend andstill need space.
You can be present in spiriteven when you're absent in
action.
That's not avoidance, it'sself-preservation.
And sometimes self-preservationis the most loving thing you can
(04:31):
do for everyone involved.
Next up, redefining friendship.
Midlife friendship hitsdifferent.
It's meme birthdays, it'scanceling plans without guilt,
it's loving someone whilehonoring your own limits.
But here's the twist (04:51):
we still need connection.
Even when our anxiety or ourexhaustion tries to convince us
otherwise, our brains mightwhisper, stay home, it's easier.
And sometimes that's valid, butother times, that's just burnout
talking.
So maybe we stop aiming forconstant connection and start
(05:16):
creating intentional connection.
What if we made a deal with ourfriends?
Just one day a month (05:21):
a coffee date, a target run, a bring your
own blanket and watch datelinekind of night.
Because one intentional day oflaughter, venting, and recharge
time can fill your cup in waysthat you never knew existed.
I have two girlfriends that wedo tend to text during the week,
(05:47):
but life gets busy, you know,with family and kids.
But we always make it a point togo to brunch at least once a
month.
And that way we can do ourketchup, have some mimosas.
But I'm telling you, after ourbrunch dates, we all just feel
so energized and so grateful foreach other.
(06:11):
And even sometimes, as soon aswe get home, we text each other
and say, you know, thank you.
I needed that.
We laugh, we cry.
It is it's cathartic.
It really, really is.
So even if you feel like youdon't have the energy or the
capacity to do this, just tryit.
(06:31):
Try once a month, just for acouple hours.
You owe that to yourself.
You can sacrifice a couple ofhours to laugh and to recharge
and to feel good.
Friendship isn't aboutfrequency, it's about sincerity.
It's not about perfection, it'sabout presence.
(06:52):
So let's rewrite the rules.
It's okay if we go weeks withouttalking.
It's okay if thinking of youshows up as a meme share and
nothing more personal than that.
It's okay to need rest beforereconnection, but it's also okay
to show up messy when you can,because connection, even in
(07:14):
small doses, reminds us we'renot doing this alone.
So if you've been feeling guiltyand you've been calling yourself
a bad friend, please hear this.
You are not a bad friend.
You are a human friend.
You're doing your very best.
And the people meant for you,they'll understand.
When was the last time you feltguilty for needing space?
(07:38):
And how does low pressureconnection look for you now?
It's all about the recharge,ladies.
So, in closing, let's normalizefriendships that honor capacity
and intention over consistency.
Let's stop romanticizing.
We show up no matter what.
(07:59):
Sometimes the bravest thing youcan say is, I don't have it in
me right now.
And sometimes the kindest thingyou can hear is, that's okay,
I'm still here.
If this episode spoke to you,share it with a friend who gets
it.
And if you're hiding from agroup chat today, I see you,
(08:19):
girl, you're not alone.
Until next time.
Thanks for listening.
Just so we're clear, I'm not alicensed medical health
professional.
I just pay really good ones whohelp me unpack all this chaos so
I can come here and share itwith you.
Think of this as a pay itforward kind of thing.
(08:41):
So until next time, protect yourpeace, set your boundaries, and
remember, it's okay to not beokay.
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