February 24, 2025 • 54 mins
A stunning woman with a story of resilience, self-discovery, and strength. You may know of her as the ex of Aaron Carter, but she is so much more than that. Alissa opens up about having a baby at 14, battling alcohol addiction, surviving abuse, navigating grief, and ultimately choosing herself. This is a raw, powerful conversation about healing, growth, and what it truly means to reclaim your life.
#witn #podcast #actress #wellness #womenshealth #alissaray #sobriety #aaroncarter #sashapieterse #paradise #pll #womensupportingwomen #mentalhealth #women
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
On November 5th of 2022, when I, you know, got the
calls that Aaron had passed away.
That was like a moment where Iwas like I have got to change my
life or I'm going to die aswell.
I had already like been in thehospital in and out with
consistent kidney issues becauseof, like my alcoholism just
struggling so bad, and it waslike that morning was the first
time I think I like looked inthe mirror and I like saw myself
(00:20):
and I was like this is not mylife, like this is not how I'm
supposed to live.
When I have like my TikTok andI'm talking about sobriety every
day, I'm like, oh, you know,I'm this many days sober.
It's because I know that it'sgoing to register with somebody
and they're going to be likeokay, if I were to stop drinking
right now, like in 821 days, Icould lose girls.
(00:43):
If you saw the hoopty.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Join me, sasha Peters , on Women in the Nude season
two, where we bear it all exceptfor our bodies.
Leave that to your imagination.
Welcome to Women in the Nude.
Hi, hello, I'm so glad thatyou're here.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Everyone, this is Alyssa Rae and you look adorable
today, thank you.
You make me want to cut my hair.
Don't do it.
I'm not going to, because I didyears ago and I regret it, but
it looks so cute on you, thankyou Did you have longer hair I
did, and then I went through.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
You know, some years of alcoholism went super blonde,
damaged it all, and then I hadto do the hack, which I did
myself.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Well, I mean, it looks great, thank you.
There's a lot of layers to whatyou just said.
There is no pun intended, so Iwant to explore that, but, um,
but I love it.
You rock it like it looks.
It looks beautiful and I I readum that the trend this year,
one of them is going to bechopped.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Oh nice.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
I was ahead of the curve.
Nailed it.
Nailed it.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
I'm so excited.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
I was also blonde pretty much my whole life and
this is the first time I've beendark and I love it.
You look gorgeous.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
You were beautiful on Pretty Little Liars and the
things I've seen you in, but youwere like stunning in person.
It's nice.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
So are you?
Oh, thank you Appreciate that.
Okay, so for those who don'tknow you, do you want to
introduce yourself a little?
Speaker 1 (02:12):
My name is Alyssa.
You might know me from winningthe fourth grade hula hoop
competition in my elementaryschool.
That's what I'm most infamousfor.
I know I have been, you know,kind of infamous for a few
things in my life.
I've been put on the dirty wayback in the day.
Uh yeah, I started by dating arock star and then that went a
(02:36):
little sideways and I had somewild rumors put on the internet
about me.
It was like straight out of thegate in Los Angeles I'm like 18
and so that was kind of wildand like kind of the opinion I
think a lot of people in LosAngeles had on me, which sucks,
because then a few years later Istarted dating a different
person in music who was verywell known in the early 2000s.
(02:58):
And do you want me to like justyou can't.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
You can, if you want to, um I.
I have some questions okay maybewe'll start with like uh, first
of all, that's really difficult.
I feel like, especially at 18,I can definitely relate to um
things being assumed or writtenabout you that are not true and,
um, I would imagine that likefor me, social media was was
(03:25):
like Twitter was just gettingpopular and becoming way more um
of a thing, and that was weirdto experience.
But when you were 18, I mean,it was it like I don't know,
like TMZ, was it like what?
What kind of things likeaffected you.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
I didn't really run into TMZ too much, aside from
being like photographed, butnobody ever knew my name, so
that was always kind of like anice thing.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Do you mind me asking who that rock star is?
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Yeah, so do you guys remember Puddle of Mud?
Yeah, she f***ing hates me.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Yeah, it's on my playlist, yeah absolutely so.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Wes Gantlin looked a lot like Kurt Cobain and I just
thought that was amazing.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
I get it.
It's weird to be in the publiceye, especially when you're not
trying to be.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Yeah, and I wasn't.
I was young At 18, I'd alreadyhad a four-year-old.
My daughter's dad had passedaway, so I had already
experienced a lot of like oddthings at a very young age.
And then getting like thrustonto like the internet and being
called like really wild names,and then that's just like what
people think of you for years tocome and like you know you're,
(04:36):
you're working and you're likegetting jobs that people google,
like oh, you know who's AlyssaRae?
And then like the first thingthat pops up is like oh oh, she
rock stars and does bathroomsand you're like half of that's
true, not the second part, yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
I mean again, that's loaded Right.
So first of all, before westarted recording, you said that
your daughter is turning 20,which is amazing and crazy, and
I would never in a million yearsthink that you have a
20-year-old.
I would assume that there was alot of hardships in the
beginning, like you're talkingabout.
(05:11):
How did it feel to be a youngmom, like, aside from him
passing, did you have othersupport around you?
My parents?
Speaker 1 (05:20):
were supportive they let me decide if I wanted to
keep my daughter or not, whichwas, you know, I think, such a
kind thing for them to do, likethey didn't push religious
opinions or really anything.
They like gave me space to makethat choice on my own, which,
as an adult, I now kind of likeI've had moments where I'm like
you should have, you know, youshould have maybe forced a
(05:40):
choice, but I am ultimately likeso thankful that I have my
daughter and like that I got toexperience raising her, because
I don't know if I would haveever become a mom otherwise
because, like I know, I was soyoung before I got pregnant but
I never imagined myself being amom, okay.
And so then, when it happened,like obviously I'm thankful and
I like I'm so appreciative thatI have all of the like memories
(06:01):
with her and stuff.
But it was really verydifficult.
Her dad passed away.
He committed suicide when shewas four months old, and that
was also something that was inthe front page of the newspaper
in the town that we lived in,and it was like stories that
took partial truths and thentwisted it, and so, like I've
weirdly been thrust into likeokay, now here's all your
information for everybody toread about, and then, like, you
(06:25):
just have to like deal with therepercussions in the aftermath
and then you're labeled.
You know all of these things,and it's happened to me like
kind of a lot in my life, whichis really bizarre, because I
feel like I kind of like juststick to myself and then it's
like, oh hey, like here's allyour information.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Yeah, that's, that's.
I mean, that's super, it's justdifficult and I empathize with
that.
The way that you're speakingabout it is really incredible,
because it's not, um, you're notcoming from a place of like, oh
, poor me, which is somethingthat's super inspirational,
because you've been through somuch in your life and, um, you,
(06:59):
you're just, you hold strong towho you are and that that's.
That's not easy to do,especially because of everything
that has gone on publicly.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
I definitely let it go for a few years there.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
That's okay.
I think you can also giveyourself grace there.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Which I am, you know.
I'm trying to give myself somegrace and, like you know,
apologize to myself now, but oh,I really.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
I don't want to ever put words in your mouth, but I
would also imagine that becauseyou had your daughter so young,
your childhood was also takenfrom you.
Yeah, which?
Speaker 1 (07:31):
well, okay, so that is actually something that I
think in a weird way, like myown childhood was sort of taken
away, but I also got to likethen choose my own childhood,
you know, which I hope I didn'tlike shove on her too much, but
we got to do so many cool thingswhile I was raising my daughter
.
I I am very lucky that, like, aswild as my life is, I've been
(07:51):
pretty successful, like duringher childhood.
I owned day spas in Ventura andSanta Barbara County, which I
loved.
They were beautiful and I gotto meet like the most amazing
women in the world, uh, whichhelped a lot.
I think that it like created myown little village and so I got
to experience like reallyamazing vacations and, like you
know, swimming with dolphinswith my daughter and swimming
(08:13):
with sharks with my daughter,like really amazing things.
That like otherwise I don'tthink would have been as special
without her, but I also thinkit would have been a little, you
know, cool if I got toexperience them like on my own
maybe, yeah, yeah, and then gotto show them to her.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
But it works this way too, yeah absolutely, and you
know those memories are specialregardless.
Yeah, I think there issomething to say about a
lifestyle that's not traditionaldoesn't mean that it's not any
worse or better, like it's oneof those things where, like, you
don't know that otherexperience so you don't know
what your childhood would havebeen like otherwise.
(08:47):
I didn't have a traditionalchildhood either, but I wouldn't
trade it because I wouldn'thave, like you're saying,
experienced all the otherincredible things that came with
it, along with you know somenot so great things, but
everybody has somewhat of astory like that.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
No childhood is perfect.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
No situation is perfect.
Do you think that you ended upchoosing partners to kind of
escape that reality?
Or was it just for fun?
I don't know if that's toopersonal of a question.
No, no, you're totally fine.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
So I actually, when my daughter's dad passed away,
she was four, almost five monthsold, and then I ended up dating
somebody that I met when I was16.
We dated for about three yearsand then broke up when I was 18.
And he was a really good guy.
He was older than me but hereally helped me know that
college is super important and Ineeded to get all those college
(09:39):
classes set up and we're stillfriends to this day.
He's a very positive personthat I have in my life.
Um, and then, after we broke up, I dated somebody for eight
years and he was an amazing guy.
He's an accountant, so likevery like opposite of me in
every way and like from santabarbara, born and raised, had
like really like good familylife, and he taught me so much,
(10:01):
like so many important lessons,and his family taught me stuff
that my family didn't know about, because my family is, you know
, a little different, crazy andwild.
But like I got like a realfamily experience with him and
so that was super nice.
And then, unfortunately, whileI was dating him, I became an
alcoholic and I started to likespiral and then I ended up
(10:21):
ruining our relationship.
I was just like a really angryperson and I wasn't cheating on
him or doing anything we didn'tdo anything weird like that but
I just didn't want to come homeand I would literally like drink
by myself and like just notcome home.
I'd stay at my work and justdrink and be a little weirdo.
And then I moved out one dayand it was like a shitty move.
And then I like spiraled forlike a few years where I would
(10:52):
just drink a whole bunch and Ididn't date anyone at all like
zero men.
Um, I dated a few women becauseI am bisexual, but I didn't
date men during that timewhatsoever.
And then I gained a lot ofweight.
Things got real squirrely andthen I met, uh, aaron Carter,
and my mom introduced us andthen me and him started
FaceTiming in like April of 2021.
And then on November 5th of2022, when I, you know, got the
(11:13):
calls that Aaron had passed away.
That was like a moment where Iwas like I have got to change my
life or I'm going to die aswell.
I had already like been in thehospital in and out with
consistent kidney issues becauseof like my alcoholism and just
struggling so bad.
And it was like that morningwas the first time I think I
like looked in the mirror and Ilike saw myself and I was like
(11:33):
this is not my life, like thisis not how I'm supposed to live.
I don't want to be doing thesethings.
Like I, during my alcoholism,like I made an OnlyFans account,
which I am totally likesupportive of any woman doing
anything, but for me, like itjust was like killing my
self-esteem and how I felt aboutmyself and like felt like I was
like selling my soul and justreally it was a really really
dark place to wake up, likeactually wake up and be like oh,
(11:55):
this is not it.
So I, you know, I called my momand I remember like telling her
like I don't want to end up dead, I don't want to do this
anymore.
And she, she was like Alyssa,if you wanted to change your
life, you already would have.
I already had three DUIs, I'dalready done time in jail, I'd
gotten extradited Just reallywild situations that I never
would have imagined for myself.
I lost my salons.
(12:17):
The only money I had was fromOnlyFans.
It was this really weird thingwhere I felt like I had nothing
really to like be or like knowwho I was, and so I immediately
went to rehab which was inOklahoma.
And yeah, if you fly to Oklahoma, you will get sober, because
you're like I need to go back toCalifornia as quick as possible
(12:37):
yeah.
I will be good.
What do I gotta do?
Speaker 2 (12:41):
I really love that.
You're here to tell your storyon your terms, so feel free to
say whatever, or that's my issue, I say whatever.
This is your platform, for lackof a better word.
Yeah, of course, were you stillin contact with Aaron when he?
Speaker 1 (12:59):
passed.
Yeah, so me and Aaron's likerelationship, as far as I don't
really know even like what tocall what we were doing, but
that all ended in the middle ofSeptember, and then him and I
still stayed in contact, and thelast time I physically saw him
was that April, though so I youknow it'd been a few months.
It was the April of the sameyear that he passed away, that I
(13:22):
had last seen him.
I went to his house to actuallyhelp him find all the money
that somebody else wasembezzling from him and trying
to like pinpoint all that wastaken and where lives were.
And I had, like, at the time,met somebody else that I was
excited about and like hadstarted dating him, and Aaron
was like, oh, should we like trythis again?
(13:42):
And there is still, to this day, like time where I regret being
like no, you know what.
I'm going to give this newthing a chance, because it would
be rad if him and I could sithere sober together.
And that is something thathurts always, because I'm so
proud of myself that it wouldhave been really rad to do it
with a friend, and I feel badthat I am celebrating life all
the time and he is not.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
I get it, but also that's you can't hold that.
It's easy to say it on my side,but like you never know how
that direction would have oh,absolutely, and of course in our
heads we glorify it.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
I'm like, oh, we would have gotten sober together
, we would have been the best offriends.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
No, but I mean that sentiment is.
There's no harm in thatsentiment other than the fact
that you're torturing yourself.
A hundred percent.
He had such a hard life and asmuch as your stories were
connected, they were also veryseparate.
One hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
It's an odd thing, you know.
Yeah Well, grief is an oddthing too, it is, it's very
weird to unpack and sometimes itlike hits all at once and then
sometimes you're totally fineand it doesn't bother you.
It's very, very hard to unpack,yeah, or even know when to
unpack it and when it's supposedto be all bottled up.
It's a very interesting thingto navigate yeah, it's, there's
many layers.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Everybody handles it differently.
Um, and I think, like aaron,had such an impact on everybody
he met.
I actually briefly met him whenI was five and a half or so.
I did a TV show called FamilyAffair and he guest starred on
it when he was 16.
And he was, you know, I wasobviously so little, but he was
really friendly and had a lot ofenergy and you can tell he was
(15:18):
a very charismatic person.
But the more when I grew up,the more I learned about his
history too, his family life andeverything that he had to go
through.
I can't imagine being in thatposition and the pressures that
you feel, and it's my heartaches for that situation,
because those types ofsituations go one way or the
other.
I'm sad that it went the waythat it did, that he didn't get
(15:38):
the support that he needed.
From such a young age.
I could see the sadness in hiseyes every now and then.
We would run into each other atan event or something like that
and you could tell that therewas heartbreak there.
That child star atmosphere canbe so dark 100%.
(15:58):
And that is something that Ireally think about with my son,
because he didn't choose this.
You know, he's little, he'sfour, and he can decide whether
he wants to be in theentertainment industry, to
whatever capacity or not, butultimately he is going to be in
the spotlight, kind of as asecondary public figure, if you
will, and he didn't choose that,and so navigating that is like
(16:19):
how do you protect that?
I don't want to say that it'sunfair, but it's a type of
childhood that's reallydifficult to navigate.
I was really lucky with myparents and how they supported
me as far as being in theindustry so young, but obviously
there are so many stories wherethat's not the case.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
And exploitation is just so.
I think it's more frequentlynot the case, unfortunately.
Like it's so special that yourparents were, good.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Yeah, I mean, thank goodness, you know, but it's I
also.
I knew a lot of kids my age inthe industry that did not have
it that way, those childhoodslike Aaron.
I just, I feel so, I feel sobad that, like it ended up that
(17:02):
way, there's an empty spacethere which sucks, sad yeah I
think he was such a funny person, like when he wanted to be a
menace.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
It was like the most menacey menace ever, and then
like when he wanted to be sweet.
It was like the sweetest personyou ever dealt with.
It was just like so much of hewas so much.
Yeah, it was nice to be arounda so much person did that ever
get turned on you?
Speaker 2 (17:21):
which part, like on the media or in the media side,
like, did anybody ever thinkthat you were part of that?
Oh, yes, she.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Oh yeah, here we go as far as like all of that.
I was like labeled as ahomewrecker and then I was being
sent messages that Melanie wastelling people that we gave him
drugs.
I never had a drug addictionproblem.
I've never done drugs.
I was an alcoholic.
My DUIs are like high alcoholDUIs.
I had an alcohol problem.
(17:52):
I'm like, unfortunately, toohonest person.
I would talk if I had a drugproblem, you know.
But it was 1942.
And so like I was literallylike called you know the worst
names in the book, told that Ilike possibly was part in him
getting the air compressors thatnight, which is not true.
It was a different girl who,you know door dashed it to him
(18:15):
from staples.
I had nothing to do with any ofthat.
When we were still talking atthe end, the last messages he
sent to me I never responded to,which kills me.
Like I feel bad because he hadmessaged me about like three
different times that I'd nevergotten back to at the end
because Melanie and I were likefighting so badly it was crazy
(18:37):
she would like post these reallywild things to her Instagram
story.
And then, after he had passedaway, I felt bad about
everything that happened, Iunderstood how it was to be a
single mom with the dad havingpassed away, and I remember,
like all of my own feelings thatcame flooding back and so, even
if it sounds like selfish, itbroke my heart and I was like I
(18:59):
have to help.
And so I remember messaging herand I still have all the screen
records of this, which I evengot messy and I shared them to
my Instagram story for months.
I left them up because she justlike, kept sending people after
me and I had to have proof oflike no, this is me saying my
side and this is her side.
But I messaged her and I lether know that I was very sorry
that Erin passed away and thatshe was now a single mom.
(19:21):
And she, you know, screamed atme and she was like you knew I
was pregnant.
I did not know she was pregnant.
The only thing that I had seenwas the video of her running
around threatening to stab herstomach with that knife, which
is still recorded.
We still all have all thosevideos.
These videos didn'tdisintegrate when he passed away
, like we still have all of thesame information we had before
he passed away.
(19:46):
And so, you know, I swore Ididn't know that she was
pregnant because she had comeover in a sweater, couldn't see
her belly, like she wasscreaming up to the second story
.
I couldn't like fully see herand like I didn't know what she
normally looked like I'd nevermet her, I didn't know if she
was like a thicker or a thinnergirl, like I don't know what she
looks like, so I didn't knowshe was really pregnant until
after you know she'd given birthand so in the message I'm
(20:07):
telling her I'm sorry, and likeyou know, if she needs anything,
I understand what it's like tobe a mom that's child's dad
passed away.
Like if she needs to talk, I'mthere for her.
And she completely attacked meand like just used it to blame
everything on me.
She blamed him passing away onme, she blamed all of it in its
entirety on me and then saidthat I like destroyed her family
(20:28):
and it was just like such ahard moment.
And then she was like and youleft Black at my house and I was
like, okay, there were no,you're just like adding things,
because I know that you'resharing this the screenshots as
well to other people to try andmake it seem like it's so much
worse than it was, and thosearen't the situations that
happen.
What really happened is shereally did keep my diamond
earring diamond earring.
She really did keep my clothes.
(20:49):
She really did keep my shoes.
She sure as shit was wearingthem in video like she's she's
an oddball, she's an oddball.
I'm like getting like shakythinking of all the things that
like happened with us.
But yeah, so all of that waslike then put on the internet
and then she went on to thebunny podcast and was like still
(21:09):
talking about how I was ahomewrecker, when every time
that Erin kept trying to go back, even the last three, I didn't
even respond to.
And it's like I'm not ahomewrecker.
I didn't know you were actuallypregnant.
You weren't even confirmingyour pregnancy.
She had invited my, or they hadinvited my mom and my stepdad
to the baby shower, and theneven Aaron and my parents got
(21:31):
uninvited to the baby shower andso we Aaron and then his
assistant and me and my mom andeverybody I remember us like
chatting and talking about likeoh, is she even pregnant?
And nobody believed she wasreally pregnant.
Like, and it sucks to be likecalled a homewrecker when nobody
thought she was pregnant.
We thought she was lying,because there were so many you
know things shown to me asevidence of like this person's a
(21:53):
compulsive liar.
She's just obsessed.
Look at her doing this and thisand this.
And I'm being shown one side,like her, running out of the
house with suitcases and theonly thing she's grabbing is
lingerie nothing for a baby.
Like, if you're pregnant,wouldn't you grab anything that
was given to you for the baby?
No, you just grabbed stripperheels and lingerie.
That was what you grabbed, like.
So all of everything was justreally messy and what is like oh
no, this is not what a momwould do.
(22:14):
This is not what a person woulddo.
But who am I fucking say?
She didn't have her baby yet.
She didn't know what a momwould maybe need.
I didn't know everything elsethat was involved leading to her
grabbing stuff like.
So what was shown to me wasjust one side.
I should have asked morequestions, but I was an
alcoholic and I was excitedabout attention and I just was
taking like a little bit ofinformation and I was like oh
okay, no, this must be it.
(22:35):
And I'm being told no, I reallywant to be with you, I really
like you.
Here's a Range Rover to drive.
Oh, like here's this, like youknow, and then being in the
house and like I don't know,it's such a weird thing when
it's happening, like her stuffwas there, but not like a person
who lives there, it was aperson who's moving out.
I think a lot of people.
(22:55):
When, like heard of all thecraziness that was going on, I
was violently attacked onlineLike ridiculous, I like I got
some wild messages.
I remember like people beinglike, oh yeah, they just do
drugs together, they just partytogether, and I never like I
went to his house drunk a fewtimes but he would never let me
drink with him becausealcoholism had like affected his
(23:17):
family so negatively.
And like there were times whenI would like show up and I'd be,
you know, wasted and I'd belike trying to like door dash
more.
I'll go over and he'd be like,no, I'm not gonna let you get it
.
Like you're gonna sober up andhe'd, like, you know, put me in
the shower and like a wholething force feed me and like I'm
so thankful that he was like sokind to me and sweet to me.
In those moments like it wasvery nice to get attention.
There was a bunch of like otherscenarios going on and I didn't
(23:40):
understand everything.
I was just excited aboutgetting attention and like I
don't know, this person wastelling me I was beautiful and
like we were having fun.
And then there's like drama andit was just like a whole lot of
stuff in such a short amount oftime and I didn't understand
all of it and I really said somethings at the time that were
stupid and, like you know, Iwent on Facebook one time and I
(24:04):
was like, oh, you can't, likecan't homewreck a place, it's
not a home, like just some ps.
That was just so rude and likeridiculous to say.
Um, but me and Aaron likeposted the caption, like did it
together, and we like thought wewere so funny and we're're like
hee, hee, hee, hee.
And then, like reality hits andyou see other people like
putting it on Twitter and likeswitching how it's like worded,
and I'm like, oh wait, no, nowI'm like I fanned a fire, that
(24:25):
Iizmo, and people were like, oh,she stole his dog years ago and
I was like what I have?
Speaker 2 (24:42):
his birth certificate .
It kind of just shows howcomplicated a situation like
that could be.
Because you didn't know him fora very long time, you didn't
understand the gravity of whathis life was like.
He was open about, likestruggling with schizophrenia
and a lot of mental healthissues and trying to get his
life back on track.
(25:02):
And it's really difficult ifyou don't have people to support
that 100%.
It's hard to do regardless.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
I still struggle knowing what the truth is in
certain scenarios during thosemonths because there was so much
information.
There's things that I saw withmy own eyes that I know are true
.
There's things that seemed trueto me but have been been like
disproven.
It was just a lot and it wasmessy and it's just.
I would never wish that onanybody.
Like my daughter was gettingmessages like my random friends
(25:34):
from like facebook, like peoplewould just like message.
Tmz was trying to talk topeople like in my life and I was
like for what?
Just don't try to find peoplearound me.
You could talk to me.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
I feel like people just often need someone to blame
, never like if they're not inthe place to to deal with it
themselves.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
It's so much easier to just be like that person's
the issue yeah, um, I think Iwas like I definitely added to
the issue.
For sure I think we all did,and we just made it way bigger
than it needed to be, and Ithink drugs and alcohol do that.
They magnify problems.
And then you just have, like weall have large egos, like you
know Melanie has hers, aaron hashis and then I have mine.
(26:13):
Like we're big personalitiesand all three like together.
It was just like we should havebeen on the Jerry Springer show
.
It was deliciously messy.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
The whole situation just sucks.
It's just painful.
It does suck and making it moreand more public.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
I guess my issue with it being so public is that,
especially if it's lies, youknow he's passed and it's just
like it does suck because wecan't ask him now to say, oh,
what was the intention for this,or what was the intention for
this move.
And now, you'll never know yeah,not only that, but now there's
(26:58):
all these stories that aregetting muddled, and the person
that it's going to affect themost is prince, because he's
going to want to hear about hisdad and, like, obviously, his
mom's pregnancy.
And now these things are nowmuddied and it's up that her
pregnancy did have a story likeyeah, that's terrible, I was
pregnant at 14 and I had a greatpregnancy.
Like my daughter's dad was soexcited and so kind he read to
(27:18):
my belly every night like I hatethat she didn't have a great
pregnancy.
Like that's something thatevery woman's gonna remember
forever and that like kills me,like I wish that I had really
been more you know, aware ofwhat was actually going on,
because you can't take back whenyou f**k up somebody's first
time at like motherhood, likeyou can't correct that, you
(27:39):
can't like yeah, but I also feellike everybody has their own
life choices, right.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
So you know, there are, there are things that we
can do, um, and it's notnecessarily everybody else's
fault.
Yeah, so I guess more.
So my point is like um, itmakes sense that it was super
messy, um, but she could haveleft the situation too yeah so I
(28:07):
I don't I don't mistakes forsure.
That's kind of.
My point, though, is like, asmuch as as much as it was
complicated, and there were manyreasons why it was so
unfortunate and heightened,there are still levels that like
to that situation you can'tblame yourself, for there were
(28:30):
things that you could control,and then there were things that
you couldn't control.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
It made sense to me at the time, which I will say is
like, like such a reflection ofhow messed up your mind is when
you're an alcoholic like thosedecisions I was making truly
made sense and I was like, no,like of course you know I'm
defending myself by putting onthe Facebook, like oh no, you
can't homework at home, it's nota house or whatever.
Like, just like, whatever thestupid things.
Like I felt so right in thosedecisions at the time and it's's
(28:55):
so weird to now look back onthem.
And I think that's where likethe like shame and like regret,
because I'm like how could Ihave ever thought that that was
an okay thing to say or everreact that way?
And now, like you know, my mindis more clear and I can look
back and be like, oh no, like Ireally messed up.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
But, like it, prince gets the the answers that he he
needs.
That's going to be a reallytough journey for him 100%, but
I guess more so.
What I'm trying to say is that,like you are owning the things
that you did in thatcircumstance and you've changed,
(29:40):
and I'm sure there's, you knowthere's always stuff to work on
and grow, like we should all betrying to evolve always.
But you also can't beresponsible for everything that
happens.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Anytime something terrible or tragic happens,
there's, like you know, half ofyou wants to take accountability
up for it, and then half of youjust wants to be like, oh my
God, like I never want to likeopen that page again.
But it is something that I feellike is, you know, talking
about cause?
At first, even when I have,like my TikTok and I'm talking
about sobriety every day, I'mlike, oh, you know, I'm this
many days sober.
And then, um, there's parts ofme, though, when people are like
(30:14):
, oh, you know what caused youto get sober.
I don't ever really want totalk about Aaron, cause I don't
want to ever seem like I'mtrying to monetize or like get
any type of infamy from whathappened.
Um, because that's not myobjective at all.
I truly just, like you know,when I talk about these things,
it's because I know that someit's going to register with
somebody and they're gonna,right now, like in 821 days, I
(30:36):
could lose, you know, 60 poundsand, you know, go from a hoopty
back to a normal person carwhich, like you know, girls, if
you saw the hoopty, I had ducttape in it.
It was like I was reallyrocking with a dream and, you
know, then I got to go and buylike a brand new car again, like
it's these things that I'm like, you know, I'm hoping, yeah,
(30:57):
like okay, I'm like slowlygetting my life back together.
And I ran it so hard into theground, like literally felt like
I destroyed my name, destroyedmy entire, like family.
I felt like I destroyedeverything in my life.
And then, you know, I alsocouldn't do like OnlyFans and
things like that anymore when Igot sober, because it didn't
align with me or who I am or howI feel about myself, and it
(31:18):
like I ended up like snappingand like freaking out and like
having a moment with, like youknow, I'm like a bottle of
bleach where I like freaked out,I like poured bleach on my body
because I like felt dirty.
And then it's like thosemoments where you're like, oh,
that's not healthy, like you'reputting bleach on yourself.
You've gotta maybe yeah maybechange some actions here, honey,
like what aligns now?
(31:40):
Like, oh, okay, so somethingmakes me feel dirty.
I've got to, like you know,switch it up, and so now I've
like switched to.
Weirdly, I started likemodeling.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
I agree with that choice.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, yeah, but it's like sucha weird thing to know, like you
know, just a few years ago mylife was.
But it's like such a weirdthing to know, like you know,
just a few years ago, my lifewas very different.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
So you're going all the way to the other side of
like self-acceptance.
Yeah, which?
Speaker 1 (32:06):
is invaluable, really , you know, and it's like odd
because, like there's evenmoments still where, like, I'll
like open up Snapchat and I'llsee a video of myself from five
years ago, like your memories,yeah, and I'm like that does not
like bright blonde hair and,like you know, almost 200 pounds
and like always drunk.
Every snapchat's like hey, yeah, it's like such a different
(32:30):
person and I'm like, oh, shejust needed a hug, like she
needed a fucking friend, yeah,like just a little bit of
motivation and help.
But so I'm hoping, though, thatwhen people see like me just
chatting, that they get thepoint of why I'm doing it.
Like you can turn it around.
Instead of sitting in jail,getting extradited up to a
podunk, freaking courthouse, youcan, you know, switch it around
(32:53):
and go work out at Equinox anduse their eucalyptus towels.
It's a way better day.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
So I mean, I always have the policy of like it's
never too late to start, yeah,right, yeah.
Your mom saying like you wouldhave done it already it's.
I don't want to knock her, Idon't know her, but I think that
you know people need to makethat decision for themselves.
Nobody can force that decisionon you.
(33:20):
It just won't stick right.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
I completely agree, and I think, though, in a
certain way, because of that, myspite is what made me do it,
Because I was like fuck her,Like what do you mean?
Like what do you mean I wouldhave already done it.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Yeah, I don't think there's a lot of people that
understand it.
You know you can have empathyfor it, but you don't understand
it until you're in thatposition.
It's great that you made thatdecision to turn your life
around, and you did it for a lotof reasons, but you did it for
you, yes, and and that, I think,is probably the most important
thing because ultimately, youcan't fix or change anything
(33:54):
until you work on yourself 100%From the smallest.
You can't fix or changeanything until you work on
yourself 100% From the smallestthings to the biggest things.
You know that's how you turn itaround.
Anytime anybody shares a storylike this, it encourages the
same thing for somebody else.
So I hope you see yourself in abetter light now.
I hope that you— oh my gosh,you guys.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
I got sober and I got super hot.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
Yes, that is a plus, you definitely did.
I'm just kidding.
No, you absolutely are.
Yeah, no, it is one of thosethings where, like confidence
and when somebody is, I think,growing and working on
themselves, that by itself iswhat makes you sexy, right?
That confidence is somethingthat people are attracted to,
(34:38):
regardless of what you look like, and then you know, when you
start living a healthier life,all of those things come with it
, and I think that you should beproud, thank you.
Like the mixture of everything,you are a success story, even
with the ups and downs you'vehad in your life.
So when you, when you talkabout days instead of months or
years, is that like a mentalclarity thing for you, or like
(35:01):
every day you're making thatchoice, or is there a different
reason for it?
Speaker 1 (35:04):
So I think that it's every single day making that
choice, especially when it'sbroken down to what I've gone
through in the last two yearsthere's been some of the hardest
moments I've ever experiencedin my life and to know that I've
, like still chose to be soberthat day, like the guy that I,
you know, ended up not dating,aaron Carter, because of I
walked in on him cheating.
(35:25):
And I remember walking down thestairs after I walked in on him
sleeping with a different womanand there was a bottle of
tequila, a bottle of vodka andthere was like a bunch of like
marijuana and stuff.
And I remember like at thatmoment, like making that
decision, like oh my gosh, do Idrink?
And it happened August 9th, thefollowing year of that first
November of sobriety.
So it was like I think I waslike eight months sober at the
(35:46):
time and I remember just beinglike what the fuck?
And then he ended up choking meand like he broke my foot.
It was this really wild nightand I still chose sobriety.
So I'm like okay, now I'm atthat many days and I'm still
rocking with it.
And then I was like covered inbruises for a few days, but
still choosing to not cycle backto something terrible, but,
like, still choosing to moveforward.
And then, you know, the day thatI like realized like, oh my
gosh, I can't do OnlyFans, Ihave to.
(36:07):
You know, I'm going to startapplying it in and out, but I'm
proud of myself because, like, Iknow that that is going to be
better for me.
And so, like, this is that dayand I'm like, oh my gosh, this
is what I did on this day.
And then, like you know, day800 and whatever it was, like,
(36:28):
oh, I got it.
I got a brand new Tesla.
Like, oh my goodness, so thisis how many days it took me to
sort shit out.
And then what people don't knowis I actually compare it to
where I was at with alcoholism.
Like, I will then go and lookat my Snapchats and be like, oh,
this is where I was 800 daysinto drinking.
I still had my salons, I stillhad stuff, but I was starting to
gain weight and I didn't noticeit.
(36:48):
So I'm seeing, like I'mcomparing it to how quickly I
can get my life back togetherand how quickly I destroyed it.
And nobody ever once asked mewhy I was celebrating all the
time.
But people always ask me likeoh, why do you count every day?
But no one said anything.
When I'm like down to do cheersall the time, no one's like why
are you still celebrating LikeI celebrated every day for like
(37:12):
seven years straight?
Speaker 2 (37:13):
No, one said a word.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Okay.
So every time you like, go intoa story.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
I'm like wait, there's like 500, I'm so sorry,
no, no, no, it's, it's um.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
I have adhd don't say sorry about it.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
There's nothing to be sorry about, but um to to just
go back for a second.
You caught him cheating andthen what was?
Where did that physical abuse?
Speaker 1 (37:39):
okay.
So, um, he works for a recordlabel and they bought them a
house in the valley on dolorosa,so it's like this huge house.
It's one of the weekend'shouses, okay and yeah an extra
layer, an extra question I'mtelling you, guys, I meet
everybody and I don't know why.
Um no, but so they have thislike crazy big house that's in
(38:00):
the Valley, uh, in WoodlandHills, and he lived six minutes
away from where I lived at thetime.
My house was like right byPierce, and so I just had a
feeling and I knew he was lyingto me and like I hate, I hate
feeling crazy.
Then you're right.
And then you're like, well,yeah, but like, and I knew I was
right, but he would just belike no, no, it's just in your
(38:22):
head.
Girls, this is gonna soundcrazy.
Do you want to hear the actualstory?
Speaker 2 (38:25):
what happened?
Okay, so.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
I get to the gate and obviously he's not answering my
calls and so I'm like in frontof the fence which I they have a
ton of cameras so they'rewatching.
They can watch me do this,which is so embarrassing,
because I know that they have,because it ended up in a group
chat the amount of times I'veended up in a group chat.
But so I'm like standingoutside no, I'm pacing back and
(38:49):
forth in front of this likecamera going crazy, because I'm
like I don't know how to getover this fence.
There's no visible way to likescale this 12 foot fence and
there's two of them.
And so I'm like what do I do?
What do I do?
And when me and Aaron had likestill been messaging and stuff,
I deleted all of our messagesbecause the guy that I had
started dating was like I really, you know, I don't really want
(39:11):
you guys like talking anymore.
So I was like whatever, likethat was a bunch of drama, it
sucked, that ruined likeeverything in my life, so I'm
gonna delete everything.
Well, that night, as I'm likestanding outside of the fence,
I'm like, oh my gosh, am I rightabout this?
Am I right about this?
Well, all of the messages fromAaron Carter were back in my
phone and one of the messagesfrom him said you're right.
(39:31):
And I was like what the like?
Why would these pop back up?
And so I was like shaking andlike fuck, like, why would these
pop back up?
And so I was like shaking andlike I'm right, like so I'm
right that that's happening onthe other side of the fence.
And so and I know it sounds socrazy because, like, why did
those messages all of a suddenpop back through?
But they did.
And so I was like it gave melike this adrenaline burst and I
was like I'm going to make itover these fences.
(40:00):
And so I, like a cat woman,scaled these fences yeah, I'm
like parkouring 12 foot fences,all five, three of me like I got
this hi.
And so then I, you know, get tothe house and I know that he
always like left the back doorunlocked, stupid, I know I was
like you, stupid, mother.
And so then I like walked inthe back gate and then his door
to his bedroom door was shut andI was like why would your
bedroom door be shut In your ownhouse?
Yeah, in your house.
(40:20):
And so then I walked in and hewas like sleeping with a woman
that looked just like Lil Wayneand I was so conflicted Like, do
I ask for an autograph or do Ijust fucking go?
And I Was it.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
It was not and I love a way I do too.
Speaker 1 (40:36):
I know I would have totally hyped it and been like
tootsie like let's get athree-way going right now.
But no, uh, instead I was likehey, you gotta go.
And she was like, oh, my god,who's this?
And she like got her clothesand like left and then, um yeah,
and then he like attacked me.
I didn't mean to laugh, itwasn't funny but, like it was
wild because I didn't know thatwas coming next.
(40:56):
Right, had he been abusivebefore?
that no and I like.
I mean I say a lot of wild shitand I've never been hit you
know, so I guess it was like due.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
But I wasn't ready.
Speaker 1 (41:09):
No, no, no, I really like it was shocking, because I
really didn't expect that fromhim.
He had always been kind of oflike more on the meek, like shy
kind of side, and to see thatwas actually like terrifying.
Uh, it was, it was completelyshocking.
And he even told me he was likethe look on your face when I
was like choking you is whatmade me stop, because he's like
you look terrified and I waslike I was well, yeah, you were
(41:32):
on top of me.
I thought that was the end,okay.
So, ankle, how did your, how didyour ankle break?
He stood on my foot.
I don't think he noticed.
I think he was drunk because hesmelled like alcohol.
And then there like was a partwhere he like bit my arm, which
I have the craziest pictures ofthese like bruises and his
friend Ziad, who is theweekend's manager.
I ended up messaging him and hehad messaged me years before,
(41:53):
asking me out Cause he had, likeI don't know, we matched on
Tinder or something and I hadoddly messed up my foot, drunk,
tripping over a girlfriend's dogand him and I had talked about
that and I was like, hey, soit's super weird to be messaging
you about my foot again.
But hey, you're gonna see somevideos of me doing some crazy
shit.
Your house, and if you need meto replace a piece of wood, I
(42:15):
threw a piece of ice at it, andif you need money, I gotcha, and
then yeah.
So they did see the videos ofme jumping over the fence and
then, yeah, and then they saw me, and you know, scott, fighting
in the house.
Oh, so there's cameras in thehouse, yeah, which, okay, they
didn't tell me or any of theother girls that they were
sleeping with.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
Yeah that's there on camera, yeah yeah, that's not
great yeah to this day.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
I'm like I wonder if all those girls know that they
were recorded footage of themyeah, that's really messed up.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
It's super messed up.
It's scary that he was neverviolent until he was caught like
that's.
That's scary because that alsojust means that it's that was an
underlying personality traitand you know it was that was
going to pop out at some point.
Um and and nobody just chokessomebody out for no reason, like
(43:10):
that's no and then heapologized to me for months.
Speaker 1 (43:13):
So that happened in august and he was apologizing to
me for months.
Speaker 2 (43:17):
There's a reason for that.
That's not just because he'ssorry, that's because he doesn't
.
It's on camera.
He doesn't want you to presscharges.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
You don't like he like talked me into talking to
him again and he did it again inhis car.
He like attacked me again andit was daytime and he had not
had alcohol the second time.
And so I'm like, oh no, you'rejust terrible, you can attack me
completely sober.
I was chalking it up to, youhad had too much to drink, you
were emotional, but no, you canstill get that mad at me and
(43:44):
like, try and do it in broaddaylight, like it was 12 o'clock
the second time.
You tried to do it.
So I was like, no, you're apsycho and I have to like 100%
like, stay away from.
Did you ever press chargesagainst him?
No, I didn't at all.
He's Canadian and I just didn't.
I don't.
I don't want to get somebodydeported, you know.
Speaker 2 (44:10):
Well, no, you know, I think about that also myself,
like now and I'm like that'swild.
Yeah, no, I'm not.
I'm not like it's just, it'sone of those situations where,
like that is, that is like whohe is, yeah, yeah, that's really
intense.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that you broke yourankle.
I'm sorry that people areviolent towards you.
Nobody deserves that, no matterwhat stage they are in their
(44:31):
life, and so you were sober atthat point um, and so you were
sober at that point.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
No, yes, yes, yes, yes, uh, I was sober, I started.
So I started my sobrietyjourney november 5th 2022, um,
when he cheated on me, whenscott cheated on me, it was
august 9th 2022, so I was eightmonths into being sober.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
So that's what you were saying.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
Yeah, but I started dating him when I was still
drinking right um, and you chosenot to drink in that.
Speaker 2 (44:54):
after that situation, which, which is amazing, in
your sober journey, what issomething that you want to tell
people that are going throughsomething similar?
That?
Speaker 1 (45:03):
it is not too late to start.
Just start.
Start right now.
Start today.
Don't wait for tomorrow, don'twait for oh, I just got to wait
until after my birthday or afterthis person's birthday or after
this holiday.
Start right now and you aregoing to thank yourself in
literally 20 minutes, like youfeel better the second you get
going.
So just give yourself faith andlike, or give yourself grace
and have faith.
Just do it, because you gottabet on yourself like no one else
(45:27):
is gonna be there for you.
At the rocky moments at the endof the day, like when you're
all alone and you're likethinking about what you do and
like how you present yourself tothe world.
It's so much better when youcan put your like best foot
forward and be like hey, likeI'm actually like a decent
person, I'm thinking clearly.
These are my actual opinionsand thoughts.
I'm not speaking from likehaving a few drinks and feeling
loosey-goosey, like I actually,and like mean what I say.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
So if you want to be your whole self, just start now
yeah, no, I think that's that'sreally well said and that and
that that's it Right.
Is there something that youkind of replaced alcohol with?
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:59):
Oh, I go to the gym all the time.
Now, that's good yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Well, you look like it.
I'm just fishing forcompliments today Happy to give
them to you, and and I thinkthat that is something that I
have seen is that it's normallyreplaced by something and
obviously it's great that it's ahealthy thing.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
I think you have to replace an addiction with
another addiction.
Like I know that that's what myrehab like really like toted.
They were like hey, you've gotto switch it out for something
else.
Like it sounds wild, but youreally have to.
And now you know I work out allthe time and I journal and I
just do things that you know Ihonestly never had put the like
attempts in.
Yeah, like, yeah, I would havejust tried.
(46:41):
Life probably could have gone alot easier, but you wouldn't
have had the same motivation,you wouldn't have had the same
experience.
Speaker 2 (46:47):
Like it, you know, I feel like things happen in your
life for a reason to some degree.
In your life, for a reason tosome degree.
You know, I think that there isa balance there between like
what you choose, but also youknow your path.
Like it's, there's things thatare chosen for you and then
there's things that you choose,and I think when those things
(47:08):
come together, it really likedecides your future until you
change it.
Yeah, I'm really happy, and Idon't know you very well, but
I'm also really um, like proudthat you've like taken yourself
to this moment.
Like there's a, there's a lotof growth there.
That doesn't obviously happenovernight, but like, um, this
could have easily gone in theopposite direction and you
(47:29):
really, you are an inspirationto so many people.
Thank you, it's possible, youcan do it.
Speaker 1 (47:36):
I appreciate that a lot because this has been a wild
moment and I know like therewere people that were cheering
for me from like back in my likeyounger years and they were
like, okay, you know, she had ababy, really young, let's like
root for her and it seemed likeI was doing good.
Like you know, I did college, Iopened up my businesses.
I was killing it and then tojust like nosedive as quickly as
(47:58):
I did and just like kind oftake it for a spin, I think
really shocked a lot of peopleand hurt a lot of people.
I I didn't realize that, likeyou know, even having an
OnlyFans like how many peoplethat hurts, because they don't
want to see you hurting yourself, you know, and so yeah, I mean,
it's a hard.
Speaker 2 (48:17):
I think that kind of going back to what I was saying
about like the things, whatyou're born into, the things
that happen to you, versus likewhat you choose.
I think, like, ultimately, youknow you, you your
responsibility is what you chose, but at the same time, like
you're also a product of like alot of things that a lot of
(48:39):
people either don't go throughor don't go through at that
young, like, everything that youaccomplished when you were
young is amazing, but there's alot of of psychological things
to figure out before you're 26.
Like no, I don't want to likesay that this is the reason, but
at the same time, like becausewhen I was 18 up until 26, I
(49:02):
thought I knew everything, Ithought I was making great
decisions for my life, but atthe same time, our brains aren't
fully formed.
So you made a lot of lifedecisions, a lot of
accomplishments, a lot of crazyshit happened to you before you
were 26, before you were fully,even, just like your brain was
fully developed.
You, you know, like there are alot of factors, um, and, and I
(49:24):
feel like in so many ways, youwere a product of your
environment, um, for better orfor worse, but you pulled
yourself out of it and that isthe most important thing, um,
for yourself, for your daughter,for everybody around you, for
everybody rooting for you.
That in itself is anaccomplishment.
I mean, the first 26 years ofyour life were fully loaded.
(49:45):
So you know, it's all a processand I'm glad that you are where
you're at.
Speaker 1 (49:53):
Thank you.
Yeah, I appreciate that and I'mhappy, you know, as loaded as
my first 26 years were, I'mhappy that I'm not spending the
next 26 still loaded.
Yeah, that's a percent.
I'm like sorting, sorting stuffout, and I feel a lot calmer
and like more at peace, which isnice.
Yeah, it's very odd, though Ifeel like I've like kind of like
I don't know, I've lived like ahundred lives and I'm you have,
(50:17):
you have, yeah, yeah, no, Ireally.
You know, I saw a to do listand I was like oh, all of it,
got it.
Speaker 2 (50:26):
Check them all.
Yeah, yeah.
But definitely jokes aside, I'msuper happy that you came on
the podcast and told Thank you.
Speaker 1 (50:35):
Your version, not your version, your truth, well,
thank you, because, ultimately,like and there is obviously just
because this is my version, andlike I know that somebody's
truth doesn't mean that somebodyelse's truth is a lie.
So like, even if my truthcontradicts somebody else's, it
doesn't mean hers is a lieeither.
We have different opinions andperspectives, and I know that we
(50:57):
see these, these, like thiswhole situation, from very
different lenses.
I just like I really think thatif there was like one thing I
could do, I would really love ifme and Melanie could just never
talk about each other again andlike leave each other alone.
And like I send her genuinelove and I really do hope the
best for her and Prince, likewith every single fiber of my
(51:17):
being.
Like I truly understand, from mypoint of view, what it's like
to go through something similarto that, and I am so sorry.
And like if there was anythingI could ever do, like listen to
her or be there for her, I wouldlove to.
I don't want us to be likegoing at each other, though, and
like trying to tear each otherdown.
The world is hard enoughwithout us like trying to attack
each other, and that's not whatI think is like productive at
(51:41):
all.
Like Aaron, touched both of ourlives and changed the like
course of both of our livesforever, and I don't think
there's any need for like hatredtowards each other.
Speaker 2 (51:50):
It's so redundant and just like stupid, in my opinion
yeah, well, I think you alsotouched on a really important
thing, which is the fact that,um, regardless if something is
factual or right, when somebodyexperiences something, the way
that they're processing itdoesn't mean that it's not true.
It's their truth like you'resaying right, um, the emotions
(52:13):
that they get from what they'reexperiencing no matter if it's
factual or not is real.
They're feeling all of thosefeelings, um, they're going
through everything that they'regoing through.
It doesn't make that not valid,um, it doesn't make it right or
wrong either, but it issomething that feels very real,
um, and something that you haveto to work through, learn from,
(52:35):
celebrate, depending on what itis.
It's not always bad things, but, like, ultimately, your version
of it, it's.
It's not that, it's not that itdoesn't matter, because you,
you are feeling I'm beingredundant now, but do you know
what I mean?
It's like you know, everybodyhas their own process, um, and I
think that's what makes a lotof situations like this really
(52:56):
difficult, which I'm basicallyrepeating what you're saying but
ultimately, like that differentperspective, it changes, it
changes everything and it willaffect her life, it'll affect
Prince's life, it's affectedyour life and it's just kind of
what you do with it.
So I hope all of those thingstoo, I hope that it's it's less
(53:20):
of like a agree to disagree,cause I don't think that that's
what needs to happen.
I think it's just things needto be, just needs to kind of be
what it is, and work onyourselves and move forward.
Um yeah, and I hope that too.
I hope that for both of you.
(53:41):
Thank you, I really doappreciate you coming on the
show and sharing what you shared, and you're an inspiration to
me.
You're an inspiration toeverybody who listens to this,
and I think what you've talkedabout is applicable in
everybody's life, regardless iftheir journey is similar or not.
Everything, everyone can learnfrom the lessons that you've
(54:02):
learned about yourself.
Speaker 1 (54:03):
So thank you for that .
Thank you, thank you.
I appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (54:07):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (54:07):
Thank you for coming on.
I just love talking.
Speaker 2 (54:11):
Why do you think I started a podcast?
I love talking too.
Speaker 1 (54:13):
Thanks for having me Bye.
On November 5th of 2022, when I, you know, got the
calls that Aaron had passed away.
That was like a moment where Iwas like I have got to change my
life or I'm going to die aswell.
I had already like been in thehospital in and out with
consistent kidney issues becauseof, like my alcoholism just
struggling so bad, and it waslike that morning was the first
time I think I like looked inthe mirror and I like saw myself
(00:20):
and I was like this is not mylife, like this is not how I'm
supposed to live.
When I have like my TikTok andI'm talking about sobriety every
day, I'm like, oh, you know,I'm this many days sober.
It's because I know that it'sgoing to register with somebody
and they're going to be likeokay, if I were to stop drinking
right now, like in 821 days, Icould lose girls.
(00:43):
If you saw the hoopty.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Join me, sasha Peters , on Women in the Nude season
two, where we bear it all exceptfor our bodies.
Leave that to your imagination.
Welcome to Women in the Nude.
Hi, hello, I'm so glad thatyou're here.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Everyone, this is Alyssa Rae and you look adorable
today, thank you.
You make me want to cut my hair.
Don't do it.
I'm not going to, because I didyears ago and I regret it, but
it looks so cute on you, thankyou Did you have longer hair I
did, and then I went through.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
You know, some years of alcoholism went super blonde,
damaged it all, and then I hadto do the hack, which I did
myself.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Well, I mean, it looks great, thank you.
There's a lot of layers to whatyou just said.
There is no pun intended, so Iwant to explore that, but, um,
but I love it.
You rock it like it looks.
It looks beautiful and I I readum that the trend this year,
one of them is going to bechopped.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Oh nice.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
I was ahead of the curve.
Nailed it.
Nailed it.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
I'm so excited.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
I was also blonde pretty much my whole life and
this is the first time I've beendark and I love it.
You look gorgeous.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
You were beautiful on Pretty Little Liars and the
things I've seen you in, but youwere like stunning in person.
It's nice.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
So are you?
Oh, thank you Appreciate that.
Okay, so for those who don'tknow you, do you want to
introduce yourself a little?
Speaker 1 (02:12):
My name is Alyssa.
You might know me from winningthe fourth grade hula hoop
competition in my elementaryschool.
That's what I'm most infamousfor.
I know I have been, you know,kind of infamous for a few
things in my life.
I've been put on the dirty wayback in the day.
Uh yeah, I started by dating arock star and then that went a
(02:36):
little sideways and I had somewild rumors put on the internet
about me.
It was like straight out of thegate in Los Angeles I'm like 18
and so that was kind of wildand like kind of the opinion I
think a lot of people in LosAngeles had on me, which sucks,
because then a few years later Istarted dating a different
person in music who was verywell known in the early 2000s.
(02:58):
And do you want me to like justyou can't.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
You can, if you want to, um I.
I have some questions okay maybewe'll start with like uh, first
of all, that's really difficult.
I feel like, especially at 18,I can definitely relate to um
things being assumed or writtenabout you that are not true and,
um, I would imagine that likefor me, social media was was
(03:25):
like Twitter was just gettingpopular and becoming way more um
of a thing, and that was weirdto experience.
But when you were 18, I mean,it was it like I don't know,
like TMZ, was it like what?
What kind of things likeaffected you.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
I didn't really run into TMZ too much, aside from
being like photographed, butnobody ever knew my name, so
that was always kind of like anice thing.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Do you mind me asking who that rock star is?
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Yeah, so do you guys remember Puddle of Mud?
Yeah, she f***ing hates me.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Yeah, it's on my playlist, yeah absolutely so.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Wes Gantlin looked a lot like Kurt Cobain and I just
thought that was amazing.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
I get it.
It's weird to be in the publiceye, especially when you're not
trying to be.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Yeah, and I wasn't.
I was young At 18, I'd alreadyhad a four-year-old.
My daughter's dad had passedaway, so I had already
experienced a lot of like oddthings at a very young age.
And then getting like thrustonto like the internet and being
called like really wild names,and then that's just like what
people think of you for years tocome and like you know you're,
(04:36):
you're working and you're likegetting jobs that people google,
like oh, you know who's AlyssaRae?
And then like the first thingthat pops up is like oh oh, she
rock stars and does bathroomsand you're like half of that's
true, not the second part, yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
I mean again, that's loaded Right.
So first of all, before westarted recording, you said that
your daughter is turning 20,which is amazing and crazy, and
I would never in a million yearsthink that you have a
20-year-old.
I would assume that there was alot of hardships in the
beginning, like you're talkingabout.
(05:11):
How did it feel to be a youngmom, like, aside from him
passing, did you have othersupport around you?
My parents?
Speaker 1 (05:20):
were supportive they let me decide if I wanted to
keep my daughter or not, whichwas, you know, I think, such a
kind thing for them to do, likethey didn't push religious
opinions or really anything.
They like gave me space to makethat choice on my own, which,
as an adult, I now kind of likeI've had moments where I'm like
you should have, you know, youshould have maybe forced a
(05:40):
choice, but I am ultimately likeso thankful that I have my
daughter and like that I got toexperience raising her, because
I don't know if I would haveever become a mom otherwise
because, like I know, I was soyoung before I got pregnant but
I never imagined myself being amom, okay.
And so then, when it happened,like obviously I'm thankful and
I like I'm so appreciative thatI have all of the like memories
(06:01):
with her and stuff.
But it was really verydifficult.
Her dad passed away.
He committed suicide when shewas four months old, and that
was also something that was inthe front page of the newspaper
in the town that we lived in,and it was like stories that
took partial truths and thentwisted it, and so, like I've
weirdly been thrust into likeokay, now here's all your
information for everybody toread about, and then, like, you
(06:25):
just have to like deal with therepercussions in the aftermath
and then you're labeled.
You know all of these things,and it's happened to me like
kind of a lot in my life, whichis really bizarre, because I
feel like I kind of like juststick to myself and then it's
like, oh hey, like here's allyour information.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Yeah, that's, that's.
I mean, that's super, it's justdifficult and I empathize with
that.
The way that you're speakingabout it is really incredible,
because it's not, um, you're notcoming from a place of like, oh
, poor me, which is somethingthat's super inspirational,
because you've been through somuch in your life and, um, you,
(06:59):
you're just, you hold strong towho you are and that that's.
That's not easy to do,especially because of everything
that has gone on publicly.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
I definitely let it go for a few years there.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
That's okay.
I think you can also giveyourself grace there.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Which I am, you know.
I'm trying to give myself somegrace and, like you know,
apologize to myself now, but oh,I really.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
I don't want to ever put words in your mouth, but I
would also imagine that becauseyou had your daughter so young,
your childhood was also takenfrom you.
Yeah, which?
Speaker 1 (07:31):
well, okay, so that is actually something that I
think in a weird way, like myown childhood was sort of taken
away, but I also got to likethen choose my own childhood,
you know, which I hope I didn'tlike shove on her too much, but
we got to do so many cool thingswhile I was raising my daughter
.
I I am very lucky that, like, aswild as my life is, I've been
(07:51):
pretty successful, like duringher childhood.
I owned day spas in Ventura andSanta Barbara County, which I
loved.
They were beautiful and I gotto meet like the most amazing
women in the world, uh, whichhelped a lot.
I think that it like created myown little village and so I got
to experience like reallyamazing vacations and, like you
know, swimming with dolphinswith my daughter and swimming
(08:13):
with sharks with my daughter,like really amazing things.
That like otherwise I don'tthink would have been as special
without her, but I also thinkit would have been a little, you
know, cool if I got toexperience them like on my own
maybe, yeah, yeah, and then gotto show them to her.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
But it works this way too, yeah absolutely, and you
know those memories are specialregardless.
Yeah, I think there issomething to say about a
lifestyle that's not traditionaldoesn't mean that it's not any
worse or better, like it's oneof those things where, like, you
don't know that otherexperience so you don't know
what your childhood would havebeen like otherwise.
(08:47):
I didn't have a traditionalchildhood either, but I wouldn't
trade it because I wouldn'thave, like you're saying,
experienced all the otherincredible things that came with
it, along with you know somenot so great things, but
everybody has somewhat of astory like that.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
No childhood is perfect.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
No situation is perfect.
Do you think that you ended upchoosing partners to kind of
escape that reality?
Or was it just for fun?
I don't know if that's toopersonal of a question.
No, no, you're totally fine.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
So I actually, when my daughter's dad passed away,
she was four, almost five monthsold, and then I ended up dating
somebody that I met when I was16.
We dated for about three yearsand then broke up when I was 18.
And he was a really good guy.
He was older than me but hereally helped me know that
college is super important and Ineeded to get all those college
(09:39):
classes set up and we're stillfriends to this day.
He's a very positive personthat I have in my life.
Um, and then, after we broke up, I dated somebody for eight
years and he was an amazing guy.
He's an accountant, so likevery like opposite of me in
every way and like from santabarbara, born and raised, had
like really like good familylife, and he taught me so much,
(10:01):
like so many important lessons,and his family taught me stuff
that my family didn't know about, because my family is, you know
, a little different, crazy andwild.
But like I got like a realfamily experience with him and
so that was super nice.
And then, unfortunately, whileI was dating him, I became an
alcoholic and I started to likespiral and then I ended up
(10:21):
ruining our relationship.
I was just like a really angryperson and I wasn't cheating on
him or doing anything we didn'tdo anything weird like that but
I just didn't want to come homeand I would literally like drink
by myself and like just notcome home.
I'd stay at my work and justdrink and be a little weirdo.
And then I moved out one dayand it was like a shitty move.
And then I like spiraled forlike a few years where I would
(10:52):
just drink a whole bunch and Ididn't date anyone at all like
zero men.
Um, I dated a few women becauseI am bisexual, but I didn't
date men during that timewhatsoever.
And then I gained a lot ofweight.
Things got real squirrely andthen I met, uh, aaron Carter,
and my mom introduced us andthen me and him started
FaceTiming in like April of 2021.
And then on November 5th of2022, when I, you know, got the
(11:13):
calls that Aaron had passed away.
That was like a moment where Iwas like I have got to change my
life or I'm going to die aswell.
I had already like been in thehospital in and out with
consistent kidney issues becauseof like my alcoholism and just
struggling so bad.
And it was like that morningwas the first time I think I
like looked in the mirror and Ilike saw myself and I was like
(11:33):
this is not my life, like thisis not how I'm supposed to live.
I don't want to be doing thesethings.
Like I, during my alcoholism,like I made an OnlyFans account,
which I am totally likesupportive of any woman doing
anything, but for me, like itjust was like killing my
self-esteem and how I felt aboutmyself and like felt like I was
like selling my soul and justreally it was a really really
dark place to wake up, likeactually wake up and be like oh,
(11:55):
this is not it.
So I, you know, I called my momand I remember like telling her
like I don't want to end up dead, I don't want to do this
anymore.
And she, she was like Alyssa,if you wanted to change your
life, you already would have.
I already had three DUIs, I'dalready done time in jail, I'd
gotten extradited Just reallywild situations that I never
would have imagined for myself.
I lost my salons.
(12:17):
The only money I had was fromOnlyFans.
It was this really weird thingwhere I felt like I had nothing
really to like be or like knowwho I was, and so I immediately
went to rehab which was inOklahoma.
And yeah, if you fly to Oklahoma, you will get sober, because
you're like I need to go back toCalifornia as quick as possible
(12:37):
yeah.
I will be good.
What do I gotta do?
Speaker 2 (12:41):
I really love that.
You're here to tell your storyon your terms, so feel free to
say whatever, or that's my issue, I say whatever.
This is your platform, for lackof a better word.
Yeah, of course, were you stillin contact with Aaron when he?
Speaker 1 (12:59):
passed.
Yeah, so me and Aaron's likerelationship, as far as I don't
really know even like what tocall what we were doing, but
that all ended in the middle ofSeptember, and then him and I
still stayed in contact, and thelast time I physically saw him
was that April, though so I youknow it'd been a few months.
It was the April of the sameyear that he passed away, that I
(13:22):
had last seen him.
I went to his house to actuallyhelp him find all the money
that somebody else wasembezzling from him and trying
to like pinpoint all that wastaken and where lives were.
And I had, like, at the time,met somebody else that I was
excited about and like hadstarted dating him, and Aaron
was like, oh, should we like trythis again?
(13:42):
And there is still, to this day, like time where I regret being
like no, you know what.
I'm going to give this newthing a chance, because it would
be rad if him and I could sithere sober together.
And that is something thathurts always, because I'm so
proud of myself that it wouldhave been really rad to do it
with a friend, and I feel badthat I am celebrating life all
the time and he is not.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
I get it, but also that's you can't hold that.
It's easy to say it on my side,but like you never know how
that direction would have oh,absolutely, and of course in our
heads we glorify it.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
I'm like, oh, we would have gotten sober together
, we would have been the best offriends.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
No, but I mean that sentiment is.
There's no harm in thatsentiment other than the fact
that you're torturing yourself.
A hundred percent.
He had such a hard life and asmuch as your stories were
connected, they were also veryseparate.
One hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
It's an odd thing, you know.
Yeah Well, grief is an oddthing too, it is, it's very
weird to unpack and sometimes itlike hits all at once and then
sometimes you're totally fineand it doesn't bother you.
It's very, very hard to unpack,yeah, or even know when to
unpack it and when it's supposedto be all bottled up.
It's a very interesting thingto navigate yeah, it's, there's
many layers.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Everybody handles it differently.
Um, and I think, like aaron,had such an impact on everybody
he met.
I actually briefly met him whenI was five and a half or so.
I did a TV show called FamilyAffair and he guest starred on
it when he was 16.
And he was, you know, I wasobviously so little, but he was
really friendly and had a lot ofenergy and you can tell he was
(15:18):
a very charismatic person.
But the more when I grew up,the more I learned about his
history too, his family life andeverything that he had to go
through.
I can't imagine being in thatposition and the pressures that
you feel, and it's my heartaches for that situation,
because those types ofsituations go one way or the
other.
I'm sad that it went the waythat it did, that he didn't get
(15:38):
the support that he needed.
From such a young age.
I could see the sadness in hiseyes every now and then.
We would run into each other atan event or something like that
and you could tell that therewas heartbreak there.
That child star atmosphere canbe so dark 100%.
(15:58):
And that is something that Ireally think about with my son,
because he didn't choose this.
You know, he's little, he'sfour, and he can decide whether
he wants to be in theentertainment industry, to
whatever capacity or not, butultimately he is going to be in
the spotlight, kind of as asecondary public figure, if you
will, and he didn't choose that,and so navigating that is like
(16:19):
how do you protect that?
I don't want to say that it'sunfair, but it's a type of
childhood that's reallydifficult to navigate.
I was really lucky with myparents and how they supported
me as far as being in theindustry so young, but obviously
there are so many stories wherethat's not the case.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
And exploitation is just so.
I think it's more frequentlynot the case, unfortunately.
Like it's so special that yourparents were, good.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
Yeah, I mean, thank goodness, you know, but it's I
also.
I knew a lot of kids my age inthe industry that did not have
it that way, those childhoodslike Aaron.
I just, I feel so, I feel sobad that, like it ended up that
(17:02):
way, there's an empty spacethere which sucks, sad yeah I
think he was such a funny person, like when he wanted to be a
menace.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
It was like the most menacey menace ever, and then
like when he wanted to be sweet.
It was like the sweetest personyou ever dealt with.
It was just like so much of hewas so much.
Yeah, it was nice to be arounda so much person did that ever
get turned on you?
Speaker 2 (17:21):
which part, like on the media or in the media side,
like, did anybody ever thinkthat you were part of that?
Oh, yes, she.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Oh yeah, here we go as far as like all of that.
I was like labeled as ahomewrecker and then I was being
sent messages that Melanie wastelling people that we gave him
drugs.
I never had a drug addictionproblem.
I've never done drugs.
I was an alcoholic.
My DUIs are like high alcoholDUIs.
I had an alcohol problem.
(17:52):
I'm like, unfortunately, toohonest person.
I would talk if I had a drugproblem, you know.
But it was 1942.
And so like I was literallylike called you know the worst
names in the book, told that Ilike possibly was part in him
getting the air compressors thatnight, which is not true.
It was a different girl who,you know door dashed it to him
(18:15):
from staples.
I had nothing to do with any ofthat.
When we were still talking atthe end, the last messages he
sent to me I never responded to,which kills me.
Like I feel bad because he hadmessaged me about like three
different times that I'd nevergotten back to at the end
because Melanie and I were likefighting so badly it was crazy
(18:37):
she would like post these reallywild things to her Instagram
story.
And then, after he had passedaway, I felt bad about
everything that happened, Iunderstood how it was to be a
single mom with the dad havingpassed away, and I remember,
like all of my own feelings thatcame flooding back and so, even
if it sounds like selfish, itbroke my heart and I was like I
(18:59):
have to help.
And so I remember messaging herand I still have all the screen
records of this, which I evengot messy and I shared them to
my Instagram story for months.
I left them up because she justlike, kept sending people after
me and I had to have proof oflike no, this is me saying my
side and this is her side.
But I messaged her and I lether know that I was very sorry
that Erin passed away and thatshe was now a single mom.
(19:21):
And she, you know, screamed atme and she was like you knew I
was pregnant.
I did not know she was pregnant.
The only thing that I had seenwas the video of her running
around threatening to stab herstomach with that knife, which
is still recorded.
We still all have all thosevideos.
These videos didn'tdisintegrate when he passed away
, like we still have all of thesame information we had before
he passed away.
(19:46):
And so, you know, I swore Ididn't know that she was
pregnant because she had comeover in a sweater, couldn't see
her belly, like she wasscreaming up to the second story
.
I couldn't like fully see herand like I didn't know what she
normally looked like I'd nevermet her, I didn't know if she
was like a thicker or a thinnergirl, like I don't know what she
looks like, so I didn't knowshe was really pregnant until
after you know she'd given birthand so in the message I'm
(20:07):
telling her I'm sorry, and likeyou know, if she needs anything,
I understand what it's like tobe a mom that's child's dad
passed away.
Like if she needs to talk, I'mthere for her.
And she completely attacked meand like just used it to blame
everything on me.
She blamed him passing away onme, she blamed all of it in its
entirety on me and then saidthat I like destroyed her family
(20:28):
and it was just like such ahard moment.
And then she was like and youleft Black at my house and I was
like, okay, there were no,you're just like adding things,
because I know that you'resharing this the screenshots as
well to other people to try andmake it seem like it's so much
worse than it was, and thosearen't the situations that
happen.
What really happened is shereally did keep my diamond
earring diamond earring.
She really did keep my clothes.
(20:49):
She really did keep my shoes.
She sure as shit was wearingthem in video like she's she's
an oddball, she's an oddball.
I'm like getting like shakythinking of all the things that
like happened with us.
But yeah, so all of that waslike then put on the internet
and then she went on to thebunny podcast and was like still
(21:09):
talking about how I was ahomewrecker, when every time
that Erin kept trying to go back, even the last three, I didn't
even respond to.
And it's like I'm not ahomewrecker.
I didn't know you were actuallypregnant.
You weren't even confirmingyour pregnancy.
She had invited my, or they hadinvited my mom and my stepdad
to the baby shower, and theneven Aaron and my parents got
(21:31):
uninvited to the baby shower andso we Aaron and then his
assistant and me and my mom andeverybody I remember us like
chatting and talking about likeoh, is she even pregnant?
And nobody believed she wasreally pregnant.
Like, and it sucks to be likecalled a homewrecker when nobody
thought she was pregnant.
We thought she was lying,because there were so many you
know things shown to me asevidence of like this person's a
(21:53):
compulsive liar.
She's just obsessed.
Look at her doing this and thisand this.
And I'm being shown one side,like her, running out of the
house with suitcases and theonly thing she's grabbing is
lingerie nothing for a baby.
Like, if you're pregnant,wouldn't you grab anything that
was given to you for the baby?
No, you just grabbed stripperheels and lingerie.
That was what you grabbed, like.
So all of everything was justreally messy and what is like oh
no, this is not what a momwould do.
(22:14):
This is not what a person woulddo.
But who am I fucking say?
She didn't have her baby yet.
She didn't know what a momwould maybe need.
I didn't know everything elsethat was involved leading to her
grabbing stuff like.
So what was shown to me wasjust one side.
I should have asked morequestions, but I was an
alcoholic and I was excitedabout attention and I just was
taking like a little bit ofinformation and I was like oh
okay, no, this must be it.
(22:35):
And I'm being told no, I reallywant to be with you, I really
like you.
Here's a Range Rover to drive.
Oh, like here's this, like youknow, and then being in the
house and like I don't know,it's such a weird thing when
it's happening, like her stuffwas there, but not like a person
who lives there, it was aperson who's moving out.
I think a lot of people.
(22:55):
When, like heard of all thecraziness that was going on, I
was violently attacked onlineLike ridiculous, I like I got
some wild messages.
I remember like people beinglike, oh yeah, they just do
drugs together, they just partytogether, and I never like I
went to his house drunk a fewtimes but he would never let me
drink with him becausealcoholism had like affected his
(23:17):
family so negatively.
And like there were times whenI would like show up and I'd be,
you know, wasted and I'd belike trying to like door dash
more.
I'll go over and he'd be like,no, I'm not gonna let you get it
.
Like you're gonna sober up andhe'd, like, you know, put me in
the shower and like a wholething force feed me and like I'm
so thankful that he was like sokind to me and sweet to me.
In those moments like it wasvery nice to get attention.
There was a bunch of like otherscenarios going on and I didn't
(23:40):
understand everything.
I was just excited aboutgetting attention and like I
don't know, this person wastelling me I was beautiful and
like we were having fun.
And then there's like drama andit was just like a whole lot of
stuff in such a short amount oftime and I didn't understand
all of it and I really said somethings at the time that were
stupid and, like you know, Iwent on Facebook one time and I
(24:04):
was like, oh, you can't, likecan't homewreck a place, it's
not a home, like just some ps.
That was just so rude and likeridiculous to say.
Um, but me and Aaron likeposted the caption, like did it
together, and we like thought wewere so funny and we're're like
hee, hee, hee, hee.
And then, like reality hits andyou see other people like
putting it on Twitter and likeswitching how it's like worded,
and I'm like, oh wait, no, nowI'm like I fanned a fire, that
(24:25):
Iizmo, and people were like, oh,she stole his dog years ago and
I was like what I have?
Speaker 2 (24:42):
his birth certificate .
It kind of just shows howcomplicated a situation like
that could be.
Because you didn't know him fora very long time, you didn't
understand the gravity of whathis life was like.
He was open about, likestruggling with schizophrenia
and a lot of mental healthissues and trying to get his
life back on track.
(25:02):
And it's really difficult ifyou don't have people to support
that 100%.
It's hard to do regardless.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
I still struggle knowing what the truth is in
certain scenarios during thosemonths because there was so much
information.
There's things that I saw withmy own eyes that I know are true
.
There's things that seemed trueto me but have been been like
disproven.
It was just a lot and it wasmessy and it's just.
I would never wish that onanybody.
Like my daughter was gettingmessages like my random friends
(25:34):
from like facebook, like peoplewould just like message.
Tmz was trying to talk topeople like in my life and I was
like for what?
Just don't try to find peoplearound me.
You could talk to me.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
I feel like people just often need someone to blame
, never like if they're not inthe place to to deal with it
themselves.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
It's so much easier to just be like that person's
the issue yeah, um, I think Iwas like I definitely added to
the issue.
For sure I think we all did,and we just made it way bigger
than it needed to be, and Ithink drugs and alcohol do that.
They magnify problems.
And then you just have, like weall have large egos, like you
know Melanie has hers, aaron hashis and then I have mine.
(26:13):
Like we're big personalitiesand all three like together.
It was just like we should havebeen on the Jerry Springer show
.
It was deliciously messy.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
The whole situation just sucks.
It's just painful.
It does suck and making it moreand more public.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
I guess my issue with it being so public is that,
especially if it's lies, youknow he's passed and it's just
like it does suck because wecan't ask him now to say, oh,
what was the intention for this,or what was the intention for
this move.
And now, you'll never know yeah,not only that, but now there's
(26:58):
all these stories that aregetting muddled, and the person
that it's going to affect themost is prince, because he's
going to want to hear about hisdad and, like, obviously, his
mom's pregnancy.
And now these things are nowmuddied and it's up that her
pregnancy did have a story likeyeah, that's terrible, I was
pregnant at 14 and I had a greatpregnancy.
Like my daughter's dad was soexcited and so kind he read to
(27:18):
my belly every night like I hatethat she didn't have a great
pregnancy.
Like that's something thatevery woman's gonna remember
forever and that like kills me,like I wish that I had really
been more you know, aware ofwhat was actually going on,
because you can't take back whenyou f**k up somebody's first
time at like motherhood, likeyou can't correct that, you
(27:39):
can't like yeah, but I also feellike everybody has their own
life choices, right.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
So you know, there are, there are things that we
can do, um, and it's notnecessarily everybody else's
fault.
Yeah, so I guess more.
So my point is like um, itmakes sense that it was super
messy, um, but she could haveleft the situation too yeah so I
(28:07):
I don't I don't mistakes forsure.
That's kind of.
My point, though, is like, asmuch as as much as it was
complicated, and there were manyreasons why it was so
unfortunate and heightened,there are still levels that like
to that situation you can'tblame yourself, for there were
(28:30):
things that you could control,and then there were things that
you couldn't control.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
It made sense to me at the time, which I will say is
like, like such a reflection ofhow messed up your mind is when
you're an alcoholic like thosedecisions I was making truly
made sense and I was like, no,like of course you know I'm
defending myself by putting onthe Facebook, like oh no, you
can't homework at home, it's nota house or whatever.
Like, just like, whatever thestupid things.
Like I felt so right in thosedecisions at the time and it's's
(28:55):
so weird to now look back onthem.
And I think that's where likethe like shame and like regret,
because I'm like how could Ihave ever thought that that was
an okay thing to say or everreact that way?
And now, like you know, my mindis more clear and I can look
back and be like, oh no, like Ireally messed up.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
But, like it, prince gets the the answers that he he
needs.
That's going to be a reallytough journey for him 100%, but
I guess more so.
What I'm trying to say is that,like you are owning the things
that you did in thatcircumstance and you've changed,
(29:40):
and I'm sure there's, you knowthere's always stuff to work on
and grow, like we should all betrying to evolve always.
But you also can't beresponsible for everything that
happens.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Anytime something terrible or tragic happens,
there's, like you know, half ofyou wants to take accountability
up for it, and then half of youjust wants to be like, oh my
God, like I never want to likeopen that page again.
But it is something that I feellike is, you know, talking
about cause?
At first, even when I have,like my TikTok and I'm talking
about sobriety every day, I'mlike, oh, you know, I'm this
many days sober.
And then, um, there's parts ofme, though, when people are like
(30:14):
, oh, you know what caused youto get sober.
I don't ever really want totalk about Aaron, cause I don't
want to ever seem like I'mtrying to monetize or like get
any type of infamy from whathappened.
Um, because that's not myobjective at all.
I truly just, like you know,when I talk about these things,
it's because I know that someit's going to register with
somebody and they're gonna,right now, like in 821 days, I
(30:36):
could lose, you know, 60 poundsand, you know, go from a hoopty
back to a normal person carwhich, like you know, girls, if
you saw the hoopty, I had ducttape in it.
It was like I was reallyrocking with a dream and, you
know, then I got to go and buylike a brand new car again, like
it's these things that I'm like, you know, I'm hoping, yeah,
(30:57):
like okay, I'm like slowlygetting my life back together.
And I ran it so hard into theground, like literally felt like
I destroyed my name, destroyedmy entire, like family.
I felt like I destroyedeverything in my life.
And then, you know, I alsocouldn't do like OnlyFans and
things like that anymore when Igot sober, because it didn't
align with me or who I am or howI feel about myself, and it
(31:18):
like I ended up like snappingand like freaking out and like
having a moment with, like youknow, I'm like a bottle of
bleach where I like freaked out,I like poured bleach on my body
because I like felt dirty.
And then it's like thosemoments where you're like, oh,
that's not healthy, like you'reputting bleach on yourself.
You've gotta maybe yeah maybechange some actions here, honey,
like what aligns now?
(31:40):
Like, oh, okay, so somethingmakes me feel dirty.
I've got to, like you know,switch it up, and so now I've
like switched to.
Weirdly, I started likemodeling.
Speaker 2 (31:48):
I agree with that choice.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Oh, thank you.
Yeah, yeah, but it's like sucha weird thing to know, like you
know, just a few years ago mylife was.
But it's like such a weirdthing to know, like you know,
just a few years ago, my lifewas very different.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
So you're going all the way to the other side of
like self-acceptance.
Yeah, which?
Speaker 1 (32:06):
is invaluable, really , you know, and it's like odd
because, like there's evenmoments still where, like, I'll
like open up Snapchat and I'llsee a video of myself from five
years ago, like your memories,yeah, and I'm like that does not
like bright blonde hair and,like you know, almost 200 pounds
and like always drunk.
Every snapchat's like hey, yeah, it's like such a different
(32:30):
person and I'm like, oh, shejust needed a hug, like she
needed a fucking friend, yeah,like just a little bit of
motivation and help.
But so I'm hoping, though, thatwhen people see like me just
chatting, that they get thepoint of why I'm doing it.
Like you can turn it around.
Instead of sitting in jail,getting extradited up to a
podunk, freaking courthouse, youcan, you know, switch it around
(32:53):
and go work out at Equinox anduse their eucalyptus towels.
It's a way better day.
Speaker 2 (32:59):
So I mean, I always have the policy of like it's
never too late to start, yeah,right, yeah.
Your mom saying like you wouldhave done it already it's.
I don't want to knock her, Idon't know her, but I think that
you know people need to makethat decision for themselves.
Nobody can force that decisionon you.
(33:20):
It just won't stick right.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
I completely agree, and I think, though, in a
certain way, because of that, myspite is what made me do it,
Because I was like fuck her,Like what do you mean?
Like what do you mean I wouldhave already done it.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Yeah, I don't think there's a lot of people that
understand it.
You know you can have empathyfor it, but you don't understand
it until you're in thatposition.
It's great that you made thatdecision to turn your life
around, and you did it for a lotof reasons, but you did it for
you, yes, and and that, I think,is probably the most important
thing because ultimately, youcan't fix or change anything
(33:54):
until you work on yourself 100%From the smallest.
You can't fix or changeanything until you work on
yourself 100% From the smallestthings to the biggest things.
You know that's how you turn itaround.
Anytime anybody shares a storylike this, it encourages the
same thing for somebody else.
So I hope you see yourself in abetter light now.
I hope that you— oh my gosh,you guys.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
I got sober and I got super hot.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
Yes, that is a plus, you definitely did.
I'm just kidding.
No, you absolutely are.
Yeah, no, it is one of thosethings where, like confidence
and when somebody is, I think,growing and working on
themselves, that by itself iswhat makes you sexy, right?
That confidence is somethingthat people are attracted to,
(34:38):
regardless of what you look like, and then you know, when you
start living a healthier life,all of those things come with it
, and I think that you should beproud, thank you.
Like the mixture of everything,you are a success story, even
with the ups and downs you'vehad in your life.
So when you, when you talkabout days instead of months or
years, is that like a mentalclarity thing for you, or like
(35:01):
every day you're making thatchoice, or is there a different
reason for it?
Speaker 1 (35:04):
So I think that it's every single day making that
choice, especially when it'sbroken down to what I've gone
through in the last two yearsthere's been some of the hardest
moments I've ever experiencedin my life and to know that I've
, like still chose to be soberthat day, like the guy that I,
you know, ended up not dating,aaron Carter, because of I
walked in on him cheating.
(35:25):
And I remember walking down thestairs after I walked in on him
sleeping with a different womanand there was a bottle of
tequila, a bottle of vodka andthere was like a bunch of like
marijuana and stuff.
And I remember like at thatmoment, like making that
decision, like oh my gosh, do Idrink?
And it happened August 9th, thefollowing year of that first
November of sobriety.
So it was like I think I waslike eight months sober at the
(35:46):
time and I remember just beinglike what the fuck?
And then he ended up choking meand like he broke my foot.
It was this really wild nightand I still chose sobriety.
So I'm like okay, now I'm atthat many days and I'm still
rocking with it.
And then I was like covered inbruises for a few days, but
still choosing to not cycle backto something terrible, but,
like, still choosing to moveforward.
And then, you know, the day thatI like realized like, oh my
gosh, I can't do OnlyFans, Ihave to.
(36:07):
You know, I'm going to startapplying it in and out, but I'm
proud of myself because, like, Iknow that that is going to be
better for me.
And so, like, this is that dayand I'm like, oh my gosh, this
is what I did on this day.
And then, like you know, day800 and whatever it was, like,
(36:28):
oh, I got it.
I got a brand new Tesla.
Like, oh my goodness, so thisis how many days it took me to
sort shit out.
And then what people don't knowis I actually compare it to
where I was at with alcoholism.
Like, I will then go and lookat my Snapchats and be like, oh,
this is where I was 800 daysinto drinking.
I still had my salons, I stillhad stuff, but I was starting to
gain weight and I didn't noticeit.
(36:48):
So I'm seeing, like I'mcomparing it to how quickly I
can get my life back togetherand how quickly I destroyed it.
And nobody ever once asked mewhy I was celebrating all the
time.
But people always ask me likeoh, why do you count every day?
But no one said anything.
When I'm like down to do cheersall the time, no one's like why
are you still celebrating LikeI celebrated every day for like
(37:12):
seven years straight?
Speaker 2 (37:13):
No, one said a word.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Okay.
So every time you like, go intoa story.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
I'm like wait, there's like 500, I'm so sorry,
no, no, no, it's, it's um.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
I have adhd don't say sorry about it.
Speaker 2 (37:26):
There's nothing to be sorry about, but um to to just
go back for a second.
You caught him cheating andthen what was?
Where did that physical abuse?
Speaker 1 (37:39):
okay.
So, um, he works for a recordlabel and they bought them a
house in the valley on dolorosa,so it's like this huge house.
It's one of the weekend'shouses, okay and yeah an extra
layer, an extra question I'mtelling you, guys, I meet
everybody and I don't know why.
Um no, but so they have thislike crazy big house that's in
(38:00):
the Valley, uh, in WoodlandHills, and he lived six minutes
away from where I lived at thetime.
My house was like right byPierce, and so I just had a
feeling and I knew he was lyingto me and like I hate, I hate
feeling crazy.
Then you're right.
And then you're like, well,yeah, but like, and I knew I was
right, but he would just belike no, no, it's just in your
(38:22):
head.
Girls, this is gonna soundcrazy.
Do you want to hear the actualstory?
Speaker 2 (38:25):
what happened?
Okay, so.
Speaker 1 (38:27):
I get to the gate and obviously he's not answering my
calls and so I'm like in frontof the fence which I they have a
ton of cameras so they'rewatching.
They can watch me do this,which is so embarrassing,
because I know that they have,because it ended up in a group
chat the amount of times I'veended up in a group chat.
But so I'm like standingoutside no, I'm pacing back and
(38:49):
forth in front of this likecamera going crazy, because I'm
like I don't know how to getover this fence.
There's no visible way to likescale this 12 foot fence and
there's two of them.
And so I'm like what do I do?
What do I do?
And when me and Aaron had likestill been messaging and stuff,
I deleted all of our messagesbecause the guy that I had
started dating was like I really, you know, I don't really want
(39:11):
you guys like talking anymore.
So I was like whatever, likethat was a bunch of drama, it
sucked, that ruined likeeverything in my life, so I'm
gonna delete everything.
Well, that night, as I'm likestanding outside of the fence,
I'm like, oh my gosh, am I rightabout this?
Am I right about this?
Well, all of the messages fromAaron Carter were back in my
phone and one of the messagesfrom him said you're right.
(39:31):
And I was like what the like?
Why would these pop back up?
And so I was like shaking andlike fuck, like, why would these
pop back up?
And so I was like shaking andlike I'm right, like so I'm
right that that's happening onthe other side of the fence.
And so and I know it sounds socrazy because, like, why did
those messages all of a suddenpop back through?
But they did.
And so I was like it gave melike this adrenaline burst and I
was like I'm going to make itover these fences.
(40:00):
And so I, like a cat woman,scaled these fences yeah, I'm
like parkouring 12 foot fences,all five, three of me like I got
this hi.
And so then I, you know, get tothe house and I know that he
always like left the back doorunlocked, stupid, I know I was
like you, stupid, mother.
And so then I like walked inthe back gate and then his door
to his bedroom door was shut andI was like why would your
bedroom door be shut In your ownhouse?
Yeah, in your house.
(40:20):
And so then I walked in and hewas like sleeping with a woman
that looked just like Lil Wayneand I was so conflicted Like, do
I ask for an autograph or do Ijust fucking go?
And I Was it.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
It was not and I love a way I do too.
Speaker 1 (40:36):
I know I would have totally hyped it and been like
tootsie like let's get athree-way going right now.
But no, uh, instead I was likehey, you gotta go.
And she was like, oh, my god,who's this?
And she like got her clothesand like left and then, um yeah,
and then he like attacked me.
I didn't mean to laugh, itwasn't funny but, like it was
wild because I didn't know thatwas coming next.
(40:56):
Right, had he been abusivebefore?
that no and I like.
I mean I say a lot of wild shitand I've never been hit you
know, so I guess it was like due.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
But I wasn't ready.
Speaker 1 (41:09):
No, no, no, I really like it was shocking, because I
really didn't expect that fromhim.
He had always been kind of oflike more on the meek, like shy
kind of side, and to see thatwas actually like terrifying.
Uh, it was, it was completelyshocking.
And he even told me he was likethe look on your face when I
was like choking you is whatmade me stop, because he's like
you look terrified and I waslike I was well, yeah, you were
(41:32):
on top of me.
I thought that was the end,okay.
So, ankle, how did your, how didyour ankle break?
He stood on my foot.
I don't think he noticed.
I think he was drunk because hesmelled like alcohol.
And then there like was a partwhere he like bit my arm, which
I have the craziest pictures ofthese like bruises and his
friend Ziad, who is theweekend's manager.
I ended up messaging him and hehad messaged me years before,
(41:53):
asking me out Cause he had, likeI don't know, we matched on
Tinder or something and I hadoddly messed up my foot, drunk,
tripping over a girlfriend's dogand him and I had talked about
that and I was like, hey, soit's super weird to be messaging
you about my foot again.
But hey, you're gonna see somevideos of me doing some crazy
shit.
Your house, and if you need meto replace a piece of wood, I
(42:15):
threw a piece of ice at it, andif you need money, I gotcha, and
then yeah.
So they did see the videos ofme jumping over the fence and
then, yeah, and then they saw me, and you know, scott, fighting
in the house.
Oh, so there's cameras in thehouse, yeah, which, okay, they
didn't tell me or any of theother girls that they were
sleeping with.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
Yeah that's there on camera, yeah yeah, that's not
great yeah to this day.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
I'm like I wonder if all those girls know that they
were recorded footage of themyeah, that's really messed up.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
It's super messed up.
It's scary that he was neverviolent until he was caught like
that's.
That's scary because that alsojust means that it's that was an
underlying personality traitand you know it was that was
going to pop out at some point.
Um and and nobody just chokessomebody out for no reason, like
(43:10):
that's no and then heapologized to me for months.
Speaker 1 (43:13):
So that happened in august and he was apologizing to
me for months.
Speaker 2 (43:17):
There's a reason for that.
That's not just because he'ssorry, that's because he doesn't
.
It's on camera.
He doesn't want you to presscharges.
Speaker 1 (43:23):
You don't like he like talked me into talking to
him again and he did it again inhis car.
He like attacked me again andit was daytime and he had not
had alcohol the second time.
And so I'm like, oh no, you'rejust terrible, you can attack me
completely sober.
I was chalking it up to, youhad had too much to drink, you
were emotional, but no, you canstill get that mad at me and
(43:44):
like, try and do it in broaddaylight, like it was 12 o'clock
the second time.
You tried to do it.
So I was like, no, you're apsycho and I have to like 100%
like, stay away from.
Did you ever press chargesagainst him?
No, I didn't at all.
He's Canadian and I just didn't.
I don't.
I don't want to get somebodydeported, you know.
Speaker 2 (44:10):
Well, no, you know, I think about that also myself,
like now and I'm like that'swild.
Yeah, no, I'm not.
I'm not like it's just, it'sone of those situations where,
like that is, that is like whohe is, yeah, yeah, that's really
intense.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that you broke yourankle.
I'm sorry that people areviolent towards you.
Nobody deserves that, no matterwhat stage they are in their
(44:31):
life, and so you were sober atthat point um, and so you were
sober at that point.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
No, yes, yes, yes, yes, uh, I was sober, I started.
So I started my sobrietyjourney november 5th 2022, um,
when he cheated on me, whenscott cheated on me, it was
august 9th 2022, so I was eightmonths into being sober.
Speaker 2 (44:46):
So that's what you were saying.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
Yeah, but I started dating him when I was still
drinking right um, and you chosenot to drink in that.
Speaker 2 (44:54):
after that situation, which, which is amazing, in
your sober journey, what issomething that you want to tell
people that are going throughsomething similar?
That?
Speaker 1 (45:03):
it is not too late to start.
Just start.
Start right now.
Start today.
Don't wait for tomorrow, don'twait for oh, I just got to wait
until after my birthday or afterthis person's birthday or after
this holiday.
Start right now and you aregoing to thank yourself in
literally 20 minutes, like youfeel better the second you get
going.
So just give yourself faith andlike, or give yourself grace
and have faith.
Just do it, because you gottabet on yourself like no one else
(45:27):
is gonna be there for you.
At the rocky moments at the endof the day, like when you're
all alone and you're likethinking about what you do and
like how you present yourself tothe world.
It's so much better when youcan put your like best foot
forward and be like hey, likeI'm actually like a decent
person, I'm thinking clearly.
These are my actual opinionsand thoughts.
I'm not speaking from likehaving a few drinks and feeling
loosey-goosey, like I actually,and like mean what I say.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
So if you want to be your whole self, just start now
yeah, no, I think that's that'sreally well said and that and
that that's it Right.
Is there something that youkind of replaced alcohol with?
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:59):
Oh, I go to the gym all the time.
Now, that's good yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
Well, you look like it.
I'm just fishing forcompliments today Happy to give
them to you, and and I thinkthat that is something that I
have seen is that it's normallyreplaced by something and
obviously it's great that it's ahealthy thing.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
I think you have to replace an addiction with
another addiction.
Like I know that that's what myrehab like really like toted.
They were like hey, you've gotto switch it out for something
else.
Like it sounds wild, but youreally have to.
And now you know I work out allthe time and I journal and I
just do things that you know Ihonestly never had put the like
attempts in.
Yeah, like, yeah, I would havejust tried.
(46:41):
Life probably could have gone alot easier, but you wouldn't
have had the same motivation,you wouldn't have had the same
experience.
Speaker 2 (46:47):
Like it, you know, I feel like things happen in your
life for a reason to some degree.
In your life, for a reason tosome degree.
You know, I think that there isa balance there between like
what you choose, but also youknow your path.
Like it's, there's things thatare chosen for you and then
there's things that you choose,and I think when those things
(47:08):
come together, it really likedecides your future until you
change it.
Yeah, I'm really happy, and Idon't know you very well, but
I'm also really um, like proudthat you've like taken yourself
to this moment.
Like there's a, there's a lotof growth there.
That doesn't obviously happenovernight, but like, um, this
could have easily gone in theopposite direction and you
(47:29):
really, you are an inspirationto so many people.
Thank you, it's possible, youcan do it.
Speaker 1 (47:36):
I appreciate that a lot because this has been a wild
moment and I know like therewere people that were cheering
for me from like back in my likeyounger years and they were
like, okay, you know, she had ababy, really young, let's like
root for her and it seemed likeI was doing good.
Like you know, I did college, Iopened up my businesses.
I was killing it and then tojust like nosedive as quickly as
(47:58):
I did and just like kind oftake it for a spin, I think
really shocked a lot of peopleand hurt a lot of people.
I I didn't realize that, likeyou know, even having an
OnlyFans like how many peoplethat hurts, because they don't
want to see you hurting yourself, you know, and so yeah, I mean,
it's a hard.
Speaker 2 (48:17):
I think that kind of going back to what I was saying
about like the things, whatyou're born into, the things
that happen to you, versus likewhat you choose.
I think, like, ultimately, youknow you, you your
responsibility is what you chose, but at the same time, like
you're also a product of like alot of things that a lot of
(48:39):
people either don't go throughor don't go through at that
young, like, everything that youaccomplished when you were
young is amazing, but there's alot of of psychological things
to figure out before you're 26.
Like no, I don't want to likesay that this is the reason, but
at the same time, like becausewhen I was 18 up until 26, I
(49:02):
thought I knew everything, Ithought I was making great
decisions for my life, but atthe same time, our brains aren't
fully formed.
So you made a lot of lifedecisions, a lot of
accomplishments, a lot of crazyshit happened to you before you
were 26, before you were fully,even, just like your brain was
fully developed.
You, you know, like there are alot of factors, um, and, and I
(49:24):
feel like in so many ways, youwere a product of your
environment, um, for better orfor worse, but you pulled
yourself out of it and that isthe most important thing, um,
for yourself, for your daughter,for everybody around you, for
everybody rooting for you.
That in itself is anaccomplishment.
I mean, the first 26 years ofyour life were fully loaded.
(49:45):
So you know, it's all a processand I'm glad that you are where
you're at.
Speaker 1 (49:53):
Thank you.
Yeah, I appreciate that and I'mhappy, you know, as loaded as
my first 26 years were, I'mhappy that I'm not spending the
next 26 still loaded.
Yeah, that's a percent.
I'm like sorting, sorting stuffout, and I feel a lot calmer
and like more at peace, which isnice.
Yeah, it's very odd, though Ifeel like I've like kind of like
I don't know, I've lived like ahundred lives and I'm you have,
(50:17):
you have, yeah, yeah, no, Ireally.
You know, I saw a to do listand I was like oh, all of it,
got it.
Speaker 2 (50:26):
Check them all.
Yeah, yeah.
But definitely jokes aside, I'msuper happy that you came on
the podcast and told Thank you.
Speaker 1 (50:35):
Your version, not your version, your truth, well,
thank you, because, ultimately,like and there is obviously just
because this is my version, andlike I know that somebody's
truth doesn't mean that somebodyelse's truth is a lie.
So like, even if my truthcontradicts somebody else's, it
doesn't mean hers is a lieeither.
We have different opinions andperspectives, and I know that we
(50:57):
see these, these, like thiswhole situation, from very
different lenses.
I just like I really think thatif there was like one thing I
could do, I would really love ifme and Melanie could just never
talk about each other again andlike leave each other alone.
And like I send her genuinelove and I really do hope the
best for her and Prince, likewith every single fiber of my
(51:17):
being.
Like I truly understand, from mypoint of view, what it's like
to go through something similarto that, and I am so sorry.
And like if there was anythingI could ever do, like listen to
her or be there for her, I wouldlove to.
I don't want us to be likegoing at each other, though, and
like trying to tear each otherdown.
The world is hard enoughwithout us like trying to attack
each other, and that's not whatI think is like productive at
(51:41):
all.
Like Aaron, touched both of ourlives and changed the like
course of both of our livesforever, and I don't think
there's any need for like hatredtowards each other.
Speaker 2 (51:50):
It's so redundant and just like stupid, in my opinion
yeah, well, I think you alsotouched on a really important
thing, which is the fact that,um, regardless if something is
factual or right, when somebodyexperiences something, the way
that they're processing itdoesn't mean that it's not true.
It's their truth like you'resaying right, um, the emotions
(52:13):
that they get from what they'reexperiencing no matter if it's
factual or not is real.
They're feeling all of thosefeelings, um, they're going
through everything that they'regoing through.
It doesn't make that not valid,um, it doesn't make it right or
wrong either, but it issomething that feels very real,
um, and something that you haveto to work through, learn from,
(52:35):
celebrate, depending on what itis.
It's not always bad things, but, like, ultimately, your version
of it, it's.
It's not that, it's not that itdoesn't matter, because you,
you are feeling I'm beingredundant now, but do you know
what I mean?
It's like you know, everybodyhas their own process, um, and I
think that's what makes a lotof situations like this really
(52:56):
difficult, which I'm basicallyrepeating what you're saying but
ultimately, like that differentperspective, it changes, it
changes everything and it willaffect her life, it'll affect
Prince's life, it's affectedyour life and it's just kind of
what you do with it.
So I hope all of those thingstoo, I hope that it's it's less
(53:20):
of like a agree to disagree,cause I don't think that that's
what needs to happen.
I think it's just things needto be, just needs to kind of be
what it is, and work onyourselves and move forward.
Um yeah, and I hope that too.
I hope that for both of you.
(53:41):
Thank you, I really doappreciate you coming on the
show and sharing what you shared, and you're an inspiration to
me.
You're an inspiration toeverybody who listens to this,
and I think what you've talkedabout is applicable in
everybody's life, regardless iftheir journey is similar or not.
Everything, everyone can learnfrom the lessons that you've
(54:02):
learned about yourself.
Speaker 1 (54:03):
So thank you for that .
Thank you, thank you.
I appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (54:07):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (54:07):
Thank you for coming on.
I just love talking.
Speaker 2 (54:11):
Why do you think I started a podcast?
I love talking too.
Speaker 1 (54:13):
Thanks for having me Bye.
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