July 8, 2025 • 40 mins
If you’ve ever looked at your child—especially a teenager—and wondered if you’re trying to communicate with someone from another planet, you’re not alone. Parenting can feel like decoding a mystery, especially when it comes to understanding why kids act the way they do. In this enlightening discussion with parenting expert Meri Wallace, we delve into the underlying motivations that influence children's actions. Meri explains that children's seemingly irrational behavior is frequently rooted in developmental challenges rather than a reflection of their character. She is the author of The Secret World of Children: Why Children Behave the Way They Do. With over three decades of experience, she offers invaluable insights, identifying nine pivotal developmental issues that contribute to a child's acting out. Meri has been interviewed on CNN, MSNBC, and the Hallmark Channel and has a blot in Psychology Today.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
This is Women Road warriorswith Shelly Johnson and Kathy Tucaro.
From the corporate office tothe cab of a truck, they're here
to inspire and empower womenin all professions.
So gear down, sit back and enjoy.
(00:23):
Welcome.
We're an award winning showdinner dedicated to empowering women
in every profession throughinspiring stories and expert insights.
No topics off limits on our show.
We power women on the road tosuccess with expert and celebrity
interviews and information you need.
I'm Shelly and Kathy's on assignment.
(00:44):
As a parent, do you sometimeswonder if you're dealing with a space
alien who has no idea how tocommunicate with you or conduct themselves
in the proper way?
Do you also wonder what ittakes to speak to your kids?
Sometimes it seems like areally complicated mystery.
Especially when kids get intotheir teens, there really are answers
(01:05):
and solutions.
Mary Wallace is the author ofthe Secret World of why Children
Behave the Way They Do.
Mary's been a child and familytherapist and parenting expert for
over 30 years.
She writes a monthly blog forPsychology Today and has appeared
on national tv, radio andpopular podcasts to discuss everything
from infancy to adolescence.
(01:25):
Adolescence.
She's made repeatedappearances on Eyewitness News, Good
Day New York, wnbc, cnn,msnbc, BBC, wpix, the Hallmark Channel,
and the FOX Family Channel.
Mary is also the author ofBirth Order Blues and Keys to parenting
your 4 year old.
Mary helps parents understandthe developmental reasons for behaviors
(01:47):
that their children have andteaches them positive words and actions
to take in response.
She's identified nine specificdevelopmental issues that cause a
child's troublesome behavior.
Her advice helps reduce parentchild battles and build strong parent
child communication.
We wanted to know more so weinvited Mary on the show.
(02:07):
Welcome Mary.
Thank you for being with me.
Thank you so much for inviting me.
Oh, this is going to be awonderful conversation.
I can't wait to hear some ofyour insight because, you know, it
does seem like at times thekids are on another planet other
than ours.
You know, as your websitesays, children's behavior can be
baffling, terrifying, andutterly infuriating.
(02:30):
Sometimes parents can feel solost and hopeless.
This is such a difficult issuefor parents.
As a matter of fact, as aparenting expert and a child and
family therapist, I feel thisis the hardest thing in the world
for parents to understand whytheir child is flinging a forkful
(02:55):
of spaghetti across the roomor is kicking and hitting and biting.
They don't understand and theyget upset.
They worry, is my child goingto end up on a therapist's couch
forever?
Have I failed as a Parent.
So I wrote this book out of mylove for children and my wish to
(03:17):
explain to parents how torespond when positively to their
children's behavior, how tounderstand it and most of all, if
you understand it and you usethe suggestions I give you in the
book, you will raise yourchild to feel loved.
That's the most important thing.
(03:37):
I love this.
You know, it's so important.
Kids don't come with anowner's manual.
You know, everything else inlife we have instructions.
We really don't have one forchildren and every child is different.
So I mean, your insight is so valuable.
Before we talk about some ofthe things that you can share with
(03:59):
parents, I wanted to cover alittle bit about your background
so our listeners can get toknow you.
How did you decide to become aparenting expert and what's your
background in therapy?
Well, I've had an interesting background.
I started out as a danceteacher and I taught children how
to dance and also adults.
(04:21):
And I just fell in love withchildren and I wanted to learn more
about their development and Iwanted to teach parents how to work
with their kids better.
I mean, I've lived long enoughto be on a street corner watching
(04:44):
parents hitting their kidsbecause they're so frustrated and
frightened and they don't knowwhat to do.
Growing up, I could see wheremy parents were making mistakes.
So I really wanted to learn alot about how parents can do this
(05:04):
in the best way possible sothat they would feel self confident
and the kids, as I saidbefore, or would grow up feeling
loved.
I think it's so needed.
It's kind of interesting afterhaving children, raising children,
all of that, humankind hasbeen doing that forever, but it's
(05:27):
still a mystery.
And it seems to change.
Of course, technology changes everything.
Society changes.
So there are differenttheories all the time on how to parent.
And it does seem likeparenting may be more difficult today.
I know I see a lot of kids outthere that they really have some
bad behavior, not stuff I usedto see when I was a child.
(05:50):
Is there something that'sdifferent out there?
Have children gotten a lotmore angry?
Well, I think that childrenare facing many more difficulties
than ever before.
I mean, school shootings andclimate change and there's a lot
(06:12):
of scary things going on.
And with the Internet, there'sso much access to issues such as
drinking and smoking and drugs.
And children are living in avery different environment than they
(06:33):
did earlier on.
Also, I think think that inprior decades, I think there was
a misunderstanding of childrenthat governed how parents reacted
they didn't understand whatI've discovered, I've discovered
(06:55):
that the behavior we see isalways predicated by some sort of
emotional issue ordevelopmental issue underneath.
And parents never learned that.
So through the centuries, thebelief was, okay, here's how you
(07:21):
raise a child.
If the child does somethingwrong, you use capital punishment
or you scream or you they,there was a feeling that the child
was bad.
And so I think what happenedthen is children grew up feeling
(07:44):
quite bad and they weren'treally taught how to deal with their
feelings and how to behave inthe best way possible.
And so I think what I'vediscovered in my over 30 years is
that there really aredevelopmental reasons why a child
(08:09):
will kick and bite.
The child is not bad.
Children are not bad.
They start off reacting fromdevelopmental issues.
For example, you're feedingyour baby and your 3 year old is
feeling jealous and feels hewants attention, but he doesn't have
(08:34):
the language or the impulsecontrol to come over and say, hey
Ma, what about me?
What are my chopped liver?
Give me some attention.
And so children and everythingin my book, I show any kind of behavior
(08:57):
that I describe.
I link it to infancy.
Little babies, when they'rehungry or frustrated, will thrash
their arms and legs.
They will react physically.
So when you get to be 3:3, youstill don't have the language and
(09:20):
you still don't have theimpulse control, so you just continue
to behave that way.
And I, in my book, I followeach particular developmental issue
all the way from infancy to adolescence.
I mean, adolescents will stillslam a door and scream I hate you.
(09:43):
Oh yeah.
And our job as parents is toteach our children how to express
themselves in words.
And they don't come into thisworld with the words.
And so one of my, thestrongest things that I tell parents
(10:09):
is you have to teach phrases.
You have to teach childrenwhat they can say instead of engaging
in negative behavior.
And as we go along, I'll showyou how that works.
Okay, that makes sense.
When we come back, we cancover some of that.
(10:29):
Stay tuned for more of womenRoad warriors coming up.
Dean Michael, the tax doctor here.
I have one question for you.
Do you want to stop worryingabout the irs?
If the answer is yes, thenlook no further.
I've been around for years.
I've helped countless peopleacross the country, and my success
rate speaks for itself.
(10:50):
So now you know where to findgood, honest help with your tax problems.
What are you waiting for?
If you owe more than $10,000to the IRS or haven't filed in years,
call me now.
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and get your life back.
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(11:38):
Welcome back to Women Roadwarriors with Shelly Johnson and
Kathy Tucaro.
If you're enjoying thisinformative episode of Women Road
Warriors, I wanted to mentionKathy and I explore all kinds of
topics that will power you onthe road to success.
We feature a lot of expertinterviews, plus we feature celebrities
(11:59):
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Please check out ourpodcast@womenroadwarriors.com and
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(12:19):
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We want to help as many womenas possible.
If you've ever looked at yourchild, especially a teenager, and
wondered if you're trying tocommunicate with someone from another
planet, you're not alone.
Parenting can feel likedecoding a mystery, especially when
(12:42):
it comes to understanding whykids act the way they do.
But there are answers.
Mary Wallace has spent over 30years helping parents crack that
code.
She's a family therapist,parenting expert, and author of the
Secret World of why ChildrenBehave the Way They Do.
Mary says many times it's amatter of teaching a child what to
say instead of engaging innegative behavior.
(13:04):
You may have seen her on cnn,MSNBC or the Hallmark Channel, or
read her blog.
In Psychology Today, Mary hasidentified nine key developmental
reasons behind challenging behaviors.
She's been sharing how parentscan respond with empathy, reduce
conflict and build stronger connections.
Mary, would you say that someof this also is a struggle for independence?
(13:25):
We as a species want to beindependent and if you look at the
two year old, the terribletwos, they're saying no, they want
their way.
When you look at adolescents,the same thing.
They're trying to break freeof their parents rules and basically
function on their own, whichis part of the natural process.
Do you think that's part ofwhat comes into play.
(13:46):
There's a.
Absolutely.
And it is one of the ninedevelopmental issues that underlie
a child's behavior.
And you picked two veryinteresting points.
A two year old and a teenagerdo have something in common.
(14:06):
They very much want to be independent.
A two year old suddenly hasall these new skills and wants to
put her shoes on by herselfand will kick you and push you away
when you try to help her putthe shoes on even though she can't
put them on by herself.
(14:27):
So it's the question of how towork with that.
And I will tell you that in a second.
A teenager wants to go outinto the world and do what adults
do do, but the teenagerdoesn't have the skills and we need
to teach the, the teenager skills.
(14:47):
So with the two year old wesay, oh, I can see you really want
to do that, but you reallywant to put on your shoe by yourself.
Okay, I'll tell you what, youput on one shoe and I'll put on the
other.
Or to a teenager say, you knowwhat, I know you really want to walk
to school on your own, butI'll tell, I will, we'll walk together
(15:13):
to school and I will show youhow to do it safely.
I will show you where you canstop if you have any problems, who
can help you.
We'll go over how to cross thelarge streets.
So our job is, is to be like amentor to our child, to teach our
(15:37):
child in that particularsituation what steps to take.
And so they will internalizethe skills and be able to function
more independently.
And they'll remember thatessentially you're also striking
(15:57):
a compromise.
You put on one shoe, I'll puton the other.
So they're still being able tobe independent, but then while you're
putting on their shoe, theycan kind of observe what you're doing
too.
Yes, we always want toacknowledge the child's wish.
You wish to be independent.
That's good.
(16:18):
That's very good.
We want to promoteindependence, but we also want to
promote safety.
And we want to teach our childthe skills to accomplish what they
really want.
And they need to know from usthat they're.
Wait, you're not able to tieyour shoe because you need to make
(16:41):
a loop this way and that way.
If a child is fighting youputting him into a car seat, you
can say, you know what, youcan climb up on the seat and here's
how you can get into the seatby yourself.
(17:03):
So in a way it's sort of, youcould call It a compromise, but you're
also aiding the child.
You're being this benign mentor.
What do you do with a willfulchild that has temper tantrums all
the time?
Okay, as I said before,children, young children, especially
(17:26):
if you're in a store shoppingand your child sees this red fire
engine that's new and shinyand he wants it and he throws himself
on the floor.
And the reason children dothis begins actually in infancy.
(17:49):
In infancy, a child knows, I'mhungry and you're not coming fast
enough and I have to eat to live.
You know, there's an internalmessage that the body has.
You must eat to live.
So children will scream andcry and then, but later on as they
(18:10):
grow, they transfer theirurgent wishes to everything they
want.
So, and it's hard, it's veryhard for us because if a child who
walks into a store is going tofind something he gets attached to
and urgently wants it.
(18:32):
Okay, so now a child's tantrumis kind of a protest.
I want that.
I really, really want that.
So there's, there are certainsteps you can take to work with that.
It's not easy.
Everybody in the store islooking at you to see, are you a
(18:54):
capable parent?
Can you handle your child?
Do you, you know, can youhandle an out of control child?
You, you really have an out ofcontrol child.
No, you have a child who wantsand feels it urgently.
So we immediately say to achild, I can see that you want that
(19:22):
red fire engine.
We acknowledge the wishbecause once you acknowledge it,
you sort of bring down thelevel of urgency to protect protest.
You lower the protest a little bit.
A little bit.
I'm not saying people, youalways, you know, it takes it away,
(19:45):
but I can see that you want itand, but you need to come off the
floor.
And we will, we talk about itin our family.
We talk that what we want.
We don't throw ourselves onthe floor, we don't hit anybody,
we don't kick anybody.
We talk.
(20:05):
And here's what you can say,mommy, I really want that truck.
So your three year old isstarting to internalize a way of
asserting himself that's positive.
And then you can tell yourchild, you know what, we can't get
(20:26):
that today.
It's a big present and I justbought you some a ball in the other
store and, but we can put iton a list on my phone and on this
on the phone we can.
And maybe we'll get it for youfor your birthday or for Christmas
(20:49):
or the next time we want togive you a gift.
So it's on the phone now.
Children love that.
Children feel that.
It gives them a certain amountof power and.
And some assurance that.
Well, I wouldn't even say some.
(21:10):
An assurance that you'retaking their desires and needs into
consideration.
Sure.
Doesn't mean you buy itdoesn't mean you rush out and buy
the truck.
But.
But yeah.
So that's why children havetensions, because they really want.
Want something bad or theyfeel angry and they.
(21:35):
Their emotional economy is notdeveloped yet.
I've seen parents who give in.
They'll just get the toy tokeep the child quiet.
And if they're told, thechild's told, no, not right now.
Sometimes they're like, I wantmy immediate gratification.
They'll still be angry.
I want that now.
(21:55):
I want it.
I want it.
How do you deal with that?
Because it's almost likesometimes the children do this so
much, the parents don't knowhow to deal with their behavior.
The children are running the show.
Well, yeah, because a child'swishes and emotions are big, and
(22:18):
so sometimes it feels easierjust to give in.
I don't want to fight.
And in my book, I also talkabout the parents childhood.
And maybe in childhood theyhad a parent and they didn't want
to fight.
(22:38):
They didn't want to fight.
They were afraid to fight withtheir parent or the parent never
gave them toys.
So, you know, as parents, it'snot only what the child's presenting,
but our own experiences cometo the fore.
(23:00):
It can ignite all kinds of oldissues of our own.
And in my book, in everychapter, I talk about, let's say,
love.
The need for love is one ofthe developmental issues that children
have.
(23:21):
So think about your ownexperiences with love.
Did your parents give youenough attention?
Did they.
Did they hug you?
Did they tell you, I love you?
So when you're dealing withyour child, it affects how you respond
(23:41):
to your child.
So when we go back to the fireengine, you know, we might say, because
of our own experience, wemight say, okay, my parents never
gave me anything.
I'm going to give them.
But I recommend that, yes, youlook into your own childhood because
(24:05):
that's going to help you inyour parenting.
If you're not aware of whatyou're reacting to, if you're always
saying no, then to your child,then you might say, well, maybe that's
something you learn from yourown parents.
(24:26):
They always said no, so I'mgoing to always say no.
So you need to look into yourself.
But overall, it is best not togive in unless it makes sense.
You know what I mean?
That makes total sense.
(24:49):
Stay tuned for more of Womenroadworld Warriors coming up.
Dean Michael, the tax doctor here.
I have one question for you.
Do you want to stop worryingabout the irs?
If the answer is yes, thenlook no further.
I've been around for years.
I've helped countless peopleacross the country, and my success
rate speaks for itself.
(25:10):
So now you know where to findgood, honest help with your tax problems.
What are you waiting for?
If you owe more than $10,000to the IRS or haven't filed in years,
call me now at 888-557-4020 orgo to mytaxhelpmd.com for a free
consultation and get your life back.
Welcome back to Women Roadwarriors with Shelly Johnson and
(25:34):
Kathy Tucaro.
If you've ever looked at yourchild, especially a teenager, and
wondered if you're trying tocommunicate with someone from another
place, planet, you're not alone.
Parenting can feel likedecoding a mystery, especially when
it comes to understanding whykids act the way they do.
But there are answers.
(25:55):
Mary Wallace has spent over 30years helping parents crack that
code.
She's a family therapist,parenting expert and author of the
Secret World of why ChildrenBehave the Way They Do.
Mary says many times it's amatter of teaching a child what to
say instead of engaging innegative behavior.
You may have seen her on cnn,MSNBC or the Hallmark Channel, or
(26:17):
read her blog.
In Psychology Today, Mary hasidentified nine key developmental
reasons behind challenging behaviors.
She's been sharing how parentscan respond with empathy, reduce
conflict and build stronger connections.
You know, Mary, there's somany differences with children, especially
by gender.
Boys and girls are differentand they have to be handled differently.
(26:39):
I mean, I've heard that frommy friends.
And boys and girls can havetotally different ways of handling
the teenage years.
You've talked about ninespecific developmental issues that
cause children's troublesome behavior.
Did you want to highlight someof those?
I know that we don't have timeto probably cover everyone, but maybe
give us some tidbits because Iknow the listeners are going to say,
(27:01):
okay.
Are they okay?
So the need for love.
Children need love.
That's the most important need.
And the again, I'm startingfrom infancy with all of these.
They need to be touched.
Touch is like the mo in thebeginning is like one of the most
important things.
You need to touch, hug, giveattention to your child.
(27:26):
To a child, attention equals love.
And you must do that so sothat the Child feels loved.
The second issue that is anunderlying cause of a lot of children's
behavior is curiosity.
They are naturally born with it.
(27:47):
You will see a two week oldchild lift up his body and look around
outside the crib.
They are in love with theworld they have.
And actually they've donestudies that show that curiosity
is the most important thingfor children in learning.
(28:11):
The third thing is the needfor independence.
Children are born and theyfeel at one with their parent.
They cry, the parent feeds them.
They often feel like theparent's hand is their own hand.
And then really early, webegin to see a baby start to try
(28:33):
to be independent, climb up ona chair when they're really too small
and it could harm them.
And so there's a tremendousneed for independence that shows
itself most clearly in adolescence.
And in fact, adolescents needto begin to be independent because
(28:54):
they're going out in theworld, this is right before they
go out in the world.
So they, they want to feel independent.
Fourth thing is that childrenexperience an urgent need for their
whatever they wish.
And, and I, I alreadyexplained that infants need to eat.
(29:16):
So it's urgent and it is urgent.
And then they transfer thisurgency to anything they want as
they grow.
And they need to learn thatit's okay to want, it's okay to want,
but you can't have everythingyou want.
And you can have everythingyou want right now.
The next thing is impulsivity.
(29:37):
Children have quick feelingsand desires and they take an action
and they're not aware of theconsequence because children have
urgent wishes they experienceas life and death.
That's why a two year old willgo through an open gate and jump
(30:00):
into the swimming pool becausethey have an impulse to do it.
So that's something that theyneed to learn, that something could
happen to them, they could get hurt.
And so you can't jump downfrom the bunk bed, you can't go into
(30:22):
the street because it's my jobto keep you safe.
And so over time, and it takesa very long time for children to
control their impulses.
As a matter of fact, it's thefrontal cortex of the brain.
The frontal cortex of thebrain actually is only fully developed
(30:44):
when an individual is 25.
Interesting.
Oh my goodness.
Impulsivity exists for a verylong time.
And frankly a lot of thesethings, though I say it's from infancy
to adolescence, adultsstruggle with that too.
Okay, I'm not going to eat abrownie, I'm going to eat an apple.
(31:05):
And instead, you know, andthen there's A very important issue
that children live.
Live in the moment when theyget out of bed, they're not thinking,
I have to get dressed becauseI have to go to school.
Little children especially,they'd rather play.
(31:26):
So they jump in to play.
And it's very hard to get themto stop playing, to get dressed.
It's very hard to get childrento brush their teeth because they'd
rather play than brush their teeth.
So they live in the here.
And now they're focused onwhat they want to do.
(31:46):
Oh, yeah.
I remember as a child, Ididn't like to have to take time
to go to the bathroom.
It was interrupting what I was doing.
Absolutely, absolutely.
And then they don't know if.
If you say, okay, we'releaving in three minutes, they'll
go, what's a minute?
Yeah.
Little kids, they don't knowwhat it is.
(32:06):
I remember my mother in thesummertime, I'm a redhead, and mom
wanted me to stay out of thesun so I wouldn't get burned.
And she'd say, you need tostay in the shade.
You need to stay in the shade.
And I wasn't in the shade.
And she finally came out andshe said, what are you doing?
And I looked at her, I said,what is the shade?
I have no idea.
Exactly.
Exactly.
And it takes time to teachchildren about time.
(32:30):
What is a second?
What's a schedule?
What do you need to do each day?
Do you start off with acalendar that has a picture of all
the activities that a childneeds to do that day?
But we need to be patientbecause they have such strong urges
(32:50):
and desires that it is veryhard for a child to stop what they're
doing.
It feels like a loss.
You've got that as one of yourdevelopmental issues, the desire
for pleasure.
And during adolescence, oh, my.
You got the sexual stuff goingon with the hormones, you know.
But this pleasure is sointeresting because it actually starts
(33:11):
in infancy.
There is a mechanism in ourbody that makes eating pleasurable
so that there's a release ofdopamine, so it keeps.
So it.
Our species will survive.
And this need for pleasurecontinues all the way through a child's
(33:34):
growing up and adulthood.
But the thing is, over time,with our patient instruction and
guidance, children learn howto handle it better.
Every child also has, as our last.
I think I covered all nine.
(33:56):
Fear and anxiety.
Naturally, when a baby isborn, there's a natural, instinctive
feeling that I could get hurtand killed in a second.
I mean, that's an instinct.
So the fight or flee comesfrom there I need to survive.
(34:20):
All life is about survival,and these nine issues also have to
do with survival.
The child's main goal is tosurvive, and they need love for it.
They need independence.
A lot of the issues that Ihave mentioned are all about survival.
(34:41):
So we have to help childrenunderstand what is in fact, really
dangerous and what they needto do to protect themselves.
Sure.
Stay tuned for more of WomenRoad warriors coming up.
(35:03):
Dean Michael, the tax doctor here.
I have one question for you.
Do you want to stop worryingabout the irs?
If the answer is yes, thenlook no further.
I've been around for years.
I've helped countless peopleacross the country, and my success
rate speaks for itself.
So now you know where to findgood, honest help with your tax problems.
What are you waiting for?
If you owe more than $10,000to the IRS or haven't filed in years,
(35:25):
call me now and 888-557-4020or go to mytax helpmd.com for a free
consultation and get your life back.
Welcome back to Women Roadwarriors with Shelly Johnson and
Kathy Tucaro.
If parenting ever feels like adaily negotiation with a tiny, unpredictable
(35:51):
roommate, you're spot on withthat feeling.
Whether you're dealing withtoddler tantrums or the silence of
a brooding teen, it can feellike you somehow missed the manual.
But our guest, Mary Wallace,has been sharing the answers you've
been looking for.
Mary is a seasoned familytherapist and author of the Secret
World of Children, and shespent decades helping parents understand
(36:11):
what's really going on beneaththe surface of their child's behavior.
She says children have a deepneed for survival and love, and that
means more than just saying itto touching, hugging and giving focused
attention are all essential.
That's what equals love to a child.
Mary also explains that a lotof misbehavior isn't about being
bad.
(36:31):
It's often rooted in naturalcuriosity or tied to stages of development
as far back as infancy.
She's identified nine specificreasons why kids act out and offers
practical, real lifestrategies to reduce the conflict
and strengthen communication.
Mary There are a lot of thingsto think about as a parent that I
don't think a lot of parentsare even aware of.
(36:53):
Parents really need to be self aware.
They have to use a lot of understanding.
But this gives a really goodperspective of all the stuff that's
going on in a developing child.
This is a book I think allparents really need to pick up, maybe
before they even have children.
The Secret World of whychildren Behave the Way they Do.
Where can people find yourbook, Mary?
(37:15):
Well, it's on Amazon and yeah,you could just go on Amazon and get
it.
Excellent.
And can people work with you virtually?
Do you do virtual sessions?
Yes, I do.
And telephone?
Yeah, I do do that.
Especially since COVID I beganto do that more and more.
(37:38):
And it works beautifully.
Oh, absolutely.
And that's convenient forparents if they need something.
Like right now I can't driveto your.
Your facility, so I. I need totalk right now.
And can we set up an appointment?
So this is convenient.
Can people go tomarywallace.com that's M E R I W
a L L a C e dot com.
Yes.
(37:59):
And I talk about myexperiences on television and my.
The books I've written and Ihave my Psychology Today blogs about
every topic.
You could go to PsychologyToday and.
And you'll find tons of topicsthat may relate to you.
(38:20):
That's terrific.
This is some tremendousinformation, Mary.
We barely tapped intoeverything, but you've really given
listeners some food for thought.
I don't think the averageparent really thinks about all of
this stuff.
There's so many dynamics thatgo into the growing child.
I love how you've broken allof this down.
It's such common sense, and Ithink it's great.
(38:41):
It's a great guide for parentsand it's going to make for happier
children.
The Secret world of Children,why children behave the way they
do.
I recommend people pick up the book.
I really appreciate youtalking about this, Mary.
It's my pleasure.
I believe it can be very helpful.
You know, sometimes I workwith a family for a few minutes and
(39:05):
I start turning things aroundin their lives when they're pulling
out their hair.
Yeah.
And that's all they needsometimes is like, show me the light,
please.
Please guide me.
You know I enjoy it.
Oh, I love what you're doing.
This is terrific.
Thank you, Mary.
I appreciate you being on the show.
We hope you've enjoyed thislatest episode.
(39:27):
And if you want to hear moreepisodes of Women Road warriors or
learn more about our show, besure to check out womenroadwarriors.com
and please follow us on social media.
And don't forget to subscribeto our podcast on our website.
We also have a selection ofpodcasts just for women.
They're a series of podcastsfrom different podcasters.
(39:48):
So if you're in the mood forwomen's podcasts, just click the
Power network tab onwomenroadwarriors.com youm'll have
a variety of shows to listento anytime you want to.
Podcasts Made for Women WomenRoad warriors is on all the major
podcast channels like Apple,Spotify, Amazon, Audible, YouTube
and others.
Check us out and please followus wherever you listen to podcasts.
(40:10):
Thanks for listening.
You've been listening to WomenRoad warriors with Shelly Johnson
and Kathy Takaro.
If you want to be a guest onthe show or have a topic or feedback,
email us@sjohnsonomenroadwarriors.com.
This is Women Road warriorswith Shelly Johnson and Kathy Tucaro.
From the corporate office tothe cab of a truck, they're here
to inspire and empower womenin all professions.
So gear down, sit back and enjoy.
(00:23):
Welcome.
We're an award winning showdinner dedicated to empowering women
in every profession throughinspiring stories and expert insights.
No topics off limits on our show.
We power women on the road tosuccess with expert and celebrity
interviews and information you need.
I'm Shelly and Kathy's on assignment.
(00:44):
As a parent, do you sometimeswonder if you're dealing with a space
alien who has no idea how tocommunicate with you or conduct themselves
in the proper way?
Do you also wonder what ittakes to speak to your kids?
Sometimes it seems like areally complicated mystery.
Especially when kids get intotheir teens, there really are answers
(01:05):
and solutions.
Mary Wallace is the author ofthe Secret World of why Children
Behave the Way They Do.
Mary's been a child and familytherapist and parenting expert for
over 30 years.
She writes a monthly blog forPsychology Today and has appeared
on national tv, radio andpopular podcasts to discuss everything
from infancy to adolescence.
(01:25):
Adolescence.
She's made repeatedappearances on Eyewitness News, Good
Day New York, wnbc, cnn,msnbc, BBC, wpix, the Hallmark Channel,
and the FOX Family Channel.
Mary is also the author ofBirth Order Blues and Keys to parenting
your 4 year old.
Mary helps parents understandthe developmental reasons for behaviors
(01:47):
that their children have andteaches them positive words and actions
to take in response.
She's identified nine specificdevelopmental issues that cause a
child's troublesome behavior.
Her advice helps reduce parentchild battles and build strong parent
child communication.
We wanted to know more so weinvited Mary on the show.
(02:07):
Welcome Mary.
Thank you for being with me.
Thank you so much for inviting me.
Oh, this is going to be awonderful conversation.
I can't wait to hear some ofyour insight because, you know, it
does seem like at times thekids are on another planet other
than ours.
You know, as your websitesays, children's behavior can be
baffling, terrifying, andutterly infuriating.
(02:30):
Sometimes parents can feel solost and hopeless.
This is such a difficult issuefor parents.
As a matter of fact, as aparenting expert and a child and
family therapist, I feel thisis the hardest thing in the world
for parents to understand whytheir child is flinging a forkful
(02:55):
of spaghetti across the roomor is kicking and hitting and biting.
They don't understand and theyget upset.
They worry, is my child goingto end up on a therapist's couch
forever?
Have I failed as a Parent.
So I wrote this book out of mylove for children and my wish to
(03:17):
explain to parents how torespond when positively to their
children's behavior, how tounderstand it and most of all, if
you understand it and you usethe suggestions I give you in the
book, you will raise yourchild to feel loved.
That's the most important thing.
(03:37):
I love this.
You know, it's so important.
Kids don't come with anowner's manual.
You know, everything else inlife we have instructions.
We really don't have one forchildren and every child is different.
So I mean, your insight is so valuable.
Before we talk about some ofthe things that you can share with
(03:59):
parents, I wanted to cover alittle bit about your background
so our listeners can get toknow you.
How did you decide to become aparenting expert and what's your
background in therapy?
Well, I've had an interesting background.
I started out as a danceteacher and I taught children how
to dance and also adults.
(04:21):
And I just fell in love withchildren and I wanted to learn more
about their development and Iwanted to teach parents how to work
with their kids better.
I mean, I've lived long enoughto be on a street corner watching
(04:44):
parents hitting their kidsbecause they're so frustrated and
frightened and they don't knowwhat to do.
Growing up, I could see wheremy parents were making mistakes.
So I really wanted to learn alot about how parents can do this
(05:04):
in the best way possible sothat they would feel self confident
and the kids, as I saidbefore, or would grow up feeling
loved.
I think it's so needed.
It's kind of interesting afterhaving children, raising children,
all of that, humankind hasbeen doing that forever, but it's
(05:27):
still a mystery.
And it seems to change.
Of course, technology changes everything.
Society changes.
So there are differenttheories all the time on how to parent.
And it does seem likeparenting may be more difficult today.
I know I see a lot of kids outthere that they really have some
bad behavior, not stuff I usedto see when I was a child.
(05:50):
Is there something that'sdifferent out there?
Have children gotten a lotmore angry?
Well, I think that childrenare facing many more difficulties
than ever before.
I mean, school shootings andclimate change and there's a lot
(06:12):
of scary things going on.
And with the Internet, there'sso much access to issues such as
drinking and smoking and drugs.
And children are living in avery different environment than they
(06:33):
did earlier on.
Also, I think think that inprior decades, I think there was
a misunderstanding of childrenthat governed how parents reacted
they didn't understand whatI've discovered, I've discovered
(06:55):
that the behavior we see isalways predicated by some sort of
emotional issue ordevelopmental issue underneath.
And parents never learned that.
So through the centuries, thebelief was, okay, here's how you
(07:21):
raise a child.
If the child does somethingwrong, you use capital punishment
or you scream or you they,there was a feeling that the child
was bad.
And so I think what happenedthen is children grew up feeling
(07:44):
quite bad and they weren'treally taught how to deal with their
feelings and how to behave inthe best way possible.
And so I think what I'vediscovered in my over 30 years is
that there really aredevelopmental reasons why a child
(08:09):
will kick and bite.
The child is not bad.
Children are not bad.
They start off reacting fromdevelopmental issues.
For example, you're feedingyour baby and your 3 year old is
feeling jealous and feels hewants attention, but he doesn't have
(08:34):
the language or the impulsecontrol to come over and say, hey
Ma, what about me?
What are my chopped liver?
Give me some attention.
And so children and everythingin my book, I show any kind of behavior
(08:57):
that I describe.
I link it to infancy.
Little babies, when they'rehungry or frustrated, will thrash
their arms and legs.
They will react physically.
So when you get to be 3:3, youstill don't have the language and
(09:20):
you still don't have theimpulse control, so you just continue
to behave that way.
And I, in my book, I followeach particular developmental issue
all the way from infancy to adolescence.
I mean, adolescents will stillslam a door and scream I hate you.
(09:43):
Oh yeah.
And our job as parents is toteach our children how to express
themselves in words.
And they don't come into thisworld with the words.
And so one of my, thestrongest things that I tell parents
(10:09):
is you have to teach phrases.
You have to teach childrenwhat they can say instead of engaging
in negative behavior.
And as we go along, I'll showyou how that works.
Okay, that makes sense.
When we come back, we cancover some of that.
(10:29):
Stay tuned for more of womenRoad warriors coming up.
Dean Michael, the tax doctor here.
I have one question for you.
Do you want to stop worryingabout the irs?
If the answer is yes, thenlook no further.
I've been around for years.
I've helped countless peopleacross the country, and my success
rate speaks for itself.
(10:50):
So now you know where to findgood, honest help with your tax problems.
What are you waiting for?
If you owe more than $10,000to the IRS or haven't filed in years,
call me now.
At 888-55740 or go tomytaxhelpmd.com for a free consultation
and get your life back.
Industry Movement TruckingMoves America Forward is telling
(11:11):
the story of the industry.
Our safety champions, thewomen of trucking, independent contractors,
the next generation oftruckers, and more help us promote
the best of our industry.
Share your story and what youlove about trucking, share images
of a moment you're proud ofand join us on social media.
Learn more@truckingmovesamerica.com.
(11:38):
Welcome back to Women Roadwarriors with Shelly Johnson and
Kathy Tucaro.
If you're enjoying thisinformative episode of Women Road
Warriors, I wanted to mentionKathy and I explore all kinds of
topics that will power you onthe road to success.
We feature a lot of expertinterviews, plus we feature celebrities
(11:59):
and women who've been trailblazers.
Please check out ourpodcast@womenroadwarriors.com and
click on our Episodes page.
We're also available whereveryou listen to podcasts on all the
major podcast channels likeSpotify, Apple, YouTube, Amazon,
Music, Audible, you name it.
Check us out and bookmark our podcast.
(12:19):
Also, don't forget to followus on social media.
We on Twitter, Facebook,Instagram, Pinterest, LinkedIn, YouTube
and other sites and tellothers about us.
We want to help as many womenas possible.
If you've ever looked at yourchild, especially a teenager, and
wondered if you're trying tocommunicate with someone from another
planet, you're not alone.
Parenting can feel likedecoding a mystery, especially when
(12:42):
it comes to understanding whykids act the way they do.
But there are answers.
Mary Wallace has spent over 30years helping parents crack that
code.
She's a family therapist,parenting expert, and author of the
Secret World of why ChildrenBehave the Way They Do.
Mary says many times it's amatter of teaching a child what to
say instead of engaging innegative behavior.
(13:04):
You may have seen her on cnn,MSNBC or the Hallmark Channel, or
read her blog.
In Psychology Today, Mary hasidentified nine key developmental
reasons behind challenging behaviors.
She's been sharing how parentscan respond with empathy, reduce
conflict and build stronger connections.
Mary, would you say that someof this also is a struggle for independence?
(13:25):
We as a species want to beindependent and if you look at the
two year old, the terribletwos, they're saying no, they want
their way.
When you look at adolescents,the same thing.
They're trying to break freeof their parents rules and basically
function on their own, whichis part of the natural process.
Do you think that's part ofwhat comes into play.
(13:46):
There's a.
Absolutely.
And it is one of the ninedevelopmental issues that underlie
a child's behavior.
And you picked two veryinteresting points.
A two year old and a teenagerdo have something in common.
(14:06):
They very much want to be independent.
A two year old suddenly hasall these new skills and wants to
put her shoes on by herselfand will kick you and push you away
when you try to help her putthe shoes on even though she can't
put them on by herself.
(14:27):
So it's the question of how towork with that.
And I will tell you that in a second.
A teenager wants to go outinto the world and do what adults
do do, but the teenagerdoesn't have the skills and we need
to teach the, the teenager skills.
(14:47):
So with the two year old wesay, oh, I can see you really want
to do that, but you reallywant to put on your shoe by yourself.
Okay, I'll tell you what, youput on one shoe and I'll put on the
other.
Or to a teenager say, you knowwhat, I know you really want to walk
to school on your own, butI'll tell, I will, we'll walk together
(15:13):
to school and I will show youhow to do it safely.
I will show you where you canstop if you have any problems, who
can help you.
We'll go over how to cross thelarge streets.
So our job is, is to be like amentor to our child, to teach our
(15:37):
child in that particularsituation what steps to take.
And so they will internalizethe skills and be able to function
more independently.
And they'll remember thatessentially you're also striking
(15:57):
a compromise.
You put on one shoe, I'll puton the other.
So they're still being able tobe independent, but then while you're
putting on their shoe, theycan kind of observe what you're doing
too.
Yes, we always want toacknowledge the child's wish.
You wish to be independent.
That's good.
(16:18):
That's very good.
We want to promoteindependence, but we also want to
promote safety.
And we want to teach our childthe skills to accomplish what they
really want.
And they need to know from usthat they're.
Wait, you're not able to tieyour shoe because you need to make
(16:41):
a loop this way and that way.
If a child is fighting youputting him into a car seat, you
can say, you know what, youcan climb up on the seat and here's
how you can get into the seatby yourself.
(17:03):
So in a way it's sort of, youcould call It a compromise, but you're
also aiding the child.
You're being this benign mentor.
What do you do with a willfulchild that has temper tantrums all
the time?
Okay, as I said before,children, young children, especially
(17:26):
if you're in a store shoppingand your child sees this red fire
engine that's new and shinyand he wants it and he throws himself
on the floor.
And the reason children dothis begins actually in infancy.
(17:49):
In infancy, a child knows, I'mhungry and you're not coming fast
enough and I have to eat to live.
You know, there's an internalmessage that the body has.
You must eat to live.
So children will scream andcry and then, but later on as they
(18:10):
grow, they transfer theirurgent wishes to everything they
want.
So, and it's hard, it's veryhard for us because if a child who
walks into a store is going tofind something he gets attached to
and urgently wants it.
(18:32):
Okay, so now a child's tantrumis kind of a protest.
I want that.
I really, really want that.
So there's, there are certainsteps you can take to work with that.
It's not easy.
Everybody in the store islooking at you to see, are you a
(18:54):
capable parent?
Can you handle your child?
Do you, you know, can youhandle an out of control child?
You, you really have an out ofcontrol child.
No, you have a child who wantsand feels it urgently.
So we immediately say to achild, I can see that you want that
(19:22):
red fire engine.
We acknowledge the wishbecause once you acknowledge it,
you sort of bring down thelevel of urgency to protect protest.
You lower the protest a little bit.
A little bit.
I'm not saying people, youalways, you know, it takes it away,
(19:45):
but I can see that you want itand, but you need to come off the
floor.
And we will, we talk about itin our family.
We talk that what we want.
We don't throw ourselves onthe floor, we don't hit anybody,
we don't kick anybody.
We talk.
(20:05):
And here's what you can say,mommy, I really want that truck.
So your three year old isstarting to internalize a way of
asserting himself that's positive.
And then you can tell yourchild, you know what, we can't get
(20:26):
that today.
It's a big present and I justbought you some a ball in the other
store and, but we can put iton a list on my phone and on this
on the phone we can.
And maybe we'll get it for youfor your birthday or for Christmas
(20:49):
or the next time we want togive you a gift.
So it's on the phone now.
Children love that.
Children feel that.
It gives them a certain amountof power and.
And some assurance that.
Well, I wouldn't even say some.
(21:10):
An assurance that you'retaking their desires and needs into
consideration.
Sure.
Doesn't mean you buy itdoesn't mean you rush out and buy
the truck.
But.
But yeah.
So that's why children havetensions, because they really want.
Want something bad or theyfeel angry and they.
(21:35):
Their emotional economy is notdeveloped yet.
I've seen parents who give in.
They'll just get the toy tokeep the child quiet.
And if they're told, thechild's told, no, not right now.
Sometimes they're like, I wantmy immediate gratification.
They'll still be angry.
I want that now.
(21:55):
I want it.
I want it.
How do you deal with that?
Because it's almost likesometimes the children do this so
much, the parents don't knowhow to deal with their behavior.
The children are running the show.
Well, yeah, because a child'swishes and emotions are big, and
(22:18):
so sometimes it feels easierjust to give in.
I don't want to fight.
And in my book, I also talkabout the parents childhood.
And maybe in childhood theyhad a parent and they didn't want
to fight.
(22:38):
They didn't want to fight.
They were afraid to fight withtheir parent or the parent never
gave them toys.
So, you know, as parents, it'snot only what the child's presenting,
but our own experiences cometo the fore.
(23:00):
It can ignite all kinds of oldissues of our own.
And in my book, in everychapter, I talk about, let's say,
love.
The need for love is one ofthe developmental issues that children
have.
(23:21):
So think about your ownexperiences with love.
Did your parents give youenough attention?
Did they.
Did they hug you?
Did they tell you, I love you?
So when you're dealing withyour child, it affects how you respond
(23:41):
to your child.
So when we go back to the fireengine, you know, we might say, because
of our own experience, wemight say, okay, my parents never
gave me anything.
I'm going to give them.
But I recommend that, yes, youlook into your own childhood because
(24:05):
that's going to help you inyour parenting.
If you're not aware of whatyou're reacting to, if you're always
saying no, then to your child,then you might say, well, maybe that's
something you learn from yourown parents.
(24:26):
They always said no, so I'mgoing to always say no.
So you need to look into yourself.
But overall, it is best not togive in unless it makes sense.
You know what I mean?
That makes total sense.
(24:49):
Stay tuned for more of Womenroadworld Warriors coming up.
Dean Michael, the tax doctor here.
I have one question for you.
Do you want to stop worryingabout the irs?
If the answer is yes, thenlook no further.
I've been around for years.
I've helped countless peopleacross the country, and my success
rate speaks for itself.
(25:10):
So now you know where to findgood, honest help with your tax problems.
What are you waiting for?
If you owe more than $10,000to the IRS or haven't filed in years,
call me now at 888-557-4020 orgo to mytaxhelpmd.com for a free
consultation and get your life back.
Welcome back to Women Roadwarriors with Shelly Johnson and
(25:34):
Kathy Tucaro.
If you've ever looked at yourchild, especially a teenager, and
wondered if you're trying tocommunicate with someone from another
place, planet, you're not alone.
Parenting can feel likedecoding a mystery, especially when
it comes to understanding whykids act the way they do.
But there are answers.
(25:55):
Mary Wallace has spent over 30years helping parents crack that
code.
She's a family therapist,parenting expert and author of the
Secret World of why ChildrenBehave the Way They Do.
Mary says many times it's amatter of teaching a child what to
say instead of engaging innegative behavior.
You may have seen her on cnn,MSNBC or the Hallmark Channel, or
(26:17):
read her blog.
In Psychology Today, Mary hasidentified nine key developmental
reasons behind challenging behaviors.
She's been sharing how parentscan respond with empathy, reduce
conflict and build stronger connections.
You know, Mary, there's somany differences with children, especially
by gender.
Boys and girls are differentand they have to be handled differently.
(26:39):
I mean, I've heard that frommy friends.
And boys and girls can havetotally different ways of handling
the teenage years.
You've talked about ninespecific developmental issues that
cause children's troublesome behavior.
Did you want to highlight someof those?
I know that we don't have timeto probably cover everyone, but maybe
give us some tidbits because Iknow the listeners are going to say,
(27:01):
okay.
Are they okay?
So the need for love.
Children need love.
That's the most important need.
And the again, I'm startingfrom infancy with all of these.
They need to be touched.
Touch is like the mo in thebeginning is like one of the most
important things.
You need to touch, hug, giveattention to your child.
(27:26):
To a child, attention equals love.
And you must do that so sothat the Child feels loved.
The second issue that is anunderlying cause of a lot of children's
behavior is curiosity.
They are naturally born with it.
(27:47):
You will see a two week oldchild lift up his body and look around
outside the crib.
They are in love with theworld they have.
And actually they've donestudies that show that curiosity
is the most important thingfor children in learning.
(28:11):
The third thing is the needfor independence.
Children are born and theyfeel at one with their parent.
They cry, the parent feeds them.
They often feel like theparent's hand is their own hand.
And then really early, webegin to see a baby start to try
(28:33):
to be independent, climb up ona chair when they're really too small
and it could harm them.
And so there's a tremendousneed for independence that shows
itself most clearly in adolescence.
And in fact, adolescents needto begin to be independent because
(28:54):
they're going out in theworld, this is right before they
go out in the world.
So they, they want to feel independent.
Fourth thing is that childrenexperience an urgent need for their
whatever they wish.
And, and I, I alreadyexplained that infants need to eat.
(29:16):
So it's urgent and it is urgent.
And then they transfer thisurgency to anything they want as
they grow.
And they need to learn thatit's okay to want, it's okay to want,
but you can't have everythingyou want.
And you can have everythingyou want right now.
The next thing is impulsivity.
(29:37):
Children have quick feelingsand desires and they take an action
and they're not aware of theconsequence because children have
urgent wishes they experienceas life and death.
That's why a two year old willgo through an open gate and jump
(30:00):
into the swimming pool becausethey have an impulse to do it.
So that's something that theyneed to learn, that something could
happen to them, they could get hurt.
And so you can't jump downfrom the bunk bed, you can't go into
(30:22):
the street because it's my jobto keep you safe.
And so over time, and it takesa very long time for children to
control their impulses.
As a matter of fact, it's thefrontal cortex of the brain.
The frontal cortex of thebrain actually is only fully developed
(30:44):
when an individual is 25.
Interesting.
Oh my goodness.
Impulsivity exists for a verylong time.
And frankly a lot of thesethings, though I say it's from infancy
to adolescence, adultsstruggle with that too.
Okay, I'm not going to eat abrownie, I'm going to eat an apple.
(31:05):
And instead, you know, andthen there's A very important issue
that children live.
Live in the moment when theyget out of bed, they're not thinking,
I have to get dressed becauseI have to go to school.
Little children especially,they'd rather play.
(31:26):
So they jump in to play.
And it's very hard to get themto stop playing, to get dressed.
It's very hard to get childrento brush their teeth because they'd
rather play than brush their teeth.
So they live in the here.
And now they're focused onwhat they want to do.
(31:46):
Oh, yeah.
I remember as a child, Ididn't like to have to take time
to go to the bathroom.
It was interrupting what I was doing.
Absolutely, absolutely.
And then they don't know if.
If you say, okay, we'releaving in three minutes, they'll
go, what's a minute?
Yeah.
Little kids, they don't knowwhat it is.
(32:06):
I remember my mother in thesummertime, I'm a redhead, and mom
wanted me to stay out of thesun so I wouldn't get burned.
And she'd say, you need tostay in the shade.
You need to stay in the shade.
And I wasn't in the shade.
And she finally came out andshe said, what are you doing?
And I looked at her, I said,what is the shade?
I have no idea.
Exactly.
Exactly.
And it takes time to teachchildren about time.
(32:30):
What is a second?
What's a schedule?
What do you need to do each day?
Do you start off with acalendar that has a picture of all
the activities that a childneeds to do that day?
But we need to be patientbecause they have such strong urges
(32:50):
and desires that it is veryhard for a child to stop what they're
doing.
It feels like a loss.
You've got that as one of yourdevelopmental issues, the desire
for pleasure.
And during adolescence, oh, my.
You got the sexual stuff goingon with the hormones, you know.
But this pleasure is sointeresting because it actually starts
(33:11):
in infancy.
There is a mechanism in ourbody that makes eating pleasurable
so that there's a release ofdopamine, so it keeps.
So it.
Our species will survive.
And this need for pleasurecontinues all the way through a child's
(33:34):
growing up and adulthood.
But the thing is, over time,with our patient instruction and
guidance, children learn howto handle it better.
Every child also has, as our last.
I think I covered all nine.
(33:56):
Fear and anxiety.
Naturally, when a baby isborn, there's a natural, instinctive
feeling that I could get hurtand killed in a second.
I mean, that's an instinct.
So the fight or flee comesfrom there I need to survive.
(34:20):
All life is about survival,and these nine issues also have to
do with survival.
The child's main goal is tosurvive, and they need love for it.
They need independence.
A lot of the issues that Ihave mentioned are all about survival.
(34:41):
So we have to help childrenunderstand what is in fact, really
dangerous and what they needto do to protect themselves.
Sure.
Stay tuned for more of WomenRoad warriors coming up.
(35:03):
Dean Michael, the tax doctor here.
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Welcome back to Women Roadwarriors with Shelly Johnson and
Kathy Tucaro.
If parenting ever feels like adaily negotiation with a tiny, unpredictable
(35:51):
roommate, you're spot on withthat feeling.
Whether you're dealing withtoddler tantrums or the silence of
a brooding teen, it can feellike you somehow missed the manual.
But our guest, Mary Wallace,has been sharing the answers you've
been looking for.
Mary is a seasoned familytherapist and author of the Secret
World of Children, and shespent decades helping parents understand
(36:11):
what's really going on beneaththe surface of their child's behavior.
She says children have a deepneed for survival and love, and that
means more than just saying itto touching, hugging and giving focused
attention are all essential.
That's what equals love to a child.
Mary also explains that a lotof misbehavior isn't about being
bad.
(36:31):
It's often rooted in naturalcuriosity or tied to stages of development
as far back as infancy.
She's identified nine specificreasons why kids act out and offers
practical, real lifestrategies to reduce the conflict
and strengthen communication.
Mary There are a lot of thingsto think about as a parent that I
don't think a lot of parentsare even aware of.
(36:53):
Parents really need to be self aware.
They have to use a lot of understanding.
But this gives a really goodperspective of all the stuff that's
going on in a developing child.
This is a book I think allparents really need to pick up, maybe
before they even have children.
The Secret World of whychildren Behave the Way they Do.
Where can people find yourbook, Mary?
(37:15):
Well, it's on Amazon and yeah,you could just go on Amazon and get
it.
Excellent.
And can people work with you virtually?
Do you do virtual sessions?
Yes, I do.
And telephone?
Yeah, I do do that.
Especially since COVID I beganto do that more and more.
(37:38):
And it works beautifully.
Oh, absolutely.
And that's convenient forparents if they need something.
Like right now I can't driveto your.
Your facility, so I. I need totalk right now.
And can we set up an appointment?
So this is convenient.
Can people go tomarywallace.com that's M E R I W
a L L a C e dot com.
Yes.
(37:59):
And I talk about myexperiences on television and my.
The books I've written and Ihave my Psychology Today blogs about
every topic.
You could go to PsychologyToday and.
And you'll find tons of topicsthat may relate to you.
(38:20):
That's terrific.
This is some tremendousinformation, Mary.
We barely tapped intoeverything, but you've really given
listeners some food for thought.
I don't think the averageparent really thinks about all of
this stuff.
There's so many dynamics thatgo into the growing child.
I love how you've broken allof this down.
It's such common sense, and Ithink it's great.
(38:41):
It's a great guide for parentsand it's going to make for happier
children.
The Secret world of Children,why children behave the way they
do.
I recommend people pick up the book.
I really appreciate youtalking about this, Mary.
It's my pleasure.
I believe it can be very helpful.
You know, sometimes I workwith a family for a few minutes and
(39:05):
I start turning things aroundin their lives when they're pulling
out their hair.
Yeah.
And that's all they needsometimes is like, show me the light,
please.
Please guide me.
You know I enjoy it.
Oh, I love what you're doing.
This is terrific.
Thank you, Mary.
I appreciate you being on the show.
We hope you've enjoyed thislatest episode.
(39:27):
And if you want to hear moreepisodes of Women Road warriors or
learn more about our show, besure to check out womenroadwarriors.com
and please follow us on social media.
And don't forget to subscribeto our podcast on our website.
We also have a selection ofpodcasts just for women.
They're a series of podcastsfrom different podcasters.
(39:48):
So if you're in the mood forwomen's podcasts, just click the
Power network tab onwomenroadwarriors.com youm'll have
a variety of shows to listento anytime you want to.
Podcasts Made for Women WomenRoad warriors is on all the major
podcast channels like Apple,Spotify, Amazon, Audible, YouTube
and others.
Check us out and please followus wherever you listen to podcasts.
(40:10):
Thanks for listening.
You've been listening to WomenRoad warriors with Shelly Johnson
and Kathy Takaro.
If you want to be a guest onthe show or have a topic or feedback,
email us@sjohnsonomenroadwarriors.com.
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