This month, we revisited the inspiring journey of Patricia Walsh, a Paralympic gold medalist and accomplished tech engineer who has overcome significant challenges and achieved remarkable success. Patricia's story is a testament to the power of resilience, focus, and determination. Here are the key leadership takeaways from my conversation with Patricia, optimized to help you build natural leadership strengths.
Embracing Challenges to Foster Resilience
Patricia faced the profound challenge of becoming blind at the age of 14. Instead of letting her disability define her, she embraced it as part of her identity and pushed herself to achieve what many thought was impossible. This relentless pursuit of excellence has been a hallmark of her journey.
Key Takeaway: Striving for excellence means embracing challenges and using them as stepping stones to reach your full potential. This mindset is crucial for anyone looking to build natural leadership strengths.
Overcoming Adversity & Power Beyond Limiting Beliefs
Patricia's journey is filled with instances of overcoming adversity. From completing over 20 marathons and two Ironman competitions to transitioning from a role at Facebook to a senior engineering manager position at the Lego Group, Patricia has continuously pushed the boundaries of what is possible.
Key Takeaway: Overcoming adversity requires resilience, determination, and the courage to push beyond limiting beliefs. These qualities are essential for developing natural leadership strengths.
Building Natural Leadership Strengths in Tech and Beyond
Patricia has held significant roles in the tech industry, including her recent position at the Lego Group, where she oversaw several departments. Her leadership extends beyond managing teams; it involves creating an inclusive and supportive environment that values everyone's contributions.
Key Takeaway: Effective leadership is more than just overseeing tasks; it's about fostering an environment where everyone can thrive and contribute their best. This approach is vital to build natural leadership strengths in any setting.
Achieving the Impossible
Patricia's sports and professional achievements highlight her ability to achieve what many thought was impossible. She holds the world record in the Ironman Triathlon and has represented Team USA as a five-time national champion and seven-time international gold medalist.
Key Takeaway: Setting and achieving ambitious goals can inspire others and demonstrate that determination can make the impossible possible. This ambition is a core component of natural leadership strengths.
Focusing on Leadership Strengths and Talents
A significant piece of advice Patricia shares, which resonates with my coaching philosophy, is to:
"focus on your strengths and talents rather than weaknesses or handicaps."
This mindset has been pivotal in Patricia's success both in her athletic and professional endeavors.
Key Takeaway: To have the best life and career possible, focus on leveraging your strengths and talents instead of dwelling on your limitations. This focus is fundamental to build natural leadership strengths.
The Importance of Asking for and Offering Help
Patricia shared insights about the importance of knowing when to ask for help and not making assumptions about others' needs. She emphasized the value of clear communication and respecting personal autonomy, which is crucial in personal and professional interactions.
Sabrina's Insight: "Effective support involves asking how to help and respecting the autonomy and preferences of others." This understanding is essential for anyone aiming to build natural leadership strengths.
Authenticity in Leadership Values
Being authentic to oneself is another critical lesson from Patricia's journey. Despite the competitive environments she has been part of, Patricia remains committed to her values of fairness and kindness.
Key Takeaway: Authentic leadership involves staying true to yo...
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
This is women's leadership success episode number 136.
This month, we're revisiting
Patricia Walsh's inspiring journey
to overcome limiting beliefs about her abilities
as a blind person
and her striving for excellence
as a tech engineer
and Paralympic
(00:20):
gold medalist.
Patricia faced significant challenges when she became blind
at 14,
Yet she refused to let her disability define
her,
embracing it as part of her identity
and pushing herself
to achieve what many thought was impossible.
Curious to learn how she's been faring,
(00:41):
we tracked Patricia down in London, England where
she's been living for the past 5 years.
She recently transitioned from her role as technology
product manager at Facebook
to a new position as senior engineering manager
at the LEGO Group where she oversees several
departments.
(01:01):
In talking with Patricia,
it reminded me of something I advised my
coaching clients to do.
Don't focus on your weaknesses or handicaps,
but focus on your strengths and talents
to have the best life and career possible.
Join us as Patricia shares her excitement about
her new life in London,
(01:21):
the unique unexpected challenge she's encountered,
and how she keeps building on her strengths
and talents.
Welcome to women's leadership podcast,
showing you how to influence people, improve your
performance, and advance your career. Brought to you
by women's leadership and career expert, Sabrina Bram,
and women's leadership success dot com. Here's your
(01:44):
chance to meet women trendsetters leading the way
to success, accomplishment, and balance in business and
life. No matter if you're a manager, CEO,
or entrepreneur.
Join Sabrina for coaching and no nonsense advice
to improve your career and bottom line. This
is Women's Leadership Success
and the road to success.
(02:04):
There are short conversations.
And today, we're talking to Patricia Walsh,
the woman that we just had her show
on, Blind Ambition.
And, we also have a
article in LinkedIn about Patricia
that she doesn't even know about yet, but
there's an article up about you.
And, Patricia, thank you so much for joining
(02:27):
me. You're in London. Correct?
Yes. That's correct. It's so lovely to, reconnect
with you after, you know, quite a few
years have passed. But I moved,
from Austin, Texas to New York in 2017
with Dow Jones,
where I,
moved up. At the time I left Dow
Jones, I was director of engineering,
(02:48):
and had relocated here to London where I
was leading a few teams here in London.
They were all software engineers and data engineers.
Then I went and did 3 years at
Facebook, you know, where I really learned a
lot and really sharpened my technology skills and
worked specifically in integrity. So that's,
models
to identify bad actors on Facebook
(03:08):
to reduce harm for service area for harm
and make it a safer place,
for issues like
scams, spam,
romance scams, election interference. So
it's quite an interesting phase of life because
I would go to work and what I
was working on was on the news that
day every day. So it's quite
exciting.
And I've recently, last September, taken a new
(03:28):
role where I'm a senior engineering manager for
the Lego Group,
where I manage a few teams.
Actually, I'm I'm in London, but they're all
based in Copenhagen. So yeah. So I'm here
in London and,
living my best life,
minute by minute.
Yeah. That's so great. And, you know,
my husband and I, we read a book
every,
(03:49):
we read a book
daily.
And right now, we're reading,
Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl. Oh,
yeah. It's very good. I read it years
ago, but it's really a profound book, isn't
it? It is. And
this is my second time reading it. It's
definitely worth reading again. You get so many
different insights that you wouldn't get otherwise, I
(04:10):
think.
But towards the end of the book, he's
talking about,
what makes a person mentally healthy.
And he said
that we shouldn't be looking for homeostasis.
We should be looking for
where we are and where we want to
be.
And that there should always be a little
(04:31):
bit of a gap that we're pushing towards.
And,
you know, one of the things that was
so inspiring about your book and your story
was
the gap, the
going blind, being really depressed,
kind of giving up hope,
meeting,
John Gard Gardner. Is that his name? That's
(04:53):
right. Yeah. The physics professor from Oregon State.
Yeah.
And just
his
have
the limiting beliefs
basically a handicapped person that couldn't
do anything. And it spurred you on to
where were
(05:15):
And it spurred you on
to
what where were the sports things that you
actually accomplished?
Oh, well, that's ongoing.
So I,
have completed over 20 marathons, 2 ultra marathons.
I've done 2 Ironman where I have the
world record in Ironman Triathlon.
(05:35):
I went on to compete for the for
Team USA,
where I'm a 5 time national champion,
7 time international gold medalist. You can see
behind me, I have quite a wall
of,
various championships.
I
went to the 2016 Paralympics,
4 time Pan American champion,
(05:56):
2012 athlete of the year. I didn't get
these in order.
And I went on to represent,
I did make it to I quit triathlon
and I went into rowing
where I did go on to Olympic trials,
but then did not make the team.
And actually something new to say.
I, I'm now doing CrossFit and I just
qualified for the,
(06:17):
adaptive CrossFit games this year. So I'm currently
ranked 8th in the world.
But it's,
really
a remarkable, humbling moment in my life, because
it's a sport that isn't endurance based. It's
not really working with my strength, and it's
going to a complete opposite extreme of,
fitness and,
(06:37):
more weightlifting,
weightlifting and high intensity, which is
a world apart from what I've done in
the past.
So, yeah, that's it. It's kind of where
I'm at. So I'm actually competing in the
states,
in about 2 months time.
And whereabouts?
Actually, in San Antonio, Texas. Very near Yeah.
This,
(06:58):
this little
segment of the show will be out
probably next week. So Oh, brilliant. So people
could actually
come see you if you're in San Antonio.
Yeah. Come to San Antonio, Texas. It's between
the 19th 23rd
of,
September.
But I do not know the location off
the top of my head, but I will
look that up. Okay. Okay. We'll put that
(07:20):
on the show notes. We're we're The adaptive
plus big games. Yeah.
So you've continued to do that. And
over these years,
what
what have you learned
that could be helpful to
people listening? You know, we we all have
some kind of disability or something.
(07:41):
And You know what? It's What is that
a great question?
Yeah. I think one thing that, I feel
like I have to explain a lot, and
and I really
will do my best to to give a
good explanation. But one thing I think
we all can benefit from is,
yes, knowing when to ask for help, but
also not assuming someone needs your help. So
(08:04):
something that I find,
cultural
shock living in the UK is that everyone
is
there's
a real generosity and a kindness here, which
is lovely. But I think there's also a
belief that you should help some with the
disability.
And that's not on its face wrong, but
the way it impacts me is I will
walk out my door, go to the train
(08:25):
station and maybe on my route to work,
which I'm perfectly capable of doing.
I might have 4 or 5 people grab
my elbow on a given day.
And sometimes it's more than that.
Which yeah. Thank you for reacting. Because to
me, it's actually first of all, they grabbed
my arm that has a cane in it.
So this is in my world. It's like
someone covering up your eyes.
I had someone do it to me upstairs
(08:46):
the other day. Oh, good. Does it make
you wanna learn aikido
so you could start just
chopping people's heads up? That because the reality
is the first two or three times it
happens to me in a day, I'll say,
excuse me.
If a person with a disability is not
asking for help, they probably don't need your
help and maybe just give them some personal
so I'll give, like, a polite but well
(09:06):
rehearsed answer. But it's gonna be the 4th
or 5th time
someone has grabbed me. It really does escalate
because it creates a lot of anxiety for
me because I'm just
I want my own personal space and my
own autonomy and and my own sense of
independence.
And it doesn't make me feel
anything positive to know that someone sees me
(09:27):
and assumes that I cannot help myself. That
is not a kind of to me. And
I think it's just this ongoing struggle of
explaining that and it because it it becomes
landmines of,
yes, if I ask for help, then do
help me. If someone with disability does ask,
then yes, help them. But just don't make
assumptions or don't help them without
asking them. Like a person
(09:47):
should have a voice and have their help.
And And I think that's true for disability,
but it's probably a bit true for everyone.
There are moments where all of us need
some help, but they we we really have
an opportunity to communicate what is helpful
to us, you know? Yes. So that's been
a cultural shock and it's it's it's quite
a difficult one to explain to people because
they always are explaining to me that it's
(10:08):
well intentioned.
That's a loss on me, but it's also
having
a a cause of anxiety to me. You
know? Yeah. It's somebody invading your personal space
a lot.
And, you know, I I'm thinking I was
in Thailand and a man took my arm,
and I just
had an instant reaction of yelling at him.
(10:29):
Don't touch me. And it have
5 or 6 people do that through the
day that you didn't you don't know
just and you're not even expecting it. That
would be really, really difficult.
It is exhausting. I,
I did a little
informal study.
So I did, like, over a week's time,
(10:49):
kind of tallied how many times it happens
in a day. And it's an average of
7 times a day.
So, you know, you can see where it
becomes
a limiter. Because there are days where you
are a little fatigued and you just don't
want to go out because you don't want
to face this.
So when I think of the limitations of
blindness,
it's not actually to do
with not being able to see my environment.
(11:11):
I I have no issue
walking out my house, getting to the train
station, making it to work. That's never been
a problem. Mhmm. But what becomes a barrier
is when I don't want to deal with
how people react to me. When really all
I wanted was just to kind of have
some personal space and and live my life
and and have the autonomy that I've I've
deserved just like anyone else.
(11:31):
So I think that's,
one thing that I've learned that I think
would, you know, is good for us all
to bear in mind. And now, you know,
as I move more into management roles, it's
a question I ask people as well. Like
how, how do you want to receive feedback?
How do you want to be helped? How
do you want, what support is do you
need?
Because I think it could be such a
mismatch if you sort of make an assumption
(11:53):
of what's supportive to someone
that actually might be creating different problems for
them that you didn't even know about, you
know. Right.
Right.
Yeah. I I'm thinking
so my background, I was a psychotherapist,
and I think my whole life giving advice
to people was
something I did, and that's that's how I
(12:13):
started out
doing therapy. And as a coach now, I
don't give a lot of advice.
You're more finding out from people. But I
was at my son's house, and he was
ironing his shirt.
And I I am really good at ironing
shirts. I could get a whole shirt ironed
in like 5 minutes.
And
(12:33):
I could see he was doing it wrong
and it was gonna take a long time
and it was gonna get wrinkled and all
this stuff.
But I had learned something
the hard way to ask if the person
wanted help. And I said,
Eric, would you like me
to show you how to iron a shirt?
And he looked up and smiled and said,
no.
(12:56):
Yeah. And
I'm,
I all I usually ask,
would you like a suggestion? Would you like
advice? Would you like help?
And it's amazing how many times people will
say, no, I don't really want that right
now.
Yeah. And I but I think it's so
telling and I think that the risk and
(13:17):
the cost is if you were to have
offered help when someone is not
in a mindset to take on any support,
which is also valid, then all you do
is create a defensive posture. You just create
a pushback. And and even sometimes someone committing
to their positions, you know, as a stronghold.
So if it it also is not building
it having a moment or opportunity to build
(13:39):
a bridge,
with someone. So it's something I do think
about quite often. And just and even as
I come across,
people who I don't know what support they
want or need from me,
whether it be disability or language barrier or
however, you know. It can be lots of
different things when you're living in a big
city. I think we need to get better
at saying I don't need any help right
(14:00):
now or I wanna I wanna really think
this through myself.
Yeah. Yeah.
What I find is I tell people not
to help and they hold on tighter and
they're like, no. It's fine. I don't mind.
No. No.
Yeah. Yeah. But you're not my top priority.
I'm
I'm much over me.
(14:23):
So it's and then I always end up
in these conversations
about, oh, I was well intentioned. I'm just
trying to have, like, I it just move
on.
Just move on. I'm just trying to I'm
not trying to do therapy on you right
now.
Oh my god. Yeah.
I'll call you and give you on FaceTime.
You can tell them. Sure. That's fine.
(14:44):
So Yeah. No. I think in terms of
other things that I've I've learned that I
think are have helped me recently.
I had a coach whilst I was at
Dow Jones that really taught me the importance
of giving, like, a meaningful apology from time
to time. You know, even if it was
a misunderstanding
or if
you thought you were right, but you only
(15:05):
had your point of view, or even just
at the end of the day, you just
fundamentally disagree.
I think it certainly builds a bridge to
acknowledge when you could have done something differently.
But I also think it has changed
that bit of advice I received has sort
of changed the way I look at my
own behavior and having more of a willingness
to see where I had fault.
(15:25):
Because if you think about it, there's, in
my world, there's nothing more difficult to work
with than someone who will never admit when
they're wrong.
So
I think it that little bit of advice
has been such a gem to not become
that person.
Yeah. And that's been a hard one for
me. I was raised in a blue collar
family where nobody apologized
or there weren't any niceties said.
(15:49):
So I've had to learn to apologize,
but not just when I'm wrong, but when
I don't think I did anything, but the
other person's feelings are hurt or their feelings
are bad. It's it's huge.
And actually, it's so important. It's a really
great point you make because I will admit
that even still after years of of having
(16:09):
sort of a practice of acknowledging, that sometimes
it's just, I'm sorry that this isn't going
well. You know?
There are moments where it still kind of
kills me to do it. Like, I don't
think I was wrong.
But it's just the the benefit
I mean, I think for the for the
moments where it does kill me a little
(16:31):
bit,
versus the moments where I am having the
clarity of thought, where I did do something
and owning that. Because it is a bit
of a spectrum, really. But it's really done
a lot
in terms of the relationships that I have
and the the openness in communication
and,
taking the heat out of a situation from
(16:51):
time to time and getting us past these
defensive moments that we all have.
So it's it is something that I have
found really powerful and really some great advice
that I received,
although it has been, you know,
years of trying.
Really?
Really? Yeah. Well, I mean and that's
we all
we all are imperfect.
(17:12):
You know?
We're
80% we're great, and there's a 20% that
we have we have to do we have
to deal with parts of ourselves
that are so imperfect that we wish we're
better, but they're not.
Yeah. Absolutely even when you're trying really hard.
Nice. To Well passion towards yourself for that
(17:35):
imperfection.
Yeah.
And
other ones. Any anything else in terms of
I guess, I think the
last
Oh, yeah. Thank you. I think the last
thing I might add that I I struggle
with for a long time or something I've
really learned, it it might be a bit
cliche is,
(17:57):
being authentic to yourself.
And I think where I've struggled here
is that I'm actually
very sincerely care about people's feelings and very
sincerely care that people are treated fairly and
I think more of a gentle
person in the world. But you're also existing
in these very hyper competitive environments.
And I think it's really hard to be
(18:18):
both those things.
Whether it be,
you know, Lego's not quite as cutthroat, but
Facebook surely was. And,
and obviously competing in sports really can be.
So there's a switch that flips in your
head. And I think I've really,
having done this for a long time,
gotten into a mindset more
of, yes, there's the things you want to
(18:39):
achieve and the things you wanna kind of
make your mark as I wrote about my
book. But I think maybe even higher than
that is who do you wanna be? You
know, I'd so much rather be someone that
is trusted
that,
you know, can have a moment of kindness
than be someone who is always at that
competitive edge. And I think that's just taken
a lot of time to think about, like,
how do you exist in these two ways
(19:00):
at the same time?
Yeah. That's that's beautiful.
I I just keep going back to the
people touching you.
And
yeah. I don't understand. It it causes me
great anxiety, and I don't understand why they
don't they don't realize.
Yeah. Why would you do that now? I
(19:21):
I I think these silly things that come
to mind, like, maybe you should have a,
like, a orange plastic thing that you put
in your clothes that says don't touch. Yeah.
Or you could
could every time somebody touches you, you can
hand them a card that tells them something,
or you could carry copy I've got idea.
You could carry copies of your your book
and say, here's the spot.
(19:43):
Site. Well there was a while, because I've
tried many different approaches, and there was a
while that I thought it would be funny
to like switch it on them. Say, like,
oh, are you lost? Do you need help?
Like, why are you grabbing on to me?
Like, are you are you really confused right
now? Do you need help on the chain?
That really confuse people.
(20:05):
Do you need me to call someone? You
seem very confused.
But, you know, it's it's just hard. And
I think to a degree,
I have to accept it because I can't
change it. But I will
acknowledge that it is it
takes a toll.
Yeah.
I think I
I I definitely definitely does.
(20:27):
And
if you lose your job at Lagos,
you've got
a great opportunity as a stand up comedian.
Oh, thank you. That's kind. You are really
funny.
Oh, that's so nice. Thank you. I don't
think think of myself as being really funny,
but that's nice to hear.
You
are.
Well, we're gonna end pretty quick here. Is
(20:49):
there any last thing you'd like to
share or say say to people listening?
I think the only last thing I would
share is that, you know, I'm so excited
about this opportunity to compete again,
at this adaptive CrossFit and just how important
it is for people with disabilities to have
their opportunities
(21:09):
to be held to a high standard and
to show off, you know, all that we
are capable of.
And I think it's, I'm so excited to
be a part of that movement that has
really transformed in my lifetime. And I just
couldn't be more proud.
And thank you for having me. I was
really excited to hear from you, and I'm
I'm thrilled.
Well, I'm excited to talk to you. And,
(21:30):
let's talk again. We'll do a catch up.
I would love to have you. After your
your,
your meet, I would like like to hear
how you did. Yeah. So I'm happy. Me
too. It could go any kind of way.
Thank you for tuning in. Before you go,
I have a powerful gift for you just
for being a listener.
(21:50):
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(22:12):
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(22:54):
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This is women's leadership success episode number 136.
This month, we're revisiting
Patricia Walsh's inspiring journey
to overcome limiting beliefs about her abilities
as a blind person
and her striving for excellence
as a tech engineer
and Paralympic
(00:20):
gold medalist.
Patricia faced significant challenges when she became blind
at 14,
Yet she refused to let her disability define
her,
embracing it as part of her identity
and pushing herself
to achieve what many thought was impossible.
Curious to learn how she's been faring,
(00:41):
we tracked Patricia down in London, England where
she's been living for the past 5 years.
She recently transitioned from her role as technology
product manager at Facebook
to a new position as senior engineering manager
at the LEGO Group where she oversees several
departments.
(01:01):
In talking with Patricia,
it reminded me of something I advised my
coaching clients to do.
Don't focus on your weaknesses or handicaps,
but focus on your strengths and talents
to have the best life and career possible.
Join us as Patricia shares her excitement about
her new life in London,
(01:21):
the unique unexpected challenge she's encountered,
and how she keeps building on her strengths
and talents.
Welcome to women's leadership podcast,
showing you how to influence people, improve your
performance, and advance your career. Brought to you
by women's leadership and career expert, Sabrina Bram,
and women's leadership success dot com. Here's your
(01:44):
chance to meet women trendsetters leading the way
to success, accomplishment, and balance in business and
life. No matter if you're a manager, CEO,
or entrepreneur.
Join Sabrina for coaching and no nonsense advice
to improve your career and bottom line. This
is Women's Leadership Success
and the road to success.
(02:04):
There are short conversations.
And today, we're talking to Patricia Walsh,
the woman that we just had her show
on, Blind Ambition.
And, we also have a
article in LinkedIn about Patricia
that she doesn't even know about yet, but
there's an article up about you.
And, Patricia, thank you so much for joining
(02:27):
me. You're in London. Correct?
Yes. That's correct. It's so lovely to, reconnect
with you after, you know, quite a few
years have passed. But I moved,
from Austin, Texas to New York in 2017
with Dow Jones,
where I,
moved up. At the time I left Dow
Jones, I was director of engineering,
(02:48):
and had relocated here to London where I
was leading a few teams here in London.
They were all software engineers and data engineers.
Then I went and did 3 years at
Facebook, you know, where I really learned a
lot and really sharpened my technology skills and
worked specifically in integrity. So that's,
models
to identify bad actors on Facebook
(03:08):
to reduce harm for service area for harm
and make it a safer place,
for issues like
scams, spam,
romance scams, election interference. So
it's quite an interesting phase of life because
I would go to work and what I
was working on was on the news that
day every day. So it's quite
exciting.
And I've recently, last September, taken a new
(03:28):
role where I'm a senior engineering manager for
the Lego Group,
where I manage a few teams.
Actually, I'm I'm in London, but they're all
based in Copenhagen. So yeah. So I'm here
in London and,
living my best life,
minute by minute.
Yeah. That's so great. And, you know,
my husband and I, we read a book
every,
(03:49):
we read a book
daily.
And right now, we're reading,
Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl. Oh,
yeah. It's very good. I read it years
ago, but it's really a profound book, isn't
it? It is. And
this is my second time reading it. It's
definitely worth reading again. You get so many
different insights that you wouldn't get otherwise, I
(04:10):
think.
But towards the end of the book, he's
talking about,
what makes a person mentally healthy.
And he said
that we shouldn't be looking for homeostasis.
We should be looking for
where we are and where we want to
be.
And that there should always be a little
(04:31):
bit of a gap that we're pushing towards.
And,
you know, one of the things that was
so inspiring about your book and your story
was
the gap, the
going blind, being really depressed,
kind of giving up hope,
meeting,
John Gard Gardner. Is that his name? That's
(04:53):
right. Yeah. The physics professor from Oregon State.
Yeah.
And just
his
have
the limiting beliefs
basically a handicapped person that couldn't
do anything. And it spurred you on to
where were
(05:15):
And it spurred you on
to
what where were the sports things that you
actually accomplished?
Oh, well, that's ongoing.
So I,
have completed over 20 marathons, 2 ultra marathons.
I've done 2 Ironman where I have the
world record in Ironman Triathlon.
(05:35):
I went on to compete for the for
Team USA,
where I'm a 5 time national champion,
7 time international gold medalist. You can see
behind me, I have quite a wall
of,
various championships.
I
went to the 2016 Paralympics,
4 time Pan American champion,
(05:56):
2012 athlete of the year. I didn't get
these in order.
And I went on to represent,
I did make it to I quit triathlon
and I went into rowing
where I did go on to Olympic trials,
but then did not make the team.
And actually something new to say.
I, I'm now doing CrossFit and I just
qualified for the,
(06:17):
adaptive CrossFit games this year. So I'm currently
ranked 8th in the world.
But it's,
really
a remarkable, humbling moment in my life, because
it's a sport that isn't endurance based. It's
not really working with my strength, and it's
going to a complete opposite extreme of,
fitness and,
(06:37):
more weightlifting,
weightlifting and high intensity, which is
a world apart from what I've done in
the past.
So, yeah, that's it. It's kind of where
I'm at. So I'm actually competing in the
states,
in about 2 months time.
And whereabouts?
Actually, in San Antonio, Texas. Very near Yeah.
This,
(06:58):
this little
segment of the show will be out
probably next week. So Oh, brilliant. So people
could actually
come see you if you're in San Antonio.
Yeah. Come to San Antonio, Texas. It's between
the 19th 23rd
of,
September.
But I do not know the location off
the top of my head, but I will
look that up. Okay. Okay. We'll put that
(07:20):
on the show notes. We're we're The adaptive
plus big games. Yeah.
So you've continued to do that. And
over these years,
what
what have you learned
that could be helpful to
people listening? You know, we we all have
some kind of disability or something.
(07:41):
And You know what? It's What is that
a great question?
Yeah. I think one thing that, I feel
like I have to explain a lot, and
and I really
will do my best to to give a
good explanation. But one thing I think
we all can benefit from is,
yes, knowing when to ask for help, but
also not assuming someone needs your help. So
(08:04):
something that I find,
cultural
shock living in the UK is that everyone
is
there's
a real generosity and a kindness here, which
is lovely. But I think there's also a
belief that you should help some with the
disability.
And that's not on its face wrong, but
the way it impacts me is I will
walk out my door, go to the train
(08:25):
station and maybe on my route to work,
which I'm perfectly capable of doing.
I might have 4 or 5 people grab
my elbow on a given day.
And sometimes it's more than that.
Which yeah. Thank you for reacting. Because to
me, it's actually first of all, they grabbed
my arm that has a cane in it.
So this is in my world. It's like
someone covering up your eyes.
I had someone do it to me upstairs
(08:46):
the other day. Oh, good. Does it make
you wanna learn aikido
so you could start just
chopping people's heads up? That because the reality
is the first two or three times it
happens to me in a day, I'll say,
excuse me.
If a person with a disability is not
asking for help, they probably don't need your
help and maybe just give them some personal
so I'll give, like, a polite but well
(09:06):
rehearsed answer. But it's gonna be the 4th
or 5th time
someone has grabbed me. It really does escalate
because it creates a lot of anxiety for
me because I'm just
I want my own personal space and my
own autonomy and and my own sense of
independence.
And it doesn't make me feel
anything positive to know that someone sees me
(09:27):
and assumes that I cannot help myself. That
is not a kind of to me. And
I think it's just this ongoing struggle of
explaining that and it because it it becomes
landmines of,
yes, if I ask for help, then do
help me. If someone with disability does ask,
then yes, help them. But just don't make
assumptions or don't help them without
asking them. Like a person
(09:47):
should have a voice and have their help.
And And I think that's true for disability,
but it's probably a bit true for everyone.
There are moments where all of us need
some help, but they we we really have
an opportunity to communicate what is helpful
to us, you know? Yes. So that's been
a cultural shock and it's it's it's quite
a difficult one to explain to people because
they always are explaining to me that it's
(10:08):
well intentioned.
That's a loss on me, but it's also
having
a a cause of anxiety to me. You
know? Yeah. It's somebody invading your personal space
a lot.
And, you know, I I'm thinking I was
in Thailand and a man took my arm,
and I just
had an instant reaction of yelling at him.
(10:29):
Don't touch me. And it have
5 or 6 people do that through the
day that you didn't you don't know
just and you're not even expecting it. That
would be really, really difficult.
It is exhausting. I,
I did a little
informal study.
So I did, like, over a week's time,
(10:49):
kind of tallied how many times it happens
in a day. And it's an average of
7 times a day.
So, you know, you can see where it
becomes
a limiter. Because there are days where you
are a little fatigued and you just don't
want to go out because you don't want
to face this.
So when I think of the limitations of
blindness,
it's not actually to do
with not being able to see my environment.
(11:11):
I I have no issue
walking out my house, getting to the train
station, making it to work. That's never been
a problem. Mhmm. But what becomes a barrier
is when I don't want to deal with
how people react to me. When really all
I wanted was just to kind of have
some personal space and and live my life
and and have the autonomy that I've I've
deserved just like anyone else.
(11:31):
So I think that's,
one thing that I've learned that I think
would, you know, is good for us all
to bear in mind. And now, you know,
as I move more into management roles, it's
a question I ask people as well. Like
how, how do you want to receive feedback?
How do you want to be helped? How
do you want, what support is do you
need?
Because I think it could be such a
mismatch if you sort of make an assumption
(11:53):
of what's supportive to someone
that actually might be creating different problems for
them that you didn't even know about, you
know. Right.
Right.
Yeah. I I'm thinking
so my background, I was a psychotherapist,
and I think my whole life giving advice
to people was
something I did, and that's that's how I
(12:13):
started out
doing therapy. And as a coach now, I
don't give a lot of advice.
You're more finding out from people. But I
was at my son's house, and he was
ironing his shirt.
And I I am really good at ironing
shirts. I could get a whole shirt ironed
in like 5 minutes.
And
(12:33):
I could see he was doing it wrong
and it was gonna take a long time
and it was gonna get wrinkled and all
this stuff.
But I had learned something
the hard way to ask if the person
wanted help. And I said,
Eric, would you like me
to show you how to iron a shirt?
And he looked up and smiled and said,
no.
(12:56):
Yeah. And
I'm,
I all I usually ask,
would you like a suggestion? Would you like
advice? Would you like help?
And it's amazing how many times people will
say, no, I don't really want that right
now.
Yeah. And I but I think it's so
telling and I think that the risk and
(13:17):
the cost is if you were to have
offered help when someone is not
in a mindset to take on any support,
which is also valid, then all you do
is create a defensive posture. You just create
a pushback. And and even sometimes someone committing
to their positions, you know, as a stronghold.
So if it it also is not building
it having a moment or opportunity to build
(13:39):
a bridge,
with someone. So it's something I do think
about quite often. And just and even as
I come across,
people who I don't know what support they
want or need from me,
whether it be disability or language barrier or
however, you know. It can be lots of
different things when you're living in a big
city. I think we need to get better
at saying I don't need any help right
(14:00):
now or I wanna I wanna really think
this through myself.
Yeah. Yeah.
What I find is I tell people not
to help and they hold on tighter and
they're like, no. It's fine. I don't mind.
No. No.
Yeah. Yeah. But you're not my top priority.
I'm
I'm much over me.
(14:23):
So it's and then I always end up
in these conversations
about, oh, I was well intentioned. I'm just
trying to have, like, I it just move
on.
Just move on. I'm just trying to I'm
not trying to do therapy on you right
now.
Oh my god. Yeah.
I'll call you and give you on FaceTime.
You can tell them. Sure. That's fine.
(14:44):
So Yeah. No. I think in terms of
other things that I've I've learned that I
think are have helped me recently.
I had a coach whilst I was at
Dow Jones that really taught me the importance
of giving, like, a meaningful apology from time
to time. You know, even if it was
a misunderstanding
or if
you thought you were right, but you only
(15:05):
had your point of view, or even just
at the end of the day, you just
fundamentally disagree.
I think it certainly builds a bridge to
acknowledge when you could have done something differently.
But I also think it has changed
that bit of advice I received has sort
of changed the way I look at my
own behavior and having more of a willingness
to see where I had fault.
(15:25):
Because if you think about it, there's, in
my world, there's nothing more difficult to work
with than someone who will never admit when
they're wrong.
So
I think it that little bit of advice
has been such a gem to not become
that person.
Yeah. And that's been a hard one for
me. I was raised in a blue collar
family where nobody apologized
or there weren't any niceties said.
(15:49):
So I've had to learn to apologize,
but not just when I'm wrong, but when
I don't think I did anything, but the
other person's feelings are hurt or their feelings
are bad. It's it's huge.
And actually, it's so important. It's a really
great point you make because I will admit
that even still after years of of having
(16:09):
sort of a practice of acknowledging, that sometimes
it's just, I'm sorry that this isn't going
well. You know?
There are moments where it still kind of
kills me to do it. Like, I don't
think I was wrong.
But it's just the the benefit
I mean, I think for the for the
moments where it does kill me a little
(16:31):
bit,
versus the moments where I am having the
clarity of thought, where I did do something
and owning that. Because it is a bit
of a spectrum, really. But it's really done
a lot
in terms of the relationships that I have
and the the openness in communication
and,
taking the heat out of a situation from
(16:51):
time to time and getting us past these
defensive moments that we all have.
So it's it is something that I have
found really powerful and really some great advice
that I received,
although it has been, you know,
years of trying.
Really?
Really? Yeah. Well, I mean and that's
we all
we all are imperfect.
(17:12):
You know?
We're
80% we're great, and there's a 20% that
we have we have to do we have
to deal with parts of ourselves
that are so imperfect that we wish we're
better, but they're not.
Yeah. Absolutely even when you're trying really hard.
Nice. To Well passion towards yourself for that
(17:35):
imperfection.
Yeah.
And
other ones. Any anything else in terms of
I guess, I think the
last
Oh, yeah. Thank you. I think the last
thing I might add that I I struggle
with for a long time or something I've
really learned, it it might be a bit
cliche is,
(17:57):
being authentic to yourself.
And I think where I've struggled here
is that I'm actually
very sincerely care about people's feelings and very
sincerely care that people are treated fairly and
I think more of a gentle
person in the world. But you're also existing
in these very hyper competitive environments.
And I think it's really hard to be
(18:18):
both those things.
Whether it be,
you know, Lego's not quite as cutthroat, but
Facebook surely was. And,
and obviously competing in sports really can be.
So there's a switch that flips in your
head. And I think I've really,
having done this for a long time,
gotten into a mindset more
of, yes, there's the things you want to
(18:39):
achieve and the things you wanna kind of
make your mark as I wrote about my
book. But I think maybe even higher than
that is who do you wanna be? You
know, I'd so much rather be someone that
is trusted
that,
you know, can have a moment of kindness
than be someone who is always at that
competitive edge. And I think that's just taken
a lot of time to think about, like,
how do you exist in these two ways
(19:00):
at the same time?
Yeah. That's that's beautiful.
I I just keep going back to the
people touching you.
And
yeah. I don't understand. It it causes me
great anxiety, and I don't understand why they
don't they don't realize.
Yeah. Why would you do that now? I
(19:21):
I I think these silly things that come
to mind, like, maybe you should have a,
like, a orange plastic thing that you put
in your clothes that says don't touch. Yeah.
Or you could
could every time somebody touches you, you can
hand them a card that tells them something,
or you could carry copy I've got idea.
You could carry copies of your your book
and say, here's the spot.
(19:43):
Site. Well there was a while, because I've
tried many different approaches, and there was a
while that I thought it would be funny
to like switch it on them. Say, like,
oh, are you lost? Do you need help?
Like, why are you grabbing on to me?
Like, are you are you really confused right
now? Do you need help on the chain?
That really confuse people.
(20:05):
Do you need me to call someone? You
seem very confused.
But, you know, it's it's just hard. And
I think to a degree,
I have to accept it because I can't
change it. But I will
acknowledge that it is it
takes a toll.
Yeah.
I think I
I I definitely definitely does.
(20:27):
And
if you lose your job at Lagos,
you've got
a great opportunity as a stand up comedian.
Oh, thank you. That's kind. You are really
funny.
Oh, that's so nice. Thank you. I don't
think think of myself as being really funny,
but that's nice to hear.
You
are.
Well, we're gonna end pretty quick here. Is
(20:49):
there any last thing you'd like to
share or say say to people listening?
I think the only last thing I would
share is that, you know, I'm so excited
about this opportunity to compete again,
at this adaptive CrossFit and just how important
it is for people with disabilities to have
their opportunities
(21:09):
to be held to a high standard and
to show off, you know, all that we
are capable of.
And I think it's, I'm so excited to
be a part of that movement that has
really transformed in my lifetime. And I just
couldn't be more proud.
And thank you for having me. I was
really excited to hear from you, and I'm
I'm thrilled.
Well, I'm excited to talk to you. And,
(21:30):
let's talk again. We'll do a catch up.
I would love to have you. After your
your,
your meet, I would like like to hear
how you did. Yeah. So I'm happy. Me
too. It could go any kind of way.
Thank you for tuning in. Before you go,
I have a powerful gift for you just
for being a listener.
(21:50):
It's my new leadership and career advancement scorecard,
a quick,
confidential,
3 minute self assessment.
Discover your leadership strengths and weaknesses
instantly
and get tailored suggestions
on the 5 essential leadership areas
of top leaders.
This quiz will give you a clear idea
(22:12):
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Are you ready to find out how you
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Take my quick and easy quiz today.
To get started,
go to www.womensleadershipsuccess.comforward/
(22:33):
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leadership
dash
scorecard,
or click the link in the show notes.
Thank you for joining your host, Sabrina Brom,
on another women's leadership podcast.
If you have questions or comments, you can
email her at sabrina@sabrinabram.com.
(22:54):
Since 1989,
Sabrina and her team have helped hundreds of
women managers, business leaders, and entrepreneurs
with valuable trainings, articles, books, and executive coaching.
For additional tips, interviews, and free access to
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