December 18, 2024 • 19 mins
In this heartfelt episode of the Women's Mental Health Podcast, we address the unique blend of joy and challenge that the holiday season brings to our mental wellness. As the festivities draw near, join the insightful Randi Owsley, LMSW, and the compassionate Jessica Bullwinkle, LMFT, as they unpack essential self-care holiday tips, strategies for mindful celebration, and navigating holiday pressures with grace. Tune in to transform holiday overwhelm into a reason for season's joy.
In this season of joy, it's essential to remember that finding your balance between celebration and self-care isn't just a luxury—it's a necessity. This journey towards emotional resilience during festive seasons can sometimes feel like walking a tightrope, but with the right coping skills and tools, you can navigate this path with grace. Whether it's setting healthy holiday boundaries that honor your needs, cultivating a profound sense of self-compassion as described in our women's guide, or establishing mental wellness holiday rituals that nurture your spirit, you are not alone. Perhaps you're seeking solace in embracing solitude in festive times, or trying to overcome the shadow of loneliness that often accompanies the holidays. Know that there's immense power in female solidarity, as we unite in our holiday struggles and support each other in healing holiday burnout. Together, we can discover resources and strategies that not only help us manage these challenges but also transform our holiday experience into one of genuine joy and replenishment. Remember, your mental health matters, especially during the holidays, and it's okay to prioritize yourself amidst the festive cheer.
In our upcoming episodes, we're diving deep into the heart of what it means to navigate the holiday season with intention and grace. From fostering emotional resilience during festive seasons to setting sacred boundaries that protect our peace, we're here to guide you every step of the way. Expect heartfelt conversations on embracing solitude as a gift, overcoming the sharp sting of loneliness, and finding strength in female solidarity. We'll explore healing strategies for holiday burnout, share wisdom on joyful yet mindful feasting, and offer insights on reclaiming your holiday joy post-trauma. Together, we'll uncover transformative holiday traditions that nourish our mental health and honor our journey towards self-compassion. This is more than just a podcast; it's a community where your experiences are validated, your struggles are acknowledged, and your triumphs are celebrated. Join us, as we empower one another to prioritize our mental wellness and craft a holiday season that truly reflects the depth of our resilience and the warmth of our spirit
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The Women’s Mental Health Podcast, hosted by licensed therapists Randi Owsley MSW and Jessica Bullwinkle LMFT, PMH-C, offers educational and entertaining mental health content. This is not therapy or a substitute for professional care. No therapeutic relationship is formed by listening or engaging. Some links may be affiliate links, which may earn us a small commission at no extra cost to you.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Randi (00:00):
Welcome back to the women's mental health podcast.
(00:02):
I'm randy.
I'm And I'm Jess.
And we are two licensedpsychotherapists, and this is a
safe space where we talk aboutmental health, well being, and
strategies for coping withlife's challenges.
And how all of this is normal,and you are not alone.
Jess (00:15):
We are thrilled to be diving into this topic right
now.
It's very relevant this time ofyear, worries over drinking too
much during the holidays and howto cope.
You can get through this holidaywithout having to do a dry
Randi (00:29):
January.
We know that the holiday seasoncan sometimes feel like a boozy
minefield, and we want to giveyou the tools to navigate it
with grace, self-care, and asplash of humor.
as
Jess (00:40):
women, it's important for us to prioritize our mental
health, self-care, and equipourselves with the tools that we
need to navigate this holidayseason.
Randi (00:50):
You can find us and more mental health resources on
women's mental healthpodcast.com.
Jess (00:55):
Okay, so have you ever had these
Randi (00:57):
thoughts?
How can I avoid drinking toomuch during the holiday season?
What are some
Jess (01:02):
healthy coping strategies to manage holiday stress without
relying on alcohol?
Randi (01:07):
How can I handle social situations where everyone else
is drinking?
Jess (01:12):
Heavily.
Drinking heavily.
Oh my goodness.
Because sometimes you like...
Randi (01:15):
I mean, Most holiday parties are kind of like, woo!
Right?
Jess (01:19):
What are some alternative drinks that I can enjoy during
the holidays without alcohol?
Randi (01:24):
How do I cope and respond to judgment or pressure from
others to drink during theholidays?
Or anytime, really.
Mm hmm.
Jess (01:32):
I find during the holidays, though, it's a little
bit
Randi (01:34):
bigger.
People feel very uncomfortablewhen you are not drinking.
So I did not drink for twoyears.
When I was losing weight and itwas a very hard and people were
like, why aren't you drinking?
Can I get you a drink?
Are you sure you just don't wantto sip?
Do you want it?
Jess (01:50):
that's because that's their thing.
That is nothing about you.
Relax.
Nothing about you.
Okay.
So what are some resources thatare available for those who need
extra support during the holidayseason with their drinking?
Randi (02:02):
How can I maintain a sense of joy and celebration
during the holidays withoutrelying on alcohol?
Jess (02:08):
How do I talk to my loved ones about my concerns regarding
drinking during the holidays?
Is it
Randi (02:13):
okay to seek professional help if I'm struggling with
alcohol during the holidays?
And how
Jess (02:18):
can I celebrate and enjoy the holidays without feeling
isolated or left out if I'm notdrinking?
And
Randi (02:23):
that's a huge thing too, is that the same thing, like
People are like, why aren't youdrinking?
Why aren't you drinking?
And then you feel like, okay,maybe I shouldn't go.
And then you feel isolated I
Jess (02:32):
have some great tips for you guys that I give out all the
time.
let's define right now whatworries over drinking too much
during the holidays refers toand what kind of concerns and
anxieties many of these womenhave regarding guarding
consumption during these festivemonths.
Randi (02:50):
It's very common to feel pressure to drink a lot during
the holidays, and sometimes wecan worry about losing control
of ourselves.
There's a lot of pressure in oursociety, and even in social
media, to kind of glamorizealcohol, especially during the
holiday season.
There's so many christmasdrinks, festive drinks, New Year
(03:11):
drinks, New Year's parties,holiday parties, work parties.
And so a lot of this messagingthat we receive can create a
sense of FOMO, the fear ofmissing out, and lead to
feelings of inadequacy if we arenot participating in drinking.
Jess (03:28):
I remember the New Year's that I was pregnant with my
daughter.
Everybody was drinking wine, andI was kind of like, I'm, I'm
happy I'm pregnant.
I don't want wine, but I didn'thave anything to like cheer.
And then a friend of mine waslike, here, I got something for
you.
And this was years ago beforethey had all the alcohol free
wines and all of this stuff.
(03:48):
But she handed me a glassbecause everybody's drinking red
wine.
She handed me a glass of thepalm juice mixed with some fizzy
water from Peregrino in a fancyglass.
And that was like, Oh, that'sall I needed.
I just needed to be able tocheer with people to, to feel
like I
Randi (04:05):
was part of it.
I find a lot of people will dothat.
They'll hold something like theydon't tell people it's alcohol
or non alcohol or whatever.
And that's an interesting storybecause I found out I was
pregnant, like when we weregetting married and I was like,
what are we going to do?
And we didn't want to tellanybody yet because it was still
like right before.
And I was like, what am I gonnado when we cheers?
(04:27):
We had all this like champagneand stuff.
And so my mom had ordered melike sparkling cider and nobody
else knew that I wasn't drinkingchampagne because I was just
newly pregnant.
and, to put up appearances andnot have people asking me like,
are you pregnant?
Are you pregnant?
that's
Jess (04:45):
what I tell my, people I work with who are pregnant.
If they're like, well, how do Ihide it?
Duh, duh, duh, duh.
And I'm like, okay, so a coupleof things is you can have you or
your partner tell the waitstaff,don't tell anybody she's
pregnant.
Just give her a glass of sodawater with a lime, right?
Make sure that you give hersomething that looks like
alcohol or give her a nonalcoholic beverage.
(05:07):
Cause we don't want to be like,oh, we're not drinking.
If you're like, I always had aglass of wine.
What's the difference.
And so a lot of restaurants willwork with you on that.
If you just say, Hey, make sureor make sure that you order
something from the bartender.
I've done shots of water beforebecause somebody was harassing.
I'm like, fine, fine.
Or
Randi (05:24):
And throw it over your shoulder or whatever.
Right.
Jess (05:27):
I was like, yeah, yeah.
Just give me a shot of water.
And they're like, well, yeah,no, no, I'm doing vodka shots,
you
Randi (05:31):
know?
Or just own your boundaries andtell people to F off and it's
none of their business.
That is true.
Jess (05:37):
That would be a little bit more ballsy, but most people are
like.
I don't want to, I don't
Randi (05:41):
want to break it.
If you don't want to talk aboutit, but really worrying about
this or worrying about alcoholconsumption and these things can
really intensify, especiallyduring the holidays, feelings of
anxiety and depression and abody image too.
So because we're just concernedabout what everybody is
(06:02):
thinking.
about us.
Jess (06:03):
And the problem with alcohol is It's empty calories.
Randi (06:06):
It is, you can get a lot of weight from just drinking
during the
Jess (06:11):
holidays or worrying about what people are thinking about
you or what they're not thinkingabout you and really the worst
part about this whole thing isthat it leads to a cycle that
really keeps us feeling stuck.
And really.
further makes our emotional wellbeing worse because we're in
this cycle of too much thoughts,not thinking enough.
Is there a problem?
(06:31):
And that's just not a fun cycleto be in.
Randi (06:34):
Yeah, so we're gonna equip you with some great coping
strategies to navigate thisboozy holiday season.
Jess (06:40):
I love that she keeps having to read boozy.
That's great.
You keep being the one that'slike Boozy!
Randi (06:46):
I'm going to be like, Shambong! Okay, no.
Don't do that.
You'll get
Jess (06:50):
sick.
Yeah.
No, no.
That is not a good thing.
So first and foremost, let'sreally set some realistic
limitations for yourself, right?
I don't want to say limitations.
I don't even like that word.
Let's set some realistic...
Goals
Randi (07:05):
for yourself.
That's better.
That's more empowering.
It is.
Jess (07:08):
Because we really want to pace yourself.
And this is one of the thingstoo, is that have a drink.
And then if you, if everybody'scontinuing to drink or you don't
want to have an empty hand, Ialways say never have an empty
hand the next one, alternatewith a non alcoholic beverage.
Right.
And have a glass of water, havea fizzy water.
Randi (07:28):
Set those boundaries with yourself about what you want to
happen and then make it happen.
Well, it's just like
Jess (07:35):
if we go out for dinner.
It's always, who's the driver?
Mm hmm.
We decide that beforehand, notafter we've had a couple of
drinks.
I will not get in the car and doany driving if I've had anything
to drink.
I'm pretty hardcore on that one.
Yeah.
And so it's always, okay, am I
Randi (07:50):
driving or you?
Exactly.
With your friends, with yourpartner, whoever it is, set
those rules, set thoseboundaries, and that will set
you up to not fail in this orfeel like you are out of control
in the situation.
Jess (08:03):
And be honest.
I've done it with one of Randy'sparties.
I was like, I like to drink.
Who's going to come pick me up?
And somebody's cool, I'll swingby and get you.
And I was like, sweet.
And
Randi (08:12):
that can also give somebody an out who doesn't want
to be drinking at that party.
I am the designated driver.
That's fine.
I was usually always thatbecause I'm not a huge drinker.
So I was like, I was the onethat would be like, I'm fine
taking care of my friends ifthey want it.
Or if you guys want to drink, Iwill drive.
It's not a big deal.
For me, I grew up withalcoholism in my family.
(08:33):
So I just have always stayedaway from it for me.
So it's not something that Ioverindulge in.
So It's been something thoughthat I have had to learn to
navigate, especially being in asorority, being in college being
very social where I just ownedit.
I'm not a big drinker and I justtell people that.
So right from the bat, usuallywhen I meet them, so I don't get
(08:55):
any type of like pressure orthings like that, but I'm like,
I'm fine if you want to, or ifyou don't, yeah.
You're an
Jess (09:01):
adult.
You can make your decision.
Randi (09:02):
And it's really important, though, manage what
is going on during the holidaysand your stress level, because a
lot of times, we can be like, Iknow there's lots of funny mugs
and sayings out there Mom justneeds a cocktail or whatever,
because of the kids.
Yeah, and all this stuff, and soit can be something that we kind
of lean on and use when we'restressed out.
(09:23):
So what, think of the otherthings that you can do for self
care to manage your stressduring the holidays and so that
you're not relying on alcohol asyour go to.
So if that's exercise,meditation, going out with
friends, watching a movie,gaming, journaling, whatever
that is.
Make sure you are taking care ofyour mental health with
(09:46):
intention and as issues arise,whether that is financial stress
buying presents for the kids,family issues, you got to meet
up for the holidays with familyyou don't like or your in laws.
Jess (09:58):
So our rule was always whoever's in law it is.
They have to drive.
No wait, whoever's in law is,they get to drink.
If I went to my mother in law's,my husband had to drive, I got
to drink, and vice versa.
And it's not that we don't likeour mother in laws, but it was
always that if it's your family,you're driving, and vice versa.
And we've always done it thatway.
Just because that's our rule.
(10:19):
So we make it very clear in thebeginning.
Yeah.
And one of the things I love,Randy, that you do is you do the
boozy Hallow...
What was that?
Halloween?
Oh,
Randi (10:27):
so we do in our community group that we have for our local
moms, we do like a boo basket,but booze basket, and we do a
tipsy elf basket, but we doalternates for that.
So if you want to do, you canchoose to do coffee, soda, tea,
whatever, and in replacing thealcohol.
It doesn't have to be alcoholbased.
(10:48):
So I give people that option inour mom's group so that they
don't feel like they're left outif they don't drink or if they
have an issue with alcohol andthey want to stay away from it.
Jess (10:59):
Yeah, because it's such a cute basket.
It's so fun.
You get this little basket thatshows up on your, on your porch.
Somebody you know, drops it off.
Yeah, it's like
Randi (11:06):
a secret sister basket.
But then a lot of people wouldfeel left out if they felt like,
well, I don't drink or like Ican't and this way they're
included.
Mm
Jess (11:15):
hmm.
I love it.
And I think it's great when youhave somebody who's I want
coffee.
You're like, sweet.
I can do that.
Or somebody who's I don't drinkcoffee or this, but I like hot
cocoa, what I really like aboutit is that you give that option
versus it just being about theboozy piece, and I think that's
really
Randi (11:30):
great.
Yeah, we make it more about thefriendship and the the giving
and the community instead of thebooze.
And I feel like we should findthat within our friends and
families.
to and create that supportsystem so that we can manage
alcohol better during stressfulparts of our life.
And especially during theholidays like that, because I
(11:51):
feel like a lot of people don'talways consider how others might
feel about alcohol.
And just because my partner andI have had family members who
were alcoholics and have passedaway from it.
It's more in our, the forefrontof our consideration and our
minds.
But again, communicate that topeople so they can support you
(12:15):
and you can support them inturn, because if you don't say
anything, nobody's going toknow.
Jess (12:19):
My daughter got mad at us once.
She was like, you guys aredrinking too much.
And I was like.
I had half an ounce of vodkawith that really big drink.
She has no idea that like thenext drink was just the soda,
was the sugar free soda, I havejust this little teeny tiny,
literally measure out like ahalf ounce because having a tiny
(12:41):
tummy, it'll hit me like boom.
And so my husband's like, Momactually does.
And I was like, yeah, I'm notfalling down.
I'm not doing any of this.
So, You
Randi (12:51):
know, she's lucky she doesn't know what that is, but
she was just concerned becauseshe didn't.
So she just thought, Oh, maybeone drink is too many.
But you're like, kid, you don'tknow.
Yeah, I was like, Oh, no,
Jess (13:01):
no, no, this is Yeah.
And so we had to talk about thatwith her.
And I'm glad she was able tobring up the concern.
But I mean,
Randi (13:07):
she felt safe enough, though, to even say that to you,
which is the important part
Jess (13:12):
that she was mad.
And I was thinking, oh yeah, no,this is a half ounce.
You have no idea what a halfounce was.
And we had to sit there and talkabout, this is when you should
be worried about it.
This is what you're worriedabout.
And really, I think it, I don'tknow, unless they've changed it
for men It's 21 Drinks a week isconsidered dangerous for Women.
It's 14 and men have a highernumber than the women do no more
(13:37):
than two drinks a day And by adrink, I don't mean fill up that
gigantic glass of wine, you knowthat gigantic wine glass that
bottle It's like Four ounces.
Right?
People are like, no, no, no.
That's not, no.
A glass is four ounces of wine.
Mm-Hmm.
I think a shot is what?
An ounce Is alcohol an ounce ortwo ounces?
(13:58):
It is one or two ounces for hardalcohol.
Mm-Hmm.
one Beer.
And so they kind of have a wayto measure it.
And if you're having issues withit,
Randi (14:08):
Learn to measure it, though.
That's the same thing when Jessand I went through weight loss.
We had to go back and measureall of our food to get a visual.
of what it was versus what oursociety says when we go out to
eat and they give us like hugevalue meals and plates and
things like this.
(14:29):
And yet we had to retrain ourbrains to see things
differently.
And I feel like you need to dothat sometimes with alcohol too,
like.
This is a true shot.
This is a true glass of wine.
This is, because we do in oursociety have very big glasses,
very big cups, very bigeverything.
Jess (14:45):
Even our plates.
I still don't eat on a bigplate.
Yeah, that
Randi (14:48):
we're trying to fill up.
So it's like, maybe get asmaller glass or a smaller
bottle.
Since I don't drink a lot ofalcohol, they make these for
gift baskets now, but they'relittle mini bottles of wine.
And I love those because it'slike just enough for like two
glasses.
And then I'm not wasting and I'mnot over drinking or anything
like that.
And it's like perfect.
(15:10):
So those things and those tipscan help us navigate that.
Jess (15:14):
And I want to go back and talk about mocktails.
Randi (15:16):
it has been trending a lot lately, so you're not alone
in wanting to Drink less andfind other ways to enjoy fun
drinks and beverages, butwithout the alcohol.
Jess (15:31):
And it's okay to drink it.
Okay, so if you're in therapywith me, I'm going to tell you,
you cannot drink your crystallight in a wine glass, because I
do telehealth and I can't tellwhat it is.
That is really one of my rules,but there's no reason why you
can't drink out of a fun glassor a pretty glass, whatever it
is.
Yeah, I
Randi (15:50):
have all sorts of barware, and we don't really
drink but I do host a lot ofevents and stuff, and so it's I
want to have that, or sometimesI just like holding a wine glass
you know, it makes me feelfancy,
Jess (16:02):
It's like, why would we want to drink you know, fancy
tea out of our coffee mug?
Exactly.
I want a fancy teacup.
I want a little pretty teacup todrink my tea at night to make it
a special thing.
And there's nothing wrong withwanting to make it special.
That's where people get allweird.
No, it's just a different way ofparticipating.
It's a
Randi (16:20):
different way.
It's just like, I need a newoutfit for every event I have.
I need a new cup for
Jess (16:26):
whatever drink I just like this cup.
It's pretty.
But we
Randi (16:30):
will listen.
some fun mocktail recipes foryou on our blog, women's mental
health podcast.
com.
Yes.
I
Jess (16:38):
really, truly mocktails are so big and trending right
now and if you're struggling,it's okay to get professional
support.
You can reach out if you'restruggling cause you've been
sober and it's that time of yearagain, go back to AA.
Follow what they're doing.
If you don't like AA, find agroup or something that you do
like.
there are a lot of people outthere who will do a lot of that
(17:01):
Marco Polo like FaceTime, ohyeah, you
Randi (17:05):
can just FaceTime somebody and talk to them and
say, I need support right now,or I'm feeling this way can you
distract me, or can you walk methrough this, or can you help
me?
And it...
Even, like you said, if youdon't like AA, or that, or you
don't have a support system,maybe just a friend that you're
both trying to walk through thisand can support each other
(17:27):
through it, too, and if you needsupport, then definitely reach
out to a therapist.
Yeah,
Jess (17:31):
and if you're going somewhere, it's okay to bring
your own fizzy drinks.
It's okay to bring your ownmocktails.
I think last year, we did theChristmas thing.
I think I was the one that mademocktails, even though it was at
my house, I wasn't drinking.
And so I was like, cause I wasworking on losing the weight and
I didn't want the extracalories.
And so I'm pretty sure I made amocktail.
Somebody else brought this bigold jug of something or other,
(17:55):
but it was like, we had all ofthese different flavors that
were alcoholic and nonalcoholic.
And it was.
Randi (18:01):
fun.
Yeah.
Just giving the option.
I feel to when you host eventsand things like that, it's just
very considerate and a way tomake people feel more
comfortable if they are dealingwith wanting to drink less or
staying away from
Jess (18:14):
alcohol without having to be like, Oh yeah, this is my
story because you know what?
It's nobody's business.
Exactly.
It's nobody's business.
Remember, our worth is notdetermined by how much we drink
or don't drink, or how much weparticipate with our friends in
their drinking.
Really, you get to define yourworth and you get to decide what
(18:36):
you want to do and what worksfor
Randi (18:38):
you.
Yes, self love, self confidence,and finding joy in the little
things are great ingredients tocreating a kick ass holiday
season.
Thank you all for tuning in, andremember to subscribe, rate, and
leave a comment on the Women'sMental Health Podcast so you'll
never miss an episode.
Jess (18:57):
And remember, you are not alone, we're in this together,
and we're here to support youevery step of the way, and we
want everyone to have a safe andwonderful holiday season.
Welcome back to the women's mental health podcast.
(00:02):
I'm randy.
I'm And I'm Jess.
And we are two licensedpsychotherapists, and this is a
safe space where we talk aboutmental health, well being, and
strategies for coping withlife's challenges.
And how all of this is normal,and you are not alone.
Jess (00:15):
We are thrilled to be diving into this topic right
now.
It's very relevant this time ofyear, worries over drinking too
much during the holidays and howto cope.
You can get through this holidaywithout having to do a dry
Randi (00:29):
January.
We know that the holiday seasoncan sometimes feel like a boozy
minefield, and we want to giveyou the tools to navigate it
with grace, self-care, and asplash of humor.
as
Jess (00:40):
women, it's important for us to prioritize our mental
health, self-care, and equipourselves with the tools that we
need to navigate this holidayseason.
Randi (00:50):
You can find us and more mental health resources on
women's mental healthpodcast.com.
Jess (00:55):
Okay, so have you ever had these
Randi (00:57):
thoughts?
How can I avoid drinking toomuch during the holiday season?
What are some
Jess (01:02):
healthy coping strategies to manage holiday stress without
relying on alcohol?
Randi (01:07):
How can I handle social situations where everyone else
is drinking?
Jess (01:12):
Heavily.
Drinking heavily.
Oh my goodness.
Because sometimes you like...
Randi (01:15):
I mean, Most holiday parties are kind of like, woo!
Right?
Jess (01:19):
What are some alternative drinks that I can enjoy during
the holidays without alcohol?
Randi (01:24):
How do I cope and respond to judgment or pressure from
others to drink during theholidays?
Or anytime, really.
Mm hmm.
Jess (01:32):
I find during the holidays, though, it's a little
bit
Randi (01:34):
bigger.
People feel very uncomfortablewhen you are not drinking.
So I did not drink for twoyears.
When I was losing weight and itwas a very hard and people were
like, why aren't you drinking?
Can I get you a drink?
Are you sure you just don't wantto sip?
Do you want it?
Jess (01:50):
that's because that's their thing.
That is nothing about you.
Relax.
Nothing about you.
Okay.
So what are some resources thatare available for those who need
extra support during the holidayseason with their drinking?
Randi (02:02):
How can I maintain a sense of joy and celebration
during the holidays withoutrelying on alcohol?
Jess (02:08):
How do I talk to my loved ones about my concerns regarding
drinking during the holidays?
Is it
Randi (02:13):
okay to seek professional help if I'm struggling with
alcohol during the holidays?
And how
Jess (02:18):
can I celebrate and enjoy the holidays without feeling
isolated or left out if I'm notdrinking?
And
Randi (02:23):
that's a huge thing too, is that the same thing, like
People are like, why aren't youdrinking?
Why aren't you drinking?
And then you feel like, okay,maybe I shouldn't go.
And then you feel isolated I
Jess (02:32):
have some great tips for you guys that I give out all the
time.
let's define right now whatworries over drinking too much
during the holidays refers toand what kind of concerns and
anxieties many of these womenhave regarding guarding
consumption during these festivemonths.
Randi (02:50):
It's very common to feel pressure to drink a lot during
the holidays, and sometimes wecan worry about losing control
of ourselves.
There's a lot of pressure in oursociety, and even in social
media, to kind of glamorizealcohol, especially during the
holiday season.
There's so many christmasdrinks, festive drinks, New Year
(03:11):
drinks, New Year's parties,holiday parties, work parties.
And so a lot of this messagingthat we receive can create a
sense of FOMO, the fear ofmissing out, and lead to
feelings of inadequacy if we arenot participating in drinking.
Jess (03:28):
I remember the New Year's that I was pregnant with my
daughter.
Everybody was drinking wine, andI was kind of like, I'm, I'm
happy I'm pregnant.
I don't want wine, but I didn'thave anything to like cheer.
And then a friend of mine waslike, here, I got something for
you.
And this was years ago beforethey had all the alcohol free
wines and all of this stuff.
(03:48):
But she handed me a glassbecause everybody's drinking red
wine.
She handed me a glass of thepalm juice mixed with some fizzy
water from Peregrino in a fancyglass.
And that was like, Oh, that'sall I needed.
I just needed to be able tocheer with people to, to feel
like I
Randi (04:05):
was part of it.
I find a lot of people will dothat.
They'll hold something like theydon't tell people it's alcohol
or non alcohol or whatever.
And that's an interesting storybecause I found out I was
pregnant, like when we weregetting married and I was like,
what are we going to do?
And we didn't want to tellanybody yet because it was still
like right before.
And I was like, what am I gonnado when we cheers?
(04:27):
We had all this like champagneand stuff.
And so my mom had ordered melike sparkling cider and nobody
else knew that I wasn't drinkingchampagne because I was just
newly pregnant.
and, to put up appearances andnot have people asking me like,
are you pregnant?
Are you pregnant?
that's
Jess (04:45):
what I tell my, people I work with who are pregnant.
If they're like, well, how do Ihide it?
Duh, duh, duh, duh.
And I'm like, okay, so a coupleof things is you can have you or
your partner tell the waitstaff,don't tell anybody she's
pregnant.
Just give her a glass of sodawater with a lime, right?
Make sure that you give hersomething that looks like
alcohol or give her a nonalcoholic beverage.
(05:07):
Cause we don't want to be like,oh, we're not drinking.
If you're like, I always had aglass of wine.
What's the difference.
And so a lot of restaurants willwork with you on that.
If you just say, Hey, make sureor make sure that you order
something from the bartender.
I've done shots of water beforebecause somebody was harassing.
I'm like, fine, fine.
Or
Randi (05:24):
And throw it over your shoulder or whatever.
Right.
Jess (05:27):
I was like, yeah, yeah.
Just give me a shot of water.
And they're like, well, yeah,no, no, I'm doing vodka shots,
you
Randi (05:31):
know?
Or just own your boundaries andtell people to F off and it's
none of their business.
That is true.
Jess (05:37):
That would be a little bit more ballsy, but most people are
like.
I don't want to, I don't
Randi (05:41):
want to break it.
If you don't want to talk aboutit, but really worrying about
this or worrying about alcoholconsumption and these things can
really intensify, especiallyduring the holidays, feelings of
anxiety and depression and abody image too.
So because we're just concernedabout what everybody is
(06:02):
thinking.
about us.
Jess (06:03):
And the problem with alcohol is It's empty calories.
Randi (06:06):
It is, you can get a lot of weight from just drinking
during the
Jess (06:11):
holidays or worrying about what people are thinking about
you or what they're not thinkingabout you and really the worst
part about this whole thing isthat it leads to a cycle that
really keeps us feeling stuck.
And really.
further makes our emotional wellbeing worse because we're in
this cycle of too much thoughts,not thinking enough.
Is there a problem?
(06:31):
And that's just not a fun cycleto be in.
Randi (06:34):
Yeah, so we're gonna equip you with some great coping
strategies to navigate thisboozy holiday season.
Jess (06:40):
I love that she keeps having to read boozy.
That's great.
You keep being the one that'slike Boozy!
Randi (06:46):
I'm going to be like, Shambong! Okay, no.
Don't do that.
You'll get
Jess (06:50):
sick.
Yeah.
No, no.
That is not a good thing.
So first and foremost, let'sreally set some realistic
limitations for yourself, right?
I don't want to say limitations.
I don't even like that word.
Let's set some realistic...
Goals
Randi (07:05):
for yourself.
That's better.
That's more empowering.
It is.
Jess (07:08):
Because we really want to pace yourself.
And this is one of the thingstoo, is that have a drink.
And then if you, if everybody'scontinuing to drink or you don't
want to have an empty hand, Ialways say never have an empty
hand the next one, alternatewith a non alcoholic beverage.
Right.
And have a glass of water, havea fizzy water.
Randi (07:28):
Set those boundaries with yourself about what you want to
happen and then make it happen.
Well, it's just like
Jess (07:35):
if we go out for dinner.
It's always, who's the driver?
Mm hmm.
We decide that beforehand, notafter we've had a couple of
drinks.
I will not get in the car and doany driving if I've had anything
to drink.
I'm pretty hardcore on that one.
Yeah.
And so it's always, okay, am I
Randi (07:50):
driving or you?
Exactly.
With your friends, with yourpartner, whoever it is, set
those rules, set thoseboundaries, and that will set
you up to not fail in this orfeel like you are out of control
in the situation.
Jess (08:03):
And be honest.
I've done it with one of Randy'sparties.
I was like, I like to drink.
Who's going to come pick me up?
And somebody's cool, I'll swingby and get you.
And I was like, sweet.
And
Randi (08:12):
that can also give somebody an out who doesn't want
to be drinking at that party.
I am the designated driver.
That's fine.
I was usually always thatbecause I'm not a huge drinker.
So I was like, I was the onethat would be like, I'm fine
taking care of my friends ifthey want it.
Or if you guys want to drink, Iwill drive.
It's not a big deal.
For me, I grew up withalcoholism in my family.
(08:33):
So I just have always stayedaway from it for me.
So it's not something that Ioverindulge in.
So It's been something thoughthat I have had to learn to
navigate, especially being in asorority, being in college being
very social where I just ownedit.
I'm not a big drinker and I justtell people that.
So right from the bat, usuallywhen I meet them, so I don't get
(08:55):
any type of like pressure orthings like that, but I'm like,
I'm fine if you want to, or ifyou don't, yeah.
You're an
Jess (09:01):
adult.
You can make your decision.
Randi (09:02):
And it's really important, though, manage what
is going on during the holidaysand your stress level, because a
lot of times, we can be like, Iknow there's lots of funny mugs
and sayings out there Mom justneeds a cocktail or whatever,
because of the kids.
Yeah, and all this stuff, and soit can be something that we kind
of lean on and use when we'restressed out.
(09:23):
So what, think of the otherthings that you can do for self
care to manage your stressduring the holidays and so that
you're not relying on alcohol asyour go to.
So if that's exercise,meditation, going out with
friends, watching a movie,gaming, journaling, whatever
that is.
Make sure you are taking care ofyour mental health with
(09:46):
intention and as issues arise,whether that is financial stress
buying presents for the kids,family issues, you got to meet
up for the holidays with familyyou don't like or your in laws.
Jess (09:58):
So our rule was always whoever's in law it is.
They have to drive.
No wait, whoever's in law is,they get to drink.
If I went to my mother in law's,my husband had to drive, I got
to drink, and vice versa.
And it's not that we don't likeour mother in laws, but it was
always that if it's your family,you're driving, and vice versa.
And we've always done it thatway.
Just because that's our rule.
(10:19):
So we make it very clear in thebeginning.
Yeah.
And one of the things I love,Randy, that you do is you do the
boozy Hallow...
What was that?
Halloween?
Oh,
Randi (10:27):
so we do in our community group that we have for our local
moms, we do like a boo basket,but booze basket, and we do a
tipsy elf basket, but we doalternates for that.
So if you want to do, you canchoose to do coffee, soda, tea,
whatever, and in replacing thealcohol.
It doesn't have to be alcoholbased.
(10:48):
So I give people that option inour mom's group so that they
don't feel like they're left outif they don't drink or if they
have an issue with alcohol andthey want to stay away from it.
Jess (10:59):
Yeah, because it's such a cute basket.
It's so fun.
You get this little basket thatshows up on your, on your porch.
Somebody you know, drops it off.
Yeah, it's like
Randi (11:06):
a secret sister basket.
But then a lot of people wouldfeel left out if they felt like,
well, I don't drink or like Ican't and this way they're
included.
Mm
Jess (11:15):
hmm.
I love it.
And I think it's great when youhave somebody who's I want
coffee.
You're like, sweet.
I can do that.
Or somebody who's I don't drinkcoffee or this, but I like hot
cocoa, what I really like aboutit is that you give that option
versus it just being about theboozy piece, and I think that's
really
Randi (11:30):
great.
Yeah, we make it more about thefriendship and the the giving
and the community instead of thebooze.
And I feel like we should findthat within our friends and
families.
to and create that supportsystem so that we can manage
alcohol better during stressfulparts of our life.
And especially during theholidays like that, because I
(11:51):
feel like a lot of people don'talways consider how others might
feel about alcohol.
And just because my partner andI have had family members who
were alcoholics and have passedaway from it.
It's more in our, the forefrontof our consideration and our
minds.
But again, communicate that topeople so they can support you
(12:15):
and you can support them inturn, because if you don't say
anything, nobody's going toknow.
Jess (12:19):
My daughter got mad at us once.
She was like, you guys aredrinking too much.
And I was like.
I had half an ounce of vodkawith that really big drink.
She has no idea that like thenext drink was just the soda,
was the sugar free soda, I havejust this little teeny tiny,
literally measure out like ahalf ounce because having a tiny
(12:41):
tummy, it'll hit me like boom.
And so my husband's like, Momactually does.
And I was like, yeah, I'm notfalling down.
I'm not doing any of this.
So, You
Randi (12:51):
know, she's lucky she doesn't know what that is, but
she was just concerned becauseshe didn't.
So she just thought, Oh, maybeone drink is too many.
But you're like, kid, you don'tknow.
Yeah, I was like, Oh, no,
Jess (13:01):
no, no, this is Yeah.
And so we had to talk about thatwith her.
And I'm glad she was able tobring up the concern.
But I mean,
Randi (13:07):
she felt safe enough, though, to even say that to you,
which is the important part
Jess (13:12):
that she was mad.
And I was thinking, oh yeah, no,this is a half ounce.
You have no idea what a halfounce was.
And we had to sit there and talkabout, this is when you should
be worried about it.
This is what you're worriedabout.
And really, I think it, I don'tknow, unless they've changed it
for men It's 21 Drinks a week isconsidered dangerous for Women.
It's 14 and men have a highernumber than the women do no more
(13:37):
than two drinks a day And by adrink, I don't mean fill up that
gigantic glass of wine, you knowthat gigantic wine glass that
bottle It's like Four ounces.
Right?
People are like, no, no, no.
That's not, no.
A glass is four ounces of wine.
Mm-Hmm.
I think a shot is what?
An ounce Is alcohol an ounce ortwo ounces?
(13:58):
It is one or two ounces for hardalcohol.
Mm-Hmm.
one Beer.
And so they kind of have a wayto measure it.
And if you're having issues withit,
Randi (14:08):
Learn to measure it, though.
That's the same thing when Jessand I went through weight loss.
We had to go back and measureall of our food to get a visual.
of what it was versus what oursociety says when we go out to
eat and they give us like hugevalue meals and plates and
things like this.
(14:29):
And yet we had to retrain ourbrains to see things
differently.
And I feel like you need to dothat sometimes with alcohol too,
like.
This is a true shot.
This is a true glass of wine.
This is, because we do in oursociety have very big glasses,
very big cups, very bigeverything.
Jess (14:45):
Even our plates.
I still don't eat on a bigplate.
Yeah, that
Randi (14:48):
we're trying to fill up.
So it's like, maybe get asmaller glass or a smaller
bottle.
Since I don't drink a lot ofalcohol, they make these for
gift baskets now, but they'relittle mini bottles of wine.
And I love those because it'slike just enough for like two
glasses.
And then I'm not wasting and I'mnot over drinking or anything
like that.
And it's like perfect.
(15:10):
So those things and those tipscan help us navigate that.
Jess (15:14):
And I want to go back and talk about mocktails.
Randi (15:16):
it has been trending a lot lately, so you're not alone
in wanting to Drink less andfind other ways to enjoy fun
drinks and beverages, butwithout the alcohol.
Jess (15:31):
And it's okay to drink it.
Okay, so if you're in therapywith me, I'm going to tell you,
you cannot drink your crystallight in a wine glass, because I
do telehealth and I can't tellwhat it is.
That is really one of my rules,but there's no reason why you
can't drink out of a fun glassor a pretty glass, whatever it
is.
Yeah, I
Randi (15:50):
have all sorts of barware, and we don't really
drink but I do host a lot ofevents and stuff, and so it's I
want to have that, or sometimesI just like holding a wine glass
you know, it makes me feelfancy,
Jess (16:02):
It's like, why would we want to drink you know, fancy
tea out of our coffee mug?
Exactly.
I want a fancy teacup.
I want a little pretty teacup todrink my tea at night to make it
a special thing.
And there's nothing wrong withwanting to make it special.
That's where people get allweird.
No, it's just a different way ofparticipating.
It's a
Randi (16:20):
different way.
It's just like, I need a newoutfit for every event I have.
I need a new cup for
Jess (16:26):
whatever drink I just like this cup.
It's pretty.
But we
Randi (16:30):
will listen.
some fun mocktail recipes foryou on our blog, women's mental
health podcast.
com.
Yes.
I
Jess (16:38):
really, truly mocktails are so big and trending right
now and if you're struggling,it's okay to get professional
support.
You can reach out if you'restruggling cause you've been
sober and it's that time of yearagain, go back to AA.
Follow what they're doing.
If you don't like AA, find agroup or something that you do
like.
there are a lot of people outthere who will do a lot of that
(17:01):
Marco Polo like FaceTime, ohyeah, you
Randi (17:05):
can just FaceTime somebody and talk to them and
say, I need support right now,or I'm feeling this way can you
distract me, or can you walk methrough this, or can you help
me?
And it...
Even, like you said, if youdon't like AA, or that, or you
don't have a support system,maybe just a friend that you're
both trying to walk through thisand can support each other
(17:27):
through it, too, and if you needsupport, then definitely reach
out to a therapist.
Yeah,
Jess (17:31):
and if you're going somewhere, it's okay to bring
your own fizzy drinks.
It's okay to bring your ownmocktails.
I think last year, we did theChristmas thing.
I think I was the one that mademocktails, even though it was at
my house, I wasn't drinking.
And so I was like, cause I wasworking on losing the weight and
I didn't want the extracalories.
And so I'm pretty sure I made amocktail.
Somebody else brought this bigold jug of something or other,
(17:55):
but it was like, we had all ofthese different flavors that
were alcoholic and nonalcoholic.
And it was.
Randi (18:01):
fun.
Yeah.
Just giving the option.
I feel to when you host eventsand things like that, it's just
very considerate and a way tomake people feel more
comfortable if they are dealingwith wanting to drink less or
staying away from
Jess (18:14):
alcohol without having to be like, Oh yeah, this is my
story because you know what?
It's nobody's business.
Exactly.
It's nobody's business.
Remember, our worth is notdetermined by how much we drink
or don't drink, or how much weparticipate with our friends in
their drinking.
Really, you get to define yourworth and you get to decide what
(18:36):
you want to do and what worksfor
Randi (18:38):
you.
Yes, self love, self confidence,and finding joy in the little
things are great ingredients tocreating a kick ass holiday
season.
Thank you all for tuning in, andremember to subscribe, rate, and
leave a comment on the Women'sMental Health Podcast so you'll
never miss an episode.
Jess (18:57):
And remember, you are not alone, we're in this together,
and we're here to support youevery step of the way, and we
want everyone to have a safe andwonderful holiday season.
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