December 11, 2024 • 27 mins
In this episode of Women's Mental Health Podcast, we dive deep into the art and necessity of letting go. Join us as Randi Owsley, LMSW, and Jessica Bullwinkle, LMFT, share their collective 22 years of wisdom in guiding women through emotional release techniques, the path to self-forgiveness, and the power of moving on from what no longer serves us. Together, we'll explore everything from healing after heartbreak and transforming anger into empowerment, to the profound spiritual growth that comes from releasing the past. Whether you're navigating the aftermath of betrayal, seeking peace after loss, or looking to fortify your self-care toolkit, this episode is your invitation to embrace the freedom and empowerment that come from truly letting go.
Practicing mindfulness can be a modern, healing-centered approach to gently releasing the echoes of past trauma, guiding us towards a future where we are no longer held by the chains of our histories. Creating new boundaries is a testament to our self-respect, signaling a move towards healthier relationships and fervent self-care. Acknowledging the weight of guilt and taking active steps to shed this burden can be a liberating aspect of a woman's journey, empowering us to release control where we need to, in order to find genuine peace.
In our upcoming podcasts, we're taking a deep dive into the heart of women's mental wellness, exploring themes that resonate deeply with our shared experience of growth, healing, and empowerment. We'll start by unpacking the power of creating new boundaries, a testament to self-respect and a crucial step towards nurturing healthier relationships and prioritizing self-care. Together, we'll navigate the journey of letting go of guilt—a journey many of us are all too familiar with—and discover ways to significantly lighten this load that often weighs heavily on our hearts.
FAQs
Why is letting go so hard?
What does letting go actually mean?3. How can I start the process of letting go?What are some practices to facilitate letting go?5. How do I know when I've successfully let go?
Can letting go change my relationships?
What if I struggle with letting go of negative self-perceptions?
Is it normal to feel grief when letting go?
How can letting go impact my mental health?
What if I need help letting go?
#ProtectYourPeaceNow #EmotionalWellnessMatters #FindYourInnerCalm #PrioritizeYourMentalHealth #HealthyBoundariesHappierLife #StressManagementStrategies #AnxietyReliefTips #ResilienceBuildingJourney #MindfulnessMatters #SelfCareEmpowerment #gratitude
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The Women’s Mental Health Podcast, hosted by licensed therapists Randi Owsley MSW and Jessica Bullwinkle LMFT, PMH-C, offers educational and entertaining mental health content. This is not therapy or a substitute for professional care. No therapeutic relationship is formed by listening or engaging. Some links may be affiliate links, which may earn us a small commission at no extra cost to you.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Randi (00:00):
Welcome back to the women's mental health podcast.
(00:02):
I'm randy.
I'm And I'm Jess.
And we are two licensedpsychotherapists, and this is a
safe space where we talk aboutmental health, well being, and
strategies for coping withlife's challenges.
And how all of this is normal,and you are not alone.
We're excited for today'sepisode because we're tackling a
topic that comes up for so manyof us, how to let go.
Jess (00:23):
we're going to talk about letting go and what that really
means, I find a lot of timeswhen we talk about letting go,
we think we have to just forgetand move on and that's it.
And people don't want to.
And I wanted to take this ideaand kind of run with it and have
some practical ways to processletting go.
Find us and more information onwomensmentalhealthpodcast.
(00:44):
com.
Have you ever had thesethoughts?
Randi (00:48):
Why is letting go so hard?
What does letting go actuallymean?
How can I start the process ofletting go?
What are some practices tofacilitate letting go?
How do I know when I'vesuccessively let go?
Can letting go change myrelationships?
Jess (01:03):
What if I struggle with letting go of all the negative
self perceptions?
What happens?
Oh my gosh.
Randi (01:10):
Is it normal to feel grief when letting go?
How can letting go impact mymental health?
What if I need help letting go?
We'll answer all these in depthat the end.
Jess (01:21):
Definitely.
Let's start with that concept ofletting go and what it actually
means, Randi.
Randi (01:27):
At its core, letting go is about releasing attachment to
things, thoughts, situations, orfeelings that aren't serving us.
This could be holding on to agrudge, a regret, or even, like
we talked about, a negative selfimage that doesn't align with
who we are or making our lifebetter.
So we can just Marie Kondo it?
(01:47):
Is that
Jess (01:48):
what we're talking about?
Just if it doesn't bring me joy,I'm gonna let go?
Just let it go.
Kick it out.
Yeah.
Okay, so So this can be reallyhard because we have this
expectation maybe for us orsomebody else and letting go or
letting go of this past eventthat we can't change, Those
thoughts of, what wish I wouldhave done something different.
It's less about forgetting.
(02:09):
About it.
It's more about making peacewith it and allowing yourself to
move forward.
That's a big part right thereLetting go is about making peace
With whatever happened orwhatever decision was made or
that event that keeps popping upin your brain all the time It's
about making peace with it.
Randi (02:26):
That doesn't necessarily mean giving up or not caring
that this happened or this wasdone to you or the that your
trust was broken, whatever itis, it means releasing that it
was outside of your control,which is very, it's a lot harder
than it sounds, but it can beincredibly freeing and uplifting
(02:49):
when it happens.
Mm
Jess (02:50):
hmm.
It really can.
And it's very much like thisBuddhist idea, this letting go
or we find this like this Oh,like I've got my fingers in the
Yeah.
I don't know, that's this kindof hippie, I don't call it
hippie dippie, hippie dippiefeelings.
Well, it is and it isn't
Randi (03:05):
because I've done EMDR therapy and practiced it and had
it done on myself and I feellike that in a way is letting
go.
Mm hmm.
And there is a little bit of,sometimes it feels like woo woo
hippie dippie to it, but ourbrain is very powerful.
We can create these pathways ofletting go of things that are
holding us down.
Jess (03:25):
That's just like tapping and brain spotting same kind of
thing is letting Accepting orcoming to terms with whatever it
is that happened
Randi (03:33):
because especially as women we tend to hold on to
relationships memories guiltshame More tightly than others.
It's ingrained in us and thatleads to a lot of stressing,
anxiety and resentment eventowards ourselves.
And
Jess (03:48):
that mental load that we already carry, which is such
bullshit, but that mental loadthat we already carry, we're
always keeping track ofeverything.
And we often hold on to thingsthat we don't need to anymore.
It doesn't serve a purpose.
It doesn't need to be about it.
So when we let, hold on, when wedon't let go, we're adding
another Mental burden toourselves and it's just one more
(04:11):
thing.
We're putting into that mentalburden, suitcase That's above us
and I
Randi (04:14):
feel like that's why so many women are so mentally
drained right now because we'reholding on to regrets or trauma
or negative self talk and thatharms our psyche and our self
esteem and It's important torealize that you can let go and
you can reclaim that energy andfocus it on things that bring
(04:36):
you joy and
Jess (04:38):
growth.
Now what's really funny is thatthis last week Randy and I both
have gone through and kind ofrage cleaned some areas of our
lives.
Yeah, I can finally walk in mymaster closet again.
Like I'm not
Randi (04:49):
there yet, but
Jess (04:50):
it's beautiful She's gone through her office.
I'm not there yet I mean it'sinteresting how we're letting go
of some of the stuff that's beenliterally all Weighing us down.
Yeah, exactly.
Like physically, too.
Yes, and I walk, every time Iwalk in my closet now because
I've got my pink chair in thereand I'm like, Oh, it's so pretty
now.
Yeah,
Randi (05:06):
I can see it.
I can see it.
It's not buried in whatever.
So it's great.
So that's, that leads us intotalking about practical steps of
starting to let go.
So what are some things thathave worked for you?
Jess (05:18):
For me, writing is a release.
Just writing a list, writing,just like a bullet journal,
whatever it is, I write downwhat I'm holding on to, worries
or resentments or fears.
And then I go through the listone by one and consciously tell
myself, I released this.
It is a very symbolic.
Cross it out.
Yeah.
And then I shred that shit.
(05:40):
But I, it's a symbolic act andit helps me let it go mentally.
The other thing is I will do mytapping.
And it doesn't have to serve thepurpose.
It doesn't have to continue.
I'm sitting here tapping.
Because it's, releasing thisenergy that is weighing me down.
Randi (05:56):
I love that.
Another one that I do myself andI really recommend is the power
of reframing.
Reframing your thoughts.
When you find yourself holdingon to something, ask yourself,
What is this giving me?
Why am I holding on to this?
If you are finding that it's,bringing you stress, pain, try
(06:17):
to shift your focus.
For example, instead of thinkingabout a past mistake that's
weighing you down, focus on whatyou learned from that past
mistake.
And how your life You knowwhat's positively maybe impacted
from it this shift in thinkingcan make it easier to release
those Negative feelings thatyou're holding on to
Jess (06:38):
Exactly.
It's looking at it differentlybecause yes, that is something
that happened and we're nottalking toxic positivity guys
We're not saying you're gonnamake lemonade out of that lemon,
right?
What we're saying is that lookat it and go, okay, did I learn
something from that?
Okay, great.
That doesn't have to define whoI am right now or anymore.
It was, a past mistake or a pastissue.
(07:01):
So I think it's a really goodapproach.
Another tool though ispracticing mindfulness.
That one right there most of usdo not do at all.
Randi (07:10):
Well it's hard when you are Feeling like you're drowning
in all this guilt or shame orpast thoughts.
Jess (07:17):
Yeah.
So mindfulness is about being inthe present when you feel
yourself clinging to somethingfrom your past or worrying about
your future, ground yourself inthe present moment.
And, Randy and I like to goground ourself and walk through
the grass or be barefoot or justbreathe, blow
Randi (07:34):
our bubbles.
Yeah, so those are some waysthat you can do it.
Another thing, too, is I willconsciously put down my phone
and put it away.
So I can be present for my kids.
Look at them while they'retalking to me.
Because oftentimes we're, ourattention is divided that I find
myself not being present.
Being a busy, working,overwhelmed, mentally drained,
(07:55):
human being, and I'm like, Ineed to give them, five minutes
of my attention.
I can set this down.
I can look at them.
I can listen.
I can be here.
Same thing with your partner, oryour friends.
Put the phone down, giveyourself that five to 10
minutes.
Jess (08:08):
Exactly.
Another favorite of mine is justforgiveness
Randi (08:12):
is
Jess (08:13):
really just forgiving yourself.
it doesn't mean excusing harmfulbehavior, but it's about freeing
yourself from the emotionalburden of it.
Randi (08:23):
That's so interesting.
I just had a conversation theother day randomly with the the
tech at my optometristappointment.
And I don't know how he got onit, but she was like, I still.
Even though I've done so much,she said, I still feel guilty
that my kids have trauma.
And I said, I look at it thisway, that I have caused less
(08:44):
trauma to my kids than wascaused to me.
This is how I reframe it.
So I tell my kids, I screwed youup less than I was screwed up.
So I'm taking that as a win.
I broke a bunch of generational,trauma and curses that weighed
me down.
And I said, now it's your turnto take that.
And I said, so you're lessscrewed up than I was.
(09:05):
So I'm going to take that as awin.
I said, we can't controleverything that happens to our
kids or the way life happens.
And I said, so we can't carrythat burden and that guilt that
we didn't give them 100 percentof everything that this perfect
life.
I said, that's not how lifeworks.
I said, life is rough out there.
So I said, you need to, giveyourself some kindness and a
(09:26):
break.
And she was like, Oh, I reallylike the way of Thinking about
that.
And I was like, there I gooffering my free advice.
Jess (09:33):
That's so funny.
Cause I tell people that I'msure I'm screwing my kid up
somehow, probably in a way thatI don't even realize, because
I'm trying to cope and adjustfor all of the ways that were
done to me or that I wentthrough.
So I'm trying so hard, but I ampositive.
I am giving a future therapist ajob somewhere.
It's gonna be something that Ididn't even know about.
(09:54):
She's gonna be like yes, mymother was a therapist and now
I'm traumatized by this.
Exactly.
So what did I ask her one day?
I said, do you ever want to goto therapy?
She's like, why I have you.
And I was like.
Oh, okay, so eventually you'regoing to probably need to be in
therapy to undo what I've done.
I'm sure, absolutely.
Randi (10:11):
Oh gosh.
Jess (10:12):
Okay, and lastly though, if you are having a problem
letting go of your peoplepleasing tendencies like most
women do, practice settingboundaries.
Go back and listen to all of ourpodcasts on boundaries because
we love boundaries.
Boundaries, boundaries,boundaries.
Learn to say no, or learn to askfor space when you need it.
(10:32):
It, both of those things are aform of letting go.
Randi (10:36):
And we also have podcasts on that, on stop saying sorry,
learning to say no,communicating effectively.
We have a lot of content for youguys to
Jess (10:47):
support this.
I was reading something theother day that said, I've
stopped, this woman says, Istopped moving out of men's way,
and so far, I've run into 28 menjust today.
And then somebody else She wasmaking space for herself.
She was not making space forherself, but she was, well,
yeah, okay.
Randi (11:07):
Physically, yeah.
Jess (11:09):
But she was, before, getting out of their way because
they were men, and she said, Istopped doing that.
And then somebody else says, youknow what's so funny?
I recently stopped doing it too,and men just keep running,
walking into me.
And I was like, I'm gonna trythat.
I'm going to notice if I go intoa store and if I excuse myself
and make way for a man to walkforward.
(11:30):
That's
Randi (11:30):
interesting because I'm thinking of like when I'm in the
store, like shopping or groceryshopping.
And I guess I do tend to moveout of the way of other people
because I feel like most peoplearen't self aware.
And I'm being more self aware,so I'm moving out of the way,
I'm just going to ram intoeverybody.
So it's cool.
Jess (11:47):
Sometimes I just stop and just stare at them.
Randi (11:49):
Yeah you get out of
Jess (11:50):
my way.
I drove into the school theother day, the high school, and
apparently everybody was leavingat the exact same time.
Yeah.
And these boys, and I'm in mycar, so again, I'm going slow.
I stopped my car as I wasdriving.
Are you okay?
Are you spilling on yourselfover there?
Yeah,
Randi (12:07):
I'm spilling.
I'm spilling all over
Jess (12:08):
myself.
I have a hole in my
Randi (12:09):
lip.
I'm just ADHD.
So I can't ever make anything goin my mouth.
All right.
That's just wrong.
Just stop Stop that train ofthought.
I
Jess (12:17):
see your face right now Okay, so I'm gonna go back to my
story.
I was at the high school parkinglot and these boys are walking
out and The majority of themall, actually all but one, moved
around the car, but this one boywas walking on, looking at his
phone, wasn't even payingattention where he was going.
He's just walking.
(12:38):
And I literally stopped my car,and I was just staring at him.
I wasn't gonna honk.
I was literally gonna let himwalk into my car.
Because it wasn't me doing it.
And he got right to the edge ofmy car and then looked up Oh,
hey, there's a car here.
Totally unaware that somebodywas there.
And I was dying.
I was like Dude, you got to payattention.
This goes back to the protectyour peace, Keep your space.
Don't give up your space forother people.
(12:59):
Physically
Randi (13:00):
and mentally and emotionally.
You have that space.
Own it.
Jess (13:04):
Yes.
Own it.
Don't make
Randi (13:06):
anybody make you feel less than.
Jess (13:08):
Exactly.
I don't know where our tangentjust went, but it just went all
over, whatever.
Randi (13:12):
Now
Jess (13:12):
we're back.
Let's go through now and answerour have you evas.
Randi (13:17):
So Jess, why is letting go so?
I
Jess (13:22):
think it's so hard because it's so deeply intertwined with
our emotions and our memoriesand our hopes and dreams.
It's so much part of our livesthat we've invested in
significantly.
Emotionally, again, mentally,and sometimes physically, that
it's just a process ofconfronting change.
And, oh, Change is hard.
(13:44):
Oh my gosh.
Facing these unknowns andsometimes it's having to
redefine our sense of self,which is right there is really
hard.
Yeah, and getting pushback fromother people
Randi (13:54):
and things like that.
Jess (13:55):
It's tough.
Especially because when youstart setting boundaries, people
do not like your boundaries.
Yeah, they don't like it.
Yeah.
Okay, so Randy, what doesletting go actually mean?
Randi (14:04):
It means releasing your death grip on your thoughts,
memories, people, or situationsthat no longer serve your well
being or no longer serve who youare as a person right now or
your growth or your career or,your friendship, whatever it is.
(14:25):
It's about acknowledging thesefeelings.
learning from that pastexperience and making peace with
the fact that moving forwardinvolves sometimes letting them
go, letting them rest, lettingthem be, forgiven.
We don't always have to forget,but sometimes letting it go so
(14:45):
you can move.
Through a new door you can growyou can not letting this shit
weigh you down So just how do westart the process of letting go?
What's the first step to take?
Jess (14:58):
I really gotta watch that Marie Kondo, right?
You gotta go through your lifeand acknowledge what you're
holding on to and why are youholding on to this?
Like when those thoughts pop upin your head Why are you holding
on to it?
What purpose does it serve,right?
When you can understand whatthat emotional attachment is,
that is so important because somany times I will ask people,
(15:20):
what purpose does that serve?
Why are you holding on to this?
What is it making you feel like?
And why do we keep holding on tothis?
Because normally Especially ifit
Randi (15:29):
makes you feel like shit.
Jess (15:30):
Exactly.
Why are you torturing yourself?
There's a reason you'retorturing yourself.
When you can do this and youexpress your feelings, right?
You could do it throughjournaling or talking with your
therapist or friend or othercreative, art therapies, setting
small, manageable intentions torelease these attachments each
day can really start to guideyou through this journey.
(15:51):
when I do tapping with myclients.
We'll tap and I say, when itcomes back up, I want you to tap
again, just tap, just tellyourself it's okay to let this
go.
Bring yourself
Randi (15:59):
back into the present, yeah,
Jess (16:01):
it's okay to let that thought go.
It doesn't need to serve apurpose anymore.
And that's literally what I havepeople tap.
Randi (16:07):
It
Jess (16:07):
doesn't serve a purpose.
It's okay to let it go.
Yeah.
Okay, so Randi, what are somepractices to facilitate letting
go?
Randi (16:14):
Mindfulness meditation can be incredibly grounding,
helping you stay in the present.
Jess was talking about tappingphysical activity, like yoga,
walking Pilates, it can help youbring you into the moment.
Having some peaceful time toprocess things and letting these
(16:34):
pent up emotions go physically.
Also engaging in activities thatfill you with joy, whether
that's crafting, journaling,grabbing coffee.
Just shifting your focus towardsthe present.
The now and the future insteadof holding on to things that are
holding you back,
Jess (16:53):
Another thing real quick, instead of meditation, you can
also pray.
Sometimes you can just put itout to the universe, put it out
to your God, whatever it is.
Praying is another form ofmeditation.
And so sometimes people arelike, I can't meditate.
Well, can you pray?
Yeah.
Okay.
Then go for it.
Do that.
Yeah.
That is very much similar.
Randi (17:13):
So just how do you know when you have successfully let
go of something?
Well, and the shit doesn'tbother you anymore when you're
like,
Jess (17:21):
whatever.
you know you're making progresswhen the thought of what you're
letting go of no longer carriesthat heavy emotional weight that
it used to.
You might find that you'rethinking about it less, or when
you do, it's not with such avisceral reaction, Like maybe
instead of having that gut punchthat, oh god, that happened, you
(17:42):
can find some peace in yourselfand say something along the
lines of, I, I am okay, or Iforgive myself for that, or I
understand that's where I was atthat time.
I'm no longer that person, orI'm no longer there, and so it
doesn't happen overnight, butagain, if you go do some tapping
or some EMDR, that stuff can gopretty fast.
It's a really cool thing to do.
Randi (18:01):
Yeah, it's hard to walk through, but it's very freeing
when you do.
Jess (18:05):
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Okay, so Randy, can letting gochange my relationships?
Yes.
Randi (18:11):
Yes, yes, yes.
Because it means you're workingon setting healthy boundaries in
yourself and in relationships.
And this can shift dynamics.
It can also lead to deeperconnections with those who
respect your boundaries andsupport your boundaries and
support you growing.
And that's a good thing.
Remember, changes andrelationships are not Not only
(18:34):
inevitable, but they are alsonecessary for our own mental
health, well being anddevelopment.
Jess (18:40):
And sometimes our relationships don't grow at the
same time.
I've heard Randy talk about, andI'm sure you guys remember that
we have seasons of friendships.
That also means sometimes thatfriend, they're going to grow
and come back.
And it may take them a differenttime of growth.
And so it doesn't mean thatyou're ending it, you're cutting
it off and wiping your hands of,clearing it.
(19:01):
But sometimes it just, we don'tall grow at the same time.
Yeah, it's
Randi (19:05):
not the right timing and we have to be okay with that.
That everybody doesn't thinklike we do.
Everybody's not on the same pathas we are.
Everybody has different traumasand mental health struggles and
obligations.
And so we might not all convergeat the same time and it's okay
for us to go off.
and come back and or leave andnot, it might not, it might not
come back, they always say ifyou love something set it free
(19:28):
or whatever and I feel likethat's More if you love
yourself, you know set thesethings free and it sets yourself
free and But what if you arestruggling with letting go,
especially of negative selfperceptions?
I know we don't like to thinkthat, but we as women talk down
to ourselves and have really badnegative self talk.
(19:49):
So it can be hard to let go ofthat if you're used to talking
to yourself like that.
Jess (19:54):
It can.
It really takes time andpatience because Our perception
is really rooted in these pastexperiences of things that have
happened to us or things thatwe've done.
And so if we can practice selfcompassion and really challenge
these negative perceptions orthoughts, we can start making
these changes and improvepositives about ourselves.
(20:17):
Most of the time when I askpeople, what do you like about
yourself?
Nobody can tell me what theylike about themselves.
It is.
Cause you, you're like, I don't,I don't know.
I'm just going to pick my flaws.
But go ask your bestie, yourmom, what they like about you.
And for the most part, they cantell you immediately what they
like about you.
And they're not going to sitthere and go, Hmm, yeah, I don't
(20:37):
like that about you.
But they're going to find thosethings and so that's what's
going to happen is that you'regoing to be able to start to
find What you like about you andthat and letting go of the stuff
you don't like letting go of thestuff You can't change.
So Randi, is it normal to feelgrief when letting go?
Oh, yes.
Randi (20:56):
Grief is ever present and most everything that we do
Especially when change ishappening.
It's a natural Part of theletting go process.
It signifies the loss ofsomething over significant in
our lives.
Even if it was somethingnegative, you can still grieve
that trauma, or that hurt, orthat grudge, or that broken
(21:18):
relationship.
Allowing yourself to mourn andgrieve this loss is part of the
healing process.
It's part of the letting goprocess.
When you embrace the emotionsthat come with that, whether
they're sadness, Or what, orwistfulness over this.
You're giving yourselfpermission to heal that and let
(21:40):
that go fully and let it rest.
Jess (21:42):
Mm hmm.
It doesn't mean you have toforget about it either.
No.
It just means that you don'thave to feel the intensity.
You don't have to.
Yeah,
Randi (21:49):
It's not like a weight.
Like pulling you down.
So just how does letting goimpact your mental health?
Jess (21:56):
I think it's really challenging at first.
And people have a hard time withthis piece because letting go,
it's something that we think we,we always hold on to.
We're taught as society orsomething.
I, who, But what it will do isit's going to relieve your
stress and your anxiety and yourdepression.
That feeling of shame when youthink of that stupid thing.
(22:16):
I'm air quoting stupid thing.
Yeah.
That you did back in, collegefreshman year.
When your brain wasn't evendeveloped.
Exactly.
Let go.
Forgive
Randi (22:25):
yourself for that.
And you know, A lot of women whoare diagnosed late in life with
ADHD, that's how they feel.
Because they're like, oh man, Imade some stupid decisions.
Oh, I made so many f'ed updecisions.
But you know what?
Jess (22:37):
Now that I know I'm diagnosed as ADHD, then I'm
like, oh, well.
I was able to forgive myself forthat stuff.
Yes.
Because I
Randi (22:44):
didn't know any better and I realized now that my brain
was wired differently.
I kept going like, why can't I?
Be this way.
Why can I do this?
Why am I doing this when I know,I shouldn't be like, oh, okay,
like right self compassion.
It is.
Like
Jess (22:58):
forgiveness.
Exactly.
And so when you can do that, youcan start to change and really
love that person you were, evenif they did some stupid ass
shit, right?
Yeah.
Alright, Randi, what if I needhelp letting go?
Randi (23:12):
Seeking support is always a sign of strength.
It's never a sign of weakness.
Whether that's confiding infriends or your family, finding
a support group, or finding aprofessional counselor.
Having a support system canreally provide guidance when
you're feeling adrift and a lotof comfort.
(23:33):
So you don't have to walk thispath alone, especially if you're
struggling with it, and seekinghelp is always a brave step
towards your well being.
Jess (23:43):
So there you have it.
We have a little roadmap forStarting to learn to let go.
It's not an easy direct map, butit's incredibly freeing and a
very valuable tool for you toput into your toolbox.
I think that's really what Iwant to focus on this upcoming
year for everybody, is to reallybuild a toolbox for y'all, so
(24:03):
that way you've got your copingskills, because When we can have
our toolbox, when these thingscome up, we can pull back and
go, does that serve me?
This no longer serves me or Idon't have to feel the shame
every time it pops up.
It's okay to let that feeling orthat intensity go,
Randi (24:24):
you know what I'm thinking of, those little like
pink
Jess (24:26):
toolboxes I bought us.
Oh my god.
I love my toolbox.
It's totally pink
Randi (24:30):
in my garage We should make I'm thinking of that
putting all these little thingswe need into a coping toolbox
for all of our listeners And welike build upon it for the new
year.
I think that's a great idea.
I
Jess (24:39):
think that's your thing.
Yeah Pat on the back.
I love, and my husband makes funof my, my pink toolbox in my
workshop all the time.
And I was like, you better watchout, buddy.
I'll start spray paintingeverything pink in here because
I love it.
So remember that letting go is askill.
It is okay that it's going totake you time.
Yes.
Just tell yourself.
(25:00):
Everything takes time.
It's okay.
It takes time.
It takes
Randi (25:02):
steps.
Sometimes we go forward and thenwe take ten steps back and then
we gotta take two steps forwardand then we gotta take another
ten steps back.
It can be that give and takewhen you're learning to change
and that's okay.
It's like we said, perfectiondoesn't exist.
Jess (25:15):
So if you're feeling stuck.
Reach out for support, whetherthat's a friend, or a family
member, or a mental healthprofessional.
It's okay.
Letting go doesn't mean it hasto be done alone.
You can let go with people.
You can ask for forgiveness.
You can show up and say, I,yeah, I did this and I can let
go of that.
Randi (25:34):
We hope this episode has given you some ideas and
encouragement for your ownjourney on letting go.
And if you know someone whocould benefit from this topic,
please share this episode withthem.
Like this, leave us a comment orshare a review with us.
Thanks for listening in.
Bye.
Welcome back to the women's mental health podcast.
(00:02):
I'm randy.
I'm And I'm Jess.
And we are two licensedpsychotherapists, and this is a
safe space where we talk aboutmental health, well being, and
strategies for coping withlife's challenges.
And how all of this is normal,and you are not alone.
We're excited for today'sepisode because we're tackling a
topic that comes up for so manyof us, how to let go.
Jess (00:23):
we're going to talk about letting go and what that really
means, I find a lot of timeswhen we talk about letting go,
we think we have to just forgetand move on and that's it.
And people don't want to.
And I wanted to take this ideaand kind of run with it and have
some practical ways to processletting go.
Find us and more information onwomensmentalhealthpodcast.
(00:44):
com.
Have you ever had thesethoughts?
Randi (00:48):
Why is letting go so hard?
What does letting go actuallymean?
How can I start the process ofletting go?
What are some practices tofacilitate letting go?
How do I know when I'vesuccessively let go?
Can letting go change myrelationships?
Jess (01:03):
What if I struggle with letting go of all the negative
self perceptions?
What happens?
Oh my gosh.
Randi (01:10):
Is it normal to feel grief when letting go?
How can letting go impact mymental health?
What if I need help letting go?
We'll answer all these in depthat the end.
Jess (01:21):
Definitely.
Let's start with that concept ofletting go and what it actually
means, Randi.
Randi (01:27):
At its core, letting go is about releasing attachment to
things, thoughts, situations, orfeelings that aren't serving us.
This could be holding on to agrudge, a regret, or even, like
we talked about, a negative selfimage that doesn't align with
who we are or making our lifebetter.
So we can just Marie Kondo it?
(01:47):
Is that
Jess (01:48):
what we're talking about?
Just if it doesn't bring me joy,I'm gonna let go?
Just let it go.
Kick it out.
Yeah.
Okay, so So this can be reallyhard because we have this
expectation maybe for us orsomebody else and letting go or
letting go of this past eventthat we can't change, Those
thoughts of, what wish I wouldhave done something different.
It's less about forgetting.
(02:09):
About it.
It's more about making peacewith it and allowing yourself to
move forward.
That's a big part right thereLetting go is about making peace
With whatever happened orwhatever decision was made or
that event that keeps popping upin your brain all the time It's
about making peace with it.
Randi (02:26):
That doesn't necessarily mean giving up or not caring
that this happened or this wasdone to you or the that your
trust was broken, whatever itis, it means releasing that it
was outside of your control,which is very, it's a lot harder
than it sounds, but it can beincredibly freeing and uplifting
(02:49):
when it happens.
Mm
Jess (02:50):
hmm.
It really can.
And it's very much like thisBuddhist idea, this letting go
or we find this like this Oh,like I've got my fingers in the
Yeah.
I don't know, that's this kindof hippie, I don't call it
hippie dippie, hippie dippiefeelings.
Well, it is and it isn't
Randi (03:05):
because I've done EMDR therapy and practiced it and had
it done on myself and I feellike that in a way is letting
go.
Mm hmm.
And there is a little bit of,sometimes it feels like woo woo
hippie dippie to it, but ourbrain is very powerful.
We can create these pathways ofletting go of things that are
holding us down.
Jess (03:25):
That's just like tapping and brain spotting same kind of
thing is letting Accepting orcoming to terms with whatever it
is that happened
Randi (03:33):
because especially as women we tend to hold on to
relationships memories guiltshame More tightly than others.
It's ingrained in us and thatleads to a lot of stressing,
anxiety and resentment eventowards ourselves.
And
Jess (03:48):
that mental load that we already carry, which is such
bullshit, but that mental loadthat we already carry, we're
always keeping track ofeverything.
And we often hold on to thingsthat we don't need to anymore.
It doesn't serve a purpose.
It doesn't need to be about it.
So when we let, hold on, when wedon't let go, we're adding
another Mental burden toourselves and it's just one more
(04:11):
thing.
We're putting into that mentalburden, suitcase That's above us
and I
Randi (04:14):
feel like that's why so many women are so mentally
drained right now because we'reholding on to regrets or trauma
or negative self talk and thatharms our psyche and our self
esteem and It's important torealize that you can let go and
you can reclaim that energy andfocus it on things that bring
(04:36):
you joy and
Jess (04:38):
growth.
Now what's really funny is thatthis last week Randy and I both
have gone through and kind ofrage cleaned some areas of our
lives.
Yeah, I can finally walk in mymaster closet again.
Like I'm not
Randi (04:49):
there yet, but
Jess (04:50):
it's beautiful She's gone through her office.
I'm not there yet I mean it'sinteresting how we're letting go
of some of the stuff that's beenliterally all Weighing us down.
Yeah, exactly.
Like physically, too.
Yes, and I walk, every time Iwalk in my closet now because
I've got my pink chair in thereand I'm like, Oh, it's so pretty
now.
Yeah,
Randi (05:06):
I can see it.
I can see it.
It's not buried in whatever.
So it's great.
So that's, that leads us intotalking about practical steps of
starting to let go.
So what are some things thathave worked for you?
Jess (05:18):
For me, writing is a release.
Just writing a list, writing,just like a bullet journal,
whatever it is, I write downwhat I'm holding on to, worries
or resentments or fears.
And then I go through the listone by one and consciously tell
myself, I released this.
It is a very symbolic.
Cross it out.
Yeah.
And then I shred that shit.
(05:40):
But I, it's a symbolic act andit helps me let it go mentally.
The other thing is I will do mytapping.
And it doesn't have to serve thepurpose.
It doesn't have to continue.
I'm sitting here tapping.
Because it's, releasing thisenergy that is weighing me down.
Randi (05:56):
I love that.
Another one that I do myself andI really recommend is the power
of reframing.
Reframing your thoughts.
When you find yourself holdingon to something, ask yourself,
What is this giving me?
Why am I holding on to this?
If you are finding that it's,bringing you stress, pain, try
(06:17):
to shift your focus.
For example, instead of thinkingabout a past mistake that's
weighing you down, focus on whatyou learned from that past
mistake.
And how your life You knowwhat's positively maybe impacted
from it this shift in thinkingcan make it easier to release
those Negative feelings thatyou're holding on to
Jess (06:38):
Exactly.
It's looking at it differentlybecause yes, that is something
that happened and we're nottalking toxic positivity guys
We're not saying you're gonnamake lemonade out of that lemon,
right?
What we're saying is that lookat it and go, okay, did I learn
something from that?
Okay, great.
That doesn't have to define whoI am right now or anymore.
It was, a past mistake or a pastissue.
(07:01):
So I think it's a really goodapproach.
Another tool though ispracticing mindfulness.
That one right there most of usdo not do at all.
Randi (07:10):
Well it's hard when you are Feeling like you're drowning
in all this guilt or shame orpast thoughts.
Jess (07:17):
Yeah.
So mindfulness is about being inthe present when you feel
yourself clinging to somethingfrom your past or worrying about
your future, ground yourself inthe present moment.
And, Randy and I like to goground ourself and walk through
the grass or be barefoot or justbreathe, blow
Randi (07:34):
our bubbles.
Yeah, so those are some waysthat you can do it.
Another thing, too, is I willconsciously put down my phone
and put it away.
So I can be present for my kids.
Look at them while they'retalking to me.
Because oftentimes we're, ourattention is divided that I find
myself not being present.
Being a busy, working,overwhelmed, mentally drained,
(07:55):
human being, and I'm like, Ineed to give them, five minutes
of my attention.
I can set this down.
I can look at them.
I can listen.
I can be here.
Same thing with your partner, oryour friends.
Put the phone down, giveyourself that five to 10
minutes.
Jess (08:08):
Exactly.
Another favorite of mine is justforgiveness
Randi (08:12):
is
Jess (08:13):
really just forgiving yourself.
it doesn't mean excusing harmfulbehavior, but it's about freeing
yourself from the emotionalburden of it.
Randi (08:23):
That's so interesting.
I just had a conversation theother day randomly with the the
tech at my optometristappointment.
And I don't know how he got onit, but she was like, I still.
Even though I've done so much,she said, I still feel guilty
that my kids have trauma.
And I said, I look at it thisway, that I have caused less
(08:44):
trauma to my kids than wascaused to me.
This is how I reframe it.
So I tell my kids, I screwed youup less than I was screwed up.
So I'm taking that as a win.
I broke a bunch of generational,trauma and curses that weighed
me down.
And I said, now it's your turnto take that.
And I said, so you're lessscrewed up than I was.
(09:05):
So I'm going to take that as awin.
I said, we can't controleverything that happens to our
kids or the way life happens.
And I said, so we can't carrythat burden and that guilt that
we didn't give them 100 percentof everything that this perfect
life.
I said, that's not how lifeworks.
I said, life is rough out there.
So I said, you need to, giveyourself some kindness and a
(09:26):
break.
And she was like, Oh, I reallylike the way of Thinking about
that.
And I was like, there I gooffering my free advice.
Jess (09:33):
That's so funny.
Cause I tell people that I'msure I'm screwing my kid up
somehow, probably in a way thatI don't even realize, because
I'm trying to cope and adjustfor all of the ways that were
done to me or that I wentthrough.
So I'm trying so hard, but I ampositive.
I am giving a future therapist ajob somewhere.
It's gonna be something that Ididn't even know about.
(09:54):
She's gonna be like yes, mymother was a therapist and now
I'm traumatized by this.
Exactly.
So what did I ask her one day?
I said, do you ever want to goto therapy?
She's like, why I have you.
And I was like.
Oh, okay, so eventually you'regoing to probably need to be in
therapy to undo what I've done.
I'm sure, absolutely.
Randi (10:11):
Oh gosh.
Jess (10:12):
Okay, and lastly though, if you are having a problem
letting go of your peoplepleasing tendencies like most
women do, practice settingboundaries.
Go back and listen to all of ourpodcasts on boundaries because
we love boundaries.
Boundaries, boundaries,boundaries.
Learn to say no, or learn to askfor space when you need it.
(10:32):
It, both of those things are aform of letting go.
Randi (10:36):
And we also have podcasts on that, on stop saying sorry,
learning to say no,communicating effectively.
We have a lot of content for youguys to
Jess (10:47):
support this.
I was reading something theother day that said, I've
stopped, this woman says, Istopped moving out of men's way,
and so far, I've run into 28 menjust today.
And then somebody else She wasmaking space for herself.
She was not making space forherself, but she was, well,
yeah, okay.
Randi (11:07):
Physically, yeah.
Jess (11:09):
But she was, before, getting out of their way because
they were men, and she said, Istopped doing that.
And then somebody else says, youknow what's so funny?
I recently stopped doing it too,and men just keep running,
walking into me.
And I was like, I'm gonna trythat.
I'm going to notice if I go intoa store and if I excuse myself
and make way for a man to walkforward.
(11:30):
That's
Randi (11:30):
interesting because I'm thinking of like when I'm in the
store, like shopping or groceryshopping.
And I guess I do tend to moveout of the way of other people
because I feel like most peoplearen't self aware.
And I'm being more self aware,so I'm moving out of the way,
I'm just going to ram intoeverybody.
So it's cool.
Jess (11:47):
Sometimes I just stop and just stare at them.
Randi (11:49):
Yeah you get out of
Jess (11:50):
my way.
I drove into the school theother day, the high school, and
apparently everybody was leavingat the exact same time.
Yeah.
And these boys, and I'm in mycar, so again, I'm going slow.
I stopped my car as I wasdriving.
Are you okay?
Are you spilling on yourselfover there?
Yeah,
Randi (12:07):
I'm spilling.
I'm spilling all over
Jess (12:08):
myself.
I have a hole in my
Randi (12:09):
lip.
I'm just ADHD.
So I can't ever make anything goin my mouth.
All right.
That's just wrong.
Just stop Stop that train ofthought.
I
Jess (12:17):
see your face right now Okay, so I'm gonna go back to my
story.
I was at the high school parkinglot and these boys are walking
out and The majority of themall, actually all but one, moved
around the car, but this one boywas walking on, looking at his
phone, wasn't even payingattention where he was going.
He's just walking.
(12:38):
And I literally stopped my car,and I was just staring at him.
I wasn't gonna honk.
I was literally gonna let himwalk into my car.
Because it wasn't me doing it.
And he got right to the edge ofmy car and then looked up Oh,
hey, there's a car here.
Totally unaware that somebodywas there.
And I was dying.
I was like Dude, you got to payattention.
This goes back to the protectyour peace, Keep your space.
Don't give up your space forother people.
(12:59):
Physically
Randi (13:00):
and mentally and emotionally.
You have that space.
Own it.
Jess (13:04):
Yes.
Own it.
Don't make
Randi (13:06):
anybody make you feel less than.
Jess (13:08):
Exactly.
I don't know where our tangentjust went, but it just went all
over, whatever.
Randi (13:12):
Now
Jess (13:12):
we're back.
Let's go through now and answerour have you evas.
Randi (13:17):
So Jess, why is letting go so?
I
Jess (13:22):
think it's so hard because it's so deeply intertwined with
our emotions and our memoriesand our hopes and dreams.
It's so much part of our livesthat we've invested in
significantly.
Emotionally, again, mentally,and sometimes physically, that
it's just a process ofconfronting change.
And, oh, Change is hard.
(13:44):
Oh my gosh.
Facing these unknowns andsometimes it's having to
redefine our sense of self,which is right there is really
hard.
Yeah, and getting pushback fromother people
Randi (13:54):
and things like that.
Jess (13:55):
It's tough.
Especially because when youstart setting boundaries, people
do not like your boundaries.
Yeah, they don't like it.
Yeah.
Okay, so Randy, what doesletting go actually mean?
Randi (14:04):
It means releasing your death grip on your thoughts,
memories, people, or situationsthat no longer serve your well
being or no longer serve who youare as a person right now or
your growth or your career or,your friendship, whatever it is.
(14:25):
It's about acknowledging thesefeelings.
learning from that pastexperience and making peace with
the fact that moving forwardinvolves sometimes letting them
go, letting them rest, lettingthem be, forgiven.
We don't always have to forget,but sometimes letting it go so
(14:45):
you can move.
Through a new door you can growyou can not letting this shit
weigh you down So just how do westart the process of letting go?
What's the first step to take?
Jess (14:58):
I really gotta watch that Marie Kondo, right?
You gotta go through your lifeand acknowledge what you're
holding on to and why are youholding on to this?
Like when those thoughts pop upin your head Why are you holding
on to it?
What purpose does it serve,right?
When you can understand whatthat emotional attachment is,
that is so important because somany times I will ask people,
(15:20):
what purpose does that serve?
Why are you holding on to this?
What is it making you feel like?
And why do we keep holding on tothis?
Because normally Especially ifit
Randi (15:29):
makes you feel like shit.
Jess (15:30):
Exactly.
Why are you torturing yourself?
There's a reason you'retorturing yourself.
When you can do this and youexpress your feelings, right?
You could do it throughjournaling or talking with your
therapist or friend or othercreative, art therapies, setting
small, manageable intentions torelease these attachments each
day can really start to guideyou through this journey.
(15:51):
when I do tapping with myclients.
We'll tap and I say, when itcomes back up, I want you to tap
again, just tap, just tellyourself it's okay to let this
go.
Bring yourself
Randi (15:59):
back into the present, yeah,
Jess (16:01):
it's okay to let that thought go.
It doesn't need to serve apurpose anymore.
And that's literally what I havepeople tap.
Randi (16:07):
It
Jess (16:07):
doesn't serve a purpose.
It's okay to let it go.
Yeah.
Okay, so Randi, what are somepractices to facilitate letting
go?
Randi (16:14):
Mindfulness meditation can be incredibly grounding,
helping you stay in the present.
Jess was talking about tappingphysical activity, like yoga,
walking Pilates, it can help youbring you into the moment.
Having some peaceful time toprocess things and letting these
(16:34):
pent up emotions go physically.
Also engaging in activities thatfill you with joy, whether
that's crafting, journaling,grabbing coffee.
Just shifting your focus towardsthe present.
The now and the future insteadof holding on to things that are
holding you back,
Jess (16:53):
Another thing real quick, instead of meditation, you can
also pray.
Sometimes you can just put itout to the universe, put it out
to your God, whatever it is.
Praying is another form ofmeditation.
And so sometimes people arelike, I can't meditate.
Well, can you pray?
Yeah.
Okay.
Then go for it.
Do that.
Yeah.
That is very much similar.
Randi (17:13):
So just how do you know when you have successfully let
go of something?
Well, and the shit doesn'tbother you anymore when you're
like,
Jess (17:21):
whatever.
you know you're making progresswhen the thought of what you're
letting go of no longer carriesthat heavy emotional weight that
it used to.
You might find that you'rethinking about it less, or when
you do, it's not with such avisceral reaction, Like maybe
instead of having that gut punchthat, oh god, that happened, you
(17:42):
can find some peace in yourselfand say something along the
lines of, I, I am okay, or Iforgive myself for that, or I
understand that's where I was atthat time.
I'm no longer that person, orI'm no longer there, and so it
doesn't happen overnight, butagain, if you go do some tapping
or some EMDR, that stuff can gopretty fast.
It's a really cool thing to do.
Randi (18:01):
Yeah, it's hard to walk through, but it's very freeing
when you do.
Jess (18:05):
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Okay, so Randy, can letting gochange my relationships?
Yes.
Randi (18:11):
Yes, yes, yes.
Because it means you're workingon setting healthy boundaries in
yourself and in relationships.
And this can shift dynamics.
It can also lead to deeperconnections with those who
respect your boundaries andsupport your boundaries and
support you growing.
And that's a good thing.
Remember, changes andrelationships are not Not only
(18:34):
inevitable, but they are alsonecessary for our own mental
health, well being anddevelopment.
Jess (18:40):
And sometimes our relationships don't grow at the
same time.
I've heard Randy talk about, andI'm sure you guys remember that
we have seasons of friendships.
That also means sometimes thatfriend, they're going to grow
and come back.
And it may take them a differenttime of growth.
And so it doesn't mean thatyou're ending it, you're cutting
it off and wiping your hands of,clearing it.
(19:01):
But sometimes it just, we don'tall grow at the same time.
Yeah, it's
Randi (19:05):
not the right timing and we have to be okay with that.
That everybody doesn't thinklike we do.
Everybody's not on the same pathas we are.
Everybody has different traumasand mental health struggles and
obligations.
And so we might not all convergeat the same time and it's okay
for us to go off.
and come back and or leave andnot, it might not, it might not
come back, they always say ifyou love something set it free
(19:28):
or whatever and I feel likethat's More if you love
yourself, you know set thesethings free and it sets yourself
free and But what if you arestruggling with letting go,
especially of negative selfperceptions?
I know we don't like to thinkthat, but we as women talk down
to ourselves and have really badnegative self talk.
(19:49):
So it can be hard to let go ofthat if you're used to talking
to yourself like that.
Jess (19:54):
It can.
It really takes time andpatience because Our perception
is really rooted in these pastexperiences of things that have
happened to us or things thatwe've done.
And so if we can practice selfcompassion and really challenge
these negative perceptions orthoughts, we can start making
these changes and improvepositives about ourselves.
(20:17):
Most of the time when I askpeople, what do you like about
yourself?
Nobody can tell me what theylike about themselves.
It is.
Cause you, you're like, I don't,I don't know.
I'm just going to pick my flaws.
But go ask your bestie, yourmom, what they like about you.
And for the most part, they cantell you immediately what they
like about you.
And they're not going to sitthere and go, Hmm, yeah, I don't
(20:37):
like that about you.
But they're going to find thosethings and so that's what's
going to happen is that you'regoing to be able to start to
find What you like about you andthat and letting go of the stuff
you don't like letting go of thestuff You can't change.
So Randi, is it normal to feelgrief when letting go?
Oh, yes.
Randi (20:56):
Grief is ever present and most everything that we do
Especially when change ishappening.
It's a natural Part of theletting go process.
It signifies the loss ofsomething over significant in
our lives.
Even if it was somethingnegative, you can still grieve
that trauma, or that hurt, orthat grudge, or that broken
(21:18):
relationship.
Allowing yourself to mourn andgrieve this loss is part of the
healing process.
It's part of the letting goprocess.
When you embrace the emotionsthat come with that, whether
they're sadness, Or what, orwistfulness over this.
You're giving yourselfpermission to heal that and let
(21:40):
that go fully and let it rest.
Jess (21:42):
Mm hmm.
It doesn't mean you have toforget about it either.
No.
It just means that you don'thave to feel the intensity.
You don't have to.
Yeah,
Randi (21:49):
It's not like a weight.
Like pulling you down.
So just how does letting goimpact your mental health?
Jess (21:56):
I think it's really challenging at first.
And people have a hard time withthis piece because letting go,
it's something that we think we,we always hold on to.
We're taught as society orsomething.
I, who, But what it will do isit's going to relieve your
stress and your anxiety and yourdepression.
That feeling of shame when youthink of that stupid thing.
(22:16):
I'm air quoting stupid thing.
Yeah.
That you did back in, collegefreshman year.
When your brain wasn't evendeveloped.
Exactly.
Let go.
Forgive
Randi (22:25):
yourself for that.
And you know, A lot of women whoare diagnosed late in life with
ADHD, that's how they feel.
Because they're like, oh man, Imade some stupid decisions.
Oh, I made so many f'ed updecisions.
But you know what?
Jess (22:37):
Now that I know I'm diagnosed as ADHD, then I'm
like, oh, well.
I was able to forgive myself forthat stuff.
Yes.
Because I
Randi (22:44):
didn't know any better and I realized now that my brain
was wired differently.
I kept going like, why can't I?
Be this way.
Why can I do this?
Why am I doing this when I know,I shouldn't be like, oh, okay,
like right self compassion.
It is.
Like
Jess (22:58):
forgiveness.
Exactly.
And so when you can do that, youcan start to change and really
love that person you were, evenif they did some stupid ass
shit, right?
Yeah.
Alright, Randi, what if I needhelp letting go?
Randi (23:12):
Seeking support is always a sign of strength.
It's never a sign of weakness.
Whether that's confiding infriends or your family, finding
a support group, or finding aprofessional counselor.
Having a support system canreally provide guidance when
you're feeling adrift and a lotof comfort.
(23:33):
So you don't have to walk thispath alone, especially if you're
struggling with it, and seekinghelp is always a brave step
towards your well being.
Jess (23:43):
So there you have it.
We have a little roadmap forStarting to learn to let go.
It's not an easy direct map, butit's incredibly freeing and a
very valuable tool for you toput into your toolbox.
I think that's really what Iwant to focus on this upcoming
year for everybody, is to reallybuild a toolbox for y'all, so
(24:03):
that way you've got your copingskills, because When we can have
our toolbox, when these thingscome up, we can pull back and
go, does that serve me?
This no longer serves me or Idon't have to feel the shame
every time it pops up.
It's okay to let that feeling orthat intensity go,
Randi (24:24):
you know what I'm thinking of, those little like
pink
Jess (24:26):
toolboxes I bought us.
Oh my god.
I love my toolbox.
It's totally pink
Randi (24:30):
in my garage We should make I'm thinking of that
putting all these little thingswe need into a coping toolbox
for all of our listeners And welike build upon it for the new
year.
I think that's a great idea.
I
Jess (24:39):
think that's your thing.
Yeah Pat on the back.
I love, and my husband makes funof my, my pink toolbox in my
workshop all the time.
And I was like, you better watchout, buddy.
I'll start spray paintingeverything pink in here because
I love it.
So remember that letting go is askill.
It is okay that it's going totake you time.
Yes.
Just tell yourself.
(25:00):
Everything takes time.
It's okay.
It takes time.
It takes
Randi (25:02):
steps.
Sometimes we go forward and thenwe take ten steps back and then
we gotta take two steps forwardand then we gotta take another
ten steps back.
It can be that give and takewhen you're learning to change
and that's okay.
It's like we said, perfectiondoesn't exist.
Jess (25:15):
So if you're feeling stuck.
Reach out for support, whetherthat's a friend, or a family
member, or a mental healthprofessional.
It's okay.
Letting go doesn't mean it hasto be done alone.
You can let go with people.
You can ask for forgiveness.
You can show up and say, I,yeah, I did this and I can let
go of that.
Randi (25:34):
We hope this episode has given you some ideas and
encouragement for your ownjourney on letting go.
And if you know someone whocould benefit from this topic,
please share this episode withthem.
Like this, leave us a comment orshare a review with us.
Thanks for listening in.
Bye.
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