January 8, 2025 • 37 mins
Are you feeling overwhelmed or disconnected? Join us for a profound journey into the world of nervous system healing in our latest episode with experts Randi Owsley, LMSW, and Jessica Bullwinkle, LMFT. This episode is tailored for women who are seeking to enhance their mental wellness through self-care and integrative healing methods. Don't miss this empowering discussion that could redefine the way you manage stress and prioritize your wellbeing.
Embarking on the journey of nervous system healing can be a profoundly empowering experience, and you, my dear listener, are not alone in this. Whether it's embracing stress resilience tips to weather the storms of life, exploring vagus nerve healing strategies to restore inner harmony, or delving into the world of neuroplasticity as part of women's health, information is power—and we're here to share it. Together, we'll navigate nervous system rebalancing methods, developing self-care routines that bolster our nervous system health and seeking integrative approaches to nervous system restoration.
Our exploration will not shy away from practical, everyday tools—think relaxation techniques for nervous balance and the profound influence of the mind-body connection on our nervous system. Emotional regulation, mental health grounding exercises, and the serene strength of mindfulness in healing the nervous system will be our touchstones. Each episode is crafted with you in mind—because we believe in the power of shared stories and knowledge to break through barriers, foster connection, and spark a revolution in how we approach our health and well-being.
Questions we answer:
What does nervous system healing mean?
Can emotional trauma impact the nervous system?
What signs indicate an unbalanced nervous system?
How can I support my nervous system's healing?
What is the role of nutrition in healing the nervous system?
Can physical activity help heal the nervous system?
What are some relaxation techniques for nervous system healing?
How does sleep affect nervous system healing?
Can talking therapies aid in the healing of the nervous system?
How long does it take for the nervous system to heal?
#nervoussystem #nervoussystemreset #NervousSystemHealth #nervoussystemhealing #nervoussystemregulation #nervoussystemcare #NervousSystemSupport #ProtectYourPeaceNow #EmotionalWellnessMatters #FindYourInnerCalm #PrioritizeYourMentalHealth #HealthyBoundariesHappierLife #StressManagementStrategies #AnxietyReliefTips
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The Women’s Mental Health Podcast, hosted by licensed therapists Randi Owsley MSW and Jessica Bullwinkle LMFT, PMH-C, offers educational and entertaining mental health content. This is not therapy or a substitute for professional care. No therapeutic relationship is formed by listening or engaging. Some links may be affiliate links, which may earn us a small commission at no extra cost to you.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Randi (00:00):
Welcome back to the women's mental health podcast.
(00:02):
I'm randy.
I'm And I'm Jess.
And we are two licensedpsychotherapists, and this is a
safe space where we talk aboutmental health, well being, and
strategies for coping withlife's challenges.
And how all of this is normal,and you are not alone.
Today we're diving into a topicthat's at the core of mental
health and your physical wellbeing.
How to heal your nervous system.
(00:23):
This concept has gained a lot ofattention in the wellness and
mental health world lately, butwhat does it actually mean?
Find us and more
Jess (00:31):
at womensmentalhealthpodcast.
com.
We're going to do our Have YouEver Had These Thoughts.
What does nervous
Randi (00:38):
system healing mean?
Can emotional trauma impact thenervous system?
What are signs that can show youthat your nervous system is
unbalanced?
How can I support my nervoussystem's healing?
What is the role of nutritionand food in healing your nervous
system?
What
Jess (00:57):
can I physically do or what physical activity can I do
to help my, ah,
Randi (01:05):
hold on.
Just needs some, she needs somehelp.
Some physical healing.
Jess (01:12):
I'm so going to put that in there.
Can physical activity help that
Randi (01:16):
nervous system heal?
What are some good relaxationtechniques that can help you
heal your nervous system?
And how does sleep affect yournervous system and healing it?
Can talking therapies aid inhealing the nervous system?
And how long does it take forthe nervous system
Jess (01:35):
to
Randi (01:35):
heal?
Jess (01:36):
Okay.
So what exactly is the nervoussystem healing and why are we
talking about it?
It is very, very important andI've seen so much more going on
about People looking at theirnervous system.
Mm-hmm Trying to get balancedand get grounded.
So what it does refer to isrestoring balance in our body's
autonomic nervous system.
(01:57):
And so what that does at thatcontrols, how we respond to
stress.
And when we say autonomicsystem, what that means is
that's our involuntary or just
Randi (02:08):
behind the scenes, everything that's going on
exactly in your body, in yourbody without thinking about it.
So
Jess (02:14):
with that, there's two things.
Two main parts of this, and Iknow we're going to get a little
into the weeds here, but we'regoing to try to like, pull
ourselves back out.
Okay.
So the two main parts is the,what we call the sympathetic
nervous system and theparasympathetic nervous system.
Randi (02:29):
So the sympathetic nervous system is also known as
your fight or flight mode.
So when you feel like anxious oryou need to move or you're in
trouble and that your body issending off like these signals.
And then parasympathetic isoften called the rest and digest
mode.
So that's like when you're like,low key, just chilling.
(02:51):
I'm just going with the flow.
Jess (02:53):
Exactly.
But what happens is when ournervous system is overwhelmed by
chronic stress or trauma, itgets stuck in that survival
fight or flight mode.
And what that does is that leadsto anxiety and burnout and even
physical health problems.
And so most of us are alwaysstuck in that fight or
Randi (03:13):
flight, traumatic place.
So your sympathetic nervoussystem is like just firing off
on all cylinders 24 seven.
And then There's no balancethere.
Jess (03:23):
It's like driving your car and like hitting the gas and
flooring it all the time.
Even that when you're atresting.
Or writing it on empty and
Randi (03:31):
hoping that you're going to make it somewhere.
Jess (03:34):
Exactly.
You're like, I got 50
Randi (03:36):
miles to go.
Can I make it?
Can I make it?
Yeah.
So we're talking about healingthe nervous system.
And that means returning to thisstate of balance between your
sympathetic and parasympatheticSympathetic systems so that you
have an equal balance betweenthem and you're not in this
fight or flight mode 24 7exactly so we don't get
(03:56):
completely
Jess (03:57):
stuck all the time in that stress mode where most of us
live We live in that high
Randi (04:03):
stress mode and we get addicted to it.
We don't know how else tofunction with Out being in that
constant straight state ofanxiety or stress exactly.
And that's when we also shutdown.
Jess (04:15):
If you're ADHD, we do
Randi (04:16):
that whole, like we get frozen paralyzed.
And that happens with depressionand anxiety too.
You just get paralyzed and youhave all these things to do or
you feel anxious or you'refeeling worried, but then you're
just sitting there stuck, likeworried, still filing, just
scrolling on your phone becauseyou can't figure it out.
Jess (04:35):
So.
when we talk about the termhealing, we really want to talk
about more than just managingour symptoms because that's like
sticking a bandaid on ourstress.
We really want to talk aboutrepairing and retaining the
nervous system.
And what that means is if wehave a physical injury, it
requires care and rehab.
(04:55):
We can't just stick a brace onit and call it good.
We have to do more than that.
We have to.
actually take the time and toolsand the consistency to heal from
all of the effects of stress andtrauma
Randi (05:07):
and burnout.
Yup.
And as we always say, healingisn't linear.
This can look like corkscrews,it can look like back flips, the
journey.
Is going to be yours and yoursalone.
And it's a journey of learninghow to respond to this stress
and healthier ways and how toreconnect with your body and
(05:28):
your mind and thus helpingyourself build resilience over
time.
So you're not constantly goingback into this fight or flight
mode and stressing yourself outand burning yourself out.
Jess (05:40):
Exactly.
And as women, we are constantlydoing so much more than we
should.
We are so connected to thisstate of anxiety in our nervous
system because things likecaregiving work life balance,
It's trauma, the pressures thatwe have at work in society to do
all of these amazing things.
(06:01):
We're constantly in these fight,flight or freeze modes.
Even when we're like trying to
Randi (06:07):
relax, we're not there.
And this shows up as like wementioned anxiety, depression,
irritability, like snapping atpeople at work or at home, sleep
issues like insomnia.
Physical conditions, like youhave tension and like your
shoulders, your back, your neckchronic fatigue.
It can trigger autoimmunedisorders.
(06:28):
You might have something like inyour genetics or background and
then this stress brings it up tothe forefront.
And so when we decide to focuson healing our nervous system,
we can help ourselves reduceanxiety, reduce those feelings
of being overwhelmed.
We can improve our ability toregulate our emotions.
(06:51):
We can enhance our focus, ourproductivity, and we can feel
more present and connected withourselves and in our
relationships at work
Jess (07:02):
When we talk about healing, it's really important
because women are often expectedto keep it together.
We're supposed to keep ittogether.
We, especially after comingthrough like holiday seasons, we
do it all and we keep ittogether, emotionally, keep it
together while we're jugglingall of these different roles.
And so it makes
Randi (07:20):
it, we're faking emotionally keeping it together
while we're breaking on theinside.
Jess (07:26):
And we're not showing people because we don't want to
be weak or we don't want to,look like we
Randi (07:31):
don't have it together.
Yeah.
And so we're shoving ouremotions into it.
down.
We're shoving our physicalreactions down.
We're putting this stuff on theback burner.
And when we are constantly doingthat, we're in a cycle of that
and ignoring what our body istelling us, ignoring what our
mind is telling us.
It makes it harder and harder torecognize when you are in this
(07:52):
fight or flight or freeze modeand that your system is totally
out of balance.
You think it's normal.
But it's not really not.
Jess (07:59):
It's not normal.
Living in the Bay Area.
It was always that.
How are you busy?
We're busy.
We're busy.
And having a two hour commute isnormal.
That is not normal.
That is normal for the Bay Area.
But it is not normal to have atwo hour commute.
It is not normal to say, How areyou?
I'm busy.
Randi (08:16):
Yeah, we've talked about this hustle culture.
Yeah, just going Go, go, go, go,go.
And that it's good to be busy.
Like people that sign their kidsup for 20 different sports.
Like I want them to be busy,busy, busy.
We don't understand theimportance in our society in the
United States about how to rest,how to relax, how to take
breaks, how to take vacations.
That's blatantly obvious and howour workforce is we don't, we
(08:41):
don't like people to take timeoff.
We don't like them to take sickdays.
We don't like them to takevacation days where in other
countries like they have asiesta in the middle of the day
where you can nap like storesclosed down.
Like what is this?
I need a mid nap day.
Jess (08:54):
When I was like early 20s.
I went to Spain and that was thebest thing.
It was so fun.
Flippin hot but there's a siestayou literally went and took a
nap and hung out and did nothingin the afternoon And then you
stayed up late at night again,and it was just so fun It was
like wait, everything isshutting.
Yep.
All the stores shutting downthree to six.
Everything shuts down you gohome you do whatever you take
(09:15):
your siesta your rest And weliterally went home and took a
nap
Randi (09:18):
and same thing with our paternity leave and, maternity
leave And other countries, theyget so much more time to be with
their child to rest, to heal, torelax.
And we're just like, Nope, backto work, like two weeks, like
you're good to go.
Same thing, and Europeancultures, it's normal to take a
month off for vacation.
And I'm like, the month ofAugust, right?
I'm like, what's.
What's that?
(09:38):
We're like trying to figure outlike one week, maybe that we can
relax.
And it's that's more work thananything else, especially when
you're a woman trying to makeall the plans and juggle
everything.
So how do we learn to embraceand normalize healing our
nervous system?
Jess (09:56):
We have to practice self compassion and realize that one,
we're out of balance.
That's the first one.
But two, is that this is goingto take time and that the
progress isn't always obvious.
It's like when you're losingweight.
It isn't always obvious.
You can't always
Randi (10:12):
see it, but other people can sometimes see it.
Jess (10:14):
Or all of a sudden you're like, these pants are way too
big.
What happened?
And so it isn't, Is an instantand that's what we struggle with
is that it isn't an instant
Randi (10:22):
thing.
Jess (10:23):
Well, we live in a very
Randi (10:25):
Like instant gratification society, like we
watch 30 second videos We wanteverything right now Two day
shipping or like overnightshipping and all these things
like we want now we want now twodays I want it like by 4 in the
morning.
What are you talking about?
I want it for a and by the timeI wake up at 9 that makes makes
no sense But I also like thething about like You were saying
if you break something and you,we can't just put a brace on it
(10:47):
we need to cast it, we need toheal it, and I think that that's
the same thing a broken bonesometimes can take six to nine
months to heal or longer, plusrehab afterwards.
But the thing with
Jess (10:56):
a broken bone, though, is that you have a cast.
Yeah.
And when you have somethingYou're immobilized.
Well, not only do youimmobilize, but people see it
and they recognize, Oh, you havea cast.
Let me open the door for you.
Oh, you, you broke something oryou're on crutches.
So it's physical.
But when you.
Invisible people don't recognizeit or others don't recognize it
(11:17):
and
Randi (11:17):
they talk about that too A lot of people that have
invisible chronic illnesses andstuff like that Like people are
like you're not handicapped likeyou're not disabled You're not
and it's like you don't knowwhat's going on inside of that
person's body And this is thesame thing with this with any
mental health struggle You donot know what's going on in
somebody's mind or their bodyand so So half the time we don't
(11:38):
know what's going on in our
Jess (11:39):
own bodies, let alone somebody else's.
I
Randi (11:41):
mean, that's why we're talking about that.
But we should still go out inthe world and think maybe this
person is having a hard day.
So we should open the door forthem or we should compliment
them or we should
Jess (11:50):
just do it for
Randi (11:50):
fun.
Yeah, we should just be nicepeople.
It's really hard to be nicethese days, but
Jess (11:57):
yeah, okay, so learn your triggers.
Right there.
It's really hard to be nice.
We need to learn what ourtriggers are Yeah, because if we
can learn our triggers then wecan respond appropriately to
them Well same
Randi (12:08):
thing like i'm just like it's too peoply outside I don't
really love going out when it'sbusy so like i'll shop on like
off hours or try to go and it'sNot traffic y and things aren't
gonna make me road rage thosethings are triggers for me or
because i'm very sensitive tolike light things and sounds and
that that makes peopleoverwhelmed, especially if it's
during, like we just passed likethis holiday rush season where
(12:29):
you're out and there's peopleeverywhere, shopping like last
minute for things.
It's okay, I'm just gonna shoponline,
Jess (12:35):
I know I went to Costco and I thought, okay, this will
be okay.
I can do this.
I can do this.
And I go to Costco and I saw, Idon't know how many people
stepped in front of me, ran intome.
Oh my, it's the worst.
And I was like, is it me?
And I was laughing and I waslike, okay, it must be me.
And the lady next to me said,it's just that time of the year.
My daughter is
Randi (12:51):
I hate old people.
And I'm like, I'm an old peoplebecause same thing when we go to
Costco, they're like, rammingtheir cards like nobody pays
attention.
Nobody is people are not veryself aware.
So like when you go out intoactual space, they literally
have zero self awareness.
So
Jess (13:08):
if they can't be aware of themselves, they're not going to
be aware of you.
that's what we're saying is knowyour triggers.
Yeah.
And yeah, maybe.
And same thing if talking toyour family, makes you go into
fight or flight or talking toyour boss after hours silence
those notifications, declinethat call, delete that email,
all those things.
You have a right to learn yourtriggers and set your
(13:29):
boundaries.
Exactly.
And so that goes to the nextpiece is to set your boundaries.
We need to set our boundariesand be able to say that doesn't
work
Randi (13:39):
for me.
Yeah.
Jess (13:40):
Or
Randi (13:40):
create your own safe space, your own safe place.
Bubble and that includes like wetalked about practicing self
compassion, learning yourtriggers and building your
routines around those thingsthat help you be the best
version of you.
Because when you are in yoursafe environment and you feel at
peace and you feel centered.
(14:01):
That promotes relaxation.
Jess (14:03):
I used to tell my spouse way back when we first got
married in our very first houseis that when I come home from
the work I do, this is my safetyplace.
This is my environment where Ifeel safe and I need this set up
because I worked out in thefield and I would come home.
And there would be days whereI'd like, I have to walk in and
know that, okay, this is safefor me.
(14:24):
And that was setting a boundaryof how I needed my peace.
I was keeping my
Randi (14:27):
peace.
Yeah.
I have a friend who's reallygoing through it right now in a
marriage and really strugglingbecause when she goes home, she
doesn't have that peace because,she's fighting with her spouse.
It's, it's triggering for her.
It's upsetting.
She feels in that fight orflight mode when she goes home.
And I was like, it's notsupposed to be that way.
(14:48):
I said, that's not normal.
That's supposed to be your safespace.
Like you should be able to go toyour partner and have a safe
space.
You should be able to go homeand relax after work or after
going to the gym or afterrunning errands or after being a
mom or whatever it is thatyou're doing.
Jess (15:02):
Waking up, you should be able to wake up in your safe
space.
Yeah.
Randi (15:06):
And it's she's waking up and every morning she's is it
fight or flight?
In the morning, am I going tohave to leave?
Am I going to have to leave thisrelationship?
Or am I going to have to fight,this person today?
And I said, that's not healthyfor you.
That's not healing your nervoussystem.
That's not helpful right now.
Jess (15:23):
But that leads to the next piece is I'm glad she's sharing
that with you because we do wantyou to talk to people We want
you to share your journey yourstory talk about your stress
even with your friends or yourfamily I think many of us don't
want to share what we're goingthrough because we don't want to
be a burden
Randi (15:40):
when we do share we find connection we can find come out
Compassion.
When my friend shared this withother people, she found other
people who had just gone throughit or were going through it.
And then she found a friend thatwas like, I have a space.
You can come stay with me forfree.
If you're worried about financesor whatever, or leaving this
situation.
And she was like, if she had notshared that journey and what she
(16:03):
was struggling with, shewouldn't have found those
pathways where she could findthat safe environment to be in.
Jess (16:10):
And honestly when us women get together, even that friend,
if you called me and you'relike, it's two in the morning,
we're gonna go pack her up.
I'd be like, cool, I'll be therein 20 minutes.
Lemme put my boots on and
Randi (16:18):
I'd come pack her up.
I tell all my friends too, likeI give them the code to my
house.
I say, if you ever need toleave, if you ever need a safe
space for you, your kids,whoever it is, no matter day or
night, you can walk into myhouse or you can call me some of
my friends, I have a safe wordwith them.
You text me this and I know.
(16:39):
Then I need to find you whereveryou're at.
It sucks.
But having those things in
Jess (16:43):
place, But so that's keeping your safety there.
Yeah, and that's trying to setyour parasympathetic and your
sympathetic Well, what is itcalled again parasympathetic and
what oh my god
Randi (16:56):
sympathetic sympathetic and parasympathetic Oh my gosh,
it's so annoying when they makethese big words like so similar
to each other It's can we justhave something totally
different?
But yeah, so para andsympathetic will just break that
down
Jess (17:10):
Exactly.
Randi (17:11):
So
Jess (17:11):
With that, after sharing, we want you also to de
stigmatize rest.
And that's the hardest part forall of us.
Especially in our hustle,hustle, hustle.
Resting is not lazy.
It is not lazy to rest.
It is essential for us to heal.
Whether that's going to be, I'mgoing to watch the entire new
season of Outlander on TV.
Late at night because I got somescenes in there.
(17:33):
My kids can't see right,whatever that looks like for you
to rest.
Some people for
Randi (17:38):
me, it's reading books like I've read 300 books this
year and people like, What doyou read?
And I'm like, smut.
Okay, because I do all sorts ofthings that use my brain power
all day long.
And I want an escape.
I want an easy read.
So that's what you know, I readmurder mysteries.
Not like
Jess (17:53):
my real life, but that's what I call my ginger.
Yeah, that is my ginger thatkind of cleanses my palate from
what I really do.
I've always called it gingerbecause I need something.
I'm not going to go read selfhelp books before bed.
I do therapy all day long withpeople.
I don't want to do that.
That's
Randi (18:09):
why i'm like, I don't want to read these World problem
books or these things otherpeople's problems because I do
that.
I want to read something that'san escape, And hers is smut.
Whatever! Mine's murdermysteries, you
Jess (18:20):
know, pick your thing and roll with it.
Randi (18:22):
Exactly Yeah, but and I love to that like social media
in some ways I feel has helpednormalize this conversation and
De stigmatize rest because I'veseen things like rotting days or
like just like these cozy daysor like chill days or whatever,
where you just can lay in bedand do that and do what you
want.
If you want to doom scroll, ifyou want to binge watch things,
(18:44):
if you want to just eat snacksin bed and then, okay.
And then I'm up the next day andthat's fine.
I gave myself like that day torest and relax and reconnect
with myself.
Yeah.
And you can plan it.
You don't have to, but you can.
Jess (18:56):
I like to plan it so I know that I'm going to rest.
Randi (19:00):
The next step is how do you take action?
How do you take action in yourlife to implement this
Jess (19:05):
real life actions?
Not these, big things.
These are the smaller break itdown things, right?
Yeah.
Go get professional help.
Go get a therapist, somebodywho's trained in like somatic
therapies.
Yeah.
And if you don't know whatsomatic therapies are, we did a
podcast on somatic breathing,and that's a good place to start
with.
Somatic
Randi (19:24):
is.
physical Psychology like howyour mind and your body meet
together and how your mentalhealth impacts your body So
anything with like somatic issomething that's really good if
you're in this nervous systemfight or flight for your life
Jess (19:40):
Exactly.
The other one is use groundingtechniques.
These are things like Breathingexercises, me and my bubbles
breathing with the bubbles.
It's meditation or prayer.
Randi (19:51):
Yeah.
Mindfulness,
Jess (19:52):
mindfulness, yoga.
Big bang theory.
Oh yeah.
I've never watched it.
Oh really?
Oh God.
I love it.
So Miriam, whatever her lastname is, she's actually like
some physicist, right?
She has a video out there aboutresetting your nervous system
and about how you can do itthrough yoga.
So if you Google her, she didthis a couple of years back that
(20:12):
I, that I was for it.
Okay.
She was the actress and she doesa lot of yoga.
And so she does the one whereyou put your feet up on the
wall, your leg is on the backand you put your arms out and
just breathe.
And that is
Randi (20:24):
supposed to be a reset.
Yeah.
And same thing like Jess and Ihave talked about, go outside,
put your feet in the grass.
And then reconnect with theearth.
Just take a minute or listen tothe sounds outside or watch the
sunset.
Like simple things like that canhelp you reset when you're in
this anxiety mode that can'tclick off.
It's like you're like a hamsterwheel going round and round.
Jess (20:46):
And the other is really build a support network of
friends who understand and thatyou guys can talk about this or
that you can get together and dothings together.
Go on a nature walk, go, checkout the sunset together.
Yeah.
Have a bitch fest.
That too.
Get together and complain aboutwhatever.
Yeah.
As long as you know it's notgoing to go anywhere and that
(21:06):
this is just venting and it's asafe space.
That's what we really want.
Randi (21:10):
So now let's go and answer our have you evers.
So let's go over again.
What does nervous system healingmean?
Jess (21:18):
So what this is, it is a practice and therapy aimed to
restore a balance and properfunction within your body.
It's about addressing the stressand trauma and other factors
that disrupt our body's harmony,empowering it to operate more
smoothly and add moreresilience.
Okay, so can emotional traumaimpact
Randi (21:38):
the nervous system?
Oh, yes.
There's no doubt about it.
Emotional trauma can trigger alasting state of heightened
alertness and fight or flightmode.
So it makes it very difficult toreturn to a calm, restored and
balanced state.
Once you have been in thatEspecially if it's happened in
(22:00):
childhood.
I was just thinking inchildhood.
And you've been there from thatpoint in your life on all
through adulthood.
You don't know any other way tofunction.
And like we said, this affectsyour sleep, your mood, your
health, your well being, yourrelationships.
And so when you can focus on thehealing, That helps calm your
(22:20):
nervous system, allowing you toprocess the trauma and to help
take steps on moving on from it.
Jess (22:28):
Exactly.
And when we say process, youdon't have to relive it.
There are other ways to processthat trauma to get it out of
your body so it's not stuckinside
Randi (22:35):
of you or in your nervous system.
So just what signs can we takenotice of that might indicate we
have an unbalanced nervoussystem?
Jess (22:44):
Oh, that's a good one.
Because if we've grown up likethat with childhood, how do we
know we're unbalanced if that'show we've always been?
If we think that's our normal.
Exactly.
Okay, so an unbalanced nervoussystem looks like anxiety.
Restlessness, insomnia, fatiguedigestive issues, stomach
issues, especially when you'regetting upset, something
happens, you got to run to thebathroom, right?
(23:05):
That's that that is not always agood thing.
Mood swings when you're, moodswings are
Randi (23:10):
up and down.
I know.
I feel like a lot of time we arelike, Oh, I have IBS or I have
this and we don't realize likewe're not healing this like past
trauma and are nervous.
system and we just mask it withmedicine or over the counter
things instead of going back,cause you're like, where has
this come from?
I eat well or I do this and ifwe take the time to look back
and check in with ourselves, wecan see, okay, I have some
(23:33):
unresolved trauma and I need towork through this to heal my
whole nervous system.
Jess (23:38):
Exactly.
I have so many people who end upwith gut issues and they have to
go through and it's all of thiscompounding stress and
Randi (23:46):
trauma.
Yeah, back issues, like tensionissues in your body, things like
that too.
So Randi,
Jess (23:52):
how can I
Randi (23:52):
support
Jess (23:53):
my nervous system's
Randi (23:53):
healing?
It really involves integratingpractices such as mindfulness
meditation, deep breathing,somatic breathing, engaging in
physical activity, whether thatis like yoga or just taking a
quick walk or stretching yourbody, making sure you're getting
enough rest because if we'retired and we're exhausted, we're
(24:18):
We can't focus on what we needto do and eating a balanced
diet, which is really hard inthis day and age since our food
is lacking so much nutrition,taking supplements and vitamins
can help to additionally, usingtherapies like we talked about
either finding a somatic,psychologist or a cognitive
behavioral therapist known asCBT therapy and also using EMDR,
(24:42):
which is eye movement.
Desensitization and reprocessingthose things for trauma paired
with those can be incrediblybeneficial for your journey of
healing your nervous system andworking through your trauma.
Just let's talk a little bitdeeper about nutrition and what
the role of nutrition is andhelping us heal the nervous
(25:02):
system.
Jess (25:03):
It is so important to heal our nervous system through our
foods as well.
So if we can have a balanceddiet, which is so hard, cause we
all grew up with this weird foodpyramid, and I don't even know
if that's correct anymore.
I think that's anymore.
Randi (25:17):
I don't like to listen to what they say because.
Everything's driven by somethingelse.
But I
Jess (25:22):
do know we need foods that are rich in omega 3s, Our fatty
acids.
Fish oils.
I take fish oils every daybecause I don't eat a lot of
fish.
We need our antioxidants.
We need our B vitamins.
We need vitamin D.
We don't get enough sun.
Sorry, I'm laughing.
She's huh, vitamin D.
(25:43):
Vitamin D.
I
Randi (25:45):
like how we both said that at the same time.
We also have the mind of a 12year old boy,
Jess (25:51):
or
Randi (25:51):
a girl,
Jess (25:51):
but hey.
Randi (25:52):
Same, same.
Jess (25:53):
But yeah, those vitamins can really support the nerve
function and reduceinflammation.
In fact, I've also just starteddoing turmeric.
Turmeric.
I found it to be good forinflammation.
Turmeric and honey.
I've been putting, cause I likea lot of teas this time of year.
So amazing.
Yes.
I've been doing like a, a honey,like a honey butter mix, like
turmeric, honey, and somepepper.
(26:13):
And I've been putting that in myteas.
And I've been doing that becausewe all got sick for that three
long week sickness thing.
But that helps healing us.
And so you can either.
Do your research.
You can talk to your functionaldoctor.
You can, try what works for you.
What makes you feel better?
There's nothing wrong with goingand getting a vitamin B shot.
If you've been run down for awhile.
(26:34):
I love doing that after beingsick because I'm like, I need
the energy back.
Randi (26:39):
I've been taking this too, which is D H E A, which is
for mood and stress.
There's just so many things thatwe just don't get in our food
and our, in our environmentanymore.
And to I'm, I'm in my, Early40s.
I'm not going to say mid 40syet.
I'm not there.
(26:59):
Okay.
I'm going to keep quiet, but andfor me too, like my hormones are
all out of balanced.
And so I had to add in, hormonereplacement, for me and other
supplements to, to help withthat.
So also looking into thosethings, because that was making
me, it.
all off balance too.
And so adding in all thosethings together helped create,
(27:20):
this whole puzzle of thesemissing pieces.
Jess (27:23):
And I know when I start eating
Randi (27:25):
crappy,
Jess (27:25):
how I
Randi (27:25):
feel.
Oh yeah.
And sugar is I'm a, I lovesugar.
I have a horrible sweet tooth,but yeah, it makes me feel like
crap and it makes my body likesuper inflamed.
Yes.
And I've
Jess (27:35):
had to go back to more protein because I was like, Oh,
I need to start Going back tomore of a protein solid because
I was just doing again my cheesesticks But oh, yeah, but I
needed to focus on the nutritionon
Randi (27:47):
just cheese, even though we wish we could I know cheese
and
Jess (27:49):
beef Jerky, what's wrong with that?
Okay.
So Rani can physical activityhelp in the healing of the
nervous system.
Randi (27:55):
Yes, especially gentle relaxing physical activity can
help benefit your whole body andsystem like We talked about kind
of yoga or tai chi or somaticbreathing.
We even hosted an event lastyear where we partnered with a,
somatic breathing coach and itwas just laying there and
(28:15):
learning how to breathe deeply.
And it's amazing what you canlet go of when you just spend an
hour breathing and even justwalking.
These things can help reduce.
Your stress and your hormones,even just petting your dog.
Like they say, it releases likeendorphins to help you relax.
And this improves your overall,your mood, your balance, your
(28:38):
wellbeing, your outlook on life.
So just let's dive a little bitdeeper.
What are some relaxationtechniques?
that we can pair for our nervoussystem healing
Jess (28:49):
guided imagery.
I have a hard time justmeditating because my brain goes
somewhere else.
So when I do guided imagery it'ssomebody is walking you through
it and I can go there with them.
And for me, that's reallyimportant.
Progressive muscle relaxation,which is part of mindfulness.
That's a really good one.
I do that
Randi (29:09):
all the time because I have a very hard time relaxing
my body.
So I have to do a progressivelike head to toe muscle
relaxation to get myself intothat centered state.
We should actually record someof these and do that.
Jess (29:25):
Some deep breathing exercises are really good.
Mindfulness we were just talkingabout is part of that guided
imagery.
There's such powerful tools fordoing this, the calming of your
nervous system.
There is some yoga out therethat you can do online through
YouTube that, they don't,there's lots of videos.
It doesn't have to be an hourlong sweatshop.
(29:46):
It can be 10 minutes.
It's five minutes.
It could be just one pose thathelps you in between your
meetings.
Sometimes I'll just do a coupleof stretches in between meetings
or sessions
Randi (29:56):
just to release whatever is going on.
That's what I do too.
I just got a Thera hook, whichis like a thing that my massage
therapist told me about that youcan like just hook over your
shoulder and gets the pressurepoints because I carry all off
to show it to you.
And it's just That's oh, like itjust helps me like release that
because I just will hunch overand I'll sit at the computer too
much working,
Jess (30:16):
I think we all do that one.
You sit at the computer way toomuch working.
Okay, how does sleep affect thenervous system healing?
Randi (30:23):
Well, sleep and your sleep environment, like your
room, your space, having itdark, waking up to sunlight are
all so fundamental for yournervous system and healing it.
Sleep allows your brain to restand recharge.
It allows you to process youremotions better.
process stress better, and helpsyou repair like that damage to
(30:47):
your body.
So when you're ensuring thatyou're getting adequate and
quality sleep, it helps supportyour overall health.
Jess (30:56):
I'm laughing because I'm like adequate and proper sleep.
Is that four hours, six hours,eight hours?
I don't know.
Four
Randi (31:01):
hours.
So if I can get four hours, I'mlike, woohoo.
But I'm a six hour.
I'm usually six.
I'd love 10 hours.
That's used to be like my thing,but that's not going to happen.
Jess, can talking therapy aidand healing the nervous system?
Jess (31:15):
Yes, absolutely.
Obviously, I'm apsychotherapist.
I say yes, it does.
It's very effective in helpingyour nervous system because it
goes through and it providesthat safe space that you need to
process your emotions.
It also gives you somebody youcan help, point out what your
triggers are or to help youidentify rather what your
triggers are.
(31:35):
Being able to talk to it ouroldest was in the kitchen a
couple weeks ago and I wascooking dinner and he came in
and he goes, all right, I got aquestion.
This really bothered me.
And I said, okay.
And I just said, which do youwant?
Do you want mom mode ortherapist mode?
And he straight up said, I wanttherapist mode.
I said, all right, cool.
Let's do it.
Engaging.
Engage.
Cause I needed to know whatbrain he needed.
And we, and within half an hourwe worked through and I was
(31:57):
like, that's it.
That's your trigger right there.
And he was like, Yep, that's it.
I said, okay, cool 150 bucks.
Let's go And he startedlaughing, but he just needed to
know why it was really botheringhim and he had to process it out
I could have done it as mommode, but it would have taken
longer.
So I was like, no, no, i'mcooking dinner We got about half
an hour.
What are we doing?
Yeah, we're gonna break thisdown into easy steps.
Exactly and so talking tosomebody can help you figure out
(32:20):
what that issue is or what'sbugging you or what you
Randi (32:24):
need to, work on.
Yeah, vocalizing things can beso powerful.
And that we can have thisconstant back and forth in our
head.
But sometimes till we say it outloud or write it down.
We can't always see like thefull picture.
Jess (32:39):
No, you have no idea sometimes until somebody else is
walking you through thisprocess.
So How long does it actuallytake, though, for the nervous
system to heal, Randi?
Is it like a one and done
Randi (32:49):
thing?
No, healing timeline varies foreverybody.
It's your own journey.
It depends on things like theextent of your trauma, your
lifestyle healing practices thatyou're doing and undertaking and
trying.
It's a gradual, slow processthat requires patience.
(33:09):
It's self compassion,persistence, time and empathy
for yourself and others aroundyou.
Jess (33:17):
And also realizing that.
As you uncover more you're goingto need to do more.
It isn't just a
Randi (33:24):
it's not like you said a one and done It's a it's it's a
cycle.
You're going to start you'regoing to stop you're going to
start you're going to stopYou're going to go backwards.
You're going to go forward.
You're going to take 10 stepsforward You're going to take 20
steps back.
You're going to take two stepsforward You're going to take
another 10 steps back You haveto go with this give and take of
it and have that gentleness ofwith yourself that, okay, this
(33:45):
is not gonna be done, I'm notgonna be done with this in 40
days, in 20 days, in 10 days, intwo days.
It could be, but it could be,four years, it could be 10
years, it could be, a year, itcould be six months.
I think learning and healing isforever, to be honest with you.
I agree, because there's alwaysnew hurts, there's always new
obstacles, there's alwayschanges and
Jess (34:03):
Well, because the more I learn about myself, the more I
accept about myself, or the moreI accept about things around me,
the more I want to change, themore I want to do, and so I just
feel like it happens, and it'sjust, it isn't You know, I don't
want to be like all doom andgloom, but I feel like that it's
a process and I
Randi (34:19):
don't think it's a bad thing.
I think it's, I think it's noteven healing more so than just
growing into who you are as aperson.
Just like owning who you are andbeing comfortable in who you are
and understanding yourself on adeeper level.
Jess (34:33):
So I wish I could Go back and tell my 20 year old self all
of this right now, really,truly, I wish we listen
Randi (34:40):
now, but oh, hell no.
Jess (34:42):
But I wish in the back of
Randi (34:43):
our
Jess (34:43):
brain, right?
I wish I'm like, gosh, I wish Ihad this when I was 20.
And so many younger generationshave it now, because there's so
much more, we talk about it moreaware, and there's self more
self aware because of thingslike Tick Tock.
So just know that the healing ofyour nervous system isn't just
about reducing your stress.
It is about reclaiming yoursense of safety and your peace
(35:04):
and your joy.
It is really learning how to,that saying, keep your peace.
Randi (35:09):
Yeah, and it's a lifelong process that we were talking
about.
And so we hope that today'sepisode has resonated with you.
And if it has, please share itwith someone who might need it
with a friend, a colleague, asister.
Yeah.
Your mom.
Your mom probably especiallyneeds it.
But thank you for tuning in tolisten to us at the Women's
(35:33):
Mental Health Podcast.
Please know you are not alone onthis journey.
We are here to create thisplatform to support you every
step of the way.
Take care of yourselves.
Welcome back to the women's mental health podcast.
(00:02):
I'm randy.
I'm And I'm Jess.
And we are two licensedpsychotherapists, and this is a
safe space where we talk aboutmental health, well being, and
strategies for coping withlife's challenges.
And how all of this is normal,and you are not alone.
Today we're diving into a topicthat's at the core of mental
health and your physical wellbeing.
How to heal your nervous system.
(00:23):
This concept has gained a lot ofattention in the wellness and
mental health world lately, butwhat does it actually mean?
Find us and more
Jess (00:31):
at womensmentalhealthpodcast.
com.
We're going to do our Have YouEver Had These Thoughts.
What does nervous
Randi (00:38):
system healing mean?
Can emotional trauma impact thenervous system?
What are signs that can show youthat your nervous system is
unbalanced?
How can I support my nervoussystem's healing?
What is the role of nutritionand food in healing your nervous
system?
What
Jess (00:57):
can I physically do or what physical activity can I do
to help my, ah,
Randi (01:05):
hold on.
Just needs some, she needs somehelp.
Some physical healing.
Jess (01:12):
I'm so going to put that in there.
Can physical activity help that
Randi (01:16):
nervous system heal?
What are some good relaxationtechniques that can help you
heal your nervous system?
And how does sleep affect yournervous system and healing it?
Can talking therapies aid inhealing the nervous system?
And how long does it take forthe nervous system
Jess (01:35):
to
Randi (01:35):
heal?
Jess (01:36):
Okay.
So what exactly is the nervoussystem healing and why are we
talking about it?
It is very, very important andI've seen so much more going on
about People looking at theirnervous system.
Mm-hmm Trying to get balancedand get grounded.
So what it does refer to isrestoring balance in our body's
autonomic nervous system.
(01:57):
And so what that does at thatcontrols, how we respond to
stress.
And when we say autonomicsystem, what that means is
that's our involuntary or just
Randi (02:08):
behind the scenes, everything that's going on
exactly in your body, in yourbody without thinking about it.
So
Jess (02:14):
with that, there's two things.
Two main parts of this, and Iknow we're going to get a little
into the weeds here, but we'regoing to try to like, pull
ourselves back out.
Okay.
So the two main parts is the,what we call the sympathetic
nervous system and theparasympathetic nervous system.
Randi (02:29):
So the sympathetic nervous system is also known as
your fight or flight mode.
So when you feel like anxious oryou need to move or you're in
trouble and that your body issending off like these signals.
And then parasympathetic isoften called the rest and digest
mode.
So that's like when you're like,low key, just chilling.
(02:51):
I'm just going with the flow.
Jess (02:53):
Exactly.
But what happens is when ournervous system is overwhelmed by
chronic stress or trauma, itgets stuck in that survival
fight or flight mode.
And what that does is that leadsto anxiety and burnout and even
physical health problems.
And so most of us are alwaysstuck in that fight or
Randi (03:13):
flight, traumatic place.
So your sympathetic nervoussystem is like just firing off
on all cylinders 24 seven.
And then There's no balancethere.
Jess (03:23):
It's like driving your car and like hitting the gas and
flooring it all the time.
Even that when you're atresting.
Or writing it on empty and
Randi (03:31):
hoping that you're going to make it somewhere.
Jess (03:34):
Exactly.
You're like, I got 50
Randi (03:36):
miles to go.
Can I make it?
Can I make it?
Yeah.
So we're talking about healingthe nervous system.
And that means returning to thisstate of balance between your
sympathetic and parasympatheticSympathetic systems so that you
have an equal balance betweenthem and you're not in this
fight or flight mode 24 7exactly so we don't get
(03:56):
completely
Jess (03:57):
stuck all the time in that stress mode where most of us
live We live in that high
Randi (04:03):
stress mode and we get addicted to it.
We don't know how else tofunction with Out being in that
constant straight state ofanxiety or stress exactly.
And that's when we also shutdown.
Jess (04:15):
If you're ADHD, we do
Randi (04:16):
that whole, like we get frozen paralyzed.
And that happens with depressionand anxiety too.
You just get paralyzed and youhave all these things to do or
you feel anxious or you'refeeling worried, but then you're
just sitting there stuck, likeworried, still filing, just
scrolling on your phone becauseyou can't figure it out.
Jess (04:35):
So.
when we talk about the termhealing, we really want to talk
about more than just managingour symptoms because that's like
sticking a bandaid on ourstress.
We really want to talk aboutrepairing and retaining the
nervous system.
And what that means is if wehave a physical injury, it
requires care and rehab.
(04:55):
We can't just stick a brace onit and call it good.
We have to do more than that.
We have to.
actually take the time and toolsand the consistency to heal from
all of the effects of stress andtrauma
Randi (05:07):
and burnout.
Yup.
And as we always say, healingisn't linear.
This can look like corkscrews,it can look like back flips, the
journey.
Is going to be yours and yoursalone.
And it's a journey of learninghow to respond to this stress
and healthier ways and how toreconnect with your body and
(05:28):
your mind and thus helpingyourself build resilience over
time.
So you're not constantly goingback into this fight or flight
mode and stressing yourself outand burning yourself out.
Jess (05:40):
Exactly.
And as women, we are constantlydoing so much more than we
should.
We are so connected to thisstate of anxiety in our nervous
system because things likecaregiving work life balance,
It's trauma, the pressures thatwe have at work in society to do
all of these amazing things.
(06:01):
We're constantly in these fight,flight or freeze modes.
Even when we're like trying to
Randi (06:07):
relax, we're not there.
And this shows up as like wementioned anxiety, depression,
irritability, like snapping atpeople at work or at home, sleep
issues like insomnia.
Physical conditions, like youhave tension and like your
shoulders, your back, your neckchronic fatigue.
It can trigger autoimmunedisorders.
(06:28):
You might have something like inyour genetics or background and
then this stress brings it up tothe forefront.
And so when we decide to focuson healing our nervous system,
we can help ourselves reduceanxiety, reduce those feelings
of being overwhelmed.
We can improve our ability toregulate our emotions.
(06:51):
We can enhance our focus, ourproductivity, and we can feel
more present and connected withourselves and in our
relationships at work
Jess (07:02):
When we talk about healing, it's really important
because women are often expectedto keep it together.
We're supposed to keep ittogether.
We, especially after comingthrough like holiday seasons, we
do it all and we keep ittogether, emotionally, keep it
together while we're jugglingall of these different roles.
And so it makes
Randi (07:20):
it, we're faking emotionally keeping it together
while we're breaking on theinside.
Jess (07:26):
And we're not showing people because we don't want to
be weak or we don't want to,look like we
Randi (07:31):
don't have it together.
Yeah.
And so we're shoving ouremotions into it.
down.
We're shoving our physicalreactions down.
We're putting this stuff on theback burner.
And when we are constantly doingthat, we're in a cycle of that
and ignoring what our body istelling us, ignoring what our
mind is telling us.
It makes it harder and harder torecognize when you are in this
(07:52):
fight or flight or freeze modeand that your system is totally
out of balance.
You think it's normal.
But it's not really not.
Jess (07:59):
It's not normal.
Living in the Bay Area.
It was always that.
How are you busy?
We're busy.
We're busy.
And having a two hour commute isnormal.
That is not normal.
That is normal for the Bay Area.
But it is not normal to have atwo hour commute.
It is not normal to say, How areyou?
I'm busy.
Randi (08:16):
Yeah, we've talked about this hustle culture.
Yeah, just going Go, go, go, go,go.
And that it's good to be busy.
Like people that sign their kidsup for 20 different sports.
Like I want them to be busy,busy, busy.
We don't understand theimportance in our society in the
United States about how to rest,how to relax, how to take
breaks, how to take vacations.
That's blatantly obvious and howour workforce is we don't, we
(08:41):
don't like people to take timeoff.
We don't like them to take sickdays.
We don't like them to takevacation days where in other
countries like they have asiesta in the middle of the day
where you can nap like storesclosed down.
Like what is this?
I need a mid nap day.
Jess (08:54):
When I was like early 20s.
I went to Spain and that was thebest thing.
It was so fun.
Flippin hot but there's a siestayou literally went and took a
nap and hung out and did nothingin the afternoon And then you
stayed up late at night again,and it was just so fun It was
like wait, everything isshutting.
Yep.
All the stores shutting downthree to six.
Everything shuts down you gohome you do whatever you take
(09:15):
your siesta your rest And weliterally went home and took a
nap
Randi (09:18):
and same thing with our paternity leave and, maternity
leave And other countries, theyget so much more time to be with
their child to rest, to heal, torelax.
And we're just like, Nope, backto work, like two weeks, like
you're good to go.
Same thing, and Europeancultures, it's normal to take a
month off for vacation.
And I'm like, the month ofAugust, right?
I'm like, what's.
What's that?
(09:38):
We're like trying to figure outlike one week, maybe that we can
relax.
And it's that's more work thananything else, especially when
you're a woman trying to makeall the plans and juggle
everything.
So how do we learn to embraceand normalize healing our
nervous system?
Jess (09:56):
We have to practice self compassion and realize that one,
we're out of balance.
That's the first one.
But two, is that this is goingto take time and that the
progress isn't always obvious.
It's like when you're losingweight.
It isn't always obvious.
You can't always
Randi (10:12):
see it, but other people can sometimes see it.
Jess (10:14):
Or all of a sudden you're like, these pants are way too
big.
What happened?
And so it isn't, Is an instantand that's what we struggle with
is that it isn't an instant
Randi (10:22):
thing.
Jess (10:23):
Well, we live in a very
Randi (10:25):
Like instant gratification society, like we
watch 30 second videos We wanteverything right now Two day
shipping or like overnightshipping and all these things
like we want now we want now twodays I want it like by 4 in the
morning.
What are you talking about?
I want it for a and by the timeI wake up at 9 that makes makes
no sense But I also like thething about like You were saying
if you break something and you,we can't just put a brace on it
(10:47):
we need to cast it, we need toheal it, and I think that that's
the same thing a broken bonesometimes can take six to nine
months to heal or longer, plusrehab afterwards.
But the thing with
Jess (10:56):
a broken bone, though, is that you have a cast.
Yeah.
And when you have somethingYou're immobilized.
Well, not only do youimmobilize, but people see it
and they recognize, Oh, you havea cast.
Let me open the door for you.
Oh, you, you broke something oryou're on crutches.
So it's physical.
But when you.
Invisible people don't recognizeit or others don't recognize it
(11:17):
and
Randi (11:17):
they talk about that too A lot of people that have
invisible chronic illnesses andstuff like that Like people are
like you're not handicapped likeyou're not disabled You're not
and it's like you don't knowwhat's going on inside of that
person's body And this is thesame thing with this with any
mental health struggle You donot know what's going on in
somebody's mind or their bodyand so So half the time we don't
(11:38):
know what's going on in our
Jess (11:39):
own bodies, let alone somebody else's.
I
Randi (11:41):
mean, that's why we're talking about that.
But we should still go out inthe world and think maybe this
person is having a hard day.
So we should open the door forthem or we should compliment
them or we should
Jess (11:50):
just do it for
Randi (11:50):
fun.
Yeah, we should just be nicepeople.
It's really hard to be nicethese days, but
Jess (11:57):
yeah, okay, so learn your triggers.
Right there.
It's really hard to be nice.
We need to learn what ourtriggers are Yeah, because if we
can learn our triggers then wecan respond appropriately to
them Well same
Randi (12:08):
thing like i'm just like it's too peoply outside I don't
really love going out when it'sbusy so like i'll shop on like
off hours or try to go and it'sNot traffic y and things aren't
gonna make me road rage thosethings are triggers for me or
because i'm very sensitive tolike light things and sounds and
that that makes peopleoverwhelmed, especially if it's
during, like we just passed likethis holiday rush season where
(12:29):
you're out and there's peopleeverywhere, shopping like last
minute for things.
It's okay, I'm just gonna shoponline,
Jess (12:35):
I know I went to Costco and I thought, okay, this will
be okay.
I can do this.
I can do this.
And I go to Costco and I saw, Idon't know how many people
stepped in front of me, ran intome.
Oh my, it's the worst.
And I was like, is it me?
And I was laughing and I waslike, okay, it must be me.
And the lady next to me said,it's just that time of the year.
My daughter is
Randi (12:51):
I hate old people.
And I'm like, I'm an old peoplebecause same thing when we go to
Costco, they're like, rammingtheir cards like nobody pays
attention.
Nobody is people are not veryself aware.
So like when you go out intoactual space, they literally
have zero self awareness.
So
Jess (13:08):
if they can't be aware of themselves, they're not going to
be aware of you.
that's what we're saying is knowyour triggers.
Yeah.
And yeah, maybe.
And same thing if talking toyour family, makes you go into
fight or flight or talking toyour boss after hours silence
those notifications, declinethat call, delete that email,
all those things.
You have a right to learn yourtriggers and set your
(13:29):
boundaries.
Exactly.
And so that goes to the nextpiece is to set your boundaries.
We need to set our boundariesand be able to say that doesn't
work
Randi (13:39):
for me.
Yeah.
Jess (13:40):
Or
Randi (13:40):
create your own safe space, your own safe place.
Bubble and that includes like wetalked about practicing self
compassion, learning yourtriggers and building your
routines around those thingsthat help you be the best
version of you.
Because when you are in yoursafe environment and you feel at
peace and you feel centered.
(14:01):
That promotes relaxation.
Jess (14:03):
I used to tell my spouse way back when we first got
married in our very first houseis that when I come home from
the work I do, this is my safetyplace.
This is my environment where Ifeel safe and I need this set up
because I worked out in thefield and I would come home.
And there would be days whereI'd like, I have to walk in and
know that, okay, this is safefor me.
(14:24):
And that was setting a boundaryof how I needed my peace.
I was keeping my
Randi (14:27):
peace.
Yeah.
I have a friend who's reallygoing through it right now in a
marriage and really strugglingbecause when she goes home, she
doesn't have that peace because,she's fighting with her spouse.
It's, it's triggering for her.
It's upsetting.
She feels in that fight orflight mode when she goes home.
And I was like, it's notsupposed to be that way.
(14:48):
I said, that's not normal.
That's supposed to be your safespace.
Like you should be able to go toyour partner and have a safe
space.
You should be able to go homeand relax after work or after
going to the gym or afterrunning errands or after being a
mom or whatever it is thatyou're doing.
Jess (15:02):
Waking up, you should be able to wake up in your safe
space.
Yeah.
Randi (15:06):
And it's she's waking up and every morning she's is it
fight or flight?
In the morning, am I going tohave to leave?
Am I going to have to leave thisrelationship?
Or am I going to have to fight,this person today?
And I said, that's not healthyfor you.
That's not healing your nervoussystem.
That's not helpful right now.
Jess (15:23):
But that leads to the next piece is I'm glad she's sharing
that with you because we do wantyou to talk to people We want
you to share your journey yourstory talk about your stress
even with your friends or yourfamily I think many of us don't
want to share what we're goingthrough because we don't want to
be a burden
Randi (15:40):
when we do share we find connection we can find come out
Compassion.
When my friend shared this withother people, she found other
people who had just gone throughit or were going through it.
And then she found a friend thatwas like, I have a space.
You can come stay with me forfree.
If you're worried about financesor whatever, or leaving this
situation.
And she was like, if she had notshared that journey and what she
(16:03):
was struggling with, shewouldn't have found those
pathways where she could findthat safe environment to be in.
Jess (16:10):
And honestly when us women get together, even that friend,
if you called me and you'relike, it's two in the morning,
we're gonna go pack her up.
I'd be like, cool, I'll be therein 20 minutes.
Lemme put my boots on and
Randi (16:18):
I'd come pack her up.
I tell all my friends too, likeI give them the code to my
house.
I say, if you ever need toleave, if you ever need a safe
space for you, your kids,whoever it is, no matter day or
night, you can walk into myhouse or you can call me some of
my friends, I have a safe wordwith them.
You text me this and I know.
(16:39):
Then I need to find you whereveryou're at.
It sucks.
But having those things in
Jess (16:43):
place, But so that's keeping your safety there.
Yeah, and that's trying to setyour parasympathetic and your
sympathetic Well, what is itcalled again parasympathetic and
what oh my god
Randi (16:56):
sympathetic sympathetic and parasympathetic Oh my gosh,
it's so annoying when they makethese big words like so similar
to each other It's can we justhave something totally
different?
But yeah, so para andsympathetic will just break that
down
Jess (17:10):
Exactly.
Randi (17:11):
So
Jess (17:11):
With that, after sharing, we want you also to de
stigmatize rest.
And that's the hardest part forall of us.
Especially in our hustle,hustle, hustle.
Resting is not lazy.
It is not lazy to rest.
It is essential for us to heal.
Whether that's going to be, I'mgoing to watch the entire new
season of Outlander on TV.
Late at night because I got somescenes in there.
(17:33):
My kids can't see right,whatever that looks like for you
to rest.
Some people for
Randi (17:38):
me, it's reading books like I've read 300 books this
year and people like, What doyou read?
And I'm like, smut.
Okay, because I do all sorts ofthings that use my brain power
all day long.
And I want an escape.
I want an easy read.
So that's what you know, I readmurder mysteries.
Not like
Jess (17:53):
my real life, but that's what I call my ginger.
Yeah, that is my ginger thatkind of cleanses my palate from
what I really do.
I've always called it gingerbecause I need something.
I'm not going to go read selfhelp books before bed.
I do therapy all day long withpeople.
I don't want to do that.
That's
Randi (18:09):
why i'm like, I don't want to read these World problem
books or these things otherpeople's problems because I do
that.
I want to read something that'san escape, And hers is smut.
Whatever! Mine's murdermysteries, you
Jess (18:20):
know, pick your thing and roll with it.
Randi (18:22):
Exactly Yeah, but and I love to that like social media
in some ways I feel has helpednormalize this conversation and
De stigmatize rest because I'veseen things like rotting days or
like just like these cozy daysor like chill days or whatever,
where you just can lay in bedand do that and do what you
want.
If you want to doom scroll, ifyou want to binge watch things,
(18:44):
if you want to just eat snacksin bed and then, okay.
And then I'm up the next day andthat's fine.
I gave myself like that day torest and relax and reconnect
with myself.
Yeah.
And you can plan it.
You don't have to, but you can.
Jess (18:56):
I like to plan it so I know that I'm going to rest.
Randi (19:00):
The next step is how do you take action?
How do you take action in yourlife to implement this
Jess (19:05):
real life actions?
Not these, big things.
These are the smaller break itdown things, right?
Yeah.
Go get professional help.
Go get a therapist, somebodywho's trained in like somatic
therapies.
Yeah.
And if you don't know whatsomatic therapies are, we did a
podcast on somatic breathing,and that's a good place to start
with.
Somatic
Randi (19:24):
is.
physical Psychology like howyour mind and your body meet
together and how your mentalhealth impacts your body So
anything with like somatic issomething that's really good if
you're in this nervous systemfight or flight for your life
Jess (19:40):
Exactly.
The other one is use groundingtechniques.
These are things like Breathingexercises, me and my bubbles
breathing with the bubbles.
It's meditation or prayer.
Randi (19:51):
Yeah.
Mindfulness,
Jess (19:52):
mindfulness, yoga.
Big bang theory.
Oh yeah.
I've never watched it.
Oh really?
Oh God.
I love it.
So Miriam, whatever her lastname is, she's actually like
some physicist, right?
She has a video out there aboutresetting your nervous system
and about how you can do itthrough yoga.
So if you Google her, she didthis a couple of years back that
(20:12):
I, that I was for it.
Okay.
She was the actress and she doesa lot of yoga.
And so she does the one whereyou put your feet up on the
wall, your leg is on the backand you put your arms out and
just breathe.
And that is
Randi (20:24):
supposed to be a reset.
Yeah.
And same thing like Jess and Ihave talked about, go outside,
put your feet in the grass.
And then reconnect with theearth.
Just take a minute or listen tothe sounds outside or watch the
sunset.
Like simple things like that canhelp you reset when you're in
this anxiety mode that can'tclick off.
It's like you're like a hamsterwheel going round and round.
Jess (20:46):
And the other is really build a support network of
friends who understand and thatyou guys can talk about this or
that you can get together and dothings together.
Go on a nature walk, go, checkout the sunset together.
Yeah.
Have a bitch fest.
That too.
Get together and complain aboutwhatever.
Yeah.
As long as you know it's notgoing to go anywhere and that
(21:06):
this is just venting and it's asafe space.
That's what we really want.
Randi (21:10):
So now let's go and answer our have you evers.
So let's go over again.
What does nervous system healingmean?
Jess (21:18):
So what this is, it is a practice and therapy aimed to
restore a balance and properfunction within your body.
It's about addressing the stressand trauma and other factors
that disrupt our body's harmony,empowering it to operate more
smoothly and add moreresilience.
Okay, so can emotional traumaimpact
Randi (21:38):
the nervous system?
Oh, yes.
There's no doubt about it.
Emotional trauma can trigger alasting state of heightened
alertness and fight or flightmode.
So it makes it very difficult toreturn to a calm, restored and
balanced state.
Once you have been in thatEspecially if it's happened in
(22:00):
childhood.
I was just thinking inchildhood.
And you've been there from thatpoint in your life on all
through adulthood.
You don't know any other way tofunction.
And like we said, this affectsyour sleep, your mood, your
health, your well being, yourrelationships.
And so when you can focus on thehealing, That helps calm your
(22:20):
nervous system, allowing you toprocess the trauma and to help
take steps on moving on from it.
Jess (22:28):
Exactly.
And when we say process, youdon't have to relive it.
There are other ways to processthat trauma to get it out of
your body so it's not stuckinside
Randi (22:35):
of you or in your nervous system.
So just what signs can we takenotice of that might indicate we
have an unbalanced nervoussystem?
Jess (22:44):
Oh, that's a good one.
Because if we've grown up likethat with childhood, how do we
know we're unbalanced if that'show we've always been?
If we think that's our normal.
Exactly.
Okay, so an unbalanced nervoussystem looks like anxiety.
Restlessness, insomnia, fatiguedigestive issues, stomach
issues, especially when you'regetting upset, something
happens, you got to run to thebathroom, right?
(23:05):
That's that that is not always agood thing.
Mood swings when you're, moodswings are
Randi (23:10):
up and down.
I know.
I feel like a lot of time we arelike, Oh, I have IBS or I have
this and we don't realize likewe're not healing this like past
trauma and are nervous.
system and we just mask it withmedicine or over the counter
things instead of going back,cause you're like, where has
this come from?
I eat well or I do this and ifwe take the time to look back
and check in with ourselves, wecan see, okay, I have some
(23:33):
unresolved trauma and I need towork through this to heal my
whole nervous system.
Jess (23:38):
Exactly.
I have so many people who end upwith gut issues and they have to
go through and it's all of thiscompounding stress and
Randi (23:46):
trauma.
Yeah, back issues, like tensionissues in your body, things like
that too.
So Randi,
Jess (23:52):
how can I
Randi (23:52):
support
Jess (23:53):
my nervous system's
Randi (23:53):
healing?
It really involves integratingpractices such as mindfulness
meditation, deep breathing,somatic breathing, engaging in
physical activity, whether thatis like yoga or just taking a
quick walk or stretching yourbody, making sure you're getting
enough rest because if we'retired and we're exhausted, we're
(24:18):
We can't focus on what we needto do and eating a balanced
diet, which is really hard inthis day and age since our food
is lacking so much nutrition,taking supplements and vitamins
can help to additionally, usingtherapies like we talked about
either finding a somatic,psychologist or a cognitive
behavioral therapist known asCBT therapy and also using EMDR,
(24:42):
which is eye movement.
Desensitization and reprocessingthose things for trauma paired
with those can be incrediblybeneficial for your journey of
healing your nervous system andworking through your trauma.
Just let's talk a little bitdeeper about nutrition and what
the role of nutrition is andhelping us heal the nervous
(25:02):
system.
Jess (25:03):
It is so important to heal our nervous system through our
foods as well.
So if we can have a balanceddiet, which is so hard, cause we
all grew up with this weird foodpyramid, and I don't even know
if that's correct anymore.
I think that's anymore.
Randi (25:17):
I don't like to listen to what they say because.
Everything's driven by somethingelse.
But I
Jess (25:22):
do know we need foods that are rich in omega 3s, Our fatty
acids.
Fish oils.
I take fish oils every daybecause I don't eat a lot of
fish.
We need our antioxidants.
We need our B vitamins.
We need vitamin D.
We don't get enough sun.
Sorry, I'm laughing.
She's huh, vitamin D.
(25:43):
Vitamin D.
I
Randi (25:45):
like how we both said that at the same time.
We also have the mind of a 12year old boy,
Jess (25:51):
or
Randi (25:51):
a girl,
Jess (25:51):
but hey.
Randi (25:52):
Same, same.
Jess (25:53):
But yeah, those vitamins can really support the nerve
function and reduceinflammation.
In fact, I've also just starteddoing turmeric.
Turmeric.
I found it to be good forinflammation.
Turmeric and honey.
I've been putting, cause I likea lot of teas this time of year.
So amazing.
Yes.
I've been doing like a, a honey,like a honey butter mix, like
turmeric, honey, and somepepper.
(26:13):
And I've been putting that in myteas.
And I've been doing that becausewe all got sick for that three
long week sickness thing.
But that helps healing us.
And so you can either.
Do your research.
You can talk to your functionaldoctor.
You can, try what works for you.
What makes you feel better?
There's nothing wrong with goingand getting a vitamin B shot.
If you've been run down for awhile.
(26:34):
I love doing that after beingsick because I'm like, I need
the energy back.
Randi (26:39):
I've been taking this too, which is D H E A, which is
for mood and stress.
There's just so many things thatwe just don't get in our food
and our, in our environmentanymore.
And to I'm, I'm in my, Early40s.
I'm not going to say mid 40syet.
I'm not there.
(26:59):
Okay.
I'm going to keep quiet, but andfor me too, like my hormones are
all out of balanced.
And so I had to add in, hormonereplacement, for me and other
supplements to, to help withthat.
So also looking into thosethings, because that was making
me, it.
all off balance too.
And so adding in all thosethings together helped create,
(27:20):
this whole puzzle of thesemissing pieces.
Jess (27:23):
And I know when I start eating
Randi (27:25):
crappy,
Jess (27:25):
how I
Randi (27:25):
feel.
Oh yeah.
And sugar is I'm a, I lovesugar.
I have a horrible sweet tooth,but yeah, it makes me feel like
crap and it makes my body likesuper inflamed.
Yes.
And I've
Jess (27:35):
had to go back to more protein because I was like, Oh,
I need to start Going back tomore of a protein solid because
I was just doing again my cheesesticks But oh, yeah, but I
needed to focus on the nutritionon
Randi (27:47):
just cheese, even though we wish we could I know cheese
and
Jess (27:49):
beef Jerky, what's wrong with that?
Okay.
So Rani can physical activityhelp in the healing of the
nervous system.
Randi (27:55):
Yes, especially gentle relaxing physical activity can
help benefit your whole body andsystem like We talked about kind
of yoga or tai chi or somaticbreathing.
We even hosted an event lastyear where we partnered with a,
somatic breathing coach and itwas just laying there and
(28:15):
learning how to breathe deeply.
And it's amazing what you canlet go of when you just spend an
hour breathing and even justwalking.
These things can help reduce.
Your stress and your hormones,even just petting your dog.
Like they say, it releases likeendorphins to help you relax.
And this improves your overall,your mood, your balance, your
(28:38):
wellbeing, your outlook on life.
So just let's dive a little bitdeeper.
What are some relaxationtechniques?
that we can pair for our nervoussystem healing
Jess (28:49):
guided imagery.
I have a hard time justmeditating because my brain goes
somewhere else.
So when I do guided imagery it'ssomebody is walking you through
it and I can go there with them.
And for me, that's reallyimportant.
Progressive muscle relaxation,which is part of mindfulness.
That's a really good one.
I do that
Randi (29:09):
all the time because I have a very hard time relaxing
my body.
So I have to do a progressivelike head to toe muscle
relaxation to get myself intothat centered state.
We should actually record someof these and do that.
Jess (29:25):
Some deep breathing exercises are really good.
Mindfulness we were just talkingabout is part of that guided
imagery.
There's such powerful tools fordoing this, the calming of your
nervous system.
There is some yoga out therethat you can do online through
YouTube that, they don't,there's lots of videos.
It doesn't have to be an hourlong sweatshop.
(29:46):
It can be 10 minutes.
It's five minutes.
It could be just one pose thathelps you in between your
meetings.
Sometimes I'll just do a coupleof stretches in between meetings
or sessions
Randi (29:56):
just to release whatever is going on.
That's what I do too.
I just got a Thera hook, whichis like a thing that my massage
therapist told me about that youcan like just hook over your
shoulder and gets the pressurepoints because I carry all off
to show it to you.
And it's just That's oh, like itjust helps me like release that
because I just will hunch overand I'll sit at the computer too
much working,
Jess (30:16):
I think we all do that one.
You sit at the computer way toomuch working.
Okay, how does sleep affect thenervous system healing?
Randi (30:23):
Well, sleep and your sleep environment, like your
room, your space, having itdark, waking up to sunlight are
all so fundamental for yournervous system and healing it.
Sleep allows your brain to restand recharge.
It allows you to process youremotions better.
process stress better, and helpsyou repair like that damage to
(30:47):
your body.
So when you're ensuring thatyou're getting adequate and
quality sleep, it helps supportyour overall health.
Jess (30:56):
I'm laughing because I'm like adequate and proper sleep.
Is that four hours, six hours,eight hours?
I don't know.
Four
Randi (31:01):
hours.
So if I can get four hours, I'mlike, woohoo.
But I'm a six hour.
I'm usually six.
I'd love 10 hours.
That's used to be like my thing,but that's not going to happen.
Jess, can talking therapy aidand healing the nervous system?
Jess (31:15):
Yes, absolutely.
Obviously, I'm apsychotherapist.
I say yes, it does.
It's very effective in helpingyour nervous system because it
goes through and it providesthat safe space that you need to
process your emotions.
It also gives you somebody youcan help, point out what your
triggers are or to help youidentify rather what your
triggers are.
(31:35):
Being able to talk to it ouroldest was in the kitchen a
couple weeks ago and I wascooking dinner and he came in
and he goes, all right, I got aquestion.
This really bothered me.
And I said, okay.
And I just said, which do youwant?
Do you want mom mode ortherapist mode?
And he straight up said, I wanttherapist mode.
I said, all right, cool.
Let's do it.
Engaging.
Engage.
Cause I needed to know whatbrain he needed.
And we, and within half an hourwe worked through and I was
(31:57):
like, that's it.
That's your trigger right there.
And he was like, Yep, that's it.
I said, okay, cool 150 bucks.
Let's go And he startedlaughing, but he just needed to
know why it was really botheringhim and he had to process it out
I could have done it as mommode, but it would have taken
longer.
So I was like, no, no, i'mcooking dinner We got about half
an hour.
What are we doing?
Yeah, we're gonna break thisdown into easy steps.
Exactly and so talking tosomebody can help you figure out
(32:20):
what that issue is or what'sbugging you or what you
Randi (32:24):
need to, work on.
Yeah, vocalizing things can beso powerful.
And that we can have thisconstant back and forth in our
head.
But sometimes till we say it outloud or write it down.
We can't always see like thefull picture.
Jess (32:39):
No, you have no idea sometimes until somebody else is
walking you through thisprocess.
So How long does it actuallytake, though, for the nervous
system to heal, Randi?
Is it like a one and done
Randi (32:49):
thing?
No, healing timeline varies foreverybody.
It's your own journey.
It depends on things like theextent of your trauma, your
lifestyle healing practices thatyou're doing and undertaking and
trying.
It's a gradual, slow processthat requires patience.
(33:09):
It's self compassion,persistence, time and empathy
for yourself and others aroundyou.
Jess (33:17):
And also realizing that.
As you uncover more you're goingto need to do more.
It isn't just a
Randi (33:24):
it's not like you said a one and done It's a it's it's a
cycle.
You're going to start you'regoing to stop you're going to
start you're going to stopYou're going to go backwards.
You're going to go forward.
You're going to take 10 stepsforward You're going to take 20
steps back.
You're going to take two stepsforward You're going to take
another 10 steps back You haveto go with this give and take of
it and have that gentleness ofwith yourself that, okay, this
(33:45):
is not gonna be done, I'm notgonna be done with this in 40
days, in 20 days, in 10 days, intwo days.
It could be, but it could be,four years, it could be 10
years, it could be, a year, itcould be six months.
I think learning and healing isforever, to be honest with you.
I agree, because there's alwaysnew hurts, there's always new
obstacles, there's alwayschanges and
Jess (34:03):
Well, because the more I learn about myself, the more I
accept about myself, or the moreI accept about things around me,
the more I want to change, themore I want to do, and so I just
feel like it happens, and it'sjust, it isn't You know, I don't
want to be like all doom andgloom, but I feel like that it's
a process and I
Randi (34:19):
don't think it's a bad thing.
I think it's, I think it's noteven healing more so than just
growing into who you are as aperson.
Just like owning who you are andbeing comfortable in who you are
and understanding yourself on adeeper level.
Jess (34:33):
So I wish I could Go back and tell my 20 year old self all
of this right now, really,truly, I wish we listen
Randi (34:40):
now, but oh, hell no.
Jess (34:42):
But I wish in the back of
Randi (34:43):
our
Jess (34:43):
brain, right?
I wish I'm like, gosh, I wish Ihad this when I was 20.
And so many younger generationshave it now, because there's so
much more, we talk about it moreaware, and there's self more
self aware because of thingslike Tick Tock.
So just know that the healing ofyour nervous system isn't just
about reducing your stress.
It is about reclaiming yoursense of safety and your peace
(35:04):
and your joy.
It is really learning how to,that saying, keep your peace.
Randi (35:09):
Yeah, and it's a lifelong process that we were talking
about.
And so we hope that today'sepisode has resonated with you.
And if it has, please share itwith someone who might need it
with a friend, a colleague, asister.
Yeah.
Your mom.
Your mom probably especiallyneeds it.
But thank you for tuning in tolisten to us at the Women's
(35:33):
Mental Health Podcast.
Please know you are not alone onthis journey.
We are here to create thisplatform to support you every
step of the way.
Take care of yourselves.
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