February 19, 2025 • 22 mins
In this episode of Women’s Mental Health Podcast, we explore how emotional setbacks impact confidence, self-worth, and healing for women. Join Randi Owsley, LMSW, and Jessica Bullwinkle, LMFT, two licensed psychotherapists with 23 years of expertise in women’s mental health, as they dive into the steps to rebuild confidence after trauma, heal after emotional pain, and develop resilience—whether from heartbreak, postpartum struggles, ADHD, work struggles or anxiety. If you're feeling lost, alone, or stuck in self-doubt, this episode will provide the coping tools and empowerment strategies you need to reclaim your power. Tune in for expert insights and real-life strategies designed just for you.
Struggling with emotional setbacks can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to face them alone. Whether you're navigating anxiety and self-worth healing for women, working through the challenges of ADHD and emotional resilience, or seeking support from a relationship trauma healing podcast, the right tools can help you move forward. Discover therapy-based coping skills for emotional setbacks to rebuild confidence, heal from past wounds, and regain a sense of self. From building self-esteem after toxic relationships to embracing women’s empowerment through self-care, find the resources and strategies you need to reclaim your strength and thrive.
In upcoming episodes, we’ll dive deeper into the challenges and triumphs of emotional healing. We’ll explore anxiety and self-worth healing for women, practical strategies for ADHD and emotional resilience, and expert insights from our relationship trauma healing podcast to help you break free from past wounds. Stay tuned for inspiring conversations and actionable advice tailored just for you!
FAQs
What does it mean to ‘reclaim your power’ after an emotional setback?
Is it normal to feel powerless after an emotional setback?
What are the first steps to take when trying to reclaim power?
How can I stop blaming myself for setbacks that are out of my control?
Can journaling help me reclaim my emotional power?
What role do support networks play in reclaiming emotional power?
How do I balance accepting help with maintaining my independence?
What if I feel like I'm not making progress fast enough?
How can setting boundaries assist in regaining emotional power?
How can I use mindfulness to help overcome emotional setbacks?
#WomensMentalHealth #HealingJourney #EmotionalResilience #SelfLoveAfterTrauma #ReclaimYourPower #WomensMentalHealth #EmotionalHealing #OvercomingSetbacks #SelfWorthHealing #TraumaRecoveryJourney #ReclaimYourPower #AnxietySupportForWomen #ADHDAndEmotionalResilience #HealingAfterToxicRelationships #TherapyToolsForHealing #MentalHealthAwareness #MentalHealthMatters #SelfCare #Anxiety #Depression #Mindfulness #SelfLove #Therapy #Healing #EndTheStigma
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The Women’s Mental Health Podcast, hosted by licensed therapists Randi Owsley MSW and Jessica Bullwinkle LMFT, PMH-C, offers educational and entertaining mental health content. This is not therapy or a substitute for professional care. No therapeutic relationship is formed by listening or engaging. Some links may be affiliate links, which may earn us a small commission at no extra cost to you.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Randi (00:00):
Welcome back to the women's mental health podcast.
(00:02):
I'm randy.
I'm And I'm Jess.
And we are two licensedpsychotherapists, and this is a
safe space where we talk aboutmental health, well being, and
strategies for coping withlife's challenges.
And how all of this is normal,and you are not alone.
Today we're talking aboutsomething that every single one
of us has faced at some point inour life, emotional setback, and
more importantly, how to reclaimyour power after you have them.
Jess (00:26):
This is such an important topic right now because,
setbacks are inevitable.
I'm, you know, I'm telling mykids this, it's going to happen.
We're all going to havesetbacks.
How we respond to them is goingto shape our mental health and
overall wellbeing.
And Randy, not to call you out,you've had a huge setback lately
and how you respond to it andhow you address it.
This timing is perfect.
(00:46):
I don't know why I didn't thinkof it earlier.
I was
Randi (00:47):
like, oh, this is for me.
Jess (00:49):
And I didn't even think of it.
Even not like intentionally.
Randi (00:51):
Not intentionally, but yeah.
But
Jess (00:52):
yeah.
Randi (00:52):
Find us and more at womensmentalhealthpodcast.
com.
Jess (00:57):
Let's do our Have You Ever Had These Thoughts.
Randi (00:59):
What does it mean to reclaim your power after an
emotional setback?
Jess (01:03):
Is it normal to feel powerless after an emotional
setback?
Randi (01:07):
What are the first steps to take when trying to reclaim
your power?
Jess (01:11):
How can I stop blaming myself for setbacks that are out
of my control?
Randi (01:15):
Can journaling help me reclaim my power?
Jess (01:18):
What role do support networks play in reclaiming my
emotional power?
Randi (01:22):
How do I balance accepting health with
maintaining my independence?
This is hard, and that's reallyhard for me too, because I don't
like asking for help.
She doesn't.
No.
No,
Jess (01:31):
she doesn't.
What if I feel like I'm notmaking progress fast enough?
That's a huge one.
People are like, I need it now.
Randi (01:38):
How can setting boundaries assist in regaining
your emotional power back?
Jess (01:42):
How can I use mindfulness to overcome emotional setbacks?
Randi (01:46):
So let's define what are emotional setbacks.
Jess (01:50):
Let's start with the basics.
Emotional setbacks happen whensomething disrupts your mental
or emotional well being.
This could be a breakup, losinga job, a fight with a loved one,
even moments where you aredoubting yourself.
It can be anything.
Randi (02:06):
These are moments where you feel knocked off course,
like you've lost your footingand you don't know how to move
forward.
Jess (02:14):
Oh my god, Randy, I'm so sorry.
I feel like I'm calling you outtoday.
This is so one of us is gonnacry by the end.
Yeah,
Randi (02:19):
totally.
I was like, Don't make me cry.
It's probably gonna be you.
Well, and these setbacks, theycan feel incredibly heavy.
Thank you.
It will be you.
You will cry.
It's you.
Just it's going to be you.
Okay, it's going to be allright.
Emotional setbacks are a normalpart of life.
They don't mean you're failing.
They mean you're human.
And I need to.
Tell that to myself because I,like you're human.
(02:43):
This shit
Jess (02:43):
happens.
Exactly.
And sometimes they are out ofyour control.
let's talk about why it's calledreclaiming your power because
these two go hand in hand.
Randi (02:53):
when you experience a setback, it feels like the
situation or someone else.
has control over your emotions,your energy, or even your life
path.
when you work on reclaiming yourpower, you're recognizing that
while you may not have controlover what happened, you do have
control over how you respond.
It's about stepping back intothe seat, the driver's seat.
(03:15):
of your life.
No longer being a passengerprincess.
Jess (03:19):
I don't know.
I've been watching a lot ofvideos about passenger
princesses.
And I was like, Oh my gosh,there's some lady like
seriously, went all out.
This is what I've been like,tick tocking.
Sorry.
Okay.
Also I want to say it's notabout pretending that the
setback didn't happen.
It's not toxic positivity.
It isn't gaslighting.
It's really about acknowledgingit and processing it and then
deciding that it doesn't get todefine your future.
Randi (03:42):
Yeah, and just making that initial acknowledgment is
the first step that you'retaking in reclaiming your power
back after a setback.
So how does this affect womenand their mental health?
Jess (03:55):
emotional setbacks, they are so hard, because as women,
we carry so much emotionallabor, not just for ourselves,
but for those around us.
We take on so much.
Honestly, as women, we have totry so much harder, I feel, to
get things done or to stay ontask, that's being ADHD, but
also we have to work hardersometimes than men to prove
(04:17):
where we are.
Randi (04:18):
To get ahead, to climb the ladder.
Definitely.
when these setbacks happen,because we carry that emotional
labor, it feels like we're notjust dealing with our own
emotions, but everybody else'slike when I had a huge setback
with my company, it wasn't justall my feelings.
I was feeling I was feeling thedespair of having to let go of
(04:39):
employees and contractors that,required that income so then I
took on that emotional labor.
I was told of that.
And a friend was telling me theother day Randy they don't blame
you.
And I said, I know that.
But I'm blaming myself which Ididn't have any control over the
setback that happened.
But I was like I was stillblaming myself.
(05:00):
And like when I said that, I waslike, I try to keep, I have so
many, irons in the fire and itwas creating burnout with that.
Oh God,
Jess (05:08):
irons in the fire! I was trying to say that the other day
and I was like Irons in thefire.
It was oars in the fire.
I kept saying oars in the fire.
What?
And I'm like, no, no, oars arein a river or a lake, but it was
irons in the fire.
Thank you,
Randi (05:20):
Randy, because that just popped in my head.
But if we don't talk about thesefeelings.
It creates anxiety, it createsdepression, it creates a sense
of being stuck, and that's whereI'm at right now.
Yeah.
You are, and I can see it.
I'm stuck,
Jess (05:32):
it snowballs into everything else, and it does.
It feels stuck, and honestly,Randi, you do.
You feel stuck right now, and Iknow you're trying, and you're
moving forward, and you'retrying to process everything
that's happened.
But it's been huge.
Randi (05:46):
So yeah, so let's move into the steps because I
definitely need these.
I hope our listeners need themtoo.
It's just kismet that we'retalking about that.
Jess (05:55):
I know that's so bizarre.
So bizarre.
Okay.
So first I want you toacknowledge the setback.
And I think you've done that,
Randi (06:00):
Don't downplay it.
Don't Sweep it under the rug.
Give yourself permission to feelthe emotions, anger, sadness,
disappointment, anxiety, worry,whatever comes up for you.
Jess (06:11):
remember that these are valid feelings just because
somebody else may not see thesituation as a big deal.
It doesn't mean it's notsignificant for you.
And here's the thing also is Iwant to give yourself the time
to feel these things.
If Randy is still like this insix months, I'm going to have
issues with her, right?
I know she's, where she's atright now because this is part
(06:33):
of the process.
it takes a while for you toprocess all of this.
Yeah.
Randi (06:38):
another step to do is reframe the narrative.
I've done some reframingnarratives for my self work, but
I haven't dived back into it,and I need to like address it
again.
What does it
Jess (06:49):
mean, reframing the narrative?
Most people don't understandwhat that even means.
Randi (06:53):
You are retelling or reframing the story that you're
telling yourself.
Instead of seeing the setback asa failure, view it as a lesson
learned or, a,
Jess (07:04):
a redirection, maybe a
Randi (07:05):
redirection.
Like I try to look at it as, orwhat I'm trying to reframe it as
right now is one door closingand another one opening.
And maybe I don't see that otherdoor open yet, but I will
eventually walk through the doorthat I meant to.
And that there's a reason thatthis door has closed and I've
had this setback.
Jess (07:25):
Okay, so I'm going to reframe that for a second.
I liked everything up until thereason there was a setback.
The reason the setback happenedwas because somebody was an
asshole.
So that is, there's no reasonfor it.
And so that's what we have ahard time with.
That's a hard
Randi (07:38):
time because there was no rhyme, rhyme or reason why I was
targeted for what happened.
Exactly.
Context was that all of my largesocial media.
Platforms were hacked and sold.
So so basically stolen, Sostolen and so I had no control
over that and yes, I had doneeverything to protect myself Yes
(07:58):
from it and it still happened.
So that's what's hard to graspin a lot of these situations
when you have had no hand Andwhat has happened and it really
is out of your control because Ilike to control everything
Jess (08:10):
It's not your fault, it's not, whoever the setback happens
to, it's not your fault.
only thing you can do is controlwhere it goes through.
So going back to your analogy,that door is closed.
Yes, you have learned a lot inthat door that might help you
through your next door.
But that isn't why it happened.
So that's the only reason I wantto fix that.
We're doing therapy right now,guys.
So just hang on.
(08:31):
Hang on.
Hold on.
Pause.
Okay.
Okay.
The other thing is I want you toset your boundaries for yourself
and others.
Randi (08:38):
You know us in boundaries, man.
Boundaries are key.
Sometimes emotional setbackscome from giving too much of
yourself or people or giving toomuch to people or giving too
much to a situation and theydon't reciprocate it and you're
burnt out.
reclaiming your power might looklike saying no more often,
stepping back from a toxic,relationship or friendship, or
(09:01):
even setting boundaries withyourself and your own inner
critic and negative self talk.
Jess (09:07):
And you really should do that anyway, because that stuff,
she's awful.
She should just set a boundarythat she can't hang out.
Negative self critic.
Yeah, bitch bye.
Exactly, bitch bye.
also practice compassion.
What does that look like?
Randy?
I
Randi (09:23):
dunno right now.
Alright guys, nevermind.
No, but this, no, really, thisis huge and I feel as women, we
are constantly struggling withbeing compassionate towards
ourselves and having empathytowards ourselves because we are
our worst critics.
Mm-hmm And you have to tellyourself to treat.
yourself the way you would afriend.
Jess (09:44):
If you're gonna say something nasty to yourself, I
want you to say it out loud andwould you say that to your
child?
Would you say that to your bestfriend?
Right.
Is that something if you'relike, oh, just get over it.
Randi (09:55):
Or like you're so dumb, like how could you let this
happen?
Like you would never say thatout loud to somebody.
And if Rani
Jess (10:01):
said that to me, I would probably cry and I'm not a
crier.
I would probably be like, Oh myGod, I cannot believe you just
said that.
Yeah,
Randi (10:08):
but if you think or write out the, or say out loud or
write down the things that yousay to yourself, sometimes
you're like, what the F?
Like, why am I talking to myselfthis way?
That's horrible.
Jess (10:19):
Okay.
So here it is.
I like what you just said.
I want you to write out thatnegative thought right that
inner critic.
I want you to write it out Iwant you to look at it.
I want you to cross it out And Iwant you to literally rewrite
Kindness and compassion in thatstatement.
That's a
Randi (10:35):
really good idea.
I'm gonna do that.
You guys do that today Yeah,
Jess (10:38):
every time you have a negative thought god, why did
you do that cross it out andrewrite it with kindness to
yourself It wasn't something Idid.
I didn't choose this.
Randi (10:49):
Yeah, and that's a great way to remind yourself that
setbacks are a part of life andyou're doing the best that you
can.
Another thing that we can leadinto is taking action, and every
small step counts.
Jess (11:02):
Yes, every step counts.
So once you are processing youremotions, you start taking
steps, no matter how small.
small, you move forward.
It could be again, simple asjournaling, going for a walk,
reaching out for a friend,rewriting that negative critic.
It doesn't have to be perfect.
It just has to be forward.
(11:23):
it doesn't mean you need tofigure out what your next life
plan is either, Randi.
Randi (11:27):
Oh, fine.
I just called her out.
It doesn't have to be the nextbig thing.
I always feel like it needs tobe bigger and better and more
than what I did previously.
Watch this.
And that's my, that's my own,issue with myself.
So let's answer some of the haveyou ever questions.
So Jess, what does it mean toreclaim your power after an
emotional setback?
Jess (11:48):
It means regaining the confidence and strength you may
have felt you lost after thatdifficult experience.
It's about taking control ofyour life and your narrative and
moving forward.
forward with a purpose and selfassurance.
And that's big.
You may not know exactly wherethat door is, you're heading
toward that damn door.
Randi (12:07):
Yeah.
Having faith in yourself and,feeling secure in yourself.
Jess (12:11):
Yeah.
Okay.
So Randy, is it normal to feelpowerless after an emotional
setback?
Randi (12:16):
Absolutely.
It's a.
Total normal response to haveemotions can sometimes just
floor us.
But remember that it istemporary.
You're not alone.
And it's okay to ask for supportas you find your footing again.
Jess (12:30):
Did you hear that?
Randi (12:31):
I
Jess (12:31):
did.
I'm about to make that aringtone for you.
Fine,
Randi (12:36):
So Jess, what are some steps to take when you're trying
to reclaim your power?
Jess (12:41):
I want you to start with acknowledging what you're going
through, understand that youremotions are pivotal, and what
that means is that your emotionsaren't going to go, I'm going to
do this, this, this, and this,they bounce around, you might
think you're okay, it's it'sgrief, basically,
Randi (12:58):
it's like anything, like any type of cycle that you're
going through, you got to go upand down, and you'll take,
sometimes I feel like I take 10steps forward, and then I take
20 steps back and then take fivesteps forward, and then I take
three steps back and like a pingpong and it can be frustrating,
but it is part of the process.
Jess (13:14):
It is.
And you're still moving forwardevery time.
So just small, manageable stepstowards your self care.
I don't care if that's speakingto loved ones, if it's going to
be practicing your mindfulnessor really just setting some
simple daily goals for yourselfto get you back in the rhythm of
what you were doing.
Randy, how can I stop blamingmyself for setbacks that are out
(13:36):
of my control?
God, these all seem I'm sosorry.
I'm like, you just I'm justnailing it.
Yeah.
Yeah, the
Randi (13:41):
bullseye is right here.
So again, Randy, I'm tellingthis to myself, self compassion
is key.
Remind yourself that we areoften our own harshest critics
and recognizing that things arebeyond our control and focusing
on what is We can influence andwhat our response are going to
be to our next steps that wetake.
Jess (14:02):
That's pretty powerful.
Randi (14:02):
No, that
Jess (14:04):
was really,
Randi (14:05):
really bad.
That's what and it's really goodfor me to say these things out
loud and hear the advice that Iwould give other people.
Because I need to take my ownadvice.
Jess (14:15):
We never do, though.
I swear we're the worst.
It's like nurses are the worstpatients too.
Yeah,
Randi (14:20):
exactly.
So Jess, do you think journalingcan help me reclaim my emotional
power?
Jess (14:25):
Yes.
Journaling is such a powerfultool that'll help you process
your emotions.
It's a way that you can reflectupon your experiences and start
to recognize the patterns.
And there's something about theprocess from handwriting the
journal.
Not.
The typing, not the, app.
There is something abouthandwriting the journal that
(14:47):
helps you process better.
Randi (14:49):
Yeah, and I agree with this.
Like I'm not a huge journaler,I'm a huge person who buys
journals and then never fills'em, or planners.
But I have found, I startedhabit tracking, but like writing
it out and like doodling andkind of junk journaling and for
me.
That was a good way to workthrough, because I felt like I
could check off things that Ihad power over, even if they
(15:12):
were small things or trackingthings I was doing over the
holidays or for work and thatwas a step in me, starting to
reclaim my emotional power, andI also found a lot of joy and
kind of doodling because I likeart and crafts, and so, there's
ways that you can just takethose small steps and find a
little bit of joy.
Kind of like when we weretalking about micro dosing hope,
(15:33):
you can listen to our otherepisode about it.
Just the small things that cantake a step in the right
direction.
Jess (15:38):
And you mentioned junk journaling.
We talked about that.
Yeah, we have an episode on thattoo.
Yeah, a couple months back.
Yeah,
Randi (15:43):
some articles on the website.
Jess (15:45):
What role do support networks play in reclaiming this
emotional power after a setback?
Randi (15:50):
So support networks or, groups can provide
understanding, perspective, andencouragement.
They remind you that you're notshouldering this burden alone,
that other people have gonethrough this.
So it's Really a great way tolean on friends family or
support groups when you're readyto take that step
Jess (16:09):
Oh, I like how you said when you're ready to take that
step.
Yeah, you've told me this solong ago that we get in our own
way And not let people help us.
Yes, and so just make sure thatif people are trying to and this
isn't for Randy This is fory'all just make sure people are
trying to help you that you arenot saying I'm fine or I'm okay,
because you're not fine.
You're not okay.
And that's why your supportnetwork is reaching out be
(16:31):
honest
Randi (16:32):
with yourself first.
So you can be honest with otherpeople.
So just how do you balanceaccepting help?
with maintaining your hyperindependence.
Jess (16:43):
Oh, it's so hyper.
Yeah.
I'm gonna tell you, the otherday, I was dropping off a bunch
of boxes at the UPS store.
I was shipping back stuff.
I was determined and so stubbornto pick up this one box.
And this dude was like, can Ihelp you?
I was like, no, no, I got it.
No.
I clearly didn't have it.
He's I can help you.
I'm like, no, no, I got it.
I got it.
He's lady.
He asked me again.
(17:04):
And I finally, I got it.
I was like, no, no, I got it.
I said, I'm sorry.
I said, my hyper independencetotally just gets in the way of
myself sometimes.
And he laughed at me and keptwalking.
But I was like, I should havejust said, sure, help me pick up
my box.
Randi (17:16):
Because sometimes accepting health can give you
strength that you don't evenknow that you needed.
Or it can open up a door thatyou might not be looking at.
I don't know.
Jess (17:25):
Yeah, it is.
Well, it's part of building.
It's a tool set.
I can't even talk.
My god.
I thought your brain was backonline, but it's not.
Randi (17:32):
It went off.
Jess (17:33):
It went off.
It's part of, a tool that youcan put in your toolbox.
It is building your, power, your
Randi (17:39):
resilience.
Yeah, it's a building block tohelping you be more resilient.
Yeah.
Jess (17:45):
Okay.
What if I feel like I'm notmaking progress fast enough?
Because that is what I hear allthe time from everybody.
And that's really hard
Randi (17:50):
for me because I like to move at warp speed.
Mm hmm.
And so I've given myself to kindof time to slow down and.
It's important to understandthat healing isn't linear.
We've said this over and overagain, but it's still, it's so
simple, but it's hard to grasp.
It takes time and there's nopace.
There's no race that you'rerunning.
(18:11):
You're telling yourself thatthere's a race that you're
running, but there's not.
You need to celebrate the smallsteps that you've taken, the
small wins.
And, write them down if you needto, so you have proof of your
progress.
And if you're feeling stuck,reach out to a therapist or a
counselor.
Jess (18:27):
Or listen to a good podcast.
Yeah, we
Randi (18:28):
know of a couple.
So, Jess, how can settingboundaries assist in regaining
your emotional power?
Ooh,
Jess (18:38):
you set a good boundary with me in the very beginning of
this, I gotta say.
Boundaries are going to helpprotect your energy and your
emotional well being, They aregoing to empower you to say no
to things and things that drainyou will no longer be present
draining you.
You can say yes to things thatfulfill you.
So it's okay that you prioritizeyour needs.
(18:59):
when this setback happened,Randy said, I can't hear this
anymore.
This is too much.
I can't do this.
Oh, yeah.
And you know what?
It was great because I thought,Okay, I know exactly where you
are.
I can respect that.
Yeah, a lot of people
Randi (19:12):
kept sending me screenshots or things about it.
And it was Getting emotionallyoverwhelming, and there was
nothing that I could do aboutit.
So it was like so frustratingbecause I had zero control over
what was happening.
And so I was like, I just can'thear it or see it anymore.
And it was a great about that.
(19:32):
Yeah, that was a
Jess (19:33):
great boundary.
I thought, okay, this is whereshe's at.
She's not okay, but she's nolonger in the I'm going to
research it.
Right.
She's now in the I'm going to.
Process grief mode I was sorrythat you were there, but I love
that you set that boundary Howcan I use mindfulness to help
overcome emotional setbacks?
Randi (19:50):
Mindfulness helps anchor you in the present and helps you
observe your feelings withoutjudgment.
Kind of like it's a way ofhealthy dissociation in a way.
It provides a quiet space in thestorm and chaos of your
emotions.
It gives you a moment to justpause and have some clarity and
(20:10):
really helping yourself get intune with yourself and create a
sense of peace that you needwhen your mind can be whirling
Jess (20:19):
A lot has been said to about prayers.
I'm not religious, but there issomething about prayers that
it's also It's like a form ofmeditation.
You're giving it up to theuniverse, to God, to a tree, I
don't care.
But you're putting it out therethat you are not in control.
And there is something very muchabout that.
If you, pray.
(20:40):
Just laying it out there.
And just, there it goes.
Randi (20:43):
Honest conversation and I'm
Jess (20:45):
sitting here making the gesture of taking it off my
chest.
Yeah, just like her heart Yeah,like
Randi (20:49):
unburdening like yourself and all that you're feeling
emotional setbacks are very hardthat but they don't have to
define you And i'm working onthat, you know right now that It
doesn't define like who I am,and it doesn't negate other
success I've had.
And reclaiming your power isabout choosing to move forward.
(21:10):
You're choosing to move forwardwith resilience, with grace, and
with self compassion towardsyourself.
Jess (21:16):
Yeah, because you are stronger than your setback or
any setback that is going tohappen.
every time you choose to keepgoing, you are proving that to
yourself
Randi (21:25):
and to everybody else.
Yes, and that you are resilient.
It's like a phoenix, like risingfrom the ashes.
It doesn't mean that you have toignore the way you're feeling
about it, you don't have to risefrom the ashes tomorrow, and you
can rise and then sink back downand rise again.
Exactly.
Jess (21:39):
However you need to do it.
Randi (21:41):
So we appreciate you guys joining us today on the Women's
Mental Health Podcast.
If this episode resonated withyou, please share it with a
friend or family member whomight need a little
encouragement.
Jess (21:52):
Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review and connect with
us on social media.
Until next time take care ofyourselves and keep reclaiming
your power and Randy.
Thank you for letting me callyou out.
You're
Randi (22:03):
welcome Thank you guys for listening
Welcome back to the women's mental health podcast.
(00:02):
I'm randy.
I'm And I'm Jess.
And we are two licensedpsychotherapists, and this is a
safe space where we talk aboutmental health, well being, and
strategies for coping withlife's challenges.
And how all of this is normal,and you are not alone.
Today we're talking aboutsomething that every single one
of us has faced at some point inour life, emotional setback, and
more importantly, how to reclaimyour power after you have them.
Jess (00:26):
This is such an important topic right now because,
setbacks are inevitable.
I'm, you know, I'm telling mykids this, it's going to happen.
We're all going to havesetbacks.
How we respond to them is goingto shape our mental health and
overall wellbeing.
And Randy, not to call you out,you've had a huge setback lately
and how you respond to it andhow you address it.
This timing is perfect.
(00:46):
I don't know why I didn't thinkof it earlier.
I was
Randi (00:47):
like, oh, this is for me.
Jess (00:49):
And I didn't even think of it.
Even not like intentionally.
Randi (00:51):
Not intentionally, but yeah.
But
Jess (00:52):
yeah.
Randi (00:52):
Find us and more at womensmentalhealthpodcast.
com.
Jess (00:57):
Let's do our Have You Ever Had These Thoughts.
Randi (00:59):
What does it mean to reclaim your power after an
emotional setback?
Jess (01:03):
Is it normal to feel powerless after an emotional
setback?
Randi (01:07):
What are the first steps to take when trying to reclaim
your power?
Jess (01:11):
How can I stop blaming myself for setbacks that are out
of my control?
Randi (01:15):
Can journaling help me reclaim my power?
Jess (01:18):
What role do support networks play in reclaiming my
emotional power?
Randi (01:22):
How do I balance accepting health with
maintaining my independence?
This is hard, and that's reallyhard for me too, because I don't
like asking for help.
She doesn't.
No.
No,
Jess (01:31):
she doesn't.
What if I feel like I'm notmaking progress fast enough?
That's a huge one.
People are like, I need it now.
Randi (01:38):
How can setting boundaries assist in regaining
your emotional power back?
Jess (01:42):
How can I use mindfulness to overcome emotional setbacks?
Randi (01:46):
So let's define what are emotional setbacks.
Jess (01:50):
Let's start with the basics.
Emotional setbacks happen whensomething disrupts your mental
or emotional well being.
This could be a breakup, losinga job, a fight with a loved one,
even moments where you aredoubting yourself.
It can be anything.
Randi (02:06):
These are moments where you feel knocked off course,
like you've lost your footingand you don't know how to move
forward.
Jess (02:14):
Oh my god, Randy, I'm so sorry.
I feel like I'm calling you outtoday.
This is so one of us is gonnacry by the end.
Yeah,
Randi (02:19):
totally.
I was like, Don't make me cry.
It's probably gonna be you.
Well, and these setbacks, theycan feel incredibly heavy.
Thank you.
It will be you.
You will cry.
It's you.
Just it's going to be you.
Okay, it's going to be allright.
Emotional setbacks are a normalpart of life.
They don't mean you're failing.
They mean you're human.
And I need to.
Tell that to myself because I,like you're human.
(02:43):
This shit
Jess (02:43):
happens.
Exactly.
And sometimes they are out ofyour control.
let's talk about why it's calledreclaiming your power because
these two go hand in hand.
Randi (02:53):
when you experience a setback, it feels like the
situation or someone else.
has control over your emotions,your energy, or even your life
path.
when you work on reclaiming yourpower, you're recognizing that
while you may not have controlover what happened, you do have
control over how you respond.
It's about stepping back intothe seat, the driver's seat.
(03:15):
of your life.
No longer being a passengerprincess.
Jess (03:19):
I don't know.
I've been watching a lot ofvideos about passenger
princesses.
And I was like, Oh my gosh,there's some lady like
seriously, went all out.
This is what I've been like,tick tocking.
Sorry.
Okay.
Also I want to say it's notabout pretending that the
setback didn't happen.
It's not toxic positivity.
It isn't gaslighting.
It's really about acknowledgingit and processing it and then
deciding that it doesn't get todefine your future.
Randi (03:42):
Yeah, and just making that initial acknowledgment is
the first step that you'retaking in reclaiming your power
back after a setback.
So how does this affect womenand their mental health?
Jess (03:55):
emotional setbacks, they are so hard, because as women,
we carry so much emotionallabor, not just for ourselves,
but for those around us.
We take on so much.
Honestly, as women, we have totry so much harder, I feel, to
get things done or to stay ontask, that's being ADHD, but
also we have to work hardersometimes than men to prove
(04:17):
where we are.
Randi (04:18):
To get ahead, to climb the ladder.
Definitely.
when these setbacks happen,because we carry that emotional
labor, it feels like we're notjust dealing with our own
emotions, but everybody else'slike when I had a huge setback
with my company, it wasn't justall my feelings.
I was feeling I was feeling thedespair of having to let go of
(04:39):
employees and contractors that,required that income so then I
took on that emotional labor.
I was told of that.
And a friend was telling me theother day Randy they don't blame
you.
And I said, I know that.
But I'm blaming myself which Ididn't have any control over the
setback that happened.
But I was like I was stillblaming myself.
(05:00):
And like when I said that, I waslike, I try to keep, I have so
many, irons in the fire and itwas creating burnout with that.
Oh God,
Jess (05:08):
irons in the fire! I was trying to say that the other day
and I was like Irons in thefire.
It was oars in the fire.
I kept saying oars in the fire.
What?
And I'm like, no, no, oars arein a river or a lake, but it was
irons in the fire.
Thank you,
Randi (05:20):
Randy, because that just popped in my head.
But if we don't talk about thesefeelings.
It creates anxiety, it createsdepression, it creates a sense
of being stuck, and that's whereI'm at right now.
Yeah.
You are, and I can see it.
I'm stuck,
Jess (05:32):
it snowballs into everything else, and it does.
It feels stuck, and honestly,Randi, you do.
You feel stuck right now, and Iknow you're trying, and you're
moving forward, and you'retrying to process everything
that's happened.
But it's been huge.
Randi (05:46):
So yeah, so let's move into the steps because I
definitely need these.
I hope our listeners need themtoo.
It's just kismet that we'retalking about that.
Jess (05:55):
I know that's so bizarre.
So bizarre.
Okay.
So first I want you toacknowledge the setback.
And I think you've done that,
Randi (06:00):
Don't downplay it.
Don't Sweep it under the rug.
Give yourself permission to feelthe emotions, anger, sadness,
disappointment, anxiety, worry,whatever comes up for you.
Jess (06:11):
remember that these are valid feelings just because
somebody else may not see thesituation as a big deal.
It doesn't mean it's notsignificant for you.
And here's the thing also is Iwant to give yourself the time
to feel these things.
If Randy is still like this insix months, I'm going to have
issues with her, right?
I know she's, where she's atright now because this is part
(06:33):
of the process.
it takes a while for you toprocess all of this.
Yeah.
Randi (06:38):
another step to do is reframe the narrative.
I've done some reframingnarratives for my self work, but
I haven't dived back into it,and I need to like address it
again.
What does it
Jess (06:49):
mean, reframing the narrative?
Most people don't understandwhat that even means.
Randi (06:53):
You are retelling or reframing the story that you're
telling yourself.
Instead of seeing the setback asa failure, view it as a lesson
learned or, a,
Jess (07:04):
a redirection, maybe a
Randi (07:05):
redirection.
Like I try to look at it as, orwhat I'm trying to reframe it as
right now is one door closingand another one opening.
And maybe I don't see that otherdoor open yet, but I will
eventually walk through the doorthat I meant to.
And that there's a reason thatthis door has closed and I've
had this setback.
Jess (07:25):
Okay, so I'm going to reframe that for a second.
I liked everything up until thereason there was a setback.
The reason the setback happenedwas because somebody was an
asshole.
So that is, there's no reasonfor it.
And so that's what we have ahard time with.
That's a hard
Randi (07:38):
time because there was no rhyme, rhyme or reason why I was
targeted for what happened.
Exactly.
Context was that all of my largesocial media.
Platforms were hacked and sold.
So so basically stolen, Sostolen and so I had no control
over that and yes, I had doneeverything to protect myself Yes
(07:58):
from it and it still happened.
So that's what's hard to graspin a lot of these situations
when you have had no hand Andwhat has happened and it really
is out of your control because Ilike to control everything
Jess (08:10):
It's not your fault, it's not, whoever the setback happens
to, it's not your fault.
only thing you can do is controlwhere it goes through.
So going back to your analogy,that door is closed.
Yes, you have learned a lot inthat door that might help you
through your next door.
But that isn't why it happened.
So that's the only reason I wantto fix that.
We're doing therapy right now,guys.
So just hang on.
(08:31):
Hang on.
Hold on.
Pause.
Okay.
Okay.
The other thing is I want you toset your boundaries for yourself
and others.
Randi (08:38):
You know us in boundaries, man.
Boundaries are key.
Sometimes emotional setbackscome from giving too much of
yourself or people or giving toomuch to people or giving too
much to a situation and theydon't reciprocate it and you're
burnt out.
reclaiming your power might looklike saying no more often,
stepping back from a toxic,relationship or friendship, or
(09:01):
even setting boundaries withyourself and your own inner
critic and negative self talk.
Jess (09:07):
And you really should do that anyway, because that stuff,
she's awful.
She should just set a boundarythat she can't hang out.
Negative self critic.
Yeah, bitch bye.
Exactly, bitch bye.
also practice compassion.
What does that look like?
Randy?
I
Randi (09:23):
dunno right now.
Alright guys, nevermind.
No, but this, no, really, thisis huge and I feel as women, we
are constantly struggling withbeing compassionate towards
ourselves and having empathytowards ourselves because we are
our worst critics.
Mm-hmm And you have to tellyourself to treat.
yourself the way you would afriend.
Jess (09:44):
If you're gonna say something nasty to yourself, I
want you to say it out loud andwould you say that to your
child?
Would you say that to your bestfriend?
Right.
Is that something if you'relike, oh, just get over it.
Randi (09:55):
Or like you're so dumb, like how could you let this
happen?
Like you would never say thatout loud to somebody.
And if Rani
Jess (10:01):
said that to me, I would probably cry and I'm not a
crier.
I would probably be like, Oh myGod, I cannot believe you just
said that.
Yeah,
Randi (10:08):
but if you think or write out the, or say out loud or
write down the things that yousay to yourself, sometimes
you're like, what the F?
Like, why am I talking to myselfthis way?
That's horrible.
Jess (10:19):
Okay.
So here it is.
I like what you just said.
I want you to write out thatnegative thought right that
inner critic.
I want you to write it out Iwant you to look at it.
I want you to cross it out And Iwant you to literally rewrite
Kindness and compassion in thatstatement.
That's a
Randi (10:35):
really good idea.
I'm gonna do that.
You guys do that today Yeah,
Jess (10:38):
every time you have a negative thought god, why did
you do that cross it out andrewrite it with kindness to
yourself It wasn't something Idid.
I didn't choose this.
Randi (10:49):
Yeah, and that's a great way to remind yourself that
setbacks are a part of life andyou're doing the best that you
can.
Another thing that we can leadinto is taking action, and every
small step counts.
Jess (11:02):
Yes, every step counts.
So once you are processing youremotions, you start taking
steps, no matter how small.
small, you move forward.
It could be again, simple asjournaling, going for a walk,
reaching out for a friend,rewriting that negative critic.
It doesn't have to be perfect.
It just has to be forward.
(11:23):
it doesn't mean you need tofigure out what your next life
plan is either, Randi.
Randi (11:27):
Oh, fine.
I just called her out.
It doesn't have to be the nextbig thing.
I always feel like it needs tobe bigger and better and more
than what I did previously.
Watch this.
And that's my, that's my own,issue with myself.
So let's answer some of the haveyou ever questions.
So Jess, what does it mean toreclaim your power after an
emotional setback?
Jess (11:48):
It means regaining the confidence and strength you may
have felt you lost after thatdifficult experience.
It's about taking control ofyour life and your narrative and
moving forward.
forward with a purpose and selfassurance.
And that's big.
You may not know exactly wherethat door is, you're heading
toward that damn door.
Randi (12:07):
Yeah.
Having faith in yourself and,feeling secure in yourself.
Jess (12:11):
Yeah.
Okay.
So Randy, is it normal to feelpowerless after an emotional
setback?
Randi (12:16):
Absolutely.
It's a.
Total normal response to haveemotions can sometimes just
floor us.
But remember that it istemporary.
You're not alone.
And it's okay to ask for supportas you find your footing again.
Jess (12:30):
Did you hear that?
Randi (12:31):
I
Jess (12:31):
did.
I'm about to make that aringtone for you.
Fine,
Randi (12:36):
So Jess, what are some steps to take when you're trying
to reclaim your power?
Jess (12:41):
I want you to start with acknowledging what you're going
through, understand that youremotions are pivotal, and what
that means is that your emotionsaren't going to go, I'm going to
do this, this, this, and this,they bounce around, you might
think you're okay, it's it'sgrief, basically,
Randi (12:58):
it's like anything, like any type of cycle that you're
going through, you got to go upand down, and you'll take,
sometimes I feel like I take 10steps forward, and then I take
20 steps back and then take fivesteps forward, and then I take
three steps back and like a pingpong and it can be frustrating,
but it is part of the process.
Jess (13:14):
It is.
And you're still moving forwardevery time.
So just small, manageable stepstowards your self care.
I don't care if that's speakingto loved ones, if it's going to
be practicing your mindfulnessor really just setting some
simple daily goals for yourselfto get you back in the rhythm of
what you were doing.
Randy, how can I stop blamingmyself for setbacks that are out
(13:36):
of my control?
God, these all seem I'm sosorry.
I'm like, you just I'm justnailing it.
Yeah.
Yeah, the
Randi (13:41):
bullseye is right here.
So again, Randy, I'm tellingthis to myself, self compassion
is key.
Remind yourself that we areoften our own harshest critics
and recognizing that things arebeyond our control and focusing
on what is We can influence andwhat our response are going to
be to our next steps that wetake.
Jess (14:02):
That's pretty powerful.
Randi (14:02):
No, that
Jess (14:04):
was really,
Randi (14:05):
really bad.
That's what and it's really goodfor me to say these things out
loud and hear the advice that Iwould give other people.
Because I need to take my ownadvice.
Jess (14:15):
We never do, though.
I swear we're the worst.
It's like nurses are the worstpatients too.
Yeah,
Randi (14:20):
exactly.
So Jess, do you think journalingcan help me reclaim my emotional
power?
Jess (14:25):
Yes.
Journaling is such a powerfultool that'll help you process
your emotions.
It's a way that you can reflectupon your experiences and start
to recognize the patterns.
And there's something about theprocess from handwriting the
journal.
Not.
The typing, not the, app.
There is something abouthandwriting the journal that
(14:47):
helps you process better.
Randi (14:49):
Yeah, and I agree with this.
Like I'm not a huge journaler,I'm a huge person who buys
journals and then never fills'em, or planners.
But I have found, I startedhabit tracking, but like writing
it out and like doodling andkind of junk journaling and for
me.
That was a good way to workthrough, because I felt like I
could check off things that Ihad power over, even if they
(15:12):
were small things or trackingthings I was doing over the
holidays or for work and thatwas a step in me, starting to
reclaim my emotional power, andI also found a lot of joy and
kind of doodling because I likeart and crafts, and so, there's
ways that you can just takethose small steps and find a
little bit of joy.
Kind of like when we weretalking about micro dosing hope,
(15:33):
you can listen to our otherepisode about it.
Just the small things that cantake a step in the right
direction.
Jess (15:38):
And you mentioned junk journaling.
We talked about that.
Yeah, we have an episode on thattoo.
Yeah, a couple months back.
Yeah,
Randi (15:43):
some articles on the website.
Jess (15:45):
What role do support networks play in reclaiming this
emotional power after a setback?
Randi (15:50):
So support networks or, groups can provide
understanding, perspective, andencouragement.
They remind you that you're notshouldering this burden alone,
that other people have gonethrough this.
So it's Really a great way tolean on friends family or
support groups when you're readyto take that step
Jess (16:09):
Oh, I like how you said when you're ready to take that
step.
Yeah, you've told me this solong ago that we get in our own
way And not let people help us.
Yes, and so just make sure thatif people are trying to and this
isn't for Randy This is fory'all just make sure people are
trying to help you that you arenot saying I'm fine or I'm okay,
because you're not fine.
You're not okay.
And that's why your supportnetwork is reaching out be
(16:31):
honest
Randi (16:32):
with yourself first.
So you can be honest with otherpeople.
So just how do you balanceaccepting help?
with maintaining your hyperindependence.
Jess (16:43):
Oh, it's so hyper.
Yeah.
I'm gonna tell you, the otherday, I was dropping off a bunch
of boxes at the UPS store.
I was shipping back stuff.
I was determined and so stubbornto pick up this one box.
And this dude was like, can Ihelp you?
I was like, no, no, I got it.
No.
I clearly didn't have it.
He's I can help you.
I'm like, no, no, I got it.
I got it.
He's lady.
He asked me again.
(17:04):
And I finally, I got it.
I was like, no, no, I got it.
I said, I'm sorry.
I said, my hyper independencetotally just gets in the way of
myself sometimes.
And he laughed at me and keptwalking.
But I was like, I should havejust said, sure, help me pick up
my box.
Randi (17:16):
Because sometimes accepting health can give you
strength that you don't evenknow that you needed.
Or it can open up a door thatyou might not be looking at.
I don't know.
Jess (17:25):
Yeah, it is.
Well, it's part of building.
It's a tool set.
I can't even talk.
My god.
I thought your brain was backonline, but it's not.
Randi (17:32):
It went off.
Jess (17:33):
It went off.
It's part of, a tool that youcan put in your toolbox.
It is building your, power, your
Randi (17:39):
resilience.
Yeah, it's a building block tohelping you be more resilient.
Yeah.
Jess (17:45):
Okay.
What if I feel like I'm notmaking progress fast enough?
Because that is what I hear allthe time from everybody.
And that's really hard
Randi (17:50):
for me because I like to move at warp speed.
Mm hmm.
And so I've given myself to kindof time to slow down and.
It's important to understandthat healing isn't linear.
We've said this over and overagain, but it's still, it's so
simple, but it's hard to grasp.
It takes time and there's nopace.
There's no race that you'rerunning.
(18:11):
You're telling yourself thatthere's a race that you're
running, but there's not.
You need to celebrate the smallsteps that you've taken, the
small wins.
And, write them down if you needto, so you have proof of your
progress.
And if you're feeling stuck,reach out to a therapist or a
counselor.
Jess (18:27):
Or listen to a good podcast.
Yeah, we
Randi (18:28):
know of a couple.
So, Jess, how can settingboundaries assist in regaining
your emotional power?
Ooh,
Jess (18:38):
you set a good boundary with me in the very beginning of
this, I gotta say.
Boundaries are going to helpprotect your energy and your
emotional well being, They aregoing to empower you to say no
to things and things that drainyou will no longer be present
draining you.
You can say yes to things thatfulfill you.
So it's okay that you prioritizeyour needs.
(18:59):
when this setback happened,Randy said, I can't hear this
anymore.
This is too much.
I can't do this.
Oh, yeah.
And you know what?
It was great because I thought,Okay, I know exactly where you
are.
I can respect that.
Yeah, a lot of people
Randi (19:12):
kept sending me screenshots or things about it.
And it was Getting emotionallyoverwhelming, and there was
nothing that I could do aboutit.
So it was like so frustratingbecause I had zero control over
what was happening.
And so I was like, I just can'thear it or see it anymore.
And it was a great about that.
(19:32):
Yeah, that was a
Jess (19:33):
great boundary.
I thought, okay, this is whereshe's at.
She's not okay, but she's nolonger in the I'm going to
research it.
Right.
She's now in the I'm going to.
Process grief mode I was sorrythat you were there, but I love
that you set that boundary Howcan I use mindfulness to help
overcome emotional setbacks?
Randi (19:50):
Mindfulness helps anchor you in the present and helps you
observe your feelings withoutjudgment.
Kind of like it's a way ofhealthy dissociation in a way.
It provides a quiet space in thestorm and chaos of your
emotions.
It gives you a moment to justpause and have some clarity and
(20:10):
really helping yourself get intune with yourself and create a
sense of peace that you needwhen your mind can be whirling
Jess (20:19):
A lot has been said to about prayers.
I'm not religious, but there issomething about prayers that
it's also It's like a form ofmeditation.
You're giving it up to theuniverse, to God, to a tree, I
don't care.
But you're putting it out therethat you are not in control.
And there is something very muchabout that.
If you, pray.
(20:40):
Just laying it out there.
And just, there it goes.
Randi (20:43):
Honest conversation and I'm
Jess (20:45):
sitting here making the gesture of taking it off my
chest.
Yeah, just like her heart Yeah,like
Randi (20:49):
unburdening like yourself and all that you're feeling
emotional setbacks are very hardthat but they don't have to
define you And i'm working onthat, you know right now that It
doesn't define like who I am,and it doesn't negate other
success I've had.
And reclaiming your power isabout choosing to move forward.
(21:10):
You're choosing to move forwardwith resilience, with grace, and
with self compassion towardsyourself.
Jess (21:16):
Yeah, because you are stronger than your setback or
any setback that is going tohappen.
every time you choose to keepgoing, you are proving that to
yourself
Randi (21:25):
and to everybody else.
Yes, and that you are resilient.
It's like a phoenix, like risingfrom the ashes.
It doesn't mean that you have toignore the way you're feeling
about it, you don't have to risefrom the ashes tomorrow, and you
can rise and then sink back downand rise again.
Exactly.
Jess (21:39):
However you need to do it.
Randi (21:41):
So we appreciate you guys joining us today on the Women's
Mental Health Podcast.
If this episode resonated withyou, please share it with a
friend or family member whomight need a little
encouragement.
Jess (21:52):
Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review and connect with
us on social media.
Until next time take care ofyourselves and keep reclaiming
your power and Randy.
Thank you for letting me callyou out.
You're
Randi (22:03):
welcome Thank you guys for listening
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