May 2, 2023 • 19 mins
Episode Overview:
In this Episode of the Women’s Success Coach Podcast, I am talking about what you give airtime to? Our brains are fascinating and we have the ability to rewire them on an ongoing basis based on what we think about the most and what thoughts carry the most emotion. This can be a really good thing, or it can be a really problematic thing. Your brain will follow what it thinks you want it to do and will show you more of what it thinks you think is important, and this is based on where you place your focus the most. This is so important to understand because when you understand it, you can manage it.
What I Cover:
- How thoughts create feelings, feelings influence actions, and actions impact the results we get in our lives.
- Examples of how this works in both negative ways and positive ways.
- How what you consume influences how you feel and your life overall.
- What you say to yourself on a regular basis.
- How you set up your day.
- What you consume.
- Who you keep company with and listen to.
Let's Take Some Action:
For the next week I want you to take a piece of paper or set up a note in your phone and write the following headings:
#1: What did I say to myself on a regular basis today?
#2: How did I set up my day? What did I do for the first hour or so I was awake?
#3: What did I consume from books, social media, television, etc.?
#4: Who did I keep company with and listed today?
Answer these 4 questions each day and after you answer each question, go back and put a plus next to the things that reinforced what you want to give airtime to in your life, and put a minus next to those who are shifting your focus to a place where you don’t want it going. If you notice that there are things you are saying, doing, or people you are spending time with who are not in alignment with how you want to think and feel, start to determine how you can make changes.
Useful Resources:
Do you worry too much, overthink, assume the worst-case scenarios, spend a lot of time focusing on negative things that have happened, or discredit positive things happening? If so, you are dealing with the human brain we have all been given and you are not alone.
The good news is, you can change this and it may not take as long as you may think! If you want a free resource that will help you examine your thinking patterns, and change those that are not serving you, grab my 5 Common Thought Distortions Guide HERE.
Let’s stay in touch:
Website: www.KarenVincentSolutions.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karenvincentsolutions/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KarenVincentSolutions
Twitter: https://twitter.com/KarenVCoach
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Karen (00:02):
Welcome to the Women's Success Coach Podcast.
A podcast created to inspiregrowth and to help you learn,
achieve, and evolve in your lifeongoing regardless of your age.
I'm your host, certified coach,and licensed therapist Karen
Vincent, and I'm here to guideyou and provide you with
concrete tips and strategies youcan implement in your life.
I'm also here to inspire you,challenge you, and cheer you on
(00:26):
so that you can create the lifeof your dreams and beyond.
In today's episode of theWomen's Success Coach Podcast,
I'm talking about what you giveairtime to.
Our brains are fascinating, andwe have the ability to rewire
them on an ongoing basis basedon what we think about the most,
(00:49):
and based on the thoughts thatcarry the deepest emotions.
This can be a really good thing,or it can be a really
problematic thing.
Your brain will follow what itthinks you want it to do, and it
will show you more of what itthinks you think is important.
And this is based on where youplace your focus the most.
(01:11):
So, if you think about worstcase scenarios and worry a lot,
your brain will help you findmore worst case scenarios and
will help you find more thingsto worry about.
And by the way, these could bereal things or made up things
that will never actually happen.
On the other hand, if you placethe majority of your focus on
(01:35):
positive things, opportunities,and things to celebrate, guess
whatIt'll help you find more of?
You guessed it, positive things,opportunities, and things to
celebrate.
This is so important tounderstand because when you
understand it, you can manageit.
So let's get to it.
(02:01):
Well, hello my friend.
Have you ever heard the TonyRobbins quote"where focus goes,
energy flows"?
That is what we're talking aboutin today's episode.
I have so many clients who focuson what is not going well, who
rehash negative things fromweeks, months, and even years
(02:22):
past, and as the result miss outon all the good things
happening, as well as thepotential to create more good
things.
What you give airtime tomatters, and this is because it
shapes the way you see yourself,the things happening around you,
and your world overall.
(02:43):
It also impacts the results youget in your life.
If you've been following me,you've likely heard me say your
thoughts create your feelings,your feelings impact your
actions, and your actions createthe results you get in your
life.
If you have crappy thoughts,you'll have crappy feelings,
(03:03):
take crappy actions, and getcrappy results.
Well, it's not quite as blackand white as that, but you get
the point.
How can you create an amazingfuture if all you do is think
about a terrible past or presentsituation?
You can't.
You'll just create more of whatyou were thinking about.
(03:24):
And this is not because of somemagical thing happening.
What is actually happening iswhen you are focusing on
something, you're telling yourbrain that it's important.
And when your brain thinkssomething's important to you, it
will scan to find more of whatit thinks is important, which
will promote additional thoughtsthat are similar.
(03:44):
These thoughts will carve out aneural pathway in your brain
that makes it easier for yourbrain to find similar thoughts
and show them to you.
So, negative thinking willencourage your brain to find
more things that fit a negativenarrative, which will make it
easier for your brain to thinknegative thoughts.
(04:07):
And, because we can only see asmall fraction of what is
happening around us every day,due to the sheer volume of it,
our brains are forced to filterout things that are not in
alignment with what it thinks isimportant to you.
Kind of crazy, right?
So, for example, if you spend alot of time thinking about how
(04:29):
hard something is, your brainwill help you find more evidence
that something is hard.
It will remind you of past timeswhen things were hard and did
not go well.
It will try to get you to avoidexpending energy related to the
hard thing because it'll feellike it'll be a waste of time
and energy.
And the result is that youcontinue to feel overwhelmed,
(04:52):
bad, fearful, or frustrated, youdon't take resourceful action to
figure it out, and this thenreinforces your idea that the
thing is hard.
What if instead, you saw thehard task as a challenge that
would promote growth for you?
What if you saw it as a way oftaking something to the next
(05:15):
level?
With this mindset, your brainwill think that growth and
finding solutions are importantto you.
And guess what?
It will help you find solutions.
Instead of reinforcing a pathwayin the brain that includes
failure, overwhelm, orhelplessness, it will reinforce
(05:36):
or even create a pathway in thebrain that looks for solutions.
Your brain will scan forpotential solutions, for
evidence that you can do hardthings, and it will filter out
things that reinforce doubt orhopelessness.
In addition to putting yourbrain to work for you, if you
(05:57):
consider the same situation thatis presented to you that feels
hard, how might you feeldifferently if you see it as a
challenge and a way of takingyour life to the next level,
versus is feeling like it'ssomething that you cannot deal
with.
When you only focus on theproblem, you can actually create
more of the problem.
(06:18):
Let's consider a couple ofexamples here.
First, let's talk about weightloss.
If you feel that it's impossiblefor you to lose weight, your
brain will go to work for you.
It will offer you lots ofevidence that losing weight is
hard.
It will remind you of all thetimes in the past that you've
tried to lose weight withoutsuccess, and it will encourage
(06:40):
you to not expend energy onlosing weight because, why would
you spend energy on somethingthat's impossible anyway?
In addition to this, your brainwants to help you feel safe,
comfortable, and to get a littledopamine hit when possible.
So, instead of just having younot take action to lose weight,
(07:02):
it may also encourage you totake action to self-soothe with
food, which could then result inadditional weight gain.
Not good, right?
For the next example, let's talkabout finances.
If you feel overwhelmed by yourdebt or lack of disposable
income and focus only on this,your brain will find lots of
(07:25):
things that reinforce that youwill never have financial
security or financial freedom.
It will look for evidence thatyou are not someone who's good
with money, or who has enough tolive the life you want to be
living.
When it does this, it willfilter out potential solutions
to your money problems.
(07:45):
And as with the example aboutweight loss, it may then
encourage you to spend money inan effort to soothe your
challenging emotions about yourfinancial situation, instead of
problem solve and come up withthe steps that would actually
improve your financialsituation.
Hopefully this is making sense,but I want to give you one final
(08:07):
example just in case.
Now, imagine you are notsatisfied with your job, and all
you do is think about and talkabout how awful your job is.
When you finish work at the endof the day, you replay all the
things you disliked, you thinkabout all the things that don't
feel fair, and you think aboutall the people you work with
(08:27):
that you don't like.
Maybe you even vent about thesethings to a partner, a family
member, or a friend who wants tosupport you and reinforces how
awful things are for you at workwhen they hear your stories.
When this happens, your brainwill be alerted to this being
important to you, and it willget to work to find out even
(08:49):
more bad things happening atwork.
It will further reinforce aneural pathway about work being
a very negative situation, andit will filter out or gloss over
anything related to your workthat seems positive.
What do you think the feelingswould be if this is what is
happening in your brain?
(09:10):
Pretty awful, right?
These feelings could includefrustration, sadness, anger,
resentment, or hopelessness.
And, if you are waking up eachday to go to work, feeling
frustrated, sad, angry,resentful, and or hopeless, what
do you think your work outputand interactions will look like?
(09:35):
They will probably not supportyou in improving your situation
or feeling confident to takeaction to find a better job.
And as a side note, when you dothis, not only are you not happy
when at work, but you allow workto steal your personal time as
well.
Now that you hopefullyunderstand this, know that what
(09:55):
you consume has a significantinfluence on this process.
The more you consume something,the more your brain will go to
work for you finding more ofthat thing.
So let's go through some of theways that we all consume, so
that you can do a self-audit anddetermine if what you're
consuming is helpful to you andmoving you in the direction you
(10:16):
want to go, or if it's workingagainst you.
#1 (10:21):
What you say to yourself on a regular basis.
This is what I was referring toand the examples I just shared.
You consume your own thoughts.
What thoughts you have on repeatwill create more similar
thoughts because your brain willlook for evidence to support
what it thinks is important.
(10:41):
Let me ask you this.
Are you your worst critic?
Are you harder on yourself thananyone else is?
So many of us are in thiscategory and we say negative
things to ourselves, aboutourselves, which signals our
brains that finding andhighlighting negative things
about ourselves is important, soit then goes to work and finds
(11:03):
more and more of them.
If you notice yourself doingthis, which can take some effort
at first, instead of talking toyourself the way you're used to,
consider talking to yourselflike you would talk to a good
friend.
If she was in your samesituation, what would you say to
her versus what are you sayingto yourself?
(11:28):
A good way to start to speak toyourself in a more positive way
is to have a positiveaffirmation or mantra.
There's so many out there, andfor some inspiration and
suggestions, I highly encourageyou to check out my Instagram
stories daily for ideas ofpositive affirmations that might
work for you.
2 (11:47):
How you set up your day.
Do you start your day consuminginformation from others?
I can't tell you how manystressed out and anxious clients
that I work with who start theirday by immediately checking
their work email and starting toworry about work two or more
hours before they are evenexpected to start their day.
(12:09):
Or maybe, you start your day onsocial media or consuming all of
the negativity in the news.
Now, I'm not saying any of thisis right or wrong necessarily.
What I am saying is that youshould be aware of how it
impacts you, and if what you'reconsuming on a regular basis is
where you want your brain tofocus and spend energy.
(12:33):
Remember, your brain will findmore of what it thinks is
important to you.
So I want you to consider howyou want to feel at the
beginning of your day.
Is it peaceful?
Energized, focused, excited, orconfident?
Again, there is no right orwrong way because this is very
(12:53):
specific to you.
However, I would encourage youto think about how you want to
feel and then decide whatmorning activities will help you
generate thoughts that createthose feelings.
It could be 10 minutes of quiettime while drinking your tea or
coffee.
It could be journaling, prayer,or practicing gratitude.
(13:13):
It could be reading.
It could be exercising,stretching, listening to your
favorite music or podcast.
It could be 10 minutes ofplaying with your children or
talking to your partner.
Whatever it is, I think thismakes a big difference because
you're taking control of yourday as it's starting, and
deciding what you're givingairtime to based on what you
(13:35):
want to be thinking about andhow you want to feel.
You'll be directing your brainat the very beginning of the day
by telling it what's importantto you.
3 (13:46):
What you consume.
Now, I mentioned this in numbertwo, but consider what you're
consuming on a regular basis.
Is it social media that inspiresand motivates you?
Or is it social media that makesyou feel bad about yourself and
your life?
Is it news that keeps youinformed about what is happening
(14:06):
in the world, or is it news thatmakes you focus only on the
negative things happening, whichcan create fear and anxiety?
I encourage you to ask yourselfif what you're consuming on a
regular basis is what you wantyour brain to be focusing on
finding more of and having youthink about more.
If it is, keep doing what you'redoing, but if it isn't, you have
(14:31):
the control to change it andconsume things that create the
thoughts and feelings that youwant more of in your life.
4 (14:39):
Who you keep company with and listen to.
Finally, I want you to considerwho you spend the most time
with, who you engage with themost, and who are you listening
to the most?
Is it people who support you,encourage you, talk about what's
(14:59):
going well in their lives, orwhat they're hoping to do in the
future.
Or is it your negative coworkerwho spends all day talking about
how bad your place of employmentis?
Do you listen to a relative whoonly presents the worst case
scenario, or who tells you allthe things you're doing wrong
each time you speak with them?
If you are allowing a lot ofnegativity from others into your
(15:22):
life, guess what will happen?
Hopefully you guessed it by now,but your brain will think it's
important to you.
It will help you find more ofit, and it will filter out more
of the positive thingshappening.
And listen, I know this can bechallenging if you're thinking
about changing a currentinterpersonal dynamic, however.,
(15:44):
consider how you can slowly makechanges so that interacting with
certain people may feel betterfor you.
Perhaps, if you no longer wantto listen to a negative
coworker, you could saysomething like,"Well, we're here
for 40 hours per week until wedecide to do something
different, so how about we tryto make the most of it and enjoy
that we have each other everyday".
(16:06):
Or something like that.
If it's a situation with afriend or relative who calls you
regularly to complain abouttheir life, maybe you say
something like,"You know, I'mreally working to be happy and
appreciate what's going well,even when things are hard.
So it would be really helpful ifat the beginning of each call,
we could check in aboutsomething that's going well in
(16:27):
our lives".
Neither of these things willlikely completely change your
interactions with someone.
However, they could make themfeel a little better.
The other thing that sometimeshas to happen is that a firm
boundary needs to be set whereyou tell the other person that
you're happy to engage withthem, but not when they focus
(16:49):
the conversation on certainthings that are
counterproductive to how youwant to think and feel in your
life.
And if you struggle with havingpeople in your personal life who
are positive and uplifting, goout and find some new people.
There are tons of onlinecommunities, meetups and other
forums you can research to meetlike-minded people instead of
(17:11):
just accepting those who arealready in your circle.
My goal is always for you to getthe most out of these podcast
episodes, so let's put this intoaction.
What I would suggest is that forthe next week, at the end of the
day, you ask yourself thefollowing questions to evaluate
what you were saying to yourselfon a regular basis, what you
(17:32):
were doing to set up your day,what you are consuming, and who
you are surrounding yourselfwith.
So for the next week, I want youto take a piece of paper or set
up a note on your phone andwrite the following four
headings.
#1 (17:47):
What did I say to myself on a regular basis today?
#2 (17:53):
How did I set up my day?
What did I do for the first houror so I was awake?
#3 (18:01):
What did I consume from books, social media, podcasts,
television, etc.?
#4 (18:10):
Who did I keep company with and listen to today?
Now, don't worry, all thisinformation is in the show
notes, so you can go check thatif you weren't able to write it
down.
And again, I want you to answerthese four questions each day
and after you answer eachquestion, go back and put a plus
next to the things thatreinforced what you want to give
(18:32):
airtime to in your life, and puta minus next to those who are
shifting your focus to a placewhere you don't want it going.
If you notice that there arethings that you are saying,
doing, or people who you'respending time with who are not
in alignment with how you wantto think and feel, start to
determine how you can makechanges.
(18:54):
What's one little adjustment youcan make this week to create
more of what you want in yourlife and to eliminate what you
want less of in your life?
This can make a significantdifference, my friend.
So I really encourage you to gothrough this process and feel
free to reach out and let meknow what you thought.
(19:18):
That's a wrap.
You should be proud of yourselffor investing time in you, which
is so critical for success andfor overall life fulfillment.
I look forward to having youjoin me for my next episode.
And in the meantime, go clickthat subscribe button so you'll
know when it's released, and youcan also follow me on Instagram
at Best Boss Lady Life that's atBest Boss Lady Life on
(19:41):
Instagram.
Also, remember that whatever itis that you're working on,
you've got this and I'm herecheering you on.
Welcome to the Women's Success Coach Podcast.
A podcast created to inspiregrowth and to help you learn,
achieve, and evolve in your lifeongoing regardless of your age.
I'm your host, certified coach,and licensed therapist Karen
Vincent, and I'm here to guideyou and provide you with
concrete tips and strategies youcan implement in your life.
I'm also here to inspire you,challenge you, and cheer you on
(00:26):
so that you can create the lifeof your dreams and beyond.
In today's episode of theWomen's Success Coach Podcast,
I'm talking about what you giveairtime to.
Our brains are fascinating, andwe have the ability to rewire
them on an ongoing basis basedon what we think about the most,
(00:49):
and based on the thoughts thatcarry the deepest emotions.
This can be a really good thing,or it can be a really
problematic thing.
Your brain will follow what itthinks you want it to do, and it
will show you more of what itthinks you think is important.
And this is based on where youplace your focus the most.
(01:11):
So, if you think about worstcase scenarios and worry a lot,
your brain will help you findmore worst case scenarios and
will help you find more thingsto worry about.
And by the way, these could bereal things or made up things
that will never actually happen.
On the other hand, if you placethe majority of your focus on
(01:35):
positive things, opportunities,and things to celebrate, guess
whatIt'll help you find more of?
You guessed it, positive things,opportunities, and things to
celebrate.
This is so important tounderstand because when you
understand it, you can manageit.
So let's get to it.
(02:01):
Well, hello my friend.
Have you ever heard the TonyRobbins quote"where focus goes,
energy flows"?
That is what we're talking aboutin today's episode.
I have so many clients who focuson what is not going well, who
rehash negative things fromweeks, months, and even years
(02:22):
past, and as the result miss outon all the good things
happening, as well as thepotential to create more good
things.
What you give airtime tomatters, and this is because it
shapes the way you see yourself,the things happening around you,
and your world overall.
(02:43):
It also impacts the results youget in your life.
If you've been following me,you've likely heard me say your
thoughts create your feelings,your feelings impact your
actions, and your actions createthe results you get in your
life.
If you have crappy thoughts,you'll have crappy feelings,
(03:03):
take crappy actions, and getcrappy results.
Well, it's not quite as blackand white as that, but you get
the point.
How can you create an amazingfuture if all you do is think
about a terrible past or presentsituation?
You can't.
You'll just create more of whatyou were thinking about.
(03:24):
And this is not because of somemagical thing happening.
What is actually happening iswhen you are focusing on
something, you're telling yourbrain that it's important.
And when your brain thinkssomething's important to you, it
will scan to find more of whatit thinks is important, which
will promote additional thoughtsthat are similar.
(03:44):
These thoughts will carve out aneural pathway in your brain
that makes it easier for yourbrain to find similar thoughts
and show them to you.
So, negative thinking willencourage your brain to find
more things that fit a negativenarrative, which will make it
easier for your brain to thinknegative thoughts.
(04:07):
And, because we can only see asmall fraction of what is
happening around us every day,due to the sheer volume of it,
our brains are forced to filterout things that are not in
alignment with what it thinks isimportant to you.
Kind of crazy, right?
So, for example, if you spend alot of time thinking about how
(04:29):
hard something is, your brainwill help you find more evidence
that something is hard.
It will remind you of past timeswhen things were hard and did
not go well.
It will try to get you to avoidexpending energy related to the
hard thing because it'll feellike it'll be a waste of time
and energy.
And the result is that youcontinue to feel overwhelmed,
(04:52):
bad, fearful, or frustrated, youdon't take resourceful action to
figure it out, and this thenreinforces your idea that the
thing is hard.
What if instead, you saw thehard task as a challenge that
would promote growth for you?
What if you saw it as a way oftaking something to the next
(05:15):
level?
With this mindset, your brainwill think that growth and
finding solutions are importantto you.
And guess what?
It will help you find solutions.
Instead of reinforcing a pathwayin the brain that includes
failure, overwhelm, orhelplessness, it will reinforce
(05:36):
or even create a pathway in thebrain that looks for solutions.
Your brain will scan forpotential solutions, for
evidence that you can do hardthings, and it will filter out
things that reinforce doubt orhopelessness.
In addition to putting yourbrain to work for you, if you
(05:57):
consider the same situation thatis presented to you that feels
hard, how might you feeldifferently if you see it as a
challenge and a way of takingyour life to the next level,
versus is feeling like it'ssomething that you cannot deal
with.
When you only focus on theproblem, you can actually create
more of the problem.
(06:18):
Let's consider a couple ofexamples here.
First, let's talk about weightloss.
If you feel that it's impossiblefor you to lose weight, your
brain will go to work for you.
It will offer you lots ofevidence that losing weight is
hard.
It will remind you of all thetimes in the past that you've
tried to lose weight withoutsuccess, and it will encourage
(06:40):
you to not expend energy onlosing weight because, why would
you spend energy on somethingthat's impossible anyway?
In addition to this, your brainwants to help you feel safe,
comfortable, and to get a littledopamine hit when possible.
So, instead of just having younot take action to lose weight,
(07:02):
it may also encourage you totake action to self-soothe with
food, which could then result inadditional weight gain.
Not good, right?
For the next example, let's talkabout finances.
If you feel overwhelmed by yourdebt or lack of disposable
income and focus only on this,your brain will find lots of
(07:25):
things that reinforce that youwill never have financial
security or financial freedom.
It will look for evidence thatyou are not someone who's good
with money, or who has enough tolive the life you want to be
living.
When it does this, it willfilter out potential solutions
to your money problems.
(07:45):
And as with the example aboutweight loss, it may then
encourage you to spend money inan effort to soothe your
challenging emotions about yourfinancial situation, instead of
problem solve and come up withthe steps that would actually
improve your financialsituation.
Hopefully this is making sense,but I want to give you one final
(08:07):
example just in case.
Now, imagine you are notsatisfied with your job, and all
you do is think about and talkabout how awful your job is.
When you finish work at the endof the day, you replay all the
things you disliked, you thinkabout all the things that don't
feel fair, and you think aboutall the people you work with
(08:27):
that you don't like.
Maybe you even vent about thesethings to a partner, a family
member, or a friend who wants tosupport you and reinforces how
awful things are for you at workwhen they hear your stories.
When this happens, your brainwill be alerted to this being
important to you, and it willget to work to find out even
(08:49):
more bad things happening atwork.
It will further reinforce aneural pathway about work being
a very negative situation, andit will filter out or gloss over
anything related to your workthat seems positive.
What do you think the feelingswould be if this is what is
happening in your brain?
(09:10):
Pretty awful, right?
These feelings could includefrustration, sadness, anger,
resentment, or hopelessness.
And, if you are waking up eachday to go to work, feeling
frustrated, sad, angry,resentful, and or hopeless, what
do you think your work outputand interactions will look like?
(09:35):
They will probably not supportyou in improving your situation
or feeling confident to takeaction to find a better job.
And as a side note, when you dothis, not only are you not happy
when at work, but you allow workto steal your personal time as
well.
Now that you hopefullyunderstand this, know that what
(09:55):
you consume has a significantinfluence on this process.
The more you consume something,the more your brain will go to
work for you finding more ofthat thing.
So let's go through some of theways that we all consume, so
that you can do a self-audit anddetermine if what you're
consuming is helpful to you andmoving you in the direction you
(10:16):
want to go, or if it's workingagainst you.
#1 (10:21):
What you say to yourself on a regular basis.
This is what I was referring toand the examples I just shared.
You consume your own thoughts.
What thoughts you have on repeatwill create more similar
thoughts because your brain willlook for evidence to support
what it thinks is important.
(10:41):
Let me ask you this.
Are you your worst critic?
Are you harder on yourself thananyone else is?
So many of us are in thiscategory and we say negative
things to ourselves, aboutourselves, which signals our
brains that finding andhighlighting negative things
about ourselves is important, soit then goes to work and finds
(11:03):
more and more of them.
If you notice yourself doingthis, which can take some effort
at first, instead of talking toyourself the way you're used to,
consider talking to yourselflike you would talk to a good
friend.
If she was in your samesituation, what would you say to
her versus what are you sayingto yourself?
(11:28):
A good way to start to speak toyourself in a more positive way
is to have a positiveaffirmation or mantra.
There's so many out there, andfor some inspiration and
suggestions, I highly encourageyou to check out my Instagram
stories daily for ideas ofpositive affirmations that might
work for you.
2 (11:47):
How you set up your day.
Do you start your day consuminginformation from others?
I can't tell you how manystressed out and anxious clients
that I work with who start theirday by immediately checking
their work email and starting toworry about work two or more
hours before they are evenexpected to start their day.
(12:09):
Or maybe, you start your day onsocial media or consuming all of
the negativity in the news.
Now, I'm not saying any of thisis right or wrong necessarily.
What I am saying is that youshould be aware of how it
impacts you, and if what you'reconsuming on a regular basis is
where you want your brain tofocus and spend energy.
(12:33):
Remember, your brain will findmore of what it thinks is
important to you.
So I want you to consider howyou want to feel at the
beginning of your day.
Is it peaceful?
Energized, focused, excited, orconfident?
Again, there is no right orwrong way because this is very
(12:53):
specific to you.
However, I would encourage youto think about how you want to
feel and then decide whatmorning activities will help you
generate thoughts that createthose feelings.
It could be 10 minutes of quiettime while drinking your tea or
coffee.
It could be journaling, prayer,or practicing gratitude.
(13:13):
It could be reading.
It could be exercising,stretching, listening to your
favorite music or podcast.
It could be 10 minutes ofplaying with your children or
talking to your partner.
Whatever it is, I think thismakes a big difference because
you're taking control of yourday as it's starting, and
deciding what you're givingairtime to based on what you
(13:35):
want to be thinking about andhow you want to feel.
You'll be directing your brainat the very beginning of the day
by telling it what's importantto you.
3 (13:46):
What you consume.
Now, I mentioned this in numbertwo, but consider what you're
consuming on a regular basis.
Is it social media that inspiresand motivates you?
Or is it social media that makesyou feel bad about yourself and
your life?
Is it news that keeps youinformed about what is happening
(14:06):
in the world, or is it news thatmakes you focus only on the
negative things happening, whichcan create fear and anxiety?
I encourage you to ask yourselfif what you're consuming on a
regular basis is what you wantyour brain to be focusing on
finding more of and having youthink about more.
If it is, keep doing what you'redoing, but if it isn't, you have
(14:31):
the control to change it andconsume things that create the
thoughts and feelings that youwant more of in your life.
4 (14:39):
Who you keep company with and listen to.
Finally, I want you to considerwho you spend the most time
with, who you engage with themost, and who are you listening
to the most?
Is it people who support you,encourage you, talk about what's
(14:59):
going well in their lives, orwhat they're hoping to do in the
future.
Or is it your negative coworkerwho spends all day talking about
how bad your place of employmentis?
Do you listen to a relative whoonly presents the worst case
scenario, or who tells you allthe things you're doing wrong
each time you speak with them?
If you are allowing a lot ofnegativity from others into your
(15:22):
life, guess what will happen?
Hopefully you guessed it by now,but your brain will think it's
important to you.
It will help you find more ofit, and it will filter out more
of the positive thingshappening.
And listen, I know this can bechallenging if you're thinking
about changing a currentinterpersonal dynamic, however.,
(15:44):
consider how you can slowly makechanges so that interacting with
certain people may feel betterfor you.
Perhaps, if you no longer wantto listen to a negative
coworker, you could saysomething like,"Well, we're here
for 40 hours per week until wedecide to do something
different, so how about we tryto make the most of it and enjoy
that we have each other everyday".
(16:06):
Or something like that.
If it's a situation with afriend or relative who calls you
regularly to complain abouttheir life, maybe you say
something like,"You know, I'mreally working to be happy and
appreciate what's going well,even when things are hard.
So it would be really helpful ifat the beginning of each call,
we could check in aboutsomething that's going well in
(16:27):
our lives".
Neither of these things willlikely completely change your
interactions with someone.
However, they could make themfeel a little better.
The other thing that sometimeshas to happen is that a firm
boundary needs to be set whereyou tell the other person that
you're happy to engage withthem, but not when they focus
(16:49):
the conversation on certainthings that are
counterproductive to how youwant to think and feel in your
life.
And if you struggle with havingpeople in your personal life who
are positive and uplifting, goout and find some new people.
There are tons of onlinecommunities, meetups and other
forums you can research to meetlike-minded people instead of
(17:11):
just accepting those who arealready in your circle.
My goal is always for you to getthe most out of these podcast
episodes, so let's put this intoaction.
What I would suggest is that forthe next week, at the end of the
day, you ask yourself thefollowing questions to evaluate
what you were saying to yourselfon a regular basis, what you
(17:32):
were doing to set up your day,what you are consuming, and who
you are surrounding yourselfwith.
So for the next week, I want youto take a piece of paper or set
up a note on your phone andwrite the following four
headings.
#1 (17:47):
What did I say to myself on a regular basis today?
#2 (17:53):
How did I set up my day?
What did I do for the first houror so I was awake?
#3 (18:01):
What did I consume from books, social media, podcasts,
television, etc.?
#4 (18:10):
Who did I keep company with and listen to today?
Now, don't worry, all thisinformation is in the show
notes, so you can go check thatif you weren't able to write it
down.
And again, I want you to answerthese four questions each day
and after you answer eachquestion, go back and put a plus
next to the things thatreinforced what you want to give
(18:32):
airtime to in your life, and puta minus next to those who are
shifting your focus to a placewhere you don't want it going.
If you notice that there arethings that you are saying,
doing, or people who you'respending time with who are not
in alignment with how you wantto think and feel, start to
determine how you can makechanges.
(18:54):
What's one little adjustment youcan make this week to create
more of what you want in yourlife and to eliminate what you
want less of in your life?
This can make a significantdifference, my friend.
So I really encourage you to gothrough this process and feel
free to reach out and let meknow what you thought.
(19:18):
That's a wrap.
You should be proud of yourselffor investing time in you, which
is so critical for success andfor overall life fulfillment.
I look forward to having youjoin me for my next episode.
And in the meantime, go clickthat subscribe button so you'll
know when it's released, and youcan also follow me on Instagram
at Best Boss Lady Life that's atBest Boss Lady Life on
(19:41):
Instagram.
Also, remember that whatever itis that you're working on,
you've got this and I'm herecheering you on.
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