Episode Transcript
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Karen (00:05):
Welcome to the Women's
Success Coach Podcast, a podcast
created to inspire growth and tohelp you learn, achieve, and
evolve in your life ongoing,regardless of your age.
I'm your host, Certified Coachand Licensed Therapist, Karen
Vincent, and I'm here to guideyou, challenge you, and cheer
(00:26):
you on so that you can createthe life of your dreams and
beyond.
Over the course of the lastweek, I've had more than a
handful of clients talking aboutincreased stress related to the
holiday season.
Even if you're someone who looksforward to the holidays and
enjoys seeing family andfriends, there can still be
(00:49):
stress present related tofinances, extra things that need
to get done, hosting, traveling,or even just figuring out what
you're going to do for theholidays.
I also know that for manypeople, the holidays don't come
with excitement at all.
In fact, for many, they comewith sadness, loneliness,
(01:11):
tension, and or disappointment.
So in today's shorty podcastepisode, I'm diving into a topic
that I think is relevant to somany this time of year, whether
you enjoy the holidays or not.
And that is managing challengingholiday emotions.
(01:32):
Hey there, thank you for beinghere, listening to the women's
success coach podcast.
I know that it can be hard tofind time for self improvement
or self development activities.
So give yourself a little shoutout for being here, doing just
that.
As I mentioned in theintroduction, the holiday season
is often portrayed as a time ofjoy, celebration, and
(01:54):
connection.
And while it can definitely beall of those things, and I do
hope it is for you, it can alsobe common to experience stress,
sadness, tension,disappointment, or other
challenging emotions as well.
In this shorty episode, I'mgoing to walk you through some
(02:14):
common situations experienced bymy clients and provide you with
strategies that will help you tonavigate them.
And even though I'm walking youthrough them in the context of
the holiday season, these arestrategies that can be used
anytime you experience lifesituations or emotions that feel
challenging.
(02:34):
First up, I'm going to call outall my perfectionists who are
listening.
If this is you, I see you and Icompletely understand that you
want to create the most perfectholiday experience for those you
care about.
I completely understand that youwant to take it all on and
control it so that it's just asyou want.
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However, when you do this, youdo also invite unnecessary
stress and overwhelm into yourlife.
If this sounds like you, I wantyou to consider the following.
Is there something on your to-dolist that doesn't really matter
that much?
Maybe you could make three sidesinstead of four or five or six.
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Maybe you could delegate oraccept people's offers to assist
or contribute.
Maybe you could dial back thedecorating just a little And as
a friendly remind, and sidenote, the more decorating you
do, the more undecorating youhave to do, which in my opinion
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is never a good time.
Perhaps you consider setting abudget for gifts to help you
dial back if you tend to gooverboard and overspend.
Or maybe this year you skip theChristmas cards and instead
email or text a thoughtfulmessage to your loved ones.
There is nothing wrong withwanting to plan and create the
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best holiday experience you can.
However, if it's at the expenseof your own wellbeing, consider
where you can dial back a littleso that you don't come out of
the holiday season exhaustedwhile missing out on the joy and
the fun, during the holidayseason.
Next up, make sure you don't letself care slip during this
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holiday season.
This is the time of year wheremany people make sure they get
their hair done, they get theirnails done.
However, when I'm talking aboutself care, I'm talking more
about the day to day things thatyou can do for self care, which
help you stay healthy, bothmentally and physically.
And these are, number one,sleep.
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I think that sleep is often oneof the first things that we let
slip, but when it slips,everything becomes harder.
It's harder to maintain otherhealthy habits, manage emotions,
and manage stress when you'renot getting a solid seven to
eight hours of sleep per night,most nights at least.
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It's also harder to be efficientand to stay focused, which can
then cause things to take longerthan they need to, which causes
additional stress.
The second self care area tofocus on is healthy eating.
This is the time of year wheremany events are centered around
food and where there can be moredesserts, appetizers, and
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cocktails than there are atother times of the year.
It can be easy to stop payingattention to what you're putting
in your body and tell yourselfthat January 1st is right around
the corner and that you'll focuson your health and resetting,
then.
If you can relate to this, I'dencourage you to try to think
about this a little bitdifferently.
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I think that being intentionaland planning is the best way to
maintain healthy eating most ofthe time, while also enjoying
some indulgences that arespecific to this time of the
year.
For example, if you know you'regoing to a holiday party or out
to dinner, be really thoughtfulabout what you're eating for
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breakfast and lunch.
If you're out where lots ofcocktails are being served, have
a full glass of water afterevery cocktail you have to help
you avoid overindulging.
Or, if you know you want to eatdessert, grab just a little bit
less for your main meal.
In my opinion, it's not aboutmaking drastic changes, it's
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more about being intentional anddoing what you can to eat
healthy as much of the time, aspossible while still enjoying
yourself during the holidayseason.
And then the third self carearea I want to mention is
movement.
Along with sleep, this can beone of the first things to go
when you feel busy or when yournormal routines are disrupted.
(07:01):
Physical movement is one of thebest ways to manage any
challenging emotions.
So try to take advantage of thisamazing tool that's always
available to you, if you make ita priority.
Even a 10 to 15 minute walk canmake a difference.
So based on your current abilityto move your body, try to
prioritize some form of movementmost days.
(07:24):
even when you feel really busy.
Next, I want to talk aboutboundaries.
Having healthy boundaries is aform of self care.
However, I'm putting it in thiscategory all on its own because
I want to highlight theimportance of having clear,
boundaries.
(07:45):
The holidays can be a time ofyear where boundaries are
stretched and where you mayallow them to be stretched
because you think that you haveto due to it being the holiday
season.
And when I talk about boundariesbeing stretched, there are
several ways that I see thishappen, so I'm going to break
them down for you.
Number one, financialboundaries.
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Yes, it's the holiday season.
However, this doesn't mean thatyou should feel obligated to
spend outside your means andcreate financial stress that
will follow you into the newyear.
Have a clear budget, plan outwhat you want to purchase, and
then stick with it.
And if you find yourself in asituation where you don't have
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enough money for any gifts orfor some gifts, scale back and
communicate this to others ifyou feel you need to.
Make your gifts more aboutwhat's meaningful versus fancy
or flashy.
The meaning of the holidayseason is not about putting
yourself into debt or furtherinto debt.
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So create boundaries aroundthis.
Number two, boundaries withothers.
If you're in a situation whereyou're feeling pressure to spend
time with certain people for theholidays, but they are people
you don't actually want to spendtime with, establish the
boundaries you need to protectyourself.
There's no right or wrong way todo this, but consider if you
need to (09:12):
Say no completely to
spending time with someone.
This might be because of theanxiety you feel leading up to
it, or the stress you experiencewhen you are with them.
Don't feel the need tooverexplain yourself or be
guilted into spending time withpeople who negatively impact
your emotional wellness.
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Depending on your situation, youcould simply say,"I'm not going
to be able to make it work thisyear, but I hope you have a
great holiday".
Or you could be more specificand say,"It doesn't usually go
well when I try to spend timewith,(Insert the name), so, I'm
just going to skip it thisyear".
(09:53):
You might also need to setlimits on how much time you
spend with certain people.
If there are people you can onlytolerate in smaller doses,
consider if you should plan toonly have a brief visit with
them.
Maybe you invite them only forappetizers or dessert.
Or maybe you only spend timewith them when there are others
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also present so that you havethose buffers and other people
to talk to.
Maybe you need to set limitsaround what topics you'll
discuss.
Some common topics that canbring up challenging emotions
are, you guessed it, politics,or bringing up things from the
past that are unresolved, orsensitive subjects or really
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anything that opens you up forcriticism.
Sometimes having a discussionahead of time is helpful, and
sometimes setting a firm, kindboundary in the moment can be
really effective.
If there are topics that feelsafe and easier to talk about,
consider what they might beahead of time, so if you see a
conversation going in the wrongdirection, you can quickly
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switch to a topic that feelsbetter, which you've thought
about already.
Maybe you need an exit strategy.
Plan ahead for what you'll do ifyou're in a situation and your
attempts to set boundaries arenot working.
Can you remove yourself fromcertain individuals or do you
need to leave completely?
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Knowing what you'll do ahead oftime will reduce your overall
anxiety and it will help you getout of the situations you don't
want to be in as quickly and aseffectively as possible.
Finally, set boundaries on whatyou say yes to in the first
place.
If you don't really have thecapacity to contribute to a
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meal, to attend a holiday party,to participate in a gift swap,
or any other event happening,know that it's okay to politely
say no.
If you're not feeling goodemotionally, you don't have to
put on a smile and force yourway through something.
Saying yes when you really wantto say no rarely ends up feeling
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good.
And it's also you not being trueto yourself or honest with
others.
And for my last strategy, decidehow you want to feel during this
holiday season.
There's no right or wrong answerhere.
Some people want to feel calm orrelaxed.
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Some people want to feelexcitement and joy, and some
people just want to feel likethey're going to be okay.
Figure out what it is you wantto feel during the holiday
season, and then decide whatsmall steps you can take to move
closer to that feeling.
This month is not about goingwith the flow, doing what you
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think you are supposed to do, orabout putting your boundaries on
the back burner.
The more intentional you are,the more in control you feel,
the better experience you willhave this holiday season.
So, as I do with all myepisodes, I want you to do more
than just listen.
I want you to take action if youare already or if you anticipate
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experiencing increased stress ornegative emotions during this
holiday season.
What are the one, two, or moresteps that you can take to
reduce your stress.
And, or to improve your overallemotional state.
Do you need to scale back alittle?
Do you need to dial back yourcooking or baking?
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Do you need to do just a littleless decorating?
Or maybe you need to scale backthe amount of spending you're
doing this holiday season.
Do you need to dial up your selfcare?
What can you do to make sureyou're getting 7 to 8 hours of
sleep most nights?
What can you do to beintentional to stay on track
with your eating and still enjoythose special indulgences that
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come with this time of year?
What can you do to stay activeeven when the days feel shorter,
darker, colder, and life ingeneral feels busy?
Even just 10 minutes a day canmake a difference.
Finally, do you need to dial inor establish healthy boundaries?
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This can cause some upfrontdiscomfort, however, consider
the discomfort you'll experienceif you don't establish
boundaries that protect youremotional well being.
Do you need to say no toparticipating in certain events?
Do you need to say no to someoneasking for help if you don't
feel you have the capacity to doso?
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Do you need to say no to certainconversations?
Do you need to establish anyexit strategies?
Take time and figure out ifthere are any adjustments that
you can make that will help youhave the best holiday season
possible based on yourindividual situation.
And remember, there's no rightor wrong.
(14:58):
So I encourage you to do whathelps you take the best care of
yourself.
That's a wrap.
You should be proud of yourselffor investing time in you, which
is so critical for success andfor overall life fulfillment.
I look forward to having youjoin me for my next episode.
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And in the meantime, go clickthat subscribe button so you
know when it's released.
And you can also follow me onInstagram@KarenVincentSolutions,
That's@KarenVincentSolutions onInstagram.
Also remember that whatever itis that you're working on,
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you've got this.
And I'm here cheering you on.