⚡️MINI⚡️ Women & Networking: The Power of Your Inner Circle

A bite-sized boost to your day!

Networking isn't just about collecting contacts; it's about building genuine connections. Research shows that women need TWO types of networks to succeed. Kathryn Valentine is back to explain...

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🌟 Guest: Kathryn Valentine - listen to our full episode here

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome to this on air withElla Minisode, a little bite sized
boost to your day. Alwaysquick, always thought provoking,
and always under 10 minutes.Let's go. Katherine, can you indulge
me for just a quickconversation on networking and I'll
set up the problem for you.All of us, we women, this podcast

(00:23):
fam, like, we want to broadenour connections, we want more relationships,
we want more people thatfrankly we can call on if we need
something professionally. And,and we do that a lot of the time,
Katherine, by offering our ownservices to help other people first.
Okay, we know that. Butinvariably, so many women I talk
to still struggle with theconcept of sort of putting themselves

(00:46):
out there in a networking waywhere they are declaring to other
people, here's what I do,here's how I'm of value. Let's connect.
Katherine, what are, what havewe got wrong about this process?
I have never loved the termnetworking, even before I really
dove into the research on it.It just feels manipulative to me.
And, and there's nothing aboutthat word that's inherently manipulative.

(01:08):
It's just the feeling that Iattach to it. I prefer to think of
it as making friends. And ifwe make friends, I'm more likely
to help you. And that feelsgood to me. And if an occasion comes
up where I need help, you'remore likely to help me. And by the
way, that feels good to you.Like research wise, it feels good
to you to do something nicefor someone else. The thing on networking,
there's this one research thatwas done by Brian Uzi out of Northwestern

(01:32):
that I just nerded out on forlike six months. His team analyzed
4,5 million emails, which ismind boggling to me. Although for
you it might just be like aTuesday, right?
That sounds like my version ofhell, actually.
Agreed. They found that women.So they mapped, they took these emails
to map out networks of variouspeople and they found that what I

(01:55):
had always believed is thatthe broader your network, the more
powerful it is. What theydiscovered is that was true for men,
but that's only half the truthfor women. For women, the women who
were most successful had abroad network, but then also a close
inner circle of other women.And what they found is that women
who had that close innercircle were 2.5 times more successful

(02:18):
than women who didn't havethat close network. And so for me,
when I go to any of these andI'm putting in quotation like networking
events, my goal is to walk outwith one real connection. I'm really
lucky if I get two. But likemeeting 30 people for me, that does
not get me up in the morning.That makes me want to run, hide in
a closet. I just need to meetone person that I hit it off with.

(02:41):
And when I genuinely hit itoff with them, I'm going to genuinely
want to be friends with them.
I have heard you say thatbased on research. Men need one type
of network to succeed inbusiness, but women need two. Is
this what you mean? And do, domen only need that broad network
that you speak of? And we needthis close inner circle plus a broader
network. Talk to me about this.

(03:03):
So that was looked at from aprofessional lens. So those two networks,
men are more successful whenthey have a bigger one. Success in
this study was defined interms of title and pay. Women are
more successful when they havetwo. My hot take would be that if
researchers introduced mentalwell being, I think I would suspect
that men would also benefitfrom a couple few close contacts.

(03:26):
But that's just not the lensthat was taken in this particular
study.
Fair enough. And totallycosine. Yes. Okay. And. And I want
to ask you, and I don't knowif I'm asking Katherine the researcher
or just Katherine Valentine.And you may answer through whichever
lens makes sense to you. ButKatherine, if you are going somewhere
and you want to make just onereal connection and that's a real

(03:48):
victory and I by the way, justcould not agree more. What do you
say? Like, because I have avery direct style and that is not
appealing to, to many people.So if I show up in an environment
like I go to a women's groupthing and I know that I want to meet
women and I know that I wantto make connections. And by the way,
that's my word for networkingis I want to make genuine connections.

(04:11):
The word for me is connect. Iam not interested in walking out
with 15 business cards. Ireally want to meet like one or two
people that I actually want togo to dinner with. Like that's my
act goal. And so I have a verydirect style. If I know I've got
good chemistry with someone,I'm like, I would love to spend more
time with you. Can we go todinner? Can we do coffee? And I'm

(04:32):
just, I'm just right therewith it. That does not work for everyone.
And so I would just love amore in depth take. How do you make
that approach, Katherine? Howdo you make that type of connection
when you're interested insomebody in that way?
I think you just explained whyI enjoy Talking to you so much, because
when somebody does that, Ijust, like, breathe and my shoulders

(04:52):
go down and I'm like, great,I'd love to go to dinner.
Right? You don't have to do it.
Thank God you did this for me.For me, my natural approach is a
little bit softer, which isjust like, hey, I was really interested
when you said. And I'm goingto refer to something they said coming
like, oh, I get to go to this,or my family's doing that or whatever.
I'd love to, like, follow backup with you and see how it went.

(05:14):
Can I have your email addressor do you want to exchange? Or even,
I think the stereotypicallike, hey, let's stay in touch, let's
exchange email addresses. Alot of times now I'm bumping my phone
just because logistically,that's the easiest right now. But,
yeah, you know, choose yourown. Choose your own adventure there.
Okay. Well, I think the real.I think the really useful takeaway
here is that we don't need toaccept the traditional paradigm of

(05:37):
what networking means. We canjust throw that completely out the
window. Because what I'mhearing you say, and what my lived
experience has been is thatlike having a broad network and having
a bunch of people you'reconnected to on LinkedIn, swell,
that's absolutely groovy. Butwith regard to your success, research
shows, from what I'munderstanding, that your success

(05:58):
actually, I don't wanna say isreliant on. You're more likely to
be successful if you havebuilt a close inner circle. Am I
saying that correctly?
You are.
Okay. In that case, though, Istill think we have to have the bravery
or whatever it takes to putourself in those environments where
those connections can actuallyhappen. Would you agree?

(06:19):
Agreed. And I think the otherthing is that when you're. When you're
networking, it's not what canthey do for me, which I think most
of your listeners wouldn'tthink or would be uncomfortable thinking
about it that way, it's do wegenuinely connect? And the other
part of it is, can I helpthem? I mean, I love. There's this
book, Give to Grow Mo Bonnell,but it's like, what can you do to
help somebody else? And ifit's somebody else you can help,

(06:41):
chances are there's overlap.Overlap enough in your skills that
that's a good sort ofnetworking opportunity, too.
Well, this is a beautifulopportunity to refer back to Allison's
book, Likable Badass, whereshe talks about how to network and
she gives very very practicaltips. Okay, Katherine, thank you
for that little lightninground, that medium dive into networking.

(07:03):
I just really wanted your takebecause I knew that you had a lot
of experience here. So thank you.
Yeah, that was fun.
Thanks for joining me for thismini episode of On Air with Ella.
Tune in for our full episodesonce a week. See you next time.