July 10, 2025 • 45 mins
Danita Young is the CEO of boot bands, a world renowned fitness equipment brand, but also a stress and anxiety coach, and cognitive behavioral therapist.
She’s helped 100s of people to find clarity, purpose, and fulfillment while overcoming their anxiety, depression, and negative beliefs.
The conversation is saturated with amazing tips and strategies that almost anyone will benefit from.
For a free 15-minute consultation, use the link here to speak with Danita: https://callwithdanita.com/
To being the best version of you,
Dr Jay
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
All right guys.
Welcome to the Won Body Won Lifepodcast.
I'm your host, Dr.
Jason Won, lifestyle physicaltherapist.
I like to teach people how toget stronger, become pain-free
again, and also in order tochange your mindset in terms of
being consistent with exercise,looking, not looking always at
the past, but always lookingforward.
Today I have a very specialguest and as you can see, align
with Nita.
I love the title, and her nameis Nita Young.
(00:23):
She is a.
Cognitive behavioral therapist.
She's also an NLP.
And also she is an anxietycoach.
She has gone through many walksof life from high amounts of
success to the very lows, andI'm sure that a lot of people,
including myself, can say thatlife is not all about I.
Dandelions and flowers, right?
There's gonna be these turmoils,these things that can lead
(00:43):
people in a very destituteplace, or some people can become
resilient and be a product ofcoming out of turmoil.
And I think that tan is one ofthe perfect people to share
that.
So Dania, welcome in.
How are you doing today?
I'm doing great.
Thanks for having me Tan.
I'm very blessed to have you.
And I know we had aconversation.
I always say we never.
I never just invite anybody ontothe podcast.
I wanna invite people that I vetfor that I feel can provide
(01:06):
immense value, but also providea very powerful message.
And so why don't you just sharewith people a little about
yourself tell them what you dofor a living, but also I know
you have a very successfulbackground as well in various
facets.
I would love to hear about thatas well.
Yeah, absolutely.
I would say, to really tellsomebody's story, it's.
It's really through the highs tothe lows, right?
(01:28):
Like you only get to a high anduntil you actually experience
some sort of lows and you don'tthink that going through life,
you actually think that I shouldjust be lucky, or I'm a good
person.
I should just naturally get thisstuff.
You don't realize that thepolarities of life is really
where things are at.
So if you're experiencingsomething in your life right now
where you feel like, man, I'mjust getting kicked to the
ground over and over again.
(01:48):
It just shows that there'sreally something that you're
trying to manifest or be orinspire in the world.
And that's just an overview asfar as wherever you might be at.
But my journey, I was, being anentrepreneur is probably one of
the hardest things I faced in mylife.
You go to work and you don'tknow if you're getting paid, so
you really wake up with panicevery single day and fear of,
can I actually make this work?
You're facing all fears offailure, fear, fears of all your
(02:10):
limiting beliefs what's comingup?
What's causing this?
So as I was facing my journeysimultaneously, I was opening up
the company, booty bands.com.
And what I experienced at thevery beginning stages was
extreme highs and extreme lows,like really high, really up.
You're really feeling likeyou're on top of the world one
minute, and then you're kickeddown almost 24 hours away from
(02:31):
bankruptcy the next minute.
And you're just like, youridentity.
Just really, when you don't havean identity, your identity is
just going with that wholeexperience.
Kind of the same thing when youmentioned we're not our
diagnosis, right?
Like we identify with adiagnosis.
Like to me, I was identifyingwith this brand and thinking it
was something I was.
(02:51):
And through our journey of life,we're gonna find that it's going
to completely rip apart ouridentity so that we become our
most authentic self.
And that's where I truly believethat real authenticity comes.
This thing called an ego.
But for me it was just reallywalking and helping people
through the weight loss worldoriginally is where I come from.
(03:13):
I started off more as like a asyour bikini competitor, like
National Qualified Bikinicompetitor and was like, wow, a
lot of people are starvingthemselves and not getting
enough protein in and.
Realizing they really didn'thave the right tools.
And so initially I went into itthinking they just need new
tools and then they're fine.
But I was blindsided as a coachrealizing that, no, it's
(03:34):
actually a lot more aboutconsistency and motivation.
I.
And procrastination.
That was really more of the mainproblem.
And they were really good forthree weeks, but then they would
fall off for three weeks, sothere was that issue that I got
to really actually see was moreof the problem.
And and I got to see that mostpeople know how to eat healthy.
Most people know how to workout.
(03:54):
They already know what.
Not on that regard, but theyjust something energetically was
holding them back.
And through that discovery, Isaw that through weight loss,
you had to remove the energeticweight first in order for the
physical weight to then comeoff, and I'm talking
sustainably.
So as I was experiencing thishigh, low, high, low business, I
(04:16):
got to see my clients were alsoexperiencing high, low, high,
low with fitness.
So it was kinda like, what's thecommonality here?
This is really interesting.
So as I learned that it was theenergetic behind it, right?
It's the fears, it's onlybeliefs, it's stress, it's the
anxiety, it's the, trauma, it'sthe loss.
It's all these different thingsthat if we don't work through
those.
We try to just shove those down,then energetically we're
(04:39):
carrying this wheat and we'retrying to just then go into
escapism to the extremes.
So now as I've been able to findthis sustainability and help
others through thesustainability process, which
truly is more control, I foundthat it was very similar
through.
Addiction through marriages,through anxiety, through
depression, through weight losssuccess, all had a common
(05:01):
denominator.
So I thought that was the mostsimplest way to really bring on
today and just bring things intosimplicity of one that's trying
to reach their level of success.
Yeah, I like that.
I know that, I know that peopledeem you as an anxiety coach,
and it seems like even in yourown life, you're not just a,
you're not just certified,you're somebody that actually
has been through it, right?
(05:22):
Being a very successful companywith booty bands, and then when
you told me that, I was like,yeah, I have some of them in my
gym right now, so I was alreadya fan of your stuff.
And now then you go through thehighs and lows.
There's Hey, you buy newinventory.
Then all of a sudden, you're notselling as much as you need to.
I know that you.
You wanted to be on thispodcast.
You had a powerful SSA and youtalked about the freeway
analogy.
(05:42):
This analogy of like when you'redriving forward is to always be
facing forward.
'cause if you don't face forwardyou're not looking at the
traffic in front of you, you'regonna go into, you're gonna get
into a crash.
So a lot of people that you,especially the people that we
treat, which is people withchronic pain and injuries that
they can't resolve or they die,they.
They identify with theirdiagnoses.
They're continuously lookingbackwards at their past
(06:04):
experiences.
They say, Hey, I failed this.
I failed this.
What makes me think that thisnext thing's gonna work out?
I have hurt myself many times.
I.
I don't think that I shouldsecond guess.
I think I should second guessmyself and not do this thing.
So they always leave.
There's living in a state ofuncertainty.
Can you share a little bit lighton how that kind of relates to
some of the people that you'vehelped, especially with let's
(06:25):
say severe anxiety, the kind ofpeople that no matter how much
you tell them, they're to lookforward, they're always looking
backwards.
You at the mirror behind them.
Yeah, I feel like there's alevel of control or a false
sense of safety when we're ableto look more at our past than
our future.
'cause the future, if you reallylook at it as a full of unknowns
a lot of opportunities, but alot of mystery.
(06:46):
And our brains actually don'tlike that.
Especially the basal ganglia.
Basal ganglia is a part of thebrain that loves familiarity.
And so anything that's notfamiliar, it likes to resist
against that.
And it.
You, it's just a part of yourbrain that's stuck into a
survival mechanism.
And then once you realize thatif you don't gain control over
(07:06):
your brain is gonna have controlover you.
And then you're gonna findyourself stuck in that groundhog
day is is what I like to callit.
But yeah, as far as anindividual that is stuck in that
way of looking in the past.
I always bring individuals tothis analogy.
I say, what's your greatestaccomplishment in life?
And they'll tell me, oh, Igraduated college, or, I got my
(07:26):
master's degree, or I was ableto make my real estate license.
Or, I rated number one for 20years in real estate or
whatever, your event in life.
And I say, great.
So when you imagine from thevery beginning, very end of that
event, was it a straight line?
And every time, it was never astraight line.
I said, okay, so what was it,Zig?
(07:49):
Is a zigzag.
So what that means is we don'tnaturally wanna go to a zigzag.
That means that we go to a pointuntil it's not working, and then
we course correct which callPivot.
And then you course correctagain.
And then you course correct.
So we're going into this placecalled The Unknowns.
That's the future.
In order for make things tobecome an achievement or an
accomplishment of any sorts.
(08:10):
And that's applicable tosomebody that's experiencing a
chronic illness, and that'ssomebody that's experiencing
entrepreneurship to marriage, towhat you know, alcoholism,
whatever.
It's that you're facing.
You're experiencing your futureself, which is in the unknown.
And so I love Dr.
Joe Dispenza.
If anybody knows him, he's aneuroscientist that really talks
(08:31):
about how to get comfortable inthe unknowns and says it's
required in order to get yourfuture self and to gain control
over this version of you you'redreaming of.
And so if somebody were to cometo me and say, I can't overcome
this chronic illness, I wouldlet'em know then you're right.
They don't like.
(08:52):
They don't.
Alright.
But I'm gonna be honest, ifyou're saying you can't, you
gonna prove that correctly,you'll be forever.
And so I like to give people thehard truth is that.
If you continue to keep sayingthat, then you will be stuck.
However, the opposite of that isfake positivity.
I have a client that said when Isay that I can, it feels like a
(09:14):
lie.
And I say then you're right.
It'll be a lie.
They're like, damn the truthhere.
Can I outta this?
And I said that's the unknown.
That's being curious and beingto.
If you close yourself upthinking you've tried it all
(09:37):
then you'll be right.
And so you really have to be inthat place of exploration.
And so my thing is that Irecommend how people do that is
choose a word that allows you toget excited about your future of
unknowns.
My word is.
So anytime I'm sitting in thatmoment of I dunno what's on the
other side, or could this bereal?
(09:58):
Could I overcome this diagnosis?
Could I overcome this?
Can I be the future me?
Anytime I'm in that unknowns, Iask open questions and I get
curious and I say.
And you put yourself then intothat expanded, excited place
rather than a fearful state ofthe unknowns in the future.
(10:22):
Wow.
I feel like I can take away somany points from that, and
hopefully people will remindthat what you just said over and
over again.
I mean it is absolutely true.
It's much easier to stay exactlywhere you are.
Like it's so easy because that'syour comfort zone.
Your comfort zone is identifyingas your chronic illness, letting
people know that you'resuffering.
(10:42):
And maybe you love the attentionof what people give to you.
When you're saying like, I'mchronically ill, right?
And whoever's dealing withanxiety, they, they like, it is
not to say that they don't wantchange.
It's just that they're tooafraid for change, right?
They're not willing to stepoutside of their comfort zone in
order to see that.
Big analogy I always use, I evenused to have a poster board of
this when I first started myentrepreneurial journey, right?
(11:03):
Going from corporate physicaltherapy into my online practice.
I.
It was a, this just this hugemountain and the quote on it
was, the hardest climb leads tothe best views, right?
If you go to Hawaii, I'm sureyou have like d in different
places, there's this like reallytreacherous hike.
Apparently a lot of people diein Oahu on doing this, and they
don't even allow people to go onit.
(11:24):
And it's like you're literallyon like the cuff, like you're
literally on this bridge wherelike you're walking and just
step one direction, you can falloff, step another direction, you
can fall off and literally die.
And yet you stay on this path,you might trip up here and
there, but all of a sudden whenyou get to your, to the final
destination, it's like the mostamazing view of everything.
(11:45):
And in the same fashion is thosepeople with, the greatest
accomplishments.
And you're like how did youachieve X accomplishment?
Was it a straight line and no,it was a bunch of zigzags.
It was a bunch of pivots.
Sometimes you had to take stepsbackwards in order to move
forward.
Sometimes you.
You injured yourself w withwhatever that you're on, and you
had to come back from thatinjury, come back from the
(12:07):
perilous journey.
So I just love the way that youexplained that.
Now for those that let's saythere's a book and I think you
may, maybe you've heard of thisbook, but it's Magic by Rhonda
Byrne, and it talks aboutmanifestation, right?
Manifesting the life that youwant.
Now, if you manifest.
If you manifest like negativityin your life, it is going,
nothing's gonna change or thingsare just gonna stay exactly how
(12:29):
they are.
But being excited about thejourney and imagining the life
that you could have oftentimescan compel people to take those
actions.
So I'm just curious on like thetypes, the thing I'm genuinely
curious about that I think willprovide a lot of value is the
types of exercises or the typesof strategies, like when people
are actually working with you.
What are some of the first stepsfor them to actually start to,
(12:52):
manifest, manifest a differentversion of themselves or
manifest the goals and actuallyget there with certainty?
Yeah.
I would say the, what I likeabout starting something is that
you can track and measure itbecause this is a very unknown.
Which is your internal self,right?
Your energetic weight thatyou're carrying within yourself.
(13:13):
And so to me, tracking andmeasuring it where you're able
to see where you're currentlyat.
To know that if you do make amilestone, that we can celebrate
that.
And so that would be the firstthing is being like anytime we
go down a transformation,whether if it, let's say it's
fitness, we get a track andmeasure to actually see that the
body fat's going down and themuscles going up.
There we go.
(13:34):
Then we can celebrate thesewins.
And that's so needed for anybodyin a transformation.
Because when I went into theworld initially of
manifestation, I had no idea ifI was on the right path or not.
I woke up every day trying to belike.
Am I doing it correctly?
'cause I'm still in GroundhogDay, like how do I know what's
working?
You are really in this gray fogfor a little bit.
(13:55):
And so the way that I like totrack and measure and it, this
is specifically that I do foranxiety or depression, or it
could be alcohol.
Really works all across theboard that I've worked with.
But I would say the first one ison a one to 10 scale, just rate
your belief systems like, I amworthy, I'm valuable, I'm
important, I'm good enough Imatter, I'm lovable.
And there's two parts to thatbecause you can have the
conscious thoughts like, yeah, Iam, but then you can have the
(14:18):
subconscious of I don't feelthat way though.
And so you want to get to thesubconscious, which is 95% of
you.
So think of the thoughtunderneath the thought, and
that's gonna be the realthought.
And so then once you have yourrating there, then go to find
out what your frequency is atit's.
Undeniable that we all have ameasure frequency about us, of
(14:39):
the emotions we feel.
So if I generally feel fear andgrief and shame, why don't be a
very low frequency overall?
'cause those are really heavyemotions and even though I can't
see that.
We can feel that from somebody,and that's actually in physics.
We can actually measure that.
There's a literal measurement ofa field around someone either
(15:00):
for pushing people away or formagnetizing people to us.
It's really gonna be determinedon that.
So then going into the, whatfrequency are you?
Then the third one I like to useis like, where's your nervous
system?
Because that just determineswhat state you are in.
You're either going to be inthat parasympathetic, which is
the expansive state.
Or you're in the sympatheticnervous system, which is the
(15:22):
contracted state.
And that's gonna determine a lotof your physical ailments.
So a lot of people come to meand have physical ailments.
Of heart palpitations ordizziness or pain that's
undescribable.
Nobody can figure out where thepain is coming from or,
digestion issues and get, Icould stay here for days that
doctors can't understand whereit originally came from.
(15:45):
They're like.
I don't know, but look uptension myositis syndrome.
Basically what happens is whenthe body's tense is when that
state of the sympathetic nervoussystem is going to contract the
vascular system, which makes theblood pressure go up or it's
going to make the lungs inflateless.
And so you're not gonna begetting enough oxygen creating
the dizziness, or you're gonnabe having less oxygen within the
(16:08):
muscle.
So it's creating that tensionmyositis syndrome causing pain
within the body that.
It doesn't make any sense toanybody.
So we stay in these chronicplaces.
And so those would be the threemain tests to find out where,
initially, where you're at.
Because to me, how do you get toa how until you understand the
why, the powerful.
(16:28):
And I read I think probably readthe same book, MINDBODY
Connection by John Sarno, wherehe talks a lot about tension
myositis syndrome and how.
People have this, I guess I,I've always explained it as
people have an emotional beakerand they have a symptom beaker,
right?
And so emotions is eight ounces,then your symptoms are eight
ounces too.
However, if you outlet youremotions, which is like talking
(16:49):
with your friends, potentiallyyou're lowering that emotional
beaker because you're able tooutlet that with to somebody.
That's probably where you comeinto play, where.
People can outlet things to youand then they can re reduce that
anxiety, right?
But however, if you let theemotions boil over, it spills
into the physical speaker andtherefore that's where TMS or
tension Myositis syndrome wherepeople, their emotional tension
(17:09):
starts to manifest itself asphysical symptoms.
So I love that.
Another thing that we both agreeon is, it's tracking.
Yeah, that, that's a huge onebecause you're taking things
that are somewhat subjective,like I'm in pain, or I'm in
fear, I'm anxiety.
And a lot of times it feels veryoverwhelming and very consuming
to the point where no matterwhere you go in the house, like
(17:29):
Anxiety Cloud follows you.
And by tracking, by, bymeasuring things and making the
subjective more objective, itmakes you, it allows you, and
also even my clients, to havemore justifiable decision and
feel like they're a little bitmore in control.
You can put quantities to thingsand we can mathematize things.
So all that I'm in, in totalagreement with there is a book
(17:52):
that I've been reading.
I've been telling my wife aboutit, and I'm sure that you can
hit on this too.
It's a book called Happier andit's about like fulfillments and
how people that are anxious, oreven people that are seemingly
are, that are unhappy.
Unhappy is usually associatedwith, think of what unhappy is,
synonymous to depression,anxiety, things that you're an
expert at.
One of the things that they talkabout was when people are on
(18:14):
these very perilous journeys andwe're, when they're hitting
these very.
Emotional lows is that a lot oftimes they perceive that the
work that they're doing,whatever aforementioned goal
that they have, that they're noteven really enjoying the
process, right?
They're just thinking about thegoal.
So when once they hit the goal,they're always focused on the
goal.
Let's say they hit that goal.
After that there's this hugeemotional high, but then they
(18:36):
just go back to their current.
Negative emotional state becausethey hit the goal versus the
those that they feel happy inalmost every stage of the
mountain.
They feel happy.
And that, that's where you hiton that too, where you enjoy the
process, you enjoy the zigzags,right?
And you're like, I'm thankfulfor the journey that I'm on
because I'm trying to aim forthis goal.
And the goal is to always be.
(18:57):
Larger goals and at the end ofit, so can you describe that to
some of our viewers in terms ofhow even despite them zigzagging
that in which they can enjoy theentire journey of, let's say,
overcoming anxiety or someovercoming some sort of illness.
Yeah, I think it's a big shiftof, I think the most powerful
thing we can do is really takeourself out of the black and
(19:19):
white thinking that we've allbeen programmed to do.
Our brains are like, I mean we,I think it's 5% we're actually
really utilizing of our brainsand we get lodge and stuck into
that black and white thinking.
But perspective shifting is sucha fascinating thing.
Like you get to realize, oh mygosh, that.
How little do I really know inthis world?
There really is so many othertools that I haven't, even a
(19:40):
book I haven't read yet, or aperson I haven't met yet.
A perspective that literallyopened me up or a realization
that I've been living alive thiswhole time, or like just all
these cool realizations.
But as far as the wordhappiness.
I look at it as for me, in myexperience in my life, it was a
carrot on a stick that I waschasing with this never ending
thing of maybe it's my businessor maybe it's my relationship,
or maybe it's a kid, or maybeit's like, what?
(20:01):
Something outside of me.
But we realize that's aninternal emotion.
That's something that isactually found internally
because if we continue to wannachasing it outside, then it's.
It's a never ending.
It's a, I don't, you can'tactually grasp it.
Like you can grasp it for amoment, but then it goes away
again.
And so for me, I had to reallychange that perspective and go,
(20:23):
how can I actually findhappiness now?
So that becomes my emotionalhome.
That no matter what it is that Iget in my life is now magnetic
towards that because we knowlike energy attracts like
energy.
So to me, I worked so muchharder than what I should.
I was working 80 hours a weekpushing and forcing and trying
and I got to, I need to liketype of desperation in my life
(20:46):
proving energy.
And then once you just turn itback, you actually lean back,
sit in your chair and go, Idon't have to.
And then you get to see youbecome magnetic.
People are like, whoa, I wannabe.
I wanna be confident like you.
How do I be up like you?
How do I be, how do I get mybusiness to be as successful as
you?
And you just go, stop trying.
So effing hard.
And that's really hard forpeople that have been
(21:07):
conditioned in the societalupbringing that we are at, as
we've all been taught.
If you work hard, you'll be ableto make it.
I worked really freaking hard,but it led me to 24 hours away
from bankruptcy and homelessnessand desperation.
I'm so confused.
I'm a good person, and I workedreally hard, but I ended up
making a lot of really dumbdecisions and really out of
(21:28):
alignment decisions because.
I was operating on, I'm not goodenough.
I'm not worthy, I'm notdeserving.
I don't have value.
I have to prove myself.
So it was a desperation.
And so there's so many analogieswe can have fun with it.
But one example is I tell thisone all the time.
People laugh at it, but if yougo to, let's say you go to a
bar, right?
And you're single, and you have,this you're a guy, so I'll just
(21:49):
put it into a female context,and you have a girl coming to
you and she is like desperation,wanting to get married and have
kids with you, with the firstday she met you.
You're gonna be like, what'swrong with you?
You don't even know who I am.
But she's so desperate.
Her actions are escapisms orextremes.
Just because she wants sodesperately to have a family,
let's say.
(22:09):
Yeah.
And so of course she's gonnakeep getting people to push her
away even though she's trying sohard to get the things she
wants.
But instead, if you find a girlthat's like.
Confident and happy.
And she's just sitting in thechair and she's I don't need
anything in life.
I'm freaking happy.
We're naturally gonna bemagnetized to that.
We're gonna be like, Hey, canyou tell me why you're so
freaking happy and you don'tneed anything and you're just
(22:29):
drinking water over here?
And then she's gonna say,'causehappiness is within, I don't
need it.
And so there's a whole level ofshift.
So there's so many examples thatwe can use in different parts of
life, right?
But that would be the in my.
Experience of world wherehappiness really is.
That's amazing.
I love that analogy.
And.
(22:50):
Again the book that comes up alot is Magic by Rhonda Byrne
that when you are going to emitnegative energy you are, there's
gonna be a lot more things.
Whether it's like thingsactually start negatively
happening to you, or like whatmanifesting is that when you
actually start attracting thepeople that you want and the
things that you want, and youstart to.
Think and act accordingly isthat actually things start
(23:14):
happening better to you, or atleast at the minimum.
You start focusing a lot more onthe positives, and then when the
negatives do hit you, they don'thit you as hard, they don't hit
you like Anil.
It hits you as in I'm verythankful that these negative
things that have happened to mebecause without the challenges
of life.
Then I wouldn't feel asfulfilled right there.
Nobody says that the hero'sjourney that'd be silly to think
(23:35):
that the hero's journey is justlike one straight trajectory
towards success.
Is that the hero's journey?
Like there you want the perils,you want the things that happen
to you because that's what makesit feel so much better at the
end of the tunnel.
And I've, I think in terms ofanybody's life, that if you're
dealing with anxiety.
Ailments, illnesses, whatever'sgoing on in your life that you
(23:56):
feel negative about is again,think about how you can switch
the narrative towards beingthankful for a lot of the, the
struggles and the rocks thatwere being thrown at you.
Because without that, if youjust had one straight trajectory
towards success, it would notfeel as fulfilling, right?
So that's why God and whoeverhigher beings are, that is why
we are on this earth, is toovercome these anxieties and
(24:19):
some of the things that happento us.
I'm sure that you can hit on thenext question that I have, which
is purpose.
Purpose and people that live,that want to live a
purpose-driven life.
I think initially, just to tellyou about myself and when I
think I went through the samethings as you Danita, where when
I first started my businessduring the pandemic.
(24:39):
There were months where I'd belike, oh shoot.
Got my first sale.
Great.
And then there was months whereoh then the pandemic happened
and boom, everyone got scared.
Nobody wanted to spend anything.
No matter how good my serviceswere, it was like, am I even cut
out for this?
Do I have to go back to mynormal nine to five job?
And I was depressed.
I think I got pale.
(25:00):
I think I lost 14 pounds ofmuscle.
It's horrible.
I couldn't even leave mybedroom.
And my wife was like fearful formy.
For my mental health.
But then I started thinkingabout if I really focus on the
financial aspects, I think whatI'm attracting is just money,
right?
So like negative things, likenot making sales hits you a lot
harder than it actually should,when you should be still
(25:21):
thankful for the fact that Ihave a roof on top of my head.
I have a beautiful wife and Ihave a very important skill that
I wanna share with people, whichis helping people with pain.
So I'm curious on.
Do you use somewhat of like howpurpose can be the thing that
kind of drives them away fromtheir anxieties or like how
would you use purpose for aspecific client in this
situation?
I.
(25:42):
Yeah, great question.
And yeah, we have a lot ofsimilar beliefs and sometimes I
like to debate people, but Ican't even debate you over here.
We're just too similar over herewith as far as our, and that's
what's great about it.
You realize that success reallydoes have a certain structure to
it.
It's great.
We don't have to sit and keeptracing this thing, but.
To your point of purpose I foundit's the same thing as
(26:02):
happiness.
A lot of people are trying tothink of, what is this job
that's going to lead me into mygreatest purpose?
Again, it's not something that'soutside of you.
So many people are trying tolook for this grand, ginormous.
Magnificent thing calledpurpose, when really, actually
it's something super subtle andsuper small inside of you, such
as just being a good listener.
(26:24):
A good listener can actuallymake an individual feel seen and
heard.
If an individual feels seen andheard, they feel safe.
If somebody feels safe, they'reready to change.
If somebody's ready to changeyou change their life.
That's a massive freakingskillset.
Like it's a massive purpose, agift, and so what I like to do
is I have a lesson, I sit downwith people and show them what
are the compliments that peoplegive you all the time?
(26:47):
Oh, that I'm I make them feelcomfortable.
Is that a gift?
Yeah.
Now that I think about it, andso sometimes we've been
searching on this carrot on astick, just constantly looking
for something outside of us.
It's all inside of us thisentire time.
It really is.
And until you get to thatmoment, you're just like.
Boom.
Like it hits you where you'rejust like, what have I been
chasing?
This thing really does existinside here.
(27:09):
And I find that when I found mygift, it was, I see an
individual underneath the shell.
I don't see their ego, I don'tsee their limiting beliefs.
I don't see their.
Their restrictions in their lifeor whatever it is.
I literally see just them asthey are as a perfect human
(27:30):
being that's just covered with abunch of crap.
And so my gift is I can seethrough all that and I can pull
out the real version of themreally quickly.
So when you get to see that yourgift is something so small, but
yet so freaking powerful.
But your point as far as evengoing back to how do we know
it's a good day, if we've neverexperienced a bad day, you're a
(27:51):
thousand percent that we have togo through polarities in life.
If you're trying to be one ofthe greatest successful,
accomplished individuals, thenyou're going to have to
experience, its opposite for youto even know what that is.
That was a big realization forme because I wanted to impact
the world.
And so here I am going throughsuicidal thoughts and depression
(28:11):
and anxiety and homelessness andjust complete rock bottom
basement to rock bottom.
There's, by the way, there'sbasements to rock bottom you
guys.
I'm just letting you know.
Okay?
And once you get there.
I kept asking God, like, why amI here?
Why am I here?
And he goes you wanted to impactthe world, right?
And I said, yes, I do.
I wanna impact the world.
Why am I here?
And he goes, how can you impactthe world?
(28:33):
You can't relate to anybody topull them out.
Oh, touche.
I guess it was all, I guess itwas all actually very purposely
driven that I needed experience,what it felt like.
So that when I have a client andthey tell me their moments, I'm
like, oh my gosh, I've beenthere.
I know what that feels like.
Let's.
And I think one of the greatestthings is nothing.
(28:56):
Certificates means nothing.
It's the experience that you'vebeen through in your life is
going to the most value you cangive someone.
Where is value?
That is money.
That is success, that ispurpose, your experience is so
key.
And so I, I love this quote.
It was somebody said, if youever feel like a pile of mush
with a blanket wrapped aroundyou, perfect.
(29:18):
That's exactly the phase of abutterfly that goes through the
chrysalis phase where it's likeliterally wrapped up in a
blanket and it's turned into amush.
I was like, oh my gosh.
That's exactly where it, yeah.
Yeah.
I think to summarize that, Ithink the biggest point, and I'm
thankful that you.
You said that because sometimesI forget about it too, was a lot
(29:39):
of times we're looking forpurpose, but we're not looking
inside instead of we're lookingfor like external gratification
or we're looking for thingsoutside of it.
The an analogy for entrepreneursout there is we're looking for
the Rolexes, we're looking forthe watches.
And that's like our status,right?
So once I gain that, that'shappiness right there.
When in fact the when you reallyask the harder questions, I'm
like.
What am I here for?
Or maybe you're asking yourfriend about what are the
(30:00):
compliments, what are the thingsabout me that make that that,
why are you my friend?
And a lot of times you ask yourquestion, you ask your friend
that question over and overagain.
What?
No, but why are we friends?
And you start, they actuallystart to peel the layers of the
onion to the point where it'sbecause.
You're always there for me whenI when my dad was, when my dad
was dying.
And you start to see like theinner workings of like why
(30:21):
people like you.
And a lot of times they're, whenyou're asking your best friend
or your mom or whoever, what isyour you don't ask them straight
up what is my purpose?
'cause they're not gonna answerthat for you.
But when you start to hear thecompliments back to you, they
peel the layers of the onion foryou.
And I found this from SimonSinek.
The, a Canadian author, he said,know your why?
And he says yeah ask one of yourbest friends.
What are the things about youthat, like, why are you guys
(30:42):
friends?
And they can start to tell youlike what you're good at, and
what makes you human?
Like, why, what is your purpose?
And I just, again the fact thatyou said that instead of looking
for the external things thatmight make us happy.
Just start to look more like atthe things inside of you, and
you'll start to really find thatit doesn't matter how many bad
things happen to you, thatnobody can take away your
(31:02):
identity.
Nobody can take away the factthat you have a specific driven
purpose.
And I've said this before too,it's like somebody could be
making$20,000 as a janitor.
Be perfectly happy cleaningpeople's toilets and all that
and feel absolutely fulfilled.
There's this nomad that makes$18,000 on a blog site, and he
(31:23):
just connects to variousinternets, like all over the
World Cafe, and he just blogsabout his life that he lives in
a car and he just goes todifferent national parks.
And yet he is like you could seein his pictures, he's the
happiest person in the world.
Make making 18 k.
Per year.
And this is a real story versusthese people that are
millionaires and billionairesand they are they feel like
(31:44):
they're the most destitutepeople in the world.
Like it's amazing.
And I think that's because thosetypes of people are looking
again, for, again, whether youare really driven by your, like
your financial health and deepinside you're actually suffering
internally.
So I, again I really love thispart of the podcast because you
really hit on a very powerfulpoint.
(32:05):
I guess that kind of goes to mynext point around the people
that I treat are oftentimes busymoms, right?
And I'm sure you've treated momsand dads, and there's this word
here everybody knows thisperfectionism, right?
And they're in this all ornothing mentality.
It's like I either have 60minutes to work out.
Or else nothing.
And they just sit at home, geton social media, and then
(32:27):
there's just this constantbattle and this constant guilt
of not working out, not takingcare of my health, taking care
of the kids, not working outmore.
How do you define,perfectionism?
What is the relationship betweenanxiety and perfectionism?
Yeah.
Anxiety to me just meanstension.
I like to simplify anythingthat's out there because when it
(32:49):
gets.
Convoluted and complicated, itfeels what the heck is this
thing?
So if I, my visual on anxiety islike you imagine a box and you
stick somebody in the box andthey have this desire to just be
and become and purpose and moreand live and fulfilled and all
these desires, right?
(33:10):
But then the walls of the box isgoing to be things like fear of
failure.
Or I'm not worthy, or I don'thave enough value, or I've got
past loss that I haven't workedthrough, or, I've got things
that the society has.
I think society is, so you havethese walls built around you,
and as those are pushing in.
(33:32):
Validating themselves daily.
'cause that's what going aroundthe neurological pathway loop so
many times is doing is it'svalidating them.
Oh, here's another reason whyyou're not good enough.
Here's another reason why you'renot smart enough.
Here's another reason why you'rea failure.
And so when it validates, itjust continues to close in every
year.
Just, and just shrinking.
But this other part of you islike.
But I hear the podcast fromJason.
(33:53):
I know that there's for more andI know I need to be positive and
I know I need to be ingratitude.
I know I need to push outta thisthing.
So what they do is they try topush against that.
With this thing called gratitudeor new beliefs and
manifestations.
But then that wall's still thereand that's, when you think about
these, this conflict, these twoHEROs coming towards each other
is the building of theresistance.
(34:13):
And anything that's inresistance, in tension is what's
gonna create something calledanxiety.
Anxiety not exist withouttension or resistance.
And so that's why I love workingwith people with anxiety
because,'cause I'm like I knowhow to break the walls.
Do you know how to set yourselffree?
Are you ready?
And they're like, yes.
(34:34):
Get me outta the walls.
And I'm like, okay, da.
And all of a sudden they'relike, I feel unstoppable.
I just, I feel like I just wannacrawl on my rooftop and just
start screaming my purpose.
And I'm like, you are there.
You are there.
And I love it because they'rejust in a box for too.
(34:56):
They're meant to change theworld.
They're meant to be somethingreally big, but the people that
are okay being in the box arenot meant to be inspirational
and it's okay.
I call, we have smallies.
That's okay.
Not everyone needs to, but thepeople with anxiety are my
biggest superheroes in life thatjust need to be set free.
And your point of perfectionismgoing back and point immediately
(35:19):
if that your fear.
And then I also would go,there's a belief in there.
So I know that there's two wallsthat's holding that person back.
And so what I do is I waste thatstuff because you can't skip a
past wall.
You can't just fake positivitythat wall.
You can't just manifest thatwall away.
(35:40):
No.
You have to pull those that wallover and you have towards that
thing.
And once you do, you're gonnafind after you face all fears,
there's literally freedom onevery, I promise you, I swear,
I.
Whatever you want me to swear?
I don't promise a lot.
My clients know this.
I don't promise until I knowsomething to be so true.
(36:01):
And when you face a fearcognitively, you don't have to
go through it.
Actually technically,physically, but cognitively is,
you face it, you'll find on theother side is so much freedom.
Truly.
And what's great about that isthis energetic weight you were
holding before all of a.
(36:22):
It's almost laughable now is.
Failure means stop, give up,never try again the rest of your
entire life, the ceiling, andliterally have bedsores because,
try again.
(36:42):
Do you think you can lay in bedthe rest of your entire life and
never try again?
No, because most people, thatfailure biggest type A, like
very hardworking, super strongindividuals that's why they have
failure actually just reallymeans.
You, it just means stop doingthe thing you were doing and now
(37:07):
it's trying to adjust.
What if there was no thing asfailure?
What would that do to your, youstart, the biggest thing is it's
not gonna be negative thinking,and it's not gonna be fake
positivity, but when you takesomebody out of the box of
thinking into a completedifferent perspective, shift
changes their world completely.
(37:29):
Wow.
The quote that I got from Hermoyou guys know who Alex Ozzi is?
'cause I watch the stuff aboutmindset and he talks a about
business.
But one thing that I'll neverforget is he says what is
learning?
And sometimes it's duh.
My, my kid learns in schools.
Like he, we should know.
But when you really, it's veryhard to define.
And, people will know whatlearning is.
But when you say in, in a waythat he said it, he said,
(37:51):
learning is.
Same environment same behaviorversus that, that, and that's
maintenance, that's com, that'scomplacency.
That's just staying the same.
But what truly learning is likesame environment, different
behavior.
You're continuously trying touplevel yourself.
You're continuing to try tolearn from the pivots.
Failure wasted success, right?
Setbacks are just a part of theequation.
(38:13):
You cannot have success unlessyou've had setbacks, right?
And when it comes down to it iswhen you bring in also like
habits and consistency, right?
And something that you know allabout is that some people they
just gotta put in the reps.
You just gotta become 1% betterdaily every single day.
Whether you make a mistake or ifyou go to the gym and all of a
sudden you tweak something.
Do you just give up and you likejust leave the gym?
(38:33):
Or do you learn from thatexperience and you just get back
on and say, Hey, I'm gonna learnmy body's resilience, my mind's
resilient.
I'm gonna learn from thisexperience, tighten up my form,
brace my abs harder, right?
And start owning that exercise.
So I can't speak enough to thoseperfectionists.
And we have to sometimes get, Ihave to get myself outta that
where I.
4.0 GPA student, right?
Never hardly make a mistake.
(38:55):
And sometimes the parenting,like the parenting around you're
so smart.
You're so good, right?
You get validated for that andall of a sudden, boom you hit
this moment in life where youdon't feel like you're as smart
as you thought you were, thatyour parents said you were, and
all of a sudden now you're goingthrough stage of depression.
That happened to me.
I'm sure that's happened to youafter seeing the highest of
success with your company.
(39:16):
Going into bankruptcy.
I cannot imagine.
And I guess I can't imaginethat,'cause that's actually
happened to me before.
But anybody that's aperfectionist just understand
that it is a part of the journeyto experience these setbacks and
these turmoils.
But the tho the ones that areresilient, the ones that bounce
back from adversity are the onesthat are gonna come out on top.
This one's a good question.
I always ask, and this one'sgreat for you, is that you've
(39:39):
been through anxiety, you'vebeen through depression you've
been through the lows, is.
What is one piece of advice forone form of action that you
would give to your younger selfif you were to speak to them,
let's say 5, 10, 20 years ago?
When you, let's say, when you'restarting your business, what is
that one piece of advice?
(40:01):
I would say.
Start studying Albert Einstein alot sooner.
Awesome.
Yeah, I there's a quote byAlbert Einstein that says,
everything is energy.
That's all there's to it.
All you have to do is match thefrequency of the reality you
want, and you cannot help butget that reality.
It's not philosophy, it'sphysics.
And so to me, I spent so long inthis like self developmental
(40:24):
space and where I really foundmy success was.
The true like real law of likeas real as gravity was.
Once I really learned thateverything is frequency and
really learning that the powerswithin and that's where our
frequency's at and thateverything magnetizes with that.
That like energy attracts likeenergy.
I could have saved at least 20years on my life for sure if I
(40:44):
would've understood that quote.
So I would just say.
That's amazing.
Yeah I can definitely attest tothat.
I, there's nobody that'sperfect.
And me as a coach, physicaltherapy, teaching other people
(41:05):
about pain.
I go through my own pains.
The pains of raising twochildren the fears and the
anxieties of.
S saying that, oh, they're whenat this stage, they, a lot of
your kids prefer mom and I gothrough these identity things of
am I ever gonna be good enoughto be just as good as mom?
Will they ever love me as much?
I.
I go through phases of like,when I'm going through that,
(41:25):
then all of a sudden my businessis going down and all of a
sudden I'm less consistent in myworkouts.
It's it's amazing how one littleshift in oh, me being uncertain
about my role as a father led toall these other things that
started going wrong with mylife, right?
Or I started to focus on thosethings.
Then once I realized that like Ijust loved them to death, it
doesn't matter who's number one,who's number two, and I'm sure
(41:47):
hopefully this can relate toparents too.
Is that I really just started tolove unconditionally.
I just started to spend way moretime with my child taking the
playgrounds, embrace just everylittle bit of who they are.
Embrace the five senses.
I always talk about senses thatlike, when you wanna be more
present, just start thinkingabout the environment around you
start.
I.
Feeling it?
What is your, what does yourenvironment smell like?
Does it smell like garbage?
(42:07):
Does it smell like flowers?
Start tasting what the airtastes like.
Right?
Ground yourself.
What does your feet feel likewhen you start to engage the
five sentence, you become moregrounded and less likely to
quote unquote, look backwards atthe traffic behind you.
And I really just start presentand all of a sudden, guess what
happened?
Everything started going well.
My role as a father, I was waymore positive, way happier.
(42:27):
I started to make more money,started to make more sales.
I got way more consistent withmy workouts and my nutrition.
And then, you know what?
We're going on vacation tomorrowbecause I did so well this month
that now we're just gonna gotake a quick vacation.
It's speaking from personalexperience on the fact that my
own anxieties and the way Iperceived my life and the way
that I was manifesting it,attracting all these negative
(42:50):
electrons and all thisnegativity.
Led to everything in my life,cascading in the wrong
direction.
And yes, I pivoted by readingmore books, listening to your
stuff, Nina, I started to justbecome just a better version of
me.
I started to become happier andall of a sudden, like I said,
that frequency I started toattract the right things in my
(43:11):
life.
And I think that if you're, Idon't know who's listening right
now, but whatever you're goingthrough, just understand that
the negatives that if you startto let the negatives outweigh
the positives, right?
It's, you're gonna startattracting more of that to your
life, and therefore you're gonnabecome more anxious, more
depressed, and you're gonna digyourself your own hole.
But nonetheless, no matter Ican, you can agree, no matter
how big the hole is, you canalways dig yourself out of it,
(43:35):
right?
There's no, there's never apoint in, there's never a time
in your life where you can't saythat.
Like you can't dig yourselfoutta the hole.
God said this before too.
It is God would not tempt youbeyond what you can normally
bear, right?
He will always give you afighting opportunity to bounce
back from adversity and to getback to the things that you
want, the things that you wannamess manifest in your own life.
Anyways, de I feel like I tooksome of your spotlight just now,
(43:56):
but to give you back thespotlight, is there any one
final message that you wouldgive to.
Our viewers right now that wouldhopefully either one hit home
for them, something that theycan take home, or two that would
compel'em to take the actionsnecessary for them.
Yeah, absolutely.
As a gift to listeners, I loveto I love to give value to the
world because I truly believethat when we give value comes
(44:18):
back just as the law ofreciprocity.
And for me I just like to helppeople with that tracking and
measuring to make it tangiblefor them so that they can
actually see it.
And I will leave Jason here a alink that says, call@anita.com.
You can just go on there, have a15 minute call with me and I'll
just show you where you're at.
And then that will give you sucha visual and it'll make sense as
to like why things arehappening.
(44:40):
You'll you'll be like, oh mygosh, no wonder why I'm stuck in
this place.
And then when you have that,you'll have the system to be
like, okay, here's how to breakfree.
Here's the walls.
Are technically holding you backfrom it.
So call with anita.com and I'dlove to sit down with you guys
and give you a free assessment.
That's amazing.
I would honestly take you up onthat, right?
If I was hitting the lows and Iwasn't the coach Sha, I would
(45:03):
definitely be calling it Harvey.
And I think that anybody that islistening that has any forms of
anxiety, fear related things,distress something that you feel
like you can't overcome you'renot alone, right?
Always never suffer alone.
I always say that.
That's why, community's here.
That's why Denine is here andmyself.
So again, I'll leave that linkin the description so that
people can take advantage ofthat 15 minute consult and
(45:24):
trust.
I think that Danina is one ofthe perfect people to to help
with at least providing like aroadmap or some sort of strategy
to get you moving forward.
So with all that said thank youDanina for your time and your
expertise on my podcast.
And for anybody that's listeningright now definitely I'll leave
you always with this quote andhopefully this quote hits with
everyone is that we only haveone body, one life.
(45:46):
Make every action you take, theone that makes you a better
version of you.
So thank you Dina, and hopefullywe'll be having more
conversation from here.
Okay?
Absolutely.
Thanks.
Nice again to have you have meon.
Appreciate it.
All right guys.
Welcome to the Won Body Won Lifepodcast.
I'm your host, Dr.
Jason Won, lifestyle physicaltherapist.
I like to teach people how toget stronger, become pain-free
again, and also in order tochange your mindset in terms of
being consistent with exercise,looking, not looking always at
the past, but always lookingforward.
Today I have a very specialguest and as you can see, align
with Nita.
I love the title, and her nameis Nita Young.
(00:23):
She is a.
Cognitive behavioral therapist.
She's also an NLP.
And also she is an anxietycoach.
She has gone through many walksof life from high amounts of
success to the very lows, andI'm sure that a lot of people,
including myself, can say thatlife is not all about I.
Dandelions and flowers, right?
There's gonna be these turmoils,these things that can lead
(00:43):
people in a very destituteplace, or some people can become
resilient and be a product ofcoming out of turmoil.
And I think that tan is one ofthe perfect people to share
that.
So Dania, welcome in.
How are you doing today?
I'm doing great.
Thanks for having me Tan.
I'm very blessed to have you.
And I know we had aconversation.
I always say we never.
I never just invite anybody ontothe podcast.
I wanna invite people that I vetfor that I feel can provide
(01:06):
immense value, but also providea very powerful message.
And so why don't you just sharewith people a little about
yourself tell them what you dofor a living, but also I know
you have a very successfulbackground as well in various
facets.
I would love to hear about thatas well.
Yeah, absolutely.
I would say, to really tellsomebody's story, it's.
It's really through the highs tothe lows, right?
(01:28):
Like you only get to a high anduntil you actually experience
some sort of lows and you don'tthink that going through life,
you actually think that I shouldjust be lucky, or I'm a good
person.
I should just naturally get thisstuff.
You don't realize that thepolarities of life is really
where things are at.
So if you're experiencingsomething in your life right now
where you feel like, man, I'mjust getting kicked to the
ground over and over again.
(01:48):
It just shows that there'sreally something that you're
trying to manifest or be orinspire in the world.
And that's just an overview asfar as wherever you might be at.
But my journey, I was, being anentrepreneur is probably one of
the hardest things I faced in mylife.
You go to work and you don'tknow if you're getting paid, so
you really wake up with panicevery single day and fear of,
can I actually make this work?
You're facing all fears offailure, fear, fears of all your
(02:10):
limiting beliefs what's comingup?
What's causing this?
So as I was facing my journeysimultaneously, I was opening up
the company, booty bands.com.
And what I experienced at thevery beginning stages was
extreme highs and extreme lows,like really high, really up.
You're really feeling likeyou're on top of the world one
minute, and then you're kickeddown almost 24 hours away from
(02:31):
bankruptcy the next minute.
And you're just like, youridentity.
Just really, when you don't havean identity, your identity is
just going with that wholeexperience.
Kind of the same thing when youmentioned we're not our
diagnosis, right?
Like we identify with adiagnosis.
Like to me, I was identifyingwith this brand and thinking it
was something I was.
(02:51):
And through our journey of life,we're gonna find that it's going
to completely rip apart ouridentity so that we become our
most authentic self.
And that's where I truly believethat real authenticity comes.
This thing called an ego.
But for me it was just reallywalking and helping people
through the weight loss worldoriginally is where I come from.
(03:13):
I started off more as like a asyour bikini competitor, like
National Qualified Bikinicompetitor and was like, wow, a
lot of people are starvingthemselves and not getting
enough protein in and.
Realizing they really didn'thave the right tools.
And so initially I went into itthinking they just need new
tools and then they're fine.
But I was blindsided as a coachrealizing that, no, it's
(03:34):
actually a lot more aboutconsistency and motivation.
I.
And procrastination.
That was really more of the mainproblem.
And they were really good forthree weeks, but then they would
fall off for three weeks, sothere was that issue that I got
to really actually see was moreof the problem.
And and I got to see that mostpeople know how to eat healthy.
Most people know how to workout.
(03:54):
They already know what.
Not on that regard, but theyjust something energetically was
holding them back.
And through that discovery, Isaw that through weight loss,
you had to remove the energeticweight first in order for the
physical weight to then comeoff, and I'm talking
sustainably.
So as I was experiencing thishigh, low, high, low business, I
(04:16):
got to see my clients were alsoexperiencing high, low, high,
low with fitness.
So it was kinda like, what's thecommonality here?
This is really interesting.
So as I learned that it was theenergetic behind it, right?
It's the fears, it's onlybeliefs, it's stress, it's the
anxiety, it's the, trauma, it'sthe loss.
It's all these different thingsthat if we don't work through
those.
We try to just shove those down,then energetically we're
(04:39):
carrying this wheat and we'retrying to just then go into
escapism to the extremes.
So now as I've been able to findthis sustainability and help
others through thesustainability process, which
truly is more control, I foundthat it was very similar
through.
Addiction through marriages,through anxiety, through
depression, through weight losssuccess, all had a common
(05:01):
denominator.
So I thought that was the mostsimplest way to really bring on
today and just bring things intosimplicity of one that's trying
to reach their level of success.
Yeah, I like that.
I know that, I know that peopledeem you as an anxiety coach,
and it seems like even in yourown life, you're not just a,
you're not just certified,you're somebody that actually
has been through it, right?
(05:22):
Being a very successful companywith booty bands, and then when
you told me that, I was like,yeah, I have some of them in my
gym right now, so I was alreadya fan of your stuff.
And now then you go through thehighs and lows.
There's Hey, you buy newinventory.
Then all of a sudden, you're notselling as much as you need to.
I know that you.
You wanted to be on thispodcast.
You had a powerful SSA and youtalked about the freeway
analogy.
(05:42):
This analogy of like when you'redriving forward is to always be
facing forward.
'cause if you don't face forwardyou're not looking at the
traffic in front of you, you'regonna go into, you're gonna get
into a crash.
So a lot of people that you,especially the people that we
treat, which is people withchronic pain and injuries that
they can't resolve or they die,they.
They identify with theirdiagnoses.
They're continuously lookingbackwards at their past
(06:04):
experiences.
They say, Hey, I failed this.
I failed this.
What makes me think that thisnext thing's gonna work out?
I have hurt myself many times.
I.
I don't think that I shouldsecond guess.
I think I should second guessmyself and not do this thing.
So they always leave.
There's living in a state ofuncertainty.
Can you share a little bit lighton how that kind of relates to
some of the people that you'vehelped, especially with let's
(06:25):
say severe anxiety, the kind ofpeople that no matter how much
you tell them, they're to lookforward, they're always looking
backwards.
You at the mirror behind them.
Yeah, I feel like there's alevel of control or a false
sense of safety when we're ableto look more at our past than
our future.
'cause the future, if you reallylook at it as a full of unknowns
a lot of opportunities, but alot of mystery.
(06:46):
And our brains actually don'tlike that.
Especially the basal ganglia.
Basal ganglia is a part of thebrain that loves familiarity.
And so anything that's notfamiliar, it likes to resist
against that.
And it.
You, it's just a part of yourbrain that's stuck into a
survival mechanism.
And then once you realize thatif you don't gain control over
(07:06):
your brain is gonna have controlover you.
And then you're gonna findyourself stuck in that groundhog
day is is what I like to callit.
But yeah, as far as anindividual that is stuck in that
way of looking in the past.
I always bring individuals tothis analogy.
I say, what's your greatestaccomplishment in life?
And they'll tell me, oh, Igraduated college, or, I got my
(07:26):
master's degree, or I was ableto make my real estate license.
Or, I rated number one for 20years in real estate or
whatever, your event in life.
And I say, great.
So when you imagine from thevery beginning, very end of that
event, was it a straight line?
And every time, it was never astraight line.
I said, okay, so what was it,Zig?
(07:49):
Is a zigzag.
So what that means is we don'tnaturally wanna go to a zigzag.
That means that we go to a pointuntil it's not working, and then
we course correct which callPivot.
And then you course correctagain.
And then you course correct.
So we're going into this placecalled The Unknowns.
That's the future.
In order for make things tobecome an achievement or an
accomplishment of any sorts.
(08:10):
And that's applicable tosomebody that's experiencing a
chronic illness, and that'ssomebody that's experiencing
entrepreneurship to marriage, towhat you know, alcoholism,
whatever.
It's that you're facing.
You're experiencing your futureself, which is in the unknown.
And so I love Dr.
Joe Dispenza.
If anybody knows him, he's aneuroscientist that really talks
(08:31):
about how to get comfortable inthe unknowns and says it's
required in order to get yourfuture self and to gain control
over this version of you you'redreaming of.
And so if somebody were to cometo me and say, I can't overcome
this chronic illness, I wouldlet'em know then you're right.
They don't like.
(08:52):
They don't.
Alright.
But I'm gonna be honest, ifyou're saying you can't, you
gonna prove that correctly,you'll be forever.
And so I like to give people thehard truth is that.
If you continue to keep sayingthat, then you will be stuck.
However, the opposite of that isfake positivity.
I have a client that said when Isay that I can, it feels like a
(09:14):
lie.
And I say then you're right.
It'll be a lie.
They're like, damn the truthhere.
Can I outta this?
And I said that's the unknown.
That's being curious and beingto.
If you close yourself upthinking you've tried it all
(09:37):
then you'll be right.
And so you really have to be inthat place of exploration.
And so my thing is that Irecommend how people do that is
choose a word that allows you toget excited about your future of
unknowns.
My word is.
So anytime I'm sitting in thatmoment of I dunno what's on the
other side, or could this bereal?
(09:58):
Could I overcome this diagnosis?
Could I overcome this?
Can I be the future me?
Anytime I'm in that unknowns, Iask open questions and I get
curious and I say.
And you put yourself then intothat expanded, excited place
rather than a fearful state ofthe unknowns in the future.
(10:22):
Wow.
I feel like I can take away somany points from that, and
hopefully people will remindthat what you just said over and
over again.
I mean it is absolutely true.
It's much easier to stay exactlywhere you are.
Like it's so easy because that'syour comfort zone.
Your comfort zone is identifyingas your chronic illness, letting
people know that you'resuffering.
(10:42):
And maybe you love the attentionof what people give to you.
When you're saying like, I'mchronically ill, right?
And whoever's dealing withanxiety, they, they like, it is
not to say that they don't wantchange.
It's just that they're tooafraid for change, right?
They're not willing to stepoutside of their comfort zone in
order to see that.
Big analogy I always use, I evenused to have a poster board of
this when I first started myentrepreneurial journey, right?
(11:03):
Going from corporate physicaltherapy into my online practice.
I.
It was a, this just this hugemountain and the quote on it
was, the hardest climb leads tothe best views, right?
If you go to Hawaii, I'm sureyou have like d in different
places, there's this like reallytreacherous hike.
Apparently a lot of people diein Oahu on doing this, and they
don't even allow people to go onit.
(11:24):
And it's like you're literallyon like the cuff, like you're
literally on this bridge wherelike you're walking and just
step one direction, you can falloff, step another direction, you
can fall off and literally die.
And yet you stay on this path,you might trip up here and
there, but all of a sudden whenyou get to your, to the final
destination, it's like the mostamazing view of everything.
(11:45):
And in the same fashion is thosepeople with, the greatest
accomplishments.
And you're like how did youachieve X accomplishment?
Was it a straight line and no,it was a bunch of zigzags.
It was a bunch of pivots.
Sometimes you had to take stepsbackwards in order to move
forward.
Sometimes you.
You injured yourself w withwhatever that you're on, and you
had to come back from thatinjury, come back from the
(12:07):
perilous journey.
So I just love the way that youexplained that.
Now for those that let's saythere's a book and I think you
may, maybe you've heard of thisbook, but it's Magic by Rhonda
Byrne, and it talks aboutmanifestation, right?
Manifesting the life that youwant.
Now, if you manifest.
If you manifest like negativityin your life, it is going,
nothing's gonna change or thingsare just gonna stay exactly how
(12:29):
they are.
But being excited about thejourney and imagining the life
that you could have oftentimescan compel people to take those
actions.
So I'm just curious on like thetypes, the thing I'm genuinely
curious about that I think willprovide a lot of value is the
types of exercises or the typesof strategies, like when people
are actually working with you.
What are some of the first stepsfor them to actually start to,
(12:52):
manifest, manifest a differentversion of themselves or
manifest the goals and actuallyget there with certainty?
Yeah.
I would say the, what I likeabout starting something is that
you can track and measure itbecause this is a very unknown.
Which is your internal self,right?
Your energetic weight thatyou're carrying within yourself.
(13:13):
And so to me, tracking andmeasuring it where you're able
to see where you're currentlyat.
To know that if you do make amilestone, that we can celebrate
that.
And so that would be the firstthing is being like anytime we
go down a transformation,whether if it, let's say it's
fitness, we get a track andmeasure to actually see that the
body fat's going down and themuscles going up.
There we go.
(13:34):
Then we can celebrate thesewins.
And that's so needed for anybodyin a transformation.
Because when I went into theworld initially of
manifestation, I had no idea ifI was on the right path or not.
I woke up every day trying to belike.
Am I doing it correctly?
'cause I'm still in GroundhogDay, like how do I know what's
working?
You are really in this gray fogfor a little bit.
(13:55):
And so the way that I like totrack and measure and it, this
is specifically that I do foranxiety or depression, or it
could be alcohol.
Really works all across theboard that I've worked with.
But I would say the first one ison a one to 10 scale, just rate
your belief systems like, I amworthy, I'm valuable, I'm
important, I'm good enough Imatter, I'm lovable.
And there's two parts to thatbecause you can have the
conscious thoughts like, yeah, Iam, but then you can have the
(14:18):
subconscious of I don't feelthat way though.
And so you want to get to thesubconscious, which is 95% of
you.
So think of the thoughtunderneath the thought, and
that's gonna be the realthought.
And so then once you have yourrating there, then go to find
out what your frequency is atit's.
Undeniable that we all have ameasure frequency about us, of
(14:39):
the emotions we feel.
So if I generally feel fear andgrief and shame, why don't be a
very low frequency overall?
'cause those are really heavyemotions and even though I can't
see that.
We can feel that from somebody,and that's actually in physics.
We can actually measure that.
There's a literal measurement ofa field around someone either
(15:00):
for pushing people away or formagnetizing people to us.
It's really gonna be determinedon that.
So then going into the, whatfrequency are you?
Then the third one I like to useis like, where's your nervous
system?
Because that just determineswhat state you are in.
You're either going to be inthat parasympathetic, which is
the expansive state.
Or you're in the sympatheticnervous system, which is the
(15:22):
contracted state.
And that's gonna determine a lotof your physical ailments.
So a lot of people come to meand have physical ailments.
Of heart palpitations ordizziness or pain that's
undescribable.
Nobody can figure out where thepain is coming from or,
digestion issues and get, Icould stay here for days that
doctors can't understand whereit originally came from.
(15:45):
They're like.
I don't know, but look uptension myositis syndrome.
Basically what happens is whenthe body's tense is when that
state of the sympathetic nervoussystem is going to contract the
vascular system, which makes theblood pressure go up or it's
going to make the lungs inflateless.
And so you're not gonna begetting enough oxygen creating
the dizziness, or you're gonnabe having less oxygen within the
(16:08):
muscle.
So it's creating that tensionmyositis syndrome causing pain
within the body that.
It doesn't make any sense toanybody.
So we stay in these chronicplaces.
And so those would be the threemain tests to find out where,
initially, where you're at.
Because to me, how do you get toa how until you understand the
why, the powerful.
(16:28):
And I read I think probably readthe same book, MINDBODY
Connection by John Sarno, wherehe talks a lot about tension
myositis syndrome and how.
People have this, I guess I,I've always explained it as
people have an emotional beakerand they have a symptom beaker,
right?
And so emotions is eight ounces,then your symptoms are eight
ounces too.
However, if you outlet youremotions, which is like talking
(16:49):
with your friends, potentiallyyou're lowering that emotional
beaker because you're able tooutlet that with to somebody.
That's probably where you comeinto play, where.
People can outlet things to youand then they can re reduce that
anxiety, right?
But however, if you let theemotions boil over, it spills
into the physical speaker andtherefore that's where TMS or
tension Myositis syndrome wherepeople, their emotional tension
(17:09):
starts to manifest itself asphysical symptoms.
So I love that.
Another thing that we both agreeon is, it's tracking.
Yeah, that, that's a huge onebecause you're taking things
that are somewhat subjective,like I'm in pain, or I'm in
fear, I'm anxiety.
And a lot of times it feels veryoverwhelming and very consuming
to the point where no matterwhere you go in the house, like
(17:29):
Anxiety Cloud follows you.
And by tracking, by, bymeasuring things and making the
subjective more objective, itmakes you, it allows you, and
also even my clients, to havemore justifiable decision and
feel like they're a little bitmore in control.
You can put quantities to thingsand we can mathematize things.
So all that I'm in, in totalagreement with there is a book
(17:52):
that I've been reading.
I've been telling my wife aboutit, and I'm sure that you can
hit on this too.
It's a book called Happier andit's about like fulfillments and
how people that are anxious, oreven people that are seemingly
are, that are unhappy.
Unhappy is usually associatedwith, think of what unhappy is,
synonymous to depression,anxiety, things that you're an
expert at.
One of the things that they talkabout was when people are on
(18:14):
these very perilous journeys andwe're, when they're hitting
these very.
Emotional lows is that a lot oftimes they perceive that the
work that they're doing,whatever aforementioned goal
that they have, that they're noteven really enjoying the
process, right?
They're just thinking about thegoal.
So when once they hit the goal,they're always focused on the
goal.
Let's say they hit that goal.
After that there's this hugeemotional high, but then they
(18:36):
just go back to their current.
Negative emotional state becausethey hit the goal versus the
those that they feel happy inalmost every stage of the
mountain.
They feel happy.
And that, that's where you hiton that too, where you enjoy the
process, you enjoy the zigzags,right?
And you're like, I'm thankfulfor the journey that I'm on
because I'm trying to aim forthis goal.
And the goal is to always be.
(18:57):
Larger goals and at the end ofit, so can you describe that to
some of our viewers in terms ofhow even despite them zigzagging
that in which they can enjoy theentire journey of, let's say,
overcoming anxiety or someovercoming some sort of illness.
Yeah, I think it's a big shiftof, I think the most powerful
thing we can do is really takeourself out of the black and
(19:19):
white thinking that we've allbeen programmed to do.
Our brains are like, I mean we,I think it's 5% we're actually
really utilizing of our brainsand we get lodge and stuck into
that black and white thinking.
But perspective shifting is sucha fascinating thing.
Like you get to realize, oh mygosh, that.
How little do I really know inthis world?
There really is so many othertools that I haven't, even a
(19:40):
book I haven't read yet, or aperson I haven't met yet.
A perspective that literallyopened me up or a realization
that I've been living alive thiswhole time, or like just all
these cool realizations.
But as far as the wordhappiness.
I look at it as for me, in myexperience in my life, it was a
carrot on a stick that I waschasing with this never ending
thing of maybe it's my businessor maybe it's my relationship,
or maybe it's a kid, or maybeit's like, what?
(20:01):
Something outside of me.
But we realize that's aninternal emotion.
That's something that isactually found internally
because if we continue to wannachasing it outside, then it's.
It's a never ending.
It's a, I don't, you can'tactually grasp it.
Like you can grasp it for amoment, but then it goes away
again.
And so for me, I had to reallychange that perspective and go,
(20:23):
how can I actually findhappiness now?
So that becomes my emotionalhome.
That no matter what it is that Iget in my life is now magnetic
towards that because we knowlike energy attracts like
energy.
So to me, I worked so muchharder than what I should.
I was working 80 hours a weekpushing and forcing and trying
and I got to, I need to liketype of desperation in my life
(20:46):
proving energy.
And then once you just turn itback, you actually lean back,
sit in your chair and go, Idon't have to.
And then you get to see youbecome magnetic.
People are like, whoa, I wannabe.
I wanna be confident like you.
How do I be up like you?
How do I be, how do I get mybusiness to be as successful as
you?
And you just go, stop trying.
So effing hard.
And that's really hard forpeople that have been
(21:07):
conditioned in the societalupbringing that we are at, as
we've all been taught.
If you work hard, you'll be ableto make it.
I worked really freaking hard,but it led me to 24 hours away
from bankruptcy and homelessnessand desperation.
I'm so confused.
I'm a good person, and I workedreally hard, but I ended up
making a lot of really dumbdecisions and really out of
(21:28):
alignment decisions because.
I was operating on, I'm not goodenough.
I'm not worthy, I'm notdeserving.
I don't have value.
I have to prove myself.
So it was a desperation.
And so there's so many analogieswe can have fun with it.
But one example is I tell thisone all the time.
People laugh at it, but if yougo to, let's say you go to a
bar, right?
And you're single, and you have,this you're a guy, so I'll just
(21:49):
put it into a female context,and you have a girl coming to
you and she is like desperation,wanting to get married and have
kids with you, with the firstday she met you.
You're gonna be like, what'swrong with you?
You don't even know who I am.
But she's so desperate.
Her actions are escapisms orextremes.
Just because she wants sodesperately to have a family,
let's say.
(22:09):
Yeah.
And so of course she's gonnakeep getting people to push her
away even though she's trying sohard to get the things she
wants.
But instead, if you find a girlthat's like.
Confident and happy.
And she's just sitting in thechair and she's I don't need
anything in life.
I'm freaking happy.
We're naturally gonna bemagnetized to that.
We're gonna be like, Hey, canyou tell me why you're so
freaking happy and you don'tneed anything and you're just
(22:29):
drinking water over here?
And then she's gonna say,'causehappiness is within, I don't
need it.
And so there's a whole level ofshift.
So there's so many examples thatwe can use in different parts of
life, right?
But that would be the in my.
Experience of world wherehappiness really is.
That's amazing.
I love that analogy.
And.
(22:50):
Again the book that comes up alot is Magic by Rhonda Byrne
that when you are going to emitnegative energy you are, there's
gonna be a lot more things.
Whether it's like thingsactually start negatively
happening to you, or like whatmanifesting is that when you
actually start attracting thepeople that you want and the
things that you want, and youstart to.
Think and act accordingly isthat actually things start
(23:14):
happening better to you, or atleast at the minimum.
You start focusing a lot more onthe positives, and then when the
negatives do hit you, they don'thit you as hard, they don't hit
you like Anil.
It hits you as in I'm verythankful that these negative
things that have happened to mebecause without the challenges
of life.
Then I wouldn't feel asfulfilled right there.
Nobody says that the hero'sjourney that'd be silly to think
(23:35):
that the hero's journey is justlike one straight trajectory
towards success.
Is that the hero's journey?
Like there you want the perils,you want the things that happen
to you because that's what makesit feel so much better at the
end of the tunnel.
And I've, I think in terms ofanybody's life, that if you're
dealing with anxiety.
Ailments, illnesses, whatever'sgoing on in your life that you
(23:56):
feel negative about is again,think about how you can switch
the narrative towards beingthankful for a lot of the, the
struggles and the rocks thatwere being thrown at you.
Because without that, if youjust had one straight trajectory
towards success, it would notfeel as fulfilling, right?
So that's why God and whoeverhigher beings are, that is why
we are on this earth, is toovercome these anxieties and
(24:19):
some of the things that happento us.
I'm sure that you can hit on thenext question that I have, which
is purpose.
Purpose and people that live,that want to live a
purpose-driven life.
I think initially, just to tellyou about myself and when I
think I went through the samethings as you Danita, where when
I first started my businessduring the pandemic.
(24:39):
There were months where I'd belike, oh shoot.
Got my first sale.
Great.
And then there was months whereoh then the pandemic happened
and boom, everyone got scared.
Nobody wanted to spend anything.
No matter how good my serviceswere, it was like, am I even cut
out for this?
Do I have to go back to mynormal nine to five job?
And I was depressed.
I think I got pale.
(25:00):
I think I lost 14 pounds ofmuscle.
It's horrible.
I couldn't even leave mybedroom.
And my wife was like fearful formy.
For my mental health.
But then I started thinkingabout if I really focus on the
financial aspects, I think whatI'm attracting is just money,
right?
So like negative things, likenot making sales hits you a lot
harder than it actually should,when you should be still
(25:21):
thankful for the fact that Ihave a roof on top of my head.
I have a beautiful wife and Ihave a very important skill that
I wanna share with people, whichis helping people with pain.
So I'm curious on.
Do you use somewhat of like howpurpose can be the thing that
kind of drives them away fromtheir anxieties or like how
would you use purpose for aspecific client in this
situation?
I.
(25:42):
Yeah, great question.
And yeah, we have a lot ofsimilar beliefs and sometimes I
like to debate people, but Ican't even debate you over here.
We're just too similar over herewith as far as our, and that's
what's great about it.
You realize that success reallydoes have a certain structure to
it.
It's great.
We don't have to sit and keeptracing this thing, but.
To your point of purpose I foundit's the same thing as
(26:02):
happiness.
A lot of people are trying tothink of, what is this job
that's going to lead me into mygreatest purpose?
Again, it's not something that'soutside of you.
So many people are trying tolook for this grand, ginormous.
Magnificent thing calledpurpose, when really, actually
it's something super subtle andsuper small inside of you, such
as just being a good listener.
(26:24):
A good listener can actuallymake an individual feel seen and
heard.
If an individual feels seen andheard, they feel safe.
If somebody feels safe, they'reready to change.
If somebody's ready to changeyou change their life.
That's a massive freakingskillset.
Like it's a massive purpose, agift, and so what I like to do
is I have a lesson, I sit downwith people and show them what
are the compliments that peoplegive you all the time?
(26:47):
Oh, that I'm I make them feelcomfortable.
Is that a gift?
Yeah.
Now that I think about it, andso sometimes we've been
searching on this carrot on astick, just constantly looking
for something outside of us.
It's all inside of us thisentire time.
It really is.
And until you get to thatmoment, you're just like.
Boom.
Like it hits you where you'rejust like, what have I been
chasing?
This thing really does existinside here.
(27:09):
And I find that when I found mygift, it was, I see an
individual underneath the shell.
I don't see their ego, I don'tsee their limiting beliefs.
I don't see their.
Their restrictions in their lifeor whatever it is.
I literally see just them asthey are as a perfect human
(27:30):
being that's just covered with abunch of crap.
And so my gift is I can seethrough all that and I can pull
out the real version of themreally quickly.
So when you get to see that yourgift is something so small, but
yet so freaking powerful.
But your point as far as evengoing back to how do we know
it's a good day, if we've neverexperienced a bad day, you're a
(27:51):
thousand percent that we have togo through polarities in life.
If you're trying to be one ofthe greatest successful,
accomplished individuals, thenyou're going to have to
experience, its opposite for youto even know what that is.
That was a big realization forme because I wanted to impact
the world.
And so here I am going throughsuicidal thoughts and depression
(28:11):
and anxiety and homelessness andjust complete rock bottom
basement to rock bottom.
There's, by the way, there'sbasements to rock bottom you
guys.
I'm just letting you know.
Okay?
And once you get there.
I kept asking God, like, why amI here?
Why am I here?
And he goes you wanted to impactthe world, right?
And I said, yes, I do.
I wanna impact the world.
Why am I here?
And he goes, how can you impactthe world?
(28:33):
You can't relate to anybody topull them out.
Oh, touche.
I guess it was all, I guess itwas all actually very purposely
driven that I needed experience,what it felt like.
So that when I have a client andthey tell me their moments, I'm
like, oh my gosh, I've beenthere.
I know what that feels like.
Let's.
And I think one of the greatestthings is nothing.
(28:56):
Certificates means nothing.
It's the experience that you'vebeen through in your life is
going to the most value you cangive someone.
Where is value?
That is money.
That is success, that ispurpose, your experience is so
key.
And so I, I love this quote.
It was somebody said, if youever feel like a pile of mush
with a blanket wrapped aroundyou, perfect.
(29:18):
That's exactly the phase of abutterfly that goes through the
chrysalis phase where it's likeliterally wrapped up in a
blanket and it's turned into amush.
I was like, oh my gosh.
That's exactly where it, yeah.
Yeah.
I think to summarize that, Ithink the biggest point, and I'm
thankful that you.
You said that because sometimesI forget about it too, was a lot
(29:39):
of times we're looking forpurpose, but we're not looking
inside instead of we're lookingfor like external gratification
or we're looking for thingsoutside of it.
The an analogy for entrepreneursout there is we're looking for
the Rolexes, we're looking forthe watches.
And that's like our status,right?
So once I gain that, that'shappiness right there.
When in fact the when you reallyask the harder questions, I'm
like.
What am I here for?
Or maybe you're asking yourfriend about what are the
(30:00):
compliments, what are the thingsabout me that make that that,
why are you my friend?
And a lot of times you ask yourquestion, you ask your friend
that question over and overagain.
What?
No, but why are we friends?
And you start, they actuallystart to peel the layers of the
onion to the point where it'sbecause.
You're always there for me whenI when my dad was, when my dad
was dying.
And you start to see like theinner workings of like why
(30:21):
people like you.
And a lot of times they're, whenyou're asking your best friend
or your mom or whoever, what isyour you don't ask them straight
up what is my purpose?
'cause they're not gonna answerthat for you.
But when you start to hear thecompliments back to you, they
peel the layers of the onion foryou.
And I found this from SimonSinek.
The, a Canadian author, he said,know your why?
And he says yeah ask one of yourbest friends.
What are the things about youthat, like, why are you guys
(30:42):
friends?
And they can start to tell youlike what you're good at, and
what makes you human?
Like, why, what is your purpose?
And I just, again the fact thatyou said that instead of looking
for the external things thatmight make us happy.
Just start to look more like atthe things inside of you, and
you'll start to really find thatit doesn't matter how many bad
things happen to you, thatnobody can take away your
(31:02):
identity.
Nobody can take away the factthat you have a specific driven
purpose.
And I've said this before too,it's like somebody could be
making$20,000 as a janitor.
Be perfectly happy cleaningpeople's toilets and all that
and feel absolutely fulfilled.
There's this nomad that makes$18,000 on a blog site, and he
(31:23):
just connects to variousinternets, like all over the
World Cafe, and he just blogsabout his life that he lives in
a car and he just goes todifferent national parks.
And yet he is like you could seein his pictures, he's the
happiest person in the world.
Make making 18 k.
Per year.
And this is a real story versusthese people that are
millionaires and billionairesand they are they feel like
(31:44):
they're the most destitutepeople in the world.
Like it's amazing.
And I think that's because thosetypes of people are looking
again, for, again, whether youare really driven by your, like
your financial health and deepinside you're actually suffering
internally.
So I, again I really love thispart of the podcast because you
really hit on a very powerfulpoint.
(32:05):
I guess that kind of goes to mynext point around the people
that I treat are oftentimes busymoms, right?
And I'm sure you've treated momsand dads, and there's this word
here everybody knows thisperfectionism, right?
And they're in this all ornothing mentality.
It's like I either have 60minutes to work out.
Or else nothing.
And they just sit at home, geton social media, and then
(32:27):
there's just this constantbattle and this constant guilt
of not working out, not takingcare of my health, taking care
of the kids, not working outmore.
How do you define,perfectionism?
What is the relationship betweenanxiety and perfectionism?
Yeah.
Anxiety to me just meanstension.
I like to simplify anythingthat's out there because when it
(32:49):
gets.
Convoluted and complicated, itfeels what the heck is this
thing?
So if I, my visual on anxiety islike you imagine a box and you
stick somebody in the box andthey have this desire to just be
and become and purpose and moreand live and fulfilled and all
these desires, right?
(33:10):
But then the walls of the box isgoing to be things like fear of
failure.
Or I'm not worthy, or I don'thave enough value, or I've got
past loss that I haven't workedthrough, or, I've got things
that the society has.
I think society is, so you havethese walls built around you,
and as those are pushing in.
(33:32):
Validating themselves daily.
'cause that's what going aroundthe neurological pathway loop so
many times is doing is it'svalidating them.
Oh, here's another reason whyyou're not good enough.
Here's another reason why you'renot smart enough.
Here's another reason why you'rea failure.
And so when it validates, itjust continues to close in every
year.
Just, and just shrinking.
But this other part of you islike.
But I hear the podcast fromJason.
(33:53):
I know that there's for more andI know I need to be positive and
I know I need to be ingratitude.
I know I need to push outta thisthing.
So what they do is they try topush against that.
With this thing called gratitudeor new beliefs and
manifestations.
But then that wall's still thereand that's, when you think about
these, this conflict, these twoHEROs coming towards each other
is the building of theresistance.
(34:13):
And anything that's inresistance, in tension is what's
gonna create something calledanxiety.
Anxiety not exist withouttension or resistance.
And so that's why I love workingwith people with anxiety
because,'cause I'm like I knowhow to break the walls.
Do you know how to set yourselffree?
Are you ready?
And they're like, yes.
(34:34):
Get me outta the walls.
And I'm like, okay, da.
And all of a sudden they'relike, I feel unstoppable.
I just, I feel like I just wannacrawl on my rooftop and just
start screaming my purpose.
And I'm like, you are there.
You are there.
And I love it because they'rejust in a box for too.
(34:56):
They're meant to change theworld.
They're meant to be somethingreally big, but the people that
are okay being in the box arenot meant to be inspirational
and it's okay.
I call, we have smallies.
That's okay.
Not everyone needs to, but thepeople with anxiety are my
biggest superheroes in life thatjust need to be set free.
And your point of perfectionismgoing back and point immediately
(35:19):
if that your fear.
And then I also would go,there's a belief in there.
So I know that there's two wallsthat's holding that person back.
And so what I do is I waste thatstuff because you can't skip a
past wall.
You can't just fake positivitythat wall.
You can't just manifest thatwall away.
(35:40):
No.
You have to pull those that wallover and you have towards that
thing.
And once you do, you're gonnafind after you face all fears,
there's literally freedom onevery, I promise you, I swear,
I.
Whatever you want me to swear?
I don't promise a lot.
My clients know this.
I don't promise until I knowsomething to be so true.
(36:01):
And when you face a fearcognitively, you don't have to
go through it.
Actually technically,physically, but cognitively is,
you face it, you'll find on theother side is so much freedom.
Truly.
And what's great about that isthis energetic weight you were
holding before all of a.
(36:22):
It's almost laughable now is.
Failure means stop, give up,never try again the rest of your
entire life, the ceiling, andliterally have bedsores because,
try again.
(36:42):
Do you think you can lay in bedthe rest of your entire life and
never try again?
No, because most people, thatfailure biggest type A, like
very hardworking, super strongindividuals that's why they have
failure actually just reallymeans.
You, it just means stop doingthe thing you were doing and now
(37:07):
it's trying to adjust.
What if there was no thing asfailure?
What would that do to your, youstart, the biggest thing is it's
not gonna be negative thinking,and it's not gonna be fake
positivity, but when you takesomebody out of the box of
thinking into a completedifferent perspective, shift
changes their world completely.
(37:29):
Wow.
The quote that I got from Hermoyou guys know who Alex Ozzi is?
'cause I watch the stuff aboutmindset and he talks a about
business.
But one thing that I'll neverforget is he says what is
learning?
And sometimes it's duh.
My, my kid learns in schools.
Like he, we should know.
But when you really, it's veryhard to define.
And, people will know whatlearning is.
But when you say in, in a waythat he said it, he said,
(37:51):
learning is.
Same environment same behaviorversus that, that, and that's
maintenance, that's com, that'scomplacency.
That's just staying the same.
But what truly learning is likesame environment, different
behavior.
You're continuously trying touplevel yourself.
You're continuing to try tolearn from the pivots.
Failure wasted success, right?
Setbacks are just a part of theequation.
(38:13):
You cannot have success unlessyou've had setbacks, right?
And when it comes down to it iswhen you bring in also like
habits and consistency, right?
And something that you know allabout is that some people they
just gotta put in the reps.
You just gotta become 1% betterdaily every single day.
Whether you make a mistake or ifyou go to the gym and all of a
sudden you tweak something.
Do you just give up and you likejust leave the gym?
(38:33):
Or do you learn from thatexperience and you just get back
on and say, Hey, I'm gonna learnmy body's resilience, my mind's
resilient.
I'm gonna learn from thisexperience, tighten up my form,
brace my abs harder, right?
And start owning that exercise.
So I can't speak enough to thoseperfectionists.
And we have to sometimes get, Ihave to get myself outta that
where I.
4.0 GPA student, right?
Never hardly make a mistake.
(38:55):
And sometimes the parenting,like the parenting around you're
so smart.
You're so good, right?
You get validated for that andall of a sudden, boom you hit
this moment in life where youdon't feel like you're as smart
as you thought you were, thatyour parents said you were, and
all of a sudden now you're goingthrough stage of depression.
That happened to me.
I'm sure that's happened to youafter seeing the highest of
success with your company.
(39:16):
Going into bankruptcy.
I cannot imagine.
And I guess I can't imaginethat,'cause that's actually
happened to me before.
But anybody that's aperfectionist just understand
that it is a part of the journeyto experience these setbacks and
these turmoils.
But the tho the ones that areresilient, the ones that bounce
back from adversity are the onesthat are gonna come out on top.
This one's a good question.
I always ask, and this one'sgreat for you, is that you've
(39:39):
been through anxiety, you'vebeen through depression you've
been through the lows, is.
What is one piece of advice forone form of action that you
would give to your younger selfif you were to speak to them,
let's say 5, 10, 20 years ago?
When you, let's say, when you'restarting your business, what is
that one piece of advice?
(40:01):
I would say.
Start studying Albert Einstein alot sooner.
Awesome.
Yeah, I there's a quote byAlbert Einstein that says,
everything is energy.
That's all there's to it.
All you have to do is match thefrequency of the reality you
want, and you cannot help butget that reality.
It's not philosophy, it'sphysics.
And so to me, I spent so long inthis like self developmental
(40:24):
space and where I really foundmy success was.
The true like real law of likeas real as gravity was.
Once I really learned thateverything is frequency and
really learning that the powerswithin and that's where our
frequency's at and thateverything magnetizes with that.
That like energy attracts likeenergy.
I could have saved at least 20years on my life for sure if I
(40:44):
would've understood that quote.
So I would just say.
That's amazing.
Yeah I can definitely attest tothat.
I, there's nobody that'sperfect.
And me as a coach, physicaltherapy, teaching other people
(41:05):
about pain.
I go through my own pains.
The pains of raising twochildren the fears and the
anxieties of.
S saying that, oh, they're whenat this stage, they, a lot of
your kids prefer mom and I gothrough these identity things of
am I ever gonna be good enoughto be just as good as mom?
Will they ever love me as much?
I.
I go through phases of like,when I'm going through that,
(41:25):
then all of a sudden my businessis going down and all of a
sudden I'm less consistent in myworkouts.
It's it's amazing how one littleshift in oh, me being uncertain
about my role as a father led toall these other things that
started going wrong with mylife, right?
Or I started to focus on thosethings.
Then once I realized that like Ijust loved them to death, it
doesn't matter who's number one,who's number two, and I'm sure
(41:47):
hopefully this can relate toparents too.
Is that I really just started tolove unconditionally.
I just started to spend way moretime with my child taking the
playgrounds, embrace just everylittle bit of who they are.
Embrace the five senses.
I always talk about senses thatlike, when you wanna be more
present, just start thinkingabout the environment around you
start.
I.
Feeling it?
What is your, what does yourenvironment smell like?
Does it smell like garbage?
(42:07):
Does it smell like flowers?
Start tasting what the airtastes like.
Right?
Ground yourself.
What does your feet feel likewhen you start to engage the
five sentence, you become moregrounded and less likely to
quote unquote, look backwards atthe traffic behind you.
And I really just start presentand all of a sudden, guess what
happened?
Everything started going well.
My role as a father, I was waymore positive, way happier.
(42:27):
I started to make more money,started to make more sales.
I got way more consistent withmy workouts and my nutrition.
And then, you know what?
We're going on vacation tomorrowbecause I did so well this month
that now we're just gonna gotake a quick vacation.
It's speaking from personalexperience on the fact that my
own anxieties and the way Iperceived my life and the way
that I was manifesting it,attracting all these negative
(42:50):
electrons and all thisnegativity.
Led to everything in my life,cascading in the wrong
direction.
And yes, I pivoted by readingmore books, listening to your
stuff, Nina, I started to justbecome just a better version of
me.
I started to become happier andall of a sudden, like I said,
that frequency I started toattract the right things in my
(43:11):
life.
And I think that if you're, Idon't know who's listening right
now, but whatever you're goingthrough, just understand that
the negatives that if you startto let the negatives outweigh
the positives, right?
It's, you're gonna startattracting more of that to your
life, and therefore you're gonnabecome more anxious, more
depressed, and you're gonna digyourself your own hole.
But nonetheless, no matter Ican, you can agree, no matter
how big the hole is, you canalways dig yourself out of it,
(43:35):
right?
There's no, there's never apoint in, there's never a time
in your life where you can't saythat.
Like you can't dig yourselfoutta the hole.
God said this before too.
It is God would not tempt youbeyond what you can normally
bear, right?
He will always give you afighting opportunity to bounce
back from adversity and to getback to the things that you
want, the things that you wannamess manifest in your own life.
Anyways, de I feel like I tooksome of your spotlight just now,
(43:56):
but to give you back thespotlight, is there any one
final message that you wouldgive to.
Our viewers right now that wouldhopefully either one hit home
for them, something that theycan take home, or two that would
compel'em to take the actionsnecessary for them.
Yeah, absolutely.
As a gift to listeners, I loveto I love to give value to the
world because I truly believethat when we give value comes
(44:18):
back just as the law ofreciprocity.
And for me I just like to helppeople with that tracking and
measuring to make it tangiblefor them so that they can
actually see it.
And I will leave Jason here a alink that says, call@anita.com.
You can just go on there, have a15 minute call with me and I'll
just show you where you're at.
And then that will give you sucha visual and it'll make sense as
to like why things arehappening.
(44:40):
You'll you'll be like, oh mygosh, no wonder why I'm stuck in
this place.
And then when you have that,you'll have the system to be
like, okay, here's how to breakfree.
Here's the walls.
Are technically holding you backfrom it.
So call with anita.com and I'dlove to sit down with you guys
and give you a free assessment.
That's amazing.
I would honestly take you up onthat, right?
If I was hitting the lows and Iwasn't the coach Sha, I would
(45:03):
definitely be calling it Harvey.
And I think that anybody that islistening that has any forms of
anxiety, fear related things,distress something that you feel
like you can't overcome you'renot alone, right?
Always never suffer alone.
I always say that.
That's why, community's here.
That's why Denine is here andmyself.
So again, I'll leave that linkin the description so that
people can take advantage ofthat 15 minute consult and
(45:24):
trust.
I think that Danina is one ofthe perfect people to to help
with at least providing like aroadmap or some sort of strategy
to get you moving forward.
So with all that said thank youDanina for your time and your
expertise on my podcast.
And for anybody that's listeningright now definitely I'll leave
you always with this quote andhopefully this quote hits with
everyone is that we only haveone body, one life.
(45:46):
Make every action you take, theone that makes you a better
version of you.
So thank you Dina, and hopefullywe'll be having more
conversation from here.
Okay?
Absolutely.
Thanks.
Nice again to have you have meon.
Appreciate it.
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