March 28, 2024 • 30 mins
When the world seems to stand still in the face of grief, Bridgette's voice offers a tender melody of resilience and hope. In an episode that promises to touch the deepest corners of your heart, we journey with Bridgette, a missionary with a soul-stirring story of loss and steadfast faith. Her candid conversation with me, Austin Gardner, weaves through the pain of infant loss and the silent struggle with infertility. Bridgette's poignant narrative, chronicled in her book "Lost in the Gray," shines a light on these often-whispered topics, offering solace to those walking a similar mournful path.
The heartache of losing a child leaves a lasting imprint, and Bridgette bravely bares her own scars to guide others through the labyrinth of sorrow. Our discussion ventures into the dark valleys of depression, the strain on marriages, and the crucial embrace of professional help. Yet, amidst the shadows, we find the luminescence of community and faith—a beacon for healing. With compassion that transcends words, Bridget's experiences underscore the importance of creating spaces where all forms of motherhood are honored and supported.
In an act of service beyond mere conversation, the episode extends practical advice for those seeking to comfort the grieving. From the simple acts of providing meals to the profound gesture of remembering lost children, we explore tangible ways to walk alongside bereaved parents with tenderness and understanding. As the episode culminates, Bridgette and I join hearts with our listeners in prayer, fostering a collective journey toward healing and hope. This is not just a story of grief—it's a testament to the unwavering human spirit and the power of shared stories to uplift and inspire.
Lost in the Gray
My Grief Journal Real Feelings and Deep Truths
Thanks for listening. Find us on YouTube, Substack, Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
W. Austin Gardner (00:02):
Well, I'd like to welcome you to World
Evangelism Podcast.
I'm your host, austin Gardner,and this is a special edition.
I am excited because we have ayoung lady missionary serving
God in the country of Colombia,who's currently in Mexico in
language school currently inMexico in language school and
(00:23):
she has been through a whole lot, suffered a great deal.
God has brought her through oris still bringing her through.
She has written a book that Iwant you to be able to get a
copy of, and she has so much toshare, and we'll actually do
(00:47):
three podcasts with her overthis week and two more weeks,
and so spread the word and sharethe news there.
So, bridget, how aboutintroducing yourself and tell us
a little bit about you and yourfamily?
Bridgette Young (00:55):
Okay, right now we're serving in Toluca, mexico
, finishing up language school.
My husband, blake Young, isfinishing up his final exams
this week actually and ourfour-year-old daughter Willow.
She and I are at home right nowbecause I finished my language
school not too long ago and thissummer we'll be taking a short
(01:15):
furlough back to the States overthe summer and then this fall,
hopefully August 1st is our dateto be back in Columbia to get
back to work there.
W. Austin Gardner (01:23):
Well, praise the Lord.
I am so glad to hear that Nowyou wrote a book.
What's the name of the book andwhat's it about?
Bridgette Young (01:32):
So the name of the book is called Lost in the
Gray and the subtitle isBreaking the Silence on the
Struggles of Infant Loss andInfertility.
And the reason that I wrote thebook is because my husband and
I suffered two losses.
They were ectopics, and ectopicmeans that the um, the placenta
, did not um get I can'tremember the word it didn't
(01:53):
start growing in the uterus.
It um gets, uh, stuck outsideof uterus, like in one of the
fallopian tubes is the mostcommon place.
So ectopic just means that theoutside of the uterus, when it
begins to grow, when the babystarts to grow, it can be
extremely dangerous because alot of times they're not caught
and they can rupture andhemorrhage and so the mother,
oftentimes a lot of women diebecause of ectopics that aren't
(02:16):
found.
Both of mine were found rightbefore they started to rupture
or they had just begun torupture a little bit.
So I had to have emergencysurgery for both of them and I
wrote the book because thecircumstances around our first
loss were very, very different.
They were not your, you knowyour normal ectopic pregnancy.
We had been told we hadmiscarried and then a few weeks
(02:38):
later we were on our survey tripin Columbia, and we found out
on the same day that I was stillpregnant, that the baby still
had a heartbeat and that I wouldneed surgery that afternoon.
And then, when we lost oursecond, it was through another
ectopic.
I was flying to the States on avisa run.
My husband was back in Columbiabecause we were in language
school at this time, and when Ilanded in North Carolina I found
(03:01):
that I had another ectopicpregnancy, had another emergency
surgery, had the two removedand so then that left me with
not being able to have morechildren at all.
I found several good resourcesfor Christians who go through
trials.
I believe I mentioned those inthe second podcast or maybe I
don't remember.
But Dark Clouds, deep Mercy,suffering is Never for Nothing.
Those are great books to readif you're going through a trial.
(03:23):
The book specifically deal withinfant loss, especially like
topics.
I didn't really find manyresources.
I found a couple of blogs butnothing that really talked about
the hard side of it, especiallythose that had heartbeats and
kind of skipped over thedifficulty part and went
straight into the happy andgreat side of things, which is
our end goal.
But I wanted to really show thethe hard things that parents
(03:47):
really go through, specificallythe mother that go through
infant losses that are notrecognized, so anything uh
really like um we mentionedwe're going to mention in a
later podcast.
If your child's lit fit in acasket, it's kind of overlooked.
And so a lot of the mothersthat go through miscarriages and
early loss.
They have to grieve a lot ofsilence and they don't have
(04:07):
anybody to help them throughthose moments, so it's mainly
geared for that.
It shares my story.
It shares the stories of otherwomen, covering different types
of losses, from miscarriage tostillborn, to loss through
medical negligence, and it alsodiscusses infertility and
fertility loss, and it alsodiscusses infertility and
fertility loss.
W. Austin Gardner (04:24):
So you've noticed Bridget mentioned a
couple of times a second podcast.
Due to my inexperience withthis, we recorded this first
podcast once and it didn'trecord, and so, anyway, we're
doing it again, so maybe we'lldo a better job this time.
Now Bridget has written twobooks.
(04:47):
One of them is alreadyavailable for you in the Kindle
format.
You can find it on Amazon andI'll have a link to it below the
video and also below thepodcast or in the podcast notes.
When is the hard copy comingout?
Bridgette Young (05:06):
So the paper copy is coming out March 30th,
which is this Saturday, andeventually I think we'll have a
hard cover copy as well.
But yeah, the actual paper copycomes out this Saturday and the
e-books are already available.
W. Austin Gardner (05:20):
That is fantastic.
Now you also wrote another book, and it's called the Grief
Journal.
Would you kind of explain thatbriefly?
Bridgette Young (05:28):
Yeah, so that one is called my Grief Journal
and I can't remember thesubtitle right now in this
moment because I'm nervous butit deals with deep truths or,
I'm sorry, real feelings anddeep fruits, I believe is the
subtitle, or it's like reverse,something like that, and deep
fruits.
I believe this is a subtitle,or it's like reverse, something
like that, and it's set up in away to allow people to process
(05:51):
and grieve any type of loss.
It's not written specificallyfor infant loss, but it has
sections where you talk abouthere's how I'm feeling today.
You write it all out, get itall out on paper, you know kind
of get your jumbled thoughtsorganized and then below that is
a section.
But here's the truth I'mstanding on, and so we can take
those feelings and base them onscripture.
(06:11):
And yes, I feel upset and angry, but I know that God
understands that.
I know that God has felt everyemotion known to man.
I feel abandoned, but the truthis that God will never leave me
or forsake me, and so it'ssomething to help mirror.
Okay, here's what I'm feeling,here's the negative things, but
I know the truth of God's wordand that keeps us grounded in
scripture so we can, in a veryhealthy way, move forward in our
grief and process thoseemotions and feelings and still
allow God to use them.
It also has a section for justextra journaling, to journal
(06:34):
whatever you would like maybe aletter to your lost loved one,
to your child Some people findthat very helpful, uh or just to
journal about your day.
Maybe, um, you know things,that this was a milestone this
person would have reached today.
This was today's our birthday,or today.
I just feel like journalingbecause it's a hard day, or you
know whatever it may be just tohelp people to better process
(06:54):
and deal with things that maynot have resources other than
really writing.
W. Austin Gardner (07:01):
So I'm not sure everything that we covered
in the first one, and if I'mmissing something, you'd be sure
to jump in and uh and help meso we can get as much of the
best material out.
You went through a series ofemotions, um feelings, uh in
(07:22):
your life uh, anger or whatever,and so what would you share
about what it's like to be whereyou've been?
Bridgette Young (07:31):
um, it's a place I wouldn't worth.
I wouldn't wish it on my worstenemy.
Um, it's not a place thatanyone ever wants to be or to
ever have to repeat.
Um, losing one child is hardenough.
It's extremely difficult.
Um, it comes a lot of guilt,whether that loss is you've seen
the heartbeat of your child, oryour, your child that's died,
(07:54):
um, already.
And then you still have tobirth the child.
Uh, whether you're birthing itthrough miscarriage or through
surgery or through stillbornit's all types of birth Every
mother is going to feel a senseof guilt with that, because our
body, we feel that our body hasfailed us.
Um, so there's a, there's aguilt that comes with it.
There's obviously a very deepgrief.
There's reminders everywhereyou look.
(08:17):
It's not something that youwill ever get over.
I've had people say I don'tunderstand why I'm not over this
yet, and I tell them a motherwill never get over her children
, and that's okay, becauseyou're their mother forever.
You're not supposed to get overyour loss, but it can be a very
difficult thing when dates comeup and you're like, oh, helen
(08:38):
would be three years old thissummer and Anaya would turn one.
Those are difficult daysbecause you're making cupcakes
but there's no child you know tocelebrate physically there, but
we still recognize those days.
Or you're out shopping and yousee baby clothes, or you see
somebody pregnant.
There's a lot of things thatmothers will see that are
reminders and triggers of whatthey could have had but what
(08:59):
they don't have, and that'sreally heavy in and of itself.
It's very isolating at timesbecause, depending on the type
of your loss, the earlier it is,the less important it seems,
the less significant it seems,which is really sad.
W. Austin Gardner (09:15):
That's the less important it seems, which
is really sad.
There's a phrase that's theless important it seems to other
people.
Bridgette Young (09:20):
Oh yeah, To the mother.
It's um, it's extremely real,because the second a mother
finds out she's pregnant, westart planning, you know the
nursery three the nursery thing,things we need to buy.
We start the Amazon wishlist,you start planning everything
and then it's gone and you'regrieving all of the things that
you have lost, all the thingsyou won't get to experience,
plus the life that you had tolose as well.
(09:41):
It's devastating because thatlife was a part of you.
It wasn't an accident or amistake and God only allowed you
to carry that baby, maybe for ashort time, but it's still a
life that needs to be grievedand a mother has every right to
grieve that child.
I made the comment in my bookthat may ruffle some feathers,
but because of the circumstancesaround my first loss, the baby
(10:05):
was alive when I had to go intosurgery and it was a medical
abortive procedure.
There's just no other wayaround.
That that's just what the truthis, and for a mother to have to
choose to end her child's lifeto save her own is extremely
difficult, especially forChristians, I would say.
Because Christians are on theside of the picket line.
We're all against abortion ofany kind.
(10:26):
We say we believe life is atconception.
We're ready to support thosewho want to carry their babies.
Yet when someone in our owncircle loses their baby early on
.
It's almost treated as if thatlife wasn't important, and so
sometimes I feel like Christiansare fighting for the lives of
those we're trying to save fromabortion in the what I would say
(10:47):
the normal sense that we knowit.
But we're kind of ignoring a lotof the mothers that lose
through early miscarriage, earlyectopic, uh, chemical
pregnancies, things like that.
We kind of brush those insideand we just say, oh, I hope you
have another baby really soon,and that mother does not want
another baby.
That mother wants the baby thatshe lost.
She may at one point, at somepoint, get to where, okay, I'm
ready to have more children, butshe will never.
(11:09):
That baby will never replacethe one that she lost.
W. Austin Gardner (11:15):
The facts are , your baby couldn't live, and
you couldn't live if you hadn'thave taken care of it Is that
correct.
Bridgette Young (11:24):
That's correct, and so you're stuck in kind of
a rock and a hard place because,no matter the decision you make
, the outcome is going to bedevastating either way, and in
the medical field and Iunderstand this now.
If I had said, no, you cannot dothe surgery because my baby's
alive, they could haveoverridden that and just gotten
a doctor to sign off because mylife was in danger.
(11:45):
The tube was being interrupted.
It was a very dangerous,serious situation.
And so really, in thosesituations the patient, the
mother, would have no controlover that, because the doctor is
going to do anything he can tosave your life, which is what
he's supposed to do.
But as a mother, it just itputs us in a very difficult
place.
That's why the book is calledLost in the Gray, because for me
for so long I felt I have beenin between kind of the black and
(12:08):
white.
The black and white, you know,I used to know this is right,
this is wrong, this is whatabortion is.
We stand against it.
And then I was kind of caughtin the middle, like wait a
minute, what about the peoplethat are like me, who have to
have what is considered anabortive procedure because my
baby was alive?
But where's the support for that?
Nobody wants to talk about it.
It's either you're getting anabortion for wrong reasons, or
(12:30):
you're having your baby, or youlose it.
Naturally there's no kind ofmiddle ground that I could find
where anybody wanted to walkwith me through that, except for
really professional counselorsand therapy.
And so for a long time I feltlost in this fog, this gray area
, and my husband and I had tokeep those details really
private because we were afraidthat people would judge us.
We felt very guilty for thedecision that we had to make,
(12:53):
even though there was noalternative.
W. Austin Gardner (12:55):
That was the only decision we could make in
that moment, but that's stillvery difficult form other
process and learn to accept andand learn to live with so you
need to buy the book lost in thegray, because some things are
hard to understand and unlessyou've been there and dealt with
(13:15):
it, like Bridget and Blake have, you might.
I don't understand and untilthis podcast I really didn't
comprehend how terrible this is.
I know that Blake and Bridgetdo not believe in abortion, but
they were faced with a situationwhere they had no choice.
(13:36):
So get the book, get the griefjournal and use those to help
you uh, to help you grow.
So we've discussed it, but Ican't remember in what area when
we discussed it, but you wentdown deep into a pit.
Would you talk a little bitabout that?
Bridgette Young (13:58):
Yes.
So after our first loss, wewere in the middle of deputation
when that happened.
We went home, I finished mytime recovering from the surgery
and then we just hit the groundrunning again.
We finished deputation, we justfaked it until we made it.
We got to the field to startlanguage school.
We just faked it till we madeit.
We got to the field to startlanguage school and I thought I
was handling it really welluntil the first year.
(14:19):
The one year anniversary alwaysfalls on Thanksgiving or the day
before or the day after, and Ithought I was going to be OK.
We hosted Thanksgiving at ourhouse and after that I just
spiraled into a really reallybad depression.
It was.
It was bad, and then a friendreached out and suggested that I
(14:39):
talk to somebody and getprofessional help.
And that did help, but it gotworse before it got better.
Because when you take somethingvery traumatic and and
difficult like that type ofsituation and you put it away
for so long, eventually it'sgoing to build up and build up
and then it just spills out andit's going to affect every part
of your life and there's nothingyou can do except to face it,
(15:00):
to deal with it, process it andmove on, so you can begin to
grieve and begin to get throughit, because really we hadn't
grieved that loss or I hadn't atleast, um, because I kept
ignoring it, because I justcouldn't handle the guilt.
Um, and again, after I was doingbetter, we got pregnant again
and then we lost our other, oursecond baby and the ability to
have more, and that justtriggered me to fall into
(15:21):
another, um, deep depression andI just felt that God was
against me, that he was nolonger good, um, that he's
punishing me, um, we had peopletell us some really ugly things
after that loss as well.
That didn't help the situation.
We had people say things thatthey meant well, that just
caused more hurt, like, oh wehope you have more kids again,
(15:43):
have you considered adoption?
And this was less than a monthafter we had lost our baby.
Those are not something amother needs or wants to hear in
that moment, and that was hard.
I almost walked away from mymarriage and ministry.
I told my husband one night heneeded to pack his bags and
leave, and our pastor came andhelped us through that and
offered some great counseling.
And, by the mercy of God and mysuper patient, loving husband,
(16:05):
we are where we're at today, um,and our marriage is so much
sweeter for it.
But, yes it, um, I got in aplace that I hope I never, ever,
ever go back to.
I didn't want to live anymore.
I didn't want to to wake upanymore, because it was just.
It felt too heavy to carry andI was trying to carry it all on
my own and deal with it all onmy own, because I didn't think
(16:27):
that God was trustworthy anymore.
W. Austin Gardner (16:31):
I am so very, very sorry for all that you and
Blake have been through, and Iknow that it's got to be a
thousand times worse for themother than it is for anybody.
But no matter how deep the pitis, you found out that God is
still deeper, and so Corrie TenBoom said that no matter the
depth of the pit, god is deeperstill, and so I am so grateful
(16:54):
for how God's brought youthrough.
What Bridget's trying to do ishelp any lady, so every pastor
listening to this ought to prayabout getting as many copies of
this book.
Ladies in our churches havelost their babies, some
wrongfully, through abortion butthey're hurting and they need
(17:16):
help.
They need help they don't needto be judged, they don't need to
be criticized, they don't needto be hated If they realize they
wish they hadn't have done it.
They certainly need loving arms.
You want to say something aboutthat?
I'm going to mention others,but you want to say something.
Some people have had anabortion, but they've
gotten—they love Jesus.
(17:36):
They won't love.
Bridgette Young (17:39):
Exactly, and I bring that up a few times
throughout the book.
I mention to the woman that hadan abortion because they chose
to, not for medical reasons orbecause her life was in danger,
that there's always redemptionfound in Christ, that this book
is not written to judge them ormake them seem like their loss
wasn't important, and that theystill have every right to grieve
(17:59):
their child, to hold a memorialfor their child, to seek
counseling for the grief of thatchild, and then later on in the
book we also discuss a littlebit on Mother's Day how Mother's
.
Day can be very difficult forwomen who have lost children and
there's no children there withthem, and I'm glad to hear that
(18:20):
there's been.
One lady reached out to me.
She and her husband are pastorsin New York and she said on
Mother's Day what they choose todo is to give every woman a
flower, so that way people don'tfeel left out if they don't get
to stand up or they feel theycan't, and I write in there.
You know this isn't a popularopinion, but if there's a woman
in your church who's had anabortion, she's a mother.
Whether you want to recognizethat or not, that's the truth.
And if she's in church, thenthat means she's seeking a
(18:41):
relationship with the Lord,she's seeking to grow, she's
seeking redemption and God isgoing to cover that, just like
he covers us, and she has everyright to receive a flower and to
recognize yes, I have a baby inheaven.
Maybe she's named that child andshe has every right to grieve
that child, to honor their child, and she deserves to be
recognized as a mother.
Because if she's in church, ifshe's thinking a relationship
with the Lord, then she's doingthe same thing as any other
(19:03):
Christian is, and that's tryingto live under God's mercy and
grace and to do better today andto share.
Maybe she wants to share herstory with others about God's
redemption, but sometimes theyneed help with that to show that
you're loved here, you'rewelcomed here, your sin is
covered under the blood ofChrist and you have every right
to recognize that you are amother, whether other people may
(19:24):
say, oh, she doesn't deservethat or she made that choice,
she did.
But today's a new day and God'smercies are new every day did.
but today's a new day and God'smercies are new every day and we
have no idea of hercircumstance.
But no matter what the reasonwas for the choice she made,
she's still a mother.
Her child was not an accidentand God can still use her child
(19:44):
in a beautiful way and use herstory.
And I would be honored to sitby any of those women in church
on Mother's Day and to give thema flower and to hear their
story and to share their story,if, if it helps other people and
if God can use that inbeautiful ways, just like he can
with my story.
W. Austin Gardner (19:59):
Well, I think that the lesson here is that
we're not pro-abortion, but weare pro-love, and loving the
person that made a mistake, thatdid wrong and wants to get
their life right, and they oughtto have a place they can go and
they ought to be loved.
And I think Bridget's book isgoing to help those people.
And I don't mean to be rude toyou, pastor, but there are
(20:23):
ladies in your church that havedone that and no one knows about
it, what they're hurting, andthis book could help them.
And the Grief book could helpthem, um, and the grief journal
could help them.
They, you know, then, theirmothers, that babies it's it's
not like Bridget's story, butthey miscarried, or the baby was
(20:45):
stillborn, or maybe they can'thave children and, uh, they're
hurting.
And Bridget's going to explain,through you, to you over the
next couple of meetings, some ofthat, but her book's written.
How would your book help thosepeople?
Bridgette Young (21:04):
So the second to last chapter, chapter 9, is
called To those who Lead.
It's the name of the chapterand it's specifically written
for either pastors, pastors'wives or any Christian who maybe
leads a women's ministry, orreally it's really for anybody.
Anybody can glean from it, Ithink, or who wants to learn how
to walk alongside of parentsyou know, mothers especially,
but also the fathers who gothrough infant loss, infertility
(21:27):
or fertility loss how to helpthem, how to guide them to
professional help if needed, topray for them.
What not to say, what to say,um, things to just do and not
wait for them to ask.
A lot of mothers, um, may notreach out for help.
I know I didn't and I wanted to, but I felt like people were
too busy or they were going tothink that, well, I should be
(21:47):
over this by now, um, but youknow so some tips I would offer
now if you know someone who'sgoing, who has recently gone
through a loss or fertility loss, show up at their house with a
meal.
Don't ask them hey, can I helpyou with a meal?
Just show up, just do it, don'task, just do it.
And that's going to go a longway.
You have no idea what a hugeblessing that will be.
I had someone show up at mydoor one night with a sweet
(22:16):
basket with teas and socks and acandle after my first surgery
um, just like a basket for kindof self care, and that was such
a huge blessing because thatwould have been something I
would have loved to get formyself, but I, you know, didn't
think I deserved it.
And someone brought it.
Um, after my second surgery, mymom helped with the cooking and
cleaning and watching willowand people said us a few things.
Um, but after my my firstsurgery, I had to pay someone to
come clean my house and I askedthem to come clean it.
(22:36):
Um, they're like oh, I heardyou're recovering from a surgery
.
W. Austin Gardner (22:38):
I was like, oh yeah, it was just an
outpatient, I'll be fine in aweek and I didn't want to talk
about what the surgery was wasfor.
Bridgette Young (22:43):
I didn't share that, um, but it would have been
such a blessing if someone hadcome, you know, for even a month
.
Hey, I'm here to do yourlaundry.
Hey, I'm here to cook somemeals.
Hey, I have some freezer mealsfor you.
Hey, I'm just here to sit andtalk to you and to listen to you
or to pray with you.
Those are such a huge, hugeblessing.
But even not just a month after, but even up to a year, two
(23:03):
years after it's good to checkin on those mothers and to
continue to walk with themthrough this journey.
So many people want to sit withthe comfortable and the joy and
they don't want to sit duringthe seasons of grief.
And we learn, you know, we seein the cycles of the seasons
here on Earth that seasons lastmore than just a day or a week.
Some seasons last severalmonths and they repeat.
(23:24):
Sometimes you have seasons ofgrief and it goes away for a
while, but it always comes back,and so I talk about them in my
book, just to be available forthem, just to keep the cliches
at home, keep all of the thingsabout.
We need to be praising rightnow and rejoicing.
You know that there's a seasonfor that and it will come.
Right now they just need someoneto sit with them in their grief
to to keep speaking gentletruths in their life, but
(23:45):
showing that God is here withyou in your grief.
He loves you, he's notpunishing you or you know?
Um, there I have a list on howto pray for the woman who's
going through that, and even herhusband.
Pray for her heart to staytender towards God.
Pray for her marriage, becauseit's very stressful on a
marriage to lose a child,especially if you lose a child.
Any loss is traumatic, butsummer is a different level of
(24:10):
trauma, I would say, and so thatchapter nine does discuss that.
It has quite a few differentpoints and suggestions there for
people to take what they will.
W. Austin Gardner (24:23):
Well, you know, I think that I pastored
and led people for over 50 yearsand I'm learning from you and I
appreciate it.
And I'm learning from you and Iappreciate it.
This is helping me to grow andI hope, as you listen to the
podcast, that this is helpingyou to grow.
And Bridget wants to comealongside people that are
(24:46):
hurting.
She's been down in the pit andshe knows what it's like to hurt
and Lord's bringing her out inlots of ways.
She's already out but, as shestated, stated, she's going to
have to suffer.
You'll never get over it, willyou?
Bridgette Young (25:02):
no, no, because every year there'll be a
birthday.
Um every christmas, we hang uptwo white stockings to represent
our babies.
W. Austin Gardner (25:12):
Tell them the names of your babies, oh yeah.
Bridgette Young (25:16):
So our first loss we named Callan Vision
Young and our second loss isAnaya Oak Young, and Anaya means
God has answered and we havethings.
I used to not display things inmy house because I felt that it
was not acceptable because theywere such early losses, but I
have since moved things outwhere people can see Callan's
(25:37):
ultrasound.
I have a picture of his heart,his heartbeat, and we have
Aniyah's urn that holds hisashes.
Every Christmas we put outstockings for everybody and I
got two white ones to representCallan and Aniyah.
Every year on their birthday.
Willow helps me make cupcakes.
So this year we'll becelebrating Anaya's first
birthday, probably stateside,with my family.
(25:58):
That would be the first time wecan celebrate one of their
birthdays with my family, so I'mlooking forward to that.
I think that was very sweetbecause their due dates were
less than a month apart, one inMay and one in June.
So you always have thebirthdays.
You always wonder what would itbe like running around with
(26:22):
three little kids, four andunder?
What would it have been like,you know, to experience certain
things at certain ages?
You wonder, you know, what agewould they have been crawling?
What would their personalitiesbe like?
There's always reminders andtriggers that a mother is going
to face, and so it's definitelynothing that you get over and a
mother shouldn't.
But it changes.
The grief does change andevolve with time and you learn
(26:43):
how to better carry it andhandle it.
But there are still some dayswhere some things are just a lot
harder to handle or it justcomes really, really strong.
Strong and it was as if it hadhappened yesterday and in
Callan's um.
His loss was three and a halfyears ago and there's still some
days that it's just as heavy asit was when we went through it
(27:06):
uh, I hurt for you and I hurtwith you and I know Blake hurts.
W. Austin Gardner (27:12):
Uh, bridget has a book called Lost in the
Gray.
And what is the grief journal?
Bridgette Young (27:18):
again, the grief journal is my grief
journal.
Oh, I can't remember thesubtitle.
It's real.
I believe it's real feelingsand deep truths, or vice versa,
deep feelings and real truths.
I should have written it down,so I remember.
W. Austin Gardner (27:35):
We will put that in the show notes and you
can see that and links to getthose.
She will be with us for twomore episodes.
They're already recorded and wethank you for taking the time
to be with us today.
This is the World EvangelismPodcast.
It's a special edition becauseI really believe that Bridget
(27:57):
has help for many people.
I think that she's been down inthe pit and learned and come
out and we can all grow from itand I am so grateful to God for
who she is and what she's doingand the young lady that she is,
and it makes me appreciate momsmore.
It makes me appreciate whatyou've been through and I thank
(28:21):
the Lord for that.
It's kind of time to quit,Bridget, but do you have some
co-authors?
Is that correct?
Bridgette Young (28:29):
Yes, so there's three main people that
contributed to the book.
I have one lady thatcontributed to the majority of
chapter eight, which is oninfertility and fertility loss,
and then I also had my, mycounselor and grief therapist
contribute to two chapters oneon grief and marriage and then
the other one.
They contributed to the chapterabout therapy, and both of them
(28:51):
are professionals, licensed.
They help people walk throughgrief every day and they've
contributed a lot of reallyhelpful insights as well.
W. Austin Gardner (28:58):
So I just believe there's a wealth of
information here from Bridgetand I'm excited about how God is
using her, and I hope that youwill subscribe If you like this.
Give us some likes on theYouTube page and share it with
other people and let's see if wecan't be a blessing.
Give us some likes on theYouTube page and share it with
(29:18):
other people and let's see if wecan't be a blessing to people
that are hurting, lost in thegray.
They're lost in the gray.
They don't know how to get backto the light sometimes, and
sometimes the decisions are lostin the gray.
You just don't know what to do.
So would you please pray withthem, as pray with Bridget.
You know, the first time wemade this recording, I froze,
and I'm frozen again.
What do you think?
So, anyway, thank you so muchfor listening.
(29:41):
This is the World EvangelismPodcast, bridget.
Any final words?
Bridgette Young (29:45):
Just thank you for this opportunity to share
more about my book and to reachother people.
W. Austin Gardner (29:50):
Well, thank you all very much for listening
today and I pray that it's beena blessing to you, and I'm
frozen every way I look at it,but hey, we will see you the
next time.
God bless you.
Well, I'd like to welcome you to World
Evangelism Podcast.
I'm your host, austin Gardner,and this is a special edition.
I am excited because we have ayoung lady missionary serving
God in the country of Colombia,who's currently in Mexico in
language school currently inMexico in language school and
(00:23):
she has been through a whole lot, suffered a great deal.
God has brought her through oris still bringing her through.
She has written a book that Iwant you to be able to get a
copy of, and she has so much toshare, and we'll actually do
(00:47):
three podcasts with her overthis week and two more weeks,
and so spread the word and sharethe news there.
So, bridget, how aboutintroducing yourself and tell us
a little bit about you and yourfamily?
Bridgette Young (00:55):
Okay, right now we're serving in Toluca, mexico
, finishing up language school.
My husband, blake Young, isfinishing up his final exams
this week actually and ourfour-year-old daughter Willow.
She and I are at home right nowbecause I finished my language
school not too long ago and thissummer we'll be taking a short
(01:15):
furlough back to the States overthe summer and then this fall,
hopefully August 1st is our dateto be back in Columbia to get
back to work there.
W. Austin Gardner (01:23):
Well, praise the Lord.
I am so glad to hear that Nowyou wrote a book.
What's the name of the book andwhat's it about?
Bridgette Young (01:32):
So the name of the book is called Lost in the
Gray and the subtitle isBreaking the Silence on the
Struggles of Infant Loss andInfertility.
And the reason that I wrote thebook is because my husband and
I suffered two losses.
They were ectopics, and ectopicmeans that the um, the placenta
, did not um get I can'tremember the word it didn't
(01:53):
start growing in the uterus.
It um gets, uh, stuck outsideof uterus, like in one of the
fallopian tubes is the mostcommon place.
So ectopic just means that theoutside of the uterus, when it
begins to grow, when the babystarts to grow, it can be
extremely dangerous because alot of times they're not caught
and they can rupture andhemorrhage and so the mother,
oftentimes a lot of women diebecause of ectopics that aren't
(02:16):
found.
Both of mine were found rightbefore they started to rupture
or they had just begun torupture a little bit.
So I had to have emergencysurgery for both of them and I
wrote the book because thecircumstances around our first
loss were very, very different.
They were not your, you knowyour normal ectopic pregnancy.
We had been told we hadmiscarried and then a few weeks
(02:38):
later we were on our survey tripin Columbia, and we found out
on the same day that I was stillpregnant, that the baby still
had a heartbeat and that I wouldneed surgery that afternoon.
And then, when we lost oursecond, it was through another
ectopic.
I was flying to the States on avisa run.
My husband was back in Columbiabecause we were in language
school at this time, and when Ilanded in North Carolina I found
(03:01):
that I had another ectopicpregnancy, had another emergency
surgery, had the two removedand so then that left me with
not being able to have morechildren at all.
I found several good resourcesfor Christians who go through
trials.
I believe I mentioned those inthe second podcast or maybe I
don't remember.
But Dark Clouds, deep Mercy,suffering is Never for Nothing.
Those are great books to readif you're going through a trial.
(03:23):
The book specifically deal withinfant loss, especially like
topics.
I didn't really find manyresources.
I found a couple of blogs butnothing that really talked about
the hard side of it, especiallythose that had heartbeats and
kind of skipped over thedifficulty part and went
straight into the happy andgreat side of things, which is
our end goal.
But I wanted to really show thethe hard things that parents
(03:47):
really go through, specificallythe mother that go through
infant losses that are notrecognized, so anything uh
really like um we mentionedwe're going to mention in a
later podcast.
If your child's lit fit in acasket, it's kind of overlooked.
And so a lot of the mothersthat go through miscarriages and
early loss.
They have to grieve a lot ofsilence and they don't have
(04:07):
anybody to help them throughthose moments, so it's mainly
geared for that.
It shares my story.
It shares the stories of otherwomen, covering different types
of losses, from miscarriage tostillborn, to loss through
medical negligence, and it alsodiscusses infertility and
fertility loss, and it alsodiscusses infertility and
fertility loss.
W. Austin Gardner (04:24):
So you've noticed Bridget mentioned a
couple of times a second podcast.
Due to my inexperience withthis, we recorded this first
podcast once and it didn'trecord, and so, anyway, we're
doing it again, so maybe we'lldo a better job this time.
Now Bridget has written twobooks.
(04:47):
One of them is alreadyavailable for you in the Kindle
format.
You can find it on Amazon andI'll have a link to it below the
video and also below thepodcast or in the podcast notes.
When is the hard copy comingout?
Bridgette Young (05:06):
So the paper copy is coming out March 30th,
which is this Saturday, andeventually I think we'll have a
hard cover copy as well.
But yeah, the actual paper copycomes out this Saturday and the
e-books are already available.
W. Austin Gardner (05:20):
That is fantastic.
Now you also wrote another book, and it's called the Grief
Journal.
Would you kind of explain thatbriefly?
Bridgette Young (05:28):
Yeah, so that one is called my Grief Journal
and I can't remember thesubtitle right now in this
moment because I'm nervous butit deals with deep truths or,
I'm sorry, real feelings anddeep fruits, I believe is the
subtitle, or it's like reverse,something like that, and deep
fruits.
I believe this is a subtitle,or it's like reverse, something
like that, and it's set up in away to allow people to process
(05:51):
and grieve any type of loss.
It's not written specificallyfor infant loss, but it has
sections where you talk abouthere's how I'm feeling today.
You write it all out, get itall out on paper, you know kind
of get your jumbled thoughtsorganized and then below that is
a section.
But here's the truth I'mstanding on, and so we can take
those feelings and base them onscripture.
(06:11):
And yes, I feel upset and angry, but I know that God
understands that.
I know that God has felt everyemotion known to man.
I feel abandoned, but the truthis that God will never leave me
or forsake me, and so it'ssomething to help mirror.
Okay, here's what I'm feeling,here's the negative things, but
I know the truth of God's wordand that keeps us grounded in
scripture so we can, in a veryhealthy way, move forward in our
grief and process thoseemotions and feelings and still
allow God to use them.
It also has a section for justextra journaling, to journal
(06:34):
whatever you would like maybe aletter to your lost loved one,
to your child Some people findthat very helpful, uh or just to
journal about your day.
Maybe, um, you know things,that this was a milestone this
person would have reached today.
This was today's our birthday,or today.
I just feel like journalingbecause it's a hard day, or you
know whatever it may be just tohelp people to better process
(06:54):
and deal with things that maynot have resources other than
really writing.
W. Austin Gardner (07:01):
So I'm not sure everything that we covered
in the first one, and if I'mmissing something, you'd be sure
to jump in and uh and help meso we can get as much of the
best material out.
You went through a series ofemotions, um feelings, uh in
(07:22):
your life uh, anger or whatever,and so what would you share
about what it's like to be whereyou've been?
Bridgette Young (07:31):
um, it's a place I wouldn't worth.
I wouldn't wish it on my worstenemy.
Um, it's not a place thatanyone ever wants to be or to
ever have to repeat.
Um, losing one child is hardenough.
It's extremely difficult.
Um, it comes a lot of guilt,whether that loss is you've seen
the heartbeat of your child, oryour, your child that's died,
(07:54):
um, already.
And then you still have tobirth the child.
Uh, whether you're birthing itthrough miscarriage or through
surgery or through stillbornit's all types of birth Every
mother is going to feel a senseof guilt with that, because our
body, we feel that our body hasfailed us.
Um, so there's a, there's aguilt that comes with it.
There's obviously a very deepgrief.
There's reminders everywhereyou look.
(08:17):
It's not something that youwill ever get over.
I've had people say I don'tunderstand why I'm not over this
yet, and I tell them a motherwill never get over her children
, and that's okay, becauseyou're their mother forever.
You're not supposed to get overyour loss, but it can be a very
difficult thing when dates comeup and you're like, oh, helen
(08:38):
would be three years old thissummer and Anaya would turn one.
Those are difficult daysbecause you're making cupcakes
but there's no child you know tocelebrate physically there, but
we still recognize those days.
Or you're out shopping and yousee baby clothes, or you see
somebody pregnant.
There's a lot of things thatmothers will see that are
reminders and triggers of whatthey could have had but what
(08:59):
they don't have, and that'sreally heavy in and of itself.
It's very isolating at timesbecause, depending on the type
of your loss, the earlier it is,the less important it seems,
the less significant it seems,which is really sad.
W. Austin Gardner (09:15):
That's the less important it seems, which
is really sad.
There's a phrase that's theless important it seems to other
people.
Bridgette Young (09:20):
Oh yeah, To the mother.
It's um, it's extremely real,because the second a mother
finds out she's pregnant, westart planning, you know the
nursery three the nursery thing,things we need to buy.
We start the Amazon wishlist,you start planning everything
and then it's gone and you'regrieving all of the things that
you have lost, all the thingsyou won't get to experience,
plus the life that you had tolose as well.
(09:41):
It's devastating because thatlife was a part of you.
It wasn't an accident or amistake and God only allowed you
to carry that baby, maybe for ashort time, but it's still a
life that needs to be grievedand a mother has every right to
grieve that child.
I made the comment in my bookthat may ruffle some feathers,
but because of the circumstancesaround my first loss, the baby
(10:05):
was alive when I had to go intosurgery and it was a medical
abortive procedure.
There's just no other wayaround.
That that's just what the truthis, and for a mother to have to
choose to end her child's lifeto save her own is extremely
difficult, especially forChristians, I would say.
Because Christians are on theside of the picket line.
We're all against abortion ofany kind.
(10:26):
We say we believe life is atconception.
We're ready to support thosewho want to carry their babies.
Yet when someone in our owncircle loses their baby early on
.
It's almost treated as if thatlife wasn't important, and so
sometimes I feel like Christiansare fighting for the lives of
those we're trying to save fromabortion in the what I would say
(10:47):
the normal sense that we knowit.
But we're kind of ignoring a lotof the mothers that lose
through early miscarriage, earlyectopic, uh, chemical
pregnancies, things like that.
We kind of brush those insideand we just say, oh, I hope you
have another baby really soon,and that mother does not want
another baby.
That mother wants the baby thatshe lost.
She may at one point, at somepoint, get to where, okay, I'm
ready to have more children, butshe will never.
(11:09):
That baby will never replacethe one that she lost.
W. Austin Gardner (11:15):
The facts are , your baby couldn't live, and
you couldn't live if you hadn'thave taken care of it Is that
correct.
Bridgette Young (11:24):
That's correct, and so you're stuck in kind of
a rock and a hard place because,no matter the decision you make
, the outcome is going to bedevastating either way, and in
the medical field and Iunderstand this now.
If I had said, no, you cannot dothe surgery because my baby's
alive, they could haveoverridden that and just gotten
a doctor to sign off because mylife was in danger.
(11:45):
The tube was being interrupted.
It was a very dangerous,serious situation.
And so really, in thosesituations the patient, the
mother, would have no controlover that, because the doctor is
going to do anything he can tosave your life, which is what
he's supposed to do.
But as a mother, it just itputs us in a very difficult
place.
That's why the book is calledLost in the Gray, because for me
for so long I felt I have beenin between kind of the black and
(12:08):
white.
The black and white, you know,I used to know this is right,
this is wrong, this is whatabortion is.
We stand against it.
And then I was kind of caughtin the middle, like wait a
minute, what about the peoplethat are like me, who have to
have what is considered anabortive procedure because my
baby was alive?
But where's the support for that?
Nobody wants to talk about it.
It's either you're getting anabortion for wrong reasons, or
(12:30):
you're having your baby, or youlose it.
Naturally there's no kind ofmiddle ground that I could find
where anybody wanted to walkwith me through that, except for
really professional counselorsand therapy.
And so for a long time I feltlost in this fog, this gray area
, and my husband and I had tokeep those details really
private because we were afraidthat people would judge us.
We felt very guilty for thedecision that we had to make,
(12:53):
even though there was noalternative.
W. Austin Gardner (12:55):
That was the only decision we could make in
that moment, but that's stillvery difficult form other
process and learn to accept andand learn to live with so you
need to buy the book lost in thegray, because some things are
hard to understand and unlessyou've been there and dealt with
(13:15):
it, like Bridget and Blake have, you might.
I don't understand and untilthis podcast I really didn't
comprehend how terrible this is.
I know that Blake and Bridgetdo not believe in abortion, but
they were faced with a situationwhere they had no choice.
(13:36):
So get the book, get the griefjournal and use those to help
you uh, to help you grow.
So we've discussed it, but Ican't remember in what area when
we discussed it, but you wentdown deep into a pit.
Would you talk a little bitabout that?
Bridgette Young (13:58):
Yes.
So after our first loss, wewere in the middle of deputation
when that happened.
We went home, I finished mytime recovering from the surgery
and then we just hit the groundrunning again.
We finished deputation, we justfaked it until we made it.
We got to the field to startlanguage school.
We just faked it till we madeit.
We got to the field to startlanguage school and I thought I
was handling it really welluntil the first year.
(14:19):
The one year anniversary alwaysfalls on Thanksgiving or the day
before or the day after, and Ithought I was going to be OK.
We hosted Thanksgiving at ourhouse and after that I just
spiraled into a really reallybad depression.
It was.
It was bad, and then a friendreached out and suggested that I
(14:39):
talk to somebody and getprofessional help.
And that did help, but it gotworse before it got better.
Because when you take somethingvery traumatic and and
difficult like that type ofsituation and you put it away
for so long, eventually it'sgoing to build up and build up
and then it just spills out andit's going to affect every part
of your life and there's nothingyou can do except to face it,
(15:00):
to deal with it, process it andmove on, so you can begin to
grieve and begin to get throughit, because really we hadn't
grieved that loss or I hadn't atleast, um, because I kept
ignoring it, because I justcouldn't handle the guilt.
Um, and again, after I was doingbetter, we got pregnant again
and then we lost our other, oursecond baby and the ability to
have more, and that justtriggered me to fall into
(15:21):
another, um, deep depression andI just felt that God was
against me, that he was nolonger good, um, that he's
punishing me, um, we had peopletell us some really ugly things
after that loss as well.
That didn't help the situation.
We had people say things thatthey meant well, that just
caused more hurt, like, oh wehope you have more kids again,
(15:43):
have you considered adoption?
And this was less than a monthafter we had lost our baby.
Those are not something amother needs or wants to hear in
that moment, and that was hard.
I almost walked away from mymarriage and ministry.
I told my husband one night heneeded to pack his bags and
leave, and our pastor came andhelped us through that and
offered some great counseling.
And, by the mercy of God and mysuper patient, loving husband,
(16:05):
we are where we're at today, um,and our marriage is so much
sweeter for it.
But, yes it, um, I got in aplace that I hope I never, ever,
ever go back to.
I didn't want to live anymore.
I didn't want to to wake upanymore, because it was just.
It felt too heavy to carry andI was trying to carry it all on
my own and deal with it all onmy own, because I didn't think
(16:27):
that God was trustworthy anymore.
W. Austin Gardner (16:31):
I am so very, very sorry for all that you and
Blake have been through, and Iknow that it's got to be a
thousand times worse for themother than it is for anybody.
But no matter how deep the pitis, you found out that God is
still deeper, and so Corrie TenBoom said that no matter the
depth of the pit, god is deeperstill, and so I am so grateful
(16:54):
for how God's brought youthrough.
What Bridget's trying to do ishelp any lady, so every pastor
listening to this ought to prayabout getting as many copies of
this book.
Ladies in our churches havelost their babies, some
wrongfully, through abortion butthey're hurting and they need
(17:16):
help.
They need help they don't needto be judged, they don't need to
be criticized, they don't needto be hated If they realize they
wish they hadn't have done it.
They certainly need loving arms.
You want to say something aboutthat?
I'm going to mention others,but you want to say something.
Some people have had anabortion, but they've
gotten—they love Jesus.
(17:36):
They won't love.
Bridgette Young (17:39):
Exactly, and I bring that up a few times
throughout the book.
I mention to the woman that hadan abortion because they chose
to, not for medical reasons orbecause her life was in danger,
that there's always redemptionfound in Christ, that this book
is not written to judge them ormake them seem like their loss
wasn't important, and that theystill have every right to grieve
(17:59):
their child, to hold a memorialfor their child, to seek
counseling for the grief of thatchild, and then later on in the
book we also discuss a littlebit on Mother's Day how Mother's
.
Day can be very difficult forwomen who have lost children and
there's no children there withthem, and I'm glad to hear that
(18:20):
there's been.
One lady reached out to me.
She and her husband are pastorsin New York and she said on
Mother's Day what they choose todo is to give every woman a
flower, so that way people don'tfeel left out if they don't get
to stand up or they feel theycan't, and I write in there.
You know this isn't a popularopinion, but if there's a woman
in your church who's had anabortion, she's a mother.
Whether you want to recognizethat or not, that's the truth.
And if she's in church, thenthat means she's seeking a
(18:41):
relationship with the Lord,she's seeking to grow, she's
seeking redemption and God isgoing to cover that, just like
he covers us, and she has everyright to receive a flower and to
recognize yes, I have a baby inheaven.
Maybe she's named that child andshe has every right to grieve
that child, to honor their child, and she deserves to be
recognized as a mother.
Because if she's in church, ifshe's thinking a relationship
with the Lord, then she's doingthe same thing as any other
(19:03):
Christian is, and that's tryingto live under God's mercy and
grace and to do better today andto share.
Maybe she wants to share herstory with others about God's
redemption, but sometimes theyneed help with that to show that
you're loved here, you'rewelcomed here, your sin is
covered under the blood ofChrist and you have every right
to recognize that you are amother, whether other people may
(19:24):
say, oh, she doesn't deservethat or she made that choice,
she did.
But today's a new day and God'smercies are new every day did.
but today's a new day and God'smercies are new every day and we
have no idea of hercircumstance.
But no matter what the reasonwas for the choice she made,
she's still a mother.
Her child was not an accidentand God can still use her child
(19:44):
in a beautiful way and use herstory.
And I would be honored to sitby any of those women in church
on Mother's Day and to give thema flower and to hear their
story and to share their story,if, if it helps other people and
if God can use that inbeautiful ways, just like he can
with my story.
W. Austin Gardner (19:59):
Well, I think that the lesson here is that
we're not pro-abortion, but weare pro-love, and loving the
person that made a mistake, thatdid wrong and wants to get
their life right, and they oughtto have a place they can go and
they ought to be loved.
And I think Bridget's book isgoing to help those people.
And I don't mean to be rude toyou, pastor, but there are
(20:23):
ladies in your church that havedone that and no one knows about
it, what they're hurting, andthis book could help them.
And the Grief book could helpthem, um, and the grief journal
could help them.
They, you know, then, theirmothers, that babies it's it's
not like Bridget's story, butthey miscarried, or the baby was
(20:45):
stillborn, or maybe they can'thave children and, uh, they're
hurting.
And Bridget's going to explain,through you, to you over the
next couple of meetings, some ofthat, but her book's written.
How would your book help thosepeople?
Bridgette Young (21:04):
So the second to last chapter, chapter 9, is
called To those who Lead.
It's the name of the chapterand it's specifically written
for either pastors, pastors'wives or any Christian who maybe
leads a women's ministry, orreally it's really for anybody.
Anybody can glean from it, Ithink, or who wants to learn how
to walk alongside of parentsyou know, mothers especially,
but also the fathers who gothrough infant loss, infertility
(21:27):
or fertility loss how to helpthem, how to guide them to
professional help if needed, topray for them.
What not to say, what to say,um, things to just do and not
wait for them to ask.
A lot of mothers, um, may notreach out for help.
I know I didn't and I wanted to, but I felt like people were
too busy or they were going tothink that, well, I should be
(21:47):
over this by now, um, but youknow so some tips I would offer
now if you know someone who'sgoing, who has recently gone
through a loss or fertility loss, show up at their house with a
meal.
Don't ask them hey, can I helpyou with a meal?
Just show up, just do it, don'task, just do it.
And that's going to go a longway.
You have no idea what a hugeblessing that will be.
I had someone show up at mydoor one night with a sweet
(22:16):
basket with teas and socks and acandle after my first surgery
um, just like a basket for kindof self care, and that was such
a huge blessing because thatwould have been something I
would have loved to get formyself, but I, you know, didn't
think I deserved it.
And someone brought it.
Um, after my second surgery, mymom helped with the cooking and
cleaning and watching willowand people said us a few things.
Um, but after my my firstsurgery, I had to pay someone to
come clean my house and I askedthem to come clean it.
(22:36):
Um, they're like oh, I heardyou're recovering from a surgery
.
W. Austin Gardner (22:38):
I was like, oh yeah, it was just an
outpatient, I'll be fine in aweek and I didn't want to talk
about what the surgery was wasfor.
Bridgette Young (22:43):
I didn't share that, um, but it would have been
such a blessing if someone hadcome, you know, for even a month
.
Hey, I'm here to do yourlaundry.
Hey, I'm here to cook somemeals.
Hey, I have some freezer mealsfor you.
Hey, I'm just here to sit andtalk to you and to listen to you
or to pray with you.
Those are such a huge, hugeblessing.
But even not just a month after, but even up to a year, two
(23:03):
years after it's good to checkin on those mothers and to
continue to walk with themthrough this journey.
So many people want to sit withthe comfortable and the joy and
they don't want to sit duringthe seasons of grief.
And we learn, you know, we seein the cycles of the seasons
here on Earth that seasons lastmore than just a day or a week.
Some seasons last severalmonths and they repeat.
(23:24):
Sometimes you have seasons ofgrief and it goes away for a
while, but it always comes back,and so I talk about them in my
book, just to be available forthem, just to keep the cliches
at home, keep all of the thingsabout.
We need to be praising rightnow and rejoicing.
You know that there's a seasonfor that and it will come.
Right now they just need someoneto sit with them in their grief
to to keep speaking gentletruths in their life, but
(23:45):
showing that God is here withyou in your grief.
He loves you, he's notpunishing you or you know?
Um, there I have a list on howto pray for the woman who's
going through that, and even herhusband.
Pray for her heart to staytender towards God.
Pray for her marriage, becauseit's very stressful on a
marriage to lose a child,especially if you lose a child.
Any loss is traumatic, butsummer is a different level of
(24:10):
trauma, I would say, and so thatchapter nine does discuss that.
It has quite a few differentpoints and suggestions there for
people to take what they will.
W. Austin Gardner (24:23):
Well, you know, I think that I pastored
and led people for over 50 yearsand I'm learning from you and I
appreciate it.
And I'm learning from you and Iappreciate it.
This is helping me to grow andI hope, as you listen to the
podcast, that this is helpingyou to grow.
And Bridget wants to comealongside people that are
(24:46):
hurting.
She's been down in the pit andshe knows what it's like to hurt
and Lord's bringing her out inlots of ways.
She's already out but, as shestated, stated, she's going to
have to suffer.
You'll never get over it, willyou?
Bridgette Young (25:02):
no, no, because every year there'll be a
birthday.
Um every christmas, we hang uptwo white stockings to represent
our babies.
W. Austin Gardner (25:12):
Tell them the names of your babies, oh yeah.
Bridgette Young (25:16):
So our first loss we named Callan Vision
Young and our second loss isAnaya Oak Young, and Anaya means
God has answered and we havethings.
I used to not display things inmy house because I felt that it
was not acceptable because theywere such early losses, but I
have since moved things outwhere people can see Callan's
(25:37):
ultrasound.
I have a picture of his heart,his heartbeat, and we have
Aniyah's urn that holds hisashes.
Every Christmas we put outstockings for everybody and I
got two white ones to representCallan and Aniyah.
Every year on their birthday.
Willow helps me make cupcakes.
So this year we'll becelebrating Anaya's first
birthday, probably stateside,with my family.
(25:58):
That would be the first time wecan celebrate one of their
birthdays with my family, so I'mlooking forward to that.
I think that was very sweetbecause their due dates were
less than a month apart, one inMay and one in June.
So you always have thebirthdays.
You always wonder what would itbe like running around with
(26:22):
three little kids, four andunder?
What would it have been like,you know, to experience certain
things at certain ages?
You wonder, you know, what agewould they have been crawling?
What would their personalitiesbe like?
There's always reminders andtriggers that a mother is going
to face, and so it's definitelynothing that you get over and a
mother shouldn't.
But it changes.
The grief does change andevolve with time and you learn
(26:43):
how to better carry it andhandle it.
But there are still some dayswhere some things are just a lot
harder to handle or it justcomes really, really strong.
Strong and it was as if it hadhappened yesterday and in
Callan's um.
His loss was three and a halfyears ago and there's still some
days that it's just as heavy asit was when we went through it
(27:06):
uh, I hurt for you and I hurtwith you and I know Blake hurts.
W. Austin Gardner (27:12):
Uh, bridget has a book called Lost in the
Gray.
And what is the grief journal?
Bridgette Young (27:18):
again, the grief journal is my grief
journal.
Oh, I can't remember thesubtitle.
It's real.
I believe it's real feelingsand deep truths, or vice versa,
deep feelings and real truths.
I should have written it down,so I remember.
W. Austin Gardner (27:35):
We will put that in the show notes and you
can see that and links to getthose.
She will be with us for twomore episodes.
They're already recorded and wethank you for taking the time
to be with us today.
This is the World EvangelismPodcast.
It's a special edition becauseI really believe that Bridget
(27:57):
has help for many people.
I think that she's been down inthe pit and learned and come
out and we can all grow from itand I am so grateful to God for
who she is and what she's doingand the young lady that she is,
and it makes me appreciate momsmore.
It makes me appreciate whatyou've been through and I thank
(28:21):
the Lord for that.
It's kind of time to quit,Bridget, but do you have some
co-authors?
Is that correct?
Bridgette Young (28:29):
Yes, so there's three main people that
contributed to the book.
I have one lady thatcontributed to the majority of
chapter eight, which is oninfertility and fertility loss,
and then I also had my, mycounselor and grief therapist
contribute to two chapters oneon grief and marriage and then
the other one.
They contributed to the chapterabout therapy, and both of them
(28:51):
are professionals, licensed.
They help people walk throughgrief every day and they've
contributed a lot of reallyhelpful insights as well.
W. Austin Gardner (28:58):
So I just believe there's a wealth of
information here from Bridgetand I'm excited about how God is
using her, and I hope that youwill subscribe If you like this.
Give us some likes on theYouTube page and share it with
other people and let's see if wecan't be a blessing.
Give us some likes on theYouTube page and share it with
(29:18):
other people and let's see if wecan't be a blessing to people
that are hurting, lost in thegray.
They're lost in the gray.
They don't know how to get backto the light sometimes, and
sometimes the decisions are lostin the gray.
You just don't know what to do.
So would you please pray withthem, as pray with Bridget.
You know, the first time wemade this recording, I froze,
and I'm frozen again.
What do you think?
So, anyway, thank you so muchfor listening.
(29:41):
This is the World EvangelismPodcast, bridget.
Any final words?
Bridgette Young (29:45):
Just thank you for this opportunity to share
more about my book and to reachother people.
W. Austin Gardner (29:50):
Well, thank you all very much for listening
today and I pray that it's beena blessing to you, and I'm
frozen every way I look at it,but hey, we will see you the
next time.
God bless you.
Popular Podcasts
Cold Case Files: Miami
Joyce Sapp, 76; Bryan Herrera, 16; and Laurance Webb, 32—three Miami residents whose lives were stolen in brutal, unsolved homicides. Cold Case Files: Miami follows award‑winning radio host and City of Miami Police reserve officer Enrique Santos as he partners with the department’s Cold Case Homicide Unit, determined family members, and the advocates who spend their lives fighting for justice for the victims who can no longer fight for themselves.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.