April 4, 2024 • 25 mins
Have you ever found yourself questioning the purpose behind life's most painful moments? Bridgette Young joins us, and with a voice that echoes the strength of the human spirit, she shares the heartbreak of losing two children to ectopic pregnancies, and the anger with God that followed. Her openness offers a guiding light to those who have felt lost in the shadows of grief and reinforces the lesson that faith can emerge stronger from the fires of suffering. We draw inspiration from biblical figures, finding solace in the stories of Joseph and Moses, as Bridget shares the poignant significances behind the names of her lost children.
Amidst the storm of sorrow, there's a tale of a mother's courage as she wrestles with depression while trying to keep life normal for her daughter, Willow. The dance between shielding her child and the eventual embrace of vulnerability within her marriage paints a raw picture of the familial ripple effects of loss. We also get an exclusive glimpse into her soon-to-be-released book, offering a beacon of hope for others navigating the murky waters of grief. The conversation shifts to a heartfelt account of how therapy, despite initial resistance, carved a path toward healing through the wise counsel of a retired pastor.
We round out our conversation by confronting the stigma of therapy and counseling within the Christian community. Bridgette and I share personal insights into the transformative power of seeking professional guidance, unpacking the false beliefs that can prevent many from accessing the support they need. By sharing the creation of a grief journal and discussing the benefits of therapy, we extend an invitation to find strength and solace in embracing our own emotional wellbeing. Join us for this deep and necessary exploration into the ways we can emerge victorious from life's most challenging trials.
Thanks for listening. Find us on YouTube, Substack, Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Well, this is Al Sigardner, welcoming you back to
the World Evangelism Podcast,and today this is a special
edition.
This is our second in theseries talking with Bridget
Young, and in the normal WorldEvangelism Podcast, I'll be
bringing to you a verse of theday for missions, and then a
(00:26):
country of the day or country ofthe week, because this will be
coming out weekly.
Then I will bring you a book, abook you should read, a book
you should know about, and ahistorical person.
So I am very excited about theopportunity to talk to you, but
all along the way, I'm going tobe looking for people that can
bless us and help us, andBridget Young is one of those
(00:49):
people For us to be used.
God often breaks us.
You know, joseph will be greatlyused, but he went through 13
years of torture.
Moses will be greatly used, buthe went through 40 years of
torture.
Moses will be greatly used, buthe went through 40 years in the
wilderness.
If you go through the Bibleover and over, you'll find David
(01:13):
ran and hid in caves, evenknowing he was supposed to be
the king, and Bridget and BlakeYoung, missionaries to Columbia,
have been suffering.
I'm pretty sure their sufferinghas had a major purpose and
it's to help you.
That's what I want to do.
I want to help you, and I wantto help you by bringing to you
(01:34):
people I know have a greatmessage and I hope you'll listen
.
If you didn't hear last week'spodcast, I hope you'll go back
and get it, and if you did, Ihope you'll share these to other
people.
So I am glad to welcome you,bridget, once again, and I was
frozen in our last session.
We're still in the same clothesbecause we're just recording
(01:56):
these back to back, but, bridget, you want to just introduce
yourself again and tell people alittle bit about who you are,
and we will continue ourconversation.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Okay, bridget young and I'm married to blake young.
We have a four-year-olddaughter named willow, and I
don't know something.
You just saw his head.
This is tank, our dog.
Sorry, he's interrupted thismeeting.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
I thought you had golden, wasn't that or that?
Who had the golden retrievers?
Speaker 2 (02:20):
that was you we did in columbia.
Yes, sir, um yeah, she was toobig and too expensive to move
countries, so we got a small,movable-sized pet now.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
That's a major change .
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Yes, it is.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
You know, as we were ending our session last time,
you were talking about how youhad been angry at God and my son
one of my sons was unable tohave children for almost nine
years and in a message somewherehe preached and said he had
been angry at God and he gotripped.
(02:55):
The pastor was upset the church.
He said nobody should ever beangry with God, which is really
not very true and not very smart.
And I think it's somebody thatmay not have been through some
hurt.
So I know that it's a repeatinga little bit of what you've
(03:15):
already said, but some peoplemay not have heard last session.
So why were you angry?
Speaker 2 (03:22):
So my husband and I lost two children through
ectopic pregnancies and ourfirst loss we had been told we
had miscarried and then a fewweeks later we found out I was
still pregnant and the baby wasstill alive, had a strong
heartbeat but I needed to go infor emergency surgery that same
day because the tube wasbeginning to rupture.
A year and a half later we gotpregnant again another ectopic
(03:46):
pregnancy, and that one resultedin losing my second tube and
the ability to have morechildren.
So it was a lot to have tocarry and process and deal with,
especially being on medicationand moving to a field to start
language school and you knowjust normal life that you're
going through on top of a deepgrief like that and that
definitely put me in a very darkplace and a lot of anger, sadly
(04:09):
, for a long time.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Let's just briefly define a couple of terms what
type of pregnancy and what'sthat mean?
Speaker 2 (04:17):
So an ectopic pregnancy is when the pregnancy
begins to attach and grow.
I can't think of the technicalterm right now but it attaches
to somewhere outside of theuterus.
Usually the most common place isin the fallopian tubes.
At some point in the tube theplacenta attaches and begins to
grow outside of the uterus andit always ends with either the
(04:40):
baby passing or them having togive the mother a shot a
chemotherapy shot, or removingof the pregnancy or the tube,
because the pregnancy cannotgrow without the mother.
At some point it rupturing andhemorrhaging, so if it is not
caught it can be deadly.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
So I would imagine in some foreign countries that
don't have as advanced a medicalattention or people can't
afford it, the woman might behurting and not get help and end
up dying.
Is that fair?
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Oh yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
I mean if it happens.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
If it can happen in the United States, where we're
supposed to have really greathealthcare and it can be missed
even with our technology andwomen die every year from this,
it definitely I'm sure happensin other places.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Okay, and then you mentioned the word deputation,
and for those listening thataren't acquainted with that,
that means the period of timewhen you're raising the support
to go do the work that God'scalled you to do.
So you lost two children, butyou named them.
Why don't you tell us that?
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Yes, so our first one we named is Callan Vision Young
, and our second one we namedAnaya Oak Young, and with both
of those, my husband chose themiddle names and I chose the
first names.
Callan is just a name that I'vealways liked.
It has no significance ormeaning whatsoever other than I
just like the name.
And Anaya, though, actuallymeans God has answered, and we
(06:06):
chose that because God clearlygave us an answer that, yes, he
was giving us the children weasked for, but His answer was no
, you'll only be able to raisethem for the amount of weeks
that I was able to carry them,and so that's why His name has a
little bit more of a meaning toit.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Okay, I I'm gonna ask some questions.
That might be a taduncomfortable, but I think it
might help you, help others,because that's what you're doing
and that's why you wrote thebook.
What's the name of the bookexactly?
Speaker 2 (06:36):
the name of the book is lost in the grave and the
subtitle is breaking the silenceon the struggles of infant loss
and infertility.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
So how low did you get?
Speaker 2 (06:48):
I got low enough to where I was sitting in my closet
one day trying to put uplaundry that had probably been
sitting in my room about a week.
And I was sitting on the floorsurrounded by all these clothes
to put up and I just had thethought, lord, I just want to
die, I can't do this anymore,and that scared me when I
(07:09):
realized I was at the pointwhere I just don't want to wake
up anymore.
It was just too heavy.
And this was even before oursecond loss.
Before our second loss myhusband took me away for kind of
like a mini sabbatical on thefield.
We went to the coast ofColumbia for just over a week.
We had some dear friends keepwillow, because I kind of
reached a breakdown, like amental breakdown almost, if I
(07:31):
could put it that way Because Ihad just started therapy to
process Callan's loss.
All of you know the way we losthim was extremely traumatic and
it was a lot to handle.
Plus, in language school that'sa lot to handle too.
So my body just did not handlethe stress well.
So we went to the coast.
I sat on the beach for about aweek just to pray, to listen to
worship music, to try to read abook about um, uh, the book was
(07:55):
about.
I can't remember what the bookwas about now actually I don't
think I read much of the book,but it was just the time to
process it and grieve.
But we were on the third floorof a hotel room and I had one
day and the window.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
The windows didn't have any type of like guard or
lock or balcony.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
It was just you open the window and you can just step
off.
And I had one night where Ireally wanted to just open the
window and step off, um, and Ireally considered it, but the
only thing that stopped me wasno.
I was like no, I can't.
I can't do that to my husband.
I cannot let him see his wifedie this way.
And I didn't want my daughterto raise up, to grow up without
a mother.
And I really think God keptputting those thoughts in my
(08:31):
mind and thinking Nope, you haveto think about Willow, you have
to think about your husband.
You still have a purpose.
And that's what kept me in thatroom that day and kept me.
You know, nope, I'm going tofight for this, I'm not giving
up yet.
And even if I feel bad all thetime, I know God has a purpose
for this.
And that little tiny sliver ofhope really kept me going.
(08:53):
It is what brought me to theplace to trust God again, to
allow us to get pregnant again.
And then, after our second loss,instead of returning to the
promises and the progress I hadmade and seeing what God had
done in my life through Callan'sdeath.
I put God back on a shelf and Isaid nope, I'm done, it's just.
It's hurt after hurt, it's noafter no and I'm tired of it.
(09:16):
This isn't fair.
I got extremely negative.
One thing that was also verydifficult was we took a four
month furlough, emergencyfurlough, after our second loss,
to take time to grieve, to gethelp, to get rest, because we
did not do that after our firstloss and that was really
detrimental to ourselves, to ourmarriage, to my emotional
(09:38):
health, physical health even.
But at our home church at thetime there was a young lady who
was the same amount of weekspregnant that I would have been,
and so for four months I had togo to every service and see her
belly grow and see her healthypregnancy, and that was really
difficult and I felt that Godwas being very cruel.
(10:01):
And my pastor looked me in theeyes one day at one of our
counseling sessions and he saidI can look at your face and you
have no hope, you are hopeless.
And I said yeah, I am.
I was like it's just.
He said I can look at your faceand you have no hope, you are
hopeless.
And I said yeah, I am.
I was like it's just.
I said it's just not fair, um,and I almost walked away from
ministry.
Uh, I almost walked away frommy marriage.
There was one day that I toldBlake to pack his bags and leave
, because I was so angry andupset at everything and my poor
(10:25):
husband got the brunt of it andI took it all out on him because
I forgot that.
You know he was grieving tooand he handled it way better
than I did.
He stayed in the truth of God'sword.
He led his family really well,but I fought it because, I let
anger consume me, but little bylittle, with a lot of, I think,
(10:45):
prayers on behalf of my husbandand some other people who knew
how much I was struggling, wegot into a grief share program
and, little by little, with alot of love for my husband, tons
of mercy from the Lord, I gotback to the point where I was
like you know what I'm going tobe okay, we're going to get
through this.
God had a plan for this and theLord really just did a radical
(11:07):
change in my heart because Icould not still be in missions,
I would not have the marriage Ihave today.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
But we're not for the Lord and for the husband that
you gave me.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Nobody can get through those things, I really
believe nobody can get throughthe loss of a child, no matter
what type of loss, withoutChrist.
And the ones that somehow quoteunquote do get through it.
They're struggling every day.
Every day is going to be abattle, and it's still a battle
for me on a lot of days, andit's been three and a half years
(11:37):
since we lost Callan and a yearand a half since we lost Anaya
and there are still some daysthat it's still just really,
really heavy and just reallydifficult.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
So I'd like to know how it affected Willow.
There's Willow.
Why don't you introduce Willowto everyone that's watching?
And people that are watchingcan see her?
Speaker 2 (11:56):
This is Willow.
She's four, she's got chocolateon her face.
Hey, willow, hi Hi, she's justshy.
I can't because mommy's talkingright now.
Okay, go see, use your chair,or you can sit here, but if you
sit here quiet, okay.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Yes, go to the hospital, use your chair, okay I
would say children are worththe time and the love, so it's
good.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Yeah, and we have realized that she is.
She's our miracle baby, becausethe fact that I had two
ectopics back to back in bothtubes, even though I was told
that, oh, your tubes look fine,there obviously was something
that wasn't okay.
And so for the Lord to be ableto give us a healthy pregnancy,
the first time with Willow, isshe's definitely our miracle and
(12:47):
we are so so thankful for her.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
I want to know how she reacted, because she had to
see her mother down and out andbeaten and whipped, and though I
think maybe Blake apparentlywas handling it, I'm pretty sure
he wasn't handling it, cause Iknow that I know how to fake it
(13:10):
and you know it's that fake ittill you make it.
And so I wonder how Willow wasaffected, or do you have any
idea?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
A little bit.
Thankfully, during our firstloss she had just turned a year
old, so she was still definitelyyoung enough to where she
didn't know what was going on.
We were at a veteranmissionary's house during the
first loss because it was inColumbia and we had ended up
staying there for two weeksthrough Thanksgiving instead of
one week because I had torecover from the surgery, and
(13:38):
they took her out for ice cream.
They took her, you know, theyplayed with her, so she had a
blast.
After the times that I had wasdealing with depression through
language school, I would try tofake it as much as I could with
her, but a lot of times it was,hey, let's turn on cartoons and
let's eat pizza in bed, likethat's just the reality of it.
(13:59):
I didn't do a lot of cooking.
We had a lot of takeout or likefrozen meals, and she was one
to two years old during thattime two and a half years old,
and thankfully she, um, I, Ididn't cry in front of her A lot
of times.
Um, I would go cry in theshower, I'd go cry in the closet
when she'd sleep, when Blakewas busy, because I didn't want
(14:21):
to make him or her be scared orfeel worse than they were.
I don't think he realized howbad the depression was because,
like, like you said, we can getreally good at faking it, um.
But when it got to the pointwhere I couldn't anymore, I went
to him and I kind of had thebreakdown and it was like
something's wrong with me, umand so and he, he sat with me
(14:42):
and he read scripture to mewhile I was asleep at this point
and he was like we're gonna.
He was like I'm gonna call ourdirector, I'm going to take you
on a vacation and we're going toget through this.
And he just loved me through it.
And I know I found out laterthat he was still struggling
with some things and we kind offelt the same.
Well, if I tell you it'll, wearyou down it'll you know like
(15:02):
burden you and you'll worryabout me and vice versa.
But that's not how marriageshould work.
And once we actually opened up,more honest with each other, we
were better able to pray foreach other and carry each
other's burdens and it was muchsweeter and brought us closer.
Now, during my second loss,willow was with me and on my
second flight in the States thatlanded in North Carolina is
(15:23):
when I was in extreme pain.
It was probably the worst painI've ever been in, other than
actual labor when I birthedWillow.
It was terrible.
The flight attendant came andhelped me with Willow and
something kind of interesting onthat flight is Willow.
Willow has flown a lot.
She never has problems with herears.
On this trip, her ears reallystarted bothering her and I
really think that was the Lord,because I was in so much pain
(15:44):
and all of a sudden Willowstarted crying and that took my
focus off the pain and on mydaughter.
And I was in so much pain andall of a sudden Willow started
crying and that took my focusoff the pain and on my daughter
and I was trying to sing to her.
We were giving her snacks to tryto help her to swallow, and
that helped me make it that last20 minutes of the flight.
And then when I got off theflight, we got help and they had
to take us via ambulance fromthe airport to the hospital and
that scared her a little bit.
(16:05):
She doesn't like ambulances toomuch anymore.
If she gets too close it kindof scares her.
Um, but thankfully the nurseswere super kind.
I had a cousin I didn't realize,lived, you know, in that faint
city and she had several kids.
She came, picked up Willow,took her to her house, played
with her, fed her, let her sleepthere over the night, um, so
thankfully Willow didn't have tospend the night in the hospital
(16:25):
, she was only there for acouple hours with me.
She has seen me cry more overthe last year because I learned,
you know, if I'm trying toteach women that it's okay to
grieve their child and theydon't have to go in a closet and
cry, I need to teach that to mydaughter as well.
So there's been some timeswhere she's seen me cry and
she's like mommy, why are youcrying?
And so I'll say well, I missyour brothers or your brother
(16:45):
and sister right now and then wetalk to them about with her and
she knows their names and wehave their, their things
displayed in our home and she'llgo by and point them out that
Callan's or that's an IS, and tome that's really sweet because
hearing her say their names isit's a really comforting to me.
I thought it was going to bereally triggering or really
difficult, but when it's yourchildren and she has that
(17:07):
connect connection with hersiblings.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Okay, so let's.
I don't know if we need onemore podcast with this or not,
but let's kind of give a littlebit of detail about your book.
Give us one major, helpful hintfrom the book.
Tell them what the name of thebook is, and it'll be out in
(17:35):
print in just a few days.
Correct?
But the fact is, this podcastwon't go out for a little over a
week, so it may already be inprint yes, so the book uh will
be out on paperback, availablefor purchase on amazon on march
30th, which is right now.
It's this saturday coming up, soby the time this podcast is out
, it will be out on amazon forpurchase and I'll put a link to
(17:56):
that in the notes, under thepodcast and under the uh youtube
, so that you can go buy yourown copy, and I hope you will.
All right, and so it's alreadyout.
The book is already available asa kindle version yes for ebook
kindle version okay, and so youcan get that and so, but those,
(18:17):
those notes will be in the, inthe notes and both of the or all
three podcasts, whatever we endup doing, but let's get one
great truth just preach to us.
You've been doing a pretty goodjob of preaching.
Go ahead and preach to us oneof your truths I'm probably
talking too much.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Um, there are several things in the book that are
really good that I didn't writeOne thing that.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I love-.
What do you mean?
You didn't write.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
So I had two people actually the two people I went
to for counseling and grouptherapy.
They contributed to the book.
There's a chapter called I callit the T word because in
Christian circles nobody wantsto talk about therapy and I'm
not we should stop.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Let's stop right there.
Okay, so it's a bad thing toget therapy In most Christians'
minds, but truthfully, it's notGo ahead.
Why don't you explain that part?
Then explain what's in the book.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
All right.
So the T word referring totherapy or getting professional
help.
So I negated the fact that Ihad been through a traumatic
experience from our first lossand when I started getting
professional help through thisgentleman he's a retired pastor,
he's got training.
Now A friend recommended him tome and I was like, okay, I'll
(19:29):
give it a shot.
And I went to my husband and Iwas like this person told me I
need to go to therapy.
Can you believe that?
Speaker 1 (19:36):
And my husband goes.
I think that would be reallyhelpful for you.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
And that really surprised me and I was really
embarrassed by it.
I didn't tell my family for along time, I didn't tell any
friends.
It was just my husband and theperson that recommended it and
the person that was giving metherapy.
And so I'm talking to him andhe says you know, do you realize
?
that you've been throughsomething that's very traumatic
and I said no.
I said no, I'm not a traumavictim.
(20:00):
Like you know, I'm a Christian.
I can take care of those thingsTraumas for soldiers with PTSD.
People have been through really, really difficult things, you
know, and in my mind at the timeI was dealing with a lot of
guilt because of thecircumstances surrounding our
first loss and I thought, no, Ihad to choose to do a terrible
thing that no mother should everhave to choose.
(20:21):
I had to choose between mychild's life and mine, and that
was very that's just verybackwards in my mind.
That's not how, you know, thecycle of life is supposed to go.
Mothers should sacrifice theirtheir own bodies for their
children, not the other way, andit took me a while to find a
couple of terms that, yes, whatI did go through was traumatic.
There was very deep trauma Ihad gone through and it made it
(20:42):
for a very complex grief that Ihad to deal with and break down.
That I'm still, honestly, youknow, dealing with and going
through and that's okay.
But sadly, a lot of Christiansare taught that it's almost like
this mindset that we're immuneto trauma, trauma, that we're
immune to those difficult thingsaffecting us or we're supposed
to handle it for sure yeah whyare you?
Speaker 1 (21:04):
why are you complaining?
Why are you whining?
You're supposed to be praisinggod exactly, and that's really
not.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
I mean, yes, we're to praise god, no matter what, but
we're also supposed to togrieve and take time to mourn.
What does it mean what?
What does it mean to grievebecause?
Speaker 1 (21:17):
we're also supposed to grieve and take time to mourn
.
What does it mean to grieve?
Because we're probably going tohave to do another podcast, but
you also have a grief journal.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
And so I mean you're going to help me grieve through
whatever loss.
Is that correct?
Speaker 2 (21:34):
Yes, I set up the grief journal so that way it's
not specifically for infant lossor infertility, but anybody can
use it.
And I looked for grief journalsmyself, but I wanted one that
fit me specifically and then Ithought, well, maybe this will
help someone else.
So for me, a big part ofgrieving was learning how to
process my emotions, but notletting those emotions control
(21:55):
me so I could still live invictory.
Yes, I need to face the trauma.
I needed to deal with the grief, which can be in forms of you
know, you're sad, you're angry,you're frustrated, you're
depressed, you're stressed allthe time going out and dealing
with triggers that you see on adaily basis.
(22:15):
So I have a section that saystoday.
I feel like it says somethingabout feelings.
And so there's a thing I can.
I feel angry.
Today I'm frustrated.
I went to the store and saw alady with three children and all
of them were the same ages ofwhat my children would have been
.
That can be very triggering forme some days.
Or, you know, I had to go tothe doctor's office today and I
couldn't stop shaking, because Istill have a hard time going
into doctor's office, uh, evenif it has nothing related to
(22:37):
anything to do with havingchildren.
Um, it's just.
Those are just things that ourbrains are always going to be
affected by, because traumaaffects our brains Like if you
look at um pictures of brainsbefore and after trauma, it
literally can change your brainin some areas.
And because we're we're humanbeings we're not perfect we're.
(22:58):
This is a sinful world andnegative things are gonna impact
our bodies in a negative way,but we can learn to overcome
those and to deal with them in ahealthy way and to move through
them.
So there's a section where youcan write down what you're
feeling, if you have anytriggers that day, whatever.
And then the next thing says thetruth.
I'm standing on.
So here's how I'm feeling.
Here's all these things thatare weighing me down.
It feels overwhelming, but hereare some verses I can write
(23:20):
down, some reminders of God'struth and promises that I can
apply right now.
And then there's a section forother notes.
If you want to journal about,you know no more popsicles.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
You can talk about whatever the grief is.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
Maybe you've lost a grandparent or a loved one or a
child and you can just writemaybe a letter to that person or
just just memories or whateverit is that helps you, because
for me, talking about it andwriting about it is a is a huge
help to me to process it andthen to be able to to begin to
greet, to begin to to feel thosethings, but then to move on
(23:52):
with it, to grow around thegrief and to learn how to
appropriately handle it on aday-to-day basis.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Fantastic.
Well, this is our secondepisode and we'll do one more
together Because I want Bridgetto explain some truths out of
the book and maybe some what'sit like to have therapy?
Why are we so embarrassed abouttherapy and getting counseling?
I know that when I was in thebottom of the pit that I was in,
somebody told me to getcounseling and I was like, uh,
you know, I've been givencounseling all my life, so I
(24:25):
want Bridget to help us withthat, and I think God has raised
up Bridget to be a big blessingand a help to so many people.
Now, thank you for listening tothe podcast and we will be back
.
So this will be three weeksrunning that Bridget will be
speaking to you and I hope thatyou will invite people to come
go get list session Number one,come back and listen to this one
(24:47):
and then, of course, sessionnumber three.
I thank you very much forlistening to the world
evangelism podcast specialedition and we'll be back in
just a little bit.
God bless you.
Well, I have lost my mouse.
Well, this is Al Sigardner, welcoming you back to
the World Evangelism Podcast,and today this is a special
edition.
This is our second in theseries talking with Bridget
Young, and in the normal WorldEvangelism Podcast, I'll be
bringing to you a verse of theday for missions, and then a
(00:26):
country of the day or country ofthe week, because this will be
coming out weekly.
Then I will bring you a book, abook you should read, a book
you should know about, and ahistorical person.
So I am very excited about theopportunity to talk to you, but
all along the way, I'm going tobe looking for people that can
bless us and help us, andBridget Young is one of those
(00:49):
people For us to be used.
God often breaks us.
You know, joseph will be greatlyused, but he went through 13
years of torture.
Moses will be greatly used, buthe went through 40 years of
torture.
Moses will be greatly used, buthe went through 40 years in the
wilderness.
If you go through the Bibleover and over, you'll find David
(01:13):
ran and hid in caves, evenknowing he was supposed to be
the king, and Bridget and BlakeYoung, missionaries to Columbia,
have been suffering.
I'm pretty sure their sufferinghas had a major purpose and
it's to help you.
That's what I want to do.
I want to help you, and I wantto help you by bringing to you
(01:34):
people I know have a greatmessage and I hope you'll listen
.
If you didn't hear last week'spodcast, I hope you'll go back
and get it, and if you did, Ihope you'll share these to other
people.
So I am glad to welcome you,bridget, once again, and I was
frozen in our last session.
We're still in the same clothesbecause we're just recording
(01:56):
these back to back, but, bridget, you want to just introduce
yourself again and tell people alittle bit about who you are,
and we will continue ourconversation.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Okay, bridget young and I'm married to blake young.
We have a four-year-olddaughter named willow, and I
don't know something.
You just saw his head.
This is tank, our dog.
Sorry, he's interrupted thismeeting.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
I thought you had golden, wasn't that or that?
Who had the golden retrievers?
Speaker 2 (02:20):
that was you we did in columbia.
Yes, sir, um yeah, she was toobig and too expensive to move
countries, so we got a small,movable-sized pet now.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
That's a major change .
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Yes, it is.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
You know, as we were ending our session last time,
you were talking about how youhad been angry at God and my son
one of my sons was unable tohave children for almost nine
years and in a message somewherehe preached and said he had
been angry at God and he gotripped.
(02:55):
The pastor was upset the church.
He said nobody should ever beangry with God, which is really
not very true and not very smart.
And I think it's somebody thatmay not have been through some
hurt.
So I know that it's a repeatinga little bit of what you've
(03:15):
already said, but some peoplemay not have heard last session.
So why were you angry?
Speaker 2 (03:22):
So my husband and I lost two children through
ectopic pregnancies and ourfirst loss we had been told we
had miscarried and then a fewweeks later we found out I was
still pregnant and the baby wasstill alive, had a strong
heartbeat but I needed to go infor emergency surgery that same
day because the tube wasbeginning to rupture.
A year and a half later we gotpregnant again another ectopic
(03:46):
pregnancy, and that one resultedin losing my second tube and
the ability to have morechildren.
So it was a lot to have tocarry and process and deal with,
especially being on medicationand moving to a field to start
language school and you knowjust normal life that you're
going through on top of a deepgrief like that and that
definitely put me in a very darkplace and a lot of anger, sadly
(04:09):
, for a long time.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Let's just briefly define a couple of terms what
type of pregnancy and what'sthat mean?
Speaker 2 (04:17):
So an ectopic pregnancy is when the pregnancy
begins to attach and grow.
I can't think of the technicalterm right now but it attaches
to somewhere outside of theuterus.
Usually the most common place isin the fallopian tubes.
At some point in the tube theplacenta attaches and begins to
grow outside of the uterus andit always ends with either the
(04:40):
baby passing or them having togive the mother a shot a
chemotherapy shot, or removingof the pregnancy or the tube,
because the pregnancy cannotgrow without the mother.
At some point it rupturing andhemorrhaging, so if it is not
caught it can be deadly.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
So I would imagine in some foreign countries that
don't have as advanced a medicalattention or people can't
afford it, the woman might behurting and not get help and end
up dying.
Is that fair?
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Oh yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
I mean if it happens.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
If it can happen in the United States, where we're
supposed to have really greathealthcare and it can be missed
even with our technology andwomen die every year from this,
it definitely I'm sure happensin other places.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Okay, and then you mentioned the word deputation,
and for those listening thataren't acquainted with that,
that means the period of timewhen you're raising the support
to go do the work that God'scalled you to do.
So you lost two children, butyou named them.
Why don't you tell us that?
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Yes, so our first one we named is Callan Vision Young
, and our second one we namedAnaya Oak Young, and with both
of those, my husband chose themiddle names and I chose the
first names.
Callan is just a name that I'vealways liked.
It has no significance ormeaning whatsoever other than I
just like the name.
And Anaya, though, actuallymeans God has answered, and we
(06:06):
chose that because God clearlygave us an answer that, yes, he
was giving us the children weasked for, but His answer was no
, you'll only be able to raisethem for the amount of weeks
that I was able to carry them,and so that's why His name has a
little bit more of a meaning toit.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Okay, I I'm gonna ask some questions.
That might be a taduncomfortable, but I think it
might help you, help others,because that's what you're doing
and that's why you wrote thebook.
What's the name of the bookexactly?
Speaker 2 (06:36):
the name of the book is lost in the grave and the
subtitle is breaking the silenceon the struggles of infant loss
and infertility.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
So how low did you get?
Speaker 2 (06:48):
I got low enough to where I was sitting in my closet
one day trying to put uplaundry that had probably been
sitting in my room about a week.
And I was sitting on the floorsurrounded by all these clothes
to put up and I just had thethought, lord, I just want to
die, I can't do this anymore,and that scared me when I
(07:09):
realized I was at the pointwhere I just don't want to wake
up anymore.
It was just too heavy.
And this was even before oursecond loss.
Before our second loss myhusband took me away for kind of
like a mini sabbatical on thefield.
We went to the coast ofColumbia for just over a week.
We had some dear friends keepwillow, because I kind of
reached a breakdown, like amental breakdown almost, if I
(07:31):
could put it that way Because Ihad just started therapy to
process Callan's loss.
All of you know the way we losthim was extremely traumatic and
it was a lot to handle.
Plus, in language school that'sa lot to handle too.
So my body just did not handlethe stress well.
So we went to the coast.
I sat on the beach for about aweek just to pray, to listen to
worship music, to try to read abook about um, uh, the book was
(07:55):
about.
I can't remember what the bookwas about now actually I don't
think I read much of the book,but it was just the time to
process it and grieve.
But we were on the third floorof a hotel room and I had one
day and the window.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
The windows didn't have any type of like guard or
lock or balcony.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
It was just you open the window and you can just step
off.
And I had one night where Ireally wanted to just open the
window and step off, um, and Ireally considered it, but the
only thing that stopped me wasno.
I was like no, I can't.
I can't do that to my husband.
I cannot let him see his wifedie this way.
And I didn't want my daughterto raise up, to grow up without
a mother.
And I really think God keptputting those thoughts in my
(08:31):
mind and thinking Nope, you haveto think about Willow, you have
to think about your husband.
You still have a purpose.
And that's what kept me in thatroom that day and kept me.
You know, nope, I'm going tofight for this, I'm not giving
up yet.
And even if I feel bad all thetime, I know God has a purpose
for this.
And that little tiny sliver ofhope really kept me going.
(08:53):
It is what brought me to theplace to trust God again, to
allow us to get pregnant again.
And then, after our second loss,instead of returning to the
promises and the progress I hadmade and seeing what God had
done in my life through Callan'sdeath.
I put God back on a shelf and Isaid nope, I'm done, it's just.
It's hurt after hurt, it's noafter no and I'm tired of it.
(09:16):
This isn't fair.
I got extremely negative.
One thing that was also verydifficult was we took a four
month furlough, emergencyfurlough, after our second loss,
to take time to grieve, to gethelp, to get rest, because we
did not do that after our firstloss and that was really
detrimental to ourselves, to ourmarriage, to my emotional
(09:38):
health, physical health even.
But at our home church at thetime there was a young lady who
was the same amount of weekspregnant that I would have been,
and so for four months I had togo to every service and see her
belly grow and see her healthypregnancy, and that was really
difficult and I felt that Godwas being very cruel.
(10:01):
And my pastor looked me in theeyes one day at one of our
counseling sessions and he saidI can look at your face and you
have no hope, you are hopeless.
And I said yeah, I am.
I was like it's just.
He said I can look at your faceand you have no hope, you are
hopeless.
And I said yeah, I am.
I was like it's just.
I said it's just not fair, um,and I almost walked away from
ministry.
Uh, I almost walked away frommy marriage.
There was one day that I toldBlake to pack his bags and leave
, because I was so angry andupset at everything and my poor
(10:25):
husband got the brunt of it andI took it all out on him because
I forgot that.
You know he was grieving tooand he handled it way better
than I did.
He stayed in the truth of God'sword.
He led his family really well,but I fought it because, I let
anger consume me, but little bylittle, with a lot of, I think,
(10:45):
prayers on behalf of my husbandand some other people who knew
how much I was struggling, wegot into a grief share program
and, little by little, with alot of love for my husband, tons
of mercy from the Lord, I gotback to the point where I was
like you know what I'm going tobe okay, we're going to get
through this.
God had a plan for this and theLord really just did a radical
(11:07):
change in my heart because Icould not still be in missions,
I would not have the marriage Ihave today.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
But we're not for the Lord and for the husband that
you gave me.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Nobody can get through those things, I really
believe nobody can get throughthe loss of a child, no matter
what type of loss, withoutChrist.
And the ones that somehow quoteunquote do get through it.
They're struggling every day.
Every day is going to be abattle, and it's still a battle
for me on a lot of days, andit's been three and a half years
(11:37):
since we lost Callan and a yearand a half since we lost Anaya
and there are still some daysthat it's still just really,
really heavy and just reallydifficult.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
So I'd like to know how it affected Willow.
There's Willow.
Why don't you introduce Willowto everyone that's watching?
And people that are watchingcan see her?
Speaker 2 (11:56):
This is Willow.
She's four, she's got chocolateon her face.
Hey, willow, hi Hi, she's justshy.
I can't because mommy's talkingright now.
Okay, go see, use your chair,or you can sit here, but if you
sit here quiet, okay.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
Yes, go to the hospital, use your chair, okay I
would say children are worththe time and the love, so it's
good.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
Yeah, and we have realized that she is.
She's our miracle baby, becausethe fact that I had two
ectopics back to back in bothtubes, even though I was told
that, oh, your tubes look fine,there obviously was something
that wasn't okay.
And so for the Lord to be ableto give us a healthy pregnancy,
the first time with Willow, isshe's definitely our miracle and
(12:47):
we are so so thankful for her.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
I want to know how she reacted, because she had to
see her mother down and out andbeaten and whipped, and though I
think maybe Blake apparentlywas handling it, I'm pretty sure
he wasn't handling it, cause Iknow that I know how to fake it
(13:10):
and you know it's that fake ittill you make it.
And so I wonder how Willow wasaffected, or do you have any
idea?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
A little bit.
Thankfully, during our firstloss she had just turned a year
old, so she was still definitelyyoung enough to where she
didn't know what was going on.
We were at a veteranmissionary's house during the
first loss because it was inColumbia and we had ended up
staying there for two weeksthrough Thanksgiving instead of
one week because I had torecover from the surgery, and
(13:38):
they took her out for ice cream.
They took her, you know, theyplayed with her, so she had a
blast.
After the times that I had wasdealing with depression through
language school, I would try tofake it as much as I could with
her, but a lot of times it was,hey, let's turn on cartoons and
let's eat pizza in bed, likethat's just the reality of it.
(13:59):
I didn't do a lot of cooking.
We had a lot of takeout or likefrozen meals, and she was one
to two years old during thattime two and a half years old,
and thankfully she, um, I, Ididn't cry in front of her A lot
of times.
Um, I would go cry in theshower, I'd go cry in the closet
when she'd sleep, when Blakewas busy, because I didn't want
(14:21):
to make him or her be scared orfeel worse than they were.
I don't think he realized howbad the depression was because,
like, like you said, we can getreally good at faking it, um.
But when it got to the pointwhere I couldn't anymore, I went
to him and I kind of had thebreakdown and it was like
something's wrong with me, umand so and he, he sat with me
(14:42):
and he read scripture to mewhile I was asleep at this point
and he was like we're gonna.
He was like I'm gonna call ourdirector, I'm going to take you
on a vacation and we're going toget through this.
And he just loved me through it.
And I know I found out laterthat he was still struggling
with some things and we kind offelt the same.
Well, if I tell you it'll, wearyou down it'll you know like
(15:02):
burden you and you'll worryabout me and vice versa.
But that's not how marriageshould work.
And once we actually opened up,more honest with each other, we
were better able to pray foreach other and carry each
other's burdens and it was muchsweeter and brought us closer.
Now, during my second loss,willow was with me and on my
second flight in the States thatlanded in North Carolina is
(15:23):
when I was in extreme pain.
It was probably the worst painI've ever been in, other than
actual labor when I birthedWillow.
It was terrible.
The flight attendant came andhelped me with Willow and
something kind of interesting onthat flight is Willow.
Willow has flown a lot.
She never has problems with herears.
On this trip, her ears reallystarted bothering her and I
really think that was the Lord,because I was in so much pain
(15:44):
and all of a sudden Willowstarted crying and that took my
focus off the pain and on mydaughter.
And I was in so much pain andall of a sudden Willow started
crying and that took my focusoff the pain and on my daughter
and I was trying to sing to her.
We were giving her snacks to tryto help her to swallow, and
that helped me make it that last20 minutes of the flight.
And then when I got off theflight, we got help and they had
to take us via ambulance fromthe airport to the hospital and
that scared her a little bit.
(16:05):
She doesn't like ambulances toomuch anymore.
If she gets too close it kindof scares her.
Um, but thankfully the nurseswere super kind.
I had a cousin I didn't realize,lived, you know, in that faint
city and she had several kids.
She came, picked up Willow,took her to her house, played
with her, fed her, let her sleepthere over the night, um, so
thankfully Willow didn't have tospend the night in the hospital
(16:25):
, she was only there for acouple hours with me.
She has seen me cry more overthe last year because I learned,
you know, if I'm trying toteach women that it's okay to
grieve their child and theydon't have to go in a closet and
cry, I need to teach that to mydaughter as well.
So there's been some timeswhere she's seen me cry and
she's like mommy, why are youcrying?
And so I'll say well, I missyour brothers or your brother
(16:45):
and sister right now and then wetalk to them about with her and
she knows their names and wehave their, their things
displayed in our home and she'llgo by and point them out that
Callan's or that's an IS, and tome that's really sweet because
hearing her say their names isit's a really comforting to me.
I thought it was going to bereally triggering or really
difficult, but when it's yourchildren and she has that
(17:07):
connect connection with hersiblings.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Okay, so let's.
I don't know if we need onemore podcast with this or not,
but let's kind of give a littlebit of detail about your book.
Give us one major, helpful hintfrom the book.
Tell them what the name of thebook is, and it'll be out in
(17:35):
print in just a few days.
Correct?
But the fact is, this podcastwon't go out for a little over a
week, so it may already be inprint yes, so the book uh will
be out on paperback, availablefor purchase on amazon on march
30th, which is right now.
It's this saturday coming up, soby the time this podcast is out
, it will be out on amazon forpurchase and I'll put a link to
(17:56):
that in the notes, under thepodcast and under the uh youtube
, so that you can go buy yourown copy, and I hope you will.
All right, and so it's alreadyout.
The book is already available asa kindle version yes for ebook
kindle version okay, and so youcan get that and so, but those,
(18:17):
those notes will be in the, inthe notes and both of the or all
three podcasts, whatever we endup doing, but let's get one
great truth just preach to us.
You've been doing a pretty goodjob of preaching.
Go ahead and preach to us oneof your truths I'm probably
talking too much.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Um, there are several things in the book that are
really good that I didn't writeOne thing that.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
I love-.
What do you mean?
You didn't write.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
So I had two people actually the two people I went
to for counseling and grouptherapy.
They contributed to the book.
There's a chapter called I callit the T word because in
Christian circles nobody wantsto talk about therapy and I'm
not we should stop.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Let's stop right there.
Okay, so it's a bad thing toget therapy In most Christians'
minds, but truthfully, it's notGo ahead.
Why don't you explain that part?
Then explain what's in the book.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
All right.
So the T word referring totherapy or getting professional
help.
So I negated the fact that Ihad been through a traumatic
experience from our first lossand when I started getting
professional help through thisgentleman he's a retired pastor,
he's got training.
Now A friend recommended him tome and I was like, okay, I'll
(19:29):
give it a shot.
And I went to my husband and Iwas like this person told me I
need to go to therapy.
Can you believe that?
Speaker 1 (19:36):
And my husband goes.
I think that would be reallyhelpful for you.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
And that really surprised me and I was really
embarrassed by it.
I didn't tell my family for along time, I didn't tell any
friends.
It was just my husband and theperson that recommended it and
the person that was giving metherapy.
And so I'm talking to him andhe says you know, do you realize
?
that you've been throughsomething that's very traumatic
and I said no.
I said no, I'm not a traumavictim.
(20:00):
Like you know, I'm a Christian.
I can take care of those thingsTraumas for soldiers with PTSD.
People have been through really, really difficult things, you
know, and in my mind at the timeI was dealing with a lot of
guilt because of thecircumstances surrounding our
first loss and I thought, no, Ihad to choose to do a terrible
thing that no mother should everhave to choose.
(20:21):
I had to choose between mychild's life and mine, and that
was very that's just verybackwards in my mind.
That's not how, you know, thecycle of life is supposed to go.
Mothers should sacrifice theirtheir own bodies for their
children, not the other way, andit took me a while to find a
couple of terms that, yes, whatI did go through was traumatic.
There was very deep trauma Ihad gone through and it made it
(20:42):
for a very complex grief that Ihad to deal with and break down.
That I'm still, honestly, youknow, dealing with and going
through and that's okay.
But sadly, a lot of Christiansare taught that it's almost like
this mindset that we're immuneto trauma, trauma, that we're
immune to those difficult thingsaffecting us or we're supposed
to handle it for sure yeah whyare you?
Speaker 1 (21:04):
why are you complaining?
Why are you whining?
You're supposed to be praisinggod exactly, and that's really
not.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
I mean, yes, we're to praise god, no matter what, but
we're also supposed to togrieve and take time to mourn.
What does it mean what?
What does it mean to grievebecause?
Speaker 1 (21:17):
we're also supposed to grieve and take time to mourn
.
What does it mean to grieve?
Because we're probably going tohave to do another podcast, but
you also have a grief journal.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
And so I mean you're going to help me grieve through
whatever loss.
Is that correct?
Speaker 2 (21:34):
Yes, I set up the grief journal so that way it's
not specifically for infant lossor infertility, but anybody can
use it.
And I looked for grief journalsmyself, but I wanted one that
fit me specifically and then Ithought, well, maybe this will
help someone else.
So for me, a big part ofgrieving was learning how to
process my emotions, but notletting those emotions control
(21:55):
me so I could still live invictory.
Yes, I need to face the trauma.
I needed to deal with the grief, which can be in forms of you
know, you're sad, you're angry,you're frustrated, you're
depressed, you're stressed allthe time going out and dealing
with triggers that you see on adaily basis.
(22:15):
So I have a section that saystoday.
I feel like it says somethingabout feelings.
And so there's a thing I can.
I feel angry.
Today I'm frustrated.
I went to the store and saw alady with three children and all
of them were the same ages ofwhat my children would have been
.
That can be very triggering forme some days.
Or, you know, I had to go tothe doctor's office today and I
couldn't stop shaking, because Istill have a hard time going
into doctor's office, uh, evenif it has nothing related to
(22:37):
anything to do with havingchildren.
Um, it's just.
Those are just things that ourbrains are always going to be
affected by, because traumaaffects our brains Like if you
look at um pictures of brainsbefore and after trauma, it
literally can change your brainin some areas.
And because we're we're humanbeings we're not perfect we're.
(22:58):
This is a sinful world andnegative things are gonna impact
our bodies in a negative way,but we can learn to overcome
those and to deal with them in ahealthy way and to move through
them.
So there's a section where youcan write down what you're
feeling, if you have anytriggers that day, whatever.
And then the next thing says thetruth.
I'm standing on.
So here's how I'm feeling.
Here's all these things thatare weighing me down.
It feels overwhelming, but hereare some verses I can write
(23:20):
down, some reminders of God'struth and promises that I can
apply right now.
And then there's a section forother notes.
If you want to journal about,you know no more popsicles.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
You can talk about whatever the grief is.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
Maybe you've lost a grandparent or a loved one or a
child and you can just writemaybe a letter to that person or
just just memories or whateverit is that helps you, because
for me, talking about it andwriting about it is a is a huge
help to me to process it andthen to be able to to begin to
greet, to begin to to feel thosethings, but then to move on
(23:52):
with it, to grow around thegrief and to learn how to
appropriately handle it on aday-to-day basis.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Fantastic.
Well, this is our secondepisode and we'll do one more
together Because I want Bridgetto explain some truths out of
the book and maybe some what'sit like to have therapy?
Why are we so embarrassed abouttherapy and getting counseling?
I know that when I was in thebottom of the pit that I was in,
somebody told me to getcounseling and I was like, uh,
you know, I've been givencounseling all my life, so I
(24:25):
want Bridget to help us withthat, and I think God has raised
up Bridget to be a big blessingand a help to so many people.
Now, thank you for listening tothe podcast and we will be back
.
So this will be three weeksrunning that Bridget will be
speaking to you and I hope thatyou will invite people to come
go get list session Number one,come back and listen to this one
(24:47):
and then, of course, sessionnumber three.
I thank you very much forlistening to the world
evangelism podcast specialedition and we'll be back in
just a little bit.
God bless you.
Well, I have lost my mouse.
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