April 11, 2024 • 25 mins
When the unimaginable happens and we're left navigating the dark waters of grief, finding a beacon of hope can be a formidable challenge. Bridgette Young, a missionary with a heartrending story of loss, joins me to share how therapy became that beacon for her, illuminating a path through the pain. Bridgette's candid discussion about her virtual therapy journey from Colombia, and the profound effect grief had on her physical health, underscores the often-overlooked necessity of professional support during such times. Through her story, we're given an intimate look at the intricate process of healing, and how prioritizing one's well-being can make all the difference.
As our conversation unfolds, we explore the complex tapestry of trauma, identity, and faith. The narrative takes us through the emotional labyrinth of pregnancy termination due to medical reasons, a friend's empathetic response that became a cornerstone of healing, and the vital role of specialized counseling. We confront the cultural pressures that can obscure a woman's identity in Christ, discussing how to find true purpose that transcends the roles of wife and mother. Bridgette and I also tackle the transformative power of empathy and the liberating realization that our worth is deeply rooted in our relationship with God, not the societal constructs around us.
Closing this episode, we reflect on the enduring strength derived from faith and scripture amidst life's most harrowing losses. Bridgette and I share personal encounters with divine goodness and mercy, even when God's plans seem shrouded in mystery. Our discussion culminates with Bridgette's courageous step into authorship, driven by a desire to share God's transformative work in her life with others. As we celebrate the resilience of the human spirit and the solace found in shared stories, this special edition of the World Evangelism Podcast is a testament to the unwavering hope that comes from community and faith in the face of adversity.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Austin Gardner (00:03):
Well, I am so happy to be back again with
missionary Bridgette Young.
She has blessed us big time.
My wife is listening to us aswe record this and she just said
boy, this has been good and Ireally like it, so I hope that
you do and I hope you'll share.
Bridget made the comment maybethis is a little bit long for an
(00:24):
author podcast, but that'sreally not what it's about the
book.
I want you to get the book, butit's really not about that.
It's about Bridget being usedof God to help us, and so this
is the World Evangelism Podcast,and I'm your host, austin
Gardner, and we are definitelyglad that you are here with us,
(00:45):
and we are looking forward tohearing how Bridget can help us
more by what God allowed her togo through, and God gave her a
message, a message that I thinkis going to bless you and help
you.
So, bridget, we were talkingabout therapy uh, we were
talking about, uh, uh, therapy.
(01:07):
So explain to me a little bitwhat's it like to go to therapy?
How does that happen?
Bridgette Young (01:13):
How does that work?
Um, well, for me it was allvirtual, because we were in
Columbia when I started to go totherapy and even, um, I still
meet with my group therapist onoccasion.
Uh, when needed, Um, and it'sdone virtually, and even I still
meet with my group therapist onoccasion when needed, and it's
done virtually.
So I, somebody reached out tome, like I said, and it was
someone who was checking in onme and I tried to fake it and
(01:36):
this person could see throughthat.
I think she could tell.
Austin Gardner (01:43):
And so she said have you ever talked to?
Bridgette Young (01:44):
anybody about what you went through and what
happened.
And I was like, no, I don'tneed to talk to anybody about
this.
I got this.
You know I was drowning, but Iwas, I totally had it.
And she said, listen, I knowthis guy who does coaching and
counseling.
He's a retired pastor.
Let me send you his informationand, you know, pray about it
and see what happens.
And so I emailed him and I waslike a friend recommended me to
(02:05):
you to talk about and Imentioned, you know, very in a,
in a brief way, and I didn'tmention any details.
Like you know, we went throughlots of child and I'm still
struggling with it.
You know, are you able to helpme with it?
And he was like, yeah, let'sget together and talk.
And for me it looked likesharing my story, talking about
how it was.
You know the cliche, how doesthat make you feel can be very
(02:26):
helpful.
So I went through all of that,but I would add on but I know
I'm not supposed to feel likethis, I know I'm not supposed to
be angry, I know I should havebeen able to handle that better,
I shouldn't be thinking thisway.
And I said it's already been ayear and that one year
anniversary threw me through aloop.
I really thought it wassupposed to get better.
And then I, and then he lookedat me funny and I stopped
talking and he was like what doyou mean?
(02:48):
It's?
It's already been a year.
He said.
It's only been a year since youlost your child.
And he explained to me a lot oftimes in the during that first
year, where our brains put us insurvival mode because we can't
process all of it at once,because it's just too
overwhelming, and then, once thefirst year hits, it sinks in
that, okay, this is my reality.
We really did lose a child.
(03:08):
Now I have to live with thisand without this child, and then
our, our body's slowly allowingus to process and to understand
what happened and we begin togrieve in different ways.
Um and so for me it was just.
It was taking it very slowlybecause at the beginning it was.
It was really hard.
It was extremely triggering forme because I had not talked
about it at all with anybody.
(03:30):
The first time that I shared indetail what happened around
Callan's death.
I was shaking, I felt like Icouldn't breathe.
It was terrible and thataffected me for months.
My nerves were just shothonestly.
Um, my nerves were were justshot honestly and honestly.
This year it's probably thefirst time that I feel like I'm
physically recovering from bothof my losses.
You know, nerve wise, mentallywise.
(03:52):
I've had to really make myselfrest.
I've had to put my health kindof as priority because a lot of
people don't understand how, um,how much grief and that heavy
stress can really affect usphysically and people don't
realize that this is grief.
And we actually learned thatthrough grief share.
And then when I started meetingwith a lady who is a Christian
(04:14):
therapist that I was referred tobecause of the complex trauma
and grief that was around ourfirst loss, he said I feel like
I've reached kind of thecapacity where I'm at
professionally to help you.
He said but I have someone I canrecommend you to, that will,
that can continue to help youand I still meet with him for
certain things that aren't onkind of that level, if that
(04:34):
makes sense.
But I started meeting with thislady.
She has a lot of experiencedealing specifically with people
go through grief, all types,and she was actually the first
person and this was less than ayear ago now.
I met with her and it wasmainly to talk about dealing
with my fertility loss andthings like that Cause that was,
(04:55):
as a woman, that's extremelyhard to come to terms with and
accept when it's not somethingthat happens, you know, after a
long time, and it's just it'sthere one day and it's gone the
next.
But I was was still reallystuck.
I felt like, regarding Callan'sloss, still, I was still
carrying around all of thisguilt that I shouldn't have been
carrying but nobody would talkabout with me, and so she said
(05:16):
is there?
anything else on your mind youneed to discuss.
And I was like okay.
So I finally opened up to herand I was like here's what
happened with my first loss lossand I share with her the
details.
And then I held my breathbecause anybody else I had
shared that with other than myfirst counselor, and my husband
had always said oh, you can'tcall it an abortion, you can't
think like that.
That's just going to causeproblems.
You just need to basically getover it and don't think about it
(05:38):
.
And instead of her trying tochange, the truth instead of
rewordingording it.
She looked at me and she saidwow, that must have been so
difficult to do, to have to do,as a mother, to sign a piece of
paper that gives doctorspermissions to take your
pregnancy out of your body whileit's still living.
She said that must have been sohard and that must have hurt
(05:59):
really bad.
And that's all she said about it.
She didn't say well, you know,you really shouldn't think about
it that way, or no, youshouldn't call it that, because
you know that's going to makepeople uncomfortable or that's
quote unquote, not true, whichit was true.
And in the moment that shevalidated the truth of what
happened, that was a hugebreakthrough for me did go
(06:24):
through that and that is thereality of what happened and
it's okay to accept that that'smy truth, that that's the story
that God has chosen to give me,and now I can learn how to get
through that, that I don't haveto carry this guilt around, that
it was out of my hands.
It doesn't make it easier, like, even as I'm talking about this
right now, I can feel my myselfstart to shake because it's
something that's really hard tocome to terms with and a lot of
(06:50):
pastors, and this is through nofault of their own.
Pastors aren't trained how todeal with counseling a woman who
has to go through trauma likethis.
It's usually just not part ofthe curriculum in Bible college
and that's okay.
However, when pastors aren'thonestly humble enough to say I
can't help you with this, I canhelp you on a spiritual level,
but I can't help you on thepsychological level, if that
(07:10):
makes sense.
So let's find someone who canand let me walk with you through
this and I'll be here to helpyou through that.
A lot of times it's just okayhere's a bunch of verses and
just keep trusting God and yes,that's all great and we
definitely need to do that.
But we also have to deal withthe trauma and the emotions and
the processing at a practicallevel, because, if not, that
(07:32):
person will never be able toheal and begin to move on in
their grief.
And so when we were gettingcounseling with our pastor and
we mentioned you know, I'm goingthrough grief therapy, he was
very supportive of that and thatwas super helpful.
He never tried to say oh, noyou should only be coming to me
about this.
He said I think that's greatbecause they can offer you help.
That I'm not an expert in, that, I'm not trained in yet, but he
(07:54):
walked alongside of us and hehelped us with our marriage.
Uh, on a spiritual level, hehelps.
He kept reminding me of God'struths and God's promises and
how I need to keep trusting him.
And then, on a reality, themore realistic and practical
level, I was learning how todeal with these emotions because
I would take them and put themin a box and put the box way in
the back of my mind and the boxwas getting so full that
(08:17):
eventually it exploded.
And you know that resulted in mewanting to walk away from my
marriage and wanting to jump outof a hotel window and I would
just try to stuff it all backand put it away and that's not
processing, that's not helpingme, that's just causing hurt.
Austin Gardner (08:33):
And it's hurting people around me.
I cannot imagine what you'vebeen through, but I really do
think that what you're doingright now will help anyone that
listens, and so we'll share itas many times as we can.
So, uh, I, I'm guilty of the,of the putting in the box.
Uh, that's one of my things.
(08:54):
I do try to deal with stuff.
So we've heard a little bitabout what therapy is like.
Now, give me a.
Give me some more truths out ofthe book.
Bridgette Young (09:06):
Um, well, let's see, I'm trying to think there.
There's a chapter oninfertility specifically, and a
friend of mine contributed tomost of that chapter, because I
can only relate to infertilityas losing infertility and just
not being able to have childrenperiod.
There's no.
Well, maybe this month it willhappen, maybe this it's just not
(09:26):
not ever going to happen.
And a friend of minecontributed to it Um, she's had
a.
I believe it's been seven yearsthat she's not been able to
have children.
She had a miscarriage and thensince then, she's just not been
able to get pregnant.
They've tried differentfertility treatments and
medicines and all kinds ofthings.
(09:53):
Um, basically, her infertilityis not what defines her, that
God is the author of her story,that, um, her identity is found
in Christ and I love that truth,because I think so many women
get caught up in thinking, well,if I don't have children, then
I'm not completely a woman and Ifell into that as well, and
there's some days that I stillwill feel that way, but that's
not the reality.
Um, you know, feelings are notour reality.
We feel that way, but that'snot the reality.
You know, feelings are not ourreality.
We can feel things, but that wedon't have to let them dictate
(10:16):
us and when we stay grounded inthe truth that, as a Christian,
my identity truly is found inChrist and that my first and
foremost purpose as a Christianis to serve the Lord and to
allow him to use my life andhowever he sees fit, and sharing
the gospel with others.
Of course, next to that, if Godblesses me with a husband,
(10:36):
praise the Lord.
If he blesses me with children,that's great too.
But if he never does allow, youknow, a woman never gets married
has she missed her purpose as awoman?
No, absolutely not, because herpurpose is in Christ.
Her purpose is being used ofGod to reach the world, and all
of the extra things that comewith that are just beautiful,
undeserved blessings.
But the husband I have I do notdeserve him.
(10:58):
Willow and the two sweet babiesthat I have, I don't deserve
them, but God graciously gavethem to me.
Whether they were earth side ornot, they're still gifts that I
did not deserve, and for aslong as he gave them to me, it
was an undeserved amount of time.
And for as long as he gave themto me, it was an undeserved
amount of time.
And so when?
But when?
Women Christian womenespecially, get so caught up in
you know, being a Proverbs 31woman, which I think is great,
(11:21):
we should all strive to be thatbut they put their identity into
a person instead of in Christ,and they get so wrapped up in
being like this one personinstead of no, we nowhere to be
like Christ and then being likeChrist.
He has a specific role for womenand for men, and if you become
a wife your role is going tochange a little bit, but your
role as a Christian neverchanges.
(11:42):
If you become a mother, yourrole is going to shift a little
bit, but that's not where ouridentity is, because one day
your children are going to growup and leave the home.
So then what's your purposeafter that?
And if you've only put yourpurpose in your children or your
husband, and then one day thosethings are gone, you're left
with feeling like you don't knowwho you are.
And I went through that becauseI found that my body could not
(12:03):
give my husband any morechildren and I felt like a
failure to him.
And I felt like a failure to mydaughter and I was like, okay,
lord, what is my purpose?
And I lost sight of.
Your purpose has not changed.
Your purpose is to serve theLord and to share the gospel
with others.
Your purpose is not just to bea wife and just to be a mother,
because God has plans for all ofour lives and, yes, there are
(12:26):
things that he's going to addinto our lives for us to care
for and to do, and those seasonswill change and once I get
through the season of motherhood, I'm going to go to another
season.
But my purpose throughout allof the seasons of my life will
be the same and that is to servethe Lord, to share the gospel
and to live each day for Him.
And I think, sadly, a lot ofwomen get so wrapped up in the
(12:46):
culture of you have to havechildren to be a woman of Christ
.
You, a woman of christ, youhave to have, you know, lots of
children, or you have to getmarried in order to be a good
christian woman.
And that's not biblical,because nowhere in the bible
does it say you have to bemarried to be a good christian.
it says having a wife is a goodthing, um, children are a gift
from the lord.
And whoever had, uh, the versein psalms that talks about, um,
uh, when they had he, if he hashis quiver full like having a
(13:09):
lot of children a good thing?
Sorry, I'm completelybutchering the verse right now.
Those are all good things, butwe read time and time again in
the New Testament that says youknow, god has called us to
spread the gospel and to makedisciples and anything extra
that comes with that.
You know.
Great, those are wonderfulblessings and God can use them.
But our sole identity is not injust being a mother or being
(13:31):
able to have children.
Soul identity is not in justbeing a mother or being able to
have children.
So that way, and it all goesback to when everything is
stripped away, what do we haveleft?
We still have Christ, andthat's why our identity has to
be in Christ, because withoutHim we're nothing.
If I was a mother but I didn'thave Christ, my life still would
not have any purpose to it.
Austin Gardner (13:49):
Well, you know, I think God is writing a story
of grace and he is using you todo that, and I think it's a
beautiful story, and I want usto talk in just a second about
how good God is, because Godhelped you and God was there for
you when nobody else exceptyour husband and a few others
and it feels like nobody's thereEven when it gets to, when you
(14:13):
get deep enough in the pit, it'slike even your love, most loved
person's not there.
Bridgette Young (14:20):
Yeah, I know that.
Austin Gardner (14:21):
I know that my daughter-in-law laid on her
husband's chest and cried foryears because she couldn't get
pregnant and it wasbrokenhearted.
So I can only imagine the painthat you feel because God did
give her children and we've seenGod answer prayer.
But what I'd like you to do isjust tell us about our good God.
(14:42):
Tell about how he was there foryou and even though you were
angry at him, he didn't getangry at you.
And even though you wanted towalk away, he didn't want to
walk away.
What could you just?
What did you learn about God?
Bridgette Young (14:57):
A lot and I'm still learning a lot about him.
Um, I learned, I mean, thathe's good.
I learned how kind he is,because for a while I thought
he's angry at me, punishing me.
He's cruel, um.
But then I realized no, he's sosweet because I can, I could
(15:18):
look back at both circumstancesand be like man.
Look what God did here, likethat's, that's only God.
The fact that I flew to anothercountry at 11 weeks with an
ectopic pregnancy and it didn'trupture on the plane, that's
God's mercy right there, becausethat's like unheard of the fact
that I had another ectopic on aplane and it didn't rupture
(15:39):
when it was already beginning torupture.
Both times they were like youhad a lot of blood that was
already pooled in your pelvis.
We don't know how it didn'trupture on the plane, that's
only God.
That was God's mercy.
The fact that my two and a halfyear old daughter for over six
hours didn't cry except one timeon the plane, that is God's
mercy.
Right there, that's God'sgoodness.
(16:00):
The people that he put in ourpath the doctor the first time
spoke English when I did notspeak any Spanish at the time.
That's God.
The fact that the second timemy cousin was in that city that
I just randomly happened to flyinto because of the flight I
chose when I could have chosen10 other different flights, that
is all God.
Because God is so good and he'sso wise, he knows exactly what
(16:24):
we need.
When we don't see it, and thenwe look back and go.
You know why would I even haveflown into Charlotte, north
Carolina, flying in fromMedellin, columbia, like that
flight path I never, would haveever taken and I'll probably
never take again.
But that was the only flight Icould get and it was really odd
to me that I had to fly fromMedellin to Miami, to North
Carolina and then back down toSavannah.
(16:44):
I was like, why can I not flyany, find any flights to Georgia
?
And that's because God knew.
God knew what I was going toneed and that it gives me chill
thinking about it, because it'sjust another sweet reminder that
God saw me and, even though heknew what I was about to go
through was going to be hard, hewas like, it's okay, I've got
this because I'm going to takecare of the circumstances around
you, something that has reallystuck with me.
(17:06):
That also is a huge reminder ofhow just how sovereign and good
he is, like I mean, howobviously he's smart, he knows
everything.
But when I went through my firstloss, a verse that kept going
through my head was Psalms 23.
I was the chapter over and overBefore I went into surgery.
I was left in this area bymyself and those verses were
(17:26):
going through my mind Yea,though I walked in the valley of
the shadow of death, that wholepassage I will fear no evil for
thou art with me.
And I kept saying that over andover and over because I
suddenly knew at that momentlike this is a really dangerous
situation.
My tube could rupture at anysecond and I could bleed out in
minutes even before I getwheeled into surgery.
But God gave me thisindescribable peace that I knew
(17:48):
I was going to get through thesurgery and I can't explain it
other than it was God.
When I was boarding the flightfrom Miami to North Carolina,
that same verse came in my head.
I had a little bit of pain inmy side and I was like Lord, why
am I thinking of this verse?
Walking on a plane, like Idon't think the plane's going to
crash, I was like I don't needthis verse right now.
So in my head I remember likearguing with him Like I don't
(18:11):
need this verse right now, Ijust need to get on the plane
and get to where I'm going.
But he knew, and getting rolledinto that second surgery, that
same verse is going through mymind and that promise that if
he's never going to leave me,he's always with me and I can
look back and see he was.
He was with me every step of theway.
He was with me in those momentswhere I felt alone that nobody
(18:32):
had the same, nobody would tryto understand what we had gone
through.
There were moments that I feltlike my husband didn't even
understand that he wasn't therefor me when we were just having
rough times due to me and myanger just lashing out at him.
I was pushing him away andisolated me.
But God was always there,because he would always bring a
(18:53):
verse to my mind, or he would.
You know, I would find myselfopening my Bible to Psalms and
just weeping over Psalms,because that was the only thing
I could connect with was God'sword.
And that, right there, tells methat that's God, because God
knew what I needed, whether itwas to read a verse about
lamenting and mourning or toread about my grace is
sufficient, and that verse hascarried me through both as well.
(19:13):
Um, his grace is sufficient forme, um, and my weakest moments
and the moments where I feel sobroken and so shattered and I
it's painful to take the nextbreath and just to get up and
brush my teeth in the morningthat his grace is going to get
me through, that.
It's his strength and not myown.
And people sent us things afterboth of our losses, whether it
(19:36):
was a necklace or a memory box.
People that came to Anaya'sfuneral was so sweet to me to
see that I would have familydrive, you know, six hours to
come to a funeral service for ababy that they are never going
to get to see and all they cansee is the urn with his ashes,
and I had a couple other friendsdrive down from Atlanta which
was four and a half hours forthem just to come sing songs
(19:59):
that we wanted to sing at hisfuneral, one in Spanish and one
in English, and one was inEnglish.
It's sovereign over us.
And then we sang the goodnessof God.
Now, at the time I could notsing those songs.
I just couldn't get the wordsout because it still felt like
God wasn't good.
But I knew in my heart this isthe truth and I have to stay in
this truth, because when you seeGod's goodness play out in your
(20:23):
life and you just seeeverything come together, even
in an ugly, difficultcircumstance, there's no other
way to say but that's God andhe's just so good.
Austin Gardner (20:34):
Amazing story lady.
I am blessed to know you andblessed to see how God has
worked in your life.
Can we reiterate God didn't doit to you Is that what you said
you realize that.
Bridgette Young (20:47):
Yes, God allows things to happen in our life
but, like the Bible said, hedoesn't wish evil on us.
He's not, you know, planningevil things to happen to his
children.
But he does allow things in ourlife to to grow us, to
strengthen us, to strengthen ourfaith so that we can use this
to help other people who walkthrough those things in the
future.
(21:07):
We'll never know exactly why,and that's okay.
That's one thing we learnedthrough Grief.
Share was I always had thequestion why me?
Austin Gardner (21:14):
Why like this?
You know why?
Bridgette Young (21:15):
did my child still have to be living?
Why would God allow me to gothrough something so awful as
this?
And it seems like nobody elsehas ever gone through it or will
talk about it with me.
It's like why, why, why?
And we learned.
It's okay to ask why, but youhave to stop and think.
(21:37):
Okay, let's say God tells mewhy.
Here's why I did it.
Now, after you hear the why, hasyour circumstance changed?
No, my children are still goneand I'm still left to deal with
the grief and to deal with thereality that I'm in.
So the learning, the why,really doesn't help us, and
sometimes it can make it worse.
So, instead of wanting to knowthe why, we need to say okay,
God, I don't understand why, butI know that you allowed this,
that you're not doing this to meout of spite, or because you're
cruel, or because you just wantto.
(21:59):
You've allowed things to happenso that they can be used for
great and mighty things.
The verse Jeremiah 33, I used asmy.
You know people would say oh, Ihave a life.
Verse All through high schooland in my first years of
marriage.
I would say, oh, I have a life.
Verse All through high schooland in my first years of
marriage I would say, oh, thisis my life verse.
But I always had a wronginterpretation of that verse
(22:20):
Call upon me and I will show thegreat, mighty things which God
knows not.
And so I always thought, oh,I'll call on him and he'll
answer, and it will be a greatpositive thing in my favor.
But I've since learned that Ican call on him and he's going
to answer, and even if it's ananswer that breaks my heart, I
can look back and see great,mighty things that only God can
do through that circumstance.
Austin Gardner (22:43):
And God has brought you through and he's
still bringing you through andit's not going to be.
I don't know when you evertotally get over these things,
but God's made you into awarrior for him to help others,
and I am blessed by that.
Do you think we could share,maybe in the comment section,
(23:06):
how they could get in touch withone of your counselors?
If somebody there may be, alady that'll listen and she
would say I want to talk toBridget, I want to talk to one
of those therapists, you thinkit'd be all right if we shared
that?
Bridgette Young (23:23):
Yeah, absolutely.
Austin Gardner (23:24):
Well, you can send that to me later and then
we'll share links to your e-bookand your paper book.
I'm locked up again, but we'll,we'll share, we'll share, um,
uh, we'll share the books, wewill share the links to the
books and we will ask the lordto use that to, uh, help you, uh
(23:50):
, you know, help people.
I mean, that's the reason youwrote the book.
She didn't become an author toget rich and famous.
She became an author to sharewhat God did in her life with
you as you listen, and also,bridget, if it's okay, I'd like
to check back with you in acouple of months, do another
(24:11):
podcast and have you tell,because I imagine is the Lord
still working.
Bridgette Young (24:17):
Oh, absolutely.
Austin Gardner (24:18):
Yeah, and so we'll.
We'll hear more, and uh uh, youcan share some more about what
God's doing.
I hope you've enjoyed it.
Would you like to say anyfurther thing before I close?
Bridgette Young (24:29):
No, just thank you so much for having me.
I appreciate it.
Austin Gardner (24:31):
Well, I am honored.
Uh, you are the blessing to meand I thank you for it.
And this is World EvangelismPodcast.
This is a special edition, ourthird with Ms Bridget Young, and
I hope to find other peoplelike her that can help you.
We might even talk to hercounselors or something sometime
.
Maybe we can interview and them.
(24:53):
But I thank you for listeningand I hope you will share this
and like it.
Uh, pray for Bridget, uh prayfor her.
Uh pray for moms that can'thave children, that can't have
them anymore, that have lostchildren moms.
(25:14):
People are suffering, peopleare hurting and they need love
and they need help.
They don't need criticism.
They don't need to be told theyshould have had more faith.
Don't let me tell what's wrongwith them.
They need to be loved andlistened to.
So I challenge you to just loveand thank you for all that you
(25:37):
are doing.
Each of you share this podcastand God bless you.
Well, I am so happy to be back again with
missionary Bridgette Young.
She has blessed us big time.
My wife is listening to us aswe record this and she just said
boy, this has been good and Ireally like it, so I hope that
you do and I hope you'll share.
Bridget made the comment maybethis is a little bit long for an
(00:24):
author podcast, but that'sreally not what it's about the
book.
I want you to get the book, butit's really not about that.
It's about Bridget being usedof God to help us, and so this
is the World Evangelism Podcast,and I'm your host, austin
Gardner, and we are definitelyglad that you are here with us,
(00:45):
and we are looking forward tohearing how Bridget can help us
more by what God allowed her togo through, and God gave her a
message, a message that I thinkis going to bless you and help
you.
So, bridget, we were talkingabout therapy uh, we were
talking about, uh, uh, therapy.
(01:07):
So explain to me a little bitwhat's it like to go to therapy?
How does that happen?
Bridgette Young (01:13):
How does that work?
Um, well, for me it was allvirtual, because we were in
Columbia when I started to go totherapy and even, um, I still
meet with my group therapist onoccasion.
Uh, when needed, Um, and it'sdone virtually, and even I still
meet with my group therapist onoccasion when needed, and it's
done virtually.
So I, somebody reached out tome, like I said, and it was
someone who was checking in onme and I tried to fake it and
(01:36):
this person could see throughthat.
I think she could tell.
Austin Gardner (01:43):
And so she said have you ever talked to?
Bridgette Young (01:44):
anybody about what you went through and what
happened.
And I was like, no, I don'tneed to talk to anybody about
this.
I got this.
You know I was drowning, but Iwas, I totally had it.
And she said, listen, I knowthis guy who does coaching and
counseling.
He's a retired pastor.
Let me send you his informationand, you know, pray about it
and see what happens.
And so I emailed him and I waslike a friend recommended me to
(02:05):
you to talk about and Imentioned, you know, very in a,
in a brief way, and I didn'tmention any details.
Like you know, we went throughlots of child and I'm still
struggling with it.
You know, are you able to helpme with it?
And he was like, yeah, let'sget together and talk.
And for me it looked likesharing my story, talking about
how it was.
You know the cliche, how doesthat make you feel can be very
(02:26):
helpful.
So I went through all of that,but I would add on but I know
I'm not supposed to feel likethis, I know I'm not supposed to
be angry, I know I should havebeen able to handle that better,
I shouldn't be thinking thisway.
And I said it's already been ayear and that one year
anniversary threw me through aloop.
I really thought it wassupposed to get better.
And then I, and then he lookedat me funny and I stopped
talking and he was like what doyou mean?
(02:48):
It's?
It's already been a year.
He said.
It's only been a year since youlost your child.
And he explained to me a lot oftimes in the during that first
year, where our brains put us insurvival mode because we can't
process all of it at once,because it's just too
overwhelming, and then, once thefirst year hits, it sinks in
that, okay, this is my reality.
We really did lose a child.
(03:08):
Now I have to live with thisand without this child, and then
our, our body's slowly allowingus to process and to understand
what happened and we begin togrieve in different ways.
Um and so for me it was just.
It was taking it very slowlybecause at the beginning it was.
It was really hard.
It was extremely triggering forme because I had not talked
about it at all with anybody.
(03:30):
The first time that I shared indetail what happened around
Callan's death.
I was shaking, I felt like Icouldn't breathe.
It was terrible and thataffected me for months.
My nerves were just shothonestly.
Um, my nerves were were justshot honestly and honestly.
This year it's probably thefirst time that I feel like I'm
physically recovering from bothof my losses.
You know, nerve wise, mentallywise.
(03:52):
I've had to really make myselfrest.
I've had to put my health kindof as priority because a lot of
people don't understand how, um,how much grief and that heavy
stress can really affect usphysically and people don't
realize that this is grief.
And we actually learned thatthrough grief share.
And then when I started meetingwith a lady who is a Christian
(04:14):
therapist that I was referred tobecause of the complex trauma
and grief that was around ourfirst loss, he said I feel like
I've reached kind of thecapacity where I'm at
professionally to help you.
He said but I have someone I canrecommend you to, that will,
that can continue to help youand I still meet with him for
certain things that aren't onkind of that level, if that
(04:34):
makes sense.
But I started meeting with thislady.
She has a lot of experiencedealing specifically with people
go through grief, all types,and she was actually the first
person and this was less than ayear ago now.
I met with her and it wasmainly to talk about dealing
with my fertility loss andthings like that Cause that was,
(04:55):
as a woman, that's extremelyhard to come to terms with and
accept when it's not somethingthat happens, you know, after a
long time, and it's just it'sthere one day and it's gone the
next.
But I was was still reallystuck.
I felt like, regarding Callan'sloss, still, I was still
carrying around all of thisguilt that I shouldn't have been
carrying but nobody would talkabout with me, and so she said
(05:16):
is there?
anything else on your mind youneed to discuss.
And I was like okay.
So I finally opened up to herand I was like here's what
happened with my first loss lossand I share with her the
details.
And then I held my breathbecause anybody else I had
shared that with other than myfirst counselor, and my husband
had always said oh, you can'tcall it an abortion, you can't
think like that.
That's just going to causeproblems.
You just need to basically getover it and don't think about it
(05:38):
.
And instead of her trying tochange, the truth instead of
rewordingording it.
She looked at me and she saidwow, that must have been so
difficult to do, to have to do,as a mother, to sign a piece of
paper that gives doctorspermissions to take your
pregnancy out of your body whileit's still living.
She said that must have been sohard and that must have hurt
(05:59):
really bad.
And that's all she said about it.
She didn't say well, you know,you really shouldn't think about
it that way, or no, youshouldn't call it that, because
you know that's going to makepeople uncomfortable or that's
quote unquote, not true, whichit was true.
And in the moment that shevalidated the truth of what
happened, that was a hugebreakthrough for me did go
(06:24):
through that and that is thereality of what happened and
it's okay to accept that that'smy truth, that that's the story
that God has chosen to give me,and now I can learn how to get
through that, that I don't haveto carry this guilt around, that
it was out of my hands.
It doesn't make it easier, like, even as I'm talking about this
right now, I can feel my myselfstart to shake because it's
something that's really hard tocome to terms with and a lot of
(06:50):
pastors, and this is through nofault of their own.
Pastors aren't trained how todeal with counseling a woman who
has to go through trauma likethis.
It's usually just not part ofthe curriculum in Bible college
and that's okay.
However, when pastors aren'thonestly humble enough to say I
can't help you with this, I canhelp you on a spiritual level,
but I can't help you on thepsychological level, if that
(07:10):
makes sense.
So let's find someone who canand let me walk with you through
this and I'll be here to helpyou through that.
A lot of times it's just okayhere's a bunch of verses and
just keep trusting God and yes,that's all great and we
definitely need to do that.
But we also have to deal withthe trauma and the emotions and
the processing at a practicallevel, because, if not, that
(07:32):
person will never be able toheal and begin to move on in
their grief.
And so when we were gettingcounseling with our pastor and
we mentioned you know, I'm goingthrough grief therapy, he was
very supportive of that and thatwas super helpful.
He never tried to say oh, noyou should only be coming to me
about this.
He said I think that's greatbecause they can offer you help.
That I'm not an expert in, that, I'm not trained in yet, but he
(07:54):
walked alongside of us and hehelped us with our marriage.
Uh, on a spiritual level, hehelps.
He kept reminding me of God'struths and God's promises and
how I need to keep trusting him.
And then, on a reality, themore realistic and practical
level, I was learning how todeal with these emotions because
I would take them and put themin a box and put the box way in
the back of my mind and the boxwas getting so full that
(08:17):
eventually it exploded.
And you know that resulted in mewanting to walk away from my
marriage and wanting to jump outof a hotel window and I would
just try to stuff it all backand put it away and that's not
processing, that's not helpingme, that's just causing hurt.
Austin Gardner (08:33):
And it's hurting people around me.
I cannot imagine what you'vebeen through, but I really do
think that what you're doingright now will help anyone that
listens, and so we'll share itas many times as we can.
So, uh, I, I'm guilty of the,of the putting in the box.
Uh, that's one of my things.
(08:54):
I do try to deal with stuff.
So we've heard a little bitabout what therapy is like.
Now, give me a.
Give me some more truths out ofthe book.
Bridgette Young (09:06):
Um, well, let's see, I'm trying to think there.
There's a chapter oninfertility specifically, and a
friend of mine contributed tomost of that chapter, because I
can only relate to infertilityas losing infertility and just
not being able to have childrenperiod.
There's no.
Well, maybe this month it willhappen, maybe this it's just not
(09:26):
not ever going to happen.
And a friend of minecontributed to it Um, she's had
a.
I believe it's been seven yearsthat she's not been able to
have children.
She had a miscarriage and thensince then, she's just not been
able to get pregnant.
They've tried differentfertility treatments and
medicines and all kinds ofthings.
(09:53):
Um, basically, her infertilityis not what defines her, that
God is the author of her story,that, um, her identity is found
in Christ and I love that truth,because I think so many women
get caught up in thinking, well,if I don't have children, then
I'm not completely a woman and Ifell into that as well, and
there's some days that I stillwill feel that way, but that's
not the reality.
Um, you know, feelings are notour reality.
We feel that way, but that'snot the reality.
You know, feelings are not ourreality.
We can feel things, but that wedon't have to let them dictate
(10:16):
us and when we stay grounded inthe truth that, as a Christian,
my identity truly is found inChrist and that my first and
foremost purpose as a Christianis to serve the Lord and to
allow him to use my life andhowever he sees fit, and sharing
the gospel with others.
Of course, next to that, if Godblesses me with a husband,
(10:36):
praise the Lord.
If he blesses me with children,that's great too.
But if he never does allow, youknow, a woman never gets married
has she missed her purpose as awoman?
No, absolutely not, because herpurpose is in Christ.
Her purpose is being used ofGod to reach the world, and all
of the extra things that comewith that are just beautiful,
undeserved blessings.
But the husband I have I do notdeserve him.
(10:58):
Willow and the two sweet babiesthat I have, I don't deserve
them, but God graciously gavethem to me.
Whether they were earth side ornot, they're still gifts that I
did not deserve, and for aslong as he gave them to me, it
was an undeserved amount of time.
And for as long as he gave themto me, it was an undeserved
amount of time.
And so when?
But when?
Women Christian womenespecially, get so caught up in
you know, being a Proverbs 31woman, which I think is great,
(11:21):
we should all strive to be thatbut they put their identity into
a person instead of in Christ,and they get so wrapped up in
being like this one personinstead of no, we nowhere to be
like Christ and then being likeChrist.
He has a specific role for womenand for men, and if you become
a wife your role is going tochange a little bit, but your
role as a Christian neverchanges.
(11:42):
If you become a mother, yourrole is going to shift a little
bit, but that's not where ouridentity is, because one day
your children are going to growup and leave the home.
So then what's your purposeafter that?
And if you've only put yourpurpose in your children or your
husband, and then one day thosethings are gone, you're left
with feeling like you don't knowwho you are.
And I went through that becauseI found that my body could not
(12:03):
give my husband any morechildren and I felt like a
failure to him.
And I felt like a failure to mydaughter and I was like, okay,
lord, what is my purpose?
And I lost sight of.
Your purpose has not changed.
Your purpose is to serve theLord and to share the gospel
with others.
Your purpose is not just to bea wife and just to be a mother,
because God has plans for all ofour lives and, yes, there are
(12:26):
things that he's going to addinto our lives for us to care
for and to do, and those seasonswill change and once I get
through the season of motherhood, I'm going to go to another
season.
But my purpose throughout allof the seasons of my life will
be the same and that is to servethe Lord, to share the gospel
and to live each day for Him.
And I think, sadly, a lot ofwomen get so wrapped up in the
(12:46):
culture of you have to havechildren to be a woman of Christ
.
You, a woman of christ, youhave to have, you know, lots of
children, or you have to getmarried in order to be a good
christian woman.
And that's not biblical,because nowhere in the bible
does it say you have to bemarried to be a good christian.
it says having a wife is a goodthing, um, children are a gift
from the lord.
And whoever had, uh, the versein psalms that talks about, um,
uh, when they had he, if he hashis quiver full like having a
(13:09):
lot of children a good thing?
Sorry, I'm completelybutchering the verse right now.
Those are all good things, butwe read time and time again in
the New Testament that says youknow, god has called us to
spread the gospel and to makedisciples and anything extra
that comes with that.
You know.
Great, those are wonderfulblessings and God can use them.
But our sole identity is not injust being a mother or being
(13:31):
able to have children.
Soul identity is not in justbeing a mother or being able to
have children.
So that way, and it all goesback to when everything is
stripped away, what do we haveleft?
We still have Christ, andthat's why our identity has to
be in Christ, because withoutHim we're nothing.
If I was a mother but I didn'thave Christ, my life still would
not have any purpose to it.
Austin Gardner (13:49):
Well, you know, I think God is writing a story
of grace and he is using you todo that, and I think it's a
beautiful story, and I want usto talk in just a second about
how good God is, because Godhelped you and God was there for
you when nobody else exceptyour husband and a few others
and it feels like nobody's thereEven when it gets to, when you
(14:13):
get deep enough in the pit, it'slike even your love, most loved
person's not there.
Bridgette Young (14:20):
Yeah, I know that.
Austin Gardner (14:21):
I know that my daughter-in-law laid on her
husband's chest and cried foryears because she couldn't get
pregnant and it wasbrokenhearted.
So I can only imagine the painthat you feel because God did
give her children and we've seenGod answer prayer.
But what I'd like you to do isjust tell us about our good God.
(14:42):
Tell about how he was there foryou and even though you were
angry at him, he didn't getangry at you.
And even though you wanted towalk away, he didn't want to
walk away.
What could you just?
What did you learn about God?
Bridgette Young (14:57):
A lot and I'm still learning a lot about him.
Um, I learned, I mean, thathe's good.
I learned how kind he is,because for a while I thought
he's angry at me, punishing me.
He's cruel, um.
But then I realized no, he's sosweet because I can, I could
(15:18):
look back at both circumstancesand be like man.
Look what God did here, likethat's, that's only God.
The fact that I flew to anothercountry at 11 weeks with an
ectopic pregnancy and it didn'trupture on the plane, that's
God's mercy right there, becausethat's like unheard of the fact
that I had another ectopic on aplane and it didn't rupture
(15:39):
when it was already beginning torupture.
Both times they were like youhad a lot of blood that was
already pooled in your pelvis.
We don't know how it didn'trupture on the plane, that's
only God.
That was God's mercy.
The fact that my two and a halfyear old daughter for over six
hours didn't cry except one timeon the plane, that is God's
mercy.
Right there, that's God'sgoodness.
(16:00):
The people that he put in ourpath the doctor the first time
spoke English when I did notspeak any Spanish at the time.
That's God.
The fact that the second timemy cousin was in that city that
I just randomly happened to flyinto because of the flight I
chose when I could have chosen10 other different flights, that
is all God.
Because God is so good and he'sso wise, he knows exactly what
(16:24):
we need.
When we don't see it, and thenwe look back and go.
You know why would I even haveflown into Charlotte, north
Carolina, flying in fromMedellin, columbia, like that
flight path I never, would haveever taken and I'll probably
never take again.
But that was the only flight Icould get and it was really odd
to me that I had to fly fromMedellin to Miami, to North
Carolina and then back down toSavannah.
(16:44):
I was like, why can I not flyany, find any flights to Georgia
?
And that's because God knew.
God knew what I was going toneed and that it gives me chill
thinking about it, because it'sjust another sweet reminder that
God saw me and, even though heknew what I was about to go
through was going to be hard, hewas like, it's okay, I've got
this because I'm going to takecare of the circumstances around
you, something that has reallystuck with me.
(17:06):
That also is a huge reminder ofhow just how sovereign and good
he is, like I mean, howobviously he's smart, he knows
everything.
But when I went through my firstloss, a verse that kept going
through my head was Psalms 23.
I was the chapter over and overBefore I went into surgery.
I was left in this area bymyself and those verses were
(17:26):
going through my mind Yea,though I walked in the valley of
the shadow of death, that wholepassage I will fear no evil for
thou art with me.
And I kept saying that over andover and over because I
suddenly knew at that momentlike this is a really dangerous
situation.
My tube could rupture at anysecond and I could bleed out in
minutes even before I getwheeled into surgery.
But God gave me thisindescribable peace that I knew
(17:48):
I was going to get through thesurgery and I can't explain it
other than it was God.
When I was boarding the flightfrom Miami to North Carolina,
that same verse came in my head.
I had a little bit of pain inmy side and I was like Lord, why
am I thinking of this verse?
Walking on a plane, like Idon't think the plane's going to
crash, I was like I don't needthis verse right now.
So in my head I remember likearguing with him Like I don't
(18:11):
need this verse right now, Ijust need to get on the plane
and get to where I'm going.
But he knew, and getting rolledinto that second surgery, that
same verse is going through mymind and that promise that if
he's never going to leave me,he's always with me and I can
look back and see he was.
He was with me every step of theway.
He was with me in those momentswhere I felt alone that nobody
(18:32):
had the same, nobody would tryto understand what we had gone
through.
There were moments that I feltlike my husband didn't even
understand that he wasn't therefor me when we were just having
rough times due to me and myanger just lashing out at him.
I was pushing him away andisolated me.
But God was always there,because he would always bring a
(18:53):
verse to my mind, or he would.
You know, I would find myselfopening my Bible to Psalms and
just weeping over Psalms,because that was the only thing
I could connect with was God'sword.
And that, right there, tells methat that's God, because God
knew what I needed, whether itwas to read a verse about
lamenting and mourning or toread about my grace is
sufficient, and that verse hascarried me through both as well.
(19:13):
Um, his grace is sufficient forme, um, and my weakest moments
and the moments where I feel sobroken and so shattered and I
it's painful to take the nextbreath and just to get up and
brush my teeth in the morningthat his grace is going to get
me through, that.
It's his strength and not myown.
And people sent us things afterboth of our losses, whether it
(19:36):
was a necklace or a memory box.
People that came to Anaya'sfuneral was so sweet to me to
see that I would have familydrive, you know, six hours to
come to a funeral service for ababy that they are never going
to get to see and all they cansee is the urn with his ashes,
and I had a couple other friendsdrive down from Atlanta which
was four and a half hours forthem just to come sing songs
(19:59):
that we wanted to sing at hisfuneral, one in Spanish and one
in English, and one was inEnglish.
It's sovereign over us.
And then we sang the goodnessof God.
Now, at the time I could notsing those songs.
I just couldn't get the wordsout because it still felt like
God wasn't good.
But I knew in my heart this isthe truth and I have to stay in
this truth, because when you seeGod's goodness play out in your
(20:23):
life and you just seeeverything come together, even
in an ugly, difficultcircumstance, there's no other
way to say but that's God andhe's just so good.
Austin Gardner (20:34):
Amazing story lady.
I am blessed to know you andblessed to see how God has
worked in your life.
Can we reiterate God didn't doit to you Is that what you said
you realize that.
Bridgette Young (20:47):
Yes, God allows things to happen in our life
but, like the Bible said, hedoesn't wish evil on us.
He's not, you know, planningevil things to happen to his
children.
But he does allow things in ourlife to to grow us, to
strengthen us, to strengthen ourfaith so that we can use this
to help other people who walkthrough those things in the
future.
(21:07):
We'll never know exactly why,and that's okay.
That's one thing we learnedthrough Grief.
Share was I always had thequestion why me?
Austin Gardner (21:14):
Why like this?
You know why?
Bridgette Young (21:15):
did my child still have to be living?
Why would God allow me to gothrough something so awful as
this?
And it seems like nobody elsehas ever gone through it or will
talk about it with me.
It's like why, why, why?
And we learned.
It's okay to ask why, but youhave to stop and think.
(21:37):
Okay, let's say God tells mewhy.
Here's why I did it.
Now, after you hear the why, hasyour circumstance changed?
No, my children are still goneand I'm still left to deal with
the grief and to deal with thereality that I'm in.
So the learning, the why,really doesn't help us, and
sometimes it can make it worse.
So, instead of wanting to knowthe why, we need to say okay,
God, I don't understand why, butI know that you allowed this,
that you're not doing this to meout of spite, or because you're
cruel, or because you just wantto.
(21:59):
You've allowed things to happenso that they can be used for
great and mighty things.
The verse Jeremiah 33, I used asmy.
You know people would say oh, Ihave a life.
Verse All through high schooland in my first years of
marriage.
I would say, oh, I have a life.
Verse All through high schooland in my first years of
marriage I would say, oh, thisis my life verse.
But I always had a wronginterpretation of that verse
(22:20):
Call upon me and I will show thegreat, mighty things which God
knows not.
And so I always thought, oh,I'll call on him and he'll
answer, and it will be a greatpositive thing in my favor.
But I've since learned that Ican call on him and he's going
to answer, and even if it's ananswer that breaks my heart, I
can look back and see great,mighty things that only God can
do through that circumstance.
Austin Gardner (22:43):
And God has brought you through and he's
still bringing you through andit's not going to be.
I don't know when you evertotally get over these things,
but God's made you into awarrior for him to help others,
and I am blessed by that.
Do you think we could share,maybe in the comment section,
(23:06):
how they could get in touch withone of your counselors?
If somebody there may be, alady that'll listen and she
would say I want to talk toBridget, I want to talk to one
of those therapists, you thinkit'd be all right if we shared
that?
Bridgette Young (23:23):
Yeah, absolutely.
Austin Gardner (23:24):
Well, you can send that to me later and then
we'll share links to your e-bookand your paper book.
I'm locked up again, but we'll,we'll share, we'll share, um,
uh, we'll share the books, wewill share the links to the
books and we will ask the lordto use that to, uh, help you, uh
(23:50):
, you know, help people.
I mean, that's the reason youwrote the book.
She didn't become an author toget rich and famous.
She became an author to sharewhat God did in her life with
you as you listen, and also,bridget, if it's okay, I'd like
to check back with you in acouple of months, do another
(24:11):
podcast and have you tell,because I imagine is the Lord
still working.
Bridgette Young (24:17):
Oh, absolutely.
Austin Gardner (24:18):
Yeah, and so we'll.
We'll hear more, and uh uh, youcan share some more about what
God's doing.
I hope you've enjoyed it.
Would you like to say anyfurther thing before I close?
Bridgette Young (24:29):
No, just thank you so much for having me.
I appreciate it.
Austin Gardner (24:31):
Well, I am honored.
Uh, you are the blessing to meand I thank you for it.
And this is World EvangelismPodcast.
This is a special edition, ourthird with Ms Bridget Young, and
I hope to find other peoplelike her that can help you.
We might even talk to hercounselors or something sometime
.
Maybe we can interview and them.
(24:53):
But I thank you for listeningand I hope you will share this
and like it.
Uh, pray for Bridget, uh prayfor her.
Uh pray for moms that can'thave children, that can't have
them anymore, that have lostchildren moms.
(25:14):
People are suffering, peopleare hurting and they need love
and they need help.
They don't need criticism.
They don't need to be told theyshould have had more faith.
Don't let me tell what's wrongwith them.
They need to be loved andlistened to.
So I challenge you to just loveand thank you for all that you
(25:37):
are doing.
Each of you share this podcastand God bless you.
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