June 17, 2025 • 47 mins
In this episode, Sarah and I unpack everything—starting with why we changed the name of the podcast. Worth The Weight isn’t just about pounds lost (though we talk about that, too)—it’s about the emotional, psychological, and societal weight women carry every damn day. We talk about what led to the rebrand, why I almost broke up with ChatGPT (spoiler: Mira and I had our first fight), and how Sarah saved the day with the new podcast artwork.
Then we dive into TikTok’s Man of the Year trend, featuring unhinged text messages from men who have clearly never heard of shame—or spell check. We read a few aloud (with dramatic flair) and talk about what they reveal about modern dating, gender roles, and why so many women are “quiet quitting” relationships altogether.
We also touch on our GLP-1 journeys, the emotional side of weight loss, and the infuriating reality of being more visible—but not necessarily more valued—as we shrink. And finally, we dig into the cost of simply existing in a female body after 40: the hormones, the doctor’s appointments, the fucking patriarchy.
So pull up a chair, pour yourself a glass of overpriced electrolyte water, and come feel seen.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:10):
Worth the Wait podcast. Sarah, Kristen, so you probably
noticed that we changed the name, right?
We we changed the name of the podcast.
We changed the direction of the podcast because I felt like it
was that was the progression that the podcast was going into,
right? We were, we started worth the
wait and I found myself a lot more passionate about the worth
(00:32):
the Wait episodes than the dating exclusive episodes.
Yeah. And like, I was at the point
where I was dreading the dating episodes because I thought, Oh
my God, not this again, right? Because it really is just the
same thing over and over and over again.
And I thought, what, like, what do I do?
And that's when I contacted you last week and I said, I think we
need to rebrand. And so we did.
(00:54):
We said worth the wait because I, I've really come to love how
the weight doesn't just mean thephysical weight.
It means the weight that we carry, that we're expected to
carry and smile through and thatjust during just to navigate
everyday life, whether it's mental health or sexuality or
(01:15):
body image or dating. I felt like this the the title
change gave us a broader topics,I felt like.
So I'm glad we did it and I'm very glad that we change the
artwork. A long time listener actually
responded to the newsletter, theSub Stack newsletter, she said.
(01:36):
She said why don't you guys use image like an image of yourself?
This looks like a yogurt ad. With the about the AI in.
The previous one, the one the. One that I said was like mom.
Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But you said? It was very like women laughing
along with salad. Very, very much so.
Very much so. So hopefully she likes that,
that image. She should let us know if she
(01:57):
likes the image. But I'm excited.
I feel invigorated. I feel really positive.
Oh, I think the the graphic is just, it's a lot more eye
pleasing. It's a lot warmer.
It's and not it's a lot more welcoming.
It's nothing like a yogurt. No, it no, it is not.
No, it is not. So we're in a good place.
We're in a good place. OK, who sent me some Tik Toks?
(02:20):
There's because there's a trend going around and it's called Man
of the Year. It you know, obviously they used
the song by Lord. And in the year of our.
Lord, in the year of our Lord, it's women showing text messages
and emails from men that they were involved with.
(02:41):
Some of these are so frightening, frightening even.
Lord herself, she did a she did a response TikTok.
And it I think she was like, I was like expecting that.
Right, She said. Y'all like some of these
messages, She's just looking horrified.
And it really is. And we're going to read a few of
(03:01):
them, but to see how many of them appeared in this trend of
men just saying the most vile foul stuff and thinking nothing
of it, thinking nothing of putting this in writing.
OK, that's what I when we say the audacity.
You have to laugh, honestly. This is what we're talking about
when we talk about the audacity.They didn't even consider we
(03:25):
would be when we send a nude. What are what are we?
Oh my God, where's this and Oh my God and who's going to send
it? I need to only show this part of
my head and I can't show my face.
Men are like, I hope you fuckingdie.
I hope you. Well, that's nothing.
And they don't think. Yeah, they don't.
They don't think twice about it.It's not wild.
So the first one you sent me is from a woman named Justine
(03:45):
Benzinger. Yes, shout out to Justine for
her wedding dress, it's gorgeous.
It's it is absolutely stunning. So obviously it's the trend,
it's the song. You'll you'll hear it now it's
the picture of her, her in her wedding dress.
Obviously we'll link to it in the show notes.
And then it's this message that this the man she married sent to
her. And he says.
(04:06):
And last e-mail before I go backto being successful again.
First of all, what? First, first of all, what?
Let me stop right there. Tell me you're successful.
You're. Not right.
Let me stop. You're right there, Sir.
I've always trusted my nose. When something does not smell
red, I go in the opposite direction.
I should have known by how foul you always smell that evil was
(04:28):
always lurking in you. You are infected with an evil
that comes out in zits, pimples and blisters.
The evil pus is drenched in youroily skin and makes you smell
like shit. You sweat that that evil out,
you breathe it out with hot smelly breath.
You didn't just have morning breath, you had afternoon
breath, evening breath, midnightbreath.
(04:49):
You farted worse than a £500 manwho eats Kentucky Fried Chicken
all day. I used to come home and think I
was in a hooky locker room, but no, just my wife.
I never noticed the Kitty litterbecause it was always an
improvement over you. I used to think it was just your
family that was stinky like that, but I was around them.
They didn't stink like you but and again you are missing 50% of
(05:13):
them. There's a lot going on there.
There's a lot to unpack for is there?
Because it seems like pretty straightforward that this guy
is. I feel like we're dealing with
someone very religious. Interesting.
Maybe particularly enjoy the medieval flair of this right The
the you're evil and it comes outand strolls like a plague.
(05:34):
Like, OK Chaucer, take me on a pilgrimage.
It really was like, if it weren't so unbelievably.
Yeah, right. Yeah.
I mean. Right.
It really does have that medieval flair, that religious
trauma. Like it's, it's, I mean, it's
almost poetic. Almost all of those, yeah.
(05:56):
Let's go, Let's go to another one.
The next one is from a woman. It says elocate spam all.
Right, a dramatic reading elocate.
I love you so incredibly much, and I know you know that, so
please hear me when I say what I'm about to say is not intended
to hurt your feelings. Yes, I have a genuine fear of
you becoming overweight. Like I just don't think I could
(06:18):
date someone overweight. I care about you so much and I
care about you enough to tell you.
I feel like you've gained a couple pounds since we started
dating. I really want to see you in good
shape and I really want to see myself in good shape, especially
recently. I'm not sure why but I just want
(06:38):
to. I genuinely love you so much and
I love you so much. I'm genuinely scared to tell you
this because I don't want to hurt your feelings or make you
think bad about yourself or lessof yourself.
I love you so so so incredibly much and I just want the best.
I like how in this one he's the victim, right?
Yeah, right. He's the victim of what?
(06:59):
His fear of overweight. Oh my God, the way in, the way
he's phrasing it. Almost like he's doing her a
favor, right? Listen, I'm going to tell.
Here's the thing. We know when we put on weight.
And you know what? How we know, Because usually
society makes sure we know. We know when we're overweight.
We know when we put on weight because people think nothing of
(07:19):
telling us about changes to our physical presentation.
So he really thinks he's doing something here.
I mean, right? He he really thinks he's making
her aware of something she's completely oblivious to.
This particular creator too, I think like when I first saw
(07:40):
this, I think one of the top comments, which is it's now been
sort of buried, but I feel like someone commented like aren't
like aren't you like don't you run track?
It was a young woman and she clearly is an athlete.
Like she's an athlete. Oh my God, she's in very good
shape. Right there is a there is a guy
he used to be on Big Brother andthen him and this this woman
(08:02):
they won in The Amazing Race, they got married and he is so
afraid of her gaining weight. Yeah, you've talked about them
before. He is so fat phobic but he's
also so self loathing. About his own weight.
Well, about his own weight, about his own body.
And and that's what I hear here,especially when you say she's
he's an athlete because he that means he's probably an athlete
(08:24):
too. I.
Mean what I think is really unintentionally telling and
fascinating is when he says I have a genuine fear.
I don't know why. I do.
I mean, right, like anyone else would, Sir, like just, you know,
reflect for half a second, but. Now, you asked me if I was going
to take part in this trend. Yeah.
Listen, after reading some of these, I feel like Garrett's
(08:47):
messages are so benign after after reading some of these.
And it's not, doesn't mean that I I won't, that I won't do it
because even though it's been 15years, I have every fucking
message that piece of shit sent me.
That's the thing. What do you what do we save all
these receipts? Right.
If not the perfect. All right, well.
It's time for an audit, baby. I guess.
(09:09):
I guess I will. I guess I will.
I don't know. Will people will people even
spend the amount of time readingit?
I mean, you know what I mean? It's like, I don't know if you
have some time. Some will.
Yeah. It's that one letter is yeah,
it's brutal, but it's I think you have, there's more context
needed, but you know, I'll stillpost it.
(09:32):
And I have to, I just, you know,I just, I know you were saving
those receipts and I assumed youhad seen the trend.
Save them till my until I take my last fucking breath.
Oh yeah, yeah, I will, of course.
Yeah I will and any opportunity given to me presented to post
them, I fucking will and I feel like this might be 1 but we'll
(09:53):
see. In any case, I went through a
lot of these and it's mostly mensaying trying to excuse their
being unfaithful. Oh really?
Right. Or I cheated on you with a guy.
Like what's what's the big deal?But a lot of it was attacking
their looks. Oh, sure, you know,
unsurprisingly. One of them said I couldn't even
(10:15):
stay hard because when I looked down it was like having a land
mammal underneath me. And again.
Humans, of course, are a mammal.So fun fact Sir.
I try to put myself in the in the head of a man with all that
audacity because we second guesseverything, everything we say
because we don't want it to be used against us, right?
(10:35):
We have to be. We're, we're raised to be that.
A lot of it is like, you know, we just second guess everything
we say because we're so used to having to de escalate.
Right. We're we're always the ones that
have to do that, so have to keepother people's emotions in
check. Exactly, And that too for them
that is going to go along with not only our and just like that
(10:56):
recap, but what we're going to be talking about later in the
show about hyper independence and how do we get there?
How do we get to being hyper independent?
Because it's not just trauma. But in any case, if you have
TikTok, I recommend, if you really want to be horrified,
look up the man of the year trend.
It's it won't it won't you, you really your stomach will turn.
(11:19):
All right, we're going to say fuck all those guys.
That's our that's our fuck that guy Palooza entry for this week.
All right now we're going to move into the GLP one news and
what our GLP 1 journeys have been looking like the last
couple of weeks. Sarah hit us with the news So.
The news that I found this week that I found interesting was the
(11:41):
headline real world use of GLP ones yields less weight loss
than clinical trials. I've been sort of like alluding
to this all along. Like all of the clinical trials
have said, you should expect to lose up to 20% or it honors
appetite or I don't know the number is in the teens I think
(12:02):
for with. This.
And so I thought that's maybe not enough, right?
And with your goals. Yeah.
So. So that was the headline this
week. Real world use GLB ones yields
less weight loss than clinical trials.
So basically they said after oneyear, patients who maintain
(12:22):
treatment lost an average of 11.9% of their body weight.
However, those two discontinued treatment within three months
lost only 3 1/2%. And those who discontinued
between 3 and 12 months lost 6.8%.
In contrast, patients who remained on high maintenance
(12:44):
doses lost the most, 13.7% for semaglutide and 18% for
tirzepatide. So I just wanted to bring that
up because there's, there's still the perception that like I
drop all the. Right.
And some people do, but not everybody, not everybody.
And I don't think they talk about the plateauing.
(13:05):
I know you were struggling with that this past week.
I won't say that I'm, I'm struggling with it.
I did notice that this past week, I don't think I lost
anything. I may have because at the time
that I weighed myself a late afternoon, which I probably
shouldn't have done. I maybe lost another pound, but
I'm, I'm close to now losing 30 lbs, which is amazing to me.
(13:26):
Every time I go out to pick up this one dog, this this one
owner, she just keeps saying youlook amazing.
You just look fantastic. And it's just, it is, it's very
nice. And I had something happen to me
last week where an owner droppedoff his dog and when he came to
pick her up, he just kept talking to me.
Why is this man? Why is he talking to me?
(13:47):
He just like typically they pickhim up.
Hey, thanks, gotta go. But he just kept talking And I
thought, wait a minute, because that's not typically my
experience. I don't have that kind of
experience with men or at least lately in the in the past,
however many years and it occurred to me and I don't even
think that it was an attraction thing.
It was almost as if it's. Like now.
(14:08):
He sees me, but almost as if he's not embarrassed to be seen
talking to me. And again, I could just be
projecting my own insecurity there, right?
But I thought this hasn't happened in a long time.
And, and I and I don't think it's, I don't think it was
attraction. I just did think that this was
just somebody who likes to flirtand talk to women, right?
And I suddenly was back in that category, like I was suddenly an
(14:32):
option. Women, welcome back, welcome
back, welcome back. I did it and I won't say I
won't. I don't feel that it was
flattering, but it was encouraging, if that makes
sense. Well, it totally does.
Because it's like, remember whatwhat I was saying at the
beginning of this is like, you know, I, I started this just
because like I didn't, I didn't want to get to a place where I
(14:54):
was beginning to feel like people were treating me worse,
right because of how I looked. Right, I was worried about the
diabetes pre diabetes because ofmy sister.
No one wants that either, but I will be lying if I if I said I
was more concerned about that than just my experience of
moving through the world right Respond to me.
There is a marked difference. There is and I've noticed it.
(15:16):
It's been a subtle change, right?
It's not like one day I wake up and men are catcalling.
It's it's a very subtle, it's a look and a smile.
It's a 70 year old guy in the park saying hello to me.
It's little things and it is. It's not about attraction.
It's about visibility, feeling seen again, right?
Because I have been navigating life as a woman of my age and of
(15:41):
my weight. And I didn't expect to be seen.
I wasn't looking to be seen. I very much almost, almost made
my made it so that I nobody would look at me right with my
hair up and the baggy clothes and and now I feeling I'm
feeling seen again, if that makes if it makes sense, it
does. And I don't know how I feel
(16:03):
about that. Like I don't know.
I feel a little resentful about right.
Yeah. Sure, because all I can think is
listen. I was this charming and witty
and wonderful six months ago when I was 30 lbs heavier, but
you didn't take the time to see that because you didn't think I
was worth it, right? That's right.
So yes. Do you have a?
(16:26):
Do you have an end? I do, I do now.
Yes, I knew what my weight was when I it my, my weight when I
first started going to Equinox. I knew what that was.
I would like to be about 10 lbs below that and I'm not that far
from it. You know, it's I'm on a good.
I feel like, I feel like I'm on a good path.
But reading those numbers in that article about what did they
(16:47):
say sick? Was it 16 percent, 18% for long
time transeptatide users? Do you mean like what percent
keep the weight off? No, the body weight, percentage
of body weight. Yeah, yeah, something like that.
And now that has me worried thatbecause I don't want to plateau
and I'm also. I really you.
Really. Don't and I'm also concerned
(17:09):
about increasing the medication because my nausea is now it's
regular. I take it.
I take my shot the next day. I'm incredibly nauseous and I
think it's just going to get worse as I increase my dosage.
I mean, yeah, for sure. I'm not.
I'm sorry. I'm looking back at the article.
I'm not finding the numbers again.
Because I'm almost about almost ready to start the next like
(17:35):
level of units of my dosage. And I'm, I'm not going to lie,
I'm worried. I'm worried.
I bought Emmetrol, which absolutely helps with the
nausea, and a friend of mine recommended that I have Jolly
Ranchers on hand. That should help.
Both do, right? Both do, But I didn't eat it all
yesterday. Well then why would you?
(17:56):
Why would you go up and dose? Well, I no, I wasn't eating
because of the nausea. Right.
So you said you're about to go up in a in dosage.
Why? Why would you?
That's why I'm saying that's whyI've always had my.
I'm so sensitive to this stuff. So I don't.
I'm really am. I'm trying to stretch it out.
Right. Yeah, you don't.
I mean, you don't have to increase your dosage if it's
still working for you. And if you're still, you know,
(18:18):
if you haven't, like you're still getting side effects,
there's no reason to go up. Right, right.
And if I do go up, I, and This is why I like that I mix my own
because I can say, well, I'll toyou know, I'll go up to I won't.
I just adjust it to my body basically.
So the the nausea, it's it's only one day, thank God.
And then every other day after that is fine.
(18:39):
Definitely. I'm at that phase where I think
you were about two months ago where I have to buy new pants,
right? And I don't know how do I want
to do I want to do that. Should I do that?
Yeah, I probably. Still haven't.
I mean, I, I got a couple, but it's not like I've I didn't
think I was done so. What I will say.
Go out and replace my whole wardrobe.
Right, what I will say is my energy levels are different.
(19:01):
Have you noticed my energy beingdifferent?
No, my energy levels, I haven't been this productive and I can't
remember how long and I don't know is it part of the TRS, Is
it part of the weight loss? What is it?
Or is it starting to understand my ADHDA little bit better?
Is it all? Of it, I mean, it's all of it.
It's. All of it.
(19:22):
It's all of it. The amount of burnout I would
experience because I didn't knowwhat was going on in my brain.
Now that I do and now that I'm able to come up with workarounds
and yeah, now that I've, I'm 30 lbs lighter, which has helped me
it, I am definitely less tired. I don't have the pain in my
(19:44):
ankles that I that I was having.There's a, there's so many.
I want to be clear that the positives are not that a man was
talking to me. That's almost a negative.
Let's be honest, that's that's almost a negative.
The positive is how I'm able to reach my potential.
I think is a good way to put it.I am going to be more successful
(20:07):
at that because I think I'm working at a higher level,
right? So that is the main one.
The, the thing about my energy because that was something I was
always so I mean, I was knocked out by 2:00.
I was just done and I'm not thatway anymore.
And that maybe that's the Adderall, I don't know what it
is. I think it's a combination of
everything. So I'm happy about my progress.
(20:29):
I am a little bit worried about my progress, like progressing,
but so far it's been, it's been a really positive experience.
Do you do you still feel positive about it?
I mean, if you're still losing and you want to still be losing,
right, I would just, I would just stay at the dosage you're
at until your body gets used to it, right?
And then because there's really no reason to go up in a dosage
(20:49):
until you plateau, right? But even then, I guess my
question is why? Because you know, we know, we
know how these work, the GOP ones, they work by increasing
your staggity so that you eat less and that so that you can
stay in a calorie deficit. Now, they also control your
blood sugar, lower your A1C, OK.But generally it's just about
(21:12):
feeling fuller quicker and longer.
So you eat less and you stay in a calorie deficit.
So am I Am I feeling positive about my journey?
Not really today. Why?
I have been at the same weight now for three weeks running and
it's started to piss me off. But yeah, I I would get.
That would frustrate me too. Because I remain in a calorie
(21:34):
deficit. And there's, there's, you know,
these drugs aren't magic, right?Like they only work because they
enable you to be in a calorie deficit without murdering
people. So I went to the doctor
yesterday and she was asking, you know, we were talking about
this and I said what I just toldyou and I mentioned beforehand
to you Kristen, like I suspect Iknow what she's going to tell me
(21:57):
and it's increase your dosage. That is what she said.
But, and I wish I would have thought at the time to ask like,
why though? Like why though?
Because obviously there is an underlying problem if I'm in a
calorie deficit, which I am, andI've stopped losing weight,
which I have. So I don't know that I am going
to increase my dosage. Yesterday was like her last day
(22:19):
before she was leaving on vacation for a week.
She's going on vacation, but when she comes back in, I think
about a week, she did order some, some hormone labs for me.
So we're going to take a look under the hood.
I doubt what else is wrong with my body.
And because I, I didn't want to be done like I didn't, I thought
I, you know, like I said, the you know, the finish line could
(22:40):
be insight. But as I've also mentioned, and
I really don't know what a healthy weight is going to be
for me as an adult woman becausefor most of my life I did not
own a scale. And I just, you know, have have
not struggled with weight until I did.
So now that I am, I'm, yeah, I'mpretty pissed.
(23:01):
Off I don't blame you that that is I.
Saw my period today. So I'm like, I started my period
yesterday. So that's the other thing that's
worth mentioning too, right? Because we know that when you're
on your period, you retain water, which I definitely feel
like I am. So a week from now I'll weigh
myself again. But I'll tell you what, if I am
not 6 lbs less a week from now than I am today.
(23:25):
But. You might want to adjust those
expectations. Well, all right, four of them.
OK, fine. Fine, fine, fine. 4 I'm I'm
gonna remain pistol. I don't blame you.
I don't blame you. And I think that's something
else too, that people think thatthis medication like kick starts
your metabolism. No, no it does not.
No, I cannot stress that enough.It actually stays.
(23:46):
It stays the same. Right, that appears to be my
problem. Right.
And I see that's how I know, that's what I know my issue was
for the last week or so, I know it's because I wasn't as active.
It was it wasn't as I wasn't as active when I have the dogs and
I'm walking 456 times a day, then I'm dropping to, you know,
(24:07):
two 2 1/2 lbs, right? It's because right, it's, it's
well, it's an entire lifestyle change.
It's not just take the shot. That's it.
That's not it. So I mean, you know, the other
things we talked about yesterdaywere like, oh, well, you know,
you can, you can, you can, you know, increase the intensity of
your workouts, which I was like,the issue is like, how much time
(24:27):
am I supposed to be at the gym? Like I don't want to live my
life at the gym, right? It is a chore.
I don't, I don't hate it like I used to, but I don't like,
especially now that it's hot. Yeah, I don't love going to the
gym, right? And I feel like I'm already
spending a good portion of time there in the evenings, so that
(24:52):
sucks. Right.
While I'm complaining about my body, are we going to talk about
what you did to me this week? What did I do to you this week?
Well, I log in and you were like, turn your camera.
No warning, no warning. I'm over here.
I haven't done anything in my hair or my face.
Just look at how I look. Right.
Well, first of all, you look beautiful.
Second of all, I you. Got it.
(25:13):
You've got to warn a lady. I that's that is fair.
I'm so sorry. The reason I didn't think of it
is because I knew I wouldn't be using this image.
The the platform that we use hasthe ability to create sort of
these AI characters. Right.
But it's it's going to be based on this image and I'm going to
come out looking like George Washington.
No, not necessarily Washington, Jesus Christ, but I, I will give
(25:37):
you going forward, always plan on it.
Always plan on, always plan on being on camera.
And if we're not, we're not. But think of it that way.
You heard it here. You guys are all my witnesses.
I'm telling you now because thatway I can I can play with the
video a bit. So that's what you did to me
this week. And I think you look gorgeous,
your skin very Dewey. It is very Dewey.
(25:59):
That's that's pretty much all I have going for me.
I love the Dewey. I love that's the makeup that I
use. It's all about the Dewey.
It's all about the Dewe. I soul of joy it's a good deal.
So I've I've I've been really liking Korean skin care.
Recently I started using these salmon sperm.
(26:22):
The masks. They're well, I didn't get them.
I didn't get the mask. I got the little pads.
But it is essentially a mask because you just like throw the
pads in your face wherever you leave them on for 5 minutes and
turns you into a little a glazeddoughnut.
And wouldn't it be great if Medicube would sponsor us?
But anyway, Kristen. Actually now that I now that I
am in I have the TikTok shop. Everyone keeps telling me to
(26:44):
start getting those medicube. I love Medicube.
Probably, yeah. Really.
Yeah, right. Good to know.
But any who, Kristen, I ask you,I'm I'm going to pull an Uno
reverse. And you know, just like you
abused me this week, I'm going to I'm going to surprise you a
question because here's here's the other thing kind of in the
(27:05):
back of my mind, I'm thinking about menopause a little bit.
And so is my doctor. I don't.
So I don't have any frame of reference for perimenopause.
So another reason for the hormone panels, like I basically
said, like I don't, I don't like, how do I know if I'm in
perimenopause? Is there an objective measure?
So we're going to, we're going to figure that out because the
(27:25):
only symptom I'm having is I do wake up at 3:00 AM every
morning. But other than that, I mean,
that's like truly it, you know, regular periods, everything
else. And you're what makes you think
that's attributed that's associated with perimenopause
TikTok. Oh well.
Well then. It's like the primary thing
everyone mentions about perimenopause.
It's like what, the 3:00 AM wakeup?
(27:46):
Couldn't it just be existential doom and dread?
Sure that has you waking up. Could be you seem you've kind of
young for. Well, I, I don't know, I mean
it, it seems like that is kind of all over the place to like
some people do start it in their30s, some people start it in
(28:06):
their 40s. Apparently it can last a very
long time. I, I didn't know honestly, like
before I turned 40, I didn't even hear the word
perimenopause. And so I didn't know there was
like on ramp where shit sucks before menopause.
So all of which is to say, here's here's my question for
you, Kristen. It's about menopause.
(28:28):
Are you? Are you in Perry or in
menopause? I'm.
So, so there was no question about like what's happening.
It's it has started like you knew.
I knew. I knew when.
OK, OK. That's what I do.
Good to know. That was it.
That was that was like, OK, thisis menopause.
(28:49):
And then my period stopped. And then I was.
And then the hot flashes stopped.
And so did you, did you do anything about it?
Did you do any hormone replacement therapy?
No, because. Obviously because of the breast
cancer history family I'm far and I know people say that
they've done so much more research and they're the the the
(29:11):
dangers I guess as there aren't as large as they were maybe 25
years ago. I am not taking.
This I don't think you should have because actually I was
talking about it with my doctor yesterday and she was like,
yeah, unless you have a history of breast cancer or blood clots,
we could start this. And I was like, but I'm it's
like before menopause launch, he's like, you know what it does
(29:35):
sort of like, because it's hormone therapy, right?
So like if it's your hormones that are causing you not to lose
weight, it's bounces everything and it corrects them.
And I was like, oh, but is thereany danger in doing this too
early? And she was like, Nope, you
certainly could do it too late, but.
Yeah, I would just say, you know, do your research.
I think we it's time to now moveinto the next topic.
So an article came across my Instagram feed from the
(29:59):
Huffington Post and it was was regarding why like the one of
the real reasons why women have stopped dating basically or or
show no interest in dating and marriage.
The title is I'm a gender researcher and this is the real
reason women are stepping away from dating and relationships.
And the subtitle is Men deserve opportunities to be vulnerable.
(30:20):
But women are not an infinite resource for managing the
emotions of men. Ava, 27, seemed unbothered by
her partner's inability to communicate his emotions.
We have done. We have enough to think about,
she told me as she slid her laptop out of her tote bag,
still dressed in her tweed blazer from work.
It wasn't serious anyway. She'd been dating Max for a few
months when it struck her mid conversation with a friend that
(30:42):
she had no idea what he felt about her or their future.
So she stopped asking. There was a time, she said, when
she would have tried harder. Sarah, 21, recalled sitting on
her bed while her boyfriend begged her to hear him out.
He wasn't remorseful for cheating, he just no longer
wanted to sit with his shame. I was done, right?
Are they joking? Men are funny.
I hate to admit that men are funny.
(31:04):
Are they? Everyone says men are funny.
I was done. They say it.
I don't know. I haven't really seen proof of
it. I was done, she said, And yet he
expected her to comfort him. I had to help him find the words
for his feelings, not his actions.
Long silences, teasing through the shame and self hatred.
He didn't know what he wanted tosay, she said.
And then I made him feel OK about it.
(31:24):
And she said. The author says these stories
reflect a shift among young women in which more and more of
them are quiet quitting their relationships.
Women are now 23% less likely towant to date.
Than I'm surprised that's all. Because they I know.
Not because they don't care, butbecause they feel they've
invested too much emotional labor without support in return.
(31:45):
In intimate relationships, youngwomen are taking on a
disproportionate load of invisible and often supporting
men, right? Often supporting men through
intense feelings of failure and isolation from friends, many men
describe feeling weird or like awaste of time when opening up to
male friends instead of instead reserving vulnerability for
their relationships with women. Can we stop that?
(32:06):
We are not your emotional support, right?
And this is what and we hear it,we hear it all the time of women
going on these dates and men just unloading about their
divorce. And it's because they don't,
they don't have, they don't feelcomfortable turning to their
male friends. Pick better friends.
Over the past two years, I've interviewed dozens of young men
and women about their relationships.
What's emerge is a sense that women are absorbing the
(32:26):
emotional fallout of a crisis they didn't create.
The anxiety surrounding what it means to be a man in 2025 should
matter to everyone. They're reshaping not just our
politics, but the very fabric ofhow women and men interact,
shaping how we love, how we vote, and whether we can build a
future together at all. Telling the other side of the
masculinity crisis in quotes is key to solving it.
(32:48):
Let's see, for the 60% of men who engage with masculinity
influencers, friendship itself is evolving.
Wealth and popularity are prioritized over trust in
individual. As countries like the UK and the
US, this shift is more pronounced, perhaps owed to the
glamorization of the lone wolf masculinity, in which
vulnerability is discouraged. Discouraged by who?
(33:10):
Because it's not by women. Well, I don't know.
We don't know how these dudes were raised, you know?
Meanwhile, young women are rejecting patriarchal
expectations that previous generations internalized.
Once expected to shoulder emotional labor as a normal part
of relationship, they are now more aware of the cost of
caring, including suppressing their own needs.
And that is this is perfect because we're going to be
(33:33):
talking about this in the, and just like that recap that we're
doing for this week and go to ourpatreonpatreon.com/worth the
Wait show to subscribe so that you can, you can listen to to
these recaps. And we are going to be talking
about this. I won't call it a phenomenon,
but how women shrink themselves in really every aspect of their
(33:54):
life and how that can often leadto hyper independence.
And that hyper independence I believe is one of the causes for
why women are no longer dating. Because so many of us have been
in relationships that weren't emotionally satisfying and, or
that made us feel as though we couldn't, we couldn't
(34:15):
communicate our needs. And so we just kept shrinking
ourselves. This became the norm.
Do you think it's that we couldn't communicate our needs
or that our needs would not be met regardless?
OK, we, we knew, we knew what tosay, right?
It's not that we just, we didn'tfeel that need was going to be
met. That need was never met.
And it happened over and over again in Hyper Independence.
(34:37):
We were talking about this at the beginning of the show.
Can come from childhood trauma. Mine comes from childhood
trauma, right? Where your needs weren't met as
a child and so you had to becomeemotionally self-sufficient.
But it can also come from being in these relationships where
your partner isn't acknowledgingyour emotional needs or is
(34:57):
dismissing them or minimizing them.
And I think that so many women have been involved with men who
minimize their needs and dismisstheir feelings that they women
then turn inward and they have to self soothe and they have to
or they turn to their friends, whatever it is, they have to
find a way to do it themselves without them.
And so we get used to doing that, right?
(35:20):
We build the support system or we learn how to self soothe.
We we develop those coping mechanisms.
And the more we do it, the longer we do it, the more we
realize, well, what do I need them for?
Literally, what are they for? What are they for, Sir?
Right. And that's a big part of it is
when men get upset at women and,well, you're not dating and it's
because you all only want to date the top 20%, blah, blah,
(35:44):
blah. That's stupid myth.
Well, maybe that's that's some of it.
But I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that you
conditioned us to not expect anything from you, to not feel
comfortable expressing our needs.
And so we had to learn how to take care of ourselves in these
relationships. We had to learn how to meet
those needs, very much like I had to learn as a child how to
(36:06):
meet my emotional needs. Women are learning how to meet
their own needs and discovering it's so much easier to do it
myself or it builds a community of women and turn to.
Them, I mean, that's the thing, right?
Like when you're in a romantic relationship, there's an
expectation of like 1 to 1 reciprocity.
(36:28):
Like there's, it's, it just, it seems like most of the time when
people talk about relationships at this point, it's clear that
everyone's keeping the score. Very much so.
Yeah. And you know, as opposed to like
a genuine friendship, right. If you remove the romantic
element, it's like you somehow you lose.
(36:49):
You lose that, which is great. Like you don't, you don't want
that score keeping, right? You want to to be more organic
and like, you know, like a give and take but not like turn
taking. Right, right.
Because we don't do that with our friendships with women.
We don't do that in our platonicrelationships.
Several women I spoke with expressed concern over how
dating men effects their economic futures.
(37:12):
The role of women as invisible drivers of men's success isn't
new, but with young people struggling to find jobs at an
unprecedented rate, it's taken anew form.
From job hunting to burnout, women tend to provide increased
emotional support to men who do not have it elsewhere.
Man keeping is typically tied tothinner social networks, but for
(37:32):
Gen. Z, it's more about men's
inability to share their struggles with other men.
All men I spoke to spoke with felt they couldn't be as honest
with their jaw about their jobs with their male friends.
In contrast, most young women I interviewed described how
stepping in during unsettled times negatively impacted their
work and well-being. The labor has become an
invisible workplace obstacle, asinstant communication has erased
(37:54):
the natural bond that once separated work and emotionally
caregiving. Let's say COVID-19 only
exacerbated these dynamics, withmany surprised by how quickly
they played house during lockdown.
Yeah, I remember those stories. Yeah, I do.
Over focusing on their partners needs instead of their own, a
default response learned in their teens and early 20s.
(38:15):
It's been challenging to unlearn.
Let's see. Some have gone further, writing
partners college essays, preparing scholarship
presentations, coaching them on job interviews.
In some cases, their partners actively diminished their career
success. When he heard where I worked, he
looked at me predatorily. Predatorily.
One woman said he later pressured her to refer him to it
to her company, convincing her it would be the be best for
(38:38):
their relationship. Some men see proximity to
success without realizing the toll it takes on their self
esteem. Let's see.
Broader beliefs about gender equality are shaping how much
support partners expect and feelentitled.
Entitled to. Women feel as though men aren't
doing enough to support gender equality, whereas 60% of men
believe they're expected to do too much I.
(38:59):
Mean, of course. Right.
I think expecting them to do anything is expecting them.
So far, but that reminds me of that TikTok.
You sent me this earlier this week.
It's time. It's time for it.
Let's let's break. That out should we?
Should we pour yourself a glass of Chardonnay, bitches?
Bog witches? 5050 is a beautiful illusion
that often masks the unique pressures and expectation placed
(39:21):
on men maintaining old gender roles under a new label. 5050
almost always places greater unseen pressures on men.
They're expected to give more interms of emotional restraint.
What are you saying, Sir? Right.
We're expected to restrain our emotions.
You mean not get angry and yell at us and hit us, correct?
I don't know. Right.
Did he realize he told himself, told on himself there?
(39:43):
Probably not, not at all. I.
Think that is what he means, Yeah, A50. 50 relationship may
seem equal, but in reality it isoften more fun.
Not at all. Physically and emotionally
demanding for men, a truly. A truly equal relationship is
not about splitting everything down the middle.
It's about open communication and a shared understanding of
each partner strengths, challenges and contributions.
I love that he's talking as though.
(40:05):
That's something men prioritize or pay attention to.
Well, that's the thing, right? Like he's, he is correct about
that, but he's wrong about everything else.
He go, I mean, he just goes on to undo it, right?
Go. What is what else does he say?
What he say after that? A truly equal relationship is
not about splitting things down the middle.
Da da, da da contributions, he says.
(40:27):
Often men are expected to managetheir own emotional struggles
silently without placing that burden on their partner.
That is not a thing, by the way.I mean, in the worst, yeah,
starting yesterday. What are you talking about?
Right, if the relationship is based on everything is half and
half, it can easily overlook that men are often expected to
carry the greater financial risk, work taking longer hours,
(40:47):
taking more dangerous or stressful jobs or being the fall
back if unexpected expenses. Arise.
All right, Let me. Let me.
Let me. Let's pause here.
Let me stop you right there. How is it women's fault if a
man's job is dangerous or like requires heavy labor?
His whole argument comes down tolike undo physical labor,
(41:08):
therefore they shouldn't have todo anything at home basically.
Well, here's the thing. There are plenty of women who
can do physical labor. You just don't hire them,
correct? Right, but also like, I mean,
two things, right? Pick a different job then,
right. No, like no one is telling you
you have to work construction because you're a man or
whatever, right, Whatever he's talking about.
(41:29):
I mean like like what your job is cannot be an excuse not to do
anything else in life, correct? If you don't want a physically
demanding job, don't get one. Exactly.
And here's the second of the twothings.
Is it not physically demanding to be pregnant and give birth
and then be the primary parent right to a being who continues
(41:52):
to grow? Having to feed that child well.
Right, breastfeeding and then just like carrying around a
toddler, loading it, loading a kid into the car, unpacking a
strip, like all of this is physical labor, right?
Cleaning the bathtub at home is physical labor.
I just he just did not do what he thought he did here.
No he didn't and he's going to continue to not do what he
(42:12):
thought he did. Listen to this.
If there are children in the family, men are often expected
to continue working full time with little flexibility, even
through sleepless nights, new responsibilities and added
family stress. This can directly right.
This can directly affect their mental health and well-being.
Yet men are still expected to contribute fully to finances,
household repairs and often takeon the role of protector without
(42:34):
acknowledgement. This imbalance is rarely
discussed. Like, why are you mad at women
and not capitalism? Like, I'm sorry there's not
adequate leave in the US, but there isn't.
So like, I don't know, maybe think about that.
Again, this is just an example of how women are always getting
blamed for things right. Like he's just, he's literally
just mad at capital. Yeah.
(42:56):
And then this is what's this is sort of what we're rejecting,
right? Research shows that even in
equal partnerships, men are often expected to take on
responsibility for long term financial planning, home
repairs, security and physical tasks forms a of meta work that
are rarely acknowledged in 5050 compensations.
Why does this feel? Like invisible labor, that kind
(43:17):
of meta work. I Does this extra burden often
fall to men when the goal is supposed to be equal
partnership? Because women are everything
else God like he is mad he has to keep working after he has
kids. Are you mad that your wife had
to quit her job after having kids because it wasn't worth it
for her to keep working? Like what are you mad at?
(43:39):
Women are capital. And when you inevitably
divorced, because I don't know how she can stand being married
to you and she's been out of theworkforce for so many years, do
you know how that's going to affect her?
Right. Because she's either going to
have to start at the bottom or they're going to think that
she's going to require too much training and that it's there
(44:00):
won't be enough ROI to hire her.I mean, it's more likely that,
right, because the other fear islike of this, you know, this
woman has young kids, she's going to be out all the time,
right? And she will.
She will because she's going to be the primary parent, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
He didn't do any thought. He didn't care.
Not. They never do.
Studies show that men who work longer hours and take on higher
(44:22):
risk or physically or or physically something jobs even
when both partners aim for a 55th split at home.
Why is this? How is this fair?
Why is it that the 5050 mindset is often focused on household
tasks without accounting for thetoll of work related stress,
burnout and societal pressure toalways provide, no matter the
cost, what women deal with to provide a home?
(44:43):
Because you still have to be an adult, right?
Not that he's upset at. Being an adult.
But this is it. But this is these men are so
often raised to be so spoiled, and they're like, wait a minute.
What do you mean I have to do all this myself?
I don't know. We do.
This makes me think about a previous Co worker I had that
like any any time we would be considering like after work
(45:06):
drinks or something like that there she'd always have this
internal debate about like, oh, but dinner and I was like your
boyfriend later husband like kept himself alive for 30 some
years. He can forage for food or he can
wait or he can go without. I mean, he'll figure it out or
he won't. Right.
(45:28):
Right. Just tired of women being held
responsible for keeping men's entire lives together.
Yeah, it's where. They kept themselves alive
before us and so why when they meet us are they like thank God
being an adults over? Because that is what they think.
They mean mommy. But haven't they haven't?
(45:48):
Isn't that how they're raised tothink though?
Like. I mean, I guess it depends on
the, you know, whether you get aboy mom.
All right, pay attention folks, if you're not listening or
following to following us on social media, we've made it very
easy TikTok, YouTube, Instagram at worth the wait show.
You can still send your dating questions to dataologycoach.com.
(46:09):
Just go to the site or you can send an e-mail to
hello@dataologycoach.com. But the Patreon to get all the
behind the scenes stuff to get the bonus content that we put
out because now here's the change.
These episodes are going to be open to the public every week
and then we're going to there will be two bonus episodes per
month. So everyone like the tears on
Patreon, it still stays the same.
(46:31):
You're still you're still getting what you were paying for
because we're now you're gettinglike 6 episodes a month.
Look at can you see Luna try to climb off the little?
See Luna A. Little butt, a little butt.
So that will be patreon.com/worth the wait show
and tell us what you think of the artwork that we have, right?
Bog Witches Warlock stays. Value your time, decenter men,
(46:52):
and center yourself bye.
Worth the Wait podcast. Sarah, Kristen, so you probably
noticed that we changed the name, right?
We we changed the name of the podcast.
We changed the direction of the podcast because I felt like it
was that was the progression that the podcast was going into,
right? We were, we started worth the
wait and I found myself a lot more passionate about the worth
(00:32):
the Wait episodes than the dating exclusive episodes.
Yeah. And like, I was at the point
where I was dreading the dating episodes because I thought, Oh
my God, not this again, right? Because it really is just the
same thing over and over and over again.
And I thought, what, like, what do I do?
And that's when I contacted you last week and I said, I think we
need to rebrand. And so we did.
(00:54):
We said worth the wait because I, I've really come to love how
the weight doesn't just mean thephysical weight.
It means the weight that we carry, that we're expected to
carry and smile through and thatjust during just to navigate
everyday life, whether it's mental health or sexuality or
(01:15):
body image or dating. I felt like this the the title
change gave us a broader topics,I felt like.
So I'm glad we did it and I'm very glad that we change the
artwork. A long time listener actually
responded to the newsletter, theSub Stack newsletter, she said.
(01:36):
She said why don't you guys use image like an image of yourself?
This looks like a yogurt ad. With the about the AI in.
The previous one, the one the. One that I said was like mom.
Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But you said? It was very like women laughing
along with salad. Very, very much so.
Very much so. So hopefully she likes that,
that image. She should let us know if she
(01:57):
likes the image. But I'm excited.
I feel invigorated. I feel really positive.
Oh, I think the the graphic is just, it's a lot more eye
pleasing. It's a lot warmer.
It's and not it's a lot more welcoming.
It's nothing like a yogurt. No, it no, it is not.
No, it is not. So we're in a good place.
We're in a good place. OK, who sent me some Tik Toks?
(02:20):
There's because there's a trend going around and it's called Man
of the Year. It you know, obviously they used
the song by Lord. And in the year of our.
Lord, in the year of our Lord, it's women showing text messages
and emails from men that they were involved with.
(02:41):
Some of these are so frightening, frightening even.
Lord herself, she did a she did a response TikTok.
And it I think she was like, I was like expecting that.
Right, She said. Y'all like some of these
messages, She's just looking horrified.
And it really is. And we're going to read a few of
(03:01):
them, but to see how many of them appeared in this trend of
men just saying the most vile foul stuff and thinking nothing
of it, thinking nothing of putting this in writing.
OK, that's what I when we say the audacity.
You have to laugh, honestly. This is what we're talking about
when we talk about the audacity.They didn't even consider we
(03:25):
would be when we send a nude. What are what are we?
Oh my God, where's this and Oh my God and who's going to send
it? I need to only show this part of
my head and I can't show my face.
Men are like, I hope you fuckingdie.
I hope you. Well, that's nothing.
And they don't think. Yeah, they don't.
They don't think twice about it.It's not wild.
So the first one you sent me is from a woman named Justine
(03:45):
Benzinger. Yes, shout out to Justine for
her wedding dress, it's gorgeous.
It's it is absolutely stunning. So obviously it's the trend,
it's the song. You'll you'll hear it now it's
the picture of her, her in her wedding dress.
Obviously we'll link to it in the show notes.
And then it's this message that this the man she married sent to
her. And he says.
(04:06):
And last e-mail before I go backto being successful again.
First of all, what? First, first of all, what?
Let me stop right there. Tell me you're successful.
You're. Not right.
Let me stop. You're right there, Sir.
I've always trusted my nose. When something does not smell
red, I go in the opposite direction.
I should have known by how foul you always smell that evil was
(04:28):
always lurking in you. You are infected with an evil
that comes out in zits, pimples and blisters.
The evil pus is drenched in youroily skin and makes you smell
like shit. You sweat that that evil out,
you breathe it out with hot smelly breath.
You didn't just have morning breath, you had afternoon
breath, evening breath, midnightbreath.
(04:49):
You farted worse than a £500 manwho eats Kentucky Fried Chicken
all day. I used to come home and think I
was in a hooky locker room, but no, just my wife.
I never noticed the Kitty litterbecause it was always an
improvement over you. I used to think it was just your
family that was stinky like that, but I was around them.
They didn't stink like you but and again you are missing 50% of
(05:13):
them. There's a lot going on there.
There's a lot to unpack for is there?
Because it seems like pretty straightforward that this guy
is. I feel like we're dealing with
someone very religious. Interesting.
Maybe particularly enjoy the medieval flair of this right The
the you're evil and it comes outand strolls like a plague.
(05:34):
Like, OK Chaucer, take me on a pilgrimage.
It really was like, if it weren't so unbelievably.
Yeah, right. Yeah.
I mean. Right.
It really does have that medieval flair, that religious
trauma. Like it's, it's, I mean, it's
almost poetic. Almost all of those, yeah.
(05:56):
Let's go, Let's go to another one.
The next one is from a woman. It says elocate spam all.
Right, a dramatic reading elocate.
I love you so incredibly much, and I know you know that, so
please hear me when I say what I'm about to say is not intended
to hurt your feelings. Yes, I have a genuine fear of
you becoming overweight. Like I just don't think I could
(06:18):
date someone overweight. I care about you so much and I
care about you enough to tell you.
I feel like you've gained a couple pounds since we started
dating. I really want to see you in good
shape and I really want to see myself in good shape, especially
recently. I'm not sure why but I just want
(06:38):
to. I genuinely love you so much and
I love you so much. I'm genuinely scared to tell you
this because I don't want to hurt your feelings or make you
think bad about yourself or lessof yourself.
I love you so so so incredibly much and I just want the best.
I like how in this one he's the victim, right?
Yeah, right. He's the victim of what?
(06:59):
His fear of overweight. Oh my God, the way in, the way
he's phrasing it. Almost like he's doing her a
favor, right? Listen, I'm going to tell.
Here's the thing. We know when we put on weight.
And you know what? How we know, Because usually
society makes sure we know. We know when we're overweight.
We know when we put on weight because people think nothing of
(07:19):
telling us about changes to our physical presentation.
So he really thinks he's doing something here.
I mean, right? He he really thinks he's making
her aware of something she's completely oblivious to.
This particular creator too, I think like when I first saw
(07:40):
this, I think one of the top comments, which is it's now been
sort of buried, but I feel like someone commented like aren't
like aren't you like don't you run track?
It was a young woman and she clearly is an athlete.
Like she's an athlete. Oh my God, she's in very good
shape. Right there is a there is a guy
he used to be on Big Brother andthen him and this this woman
(08:02):
they won in The Amazing Race, they got married and he is so
afraid of her gaining weight. Yeah, you've talked about them
before. He is so fat phobic but he's
also so self loathing. About his own weight.
Well, about his own weight, about his own body.
And and that's what I hear here,especially when you say she's
he's an athlete because he that means he's probably an athlete
(08:24):
too. I.
Mean what I think is really unintentionally telling and
fascinating is when he says I have a genuine fear.
I don't know why. I do.
I mean, right, like anyone else would, Sir, like just, you know,
reflect for half a second, but. Now, you asked me if I was going
to take part in this trend. Yeah.
Listen, after reading some of these, I feel like Garrett's
(08:47):
messages are so benign after after reading some of these.
And it's not, doesn't mean that I I won't, that I won't do it
because even though it's been 15years, I have every fucking
message that piece of shit sent me.
That's the thing. What do you what do we save all
these receipts? Right.
If not the perfect. All right, well.
It's time for an audit, baby. I guess.
(09:09):
I guess I will. I guess I will.
I don't know. Will people will people even
spend the amount of time readingit?
I mean, you know what I mean? It's like, I don't know if you
have some time. Some will.
Yeah. It's that one letter is yeah,
it's brutal, but it's I think you have, there's more context
needed, but you know, I'll stillpost it.
(09:32):
And I have to, I just, you know,I just, I know you were saving
those receipts and I assumed youhad seen the trend.
Save them till my until I take my last fucking breath.
Oh yeah, yeah, I will, of course.
Yeah I will and any opportunity given to me presented to post
them, I fucking will and I feel like this might be 1 but we'll
(09:53):
see. In any case, I went through a
lot of these and it's mostly mensaying trying to excuse their
being unfaithful. Oh really?
Right. Or I cheated on you with a guy.
Like what's what's the big deal?But a lot of it was attacking
their looks. Oh, sure, you know,
unsurprisingly. One of them said I couldn't even
(10:15):
stay hard because when I looked down it was like having a land
mammal underneath me. And again.
Humans, of course, are a mammal.So fun fact Sir.
I try to put myself in the in the head of a man with all that
audacity because we second guesseverything, everything we say
because we don't want it to be used against us, right?
(10:35):
We have to be. We're, we're raised to be that.
A lot of it is like, you know, we just second guess everything
we say because we're so used to having to de escalate.
Right. We're we're always the ones that
have to do that, so have to keepother people's emotions in
check. Exactly, And that too for them
that is going to go along with not only our and just like that
(10:56):
recap, but what we're going to be talking about later in the
show about hyper independence and how do we get there?
How do we get to being hyper independent?
Because it's not just trauma. But in any case, if you have
TikTok, I recommend, if you really want to be horrified,
look up the man of the year trend.
It's it won't it won't you, you really your stomach will turn.
(11:19):
All right, we're going to say fuck all those guys.
That's our that's our fuck that guy Palooza entry for this week.
All right now we're going to move into the GLP one news and
what our GLP 1 journeys have been looking like the last
couple of weeks. Sarah hit us with the news So.
The news that I found this week that I found interesting was the
(11:41):
headline real world use of GLP ones yields less weight loss
than clinical trials. I've been sort of like alluding
to this all along. Like all of the clinical trials
have said, you should expect to lose up to 20% or it honors
appetite or I don't know the number is in the teens I think
(12:02):
for with. This.
And so I thought that's maybe not enough, right?
And with your goals. Yeah.
So. So that was the headline this
week. Real world use GLB ones yields
less weight loss than clinical trials.
So basically they said after oneyear, patients who maintain
(12:22):
treatment lost an average of 11.9% of their body weight.
However, those two discontinued treatment within three months
lost only 3 1/2%. And those who discontinued
between 3 and 12 months lost 6.8%.
In contrast, patients who remained on high maintenance
(12:44):
doses lost the most, 13.7% for semaglutide and 18% for
tirzepatide. So I just wanted to bring that
up because there's, there's still the perception that like I
drop all the. Right.
And some people do, but not everybody, not everybody.
And I don't think they talk about the plateauing.
(13:05):
I know you were struggling with that this past week.
I won't say that I'm, I'm struggling with it.
I did notice that this past week, I don't think I lost
anything. I may have because at the time
that I weighed myself a late afternoon, which I probably
shouldn't have done. I maybe lost another pound, but
I'm, I'm close to now losing 30 lbs, which is amazing to me.
(13:26):
Every time I go out to pick up this one dog, this this one
owner, she just keeps saying youlook amazing.
You just look fantastic. And it's just, it is, it's very
nice. And I had something happen to me
last week where an owner droppedoff his dog and when he came to
pick her up, he just kept talking to me.
Why is this man? Why is he talking to me?
(13:47):
He just like typically they pickhim up.
Hey, thanks, gotta go. But he just kept talking And I
thought, wait a minute, because that's not typically my
experience. I don't have that kind of
experience with men or at least lately in the in the past,
however many years and it occurred to me and I don't even
think that it was an attraction thing.
It was almost as if it's. Like now.
(14:08):
He sees me, but almost as if he's not embarrassed to be seen
talking to me. And again, I could just be
projecting my own insecurity there, right?
But I thought this hasn't happened in a long time.
And, and I and I don't think it's, I don't think it was
attraction. I just did think that this was
just somebody who likes to flirtand talk to women, right?
And I suddenly was back in that category, like I was suddenly an
(14:32):
option. Women, welcome back, welcome
back, welcome back. I did it and I won't say I
won't. I don't feel that it was
flattering, but it was encouraging, if that makes
sense. Well, it totally does.
Because it's like, remember whatwhat I was saying at the
beginning of this is like, you know, I, I started this just
because like I didn't, I didn't want to get to a place where I
(14:54):
was beginning to feel like people were treating me worse,
right because of how I looked. Right, I was worried about the
diabetes pre diabetes because ofmy sister.
No one wants that either, but I will be lying if I if I said I
was more concerned about that than just my experience of
moving through the world right Respond to me.
There is a marked difference. There is and I've noticed it.
(15:16):
It's been a subtle change, right?
It's not like one day I wake up and men are catcalling.
It's it's a very subtle, it's a look and a smile.
It's a 70 year old guy in the park saying hello to me.
It's little things and it is. It's not about attraction.
It's about visibility, feeling seen again, right?
Because I have been navigating life as a woman of my age and of
(15:41):
my weight. And I didn't expect to be seen.
I wasn't looking to be seen. I very much almost, almost made
my made it so that I nobody would look at me right with my
hair up and the baggy clothes and and now I feeling I'm
feeling seen again, if that makes if it makes sense, it
does. And I don't know how I feel
(16:03):
about that. Like I don't know.
I feel a little resentful about right.
Yeah. Sure, because all I can think is
listen. I was this charming and witty
and wonderful six months ago when I was 30 lbs heavier, but
you didn't take the time to see that because you didn't think I
was worth it, right? That's right.
So yes. Do you have a?
(16:26):
Do you have an end? I do, I do now.
Yes, I knew what my weight was when I it my, my weight when I
first started going to Equinox. I knew what that was.
I would like to be about 10 lbs below that and I'm not that far
from it. You know, it's I'm on a good.
I feel like, I feel like I'm on a good path.
But reading those numbers in that article about what did they
(16:47):
say sick? Was it 16 percent, 18% for long
time transeptatide users? Do you mean like what percent
keep the weight off? No, the body weight, percentage
of body weight. Yeah, yeah, something like that.
And now that has me worried thatbecause I don't want to plateau
and I'm also. I really you.
Really. Don't and I'm also concerned
(17:09):
about increasing the medication because my nausea is now it's
regular. I take it.
I take my shot the next day. I'm incredibly nauseous and I
think it's just going to get worse as I increase my dosage.
I mean, yeah, for sure. I'm not.
I'm sorry. I'm looking back at the article.
I'm not finding the numbers again.
Because I'm almost about almost ready to start the next like
(17:35):
level of units of my dosage. And I'm, I'm not going to lie,
I'm worried. I'm worried.
I bought Emmetrol, which absolutely helps with the
nausea, and a friend of mine recommended that I have Jolly
Ranchers on hand. That should help.
Both do, right? Both do, But I didn't eat it all
yesterday. Well then why would you?
(17:56):
Why would you go up and dose? Well, I no, I wasn't eating
because of the nausea. Right.
So you said you're about to go up in a in dosage.
Why? Why would you?
That's why I'm saying that's whyI've always had my.
I'm so sensitive to this stuff. So I don't.
I'm really am. I'm trying to stretch it out.
Right. Yeah, you don't.
I mean, you don't have to increase your dosage if it's
still working for you. And if you're still, you know,
(18:18):
if you haven't, like you're still getting side effects,
there's no reason to go up. Right, right.
And if I do go up, I, and This is why I like that I mix my own
because I can say, well, I'll toyou know, I'll go up to I won't.
I just adjust it to my body basically.
So the the nausea, it's it's only one day, thank God.
And then every other day after that is fine.
(18:39):
Definitely. I'm at that phase where I think
you were about two months ago where I have to buy new pants,
right? And I don't know how do I want
to do I want to do that. Should I do that?
Yeah, I probably. Still haven't.
I mean, I, I got a couple, but it's not like I've I didn't
think I was done so. What I will say.
Go out and replace my whole wardrobe.
Right, what I will say is my energy levels are different.
(19:01):
Have you noticed my energy beingdifferent?
No, my energy levels, I haven't been this productive and I can't
remember how long and I don't know is it part of the TRS, Is
it part of the weight loss? What is it?
Or is it starting to understand my ADHDA little bit better?
Is it all? Of it, I mean, it's all of it.
It's. All of it.
(19:22):
It's all of it. The amount of burnout I would
experience because I didn't knowwhat was going on in my brain.
Now that I do and now that I'm able to come up with workarounds
and yeah, now that I've, I'm 30 lbs lighter, which has helped me
it, I am definitely less tired. I don't have the pain in my
(19:44):
ankles that I that I was having.There's a, there's so many.
I want to be clear that the positives are not that a man was
talking to me. That's almost a negative.
Let's be honest, that's that's almost a negative.
The positive is how I'm able to reach my potential.
I think is a good way to put it.I am going to be more successful
(20:07):
at that because I think I'm working at a higher level,
right? So that is the main one.
The, the thing about my energy because that was something I was
always so I mean, I was knocked out by 2:00.
I was just done and I'm not thatway anymore.
And that maybe that's the Adderall, I don't know what it
is. I think it's a combination of
everything. So I'm happy about my progress.
(20:29):
I am a little bit worried about my progress, like progressing,
but so far it's been, it's been a really positive experience.
Do you do you still feel positive about it?
I mean, if you're still losing and you want to still be losing,
right, I would just, I would just stay at the dosage you're
at until your body gets used to it, right?
And then because there's really no reason to go up in a dosage
(20:49):
until you plateau, right? But even then, I guess my
question is why? Because you know, we know, we
know how these work, the GOP ones, they work by increasing
your staggity so that you eat less and that so that you can
stay in a calorie deficit. Now, they also control your
blood sugar, lower your A1C, OK.But generally it's just about
(21:12):
feeling fuller quicker and longer.
So you eat less and you stay in a calorie deficit.
So am I Am I feeling positive about my journey?
Not really today. Why?
I have been at the same weight now for three weeks running and
it's started to piss me off. But yeah, I I would get.
That would frustrate me too. Because I remain in a calorie
(21:34):
deficit. And there's, there's, you know,
these drugs aren't magic, right?Like they only work because they
enable you to be in a calorie deficit without murdering
people. So I went to the doctor
yesterday and she was asking, you know, we were talking about
this and I said what I just toldyou and I mentioned beforehand
to you Kristen, like I suspect Iknow what she's going to tell me
(21:57):
and it's increase your dosage. That is what she said.
But, and I wish I would have thought at the time to ask like,
why though? Like why though?
Because obviously there is an underlying problem if I'm in a
calorie deficit, which I am, andI've stopped losing weight,
which I have. So I don't know that I am going
to increase my dosage. Yesterday was like her last day
(22:19):
before she was leaving on vacation for a week.
She's going on vacation, but when she comes back in, I think
about a week, she did order some, some hormone labs for me.
So we're going to take a look under the hood.
I doubt what else is wrong with my body.
And because I, I didn't want to be done like I didn't, I thought
I, you know, like I said, the you know, the finish line could
(22:40):
be insight. But as I've also mentioned, and
I really don't know what a healthy weight is going to be
for me as an adult woman becausefor most of my life I did not
own a scale. And I just, you know, have have
not struggled with weight until I did.
So now that I am, I'm, yeah, I'mpretty pissed.
(23:01):
Off I don't blame you that that is I.
Saw my period today. So I'm like, I started my period
yesterday. So that's the other thing that's
worth mentioning too, right? Because we know that when you're
on your period, you retain water, which I definitely feel
like I am. So a week from now I'll weigh
myself again. But I'll tell you what, if I am
not 6 lbs less a week from now than I am today.
(23:25):
But. You might want to adjust those
expectations. Well, all right, four of them.
OK, fine. Fine, fine, fine. 4 I'm I'm
gonna remain pistol. I don't blame you.
I don't blame you. And I think that's something
else too, that people think thatthis medication like kick starts
your metabolism. No, no it does not.
No, I cannot stress that enough.It actually stays.
(23:46):
It stays the same. Right, that appears to be my
problem. Right.
And I see that's how I know, that's what I know my issue was
for the last week or so, I know it's because I wasn't as active.
It was it wasn't as I wasn't as active when I have the dogs and
I'm walking 456 times a day, then I'm dropping to, you know,
(24:07):
two 2 1/2 lbs, right? It's because right, it's, it's
well, it's an entire lifestyle change.
It's not just take the shot. That's it.
That's not it. So I mean, you know, the other
things we talked about yesterdaywere like, oh, well, you know,
you can, you can, you can, you know, increase the intensity of
your workouts, which I was like,the issue is like, how much time
(24:27):
am I supposed to be at the gym? Like I don't want to live my
life at the gym, right? It is a chore.
I don't, I don't hate it like I used to, but I don't like,
especially now that it's hot. Yeah, I don't love going to the
gym, right? And I feel like I'm already
spending a good portion of time there in the evenings, so that
(24:52):
sucks. Right.
While I'm complaining about my body, are we going to talk about
what you did to me this week? What did I do to you this week?
Well, I log in and you were like, turn your camera.
No warning, no warning. I'm over here.
I haven't done anything in my hair or my face.
Just look at how I look. Right.
Well, first of all, you look beautiful.
Second of all, I you. Got it.
(25:13):
You've got to warn a lady. I that's that is fair.
I'm so sorry. The reason I didn't think of it
is because I knew I wouldn't be using this image.
The the platform that we use hasthe ability to create sort of
these AI characters. Right.
But it's it's going to be based on this image and I'm going to
come out looking like George Washington.
No, not necessarily Washington, Jesus Christ, but I, I will give
(25:37):
you going forward, always plan on it.
Always plan on, always plan on being on camera.
And if we're not, we're not. But think of it that way.
You heard it here. You guys are all my witnesses.
I'm telling you now because thatway I can I can play with the
video a bit. So that's what you did to me
this week. And I think you look gorgeous,
your skin very Dewey. It is very Dewey.
(25:59):
That's that's pretty much all I have going for me.
I love the Dewey. I love that's the makeup that I
use. It's all about the Dewey.
It's all about the Dewe. I soul of joy it's a good deal.
So I've I've I've been really liking Korean skin care.
Recently I started using these salmon sperm.
(26:22):
The masks. They're well, I didn't get them.
I didn't get the mask. I got the little pads.
But it is essentially a mask because you just like throw the
pads in your face wherever you leave them on for 5 minutes and
turns you into a little a glazeddoughnut.
And wouldn't it be great if Medicube would sponsor us?
But anyway, Kristen. Actually now that I now that I
am in I have the TikTok shop. Everyone keeps telling me to
(26:44):
start getting those medicube. I love Medicube.
Probably, yeah. Really.
Yeah, right. Good to know.
But any who, Kristen, I ask you,I'm I'm going to pull an Uno
reverse. And you know, just like you
abused me this week, I'm going to I'm going to surprise you a
question because here's here's the other thing kind of in the
(27:05):
back of my mind, I'm thinking about menopause a little bit.
And so is my doctor. I don't.
So I don't have any frame of reference for perimenopause.
So another reason for the hormone panels, like I basically
said, like I don't, I don't like, how do I know if I'm in
perimenopause? Is there an objective measure?
So we're going to, we're going to figure that out because the
(27:25):
only symptom I'm having is I do wake up at 3:00 AM every
morning. But other than that, I mean,
that's like truly it, you know, regular periods, everything
else. And you're what makes you think
that's attributed that's associated with perimenopause
TikTok. Oh well.
Well then. It's like the primary thing
everyone mentions about perimenopause.
It's like what, the 3:00 AM wakeup?
(27:46):
Couldn't it just be existential doom and dread?
Sure that has you waking up. Could be you seem you've kind of
young for. Well, I, I don't know, I mean
it, it seems like that is kind of all over the place to like
some people do start it in their30s, some people start it in
(28:06):
their 40s. Apparently it can last a very
long time. I, I didn't know honestly, like
before I turned 40, I didn't even hear the word
perimenopause. And so I didn't know there was
like on ramp where shit sucks before menopause.
So all of which is to say, here's here's my question for
you, Kristen. It's about menopause.
(28:28):
Are you? Are you in Perry or in
menopause? I'm.
So, so there was no question about like what's happening.
It's it has started like you knew.
I knew. I knew when.
OK, OK. That's what I do.
Good to know. That was it.
That was that was like, OK, thisis menopause.
(28:49):
And then my period stopped. And then I was.
And then the hot flashes stopped.
And so did you, did you do anything about it?
Did you do any hormone replacement therapy?
No, because. Obviously because of the breast
cancer history family I'm far and I know people say that
they've done so much more research and they're the the the
(29:11):
dangers I guess as there aren't as large as they were maybe 25
years ago. I am not taking.
This I don't think you should have because actually I was
talking about it with my doctor yesterday and she was like,
yeah, unless you have a history of breast cancer or blood clots,
we could start this. And I was like, but I'm it's
like before menopause launch, he's like, you know what it does
(29:35):
sort of like, because it's hormone therapy, right?
So like if it's your hormones that are causing you not to lose
weight, it's bounces everything and it corrects them.
And I was like, oh, but is thereany danger in doing this too
early? And she was like, Nope, you
certainly could do it too late, but.
Yeah, I would just say, you know, do your research.
I think we it's time to now moveinto the next topic.
So an article came across my Instagram feed from the
(29:59):
Huffington Post and it was was regarding why like the one of
the real reasons why women have stopped dating basically or or
show no interest in dating and marriage.
The title is I'm a gender researcher and this is the real
reason women are stepping away from dating and relationships.
And the subtitle is Men deserve opportunities to be vulnerable.
(30:20):
But women are not an infinite resource for managing the
emotions of men. Ava, 27, seemed unbothered by
her partner's inability to communicate his emotions.
We have done. We have enough to think about,
she told me as she slid her laptop out of her tote bag,
still dressed in her tweed blazer from work.
It wasn't serious anyway. She'd been dating Max for a few
months when it struck her mid conversation with a friend that
(30:42):
she had no idea what he felt about her or their future.
So she stopped asking. There was a time, she said, when
she would have tried harder. Sarah, 21, recalled sitting on
her bed while her boyfriend begged her to hear him out.
He wasn't remorseful for cheating, he just no longer
wanted to sit with his shame. I was done, right?
Are they joking? Men are funny.
I hate to admit that men are funny.
(31:04):
Are they? Everyone says men are funny.
I was done. They say it.
I don't know. I haven't really seen proof of
it. I was done, she said, And yet he
expected her to comfort him. I had to help him find the words
for his feelings, not his actions.
Long silences, teasing through the shame and self hatred.
He didn't know what he wanted tosay, she said.
And then I made him feel OK about it.
(31:24):
And she said. The author says these stories
reflect a shift among young women in which more and more of
them are quiet quitting their relationships.
Women are now 23% less likely towant to date.
Than I'm surprised that's all. Because they I know.
Not because they don't care, butbecause they feel they've
invested too much emotional labor without support in return.
(31:45):
In intimate relationships, youngwomen are taking on a
disproportionate load of invisible and often supporting
men, right? Often supporting men through
intense feelings of failure and isolation from friends, many men
describe feeling weird or like awaste of time when opening up to
male friends instead of instead reserving vulnerability for
their relationships with women. Can we stop that?
(32:06):
We are not your emotional support, right?
And this is what and we hear it,we hear it all the time of women
going on these dates and men just unloading about their
divorce. And it's because they don't,
they don't have, they don't feelcomfortable turning to their
male friends. Pick better friends.
Over the past two years, I've interviewed dozens of young men
and women about their relationships.
What's emerge is a sense that women are absorbing the
(32:26):
emotional fallout of a crisis they didn't create.
The anxiety surrounding what it means to be a man in 2025 should
matter to everyone. They're reshaping not just our
politics, but the very fabric ofhow women and men interact,
shaping how we love, how we vote, and whether we can build a
future together at all. Telling the other side of the
masculinity crisis in quotes is key to solving it.
(32:48):
Let's see, for the 60% of men who engage with masculinity
influencers, friendship itself is evolving.
Wealth and popularity are prioritized over trust in
individual. As countries like the UK and the
US, this shift is more pronounced, perhaps owed to the
glamorization of the lone wolf masculinity, in which
vulnerability is discouraged. Discouraged by who?
(33:10):
Because it's not by women. Well, I don't know.
We don't know how these dudes were raised, you know?
Meanwhile, young women are rejecting patriarchal
expectations that previous generations internalized.
Once expected to shoulder emotional labor as a normal part
of relationship, they are now more aware of the cost of
caring, including suppressing their own needs.
And that is this is perfect because we're going to be
(33:33):
talking about this in the, and just like that recap that we're
doing for this week and go to ourpatreonpatreon.com/worth the
Wait show to subscribe so that you can, you can listen to to
these recaps. And we are going to be talking
about this. I won't call it a phenomenon,
but how women shrink themselves in really every aspect of their
(33:54):
life and how that can often leadto hyper independence.
And that hyper independence I believe is one of the causes for
why women are no longer dating. Because so many of us have been
in relationships that weren't emotionally satisfying and, or
that made us feel as though we couldn't, we couldn't
(34:15):
communicate our needs. And so we just kept shrinking
ourselves. This became the norm.
Do you think it's that we couldn't communicate our needs
or that our needs would not be met regardless?
OK, we, we knew, we knew what tosay, right?
It's not that we just, we didn'tfeel that need was going to be
met. That need was never met.
And it happened over and over again in Hyper Independence.
(34:37):
We were talking about this at the beginning of the show.
Can come from childhood trauma. Mine comes from childhood
trauma, right? Where your needs weren't met as
a child and so you had to becomeemotionally self-sufficient.
But it can also come from being in these relationships where
your partner isn't acknowledgingyour emotional needs or is
(34:57):
dismissing them or minimizing them.
And I think that so many women have been involved with men who
minimize their needs and dismisstheir feelings that they women
then turn inward and they have to self soothe and they have to
or they turn to their friends, whatever it is, they have to
find a way to do it themselves without them.
And so we get used to doing that, right?
(35:20):
We build the support system or we learn how to self soothe.
We we develop those coping mechanisms.
And the more we do it, the longer we do it, the more we
realize, well, what do I need them for?
Literally, what are they for? What are they for, Sir?
Right. And that's a big part of it is
when men get upset at women and,well, you're not dating and it's
because you all only want to date the top 20%, blah, blah,
(35:44):
blah. That's stupid myth.
Well, maybe that's that's some of it.
But I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that you
conditioned us to not expect anything from you, to not feel
comfortable expressing our needs.
And so we had to learn how to take care of ourselves in these
relationships. We had to learn how to meet
those needs, very much like I had to learn as a child how to
(36:06):
meet my emotional needs. Women are learning how to meet
their own needs and discovering it's so much easier to do it
myself or it builds a community of women and turn to.
Them, I mean, that's the thing, right?
Like when you're in a romantic relationship, there's an
expectation of like 1 to 1 reciprocity.
(36:28):
Like there's, it's, it just, it seems like most of the time when
people talk about relationships at this point, it's clear that
everyone's keeping the score. Very much so.
Yeah. And you know, as opposed to like
a genuine friendship, right. If you remove the romantic
element, it's like you somehow you lose.
(36:49):
You lose that, which is great. Like you don't, you don't want
that score keeping, right? You want to to be more organic
and like, you know, like a give and take but not like turn
taking. Right, right.
Because we don't do that with our friendships with women.
We don't do that in our platonicrelationships.
Several women I spoke with expressed concern over how
dating men effects their economic futures.
(37:12):
The role of women as invisible drivers of men's success isn't
new, but with young people struggling to find jobs at an
unprecedented rate, it's taken anew form.
From job hunting to burnout, women tend to provide increased
emotional support to men who do not have it elsewhere.
Man keeping is typically tied tothinner social networks, but for
(37:32):
Gen. Z, it's more about men's
inability to share their struggles with other men.
All men I spoke to spoke with felt they couldn't be as honest
with their jaw about their jobs with their male friends.
In contrast, most young women I interviewed described how
stepping in during unsettled times negatively impacted their
work and well-being. The labor has become an
invisible workplace obstacle, asinstant communication has erased
(37:54):
the natural bond that once separated work and emotionally
caregiving. Let's say COVID-19 only
exacerbated these dynamics, withmany surprised by how quickly
they played house during lockdown.
Yeah, I remember those stories. Yeah, I do.
Over focusing on their partners needs instead of their own, a
default response learned in their teens and early 20s.
(38:15):
It's been challenging to unlearn.
Let's see. Some have gone further, writing
partners college essays, preparing scholarship
presentations, coaching them on job interviews.
In some cases, their partners actively diminished their career
success. When he heard where I worked, he
looked at me predatorily. Predatorily.
One woman said he later pressured her to refer him to it
to her company, convincing her it would be the be best for
(38:38):
their relationship. Some men see proximity to
success without realizing the toll it takes on their self
esteem. Let's see.
Broader beliefs about gender equality are shaping how much
support partners expect and feelentitled.
Entitled to. Women feel as though men aren't
doing enough to support gender equality, whereas 60% of men
believe they're expected to do too much I.
(38:59):
Mean, of course. Right.
I think expecting them to do anything is expecting them.
So far, but that reminds me of that TikTok.
You sent me this earlier this week.
It's time. It's time for it.
Let's let's break. That out should we?
Should we pour yourself a glass of Chardonnay, bitches?
Bog witches? 5050 is a beautiful illusion
that often masks the unique pressures and expectation placed
(39:21):
on men maintaining old gender roles under a new label. 5050
almost always places greater unseen pressures on men.
They're expected to give more interms of emotional restraint.
What are you saying, Sir? Right.
We're expected to restrain our emotions.
You mean not get angry and yell at us and hit us, correct?
I don't know. Right.
Did he realize he told himself, told on himself there?
(39:43):
Probably not, not at all. I.
Think that is what he means, Yeah, A50. 50 relationship may
seem equal, but in reality it isoften more fun.
Not at all. Physically and emotionally
demanding for men, a truly. A truly equal relationship is
not about splitting everything down the middle.
It's about open communication and a shared understanding of
each partner strengths, challenges and contributions.
I love that he's talking as though.
(40:05):
That's something men prioritize or pay attention to.
Well, that's the thing, right? Like he's, he is correct about
that, but he's wrong about everything else.
He go, I mean, he just goes on to undo it, right?
Go. What is what else does he say?
What he say after that? A truly equal relationship is
not about splitting things down the middle.
Da da, da da contributions, he says.
(40:27):
Often men are expected to managetheir own emotional struggles
silently without placing that burden on their partner.
That is not a thing, by the way.I mean, in the worst, yeah,
starting yesterday. What are you talking about?
Right, if the relationship is based on everything is half and
half, it can easily overlook that men are often expected to
carry the greater financial risk, work taking longer hours,
(40:47):
taking more dangerous or stressful jobs or being the fall
back if unexpected expenses. Arise.
All right, Let me. Let me.
Let me. Let's pause here.
Let me stop you right there. How is it women's fault if a
man's job is dangerous or like requires heavy labor?
His whole argument comes down tolike undo physical labor,
(41:08):
therefore they shouldn't have todo anything at home basically.
Well, here's the thing. There are plenty of women who
can do physical labor. You just don't hire them,
correct? Right, but also like, I mean,
two things, right? Pick a different job then,
right. No, like no one is telling you
you have to work construction because you're a man or
whatever, right, Whatever he's talking about.
(41:29):
I mean like like what your job is cannot be an excuse not to do
anything else in life, correct? If you don't want a physically
demanding job, don't get one. Exactly.
And here's the second of the twothings.
Is it not physically demanding to be pregnant and give birth
and then be the primary parent right to a being who continues
(41:52):
to grow? Having to feed that child well.
Right, breastfeeding and then just like carrying around a
toddler, loading it, loading a kid into the car, unpacking a
strip, like all of this is physical labor, right?
Cleaning the bathtub at home is physical labor.
I just he just did not do what he thought he did here.
No he didn't and he's going to continue to not do what he
(42:12):
thought he did. Listen to this.
If there are children in the family, men are often expected
to continue working full time with little flexibility, even
through sleepless nights, new responsibilities and added
family stress. This can directly right.
This can directly affect their mental health and well-being.
Yet men are still expected to contribute fully to finances,
household repairs and often takeon the role of protector without
(42:34):
acknowledgement. This imbalance is rarely
discussed. Like, why are you mad at women
and not capitalism? Like, I'm sorry there's not
adequate leave in the US, but there isn't.
So like, I don't know, maybe think about that.
Again, this is just an example of how women are always getting
blamed for things right. Like he's just, he's literally
just mad at capital. Yeah.
(42:56):
And then this is what's this is sort of what we're rejecting,
right? Research shows that even in
equal partnerships, men are often expected to take on
responsibility for long term financial planning, home
repairs, security and physical tasks forms a of meta work that
are rarely acknowledged in 5050 compensations.
Why does this feel? Like invisible labor, that kind
(43:17):
of meta work. I Does this extra burden often
fall to men when the goal is supposed to be equal
partnership? Because women are everything
else God like he is mad he has to keep working after he has
kids. Are you mad that your wife had
to quit her job after having kids because it wasn't worth it
for her to keep working? Like what are you mad at?
(43:39):
Women are capital. And when you inevitably
divorced, because I don't know how she can stand being married
to you and she's been out of theworkforce for so many years, do
you know how that's going to affect her?
Right. Because she's either going to
have to start at the bottom or they're going to think that
she's going to require too much training and that it's there
(44:00):
won't be enough ROI to hire her.I mean, it's more likely that,
right, because the other fear islike of this, you know, this
woman has young kids, she's going to be out all the time,
right? And she will.
She will because she's going to be the primary parent, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
He didn't do any thought. He didn't care.
Not. They never do.
Studies show that men who work longer hours and take on higher
(44:22):
risk or physically or or physically something jobs even
when both partners aim for a 55th split at home.
Why is this? How is this fair?
Why is it that the 5050 mindset is often focused on household
tasks without accounting for thetoll of work related stress,
burnout and societal pressure toalways provide, no matter the
cost, what women deal with to provide a home?
(44:43):
Because you still have to be an adult, right?
Not that he's upset at. Being an adult.
But this is it. But this is these men are so
often raised to be so spoiled, and they're like, wait a minute.
What do you mean I have to do all this myself?
I don't know. We do.
This makes me think about a previous Co worker I had that
like any any time we would be considering like after work
(45:06):
drinks or something like that there she'd always have this
internal debate about like, oh, but dinner and I was like your
boyfriend later husband like kept himself alive for 30 some
years. He can forage for food or he can
wait or he can go without. I mean, he'll figure it out or
he won't. Right.
(45:28):
Right. Just tired of women being held
responsible for keeping men's entire lives together.
Yeah, it's where. They kept themselves alive
before us and so why when they meet us are they like thank God
being an adults over? Because that is what they think.
They mean mommy. But haven't they haven't?
(45:48):
Isn't that how they're raised tothink though?
Like. I mean, I guess it depends on
the, you know, whether you get aboy mom.
All right, pay attention folks, if you're not listening or
following to following us on social media, we've made it very
easy TikTok, YouTube, Instagram at worth the wait show.
You can still send your dating questions to dataologycoach.com.
(46:09):
Just go to the site or you can send an e-mail to
hello@dataologycoach.com. But the Patreon to get all the
behind the scenes stuff to get the bonus content that we put
out because now here's the change.
These episodes are going to be open to the public every week
and then we're going to there will be two bonus episodes per
month. So everyone like the tears on
Patreon, it still stays the same.
(46:31):
You're still you're still getting what you were paying for
because we're now you're gettinglike 6 episodes a month.
Look at can you see Luna try to climb off the little?
See Luna A. Little butt, a little butt.
So that will be patreon.com/worth the wait show
and tell us what you think of the artwork that we have, right?
Bog Witches Warlock stays. Value your time, decenter men,
(46:52):
and center yourself bye.
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