August 5, 2025 ⢠41 mins
This weekâs episode of Worth The Weight is a wild ride. First, Sarah and I break down the latest episode of And Just Like That, where Carrie mistakes attention for intellectual validation, Miranda confuses judgment for curiosity, and Seema somehow turns a plant into a red flag. (Girl, itâs chlorophyll not trauma.)
But thatâs just the warm-up.
Then we dig into a listener letter about a guy who seems great on paperâuntil the paper starts burning. It sparks a much-needed convo about core valuesâwhat they are, why they matter, and how to spot the difference between surface-level chemistry and actual compatibility. (Spoiler: Just because you both like road trips doesn't mean you're soulmates.)
I break down the five tiers of core values and show you how to suss out emotional intelligence earlyâyes, even before the third date.
And finally, we talk about the fuck that guy of all fuck that guys: Russell Hartley. If you donât know him, consider yourself lucky. If you do, weâre serving a takedown so savage it might need its own trigger warning. From red-pill grifter to "girlâs girl" rebrand, we dissect why some male âdating coachesâ are just digital predators with ring lights.
So pour the scotch you probably keep around for him, and press play. This oneâs got it all: fake feminists, fake publishing chemistry, and the very real importance of knowing your worth.
⨠Center yourself. De-center men. Value your damn time. â¨
00:00 â AJLT Recap (Carrie & Duncan, Mirandaâs mess, Seemaâs plant guy)
20:10 â Core Values 101: The 5 Tiers That Actually Matter
28:45 â Fuck That Guy: Russell Hartleyâs Rebrand Is a Scam
36:00 â How to Spot a Grifter in a Suit
Journaling
If you want to try journaling as a way to regulate your nervous system, you can check out some of my favorite tools â â at this link.â â As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from qualifying purchases â and yes, it all goes right back into my planner addiction.
Whether you're actively swiping or on the verge of deleting everything, this oneâs for you.
Flirty, Fun, and Zero Cringe: TableTopics for First Dates
â â Table Topicsâ â conversation starter cards go way beyond âWhat do you do for work?â These questions are equal parts fun, unexpected, and wildly revealing. Think: first-date energy meets group chat chaos. If you've ever wanted to skip the small talk and get to the good stuff, this one's for you. â â Learn more here.â â (As an Amazon Affiliate, I receive a commission for each sale.)
â¨Subscribe to this Patreon and join the inner circle. đ In addition to the weekly public Worth The Weight episodes, youâll get:
đBi-weekly Worth the WEIGHT subscriber-only podcast episodes about dating, beauty standards, pop culture analysis, and mental health
đ§ Regular subscriber-only podcast episodes, videos, and posts with real talk on dating, pop culture analysis, trauma healing, and some truly excellent F*ck That Guy stories
SUBSCRIBE HERE â â â â â â â â https://www.patreon.com/c/worththeweightshowâ â â â â â â â
⨠If you havenât already, be sure to follow us on our new socials so you donât miss anything:
Instagram/Threads: â â â â â â â â â @worththeweightshowâ â â â â â â â â
TikTok: â â â â â â â â â @worththeweightshowâ â â â â â â â â
YouTube: â â â â â â â â â @worththeweightshowâ â â â â â â â â
Substack: â â â â â â â â â WorthTheWeightShow.Substack.comâ â â â â â â â
đ Got a dating dilemma? A ghosting mystery? An âis-it-me-or-is-he-just-delusional?â situation? Send it in!
Weâre answering listener questions on the pod, and we want yours. Whether itâs a green flag youâre second-guessing , a walking ick đĽ´, or a text you need decoded âsp
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:10):
Where's the wait podcast? Happy Friday, Sarah.
Hey, so before we get into the fuck that guy of all fuck that
guys, I will obviously we'll do the recap of and just like that,
you can go look at the the time breakdown if you're not
interested in the recap. We're also going to get into,
you know, I bring up core valuesa lot and how that's really
(00:34):
important when you're trying to determine compatibility.
We're going to talk about how you how you determine your core
values so that you can better sothat it helps you really hone in
on what you're looking for so that you can filter out the
people that are just going to waste your time.
So buckle up and really, if you have not heard of Russell
Hartley, go take a little tour of TikTok or social media
(00:57):
because this guy is just an absolute clown.
But we will get to that. We'll start with and just like
that. I thought this was a good
episode. I liked it.
I did. Did you not?
No, I did like it. Yeah.
I'm glad they gave Charlotte something to do finally.
Yeah, there's a trade off. If Charlotte has a storyline,
(01:19):
Lisa is not going to have much of one, I've noticed, and vice
versa. But let's obviously start with
Carrie and Duncan. And he's giving her feedback on
her book and now he's kind of blatantly flirting with her.
And he says, do you think we would still be doing this or I
(01:40):
would be up here as much if Aiden were still here and.
I thought he said. What do you think he'd be
writing about if Aiden were still here?
I don't. I think he might have said both.
OK. So I mean, he's basically
saying, do you think Aiden was influencing your writing?
Yeah, which of course he was. But they've decided, OK, we're
(02:04):
just going to go full on. We're going to have these two
flirt. And her printer's stuck.
And he comes upstairs and he fixes it.
And she introduces him to her closet, which I guess is like a
big deal, like the big milestoneif you're dating Carrie Bradshaw
and he says you are just a fairytale.
And listen, This is why I don't like British men.
This is This is why I don't likeBritish men.
(02:25):
It's that pretentious over the top, Sir.
You're just being so, so over the top.
It's so hard to believe anythingyou say, especially knowing how
things started off with them. Yeah, it's difficult for me to
believe these two would like each other.
(02:46):
Right. It's difficult for me to think
that they would like each other.Also, do you talk about anything
but writing? Not yet.
It's all they talk about. Just admit I think you're hot
and I want to bone you. That's cool there, you know,
there's, there's no real foundation here other than
they're both writers. Yeah, she does say no man has
(03:07):
ever been interested in my writing before, right?
Remember when she was dating thepolitician and he was running
for city Comptroller? And obviously they're recycling
that storyline and the politician was just yet another
guy who didn't take Carrie seriously?
I don't think any of the men that Carrie dated initially took
her seriously. And she says this and and and
(03:29):
it's, it's a moment of self-awareness that I was really
impressed and surprised by with from Carrie because she said I'm
used to men thinking I'm I'm sexy, but I'm not used to men
finding me smart. And I, I like, I kind of, I, I
kind of understood that like when I was younger, I gave off
(03:49):
much more of a sexy vibe than take me seriously vibe.
And she also writes about sex and relationships, which men
don't take seriously. Exactly true.
Very true, very true. I and I can say this talking
from experience, right? They think it's frivolous.
And even Duncan is saying, well I have 4 bestsellers, she says I
(04:12):
have 7. Yeah, yeah.
I felt like the writers threw that in because they hear
everybody talking about how shitty Carey's novel is, which
it is. It's terrible.
I wish. They had hired.
An actual novelist as a consultant here to write just a
couple paragraphs for this historical fiction Carrie is
(04:32):
trying to write because my God is it painful to hear.
It's it, It sounds very dry, sounds very boring.
It's. Just straight up not good.
It's just fucking bad. It it does sound just fucking
bad, but she's saying I'm not used to men wanting to be with
because I'm smart. Well, what makes you think
(04:53):
Duncan wants to be with you because you're smart?
How are you showing him that you're smart other than you use
your words? Good.
Yeah, for all we know he has a foot fetish.
Right. But I I understood what she was
saying. It's a man who is first
interested in her, an aspect of her right that isn't sexual.
Exactly. Like the politician who had the
(05:15):
the golden showers fetish, he only did a carrot because he had
a golden showers fetish and he thought, she's a sex columnist
and I can probably do that to her, right?
Right. Because that's the assumption,
right? They don't, they don't take if a
woman writes a sex column, they automatically don't take her
seriously. And he was just another one of
those guys. And what irritated me about him
(05:37):
was he was another guy that he was more than happy to waste
your time. He was dating her and dating her
and dating her and then blames it on the campaign manager.
You know, they don't think it's a great look or good optics or
something political. And that's when she says you
wanted me to pee on you. Yeah, but nobody knew about
that. But nobody knew about that until
she wrote her column. And he's not stupid.
(06:01):
He always knew he wasn't going to be able to be city
Comptroller and potentially mayor.
Married to a fucking sex columnist.
Maybe nowadays if there's some like status to it, you know,
like if she writes for an esteemed publication, but he was
never going to take her serious.None of these men took her
seriously. Big never took her seriously
(06:21):
until she had a level of status,after she had a best selling
book, after she was an author. OK, that's a little, there's a
little bit more prestige there. It's a little bit better than
sex columnist, Right, right. Remember that fucking episode
with a duck purse where he takesher to the party on Park Ave. to
be with his friends, but he getsher that purse because that
(06:44):
purse represented status and wealth.
And when she walked in, a lot ofwomen in that party had those
ugly purses and that's what theyrepresented, status, wealth.
And he wanted her to fit in in his world.
And she very much didn't. And I do think that that was
sort of his way of saying, is she going to fit in?
(07:07):
Is this somebody I can take seriously?
And she obviously did not fit inand she did not pass that test.
Well, she threw a tantrum at theparty.
She did. She did.
I mean, but she felt very much out of place.
That was a lot of her insecurity, but that was also
him not being in tune with her. Like, dude, she's obviously
feeling out of place. Can you try to help her?
(07:28):
Like, can you maybe spend some time with her?
You've got all these women coming up to you.
Can you just put yourself in hershoes for a couple minutes?
Yeah, he could have at least been like, wear something
conservative. Right, she wasn't going to do it
anyway. Maybe he knew that about her.
How is it possible that in all these years, she's never dated a
foot fetishist? In fact, the only time it's ever
come up is when Charlotte was shoe shopping, right?
(07:49):
How has Carrie never encountered?
This I know, I know. That's her literal soulmate and
you know she would pawn about it.
Yeah, and it just, it just neverhappened.
I'm interested in this idea of dating somebody who doesn't take
you serious, who feels like you you wouldn't fit in in their
world, like dating out of your station.
(08:10):
And this, this really is a thingwe and we tend to gravitate
towards people we find familiar,that we we we have shared
experiences with. I guess it depends on what you
mean by dating men. Men will, you know, they'll
sleep with whoever. Right, I'm talking about have a
serious relationship. I've been through this and I'll
(08:30):
never forget he said to me once you know, someday you might be
dating somebody and they introduce you and that their
friends and family are going to Google you and they're going to
see that you write about sex andtaught blowjob classes.
And I'll never forget the shame that I felt when he said that
because boy, was he really telling me just how what how
little he thought of me. We see these in a lot of ROM
(08:52):
coms and things like that where there are there are like men and
women who date people that that they're embarrassed by.
Obviously you've never, you've never experienced that, no.
I can't say that I have because if anyone has been embarrassed
about me, they haven't told me. I mean, to have that said to
your face, this was just yet another fucking red flag from
(09:16):
this guy that I totally ignored.But in any case, the men the
Carrie dates never take her seriously.
And she's now thinking, oh, he likes me From my mind.
I don't think so, Carrie. I don't think he does.
And part of me thinks he's he's just always been trying to get
(09:38):
you into bed. Am I wrong there?
Well, I don't know because I just saw today, I don't know if
you saw this. The creator announced that this
is it, there's like 3 episodes left and they're not going to
bring this show back. And at first I was like, oh,
thank God. They're not bringing the show
back. No.
(09:58):
Oh my God, no, I didn't hear that.
We got three more episodes and that's it.
And I have a hard time believingthat they will not set Kerry up
for a happy ending, which of course involves a man.
I think they're going to shoehorn these two together.
Which is. Lazy and disappointing, but I
think that's what's going to happen.
(10:19):
You know what I think they're going to do?
I think they're going to send her to London with Sam.
They're obviously trying to to rehab Duncan, right, to, to
clean up his image because he made a terrible first
impression. And so now they're having the
character lay it on pretty thick, which is what you're
responding to. Obviously I am too.
It gave me the ick. But I think that's why they're
(10:39):
doing it, because they're running out of time, because for
whatever reason we dragged AID now for 9 fucking episodes.
Oh, man, yeah, they are. They're ending it.
I I don't think that's what thiswas the plan, do you?
No. No, I definitely don't think it
was the plan. I think they were just, I mean,
(11:00):
I, I don't know what were they thinking?
I think they were counting on Samantha coming back.
Certainly by now, I don't know if there was a plan.
I mean, I think they were kind of just like riding this way as
as long as it was profitable. Right.
Yeah, so she and Duncan, she goes to this publishing party
with him. And listen, if you invited me to
a party and I show up and I findout that your fucking manager is
(11:24):
your ex-wife and you didn't tellme that, I'm going to be pissed.
But again, Speaking of laying iton thick, there was that whole
bit about like, oh, why didn't you tell me Carrie was coming?
Oh, her outfit's so cool. You have to make.
Her a girl's girl, so she's not threatening.
Right, right. So she goes to this party.
(11:45):
They, I guess, have a good time.It really did feel like you gave
us one episode of them. Like having chemistry, real
chemistry, correct? Can I just point out point out
something that bothered me as well about this episode?
Ain't no way Carrie Bradshaw hasScotch.
Please be serious. Well, maybe because Aiden was
(12:07):
there. I don't know.
Or or maybe she does. I don't fucking know.
She. Doesn't she doesn't drink
Scotch, men do. So I guess she might have Scotch
for men. You don't think she'd have
Scotch because of big? Maybe she has.
Always centered men so. True, true.
Yeah, maybe for big, maybe for Aiden, right?
Hell, she could have ran out andbought it when she found out
(12:29):
Duncan liked it, so she'd be a cool girl.
Maybe, maybe, but in any case, they smush these two together.
These two have sex, and Carrie is uncharacteristically calm.
Not Carrie. Like, right?
Like not in her head, Not overthinking it.
(12:52):
Self aware even. Self aware.
Like oh, when Miranda asked me about this, like freak the fuck
out on her. Right.
And she says, I don't want to tell Miranda I'm going to this
party because she's going to sayI told you so.
And Charlotte, well, fuck Miranda.
But I don't even know what to say about this other than just
(13:14):
felt really forced. All they talk about is writing
Carrie thinking this guy was interested in her mind.
I mean, I don't know what he wasinterested in, to be perfectly
honest. It's honestly the the Russian
storyline all over. Again, right.
The writers clearly have one idea of how this show wraps up
and how this character wraps, and it's the fairy tale ending.
(13:36):
Yeah, and they thought the Russian was the problem, not the
ending itself. Right, right.
So goodbye, Carrie Bradshaw. I guess we have three more
episodes, and I don't really know what's going to happen
here. Miranda.
Miranda Steve. Steve comes back from one
(13:57):
episode to find out that Miranda's son, their son, got a
woman pregnant, a girl, like a hookup.
And Steve is like, Jesus Christ,you got a woman pregnant and she
doesn't want to be with you. And Miranda's just sitting
there, like, right, this is awkward.
(14:19):
And Steve's really upset. Miranda's OK.
What's her last name? And he's like, she's like, you
don't know her last name. And then Steve is like, you
didn't have $2.00 for a condom. And Brady's just kind of
shrugging. He's saying, I'm telling you
right now. You shrug at me.
Well, what? Yeah.
And Miranda tries to reach out. She thinks she's a stylist.
(14:42):
So she shows up at the at the salon.
Miranda, I want this appointmentbecause I've heard such great
things about her. And they're like, that's weird.
She does shampooing and Miranda's like oh fuck so she is
letting Mia do her hair. And of course they repeated the
fart storyline just like they did with Miranda and you would
(15:02):
think Miranda would have had a moment of girl I've been there,
don't worry about it. But no, no, Miranda's too
focused on finding out what thisgirl's deal is and really
finding out of this baby's Brady's.
So she's talking to me and she'sasking these stupid questions.
And then she says, oh, what about the father?
(15:22):
Is the father excited? She's well, I don't know.
He's it's it's not someone I wasdating serious or anything.
And then Miranda says, well, then how do you know it's?
His yeah. Oh my God.
Oh my God. But I will say that I do like
that when she's talking to Charlotte and Carrie about it,
about Brady getting a woman pregnant, she said when she's
(15:44):
too far along for her to be not pregnant anymore.
I wish they had just said abortion.
It's too late to have an. Abortion.
Yeah, 'cause they definitely said the word in the original
series. Right.
I mean, for that matter, I, I wish Brady got a little abortion
side quest because that's absolutely what would happen.
And I don't know how they're going to wrap this up in three
episodes either. Yeah, I don't know.
(16:05):
No idea. I mean, I think they're just
counting on us not really caringabout Brady.
So Miranda screws up any chance of having a relationship with
the mother of her grandchild. She makes a bad first
impression. Very bad first impression, so
there's that. I feel like as much as I would
prefer for this to be an abortion side quest, it
(16:27):
incidentally ends up being an interesting theme about cyclical
family trauma and repeating the mistakes of your parents.
Yeah, yeah. That's really interesting.
Yes. And it did maybe ripped open
some wounds for Miranda and Steve.
Oh, for sure. Right.
Absolutely. That's why Steve loses it, I
think. It's true.
He's fucking PTSD. He's traumatized by it.
(16:49):
He's like, wait, what? What?
What do you mean? She doesn't want anything with
you because he's thinking, Oh myGod, I know what I had to go
through with your mother. Exactly.
And you don't want to do this. So Miranda, she's reliving her
past. And now let's talk about Seema
because Seema and the gardener are so obviously Samantha and
Smith, Speaking of family trauma, he's got this gorgeous
(17:10):
apartment rent control and he, how much you pay, he's you don't
want to know. And he has this plant and it's
unclear to me when he says this is my mother, how did he explain
that? Like was or was that the, the
mother's ashes? What?
What was that? I thought he was just a poetic
man and the plant is a metaphor.Seema somehow turns this into
(17:37):
his mommy issues or or what's going to do us?
Yeah, do us in. It's like he why does he have
mommy issues? I wasn't clear on that either.
Right. Because he mentioned having a
mother, I guess. Right.
It sounded like a healthy relationship with his mother.
It sounded like he loved and really respected his mother.
Why did we have to make that into something that I really
don't think it was? First it was the deodorant, then
(17:59):
it was the plant and the mother and this and that.
OK, Remember Smith and Samantha's last scene?
What did he do? He came home.
He took a break from shooting the movie, and he brought her a
plant. So.
OK, good God, writers. I guess they're going to be
together. Lisa and her husband.
(18:19):
I felt so bad for Herbert because he lost city
Comptroller. I don't know what Lisa's point
was other than the daughter being like you're never here and
then her repeating that guilt about how she's never home.
Yeah, that was it. That was it and just like that
we we, we barely knew thee. We will watch the last three
(18:41):
episodes and and feel nostalgic,but that's the end of the recap.
And just like that and just likethat, the recap is fucking over.
So we got a letter from a listener.
So her letter is I've been seeing someone for a few months
on and on paper, we're really compatible.
(19:02):
We have the same sense of humor,there's great communication and
a very solid physical connection.
But lately I've been noticing small cracks.
He doesn't really believe in therapy, He's not close with his
family, which is important to me, and he's made a few comments
about not wanting to get too tied down.
(19:23):
None of these things are deal Breakers on their own, but
they're starting to make me question whether or not we we're
compatible. And she says, how do I know if
I'm being too picky or if these are real signs that we're
building two different futures? Well, first of all, if you're
looking for a relationship and he says he doesn't want to be
(19:43):
too tied down, you're definitelylooking for two different
relationships. But this brings up the issue of
core value compatibility. I think whenever we bring up
core values, people don't know exactly what we're talking
about. Core values are they're the non
negotiables that inform your moral code, your day-to-day
(20:05):
life. This is like the the foundation
of who you are and like your moral compass and your belief
system. This is like, were you excited
when the CEO got murdered or not?
Right kind of stuff, which but you know what 5 tiers.
There's emotional health, their level of introspection, their
(20:25):
self-awareness, their their willingness to be vulnerable,
their emotional intelligence. Those are all core values.
And then there's lifestyle and ambition.
Do they are they spontaneous or are they somebody that needs to,
to plan and things out? How, how career driven are they?
(20:47):
How much, how much importance dothey put on financial security?
And then there's relationships and connection, meaning do you
want marriage? Do you want to have kids?
How do you define a relationship?
How do you define intimacy, though?
That's a core values. The next here is integrity and
beliefs. Are we on the same page in terms
(21:10):
of what constitutes a lie? What you know, how important is
honesty? When is when is when is it OK to
lie to somebody? This I think is politics like
where you lean so on social issues.
So that's integrity and beliefs and then growth and learning and
(21:32):
how important is self improvement and and personal
growth. These are those are the five
tiers. The five tiers are emotional
health, lifestyle, relationshipsand connection, integrity and
growth. So the way to the way to
determine what those core valuesare is you kind of have to come
(21:53):
up with prompts. Again, This is why I like that
table topics because these are the type of questions that they
ask. These questions really help you
determine somebody's core values.
But so do questions like how didI feel when Brian Thompson was
shot? How do I feel about Luigi
Mangione? This is how you determine where
(22:14):
you fall on the spectrum in terms of social issues and in
just your general morality. A good prompts to use are things
like what do I feel most proud of in my life?
What am I most ashamed of or what regrets do I have?
What situations make me feel angry or embarrassed or just
generally like misaligned. And a big one is what makes me
(22:36):
feel safe in a relationship. And most importantly, you don't
want to be Carrie Bradshaw. You don't want to end up dating
somebody who's constantly tryingto change you.
So you want to ask yourself when, when have I felt most
myself in a relationship and why?
And let's say you don't have a lot of relationship experience.
(22:58):
Just reframe the questions. In what situations have I felt
most myself? These are all, these are all
questions you can ask yourself to help you determine what your
core values are. And then once you just determine
(23:19):
your core values, now you have to come up with ways to test for
value compatibility early. You want to hear how do you
define monogamy? How do you define exclusivity?
What do you need to determine exclusivity?
You need to really be specific. Didn't we come up?
With before, how do you know when someone's your girlfriend?
(23:41):
Yes, and I love that one. That tells you a lot.
No more generic questions because that those do not help
you determine compatibility. Anybody can say, oh, I'm looking
for a long term relationship. Cool, great.
But everybody knows they can script that out.
They know what to say. They're not going to be
expecting a question like what does monogamy look like to you
or what does exclusivity look like to you?
(24:02):
They're not going to be expecting it, but they'll be
able to answer the questions, right?
It might be disarming to them, but they will be able to answer
because they have given this thought.
That's how you can tell, is thisreally somebody who is thinking
the way I'm thinking, which is I'm, I'm looking for someone
long term and they've, they've devised a way to be able to
(24:24):
determine is this someone I could see myself with long term?
It's great to have things in common like, oh, we love Rd.
trips or he and I, we can sit together and we don't even have
to talk. Those are great things.
Those are not core values and those do not determine long term
(24:44):
compatibility. Just because you guys get along
well doesn't mean you're compatible long term.
And these kinds of conversationsneed to happen early, whether
you meet them in the wild, whether you meet them online.
Have one question that you can ask that not only is it like a
conversation starter, but will tell you about someone because
(25:07):
if they gave you an answer that's really thoughtful and
thought provoking and self aware, OK, green light.
But if they don't file this away, we really I don't think
people focus enough on core values and I think that's why so
many relationships don't last. You know, I didn't want to rock
the boat. I.
Didn't want to pressure him. Right I.
(25:28):
Didn't want to seem needy. Right.
Fuck them all. Scare him off.
You're not needy, you're valuingyour time.
Remember that also. You were talking about
interesting topics of conversation.
If that scares them away by. Right.
Remember those five tiers that Ijust went through?
I'll give them again because I think it's really important.
(25:49):
Emotional health, lifestyle, relationships and connection,
integrity and beliefs and growthand learning.
Those are the, those are the pillars of core values.
Once you have all 5, then fill in what's important to you.
It's a little exercise to do to,to help you figure out what your
(26:10):
core values are. And then once you determine
them, now come up with questions.
So what are your thoughts on Luigi Mangione?
Big one, it's a big one. It's a great question.
It's a great question. Things like that that will help
you determine compatibility, especially when it comes for
comes to looking for somebody who's emotionally intelligent.
(26:32):
You want to look for introspection.
You want to look for somebody who's willing to dig a little
deep, maybe not really deep on the first couple dates, but are
they willing to look in and say,oh, how do I really feel about
that? Because that kind of
introspection is a very big determining factor of is
somebody emotionally intelligent?
(26:53):
You want to look for the introspection, you want to look
for the self-awareness, you wantto look for the empathy.
Those are the three core pieces of emotional intelligence.
Can you think of any other? No, but I I was simultaneously
thinking about not asking peopleabout their families too early
because that's not within their control.
Right. And a lot of people don't want
(27:14):
to even go there too early. Right.
What you want is somebody who respects my relationship with my
family. Right.
I don't, yeah. You can't hold it against them
if they don't have a good relationship with their family,
right? I don't think.
Exactly, because more often thannot that had nothing to do with
them and everything to do with generational trauma and
(27:36):
toxicity. Bad luck, right?
It's more important that they respect your relationship with
your family. You want to suss out two things.
You want to suss out core values, and you want to suss out
emotional intelligence. And I talked about table topics
long before I ever became an Amazon associate.
I love this game because of the questions and I believe they
(27:58):
even have a version for 1st dates.
I think that is true. It's.
Built in conversation started, but it goes so beyond what's
your favorite movie? And you can really get a sense
of the other person's emotional intelligence and whether or not
you have shared core values. So again, I'll link to them in
the show notes. I am a just a firm believer in
this game. I've used it for years.
(28:20):
I've played it and I really likeit.
All right, buckle up because we are going to talk about the
fuckest of all. Fuck that guys.
His name is Russell Hartley, andwhen I first got on TikTok, one
(28:42):
of the one of the people that started appearing on my FYP
because he was a dating coach for men, which immediately is a
red flag. And here's how you know that's a
red flag. It's when he's a dating coach
for men, but the majority of people in his comments or the
majority of his audience is women.
That's how, you know, he's not really a dating coach for men.
(29:05):
He's more this is he's using this to meet women.
When I first became aware of him, his content was all red
pill. I keep a stable.
That's what a bachelor needs. A bachelor needs a stable of of,
you know, mares and then everything's going great.
And then if one of them asks like, where are things going?
Well, you just set her out to pasture and you get a new one.
(29:27):
That guy who's always, always talking about how I almost had a
three-way last night. And The thing is, you never see
any proof of this supposed success with women right at all,
every. Time you see him on camera, he
is wearing a suit. Yes, he is.
He is. So trust him.
(29:47):
And just so that people have a aclear idea of who and what we're
talking about, I'm going to playa couple examples of his 2020
content so that you can get a sense of just how much of A
douche bag this guy was. Now, here's the thing.
He was doing well, but what was really skeevy about him is he
(30:10):
ran this agency for only fan models and he was taking 30% of
what they made he. Might have been taking up to 50%
in some cases. Well, whatever the fuck he was
taking, let's call it what it was, sex trafficking.
He was sex trafficking right? That could have been why he
(30:31):
changed his brand. Like after seeing everything
that happened with Andrew Tate, that piece of shit, he could
have said, wait a minute, I better back off from this before
people start looking into me. I can't imagine that people
weren't looking into him at thatpoint.
But when you see a male dating coach and his audience, mostly
women, he's not a dating coach. He is doing something to attract
(30:52):
an audience of women, whether it's his own personal sexual
gratification for his quote UN quote agency.
I think it at one point about five years ago, I think he was
even friends with the the Tate brothers.
Yeah, I'm sure he was. And he's always appearing in
these videos. He's in the suit like you said,
but the house man, I never got the vibe that he.
(31:14):
Lived there, No. There was just something about
it that felt very cold, very sterile, and I thought that
where's the furniture? It's kind of like how you can
tell when an influencer has rented that private jet set.
Right, right. Yeah.
I've seen that. Yeah, we're on the all you
(31:34):
mother. Yeah, we see you bitches.
We know what you're doing. So I think the impetus to this
rebrand was a YouTube creator named Curtis Connor just did a
scathing takedown of him and really exposed him for being a
fraud, right? And.
(31:54):
Russell responded to. Yep, and I'm going to link to
it, I'll link to in the show notes because it's such a great,
it's such a great takedown and he really exposes that like this
guy is totally full of shit and he's just lying to people.
What made Curtis Connor's video about Hartley so scathing?
(32:17):
Was he exposed that Russell Hartley and men like him?
What they were really doing is trying to find vulnerable women
and exploiting their vulnerability.
I've been saying this forever. When you see these male creators
on TikTok and they're single men, I'm telling you right now,
they they just make shit up so that you'll film this.
(32:38):
This was never a Russells deal. He never, he never did that.
No, no. But he was like a, he was like
the embodiment of that, the Barney character from How I Met
Your Mother. Yes, that, that is a great
example. He really was.
He really was. Trying to convince us he was
that guy, right? And it was so clear that he was
(33:00):
not. In fact, it really just sounded
like the only way women would goout with him is if he bought
them things, right? So Curtis Connor takes him down.
Russell responds. He rebrands.
He goes from red pill to what, Sarah?
Oh, he's a girl's girl now. He's a girl's girl.
(33:22):
He's a male feminist now, yeah. Ladies had a change of heart.
Yes, he did, Hartley. He had a chance of Hartley.
Yeah, if you will. Carrie Bradshaw, ha.
Ha, that's a little too purple A.
Little too purple circle. OK, the Reabrints tell us about
it. Curtis does a little bit of a
(33:42):
deep dive and shares that he hasdiscovered that this is in fact
a rebrand. The proof is that Russell is
working with this PR firm that seems to only work with dirtbags
such as Tucker Carlson. This PR pharmacy is just all
about image rehab, but also capitalizing on attention,
whether it be positive or negative.
(34:02):
Like they when I say they only work with dirtbags, that's what
I mean. They'll, they will attempt to
rehabilitate your image, but they're not going to turn down
any attention because time is money, attention is commodified,
etcetera, especially online. So whether you're loved or hated
really makes no difference to a lot of influencers, including
(34:23):
Russell Hartley. So he's rehabbing his image.
He's popping out all this content where he's, he's trying
to be a girl's girl. He's he's pro gold digger.
Now you you know the drill, right?
Yes. And, and just so that people
understand what we're what we'retalking about, I'm going to play
a couple of examples of how he'sdone a complete 180.
He's also selling merch, right, hoodies that say team gold
(34:46):
digger, so on and so forth. But again, it's it's obvious
that he's just trying to capitalize on this moment.
But also because he's a grifter to his very core, He's he's
running this MLM kind of scam, this multi level marketing where
he's praying on stay at home moms.
Oh. God.
(35:07):
Uh huh. And these live streams, he's
talking about drop shipping. Like, Oh yeah, you got to do
drop shipping. You got to get on the TikTok
shop. It's easy money.
This classic MLM, right? And he's praying on women.
He's like so incredulous. Women could make their own
money. You won't even need a man.
He's now got 2 identities that he's grifting with.
(35:29):
And he's pretty confident that they'll never cross paths.
And then as an added bonus, because he's he keeps trying to
make Russell Hartley a thing, right?
It's very clear that he called the paparazzi on himself.
That's. Just so pathetic.
Well, a lot of people do it right, But you know who doesn't
(35:50):
do it? Actual famous people.
Right, right. Who calls the paparazzi on
himself? And it's very entertaining
footage, actually. This guy asking pointed
questions. It's very obvious Russell gave
him a list ahead of time. And my favorite aspect of this
video is the the woman with Russell, who very much looks
(36:11):
like she is being held hostage. But don't they all?
Every time there's a woman in one of his videos, there's
always the. Only woman I've ever seen is.
In his older videos they always,that's what I it always made me
very uncomfortable. Truly, it is uncomfortable.
Yeah. I mean, she's probably being
paid to be there too. Hopefully.
(36:33):
Well. Yeah, right.
Yeah. That's his deal now so wanted to
revisit that in case he's crossing anyones FYP don't
believe him. I don't believe he's a girl's
girl now. It's just the newest grift.
That's all it is my friends. Please be careful of these guys
on on social media that say whatyou want to hear.
(36:54):
Yeah. Like really be aware of that and
learn. I'm trying to think how do you
tell the difference? I think one thing is to to look
at their audience. Is there any men in their
audience that are replying to their videos or whatever?
And if they're not, that should tell you something.
If a man draws out the pycmies. Right.
(37:16):
If you get back on the main Rd. Right and Russell Hart turn
here. Russell Hartley draws out the
pycmies. If they're clearly selling you
something, like in this case, he's selling a system right for
selling on TikTok shop. You're rich, right?
That too. Look at their BIOS.
Are they selling things like vitamins or protein powder?
(37:38):
Look at their platforms. So they a brand and.
Right. Yeah, exactly.
Like is all of their content selling you something?
Right, Or are they always working it in?
Someone is really genuine. They're not going to be DM ING
with the women in their audience, right?
Right, well, they're not going to be DM ING because they're not
(37:58):
going to be like. DM me For more information about
how to get rich. Right.
But this is this very much is Matthew Hussey.
Remember, Matthew Hussey is verymuch Matthew Hussey the British
guy and he was conventionally attractive and women just loved
him. Love, love, love love love love.
Loved him even though his advicewas actually kind of shit.
(38:18):
But women loved him because he was a good looking guy.
And British and British, he actually did a lot of heavy
lifting. So much so you just really have
to pay attention to are they pandering or is it genuine?
My kind of default is assume it's not authentic.
Right. It's probably not.
(38:39):
Yeah, I know. That's what sucks.
I'm just going to say it. I don't trust men whose
audiences are all women. I just don't.
I mean you. Could have stopped that sentence
earlier. I don't trust men, right?
I wouldn't say I don't trust allmen.
That's not the case. It's these.
You just see so many of them on social media and it's so icky.
(39:01):
And you really want to believe good, this is a good guy.
We want to see those men. I know those men are.
Out there regardless of gender identity.
If every single thing you post includes a link to the TikTok
shop, no. Right.
Absolutely not. And I'm just going to say it.
Do they have, do they hide theirsignificant other is a big one.
(39:26):
Do they downplay their relationship?
Do they downplay their significant other?
That is a huge, huge, huge red flag.
But another one is are they openabout having a girlfriend or a
significant other? And that significant other is
all over their page. Yeah, that's like their whole.
Brand, right? Yeah, their income relies on
(39:48):
them interacting with women, maybe on a too familiar,
friendly hey girl type of way. I don't trust that.
I think I think it's a massive red flag.
That's why it's just my opinion.I don't know if this is a hot
take, but what are they doing onthe Internet?
The internet's for girls, OK? It's for girls.
(40:10):
Men need to be either at a real job or fighting a war building a
house. They don't need to be selling me
gummy vitamins. I know I don't respect it.
I don't like. It I don't need it get a grift,
I don't get a real. Job.
Right, all right, Blogwitch is Warlock's days.
(40:33):
You need to be following us on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram
at Worththewait show. Send your dating questions to
datalogycoach.com. Just click ask a question.
Make sure to follow us on YouTube and Spotify because we
post the pod on YouTube and I'm noticing that a lot of people
are way more engaged on YouTube than they are on Patreon.
(40:55):
Patreon is for the bonus content.
We just put up something about how to use dating apps without
destroying your mental health. You can go to patreon.com/worth
the wait show, subscribe so you can listen to it.
Follow us everywhere people. Patreon, YouTube, Instagram,
TikTok at worth the wait show. Oh, make sure to follow me on at
date ology coach as well becausethat's still there and I still
(41:16):
post content there. Warlocks, bog witches, bog days.
Value your time. Decenter men, center yourself.
Goodbye. And don't trust men.
And don't trust men. Bye.
Bye.
Where's the wait podcast? Happy Friday, Sarah.
Hey, so before we get into the fuck that guy of all fuck that
guys, I will obviously we'll do the recap of and just like that,
you can go look at the the time breakdown if you're not
interested in the recap. We're also going to get into,
you know, I bring up core valuesa lot and how that's really
(00:34):
important when you're trying to determine compatibility.
We're going to talk about how you how you determine your core
values so that you can better sothat it helps you really hone in
on what you're looking for so that you can filter out the
people that are just going to waste your time.
So buckle up and really, if you have not heard of Russell
Hartley, go take a little tour of TikTok or social media
(00:57):
because this guy is just an absolute clown.
But we will get to that. We'll start with and just like
that. I thought this was a good
episode. I liked it.
I did. Did you not?
No, I did like it. Yeah.
I'm glad they gave Charlotte something to do finally.
Yeah, there's a trade off. If Charlotte has a storyline,
(01:19):
Lisa is not going to have much of one, I've noticed, and vice
versa. But let's obviously start with
Carrie and Duncan. And he's giving her feedback on
her book and now he's kind of blatantly flirting with her.
And he says, do you think we would still be doing this or I
(01:40):
would be up here as much if Aiden were still here and.
I thought he said. What do you think he'd be
writing about if Aiden were still here?
I don't. I think he might have said both.
OK. So I mean, he's basically
saying, do you think Aiden was influencing your writing?
Yeah, which of course he was. But they've decided, OK, we're
(02:04):
just going to go full on. We're going to have these two
flirt. And her printer's stuck.
And he comes upstairs and he fixes it.
And she introduces him to her closet, which I guess is like a
big deal, like the big milestoneif you're dating Carrie Bradshaw
and he says you are just a fairytale.
And listen, This is why I don't like British men.
This is This is why I don't likeBritish men.
(02:25):
It's that pretentious over the top, Sir.
You're just being so, so over the top.
It's so hard to believe anythingyou say, especially knowing how
things started off with them. Yeah, it's difficult for me to
believe these two would like each other.
(02:46):
Right. It's difficult for me to think
that they would like each other.Also, do you talk about anything
but writing? Not yet.
It's all they talk about. Just admit I think you're hot
and I want to bone you. That's cool there, you know,
there's, there's no real foundation here other than
they're both writers. Yeah, she does say no man has
(03:07):
ever been interested in my writing before, right?
Remember when she was dating thepolitician and he was running
for city Comptroller? And obviously they're recycling
that storyline and the politician was just yet another
guy who didn't take Carrie seriously?
I don't think any of the men that Carrie dated initially took
her seriously. And she says this and and and
(03:29):
it's, it's a moment of self-awareness that I was really
impressed and surprised by with from Carrie because she said I'm
used to men thinking I'm I'm sexy, but I'm not used to men
finding me smart. And I, I like, I kind of, I, I
kind of understood that like when I was younger, I gave off
(03:49):
much more of a sexy vibe than take me seriously vibe.
And she also writes about sex and relationships, which men
don't take seriously. Exactly true.
Very true, very true. I and I can say this talking
from experience, right? They think it's frivolous.
And even Duncan is saying, well I have 4 bestsellers, she says I
(04:12):
have 7. Yeah, yeah.
I felt like the writers threw that in because they hear
everybody talking about how shitty Carey's novel is, which
it is. It's terrible.
I wish. They had hired.
An actual novelist as a consultant here to write just a
couple paragraphs for this historical fiction Carrie is
(04:32):
trying to write because my God is it painful to hear.
It's it, It sounds very dry, sounds very boring.
It's. Just straight up not good.
It's just fucking bad. It it does sound just fucking
bad, but she's saying I'm not used to men wanting to be with
because I'm smart. Well, what makes you think
(04:53):
Duncan wants to be with you because you're smart?
How are you showing him that you're smart other than you use
your words? Good.
Yeah, for all we know he has a foot fetish.
Right. But I I understood what she was
saying. It's a man who is first
interested in her, an aspect of her right that isn't sexual.
Exactly. Like the politician who had the
(05:15):
the golden showers fetish, he only did a carrot because he had
a golden showers fetish and he thought, she's a sex columnist
and I can probably do that to her, right?
Right. Because that's the assumption,
right? They don't, they don't take if a
woman writes a sex column, they automatically don't take her
seriously. And he was just another one of
those guys. And what irritated me about him
(05:37):
was he was another guy that he was more than happy to waste
your time. He was dating her and dating her
and dating her and then blames it on the campaign manager.
You know, they don't think it's a great look or good optics or
something political. And that's when she says you
wanted me to pee on you. Yeah, but nobody knew about
that. But nobody knew about that until
she wrote her column. And he's not stupid.
(06:01):
He always knew he wasn't going to be able to be city
Comptroller and potentially mayor.
Married to a fucking sex columnist.
Maybe nowadays if there's some like status to it, you know,
like if she writes for an esteemed publication, but he was
never going to take her serious.None of these men took her
seriously. Big never took her seriously
(06:21):
until she had a level of status,after she had a best selling
book, after she was an author. OK, that's a little, there's a
little bit more prestige there. It's a little bit better than
sex columnist, Right, right. Remember that fucking episode
with a duck purse where he takesher to the party on Park Ave. to
be with his friends, but he getsher that purse because that
(06:44):
purse represented status and wealth.
And when she walked in, a lot ofwomen in that party had those
ugly purses and that's what theyrepresented, status, wealth.
And he wanted her to fit in in his world.
And she very much didn't. And I do think that that was
sort of his way of saying, is she going to fit in?
(07:07):
Is this somebody I can take seriously?
And she obviously did not fit inand she did not pass that test.
Well, she threw a tantrum at theparty.
She did. She did.
I mean, but she felt very much out of place.
That was a lot of her insecurity, but that was also
him not being in tune with her. Like, dude, she's obviously
feeling out of place. Can you try to help her?
(07:28):
Like, can you maybe spend some time with her?
You've got all these women coming up to you.
Can you just put yourself in hershoes for a couple minutes?
Yeah, he could have at least been like, wear something
conservative. Right, she wasn't going to do it
anyway. Maybe he knew that about her.
How is it possible that in all these years, she's never dated a
foot fetishist? In fact, the only time it's ever
come up is when Charlotte was shoe shopping, right?
(07:49):
How has Carrie never encountered?
This I know, I know. That's her literal soulmate and
you know she would pawn about it.
Yeah, and it just, it just neverhappened.
I'm interested in this idea of dating somebody who doesn't take
you serious, who feels like you you wouldn't fit in in their
world, like dating out of your station.
(08:10):
And this, this really is a thingwe and we tend to gravitate
towards people we find familiar,that we we we have shared
experiences with. I guess it depends on what you
mean by dating men. Men will, you know, they'll
sleep with whoever. Right, I'm talking about have a
serious relationship. I've been through this and I'll
(08:30):
never forget he said to me once you know, someday you might be
dating somebody and they introduce you and that their
friends and family are going to Google you and they're going to
see that you write about sex andtaught blowjob classes.
And I'll never forget the shame that I felt when he said that
because boy, was he really telling me just how what how
little he thought of me. We see these in a lot of ROM
(08:52):
coms and things like that where there are there are like men and
women who date people that that they're embarrassed by.
Obviously you've never, you've never experienced that, no.
I can't say that I have because if anyone has been embarrassed
about me, they haven't told me. I mean, to have that said to
your face, this was just yet another fucking red flag from
(09:16):
this guy that I totally ignored.But in any case, the men the
Carrie dates never take her seriously.
And she's now thinking, oh, he likes me From my mind.
I don't think so, Carrie. I don't think he does.
And part of me thinks he's he's just always been trying to get
(09:38):
you into bed. Am I wrong there?
Well, I don't know because I just saw today, I don't know if
you saw this. The creator announced that this
is it, there's like 3 episodes left and they're not going to
bring this show back. And at first I was like, oh,
thank God. They're not bringing the show
back. No.
(09:58):
Oh my God, no, I didn't hear that.
We got three more episodes and that's it.
And I have a hard time believingthat they will not set Kerry up
for a happy ending, which of course involves a man.
I think they're going to shoehorn these two together.
Which is. Lazy and disappointing, but I
think that's what's going to happen.
(10:19):
You know what I think they're going to do?
I think they're going to send her to London with Sam.
They're obviously trying to to rehab Duncan, right, to, to
clean up his image because he made a terrible first
impression. And so now they're having the
character lay it on pretty thick, which is what you're
responding to. Obviously I am too.
It gave me the ick. But I think that's why they're
(10:39):
doing it, because they're running out of time, because for
whatever reason we dragged AID now for 9 fucking episodes.
Oh, man, yeah, they are. They're ending it.
I I don't think that's what thiswas the plan, do you?
No. No, I definitely don't think it
was the plan. I think they were just, I mean,
(11:00):
I, I don't know what were they thinking?
I think they were counting on Samantha coming back.
Certainly by now, I don't know if there was a plan.
I mean, I think they were kind of just like riding this way as
as long as it was profitable. Right.
Yeah, so she and Duncan, she goes to this publishing party
with him. And listen, if you invited me to
a party and I show up and I findout that your fucking manager is
(11:24):
your ex-wife and you didn't tellme that, I'm going to be pissed.
But again, Speaking of laying iton thick, there was that whole
bit about like, oh, why didn't you tell me Carrie was coming?
Oh, her outfit's so cool. You have to make.
Her a girl's girl, so she's not threatening.
Right, right. So she goes to this party.
(11:45):
They, I guess, have a good time.It really did feel like you gave
us one episode of them. Like having chemistry, real
chemistry, correct? Can I just point out point out
something that bothered me as well about this episode?
Ain't no way Carrie Bradshaw hasScotch.
Please be serious. Well, maybe because Aiden was
(12:07):
there. I don't know.
Or or maybe she does. I don't fucking know.
She. Doesn't she doesn't drink
Scotch, men do. So I guess she might have Scotch
for men. You don't think she'd have
Scotch because of big? Maybe she has.
Always centered men so. True, true.
Yeah, maybe for big, maybe for Aiden, right?
Hell, she could have ran out andbought it when she found out
(12:29):
Duncan liked it, so she'd be a cool girl.
Maybe, maybe, but in any case, they smush these two together.
These two have sex, and Carrie is uncharacteristically calm.
Not Carrie. Like, right?
Like not in her head, Not overthinking it.
(12:52):
Self aware even. Self aware.
Like oh, when Miranda asked me about this, like freak the fuck
out on her. Right.
And she says, I don't want to tell Miranda I'm going to this
party because she's going to sayI told you so.
And Charlotte, well, fuck Miranda.
But I don't even know what to say about this other than just
(13:14):
felt really forced. All they talk about is writing
Carrie thinking this guy was interested in her mind.
I mean, I don't know what he wasinterested in, to be perfectly
honest. It's honestly the the Russian
storyline all over. Again, right.
The writers clearly have one idea of how this show wraps up
and how this character wraps, and it's the fairy tale ending.
(13:36):
Yeah, and they thought the Russian was the problem, not the
ending itself. Right, right.
So goodbye, Carrie Bradshaw. I guess we have three more
episodes, and I don't really know what's going to happen
here. Miranda.
Miranda Steve. Steve comes back from one
(13:57):
episode to find out that Miranda's son, their son, got a
woman pregnant, a girl, like a hookup.
And Steve is like, Jesus Christ,you got a woman pregnant and she
doesn't want to be with you. And Miranda's just sitting
there, like, right, this is awkward.
(14:19):
And Steve's really upset. Miranda's OK.
What's her last name? And he's like, she's like, you
don't know her last name. And then Steve is like, you
didn't have $2.00 for a condom. And Brady's just kind of
shrugging. He's saying, I'm telling you
right now. You shrug at me.
Well, what? Yeah.
And Miranda tries to reach out. She thinks she's a stylist.
(14:42):
So she shows up at the at the salon.
Miranda, I want this appointmentbecause I've heard such great
things about her. And they're like, that's weird.
She does shampooing and Miranda's like oh fuck so she is
letting Mia do her hair. And of course they repeated the
fart storyline just like they did with Miranda and you would
(15:02):
think Miranda would have had a moment of girl I've been there,
don't worry about it. But no, no, Miranda's too
focused on finding out what thisgirl's deal is and really
finding out of this baby's Brady's.
So she's talking to me and she'sasking these stupid questions.
And then she says, oh, what about the father?
(15:22):
Is the father excited? She's well, I don't know.
He's it's it's not someone I wasdating serious or anything.
And then Miranda says, well, then how do you know it's?
His yeah. Oh my God.
Oh my God. But I will say that I do like
that when she's talking to Charlotte and Carrie about it,
about Brady getting a woman pregnant, she said when she's
(15:44):
too far along for her to be not pregnant anymore.
I wish they had just said abortion.
It's too late to have an. Abortion.
Yeah, 'cause they definitely said the word in the original
series. Right.
I mean, for that matter, I, I wish Brady got a little abortion
side quest because that's absolutely what would happen.
And I don't know how they're going to wrap this up in three
episodes either. Yeah, I don't know.
(16:05):
No idea. I mean, I think they're just
counting on us not really caringabout Brady.
So Miranda screws up any chance of having a relationship with
the mother of her grandchild. She makes a bad first
impression. Very bad first impression, so
there's that. I feel like as much as I would
prefer for this to be an abortion side quest, it
(16:27):
incidentally ends up being an interesting theme about cyclical
family trauma and repeating the mistakes of your parents.
Yeah, yeah. That's really interesting.
Yes. And it did maybe ripped open
some wounds for Miranda and Steve.
Oh, for sure. Right.
Absolutely. That's why Steve loses it, I
think. It's true.
He's fucking PTSD. He's traumatized by it.
(16:49):
He's like, wait, what? What?
What do you mean? She doesn't want anything with
you because he's thinking, Oh myGod, I know what I had to go
through with your mother. Exactly.
And you don't want to do this. So Miranda, she's reliving her
past. And now let's talk about Seema
because Seema and the gardener are so obviously Samantha and
Smith, Speaking of family trauma, he's got this gorgeous
(17:10):
apartment rent control and he, how much you pay, he's you don't
want to know. And he has this plant and it's
unclear to me when he says this is my mother, how did he explain
that? Like was or was that the, the
mother's ashes? What?
What was that? I thought he was just a poetic
man and the plant is a metaphor.Seema somehow turns this into
(17:37):
his mommy issues or or what's going to do us?
Yeah, do us in. It's like he why does he have
mommy issues? I wasn't clear on that either.
Right. Because he mentioned having a
mother, I guess. Right.
It sounded like a healthy relationship with his mother.
It sounded like he loved and really respected his mother.
Why did we have to make that into something that I really
don't think it was? First it was the deodorant, then
(17:59):
it was the plant and the mother and this and that.
OK, Remember Smith and Samantha's last scene?
What did he do? He came home.
He took a break from shooting the movie, and he brought her a
plant. So.
OK, good God, writers. I guess they're going to be
together. Lisa and her husband.
(18:19):
I felt so bad for Herbert because he lost city
Comptroller. I don't know what Lisa's point
was other than the daughter being like you're never here and
then her repeating that guilt about how she's never home.
Yeah, that was it. That was it and just like that
we we, we barely knew thee. We will watch the last three
(18:41):
episodes and and feel nostalgic,but that's the end of the recap.
And just like that and just likethat, the recap is fucking over.
So we got a letter from a listener.
So her letter is I've been seeing someone for a few months
on and on paper, we're really compatible.
(19:02):
We have the same sense of humor,there's great communication and
a very solid physical connection.
But lately I've been noticing small cracks.
He doesn't really believe in therapy, He's not close with his
family, which is important to me, and he's made a few comments
about not wanting to get too tied down.
(19:23):
None of these things are deal Breakers on their own, but
they're starting to make me question whether or not we we're
compatible. And she says, how do I know if
I'm being too picky or if these are real signs that we're
building two different futures? Well, first of all, if you're
looking for a relationship and he says he doesn't want to be
(19:43):
too tied down, you're definitelylooking for two different
relationships. But this brings up the issue of
core value compatibility. I think whenever we bring up
core values, people don't know exactly what we're talking
about. Core values are they're the non
negotiables that inform your moral code, your day-to-day
(20:05):
life. This is like the the foundation
of who you are and like your moral compass and your belief
system. This is like, were you excited
when the CEO got murdered or not?
Right kind of stuff, which but you know what 5 tiers.
There's emotional health, their level of introspection, their
(20:25):
self-awareness, their their willingness to be vulnerable,
their emotional intelligence. Those are all core values.
And then there's lifestyle and ambition.
Do they are they spontaneous or are they somebody that needs to,
to plan and things out? How, how career driven are they?
(20:47):
How much, how much importance dothey put on financial security?
And then there's relationships and connection, meaning do you
want marriage? Do you want to have kids?
How do you define a relationship?
How do you define intimacy, though?
That's a core values. The next here is integrity and
beliefs. Are we on the same page in terms
(21:10):
of what constitutes a lie? What you know, how important is
honesty? When is when is when is it OK to
lie to somebody? This I think is politics like
where you lean so on social issues.
So that's integrity and beliefs and then growth and learning and
(21:32):
how important is self improvement and and personal
growth. These are those are the five
tiers. The five tiers are emotional
health, lifestyle, relationshipsand connection, integrity and
growth. So the way to the way to
determine what those core valuesare is you kind of have to come
(21:53):
up with prompts. Again, This is why I like that
table topics because these are the type of questions that they
ask. These questions really help you
determine somebody's core values.
But so do questions like how didI feel when Brian Thompson was
shot? How do I feel about Luigi
Mangione? This is how you determine where
(22:14):
you fall on the spectrum in terms of social issues and in
just your general morality. A good prompts to use are things
like what do I feel most proud of in my life?
What am I most ashamed of or what regrets do I have?
What situations make me feel angry or embarrassed or just
generally like misaligned. And a big one is what makes me
(22:36):
feel safe in a relationship. And most importantly, you don't
want to be Carrie Bradshaw. You don't want to end up dating
somebody who's constantly tryingto change you.
So you want to ask yourself when, when have I felt most
myself in a relationship and why?
And let's say you don't have a lot of relationship experience.
(22:58):
Just reframe the questions. In what situations have I felt
most myself? These are all, these are all
questions you can ask yourself to help you determine what your
core values are. And then once you just determine
(23:19):
your core values, now you have to come up with ways to test for
value compatibility early. You want to hear how do you
define monogamy? How do you define exclusivity?
What do you need to determine exclusivity?
You need to really be specific. Didn't we come up?
With before, how do you know when someone's your girlfriend?
(23:41):
Yes, and I love that one. That tells you a lot.
No more generic questions because that those do not help
you determine compatibility. Anybody can say, oh, I'm looking
for a long term relationship. Cool, great.
But everybody knows they can script that out.
They know what to say. They're not going to be
expecting a question like what does monogamy look like to you
or what does exclusivity look like to you?
(24:02):
They're not going to be expecting it, but they'll be
able to answer the questions, right?
It might be disarming to them, but they will be able to answer
because they have given this thought.
That's how you can tell, is thisreally somebody who is thinking
the way I'm thinking, which is I'm, I'm looking for someone
long term and they've, they've devised a way to be able to
(24:24):
determine is this someone I could see myself with long term?
It's great to have things in common like, oh, we love Rd.
trips or he and I, we can sit together and we don't even have
to talk. Those are great things.
Those are not core values and those do not determine long term
(24:44):
compatibility. Just because you guys get along
well doesn't mean you're compatible long term.
And these kinds of conversationsneed to happen early, whether
you meet them in the wild, whether you meet them online.
Have one question that you can ask that not only is it like a
conversation starter, but will tell you about someone because
(25:07):
if they gave you an answer that's really thoughtful and
thought provoking and self aware, OK, green light.
But if they don't file this away, we really I don't think
people focus enough on core values and I think that's why so
many relationships don't last. You know, I didn't want to rock
the boat. I.
Didn't want to pressure him. Right I.
(25:28):
Didn't want to seem needy. Right.
Fuck them all. Scare him off.
You're not needy, you're valuingyour time.
Remember that also. You were talking about
interesting topics of conversation.
If that scares them away by. Right.
Remember those five tiers that Ijust went through?
I'll give them again because I think it's really important.
(25:49):
Emotional health, lifestyle, relationships and connection,
integrity and beliefs and growthand learning.
Those are the, those are the pillars of core values.
Once you have all 5, then fill in what's important to you.
It's a little exercise to do to,to help you figure out what your
(26:10):
core values are. And then once you determine
them, now come up with questions.
So what are your thoughts on Luigi Mangione?
Big one, it's a big one. It's a great question.
It's a great question. Things like that that will help
you determine compatibility, especially when it comes for
comes to looking for somebody who's emotionally intelligent.
(26:32):
You want to look for introspection.
You want to look for somebody who's willing to dig a little
deep, maybe not really deep on the first couple dates, but are
they willing to look in and say,oh, how do I really feel about
that? Because that kind of
introspection is a very big determining factor of is
somebody emotionally intelligent?
(26:53):
You want to look for the introspection, you want to look
for the self-awareness, you wantto look for the empathy.
Those are the three core pieces of emotional intelligence.
Can you think of any other? No, but I I was simultaneously
thinking about not asking peopleabout their families too early
because that's not within their control.
Right. And a lot of people don't want
(27:14):
to even go there too early. Right.
What you want is somebody who respects my relationship with my
family. Right.
I don't, yeah. You can't hold it against them
if they don't have a good relationship with their family,
right? I don't think.
Exactly, because more often thannot that had nothing to do with
them and everything to do with generational trauma and
(27:36):
toxicity. Bad luck, right?
It's more important that they respect your relationship with
your family. You want to suss out two things.
You want to suss out core values, and you want to suss out
emotional intelligence. And I talked about table topics
long before I ever became an Amazon associate.
I love this game because of the questions and I believe they
(27:58):
even have a version for 1st dates.
I think that is true. It's.
Built in conversation started, but it goes so beyond what's
your favorite movie? And you can really get a sense
of the other person's emotional intelligence and whether or not
you have shared core values. So again, I'll link to them in
the show notes. I am a just a firm believer in
this game. I've used it for years.
(28:20):
I've played it and I really likeit.
All right, buckle up because we are going to talk about the
fuckest of all. Fuck that guys.
His name is Russell Hartley, andwhen I first got on TikTok, one
(28:42):
of the one of the people that started appearing on my FYP
because he was a dating coach for men, which immediately is a
red flag. And here's how you know that's a
red flag. It's when he's a dating coach
for men, but the majority of people in his comments or the
majority of his audience is women.
That's how, you know, he's not really a dating coach for men.
(29:05):
He's more this is he's using this to meet women.
When I first became aware of him, his content was all red
pill. I keep a stable.
That's what a bachelor needs. A bachelor needs a stable of of,
you know, mares and then everything's going great.
And then if one of them asks like, where are things going?
Well, you just set her out to pasture and you get a new one.
(29:27):
That guy who's always, always talking about how I almost had a
three-way last night. And The thing is, you never see
any proof of this supposed success with women right at all,
every. Time you see him on camera, he
is wearing a suit. Yes, he is.
He is. So trust him.
(29:47):
And just so that people have a aclear idea of who and what we're
talking about, I'm going to playa couple examples of his 2020
content so that you can get a sense of just how much of A
douche bag this guy was. Now, here's the thing.
He was doing well, but what was really skeevy about him is he
(30:10):
ran this agency for only fan models and he was taking 30% of
what they made he. Might have been taking up to 50%
in some cases. Well, whatever the fuck he was
taking, let's call it what it was, sex trafficking.
He was sex trafficking right? That could have been why he
(30:31):
changed his brand. Like after seeing everything
that happened with Andrew Tate, that piece of shit, he could
have said, wait a minute, I better back off from this before
people start looking into me. I can't imagine that people
weren't looking into him at thatpoint.
But when you see a male dating coach and his audience, mostly
women, he's not a dating coach. He is doing something to attract
(30:52):
an audience of women, whether it's his own personal sexual
gratification for his quote UN quote agency.
I think it at one point about five years ago, I think he was
even friends with the the Tate brothers.
Yeah, I'm sure he was. And he's always appearing in
these videos. He's in the suit like you said,
but the house man, I never got the vibe that he.
(31:14):
Lived there, No. There was just something about
it that felt very cold, very sterile, and I thought that
where's the furniture? It's kind of like how you can
tell when an influencer has rented that private jet set.
Right, right. Yeah.
I've seen that. Yeah, we're on the all you
(31:34):
mother. Yeah, we see you bitches.
We know what you're doing. So I think the impetus to this
rebrand was a YouTube creator named Curtis Connor just did a
scathing takedown of him and really exposed him for being a
fraud, right? And.
(31:54):
Russell responded to. Yep, and I'm going to link to
it, I'll link to in the show notes because it's such a great,
it's such a great takedown and he really exposes that like this
guy is totally full of shit and he's just lying to people.
What made Curtis Connor's video about Hartley so scathing?
(32:17):
Was he exposed that Russell Hartley and men like him?
What they were really doing is trying to find vulnerable women
and exploiting their vulnerability.
I've been saying this forever. When you see these male creators
on TikTok and they're single men, I'm telling you right now,
they they just make shit up so that you'll film this.
(32:38):
This was never a Russells deal. He never, he never did that.
No, no. But he was like a, he was like
the embodiment of that, the Barney character from How I Met
Your Mother. Yes, that, that is a great
example. He really was.
He really was. Trying to convince us he was
that guy, right? And it was so clear that he was
(33:00):
not. In fact, it really just sounded
like the only way women would goout with him is if he bought
them things, right? So Curtis Connor takes him down.
Russell responds. He rebrands.
He goes from red pill to what, Sarah?
Oh, he's a girl's girl now. He's a girl's girl.
(33:22):
He's a male feminist now, yeah. Ladies had a change of heart.
Yes, he did, Hartley. He had a chance of Hartley.
Yeah, if you will. Carrie Bradshaw, ha.
Ha, that's a little too purple A.
Little too purple circle. OK, the Reabrints tell us about
it. Curtis does a little bit of a
(33:42):
deep dive and shares that he hasdiscovered that this is in fact
a rebrand. The proof is that Russell is
working with this PR firm that seems to only work with dirtbags
such as Tucker Carlson. This PR pharmacy is just all
about image rehab, but also capitalizing on attention,
whether it be positive or negative.
(34:02):
Like they when I say they only work with dirtbags, that's what
I mean. They'll, they will attempt to
rehabilitate your image, but they're not going to turn down
any attention because time is money, attention is commodified,
etcetera, especially online. So whether you're loved or hated
really makes no difference to a lot of influencers, including
(34:23):
Russell Hartley. So he's rehabbing his image.
He's popping out all this content where he's, he's trying
to be a girl's girl. He's he's pro gold digger.
Now you you know the drill, right?
Yes. And, and just so that people
understand what we're what we'retalking about, I'm going to play
a couple of examples of how he'sdone a complete 180.
He's also selling merch, right, hoodies that say team gold
(34:46):
digger, so on and so forth. But again, it's it's obvious
that he's just trying to capitalize on this moment.
But also because he's a grifter to his very core, He's he's
running this MLM kind of scam, this multi level marketing where
he's praying on stay at home moms.
Oh. God.
(35:07):
Uh huh. And these live streams, he's
talking about drop shipping. Like, Oh yeah, you got to do
drop shipping. You got to get on the TikTok
shop. It's easy money.
This classic MLM, right? And he's praying on women.
He's like so incredulous. Women could make their own
money. You won't even need a man.
He's now got 2 identities that he's grifting with.
(35:29):
And he's pretty confident that they'll never cross paths.
And then as an added bonus, because he's he keeps trying to
make Russell Hartley a thing, right?
It's very clear that he called the paparazzi on himself.
That's. Just so pathetic.
Well, a lot of people do it right, But you know who doesn't
(35:50):
do it? Actual famous people.
Right, right. Who calls the paparazzi on
himself? And it's very entertaining
footage, actually. This guy asking pointed
questions. It's very obvious Russell gave
him a list ahead of time. And my favorite aspect of this
video is the the woman with Russell, who very much looks
(36:11):
like she is being held hostage. But don't they all?
Every time there's a woman in one of his videos, there's
always the. Only woman I've ever seen is.
In his older videos they always,that's what I it always made me
very uncomfortable. Truly, it is uncomfortable.
Yeah. I mean, she's probably being
paid to be there too. Hopefully.
(36:33):
Well. Yeah, right.
Yeah. That's his deal now so wanted to
revisit that in case he's crossing anyones FYP don't
believe him. I don't believe he's a girl's
girl now. It's just the newest grift.
That's all it is my friends. Please be careful of these guys
on on social media that say whatyou want to hear.
(36:54):
Yeah. Like really be aware of that and
learn. I'm trying to think how do you
tell the difference? I think one thing is to to look
at their audience. Is there any men in their
audience that are replying to their videos or whatever?
And if they're not, that should tell you something.
If a man draws out the pycmies. Right.
(37:16):
If you get back on the main Rd. Right and Russell Hart turn
here. Russell Hartley draws out the
pycmies. If they're clearly selling you
something, like in this case, he's selling a system right for
selling on TikTok shop. You're rich, right?
That too. Look at their BIOS.
Are they selling things like vitamins or protein powder?
(37:38):
Look at their platforms. So they a brand and.
Right. Yeah, exactly.
Like is all of their content selling you something?
Right, Or are they always working it in?
Someone is really genuine. They're not going to be DM ING
with the women in their audience, right?
Right, well, they're not going to be DM ING because they're not
(37:58):
going to be like. DM me For more information about
how to get rich. Right.
But this is this very much is Matthew Hussey.
Remember, Matthew Hussey is verymuch Matthew Hussey the British
guy and he was conventionally attractive and women just loved
him. Love, love, love love love love.
Loved him even though his advicewas actually kind of shit.
(38:18):
But women loved him because he was a good looking guy.
And British and British, he actually did a lot of heavy
lifting. So much so you just really have
to pay attention to are they pandering or is it genuine?
My kind of default is assume it's not authentic.
Right. It's probably not.
(38:39):
Yeah, I know. That's what sucks.
I'm just going to say it. I don't trust men whose
audiences are all women. I just don't.
I mean you. Could have stopped that sentence
earlier. I don't trust men, right?
I wouldn't say I don't trust allmen.
That's not the case. It's these.
You just see so many of them on social media and it's so icky.
(39:01):
And you really want to believe good, this is a good guy.
We want to see those men. I know those men are.
Out there regardless of gender identity.
If every single thing you post includes a link to the TikTok
shop, no. Right.
Absolutely not. And I'm just going to say it.
Do they have, do they hide theirsignificant other is a big one.
(39:26):
Do they downplay their relationship?
Do they downplay their significant other?
That is a huge, huge, huge red flag.
But another one is are they openabout having a girlfriend or a
significant other? And that significant other is
all over their page. Yeah, that's like their whole.
Brand, right? Yeah, their income relies on
(39:48):
them interacting with women, maybe on a too familiar,
friendly hey girl type of way. I don't trust that.
I think I think it's a massive red flag.
That's why it's just my opinion.I don't know if this is a hot
take, but what are they doing onthe Internet?
The internet's for girls, OK? It's for girls.
(40:10):
Men need to be either at a real job or fighting a war building a
house. They don't need to be selling me
gummy vitamins. I know I don't respect it.
I don't like. It I don't need it get a grift,
I don't get a real. Job.
Right, all right, Blogwitch is Warlock's days.
(40:33):
You need to be following us on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram
at Worththewait show. Send your dating questions to
datalogycoach.com. Just click ask a question.
Make sure to follow us on YouTube and Spotify because we
post the pod on YouTube and I'm noticing that a lot of people
are way more engaged on YouTube than they are on Patreon.
(40:55):
Patreon is for the bonus content.
We just put up something about how to use dating apps without
destroying your mental health. You can go to patreon.com/worth
the wait show, subscribe so you can listen to it.
Follow us everywhere people. Patreon, YouTube, Instagram,
TikTok at worth the wait show. Oh, make sure to follow me on at
date ology coach as well becausethat's still there and I still
(41:16):
post content there. Warlocks, bog witches, bog days.
Value your time. Decenter men, center yourself.
Goodbye. And don't trust men.
And don't trust men. Bye.
Bye.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.