April 22, 2025 • 49 mins
This week on Worth the Weight, I open up about an emotional moment with my sister that triggered my Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria and unearthed some deep-rooted feelings of being “too much” or “in the way.”
We also talk about how RSD messes with our body image and makes it hard to feel at home in our own bodies—because when you’re constantly bracing for rejection, self-trust goes out the window.
It’s vulnerable, it’s reflective, and yeah—it’s a little spicy.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:15):
An LG Coach podcast Worth the wait episode, Sarah.
Yes. We haven't spoken in a couple of
weeks, well, at least for this. Yeah, that's true.
Does we record this every other week?
I, I have a funny story and I have, I have some stories this
(00:35):
week about my, my GLP one experience.
But you had said to me earlier that your last couple weeks were
interesting. Yeah, for sure.
So I'm not sure how long we've we've been doing this now we got
a little bit of a head start before we started recording.
So I don't know how many weeks it's been exactly, I'd have to
(00:58):
look in my notes app, but I feellike what I've learned is never
weigh yourself on shot day. Why?
Weigh yourself the morning afteryour shot and here's why.
I I did have two weeks in a row where I did not lose any weight.
I was, I was the same. Well, actually, I guess that's
(01:21):
not true. I had one week where I didn't
lose any weight right where it'sthe same as the week before.
And I weighed myself on shot dayand it really looked like it was
going to be two weeks in a row of no weight loss.
And I weighed myself the morningafter my shot down 3 lbs.
And every time I've weighed myself since down 3 lbs really.
(01:43):
And this has happened before when I weigh myself on shot day.
Yeah, it just, it, it's, it seems to make a difference.
So I mean, we've already talked about like the week of your,
your period, right? And how you retain water that
week. So I shared I guess probably 2
(02:03):
weeks ago that I was frustrated that week because it looked like
I had like gained 5 or 6 lbs. But no, it's just just water
retention during my period. So I really can't explain this
like difference between the morning of the morning after
thing. It does seem to make a
difference though for me. Really.
(02:24):
Because it's happened before. I have a funny story and it
it's, it's associated or relatedto the story I told in the last
episode about how I was so hungry.
Yeah, starving all the time. I went to the vet to pick up
Sam, who's doing much better, bythe way.
(02:45):
And I want to thank everybody for the well wishes.
And I was sitting in the little exam room and the vet was going
through all the medications I had to give her.
And he pulled out this tube and he said, now with this, you got
to wear gloves. And I, I said, I said, oh, why?
(03:11):
And he said, well, this is transdermal.
And I realized what he was talking about, the medication he
was talking about was an appetite stimulant.
And I said, so you're saying that that medication works on
humans as well? And he said, oh, yes.
(03:35):
And I, I said, do you think thatmight be why?
I said, I'm on, I'm on tirzepatide.
This is supposed to be curbing my hunger and I'm not, I'm not
experiencing that. And he said, how long have you
been on the tis appetite? I said about six weeks.
And he said how long has Sam been on the medication?
(03:56):
And I said about six weeks. And he said that's probably
contributing to your appetite. Yeah, good thing Sam was a small
dog and she wasn't getting a larger dose, right.
Right, right. That is, there are a lot of
(04:16):
reasons to love Sam and that that is just one of them.
So once I stopped doing that andstarted wearing gloves, I
noticed a change. It was really like night and
day, huh? Night and day.
Well, that makes sense. And this past Friday, because I
(04:37):
started doing my shots on Fridays as well, I, I did my
shot and I had to reconstitute, you know, I had to put the, the
BAC water in and mix it and, or,you know, and let it settle or
whatnot. And then I had to administer it.
And I was having a really hard time getting the liquid into the
(05:01):
needle. And so I was sort of pulling the
the like the little, what's it called?
Like the plunger? The plunger thing to sort of get
it going. And so it finally worked and I
typically fill it up to 20 unitsand then push out what I don't
need. And I thought for sure that I
(05:23):
did. I, I, I still think that I did.
So I administer the shot and thenext day I won't say that I was
violently ill, but I will say I was severely nauseous.
OK. Had the most the worst
indigestion and keep in mind I take acid reflux medication
(05:48):
everyday. I had to take 2 pills for two
days straight, it was that bad, and now it only lasted for two
days. And you weren't eating anything
different. I I barely ate that that
Saturday. I, I, I couldn't.
The thought of food was turning my stomach.
(06:09):
OK. And like I said it take it took
about two days. Although I will say I learned
from a friend. I was in a live on TikTok.
We were talking about the Idaho case and I was talking about how
nauseous I was and someone on the panel used to work in a
hospital and they said do you have any alcohol prep pads and
(06:29):
I. Said, Oh yeah, you could sniff
one, right? I sure do.
Yeah. And I went and I sniffed 1, and
I'll be damned if that didn't work.
Yeah, I mean it worked within a minute.
Huh. So that definitely helped.
That definitely helped the nausea.
I should have tried that. I should have thought of that
the night of my Thai food. Right.
(06:51):
Although I don't know, I think that just needed to come out.
The indigestion was terrible, terrible, but it literally
lasted 2 days and that was it. And now it's I, I, I haven't had
it since and I feel I'm not hungry.
I'm eating, but I'm not hungry, which is this is, this is what I
(07:17):
wanted things to be. I wanted to, I made sure to have
Greek yogurt, protein, granola, fruit, and I've started making
this date sort of puree, caramelized puree out of dates
that I put on my my Greek yogurt.
(07:38):
It's just a great source of fiber.
I put it on the Greek yogurt. I start that off sandwich in the
afternoon, Turkey or roast beef and then dinner.
It depends, depends on how hungry I am, but it's definitely
(07:58):
I, I don't feel as though I haveto order from DoorDash right
now. I am thinking, oh, listen, I'm,
I'm still not cooking, but I'm instead of going to DoorDash,
I'm going across the street to this really nice, this nice
sandwich shop and getting a roast beef sandwich, paying half
than what I'd be paying on DoorDash.
(08:19):
And that's really the only food I'm buying for the day because I
have everything else. So the last time we spoke, I had
lost about 2 lbs total, but was sort of staying the same, which
surprised me because I thought for sure because of the way I
was eating. Oh, I thought for sure I was
(08:40):
going to gain weight and I didn't.
I stayed at that same weight, but in the past two weeks I got
on the scale. I was 2 lbs less.
Congrats. Two other two new pounds so.
Isn't that awesome? It's.
It. Is it's.
Sweet. But it makes me think, OK, now
(09:01):
this process really begins for me, right?
But I, I'm not going to lie, I'm, I'm very nervous about
taking another shot on Friday. I want a replay.
Yeah, now I told you 2 weeks agowhen we were both hungry that I
was also feeling weirdly hungry.So I did up my dosage and just a
(09:26):
little bit, but it really, it did the trick.
Did it? Man, eating is a real chore for
me right now. It is a chore I.
Won't say that it's a chore. I definitely feel like, and
that's the reason why I like a sandwich because you can split
it in two. Yeah.
Half and half and then you don'tfeel like you're wasting food.
(09:49):
And there's there's so much, there's so much involved with.
You know, we were talking about our relationships with food and
you know, I was raised. You do not waste food.
You do not. A lot of people were like most
people I think, right? My father used to make these
(10:11):
stews of pretty much anything that was leftover meat wise.
There was no, there was no throwing out of food or wasting
of food. So that's the I think that's
another block I have about cooking and food shopping.
Yeah. I think I'm, yeah, I think a lot
(10:31):
of people have that. But I but with ADHD and the and
the the sandwich, I don't feel, I don't feel overwhelmed about
eating and but will I eat it all?
And am I going to am I going to waste it?
I can go, oh, here's a half now,here's a half later and it makes
(10:53):
sense in my brain and I don't and I don't get that that
overwhelmed that. Makes sense to me too.
Right. It's it's just, it's just
easier. But this effects boot shopping.
This is it's very difficult to buy for one person.
It's difficult I think, to food shop anyway.
(11:13):
Like, I don't know, maybe it's just me, but the grocery store
has always been my most hated chore.
Yeah. It's so over stimulating,
everybody's in the way. Right.
I, I, I agree with you, hate it.I I agree with you this.
Hate it? That is part of the reason why I
do. I usually do Instacart.
Yeah. Right.
(11:34):
And then you wonder like Instacart, DoorDash, Kristen,
where is all your money? I don't know.
Instacart and DoorDash I think. Yeah.
But I like in our house soda. My dad hated having soda and he
almost made us feel like we werespoiled if we had soda.
(11:57):
And so I think that refusal to let us have it made me want it
more. But also I grew to really like
warm soda. And I don't know why.
I think maybe it settled my stomach.
I don't know. But not being able to have it as
(12:18):
a kid made me want it more. And I, I, I, I think I ought,
you know what? You know what it is?
I associated it with being at myaunt's house, my Aunt Sally's
house, because she always had coke.
OK. So it was like a little treat
time it. Was like a little treat.
So I I've always associated it with my aunt, my aunt's house.
(12:38):
And so there's always been, I think something comforting about
it. Yeah, having warm soda.
It's so it's so silly, but. She had it.
She had it warm like she liked it warm.
Well, she kept it. I believe in her.
Like a walk in pantry. Oh, I see.
So it was like room temperature,right?
Yeah, right. So.
(12:59):
And no ice. No, they.
Put ice in it I didn't put. Ice.
Oh, I see. OK.
Ice at the time, but all the IT was the same thing with sweets.
My I think my father saw sweets as a reward and we talked about
this last week. He wasn't going to do that,
(13:20):
which made me want to have it have them more and which made me
mention this. Going to my aunt's house, she
was always cooking the whoopie pies and the and the chocolate
chips. It really all that stuff
represents comfort for me. Yeah, well, sure.
Right. So I think that that always
shaped my relationship with foodin terms of what did it remind
(13:47):
me of. Right.
To this day I love There are certain foods I love only
because they were introduced to be to me by my father.
Like what? Haddock and Stripe and Squid.
I love them, yeah, but only because my father introduced
(14:08):
them to me when I was little. Yeah.
Right. Or corned beef and cabbage.
I loved that because my aunt used to make it.
Oh, I hate that. Oh, I.
Loved it. I loved it.
There were just certain meals that I loved and it was nice
sitting at her table. Everyone sat down for dinner at
(14:31):
the same time, you know, it was nice, great.
Whereas in my house it wasn't really like that.
Everyone sort of came and went as they please and maybe me and
my stepbrother would sit and eatdinner, but or my father, which
was because he'd sit at the end of the table and he very rarely
(14:52):
spoke. So there wasn't a lot of chatter
or chitchat versus being at my aunt's where it was.
You know, they were very tight knit Irish family.
The house was, I would say 1/4 of the size of the house that I
lived in, in where we lived thatthe my dad had built.
But it was it was a home warm and it was inviting and it it
(15:17):
made me feel safe. Yeah.
So I don't know if that like equates to my relationship with
food. How could it not?
It it has to, right? Yeah, I I was thinking about
yeah, like like my relationship with food growing up too.
(15:39):
And I, I don't know, I think I, I think I hit upon a couple
interesting realizations recently.
I, I, like, I've, I've never made this accusation to my
parents, but I think it's time to, to name it what it was,
which was food insecurity, but in a weird, stupid, fucked up
(16:00):
way. Let me explain.
OK, look, please let me explain.I've mentioned before my folks
got divorced when I was about 6.Prior to that, I have really
nice memories of like family dinners, which my mom would
cook. And my mom was a pretty good
cook. My mom actually went on to have
(16:23):
her own catering business. So yeah, pretty solid cook,
right? My dad remarried when I was like
9 and my step mom grew up in actual poverty, like extreme
extreme poverty. 1 of 10 kids, Dad's gone.
(16:44):
Mom didn't work because it was back in the day like like real
poverty. And so she believed for a long
time that she could cook, but then like when we blended our
families, every time she would make dinner, I was like, I
simply cannot, I can't eat this swill in this garbage.
(17:07):
Like I wasn't as rude about it as a child, but like, I really
was like, I, I don't, I don't like any of this.
I don't like any of the dishes that are being made.
And so that was like a real fight for a long time.
Like every night it was like you're going to sit there and
tell you your dinner and I and Iwouldn't like because eventually
(17:30):
I started to believe that she was like making things that
literally disgusted me just out of spite.
Now I think she just was a shit cook.
Like she just was a shit cook and like never got out of that
poverty mindset. You know what I'm saying?
So it's like, I don't know, we were both the problem, I guess.
(17:55):
But eventually, like after many years of food battles like that,
my dad got a different job whichentailed him very frequently,
like going out to lunch with clients or for whatever reason,
getting treated to lunch. Right, Like pretty extravagant
lunches. So he would come home and not be
hungry. At which point my stepmom was
(18:18):
like, well, why would I cook then?
Because Sarah is a fucking bitchabout it and Michael's not
hungry. So she never called me a bitch.
But you know what she meant And,and like, I kind of was right.
I didn't, I like I didn't have the vocabulary at the time to
express my frustration. Like I just, like I said, I was
convinced she was trying to gross me out.
(18:39):
But really, like someone really just should have like been like,
we have plenty of money. Like, like, please go to therapy
and stop tormenting your family.Like you don't have to eat the
cheapest thing you can find. Right.
Right. Like it's so that was like what
happened to me. So then basically by the time I
(19:02):
was in 9th grade, no, just just no dinners.
Oh gosh, just no dinners. So I just had to like fend for
myself. But then simultaneously again,
because my stepmom grew up in poverty, she was like a like a
fucking hawk about groceries. So then if me or my stepsiblings
(19:23):
like ate something too fast likethat would be a problem.
Which is also extremely dysfunctional.
Right. Yeah.
So eventually I was like, you know what, fuck this.
I got a job. I'm gonna buy my own food.
So that's what I was doing, you know, from like 9th through 12th
grade. But what that meant was that
(19:44):
since I was working from, you know, 3 to like 10 or 11 is like
I was just grabbing whatever fast food, right?
And I I had the metabolism for it at the time.
So, you know, it was fine. I also worked at a grocery store
for a while, so that was kind ofnice.
I could like grab something while I was working.
Not necessarily fast food, but yeah, I was eating a lot of fast
(20:06):
food. Not even because I liked it.
It's just like, what was I goingto do?
Grocery shop? No, like I was 15.
So. So that was.
Yeah, my childhood. And then obviously when you go
to college, people cook for you,so you just don't really have to
think about it. But the foundation of your
(20:29):
relationship with food was so negative.
For sure, for sure. Like I said, I I haven't named
it what it was until very recently, but it was like stupid
food, like food insecurity for no reason.
When you say food insecurity, what do you mean by that?
I mean, like when I went home, Iknew there wasn't going to be
(20:51):
dinner made. Right.
So like we, we might have had ingredients around.
Right. Right.
Or every now and then, you know,if it was on sale, if it was
literally the cheapest thing in the store, my step mom would buy
like, I don't know, box of macaroni and cheese, cereal, a
(21:12):
frozen, whatever. But it wasn't like she was
getting that kind of stuff in lieu of making dinner.
It was mostly ingredients. Yeah, just a bunch of different
ingredients, but with no plan inmind.
Well, because she didn't cook. Oh my God.
And I, and when I tell you she didn't cook, she didn't make
(21:33):
breakfast. I don't know what she was
getting for lunch. I, I guess she was getting at
work or something. And then like in the evening, if
I happened to be home, like I wouldn't, she wouldn't cook for
herself either. I'd see her like maybe eat a
yogurt so. Yeah, that's not healthy.
(21:54):
I don't know how she's alive, right, to be honest, because
like for several years there I Ijust don't know what calories
she was ingesting. But not even because she was an
almond mom, just because she waslike obstinately refusing to
cook for just me. Yeah, I mean, Speaking of like
(22:15):
cooking for just for just you. We've talked about meal
prepping. Yeah.
And I this is my problem, right?I always get super psyched up.
I'm gonna buy all these glass jars and then I'm gonna make
overnight oats for three nights and then and you know what
(22:35):
happens? You know what happens?
You do it once? What?
Happens I make it and I never eat it because I'm I'm hyper
focusing or because of the what,what do they call it?
Time blindness? And this was all things that I
started researching over the thelast few days.
(22:58):
I just wrote a poach on a poach,a post on Substack about
something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria.
And it's, it's about it's about our like in it having a very
intense reaction to rejection, right?
(23:22):
Like it's, we think everything is a rejection.
We see everything as a, as a personal slight.
It, it's, it's very similar to PTSD.
In fact, they over, they overlapa lot.
And because it's this is this rejection sensitive rejection
sensitivity dysphoria is very common to people with ADHD as
(23:44):
well as PTSD because. Often why we don't start new
things if we are if we don't know if we're good at it, why
would why would we even start it?
It's kind of like all these little things that I'm realizing
are playing into my relationshipwith food, my eating habits,
productivity. And I will say this once I've
really started to understand allof this stuff, the nervous
(24:09):
system regulation and the, the fight or flight and cortisol,
once I've really started to, andthe ADHD, the ADHD was a big
thing for me to get a handle on because learning all the areas
that it affects and, and the little cheats that I can learn,
(24:32):
like the, the little shortcuts, my productivity has changed, my
energy level has changed. It's incredible.
And I know it's not the TRS, it's it's definitely not that
it's but it, it all happened because of the TRS, because of
the relationship with mental health and ADHD that that it has
(24:59):
like that, that weight loss in general, but certainly these GLP
ones. I don't I.
Don't want to ignore Adderall though.
Adderall's also a real MVP. I take 10 milligrams, but I will
say I've started taking them every morning, same time with my
Wellbutrin. Yeah, and that too might be
(25:20):
helping. But I've also changed my habits
where take the shower in the morning, but now I also put my
makeup on in the morning. I move my makeup to the bathroom
so that it's there, so that I'm in there at that time doing it
all at once, saving time. I'm not doing it typically.
(25:41):
I used to do it at my desk with,with this, with this setup, with
the, the lamp and the phone and the this and things are falling
over and the, and I would get sofrustrated that I just, you
know, I developed this dread of,of doing my makeup of doing
these things. And that is, that's another.
This is related to prior complaints about your apartment.
(26:04):
How? We were just, you were just
saying like, well, I just moved my makeup from my desk to the
bathroom and it made all the difference.
And like you've, you've expressed that you, you don't
like your apartment anymore. You want to move, which I think,
you know, you've been there a while.
So like that's normal. Maybe it's, maybe it's not
related to this, but like, you know, maybe, maybe it is.
(26:26):
Maybe it's just like if you found, you know, a
reorganization or like, I don't know, a realignment of a couple
pieces of furniture, Maybe we change your, your routines.
I'm I'm thinking of getting, notgetting rid of my desk, maybe
just putting it away in my closet and getting one of those
standing rolling desks that we I'm not going to get the one on
(26:49):
TikTok. I'm going to get a nicer, more
sturdy one on Amazon because a standing better for you.
So I can stand and sit, but alsoso that I can work from my bed
because sometimes I'm on my bed and I get an idea if it's for a
TikTok based off something I've seen.
And then I look at my desk and Igo, I don't want to do that.
It's literally 10 feet away and I think I don't, I don't want to
(27:12):
go there. There is a mental block.
In my head. And I do, I think it's the, the,
the space and it's, I feel cramped.
We're getting a little off topic.
I want to return back to the rejection sensitivity dysphoria
and how it relates to ADHD, but also body image.
(27:35):
The first thing I'm going to do to really explain rejection
sensitivity dysphoria is I, I wrote a, a private post on sub
stack and I'm posting it on Patreon as well because I suffer
from this to to re again. I'm reading something else where
I think that's me. I, I recognize all of this.
(27:59):
My I, I used to call my sister and my sister would do this.
Pam, one of the dead ones. Yeah, look, she won't be hearing
this. So I used to call her and she
had, she did this thing that I fucking hated, which was she'd
answer the phone and say, what'sup, Chris?
(28:20):
I'm on my way out. What's up, Chris?
I'm in the middle of ATV show. What's up, Chris?
I'm, I'm at the store. That kind of abrupt dismissal,
it would, it would lead in one of two directions.
I would either lose my mother, fucking shit on my sister and
say, why do you even answer? Why do you do that?
(28:43):
Because this was, this is who would, who would always pick,
pick, pick. So I'd either lose my mind or
I'd hang up the phone and have to act like it wasn't a big deal
and then hang up the phone and then be in a shame spiral for
the rest of the day because of that.
Not a shame, maybe not a shame spile, but that had that took
(29:05):
such an emotional toll on me. And it took me back to when I
was a kid and I always felt likeI was in the way, especially
when my mother was sick and everybody was focusing on
everything really but me. It brought me back to that time
in my life where I just felt so insecure and so insignificant
(29:28):
and like I didn't matter. So I absolutely, and this isn't,
you're not diagnosed with this. This is something that a lot of
people with ADHD or PTSD have taken to this term because it's
so aptly describes what they're feeling in the most.
The common feature of a of ADHD.Right.
(29:51):
And it's, it describes what they're feeling in that moment
when they perceive a rejection. And I look back, I think I
remember telling you this when when Gareth wrote that letter to
me about I almost certainly wouldn't call you.
And I said it felt like my chestwas opening up.
It's, it's all related. It's.
(30:13):
I don't know. That wasn't an overreaction.
Yeah, he was just. That was a brutal letter.
Was a brutal letter. By the sign.
Right. But in, in, there are other
instances where I feel the same.When I feel left out of
something, I have such an extreme reaction and it's, and I
(30:37):
don't think it's a rational reaction.
It's I feel so it, it makes me feel like I'm, I'm being left
out. Nobody wants me around it.
It really does bring up all thatstuff from when I was a kid and
but and it's like most people would have had that conversation
(30:57):
with my sister when she ends on the phone and just been like, go
fuck yourself and hung up or just been like, OK, just call me
back. The latter, yeah.
Here, I'm not. I wasn't, I'm.
I'm not capable of that. Or at least I wasn't at the
time. I actually think like it, like
answering that way is better than what I would do, which is
(31:20):
simply ignore my phone. I'd be like, I'm busy.
That's what I would say to her is why do you answer if you
can't talk? Right.
But most people don't prefer that, right?
Most people prefer to be acknowledged.
And then, like, you know, we'll make a follow up plan.
Yes, let the phone ring and senda text.
Well, so simple. I guess This is why we get a
(31:44):
lot. My sister.
My sister knew what she was doing.
She knew it because she would doit all the time.
And even when I would tell her how much it irritated me, she
knew what she was doing. She was doing it to hurt me.
Now, why would she do that, Kristen?
Because she was toxic. Pam was, yes.
(32:07):
Oh, well, I didn't. I didn't know Pam.
The heck I know her. I don't know her.
Oh, I know, right? Pam.
Yeah, Pam was. Yeah.
Listen, she had. All of her sisters ties.
No, you know Paul's. Paul's not OK.
Good. But the rest of my sisters were,
yeah. But listen, they all had their
(32:30):
good qualities and they all had their good qualities.
And Pam had a very good heart. But she was, she was toxic.
She just very passive aggressive, very manipulative
type of person though. Yeah, it was very hard to
(32:52):
maintain a relationship with somebody like that.
I've never heard this. I've never heard this about her.
I've you've, I don't know if you're even cognizant of this,
but you've always sort of painted her as like a real
tragic figure. She is.
She was. Yeah, Well, no, certainly you
can be both. But right, I guess I don't know.
(33:12):
I don't. So I don't have biological
siblings. So, you know, to be just 100%
forthcoming, I guess it's, it's just not a relationship I really
get. But I would think that if
somebody is toxic, like, yeah, you could be toxic and tragic,
but like, I, I don't know. I, I think if it were me, like,
(33:33):
that would sort of eat away at my sympathy after a while too.
Well, of course it did. Of course it did.
But again, I I don't want to gettoo far off topic.
She, she did it to, to, to hurt me.
She did it to get a reaction, topick a fight, to play the
victim. It was a cycle in any sense so.
(33:54):
Well, let me let me ask you thisactually, just because she was.
Fascinated by this part? I am just so because she it was
toxic and tragic, tragic. People know that they're tragic
on some level, right? So do you think that she knew
that that she could get a rise out of you by doing this?
Yes, and that and that she did it because in some way it made
(34:16):
her feel superior in that moment.
Yes, that's exactly why she did it.
Yeah, that's exactly why she didit.
That. Makes sense?
To see me. She liked it I I think.
Because that wasn't the normal hierarchy, right?
No, yeah, no. We would talk and I would get
(34:37):
very frustrated with her and I would just say, God, Pam, like
this never changes. It's the same thing over and
over and over again. And she, I'm sure, would get
embarrassed and then would decide I'm going to take it out
now. I'm going to show her.
I'm going to make her feel how she made me feel.
(34:57):
But the difference was I wasn't intentionally trying to hurt
her. I was trying to point out to
her, the story's not changing here.
When are you going to? When's it going to change?
Meaning like, when are you goingto get your shit together?
That and she just always had a problem with somebody.
(35:18):
Always I. Figured she was toxic because.
She was toxic. To go back to the rejection
sensitivity dysphoria, when we have when we struggle with it,
right it, it can affect it. There are so many things that
(35:38):
that play a role in it and, and how we respond to rejection as
far as how it relates to body image is again, because it's so
common in people with ADHD, we often we feel very disconnected
(36:00):
from our bodies, either because of time blindness where we hyper
focus and we forget to eat. Or, and this is something else
that I've, I've learned we feel uncomfortable in clothes and
that makes us again, it, it justmakes us not want to be in our
(36:20):
skin, right? I kind of talked about this when
we when we first recorded the the very first episode.
I was saying like I feel like a brain in a VAT most of the time.
A brain in a VAT. Well, right, Because so we're
very disconnected from our bodies.
And then we have to, not only dowe have to deal with internal
(36:42):
messaging, but then we have to deal with external messaging of
what a good body looks like, what a healthy body looks like.
We're constantly bombarded with all these messages and images
that remind us or make us feel as though we're not good enough
(37:03):
and which in and of itself is a form of rejection.
And so we spiral, we start to, we're not able to brush it off.
This, this becomes the truth when we see all this stuff.
Oh, no one, you know what, he probably rejected me because of
(37:24):
what I look like or because of my weight or because of my
height or because of what I wore.
We just that's when the RSD kicks in and we start taking
everything as a perceived slightor as a rejection.
Yeah. And and it's an intense, you
(37:44):
react, it's not, and it's not just a disappointment that
someone might reject you and they might not even be rejecting
you. You could be messaging with
somebody. This is and and then they
disappear in the middle of the conversation.
Hate that, by the way, hated it.That it that you'll start to be
(38:06):
like, where do they go? Did I say something?
What did I do? And then you go back and you
look at the string and you startanalyzing and you would get so
in your head about it when they probably just fell asleep or
they went to brush their teeth and then remembered they had to
make a call and right like. Or it just seemed to them like a
(38:27):
natural law. Right, right.
But with RSD you see everything as rejection and often times you
will do what you can if you're anticipating it and it might not
even be real, but you're if you're anticipating it, you
might end up rejecting somebody first.
(38:50):
Oh yeah, or just like sabotagingyourself.
Or sabotaging yourself? Exactly.
So this this came up a lot with students who had ADHD.
They so very often they were academically successful, but
across the board they were successful by doing things at
the last minute. And they they were successful
(39:12):
because, you know, they just happened to be bright, not
because not because they had a well executed plan ever about
anything right. But yes, they'll do everything
at the last minute. Or.
Not at all, right? And then things that didn't get
done at all. It would be this just huge
(39:32):
battle of like getting them to face it like, hey, just just
reach out to your professor, just get an extension.
And they almost never would, right?
That they would very often just take the 0 because they wouldn't
want to face that conversation. They didn't want to get scolded,
they didn't want to get reprimanded.
(39:53):
They didn't want to hear, you know, you're a disappointment,
which like here, like that's that's the irrational part of
it, right? Like.
Which I, I tried to explain too,but this never ever helped.
But you're not a disappointment to your professor because your
professor is not personally invested in you, right?
(40:13):
I'm so sorry, but like, it's notyour mom, your dad, like they
truly don't actually care whether you turn in this paper
or this assignment. So you know, they're not
disappointed, right? Like you're, you're really only
hurting yourself here. But it, it just isn't, it's just
not a rational thing, right? This rejection dysphoria.
(40:33):
Have you ever heard of body neutrality?
Yeah, I have said it to you before.
Have you sounds I can tell when I bring up all these things
stars going. I've talked to her about this I.
Have yeah. I mean, I, I think I could be
wrong, but I think I was talkingabout it in episode 1.
We're starting to talk talking about Tirzepatide and I I said
(40:55):
I've attempted for most of my life to be body neutral and very
often because I simply feel disconnected from it.
Like it's just not something I'mthinking about most of the ever
actually. I feel literally like a branded
event. Well, I think it's interesting
that once I started focusing noton what my body was going to
(41:17):
look like, but on what my body was feeling like.
Yeah. That's when I started to have
success. That is interesting.
Right, because once I started realizing, you know what I need,
I need to get more sleep. I.
Well, Andy, you stopped taking that appetite stimulus that,
(41:39):
that, that. Too.
But I just, I made sure I was eating better where I could.
I was just showing my body that I respected it.
Yeah. And when I started focusing on
(42:01):
that, everything else fell into place.
Yes, it could have the the appetite stimulant, I'm sure, of
course. But I also think that something
reducing that cortisol has also played a role because I'm not
impulse eating. Yeah.
(42:23):
And that's the thing, that's thething about ADHD, it's the thing
about PTSD, it's the thing thingabout RSD, that lack of impulse
control that we have, that that tends to make us react
impulsively. Maybe, like I said with my
sister, when she would do that to me with the phone, I would go
(42:44):
one of two ways. And it often went into this
fucking volatile fight. Yeah.
Because I would go from zero to 60.
Instead of saying, you know, she's baiting you walk away and
and wait a few hours or maybe even a day and see, do you still
(43:05):
feel the same way? Because if you don't, then what
you were feeling in that moment was the dysphoria, right?
If you're not feeling that anymore, then it was, it was
probably just the dysphoria and you, you were letting it,
(43:26):
letting it trigger you and open up wounds in you that you've
struggled really hard to heal, right.
So you, and this is the thing when you feel that rejection,
when you feel, when you feel like you're not, you don't feel
good in your body because that was something I really struggled
with. And this is the last couple
weeks. I, I said this to this group, I
(43:50):
said this is the first time and I can't remember when, where I
feel comfortable in my body and in my clothes.
And I know that a lot of it had to do with not just feeding my
body, but feeding my mind, if that doesn't sound too cliche.
Well, it doesn't, but I mean, the the process you're
(44:10):
describing about like in the moment, knowing that your sister
is baiting you and choosing not to react.
I mean, yeah, you know that on arational level and you know that
in hindsight, right? But I mean, with the
impulsivity, right. But as we've talked about
before, like unfortunately, a lot of a lot of the things you
(44:32):
could do to alleviate the negative effects of ADHD require
you to not have ADHD. Right.
But also remember that this whenwhen this happens with PTSD or
how however you're reacting right, your brain doesn't know
the difference. Your brain doesn't know the
(44:53):
difference between perceived or actual threats.
Right. It just knows the what's going
on inside and then it, it, it reacts.
And so in that moment, you're going to believe that's, that's
what you're going to believe. You're going to believe, oh,
(45:15):
this is my fault and I'm I'm always in the way and oh, why
did I you know, I shouldn't haveturned to them and I'm such a
burden. You're going to believe that.
That's why I say take a step away and let everything
neutralize in your brain and, and come back and ask yourself
how you feel. Do you still talk to yourself
(45:37):
that way? Or do you say that was that was
just, that was the lack of dopamine, that was the the
dysphoria, whatever it was. But take that moment.
I heard a great phrase today, which is don't react, respond.
Yeah. Which I really like because
(45:57):
reacting is in the moment and respond is typically after
you've taken a beat. Or it's just, yeah, it's just
going to, it's just going to blow up in your face.
I, I do want to say about like the rejection sensitivity that I
think you know, though, like it very often goes along with ADHD,
but it doesn't necessarily impact your personal life or
(46:22):
your family life. Like it, it could impact your
academic or professional life, which is why I brought up
students as an example, right? And because most people get
diagnosed with ADHD when they'rewhen they're children.
But I think it's good, you know,to discuss a variety of examples
(46:42):
because it can crop up in different ways.
But I don't think it necessarilyhappens across the board.
I disagree. With that, I think it's a
trigger is a trigger. I could be wrong, but I think
that if you feel that with with someone that you're dating, you
probably feel that with friends,you probably feel that with, you
know, when you're when you're not.
(47:02):
Chosen well, I think you're disagreeing with it because this
is true for you. Oh, OK.
Right, but but someone else right with ADHD, who's, who's
experiencing projection sensitivity, it might just be
related to their academics, right?
Or just related to, you know, one relationship.
(47:23):
And then some people like may not feel like it affects them at
all, like they may have ADHD, but they may not feel like
they're especially sensitive to projection.
There's just, I think there's a lot of crossover between the
rejection sensitivity associatedwith ADHD and, you know, trauma,
just other trauma, PTSD as you mentioned, right?
(47:47):
Yeah, suffering from complex trauma can lead to RSD as well.
And it a lot of it has to do with like 1 main contributing
factor obviously is the the issues with dopamine production,
right? So that's why there's so much
overlap between RSD and PTSD andADHD.
(48:12):
That said, follow us on Instagram at Datology pod.
Follow me on Instagram at the Kristen MTHECHRISTANM.
If you have any questions, dating or body image or mental
health related, go to datologycoach.com and submit
your question. Follow me on TikTok and YouTube
(48:35):
at didology coach and my character analysis bog witches
warlocks days. I guess value of your time
doesn't really apply here. We need to come up with a new
tagline or new. Ending, we tried to keep your
tits out in your chin up. Keep your tits out.
I like tits out. Chin up.
(48:55):
All right, I like that. Tell us what you think of that.
That. Tits to Ke$ha.
Chin up, Bye.
An LG Coach podcast Worth the wait episode, Sarah.
Yes. We haven't spoken in a couple of
weeks, well, at least for this. Yeah, that's true.
Does we record this every other week?
I, I have a funny story and I have, I have some stories this
(00:35):
week about my, my GLP one experience.
But you had said to me earlier that your last couple weeks were
interesting. Yeah, for sure.
So I'm not sure how long we've we've been doing this now we got
a little bit of a head start before we started recording.
So I don't know how many weeks it's been exactly, I'd have to
(00:58):
look in my notes app, but I feellike what I've learned is never
weigh yourself on shot day. Why?
Weigh yourself the morning afteryour shot and here's why.
I I did have two weeks in a row where I did not lose any weight.
I was, I was the same. Well, actually, I guess that's
(01:21):
not true. I had one week where I didn't
lose any weight right where it'sthe same as the week before.
And I weighed myself on shot dayand it really looked like it was
going to be two weeks in a row of no weight loss.
And I weighed myself the morningafter my shot down 3 lbs.
And every time I've weighed myself since down 3 lbs really.
(01:43):
And this has happened before when I weigh myself on shot day.
Yeah, it just, it, it's, it seems to make a difference.
So I mean, we've already talked about like the week of your,
your period, right? And how you retain water that
week. So I shared I guess probably 2
(02:03):
weeks ago that I was frustrated that week because it looked like
I had like gained 5 or 6 lbs. But no, it's just just water
retention during my period. So I really can't explain this
like difference between the morning of the morning after
thing. It does seem to make a
difference though for me. Really.
(02:24):
Because it's happened before. I have a funny story and it
it's, it's associated or relatedto the story I told in the last
episode about how I was so hungry.
Yeah, starving all the time. I went to the vet to pick up
Sam, who's doing much better, bythe way.
(02:45):
And I want to thank everybody for the well wishes.
And I was sitting in the little exam room and the vet was going
through all the medications I had to give her.
And he pulled out this tube and he said, now with this, you got
to wear gloves. And I, I said, I said, oh, why?
(03:11):
And he said, well, this is transdermal.
And I realized what he was talking about, the medication he
was talking about was an appetite stimulant.
And I said, so you're saying that that medication works on
humans as well? And he said, oh, yes.
(03:35):
And I, I said, do you think thatmight be why?
I said, I'm on, I'm on tirzepatide.
This is supposed to be curbing my hunger and I'm not, I'm not
experiencing that. And he said, how long have you
been on the tis appetite? I said about six weeks.
And he said how long has Sam been on the medication?
(03:56):
And I said about six weeks. And he said that's probably
contributing to your appetite. Yeah, good thing Sam was a small
dog and she wasn't getting a larger dose, right.
Right, right. That is, there are a lot of
(04:16):
reasons to love Sam and that that is just one of them.
So once I stopped doing that andstarted wearing gloves, I
noticed a change. It was really like night and
day, huh? Night and day.
Well, that makes sense. And this past Friday, because I
(04:37):
started doing my shots on Fridays as well, I, I did my
shot and I had to reconstitute, you know, I had to put the, the
BAC water in and mix it and, or,you know, and let it settle or
whatnot. And then I had to administer it.
And I was having a really hard time getting the liquid into the
(05:01):
needle. And so I was sort of pulling the
the like the little, what's it called?
Like the plunger? The plunger thing to sort of get
it going. And so it finally worked and I
typically fill it up to 20 unitsand then push out what I don't
need. And I thought for sure that I
(05:23):
did. I, I, I still think that I did.
So I administer the shot and thenext day I won't say that I was
violently ill, but I will say I was severely nauseous.
OK. Had the most the worst
indigestion and keep in mind I take acid reflux medication
(05:48):
everyday. I had to take 2 pills for two
days straight, it was that bad, and now it only lasted for two
days. And you weren't eating anything
different. I I barely ate that that
Saturday. I, I, I couldn't.
The thought of food was turning my stomach.
(06:09):
OK. And like I said it take it took
about two days. Although I will say I learned
from a friend. I was in a live on TikTok.
We were talking about the Idaho case and I was talking about how
nauseous I was and someone on the panel used to work in a
hospital and they said do you have any alcohol prep pads and
(06:29):
I. Said, Oh yeah, you could sniff
one, right? I sure do.
Yeah. And I went and I sniffed 1, and
I'll be damned if that didn't work.
Yeah, I mean it worked within a minute.
Huh. So that definitely helped.
That definitely helped the nausea.
I should have tried that. I should have thought of that
the night of my Thai food. Right.
(06:51):
Although I don't know, I think that just needed to come out.
The indigestion was terrible, terrible, but it literally
lasted 2 days and that was it. And now it's I, I, I haven't had
it since and I feel I'm not hungry.
I'm eating, but I'm not hungry, which is this is, this is what I
(07:17):
wanted things to be. I wanted to, I made sure to have
Greek yogurt, protein, granola, fruit, and I've started making
this date sort of puree, caramelized puree out of dates
that I put on my my Greek yogurt.
(07:38):
It's just a great source of fiber.
I put it on the Greek yogurt. I start that off sandwich in the
afternoon, Turkey or roast beef and then dinner.
It depends, depends on how hungry I am, but it's definitely
(07:58):
I, I don't feel as though I haveto order from DoorDash right
now. I am thinking, oh, listen, I'm,
I'm still not cooking, but I'm instead of going to DoorDash,
I'm going across the street to this really nice, this nice
sandwich shop and getting a roast beef sandwich, paying half
than what I'd be paying on DoorDash.
(08:19):
And that's really the only food I'm buying for the day because I
have everything else. So the last time we spoke, I had
lost about 2 lbs total, but was sort of staying the same, which
surprised me because I thought for sure because of the way I
was eating. Oh, I thought for sure I was
(08:40):
going to gain weight and I didn't.
I stayed at that same weight, but in the past two weeks I got
on the scale. I was 2 lbs less.
Congrats. Two other two new pounds so.
Isn't that awesome? It's.
It. Is it's.
Sweet. But it makes me think, OK, now
(09:01):
this process really begins for me, right?
But I, I'm not going to lie, I'm, I'm very nervous about
taking another shot on Friday. I want a replay.
Yeah, now I told you 2 weeks agowhen we were both hungry that I
was also feeling weirdly hungry.So I did up my dosage and just a
(09:26):
little bit, but it really, it did the trick.
Did it? Man, eating is a real chore for
me right now. It is a chore I.
Won't say that it's a chore. I definitely feel like, and
that's the reason why I like a sandwich because you can split
it in two. Yeah.
Half and half and then you don'tfeel like you're wasting food.
(09:49):
And there's there's so much, there's so much involved with.
You know, we were talking about our relationships with food and
you know, I was raised. You do not waste food.
You do not. A lot of people were like most
people I think, right? My father used to make these
(10:11):
stews of pretty much anything that was leftover meat wise.
There was no, there was no throwing out of food or wasting
of food. So that's the I think that's
another block I have about cooking and food shopping.
Yeah. I think I'm, yeah, I think a lot
(10:31):
of people have that. But I but with ADHD and the and
the the sandwich, I don't feel, I don't feel overwhelmed about
eating and but will I eat it all?
And am I going to am I going to waste it?
I can go, oh, here's a half now,here's a half later and it makes
(10:53):
sense in my brain and I don't and I don't get that that
overwhelmed that. Makes sense to me too.
Right. It's it's just, it's just
easier. But this effects boot shopping.
This is it's very difficult to buy for one person.
It's difficult I think, to food shop anyway.
(11:13):
Like, I don't know, maybe it's just me, but the grocery store
has always been my most hated chore.
Yeah. It's so over stimulating,
everybody's in the way. Right.
I, I, I agree with you, hate it.I I agree with you this.
Hate it? That is part of the reason why I
do. I usually do Instacart.
Yeah. Right.
(11:34):
And then you wonder like Instacart, DoorDash, Kristen,
where is all your money? I don't know.
Instacart and DoorDash I think. Yeah.
But I like in our house soda. My dad hated having soda and he
almost made us feel like we werespoiled if we had soda.
(11:57):
And so I think that refusal to let us have it made me want it
more. But also I grew to really like
warm soda. And I don't know why.
I think maybe it settled my stomach.
I don't know. But not being able to have it as
(12:18):
a kid made me want it more. And I, I, I, I think I ought,
you know what? You know what it is?
I associated it with being at myaunt's house, my Aunt Sally's
house, because she always had coke.
OK. So it was like a little treat
time it. Was like a little treat.
So I I've always associated it with my aunt, my aunt's house.
(12:38):
And so there's always been, I think something comforting about
it. Yeah, having warm soda.
It's so it's so silly, but. She had it.
She had it warm like she liked it warm.
Well, she kept it. I believe in her.
Like a walk in pantry. Oh, I see.
So it was like room temperature,right?
Yeah, right. So.
(12:59):
And no ice. No, they.
Put ice in it I didn't put. Ice.
Oh, I see. OK.
Ice at the time, but all the IT was the same thing with sweets.
My I think my father saw sweets as a reward and we talked about
this last week. He wasn't going to do that,
(13:20):
which made me want to have it have them more and which made me
mention this. Going to my aunt's house, she
was always cooking the whoopie pies and the and the chocolate
chips. It really all that stuff
represents comfort for me. Yeah, well, sure.
Right. So I think that that always
shaped my relationship with foodin terms of what did it remind
(13:47):
me of. Right.
To this day I love There are certain foods I love only
because they were introduced to be to me by my father.
Like what? Haddock and Stripe and Squid.
I love them, yeah, but only because my father introduced
(14:08):
them to me when I was little. Yeah.
Right. Or corned beef and cabbage.
I loved that because my aunt used to make it.
Oh, I hate that. Oh, I.
Loved it. I loved it.
There were just certain meals that I loved and it was nice
sitting at her table. Everyone sat down for dinner at
(14:31):
the same time, you know, it was nice, great.
Whereas in my house it wasn't really like that.
Everyone sort of came and went as they please and maybe me and
my stepbrother would sit and eatdinner, but or my father, which
was because he'd sit at the end of the table and he very rarely
(14:52):
spoke. So there wasn't a lot of chatter
or chitchat versus being at my aunt's where it was.
You know, they were very tight knit Irish family.
The house was, I would say 1/4 of the size of the house that I
lived in, in where we lived thatthe my dad had built.
But it was it was a home warm and it was inviting and it it
(15:17):
made me feel safe. Yeah.
So I don't know if that like equates to my relationship with
food. How could it not?
It it has to, right? Yeah, I I was thinking about
yeah, like like my relationship with food growing up too.
(15:39):
And I, I don't know, I think I, I think I hit upon a couple
interesting realizations recently.
I, I, like, I've, I've never made this accusation to my
parents, but I think it's time to, to name it what it was,
which was food insecurity, but in a weird, stupid, fucked up
(16:00):
way. Let me explain.
OK, look, please let me explain.I've mentioned before my folks
got divorced when I was about 6.Prior to that, I have really
nice memories of like family dinners, which my mom would
cook. And my mom was a pretty good
cook. My mom actually went on to have
(16:23):
her own catering business. So yeah, pretty solid cook,
right? My dad remarried when I was like
9 and my step mom grew up in actual poverty, like extreme
extreme poverty. 1 of 10 kids, Dad's gone.
(16:44):
Mom didn't work because it was back in the day like like real
poverty. And so she believed for a long
time that she could cook, but then like when we blended our
families, every time she would make dinner, I was like, I
simply cannot, I can't eat this swill in this garbage.
(17:07):
Like I wasn't as rude about it as a child, but like, I really
was like, I, I don't, I don't like any of this.
I don't like any of the dishes that are being made.
And so that was like a real fight for a long time.
Like every night it was like you're going to sit there and
tell you your dinner and I and Iwouldn't like because eventually
(17:30):
I started to believe that she was like making things that
literally disgusted me just out of spite.
Now I think she just was a shit cook.
Like she just was a shit cook and like never got out of that
poverty mindset. You know what I'm saying?
So it's like, I don't know, we were both the problem, I guess.
(17:55):
But eventually, like after many years of food battles like that,
my dad got a different job whichentailed him very frequently,
like going out to lunch with clients or for whatever reason,
getting treated to lunch. Right, Like pretty extravagant
lunches. So he would come home and not be
hungry. At which point my stepmom was
(18:18):
like, well, why would I cook then?
Because Sarah is a fucking bitchabout it and Michael's not
hungry. So she never called me a bitch.
But you know what she meant And,and like, I kind of was right.
I didn't, I like I didn't have the vocabulary at the time to
express my frustration. Like I just, like I said, I was
convinced she was trying to gross me out.
(18:39):
But really, like someone really just should have like been like,
we have plenty of money. Like, like, please go to therapy
and stop tormenting your family.Like you don't have to eat the
cheapest thing you can find. Right.
Right. Like it's so that was like what
happened to me. So then basically by the time I
(19:02):
was in 9th grade, no, just just no dinners.
Oh gosh, just no dinners. So I just had to like fend for
myself. But then simultaneously again,
because my stepmom grew up in poverty, she was like a like a
fucking hawk about groceries. So then if me or my stepsiblings
(19:23):
like ate something too fast likethat would be a problem.
Which is also extremely dysfunctional.
Right. Yeah.
So eventually I was like, you know what, fuck this.
I got a job. I'm gonna buy my own food.
So that's what I was doing, you know, from like 9th through 12th
grade. But what that meant was that
(19:44):
since I was working from, you know, 3 to like 10 or 11 is like
I was just grabbing whatever fast food, right?
And I I had the metabolism for it at the time.
So, you know, it was fine. I also worked at a grocery store
for a while, so that was kind ofnice.
I could like grab something while I was working.
Not necessarily fast food, but yeah, I was eating a lot of fast
(20:06):
food. Not even because I liked it.
It's just like, what was I goingto do?
Grocery shop? No, like I was 15.
So. So that was.
Yeah, my childhood. And then obviously when you go
to college, people cook for you,so you just don't really have to
think about it. But the foundation of your
(20:29):
relationship with food was so negative.
For sure, for sure. Like I said, I I haven't named
it what it was until very recently, but it was like stupid
food, like food insecurity for no reason.
When you say food insecurity, what do you mean by that?
I mean, like when I went home, Iknew there wasn't going to be
(20:51):
dinner made. Right.
So like we, we might have had ingredients around.
Right. Right.
Or every now and then, you know,if it was on sale, if it was
literally the cheapest thing in the store, my step mom would buy
like, I don't know, box of macaroni and cheese, cereal, a
(21:12):
frozen, whatever. But it wasn't like she was
getting that kind of stuff in lieu of making dinner.
It was mostly ingredients. Yeah, just a bunch of different
ingredients, but with no plan inmind.
Well, because she didn't cook. Oh my God.
And I, and when I tell you she didn't cook, she didn't make
(21:33):
breakfast. I don't know what she was
getting for lunch. I, I guess she was getting at
work or something. And then like in the evening, if
I happened to be home, like I wouldn't, she wouldn't cook for
herself either. I'd see her like maybe eat a
yogurt so. Yeah, that's not healthy.
(21:54):
I don't know how she's alive, right, to be honest, because
like for several years there I Ijust don't know what calories
she was ingesting. But not even because she was an
almond mom, just because she waslike obstinately refusing to
cook for just me. Yeah, I mean, Speaking of like
(22:15):
cooking for just for just you. We've talked about meal
prepping. Yeah.
And I this is my problem, right?I always get super psyched up.
I'm gonna buy all these glass jars and then I'm gonna make
overnight oats for three nights and then and you know what
(22:35):
happens? You know what happens?
You do it once? What?
Happens I make it and I never eat it because I'm I'm hyper
focusing or because of the what,what do they call it?
Time blindness? And this was all things that I
started researching over the thelast few days.
(22:58):
I just wrote a poach on a poach,a post on Substack about
something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria.
And it's, it's about it's about our like in it having a very
intense reaction to rejection, right?
(23:22):
Like it's, we think everything is a rejection.
We see everything as a, as a personal slight.
It, it's, it's very similar to PTSD.
In fact, they over, they overlapa lot.
And because it's this is this rejection sensitive rejection
sensitivity dysphoria is very common to people with ADHD as
(23:44):
well as PTSD because. Often why we don't start new
things if we are if we don't know if we're good at it, why
would why would we even start it?
It's kind of like all these little things that I'm realizing
are playing into my relationshipwith food, my eating habits,
productivity. And I will say this once I've
really started to understand allof this stuff, the nervous
(24:09):
system regulation and the, the fight or flight and cortisol,
once I've really started to, andthe ADHD, the ADHD was a big
thing for me to get a handle on because learning all the areas
that it affects and, and the little cheats that I can learn,
(24:32):
like the, the little shortcuts, my productivity has changed, my
energy level has changed. It's incredible.
And I know it's not the TRS, it's it's definitely not that
it's but it, it all happened because of the TRS, because of
the relationship with mental health and ADHD that that it has
(24:59):
like that, that weight loss in general, but certainly these GLP
ones. I don't I.
Don't want to ignore Adderall though.
Adderall's also a real MVP. I take 10 milligrams, but I will
say I've started taking them every morning, same time with my
Wellbutrin. Yeah, and that too might be
(25:20):
helping. But I've also changed my habits
where take the shower in the morning, but now I also put my
makeup on in the morning. I move my makeup to the bathroom
so that it's there, so that I'm in there at that time doing it
all at once, saving time. I'm not doing it typically.
(25:41):
I used to do it at my desk with,with this, with this setup, with
the, the lamp and the phone and the this and things are falling
over and the, and I would get sofrustrated that I just, you
know, I developed this dread of,of doing my makeup of doing
these things. And that is, that's another.
This is related to prior complaints about your apartment.
(26:04):
How? We were just, you were just
saying like, well, I just moved my makeup from my desk to the
bathroom and it made all the difference.
And like you've, you've expressed that you, you don't
like your apartment anymore. You want to move, which I think,
you know, you've been there a while.
So like that's normal. Maybe it's, maybe it's not
related to this, but like, you know, maybe, maybe it is.
(26:26):
Maybe it's just like if you found, you know, a
reorganization or like, I don't know, a realignment of a couple
pieces of furniture, Maybe we change your, your routines.
I'm I'm thinking of getting, notgetting rid of my desk, maybe
just putting it away in my closet and getting one of those
standing rolling desks that we I'm not going to get the one on
(26:49):
TikTok. I'm going to get a nicer, more
sturdy one on Amazon because a standing better for you.
So I can stand and sit, but alsoso that I can work from my bed
because sometimes I'm on my bed and I get an idea if it's for a
TikTok based off something I've seen.
And then I look at my desk and Igo, I don't want to do that.
It's literally 10 feet away and I think I don't, I don't want to
(27:12):
go there. There is a mental block.
In my head. And I do, I think it's the, the,
the space and it's, I feel cramped.
We're getting a little off topic.
I want to return back to the rejection sensitivity dysphoria
and how it relates to ADHD, but also body image.
(27:35):
The first thing I'm going to do to really explain rejection
sensitivity dysphoria is I, I wrote a, a private post on sub
stack and I'm posting it on Patreon as well because I suffer
from this to to re again. I'm reading something else where
I think that's me. I, I recognize all of this.
(27:59):
My I, I used to call my sister and my sister would do this.
Pam, one of the dead ones. Yeah, look, she won't be hearing
this. So I used to call her and she
had, she did this thing that I fucking hated, which was she'd
answer the phone and say, what'sup, Chris?
(28:20):
I'm on my way out. What's up, Chris?
I'm in the middle of ATV show. What's up, Chris?
I'm, I'm at the store. That kind of abrupt dismissal,
it would, it would lead in one of two directions.
I would either lose my mother, fucking shit on my sister and
say, why do you even answer? Why do you do that?
(28:43):
Because this was, this is who would, who would always pick,
pick, pick. So I'd either lose my mind or
I'd hang up the phone and have to act like it wasn't a big deal
and then hang up the phone and then be in a shame spiral for
the rest of the day because of that.
Not a shame, maybe not a shame spile, but that had that took
(29:05):
such an emotional toll on me. And it took me back to when I
was a kid and I always felt likeI was in the way, especially
when my mother was sick and everybody was focusing on
everything really but me. It brought me back to that time
in my life where I just felt so insecure and so insignificant
(29:28):
and like I didn't matter. So I absolutely, and this isn't,
you're not diagnosed with this. This is something that a lot of
people with ADHD or PTSD have taken to this term because it's
so aptly describes what they're feeling in the most.
The common feature of a of ADHD.Right.
(29:51):
And it's, it describes what they're feeling in that moment
when they perceive a rejection. And I look back, I think I
remember telling you this when when Gareth wrote that letter to
me about I almost certainly wouldn't call you.
And I said it felt like my chestwas opening up.
It's, it's all related. It's.
(30:13):
I don't know. That wasn't an overreaction.
Yeah, he was just. That was a brutal letter.
Was a brutal letter. By the sign.
Right. But in, in, there are other
instances where I feel the same.When I feel left out of
something, I have such an extreme reaction and it's, and I
(30:37):
don't think it's a rational reaction.
It's I feel so it, it makes me feel like I'm, I'm being left
out. Nobody wants me around it.
It really does bring up all thatstuff from when I was a kid and
but and it's like most people would have had that conversation
(30:57):
with my sister when she ends on the phone and just been like, go
fuck yourself and hung up or just been like, OK, just call me
back. The latter, yeah.
Here, I'm not. I wasn't, I'm.
I'm not capable of that. Or at least I wasn't at the
time. I actually think like it, like
answering that way is better than what I would do, which is
(31:20):
simply ignore my phone. I'd be like, I'm busy.
That's what I would say to her is why do you answer if you
can't talk? Right.
But most people don't prefer that, right?
Most people prefer to be acknowledged.
And then, like, you know, we'll make a follow up plan.
Yes, let the phone ring and senda text.
Well, so simple. I guess This is why we get a
(31:44):
lot. My sister.
My sister knew what she was doing.
She knew it because she would doit all the time.
And even when I would tell her how much it irritated me, she
knew what she was doing. She was doing it to hurt me.
Now, why would she do that, Kristen?
Because she was toxic. Pam was, yes.
(32:07):
Oh, well, I didn't. I didn't know Pam.
The heck I know her. I don't know her.
Oh, I know, right? Pam.
Yeah, Pam was. Yeah.
Listen, she had. All of her sisters ties.
No, you know Paul's. Paul's not OK.
Good. But the rest of my sisters were,
yeah. But listen, they all had their
(32:30):
good qualities and they all had their good qualities.
And Pam had a very good heart. But she was, she was toxic.
She just very passive aggressive, very manipulative
type of person though. Yeah, it was very hard to
(32:52):
maintain a relationship with somebody like that.
I've never heard this. I've never heard this about her.
I've you've, I don't know if you're even cognizant of this,
but you've always sort of painted her as like a real
tragic figure. She is.
She was. Yeah, Well, no, certainly you
can be both. But right, I guess I don't know.
(33:12):
I don't. So I don't have biological
siblings. So, you know, to be just 100%
forthcoming, I guess it's, it's just not a relationship I really
get. But I would think that if
somebody is toxic, like, yeah, you could be toxic and tragic,
but like, I, I don't know. I, I think if it were me, like,
(33:33):
that would sort of eat away at my sympathy after a while too.
Well, of course it did. Of course it did.
But again, I I don't want to gettoo far off topic.
She, she did it to, to, to hurt me.
She did it to get a reaction, topick a fight, to play the
victim. It was a cycle in any sense so.
(33:54):
Well, let me let me ask you thisactually, just because she was.
Fascinated by this part? I am just so because she it was
toxic and tragic, tragic. People know that they're tragic
on some level, right? So do you think that she knew
that that she could get a rise out of you by doing this?
Yes, and that and that she did it because in some way it made
(34:16):
her feel superior in that moment.
Yes, that's exactly why she did it.
Yeah, that's exactly why she didit.
That. Makes sense?
To see me. She liked it I I think.
Because that wasn't the normal hierarchy, right?
No, yeah, no. We would talk and I would get
(34:37):
very frustrated with her and I would just say, God, Pam, like
this never changes. It's the same thing over and
over and over again. And she, I'm sure, would get
embarrassed and then would decide I'm going to take it out
now. I'm going to show her.
I'm going to make her feel how she made me feel.
(34:57):
But the difference was I wasn't intentionally trying to hurt
her. I was trying to point out to
her, the story's not changing here.
When are you going to? When's it going to change?
Meaning like, when are you goingto get your shit together?
That and she just always had a problem with somebody.
(35:18):
Always I. Figured she was toxic because.
She was toxic. To go back to the rejection
sensitivity dysphoria, when we have when we struggle with it,
right it, it can affect it. There are so many things that
(35:38):
that play a role in it and, and how we respond to rejection as
far as how it relates to body image is again, because it's so
common in people with ADHD, we often we feel very disconnected
(36:00):
from our bodies, either because of time blindness where we hyper
focus and we forget to eat. Or, and this is something else
that I've, I've learned we feel uncomfortable in clothes and
that makes us again, it, it justmakes us not want to be in our
(36:20):
skin, right? I kind of talked about this when
we when we first recorded the the very first episode.
I was saying like I feel like a brain in a VAT most of the time.
A brain in a VAT. Well, right, Because so we're
very disconnected from our bodies.
And then we have to, not only dowe have to deal with internal
(36:42):
messaging, but then we have to deal with external messaging of
what a good body looks like, what a healthy body looks like.
We're constantly bombarded with all these messages and images
that remind us or make us feel as though we're not good enough
(37:03):
and which in and of itself is a form of rejection.
And so we spiral, we start to, we're not able to brush it off.
This, this becomes the truth when we see all this stuff.
Oh, no one, you know what, he probably rejected me because of
(37:24):
what I look like or because of my weight or because of my
height or because of what I wore.
We just that's when the RSD kicks in and we start taking
everything as a perceived slightor as a rejection.
Yeah. And and it's an intense, you
(37:44):
react, it's not, and it's not just a disappointment that
someone might reject you and they might not even be rejecting
you. You could be messaging with
somebody. This is and and then they
disappear in the middle of the conversation.
Hate that, by the way, hated it.That it that you'll start to be
(38:06):
like, where do they go? Did I say something?
What did I do? And then you go back and you
look at the string and you startanalyzing and you would get so
in your head about it when they probably just fell asleep or
they went to brush their teeth and then remembered they had to
make a call and right like. Or it just seemed to them like a
(38:27):
natural law. Right, right.
But with RSD you see everything as rejection and often times you
will do what you can if you're anticipating it and it might not
even be real, but you're if you're anticipating it, you
might end up rejecting somebody first.
(38:50):
Oh yeah, or just like sabotagingyourself.
Or sabotaging yourself? Exactly.
So this this came up a lot with students who had ADHD.
They so very often they were academically successful, but
across the board they were successful by doing things at
the last minute. And they they were successful
(39:12):
because, you know, they just happened to be bright, not
because not because they had a well executed plan ever about
anything right. But yes, they'll do everything
at the last minute. Or.
Not at all, right? And then things that didn't get
done at all. It would be this just huge
(39:32):
battle of like getting them to face it like, hey, just just
reach out to your professor, just get an extension.
And they almost never would, right?
That they would very often just take the 0 because they wouldn't
want to face that conversation. They didn't want to get scolded,
they didn't want to get reprimanded.
(39:53):
They didn't want to hear, you know, you're a disappointment,
which like here, like that's that's the irrational part of
it, right? Like.
Which I, I tried to explain too,but this never ever helped.
But you're not a disappointment to your professor because your
professor is not personally invested in you, right?
(40:13):
I'm so sorry, but like, it's notyour mom, your dad, like they
truly don't actually care whether you turn in this paper
or this assignment. So you know, they're not
disappointed, right? Like you're, you're really only
hurting yourself here. But it, it just isn't, it's just
not a rational thing, right? This rejection dysphoria.
(40:33):
Have you ever heard of body neutrality?
Yeah, I have said it to you before.
Have you sounds I can tell when I bring up all these things
stars going. I've talked to her about this I.
Have yeah. I mean, I, I think I could be
wrong, but I think I was talkingabout it in episode 1.
We're starting to talk talking about Tirzepatide and I I said
(40:55):
I've attempted for most of my life to be body neutral and very
often because I simply feel disconnected from it.
Like it's just not something I'mthinking about most of the ever
actually. I feel literally like a branded
event. Well, I think it's interesting
that once I started focusing noton what my body was going to
(41:17):
look like, but on what my body was feeling like.
Yeah. That's when I started to have
success. That is interesting.
Right, because once I started realizing, you know what I need,
I need to get more sleep. I.
Well, Andy, you stopped taking that appetite stimulus that,
(41:39):
that, that. Too.
But I just, I made sure I was eating better where I could.
I was just showing my body that I respected it.
Yeah. And when I started focusing on
(42:01):
that, everything else fell into place.
Yes, it could have the the appetite stimulant, I'm sure, of
course. But I also think that something
reducing that cortisol has also played a role because I'm not
impulse eating. Yeah.
(42:23):
And that's the thing, that's thething about ADHD, it's the thing
about PTSD, it's the thing thingabout RSD, that lack of impulse
control that we have, that that tends to make us react
impulsively. Maybe, like I said with my
sister, when she would do that to me with the phone, I would go
(42:44):
one of two ways. And it often went into this
fucking volatile fight. Yeah.
Because I would go from zero to 60.
Instead of saying, you know, she's baiting you walk away and
and wait a few hours or maybe even a day and see, do you still
(43:05):
feel the same way? Because if you don't, then what
you were feeling in that moment was the dysphoria, right?
If you're not feeling that anymore, then it was, it was
probably just the dysphoria and you, you were letting it,
(43:26):
letting it trigger you and open up wounds in you that you've
struggled really hard to heal, right.
So you, and this is the thing when you feel that rejection,
when you feel, when you feel like you're not, you don't feel
good in your body because that was something I really struggled
with. And this is the last couple
weeks. I, I said this to this group, I
(43:50):
said this is the first time and I can't remember when, where I
feel comfortable in my body and in my clothes.
And I know that a lot of it had to do with not just feeding my
body, but feeding my mind, if that doesn't sound too cliche.
Well, it doesn't, but I mean, the the process you're
(44:10):
describing about like in the moment, knowing that your sister
is baiting you and choosing not to react.
I mean, yeah, you know that on arational level and you know that
in hindsight, right? But I mean, with the
impulsivity, right. But as we've talked about
before, like unfortunately, a lot of a lot of the things you
(44:32):
could do to alleviate the negative effects of ADHD require
you to not have ADHD. Right.
But also remember that this whenwhen this happens with PTSD or
how however you're reacting right, your brain doesn't know
the difference. Your brain doesn't know the
(44:53):
difference between perceived or actual threats.
Right. It just knows the what's going
on inside and then it, it, it reacts.
And so in that moment, you're going to believe that's, that's
what you're going to believe. You're going to believe, oh,
(45:15):
this is my fault and I'm I'm always in the way and oh, why
did I you know, I shouldn't haveturned to them and I'm such a
burden. You're going to believe that.
That's why I say take a step away and let everything
neutralize in your brain and, and come back and ask yourself
how you feel. Do you still talk to yourself
(45:37):
that way? Or do you say that was that was
just, that was the lack of dopamine, that was the the
dysphoria, whatever it was. But take that moment.
I heard a great phrase today, which is don't react, respond.
Yeah. Which I really like because
(45:57):
reacting is in the moment and respond is typically after
you've taken a beat. Or it's just, yeah, it's just
going to, it's just going to blow up in your face.
I, I do want to say about like the rejection sensitivity that I
think you know, though, like it very often goes along with ADHD,
but it doesn't necessarily impact your personal life or
(46:22):
your family life. Like it, it could impact your
academic or professional life, which is why I brought up
students as an example, right? And because most people get
diagnosed with ADHD when they'rewhen they're children.
But I think it's good, you know,to discuss a variety of examples
(46:42):
because it can crop up in different ways.
But I don't think it necessarilyhappens across the board.
I disagree. With that, I think it's a
trigger is a trigger. I could be wrong, but I think
that if you feel that with with someone that you're dating, you
probably feel that with friends,you probably feel that with, you
know, when you're when you're not.
(47:02):
Chosen well, I think you're disagreeing with it because this
is true for you. Oh, OK.
Right, but but someone else right with ADHD, who's, who's
experiencing projection sensitivity, it might just be
related to their academics, right?
Or just related to, you know, one relationship.
(47:23):
And then some people like may not feel like it affects them at
all, like they may have ADHD, but they may not feel like
they're especially sensitive to projection.
There's just, I think there's a lot of crossover between the
rejection sensitivity associatedwith ADHD and, you know, trauma,
just other trauma, PTSD as you mentioned, right?
(47:47):
Yeah, suffering from complex trauma can lead to RSD as well.
And it a lot of it has to do with like 1 main contributing
factor obviously is the the issues with dopamine production,
right? So that's why there's so much
overlap between RSD and PTSD andADHD.
(48:12):
That said, follow us on Instagram at Datology pod.
Follow me on Instagram at the Kristen MTHECHRISTANM.
If you have any questions, dating or body image or mental
health related, go to datologycoach.com and submit
your question. Follow me on TikTok and YouTube
(48:35):
at didology coach and my character analysis bog witches
warlocks days. I guess value of your time
doesn't really apply here. We need to come up with a new
tagline or new. Ending, we tried to keep your
tits out in your chin up. Keep your tits out.
I like tits out. Chin up.
(48:55):
All right, I like that. Tell us what you think of that.
That. Tits to Ke$ha.
Chin up, Bye.
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