Sexual Chocolate Please

If you don’t recognize the phrase “Sexual Chocolate,” then you might be too young or too sheltered—or simply overdue for a viewing of Coming to America. The phrase hails from a hilarious moment in this 1988 cult classic when Prince Akeem (played by Eddie Murphy) attends a church service in Queens hoping to find a “good woman.”He does find one—but not before the audience is treated to a cringe-worthy performance by a band called Sexual Chocolate, fronted by the deluded Randy Watson (also played by Eddie Murphy in disguise). Randy sings off-key, struts like a super star, and owns the moment.He even drops the mic to a silent crowd. Except one diehard fan leaps to his feet, clapping and shouting, “That boy is good. That boy can sing!”It’s iconic, ridiculous, and strangely affirming. Because in a world that’s often silent—or even worse, critical—every writer, every artist needs their own version of that one fan in the crowd. Every writer needs a little Sexual Chocolate.In today’s publishing landscape, the pressure to produce, perfect, and promote your work can be overwhelming. The road is long, the milestones are often invisible, and the validation? It’s often non-existent.And even those at the top of their game need well wishes and love. I send some now to Ali, a real advocate who has people so pressed that find fault over ridiculous things. Ali, you are love and light. Signed, your Atlanta Hype woman.That’s where your hype person comes in. We need a cheerleader, someone who sees your potential even when your proses are shaky, your plot is flat, your characters are still finding their rhythm. These cheerleaders shout encouragement when you feel invisible. They believe in your words—even before they’re ready for the world.But this kind of fandom isn’t just blind praise. We have rules.Rule #1: Be Sensitive.A good hype person knows the difference between when a writer is ready to hear feedback and when they just need a boost. Some days are for critique; others are for comfort. Sometimes what we need most is for someone to say, “Keep going. I see you. You’ve got this.”Rule #2: Be Strategic.Cheering doesn’t mean enabling bad decisions. Don’t let your writer friend send out a draft that isn’t ready. Don’t let them self-sabotage by skipping the hard (but necessary) parts of the process—like working with an editor, developing a marketing plan, or cultivating industry relationships. Praise their progress, yes. But also give gentle nudges to help them remember to do the work that success requires.Rule #3: Know Their Creative Love Language.Every writer is fueled by different things. Some need words of affirmation. Some need gifts (like good chocolate, please and thank you). Some need a like or share of a post. Some need you telling one person or one library about their books.Others need quality time—just someone to sit with them in the mess and say, “You’re not alone.”The truth is, even the strongest voices waver. Even the most confident writers have moments of doubt. That’s why it’s more important than ever to be a person in someone else’s corner. Check in on your writer friends. Call up the creatives. Remind them they’re not crazy for chasing the dream, battling blank pages, or daring to tell a story that hasn’t been told before.So today, be someone’s fan. No matter how off-key they feel, your belief in them might be the thing that gets them through.Now say it with me: That writer can write.Some books to help us be better encouragers are:Keep Moving by Maggie Smith it’sa collection of affirmations and reflections that feel like encouragement from a friend.Untamed by Glennon Doyle is especially for women creatives, teaching how to step into your power—and to surround yourself with people who cheer for you, the fully realized version of yourself.The Light We Carry by Michelle Obama is not just for writers but this beautiful meditation offers hope and helps us navigating tough seasons.This week, I'm highlighting Kindred Stories through their website and Bookshop.orgHelp me build momentum for Fire Sword and Sea—spread the word and preorder this disruptive narrative about female pirates in the 1600s. This sweeping saga r

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to the Rite of Passage with Vanessa Riley, the
podcast where storytelling meets passion in every page turns into
a new adventure. I'm your host, Vanessa Riley, and together
we'll dive deep into untold histories, reflect on current events
through a historical lands, share behind the scenes writing insights,

(00:29):
and explore the ups and downs of the author's journey
from rich historical novels to unforgettable characters to pop culture's
intrusion on the written word. Hey, we're going to explore
it all. So grab your pen, your notebook, and let's
begin our journey through the written word. Let's start your

(00:54):
right of passage. Sexual chocolate. Please, all riders need a
little sexual chocolate fandom. If you don't recognize the phrase
sexual chocolate, then you might be too young, or too sheltered,
or simply overdue for a viewing of Coming to America.

(01:16):
The phrase hails from a hilarious moment in the nineteen
eighty eight cult classic when Prince a Key played by
Eddie Murphy, attends a church service in Queen's hoping to
find a good woman. He does find one, but not
before the audience is treated to a cringe worthy performance
by a band called Sexual Chocolate, fronted by the deluded

(01:40):
Randy Watson, also played by Eddie Murphy in disguise. Randy
sings off key struts like a superstar and owns the moment.
He even drops the mic to a silent crowd, except
one die hard Van leaps to his feet, clapping and
shouting that boy's good, that boy can sing. It's psy conic, ridiculous,

(02:05):
and strangely affirming, because in a world that often silent
or even worse critical, every writer, every artist needs their
own version of that one fan in the crowd. Every
writer needs a little Sexual Chocolate. In today's publishing landscape,

(02:27):
the pressure to produce, perfect and promote your work can
be overwhelming. The road is long, the milestones are invisible,
and the validation well, it's often non existent, and even
those at the top of their game need well wishes.
In love, I send some now to Ali, a real

(02:49):
advocate who has people so pressed that they find fault
over ridiculous things. Ali, you are love and light. Find
your Atlanta hype woman. See what I did there? Validation
in real time. That's where your hype person comes in.

(03:10):
We need a cheerleader, someone who sees your potential even
when your prose are shaky, your plot is flat, your
characters are still finding their own rhythm. These cheerleaders shout
encouragement when you feel invisible. They believe in your words
even before they're ready for the world. But this kind

(03:34):
of fandom isn't just blind praise. We have rules. Rule
number one, be sensitive. A good hype person knows the
difference between when a writer is ready to hear feedback
and when they just need a boost. Some days are
for critique, others are for comfort. Sometimes what we need

(03:59):
most is for someone to say, keep going, I see you,
you got this. Rule number two, be strategic. Shearing doesn't
mean enabling bad decisions. Don't let your writer friends send
out a draft that isn't ready. Don't let themselves sabotage

(04:22):
by skipping the hard but necessary parts of the process,
like working with an editor, developing a marketing plan, cultivating
industry relationships. Praise their progress, yes, but also give gentle
nudges to help them remember to do the work that

(04:43):
success requires. Rule number three, know their creative love language.
Every writer is fueled by different things. Some need words
of approbation, some need gifts, like good Jock, please and
thank you. Some need a like or a share of

(05:06):
a post. Some need you to tell one person or
one library about their books. Others need quality time, just
someone to sit with them in the mess and say
you're not alone. The truth is even the strongest voices waiver.

(05:29):
Even the most confident writers have moments of doubt. That's
why it's more important than ever to be a person
in someone else's corner. Check in on your writer friends,
call up your creatives. Remind them they're not crazy for
chasing the dream, battling blank pages, or daring to tell

(05:53):
a story that hasn't been told before. So today, be
someone fan. No matter how off hey they feel, your
belief in them might be the thing that gets them through.
Not say it with me that Ridick can write some

(06:15):
books to help us be better. Encouragers are Keep Moving
by Maggie Smith. It's a collection of affirmation and reflections
that feel like encouragement from a friend. Untamed by Glennon
Doyle is especially for women creatives, teaching how to step

(06:37):
into power and to surround yourself with people who cheer
for you the fully realized version of yourself. The Light
We Carry by Michelle Obama is not just for writers,
but this beautiful meditation offers hope and helps us navigating
tough seasons. This week, I'm highlighting Kindred Stories through their

(07:02):
website and bookshop dot org. Help me build momentum for
fire Swordency. Spread the word and pre order this disruptive
narrative about female pirates in the sixteen hundreds. This sweeping
saga releases January thirteenth, twenty twenty six. The link on

(07:24):
my website shows retailers large and small who have set
up preorders I've attached to my show notes. Show notes
include a list of the books mentioned in this broadcast.
You can find them on substack or my website Vanisarailly
dot com under the podcast length in the about tab.

(07:47):
Now you can guess my love language. Go ahead and
like this episode and subscribe to write a passage so
you never miss a moment. Thank you for listening. Hopefully
you'll come again. This is Vanessa Rieley m