All Episodes

March 11, 2025 11 mins
When I was in school, I once had a saying, "Sleep you can get any old time, but grades last forever." At the time, I meant it. It wasn’t the best mindset, but it fueled my drive to maintain a near-perfect grades. As an overachiever, I found comfort in metrics—things that could be measured, quantified, and tracked. That’s how I knew I was doing well. They were the invisible pats to the shoulders. You did good. With working divorces parents who just always couldn’t be there, numbers were a great substitute. Numbers gave me a sense of security, a tangible way to validate my efforts, to validate me. Vanessa literally on a treadmill.Unfortunately, I’m not alone. I believe the validation race is everyone’s personal kryptonite and the obsession starts young. My last year in elementary school, I won everything—the Citizenship Award, honors in science and math, and a spot on the honor roll. It was an amazing experience to be recognized by my teachers and the principal. But I remember vividly that same day, being called to a third-grade classroom to encourage my younger brother. He was upset because he hadn’t won anything. I had to gently explain to him that awards like these were given in sixth grade because students were preparing to transition to middle school. It wasn’t his time.Still, it was difficult to celebrate my accomplishments while knowing he was in pain. Even though he wasn’t eligible for the awards, he still felt the sting of being left out. That’s what the constant chase for validation does to us—we seek it even when we don’t need it, even when it’s not our time to be evaluated or recognized. We keep chasing the numbers, keep running on the validation treadmill.But the problem with numbers is that when you focus on them too much, you can lose sight of the journey. This isn’t just an issue for young people and students—it follows us into adulthood, into our careers, and for those of us who write, into the publishing world. As an author, numbers are everywhere. It starts with the word count—how many words it takes to complete a manuscript; how many get cut during editing. Then comes the timeline—how long it takes to get through copyediting. A friend of mine showed me how to take a manuscript that has been copy-edited and put it into Pages to track the number of revisions. And while that was cool to learn, it was just another number to haunt me, to obsess over, and to try to get right—whatever that means.More publishing numbers: how quickly the book needs to be turned around, how many months, days to pub. And then, the numbers shift to reception—the number of reviews, Goodreads ratings, NetGalley and Eidelweis requests. The numbers don’t stop. They just change shape.Once the book is out, the chase continues: the number of posts on social media, the number of followers, the number of subscribers. The formula for success remains elusive, and the pressure builds. Writers aren’t alone in this. No matter your field, numbers are always chasing you—performance metrics, annual reviews, engagement rates, sales quotas. The cycle never ends. And after a while, this constant pursuit can overshadow the real goal: growth, creativity, and fulfillment.This endless race can lead to burnout. And burnout looks different for everyone. Some people cry. Some people yell. Some people run miles to clear their heads. Me? I bake deep-dish apple pies. My husband knows I’m in trouble when I start making a pie crust from scratch for no particular reason. He can hear how hard I’m chopping those apples. He sees the intricate lattice work I’m designing on the crust—each crimped edge and delicate braid a sign I’m trying to regain control in a world that feels overwhelming. That’s when he knows to bring me a latte or a pile of chocolate, because his wife is spiraling.The truth is, we all need people who can pull us out of the chase, who can remind us to stop counting and start livin
Mark as Played

Advertise With Us

Popular Podcasts

Crime Junkie

Crime Junkie

Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.

24/7 News: The Latest

24/7 News: The Latest

The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.

Stuff You Should Know

Stuff You Should Know

If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.

Music, radio and podcasts, all free. Listen online or download the iHeart App.

Connect

© 2025 iHeartMedia, Inc.