February 24, 2025 • 70 mins
Join Ann and Omar Calvillo as they celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary. In this special episode, they share their journey, provide advice for married couples facing challenges, and dive into thoughtful questions about marriage, love, and faith. Listen to them as they reflect on their past, discuss their growth, and highlight the importance of faith, communication, and prayer in building a strong marriage. Tune in to hear their inspiring story and gain valuable insights for maintaining a godly marriage.
Become a supporter:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/2049675/support
Rep the podcast with fresh gear and join a community that's shaping positive change!
https://wrongtostrongchicago.creator-spring.com/listing/wrong-to-strong-chicago-pod
https://wrongtostrongchicago.buzzsprout.com
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/wrong2strong_pod/
Email: wrong2strongchicago@gmail.com
https://youtube.com/@wrongtostrongchicagopodcast
https://www.facebook.com/wrongtostrongpodcast
Donate to help support the work we are doing via the link below: https://tinyurl.com/W2SPodcast-Donations
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ann (00:00):
but I just, I just want to encourage the married couple who
maybe right now you're goingthrough a season of, uh, maybe
feeling, um, distant from yourspouse or you're in warfare.
You're in warfare.
I, first thing I need to say isyour spouse is not your enemy.
They are not your enemy.
(00:20):
There's three things that waragainst us.
The world, ourselves, the flesh,the flesh, and the enemy.
Those are the three things.
The world, the flesh, the enemy.
Okay, and so a lot of the timeswhen we're going through
something, we need to stop,pause, pray, process, right?
(00:43):
What is this?
What, what's going on with methat this is where self
awareness is huge in a marriage.
Start with me first.
I have to start with me firstbefore I can look to, to what's
going on with him.
What's going on with me?
And if we both learn to do thattogether, man, man, I'm telling
(01:03):
you God is doing something inmarriages.
From the city of Chicago, a citymost recently known for its
(01:27):
crime and violence.
On this podcast, we will besharing stories of redemption
from individuals raised in thetough streets of Chicago and
from around the country.
Some of them were gang members,drug dealers, incarcerated
victims, and perpetrators ofviolence.
Listen to my guests as theyshare their experiences,
(01:47):
struggles, trauma, but also thestrength, hope, faith and
perseverance, these havedeveloped in them to keep
pushing and moving forward inlife.
Tune in to hear how their liveshave gone from darkness to light
and from wrong to strong.
Omar (02:04):
Hello everyone.
Welcome to another episode ofwrong to strong Chicago.
I'm your host.
My name is Omar Calvillo andtonight I have my beautiful wife
with me and Calvillo.
Hey everyone.
Ann (02:15):
How's it going?
Omar (02:16):
So tonight we're going to do something a little bit
differently.
We're going to title this one.
A wrong to strong marriage.
So here we are, we arecelebrating today is February
19th, 2025.
We are celebrating 20.
Beautiful and wonderful years ofmarriage.
I've known this woman for 24 anda half years.
(02:36):
We were together four and a halfyears before we got married.
So this June 1st is going to be25 years that we, God willing,
have known each other.
And it's been a wonderfuljourney, a great ride.
So tonight, what we wanted todo, we just wanted to discuss a
little bit about our marriage.
So my wife did, uh, she Googledsome questions that she found.
You want to tell the peoplewhere you found these questions?
Ann (02:58):
So I googled, um, questions for marriages and I found it on
Focus on the Family.
Um, I just wanted to also say,this weekend, um, speaking of
marriage, we're going to a Focuson the Family Marriage
Conference.
Um, just a really quick, um,nugget.
It's so important that no matterwhere you are in your marriage,
(03:19):
whether you're One year in yourmarriage, 10 years in your
marriage, or like us, 20 yearsin our marriage, right?
That you invest in your marriageand that you constantly keep an
attitude of learning your, yourspouse Learning yourself and
learning what, what God has formarriage.
(03:39):
So I just wanted to share thattoo, babe.
Omar (03:41):
Okay, man.
Let me adjust this.
I don't know if you notice, it'skind of crooked.
All right.
It's still good?
Yeah.
I got a little OCDI had tostraighten that camera actually,
that was a little,
Ann (03:53):
it's still cricket and you don't have to edit that because
you know what I, I think it'slike, I love when I see a
podcast episode and it's justreal and there's no editing, so
don't edit that.
That's okay.
Okay, so you
Omar (04:07):
want people to know I got OCD Alright, here we go.
Not, but I do.
Hey, you know what?
I think I'm a, I'm a neat freak.
I like things in order.
And, uh, yeah, that's all I'llleave that as that.
But anyways, we got somequestions here we're going to be
discussing.
Uh, so question number one, herewe go.
You ready?
I'm ready.
It says, what are some thingsthat we used to do that you
would like to do again?
(04:28):
And what did you most enjoyabout those things?
Ann (04:31):
So, one of the things that I used to love to do, um, and I
started doing it with you, wasgoing out in the nature.
You know, so going out toStarved Rock, going out to
Forest Preserves.
I am not a nature girl by, uh,by nature.
I'm not.
I'm, I'm a city girl.
(04:52):
But, um, but I think that, youknow, when the kids were going
up and we wanted to do funthings with them, um, We would
take them out to nature becauseit's free and it's fun and it's
free.
Did I say it's free?
But, but I would say like thosewere the best times of, of our
(05:15):
being together as a family.
And so now that we'reapproaching being empty nesters,
which, you know, it's, it's.
I guess I'm coming to terms withthat.
You know, we have a senior inthe house and pretty soon he'll
be off to college, but you know,seasons, we go through seasons
and we're in a season wherethat's going to be happening.
(05:36):
And so I would love for us totravel more and go outdoors
more.
I mean, we've got, we've donesome great fun things, but I'd
love to be more consistent withit.
Omar (05:46):
All right.
So as far as for me.
Some things that we used to dothat you would like to do again.
One thing that came to my mind,I remember when I first met her,
I had just gotten out.
I was out for about maybe fourmonths, uh, out of prison.
I was locked up for three years,so I met her.
And one thing that she used todo in the beginning was give me,
um, um, Massages, you know, justlike rubbing my neck, my back
(06:11):
and, uh, I
Ann (06:12):
think
Omar (06:13):
back then she felt sorry for me, like, Oh, this guy, you
know, he looks like he needs amassage, but no, no, you know,
it was, it was just nothing, youknow?
It was straight PG 13, you know,just a physical massage, and
that's one thing that I enjoyed,you know, she used to, and not
only did I enjoy the, thephysical touch, but it was also
just being with her.
Um, from the first day we met,we were able to kick it off and
(06:36):
just be able to have fun andjoking around.
I think that's one thing thatyou could probably say that you
liked about me.
I think my sense of humor backthen, not no more.
She'll like it when
Ann (06:46):
I'm talking to
Omar (06:47):
her.
Stop.
Ann (06:48):
No, I do.
But, you know, uh, I don't knowif, I don't know if, you know.
I, I kind of, you kind of growup out of that, but, but I'll
say this.
I love that about him because hekeeps things light.
And when I'm, when I'm goingthrough, you know, just seasons
of just intense, intense,emotional, um, just things
(07:11):
happening in my life and me, Ilove that.
Um, he listens to me, but thenhe can also cheer me up.
He can also, um.
Just be there for me and in, ina, in a loving yet uplifting
way.
Omar (07:27):
Amen.
There's a scripture, I believeit's in Proverbs that it says
like, that a laughter is likemedicine for the bones.
Ann (07:34):
Yeah.
Omar (07:34):
You know, like it does.
Uh, I believe, um, laughter isvery important.
Um, the Bible says that we arecreated in the image of God.
So a lot of the characteristics,a lot of the things that we
express, I believe that comesfrom the Father.
So I believe that's somethingthat He gave us.
Ann (07:49):
Yeah, and I, and I agree, and I believe that's why the
Lord gave you me, uh, gave,yeah, gave you to me, um,
because, you know, I, I can, Ican tend to kind of, um, just
make things really serious, andit's like, no, and have fun,
girl, like, you know what I'msaying?
(08:10):
So, yeah.
I needed you, babe, and I neededyou to be funny.
Omar (08:14):
Amen.
Question number two.
What things about our lifetogether make you happy?
How frequently do you noticethose things?
What things about our lifetogether make you happy?
How frequently do you noticethose things?
Ann (08:31):
Um, Let's see, I would say the peace that we have, um, the
peace of coming home from a longhard day of work, um, where it's
like intense, you know, it's anintense environment, um, and to
be able to come home and havepeace with you hun', peace with
(08:51):
the kids, God, and you know,God's peace, right?
But, um, his peace in Hebrewmeans shalom, which means unity,
harmony, tranquility, wholeness.
And I feel like I have that whenI come home.
Um, and I love that and I'mthankful for that.
Um, yes, things can, you know,things can happen, but shalom is
(09:14):
not dependent on the things thatare happening.
Shalom is, is inside here.
It's in, it's in, it's in ourhearts.
So, sorry about that.
You might hear something on themic.
Omar (09:25):
She was hitting the mic.
But no, no, I agree.
When I read this question,peace, one thing I've learned is
that peace is something moneycannot buy.
And especially like growing up,if you grew up in homes where
maybe there was chaos, there wasfighting, arguing all the time.
Ann (09:43):
Like my home growing up was very dysfunctional.
So yeah,
Omar (09:47):
yeah, and I grew up in a home You know that there was a
lot of yelling a lot of arguingfighting things like that So
peace is something that I Iagree with that man.
I could come home and know thatwe're at peace We keep small
small.
I've learned one thing keepsmall things small like, you
know, we've learned just to Towork through things I guess but
(10:10):
another thing that they came tomy mind About our life together
that makes me happy is just thewisdom that I believe God has
given my wife for me.
Ann (10:21):
Um,
Omar (10:21):
I tell people that she's like my second Holy Spirit.
Ann (10:25):
Um,
Omar (10:26):
I know it's the Holy Spirit working in her and
through her, but I never doanything now without consulting
her,
Ann (10:33):
without
Omar (10:33):
asking her.
And at any, especially majorchoices, like I tell her, Hey,
babe, this is what I'm thinkingabout doing.
This is, you know, the optionsand I always receive her input.
So that's one thing about ourlife together that makes me
happy.
Um, the wisdom that she's givenme in, um.
In situations where I had tomake some tough choices in the
(10:56):
long run, like I look back and Ithank God for the wisdom that
she gave me because it turnedout to be the right thing to do.
So that's, that's one thing thatmakes me happy.
You know,
Ann (11:07):
I feel like I just need to share this.
Like I humbly, I humbly, um,accept that, you know, as, as
your wife, uh, because, youknow, I think, um, Growing up,
like, I didn't, I didn't see awhole lot of that.
And so the fact that you beingthe leader of our home, um,
(11:30):
meaning the spiritual leader,um, you, you take on your role,
but you make room, and you seeme as As your, as your helpmate,
as, as your equal, you don'tlook down upon me.
You actually invite me intothose decisions, um, and you,
and you receive from me.
(11:51):
And that's really huge because,you know, a lot of times in
marriage, um, it can, it can bevery one sided either.
It's the man making thedecisions or the woman because
she has to take, you know, stepinto that leadership role where
she's led, left to makedecisions by herself.
Um, but I'm really grateful andI'm, again, I'm humbled by this,
(12:13):
that you invite me, um, intothat space to make these really,
um, important decisions.
Alongside with you.
And one of the things that firstthing I do is pray.
That's the first thing.
That's a given like before Ieven open my mouth, you know
what?
Let's pray about this because weneed, we need to consult with
(12:34):
God before we do anything elsehere.
So that's, that's just, that'sjust me.
That's, that's what I have todo.
And so, like you said, yeah, itis us going to God and letting
his Holy spirit guide us.
Omar (12:49):
Amen.
Okay, question number three.
What's something you would liketo do together that we've never
done?
What makes it so inviting toyou?
Ann (13:01):
Hmm, repeat that.
Omar (13:02):
What's something you would like to do together that we've
never done?
What makes it so inviting toyou?
Ann (13:09):
Hmm, something together that we've never done?
Omar (13:14):
Can I go first?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ann (13:16):
Do that.
Omar (13:17):
You know, I was having a conversation with a brother.
He just got married this pastValentine's Day.
Matter of fact, Valentine's Daylanded on a Friday.
So one of the brothers fromchurch, shout out to Carlos and
his wife, Maria, they gotmarried on Valentine's Day.
They went to City Hall and theygot married.
That's what we did.
What came to my mind issomething that we've never done.
That I would like to do togetheris to actually have a church
(13:40):
ceremony when that we haven'thad a church ceremony.
And I know we've talked aboutlike a renewing our vows, having
a pastor there, maybe on theocean front.
I know we have some friends outin Hawaii.
Ann (13:53):
Shout out to Sophia, Peter.
Omar (13:55):
Yes.
So you never know.
But what I would like to do is,um, I know God honors the
marriage covenant.
That's one thing that our pastortold us when we're deciding.
I told a pastor, I want to marryher.
I don't have money like to throwa big wedding and our pastor
said, man, go to city hall, getmarried.
Got God honors man's law.
We went to city hall, we got ourmarriage license, then we went
(14:17):
before a judge and got marriedand it's been a blessing ever
since then.
I would really love, and I knowthat's one thing she has brought
up to me too, so maybe I beather to the punch, but I know
she, she wants, uh, to do that,but that's one thing I would
like to do, maybe have our kidsthere, maybe, uh, maybe our
close knit family, maybe closefriends, and do actual, like,
(14:38):
uh, renewing of our vows, maybeon the ocean side or something
like that.
Ann (14:42):
Yeah, okay, so now I'm going to have to go in agreement
with you.
Um, you know, it didn't, it, it,It didn't come to mind, but
you're right.
That's something that I've beenmentioning for a while now that,
um, that I would love to dothat.
I would love for our grownchildren to be a witness there
of, you know, just the love thatwe have between each other and
(15:06):
how it's only because of God,like we can't contribute this,
um, this union.
Um, to ourselves.
This is something that God hasdone, and this is something He's
continuing to do with ourcomplete reliance on Him.
So, yes, I would love to, um,maybe wear an off white dress,
(15:29):
and, you know, have my childrenthere, and, you know, have you
in a sharp, Tuxedo and and have,you know, who knows, maybe
Pastor Juan or some pastorthere, um, to just bless us.
Um, I would truly, truly lovethat.
That would mean so much to me.
Omar (15:47):
Amen.
So question number four.
What was the last thing I didfor you that you really enjoyed?
What made it so pleasant foryou?
Ann (15:57):
What
Omar (15:57):
was the last thing I did for you that you really enjoyed?
And what made it so pleasant foryou?
Ann (16:03):
I would say, um, The last thing you did was, was it
Valentine's Day?
Hmm.
So I would say, um, actuallyjust yesterday, yesterday when,
um, you know, we woke up, we, wetook, you know, we took the, the
day off to spend time together.
(16:23):
And, um, just you being there,like, it was so beautiful.
It was just like.
I'm, I'm not like, you don'thave to get the stars and the
moons for me.
I'm just, you know, I lovesimplicity, like you being
there.
And my daughter Angelina callsfrom school and she's like, What
(16:46):
are you guys doing?
And so here we are, like, we'regoing to plan this whole day on
our, by ourselves.
Um, which we did the morning,right?
We just, uh, we woke up togetherand, um, you know, just You got
in the word, I got in the word,um, and we worked out, and then,
um, we picked, you picked upAngelina, it was so cold out
(17:10):
yesterday, it was like freezing,and I didn't want to go out, and
you're like, don't worry, I'llgo get her.
Um, and you brought her home andI made us some delicious
breakfast and you helped andAngelina was like, she, she was
loving every bit of it.
Um, but then Moses comes homeand just being at the dinner
(17:32):
table with.
All of my family.
Um, that meant everything to me.
I just, I was taken in thatmoment.
Like, this is so precious.
Like, this is so beautiful.
So, it's, it's the simplethings.
Uh, the little things that,again, as our family grows, as
our children grow, um, we seeless and less of.
(17:56):
But when we're able to betogether, it's like, it's It
means everything to me.
It's so precious to me.
And, and again, just startingoff our morning, just me and
you.
It was just the right start tothe morning.
Omar (18:09):
Yeah.
So the question, what was thelast thing I did for you that
you really enjoyed?
Um, I want to mention somethingthough.
I don't know if you guys arefamiliar with the five love
languages.
Dr.
Gary Chapman got a book on that.
Well, there's five lovelanguages, and mine are physical
touch and acts of service.
So, the last thing that, thatyou did for me that I enjoy is,
I love it when you help me dothings that need to get done.
Ann (18:33):
Like
Omar (18:33):
around the house, whether it's around the house, whether
it's cleaning, whether it'sorganizing.
When, when she helps me like dothose things and I come home,
let's say, and the house isorganized, dishes are clean,
man, maybe so dinner's ready,things like that.
To me, that's my love language,which is acts of service.
Acts of service is like doingsomething for somebody, you
(18:53):
know, like.
Ann (18:54):
Yeah.
Omar (18:54):
And I know you mentioned the little things that make a
big difference when she's, whenI'm on the couch and she comes
and she sat next to me and likeright beside me and watching a
movie together, just thephysical, you know, it don't, I
don't gotta be all that kind ofphysical all the time, man, just
sitting next to me, laying yourhead on my shoulder and just
having you close by.
To me, that's love.
(19:15):
It's the little things, thelittle things that matter.
Ann (19:17):
Yeah.
Omar (19:18):
But okay.
Number five.
Ann (19:20):
Okay.
Omar (19:21):
So these questions here, we just, uh, stumbled across
them right now.
So we didn't have a chance tolook over them, to think about
them.
So all these answers are likefrom the top of the head.
So here we go.
Number five.
Ann (19:32):
Go
Omar (19:33):
ahead.
Ann (19:34):
No, go ahead.
Yeah.
You good?
Yeah.
Omar (19:35):
Okay.
Uh, which of our couple friendsor acquaintances do you admire
the most?
Ann (19:42):
What
Omar (19:42):
is it about their relationship that impresses you?
Ann (19:46):
Hmm.
Omar (19:46):
Which of our couple friends or acquaintances do you
admire the most?
What is it about therelationship that impresses you?
Man, I got a couple that came tomy mind already.
Can I go first?
Go for it.
All right.
Shout out Pastor Joey andSunshine Miranda.
When we first got saved, we gotsaved at the same church out in
(20:07):
East Chicago, Indiana.
Uh, Faith World ChristianCenter.
This was back in 2004 for me,October and for her somewhere, I
don't know, in August aroundthere, but, um, there were the
assistant pastors at the timeand they became our mentors.
Uh, so she, um.
Sunshine was my wife's mentor.
Pastor Joey ended up being mymentor.
They basically, we were brandnew in the faith.
(20:30):
They taught us how to read theBible through the, you know, the
First Steps books that they weredoing out there.
They were actually using the NewLife books out in this church.
So, I'll say them.
Why do I admire them just to seethem at an early stage when we
weren't even married.
We were learning about, youknow, what it, first of all,
(20:51):
what it means to be a believer,what it means to be a disciple
of Jesus Christ.
And eventually that led us toget married.
And just seeing theirrelationship, they're still
married to these, to this day,and their children are grown,
their children are married,their, their grandparents now,
and I, uh, we still keep intouch, you know, via Facebook,
and I see just the expansion oftheir family, uh, their children
(21:15):
serve on the worship team,playing instruments, worshiping
together.
So that's one reason I admirethem, because I know their life
back then, I know the, the fruitthat I've seen.
In their marriage, in the waythey interacted to with one
another, uh, the love, therespect that they had for one
another, and they're stilltogether.
(21:36):
So to me that's, that's what inand, and impresses me.
That's what the question says.
What is it about therelationship that impresses you?
Um, it's evident that the loveof Christ, the love of Jesus
Christ is flowing in them andthrough them.
So that's one couple that wecould name some more too.
Obviously, this is a toughquestion because, you know,
maybe somebody might feeloffended.
How come you didn't pick me?
(21:57):
Hey, hey, hey, is that youthinking that?
I was going to mention you next,but unfortunately, I could only
mention one, you know,
Ann (22:03):
And I, you know, as you said, there's, there's, you
know, it's so beautiful how theLord puts us in community and
we've been blessed by so many,um, just godly relationships um,
and, and even just, um, peoplewho Who are in family, like, you
know, you know, who came to mymind, your mom and dad, like,
(22:25):
um, you know, when I, when Icame into your family, I was a
single mom and one of the thingsthat really, really spoke to my
heart was your mom's ability towelcome me, um, with non
judgment, like, You know, andshe, I remember when I first had
(22:46):
met her and you guys had yourfirst like family gathering and
she kind of pulls me to the sideand she says you could invite
your son and That meanteverything to me.
She didn't put me out there infront of everyone.
It was just me and her She saysyou could invite your son and I
felt a certain way about thatbecause I didn't know how your
family would receive Me and myson, but she made me feel so
(23:09):
welcome.
So loved Just accepted And and Iseen that in your dad too.
And I just feel like you'reyou're your mom and dad their
marriage and their ability to bewelcoming to people that no
matter who you are like If theydon't know you, they'll welcome
(23:31):
you, like, and they're veryhospitable, like, they'll open
up their door, they'll give youwhat they have, like, um, and I
didn't, I didn't grow up havingthat, um, I, I would say, like,
it was off and on, it wasn'tconsistent, where I feel like
your family has been veryconsistent in this, and they've
modeled that.
I believe that's why you, Um,it's so important to you that we
(23:55):
be hospitable, um, and that wewelcome people where I was, I
was very guarded about that.
Like, uh, I don't know if I wantto let people in my home.
I don't, you know, and you werejust like, you know, our doors,
God gave us this house to openit to whoever.
You know, comes in and, youknow, my discernment radar goes,
(24:16):
do, do, do, do, do, but that'sworking on me, people, but, but
that's one couple that, um, I'vegleaned from and, you know, that
I really appreciate and love isyour mom and dad.
Omar (24:31):
Shout out to my mom and dad.
And if you've ever been to myhouse, you can thank my parents
for that.
Hospitality, for real, that'svery big to, to me now.
Uh, I share with her, that's onething that got placed on our
heart.
I remember when we were prayingfor our house and God bless us
to be a blessing.
And when we, that was part ofour prayer, right?
Bless us and we will, we'regoing to open up our house to
(24:51):
others.
And that's one thing that, thatwe've done, you know, uh,
recently, you know, we'll openup our doors to family, to
friends, our brothers andsisters in Christ, so definitely
that's one thing that, that Ilearned from my family.
Okay.
Question number six.
Um, what is the best part aboutbeing together?
Ann (25:10):
How
Omar (25:10):
does that make you feel?
What is the best part aboutbeing together?
How does that make you feel?
Ann (25:18):
I'm
Omar (25:18):
gonna go first.
Ann (25:19):
Go for it.
Omar (25:20):
Her sweetness.
Ann (25:22):
And
Omar (25:22):
this woman is so sweet.
So tender, so kind.
I think we complement eachother.
Cause I'm a little bit rougharound the edges.
Just a little.
Just a little.
I'm a sweet little guy too,myself.
But man, just only
Ann (25:36):
on only on Wednesdays
Omar (25:39):
Anniversary 20 years every 10 years.
I get nice.
Ann (25:42):
Yeah,
Omar (25:43):
but no I was I would say man just What is the best part
about being together hersweetness her kindness?
Empathy Her sympathy for others.
She she truly like loves Shetruly cares And she's, I believe
God's used her to like soften meup, you know, if I could put it
(26:05):
that way.
I do believe that and he's stillusing her to do that.
You know, she tells me certainthings about things that I need
to work through.
And that's probably a wholenother episode we will get into
as far as like going tocounseling, as far as like
addressing past traumas.
You know, I remember the otherday, I'll share this real quick.
(26:28):
We were in the living room.
And she, she just sits down andI just bluntly tells me, I don't
think you've allowed yourself togrieve for those years that you
were incarcerated.
And as soon as those words lefttheir mouth, like my eyes got
watery and it felt like I wantedto cry just by her saying that.
(26:50):
Like, just the, there's certainthings that have, like, I guess
have hardened me that I believeGod wants to work, work through.
through or work in me to heal meso that I could bring healing to
others.
So that's, I would say, that'sone thing that I enjoy about,
about her.
And how does that make me feel?
(27:10):
That makes me feel happy.
Oh man, there's nothing like,Coming home to a sweet, tender,
caring wife.
I don't think I could be with awoman out there causing chaos,
and starting fights, and thingslike that, for real.
I'll be out, uh, I couldn't dothat.
So coming home, like youmentioned earlier.
You mean
Ann (27:28):
who I was before Christ?
I don't
Omar (27:30):
remember that, you know.
But
Ann (27:32):
anyways,
Omar (27:33):
uh, she mentioned peace earlier.
Shalom, shalom in the home.
That's part of that.
I would say the peace and justthe sweet peace and sweetness
that she brings to therelationship.
That's what I enjoy.
Ann (27:45):
And
Omar (27:46):
so what is the best part about being together?
That's the question.
Ann (27:49):
The best part of being together is.
I believe, for me, and this isreally huge, and I believe that
this didn't just happen in thebeginning.
Um, this has been a work inprogress.
Um, where I, and I shared thiswith you, I believe, yesterday,
where I feel safe with you.
Um, I think for me, growing up,you know, I just felt like
(28:15):
nobody really knows me.
You know, I felt like, I feltlike I couldn't let I've never
wanted anyone, especially not aman, because of my father
leaving our family when I wasvery young.
But I never wanted a man to seemy vulnerable side because I
felt that I would be takenadvantage of.
(28:37):
And so, I just didn't feel safearound men.
I felt like, you know, okay,when are you going to abandon
me?
-When are you going to rejectme?
When are you going to run out?
You know, and, because ithappened.
It happened with my very firstrelationship.
It happened with my father.
So, that was me coming in withmy baggage, with my, my traumas.
(29:03):
Um, and, and already myperspective was so skewed on
that, you know?
So I feel like over the yearsthat I've been able to be me.
I've been able to feel safe withyou, and this is what I mean,
not just physical safety, right,but safe, meaning that I can
share my vulnerabilities withyou.
(29:26):
I can share my weaknesses withyou.
I can, um, I can invite you intothose areas of my heart where I
have not allowed people, um,and, and so.
You have provided safetiness forme to be me, and that means
(29:47):
everything about me, the good,the bad, the ugly, like, you,
you're present there.
Um, I don't have to fearretaliation, because I know
some, some couples actually dofear that.
And, and, and, and I understand,and that's, um, that's a tough
place to be, but.
You make me feel safe and lovedand cared for and valued.
(30:10):
And again, this has been a workin progress.
This is not something that justhappened when we got married.
Oh, no.
It's, it's taken years for me tofeel safe with you.
And even still, I feel like theLord still Still working in me
in some areas, um, but God isgracious.
And so that's one thing that Ilove about us is that you, you
(30:34):
allow me to feel safe with you.
Omar (30:37):
All right.
Question number seven, whatmakes us a good team?
What could we do even better?
No, what, what could we do to bean even better team?
So what makes us a good team?
I think just like I mentioned inthe previous question, the, how
(30:59):
we're opposite, how I'm a littlebit more rough, you're more
sweet and kind.
I believe that's a goodcombination.
Like, you know, we complimenteach other, you know, like, um,
so that makes us a good team.
What makes us a good team?
The fact that we're both seekingGod.
Uh, we have our own personaldevotional time, especially this
year.
I would say that I've been morein my Bible.
(31:21):
Um, and back in August of 2024.
Uh, this brother named Kingsley,shout out to Kingsley, we do a
ministry in Cook County Jail.
Uh, he went in there one day, heforgot his Bible and he even
forgot what we were going to beteaching on.
And when it came to be his turnto, uh, share his part of the
Bible study, he just startedgoing like, uh, top of the head,
(31:42):
like what he remembers aboutthose scriptures and that Bible
and started teaching these men,basically had a Bible study.
Like from the top, from the topof his head from memorization
and so as we're walking out ofCook County that day, I asked
him, Hey, brother, man, how wereyou able to do that?
And he told me that he readsthrough the Bible at least once
(32:02):
a year and sometimes twice ayear.
So I remember that night I wenthome.
I believe I even mentioned thisto you.
And the next day I got on a oneyear Bible reading plan and I
think today I was like on day235 of going through the Bible.
So I say, I'll say the fact thatnow I'm in, I'm in the Bible,
(32:23):
I'm praying.
Uh, I believe that's what makesus a good team.
I believe that we both put Godfirst.
I put God first, she puts Godfirst in her relationship and
that just brings us closer.
We put God first in ourmarriage.
God first in every choice thatwe make.
So we're on the same page, we'reon the same team, right?
Yeah.
(32:43):
We got the same mission, thesame vision, uh, we're able to
do ministry.
As for me, like with, with men'sministry, she does women's
ministry and I think that's whatmakes us a good team is the fact
that we're building on, on the,on the solid foundation of, on,
on Christ, the solid rock westand and we build.
Ann (33:02):
Yeah, that's so good.
I just want to say this.
There's a quote that I've heard.
It says, in a marriage, youeither, uh, win together or you
lose together.
There is no winner and loser ina marriage, right?
And, you know, that, that'salways, um, spoken to me because
I want us to win together.
(33:23):
You know, and so We have to be,again, the big word, intentional
about making that happen,working together as a team,
right?
Because we go through differentseasons where, you know, um,
you, you may be like, you may bewinning, right?
You're winning.
But I'm in a place of like, Ifeel, you know, emotionally
(33:44):
stuck or I feel mentally stuck.
And You, you notice, hey, what'sgoing on?
You know, how can I pray foryou?
Um, how can I be there for you,right?
And I feel like vice versa.
You know, when you've, whenyou've been gone through your
seasons where you've been stuck,Um, again, you know, how can I
(34:07):
help you, babe?
And, you know, praying for oneanother.
I can't.
I can't, um, just emphasize howmuch, how important it is that
we pray for one another.
If you're, if you're married,um, you know, this is something
that I've learned and I'm, andthen I'm practicing that we have
(34:28):
to pray for one another.
Now you can do it, I would sayit's most effective when you're
doing it together.
Because you grow in intimacywhen you're praying with this
person, your spouse, right?
So, do it together.
Um, do it whenever you cantogether.
Whether, if it's in the morning,if it's at night, pray together.
(34:50):
Um, and, and also in your ownprayer time, in your private
time, when you close the door,pray for your spouse.
Pray for your marriage, right?
Because that, that, you know, ateam doesn't just happen.
There's preparation that goesinto that team being effective,
(35:11):
that team, um, uh, performing atits best.
There's also vision, you know,there's also a vision.
There's a mission that this teamhas.
Right.
And I believe that.
Our, our, our mission, right?
Our purpose is to know God, tomake him and to make him known,
but you know, our, our mission,our vision, um, that the Lord
(35:36):
inspires us through his HolySpirit.
And so I know that right now,uh, where he has us both is in a
place of ministering to oneanother, ministering to our
family and ministering, um,where we do at, at our jobs at,
at, at Cook County Jail and at.
Pacific Garden mission.
And so we need to be a teambefore we can get out there and
(35:59):
minister to anyone.
We need to be on the same page.
We need to be supporting oneanother.
We need to be praying for oneanother because we all have an
enemy, right?
We as a marriage Forget aboutit.
We have an enemy and so we needto be a team, um, unified with
Shalom, you know, and again, theenemy does everything possible
(36:23):
to bring chaos into that, butthat's where preparation.
You're not caught off guard.
You've been preparing.
You've been, um, moving as ateam together.
So, hey, if, if I didn't seethat, he's gonna catch it.
Let's, let's war together.
So, I think that's what makes aneffective team.
(36:45):
Is that, you know, we, we eitherwin together or we lose
together.
But there's no, there's nocompetition between us.
We're in this thing together.
Um, and we need to be, have eachother's back.
That's how I see it.
Omar (37:01):
Yes, I agree.
I'm glad you brought up prayerbecause I was, the second part
of that question is, what couldwe do to be an even better team?
And as you were talking beforeyou mentioned prayer, it was
already on my mind.
Like I know we pray, we have ourown prayer life.
Yeah.
And we do pray together.
But I would say not on a dailybasis.
I mean, if we're being honest,not an everyday thing, but when
(37:23):
I thought about that part of thequestion, what could make us an
even better team?
Ann (37:27):
Yes.
Omar (37:27):
If we're praying daily.
Ann (37:28):
Consistently.
Omar (37:29):
Daily.
Ann (37:29):
Consistently, yeah.
That definitely
Omar (37:31):
will make us a better team.
All right.
Question number eight.
Ann (37:33):
Mm hmm.
Omar (37:34):
When was a time you felt that I listened to you really
well?
What would you like us todiscuss, but have been hesitant
to bring up?
Uh oh.
Mm
Ann (37:44):
hmm.
Omar (37:46):
So, when was a time you felt that I listened to you
really well?
Let's start there, and thenwe'll go to the second part.
Ann (37:52):
Hmm.
I think, I think just recently,um, when I had shared about a
situation that, um, was going onat work.
Um, and again, I, where I work,it's a very intense environment.
I work with a very, um, I wouldsay very troubled women in a
(38:17):
very, uh, traumatic field.
And, and so, you know, I, Ibrought the weight of this thing
home with me.
And I remember, uh, it was a dayyou had a meeting scheduled and
I knew about it.
Um, but.
As I was processing what hadhappened at work, I really
needed you, I really needed youthere for me.
(38:39):
And, you know, I felt a certainway.
I felt like, man, like, when Ireally need you, um, you're not
there.
And so, and so that's, I'm justbeing very honest right now as
to how I felt in that moment.
And, and I've shared this withyou, but, so that night I
couldn't sleep, you know, I, Iwas processing this thing, I
(39:02):
couldn't sleep, and And themiddle of the night, it was like
three o'clock in
Omar (39:07):
the
Ann (39:08):
morning, three in the morning,
Omar (39:09):
my favorite time to have a conversation, a deep
conversation.
Ann (39:13):
So, uh, so I'm up and he's, he's, he's like, he could, I
guess he could feel that I'm up
Omar (39:22):
and I felt her like tossing and turning and it's
like, it's not like her.
She usually, you know, likesound asleep.
So, so
Ann (39:28):
yeah, I was tossing and turning and I was just like
thinking about this thing, youknow?
And.
And he's like, is everythingokay?
And I said, no, it's not okay.
And you know, I began, I beganto share what I wanted to share
with him earlier that day.
And it was just like, I let outa good cry.
(39:52):
I let out what I needed to, andas I'm talking to him, like,
before I knew it, I am knockedout.
I'm, I just, I just like knockedout, fell asleep, but I really
needed to, to share that withyou.
I needed you to listen to me.
I needed you to be there for me.
(40:12):
And even though it was 3 o'clockin the morning, but you being
there for me, and me being ableto just share what was so heavy
on my heart.
Um, I just had peace and I wasable to, to knock out and go to
sleep.
So yeah, that, that I justrecall that moment.
Omar (40:29):
Um, so the question was, once again, you know, so you
guys know when was the time youfelt that I listened to you
really well?
Um, I would say what comes to mymind, I just finished taking a
course online, uh, Christianchaplains and coaching.
So it's a program that I tookthe first class was in
introduction to a chaplaincy andthe second part was on Christian
(40:53):
grief counseling So I believe inthat season it was like a month
and a half that I was goingthrough it but more more in
January just last month and thatI felt listened to I would like
share with her things that I waslearning and Things that that I
know she likes to talk aboutLike counseling.
That's one thing she does.
She's a biblical counselor whereshe works.
(41:15):
So I'm learning certain things.
So I'm sharing with her what I'mlearning and she's like, yo,
yeah, that's what you do.
And I guess we were Well, why Ifelt this is when you feel
listened to you really well Ithought she was listening
because it was something thatReally interested her or
something that she's alreadydoing and we were able to
discuss it I think to have agood back and forth so it wasn't
(41:38):
just her listening to me Butgiving me feedback and it was,
uh, I'll say during that monthor during, it wasn't just like a
one day thing.
I would say it was a continualas I'm studying.
And then the other thing goingback to, uh, just her being
here, uh, we were in the roomtogether, she was, uh, over
there on the desk and I'm in thebed studying and just having her
(41:59):
close in my season of mestudying and having to do tests,
read books, read articles, watchvideos, just having her there
close by made it easy.
I don't know.
Just, uh, It's almost like shewas there with me in the midst
of my process of going throughthis course, of going through
this class, but, um, I just wantto
Ann (42:19):
say this, that, um, you're right, I was very in tuned and
engaged, not so much because ofthe information you were
sharing.
It was good, and I could relate,you know, but I think what was
most, um, I guess whatinterested me the most about
that, was, um, this whole selfawareness that as you were, as
(42:44):
you were doing this, um, thewhole, uh, what is it called?
Omar (42:48):
Um, biblical grief counseling.
Ann (42:50):
Yeah.
Biblical grief counseling, partof being a chaplain.
Um, I, I saw how it wasministering to you and that's
what interested me because I'mall for.
You know, us becoming more selfaware because when we become
more self aware, that makes thegreater team, right?
(43:14):
Um, if I'm more self aware, ifI'm self aware of my triggers,
if I'm self aware of, um, justmy, my emotions not being
regulated.
Right?
Then I can do something aboutit.
I can go to the word of God.
I can pray.
I can call somebody up and say,Hey, will you pray with me?
(43:36):
I can, I can take those thoughtscaptive, right?
And, and, and so hearing you.
Just be self reflective.
I was just like, Wow, Lord, thisis so beautiful.
Like, this is your Holy Spiritministering to Him and He's
becoming, um, He's, He's growingand becoming more self aware.
(43:59):
Uh, so, that's what reallyintrigued me, interested, you
know, was interested,interesting to me.
Because I'm like, Yeah, this isgood.
This is really good.
But yeah.
Omar (44:11):
One thing that I was learning is, um, I think, did I
say biblical grief counseling orChristian grief counseling?
It's either or.
Uh huh.
But anyways, uh, one thing theywere saying in there that you
can't give something to someonethat you don't have yourself.
So you can't be over theretrying to help somebody as
they're going through whateversituation they're going through
if you haven't found thathealing yourself.
(44:33):
So it's almost like.
Allowing God to heal you, sothen you could, then God could
use you to bring healing toothers.
So as I'm reading some of these,um, Um, how would I put it?
These cases, I guess, orsituations, right, cases, um,
that people have went throughand I could relate to part of
that.
(44:54):
And then I could relate to thegrief, to the different, um,
symptoms, I would say of grief,right?
There was like seven or eight.
And that's
Ann (45:07):
where that question came in about, like, I don't think
you've allowed yourself togrieve.
When you were away, when youwere locked up, that's where
that question came in because aswe were sitting in that grief,
right?
Because, you know, as you know,grief is, grief is hard to
process.
And so, just the fact that you,you were Talking about it, you
(45:31):
were, you were just, you know,sharing about your own
experiences and I don't know, itjust brought that question up.
And so I believe it brought usinto a deeper intimacy.
Um, and that's the whole thingthat happens when you listen,
when you listen to someone isthat it brings a whole nother
(45:51):
level of intimacy between youand that person.
Omar (45:55):
Amen.
Listen, listen, love, love.
Four words you need to learn.
That's what I learned in thebook, right?
I think it was listen, listen,love, love.
That's it.
Ann (46:06):
That's it.
You know,
Omar (46:07):
uh, don't listen to respond.
Listen to understand.
As men, we wanna, when our wifetells us something, We're the
fixers.
We want to fix it.
Our wives don't need us to fixanything.
They just need us to hear themout.
You know, that's a lot of, a lotof times that's what it is.
Just be there, listen, bepresent.
And that, that alone makes a bigdifference.
(46:29):
The second part of the questionwas, What would you like us to
discuss but have been hesitantto bring up?
Ann (46:34):
Hmm.
Hmm.
Omar (46:39):
That's a deep one.
Ann (46:40):
Yeah.
Omar (46:41):
Like us to discuss but have been hesitant to bring up.
Ann (46:45):
It's deep.
It's deep for me.
So finances and I'm just beingreal.
That's a, that's where I avoid.
I go into avoidance mode.
Um, because it's something I'mnot, I'm not comfortable with.
Um, it's something that I knowthat you'll bring up to me a
lot.
You know, finances, um, andlearning how to budget.
(47:09):
And all this, you know, and it,it just, for me, it becomes very
overwhelming.
Um, but I know it's something Ineed to do and I feel like it's,
it's something that I run awayfrom every chance that I can.
Um, but I do believe that thisyear we need to get our finances
(47:31):
in order.
Um, I do believe that I need tobe a good steward in the way I,
um, I spend, you know, whatever,whatever, um, whatever it is
that I'm purchasing.
Um, I will say this a lot oftimes, I do Amazon, which I'm,
I'm putting myself out thereright now.
I do Amazon and, um, it's, it'sstuff that, um, that I don't
(47:56):
need.
Okay.
I'm confessing.
Yes.
Um, and, and even, even thethings that, um, the purchases
that I make for, for others,it's putting myself on a budget.
Like, what can we afford andwhat can't we afford?
And, and so, um, yeah, that's avery touchy subject for me.
(48:16):
So I'm putting it out thereright now.
We need to talk about that.
Not today.
Not today.
Not on our anniversary.
But soon.
Omar (48:23):
Maybe for our 50th anniversary, you're going to
hear stuff.
But here, okay.
Okay, going back to somethingshe brings up all the time.
Counseling.
She brings up counseling.
Man, I think you should do somecounseling.
And, like, I get, to be honest,I get defensive.
When, I don't know about you,but when somebody tells you you
(48:46):
need counseling, that tells methat there's something wrong.
Good.
You think there's somethingwrong with me that I need some
help with so right away I getdefensive and to be honest when
I get defensive I tune out therest of it Even if it's good
things that are that she'ssaying so but now like going
back to taking this class goingthrough that grief thing Just
(49:10):
learn learning about counseling.
That's what I was learning aboutI know That in order to truly be
effective in ministry, whetherthat's as a chaplain, in
ministry, men's ministry,there's some healing that, that
needs to take place in me.
I know there was a brotherrecently in church who just
opened up, you know, about goingthrough counseling and how it
(49:31):
benefited him personally, themarriage, family, and hearing
him, I, you know, I told himthat, man, you know, I believe
that's God wants to do somethingin me through that as well.
So counseling for men, it's not,not something that we look
forward to doing, but it hascome up a lot recently on the
podcast.
If you go back to the last threeor four podcasts or even further
(49:55):
back, men that have gone throughcounseling to deal with past
trauma, PTSD, things they'vegone through, experienced
healing to know why they act theway they do, why they react the
way they do.
They need healing in order to beeffective in every area of their
life, whether the workplace, inmarriage, as a husband, as a
(50:16):
father, as a friend, inministry.
So I'll say that's one thingthat I avoid, but I believe that
it's coming, you know, so.
Ann (50:25):
And I, and I just want to say this, like, there is this
stigma tied to counseling.
We've gotten better as a church,as people, like, we've gotten
better at.
normalizing counseling, becausethe Bible in Proverbs says in
the multitude of counselors,there is safety.
(50:45):
And a lot of times we go backto, like you said, hon, um, when
you hear counseling, you know,people think of it like, Oh,
what's wrong with me?
You know, something's gotta bewrong with me.
Well, there's a newsflash.
There's something wrong with allof us.
There's I don't know.
So there's something wrong withall of us.
You know, um, we were broughtinto a sinful world.
(51:09):
We were full of sin, you know,thank God for Jesus.
Thank God that, you know, he, hetook upon our, our sin, our
guilt, our shame, all of that,and there's forgiveness.
Um, through the blood of Jesus,and we're born again, a new
creation, right, all because ofJesus.
And so, there's this thing,though, that, that's still
(51:31):
taking place, which is therenewing of the mind, right?
We are transformed by therenewing of a mind, of the mind.
And this is an ongoing process,and so what counseling does is
it helps us in that area.
It helps us in renewing ourmind.
And so, Um, the, the whole, thewhole reason why I bring it up,
(51:53):
um, is because I too being abiblical counselor have been
learning and being counseled.
Through the people that Isurround myself with, um, my, my
supervisor, um, the, the ladies,the, the other counselors that
are there, um, I feel like everyday is a session because we, we
(52:13):
always talk about what we'regoing through.
Uh, we're safe spaces for oneanother, you know, and even, um,
going through biblicalcounseling class, um, with, um,
Gila and, and Roberta and the,these other ladies that are
there.
Um, we're, we're a safe spacefor, for each other and, and so
(52:34):
like counseling, uh, is, isreally a blessing.
Uh, we can't do this walk on ourown and, and again, going back
to Proverbs, you know, uh, we,we are safe in the multitude of
counselors, you know, of course,pray for the people, um, that,
that the Lord is connecting youwith, pray that they be, um,
(52:57):
People that are for you, youknow, and, and want what, what's
God's best is for you.
So, yeah, that's all I wanted toshare about counseling.
Omar (53:07):
All right.
Last question.
Number nine.
We're already at 52 minutes.
So, we got to wrap this up.
Ann (53:12):
Wrap it up.
So, here
Omar (53:13):
we go.
Number nine.
On a scale of one to ten, how amI doing as a husband?
Okay.
And then I got to answer thatfor you.
Okay.
So, okay.
Ten.
All right.
All right.
So I'm a 10.
Okay.
And the second part of thatquestion is what one little
thing could I do to move that upa notch to get me to 11 on a 10?
(53:37):
So I'm already a 10, but whatcould I do to bump that up a
notch?
Ann (53:42):
I will say this, like you, this is why I said you're a 10
for me.
I mean, we all have, again, weare all a work in progress.
But.
You are perfect for me, in thissense.
You're not a perfect person.
You're not, you know, to, to tryto seek perfection in a human is
(54:05):
an unreal expectation to put ona person.
Um, and it's not fair to them,right?
So for me, um, you're a ten inthis that you love God.
Number one, you love God.
You love people.
You love me.
You love our family.
You are a man of your word.
(54:27):
I can't, I can't like expresshow much you, that means to you.
And I've seen that when you,when you say something, you will
do whatever you have to, to keepyour word.
You are a faithful man.
You are a faithful man to theLord and to me and to our
family.
Um, you are a provider.
(54:49):
You provide not just physical,not just, you know, material,
um, but you provide a safety.
You provide care.
Um, you, for me, these are allimportant things.
Um, You are also a man who is,you're honest.
(55:12):
You're honest with me.
Um, even things that have beenhard for you to tell me, um, you
have, you have told me.
And I honor that.
I honor that because, yes, inthe moment it, I'm infuriated.
Um, yeah, the sweet girl couldget, the sweet girl could get
(55:34):
ticked off.
And yes, you've, you've pushedme there.
And I won't, and let's not,let's not shift blame because I,
you know, that comes from myown.
My own issues that I need todeal with, but I just want to
say that, that you're honest andyou are a man of integrity.
(55:57):
Um, these are all things that Ilove about you.
And that's why I've said, I saidyou're a 10.
Okay.
So yeah, that's, that's, um,you're a 10 and I'm sticking
with it.
Omar (56:08):
What can I do to bump it up a notch?
One thing that you think aboutme like, man, if he would just
do this, it would be evenbetter.
Ann (56:16):
I would say live fearlessly.
If you would just livefearlessly, honey, because I
see, I see that the Lord has putjust, um, the calling that He
has on your life.
(56:37):
Um, I believe that fear, um,holds you back.
And My prayer is that you wouldjust, even with fear,
courageously, courageously,because God gives us courage to
face our fears, right?
He has not given us a spirit offear, but of power, love, and a
(56:59):
sound mind.
Um, but, and as I'm saying thisto you, it ministers to me too,
because fear holds me back too.
But I'll say that, is that, um,it would bump it up a notch if
you would just Just live Godfidently, trusting the Lord
completely, fully, fullysurrendered, fully trusting Him.
(57:24):
No matter what it looks like,like you're just gonna do it, be
obedient to God and just do it.
So that's, that's it.
Omar (57:31):
Hmm.
Okay.
Thank you for all that.
Now I gotta, I gotta match that.
So on a scale of one to 10, howare you doing as a wife?
I'm gonna have to say a 9.
5 because I gotta, I gotta give5%, you know, to get you to that
10, to bump you up a notch.
Ann (57:46):
That's wise.
Yeah,
Omar (57:47):
nine and a half, so nine and a half.
Right, here we go.
Uh, like I mentioned throughoutthe interview, you know, just to
touch on certain points, hersweetness, her kindness,
gentleness, um, empathy,sympathy, just the love, not
only that she shows me,obviously we're talking about
marriage here.
But I see it in the way sheloves others, the way she loves
(58:08):
the women that she ministers to,the way she cares about the
people at work.
You know, I know she don't getinto details, you know, what
happens, but I could tell thatshe loves the people that she
works with, those that shecounsels.
So, and She's been, she's been abiblical counselor before she
even had the official title ofbiblical counselor throughout
(58:32):
the years since she got saved.
Like going back to something Isaid earlier about I, that I
know that the Holy Spiritministers to her and through
her.
So not only to me, not only isshe a blessing to me, but she's
a blessing to our children.
I see the conversations that shehas.
With our sons, with our daughterand man, I'm, you know, like
(58:54):
I'm, I'm over there listeningand just the wisdom, how much
she cares and she probes thequestions she asks, she gets to,
to the heart of the matter and Iknow my children love her and I
know she has a unique bond and arelationship with our children.
So, wife, mother, sister.
(59:18):
Minister all around, just her,the whole package.
So it's not me being selfish forjust to say like the things that
she brings to me as my wife.
You know, it's my beautiful,sexy, thick wife, like I tell
her.
Don't worry, I could delete thator keep it, we'll see.
But she's just a blessing.
(59:39):
So now, the point five.
Ann (59:42):
Uh huh.
Omar (59:43):
I'm gonna share this, you know, we're being real.
I think she already knows whatI'm going to say.
You want to say it for me sothat I don't
Ann (59:50):
No, go for it.
Omar (59:52):
Just to be a little bit more organized.
Ann (59:54):
Yes.
Omar (59:55):
Like clutter wise, like just, you know.
Me, I believe I could survive asa minimalist.
A minimalist is somebody thatcould just the very essentials
to me.
Less is more.
You know, I think she knowsthat.
I like my things organized,going back to my keyboard, I did
when I straightened out thecamera with my old CD.
(01:00:16):
Yeah, I got an old CD at home.
And it could be bad though,because it could be Where I
could be a perfectionist andthat's not good, man.
If you're OCD and you're tryingto be a perfectionist, you're
just going to bring strife andchaos into the marriage.
Ease on a bit, allow room for alittle error, allow room for a
(01:00:37):
little disorganization, but nottoo much.
So I would say just that being alittle bit more clean, a little
bit more organized and I'll beall good.
Ann (01:00:45):
And that's, I'm, I'm with you on that.
I'm with you.
That is a work in progress, But,um, I'll say this, that I
appreciate you being the waythat you are and in a sense that
it motivates me, right?
It motivates me.
Um, it convicts me, and, um.
(01:01:07):
And again, I feel like that'saccountability, too.
So, you know, yeah, I dodefinitely need to be more
organized.
I feel like, um, yeah, that'sall I can say.
He's right.
That's my point five.
He's right.
I thought you were going to sayprocrastination because I am a
procrastinator.
(01:01:27):
But I'll take the, I'll take thedisorganized.
Omar (01:01:32):
Procrastinating to get organized.
You know about that.
Ann (01:01:34):
Exactly.
They go hand in hand.
So
Omar (01:01:36):
it's, it's, it is nine and a quarter.
There you go.
9.25.
So that's a 0.75.
You gotta work on.
There
Ann (01:01:40):
you go.
There you go.
But
Omar (01:01:41):
anyways, quick shout out guys.
Focus on the family.com.
You know, they have greatarticles on family marriage
raising children.
Ann (01:01:50):
Check
Omar (01:01:50):
them.
So I'm going to give you theopportunity, we're already an
hour into this, you know, let'swrap this up.
Ann (01:01:55):
Let's wrap it up.
I'm going to
Omar (01:01:56):
ask you a final word, and if you could please close us out
in a prayer.
And why am I going to ask her toclose us out in a prayer?
Not only because she's my guest,but she's also my prayer
warrior.
Ann (01:02:08):
So a final
Omar (01:02:08):
word and close us out in a prayer.
Ann (01:02:10):
Final word.
Um, again, every marriage isdifferent.
Every marriage is ordained byGod.
I do believe that.
I do believe that we are all,um, as marriage is a work in
progress, um, that we shouldcontinue to focus on making
Jesus the foundation and thecenter and the core of our, uh,
(01:02:32):
relationships.
Um, because if he's not in it,Like, like his word says, apart
from you, we can do nothing.
And so we, we truly need God inour marriages, in our families,
and he needs to be the focalpoint.
He needs to be, you know, whatwe keep our eyes on no matter
(01:02:54):
what happens in our marriage,because in marriage, you will go
through some tough trials, youwill go through some spiritual
warfare.
You will, you will go through itall.
Um, in a godly marriage, youknow, this is not just, we're
talking about a godly marriage,a godly marriage that impacts
(01:03:15):
generations to come.
And so, of course, you're goingto see all that, the warfare.
Um, things, task trials, all ofthat.
But this is where we as a teamstand firm, um, in love, in his
word in prayer, fasting,whatever it is that the Lord is
calling you to do, um, in, inyour marriage.
(01:03:37):
Um, I know we just came out of afast.
Um, a few weeks ago with, withthe church, um, and the Lord is
speaking, was speaking to us.
And there's just, that's a wholenother episode, but, but I just,
I just want to encourage themarried couple who maybe right
now you're going through aseason of, uh, maybe feeling,
(01:03:59):
um, distant from your spouse oryou're in warfare.
You're in warfare.
I, first thing I need to say isyour spouse is not your enemy.
They are not your enemy.
There's three things that waragainst us.
The world, ourselves, the flesh,the flesh, and the enemy.
Those are the three things.
(01:04:21):
The world, the flesh, the enemy.
Okay, and so a lot of the timeswhen we're going through
something, we need to stop,pause, pray, process, right?
What is this?
What, what's going on with methat this is where self
awareness is huge in a marriage.
Start with me first.
(01:04:42):
I have to start with me firstbefore I can look to, to what's
going on with him.
What's going on with me?
And if we both learn to do thattogether, man, man, I'm telling
you God is doing something inmarriages.
And so we need to be on the sameteam.
No division.
(01:05:02):
Right?
When the enemy comes to divide,uh uh, devil get out of here.
Get out of here.
We are one in Christ.
So that's it.
That's my final words.
Omar (01:05:12):
And, close that out with a prayer, please.
Ann (01:05:14):
Okay.
Father, we just want to thankyou, Lord.
Thank you for your goodness,your love, your mercy, God.
Your grace that is sufficientfor us, God.
Father, that in your word, inRomans 5.
5, it reminds us, God.
That your Holy Spirit, God, thatyou have gifted to us pours out
(01:05:38):
your love in our hearts, God.
So that even when we think, howcan I love this person?
How can I love my spouse?
Help us to remember that yourHoly Spirit pours in our heart
your love, God.
Your love isn't conditional.
It isn't fickled.
(01:05:58):
Father, it isn't frail.
It's pure.
It's unconditional.
It's It's everything that weneed, God.
And Lord, I just thank you foryour pure love.
God, I pray Lord that you wouldcontinue to bless our marriage,
Lord, and bless the marriagesthat are listening to this
podcast, Lord, I pray formarriages that are going through
(01:06:21):
a tough season right now,father, as Omar and I have gone
through many tough seasons, God,but you have walked us through
them, God.
So that we could mature throughthem so that we could grow in
them, God, so that we can drawcloser to you, God, so that we
can become more like Christ,God.
(01:06:41):
And so I pray for thosemarriages.
May they be encouraged, God.
May they know they're not alone.
May they know that they are noteach other's enemy, God.
May they know, Father, that youhave given them the mighty
weapons of warfare to fightagainst the real enemy, Father.
I pray for your blessing andyour covering over every
(01:07:02):
marriage that is listening rightnow, Father.
I pray for children, God.
I pray, Father, for the nextgeneration, God, that they would
see marriages that are steadfastin you, God, that are pursuing
you, God.
That they will see marriagesthat, that will not compromise
(01:07:22):
and won't even give divorce evena thought, God, but that will
father fight for one another,God and Lord, in the name of
Jesus, I pray father that yougot, uh, would heal and mend any
broken marriages, God and Lord,I pray for those marriages that
need help, Lord God, I praythat, um, they would seek
(01:07:45):
counseling Lord that they would,uh, seek.
Father, uh, a community to getinvolved in and love on them and
care for them, God.
I pray, Lord, Father, that wewould draw closer to you as
marriages, Father.
So we thank you, God.
I thank you for my husband,Omar.
(01:08:05):
I thank you, Father, for My, mysoulmate, God, I pray for your
blessing and your covering overhim, God.
I pray, my God, for your armorupon him, God.
I pray that he would continue tobe the man, the man of God, that
you have Called him to be Lord.
I pray father, your continualleading and guiding father that
(01:08:30):
we would be humbled unto you,God, that you would do, uh, have
your way in our lives.
May your will.
Be done, God, as we surrender,as we submit, as we yield to
you, God.
May your Holy Spirit lead us andguide us in everything to give
you glory and honor, Father.
(01:08:52):
Thank you for our children,Angel, Angelina, and Moses.
Bless them, keep them, Father.
We pray this in Jesus mightyname, Amen.
Amen,
Omar (01:09:01):
Amen.
Amen.
So, thank you for joining me,uh, like I said, Wrong To Strong
marriage, I got a vision of us.
You know, one of the questionswas, how could we make our team
better?
Uh huh.
You know what came to me?
What?
Wrong To Strong marriageinterviews.
Me and you interviewing couples.
Oh, I love that.
Talking about marriage, youknow, so coming soon.
Ann (01:09:21):
Coming soon.
That's
Omar (01:09:22):
something that came to me right now.
Another thing, second thing thatcame to me, like I know you were
praying for marriages, whetheryou're strong, healthy in the
middle, or struggling.
New Life Community Church,Cicero.
There's a marriage group that ishappening every Wednesday night,
7pm to 8.
30pm, led by our very own PastorJuan Sanchez.
So that's, uh, again, Wednesdaynight, New Life Community
(01:09:43):
Church, Cicero.
That's 3601 South 61st Avenue,Cicero, Illinois.
Uh, Wednesday is communitynight.
They have a marriage group.
The one I just mentioned, men'sgroups are there.
We have a wrong to strongdiscipleship group that's
launched on Wednesdays.
Come through whether you're abeginner in the Bible,
intermediate or advanced, comejoin us to study the scriptures
(01:10:06):
together, learn, grow, uh, theyhave women's groups, youth
group, you got your kids.
I believe it's from the, uh,seventh grade all the way to
senior in high school.
Uh, so come through if you needhelp.
Uh, but with that, we're goingto wrap this up.
Matthew 4.
16 reads, The people who sat indarkness have seen a great
light, and upon those who sat inthe region and shadow of death,
(01:10:30):
light has dawned.
Alongside my wife Ann Calvillo,my name is Omar Calvillo, and we
are
Ann (01:10:36):
Wrong to Strong.
Omar (01:10:38):
Now time to celebrate our anniversary.
but I just, I just want to encourage the married couple who
maybe right now you're goingthrough a season of, uh, maybe
feeling, um, distant from yourspouse or you're in warfare.
You're in warfare.
I, first thing I need to say isyour spouse is not your enemy.
They are not your enemy.
(00:20):
There's three things that waragainst us.
The world, ourselves, the flesh,the flesh, and the enemy.
Those are the three things.
The world, the flesh, the enemy.
Okay, and so a lot of the timeswhen we're going through
something, we need to stop,pause, pray, process, right?
(00:43):
What is this?
What, what's going on with methat this is where self
awareness is huge in a marriage.
Start with me first.
I have to start with me firstbefore I can look to, to what's
going on with him.
What's going on with me?
And if we both learn to do thattogether, man, man, I'm telling
(01:03):
you God is doing something inmarriages.
From the city of Chicago, a citymost recently known for its
(01:27):
crime and violence.
On this podcast, we will besharing stories of redemption
from individuals raised in thetough streets of Chicago and
from around the country.
Some of them were gang members,drug dealers, incarcerated
victims, and perpetrators ofviolence.
Listen to my guests as theyshare their experiences,
(01:47):
struggles, trauma, but also thestrength, hope, faith and
perseverance, these havedeveloped in them to keep
pushing and moving forward inlife.
Tune in to hear how their liveshave gone from darkness to light
and from wrong to strong.
Omar (02:04):
Hello everyone.
Welcome to another episode ofwrong to strong Chicago.
I'm your host.
My name is Omar Calvillo andtonight I have my beautiful wife
with me and Calvillo.
Hey everyone.
Ann (02:15):
How's it going?
Omar (02:16):
So tonight we're going to do something a little bit
differently.
We're going to title this one.
A wrong to strong marriage.
So here we are, we arecelebrating today is February
19th, 2025.
We are celebrating 20.
Beautiful and wonderful years ofmarriage.
I've known this woman for 24 anda half years.
(02:36):
We were together four and a halfyears before we got married.
So this June 1st is going to be25 years that we, God willing,
have known each other.
And it's been a wonderfuljourney, a great ride.
So tonight, what we wanted todo, we just wanted to discuss a
little bit about our marriage.
So my wife did, uh, she Googledsome questions that she found.
You want to tell the peoplewhere you found these questions?
Ann (02:58):
So I googled, um, questions for marriages and I found it on
Focus on the Family.
Um, I just wanted to also say,this weekend, um, speaking of
marriage, we're going to a Focuson the Family Marriage
Conference.
Um, just a really quick, um,nugget.
It's so important that no matterwhere you are in your marriage,
(03:19):
whether you're One year in yourmarriage, 10 years in your
marriage, or like us, 20 yearsin our marriage, right?
That you invest in your marriageand that you constantly keep an
attitude of learning your, yourspouse Learning yourself and
learning what, what God has formarriage.
(03:39):
So I just wanted to share thattoo, babe.
Omar (03:41):
Okay, man.
Let me adjust this.
I don't know if you notice, it'skind of crooked.
All right.
It's still good?
Yeah.
I got a little OCDI had tostraighten that camera actually,
that was a little,
Ann (03:53):
it's still cricket and you don't have to edit that because
you know what I, I think it'slike, I love when I see a
podcast episode and it's justreal and there's no editing, so
don't edit that.
That's okay.
Okay, so you
Omar (04:07):
want people to know I got OCD Alright, here we go.
Not, but I do.
Hey, you know what?
I think I'm a, I'm a neat freak.
I like things in order.
And, uh, yeah, that's all I'llleave that as that.
But anyways, we got somequestions here we're going to be
discussing.
Uh, so question number one, herewe go.
You ready?
I'm ready.
It says, what are some thingsthat we used to do that you
would like to do again?
(04:28):
And what did you most enjoyabout those things?
Ann (04:31):
So, one of the things that I used to love to do, um, and I
started doing it with you, wasgoing out in the nature.
You know, so going out toStarved Rock, going out to
Forest Preserves.
I am not a nature girl by, uh,by nature.
I'm not.
I'm, I'm a city girl.
(04:52):
But, um, but I think that, youknow, when the kids were going
up and we wanted to do funthings with them, um, We would
take them out to nature becauseit's free and it's fun and it's
free.
Did I say it's free?
But, but I would say like thosewere the best times of, of our
(05:15):
being together as a family.
And so now that we'reapproaching being empty nesters,
which, you know, it's, it's.
I guess I'm coming to terms withthat.
You know, we have a senior inthe house and pretty soon he'll
be off to college, but you know,seasons, we go through seasons
and we're in a season wherethat's going to be happening.
(05:36):
And so I would love for us totravel more and go outdoors
more.
I mean, we've got, we've donesome great fun things, but I'd
love to be more consistent withit.
Omar (05:46):
All right.
So as far as for me.
Some things that we used to dothat you would like to do again.
One thing that came to my mind,I remember when I first met her,
I had just gotten out.
I was out for about maybe fourmonths, uh, out of prison.
I was locked up for three years,so I met her.
And one thing that she used todo in the beginning was give me,
um, um, Massages, you know, justlike rubbing my neck, my back
(06:11):
and, uh, I
Ann (06:12):
think
Omar (06:13):
back then she felt sorry for me, like, Oh, this guy, you
know, he looks like he needs amassage, but no, no, you know,
it was, it was just nothing, youknow?
It was straight PG 13, you know,just a physical massage, and
that's one thing that I enjoyed,you know, she used to, and not
only did I enjoy the, thephysical touch, but it was also
just being with her.
Um, from the first day we met,we were able to kick it off and
(06:36):
just be able to have fun andjoking around.
I think that's one thing thatyou could probably say that you
liked about me.
I think my sense of humor backthen, not no more.
She'll like it when
Ann (06:46):
I'm talking to
Omar (06:47):
her.
Stop.
Ann (06:48):
No, I do.
But, you know, uh, I don't knowif, I don't know if, you know.
I, I kind of, you kind of growup out of that, but, but I'll
say this.
I love that about him because hekeeps things light.
And when I'm, when I'm goingthrough, you know, just seasons
of just intense, intense,emotional, um, just things
(07:11):
happening in my life and me, Ilove that.
Um, he listens to me, but thenhe can also cheer me up.
He can also, um.
Just be there for me and in, ina, in a loving yet uplifting
way.
Omar (07:27):
Amen.
There's a scripture, I believeit's in Proverbs that it says
like, that a laughter is likemedicine for the bones.
Ann (07:34):
Yeah.
Omar (07:34):
You know, like it does.
Uh, I believe, um, laughter isvery important.
Um, the Bible says that we arecreated in the image of God.
So a lot of the characteristics,a lot of the things that we
express, I believe that comesfrom the Father.
So I believe that's somethingthat He gave us.
Ann (07:49):
Yeah, and I, and I agree, and I believe that's why the
Lord gave you me, uh, gave,yeah, gave you to me, um,
because, you know, I, I can, Ican tend to kind of, um, just
make things really serious, andit's like, no, and have fun,
girl, like, you know what I'msaying?
(08:10):
So, yeah.
I needed you, babe, and I neededyou to be funny.
Omar (08:14):
Amen.
Question number two.
What things about our lifetogether make you happy?
How frequently do you noticethose things?
What things about our lifetogether make you happy?
How frequently do you noticethose things?
Ann (08:31):
Um, Let's see, I would say the peace that we have, um, the
peace of coming home from a longhard day of work, um, where it's
like intense, you know, it's anintense environment, um, and to
be able to come home and havepeace with you hun', peace with
(08:51):
the kids, God, and you know,God's peace, right?
But, um, his peace in Hebrewmeans shalom, which means unity,
harmony, tranquility, wholeness.
And I feel like I have that whenI come home.
Um, and I love that and I'mthankful for that.
Um, yes, things can, you know,things can happen, but shalom is
(09:14):
not dependent on the things thatare happening.
Shalom is, is inside here.
It's in, it's in, it's in ourhearts.
So, sorry about that.
You might hear something on themic.
Omar (09:25):
She was hitting the mic.
But no, no, I agree.
When I read this question,peace, one thing I've learned is
that peace is something moneycannot buy.
And especially like growing up,if you grew up in homes where
maybe there was chaos, there wasfighting, arguing all the time.
Ann (09:43):
Like my home growing up was very dysfunctional.
So yeah,
Omar (09:47):
yeah, and I grew up in a home You know that there was a
lot of yelling a lot of arguingfighting things like that So
peace is something that I Iagree with that man.
I could come home and know thatwe're at peace We keep small
small.
I've learned one thing keepsmall things small like, you
know, we've learned just to Towork through things I guess but
(10:10):
another thing that they came tomy mind About our life together
that makes me happy is just thewisdom that I believe God has
given my wife for me.
Ann (10:21):
Um,
Omar (10:21):
I tell people that she's like my second Holy Spirit.
Ann (10:25):
Um,
Omar (10:26):
I know it's the Holy Spirit working in her and
through her, but I never doanything now without consulting
her,
Ann (10:33):
without
Omar (10:33):
asking her.
And at any, especially majorchoices, like I tell her, Hey,
babe, this is what I'm thinkingabout doing.
This is, you know, the optionsand I always receive her input.
So that's one thing about ourlife together that makes me
happy.
Um, the wisdom that she's givenme in, um.
In situations where I had tomake some tough choices in the
(10:56):
long run, like I look back and Ithank God for the wisdom that
she gave me because it turnedout to be the right thing to do.
So that's, that's one thing thatmakes me happy.
You know,
Ann (11:07):
I feel like I just need to share this.
Like I humbly, I humbly, um,accept that, you know, as, as
your wife, uh, because, youknow, I think, um, Growing up,
like, I didn't, I didn't see awhole lot of that.
And so the fact that you beingthe leader of our home, um,
(11:30):
meaning the spiritual leader,um, you, you take on your role,
but you make room, and you seeme as As your, as your helpmate,
as, as your equal, you don'tlook down upon me.
You actually invite me intothose decisions, um, and you,
and you receive from me.
(11:51):
And that's really huge because,you know, a lot of times in
marriage, um, it can, it can bevery one sided either.
It's the man making thedecisions or the woman because
she has to take, you know, stepinto that leadership role where
she's led, left to makedecisions by herself.
Um, but I'm really grateful andI'm, again, I'm humbled by this,
(12:13):
that you invite me, um, intothat space to make these really,
um, important decisions.
Alongside with you.
And one of the things that firstthing I do is pray.
That's the first thing.
That's a given like before Ieven open my mouth, you know
what?
Let's pray about this because weneed, we need to consult with
(12:34):
God before we do anything elsehere.
So that's, that's just, that'sjust me.
That's, that's what I have todo.
And so, like you said, yeah, itis us going to God and letting
his Holy spirit guide us.
Omar (12:49):
Amen.
Okay, question number three.
What's something you would liketo do together that we've never
done?
What makes it so inviting toyou?
Ann (13:01):
Hmm, repeat that.
Omar (13:02):
What's something you would like to do together that we've
never done?
What makes it so inviting toyou?
Ann (13:09):
Hmm, something together that we've never done?
Omar (13:14):
Can I go first?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ann (13:16):
Do that.
Omar (13:17):
You know, I was having a conversation with a brother.
He just got married this pastValentine's Day.
Matter of fact, Valentine's Daylanded on a Friday.
So one of the brothers fromchurch, shout out to Carlos and
his wife, Maria, they gotmarried on Valentine's Day.
They went to City Hall and theygot married.
That's what we did.
What came to my mind issomething that we've never done.
That I would like to do togetheris to actually have a church
(13:40):
ceremony when that we haven'thad a church ceremony.
And I know we've talked aboutlike a renewing our vows, having
a pastor there, maybe on theocean front.
I know we have some friends outin Hawaii.
Ann (13:53):
Shout out to Sophia, Peter.
Omar (13:55):
Yes.
So you never know.
But what I would like to do is,um, I know God honors the
marriage covenant.
That's one thing that our pastortold us when we're deciding.
I told a pastor, I want to marryher.
I don't have money like to throwa big wedding and our pastor
said, man, go to city hall, getmarried.
Got God honors man's law.
We went to city hall, we got ourmarriage license, then we went
(14:17):
before a judge and got marriedand it's been a blessing ever
since then.
I would really love, and I knowthat's one thing she has brought
up to me too, so maybe I beather to the punch, but I know
she, she wants, uh, to do that,but that's one thing I would
like to do, maybe have our kidsthere, maybe, uh, maybe our
close knit family, maybe closefriends, and do actual, like,
(14:38):
uh, renewing of our vows, maybeon the ocean side or something
like that.
Ann (14:42):
Yeah, okay, so now I'm going to have to go in agreement
with you.
Um, you know, it didn't, it, it,It didn't come to mind, but
you're right.
That's something that I've beenmentioning for a while now that,
um, that I would love to dothat.
I would love for our grownchildren to be a witness there
of, you know, just the love thatwe have between each other and
(15:06):
how it's only because of God,like we can't contribute this,
um, this union.
Um, to ourselves.
This is something that God hasdone, and this is something He's
continuing to do with ourcomplete reliance on Him.
So, yes, I would love to, um,maybe wear an off white dress,
(15:29):
and, you know, have my childrenthere, and, you know, have you
in a sharp, Tuxedo and and have,you know, who knows, maybe
Pastor Juan or some pastorthere, um, to just bless us.
Um, I would truly, truly lovethat.
That would mean so much to me.
Omar (15:47):
Amen.
So question number four.
What was the last thing I didfor you that you really enjoyed?
What made it so pleasant foryou?
Ann (15:57):
What
Omar (15:57):
was the last thing I did for you that you really enjoyed?
And what made it so pleasant foryou?
Ann (16:03):
I would say, um, The last thing you did was, was it
Valentine's Day?
Hmm.
So I would say, um, actuallyjust yesterday, yesterday when,
um, you know, we woke up, we, wetook, you know, we took the, the
day off to spend time together.
(16:23):
And, um, just you being there,like, it was so beautiful.
It was just like.
I'm, I'm not like, you don'thave to get the stars and the
moons for me.
I'm just, you know, I lovesimplicity, like you being
there.
And my daughter Angelina callsfrom school and she's like, What
(16:46):
are you guys doing?
And so here we are, like, we'regoing to plan this whole day on
our, by ourselves.
Um, which we did the morning,right?
We just, uh, we woke up togetherand, um, you know, just You got
in the word, I got in the word,um, and we worked out, and then,
um, we picked, you picked upAngelina, it was so cold out
(17:10):
yesterday, it was like freezing,and I didn't want to go out, and
you're like, don't worry, I'llgo get her.
Um, and you brought her home andI made us some delicious
breakfast and you helped andAngelina was like, she, she was
loving every bit of it.
Um, but then Moses comes homeand just being at the dinner
(17:32):
table with.
All of my family.
Um, that meant everything to me.
I just, I was taken in thatmoment.
Like, this is so precious.
Like, this is so beautiful.
So, it's, it's the simplethings.
Uh, the little things that,again, as our family grows, as
our children grow, um, we seeless and less of.
(17:56):
But when we're able to betogether, it's like, it's It
means everything to me.
It's so precious to me.
And, and again, just startingoff our morning, just me and
you.
It was just the right start tothe morning.
Omar (18:09):
Yeah.
So the question, what was thelast thing I did for you that
you really enjoyed?
Um, I want to mention somethingthough.
I don't know if you guys arefamiliar with the five love
languages.
Dr.
Gary Chapman got a book on that.
Well, there's five lovelanguages, and mine are physical
touch and acts of service.
So, the last thing that, thatyou did for me that I enjoy is,
I love it when you help me dothings that need to get done.
Ann (18:33):
Like
Omar (18:33):
around the house, whether it's around the house, whether
it's cleaning, whether it'sorganizing.
When, when she helps me like dothose things and I come home,
let's say, and the house isorganized, dishes are clean,
man, maybe so dinner's ready,things like that.
To me, that's my love language,which is acts of service.
Acts of service is like doingsomething for somebody, you
(18:53):
know, like.
Ann (18:54):
Yeah.
Omar (18:54):
And I know you mentioned the little things that make a
big difference when she's, whenI'm on the couch and she comes
and she sat next to me and likeright beside me and watching a
movie together, just thephysical, you know, it don't, I
don't gotta be all that kind ofphysical all the time, man, just
sitting next to me, laying yourhead on my shoulder and just
having you close by.
To me, that's love.
(19:15):
It's the little things, thelittle things that matter.
Ann (19:17):
Yeah.
Omar (19:18):
But okay.
Number five.
Ann (19:20):
Okay.
Omar (19:21):
So these questions here, we just, uh, stumbled across
them right now.
So we didn't have a chance tolook over them, to think about
them.
So all these answers are likefrom the top of the head.
So here we go.
Number five.
Ann (19:32):
Go
Omar (19:33):
ahead.
Ann (19:34):
No, go ahead.
Yeah.
You good?
Yeah.
Omar (19:35):
Okay.
Uh, which of our couple friendsor acquaintances do you admire
the most?
Ann (19:42):
What
Omar (19:42):
is it about their relationship that impresses you?
Ann (19:46):
Hmm.
Omar (19:46):
Which of our couple friends or acquaintances do you
admire the most?
What is it about therelationship that impresses you?
Man, I got a couple that came tomy mind already.
Can I go first?
Go for it.
All right.
Shout out Pastor Joey andSunshine Miranda.
When we first got saved, we gotsaved at the same church out in
(20:07):
East Chicago, Indiana.
Uh, Faith World ChristianCenter.
This was back in 2004 for me,October and for her somewhere, I
don't know, in August aroundthere, but, um, there were the
assistant pastors at the timeand they became our mentors.
Uh, so she, um.
Sunshine was my wife's mentor.
Pastor Joey ended up being mymentor.
They basically, we were brandnew in the faith.
(20:30):
They taught us how to read theBible through the, you know, the
First Steps books that they weredoing out there.
They were actually using the NewLife books out in this church.
So, I'll say them.
Why do I admire them just to seethem at an early stage when we
weren't even married.
We were learning about, youknow, what it, first of all,
(20:51):
what it means to be a believer,what it means to be a disciple
of Jesus Christ.
And eventually that led us toget married.
And just seeing theirrelationship, they're still
married to these, to this day,and their children are grown,
their children are married,their, their grandparents now,
and I, uh, we still keep intouch, you know, via Facebook,
and I see just the expansion oftheir family, uh, their children
(21:15):
serve on the worship team,playing instruments, worshiping
together.
So that's one reason I admirethem, because I know their life
back then, I know the, the fruitthat I've seen.
In their marriage, in the waythey interacted to with one
another, uh, the love, therespect that they had for one
another, and they're stilltogether.
(21:36):
So to me that's, that's what inand, and impresses me.
That's what the question says.
What is it about therelationship that impresses you?
Um, it's evident that the loveof Christ, the love of Jesus
Christ is flowing in them andthrough them.
So that's one couple that wecould name some more too.
Obviously, this is a toughquestion because, you know,
maybe somebody might feeloffended.
How come you didn't pick me?
(21:57):
Hey, hey, hey, is that youthinking that?
I was going to mention you next,but unfortunately, I could only
mention one, you know,
Ann (22:03):
And I, you know, as you said, there's, there's, you
know, it's so beautiful how theLord puts us in community and
we've been blessed by so many,um, just godly relationships um,
and, and even just, um, peoplewho Who are in family, like, you
know, you know, who came to mymind, your mom and dad, like,
(22:25):
um, you know, when I, when Icame into your family, I was a
single mom and one of the thingsthat really, really spoke to my
heart was your mom's ability towelcome me, um, with non
judgment, like, You know, andshe, I remember when I first had
(22:46):
met her and you guys had yourfirst like family gathering and
she kind of pulls me to the sideand she says you could invite
your son and That meanteverything to me.
She didn't put me out there infront of everyone.
It was just me and her She saysyou could invite your son and I
felt a certain way about thatbecause I didn't know how your
family would receive Me and myson, but she made me feel so
(23:09):
welcome.
So loved Just accepted And and Iseen that in your dad too.
And I just feel like you'reyou're your mom and dad their
marriage and their ability to bewelcoming to people that no
matter who you are like If theydon't know you, they'll welcome
(23:31):
you, like, and they're veryhospitable, like, they'll open
up their door, they'll give youwhat they have, like, um, and I
didn't, I didn't grow up havingthat, um, I, I would say, like,
it was off and on, it wasn'tconsistent, where I feel like
your family has been veryconsistent in this, and they've
modeled that.
I believe that's why you, Um,it's so important to you that we
(23:55):
be hospitable, um, and that wewelcome people where I was, I
was very guarded about that.
Like, uh, I don't know if I wantto let people in my home.
I don't, you know, and you werejust like, you know, our doors,
God gave us this house to openit to whoever.
You know, comes in and, youknow, my discernment radar goes,
(24:16):
do, do, do, do, do, but that'sworking on me, people, but, but
that's one couple that, um, I'vegleaned from and, you know, that
I really appreciate and love isyour mom and dad.
Omar (24:31):
Shout out to my mom and dad.
And if you've ever been to myhouse, you can thank my parents
for that.
Hospitality, for real, that'svery big to, to me now.
Uh, I share with her, that's onething that got placed on our
heart.
I remember when we were prayingfor our house and God bless us
to be a blessing.
And when we, that was part ofour prayer, right?
Bless us and we will, we'regoing to open up our house to
(24:51):
others.
And that's one thing that, thatwe've done, you know, uh,
recently, you know, we'll openup our doors to family, to
friends, our brothers andsisters in Christ, so definitely
that's one thing that, that Ilearned from my family.
Okay.
Question number six.
Um, what is the best part aboutbeing together?
Ann (25:10):
How
Omar (25:10):
does that make you feel?
What is the best part aboutbeing together?
How does that make you feel?
Ann (25:18):
I'm
Omar (25:18):
gonna go first.
Ann (25:19):
Go for it.
Omar (25:20):
Her sweetness.
Ann (25:22):
And
Omar (25:22):
this woman is so sweet.
So tender, so kind.
I think we complement eachother.
Cause I'm a little bit rougharound the edges.
Just a little.
Just a little.
I'm a sweet little guy too,myself.
But man, just only
Ann (25:36):
on only on Wednesdays
Omar (25:39):
Anniversary 20 years every 10 years.
I get nice.
Ann (25:42):
Yeah,
Omar (25:43):
but no I was I would say man just What is the best part
about being together hersweetness her kindness?
Empathy Her sympathy for others.
She she truly like loves Shetruly cares And she's, I believe
God's used her to like soften meup, you know, if I could put it
(26:05):
that way.
I do believe that and he's stillusing her to do that.
You know, she tells me certainthings about things that I need
to work through.
And that's probably a wholenother episode we will get into
as far as like going tocounseling, as far as like
addressing past traumas.
You know, I remember the otherday, I'll share this real quick.
(26:28):
We were in the living room.
And she, she just sits down andI just bluntly tells me, I don't
think you've allowed yourself togrieve for those years that you
were incarcerated.
And as soon as those words lefttheir mouth, like my eyes got
watery and it felt like I wantedto cry just by her saying that.
(26:50):
Like, just the, there's certainthings that have, like, I guess
have hardened me that I believeGod wants to work, work through.
through or work in me to heal meso that I could bring healing to
others.
So that's, I would say, that'sone thing that I enjoy about,
about her.
And how does that make me feel?
(27:10):
That makes me feel happy.
Oh man, there's nothing like,Coming home to a sweet, tender,
caring wife.
I don't think I could be with awoman out there causing chaos,
and starting fights, and thingslike that, for real.
I'll be out, uh, I couldn't dothat.
So coming home, like youmentioned earlier.
You mean
Ann (27:28):
who I was before Christ?
I don't
Omar (27:30):
remember that, you know.
But
Ann (27:32):
anyways,
Omar (27:33):
uh, she mentioned peace earlier.
Shalom, shalom in the home.
That's part of that.
I would say the peace and justthe sweet peace and sweetness
that she brings to therelationship.
That's what I enjoy.
Ann (27:45):
And
Omar (27:46):
so what is the best part about being together?
That's the question.
Ann (27:49):
The best part of being together is.
I believe, for me, and this isreally huge, and I believe that
this didn't just happen in thebeginning.
Um, this has been a work inprogress.
Um, where I, and I shared thiswith you, I believe, yesterday,
where I feel safe with you.
Um, I think for me, growing up,you know, I just felt like
(28:15):
nobody really knows me.
You know, I felt like, I feltlike I couldn't let I've never
wanted anyone, especially not aman, because of my father
leaving our family when I wasvery young.
But I never wanted a man to seemy vulnerable side because I
felt that I would be takenadvantage of.
(28:37):
And so, I just didn't feel safearound men.
I felt like, you know, okay,when are you going to abandon
me?
-When are you going to rejectme?
When are you going to run out?
You know, and, because ithappened.
It happened with my very firstrelationship.
It happened with my father.
So, that was me coming in withmy baggage, with my, my traumas.
(29:03):
Um, and, and already myperspective was so skewed on
that, you know?
So I feel like over the yearsthat I've been able to be me.
I've been able to feel safe withyou, and this is what I mean,
not just physical safety, right,but safe, meaning that I can
share my vulnerabilities withyou.
(29:26):
I can share my weaknesses withyou.
I can, um, I can invite you intothose areas of my heart where I
have not allowed people, um,and, and so.
You have provided safetiness forme to be me, and that means
(29:47):
everything about me, the good,the bad, the ugly, like, you,
you're present there.
Um, I don't have to fearretaliation, because I know
some, some couples actually dofear that.
And, and, and, and I understand,and that's, um, that's a tough
place to be, but.
You make me feel safe and lovedand cared for and valued.
(30:10):
And again, this has been a workin progress.
This is not something that justhappened when we got married.
Oh, no.
It's, it's taken years for me tofeel safe with you.
And even still, I feel like theLord still Still working in me
in some areas, um, but God isgracious.
And so that's one thing that Ilove about us is that you, you
(30:34):
allow me to feel safe with you.
Omar (30:37):
All right.
Question number seven, whatmakes us a good team?
What could we do even better?
No, what, what could we do to bean even better team?
So what makes us a good team?
I think just like I mentioned inthe previous question, the, how
(30:59):
we're opposite, how I'm a littlebit more rough, you're more
sweet and kind.
I believe that's a goodcombination.
Like, you know, we complimenteach other, you know, like, um,
so that makes us a good team.
What makes us a good team?
The fact that we're both seekingGod.
Uh, we have our own personaldevotional time, especially this
year.
I would say that I've been morein my Bible.
(31:21):
Um, and back in August of 2024.
Uh, this brother named Kingsley,shout out to Kingsley, we do a
ministry in Cook County Jail.
Uh, he went in there one day, heforgot his Bible and he even
forgot what we were going to beteaching on.
And when it came to be his turnto, uh, share his part of the
Bible study, he just startedgoing like, uh, top of the head,
(31:42):
like what he remembers aboutthose scriptures and that Bible
and started teaching these men,basically had a Bible study.
Like from the top, from the topof his head from memorization
and so as we're walking out ofCook County that day, I asked
him, Hey, brother, man, how wereyou able to do that?
And he told me that he readsthrough the Bible at least once
(32:02):
a year and sometimes twice ayear.
So I remember that night I wenthome.
I believe I even mentioned thisto you.
And the next day I got on a oneyear Bible reading plan and I
think today I was like on day235 of going through the Bible.
So I say, I'll say the fact thatnow I'm in, I'm in the Bible,
(32:23):
I'm praying.
Uh, I believe that's what makesus a good team.
I believe that we both put Godfirst.
I put God first, she puts Godfirst in her relationship and
that just brings us closer.
We put God first in ourmarriage.
God first in every choice thatwe make.
So we're on the same page, we'reon the same team, right?
Yeah.
(32:43):
We got the same mission, thesame vision, uh, we're able to
do ministry.
As for me, like with, with men'sministry, she does women's
ministry and I think that's whatmakes us a good team is the fact
that we're building on, on the,on the solid foundation of, on,
on Christ, the solid rock westand and we build.
Ann (33:02):
Yeah, that's so good.
I just want to say this.
There's a quote that I've heard.
It says, in a marriage, youeither, uh, win together or you
lose together.
There is no winner and loser ina marriage, right?
And, you know, that, that'salways, um, spoken to me because
I want us to win together.
(33:23):
You know, and so We have to be,again, the big word, intentional
about making that happen,working together as a team,
right?
Because we go through differentseasons where, you know, um,
you, you may be like, you may bewinning, right?
You're winning.
But I'm in a place of like, Ifeel, you know, emotionally
(33:44):
stuck or I feel mentally stuck.
And You, you notice, hey, what'sgoing on?
You know, how can I pray foryou?
Um, how can I be there for you,right?
And I feel like vice versa.
You know, when you've, whenyou've been gone through your
seasons where you've been stuck,Um, again, you know, how can I
(34:07):
help you, babe?
And, you know, praying for oneanother.
I can't.
I can't, um, just emphasize howmuch, how important it is that
we pray for one another.
If you're, if you're married,um, you know, this is something
that I've learned and I'm, andthen I'm practicing that we have
(34:28):
to pray for one another.
Now you can do it, I would sayit's most effective when you're
doing it together.
Because you grow in intimacywhen you're praying with this
person, your spouse, right?
So, do it together.
Um, do it whenever you cantogether.
Whether, if it's in the morning,if it's at night, pray together.
(34:50):
Um, and, and also in your ownprayer time, in your private
time, when you close the door,pray for your spouse.
Pray for your marriage, right?
Because that, that, you know, ateam doesn't just happen.
There's preparation that goesinto that team being effective,
(35:11):
that team, um, uh, performing atits best.
There's also vision, you know,there's also a vision.
There's a mission that this teamhas.
Right.
And I believe that.
Our, our, our mission, right?
Our purpose is to know God, tomake him and to make him known,
but you know, our, our mission,our vision, um, that the Lord
(35:36):
inspires us through his HolySpirit.
And so I know that right now,uh, where he has us both is in a
place of ministering to oneanother, ministering to our
family and ministering, um,where we do at, at our jobs at,
at, at Cook County Jail and at.
Pacific Garden mission.
And so we need to be a teambefore we can get out there and
(35:59):
minister to anyone.
We need to be on the same page.
We need to be supporting oneanother.
We need to be praying for oneanother because we all have an
enemy, right?
We as a marriage Forget aboutit.
We have an enemy and so we needto be a team, um, unified with
Shalom, you know, and again, theenemy does everything possible
(36:23):
to bring chaos into that, butthat's where preparation.
You're not caught off guard.
You've been preparing.
You've been, um, moving as ateam together.
So, hey, if, if I didn't seethat, he's gonna catch it.
Let's, let's war together.
So, I think that's what makes aneffective team.
(36:45):
Is that, you know, we, we eitherwin together or we lose
together.
But there's no, there's nocompetition between us.
We're in this thing together.
Um, and we need to be, have eachother's back.
That's how I see it.
Omar (37:01):
Yes, I agree.
I'm glad you brought up prayerbecause I was, the second part
of that question is, what couldwe do to be an even better team?
And as you were talking beforeyou mentioned prayer, it was
already on my mind.
Like I know we pray, we have ourown prayer life.
Yeah.
And we do pray together.
But I would say not on a dailybasis.
I mean, if we're being honest,not an everyday thing, but when
(37:23):
I thought about that part of thequestion, what could make us an
even better team?
Ann (37:27):
Yes.
Omar (37:27):
If we're praying daily.
Ann (37:28):
Consistently.
Omar (37:29):
Daily.
Ann (37:29):
Consistently, yeah.
That definitely
Omar (37:31):
will make us a better team.
All right.
Question number eight.
Ann (37:33):
Mm hmm.
Omar (37:34):
When was a time you felt that I listened to you really
well?
What would you like us todiscuss, but have been hesitant
to bring up?
Uh oh.
Mm
Ann (37:44):
hmm.
Omar (37:46):
So, when was a time you felt that I listened to you
really well?
Let's start there, and thenwe'll go to the second part.
Ann (37:52):
Hmm.
I think, I think just recently,um, when I had shared about a
situation that, um, was going onat work.
Um, and again, I, where I work,it's a very intense environment.
I work with a very, um, I wouldsay very troubled women in a
(38:17):
very, uh, traumatic field.
And, and so, you know, I, Ibrought the weight of this thing
home with me.
And I remember, uh, it was a dayyou had a meeting scheduled and
I knew about it.
Um, but.
As I was processing what hadhappened at work, I really
needed you, I really needed youthere for me.
(38:39):
And, you know, I felt a certainway.
I felt like, man, like, when Ireally need you, um, you're not
there.
And so, and so that's, I'm justbeing very honest right now as
to how I felt in that moment.
And, and I've shared this withyou, but, so that night I
couldn't sleep, you know, I, Iwas processing this thing, I
(39:02):
couldn't sleep, and And themiddle of the night, it was like
three o'clock in
Omar (39:07):
the
Ann (39:08):
morning, three in the morning,
Omar (39:09):
my favorite time to have a conversation, a deep
conversation.
Ann (39:13):
So, uh, so I'm up and he's, he's, he's like, he could, I
guess he could feel that I'm up
Omar (39:22):
and I felt her like tossing and turning and it's
like, it's not like her.
She usually, you know, likesound asleep.
So, so
Ann (39:28):
yeah, I was tossing and turning and I was just like
thinking about this thing, youknow?
And.
And he's like, is everythingokay?
And I said, no, it's not okay.
And you know, I began, I beganto share what I wanted to share
with him earlier that day.
And it was just like, I let outa good cry.
(39:52):
I let out what I needed to, andas I'm talking to him, like,
before I knew it, I am knockedout.
I'm, I just, I just like knockedout, fell asleep, but I really
needed to, to share that withyou.
I needed you to listen to me.
I needed you to be there for me.
(40:12):
And even though it was 3 o'clockin the morning, but you being
there for me, and me being ableto just share what was so heavy
on my heart.
Um, I just had peace and I wasable to, to knock out and go to
sleep.
So yeah, that, that I justrecall that moment.
Omar (40:29):
Um, so the question was, once again, you know, so you
guys know when was the time youfelt that I listened to you
really well?
Um, I would say what comes to mymind, I just finished taking a
course online, uh, Christianchaplains and coaching.
So it's a program that I tookthe first class was in
introduction to a chaplaincy andthe second part was on Christian
(40:53):
grief counseling So I believe inthat season it was like a month
and a half that I was goingthrough it but more more in
January just last month and thatI felt listened to I would like
share with her things that I waslearning and Things that that I
know she likes to talk aboutLike counseling.
That's one thing she does.
She's a biblical counselor whereshe works.
(41:15):
So I'm learning certain things.
So I'm sharing with her what I'mlearning and she's like, yo,
yeah, that's what you do.
And I guess we were Well, why Ifelt this is when you feel
listened to you really well Ithought she was listening
because it was something thatReally interested her or
something that she's alreadydoing and we were able to
discuss it I think to have agood back and forth so it wasn't
(41:38):
just her listening to me Butgiving me feedback and it was,
uh, I'll say during that monthor during, it wasn't just like a
one day thing.
I would say it was a continualas I'm studying.
And then the other thing goingback to, uh, just her being
here, uh, we were in the roomtogether, she was, uh, over
there on the desk and I'm in thebed studying and just having her
(41:59):
close in my season of mestudying and having to do tests,
read books, read articles, watchvideos, just having her there
close by made it easy.
I don't know.
Just, uh, It's almost like shewas there with me in the midst
of my process of going throughthis course, of going through
this class, but, um, I just wantto
Ann (42:19):
say this, that, um, you're right, I was very in tuned and
engaged, not so much because ofthe information you were
sharing.
It was good, and I could relate,you know, but I think what was
most, um, I guess whatinterested me the most about
that, was, um, this whole selfawareness that as you were, as
(42:44):
you were doing this, um, thewhole, uh, what is it called?
Omar (42:48):
Um, biblical grief counseling.
Ann (42:50):
Yeah.
Biblical grief counseling, partof being a chaplain.
Um, I, I saw how it wasministering to you and that's
what interested me because I'mall for.
You know, us becoming more selfaware because when we become
more self aware, that makes thegreater team, right?
(43:14):
Um, if I'm more self aware, ifI'm self aware of my triggers,
if I'm self aware of, um, justmy, my emotions not being
regulated.
Right?
Then I can do something aboutit.
I can go to the word of God.
I can pray.
I can call somebody up and say,Hey, will you pray with me?
(43:36):
I can, I can take those thoughtscaptive, right?
And, and, and so hearing you.
Just be self reflective.
I was just like, Wow, Lord, thisis so beautiful.
Like, this is your Holy Spiritministering to Him and He's
becoming, um, He's, He's growingand becoming more self aware.
(43:59):
Uh, so, that's what reallyintrigued me, interested, you
know, was interested,interesting to me.
Because I'm like, Yeah, this isgood.
This is really good.
But yeah.
Omar (44:11):
One thing that I was learning is, um, I think, did I
say biblical grief counseling orChristian grief counseling?
It's either or.
Uh huh.
But anyways, uh, one thing theywere saying in there that you
can't give something to someonethat you don't have yourself.
So you can't be over theretrying to help somebody as
they're going through whateversituation they're going through
if you haven't found thathealing yourself.
(44:33):
So it's almost like.
Allowing God to heal you, sothen you could, then God could
use you to bring healing toothers.
So as I'm reading some of these,um, Um, how would I put it?
These cases, I guess, orsituations, right, cases, um,
that people have went throughand I could relate to part of
that.
(44:54):
And then I could relate to thegrief, to the different, um,
symptoms, I would say of grief,right?
There was like seven or eight.
And that's
Ann (45:07):
where that question came in about, like, I don't think
you've allowed yourself togrieve.
When you were away, when youwere locked up, that's where
that question came in because aswe were sitting in that grief,
right?
Because, you know, as you know,grief is, grief is hard to
process.
And so, just the fact that you,you were Talking about it, you
(45:31):
were, you were just, you know,sharing about your own
experiences and I don't know, itjust brought that question up.
And so I believe it brought usinto a deeper intimacy.
Um, and that's the whole thingthat happens when you listen,
when you listen to someone isthat it brings a whole nother
(45:51):
level of intimacy between youand that person.
Omar (45:55):
Amen.
Listen, listen, love, love.
Four words you need to learn.
That's what I learned in thebook, right?
I think it was listen, listen,love, love.
That's it.
Ann (46:06):
That's it.
You know,
Omar (46:07):
uh, don't listen to respond.
Listen to understand.
As men, we wanna, when our wifetells us something, We're the
fixers.
We want to fix it.
Our wives don't need us to fixanything.
They just need us to hear themout.
You know, that's a lot of, a lotof times that's what it is.
Just be there, listen, bepresent.
And that, that alone makes a bigdifference.
(46:29):
The second part of the questionwas, What would you like us to
discuss but have been hesitantto bring up?
Ann (46:34):
Hmm.
Hmm.
Omar (46:39):
That's a deep one.
Ann (46:40):
Yeah.
Omar (46:41):
Like us to discuss but have been hesitant to bring up.
Ann (46:45):
It's deep.
It's deep for me.
So finances and I'm just beingreal.
That's a, that's where I avoid.
I go into avoidance mode.
Um, because it's something I'mnot, I'm not comfortable with.
Um, it's something that I knowthat you'll bring up to me a
lot.
You know, finances, um, andlearning how to budget.
(47:09):
And all this, you know, and it,it just, for me, it becomes very
overwhelming.
Um, but I know it's something Ineed to do and I feel like it's,
it's something that I run awayfrom every chance that I can.
Um, but I do believe that thisyear we need to get our finances
(47:31):
in order.
Um, I do believe that I need tobe a good steward in the way I,
um, I spend, you know, whatever,whatever, um, whatever it is
that I'm purchasing.
Um, I will say this a lot oftimes, I do Amazon, which I'm,
I'm putting myself out thereright now.
I do Amazon and, um, it's, it'sstuff that, um, that I don't
(47:56):
need.
Okay.
I'm confessing.
Yes.
Um, and, and even, even thethings that, um, the purchases
that I make for, for others,it's putting myself on a budget.
Like, what can we afford andwhat can't we afford?
And, and so, um, yeah, that's avery touchy subject for me.
(48:16):
So I'm putting it out thereright now.
We need to talk about that.
Not today.
Not today.
Not on our anniversary.
But soon.
Omar (48:23):
Maybe for our 50th anniversary, you're going to
hear stuff.
But here, okay.
Okay, going back to somethingshe brings up all the time.
Counseling.
She brings up counseling.
Man, I think you should do somecounseling.
And, like, I get, to be honest,I get defensive.
When, I don't know about you,but when somebody tells you you
(48:46):
need counseling, that tells methat there's something wrong.
Good.
You think there's somethingwrong with me that I need some
help with so right away I getdefensive and to be honest when
I get defensive I tune out therest of it Even if it's good
things that are that she'ssaying so but now like going
back to taking this class goingthrough that grief thing Just
(49:10):
learn learning about counseling.
That's what I was learning aboutI know That in order to truly be
effective in ministry, whetherthat's as a chaplain, in
ministry, men's ministry,there's some healing that, that
needs to take place in me.
I know there was a brotherrecently in church who just
opened up, you know, about goingthrough counseling and how it
(49:31):
benefited him personally, themarriage, family, and hearing
him, I, you know, I told himthat, man, you know, I believe
that's God wants to do somethingin me through that as well.
So counseling for men, it's not,not something that we look
forward to doing, but it hascome up a lot recently on the
podcast.
If you go back to the last threeor four podcasts or even further
(49:55):
back, men that have gone throughcounseling to deal with past
trauma, PTSD, things they'vegone through, experienced
healing to know why they act theway they do, why they react the
way they do.
They need healing in order to beeffective in every area of their
life, whether the workplace, inmarriage, as a husband, as a
(50:16):
father, as a friend, inministry.
So I'll say that's one thingthat I avoid, but I believe that
it's coming, you know, so.
Ann (50:25):
And I, and I just want to say this, like, there is this
stigma tied to counseling.
We've gotten better as a church,as people, like, we've gotten
better at.
normalizing counseling, becausethe Bible in Proverbs says in
the multitude of counselors,there is safety.
(50:45):
And a lot of times we go backto, like you said, hon, um, when
you hear counseling, you know,people think of it like, Oh,
what's wrong with me?
You know, something's gotta bewrong with me.
Well, there's a newsflash.
There's something wrong with allof us.
There's I don't know.
So there's something wrong withall of us.
You know, um, we were broughtinto a sinful world.
(51:09):
We were full of sin, you know,thank God for Jesus.
Thank God that, you know, he, hetook upon our, our sin, our
guilt, our shame, all of that,and there's forgiveness.
Um, through the blood of Jesus,and we're born again, a new
creation, right, all because ofJesus.
And so, there's this thing,though, that, that's still
(51:31):
taking place, which is therenewing of the mind, right?
We are transformed by therenewing of a mind, of the mind.
And this is an ongoing process,and so what counseling does is
it helps us in that area.
It helps us in renewing ourmind.
And so, Um, the, the whole, thewhole reason why I bring it up,
(51:53):
um, is because I too being abiblical counselor have been
learning and being counseled.
Through the people that Isurround myself with, um, my, my
supervisor, um, the, the ladies,the, the other counselors that
are there, um, I feel like everyday is a session because we, we
(52:13):
always talk about what we'regoing through.
Uh, we're safe spaces for oneanother, you know, and even, um,
going through biblicalcounseling class, um, with, um,
Gila and, and Roberta and the,these other ladies that are
there.
Um, we're, we're a safe spacefor, for each other and, and so
(52:34):
like counseling, uh, is, isreally a blessing.
Uh, we can't do this walk on ourown and, and again, going back
to Proverbs, you know, uh, we,we are safe in the multitude of
counselors, you know, of course,pray for the people, um, that,
that the Lord is connecting youwith, pray that they be, um,
(52:57):
People that are for you, youknow, and, and want what, what's
God's best is for you.
So, yeah, that's all I wanted toshare about counseling.
Omar (53:07):
All right.
Last question.
Number nine.
We're already at 52 minutes.
So, we got to wrap this up.
Ann (53:12):
Wrap it up.
So, here
Omar (53:13):
we go.
Number nine.
On a scale of one to ten, how amI doing as a husband?
Okay.
And then I got to answer thatfor you.
Okay.
So, okay.
Ten.
All right.
All right.
So I'm a 10.
Okay.
And the second part of thatquestion is what one little
thing could I do to move that upa notch to get me to 11 on a 10?
(53:37):
So I'm already a 10, but whatcould I do to bump that up a
notch?
Ann (53:42):
I will say this, like you, this is why I said you're a 10
for me.
I mean, we all have, again, weare all a work in progress.
But.
You are perfect for me, in thissense.
You're not a perfect person.
You're not, you know, to, to tryto seek perfection in a human is
(54:05):
an unreal expectation to put ona person.
Um, and it's not fair to them,right?
So for me, um, you're a ten inthis that you love God.
Number one, you love God.
You love people.
You love me.
You love our family.
You are a man of your word.
(54:27):
I can't, I can't like expresshow much you, that means to you.
And I've seen that when you,when you say something, you will
do whatever you have to, to keepyour word.
You are a faithful man.
You are a faithful man to theLord and to me and to our
family.
Um, you are a provider.
(54:49):
You provide not just physical,not just, you know, material,
um, but you provide a safety.
You provide care.
Um, you, for me, these are allimportant things.
Um, You are also a man who is,you're honest.
(55:12):
You're honest with me.
Um, even things that have beenhard for you to tell me, um, you
have, you have told me.
And I honor that.
I honor that because, yes, inthe moment it, I'm infuriated.
Um, yeah, the sweet girl couldget, the sweet girl could get
(55:34):
ticked off.
And yes, you've, you've pushedme there.
And I won't, and let's not,let's not shift blame because I,
you know, that comes from myown.
My own issues that I need todeal with, but I just want to
say that, that you're honest andyou are a man of integrity.
(55:57):
Um, these are all things that Ilove about you.
And that's why I've said, I saidyou're a 10.
Okay.
So yeah, that's, that's, um,you're a 10 and I'm sticking
with it.
Omar (56:08):
What can I do to bump it up a notch?
One thing that you think aboutme like, man, if he would just
do this, it would be evenbetter.
Ann (56:16):
I would say live fearlessly.
If you would just livefearlessly, honey, because I
see, I see that the Lord has putjust, um, the calling that He
has on your life.
(56:37):
Um, I believe that fear, um,holds you back.
And My prayer is that you wouldjust, even with fear,
courageously, courageously,because God gives us courage to
face our fears, right?
He has not given us a spirit offear, but of power, love, and a
(56:59):
sound mind.
Um, but, and as I'm saying thisto you, it ministers to me too,
because fear holds me back too.
But I'll say that, is that, um,it would bump it up a notch if
you would just Just live Godfidently, trusting the Lord
completely, fully, fullysurrendered, fully trusting Him.
(57:24):
No matter what it looks like,like you're just gonna do it, be
obedient to God and just do it.
So that's, that's it.
Omar (57:31):
Hmm.
Okay.
Thank you for all that.
Now I gotta, I gotta match that.
So on a scale of one to 10, howare you doing as a wife?
I'm gonna have to say a 9.
5 because I gotta, I gotta give5%, you know, to get you to that
10, to bump you up a notch.
Ann (57:46):
That's wise.
Yeah,
Omar (57:47):
nine and a half, so nine and a half.
Right, here we go.
Uh, like I mentioned throughoutthe interview, you know, just to
touch on certain points, hersweetness, her kindness,
gentleness, um, empathy,sympathy, just the love, not
only that she shows me,obviously we're talking about
marriage here.
But I see it in the way sheloves others, the way she loves
(58:08):
the women that she ministers to,the way she cares about the
people at work.
You know, I know she don't getinto details, you know, what
happens, but I could tell thatshe loves the people that she
works with, those that shecounsels.
So, and She's been, she's been abiblical counselor before she
even had the official title ofbiblical counselor throughout
(58:32):
the years since she got saved.
Like going back to something Isaid earlier about I, that I
know that the Holy Spiritministers to her and through
her.
So not only to me, not only isshe a blessing to me, but she's
a blessing to our children.
I see the conversations that shehas.
With our sons, with our daughterand man, I'm, you know, like
(58:54):
I'm, I'm over there listeningand just the wisdom, how much
she cares and she probes thequestions she asks, she gets to,
to the heart of the matter and Iknow my children love her and I
know she has a unique bond and arelationship with our children.
So, wife, mother, sister.
(59:18):
Minister all around, just her,the whole package.
So it's not me being selfish forjust to say like the things that
she brings to me as my wife.
You know, it's my beautiful,sexy, thick wife, like I tell
her.
Don't worry, I could delete thator keep it, we'll see.
But she's just a blessing.
(59:39):
So now, the point five.
Ann (59:42):
Uh huh.
Omar (59:43):
I'm gonna share this, you know, we're being real.
I think she already knows whatI'm going to say.
You want to say it for me sothat I don't
Ann (59:50):
No, go for it.
Omar (59:52):
Just to be a little bit more organized.
Ann (59:54):
Yes.
Omar (59:55):
Like clutter wise, like just, you know.
Me, I believe I could survive asa minimalist.
A minimalist is somebody thatcould just the very essentials
to me.
Less is more.
You know, I think she knowsthat.
I like my things organized,going back to my keyboard, I did
when I straightened out thecamera with my old CD.
(01:00:16):
Yeah, I got an old CD at home.
And it could be bad though,because it could be Where I
could be a perfectionist andthat's not good, man.
If you're OCD and you're tryingto be a perfectionist, you're
just going to bring strife andchaos into the marriage.
Ease on a bit, allow room for alittle error, allow room for a
(01:00:37):
little disorganization, but nottoo much.
So I would say just that being alittle bit more clean, a little
bit more organized and I'll beall good.
Ann (01:00:45):
And that's, I'm, I'm with you on that.
I'm with you.
That is a work in progress, But,um, I'll say this, that I
appreciate you being the waythat you are and in a sense that
it motivates me, right?
It motivates me.
Um, it convicts me, and, um.
(01:01:07):
And again, I feel like that'saccountability, too.
So, you know, yeah, I dodefinitely need to be more
organized.
I feel like, um, yeah, that'sall I can say.
He's right.
That's my point five.
He's right.
I thought you were going to sayprocrastination because I am a
procrastinator.
(01:01:27):
But I'll take the, I'll take thedisorganized.
Omar (01:01:32):
Procrastinating to get organized.
You know about that.
Ann (01:01:34):
Exactly.
They go hand in hand.
So
Omar (01:01:36):
it's, it's, it is nine and a quarter.
There you go.
9.25.
So that's a 0.75.
You gotta work on.
There
Ann (01:01:40):
you go.
There you go.
But
Omar (01:01:41):
anyways, quick shout out guys.
Focus on the family.com.
You know, they have greatarticles on family marriage
raising children.
Ann (01:01:50):
Check
Omar (01:01:50):
them.
So I'm going to give you theopportunity, we're already an
hour into this, you know, let'swrap this up.
Ann (01:01:55):
Let's wrap it up.
I'm going to
Omar (01:01:56):
ask you a final word, and if you could please close us out
in a prayer.
And why am I going to ask her toclose us out in a prayer?
Not only because she's my guest,but she's also my prayer
warrior.
Ann (01:02:08):
So a final
Omar (01:02:08):
word and close us out in a prayer.
Ann (01:02:10):
Final word.
Um, again, every marriage isdifferent.
Every marriage is ordained byGod.
I do believe that.
I do believe that we are all,um, as marriage is a work in
progress, um, that we shouldcontinue to focus on making
Jesus the foundation and thecenter and the core of our, uh,
(01:02:32):
relationships.
Um, because if he's not in it,Like, like his word says, apart
from you, we can do nothing.
And so we, we truly need God inour marriages, in our families,
and he needs to be the focalpoint.
He needs to be, you know, whatwe keep our eyes on no matter
(01:02:54):
what happens in our marriage,because in marriage, you will go
through some tough trials, youwill go through some spiritual
warfare.
You will, you will go through itall.
Um, in a godly marriage, youknow, this is not just, we're
talking about a godly marriage,a godly marriage that impacts
(01:03:15):
generations to come.
And so, of course, you're goingto see all that, the warfare.
Um, things, task trials, all ofthat.
But this is where we as a teamstand firm, um, in love, in his
word in prayer, fasting,whatever it is that the Lord is
calling you to do, um, in, inyour marriage.
(01:03:37):
Um, I know we just came out of afast.
Um, a few weeks ago with, withthe church, um, and the Lord is
speaking, was speaking to us.
And there's just, that's a wholenother episode, but, but I just,
I just want to encourage themarried couple who maybe right
now you're going through aseason of, uh, maybe feeling,
(01:03:59):
um, distant from your spouse oryou're in warfare.
You're in warfare.
I, first thing I need to say isyour spouse is not your enemy.
They are not your enemy.
There's three things that waragainst us.
The world, ourselves, the flesh,the flesh, and the enemy.
Those are the three things.
(01:04:21):
The world, the flesh, the enemy.
Okay, and so a lot of the timeswhen we're going through
something, we need to stop,pause, pray, process, right?
What is this?
What, what's going on with methat this is where self
awareness is huge in a marriage.
Start with me first.
(01:04:42):
I have to start with me firstbefore I can look to, to what's
going on with him.
What's going on with me?
And if we both learn to do thattogether, man, man, I'm telling
you God is doing something inmarriages.
And so we need to be on the sameteam.
No division.
(01:05:02):
Right?
When the enemy comes to divide,uh uh, devil get out of here.
Get out of here.
We are one in Christ.
So that's it.
That's my final words.
Omar (01:05:12):
And, close that out with a prayer, please.
Ann (01:05:14):
Okay.
Father, we just want to thankyou, Lord.
Thank you for your goodness,your love, your mercy, God.
Your grace that is sufficientfor us, God.
Father, that in your word, inRomans 5.
5, it reminds us, God.
That your Holy Spirit, God, thatyou have gifted to us pours out
(01:05:38):
your love in our hearts, God.
So that even when we think, howcan I love this person?
How can I love my spouse?
Help us to remember that yourHoly Spirit pours in our heart
your love, God.
Your love isn't conditional.
It isn't fickled.
(01:05:58):
Father, it isn't frail.
It's pure.
It's unconditional.
It's It's everything that weneed, God.
And Lord, I just thank you foryour pure love.
God, I pray Lord that you wouldcontinue to bless our marriage,
Lord, and bless the marriagesthat are listening to this
podcast, Lord, I pray formarriages that are going through
(01:06:21):
a tough season right now,father, as Omar and I have gone
through many tough seasons, God,but you have walked us through
them, God.
So that we could mature throughthem so that we could grow in
them, God, so that we can drawcloser to you, God, so that we
can become more like Christ,God.
(01:06:41):
And so I pray for thosemarriages.
May they be encouraged, God.
May they know they're not alone.
May they know that they are noteach other's enemy, God.
May they know, Father, that youhave given them the mighty
weapons of warfare to fightagainst the real enemy, Father.
I pray for your blessing andyour covering over every
(01:07:02):
marriage that is listening rightnow, Father.
I pray for children, God.
I pray, Father, for the nextgeneration, God, that they would
see marriages that are steadfastin you, God, that are pursuing
you, God.
That they will see marriagesthat, that will not compromise
(01:07:22):
and won't even give divorce evena thought, God, but that will
father fight for one another,God and Lord, in the name of
Jesus, I pray father that yougot, uh, would heal and mend any
broken marriages, God and Lord,I pray for those marriages that
need help, Lord God, I praythat, um, they would seek
(01:07:45):
counseling Lord that they would,uh, seek.
Father, uh, a community to getinvolved in and love on them and
care for them, God.
I pray, Lord, Father, that wewould draw closer to you as
marriages, Father.
So we thank you, God.
I thank you for my husband,Omar.
(01:08:05):
I thank you, Father, for My, mysoulmate, God, I pray for your
blessing and your covering overhim, God.
I pray, my God, for your armorupon him, God.
I pray that he would continue tobe the man, the man of God, that
you have Called him to be Lord.
I pray father, your continualleading and guiding father that
(01:08:30):
we would be humbled unto you,God, that you would do, uh, have
your way in our lives.
May your will.
Be done, God, as we surrender,as we submit, as we yield to
you, God.
May your Holy Spirit lead us andguide us in everything to give
you glory and honor, Father.
(01:08:52):
Thank you for our children,Angel, Angelina, and Moses.
Bless them, keep them, Father.
We pray this in Jesus mightyname, Amen.
Amen,
Omar (01:09:01):
Amen.
Amen.
So, thank you for joining me,uh, like I said, Wrong To Strong
marriage, I got a vision of us.
You know, one of the questionswas, how could we make our team
better?
Uh huh.
You know what came to me?
What?
Wrong To Strong marriageinterviews.
Me and you interviewing couples.
Oh, I love that.
Talking about marriage, youknow, so coming soon.
Ann (01:09:21):
Coming soon.
That's
Omar (01:09:22):
something that came to me right now.
Another thing, second thing thatcame to me, like I know you were
praying for marriages, whetheryou're strong, healthy in the
middle, or struggling.
New Life Community Church,Cicero.
There's a marriage group that ishappening every Wednesday night,
7pm to 8.
30pm, led by our very own PastorJuan Sanchez.
So that's, uh, again, Wednesdaynight, New Life Community
(01:09:43):
Church, Cicero.
That's 3601 South 61st Avenue,Cicero, Illinois.
Uh, Wednesday is communitynight.
They have a marriage group.
The one I just mentioned, men'sgroups are there.
We have a wrong to strongdiscipleship group that's
launched on Wednesdays.
Come through whether you're abeginner in the Bible,
intermediate or advanced, comejoin us to study the scriptures
(01:10:06):
together, learn, grow, uh, theyhave women's groups, youth
group, you got your kids.
I believe it's from the, uh,seventh grade all the way to
senior in high school.
Uh, so come through if you needhelp.
Uh, but with that, we're goingto wrap this up.
Matthew 4.
16 reads, The people who sat indarkness have seen a great
light, and upon those who sat inthe region and shadow of death,
(01:10:30):
light has dawned.
Alongside my wife Ann Calvillo,my name is Omar Calvillo, and we
are
Ann (01:10:36):
Wrong to Strong.
Omar (01:10:38):
Now time to celebrate our anniversary.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!