December 29, 2024 • 59 mins
We're bringing you another listener request today. Life in the Hole (2017).
"In a warehouse in the middle of nowhere, two rival prostitutes held against their will join forces to help a 9 year-old girl escape her future as a child sex slave."
This recommendations comes from @hexiloques. Their picks have been pretty good so far. Can they go 3 for 3?
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Voicemail: https://www.speakpipe.com/wtfareyouwatching
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Lisa: @lisawtfareyouwatching
Leaderboard: Here
Buy the movie: stream it
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
You will be given a test to determine your ability to withstand shock.
(00:05):
Well, look who's here.
This is the night when fear and horror walk hand in hand.
Do you feel up to it?
The most terrifying form of evil is that which lurks within the human mind.
(00:25):
Rated X.
Welcome to What the Fuck are you watching?
We're a weekly movie podcast covering the disturbing, the extreme,
and everything in between, baby.
I'm your host, the dirtiest of Chris Stakes.
(00:46):
I'm also joined by we all know how Lisa likes her rock fucking off.
Lisa.
Hello. Hey, we're also joined by.
Oh, oh, my God. Oh, that's me.
Hell, yeah.
(01:06):
Would you guys still be my friend if this is how I talk?
Sure. Yeah.
That's real nice of you guys.
I talk dumb like all the time.
Yeah, I just feel like more at home.
Mm hmm.
Considering we literally just did this yesterday,
I don't think I really have anything to say.
(01:29):
Yeah, we don't have any updates.
I made an Instagram.
Oh, I did not.
But what I did do is contemplate
that. Hell, yeah.
Thinking about it is the first step.
Yeah, I thought about it for a long time.
(01:50):
At least and I'm taking Lisa's example as my own cue.
So in like four to five months.
Yeah. Oh, I think I'll be ready.
OK. Hell, yeah.
Big news for you.
Lisa is now on Instagram.
(02:10):
So if you're sick of talking to me, you can talk directly to Lisa.
If you're nice to her, she'll show you a tit.
At least WTF are you watching?
Yeah, you might get some boobs out of it.
I don't know. I get a tit or two.
You will not. You might join.
What the fuck are you fucking to absolutely get some tips out of it?
(02:33):
Yeah, it's for sure.
It's a sure shot deal.
Whose tits that's up in the air.
Unclear.
Whoa, Lisa, what the fuck are you watching?
I'm watching life in the hole from 2017.
Oh, yeah.
(02:54):
This is a listener request from our friend Hexilocks.
Yeah, we take almost all forms of requests.
So if you got one, send it to our email at WTF are you watching pod at gmail.com
or join our Instagram.
WTF are you watching pod?
(03:15):
Send it to us there.
Life in the hole.
In a warehouse in the middle of nowhere,
two rival prostitutes held against their will,
joined forces to help a nine year old girl escape her future as a child sex slave.
(03:38):
Down in a hole.
This one's directed by Tony Mendoza,
written by Jacob Blodgett,
H.E. Joyce and Tony Mendoza, three writers on this motherfucker.
Starring Lainey Rhodes, Cassandra M. Parker, Lauren Jenna, Tabitha Wolfe, Dave Stout
(04:11):
and Elira Brandt.
Looks like a budget on this one is an estimated five hundred thousand dollars.
Damn. Wow, there's nothing on the parents guide.
Literally nothing on the parents guide for this one, not even Severs or Miles or anything.
We're going into this one blind.
(04:32):
Do we have like a ethical obligation to remedy that?
I'll do that.
Yeah. I mean, if you want to start counting fucks and stuff like that.
Yeah.
That seems like sort of a task.
Yeah, no, we wait for other people to do that.
Yeah. Yeah.
(04:54):
I'm not really here to like police words.
Yeah. All right.
Well, what we can do, we're presented with an opportunity to present this as an entirely wholesome film.
Yeah.
Yeah, it is all like user base, so we could write something crazy in here.
We could lie.
Oh, we have a listener request.
(05:16):
This one's from a Spamela Anderson follower on Instagram.
And we will reveal the request at the end of the episode.
Uh huh.
Life in the Hole 2017.
Let's watch this movie.
OK.
(05:42):
Yeah.
The next shot.
Yeah.
That's a cool logo.
Old hatch.
Yeah.
How does she move in a couch?
I thought it was a fucking bathtub.
I thought it was too, but now it looks like a couch.
(06:04):
Some come to be sold like fresh meat from a slaughterhouse.
And there's my personal favorite.
The ones that need to be taken down a notch.
I got Sam Elliott for this part.
Yeah. It's a real pleasure doing what I do.
And there's no one here to stop me.
Oh, is that a bucket of shit?
That's a poo bucket right there.
(06:26):
Yeah, it's got the toilet paper next to it and everything.
And there's the couch.
Yeah.
We as a race, as a people, as a species, we got to consider our eyebrows and what we're doing to them.
(06:48):
You know.
First time in the hole, I imagine.
What?
That's how every single one of my tricks has started.
What the fuck are these noises?
(07:10):
Say ho one more time.
You know, there's a thousand more of you made every fucking day.
What are you jealous of me?
I ain't jealous of no one.
That girl's coming in fucking hot, dude.
I think that's supposed to be a target for men to aim at when they finish.
Would you say you fucking bitch?
(07:31):
You heard me.
We're going to have a fucking problem, you and I.
I don't know. You seem like a big cunt, are we?
We're going to have a fucking problem.
Oh, yeah.
Shit.
You know, if these girls teamed up, they could take this guy down real easily.
(07:56):
Yeah. Yeah, but they don't like each other.
Yeah. Fucking idiot.
Yeah.
I can only be one junkie whore.
He's so old and fat.
Like, you guys could easily take him down.
Yeah. Top heavy.
Is my girl alive?
Yeah.
Good. You know what to do.
(08:24):
Oh, yeah.
God, I can't stand it.
Yeah, his exclamatives are gross.
It's so bad.
I don't likey.
(08:44):
No.
You want a hit?
I mean, yeah, it's been a real weird day.
Oh, no.
I think we're witnessing a rape.
Yeah.
I thought you meant a different kind of hit.
He said I got that good good.
(09:06):
Oh my God.
He's going to give her the drugs.
She just had to earn it.
You want a hit?
Oh my God.
You want a hit?
Okay.
(09:29):
I move me 2008 transition.
Oh, yeah.
Alrighty.
Half a million.
Do you remember when we used to play blind man?
Daddy.
Yeah.
You got any food in here?
There's no blisters.
(09:52):
I could speak slower than you.
Speak the slowest.
So, asshole, you're fucking us and not feeding us?
I was yelling at the camera like she's diabetic, she needs her medicine.
But then now that he's in there, like, what the fuck's wrong with you, bitch?
She's not saying anything.
(10:13):
Rule number one is never trust a hoe.
She's crazy.
Just dump her and I'll have to think of my.
She's diabetic.
She needs medicine.
I'll take care of it.
Do we want to take bets now that she's like a plant?
Like she probably comes back later.
(10:34):
It's like a psychological mind game.
Oh, maybe not.
Life in the hole.
Oh, my God.
(11:00):
12.
I was going to start sucking cock.
I don't know.
I kind of.
Yeah, it's when the daddy issues started.
Blame him sometimes for me being here.
We used to play like a blind man.
Daddy.
I don't know if he'd have died.
(11:21):
I just.
Oh, God.
Oh, no, that is a little girl.
I know, like just the door opening and a little girl walking in, holding a fricking stuffed animal.
(11:42):
I've never met anyone in my life named Carla.
Why is she here?
I have.
Really?
Yeah.
I've met us like a few Carlis.
Oh, damn.
Bitch name.
Yeah, that's a bitch name.
Yeah, I was like, I only remember I think one.
(12:05):
Yeah, everybody goes off on Karen's.
It should be Carla.
It's like.
Yeah, I can think of three Carlis.
All bitches.
Well, what do you expect from me?
(12:26):
I'm over here, busy developing spoliosis.
I walk with the posture of a fucking Bendy straw.
I'm brooding.
Thank you very much.
Yeah, I'm Sam.
This isn't hitting for me, and I don't think I'm going to be able to articulate why.
(12:49):
Yeah.
Is it the shallow writing?
The poor acting?
Yeah, it's kind of all around sucks.
It's suspicious cinematography.
(13:14):
There's just a thick layer of cheese on all this.
Yeah, they're forcing it a little.
They got fucking storybooks.
They're prepared for kids down here.
What's the random shit going on up in this room?
Yeah, this box has got a little bit of everything.
(13:36):
And are they lined with lined with aluminum foil?
Hell, yeah, they are.
No one ever wanted to get in all these cigarettes, man.
Might have found one of those boxes.
Maybe.
Oh, no.
She's the one working for the dudes.
Like you're saying she does seem to be just hanging out.
I don't know, man.
I know the irony of this coming from someone like me.
(14:01):
That's the jaded bitch caricature played out.
Yeah.
I have a sandwich right now.
Yeah.
Or at least not being played well here.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Yeah, she's laying it all a little too thick.
She came out swinging from fucking minute one.
Yeah.
(14:22):
But Bubba died last night.
Damn.
Why didn't you check out that book before you started reading it?
The book's a plant.
The fucking dark side of drawings should have clued you in that this was going to be sad.
Children's books that are fun don't fucking look like this.
(14:44):
Dog dies.
But don't worry.
You're going to see him in some imaginary magical fairy tale land.
The god has not lit fairy tale land.
I don't feel good.
You don't sound great either.
That's all that junk he's been shooting in you.
I'm not a junkie.
(15:05):
By tomorrow, you'll be asking for it.
Trust me.
You know who I am.
I'm the alien baby.
You want to play blind man?
I hope this isn't really like her daughter.
(15:30):
You give me another taste and I'll give you one.
Or better yet, how about I take this fresh meat upstairs and show her how it's done.
You sick bastard.
I bet your own mother spent nine months looking for a coat hanger.
(15:52):
Just couldn't find one.
There's an art to what I do.
It's not just slapping these bitches around or shooting them up a jump or raping them.
Though these are good techniques, tried and tested.
(16:16):
Tried and tested.
Any jerk off can do that.
It's all in the pacing.
Hell yeah.
The seduction.
Seduction.
The hope, it'll all stop if they just comply.
Have you, listen, I've done drugs.
(16:40):
You know what doesn't happen after two hits?
Any of this.
What's she doing?
She's going through withdrawals.
Yeah, she's like freaking out.
(17:05):
Oh, he says, that's yeah, that's what I'd say about this whole film.
This should be like some fucking dark, like depressing shit, man.
And it's just not fucking landing.
It's goofy.
(17:30):
It's almost like a disservice to not a disservice.
It's almost like making light of cartel human trafficking in a way.
And like maybe an unintentional way.
Yeah, I see what you mean.
(17:53):
Please men like you.
(18:14):
The license plate wall is kind of cool.
Yeah.
How do you get that many license plates though?
Unclear.
Crab guards.
Maybe.
(18:39):
If you want to taste, you'll bring me that girl.
She's shaped like the sugar plum fairy.
(19:20):
Oh, she'll come.
What the hell do you want?
I want you to bring me that girl.
I think you made it pretty clear.
(19:43):
Oh my God.
There's an art to this deduction.
I'm sorry.
You have to go.
Oh my God.
I just been like, you know what?
Maybe you shouldn't slap me in the face with a monkey, the Christ monkey doll while I'm sleeping.
You little bitch.
Now run off to daddy.
(20:08):
Mommy's gonna do some hair.
It's it's giving like syndicated cop show does like a dark spooky episode.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.
Or life time.
Giving lifetime movie.
After dark lifetime after dark.
(20:32):
Yeah, she knows her name.
Yeah, she's calling her Kimmy anyway.
And she's like, oh, we don't know her name.
She's gone. I bet it is her fucking daughter.
God, what do you mean gone?
She's a sod after item in this world.
She's not an item.
Listen, Carla, you only come to the hole for two reasons.
(20:58):
To be broken or to be sold.
Then why are you still here?
Free cigarettes.
Mm hmm.
I'm here to die.
Are you OK?
(21:20):
Did he hurt you?
I am so sorry, sweetheart.
I don't care what happens to me anymore.
But I am not going to stand here and let him have her.
Let's kill this motherfucker.
There's only one thing a holding guard is afraid of.
(21:42):
Damaged goods.
What?
Got it.
Oh, here comes Sally's goliose with the stabby stick.
She said, I know where to do this.
Right in the fucking shoulder blade.
Yeah, with an inch long blade.
(22:03):
That's really going to fuck somebody up.
What a fucking idiot.
That's the cloudiest bottle of whiskey I've ever seen.
Girl.
I was going to say, what the fuck is that?
(22:24):
Yeah, that was weird.
Backwash.
We did it.
She got out.
Did she?
Yeah, buddy.
Yeah.
Don't be afraid.
(22:46):
I'm here.
Oh, gee, thank God.
Yeah.
I like to play piano.
Hell yeah.
I wish you were here.
I like to play piano.
What?
All right, bitch.
(23:09):
That way you've got fucking six notes tattooed to your fucking hip bone.
It's a conversation starter.
Yeah, it's like that's not how eighth notes work, you bitch.
Revelation, this better be the last chapter just like the Lord intended.
(23:30):
Yeah.
You're all going to die here.
Listen, you little freak.
Who are you?
You know who I am.
I don't.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Well, it's time for you to die.
(23:58):
Yeah.
The money just hit for the little one.
I hate Percocet children.
One of the girls is dead.
Are you shitting me?
What else happened?
Carla sliced up a little bit.
You are fucking useless.
What do you want me to do?
I'm going to kill you.
(24:20):
Run.
He can barely walk.
Excuse me.
Have you heard this man?
Remember that time I got high?
Yeah, she's like, oh shit, I can get high again right now.
One last hit before we die.
(24:43):
Is this like a concrete couch or is she just?
Yeah.
I'm getting sick of fucking tired of these stupid callback things that mean literally nothing.
Why did we see this at the very beginning?
I don't know.
I have to know that she's a fighter.
(25:04):
Yeah.
And what is that going to do for you, honey?
Yeah.
I'm going to open the door and it's going to fall the fuck over.
Yeah, girl.
Honey darling dearest.
Yeah.
Why the fuck did any of this just happen?
He was just going to come in there because you're moving the couch.
Oh my God.
(25:25):
And now we stab him with the rig.
Yeah.
Listen, I recommend this.
Kabi, daddy.
Hexilox.
Hexilox.
We need to have them call in.
Yeah, they need to fucking defend this.
I need I need some answers.
Yeah.
Oh, girl.
(25:54):
The fucking chosen one.
Yeah, I don't know.
What the fuck was that?
The darkness takes hold.
Yeah.
Numbs the senses.
Alien babies.
Forget who you are.
That's the cheap whiskey you've been shot getting for God knows how many decades.
You fat bitch.
Has he had pretty eyeballs this whole time?
(26:16):
Yeah.
What the fuck is going on there?
Yeah, they never really showed him.
Oh, I think the child of the corn might have fucking did some wild shit.
You got a heavy footed gate.
Let me tell you.
(26:42):
She's fucking.
Dampen.
God damn.
She's fucking flat footed, dude.
Is this what she is drink a lot of milk or something?
Why is she jabbing her feet into the ground like this?
I don't understand what's happening.
Yeah, that's a fucking chew toy, not a fucking baby doll.
(27:04):
Yeah, it's weird.
A dog toy, dude.
I can see the fucking dog drool on it.
It's just there's no way that this smells good.
Yeah, that motherfucker's damn.
Yeah, it seems some action.
Oh, my God.
(27:26):
Really?
What a waste of my fucking time.
What the fuck was that?
Who the fuck had the nerve?
Yeah. Yeah.
To make this shit.
Oh, my God. Wow.
We have a new bottom of the list.
I don't think it's going to go at the bottom of my list.
(27:49):
Listen, Black Nose Nazi sex chambers breath.
But yeah, at least it was kind of unique.
Yeah, that irritated me a lot.
Yeah.
Girl. And then what?
She's just the fucking I don't even know.
(28:11):
I'm not even exploring these ten of the plot points because this was bullshit.
This was comprehensive bullshit.
Oh, yeah.
OK, it was it was her fucking daughter.
She obviously sold her daughter for drugs before.
And she's just been strung out and now she's here and they bring her daughter in.
(28:36):
I don't understand, like the little girl fucking touching the guy's head and the guy dying and then the little girl's gone.
That was life in the hole.
Yeah.
Get into our overall thoughts of the movie.
So I guess what we're dealing with is a cartel human trafficking situation.
(29:03):
We have one woman that seems to have been in the hole for a long time.
I don't know that she's been in the hole for a long time.
I think she's just been in there multiple times because she says you come here when they're selling you, you know, in between pimps, basically.
You know, you're on fire. I only said she was in there for fucking ever because she's like, you know, I'm in here to die.
(29:26):
Yeah. She spent some time in the fucking hole.
God damn it. I think that was also meant to be like, I'm here to die because she was finally on the side of, oh, we're going to protect this little girl.
I honor this endeavor that you're on Lisa to like ascribe meaning to this bullshit we just watched.
I'm here to tell you, I don't know if any thought went into most of this.
(29:55):
So it's just a series of execution errors.
Carla gets dumped in the hole and that's kind of our main character, right.
And, you know, she's in the hole to be broken to more than likely be sold into sex slavery, I'm assuming.
(30:17):
Yeah, I guess. I guess so.
She keeps saying like, oh, yeah, her man just dropped her off here. She's going to get a ride to Washington.
And Mariah Scoliosis Sally, it's like that ain't your man. That's your pan.
(30:40):
I think she was right. So we're living fucking Carlos days in the hole.
She's getting sexually abused and dosed up with heroin to become a junkie.
Maybe she already was. Who knows? I think she already was.
(31:01):
And then one fateful day, a nine year old girl gets dropped in the hole. Yeah.
Like an Annabelle looking ass. Yeah.
And, you know, they all plot to make their escape.
(31:22):
I guess that is my half ass fucking plot synopsis.
Let's get an overall thoughts of this movie. What do you think?
Well, I mean, I didn't like it.
I don't think I hated it as much as you two.
(31:44):
I really didn't enjoy this. Yeah.
No, I mean, it wasn't good. The acting was not great.
The writing was not great. Yeah, I think I think both said it best.
It's a fucking lifetime movie. It's like a lifetime movie after dark.
This is what you'd see after midnight on the Lifetime channel because it's a little fucking raunchy.
(32:09):
Maybe. Yeah. I mean, you see heroin needles. Yeah. That was probably the most graphic part.
Not as him shooting her up. And that wasn't even crazy.
Not a single boobie in sight. No, no, no.
I didn't even think this film was wild. I just thought it was like a poorly made student project.
(32:30):
Yeah. Yeah. I think it should have been fucking wild. Right. Uh huh. On premise. On premise.
I'm here for that storyline and that's two crackles rally together to save a little girl.
I'm on board for that sort of revenge fantasy. Yeah. Well, and I mean, just the whole like,
oh, here's a little girl that they're trying to sell into sex trafficking.
(32:51):
Like it should be worse than it was. Yeah.
But don't make her don't make her Keanu Reeves at the end. Yeah. Yeah.
What was going on with that little girl at the end? Not a goddamn thing. Was she even there?
That's what I was about to say. I think maybe she wasn't even real. Maybe maybe she tripping.
(33:13):
Maybe she was Carla's daughter that she sold for drugs and she's fucking dead now.
Yeah. And she's just seeing her.
We almost have an unreliable narrator sort of thing because, yeah, she is on heroin a lot and having wildest dreams.
She dreams of, I guess, her dad or something, having a weird fucking monster looking baby. Yeah.
(33:40):
What's strange is the narration. Oh, well, see the product of being raped by a gun
because of the other the first segue into the psyche was a flashback of like an obvious sexual abuse from dad.
Yeah. Maybe. Yeah, it's hard to fucking tell.
But also another problem with the storytelling element is that the actual narrator, the only.
(34:04):
We kept going to like almost interview style segments with the fucking with the guard with the prisoner.
Yeah. Yeah. Like, I don't know if you ever seen the YouTube channel, a soft white underbelly.
Yeah. Yeah, it was kind of like that. Oh, my gosh.
(34:28):
And also, what a shithead that guy.
Anyone that's just like grunting and moaning and oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah.
I've got no patience for you.
You fucking creature. Yeah, dude.
(34:50):
Yeah, I don't even I don't even know what to say.
This is an unfortunate miss.
You know, I think this is the third movie that Hexie Locks has recommended to us.
Two for three ain't bad. Can't win one of three, I guess.
Two for three sounds weird. Well, because if I've offered you them, we're going to be three for three.
(35:14):
Yeah, I do think semantically it does sound strange. Yeah, I was like, it just sounds weird to me.
Two for three. Yeah. Whatever. Fuck. Anyway.
Damn it. I understand what you're saying. I also agree with Lisa. It does sound strange.
(35:36):
I thought that was a normal thing to say. It is. It is. I've heard people say things like this.
It doesn't make it less strange to me. That's what I was going to say. Maybe it is.
It just sounds weird to me. I agree with you.
Yeah. What I want to know is at the very end, the child does like some weird psychic powers thing almost.
(36:02):
Yeah. And blasts the fucking prison guard.
Well, she also comes back in a whole different creature. Now she's boss bitch.
Before she was cowering in the corner and now she comes back in after being freed.
She's like, don't worry, I'm here now. And then she fucking precociously stomps over to the camera.
Time for you to die. Yeah. And that's when shit hits the fan. Yeah.
(36:26):
And like, what's the fuck's happening? Yeah.
To the point where I really thought she was like a plant or something.
We were kind of go to the throughout the whole movie. We were kind of like trying to figure out who was the plant.
Uh huh. Like somebody was there on like the prison guard side, you know.
Well, that was that was when I was younger and more naive and thought there would be some depth to this film.
(36:52):
I've since learned that that is not the case. This was not that kind of film. Yeah.
Because I was hoping for a sort of orphan transition midway.
We didn't quite get there. We got some weirdness.
Because I really thought it was going to be Mariah Mann. I thought she was like the plant.
She was from the fucking start. She had cigarettes fucking every minute.
(37:19):
Yeah, which, you know.
That she never got raped. Yeah.
Yeah. It was just a little fucking odd.
You ever rub two sticks together real hard and fast?
No. Me neither. I never will.
I'm getting a little chunky in my old age.
(37:44):
Yeah, man. Odd movie.
I think Lifetime Midnight Lifetime Special is the best way to put it.
I can't really. That's that's it.
That's literally it.
Well, it's the same like lighting scenario. Same weird.
I movie 2008 transitions. Yeah.
(38:08):
Yeah, it just had this weird layer of fucking cheesiness to it.
It was the bad acting and writing. Yeah.
Bad lines delivered by bad performers or a rough combo.
Five hundred thousand dollars. That's what I was going to say.
I mean, we are kind of used to that because we do a lot of low budget underground sort of things.
(38:34):
And they're all better than this. Yeah.
This is half a million fucking dollars.
Someone someone got lied to several times.
I don't know. Heroin costs a lot, man.
Hey, heroin costs a lot. So does so does good sets.
(38:56):
I think the set was really the star of the show.
Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't. They look pretty fucking gross.
I don't know about that poop bucket, though.
They look like caramel on the rim of that poop bucket.
Oh, yeah. The poop bucket didn't even register for me.
Yeah. No, it was just because it was like the first thing.
It was one of the first things we saw. And so I was like, oh, is that food?
(39:19):
What are they going to do? Yeah.
What about what? Yeah. Yeah. Sadness. No food. No poops.
Yeah. Missed opportunity.
For some reason, way more tame than it should have been.
It was just too cheesy to be like, yeah, impactful, I think.
(39:41):
I think so.
There's a miss for us here. What the fuck are you watching?
But that's not right. I am being a little bit onry, but it was shit.
All right.
At least we're going to bring back onry.
It is a mood, as the kids say.
(40:04):
It's a whole mood. It's a whole mood. Yeah.
It's a vibe. It's giving onry. Yeah.
Giving onry. It's giving mother. It's serving onry. Yeah.
God. I wanted to keep my trope going about like how this could have been a little shorter, but I was, you know,
I think this one could have been about an hour and 15 minutes shorter.
(40:30):
It's the shortest one we've done in a little while. So like it almost felt a little fast.
I appreciate a return to form. I think this type of film,
because you inundate the senses with too much like trauma and gore and stuff, it becomes desensitizing.
So like if it's longer than an hour, it's not impactful, in my opinion.
(40:55):
Yeah, we've made the comment multiple times, like this movie was just so fucking off the rails that like by the end,
you just don't feel anything anymore. And it doesn't. Yeah, we're fucking dead babies and I couldn't care less.
I should care about the fucking dead babies.
Well, and that's kind of how I feel with this movie.
Like I feel like I should be like, oh, this was crazy. Yeah. But it just wasn't.
(41:23):
I think on premise it was it was just so poorly done. But yeah, I think so.
Yeah, it's another spicy subject matter. Not so spicy movie.
Anyway, Lisa. Your star rating and your what the fuck moment.
Yeah, I really think that I'm going to go with like one star.
(41:50):
OK, my what the fuck moment.
I feel like this is another one that there wasn't a ton of what the fuck moments, but I have a few to choose from.
I think I'm going to go with, you know, when he pulls that girl out into the little hallway area
(42:11):
and just spashes her head in because she's a diabetic and she needs medicine.
Insulin is expensive. I get it. Yeah.
All right, well, what is your star rating and what the fuck moment?
We're going to go with a big fat zero stars on this one.
(42:32):
My what the fuck moment is, you know, couchsurfing Carla doing her utmost to move
what looks like a plywood and fabric couch across the concrete bunker dungeon room.
Yeah. So prop it up backwards against the fucking door to barricade them in,
(42:58):
which is a contrived plan on multiple fronts, because first of all, the objective is escape.
Yeah. Why are we blocking the one exit?
Yeah. Also, if you're going to prop a couch in front of the door, let's not put it as unbalanced as possible
and only tentatively put it in front of the door. Yeah.
(43:21):
Like you just positioned it perfectly for him to just knock it right over.
Girl, I could have and I'm if you're on a thinner side, he's a fat boy, so he can't get in there.
Yeah. Unless he like moves the couch.
But listen, I didn't even I could have just opened the door a bit and slipped straight through because of where that fucking couch was standing.
Uh huh. Call it get it together, girl. Yeah. You bitch.
(43:45):
It almost seemed like she wanted him to get in, though, because she had the was it a trick, like a psychological.
That's what I was like. I don't understand why just putting the couch against the door makes him just be like, oh, I'm coming in now.
I almost thought it was like a way to like cover up the camera with like the biggest object possible
(44:06):
because, you know, you cover the camera and then, of course, they're going to come in and see what's up.
Oh, because the camera was there.
Girl had been like, now I know how to walk in heels and shit because I'm a precocious nine year old and it's time for you to die.
And then the cameras went out and he's got a phone call telling him to run.
(44:28):
Yeah. But instead, he said, you know, I think I think I can probably take these efforts.
She's she can't move this fucking plywood couch. So I think I got to get shot here.
Yeah. You know, but that's not what the fuck moment that whole couch situation.
The honoree one was already down, so he didn't have anything to worry about.
(44:49):
Sally's spoliosis was up. He had already dealt with her. Yeah.
She plays piano. She plays piano. Dying moment.
Yeah. What about you, Chris? What's your star rating and what the fuck moment?
Yeah, I'm going to go with one star. OK.
(45:10):
Deal with it, bitch.
What's your what the fuck moment? My what the fuck my what the fuck moment is.
Is when the little girl goes in there and fucking mind blasts the prison guard.
Yeah. Seemingly out of nowhere with like weird fucking psychic powers.
(45:35):
Yeah, that was one of my choices to exit seemingly blinded him
because then his eyeballs were like blind eyeballs.
Yeah. And like their face was all bloody and shit.
Yeah. Was this a fucking supernatural fucking angel blast?
That's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking the kid was not really there. Sammy.
(45:59):
Was this was this her dead, dead daddy dick daughter?
And he's turned into her guardian angel.
Yeah. Maybe, maybe.
I can't imagine why your daughter would come back and be your guardian angel after you sold her.
It's so bad. Yeah. So bad. So stupid.
Uh, Lisa. Yeah.
(46:23):
How spicy is this movie?
This movie is. Spicy nacho Doritos.
Oh, yeah. Not very spicy.
Right. They leave a residue, though.
(46:44):
Yeah, they do.
Well, I guess they changed the recipe now. They're a little bit spicier, according to the bag.
Oh, let a bag tell me how to live my life.
You bitch. Watch you, Bo. How spicy is this movie?
This is like strawberry shortcake, but with moldy strawberries.
Yeah. What about you, Chris? How spicy is this movie?
(47:12):
This movie. Take us on a trip.
Is this movie is a salsa.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
I like my chili hot. As a matter of fact, I like my chili so god damn hot.
(47:35):
You can cook a hogs ass in a spoon for when a working man such as myself.
That's a little hot fix and I reach for that bottle of mama's god damn hot chili.
This movie is a bottle of salsa that your friend brings to the campfire.
(48:01):
Is it homemade salsa? No, it's not.
Turns out your friend got this bottle of salsa from New York City.
New York City.
God, we're so old. These are old commercials.
(48:24):
Old people jokes. This is New York City salsa.
I'm assuming it's not spicy. I've never had New York City.
Depends on which borough it came from.
But yeah, your friend is your friend's then I was hand and really you afterwards.
Yeah. Yeah. And he goes to eat.
(48:51):
Thanks, bud.
All right, Lisa, where's this one going on your leaderboard?
What's a leaderboard, Christopher? Well, what a leaderboard is, is where we
this is where we kind of rank our personal favorites, the movies that we
(49:12):
covered on the podcast.
So Lisa, what does this slot in on your leaderboard?
So it's like a board. Yeah.
A digital board.
Where we assign like numeric values to clearly indicate the leader in a certain category.
Right. Yeah. Number one is the leader. OK.
(49:34):
OK. They are the leader of the board.
All right. OK.
I have been doing this all wrong.
Then it's a difficult concept.
So you I wish you would have started explaining this early.
Much sooner we can do a reversal on Lisa's black mass of the Nazi sex wizard is her number one.
(49:58):
Yeah, we can just flip flop
followed by slow torture puke chamber and slaughtered vomit balls.
Imagine the parallel universe in which that is Lisa's taste in film.
That's like my top three movies.
She said, you know what I really like?
Black mass of the Nazi sex wizard.
You know how I spend my time interacting with Lucifer Valentine on Instagram?
(50:23):
I'm not a master. Please put me in your movie.
Well, listen, that's that's a parallel universe.
You know, because then you'd be Chris's rope bunny for picture purposes.
So that's probably not all bad. Yeah.
Now you better get started now, Lisa.
Apparently you're going to have to have about five years fucking dealing with them to make a movie.
(50:45):
And I get better at gagging. I've not really heard any good gagging from you.
I'm too old for him.
As in you're not 19 anymore. Yeah.
I don't think he likes them when they can start drinking legally.
You know. Oh, man.
(51:07):
Or at least, you know, not after 25 when their brains fully developed.
Yeah. Yeah. Once they can deal with cognitive reasoning on us, you know.
Substantially human level. Sorry.
Way off topic again.
Where is this going on my leaderboard?
I've given it one star and I have some one star movies.
(51:32):
Hi on my list.
Well, higher than I would expect. You got a one point.
Not a stranger to the one star rating.
That's your comfort zone. Yeah.
I think it's going to have to go below tumbling doll of flesh.
(51:53):
You'd watch tumbling doll before you watch this again.
I don't know. That's a hard choice.
This is what I can watch more them before I watch this again.
You know, like, uh, my answer is yes.
I think I would. But more than was the third one.
(52:15):
So is the second one. See, I really didn't like the second one.
I did. And also the maggot. Yeah.
I'm a librarian. Now, fuck me. Yeah.
And the sexy like bring me tumbling doll of flesh.
Tumbling doll of flesh.
The girl gets car max rubbed on her. Yeah. Yeah.
(52:36):
Uh, you really didn't care for the car max, but yeah.
Um, I yeah, I think it's maybe kind of go in between
mortem and tumbling doll of flesh, actually.
It's going to be my new number 25.
Fuck the title of this movie, too. Yeah.
(52:59):
What is it called? Life in the hole.
Yeah, bitch. None of this shit fucking does anything for me.
I don't. Life in the hole.
Uh.
All right, but where's it going on your list?
All right. It's going to be my new number 26.
(53:20):
So it's going to go right under lucky sky diamond.
And right above slaughtered vomit dollies.
Uh, I think.
I'm going to make it my new number 29.
(53:42):
It's going below slow. Oh, it's going above slow torture.
Oh, that's my new number 30. Sorry.
Which one was slow torture? Is that number two?
Number three. No, number two is regurgitated.
Yeah.
OK, so it's going below slow torture puke chamber.
Yes. And above black mass.
(54:05):
Yeah, it's my new number 30.
It's just not good. Slow torture puke chamber.
I really do think I would watch slow torture.
I might, too. I can't really decide if I didn't lose that entire situation so much.
I might. So black mass is still at the bottom of the list.
(54:28):
Is anything going to be worse? Black mass of the Nazi sex wizard?
Probably not. The further removed we get from it, the more we'll be able to be like,
oh, maybe it wasn't as bad as this thing we're watching.
But I promise it was. Yeah, it probably it really was.
It was so bad. Well, you know, my memory is terrible anyway.
(54:50):
So I just forget what any of these movies are.
I have to be reminded. Principles and ethics.
So at least you could stand by the decisions you made in the in the present.
All right. Well, that's going to do it for life in the hole.
Yeah. We were not feeling this one.
(55:12):
Feel free to watch the movie. Send us your opinions on it.
Tell us how we're wrong. Yeah.
We like to see and told that we're wrong. Yeah.
I also have a history of respecting other people's opinions and valuing them.
(55:33):
Yeah. So I see nothing wrong with anything that was just said.
I need to call in at some point and explain themselves for this one.
Yeah, I did check up on the speak pipe.
It was full of spiders, but it is still there.
(55:56):
So like a pipe, like an actual pipe joke. It's a literal pipe that you speak through.
Oh, OK.
But yeah, speak pipe is still still there.
So, OK.
See, locks, if you want to defend your movie, send us a voicemail on the speak pipe.
(56:18):
Yeah. What a garbage name.
Speak. Yeah.
If I could get Google Voice to work, I would just use that.
Eek.
Man, apparently everybody is.
(56:39):
Nobody knows. Nobody fucking says it's a speak pipe.
Yeah. Speak pipe.
We also haven't mentioned it on a podcast in a long time.
It's embarrassing to say those words to that order.
Speak pipe. Yeah.
We haven't mentioned it, but the link is in every description of the episodes.
(57:05):
Yeah, but people think it's Russian malware because no one's ever fucking heard of it.
Yeah, it might be.
Listen, who knows?
That's why we're not getting any voicemails. They're just taking them all.
Where is the pipe leading?
I don't know. Could be to Russia.
But anyway, join us next week when we cover.
(57:32):
A recommendation from Spamela Anderson.
Yeah.
Strange circus.
Strange circus.
Let's see if we can find a trailer.
Strange circus.
Okay.
(57:53):
What year is this from?
I guess 2005.
Okay.
Oh, it's already so pretty.
Oh, I'm going to love it.
I'm going to love this.
Yeah.
(58:14):
Strange circus.
I have high hopes for this.
Yeah, that looks like it's going to be great. I hope it's not bullshit.
Yeah.
It looks pretty fucking good.
Yeah, it does.
And listen, I like her already. This Spamela.
Follow her on Instagram. See her movie reviews.
Yeah, that's strange circus.
(58:36):
Looks pretty fucking good.
Will it be?
We'll find out next week.
I hope so.
What the fuck are you watching?
Say bye, bitch.
Bye, bitch.
Bye, bitch.
(58:58):
I don't know.
You will be given a test to determine your ability to withstand shock.
(00:05):
Well, look who's here.
This is the night when fear and horror walk hand in hand.
Do you feel up to it?
The most terrifying form of evil is that which lurks within the human mind.
(00:25):
Rated X.
Welcome to What the Fuck are you watching?
We're a weekly movie podcast covering the disturbing, the extreme,
and everything in between, baby.
I'm your host, the dirtiest of Chris Stakes.
(00:46):
I'm also joined by we all know how Lisa likes her rock fucking off.
Lisa.
Hello. Hey, we're also joined by.
Oh, oh, my God. Oh, that's me.
Hell, yeah.
(01:06):
Would you guys still be my friend if this is how I talk?
Sure. Yeah.
That's real nice of you guys.
I talk dumb like all the time.
Yeah, I just feel like more at home.
Mm hmm.
Considering we literally just did this yesterday,
I don't think I really have anything to say.
(01:29):
Yeah, we don't have any updates.
I made an Instagram.
Oh, I did not.
But what I did do is contemplate
that. Hell, yeah.
Thinking about it is the first step.
Yeah, I thought about it for a long time.
(01:50):
At least and I'm taking Lisa's example as my own cue.
So in like four to five months.
Yeah. Oh, I think I'll be ready.
OK. Hell, yeah.
Big news for you.
Lisa is now on Instagram.
(02:10):
So if you're sick of talking to me, you can talk directly to Lisa.
If you're nice to her, she'll show you a tit.
At least WTF are you watching?
Yeah, you might get some boobs out of it.
I don't know. I get a tit or two.
You will not. You might join.
What the fuck are you fucking to absolutely get some tips out of it?
(02:33):
Yeah, it's for sure.
It's a sure shot deal.
Whose tits that's up in the air.
Unclear.
Whoa, Lisa, what the fuck are you watching?
I'm watching life in the hole from 2017.
Oh, yeah.
(02:54):
This is a listener request from our friend Hexilocks.
Yeah, we take almost all forms of requests.
So if you got one, send it to our email at WTF are you watching pod at gmail.com
or join our Instagram.
WTF are you watching pod?
(03:15):
Send it to us there.
Life in the hole.
In a warehouse in the middle of nowhere,
two rival prostitutes held against their will,
joined forces to help a nine year old girl escape her future as a child sex slave.
(03:38):
Down in a hole.
This one's directed by Tony Mendoza,
written by Jacob Blodgett,
H.E. Joyce and Tony Mendoza, three writers on this motherfucker.
Starring Lainey Rhodes, Cassandra M. Parker, Lauren Jenna, Tabitha Wolfe, Dave Stout
(04:11):
and Elira Brandt.
Looks like a budget on this one is an estimated five hundred thousand dollars.
Damn. Wow, there's nothing on the parents guide.
Literally nothing on the parents guide for this one, not even Severs or Miles or anything.
We're going into this one blind.
(04:32):
Do we have like a ethical obligation to remedy that?
I'll do that.
Yeah. I mean, if you want to start counting fucks and stuff like that.
Yeah.
That seems like sort of a task.
Yeah, no, we wait for other people to do that.
Yeah. Yeah.
(04:54):
I'm not really here to like police words.
Yeah. All right.
Well, what we can do, we're presented with an opportunity to present this as an entirely wholesome film.
Yeah.
Yeah, it is all like user base, so we could write something crazy in here.
We could lie.
Oh, we have a listener request.
(05:16):
This one's from a Spamela Anderson follower on Instagram.
And we will reveal the request at the end of the episode.
Uh huh.
Life in the Hole 2017.
Let's watch this movie.
OK.
(05:42):
Yeah.
The next shot.
Yeah.
That's a cool logo.
Old hatch.
Yeah.
How does she move in a couch?
I thought it was a fucking bathtub.
I thought it was too, but now it looks like a couch.
(06:04):
Some come to be sold like fresh meat from a slaughterhouse.
And there's my personal favorite.
The ones that need to be taken down a notch.
I got Sam Elliott for this part.
Yeah. It's a real pleasure doing what I do.
And there's no one here to stop me.
Oh, is that a bucket of shit?
That's a poo bucket right there.
(06:26):
Yeah, it's got the toilet paper next to it and everything.
And there's the couch.
Yeah.
We as a race, as a people, as a species, we got to consider our eyebrows and what we're doing to them.
(06:48):
You know.
First time in the hole, I imagine.
What?
That's how every single one of my tricks has started.
What the fuck are these noises?
(07:10):
Say ho one more time.
You know, there's a thousand more of you made every fucking day.
What are you jealous of me?
I ain't jealous of no one.
That girl's coming in fucking hot, dude.
I think that's supposed to be a target for men to aim at when they finish.
Would you say you fucking bitch?
(07:31):
You heard me.
We're going to have a fucking problem, you and I.
I don't know. You seem like a big cunt, are we?
We're going to have a fucking problem.
Oh, yeah.
Shit.
You know, if these girls teamed up, they could take this guy down real easily.
(07:56):
Yeah. Yeah, but they don't like each other.
Yeah. Fucking idiot.
Yeah.
I can only be one junkie whore.
He's so old and fat.
Like, you guys could easily take him down.
Yeah. Top heavy.
Is my girl alive?
Yeah.
Good. You know what to do.
(08:24):
Oh, yeah.
God, I can't stand it.
Yeah, his exclamatives are gross.
It's so bad.
I don't likey.
(08:44):
No.
You want a hit?
I mean, yeah, it's been a real weird day.
Oh, no.
I think we're witnessing a rape.
Yeah.
I thought you meant a different kind of hit.
He said I got that good good.
(09:06):
Oh my God.
He's going to give her the drugs.
She just had to earn it.
You want a hit?
Oh my God.
You want a hit?
Okay.
(09:29):
I move me 2008 transition.
Oh, yeah.
Alrighty.
Half a million.
Do you remember when we used to play blind man?
Daddy.
Yeah.
You got any food in here?
There's no blisters.
(09:52):
I could speak slower than you.
Speak the slowest.
So, asshole, you're fucking us and not feeding us?
I was yelling at the camera like she's diabetic, she needs her medicine.
But then now that he's in there, like, what the fuck's wrong with you, bitch?
She's not saying anything.
(10:13):
Rule number one is never trust a hoe.
She's crazy.
Just dump her and I'll have to think of my.
She's diabetic.
She needs medicine.
I'll take care of it.
Do we want to take bets now that she's like a plant?
Like she probably comes back later.
(10:34):
It's like a psychological mind game.
Oh, maybe not.
Life in the hole.
Oh, my God.
(11:00):
12.
I was going to start sucking cock.
I don't know.
I kind of.
Yeah, it's when the daddy issues started.
Blame him sometimes for me being here.
We used to play like a blind man.
Daddy.
I don't know if he'd have died.
(11:21):
I just.
Oh, God.
Oh, no, that is a little girl.
I know, like just the door opening and a little girl walking in, holding a fricking stuffed animal.
(11:42):
I've never met anyone in my life named Carla.
Why is she here?
I have.
Really?
Yeah.
I've met us like a few Carlis.
Oh, damn.
Bitch name.
Yeah, that's a bitch name.
Yeah, I was like, I only remember I think one.
(12:05):
Yeah, everybody goes off on Karen's.
It should be Carla.
It's like.
Yeah, I can think of three Carlis.
All bitches.
Well, what do you expect from me?
(12:26):
I'm over here, busy developing spoliosis.
I walk with the posture of a fucking Bendy straw.
I'm brooding.
Thank you very much.
Yeah, I'm Sam.
This isn't hitting for me, and I don't think I'm going to be able to articulate why.
(12:49):
Yeah.
Is it the shallow writing?
The poor acting?
Yeah, it's kind of all around sucks.
It's suspicious cinematography.
(13:14):
There's just a thick layer of cheese on all this.
Yeah, they're forcing it a little.
They got fucking storybooks.
They're prepared for kids down here.
What's the random shit going on up in this room?
Yeah, this box has got a little bit of everything.
(13:36):
And are they lined with lined with aluminum foil?
Hell, yeah, they are.
No one ever wanted to get in all these cigarettes, man.
Might have found one of those boxes.
Maybe.
Oh, no.
She's the one working for the dudes.
Like you're saying she does seem to be just hanging out.
I don't know, man.
I know the irony of this coming from someone like me.
(14:01):
That's the jaded bitch caricature played out.
Yeah.
I have a sandwich right now.
Yeah.
Or at least not being played well here.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Yeah, she's laying it all a little too thick.
She came out swinging from fucking minute one.
Yeah.
(14:22):
But Bubba died last night.
Damn.
Why didn't you check out that book before you started reading it?
The book's a plant.
The fucking dark side of drawings should have clued you in that this was going to be sad.
Children's books that are fun don't fucking look like this.
(14:44):
Dog dies.
But don't worry.
You're going to see him in some imaginary magical fairy tale land.
The god has not lit fairy tale land.
I don't feel good.
You don't sound great either.
That's all that junk he's been shooting in you.
I'm not a junkie.
(15:05):
By tomorrow, you'll be asking for it.
Trust me.
You know who I am.
I'm the alien baby.
You want to play blind man?
I hope this isn't really like her daughter.
(15:30):
You give me another taste and I'll give you one.
Or better yet, how about I take this fresh meat upstairs and show her how it's done.
You sick bastard.
I bet your own mother spent nine months looking for a coat hanger.
(15:52):
Just couldn't find one.
There's an art to what I do.
It's not just slapping these bitches around or shooting them up a jump or raping them.
Though these are good techniques, tried and tested.
(16:16):
Tried and tested.
Any jerk off can do that.
It's all in the pacing.
Hell yeah.
The seduction.
Seduction.
The hope, it'll all stop if they just comply.
Have you, listen, I've done drugs.
(16:40):
You know what doesn't happen after two hits?
Any of this.
What's she doing?
She's going through withdrawals.
Yeah, she's like freaking out.
(17:05):
Oh, he says, that's yeah, that's what I'd say about this whole film.
This should be like some fucking dark, like depressing shit, man.
And it's just not fucking landing.
It's goofy.
(17:30):
It's almost like a disservice to not a disservice.
It's almost like making light of cartel human trafficking in a way.
And like maybe an unintentional way.
Yeah, I see what you mean.
(17:53):
Please men like you.
(18:14):
The license plate wall is kind of cool.
Yeah.
How do you get that many license plates though?
Unclear.
Crab guards.
Maybe.
(18:39):
If you want to taste, you'll bring me that girl.
She's shaped like the sugar plum fairy.
(19:20):
Oh, she'll come.
What the hell do you want?
I want you to bring me that girl.
I think you made it pretty clear.
(19:43):
Oh my God.
There's an art to this deduction.
I'm sorry.
You have to go.
Oh my God.
I just been like, you know what?
Maybe you shouldn't slap me in the face with a monkey, the Christ monkey doll while I'm sleeping.
You little bitch.
Now run off to daddy.
(20:08):
Mommy's gonna do some hair.
It's it's giving like syndicated cop show does like a dark spooky episode.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.
Or life time.
Giving lifetime movie.
After dark lifetime after dark.
(20:32):
Yeah, she knows her name.
Yeah, she's calling her Kimmy anyway.
And she's like, oh, we don't know her name.
She's gone. I bet it is her fucking daughter.
God, what do you mean gone?
She's a sod after item in this world.
She's not an item.
Listen, Carla, you only come to the hole for two reasons.
(20:58):
To be broken or to be sold.
Then why are you still here?
Free cigarettes.
Mm hmm.
I'm here to die.
Are you OK?
(21:20):
Did he hurt you?
I am so sorry, sweetheart.
I don't care what happens to me anymore.
But I am not going to stand here and let him have her.
Let's kill this motherfucker.
There's only one thing a holding guard is afraid of.
(21:42):
Damaged goods.
What?
Got it.
Oh, here comes Sally's goliose with the stabby stick.
She said, I know where to do this.
Right in the fucking shoulder blade.
Yeah, with an inch long blade.
(22:03):
That's really going to fuck somebody up.
What a fucking idiot.
That's the cloudiest bottle of whiskey I've ever seen.
Girl.
I was going to say, what the fuck is that?
(22:24):
Yeah, that was weird.
Backwash.
We did it.
She got out.
Did she?
Yeah, buddy.
Yeah.
Don't be afraid.
(22:46):
I'm here.
Oh, gee, thank God.
Yeah.
I like to play piano.
Hell yeah.
I wish you were here.
I like to play piano.
What?
All right, bitch.
(23:09):
That way you've got fucking six notes tattooed to your fucking hip bone.
It's a conversation starter.
Yeah, it's like that's not how eighth notes work, you bitch.
Revelation, this better be the last chapter just like the Lord intended.
(23:30):
Yeah.
You're all going to die here.
Listen, you little freak.
Who are you?
You know who I am.
I don't.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Well, it's time for you to die.
(23:58):
Yeah.
The money just hit for the little one.
I hate Percocet children.
One of the girls is dead.
Are you shitting me?
What else happened?
Carla sliced up a little bit.
You are fucking useless.
What do you want me to do?
I'm going to kill you.
(24:20):
Run.
He can barely walk.
Excuse me.
Have you heard this man?
Remember that time I got high?
Yeah, she's like, oh shit, I can get high again right now.
One last hit before we die.
(24:43):
Is this like a concrete couch or is she just?
Yeah.
I'm getting sick of fucking tired of these stupid callback things that mean literally nothing.
Why did we see this at the very beginning?
I don't know.
I have to know that she's a fighter.
(25:04):
Yeah.
And what is that going to do for you, honey?
Yeah.
I'm going to open the door and it's going to fall the fuck over.
Yeah, girl.
Honey darling dearest.
Yeah.
Why the fuck did any of this just happen?
He was just going to come in there because you're moving the couch.
Oh my God.
(25:25):
And now we stab him with the rig.
Yeah.
Listen, I recommend this.
Kabi, daddy.
Hexilox.
Hexilox.
We need to have them call in.
Yeah, they need to fucking defend this.
I need I need some answers.
Yeah.
Oh, girl.
(25:54):
The fucking chosen one.
Yeah, I don't know.
What the fuck was that?
The darkness takes hold.
Yeah.
Numbs the senses.
Alien babies.
Forget who you are.
That's the cheap whiskey you've been shot getting for God knows how many decades.
You fat bitch.
Has he had pretty eyeballs this whole time?
(26:16):
Yeah.
What the fuck is going on there?
Yeah, they never really showed him.
Oh, I think the child of the corn might have fucking did some wild shit.
You got a heavy footed gate.
Let me tell you.
(26:42):
She's fucking.
Dampen.
God damn.
She's fucking flat footed, dude.
Is this what she is drink a lot of milk or something?
Why is she jabbing her feet into the ground like this?
I don't understand what's happening.
Yeah, that's a fucking chew toy, not a fucking baby doll.
(27:04):
Yeah, it's weird.
A dog toy, dude.
I can see the fucking dog drool on it.
It's just there's no way that this smells good.
Yeah, that motherfucker's damn.
Yeah, it seems some action.
Oh, my God.
(27:26):
Really?
What a waste of my fucking time.
What the fuck was that?
Who the fuck had the nerve?
Yeah. Yeah.
To make this shit.
Oh, my God. Wow.
We have a new bottom of the list.
I don't think it's going to go at the bottom of my list.
(27:49):
Listen, Black Nose Nazi sex chambers breath.
But yeah, at least it was kind of unique.
Yeah, that irritated me a lot.
Yeah.
Girl. And then what?
She's just the fucking I don't even know.
(28:11):
I'm not even exploring these ten of the plot points because this was bullshit.
This was comprehensive bullshit.
Oh, yeah.
OK, it was it was her fucking daughter.
She obviously sold her daughter for drugs before.
And she's just been strung out and now she's here and they bring her daughter in.
(28:36):
I don't understand, like the little girl fucking touching the guy's head and the guy dying and then the little girl's gone.
That was life in the hole.
Yeah.
Get into our overall thoughts of the movie.
So I guess what we're dealing with is a cartel human trafficking situation.
(29:03):
We have one woman that seems to have been in the hole for a long time.
I don't know that she's been in the hole for a long time.
I think she's just been in there multiple times because she says you come here when they're selling you, you know, in between pimps, basically.
You know, you're on fire. I only said she was in there for fucking ever because she's like, you know, I'm in here to die.
(29:26):
Yeah. She spent some time in the fucking hole.
God damn it. I think that was also meant to be like, I'm here to die because she was finally on the side of, oh, we're going to protect this little girl.
I honor this endeavor that you're on Lisa to like ascribe meaning to this bullshit we just watched.
I'm here to tell you, I don't know if any thought went into most of this.
(29:55):
So it's just a series of execution errors.
Carla gets dumped in the hole and that's kind of our main character, right.
And, you know, she's in the hole to be broken to more than likely be sold into sex slavery, I'm assuming.
(30:17):
Yeah, I guess. I guess so.
She keeps saying like, oh, yeah, her man just dropped her off here. She's going to get a ride to Washington.
And Mariah Scoliosis Sally, it's like that ain't your man. That's your pan.
(30:40):
I think she was right. So we're living fucking Carlos days in the hole.
She's getting sexually abused and dosed up with heroin to become a junkie.
Maybe she already was. Who knows? I think she already was.
(31:01):
And then one fateful day, a nine year old girl gets dropped in the hole. Yeah.
Like an Annabelle looking ass. Yeah.
And, you know, they all plot to make their escape.
(31:22):
I guess that is my half ass fucking plot synopsis.
Let's get an overall thoughts of this movie. What do you think?
Well, I mean, I didn't like it.
I don't think I hated it as much as you two.
(31:44):
I really didn't enjoy this. Yeah.
No, I mean, it wasn't good. The acting was not great.
The writing was not great. Yeah, I think I think both said it best.
It's a fucking lifetime movie. It's like a lifetime movie after dark.
This is what you'd see after midnight on the Lifetime channel because it's a little fucking raunchy.
(32:09):
Maybe. Yeah. I mean, you see heroin needles. Yeah. That was probably the most graphic part.
Not as him shooting her up. And that wasn't even crazy.
Not a single boobie in sight. No, no, no.
I didn't even think this film was wild. I just thought it was like a poorly made student project.
(32:30):
Yeah. Yeah. I think it should have been fucking wild. Right. Uh huh. On premise. On premise.
I'm here for that storyline and that's two crackles rally together to save a little girl.
I'm on board for that sort of revenge fantasy. Yeah. Well, and I mean, just the whole like,
oh, here's a little girl that they're trying to sell into sex trafficking.
(32:51):
Like it should be worse than it was. Yeah.
But don't make her don't make her Keanu Reeves at the end. Yeah. Yeah.
What was going on with that little girl at the end? Not a goddamn thing. Was she even there?
That's what I was about to say. I think maybe she wasn't even real. Maybe maybe she tripping.
(33:13):
Maybe she was Carla's daughter that she sold for drugs and she's fucking dead now.
Yeah. And she's just seeing her.
We almost have an unreliable narrator sort of thing because, yeah, she is on heroin a lot and having wildest dreams.
She dreams of, I guess, her dad or something, having a weird fucking monster looking baby. Yeah.
(33:40):
What's strange is the narration. Oh, well, see the product of being raped by a gun
because of the other the first segue into the psyche was a flashback of like an obvious sexual abuse from dad.
Yeah. Maybe. Yeah, it's hard to fucking tell.
But also another problem with the storytelling element is that the actual narrator, the only.
(34:04):
We kept going to like almost interview style segments with the fucking with the guard with the prisoner.
Yeah. Yeah. Like, I don't know if you ever seen the YouTube channel, a soft white underbelly.
Yeah. Yeah, it was kind of like that. Oh, my gosh.
(34:28):
And also, what a shithead that guy.
Anyone that's just like grunting and moaning and oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah.
I've got no patience for you.
You fucking creature. Yeah, dude.
(34:50):
Yeah, I don't even I don't even know what to say.
This is an unfortunate miss.
You know, I think this is the third movie that Hexie Locks has recommended to us.
Two for three ain't bad. Can't win one of three, I guess.
Two for three sounds weird. Well, because if I've offered you them, we're going to be three for three.
(35:14):
Yeah, I do think semantically it does sound strange. Yeah, I was like, it just sounds weird to me.
Two for three. Yeah. Whatever. Fuck. Anyway.
Damn it. I understand what you're saying. I also agree with Lisa. It does sound strange.
(35:36):
I thought that was a normal thing to say. It is. It is. I've heard people say things like this.
It doesn't make it less strange to me. That's what I was going to say. Maybe it is.
It just sounds weird to me. I agree with you.
Yeah. What I want to know is at the very end, the child does like some weird psychic powers thing almost.
(36:02):
Yeah. And blasts the fucking prison guard.
Well, she also comes back in a whole different creature. Now she's boss bitch.
Before she was cowering in the corner and now she comes back in after being freed.
She's like, don't worry, I'm here now. And then she fucking precociously stomps over to the camera.
Time for you to die. Yeah. And that's when shit hits the fan. Yeah.
(36:26):
And like, what's the fuck's happening? Yeah.
To the point where I really thought she was like a plant or something.
We were kind of go to the throughout the whole movie. We were kind of like trying to figure out who was the plant.
Uh huh. Like somebody was there on like the prison guard side, you know.
Well, that was that was when I was younger and more naive and thought there would be some depth to this film.
(36:52):
I've since learned that that is not the case. This was not that kind of film. Yeah.
Because I was hoping for a sort of orphan transition midway.
We didn't quite get there. We got some weirdness.
Because I really thought it was going to be Mariah Mann. I thought she was like the plant.
She was from the fucking start. She had cigarettes fucking every minute.
(37:19):
Yeah, which, you know.
That she never got raped. Yeah.
Yeah. It was just a little fucking odd.
You ever rub two sticks together real hard and fast?
No. Me neither. I never will.
I'm getting a little chunky in my old age.
(37:44):
Yeah, man. Odd movie.
I think Lifetime Midnight Lifetime Special is the best way to put it.
I can't really. That's that's it.
That's literally it.
Well, it's the same like lighting scenario. Same weird.
I movie 2008 transitions. Yeah.
(38:08):
Yeah, it just had this weird layer of fucking cheesiness to it.
It was the bad acting and writing. Yeah.
Bad lines delivered by bad performers or a rough combo.
Five hundred thousand dollars. That's what I was going to say.
I mean, we are kind of used to that because we do a lot of low budget underground sort of things.
(38:34):
And they're all better than this. Yeah.
This is half a million fucking dollars.
Someone someone got lied to several times.
I don't know. Heroin costs a lot, man.
Hey, heroin costs a lot. So does so does good sets.
(38:56):
I think the set was really the star of the show.
Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't. They look pretty fucking gross.
I don't know about that poop bucket, though.
They look like caramel on the rim of that poop bucket.
Oh, yeah. The poop bucket didn't even register for me.
Yeah. No, it was just because it was like the first thing.
It was one of the first things we saw. And so I was like, oh, is that food?
(39:19):
What are they going to do? Yeah.
What about what? Yeah. Yeah. Sadness. No food. No poops.
Yeah. Missed opportunity.
For some reason, way more tame than it should have been.
It was just too cheesy to be like, yeah, impactful, I think.
(39:41):
I think so.
There's a miss for us here. What the fuck are you watching?
But that's not right. I am being a little bit onry, but it was shit.
All right.
At least we're going to bring back onry.
It is a mood, as the kids say.
(40:04):
It's a whole mood. It's a whole mood. Yeah.
It's a vibe. It's giving onry. Yeah.
Giving onry. It's giving mother. It's serving onry. Yeah.
God. I wanted to keep my trope going about like how this could have been a little shorter, but I was, you know,
I think this one could have been about an hour and 15 minutes shorter.
(40:30):
It's the shortest one we've done in a little while. So like it almost felt a little fast.
I appreciate a return to form. I think this type of film,
because you inundate the senses with too much like trauma and gore and stuff, it becomes desensitizing.
So like if it's longer than an hour, it's not impactful, in my opinion.
(40:55):
Yeah, we've made the comment multiple times, like this movie was just so fucking off the rails that like by the end,
you just don't feel anything anymore. And it doesn't. Yeah, we're fucking dead babies and I couldn't care less.
I should care about the fucking dead babies.
Well, and that's kind of how I feel with this movie.
Like I feel like I should be like, oh, this was crazy. Yeah. But it just wasn't.
(41:23):
I think on premise it was it was just so poorly done. But yeah, I think so.
Yeah, it's another spicy subject matter. Not so spicy movie.
Anyway, Lisa. Your star rating and your what the fuck moment.
Yeah, I really think that I'm going to go with like one star.
(41:50):
OK, my what the fuck moment.
I feel like this is another one that there wasn't a ton of what the fuck moments, but I have a few to choose from.
I think I'm going to go with, you know, when he pulls that girl out into the little hallway area
(42:11):
and just spashes her head in because she's a diabetic and she needs medicine.
Insulin is expensive. I get it. Yeah.
All right, well, what is your star rating and what the fuck moment?
We're going to go with a big fat zero stars on this one.
(42:32):
My what the fuck moment is, you know, couchsurfing Carla doing her utmost to move
what looks like a plywood and fabric couch across the concrete bunker dungeon room.
Yeah. So prop it up backwards against the fucking door to barricade them in,
(42:58):
which is a contrived plan on multiple fronts, because first of all, the objective is escape.
Yeah. Why are we blocking the one exit?
Yeah. Also, if you're going to prop a couch in front of the door, let's not put it as unbalanced as possible
and only tentatively put it in front of the door. Yeah.
(43:21):
Like you just positioned it perfectly for him to just knock it right over.
Girl, I could have and I'm if you're on a thinner side, he's a fat boy, so he can't get in there.
Yeah. Unless he like moves the couch.
But listen, I didn't even I could have just opened the door a bit and slipped straight through because of where that fucking couch was standing.
Uh huh. Call it get it together, girl. Yeah. You bitch.
(43:45):
It almost seemed like she wanted him to get in, though, because she had the was it a trick, like a psychological.
That's what I was like. I don't understand why just putting the couch against the door makes him just be like, oh, I'm coming in now.
I almost thought it was like a way to like cover up the camera with like the biggest object possible
(44:06):
because, you know, you cover the camera and then, of course, they're going to come in and see what's up.
Oh, because the camera was there.
Girl had been like, now I know how to walk in heels and shit because I'm a precocious nine year old and it's time for you to die.
And then the cameras went out and he's got a phone call telling him to run.
(44:28):
Yeah. But instead, he said, you know, I think I think I can probably take these efforts.
She's she can't move this fucking plywood couch. So I think I got to get shot here.
Yeah. You know, but that's not what the fuck moment that whole couch situation.
The honoree one was already down, so he didn't have anything to worry about.
(44:49):
Sally's spoliosis was up. He had already dealt with her. Yeah.
She plays piano. She plays piano. Dying moment.
Yeah. What about you, Chris? What's your star rating and what the fuck moment?
Yeah, I'm going to go with one star. OK.
(45:10):
Deal with it, bitch.
What's your what the fuck moment? My what the fuck my what the fuck moment is.
Is when the little girl goes in there and fucking mind blasts the prison guard.
Yeah. Seemingly out of nowhere with like weird fucking psychic powers.
(45:35):
Yeah, that was one of my choices to exit seemingly blinded him
because then his eyeballs were like blind eyeballs.
Yeah. And like their face was all bloody and shit.
Yeah. Was this a fucking supernatural fucking angel blast?
That's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking the kid was not really there. Sammy.
(45:59):
Was this was this her dead, dead daddy dick daughter?
And he's turned into her guardian angel.
Yeah. Maybe, maybe.
I can't imagine why your daughter would come back and be your guardian angel after you sold her.
It's so bad. Yeah. So bad. So stupid.
Uh, Lisa. Yeah.
(46:23):
How spicy is this movie?
This movie is. Spicy nacho Doritos.
Oh, yeah. Not very spicy.
Right. They leave a residue, though.
(46:44):
Yeah, they do.
Well, I guess they changed the recipe now. They're a little bit spicier, according to the bag.
Oh, let a bag tell me how to live my life.
You bitch. Watch you, Bo. How spicy is this movie?
This is like strawberry shortcake, but with moldy strawberries.
Yeah. What about you, Chris? How spicy is this movie?
(47:12):
This movie. Take us on a trip.
Is this movie is a salsa.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
I like my chili hot. As a matter of fact, I like my chili so god damn hot.
(47:35):
You can cook a hogs ass in a spoon for when a working man such as myself.
That's a little hot fix and I reach for that bottle of mama's god damn hot chili.
This movie is a bottle of salsa that your friend brings to the campfire.
(48:01):
Is it homemade salsa? No, it's not.
Turns out your friend got this bottle of salsa from New York City.
New York City.
God, we're so old. These are old commercials.
(48:24):
Old people jokes. This is New York City salsa.
I'm assuming it's not spicy. I've never had New York City.
Depends on which borough it came from.
But yeah, your friend is your friend's then I was hand and really you afterwards.
Yeah. Yeah. And he goes to eat.
(48:51):
Thanks, bud.
All right, Lisa, where's this one going on your leaderboard?
What's a leaderboard, Christopher? Well, what a leaderboard is, is where we
this is where we kind of rank our personal favorites, the movies that we
(49:12):
covered on the podcast.
So Lisa, what does this slot in on your leaderboard?
So it's like a board. Yeah.
A digital board.
Where we assign like numeric values to clearly indicate the leader in a certain category.
Right. Yeah. Number one is the leader. OK.
(49:34):
OK. They are the leader of the board.
All right. OK.
I have been doing this all wrong.
Then it's a difficult concept.
So you I wish you would have started explaining this early.
Much sooner we can do a reversal on Lisa's black mass of the Nazi sex wizard is her number one.
(49:58):
Yeah, we can just flip flop
followed by slow torture puke chamber and slaughtered vomit balls.
Imagine the parallel universe in which that is Lisa's taste in film.
That's like my top three movies.
She said, you know what I really like?
Black mass of the Nazi sex wizard.
You know how I spend my time interacting with Lucifer Valentine on Instagram?
(50:23):
I'm not a master. Please put me in your movie.
Well, listen, that's that's a parallel universe.
You know, because then you'd be Chris's rope bunny for picture purposes.
So that's probably not all bad. Yeah.
Now you better get started now, Lisa.
Apparently you're going to have to have about five years fucking dealing with them to make a movie.
(50:45):
And I get better at gagging. I've not really heard any good gagging from you.
I'm too old for him.
As in you're not 19 anymore. Yeah.
I don't think he likes them when they can start drinking legally.
You know. Oh, man.
(51:07):
Or at least, you know, not after 25 when their brains fully developed.
Yeah. Yeah. Once they can deal with cognitive reasoning on us, you know.
Substantially human level. Sorry.
Way off topic again.
Where is this going on my leaderboard?
I've given it one star and I have some one star movies.
(51:32):
Hi on my list.
Well, higher than I would expect. You got a one point.
Not a stranger to the one star rating.
That's your comfort zone. Yeah.
I think it's going to have to go below tumbling doll of flesh.
(51:53):
You'd watch tumbling doll before you watch this again.
I don't know. That's a hard choice.
This is what I can watch more them before I watch this again.
You know, like, uh, my answer is yes.
I think I would. But more than was the third one.
(52:15):
So is the second one. See, I really didn't like the second one.
I did. And also the maggot. Yeah.
I'm a librarian. Now, fuck me. Yeah.
And the sexy like bring me tumbling doll of flesh.
Tumbling doll of flesh.
The girl gets car max rubbed on her. Yeah. Yeah.
(52:36):
Uh, you really didn't care for the car max, but yeah.
Um, I yeah, I think it's maybe kind of go in between
mortem and tumbling doll of flesh, actually.
It's going to be my new number 25.
Fuck the title of this movie, too. Yeah.
(52:59):
What is it called? Life in the hole.
Yeah, bitch. None of this shit fucking does anything for me.
I don't. Life in the hole.
Uh.
All right, but where's it going on your list?
All right. It's going to be my new number 26.
(53:20):
So it's going to go right under lucky sky diamond.
And right above slaughtered vomit dollies.
Uh, I think.
I'm going to make it my new number 29.
(53:42):
It's going below slow. Oh, it's going above slow torture.
Oh, that's my new number 30. Sorry.
Which one was slow torture? Is that number two?
Number three. No, number two is regurgitated.
Yeah.
OK, so it's going below slow torture puke chamber.
Yes. And above black mass.
(54:05):
Yeah, it's my new number 30.
It's just not good. Slow torture puke chamber.
I really do think I would watch slow torture.
I might, too. I can't really decide if I didn't lose that entire situation so much.
I might. So black mass is still at the bottom of the list.
(54:28):
Is anything going to be worse? Black mass of the Nazi sex wizard?
Probably not. The further removed we get from it, the more we'll be able to be like,
oh, maybe it wasn't as bad as this thing we're watching.
But I promise it was. Yeah, it probably it really was.
It was so bad. Well, you know, my memory is terrible anyway.
(54:50):
So I just forget what any of these movies are.
I have to be reminded. Principles and ethics.
So at least you could stand by the decisions you made in the in the present.
All right. Well, that's going to do it for life in the hole.
Yeah. We were not feeling this one.
(55:12):
Feel free to watch the movie. Send us your opinions on it.
Tell us how we're wrong. Yeah.
We like to see and told that we're wrong. Yeah.
I also have a history of respecting other people's opinions and valuing them.
(55:33):
Yeah. So I see nothing wrong with anything that was just said.
I need to call in at some point and explain themselves for this one.
Yeah, I did check up on the speak pipe.
It was full of spiders, but it is still there.
(55:56):
So like a pipe, like an actual pipe joke. It's a literal pipe that you speak through.
Oh, OK.
But yeah, speak pipe is still still there.
So, OK.
See, locks, if you want to defend your movie, send us a voicemail on the speak pipe.
(56:18):
Yeah. What a garbage name.
Speak. Yeah.
If I could get Google Voice to work, I would just use that.
Eek.
Man, apparently everybody is.
(56:39):
Nobody knows. Nobody fucking says it's a speak pipe.
Yeah. Speak pipe.
We also haven't mentioned it on a podcast in a long time.
It's embarrassing to say those words to that order.
Speak pipe. Yeah.
We haven't mentioned it, but the link is in every description of the episodes.
(57:05):
Yeah, but people think it's Russian malware because no one's ever fucking heard of it.
Yeah, it might be.
Listen, who knows?
That's why we're not getting any voicemails. They're just taking them all.
Where is the pipe leading?
I don't know. Could be to Russia.
But anyway, join us next week when we cover.
(57:32):
A recommendation from Spamela Anderson.
Yeah.
Strange circus.
Strange circus.
Let's see if we can find a trailer.
Strange circus.
Okay.
(57:53):
What year is this from?
I guess 2005.
Okay.
Oh, it's already so pretty.
Oh, I'm going to love it.
I'm going to love this.
Yeah.
(58:14):
Strange circus.
I have high hopes for this.
Yeah, that looks like it's going to be great. I hope it's not bullshit.
Yeah.
It looks pretty fucking good.
Yeah, it does.
And listen, I like her already. This Spamela.
Follow her on Instagram. See her movie reviews.
Yeah, that's strange circus.
(58:36):
Looks pretty fucking good.
Will it be?
We'll find out next week.
I hope so.
What the fuck are you watching?
Say bye, bitch.
Bye, bitch.
Bye, bitch.
(58:58):
I don't know.
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